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Tech Stories Archives - March 2011

21. (NT/OT) Stupid criminal of the day
So this guy apparently breaks into a person's home, takes a shower and calls the police, since he's afraid the homeowner might have a gun. Yah....uhm....This has stupid written all over it. This guy deserves to be eliminated from the gene pool on stupidity alone. Full story at
[By: tech4alltrades / 2011-03-08]
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  • Of all the possible ways I imanged being forced to shoot a burgler, in the shower was not one of them. -burrkiss
  • er... wow. uh, hmmmmmm. What a dumba$$ -AdmiralLaurie
  • Saw this on the news this morning. The guy even sounded perfectly sane at the time. Though I did find it amuseing that apparently Mexicans kidnapped him and took him to the shower. (at least that's what I got from the news lady while I was getting ready for work) -ravensentinel
  • I guess if you shoot and kill him in the shower, it's easy to clean up the blood. -docbrown01
  • No, because Bones will come in and go "OK, remove the whole house and take it to the Jeffersonian" -burrkiss
  • course Uphere - should taht sort of thing happen and you DO have a gun ( IE have removed it from the safe, remove the ammo from the other safe, loaded and pointed it at said person breaking in) - you could be charged. -Harm

  • 22. Don't tell Marines they're in the Navy
    So, lesson learned. Don't tell Marines they're in the Navy. Had to help this retired Marine guy who works with me get his webmail forwarded to his Army Exchange email. Well, apparently he has a Navy salutation on his webmail account and I asked him "Oh, so you were in the Navy..." at which point I was immediately cut off and given the long story of difference between the Navy and a Marine.

    I decided not to tell him the Marines are a part of the Navy and just forwarded his email and made sure to leave his "seaman" salutation in place.
    [By: ravensentinel / 2011-03-09]
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  • That's a long standing point of contention for the USMC. And the easiest way to piss them off. -PolarCoyote
  • Might as well tell an older Chinese or Korean "Oh, you're Japanese?" ... LONG history of problems there. -ralphp1024
  • So a Marine and a Navy seaman both go to the head at the same time. After both men used the urinals, the Navy guy made hsi way over to the sinks, while the Marine turned toward the exit. The Navy guy turns and says, "In the Navy, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a piss." The Marine called over his shoulder on the way out, "In the Marines, they taught us not to piss on our hands!" I understand the rivalry on an intellectual level, but not being military myself, I doubt I will ever really 'get' it. -AmazingKreskin
  • Want a better way to piss off a Marine? Refer to them as 'soldiers'. Better yet, don't. Most will probably take it in stride, though some will politely correct you. -RamenMcTavish
  • Do not use terms like "jarhead" "squid" etc if you were never in the military. You dont have the right. -burrkiss
  • "Hey! Saucer hat your bibs on backwards" is always one of my favorites. -Lokiz
  • If you're in boot, never tell your DI that you only enlisted in the Marines because you couldn't get in the Air Force. Source: a thoroughly thrashed Marine friend. If you want to hear some funny stuff, go talk to a Marine or two and ask about boot camp; it's a wonder that DIs don't moonlight as comedians. -RamenMcTavish
  • Speaking as a Marine. The Jarhead was wrong. He Was in the Navy. Look at the USMC seal, ďDepartment of the NavyĒ. - Wounded marines donít call Medic, they call Corpsman, the Navy medic. Then there is the Marine tradition of calling objects by their Nautical term. Hallway = Gangway, Door = Hatch, Bed = Bunk, Bathroom = Head. So, as a Marine, I like the Coast Guard served in the Department of the Navy. But whatever you do, donít try to tell me I was in the Army. Demís fighting words. -Year9595
  • More: Once a Marine, always a Marine. So, as the guy was Department of the Navy when an active service Marine, is he still Dept of Navy as an inactive Marine. -Year9595
  • There used to be an old joke that the purpose of the Marines were to ensure that bullets and shells didn't reach the ships offshore. I could use a few users in such capacity... -VoiceOfSanity
  • 9595 beat me to it - although there are 5 armed forces in the U.S., there are only three departments: Dept of the Army, D.o. Navy, and D.o. Air Force. Coast Guard and Marines are under the Department of the Navy. (Why does one department control three forces, seems like if there were a revolt they would win three against two.) -Captain Trips
  • A friend, wanting to piss off one of my other friends, came to the door. And just before I walked out, leaned waaaaaay over, stuck his head around the corner, and bellowed down the hall to my other sleeping friend and her husband.... "Hey squid! get up!". -AdmiralLaurie
  • Actually the Coast Guard was part of the Dept. of the Treasury, not the Navy, until recently when control of it was handed over to the Dept. of Homeland Security. -ecoli
  • Let's not forget the other two commissioned branches... the Public Health Service (that outfit that C. Everett Coop wore was the actual uniforn) and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Just like the other officers, they're paid the same and get the same benfits. -VoiceOfSanity
  • Marines also don't like being reminded about the huge amount of gay porn that is produced in Oceanside, CA (the town next to Camp Pendleton). -MeanDean
  • @ Burkiss: Having spent the first 21 years of my life in San Diego, trust me: 'squid' and 'jarhead' are probably the kindest terms used. 'Just another Gomer fuckhead from the Midwest' was a more common and accurate descriptive. -MeanDean
  • MARINEíS = My Azz Rides In Navy Equipment Sir NAVY = Never Again Volunteer Yourself ARMY = Anít Ready ďto be aĒ Marine Yet AIR FORCE = Chair Force. How does the Navy win a gun fight? Park the ship 2 miles off shore send Marines drink coffee. Ya Iím a Squid lol. -Crai
  • You guys already got most of the good ones. Tho, technically, the Coast Guard WAS under the DoT, NOT the DoD/DoN. (Now, o'course, they're under DHS.) -MadJack
  • reminds me of an old joke where a junior Navy lieutenant says to the Commander, "Sir, there's a M-A-R-I-N-E in the R-O-O-M..." -CTYankee
  • I always thought USMC stood for Uncle Sam's Misguided Children. /I've read a shitpot of SEAL books. -edventure

