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Tech Stories Archives - December 2001
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1.
Tech Support What???
About 3 weeks ago, i called a tech support line for the first time to get instructions on installing my new cable modem... the drivers for the network adapter weren't found on the disk they gave me... so i called on a friday at 6:45... and the local office had been closed, so when the guy told me to to pick up the disk at the local office monday, so i waited....
and waited...
and then monday came, i opened the case only to find it was the SAME DISK! so i called um back and got some guy with a heavy accent, and he said it WAS on the disk and told me to do the same thing i was doing!, (obviously not the answer)... so he forwarded the called to billing to get me off the bill for the time i can't use the service.
while i was talking to the guy, he asked me what was wrong, and i explained it...
he said "blah blah blah" and told me to change one option, and it worked...
billing my friend...
not tech support....
cable company needs to learn where to place people...2001-12-01[By: smooth criminal / 2001-12-01]
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Should I call tech support to get channels changed/added? The ones I have suck. lol -basement_dweller
Hey Shoefly, haven't you seen THAT happen once or twice before, where someone in CS techs an issue better than someone in TS? :) -Mushroom
LOL- NEVER!... Errr... maybe once or twice.... -Shoefly
LOL- NEVER!... Errr... maybe once or twice.... -Shoefly
Never.. I mean Not often.. Ok. maybe once or twice. a day. -Shoefly
*dont mind me... Having issues -Shoefly
ROTFL.... Don't you hate support parameters? :) -Mushroom
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2.
Didn't I Ask That?
I really wish we had a special button that would administer an electric shock through the phones to some of our lusers. I had a woman tonight getting password errors. We checked all of her settings and I was able to dial into her account. I specifically asked her if she was typing in just her (l)username or her full email address and she assured me (repeatedly) that she was just putting in the username. At this point, all we could do is reinstall DUN. We did this and ran through the account setup again. When it reached the point where she needed to type in the account name she puts in lusername@isp.net. I told her she should just put in the username. Her answer? 'Well this was how I did it before. Maybe that was the problem.' Ya think?2001-12-01[By: Hatedsl / 2001-12-01]
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I've looked for that button... must be listed under Emergency, not Electicity. I too have had calls where the person says they're putting one thing, but 20 minutes later when they read it aloud (or I check grep) it's definitely another. -Mushroom
You think thats confusing? My regional ISP switched from BBN to UU as its provider. Now my DUN username is user@newisp.com (Yes that whole string is in the username box in DUN), while my EMail address with them is still user@oldisp.com. -Brf
We actually have something similar. To access one of the numbers we own, the DUN username is just username; to access a leased number it's username@isp.net. However, if you use our filtering system, it's username@ispfilteringsystem.net no matter where you login. -Hatedsl
I do have that button... It's called release. -raibeart
Let me put it this way: I've opened up call logs for lusers and seen some that have had over 200 tickets - all containing the word 'abusive' - and those people still have accounts with us. Given that, I'm not sure how long I'd have a job if I hit release when a caller was just stupid. -Hatedsl
You guys need to install the Slapmaster 2000! -hypocephalic
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3.
Did I really need to know this???
Ok, sub calls in and asks about filtering software. No big deal, give her the usual spiel, all is well and right in the universe. Getting to the end of the call and somehow (I really don't want to remember how) she brought up that it is her 14 y/o son and he is surfing the GAY SITES!!! Insert uncomfortable and awkward silence here. Can't we just leave it at "My kid is surfing sites I don't like."? I really don't care what you are surfing, straight, gay, whatever. If it's legal go ahead but PLEASE DON'T SHARE IT WITH YOUR ISP TECH!!!!!!!!!2001-12-01[By: basement_dweller / 2001-12-01]
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Can we say WTMI? I can. ;-) -sixdog
WTMI? -DavidHM
wtmi?? . . . You never know, maybe the person will give you a good URL. :) -Mushroom
Just an FYI, WTMI == way too much info. -DarkOblivion
I had a fun one last night where I had to go into an older gent's mail queue. It was full of porn messages - gay, straight and 'naked, furry barnyard friends.' -Hatedsl
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4.
You're where?!?!
Actual Case Notes:
EU is on a plane about to take off for Italy.
EU would like to have his system repaired before he gets back. Advised EU that we cannot ship anything without a serial number. EU now asking for a direct line here, I advised EU that we do not have a direct line that he would have to call the 800 number, EU states that 800 numbers do not work out side the US, I agreed with EU that we do have European support numbers, but explained that they will only support european models. EU is upset and asking for a direct line again. Again I advised EU that we do not have a direct line and that he should call us when he is in the US with his system agian. EU would like to speak with a supervisor.
