Tech Stories Archives - February 2001
|
1.
modem follies
never ceases to amaze me how people can fork out thousands of dollars for a system and not even be sure if they received a internal or external modem "What do you mean internal or external ?" Christ oh fucking mighty, it isn't that hard to get your head around surely !! int - inside ext - outside.. for FUCK sake... god i wished i had the ability to crawl down these pples phonelines and rattle the last breath out of their useless necks. 2001-02-02 By:angstryy[By: angstryy / 2001-02-02]
Comment on Story
|
|
2.
Emperiors????
I got a client on the phone the other day and he sounded like he came straight off the boat from China. Anywho be begins to explain on how our emperiors came out to his house and installed the cable modoem service. I had to double take his word" Excuse me sir. Did you say Emperiors?" I explained. He said" Ummmmm YES! Emperiors..." hmmm ok this guy is nutsss... I then proceded to do my basic trouble shooting. Finally I got to the point where i asked him to sniff his cable modem to see if it was burning. He actually did it!!! After that i explained to him that we were going to send the emperiors back out to fix his connection. This guy was watching too much Kung FU!!! 2001-02-02 By:Maverick[By: Maverick / 2001-02-02]
Comment on Story
|
|
3.
You cant get your mail
Just got off the phone with a cust for the third time in the last hour because the dumb bastard goes into OL and deleteing the mail account and then wonders why it doesnt work and to make it worse the prick has his wife on the phone to 2001-02-02 By:snaggle[By: snaggle / 2001-02-02]
Comment on Story
|
|
4.
No e-mail address
I began the call as usual.. saying "thank you for calling etc.. can I get your e-mail address". The customer countered by informing me that he didn't have an e-mail address with us, he only had an account login. Okay, I'll bite.. "Sir, what is the account login, then?" He told me that it is username@isp.net. Hmm. I haven't been in this business for very long, but that sounds suspiciously like an e-mail address. 2001-02-04 By:jonnagon[By: jonnagon / 2001-02-04]
Comment on Story
|
|
5.
And her name is Edna
Honest to Jah, one of my coworkers had to say this to a customer: "Yes, we're having trouble with our registration server. ... No, the registration server is not a person, it is a computer." 2001-02-04 By:mushroom[By: mushroom / 2001-02-04]
Comment on Story
|
|
6.
Crossed wires
I knew it was going to be amusing when the call started out with "<beep> <beep> <beep> Hi, I'm having trouble with <beep> my cordless phone, it <beep> won't stop beeping... <beep> <beep>" 2001-02-04 By:mushroom[By: mushroom / 2001-02-04]
Comment on Story
|
|
7.
Dear lord help me sort through the dumb folks!
No lie...this happened to me yesterday. it isn't a long story so please excuse me taking up the web space for such a short one, but i found this rather amusing.
ok here's the story, yesterday, we were rather busy just two of us down here in our pit 'o' techies and there were 6 calls in the phone cue... well this lady had managed to be the last on the list and waited 30 minutes... i had picked up the last call, and after 3 calls of hey i am getting error 691 or my network protocols are configured incorrectly i was glad to get this lady, but she wasn't glad to hear the answer to her seemingly computer destructive error. i answered the phone... "hello tech support this is brad speaking how can i help you?" <lady>: "ah yea hi brad this is <her name>, i am looking here at a black screen with white letters on top that read "system disk error or invalid disk" what happened? <me>: can you hold for a second please? (about a minute straight of laughing.....) <me>: ok ma'am, can you take the disk out of your tower please, then hit the space bar? <lady> ooooh! thank you sir!
oh god... thank you for stupid people! 2001-02-05 By:RAiden[By: RAiden / 2001-02-05]
Comment on Story
|
|
8.
Fire and Ice
And then there's the cust who was having email problems (not getting through, box full, virus Norton wouldn't let him download, whatever) wherein I had to go into his mailbox to weed out messages. Side-by-side messages from his lady-love: a Christian inspirational story, and a boudoir photo of herself with a note asking what room number at the motel... 2001-02-05 By:mushroom[By: mushroom / 2001-02-05]
Comment on Story
|
|
9.
