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Tech Stories Archives - November 2001
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1.
I love old people
Just talked to an old guy, apparently IE kept coming up with a page can't be displayed error. After 5 minutes of him reading off the exact error message that IE brings up, had him go into Internet options. the DNSerror page in IE was set to load as his default page. Asked him what he'd prefer to come up, we decided on Yahoo. Had him close IE and reopen after changing the page, then he starts complaining about the "Make a Connection with Yahoo! Personals" thing that comes up by default on the Yahoo page, he wanted me to eliminate it from his computer. Said he's a 72 year old man and he's been married 47 years and he doesn't need to meet anyone. Told him he'd need to contact Yahoo about it, he was somewhat satisfied with that answer. He was at least happy that we were now letting him get on the Internet in IE. Old people are so much fun to deal with sometimes...2001-11-01[By: Dslfan / 2001-11-01]
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And statistically, women live longer. If he changes the homepage away from Yahoo Personals, his wife might be changing it back later. :-P -Mushroom
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2.
YOU SUCK!
LUser:"I want to cancel my internet service"
ME:"Why?"
LUser:"Because I am dissatisfied."
Me:"Have you called Tech Support?"
LUser:"No, I am just dissatisfied and your service stinks and I want to cancel. I get Illegal Operations and my computer disconnects form the net too much. Ever since your company bought out my ISP, my service has stunk."
Me:"So you have never called tech support?"
LUser:"No, it's not my computer."
ME:"Let me pass you to billing."
Jerk
2001-11-01[By: basement_dweller / 2001-11-01]
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I have never understood the concept: the computer has an error message onscreen which, albeit not saying "The error is in Windows, call your manufacturer NOT your ISP" explicitly, does point to what's going wrong. If more people took the time to think, "I've got a BSOD when I start the computer, who's the most appropriate person to call about an OS issue?" we'd have more time to focus on people who actually have issues within our parameters. But to be fair, I don't recall any OEM taping a flyer to the monitor telling how to disable the crap they put in to fill that 64M RAM via MSConfig either... -Mushroom
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3.
insert bitter comment here
I had an internet cuss-tomer call up asking for his password, he had forgotten it. He got bitchy and threatened to change ISP's when I wouldn't give it to him over the phone with no proof of identity. The irony is that he is a lawyer, one supposes that they understand about not releasing confidential client info to a voice on the phone...2001-11-01[By: genericname / 2001-11-01]
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4.
2001-11-01[By: deltree/y / 2001-11-01]
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I'd say that is an accurate socio-economic protrayal of the average persons computer knowledge....Nothing. -RisingSunn
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5.
LEuser count down to doom
cus called in asking for help after asking what the problems and much going round the house found that had download a ton of porn pic's ask for help in clearing them all off.
this where the problem start
1)its his wife laptop the the uni gave her to use
2)its sys admin locked
3)it links to network at the uni
4)anything that is network or connects to a network we do not support
LEuser "you got to help me clear it my wife home in a hour" me"sorry sir but it got sys admin
password locks i could not do anything to clear it out" after repeating myself and explaining sys admin locks to LEuser then got "but my wifes going to kill me"
me "sorry sir i explained things to you all ready" next thing slaming of phone then myself falling out of chair laughing 2001-11-01[By: Tomcat Alchemis / 2001-11-01]
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6.
windows XP
LEuser "i got XP and i not able to connect" Me "your useing windows xp is that sir" LEuser "yes that what i said" Me "but sir windows XP is not OFFICALY out till 25th of this month" LEuser "so! i got a copy and i can't connect"
Me (smileing broadly)"Well sir one we are not supporting xp at the moment or on the 25th 2nd if you have a working copy may i ask where you got it LEuser "erm well i hrm" Me "well sir if you got a copy now i would report this to microsoft as i should they would be most gratefull to the infomation" next cus hangs up it great when you get to scare the crap out of them think the LEuser forgot i had taken his username so had his details in front of me hehehe2001-11-01[By: Tomcat Alchemis / 2001-11-01]
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Punctuation is our FRIEND. -Froggy
Actually, many companies (like my own) have been using XP for several months now. We've got at least one guy upset that his DSL company didn't support it. -infinitywpi
Why should people need support with winXP in regards of DSL? I mean XP has a built-in PPPoE client... Anyone with at least half a brain cell (I know it ain't true for most Lusers) can make it work within 15secs... -FunkY
sorry about the Punctuation and in my dept we only support narrowband at the moment -Tomcat Alchemis
Here is where I interject that apparently there isn't enough hype (on Microsoft's end, on the OEM installers' end, and on this ISP's end) about the fact that no external PPPoE client is needed anymore. I take one call per day where someone has installed Ivasion WinPoET on their XP system and wonders why it doesn't work. What's really amusing (the call I'm on right now) is when the version of the external PPPoE client they're using is so old that it wasn't written for use with WinME let alone Win2K or XP... yet they installed it. -Mushroom
I actually dig External PPPoE clients with XP, specialy the one my ISP gives out, if a luser ever install it on XP, they cannot remove the PPPoE adapter, and that said pppoe adapter will not allow XP's built in PPPoE client to work, therefore they need to reinstall XP! HAHAHAHA! -FunkY
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7.
