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Tech Stories Archives - August 2002
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1.
one more call?
in my call center there is a time of night where there is one person left on an account until she leaves. well, she was on a massively crappy call that was taking her well over an hour, where usually the calls don't go over 15 minutes. anyways, she's still on the call with about 10 minutes left in the day when she realized that there was one person waiting in que to get assistance, poor tech gal, HAD to stay and take the call after her time was supposed to get to go home. felt so sorry for the girl that i almost took the call even though it wasn't my account and i would most likely not be able to help the person beyond basic troubleshooting. hope she's still not at work!2002-08-01[By: l0tu53at3r / 2002-08-01]
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Is she hot? -rynn
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2.
Location, Location
I got a call from a user today who was complaining that we overcharged her for Internet service (we're a small company, so unfortunately the Internet techs have to handle small billing issues as well). I asked her for a billing number, and she asks where to find it. I told her it would be at the top of her bill. I wait for 15 seconds or so while she searches for the number, and then she remarks, "Hold on, let me pull over. I'm driving." WHAT??? You're calling tech support while DRIVING YOUR CAR???2002-08-01[By: abodeman / 2002-08-01]
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She was also holding a latte in her right hand while putting on makeup with the left, driving down the L.A. freeway in her SUV during rush hour. -Jeckler
I got one where the women wanted us to tech her cable connection. WHILE SHE WAS ON A PLANE! -raibeart
I think I've mentioned before about the guy who wanted me to troubleshoot the modem issue on his home computer while he was on vacation in the Bahamas! -notpitr
Yes, Notptr... to which I mentioned the person who was in one state while his computer was three states away. Add to that the guy calling on his parents' behalf -- he'd in California, they're using an appliance (only username, password, and phone number can be messed with) in the Mideast. -Mushroom
What's frightening is that these people are able to reach Breeding Age..... -notpitr
I once had a guy who didn't have a phone in his apartment and he was calling me on a pay phone about a half block away. When I told him that he would have to be at the pc for me to troubleshoot, he had the nerve to ask me if I could wait while he ran to his apartment and back with the info I asked for... "Yes sir...go ahead and run the Boston Marathon and I'll wait right here on the line for you to finish..." -wease
I remember doing support for a company that did software for auto insurance adjusters.. on a typical day I'd get at least 2-3 insurance agents (usually from 'Gecko' insurance) who were driving to their next appointment and decided to 'multitask' by calling us for help (which was usually pretty complex). We had to tell them to pull over or we'd hang up on them. -BStorm
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3.
Some people are sooo mature!
This kid called in to have his wireless mouse fixed. While trying to assist him in doing this, I hear "Mmmm oh uh uh oh yeah...." I'm like WTF?!?! The kid on the phone is snickering and whispering, stop it man! Then I hear, "Oh yes, oh uh I'm cuming!" Now someone please tell me, WTF is up with that????2002-08-01[By: dell4mechick / 2002-08-01]
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you really need to ask? Check Coyote's stories... seems more than a few people find something... interesting... to do while they're waiting in the queue. -chazz
I get calls like that all the time,.. One guy was sitting there getting a, shall we say, little favor from his girl. You could her the sound effects and all. I wound up having to drop that call because the guy could not pay attention to what we were doing, not that I blame him though. -undeadgothslave
True, but where are their priorities? Sex comes first, get online later... I thought everyone knew that. -Razordance
unless you're an evercrack addict then it MIGHT be a tie. -omegawolf
i have never gotten one of them calls, just people going to the restroom calls. -purpledaisy
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4.
LOUSYTEL?
THIS WAS SENT TO OUR SUPPORT MAIL THE OTHER DAY: When are you ignorant hillbillies out there in Jerkville, Ark. Going to figure out how to provide even a half assed continous internet acess? It has been so long that I feel like I have moved to a third world country which probably has better service than you are capable of. 24,000 bps with frequent and somtimes long interuptions or no log on is not even a bad joke. When you emerge from bankruptcy you can re name your company LOUSYTEL 2002-08-01[By: purpledaisy / 2002-08-01]
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I've always been amused by those who complain about their connection (to the point of being ridiculously retarded in their emails, as this, uh, person was), yet they won't call in and they won't simply change providers. NOW who's ignorant? -hkypipe
Missed the EU Email link but nevermind :) -WildKard
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5.
