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Tech Stories Archives - July 2001
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21.
Live-in tech support
(*Note: this is more of a rant than anything else) And now a word from the "computer expert relative" you hear knows so much about the users' computers. I am the one the family goes to with every problem imaginable before they consult (kicking and screaming) anyone who actually KNOWS how to "fix that dang machine." Even dear ol' dad (aka my employer) comes to me with computer problems, even though he's worked with computers since before I was born and knows a good deal more about them than I do. So who does Auntie ask when she has OE problems? Me. (I only know AOhelL, thanks to daddy) Who does sister dearest get to tutor her in Win ME? Me. (I've worked with, DOS, Win95, and 98 ONLY) Who does the family want to get to network the house? Me. (Well, so far I've crimped a few wires and installed the network cards without breaking anything important...I hope) 2001-07-11 By:thor[By: thor / 2001-07-11]
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22.
Tech Support Haiku
Rear light and link blinks
Not authorized for Service
Report mac address
2001-07-11 By:CookingRock[By: CookingRock / 2001-07-11]
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23.
pinging
I had a caller that was having problems with his TCP/IP connection to a processor. The device wasn't talking at all
The caller seemed knowledgeable so I asked him to ping the processor - all of a sudden I hear this tapping - the customer tells me I've pinged my processor and nothing is happening...without placing the caller on hold to laugh my ass off - I started to explain how to really ping the processor
True Story !!
2001-07-12 By:pic[By: pic / 2001-07-12]
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Comments
Ping the Processor? -jakyll
ping a processor? that the sound of a BB ricocheting of the CPU? -garwain
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24.
Just venting...
Not really a story, but I gotta say it anyways. I work for an ISP that really only has three types of customers: Business types, stupid types and Texans. Nothing against texans, but the ISP is based in Texas. Anyways, the last step of pretty much all connectivity steps is to delete and reinstall Network Components and DUN. I must be cursed because everytime I swear I do this, their system is messed up and they blame me. Always, I ask do you have your Win95 or Win98 CD. They always say yes. So I take it out, restart, and it asks for the disk, but they have the wrong disk. I even had a guy tell me his friend burned Win 98 for him or something like that. And the jerk actually got mad and demanded a Sup. when it wouldn't work. Should've sent the guy to Microsoft. Another guys disk was messed up and blamed me for it all. I hate it when their Windows is messed up and it's all my fault. Arghhhh. 2001-07-12 By:Beckles[By: Beckles / 2001-07-12]
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25.
I am not Microsoft
This happened while at my previous employer (a data processor), and I even managed to get a co-worker to listen in for shi*s and giggles. One afternoon, I get a call from a honked off lady in Florida who wants me to give her the access codes to Microsoft Money. She had purchased a computer at a Gateway store in her area, and had problems installing the software. She called Gateway, who informed her to call this 800 number (my previous employer's phone number) and somehow got through to my department. She wants me to give her the access code, which I obviously don't have. I tried to explain to her that I do not work for Microsoft nor do I work for Gateway. She's really hacked off by now (and my co-worker is in stitches). I told her that it would be a violation of principles since I am a MCSE to give someone an access code if I do not have proof of purchase, and that I would report her to Microsoft for software fraud and theft. She's really hacked now. After I told her to take the software back to Gateway to see if they can install it or give you a new copy, she finally hung up. She was not pleased, but I had to go to the bathroom and needed a way to close the call. 2001-07-12 By:bowlfreak[By: bowlfreak / 2001-07-12]
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26.
Username of the Year!!!
Mushroom; I think I have you beat in the ridiclous username category...
Oriental fellow who's name is Dye yenow (Pronounced DI-WAY Yeeno). You guessed it; his username ended up being dyenow. 2001-07-12 By:sickofitall[By: sickofitall / 2001-07-12]
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27.
Do Unto Others...
Sub was totally clueless about his PC - had not run any maintenance on the PC for years. I told him to End Task on everything except Explorer and Systray, and then run Disk Cleanup, Scandisk and Defrag and call us back so we could help him with his issue. Sub freaked when he got to Napster and stated "Do I have to end Napster? My wife is gonna KILL me if I lose her religious music." I assured him that he was probably going to survive an End Task on Napster. 2001-07-12 By:deltree/y[By: deltree/y / 2001-07-12]
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28.