Well why the hell not?!?!
Ah, sometimes there is something almost diabolical in putting an EU in his place. Today I get a call from a gent who has just upgraded to WinXP. He complains that there are no drivers in XP for the NIC we installed and he wants to know what WE are going to do about it?!?! I ask him when he had is service installed, about a year ago he says. I told him that XP wasn't even in beta testing when we installed his service and that we have no control over when drivers are written and that he would have to visit tthe NIC manufactures site to see if they had any. No, they didn't but do YOU have any drivers. I wanted to be a smart ass and tell him, Why yes!!! we have a special department to write drivers for 3com, Dlink and Netgear NIC cards because we just happen them available when we installed your NIC. Instead I told him that if the manufacturer does not have drivers than there is nothing we could do. "Well it's your NIC!" He exclaims, as if that will do him any good. Actually sir you purchased it from us over a year ago, therefore you own it and the warranty is expired. (hehehehe). "Well what the hell am I gonna do?" I tell him with ALMOST an edge of sarcasm in my voice, "You can purchase a new one from your local computer store for around $20." Dejected his conceedes defeat as I ask him there there is anything I can do for him, sounding like I just won the lottery. And he slinks away. Yet another notch to put on my headset cord...2001-11-01[By: RisingSunn / 2001-11-01]
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8.
Kid power!
Ever since I installed windows xp my tv tuner has been acting funny. Normally this isn't a problem because we have another tv in the same room. Well, we got a new tv last week, and I guess the kids prefer using the computer instead of learning to use the new tv's buttons. This morning I heard some scraping noises and caught my 3-year-old "fixing" the computer's TV with a shorted out pci tuner card that I kept because of the impressive burn mark. She was trying to jam it in the agp slot because my current video card has the little co-ax port built in. AAARRGH! I made her put it back together, and the scary thing is, it still works! If I'd been one of my customers and called in about this (because I wouldn't even know that a computer opens up), the tech would have laughed herself to death and asked to talk to my daughter to get it put back together. Maybe we should give up on tech support for adults and just teach first graders a little more about computer guts.2001-11-02[By: ladysethos / 2001-11-02]
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Sounds like a future computer geek in training. Get this kid one of those all-in-one electronics project kits! -infinitywpi
Kids are so fluent in computers they could pick it up without any intervention from adults. Hell, my 1 1/2 year old niece learned how to play games using the mouse by watching her father play games on the computer!!!! -dshell
Amen to that! =^_^= -CaniblCat
Maybe our voice prompts on the phone should indicate that they should have their user name, password, and an eight-year-old child available to speak to technical support. "For tech support, press 1. for billing, press 2. for details on how to adopt a child, press 4..." -Disallowed
The sad thing is that I can see one of my "adult" customers doing this. Nah, it's not sad, it's just funny. -Ishtar
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9.
Managerial bull shit
Okay, so this isn't so much a comment about a call I've gotten. It's the shitty management under which outsourced support is run. Today was technically my day off. I came in to work a couple of hours (being broke and all...). I get there, and my coworkers tell me I should just go home. It seems that as of today (no forward notice, mind you) my cushy second level position doesn't really exist. We no longer have help desk, and we no longer do escalated call backs, except when HQ is closed. So what *do* we do now? We take calls from ALL queues. That would be the main line, DSL *and* Mac. Not to mention EMG, which customers think is corporate level support. We are not allowed to go beyond level one support at any time. If it isn't in the KB, we can't do it. It seems P***** doesn't want techs solving problems. What bullshit. Thanks for letting me rant...2001-11-02[By: Nonamys / 2001-11-02]
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this is posted in our office on a poster "If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem." it is from http://www.despair.com/ yall need to go there :) -ithelpdeskguy
This is the path to superior customer service. Do keep an eye on Fuckedcompany.com to see if your old position and present company make the list in the next couple weeks. :) -Mushroom
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10.
