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Tech Stories Archives - November 2000

21. Major malfunction
The reason for the call: He has the number and knows what should be checked or unchecked in Dial-Up Networking -- the thing that was hanging him up, in his own words, was "What should I put in 'Type a name for this connection' to get to [ISP]?" Almost didn't make it to the mute button before I laughed hysterically. 2000-11-20 By:mushroom
[By: mushroom / 2000-11-20]
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22. Available now!
Hi Sir, this is John from DSL installation support, how can can I help you today? I am just wondering why the hell I have not gotten my DSL yet. Well sir, after looking at PacBell's database, it looks as though there is a facilities issue at your CO, and your installations is scheduled to be complete 3 weeks from now. What?!?! 3 Weeks?? That is totally unacceptable. When I signed up for DSL a month ago I was told it was available. I'm sorry sir, I didn't say that DSL was not available for you. What I said was that there are facilities issues at your CO and that PacBell doesn't expect to have it complete for another 3 weeks. No, No, No.... when I signed up I was told it was available. (Im'thinking... hello?!?... are you fu**ing deaf??) No, No, No...What "available" means is that it is available now... just like when you go to a hotel and ask if a room is available... they say yes, and the room is available now. That's how DSL should be. Ok pal, I've had enough of you. This ain't no fuckin Motel 6 and we ain't leavin' the link light on for ya'. (Sorry.... some people just piss me off) 2000-11-21 By:akajohnny
[By: akajohnny / 2000-11-21]
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23. on a MAC???
Yeah hello, I was just wondering why I can't connect. I just ran fdisk on my MAC and it still doesn't work..... 2000-11-21 By:akajohnny
[By: akajohnny / 2000-11-21]
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24. Modems are always ok
In referrence to mushroom's story of the modem manufacturer, I had a problem with an Aztec/Mercury modem very similar to that. By the way, if you or anyone you know happens to buy a computer from *ell computers, make sure it does not come with the MDP 3x00 modem. They suck, and *ell will not admit it or replace it. Also, check out cnet's reviews on modems. You can get there via downloads.com. I hear you preachin', shroom. 2000-11-21 By:chug
[By: chug / 2000-11-21]
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25. It ain't a myth!
The hold time was 16 minutes, though some customers said they'd been waiting for half an hour (sure...). And then I hit the Ready button, said my schpeal, and -- heard light snoring. I just marvelled at it for a moment, yes, he or she is dozing. Muted the phone, called coworkers over to hear the wonderment, then let the person have their peace (presuming they didn't wake with an earpiece-shaped red groove on the side of their face). 2000-11-21 By:mushroom
[By: mushroom / 2000-11-21]
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26. I'm getting disconnected all the time!
Me: Thank you for calling ########### technical support. My name is Robyn, can I have your billing telephone number area code first please? Customer: What? Me: Your telephone number. C-a-n y-o-u g-i-v-e i-t t-o m-e? Customer: Oh uh...will I be charged for this? Me: NO, I just need it to document. Customer: Ok then...###-###-#### Me: Thank You, (Christ) How can I help you? Customer: I'm getting disconnected all the time! It's so annoying! We pay for service and can barely stay connected. Me: Uh...ok well first lets check- Customer: Can I get a credit? Me: No. Letís check the communications and netwo- Customer: Why not? Me: Sir you have to contact billing about that. Can we continue? Customer: Yeah...well wait wouldn't this be a server issue? Me: A server issue Sir? No. It's not. Customer: Well how do you know? Me: Because our servers are not having problems at the moment ..Sir how many times to do you connect in a week? Customer: 2, 3 times a day..... Me: So out of those times how many times would you say you get disconnected in a week? Customer: Twice. Me: (This is me not thinking.) And youíre complaining? Customer: What? *Click* 2000-11-24 By:unsupportedgirl
[By: unsupportedgirl / 2000-11-24]
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27. internet down???
