Tech Support Comedy Logo
Tech Stories
EUPOTD
Misconceptions
Customers
Customer E-mail
Tech Rules
Co-Workers
Tech Songs
Story Archives
News

Tech Calls
Tech Video
Sign-Up
List Members

Members Area
TSC Friends

Tech Stories Archives - December 2010

21. Whose Cat5-o-nine-tails?
I just saw this on break.com; if it has already been posted I apologize (I did look but didn't find it): http://www.break.com/pictures/dork-dom-1962574
[By: ZorglubZ / 2010-12-08]
Comment on Story

Comments

  • Yup. http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=84745 -Stryker One
  • Ah... apologies. I *knew* someone here should have seen - and commented - on it; I expected a reference to CommanderData (not the dread <strike>pirate</strike>..just Dread.. Burrkiss) in the topic. My bad for not keeping up. -ZorglubZ
  • ZorglubZ, I'm glad you re-posted. I missed it the first time. -udoshan
  • CD is *******WAY******* more perverted than I am. -burrkiss
  • Yes, she is, but she looks better in leather and thigh-high boots than you do on any day of the week and twice on Sunday. -RiffRaff
  • ZorglubZ - you expected a reference to CommanderData...but NO-ONE expects the Spanish inquisition!</obligatory MP ref> -lineswine
  • lineswine - Maybe not... But my mistake was that I did NOT expect burrkiss to have a cat5-o'-nine-tails (while I knew CD to have one - having read the archives;)); in retrospect, I see that I may have been amongst the few who didn't... Dunno what that says about me (or burrkiss' PR firm)... -ZorglubZ

  • 22. Is this burrkiss in action?
    http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/whyidontplaywithfiresworksp1.gif (SFW)
    [By: Dr Jerkyl / 2010-12-09]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Couldn't be Burkiss. The guy in the video was wearing pants. -Grembo
  • Brings new meaning to the term "flaming a$$hole" (lart shelter? QUICKLY !!!) -Source
  • Couldn't be Burrkiss...it was SFW. -lineswine
  • I got that video saved. I showed it to my son to teach him a valuble lesson. Let a total fucknugget do it, then laugh. -burrkiss
  • And that children, is why you don't mix laxatives with spicy foods and baked beans. -AussieFoot

  • 23. Sounds like someone Needs a nap
    I was surfing and just found this. http://gizmodo.com/5710235/the-best-most-disgruntled-toner-cartridge-description-youll-ever-read
    [By: McSmiley / 2010-12-09]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • http://scentscribbles.com/notes/The_Buggre_Alle_This_Bible -Seamus

  • 24. pictures of user migration
    http://content.techrepublic.com.com/2346-12843_11-489833-24.html Here they come!
    [By: figglywig / 2010-12-09]
    Comment on Story

    25. Stack The Memory!
    Now I know what the guys at Seagate do with their downtime... http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=FNXe_3gVz6I
    [By: PTSTech / 2010-12-10]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I like the note that it was made on company time. :) -Tekkie

  • 26. Maybe there is a use for starfish
    Or at least something that comes naturally to them. This article http://www.mnn.com/home-blog/green-news-roundup/blogs/daily-briefing-thurs-85#starfish defines SF to a tee and finds something useful about them! I say we start helping them collect specimens. Dead, flattened, pummeled, nuked specimens!
    [By: ecoli / 2010-12-10]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • They'll just find a way to screw that up too!!!! -duckhead
  • 'better than teflon'... yeah that makes sense. Could you do x and y on your machine SF:I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT, JUST FIX IT. What problems are you having SF:IT WON'T WORK -PoglaTheGrate

  • 27. User instructions
    Can't bump the LotD so here you go, from MthruF: http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/129146935033629128.jpg
    [By: Tekkie / 2010-12-10]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • What, isn't that how you do it? -LDFeral
  • Save the headache, start with step 10! -Captain Trips
  • <flame war>Where's the PS3 option?</flame war> -AussieFoot

