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Tech Stories Archives - July 2003
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21.
Crm Luser part 2
You guessed it she goes off, telling me "you have no right to delete my contacts you just cost me years of work" ( as i said NO Clue) She has demanded a meeting with the CEO
of the company, and with the new SPAM laws i am REALLY looking forward to it.
whats with the limit here,chopped the last bit off hmmmmmm i hate that[By: raggi / 2003-07-02]
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forget the last bit, where's the first bit? -Splunge
I don't know, your first post and you break the site... Now how do we deal with you... CD, Postal, RiffRaff, I have a Job for you, Time for you to get your LARTs Ready..... ;) - Wonko The Sane
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22.
Has someone seen my crystal ball?
Message on our Helpdesk voice-mail this morning. Caller was hyper irate and frantic: Hello, I have a REAL BIG PROBLEM and I can not work. I don't have ANY time to loose and need help RIGHT away!!! I advice you to call me back as ASAP !!!*CLICK*.....Oooh I really really, want to help this person. Has someone seen my crystal ball, so I can find out the name and telephone number of this (L)USER???[By: Destynata / 2003-07-02]
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867-5309 -Gecko
1-800-MISSCLEO :) -Robster2001
Heh, to be "fair" I could mention my work voicemail has a feature that allows you to press a key and call the number back, but...if they can't leave a name or number, they don't deserve support. -snowcrash
736-5000? -Xiphiplastron
I get that a lot. We have a lot of Road Warriors who are in and out all the time. I get voice-mail saying, "Big emergency! Call Ernie Smith right away!" - no mention of a phone number. So I look up ol' Ern's number in the office phone book and give him a ring - no answer. I leave voice mail, "Hey Ernie, gotcher message, callin' ya' back. Ready to help. Whassup?" Later, I do it again. No further calls from Ernie. A week later, I get a call from the IT Mgr. Ernie called him complaining that he hasn't heard from me. Turns out that Ernie is on the road and apparently expected everyone to locate him and find out his local phone number telepathically. Sorry, that system is down till further notice. -Foyle
I get that sometimes - our voicemail system will also capture the ... is it envelope number from the caller, and I can retrieve that. In some offices/systems, that's just the main switchboard, though, and if they don't leave a name... "Hi... someone called here saying they had some problem... no, I don't know who... something about the internet... nobody you know? Okay, thanks!" -namor
1-866-892-8368 -Justanothertech
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23.
Oops...
I'm trying to talk a customer though configuring dialup on her XP box and an old USR external serial modem. Please note I work for a telco, not an ISP... my sole responsibility is the performance of my network, customer hardware problems are usually an instant flick to their ISP/PC tech.
Box will not talk to modem. Check all plugs, modem has power, reboot. Nothing.
Plug definitely in serial port... swap to other serial, reboot. Nothing.
New hardware detect - nada. Manual modem install - nothing. Bugger.
Sorry - either modem or cord is stuffed. Probably modem. Cust says "Ooh, have another modem, can we try?" (passing 45 mins into call here). "*sigh*, OK - plug new modem into power, change serial cable to new modem, reboot".
WOOHOO! New hardware detected... installing modem... there is a dog...
At this point, there is one *HELL* of an impressive explosion over the phone, quite clearly picked up by the customer's mobile. Apparently the modem has spontaneously (and catastrophically) exploded... ooh, bugger. Cue appropriate shouting/screaming/panic by customer.
Post-mortem revealed cust had simply unplugged serial/line/power cords from old modem, plonked new modem in place, and reconnected all. Old modem was a USR with 15VAC power transformer. New modem was a WebExcel requiring 9VDC.... oops.[By: caspian / 2003-07-02]
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I'm picturing a giant "O" burned into the (l)users forehead from flying letters of "X-BOX". Mmmmm.... Looks like a bullseye target. *Scha-schick.* -Jonos
Ah, the infamous capacitor boom. I was in electronics class. The guy next to me was building a strobe light. soldered the capacitor on backwards. BOOM. From that point on, we backed away every time he was powering on a project... -technaround
In my electronics class we had an old peanut butter jar for "smoked" components. There were some guys that could blow up anything. -Bioguy
I once ended up Netless on a UK trip. Laptop was multi-voltage, AC adapter wasn't,,, DOH! -Hellion
old electronics saying "it won't work if you let the smoke out"...No matter what Electronics class I took, I would end the year with a lab table by myself..:0
-nascar
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24.