Taking apart a computer
OK, keep in mind this guy called an internet help desk...
Me: Thanks for calling (company)
User: Yeah...uhhh...I want to take the skin off of this thing
Me: Pardon me?
User: The skin...I want to take it off so I can see inside
Me: Are you referring to the cover on your computer?
User: Yeah, the skin.
Me: OK, well first get a screw driver and then unscrew the screws in the back and take it off.
User: Ok, great, thanks man.
Me: No problem.
***I forgot to tell him to turn the computer off...oops!*** 2001-07-12 By:bigger_ken[By: bigger_ken / 2001-07-12]
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29.
Drill through the desk for a mouse
An elderly gent calls in and says "my mouse cord is too short and even though i've drilled holes in the desk, it still won't reach the mouse pad". i'm thinking, gawd, maybe he should buy an extension.after looking up the specs on the machine, he has a USB mouse that plugs into the USB keyboard, so that's why we have a short mouse cord. gee, when we were drilling holes in the desk,facing the desk sideways,gee, did we see the usb port on the SIDE of the keyboard? no no non nono nono on no sen`oir 2001-07-13 By:elburro[By: elburro / 2001-07-13]
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30.
you can say THAT again
just had a call from an EU. he accepted a file xfer from an unknown person on AIM. now, no matter what he types on the keyboard, it displays "I AM AN IDIOT"..... no kidding! 2001-07-14 By:grembo[By: grembo / 2001-07-14]
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31.
Listen to me!
Nice older guy on the phone, knows he's not an expert, but I don't mind - as long as he can follow my orders, which this guy does not. His problem is with Outlook Express - it downloads his email, and displays it, but it freezes when he tries to scroll down to read the rest of the message. I was trying to maybe add a new account to see if that worked - but when I told him to click on tools -> accounts, he swore to me he could not find accounts. He read off to me what he could see and true enough, accounts was not there. I made sure he was looking under tools and he appearently was. Ok, we have propretary software, maybe it changes the setup of oe like it does with ie. I ask him what version of the software he has...3.0, it is a possibility, but I wanted to check a few other things first, so I tell him to click start - then he says that he just put in the cd and it is now running...I never told him to put the cd in to the drive, only to read the lable. Damn, thats annoying, now I gotta waste a minute while the second hand computer he got from his grandson tries to load this monter of a program. I inform him I never told him to put the cd in his computer, and he has to follow my instructions - as I do he realizes his folley and apologises and takes the cd back out - while the setup program is still running. Of course the computer doesn't like that and promptly gives a blue screen of death. I got him to reboot and go to the microsoft website so he can fix this problem on his own. 2001-07-15 By:Mikkoman[By: Mikkoman / 2001-07-15]
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32.
Expensive Stupidy Lesson
I used to be a Systems Administrator covering 5 western states. I had 1 user who kept diddling with her application's settings. This user worked nights and paged me at 2AM because she'd fried her app and could not work. After fixing it twice in 2 weeks, I finally told her that she needed to bring the PC, monitor, modem, keyboard and printer into our office: A 5-hour drive in each direction. I showed her exactly which 3 items to select and how easy it was to run. It only took 1 visit to the office for her to stop dinking with her settings, especially because she was off for 2 days without pay while she was driving or trying to reconnect everything at home. 2001-07-15 By:deltree/y[By: deltree/y / 2001-07-15]
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33.
Thou shalt have no other gods....
The grand urban legend? Actually, I knew of a co-worker who got this one:
Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows -- because of the icons -- I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to -
Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?"
Customer: [click]
2001-07-16 By:shadowtalk[By: shadowtalk / 2001-07-16]
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34.
One fast modem
i work for a large multinational computer manufacturer well this guy called up because after exchanging his system his new system was twice as slow th origanal system came with a conextant modem while this system has a lucent apperntly last system was telling him that he could connect at 115Mbps( yes that's right Mbps ) and this one says 54 kbps i told the cust that he should feel lucky he lives way out in the boondocks and is gettign 54k now but cust is demanding an exchange because he feels that we have cheated him after telling him his system and modem are incapable of going past 57kbps he insisted on me either sending a tech ouyt to swap modems wich we will not support anyway or that i send him a box so he can pack up the system and send it back to us because of the drop of performance 2001-07-16 By:debug,fdisk,format[By: debug,fdisk,format / 2001-07-16]
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Comments
atw2 or w1 would fix that, you realize. -namor
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35.