had a bad day
had 4 calls in a row about win xp. only one day training to show us what it looks like 2 months ago. now we have systems shipping with xp. me: just a minute while I go to the lab .. this happens 2x per call. very embarrarising. cannot uninstall norton internet security because norton says logged on as "teenager" never seen n.i.s .. whaaa... how do you support products never seen before .. very frustrating.2001-11-02[By: maymac / 2001-11-02]
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Uhm. well my first day on the job at this gig, my boss sat me at my cubicle and said "That's the phone, that's Lotus Notes. Get to work." Mind you I've never seen Lotus let alone used it before and I was taking 1st and 2nd level tech calls from DuPont (now owned by Bristol-Myers Squibb) and ADP.
My 'official training' didn't come for another three weeks, yet I was taking live calls doing support on both off the shelf and proprietary software products. Learn as your go and remember, when all else fails, reboot! =^_^= -CaniblCat
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11.
I wish I was this financially secure
Got this jack off earlier tonight that had two accounts, on two seperate credit card numbers. One of the accounts had been started in June 99 with a one year access. It didn't start billing until January 01 (do the math on that). The other account had been on our 20 hour per month rate of $9.95 since June of 99.
Here it is 2001 and this asshole is calling about it now?! He didn't even know about the second account billing his other card!? I had trouble finding the one he was talking about because he misspelled HIS OWN LAST NAME when he started it.
Eventually after explaining it to the Manager on duty I got approval to refund the whole amount, but goddamn people. Is it to hard to READ YOUR FUCKING CREDIT CARD STATEMENTS EVERY MONTH!!!???2001-11-02[By: Lord Savaunt / 2001-11-02]
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12.
Go Gently into that good night....
...Just spent 20 fucking minutes talking to this guy. He got the letter that Goatway was going out've service come years end and that he had to option to switch to AOHhelL. He did, then he got billed again because the letter didn't say that if he switched to AOhelL that he'd have to call us to cancel his Goatway.net or he'd continue getting billed. So he got a refund and canceled the account. Once the cancellation took effect (it automatically finishes out the current billing cycle) he called in again. Why you might ask? Because his Goatway E-mail wasn't working. No one had explained that his e-mail being forwarded from goatway to AOhelL meant that anything sent the old address should've gone to the new one. He was thinking it meant that he'd use the old e-mail through outlock.expresso and have it til years end. After clarifying everything and explainin that a canceled account is canceled for good and the e-mail for a canceled account is no longer accessible I still couldn't get him off the phone for another 10 or 15 mins. He still wanted to try and find a way to fix it, then to complain about the fact that he couldn't. So to anyone who ever finds themselves in a situation like this guy I say this:
ACCEPT YOUR LOSES AND MOVE ON FOR FUCKS SAKE!2001-11-02[By: Lord Savaunt / 2001-11-02]
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The average IQ of John Q. Public never ceases to amaze (or depress) me. -CaniblCat
Some people have a genuine retiscence about changing their email address, no matter how little they use it or how messed up it is. And foremost, some people never read the emails or snailmails their ISPs send to them about where their company is going so eventually comes the call where someone completely out of the loop (but pays their bill every month apparently) to bitch about something they had been warned about repeatedly. -Mushroom
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13.
God has an ass kicking headed his way...
...On top of all the other shit I've had to put up with tonight, my fuckin database just went down. So I can't do shit for customers. Oh that and I'm the only one working til closing. From now til Midnight I AM the billing department. I really hope there is a God, because I need an ass to kick tonight after I get out've here.2001-11-02[By: Lord Savaunt / 2001-11-02]
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14.
Are they coming back?
So there I was, un-installing a PPPoE client from member's computer. He asks me if he should remove the shared file, and I tell him to click on 'yes to all.' CUST: "Alright, they're all removed. Are they coming back?" ME: "Huh, yes they are." CUST: "Good, I need them." ME : "Sir, do you know what those files are?" CUST : "Yes. (pause) No, I don't."2001-11-03[By: HDSlave / 2001-11-03]
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15.