  • 23. Just struck me as funny...
    This is one of the funnier pictures I've seen on the internet in a while. I don't know why, it just got me laughing..
    [By: JoeLugian / 2011-03-09]
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  • Gotta love the Black Adder. -PolarCoyote
  • I thought it was Rowan Atkinson as Mr Bean, this is from Black Adder? -JoeLugian
  • JoeLugian: While Atkinson did BlackAdder as well, this is most definitely from Mr. Bean. I have seen that episode... though I don't remember him driving past that particular grassy verge. I'd guess either this photo was taken from a different angle while the episode was being filmed, or it was an impersonator or Atkinson himself re-enacting one of his more famous Mr. Bean bits. -chazz
  • Definitely Mr Bean. -Griffin2020
  • Probably a reenactment. -Griffin2020
  • My personal favorite is when he is making a turkey dinner and loses his watch in the turkey..... @Ņ@ -MarloVino
  • That's on a track rather than the road, so it could be a reenactment or an alternative view from the filming. -smellystudent

  • 24. 56 fruits, roots, and herbs; 70 proof
    As the Genius of many of my late night upgrades, G√ľnter Mast, creator of J√§germeister has past away. Please pay your respects appropriately.
    [By: AngrySup / 2011-03-09]
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  • like hell i'm gonna pour any on the floor... but i will toast! -Harm
  • pour away- all that shites good for is floor cleaner -HappyCrappy
  • Tastes like cough medicine to me. -lineswine

  • 25. No longer allowed to say.....
    [By: Captain Trips / 2011-03-09]
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  • Not even when precipitated by "Son of a..."? -Jonos
  • did clicking on this originally send anyone else to a blank story with thousands of comments? -Icelator
  • I stuck my glitch in her glitch. -burrkiss
  • burkiss, your glitch may not what they are looking for.... -beatmewithstick
  • "GLITCH! <Insert command here>!" </Reboot> -MadJack
  • OK, it's not a glitch, it's...a feature? -lineswine
  • The word "glitch" is not professional. This from our director who has been known to use "Network BLIP" in corporate-wide e-mails. -Captain Trips
  • How about instead of saying it was caused by a glitch tell em something fucked up and see how they respond. -0gr3
  • Now you're messin' with a...a sonuvaGLITCH! -Grayhawk
  • *provides Grayhawk with a bit of Hair of the Dog* -DedSysOp