691 Error ... please check your password.
Got this call from a very advanced user... guy told me that he feel lame about using his dog's name as a password and very concern about security... so we changed the password from jeezabustoneckthe3 to chihuahua to ensure that noone will gess it... 2001-02-05 By:Shooric[By: Shooric / 2001-02-05]
Comment on Story
|
|
10.
the techsorsist
I once spoke to a man that swore his dead neighbor (no friendship going on here!) had possessed his computer and was torturing him by not letting him on to the Internet. I told him, "before we called the church lets check the settings". After about five minutes I was ready to give mass. We scared those bad ghost away }8-O and their was much rejoicing!!!yeah.. 2001-02-06 By:suicidejockey[By: suicidejockey / 2001-02-06]
Comment on Story
Comments
I used to fix welding machins and plasma cutters. Sometimes the customer would ask me what I did to fix it. I sometimes would say " I performed the laying on of hands ceremony and cast out the demon" One guy said " As long as it works I don't care if you cast 1 out or put 2 more in it." Always good for a laugh! -atomicbill
|
|
11.
Mr.SATAN and Preacher's computer
This one has a nice touch :) After a day of taking calls from eu's with bad attitude I was really pleased than I hear: "Thank Jesus! I got through! This is pastor <Pastors Name>. I am having a problem connecting." After about 10 minutes of troubleshooting "connection cannot be established" I found out that there was no dial tone, all cords and stuff was OK. I decided to reinstall the modem... The preacher was very nice and polite, you can hear him saying stuff like: "Thank God I have such a wonderful support from you guys." and "I will pray for you"...etc. While rebooting preacher let me in on a secret that one of his nices might have tried to "taste the forbidden fruit of the Internet" using this computer... and it was God who disabled the Internet for that reason... Anyway modem reinstall went well. The moment of truth, we are ready to connect. "Wait" said the preacher, let me pray before we attempt to connect."... "OK, Sir, I'll hold" I answered. He shortly prayed and press connect button... It did not connect. "What is the error message?" I asked him. "Unable to connect due to..." he replied. "And what is this error #, Sir?" I wondered. And in breaking voice he replied "...666"!!! 2001-02-06 By:Shooric[By: Shooric / 2001-02-06]
Comment on Story
Comments
Oh, that is brilliant. Almost too good to be true, but I believe it. -ShutUpAndHangUp
|
|
12.
Proper way to document an obscene call
EU sounded like he was having a physical condition. In obscene language he was discribing his
sexual relaionship with his computer, TV advertising cartoon character and tech support.
He stated that computer has being engaing in sexual relationship with EU's ability to work normaly. EU was trying to express
his unsatisfaction by discribing the activity of the computer as a mating procedure engaging the computer, the EU, our tech support
line and TV advertising cartoon character. In obscene language EU described the physiology of Marc John Jeffreys and his mother. EU expressed his
desire to engage in sexual activities with me as a company representative, he described my physiology in foul language, then compared
the tech support to his relationship with his wife. EU would like to know why computer is not functioning correctly but instead behaving like a female dog. He was trying to make a point that all tech support personel at the call center are engaging in
sexual activities with him. He strongly believed that the deal that he made was not carried on by the previous tech support representative lady, and then in foul language compared her physiology to a female dog. EU explained that he had enogh sexual activities for the day and hang up. 2001-02-06 By:Shooric[By: Shooric / 2001-02-06]
Comment on Story
|
|
13.
And you called again for what?
Cust was installing Outhouse on machine and didn't know the mail server names. For some reason this didn't deter him, he just make things up as he went along, so of course it didn't work. Okay, simple enough, "Click on Tools, then Accounts," I said... and his reply was, "Uh... I have all these windows up onscreen, I'll have to call you back later." He asked how to get to the server settings again and so I told him Tools:Accts ... but at no point did I ever mention the mail server names. :) 2001-02-07 By:mushroom[By: mushroom / 2001-02-07]
Comment on Story
|
|
14.
