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Tech Stories Archives - March 2001
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1.
Crazy Church Lady
I work in a computer lab, which means I get the silly questions you ISP people do, and then some. This story is pretty long, so I apologize in advance. A lady came up to me the other day, "I want to delete some things off my N: drive, but I don't know how or which files to delete." I tried not to roll my eyes, and went to her machine. She was trying to delete them from a w 2001-03-01 By:Zentar[By: Zentar / 2001-03-01]
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2.
Crazy Church Lady
wordprocessor OPEN window. I had to TEACH her the My computer way. A few minutes later she called me back: she couldn't find a file. I'm guessing it was one of the ones she deleted. I told her she would have to redo it, as N:drives don't have Recycle Bins. She got mad. Then she switch machines to the one right in front of mine. Later, she said that she couldn't get into NT-- she mispelled our domain name. Hours passed, and the inane questions continued. Her cheap perfume made me want to vomit, and I noticed that she was staring at me often. Finally, she snapped. A young man sat beside her, and was listenin 2001-03-01 By:Zentar[By: Zentar / 2001-03-01]
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3.
Crazy Church Lady
listening to music and I'm twenty years older than him and I want him out". I told him to turn it down. He did, reluctantly. She then went balistic and said to me "YOU DON'T KNOW THE RULES, I SAID TURN IT DOWN!!!" "Mam, I can't kick him out. And he already turned it down...." "I'M GOING TO REPORT YOU!! YOU ARE SO RUDE!!" You go right ahead I answered and went to fix a paper jam. Later as I was about to leave, she opened up a NutriGrain bar...food is not allowed in our labs. But since I know how these people set you up for a fight (she breaks the rules to start a fight), I just got fed up and left. Apparently, she did try to report me, but my boss is out of town for the week, and I sent an email right away to the acting boss...I've learned this lady is always causing conflicts, and the report will not be filed. RIIIIIPPP! 2001-03-01 By:Zentar[By: Zentar / 2001-03-01]
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4.
lucky last
On my last call on my last day at an ISP I reseved a caller that
we call a 'id 10t error" After giveing a long set of instructions
to a cust and having them say 'yep' after each one, I asked the
cust "what is displayed on the screen now?" <reply> "Oh! you
wanted me to do all that?" . I asked the cust to hold while
I transferd then to a more apropreat pearson for there problem.
I then transfered them to "pitza hut" home delivery...
I always wanted to do that :) 2001-03-01 By:thedude[By: thedude / 2001-03-01]
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5.
Freaked Receptionist
Got a voicemail from a receptionist with a major client of our ISP.
She was freaking because she could not log onto the network.
She thought we had changed things on her, and that her boss would kill her.
I told her that I could help her, if she was ready to get deep into the workings of her system.
I then told her to take a deep breath...
then reach out with her left hand...
and take the caps lock key off.
She almost died laughing.
As did the other TSR who witnessed this.
He had to mute his mic before he blew the support call he was on.
2001-03-02 By:The Dodger1[By: The Dodger1 / 2001-03-02]
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6.
backspace???
As im writing this the other TSR is on the line with this guy...
For the past at least 5 min hes been trying to explain how to use
the backspace key to this...person. Im trying not to laugh but its killing me. I can hear his voice, it
sounds like gomer pile! oh gawd. exerpt: "are you hitting the
backspace key? by the enter key? no above the enter key...no at
the top of the keyboard. no thats all right sir, no sir the
backspace key!" hes a saint. oh...hes swearing silently now...heh 2001-03-02 By:fenris69[By: fenris69 / 2001-03-02]
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Comments
Yeah, St. Moi!
I like it, but no one would believe it. -The Dodger1
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7.
Illegal Porno
This isn't a call I took myself, but meerly one I listened in on in the course of preparation for taking on the phones myself. However, it was funny enough that I think it should be included.
This guy calls up from somewhere obviously in the south, or is simply of southern origin. He claims to live in Idaho, though we have no way of really knowing this. He first claims that this computer is his own personal computer, and that he has been retired for several years and just playing golf as his 'new career' laughingly. However, later in the call, when the guy finds out that his computer is having some serious hardware errors and cannot be fixed by our technical support he becomes a bit more frantic. His story changes a bit, without him really realizing it. Now he claims that one of the guys at work (what happened to being retired??) had put some 'nasty stuff' on his computer. He also claims that this was a week ago, though he earlier said no one had touched his computer but himself in the last year and a half. He goes on further to say that if he took the computer in to have it fixed they'd probably 'lock him away' for some of the stuff 'that nasty guy' from work put on his machine. The tech I was listening on with had to slam the mute button over and over to keep from laughing almost in tears at the guy on the other end of the line. Not the worst call on earth, but definately entertaining. 2001-03-03 By:daemonwolf[By: daemonwolf / 2001-03-03]
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8.