  • 28. Best Wikileaks Govt Document So Far
    Didn't post as LOTD, as I've been too lazy to renew my star. http://www.ding.net/wikileaks/234867.txt
    [By: BarmanVarn / 2010-12-11]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • oh OW! -Omega
  • Somebody's begging for a nuclear LART -RiffRaff
  • un-be-LIEVE-able! <grinning> -CTYankee
  • Dies laughing. -AdmiralLaurie
  • Did the US government just get Rickrolled? -burrkiss
  • wiki rick rolled! -Harm
  • Just got WikWolled -qnadad

  • 29. It's the little things
    While watching Star Trek (2009) last night, for the umpteenth time, I noticed a little something I'd missed every other time I watched it. Anyone else notice a certain name called out during crew assignments and where he was assigned to?
    [By: Stryker One / 2010-12-11]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • It's been a while since I've seen that movie and I only saw it once, so I don't recall. -OgdenTechGuy
  • Bueller? Bueller? -burrkiss
  • I haven't seen it. Spoiler please? -linuxmatt
  • I haven't seen it either, and second the spoiler request. -Seamyst
  • Uhura got a first name? -Dr Jerkyl
  • All I can think of is Uhura being initially assigned to the Farragut. I suspect you heard something funnier though? -Divinar
  • "Vader" was assigned to the "Hood". -Stryker One
  • interesting, especially since R2D2 also makes an appearance in that movie. :) -Bynar

  • 30. Flash Fiction
    A friend & colleague has entered a flash fiction competition. Have a read at http://writelink.co.uk/tinseltales/entryDetail.php?id=121
    [By: Holdfast / 2010-12-12]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I read it. I voted. I read others. I don't regret my vote; the others I read ranged from pure drivel to well-written but naive happy tales. The only other good one was the one about Scrooge memorizing the stock prices. -OgdenTechGuy

  • 31. New job and how it's going...


    Well, it's been awhile, and I'd thought I'd give you a few thoughts about how things are with the new job--with an alarmco whose name we shall leave nameless.

    Now, I might add that before this new job, I had a fun job.

    It was a gravy job.

    I could just about get by with ANYTHING.

    In fact, I could work on my batteries and the boss didn't care. Only thing he did care about was that the customer was taken care of.

    So, after nine years of that, I was spoiled. Rotten.

    Now with the alarmco. Back to the realities of a true call center.

    Well, almost true.

    Attendance policies are the standard "Show up or die, and don't even think about clocking in one second late" variety. Had to get readjusted for that.

    Lunch breaks are only thirty minutes, which leaves me very little time to decompress...again, adjustments are needed in my attitude.

    Also, you can't do anything at your cube during downtime. Which, to some extent, I can understand. You're working with alarm systems whose very existence could mean life or death for a particular customer, so they want you to concentrate on that. Again, something to get adjusted with.

    Now, here's where it deviates.

    There are no trolls walking up the aisles, whips in hands, bellowing, "FASTER! GET OFF THAT PHONE, GET BACK ON THE PHONE!" In otherwords, management does not believe that a tech should be able to greet the customer, help them with their problems, and recite the proper exit script, all within twenty seconds... :-|

    Instead, they want you to stay on for as long as necessary--get the job done, and get it right...

    UNHEARD OF!!

    Plus, to some extent, the floor managers are actually friendly--they CARE about us little minions...

    UNHEARD OF REDUX!!

    My lower back's been bothering me for awhile, and I asked one of the managers if I could switch to a more comfortable seat.

    She said, "Oh, baby, that's no problem at all, pick one out of the aisles over there...."

    She called me BABY! She called me BABY!! :-)

    To some extent, I'm not going to like this place, based on what I used to be able to do...but, then again, I'm spoiled....

    But given the present atmosphere, (so far, jankey-free or jankey-lite) I can reasonably tolerate it.

    And I get paid more, so that ain't bad.


    And most of all, I have a job, so I can't complain.


    That's all....