Employers checking online
Anyone seen the recent news article about employers checking applicants online? They were googling on relevant parts of the resume. The article had some incidents where the applicants had left messages on boards ranting about their current employer. I had it bookmarked, but the thing dissapeared.[By: LaserGuru / 2003-07-02]
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Of course it did...They found it and didn't want their secret spred too far...that kind of inside info is priceless when you're a manager with a 'brain' the size of a quark. -ChildofCthulhu
I heard about that practice. A google search on my full name will turn up my personal web page, a website for the computer store I used to have part ownership of, and an OSS mud client I suggested a feature to. -cecil36
A google search on my name shows that I am an Ambassador from New Zealand. I think it takes until the third page before an entry that is actually me shows up. -Jardinsky
LOL I'm a swimmer for the Univ of Toledo, do clay and quilting work, have been missing since 91, on the board of directors for a local philanthropist, and i'm a k-12 english teacher.... The joys of having a common name. -bluesclues
I'm a famous author, medieval scholar, and Doctor of Metaphysics. And that's just in my spare time. -Foyle
I am an architect, a jazz musician, a film producer, an investment banker and a central system software administrator. -Bioguy
Amazingly enough, a post I replied to on Annyances.org is the second listing for me on Google. 7 pages down there's my membership in the Star Trek Nitpicker's Guild. Other than that, apparently I'm an author and didn't know it. As long as future prospective employers stay away from the BOP website, I'm good to go. <g> -RiffRaff
Seems I write one hell of a lot of papers on oceanography, a column and a bunch of articles in a newspaper, and in my spare time I paint and draw. Of the 300+ entries Google turns up on my last name (not a very common one), only about five are me, and all are safe. -chazz
I have to add to this one.. I apparantly I have done lots of things but only 1 of the 400+ matches is actually me. I apparantly am a game designer, President & CEO of a company, director of a foundation, high school star athlete, black belt holder, wiccan expert, councelor, VP of a company.. and OMG a pr0n star o.O Amazing what a sorta common name turns up.. -WhiteTiger
Hm. First link is for some document I submitted to the cdn gov a few years ago - I forget what for and the site is taking forever. And I'm a lawyer, tennis player, own a paintball arena in Carolina... lots of strange records show up, as I have "two first names" - gods, I hate that phrase. -namor
My dad was heavily into genealogy, so most Googles searchs find ancestors of mine with the same name, that have been dead for decades or centuries. -TechnoVampire
Last time I searched my name I got no hits. This time I'm an All-American swimmer; a county 4-H rep; a psychic; and dead for six months. -sassicatz
Well, I'm an Oceanogrepher, a swimmer, BOTH a professor and a research assistant, have no kids, have 8 kids, wrote several papers on most scientific subjects and I also appear to be in several bands... I'm obviously doing a lot whilst I sleep :) -fearmyroot
wow. i did a google search on my name and the first entry was really a post from me. but the rest of it was all genealogy stuff about various women by the same name from various dates around the 15-1700's. -mousie
okay, sorry for the double post here, but this is really wierd. There is another family with my father's name (spelled correctly, as there are 3 different spellings), with my name listed as a daughter--spelled correctly (there are 4 spellings of my name), and 3 of my sisters names--all correctly spelled, and my brother's name, all combined together in one family. That is way WAY too fucking wierd....especially since that family is from, like, 1716-1774 -mousie