I know you don't support it, but...
A just got off the phone with a customer... let me set this up first. The company I work for does 3rd party ttech support for major pharma companies. They are all issued IBM Thinkpads imaged by the company for their sales reps and are supposed to call us ONLY for business related technical support issues (yeah... right).
The guy just called and stated he has a Sony VAIO PCG-F350 laptop with a DVD player and is trying to play a DVD for his grand-daughter. The error message stated for him to reduce his screen size so that the movie could play.
I politely informed that we do not support either DVD's or Sony laptops but that to change screen settings to mopen his control panel and select display then settings and move the display settings bar to the left until it displayed 640x480, warning him that the screen may look "funky" if he did so. He did and agreed that the screen looked funky.
He started to ask me additional tech support questions (of whih I'd have to take him to the MSConfig to repair and I wasn't about to do so) for his laptop. After the 7th time informing him that we are not ALLOWED to support non company equipment because of liability issues he finally agreed to call Sony... after I got the 800 number for him, of course.2001-11-03[By: CaniblCat / 2001-11-03]
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I learned quick not to help the lesser intelligent customers with problems even if you know the answer to it. They won't stop calling. -nuhir
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16.
Believe your fellow agent
I'd just finished helping one woman physically set up her dsl modem and she was only lacking in that she wasn't pulling a good IP address from the server. On an initial setup, we send customers in this category to another department to check for two-way traffic and then we troubleshoot based on what they find. I quickly informed the other agent as to what was going on, and he agreed to troubleshoot the issue.2001-11-03[By: SupaYoda / 2001-11-03]
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17.
Believe your fellow agent (cont.)
Even though I explained that I had already checked the physical setup, the other tech insisted that the eu was using a regular RJ-11 phone cord instead of an ethernet cable to link the modem to the pc. He asked her to check the back of the pc to see where everything was plugged in, and it all went downhill from there.2001-11-03[By: SupaYoda / 2001-11-03]
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18.
Believe your fellow agent (cont.)
It went something like this: HIM: "Ma'am, can you see the cord?" HER: "No, there are all these other cords in the way. Hang on a sec." HIM: "Ma'am?" HER: "I have to get my scissors." HIM: "Whaaaat?!" HER: "Got 'em. Hang on." HIM: "Ma'am, I just need you to check the cable." HER: "Well there are all these other cords in the way. That's why I need my scissors." HIM: "Ma'am, all I need you to do is just..." {SNAP!!!} HER: "Got it! It looks like a phone cord, but it's thicker and it's got a larger end." HIM: "Looks like that is in fact an ethernet cord. Now can you see the power cord for the modem?" HER: "Nope. There's still a couple of cords in the way..." HIM: "Ma'am, put down the scissors!!!" hehehe... That'll show you to listen to me next time...2001-11-03[By: SupaYoda / 2001-11-03]
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OMG!! I would have loved to have been listening in on that one!! -Sylver
Absolutely beautiful.... -rapture1235
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19.
Win2k Woes
Stupid people should be banned from the internet, and especially Win2k. I had a user on the phone, and the conversation went like this: ME: Ma'am, I need you to right-click on "My Network Places". EU: How am I supposed to click on your screen? ME: No, ma'am, it's an icon on your desktop called "My Network Places". EU (angry): I'm not on a network. ME: The icon is on your desktop, ma'am. Im' sure of it. EU: My screen is blank. ME: Ma'am, turn on your computer and I promise that the icon is there. EU (yelling): My computer is on. ME: Why is the screen black? EU: Because I shut the computer down. -- See what I mean?2001-11-03[By: ShujiYomo / 2001-11-03]
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20.
The nut (Part 1)
I figured I should elaborate on my previous story. I had this sick feeling throughout the call that the CUST had forgotten to take his medication. His problem was connect/can't browse (on DSL, we're an ISP). There was some maintenance done, so I ask where he comes from. CUST: "Canada." ME: "Sir, I take calls from Quebec and Ontario." CUST: "Ontario." At which point I just checked his account, and saw he wasn't in the maintenance zone. So, I have him do a Route print from MS-DOS. CUST: "Are we going to print something?" ME: "I... guess so." CUST: "Should I turn on my printer?" ME: "No, it's going to print on the screen."2001-11-03[By: HDSlave / 2001-11-03]
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