More than multiple times!
I work at a local university doing various tech support things. My last call was from a faculty member with a damaged phone.
She had to press the hold button many times to get it to work.
Just to verify, I queried - 'so it takes multiple times?' She replied.. No, it takes MORE than multiple times.
It's a good thing she isn't a mathematics or computer science professor. 2001-07-16 By:jonnagon[By: jonnagon / 2001-07-16]
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36.
Gay & Lesbian chat rooms and virus'
This was so funny, it happened just a couple of minutes ago to me. I got this call and it went like this: Me: (spiel) Mem: How are you doing? Me: Good, and you? Mem: Well, I'm not that good, can you answer a couple of questions? Me:Sure, can I have you info? Mem: (blah, blah, blah) Me: ok, how can i help you? Mem: how do i go into a chat room? Me: (perterbed because this is such a stupid issue to be wasting my time with)*silence* go here
And your other q? Mem: Everytime i shut off prodigy, it reboots the computer, is there a virus on your system? Me: (not wanting to troubleshoot the prob)do you think you have a virus? Mem: yes me: call you AV vendor. mem: ok, what about the chat room, i want to go to the gay and lesbian chat room, how do i get there. me:(GAY AND LESBIAN CHAT ROOM??? this lady sounds about 90 years old!!!!!)go to communities. Mem: then? Me:*silence* Mem: well, i'll call back if i have more q's. Me: ma'am, we don't support how to use the internet, thats something you have to figure out on you own ok? mem: ok, bye *click*
some peoples parents and grandparents man! 2001-07-17 By:Beckles[By: Beckles / 2001-07-17]
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37.
Toasty Toesies
I was a SA in a previous job and some of my users had space heaters near their cubes. One lady customized her cube by laying the PC on its side and resting her fuzzy woolen slippers on top of it. Still not being sufficiently warm, she then moved the space heater *behind* the PC so it bounced the warm air off the PC and reflected it throughout her cube. After about the 3rd call for heat related issues she was given an old 120 MHz PC and told to work from home, where *she* was responsible for keeping her production up to "in-house" standards. 2001-07-18 By:deltree/y[By: deltree/y / 2001-07-18]
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38.
Today's reason (do the math)
We're used to hearing people call in and say "Ever since [company A] merged with / was acquired by [company B] I can't get connected." Yesterday was a break from tradition: "Ever since you guys raised your price, I can't stay connected." I detect a real cause and effect relationship here, sir... 2001-07-18 By:mushroom[By: mushroom / 2001-07-18]
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39.
Time for tech to die
I'm sure most of you work for a company where there's a standing rule that you don't give out other techs' extentions, it's just not safe. Well, yesterday while on another call (okay, the person had fallen asleep on hold so I was being soothed by his or her snoring) line 2 rings. Usually it's someone from Customer Service wanting a little tech help. No, this was a customer I'd talked to a week ago, and I didn't give him my extention. How'd he get to me? Cust called after we'd talked, that tech told him to call back when he had his Windows disk (despite having CABs, we'd used them!), and when he called yesterday the person he talked to was in over his head (f*cker didn't leave notes so I could track him down) and gave MY extention, not previous tech's (either way, This Is Not Done, Period). And wouldja believe, as I was doing my notes so I could pass this to my supe to track down who the dickhead was that gave out my number, when the guy calls AGAIN. 2001-07-18 By:mushroom[By: mushroom / 2001-07-18]
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40.
Just plain stupid
Even though I'm not a tech support person, I still end up helping people with really easy problems. One guy actually paid me $20 to show him how to click and drag!! His "problem" was that he couldn't figure out how to get "that window thingy" off the bottom of his screen. Easiest 20 dollars I've ever made. 2001-07-18 By:wildfire1974[By: wildfire1974 / 2001-07-18]
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