I am an English teacher for adults, have a new daughter and live in Savannah, the sister of a baboon marrow transplant recipient, the author of an essay in German about the 'net, a Trek geek, an SCA geek, and the author of a post about pareve icing that's archived to some site somewhere. The last three are actually me. Include my middle initial and you get one hit, a recipe posted somewhere. I'm apparently not terribly interesting. I'm also *very* glad that there aren't any questionable hits on either my name or email addy. :-) -pixel
My problem is that I have a common German female name and my last name is the same as the author 'Margaret'. But I did find my name on the Dean's list from the community college I go to and that my name is microchiped and placed on the STARDUST spacecraft which will visit Comet Wild 2 in 2004. http://stardust.jpl.nasa.gov/overview/microchip/names2a15.html -ab1normalh
I never do anything online under my real name :P the two most important rules of life. 1. Never admit to anything 2. Never put anything down in writing. ;) -Mephiston
I found 7 entries and they are all obituaries. Creepy -alexcorvice
A guy I used to work with has a very common name and had quite a bit of trouble finding a job because apparently he is also a terrorist and an ex-con. -zimmy
I get 3 pages of links, all appear to be me (I have never found any indication of anyone else with my name). A spelling error from sometime in the earlier part of the 80's still haunts me, though! -Loren
Hummm... thats strange. I don't exist. -Nullifidian
I am a senior at an Irvine, CA highschool who plays cornerback, I am dead, and for $15.32, I will sell you my lifes story. -Snakeeye
Wow!! I was in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves!! Cool! My name is too common and I don't think there are any google-able references to me. -SparcMan
The one and ONLY google hit on my name is TSC. The other "hit" is my first name as someones surname in a list -Quinn
My full name turns me up as a marketing manager (eek) for some motor sports association. However, anything to do with ME is non-existant -CommanderData
LOL, I don't personally show up, but the first entries were all criminal cases :] -Hellion
Why I didn't think to do this yesterday so I could get a readable comment is beyond me. First hit for me is a reference to a file I made available to the Fractint community. Next hits are valed geneology references. TSC. A reference to a post I made for Macintouch. Next to last on the first page is a link to a Lego instruction scan I made and sent to Brickshelf. My crowning achievement is the first hit on page two; I voted "no" to creating the newsgroup soc.apathy. -Xiphiplastron
Ahhh... nothing like vanity surfing. Try this a different way- search on your e-mail address. -LaserGuru
I have 5 email addresses. That will be too much. -ab1normalh
Well, when I did a search on me, I only turned up 2 things w/ my name and both were me. Pretty spiffy. One was a newspaper article where I was a bridesmaid in a wedding and the other was something about my homepage at University (which I've never even setup). Spiffy. -Mentul
Probably a little out of date, but searching my name turns me up as an author (with a World Fantasy Award under my belt), a character on As The World Turns, I have an Irish Amber Lager with my name on it, started up a theatre company in Kingston in 1859, and I am a tattoo artist. -soccerdude
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25.
Got my star!
Had an employee review with the company president today, and there was nothing but praise for the two years I put in with the company. In fact, with the stuff that's in the works, had I chose to stay, I'd be in line for a significant pay raise and a change in job title. However, my personal life (and that of my fiancee) took priority, thus came my decision to resign effective at the end of July.
I was planning on leaving on the last Friday of the month, but my supervisor requested that I remain on until the 31st. In return, he would offer me a full two weeks pay, plus a cash bonus. I still need to discuss this with my fiancee, because I need to be in Georgia by the 2nd of August and I will need time to pack up whatever I can fit into my car to take with me, plust drive for two days. Because of the stellar performance for the company, I decided to splurge $20 on myself and get my star.