    Baby... :-)

    [By: vacuumtubes / 2010-12-12]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • You went from a great job to one that still sounds pretty good, for today's market. -Divinar
  • vacuumtubes, if I was wearing a hat, I would tip it to you. -udoshan
  • Dumped in a tank of manure, you surface... if not clutching a rose in your teeth, still with the lost wallet in your fist. Congrats, baby (!)... and happy belated birthday (Thursday, yes?) -chazz
  • Woot! As for 'spoiled', that's just a function of an employer knowing you and how good you are at the job. Give it time.... -CTYankee
  • Congratulations indeed...baby! -Grue
  • What? Somebody else is now calling you "Baby"???? Well, it didn't take you long to find someone else, did it? Tramp. -RiffRaff
  • Congratulations, and a gratuitous Pamala Anderson clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LsYAC32Ul8 -rurwin
  • Yep, I'm a flat out cyberslut. -vacuumtubes

  • 32. The Gawker mess is already on Slashdot..
    ...but I still think it deserves a front page mention here. Gawker Media has had its user database compromised, and the compromised database is being distributed on the Pirate Bay. If you have an account for Lifehacker, Deadspin, Kotaku, Jezebel, io9, Jalopnik, or Gizmodo, or signed up to be a Consumerist user before Consumerist split off on its own, change your password. If you use that same username and password on other sites, change your password on those other sites as well.
    [By: NightSteel / 2010-12-12]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • This makes me thankful that I switched from using a password pool (3-4 passwords shared among sites) to using a core password + random additional characters (i.e. corepass12E4) so every site has their own unique password. Even though I personally am not affected, thanks for the heads-up. We geeks gotta look out for each other... :-) -virtualchoirboy
  • I use passwords made up of acronyms. The first part is always the same, but the last half of it is an abbreviation of the name of the site in question. -AmazingKreskin
  • <Political> Sorry, but a slant on everything....between this, wikileaks, et.al. The Fourth World War seems to be preceding the Third World War. But with N. Korea, that shouldn't be to far behind. -AngrySup
  • Try getting one of these... www.ironkey.com Then you get to use a great TOR server and it generates EVIL passwords and keeps your passwords safe in a Mil grade hW encrypted thumb drive. :-) It's fun... -AniMaL
  • Problem, AniMal, is that your passwords are not safe once they hit the site you use them on... and it seems that now SilverPop, which handles contact for McD's, DeviantArt, and about 170 others, has also been broken into... -chazz
  • What's Gawker? -unrenowned

  • 33. Ancient hardware
    A customer called in this morning because their ancient set of terminal servers have stopped working after a hardware migration on a server last night. They've now determined the drivers to run the MUX board connecting these term servers are missing. She found the drivers on disk though... 5.25" disks. She noted the old server didn't have a 5.25" drive and they don't have one anywhere and wanted to know if we knew where to find one. I gave her my best straight voiced answer, "I'm pretty sure the Smithsonian has one." She was laughing so hard she couldn't get the whole message out to her coworkers. If your last server didn't have the drive, how did you load the drivers? More importantly, why didn't you upgrade these POS terminal servers while you were upgrading the server?
    [By: CelticSkyhawk / 2010-12-13]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • I am guessing that at the time the drivers needed to be loaded on the previous server, they might have had an old 5.25: drive lying around that could have been connected temporarily to get the files off the disk. Whoever neglected to subsequently copy the files to a more readily accessible location for the future was severely lacking in foresight. -AmazingKreskin
  • If the old server works at all, customer's techs could turn it on, copy the drivers to the new server or, better, to 3.5" floppies or CD-Rom. Maybe? -BurlyJ
  • Hm. I still have a 5.25" FDD downstairs, it's the type that runs all the way to 1.2MB. -Grue
  • I have a functional 5.25 drive sitting in a tower as the secondary floppy drive specifically in case I ever run into anything like this. -RiffRaff
  • I can't believe that everybody doesn't have at least one already hooked up, along with various tape drives, scsi cables, an abacus, twigs and a blanket for smoke signals... -Spyder19
  • Spyder, some of us are not quite packrats and keeps every obsolete piece of hardware that comes our way. Then there's the folks in the software dev lab, who not only has obsolete hardware for PC's, but also for systems that would make you scratch your head in puzzlement. (Think military hardware) -VoiceOfSanity
  • 5.25 pffft! Up until my missus made me get rid of it (to be fair, I hadn't switched it on in 6 months), I had an old rig with a 10.25 disk drive. Unfortunately I didn't have any 10.25 disks anymore... -PoglaTheGrate
  • Does that belong with my 9GB 5.25 HDD? -AniMaL
  • i read a story somewhere: Most of the data the Apollo astronauts brought back from the moon has never been properly analyzed...because it's stored on ancient data TAPES that nobody, including NASA, uses anymore...as the author put it, "maybe we should stop looking for signs of intelligent life on other planets and start looking for it on our own." -Erictheblue
  • You should see my garage... -Stryker One
  • already have. -Icelator
  • I'm the one that installed the chains bolted to the concrete remember? -burrkiss
  • I just about fell off the couch laughing so hard. The dog thinks I've gone nuts.... so do my coworkers. -AdmiralLaurie
  • Sorry, I threw mine out a couple of months ago. Pogla, are you sure that wasn't 8 inch? I've never heard of 10 inch disks. -rurwin
  • USB versions of 5.25 drives are readily available. -ThinTheHerd
  • I think I still have that SCSI interface for 3.5 and 5.25 laying around someplace. I'm sure they have a spare scsi card for the server. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • Meh, I got all that old hardware out of my house a long time ago. My sister isn't too happy, though, because I gave it to my brother-in-law for his "basement museum" of old PC stuff. :) -ManyHats