Had EU on hold, waiting for CR, while I was talking to CR EU got disconnected.
End of notes.
Now, durring the 10 or so minutes this ass wouldn't hang up the fscking phone I get to hear the pilot doing his pre-flight safety thing (you know the seat belt sign, the life jackets) then I get to hear him arguing with the stewards on the plane that he was not going to get off the phone.
He waited 2 minutes to get to Customer Relations, while I was explaining the situation to CR he disconnected, I think the pilot finally came back and snatched the phone from him, anyway, made my day.2001-12-01[By: DarkOblivion / 2001-12-01]
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5.
'I already called them!'
I work call center TS for a major computer retailer, and I had a customer call in with an apparent modem problem. It seems that she would dial in to her ISP. The modem would connect and handshake and it would come up with the error: 'Invalid Password.' She had written it down when it came on the screen so she would have it if someone from TS asked for it. I spent 15 minutes on that call trying to tell her that she would have to call her ISP. She kept saying that she already called them, and they told her that it was a failure on our part. Why do some people even go through the trouble of owning a computer if they're not intelligent enough to use one?2001-12-01[By: Kurgan / 2001-12-01]
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Actually, the modem can be the issue when getting the error message, "Invalid username/password".
This can sometimes be caused by hardware failuar. Most of the time though, it is that the 'Address' or 'Interrupt' is set to "0". "0" is the motherboard, therefore when the modem is trying to send data it sends it to the motherboard and not though the open port. A fix for the "0" issue is to reinstall the drivers for the modem. -deminois
I had already re-installed them.
She had called in on a cell phone because she was getting awfully miffed at having to try something and call back. We had the perfect opportunity to test the connection afterwards. -Kurgan
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6.
Of course it's our fault
I got a man tonight with WinME (bad enough in itself). He had been sent an incorrectly configured dsl modem. He had arranged to get the correct modem sent and wanted to use dialup until then. I saw that he had called earlier tonight and gotten dialup access setup on his system. His problem? He can't get into it. He moved all of his desktop icons onto his Office 2000 toolbar and no matter which mouse button he used, clicking on one would only bring up a properties box, not open the app. We finally managed to find the start button and get going through that. His take on the problem 'This only happened because I put that dsl s**t on my computer.' What else could possibly have caused such a problem? PEBKAC?2001-12-02[By: Hatedsl / 2001-12-02]
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I have had that problem with WinME, where the left-click acts like a right-click. Usually right-clicking on the empty desktop clears that one up. -Brf
I've had it do the same thing on win98. Same fix though -Grembo
I had that for a user running W2K. It was wierd. I had to uninstall the IBM mouse driver, change the mouse properties in control panel and reinstall the IBM mouse driver. -GlennG
It can also happen if either of the Shift keys is stuck. I usually have users tap each of the Shift, Alt, and Ctrl keys several times and that usually works. -trepix
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7.
Where do the batteries go?
EU called in saying he can't get the part we sent him to work.
I can't find his name or phone number in our database.
I asked for the model number and he gives my some obscure number.
He tells me it's says Compaq.
I asked him where it came from and he said he ordered it from us and we mailed it to him.
I'm totally confused at this point.
I asked what the device is for and he tells me it's a "Ear and nose hair trimmer".
Me: (MUTE) ROTFL. I repeated out-loud exactly what he said to me and quickly got the attention of all my fellow technicans.
The EU said he can't figure out where the batteries go.
He described the long wire and then the motor end that has 2 buttons and rolling ball inside. He took out the ball but the batteries won't go in.
ME: (MUTE) Oh my god it's a mouse and his trying to use the ps/s connector to trim his ear/nose hair!
At this time the EU realizes his made a big mistake. He said the package is actually addressed to his son who does own a Compaq and was expect something.
I told him that he should hand the mouse to his son (clean it first maybe) and wait for his ear and nose hair trimmer to arrive.
I swear I'm not making this shit up!
2001-12-02[By: Alec Brandon / 2001-12-02]
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It scares me!! :-) Great story!! -insolvent
This story should win some kind of a prize! -thusnelda
I don't want to know what he did with the microphone. -basement_dweller
that guy must have a very eventful and very interesting life! *lol* -Kallista
And They say (L)users have No Imagination..... -eightball
Is this anything like the program for the PalmPilot which will buzz the thing, so you can act like you're shaving with it? -Mushroom
oh my god LOL that's hilarious it makes you think what the hell he was smoking i mean isn't a mouse alittle big for a ear nose trimmer have to hand it to the guy for having such a vivid imagination -akirachick
Classic!! I can just hear junior right now... "DAAAAD, my mouse won't plug in, there's something on the connector..." LOL ;) -Zentar
I have been doing tech support for 3 years now and that is the funniest f*ckin thing I've ever heard! -YoDaddy
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8.