  • 26. The cursed project from hell.
    Ok, sorry for the formatting. So, I was tasked with building a big RAID. No problem thought I, I'll just order 4 2TB SATA drives (only had 4 drive bays left) and all the other little bits to go with it in order to add another internal array to an existing system (system currently boots from a RAID 0 built from 2 15K RPM SAS drives), a NAS is not desirable for this project (I don't know why). I planned to use the on-board RAID controller as we did not need high performance, just a big place to dump a lot of data. So, I order the parts and wait almost 2 weeks for the parts to arrive. The parts arrive, I install everything, and boot into the BIOS to configure the array. SHIT! Turns out that the ICH7 based controller has a 2TB limit. Ok, so off to the local computer store to get a simple software RAID card that "claims" to support RAID 5. After going through two of those cards, since the first one stopped working after firmware update (and coming to the conclusion that the "RAID 5 support" is a lie), I order a "hardware" RAID card that'll fit into a PCIe x1 slot as I have yet to find a SATA hardware RAID 5 card that's PCI based. I wait another week or so for the "hardware" RAID card to come in. Turns out it's support of RAID 5 is lie too. Note to self: Never buy anything from Syba again, both cards were made by Syba. It's now weeks later and the software team I'm building this for is getting antsy. So, I order a $650.00 Adaptec 5405Z, plus the SAS to 4x SATA cable, plus a PCI video card because the Adaptec card needs a PCIe x8 and the only other slot I can put that in is x16 slot now in use by the video card, the 1 x8 PCIe slot is in use by the SAS RAID card. The card comes in, I plug everything in, hit the power switch and the system comes on for a split second and then turns off. Now what? Try again, same result. I start unplugging cables and finally get the system to POST. Unfortunately, none of the 2TB drive will now spin up, upon further investigation I find that all 4 of the drives are toast. At least they're under "warranty", unfortunately Seagate can void your warranty for simply not packing them correctly when you return them, and it looks like "correctly" can mean return in all original packaging will the little bits. So, I guess I'll have a post in the future when I find how screwed I am with the drives. And if all that wasn't enough, the system is now BSODing with stop code 7B, even in Safe Mode and after performing a FIXBOOT and FIXMBR. So, does anyone know how to fix this BSOD without a complete re-install. I really don't want to force these software guys to have to re-install their dozen or programs and develop environments if I don't HAVE to. Ugh, if I drank, I'd be getting shit faced tonight.
    [By: Stryker One / 2011-03-09]
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  • stop 7B? You probably did this already, but make sure you have the *all* the SATA drivers that might be needed. 7B is 'Inaccessible Boot Device', and that's usually how I cure that, if a CHKDSK doesn't do it. -CTYankee
  • Installing a SATA card will often change the boot devices and the order of them in the BIOS, especially if dealing with software RAID - check to make sure th BIOS entries are right, and select for the config of the RAID "add-on" BIOS and make sure the drive settings are correct in there as well. -Grue

  • 27. About Yesterday
    Yesterday, someone farked up... bigtime.

    Our patching system here has been an absolute disasterpiece since well before I got here, and yesterday was all the proof our CIO needed. Just after lunch, the helldesk began getting a flood of calls from people whose computers were rebooting every 5 minutes. Half of them were convinced it was a virus and the other half were screaming bloody murder that they lost work because of this.

    When our CIO got wind of this, he sprung into action and found out what had happened. Turns out, the person responsible had moved a PC from one directory to another in our Active Directory, and it somehow triggered our patching system into doing a Discovery action. That would've done nothing on it's own, were it not for the fact that no time span whatsoever was defined for when patches were to be pushed out, say in the middle of the night. So as soon as the Discovery action finished, the patches were pushed, forcing each computer in the hospital to reboot somewhere in the range of 7-10 times. Oh yeah, and the systems were rigged that if someone shut the PC down prior to the patches finishing, the patches would start all the way from the beginning, so we had to warn people not to shut their computers down all the way.