  • 34. This person needs remedial ... something
    A luser called yesterday to save an email. (Strangely, our web-based mail doesn't have a save function.) It took me half an hour to explain the concept of copy & paste to have him copy the text. Then I found out the application he tried to paste the text into is Paint. Then he explains he wanted to "copy and paste" it into Outlook. So after all this time, I finally get the real reason he called: to open his email in Outlook. To make sure all the fields in the program are filled out right, I ask him his email address. "It's correct." "That doesn't sound like a valid email; what email address do you send from?" "It's correct". "If I were to send you an email, who would I address it to?" "It's correct". Geez, it's like talking to a retarded Bud Abbott. I felt like having him delete the entry in the Email field and replace it with "ItsCorrect@[ISP]". Turned out the whole problem was an incorrect port number. He said "But that's what I was told when I called in a month ago". Funny, the only previous calls I have from him regarding email are resetting his password every so often because he keeps forgetting it. And if you did call in about it, we would have made sure that it would have worked. Some people shouldn't be allowed near a computer.
    [By: MisterCommon / 2010-12-13]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • youreWrong@isp -PoglaTheGrate
  • surveysaysX@ISP.com -PCChaos
  • idontknow@isp.com -minchazo
  • getoutofthepool@isp.com -ThinTheHerd
  • 'ats correct! (Well, if you are going to invoke Abbot and Costello, let's include the accent!) -Captain Trips

  • 35. Holding out on the boss
    So the boss stomps into my office this afternoon to accuse me of holding out on him. I asked if it was about the Facebook page that PFY3 built (she'd given me a head's up about his rant on Friday after I'd left for the day) and he said "Yeah, when were you going to tell me about that?" I tried to get him to remember when Steve the Stupid build his own unauthorized company page on Facebook & that we'd made him take it down, then I put up a placeholder page until PFY3 could make it pretty. He denied that he knew about it. I reminded him that we'd checked out the pages for Pizza Hut and Victoria's Secret. Oh, that he remembers. Now I have to write a weekly report to remind him of what types of web presences we have and do not have. Sheesh.
    [By: Tekkie / 2010-12-13]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • EASY! A three word memo per week. What type of web presence don't we have: A... GOOD... ONE... -PoglaTheGrate
  • Four word report - SAME AS LAST WEEK -Ramblin
  • Two word report... "Click here" -Spyder19
  • Frank. -NightSteel
  • Create a public web-page "Where to find <company> on the Internet", keep it up-to-date and send him a link to it every week. -rurwin
  • Hmm create a tracker on the webspge that pulls all Ip addreses that have visited - dump this information into excel ( or whatever) in order to create several charts ( managers love excel charts ) showing hits from variouse parts of the world.. -Harm