The hot divorcee
I had this lady on the phone once who, during the course of our conversation was *very* giggly and all 'breathy-like,' flirting with me like crazy. At one point, after she had been laughing for a while I said, "You are having entirely too much fun over there." She replied, "Oh, you don't know the half of it, I'm sitting here in my panties and nothing else." I continue on as if I hadn't heard her, but towards the end of the call she tells me that she just signed her divorce papers that afternoon and did I "want to come out partying with her tonight?" Luckily she lived in another city or I could have had a problem (or two) on my hands....2001-12-02[By: Fearsome / 2001-12-02]
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Problems are best in pairs.... muahahah! -Mushroom
Wow... I wonder what he did to loose a vixen like that!?! -Zentar
Flirting like she did, one has to wonder why she's getting divorced in the first place. Either that or she's not 'hot' at all. -baud
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9.
If neandertals owned computers...
GUY SITTING NEXT TO ME: So what's wrong with the computer? WOMAN: My computer only plays rap music!2001-12-02[By: ladysethos / 2001-12-02]
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I can definately see a major problem with that. Why is she a neanderthol? I would destroy my computer if it did that. -TURBONEGRO
Check out Microsoft KB item Q261186 -- seems that some mobos, when they're overheating, play classical music to let you know there's a problem. -Mushroom
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10.
@mnesia?
(L)user calls in tonight with an email problem. Everytime he opens it he gets a message that an unknown error has occured. Turns out it really says that there is not enough disk space to launch the program. He assures me that he has "plenty of memory, hard drive and all that other stuff". I convince him to scandisk and defrag but he insists this is on our our side. "It says 'unknown error'.. how do you know that isn't YOUR error!" Just as he starts the defrag it tells him there isn't enough free memory to run it.. he's going to go wait til the great ISP memory outage is over.2001-12-02[By: Shai / 2001-12-02]
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11.
Harddrives need sleep too
A customer called up complaining vehemently about our software. "Your software is crap. Every hour exactly we get kicked out of the program and have to restart the server. If your software can't do better than that we're going to go to the competition blah blah blah" These people were very insistent and indignant about the problem, abusing every tech who spoke to them. I got them and tried to do some troubleshooting to isolate the problem (knowing that our software doesn't kick people out on schedule or at all of setup properly). I couldn't get any sense out of them, because they kept insisting I tell them how to fix it, without allowing me to troubleshoot! so eventually I insist they put the principle of the business on the line and I explain to him that unless his staff follow my instructions we won't get anywhere. So eventually I'm troubleshooting the problem. After five minutes (note the total call has been about 45 minutes so far) I find that hard drive power down has been enabled every hour. The machine is a server that sits in a corner with the monitor switched off. there is no Wake On Lan set in bios, so the harddrive is powering down and can't hear the network requests for data. Hence the workstations being kicked out. f*&% me sideways!2001-12-02[By: wedge / 2001-12-02]
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12.
Get a Life
I think my tech life has exceeded normal capacity when I watch jazz dancers on stage, and they remind me of animated gifs.
A whole series of dancers is like a jpeg movie, no?
Oh man. System error. lol2001-12-03[By: moonchild / 2001-12-03]
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LMAO @ you...I think it's time for you to retire... -Netwrkwoman
Oh Crap, Jen, that happens to me too!! NOoooooooooo... -Zentar
My first reaction wasn't "Wow that's weird" but "Shouldn't that be MPG?" What is wrong with me? -DavidHM
I guess I'm still good. (notes a Jpeg movie as being a Mpeg anyway) WARNING!!! brain caused page fault at 083200:A320 -MaskedMarauder
Wouldn't it look better as an .avi??
Arrrrgh! -NightRaven
I keep wanting to mod people down slashdot style, I keep going around mumbling flamebait, troll, hrm interesting, overrated to myself, am I ok? -DarkOblivion
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13.
Stupid User
I went in to this woman's office the other day, she was complaining her monitor was dead. Turned out that she'd kicked the power bar and turned off the switch. Easy enough mistake to make, right? She was upset it wouldn't work without power. Wah wah wah. 2001-12-03[By: moonchild / 2001-12-03]
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Moonchild, AS IF, the power cable could possibly have ANYTHING to do with the performance of the computer HAHAHA ;) -Zentar
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14.
Too many times to count
I do tech support for several third parties, Cable modems, ISDN and ISP dialup. We do some support for cable modem hardware and what drives me nuts, like everyone, is people asking me questions like 'it says click Finish to finish, what should I do?' twenty times a day, or the classic 'it's asking for my name, what do I put there?' Why why why?? My 80 year old grandmother can figure these things out by herself why can't my customers?2001-12-03[By: redfaery / 2001-12-03]
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Ah, but it's the mental midgets that keep us in business. -CaniblCat
My grandpa's 90, and he does better than that! Well, Except the time he was using the mouse upside down and yelled at me to fix it. . . but he's 90!! -Zentar
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15.