'ring' ;me: hello who is this? ;guy at school i'd prefer not know: hey carl I'm having trouble with my computer I think the internet is down ;me: (grrr the internet is down??? I wish someone woulda told me about this) ok so whats happening? your on a dial-up modem right not cable? ;guy: cable? ;me: ok forget it ;guy: ok well anyways I can't get onto aol it's not dialing it's just freezing up and then the aol window thingy closes ;me: (so what exactly am I supposed to do) well i suppose you can just reinstall aol and then call me back ok? ;guy: ok well can you get online or is the internet down for you too? ;me: (i really didn't feel like getting into how the internet is not "down") nope its not down for me just reinstall it and call me back later ok? ;guy: aight i'll talk to ya lata ;me: ok cya ; 'click' ok, maybe i'm not an official tech support person but I really feel for you people sometimes 2000-11-24 By:SchoolSupportGuy
[By: SchoolSupportGuy / 2000-11-24]
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28. Why can't I Surf
There was this customer that called me and told me that they couldn't surf. So I did my basic trouble shooting..when all that didn't work and the customer still couldn't surf..I asked him if the modem was plugged into the wall and or the modem itself..The customer said no it never has been plugged in..I said then when was the last time you were surfing..customer..well acually i want to set up my account..I've never surfed the web..What did I do you ask...ehehe..I sent him on his way to the circle of support...=)..I'm sure i'll talk to him again one day,...when he has real trouble surfing... 2000-11-26 By:dwd121
[By: dwd121 / 2000-11-26]
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29. A new way to say "Connect, can't browse."
My cust starts off with, "You have a data surge that is knocking our throughput off every 20 minutes, but I'm still connected. The server I use to get to your ISP is <POP#>." Pardon me while I laugh like a hyena. So after removing the Microsoft Family Logon and a spare TCP/IP from his Network CP, he's on and all is well. It's his own problem if he screwed anything by changing his modem buffers, as he said he has done (dare I ask if he's invented an init string?). Some people are just too smart IN THEORY for their own good... 2000-11-27 By:mushroom
[By: mushroom / 2000-11-27]
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30. Should I sign up for DSL?
It was a pretty dull call day so when this call came in, it not only threw me for a loop, but the tech next to me nearly wet his pants when he heard me talking: Me: Thank you for calling XX my name is XXXXXX, how may I help you today? Cust: Yes, I can't connect to this here Internet Me: what happens when you try? Cust: well, I click on that there picture thing, and it has my user name and password in it so I mash on connect, then it does the dialing, and it buzzes, then the smoke comes out of the back of the computer, then I-- ME: Smoke comes out of the back of the computer? Cust: Yes. Do you think it is trying to connect too fast? Should I switch to that DSL thing? Cust: Hold on sir and I'll transfer you to the DSL department. <<needless to say I had to get off the phone for a few minutes to calm myself and my coworkers down...the laughter was deafening>> 2000-11-28 By:Hen`na
[By: Hen`na / 2000-11-28]
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31. Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done." Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'." Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk." Customer: "What?" Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" Customer "No..." 11/28/00 By:tier9will[By: tier9will / 2000-11-28]
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32. Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a fairly old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', all it says is 'Bad command or file name'." Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive- go to A:> and type 'dir'." Customer reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'. Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL' again." Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file name'." Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place-it can't help but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?" Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still 'Bad command or file name'." Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?" Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the 'M' key...does that matter?11/28/00 By:tier9will[By: tier9will / 2000-11-28]
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33. Mr PayPhone
thankyou for calling **** internet services, my name is ****,how may I help you? (strange loud noises in the background) Uh, I can't get on ok, sir I'll be happy to help you, what's the error message (noise level increases) sir? umm I don't know it says somethin' about I can't get on (noise level gets worse) sir I'm having trouble hearing you, is that the tv on in the background? <confused silence for about 20 secs> no ma'am that was a truck sir, where are you calling from? a payphone sir, is something wrong with your telephone line at home? yeah, they cut off my phone 3 days ago cuz I was late on payin' the bill <laughing hysterically,gotta love that mute button> sir? you won't be able to log onto the internet if your phone line isn't working but I paid my internet bill ma'am I understand sir and I do apologize but as soon as the phone is working, you'll have no problem getting online,have a nice day 2000-11-29 By:lilmsinternet00
[By: lilmsinternet00 / 2000-11-29]
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34. Just Shoot Me
There was a film crew through here to make a stupid music video, and one of the managers told me I could put myself on break for a minute to appear in it. (Afterall, I was wearing longsleeve apricot paisley blouse with collar under a Garbage Pail Kids t-shirt.) The call I was on was pretty involved, so forgetting to mute the phone I said to the cameraman, "I'm gonna be on this call for awhile, so you may as well shoot me now." The cust was like, WHAT?!? 2000-11-29 By:mushroom
[By: mushroom / 2000-11-29]
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