I was advised to remain in tech support, but with my qualifications and past performance, the next job I take should include a significant pay raise and a bump out of entry-level work into something more challenging. Hopefully this will lead to doing some support on a company's computer systems instead of sitting on a phone all day telling people where to click.[By: cecil36 / 2003-07-02]
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congrats - remember, you can take the tech out of the call centre, but you can't... uh... yeah, good luck. :) -namor
Congrats! Hey, y'know, it's only the 2nd of July--plenty of time to get packed if you do two boxes a day. I moved from Mpls to Seattle that way. Of course, I had it easy--was working 12 hour night shifts 4 days a week, leaving the other 3 free for packing and cleaning. But again, congrats! :) -snowcrash
Congrats!!! Good to see one of us making good. Best of luck to you. -phsspok
Good luck to you. :~} -RiffRaff
Best of luck :) -Hellion
Since you can't be discouraged from joining us in the sunny South, I have a couple of tips for you: 1) When you drive down I-75, stop over in Chattanooga and visit Rock City. You will see signs suggesting that you "See Rock City" all over the South, so you may as well get it out of the way early on. 2) If, once you arrive in Georgia, some goober comes up to you wearing a pair of overalls with one broken shoulder-strap and tells you, "You got a purty mouth" or asks if you can squeal like a pig, he's not kidding around. Don't go into the barn with him. -Foyle
Foyle - Euggh! The mental picture that brings up is just plain wrong.
I STILL shudder whenever I hear "Duelling Banjos". As for the accent, I think it sounds like an outtake from the Pulp Fiction rape scene.
BTW I got married in Little Rock - how scary is that? All the folks round about laughed at us simply 'cos she wasn't 14 OR my cousin... -lineswine
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26.
I don't think the bank will accept this
We are a small ISP dept so in addition to tech support, I also take care of the billing and enter the payments and such. Anyway, who can tell me whats wrong with this picture.
http://www.2waycables.com/check.jpg[By: phsspok / 2003-07-02]
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<wipes coke and snot off his monitor> Dammit! Warn us next time! Spewing coke out my nose after seeing that HURTS! :p But, damn, that was funny! -SwedishChef
Pooh, who cares if you get your Honey... <Runs to avoid LARTing> -Wonko The Sane
Umm... would that be the fact that whoever is paying her cable bill with a "Winnie-the-Pooh" check? <grin> -chazz
I read (exact spelling)"One Hendred Therteen & 70/100" aside from that...am I missing something? :) -rokitt
lol the person has the date and the numerical amount of the check switched.. hehe -StarLight
Wow, someone was distracted when they wrote their checks out during bill-paying hour! -snowcrash
Sombody is paying too much for their Internet access. -Foyle
THIS is why we did away with mail-in payments. Now they just switch their account numbers and bank routing numbers. But it is pretty funny... -RiffRaff
Ive done that before....on my Garfield checks that say "Are we having fun yet?" I have also switched the pay-to and the written dollar amount. -Brf
Actually, in a former life as bank teller, this would likely be accepted in a large group of checks. The first number the bank has to follow is the written out amount. The box with numbers written in is the fall back. Since the number written in the date line matches the written out number, the bank would probably honor it. Just FYI (It actually happened fairly often.) -Magenta
I remember my mom telling me about two checks that she received that the bank processed for a lot less than the face value. -cecil36
I'm with SwedishChef here...I almost snarfed my Pepsi all over the place...you need a Snarf Warning on things like that!!! =) -techiegoddess
hahahah leave it up to my cubemate...she didn't see the date/amount switch thing...she found something that looks like male genitalia in the bottom right corner... -bluesclues
Good lord, now I see that, too... -namor
that would be his Honey pot. -mousie
ahhh no no no not the honeypot. down below the black line...in the dark purple. I didn't see it on my computer cause the resolution is higher...on her 800x600 I could see it. -bluesclues
eep! Good lord, you're right! It's an obscene cheque! -chazz
An obscene Winnie the Poo check. What will they think of next -Wolffarmer
looks like the bear has a "toy" :P Marketing has a lot to answer for though, I mean I can accept notepads, pencil cases and other forms of stationary, but a cheque book? -Mephiston
no no you all got it wrong, the dollar has increased in value sooo much that we now need to use hundreths of a cent
and the new decimal date system has been adopted didnt you get the memo :) -raggi
When Bluesclues showed me the link, because of the coloring on the check I was looking for some odd pic. Guess I've got a naughty mind to have caught the pic at the bottom.. that was more interesting to me than the date and amount. I don't think I'll ever be able to see Winnie the same again.. didn't know he used toys! -LadyBrass
Oh good grief! I mean my EUs are dumb but at least most of them can write a CHEQUE properly!!! -CommanderData
A naughty mind is a terrible thing to waste ;) -Mephiston
Well, it looks like the (L)user was "bearly" concentrating, seen as it is so "pooh"ly written out. I think this starfish will "roo" the day they sent that one in. "Wood" anyone care to comment, or is everyone "eeyore"ing with boredom by now? <ducks multiple LARTS from all directions> -lineswine
Swine season open, fire at will. We're having ham tonight boys. -Hellion
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28.