    If this was a one-time thing, the person in charge of the patching system would've not been in nearly as much trouble as he was, since the CIO found out this happened multiple times prior to him coming on board, with nothing being done to fix it.
    [By: skippytpodar / 2011-03-10 ]
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  • Yep. "OOPS!" is appropriate.... -Grue

  • 28. FOUR DAYS!!!
    After busting @$$ at both jobs (selling/fixing computers at one, hauling and cutting lumber at another), fate has smiled upon me with my first EVER Four Day Weekend. Just in time for Baby Shan's 8th birthday. Spare karma for EVERYONE!!!
    [By: udoshan / 2011-03-10]
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  • I get four days all the time. But this little clause on my contract (on call 24/7) has a way of cutting that down to size. -ravensentinel
  • May you and BabyShan spend much quality time together! -CTYankee
  • Congrats! -Grue

  • 29. Here we go again...
    So I got one of those emails where another tech is asking for my help because he needs my specific expertise on an issue that his starfish has. Apparently said starfish is going like I know computers/am a programmer / I have certifications don't lecture me on how to run these scripts and I have already done all that etc. So I took over the case, read through it all and its clear to me that Mr. Expert (starfish) despite claiming he has been doing and supporting said program for years...did NOT understand what the said program can and cannot do.And he says I have been doing this for decades...sure dude...sure... Said program does not yet exist 10 years ago...Really who do they think they are trying to fool here?
    [By: Angelace / 2011-03-10]
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  • They are trying to fool themselves of course. -desseb
  • In that case, mission accomplished. -AmazingKreskin

  • 30. ROLL CALL!
    Techs around the ring of fire, please check in.,0,1950058.story Also, thank you to my anonymous benefactor for my enlarged posterior.
    [By: Stryker One / 2011-03-11]
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  • Yes, we need a roll call from all around the Pacific area. This quake appears to be affecting massive amounts of people world wide. My thoughts and prayers to all in Japan and in the potential tsunami areas. -SwedishChef
  • My parents live on the Oregon coast, but on top of a 110ft hill. The tsunami is estimated to be as high as 7ft where they are. They're staying in place & don't foresee any problems for themselves. -NightSteel
  • My parents live in Hawaii but are 1300 feet up the side of the dormant volcano. It's supposed to hit the CA coast around 8am today so the BART train that runs under the bay is being suspended from 730am to 9am...some commuters are really screwed trying to get into SF. -Starfury
  • My roommate is currently at the airport, because she was scheduled to fly out to Japan today to start her new job teaching English (for the next year!). I'll know how it went if I find her at home tonight. -AmazingKreskin
  • No damage that I'm aware of on the lower coast of BC, but if there is tsunami damage it would not have made the news yet. -chazz
  • Actually I was in the tunnel this morning at 7:30, I must have just beat the cutoff. So far no tsunami worth mentioning in sf. -McSmiley
  • No problems SoCal way, nuttin' out of the ordinary here. -MadJack
  • Sounds like Santa Cruz took sone damage, mostly boats pulled off moorings. -McSmiley
  • NZ ok as far as I know. Standard warnings about keeping off beaches etc were played here, yet we still had rubberneckers (or as I said - Darwin is finding new methods.) -ApolloSZ
  • Reporting from the Philippines. We're ok so far. The Eastern coast area has been evacuated (or so our news say). I still can't get in touch with my relatives in Japan though T_T -Angelace
  • All clear here in eastern Canada. -Jonos
  • at thospoint the worst part of the tsunami seems to be over. The only place left for the leading edge has left to hit is South America and Antarctica. We're currently about 18 hours in. -McSmiley
  • It looks like the earthquake cut some transatlantic cables, as I'm having trouble reaching some Asian networks. Telia hasn't reconfigured their San Jose router to take into account the bad link. -Chromatix
  • My cousin and her family were vacationing in Hawai'i when the quake struck. They received the tsunami warning in ample time and were able to evacuate to higher ground. They're fine now and back in the States. -skippytpodar

  • 31. Ticket.
    Issue Description: Cx asked for the location of the clipboard on the device.