  • 36. I have linky
    This didn't seem worthy of LoTD but, still funny.
    [SFW]Unless you're a programmer.
    http://www.junauza.com/2010/12/top-50-programming-quotes-of-all-time.html
    Have fun, and add your own.
    [By: DarkRookie / 2010-12-14]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • True, oh so true... -Diptera

  • 37. I have linky II
    Thi almost bump the LotD, but I like cybernetics more.
    http://www.teachparentstech.org/
    hehehe
    [By: DarkRookie / 2010-12-14]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Brilliant! -Seamus
  • We likes it we does... now all I need to do is fix the munted spelling of 'mum' and Christmas is sorted -PoglaTheGrate

  • 38. Twentieth-century vole
    My boss has demanded that the members of the IT department send me weekly time management reports. I am to read their reports and produce a single paragraph summary for each of my people and send that to him. (No other department is required to do this.) Also, several months ago when he demanded weekly reports and I asked if he'd like them emailed to him, he declared that he didn't have time to read email and instead I should print them out for him to read. I'm having difficulty understanding how it takes less time to read dead tree reports as opposed to electronic versions. Sure, maybe he wants to hold papers in his hand and read them while sitting on the sofa at home, thus not wanting email copies. But yesterday when he dropped this on me, he mentioned that the reports I gave him 2 months ago are still sitting on his desk because he hasn't gotten around to reading them yet. I'm beginning to feel much like the screenwriters in the sketch http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/episode06.htm#10 referenced in the title. And he's beginning to make as much sense as Mr. Saltzberg. I somehow don't think he'd appreciate it if I started saying "Splunge" to all of his requests. Can't win for losing. :(
    [By: Tekkie / 2010-12-14]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Not really "yes" and not really "no" but definitely not indecisive. Splunge. A good word, should be in regular usage. Splunge. -Captain Trips
  • Wow. Shades of TPS. My guess is that he wants a backlog of reports to create a crappy time-motion study. -LDFeral
  • I don’t think my boss ever read my hard copy reports. I think their only true purpose was to provide backup just in case he ran out of toilet paper. -Park7
  • It's called "Busy Work"... It makes managers fell "important". -unrenowned

  • 39. You want me to fix what?

    So I am waiting on a call. It is about noon and hoping for one now at fifteen till lunch instead of three till so I don’t mess up my adherence stat, which right now is pretty bad. At 1202 the phone rings.

    “Thanks for calling, This is DarkRookie. Can I have your ID number,” I answered trying to keep the annoyance in my voice to a near minimum. Failed utterly if you knew me.

    “Sure. It is [6 random digits],” the ‘fish said neutrally.At least it starts nice.

    “Can I have the asset tag number of machine,” I ask still failing to keep my voice from betraying my feelings.

    “Uh. It doesn’t have one. It has this [random 12 digit code]. Does that help?” he asked.

    “No. Haven’t heard of a number like that. What type of system is it?” I enquired. The three types being either Dell, HP, or IBM.

    “It not a system. It is a golf cart,” he responses, confusion lacing his voice, like I am the one asking a dumb question.

    This is where I am dumbfounded. I know my jaw dropped open at that. I also cocked my head to the side as if to hear him better.

    “A golf cart?” I say incredulously.

    “Yes.”

    “There is really not much here we can do for that. We fix computers not equipment like that.”

    So I am looking for the number for facilities there., or attempting to. The tip DB ain’t working as normal.

    “Well I am trying to find the number for facilities, but the DB ain’t working.”

    As per normal operating procedure is what I wanted to say, but I have been in trouble for smack talking the tools to the Eu. Especially the tip DB. I guess the client spent too much time making it work, and is blinded about the fact it is a steaming pile of shit. I digress.

    “Oh, I have contacted him already. He said to contact you guys at the 4013 number. Then the lady transferred me to you.”

    4013 is the last four digit of our help desk number.