"Now enter it in the computer"
Talking to a customer, helping her install Photoshop6.0, it came to the point to enter her serial#. After adivsing her that she needed to proceed with the serial# on the CD case; I began to hear beeps on the phone. Customer came back and said nothing happened. I asked her how she entered the serial number?; she came back with a sarcastic twang in her voice and said, "In the phone! Where else would I enter it!" (some people souldn't even own computers . . . . .)
[sr5] 2001-02-08 By:speedracer[By: speedracer / 2001-02-08]
Comment on Story
|
|
15.
"Scanner Troubles"
Customer called one day complaining he scanner is not scanning in any pictures into Adobe PhotoDeluxe 3. I asked her to walk me though the steps and found out she was holding the sheet of paper to the monitor and expected it to absorb through the glass and into the program . . . .
(I couldn't contain myself, I busted out laughing - - thank god for the mute . . . .)
[sr5] 2001-02-08 By:speedracer[By: speedracer / 2001-02-08]
Comment on Story
|
|
16.
the "thrifty" consumer
this customer can't see anything!!!! I had a lady that spent 5 mins yelling at me, swearing she didn't have an "ok" button. I finally told her to minimize, then went to display properties. Found out she was in 640X480. I moved her to 1024X768, and there was the "ok" button. I was magical, but her icons where too small. I suggested she must have a small monitor, then she informed me that it was 21", and cost $1800. WTF???? The frickin start menu musta been the size of my cock!!! Geez people. 2001-02-09 By:servanya[By: servanya / 2001-02-09]
Comment on Story
|
|
17.
i feel unclean now...part I
this is also part rant so forgive me for how long it is. i work for an ISP, and register customers for service. This customer i got didn't know how to use her computer. She was an old woman, and i should've gotten the hint when she said, and i quote,"i ordered the internet, but it hadn't come in yet!" She was acually serious, she thought the internet was something that came to you in a box to put on your computer, and she was miffed that she hadn't recieved it yet. So she thought it'ld be a good idea to get her two clueless daughters on the call using 3way calling to "help" her. 2001-02-09 By:anais210[By: anais210 / 2001-02-09]
Comment on Story
|
|
18.
i feel unclean...part II
i had absolutely no idea that i had 3 different clueless women that, together, could barely double click to open an icon, and the ASSHOLE who transfered me this call didn't clue me in either!!! (and i don't mean to imply that all women are clueless, but these 3 were the exception. by far.) So we went thru the normal stuff, and then it came time to choose the email address. 2001-02-09 By:anais210[By: anais210 / 2001-02-09]
Comment on Story
|
|
19.
i feel unclean...part III
Now maybe it's me, but i don't think i'm alone in thinking that it SHOULD NOT take 25 fucking minutes to choose a FUCKING email address, especially between 3 people. And that was after 10mins of having to explain that 'www.bigmama.com' is not a valid email address, and that we couldn't use periods- only small letters, numbers, & underscores. Then i had to explain that "mama.com" can't be used as a password, and go over the same FUCKING parameters about passwords. i think you can imagine how the rest of the call went downhill from there. It took about 30min to get thru the Internet Connection Wizzard, and they still couldn't get the information in there right, they misspelled the password as "momacom" instead of "mamacom". i pray for the poor soul who gets their call later tonight to correct the password. i now have to go wash off their stupidity. 2001-02-09 By:anais210[By: anais210 / 2001-02-09]
Comment on Story
|
|
20.
Ummm...Duh?
Had this poor frightened woman on the phone the other day, she was quite frightened whenever we had to click on something...at one point I asked her 'Are you still at your desktop?' and she quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I haven't moved!"
Later I told her that her scanner was preventing her printer from working properly and that I wanted her to unhook the scanner and "take it out of the picture completely" (metaphorically speaking, duh!) She says, "Wait, wait...take it out of the PICTURE? WHAT picture?"
Oy vey... 2001-02-09 By:Seajaye76[By: Seajaye76 / 2001-02-09]
Comment on Story
|
|
Read More Stories from February 2001 (62 for this month)Back to the Archives Section
|