    Troubleshooting Steps: 1. Explained how RAM works.
    [By: Seamus / 2011-03-11]
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  • At least they weren't asking for the location of Clippy. -Stryker One
  • I am amazed the cx didnt accuse you of lying to get out of telling them where the hidden clipboard was -SimianMilitant
  • Simian - I'd imagine once they mentioned "RAM" the *fish's eyes glazed over as their brain went "derp" -ApolloSZ

  • 32. Daylight Savings Time

    As you may or may not be aware, or even care, a few decades ago I lived in Arizona

    As you may also not be aware, or even care, Arizona doesn't observe the alchemy known to the rest of the United States, although sensibly, not the world, as Daylight Savings Time

    One day I was talking with a Native American friend of mine (and although it makes no difference to this story, but, since somebody always asks, he was a Navajo) and we were discussing the magic of the myth known as Daylight Savings Time

    Now, I've got to tell you that Native American Indians know everything

    Really, they do

    They have an innate understanding of the universe that no other (still remaining) culture still possesses, and they can explain even the most complex natural (and unnatural) occurrences with a simplicity that would boggle the mind (seriously, try it sometime. Find one and ask him about e=mc2)

    So after I explained Daylight Savings Time to him, he looked at me and said...

    "You know, the white men of America are the only people on the planet who believe that if you cut six inches off the bottom of a blanket and sew it to the top, that you will end up with a longer blanket"[By: Spyder19 / 2011-03-12]
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  • Unfortunately, much of Europe also observes DST, though we have different names for it. The Indian has it right though - it simply does not make sense. -Chromatix
  • It originated due to farmers needing more time with crops or something. -burrkiss
  • I seem to recall that it was something about making sure the kids didn't have to walk to school in the dark. Daylight Savings is an attempt to ensure that our mornings are always light, balanced with our habit as a species to like staying up late and providing light for that when possible. Basically an attempt to define sunrise as 8AM always so as to be asleep when it's darkest. -chazz
  • Burrkiss is close.. (as far as I understand it). It is for farmers who have day jobs. It gives them more time after work to tend to their crops. -RoadDemon
  • When Ben Franklin originally proposed it, it was to help save money on candles - since people woke at sunrise anyway, this would have led to one hour less need to burn candles for light. (It didn't catch on then, the "farmers with day jobs" is the reason they finally kicked it in.) -Captain Trips
  • We have DST here aswell. It makes no sense to me either. If we're saving time... whats the interest and aren't we due a payout? -ApolloSZ
  • Starfish are everywhere! -Divinar
  • We're not saving time in any way, we're simply allocating as much as possible the daylight hours for when most of us are awake and doing jobs or chores outside (like farmers). -BayouTech
  • Actually DST was implemented during WWI and WWII to conserve resources that were needed to support the government in a time of war. Farmers were vociferously opposed to it and managed to get it repealed multiple times, but it keeps coming back. -adarklite
  • So you're the other person on this site who laughs at everyone's clumsiness at the clock twice a year. -MisterCommon
  • Mr.Common, it gets worse, with them changing the date of the time change all the time. I never know if the updates on my computers are actually up to date or not, so I have to keep a battery operated clock in the house to see what time it would be if they didn't change the time so that I can tell whether or not the clocks on my computers actually changed or not. It's quite frustrating -Spyder19
  • The vast majority of people no longer use available sunlight as a factor when working....DST is largely pointless, but not as pointless as the 'edict' that moved it up by 2 weeks. -Dreamstalker
  • DST's sole purpose is to put the sun back in your eyes on the way to work if you drive east in the morning and west in the evening. Just after its gotten high enough in the sky to be distinguished from your fellow commuter's tail-lights, BAM right back on the horizon at the 7:00am commute. -boxcar
  • See, here's what I've never understood. The intent these days seems to be to give you more daylight in the evening. In which case... why does DST happen in summer? Surely it would be more useful in winter, when the sun is already setting earlier and you need to compensate? -Splunge
  • I don't mind DST in the Australian summer. There's still sunlight when I get home and my son has playtime with dad. However, I leave home 40 minutes before sunrise. In the winter, I leave home in the dark and get home in the dark. -Wraith556
  • Arizona is strange anyway when it comes to DST. The state doesn't observe DST, but the Navajo Nation within Arizona does. But the Hopi Nation (surrounded by the Navajo) does NOT. Strange, isn't it? Almost as bad as Indiana and it's time zones... -VoiceOfSanity
  • ardaklite is correct. DST was implemented during the war and was originally known as 'War Time'. The idea was to get factories working longer etc. DST has its uses. Here in Australia, for example, NSW observes DST, where QLD doesn't. What that means is if you go to the New South Wales/Queensland border (the 'Twin Towns' of Collongatta and Tweed Heads) you get to celebrate New Years on NSW time, then QLD time an hour later -PoglaTheGrate