You cant help
while taking calls I received a call from a man that immediatly gave me the "I have called in 200 times no one can help." the precedes to tell me that if I can't help get someone that can after insulting me as much as he posibly could I begin to ask a few questions. He tells me "You people are all the same" then immedatly bitching about the company he realy got into it all of the suddem Quality controle is on the line informing the person that his subscription was revoked and he was facing legal precedings. It turned out that he had a habit of bugging Techs. That was the only time I appreciated what qc did. 2001-03-05 By:Zach007[By: Zach007 / 2001-03-05]
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9.
Html = Hotmail?
I sent the user a test message and she received it, had her reply and she says she got an error:
'One of the recipients is not listed as one that's able to receive Hotmail. Do you want to convert it to plain text, or leave it as Hotmail?'
What the hell? Had her reread the error and she realized that Hotmail actually says HTML. She asked if that's the same thing? Umm.. let me think.. NO!
2001-03-05 By:jonnagon[By: jonnagon / 2001-03-05]
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10.
Porno King
I'm busy working away in an open computer lab..when one of the girls who works with me goes to get a document from the printers. Apparently some guy was having a fun time, because there were all of these naked chicks in black and white. Since it is my duty to monitor the goings on in the lab, I had to go look for who it was. Great task as a woman, go look for a guy looking at some naked boobs. Note to all: If you are going to check out printer remember two things-- 1) get a color printer. 2) don't print it out where everyone can see it. 2001-03-06 By:Zentar[By: Zentar / 2001-03-06]
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11.
Not worth three turds lined up end to end...
This seems so simple and stupid, but in my year here today was the first time it ever happened to me: I was going over the mail settings with someone and they got to the incoming server line: "My incoming POOP-3 is POOP-dot-(domain)-dot-com." 2001-03-06 By:mushroom[By: mushroom / 2001-03-06]
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12.
I just want to scream at someone
Had a client call the other day. He gave me his name and phone number and asked for my manager. I said certainly, one moment. While my manger was finishing up another call, I kindly asked the client if there was anything I can do for him. After that I received a screaming barrage of obscenities that would shock a sailor. Everything from our tech. Support number is hidden, how he does not even know how he even found our number. How stupid and incompetent we are etc. and how he is going to cancel his service. By the way he did let me know that he was a technician in the “Industry”. Ok, I thought. Well my manager takes the call and he gets another ear full. Turned out this loud mouth was not even our client but our competitors. When my boss informed him of the mistake, we got a quiet “oh.” No apology. We gave him the correct tech. Support phone number to call. All I can say, is I hope he does not leave his current isp in favor of ours….we don’t want his bullshit either.
2001-03-07 By:Floridatech[By: Floridatech / 2001-03-07]
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13.
Why Can't I?
Cust: I just got the internet and I love it.
Me: Wonderful, and your service is working well?
Cust: Oh yeah, I am just thrilled with it...but I have one problem.
Me: Well, lets go ahead and see what we can do to fix it...
Cust: My mom doesn't have the internet, and I want her to have it too.
Me: Is she also in the <our service area>
Cust: nope
Me: well what is it that I can do for you then?
Cust:I want to download the internet on a disk so when I see her next week she can see it too.
Me: <curiousity> Does your mom have a comp?
Cust: does she need one to see the internet too?
Me: yes
Cust: why?
Me: it won't work any other way.
Cust: why?
Me: <frustration sets in> lets get back to the original question....Can you save the net to disk? No Ma'am you can't. That's impossible, that would be like trying to take the whole world and shove it into a pen cap.
Cust: can't I take just some of it with me then to show her?
Me: *sighs and explains WHY this can't be done*
Cust: I don't understand, Why Can't I?
Me: well ma'am if there is a possiblity you CAN take the whole internet with you, we don't have the proper instructions for this. However, if you do figure it out, call us back and let us know how it works, I am sure there are alot of others who might want to try.
Cust: I'll get it figured out...Trust me. Have a Nice Day.
Me: Uh huh...sure ya will.....Thank You For Calling.... 2001-03-07 By:sweetessence[By: sweetessence / 2001-03-07]
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14.
computer name?
this subscriber couldn't connect, so we're going through network settings, and I ask him ok sir, what does it say you have for your computer name?
him: ummmhhhhh
me: sir?
him: umm... fuckstick
me: nothing because I just hit the mute button as milk sprays out of my nose
me: all right sir lets go ahead and change that... 2001-03-09 By:mr.scope[By: mr.scope / 2001-03-09]
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15.
What can I do?
I felt bad for this guy, but as said above, what could I do? Guy calls us because he's got a software problem. The manufacturer emailed him detailed instructions on what to do in the Registry to fix this, then for some reason told him to call his ISP for further assistance. So the guy has the instructions printed in front of him. He calls us because his eyesight is so bad that he can't read the paper -- and likewise can't see the screen well enough to do registry modifications. All I could tell him was, "I can't do any better than the printed instructions, and if you can't use those then you should seek assistance from a live person." (yadda yadda about how it's just him and his wife, old person blather, but he figured that I was right, I can't tell him what to do if he's physically incapable of doing it) 2001-03-10 By:mushroom[By: mushroom / 2001-03-10]
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16.