    Now I am completely just amazed. I check the number on the phone. Sure enough, our server team transferred the call. Cold transfer at that. Without giving the Eu a ticket number. Too bad the Eu couldn’t remember the name of the agent. I have really wanted to get one of those guys fired for incompetence.

    That not the bad part, it is the part that the facility guy sent the Eu my way to begin with. What are we suppose to do. Wish it back to operation? My MP is low right now. Give an OST a ticket to work on it? He would die laughing at it. I did manage to get that guy name and EID, and here is hoping he does get fired.

    “Well sir. I can’t really do anything for a golf cart. We deal with computers exclusively here,” I explained.

    “The facility guy said to contact you guys,” he says with the neepage slipping into his voice.

    “Well he was wrong about doing that. We other do computers here. Call him back and tell him that we said that,” I explained again.

    “Well I am going to call back with him on the line. Any way to get back to you?” he asked. Full neepage in his voice.

    “Not me directly. Anyone here can tell you the same thing. Dial the help desk to get anyone of us.”

    “Ok”

    “Anything else?”

    “Nope.”

    “Have a good day and thanks for calling.”

    He hangs up. I didn’t create a full ticket, since it wasn’t needed. I should have though. In case the Eu calls back. Just to see what was said.

    So, I share that little encounter in the chat room. (Which I am allowed back in.) I have about five people go Huh. WTF. LOLz.

    [By: DarkRookie / 2010-12-14]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Sounds about right. We get calls that the bathrooms don't work, the ceiling is leaking, the power is out...the Help Desk is the dumping ground for all calls nobody knows what to do with. -TechieSidhe
  • the best one I've heard so far is 'there are fleas in the neighboring cubicle, because of the contractors that were here'.... oh, my... -figglywig
  • I was just transferred from a contract where we were the poc for any and all calls, office too cold, call the helpdesk, carpet needs cleaning, call the helpdesk, need office furniture moved? call the frackin' help desk... -DedSysOp

  • 40. Where'd it go ?

    So, following an incident that involved me, a hammer, and a certain piece of unreliable (note that it was unreliable even BEFORE the hammer) equipment, that ended up with TheBoss telling me that I should just go home for the week, to which I immediately responded by smiling, grabbing my jacket and started heading for the door, only to be stopped by the manager, who realized that firing me wasn't the best idea that TheBoss had ever come up with, TheBoss decided to hire a guy to "supposedly" replace me. You know, just in case he ever decided to fire me

    Now, we've played this game before. Last guy he hired, about 3 years ago, decided that he needed a workstation at his desk, so he unplugged the data recovery machine WHILE it was on AND doing a recovery, then, since that didn't go over very well, he went and yanked the server, and moved it to his desk to be his new workstation

    Needless to say, he didn't last very long

    So, anyhow, here's the latest new guy, needing to print something, which, ultimately ends up on our CHECK PRINTER !

    In the meantime, he's walking around the building asking people if they've seen his printout

    It isn't until he eventually finds it on our check printer that he decides to ask what the IP address is of the printer in the office near his, which leads me to wonder...

    WTF was this guy doing ?

    Was he just printing to whatever printer allowed him to connect to it ?

    And now it finally occurs to TheBoss to ask if we need a password to connect to the check printer

    Um, my guess would be NO[By: Spyder19 / 2010-12-14]
    Comment on Story

    Comments

  • Well, aside from the fact that I only "damage" stuff that I've either been directed to by management or gotten permission to turf by management, good luck on your replacement being a dork. -spectreoflife
  • A hammer seems reasonable. I'd think methodically taking apart a machine with the proper tools, and carefully placing each piece while whispering 'I hate you', each time, would be more worrying. -LDFeral
  • I don't need the actual hammer; usually the threat alone will make most of my problems go away (oddly, I'm not even joking about that). -Jonos
  • I didn't whisper 'I hate you' to the machine that refused to recognize the keyboard last night. I yelled it. No one was around. Is that wrong? "Keyboard error. Press F1 to continue." -MrsCheezil

  • Read More Stories from December 2010 (94 for this month)

    Back to the Archives Section

    TechSupportComedy (c) 2003-2014 all rights reserved.
    Any and all trademarks acknowledged.