  • 33. Interesting 404 message
    Didn't want to bump the link of the day, but here's the NFL Player's Association website as of when they were ce-certified as a union:
    [By: tech4alltrades / 2011-03-13]
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  • eh, football. WGASA. They're all over paid. (When someone is paid 10 megabucks a year, why should he quibble over who picks up his medical co-pay of ten dollars?) -Captain Trips
  • Only the big names make the megabucks. The regular line players get squat (beyond name recognition). Its the owners and organization heads who pull down the big bucks. -ecoli
  • Last year the league minimum salary was $325K, this year it will be $340K (if they do not get locked out). That is FAR from chump change. And, it is much more of a raise than any other job I know of got. -Griffin2020

  • 34. First day at new site
    <sigh>.So, it's the first day at a new "temporary" (read: next 12-18months) site since the Christchurch earthquake in February (New Zealand) totally screwed with our lives. Our actual main server room is still functioning (as long as the generator keeps going - has died twice so far), and the longer-term planning for relocating the gear has begun. Meantime, I've managed to keep the critical infrastructure running, and finally have a desk with my PC on it to manage things from for a while. Please pray that things keep running, and we get nothing like Japan is dealing with. My brain and body can't take much more of this, even though Japan's horror puts a different perspective on what we've experienced.
    [By: Enzedder / 2011-03-13]
    Comment on Story


  • Good luck! -Grue
  • Where abouts are you? I'm in Chch supporting an office onsite too. We kept our building tho. -ApolloSZ
  • I'm currently at the Allied Telesis building out Addington way. I work for Environment Canterbury. We're getting a bunch of sites connected out Lincoln way too, as in all we probably need to house around 350 staff. Whereabouts are you? -Enzedder
  • I'm out in the Riccarton area. Government office, so shhhh on the rest :) -ApolloSZ
  • Well, hope you weren't too affected. Our house is over by QEII, and is now toasted. We're currently living with my wife's step-sister in a cramped 2-bedroom flat. Started trying to find alternate rental accommodation, but it's a war out there for anything, and the rental pricing is quite high.... -Enzedder
  • @Grue - thank you! -Enzedder
  • Dad's house came through realtively unscathed this time, so I've been staying there. I hope you get accom sorted soon! -ApolloSZ
  • sending a Keg-O-Karmaô your way! Our Keg-O-Karma manufacturing facilities are on 24/7 for the Japan Tsunami but we can always find an extra keg somewhere to send to others in need. -ecoli
  • Ouch! Wallace is dispatching a drum of pure-bred British Karma by steam-driven sub-orbital catapult as we speak. Good luck and I hope you get yourselves re-housed soon. -Gromit
  • Hugs to you Enzedder - you have my good karma~~~ -Madrigorne

  • 35. The perception of time

    ...and they say Internet time is like dog time, 1 year is equal to 7 dog years.
    I met the opposite today.

    A VERY good friend of mine is on his 3rd iteration of mainboard/CPU/RAM for a PC I originally built some time ago. I take back the newly built version (Asus mainboard, dual core Intel 3.06GHz, 2GB of 800 DDR2), the mainboard & RAM are new, various other bits are what I had knocking about.
    I power it all up to find out the speakers are making a HORRIBLE buzzing noise of the "really loud" type.
    A quick look in the speaker that holds the amp & output for the sub-woofer confirms what I thought...bulging caps in the power supply (I thought we were done with that appears not).
    He asks the usual question heard in any hardware failure i.e. "How can this be? They're not that old."
    I remind him they came with the original build...a mere ELEVEN years ago.