Time's up!
This is being posted on my wife's behalf; she oversees several Internet terminals at a library but when I tell her some of the things I see and describe stories found here :) she says "Our jobs aren't that far apart." Anyhow . . . This older woman comes into the library, wanting some information from psychic Sylvia Browne's website (www.sylvia.org) but she'd never touched a computer before in her life. So my wife starts coaching her on using a mouse, where to type the URL, and so forth, but the woman keeps getting a 404 error. This is because she keeps typing the name as Silvia. My wife keeps trying to tell her how to spell the lady's name, but to no avail, this woman won't believe her that it's ess-WHY-ell-vee-eye-aye. They go round and round for awhile. Finally, my wife sits down at the next terminal, enters the correct spelling (since the woman wouldn't let my wife type it on her machine), and up comes the site. My wife suggests the woman move over to the other terminal and do her business -- and within seconds of her doing so, the woman's husband has concluded his business there, and comes over to say "We're leaving now, honey." She being the obedient, old-fashioned wears-the-wedding-ring-through-her-nose type, abandons ship without ever getting the info she sought. Had she listened to the nice branch assistant, she would have been in and done five minutes earlier. (Haven't we all had callers like that?) 2001-03-10 By:mushroom[By: mushroom / 2001-03-10]
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17.
The rat is not working...
I do ISP tech support. Today I had a user call in because he had just gotten a secondhand computer and his "rat" was not working. I said "Do you mean your mouse" He said yes, but it says "Rat" on it. Seriously tempted to tell him to call an OEM (ie someone who cares) I decided it was probably something simple. After having him plug it in (DUH!) my curiosity got the better of me and I had him turn the mouse over to see the ID plate. "RadioShack" apparantly the "ioShack" and part of the "d" had worn off of the top and it just said "Rat". After a few seconds of mute I explained this to him and he busted out laughing. 2001-03-10 By:Xaiver[By: Xaiver / 2001-03-10]
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18.
Should have had her reboot...
Lady calls up tonight, says she can connect, but can't pull pages, getting server not found errors and such. I run through all the settings in the DUN, Internet Options, and network first, and everything looks fine. I make sure she is typing the address into the address bar, not the search bar, the usual stuff. R&Ring the TCP/IP stack seems to be the next step, so I was getting ready to have her search for CAB files. I notice there is a faint echo on the line, and I ask her about it. She says that it is always there when she uses her computer to make a call. Apparently she was using Yahoo's phone dialer online to make the call to tech support to complain that she wasn't online. The reason she couldn't get to her homepage is that it was down at the source, and when I asked if she had tried typing in any web addresses manually, and she said yes, she meant she had typed in her homepage again. Shoot Me. 2001-03-10 By:Number42[By: Number42 / 2001-03-10]
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19.
didn't think before she called
I'm an ISP support tech, lots of connectiviy, GPF's etc. Every once in a while, someone has ordered a computer and not set up membername and password. Usually a reasonably short call.
This lady calls in, the first thing she tells me is she has not created MN and PW. Good, and Eu that actually knows what their problem is. Go to the MN/PW creation page, go through requirements script. Lady cannot decide what she wants for a membername. Eu: "Let me think about it while we do the password part". OK. Go through script for password. "Can I put you on hold for a moment while I think about what I want the password to be?" Me: "sure...".
Five minutes later, she comes back on the line, tells me she needs more time to think about what she wants the MN and PW to be, and will call us back.
Now, if I'm calling in, because I know I need to setup a membername and password, shouldn't I give just a little consideration as to what I want it to be? Go figure. 2001-03-10 By:crushercon[By: crushercon / 2001-03-10]
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20.
Attack of the Killer Printer
Ok, let me preface this by saying that I heard this from the person who took the call, I didn't actually take it myself. So the tech gets about halfway thru the opening script, and the woman on the other end says something along the lines of, "For the love of god, it's chasing me!" The tech is (understandably) confused, and asks what it is that's chasing her. She says that her printer tried to bite her as she was installing the drivers and when she jumped back, it leapt off the desk and tried to attack her, and that she was calling from inside the closet (what she was doing with a phone in the closet, I dunno). So while the tech is trying to keep his brain from leaking out of his ears from such a bizarre statement, he tells her to open the closet door, and see if it's still out there. Tech hears her crawl to the door, open it, gasp, slam the door and whisper, "It's still there!" Tech is laughing almost uncontrollably by now, and tells her that she needs to open the closet door, pet the printer and make soothing, cooing noises to it, and then gently put it back on the desk and THEN try to reinstall the drivers. Apparently, what happened was she got the parallel cable wrapped around her leg and when she jumped back, the cable pulled the printer off the table. I swear, I couldn't *MAKE* this stuff up. 2001-03-10 By:Spaz[By: Spaz / 2001-03-10]
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