The Profane Lunatic Who Won't Learn
Got a call from a guy who had just hooked up with the software the ISP I work for uses, which is largely just Windows Dial-Up Networking software made to look pretty....
Immediately starts swearing at me about how the software f***ed up his computer, it's causing him to get spammed, everything's just f***ed up...
I tell him spam isn't caused by our software, of course he tells me that's bulls***. Try asking him what else is wrong, he just keeps repeating it's f***ed up, and asks "when is the last time you spent $4500 on a new computer?"
Oh, the temptation to tell him if I spent that much on a system it would have at least 2 cpu's and 400 GB of hard drive space, along with 3 GB of RAM...
During his ranting I ask him to please not swear quite so much, he replies with "that's what the last guy said before he hung up on me".
OK, so now I know he's not likely to calm down soon, he gets disconnected for the 2nd time tonight. Highlight is it was the last call of the day for me....[By: ju57ag33k / 2003-07-02]
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"that's what the last guy said before he hung up on me"- Apparently he doesn't learn: Ouch! That's hot! - <Puts hand back on burner> Ouch! That's hot! <Puts hand back on burner> Ouch! That's... -scooby111
they just don't get it. i love the calls that start with "you're not going to hang up on me like the last one", then they start their little rant. gee, wonder why you keep getting hung up on. they threaten if you hang up on me one more time i am going to cancel my account. really! is that a promise. -novarobin
Those kind of ID10TS, never learn... -Destynata
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29.
Tech support job opening
I'm sure you all know by now that I'm leaving my job. I don't know if it's been done here before, but I'm soliciting resumes to fill my vacancy. The position is for entry-level technical support for text messaging software. If you are living in the Cleveland area or are moving there soon, forward your resume with salary requirements to techsupport@inforad.com with the subject "Resume - Support Technician". To research the company, go to www.inforad.com[By: cecil36 / 2003-07-02]
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emailed that to my boyfriend! Thanks for the heads up! -BunnieTechBabe
If I didn't like my job here so much, I'd send it out and disregard the 30 minute commute. =) But I'll keep it in mind for others!! -techiegoddess
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30.
This sucks!
Review time is here for all of us, and so our small Help Desk area has been relegated to calling each other's customers and doing a "customer satisfaction" survey.
I'll do it because I like my job, but I'm not an "outbound call" kind of gal....[By: techiegoddess / 2003-07-02]
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You can call me any time. <wink> -Bioguy
is this a hint for guys to not give their number to you? ;) -Mephiston
I kinda like outbound calls - when your doing support since you have all the control. I agree - asking users how their call went yesterday or the last week is kinda a dumb thing to do anyhow. -Yuri
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31.
I hate it when that happens
I must be getting crazy or something.
I submitted case notes accidentally with "Starfish called in about comms..." DOH!!! Mgr. caught it and asked what the call was about then laughed it off.
Customer (who can see our case it. notes) caught it and asked what a starfish was. Had to explain on a phone conference call that I misspelled the troubleshooting I was doing I actually meant something else and my type it in program messed up. Accepted the answer and trailed off.
My manager still laughs at me for
Never ever read TSC while taking a call. [By: suprtechy26 / 2003-07-02]
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Yeah. One of these days I'm going to ask a customer what their lusername is wihthout thinking about it. -RiffRaff
ouch, could have been painfull -Destynata
future versions of ticket software will automatically replace the words "starfish", "LART" and "go to hell" -WildKard
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32.
Lies, all Lies!