    That's "not that old"? I beg to differ.[By: lineswine / 2011-03-14]
    Comment on Story


  • I've had cheap OEM PSUs last barely a year, and some didn't even last a few weeks. But I have a TopPower that's been in use for 9 years and several Antecs that have been in use for 4-6 years. -Wraith556
  • Tempus fugit -LadySharky
  • Time flies like an arrow, fruit files like a banana. -Gerund
  • " oh,you think time goes THAT way. interesting." -Harm
  • "Time is that quality of nature that keeps events from happening all at once. Lately it doesn't seem to be working." (borrowed from alt.sysadmin.recovery) -VoiceOfSanity
  • "Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so." </Douglas Adams> -ecoli
  • My motto: If it's OEM, replace it! -unrenowned
  • "People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey... stuff." -SalParadise
  • @Sal - nice to see another Dr. Who fan! -geeklady
  • Agreed! David Tennant was my favorite Doctor. -Jonos
  • @Sal - Don't blink... -unrenowned
  • They better not have said "But it worked yesterdayyyyy" -MisterCommon
  • Customer perception of time: I bought an 11 year old PC yesterday, therefore it is only 1 day old. -AussieFoot

  • 36. Personalities

    Now that I've been in a call center again, I've come up with three personalities that are found in all of them:

    The Mann:

    Faceless management, though I view him as Mr. Wilson in the Dennis the Menace comic strip. You never see him, but he sees you, somehow, some way.

    If you so much look like you're having fun, much less smile, he sends a directive to have it stopped by Unger.

    Unger: This is the Mann's hatchet man. Dour, brimming with anger, flaring eyed, he holds a carbon-steel rod with which to whip the techs into submission, screaming "NEIN! NEIN! NEIN!!" He's a firm believer of "Spare the Rod and Spoil the Tech." I have a perfect pic of him here:

    Jeter: This is the guy that fucks it up for the rest of us. Think of Stiffler in the American Pie movies: That's Jeter.

    He's the one that plays the system, milks the late breaks, tries bringing packet sniffers into the workplace, etc.

    So every time Unger brings another draconian rule into action, thank that fucknugget Jeter.

    [By: vacuumtubes / 2011-03-15]
    Comment on Story

    37. Ancient?

    OK. So today I'm undergoing further training on a "new" feature of our servers. Our trainer asks me if anyone here has ever worked on a mainframe. A co-worker of mine and I raised up our hands.

    Co-Worker: I've worked on an IBM AS400.
    Another co-worker says he's worked on a different type of semi-modern mainframs.

    Me, thinking "Well, he DID say EVER": I worked on a Honeywell 6060 and an IBM 370. (For those not-so-well informed, the Honeywell 6060s were in use by the Air Force until about 1985 or so, AFAIK. I worked and trained on one when I was in high school and yet a PFY. I was part of an Explorer post sponsored by an Air Force data processing center. It was their H6060 that I used.)
    The trainer gave me a thumbs up, and the rest of the class (a few of whom could have been PFYs a little more recently than I've been) said, almost in unison, "Man, you're ANCIENT! That was back in the days of punched cards and paper tape!" I refrained from telling them it had both a set of CRT terminals....and a seldom-used teletypewriter terminal that I found fascinating...
    [By: tech4alltrades / 2011-03-15]
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  • Not to mention a beyond-old, loud-as-anything band printer that went CLACK CLACK CLACK everytime it printed a character..... -tech4alltrades
  • Images of that model at -tech4alltrades
  • Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to take the shell of a Cray/1 or IBM 360 and build it up with updated components... I know it would be huge and unwieldy, but it would definitely appeal to my oldschool nature. -Seamus
  • Um, technically speaking an AS/400 (i5, System i, etc.) is not a mainframe, it's a midrange. (Ours is little bigger than a hefty pc, the drives take more room on the rack than the actual computer!) -Captain Trips
  • I've only got a system/36 and system/38 under my belt. -McSmiley
  • Started with a IBM 370/158, ..., and now a Z196 38 years and counting. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • I learned my stuff on a CDC Cyber 1800 - it had spent 20 years working for Ford & then WE got our hands on it. Storage Module Drives, Mag Tape Units, flashing lights (lights mind you, not these new-fangled LEDs), seperate CU & ALUs, 2 half adders to make the full adder, the whole "Hollywoods' idea of a comuter". IIRC it even used but used LOTS of current. </old git mode> -lineswine
  • Okay, if we are going to name systems, my first experience was with an HP 2000F mainframe. We dialed in on an acoustic modem at 110 baud using an ASR/33 teletype terminal. (But this was in the dark ages of 1974.) -Captain Trips

  • 38. Starfish with phones not sence pt1 nt/ot
    I do billing support now, my glory days of Tech have all but gone, so posting here has been killed, But I will post this.