The call everyone dreams of
I just got the best call ever:
Me: Thank you for calling ISP, my name is (bleep!), how can I help you? EU: Well, I couldn't get web pages before I called, but I just tried and now I can. Me: No problem, call back anytime!
Easiest call ever. Plus she sounded hot too. :) 2001-12-03[By: rynn / 2001-12-03]
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Maybe she was trying to see if they loaded her pitcure on www.boobiesfortechiesandotherboredpeople.com -Zentar
hey zentar is there such a site? -geri
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16.
Blessed Computer
We got a strange case today. When a lady called for support on the game we're doing tech for, she started to say that her computer was blessed.
She also wanted me to pray with her while her computer was rebooting and she was always asking if I was a believer, if I practiced and all these things.
What does this have to do with tech support I really don't know. Also it turned out her computer was a 486 with 8 megs of RAM running on win 98...
No wonder she's praying while it boots up... If she wasn't it could stop working entirely :) ...2001-12-03[By: Moonsinger / 2001-12-03]
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It's the miracle of the loaves and RAM sticks. There may have only been 1 loaf and 8 megs, but everyone in the OS got some with plenty left over for the app. -Mushroom
God must slap his forhead when he gets prayers for stuff like that... hmmm, kindof like us lowly techs... -Zentar
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17.
College Daze
When I was in college I worked desktop support for grad. students for our Food Science Dept. One day I was sent down to one of the labs because a student said the keyboard wasn't working. Turns out they unplugged and moved the keyboard to the other side of the room. They didn't realize that it wouldn't work if you unplugged it. I explained it to the student and he said he thought it was a wireless keyboard. This was in '96 and I don't know any college that put in wireless keyboards in at least for non-computer labs. :) And these were the PhD students.2001-12-03[By: redfaery / 2001-12-03]
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Some how, this does not surprise me... as I work in the lab, being told that the Lexmark printer that says "Ready: Tray 2 Low" (which it does when it has only 75 / 175 sheets) is broken by future mechanics and nurses and travel agents... ;) -Zentar
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18.
College Daze II
Favorite thing my sys admin had me do when someone accidently screwed up the programming on an 'anykey' keyboard. He always had me tell the student to unplug the keyboard, take it downstairs and walk around the building with it four times and then bring it back up and plug it in. What it actually did was give it time to reset itself,but it always amazed me how many graduate students fell for this. :)2001-12-03[By: redfaery / 2001-12-03]
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19.
You gave me someone else's computer
I work for a school district as a tech. This school district uses the novell client to log onto the server. I got a call yesterday from a teacher that I did work for the day before. She said that I took her PC and gave her someone else's and she wanted hers back. Thinking she was nuts I went back to the classroom to check. Turns out that I was the last person to log on to that particular machine, so my username was in the "User name" field. After using the same system for 2 years she didn't know to simply change the "User name" to her own. 2001-12-04[By: Fatman36 / 2001-12-04]
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What a LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSER, I get that too. ;) -Zentar
My favorite is when asked how to get it to stop asking for a password. "do you enter a password?" "no, i click 'cancel'" DUUUUUUHHHH -Grembo
HAHAHA!!!!!!!!
you'd be amazed at how confusing that "username" box can be so some people. -mousie
"But I don't use a password!" How often do you hear that one? -Mushroom
Ask a user to think of a new password and it would be easier to answer Einstein instead. We also get them asking why does it require them to change it every 90 days (as per company policy) why can't they have it forever. -fullback
This is why I enabled the feature on my Windows 2000 Server "Do not display last user name on logon screen". Now I get calls asking what their user name is. Sheesh. -GlennG
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20.
Freed from the Shackles of the ...
Access Lab. Hurrah!! I am now an official part time student TECHNICIAN. I AM NOT A SLAVE TO THE IMPERIALISTIC BARBIE DOLLS. NOW I AM A SLAVE TO THE IMPERIALISTIC "I AM BETTER THAN YOU BECAUSE I BELONG TO THE UNION" PUPPETS...Bwahahahahhaha... Just kidding, I love my job. Really. What? WHAT?? 2001-12-04[By: Zentar / 2001-12-04]
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good for you! :-) , now if i can somehow get people to stop calling me up and asking if the servers down and then hanging up when i say no.... -Coeus
(sing to the Union Label song) So look for the Union techies, they make fifty bucks an hour... -Mushroom
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