It started off innocently enough - connection down. Finally find it was disabled the last day of last month for non-payment - several month's worth. They paid it the other day but it hasn't posted. Re-enable account. Now - today we had a big DB outage, and it's taking several hours as far as we know, to process any requests. I tell him it'll be much later this evening that the account is updated and can connect. *Now* I've got a hassle. Can't let him talk to me sup - they're gone just after 4. Can't let him talk to the people who would get it done - they're all internal. This goes round and round for about 10 minutes, I finally try and get one of the tech supervisors - and when checking, I notice that the re-enable request has already completed, and his connection is up. WTF??? I hate to say it, but they did better than usual and I was dreading essentially telling the customer that I lied and put him through that trouble for nothing - but I guess he noticed it was working and hung up shortly a couple of minutes after being on hold. Works for me.[By: namor / 2003-07-02]
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33.
Crm Luser part 1
Firstly appolligies for the screw up with this post, it seems the first part didnt make it.
Ok so i have been lurking for a while i really love your work CD. anyway i have a Luser that is very much like CD's Ms Crybaby. My Ms Noclue decides she needs a CRM package to track her clients (i work in a real estate office) this package alledgedly plugs into outlook. So off Ms Noclue goes and buys this package and has me load it onto HER pc, (some of the machines are company owned and some are owned by the agents let me tell you its a pain in the ass) so i ask "Ok and who is going to train you how to use this package" Ms Noclue " Oh i have a local guy coming in to train me" Me "and the person training really knows the software so you get trained properly" Ms NoClue " Oh no he has never seen it, its costing $250" me "Ummm wouldn't it be better to
get the developer to train you" Ms NoClue "Oh no that would cost too much, i have to pay his airfare as well" (with the cost of air travel this is about $150) me " and how much did you pay for this package" Ms NoClue "oh it was cheap only $10000 for a 5 year licence" (man did they see you coming and and someone please please please explain the logic here) ok so a few days go by, and i am in early checking all the logs changing backups etc and what do i find but 300mb of email STILL in the queue waiting to be sent. Ms Noclue had sent 700 odd 1mb emails the night before. So I HAPPILY kill the lot and flush the queue then being the really nice guy that i am sent her an email informing her. well you guessed it She goes off. "you have no right ... etc etc. [By: raggi / 2003-07-02]
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Oh your in trouble now...I've worked with software like this before, just hope she doesn't figure out how to plug a distrib list into its notification protocols. -redevil34
Cool! Another member for the CD fan club! Membership is free, you just have to prove that you can carry on a conversation normally with an EU with a biro stuck up each nostril.. -CommanderData
You can be in the fan club if you want, but you now know why you should never ask to borrow one of CD's biros (pens). -chazz
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34.
omg I got one
Lady calls in wanting broadband, fine. then tells me that she bought the computer at a DOT auction, and when the tech gets there he needs to hook up her computer, (NOT) told her that aint happening, and told her the rudiments of Part A, Slot A, and that only Part A can fit in Slot A. This confuses the poop outta her, then she looks at the monitor plug and then looks at the back of tower, then tells me there are 6 ports in the back that look EXACTLY like the pl;ug for the monitor. NOT UNLESS YOU GOT 6 VIDEO CARDS LADY. I was going to help her install basic plugs, but changed my mind and told her to hire a professional and then we would come out. EU's!!!!! (Im cable tech, Im not supposed to get pure unaltered starfishing EU's) <i gave her postals home phone to install for her> MUHAHAHAHAHA[By: burrkiss
/ 2003-07-02 ]
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damn u i knew someone gave it out-when it rang all i heard was damn fucking plug doesn't go in and thought i had called a phone sex operator -postal tech
Humour me, what is a DOT auction? -lineswine
How much am I bit on this DOT, only one user, who used it in a email address 'john.doe@somewhere', not overused as he could never get anyone to send him mail.... First Bid $5.... Any takers? :) (An Example of a DOT Auction) -Wonko The Sane
I THINK a DOT auction is one of those drug-seazure <sic> auctions, where they get everything from busted dealers
-burrkiss
Hmmm, always thought DOT auctions were when the Department of Transportation was trying to sell off old snow plows, graders, front-end loaders...etc ;) -techskier
Maybe it was a from a dead dot com. -LaserGuru
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35.