    I start the call Innocently enough, Standard greeting and the customer is rather nice, which should have been my first clue everything was going to go to hell. My starfish then asks for a cellphone plan that I can not give. They then spend the next 10 minutes ranting that another person has this plan and then demanded to be transfered to cancellation. Since I can not strike, because one person striking is just work abandonment, I have decided to perform work to rule. Upset everyone by following all the rules.

    The rule in this case is, Unless you want to cancelle, you do not speak with cancellations. This is important so I phrase it as bluntly as possibly, Im sorry, I can not transfer you as you are not looking to cancell.

    Now the customer starts to rant and rave how I am not doing what they want, I am forced to say the same thing over and over again, then hoping they get the clue, I started saying "So you want to be transfered to Cancellations because you want to cancell?" The starfish says no. I start adding in the word "right" to the end, I do the verbal equivilant of adding bold and italics, But still, the starfish says no... To be continued.
    [By: ZombieBear / 2011-03-16]
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    39. Starfish with phones not sence pt2 nt/ot
    They start yelling that when they called to cancell their phone before, we transfered them over, So I think aha, I now know how to get the customer to say yes. "So before, we transfered you to cancellations, because you wanted to cancell. Now you want me to trancefer the call to cancellations because you want to cancell RIGHT?" Complete with extra bolding, and stars, a couple arrows, some winking, and still the customer says no, and demands to be transfered. So once more into the fray, I explain again, in detail that the cancellation department, will only accept calls if you are looking to cancell... then she starts getting angry at me, well even more angry, each time I stated that she wanted to cancell she became more irate. Here she launches into a large tirade about how bad the company is and how everyone has the plan she is talking about, and how Im being an asshole denying the transfer (ok so yes I was but she was still an idiot for not say yes so she could get the transfer) and she takes her time fully detailing the flaws in the company. I offer a plan that I can give her, She then completly loses it, and starts swearing and then demands finally, Finally to cancell the line, or rather to go down there and rip out everything rogers from her home... Now I deny her transfer, because in the time it took for her to rant and rave, the cancellation department closed. Got to love the self lart.
    [By: ZombieBear / 2011-03-16]
    Comment on Story


  • I have that happen here, but not in billing terms. Generally it's someone explaining their issue...repeatedly...and while they're doing that, I've either already fixed it or I can't get in a word edgewise to ask them to log out and move. -ravensentinel

  • 40. When did this happen
    Found this since I can't type
    When did we get a wiki page?
    [By: DarkRookie / 2011-03-16]
    Comment on Story


  • The edit history says Veinor created it in 2006, which tallies with my recollection, and the departed ElCapitan did a lot of editing to bring it up to par in 2006 and 2007. I guess it's been sort of lying fallow since early '08... -chazz
  • Yeah it's outta date...I didn't get my t-shirt along with my ass :( -0gr3
  • There used to be a lot more info on the page, but it got chopped quite a while ago. -AmazingKreskin
  • >I didn't get my t-shirt Does Hawk even come here anymore? I gave up on my T-shirt many moons ago. -Tarantulus
  • In particular, the wiki entry doesn't warn people about burrkiss. This is probably a grave oversight... -Diptera
  • I remember a couple years ago that Hawk mentioned the shirts would no longer be made, and he'd disabled the star purchase/renewal option for getting a shirt. There was brief interest from a couple members about requesting rights to produce and sell the shirts, but I think that died off as well. IIRC, Hawk bumped the users "owed shirts" an extra year on their star membership. -Grue
  • It does currently say that t-shirts are "suspended", though. -Seamyst
  • IIRC, we've had one for a while, but it was deleted (or at least marked for deletion) for being "not notable". -linuxmatt
  • Well, looking at the history it seems it was Veinor at 6:28 on 29/10/2006. Quite a few others seem to have contributed. -AussieFoot

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