Whimper...
I swear if I were to write a book about the stupidity of the people I deal with every day, I'd have to publish it under "fiction," because nobody would believe it's the truth.
Lady calls in, says she needs help setting up a new account; all she can get is "Page cannot be displayed" errors. So I ask if she can dial out and talk to me at the same time. "Yes, but I'll have to switch phones to do it." Fine, she does and calls me right back.
I ask for her home phone number so I can watch her dial in. But she's already dialed in from that number, on an active account. I ask her why she's trying to sign up for a new account when she's already dialed in on one, and she says, "Yeah, but that's my other computer. I'm not registered on this one."
Insert long pause as I try to figure out what the fark she's talking about.
5 minutes go by before she finally explains in coherent language that she has three computers with at least two phone lines, and she wants to set up a separate account so both can be logged on at the same time. Problem is, she thinks that by dialing in with the first computer, the second computer should be able to pull up our sign up page. (And no, she's not running a home LAN.)
So with fear and trepidation in my heart I tell her that she can just use the computer that's already connected to sign up for the second account, then we can set up her second computer to dial afterward. But this concept seems to elude the grasp of her tiny simian brain. She firmly believes that for the account to work, she has to sign up for it from the computer that she wants to use it with. I sigh heavily and say, "Ma'am, just trust me and go over to your other computer."
"Well, there's somebody using it right now."
Roll eyes/bang head on desk "Well, you'll just have to call me back when you can get to it, okay?"
Only 1 more shift until I get a nice little 3-day paid vacation. Please, don't let me kill anyone before then. [By: RiffRaff / 2003-07-02]
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what is it with lusers and phone lines
numbers etc, why are they ALL convinced that the ISP needs to know what phone line they are dialing in from. -raggi
I would love to see someone try to explain to this Starfishy the concept of home networking. "Yes Maam you can network them together and use the internet connection on both computers, simply get a network cable - two nic cards, possibly a router, hook it all up and.." **BOOM**!!! As their head explodes. Hehehe one down, 3 billion to go. -suprtechy26
Allright, I have the straight jacket. Ya'll hold him down while I slip it on. -Hellion
Oh yeah, Magenta, make sure and hide his ammo in case he gets loose :) -Hellion
If you're going to go on a rampage, ge me a holler. I could use some mindless violence. Just loan me a gun and I'll pay for my own ammo. :) -scooby111
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36.
The other side of the phone in Oz
I know the original 7 of these don't belong to me, but I felt that this was apropriate to the spirit of the originals. Perhaps this could be a new category on TSC? ---
I just contacted an Australian domain registry organisation and was put on hold 4 times in 5 minutes. The woman kept interrupting herself to place me on hold. Maybe she had the huccups? ;) (sorry notpitr, I couldn't resist *dodges a well aimed LART*)[By: Mephiston / 2003-07-02]
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37.
KISS - Keep it simple, stupid
So, the other night I was sending around an FTP addy to all my friends. Nope, not illegal file sharing, a large bunch of pics of my horse. I run Serv-U locally on a Win98 system, so far without problems. Suddenly I'm told one of them can't log in. Open FTP logs ... no attempted login. 'Hmm,' thinks I. The guy knows what he's doing, had computers since 300 baud was a fast connection, runs his own Linux network at home, and manages the network at a library. He knows FTP. - Long story short, we were a total of five people, spending 70 minutes rebooting machines, server, etc. Still no go. Nothing worked. He'd get 'Connected to IP ...' and immediately after 'Disconnected by remote host'. 70 minutes. He gets connected, the logs on my system shows no connection. I will leave this here for a little while, let you guess at what happened. (Hint: Everyone else logged in just fine)[By: Calydor / 2003-07-03]
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He was connecting back to himself? -Quinn
um... he was doing ftp from a commandline and forgot to issue the USER command? -WildKard
invalid username/password? -paul
Shouldn't that be "Keep It Simple, Starfish"? :) -Jonos
Firewall on server - and his IP range is blocked... ? -Wonko The Sane
Duplicate logins? Seen that one before. Accidentally logging in twice through the script and the software detects it as multiple simultaneous logins and rejects the second. -technaround
No connection? -nm
No to all accounts. Keep in mind, he says he gets connected and immediately disconnected, yet he doesn't appear in my logs (and we were chatting online, so we were both online). My IP ends with 225. When I mailed it to him, I typoed 255. And even with all our combined experience, no one said 'Start over completely' for 70 minutes ... -Calydor
Ah... A PEBKAC error :D -Hellion
Oops, he should have questioned an IP address ending in 255... - I would... -Wonko The Sane
He questioned it IRL, but not to me. I'm a bit of a grammar nazi, and he expected I would spot a typo in what has been my IP for the past 18 months. -Calydor
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38.
Stupid F***n' People
911 dipatchers share our pain.
http://www.rockymountainnews.com/drmn/local/article/0,1299,DRMN_15_2085546,00.html[By: GambitTrance / 2003-07-03]
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This is a clear sign that society is becoming more and more selfish. Everyone thinks the world is centered around them. All LART jokes aside, people need a wake up call. Random nuclear leaks across the US, anyone ..? -Calydor
I like the porch light one. The helicopter one is funny too. -SparcMan
My wife has a uncle that works for a county Road deparment in the midwest US, and he got a call once from someone that wanted them to remove the fog, so that they could go somewhere. -nascar
Oh how I wish I could share some of my stories with you guys. There's enough material to write two dozen books.. and really put into you a question about the state of the human race. But if you think YOU have to worry about confidentiality... :) -Jay911
Ok, sir...we'll ground the helicopter just for you. Do be sure to let us know if the chainsaw weilding maniac loose in your backyard is less annoying. -Shai
Yes...911 is only for "emergencies" defined as when a human life is a stake....
But I have looked our phonebook up and down and there is NO non-emergency number. What number would I call to report vandalism, for instance? -Brf
Sadly this phenomenon is not restricted to the other side of the pond. There was a similar story in the British press a few months ago. And calls to the helpdesk that I work at have been equally bizarre (See the Ceiling tiles story I posted a while back). Calydor is most certainly correct saying something needs to be done...the evil surely is spreading....we truely are all dooooomed......arrrrrrrrrrghhh -stegzy
Brf - here in BC you dial 911 for emergencies and non-emergencies requiring police assistance. There IS a non emergency number here. I dialled it to report a B&E hours after it had occured. They told me to call 911. I don't know what the non-emerg number is for :) -grahamwboyes
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39.
Bad bad code! Sit in the corner
Taken from a piece of 'code' written by our technically-challenged substitute DBA
SELECT INTO find all records with stuff like 'ink' in them
The worst thing is? He's my boss!!! ARGGGGGGG [By: CommanderData / 2003-07-03]
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If he thinks like a PHB of course he will code like one.....shame on you CD for expecting any different.....Although you could always recommend miss cry-baby as an assistant to him as she is sooooo clued up. -nomoretears
Please tell me that's his pseudocode??? No? AURGH! -snowcrash
I'm learning SQL (MySQL) and I think it should have been "SELECT <Colums required> FROM <Table Name> WHERE <Col> LIKE 'ink'" with approprate wildcards...
- I know SQL is suppost to be language like expresions, but that example was taking the micky! -Wonko The Sane
Maybe he thought it was a Star Trek computer... -BigD
Um...what dialect is he using? *fish/SQL? -EUsBYTE
Wonko, SELECT INTO creates a new table....so it should be SELECT INTO <new table> <oldtable columns> where <oldtable column> LIKE '% ink %' .... or something
-Brf
I feel your pain CD, I'm sure we have all had the Pointy Haired Boss experience. <hands CD a Mocha> hope that helps. hehe -fistsofdeath
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