Can you tell me my friend's email?
Hi all. I'm a longtime reader. This is my first story.
I work for a cable ISP in the midwest. Had a customer call up and in a frenzied voice he tells me that he's lost his friend's email address and wants me to tell him what it is as it's an emergency. I explain to him that I cannot give him that information. He then says to me, "But aren't email addresses like public domain or something?" I tell him No. He then asks me how he can get the email address b/c it's an emergency. I tell him to call his friend and ask him. He then says he doesn't have the phone number (more reason for me to NOT give him the email addy). He's extremely persistent and keeps on pleading with me. Finally, it gets into his head that I will not be giving him the email address and he hangs up on me. Some people...2002-08-01[By: KooKoo / 2002-08-01]
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Give him abuse@yahoo.com...... -notpitr
Was this friend a customer? It'd be funny if the friend wasn't... -Mushroom
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6.
Muddled Teching or Stupid Cust?
Just had this call where the guy purchased a new PC with Windows XP. He called for assistance getting online b/c the tech he talked last told him to go download a set of drivers for the NIC and then to call us back. I verify his info and poll his cable modem. I find that it is online and the PC has a valid IP addy. I tell the cust to try to get online. He asks how. I say to just double-click on Internet Explorer. He does this and says, "Sh!t. I feel so stupid. I thought I'd have to at least do something." We both laugh. I tell him XP automatically does the configuration all by itself. He then asks, "So, I don't need to use these drivers I downloaded?" I tell him no. He thanks me and hangs up. I don't know who is dumber. The customer who didn't even try the internet connection before he called up, or the previous tech who didn't even do the most basic thing and poll the modem. If either would have done this, I wouldn't have had to make the customer feel stupid. Oh well...at least it helps to cut down my call time...2002-08-01[By: KooKoo / 2002-08-01]
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C'mon KooKoo that couldn't have been your first call like that in our department! How about the ones where someone tells them to get the usb drivers and call back. They call back and you get them, only to find they have a nic. Oh, and let me guess-that person didn't leave any call notes either. -n8
and what computer did he use exactly to download the drivers? -Lordpryo
Doh! -obie099
How could he download the drivers without an internet connection? ha ha ha -theatergirl7
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7.
Which dialer ?
I received a call from a women the other day and she was saying being charged long distance call for the internet service. She had about 8 charges on her phone bill to New Zeland. (from Montreal that's a long way) She phoned her phone service and they told her it's internet charged so she phoned us. Quite clueless, I went and check with my supervisor. As it happened, she already had the same problem once at home. Her boyfriend was using a sex dialer and connecting to some paying connection. I went back to the women and explained the situation. She then told me that it was impossible and that the only other person who was using the computer was her husband. I verified the dialer and got something to that effect. She then had start wondering how it got there... Duh! Can't you figure... Some people never learn.2002-08-01[By: Moonsinger / 2002-08-01]
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8.
#2 pencil not included
typical greeting blah blah... me: "so ma'am, what are the options given?" eu: "well, normal mode, safe mode etc" me: "ok ma'am you want safe mode" eu: "I KNOW THAT, & I'VE ALREADY TYPED Y,N,ESC BUT IT DOESN'T WORK" me: "ma'am, it's kinda like a scantron multiple choice concept, you just choose 1." eu: "WELL YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET NASTY JUST 'CUZ I'M A TEACHER!!!" how was i supposed to know she was a teacher? these are the people we trust to educate our future leaders?!? no wonder we're laughed at and snubbed by the rest of the world.2002-08-01[By: omegawolf / 2002-08-01]
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9.
how Stupid
I work for an isp and i get many of these calls each day.. im speaking to the customer and i tell them to click on start and go to programs.. then they say <i can't have my computer on and talk on the phone with you>... it makes me so mad.. im like you can have your computer on!!! you just can't connect to the internet!! then i have to wait for the luser to turn their computer on and wait for it to boot up ... What are they thinking!!!2002-08-01[By: princessann / 2002-08-01]
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I had that customer today -- and what irritated me about this usually-innocuous stupidity is that the guy lives 10 miles away from me. I told him we wouldn't be dialing so yes, he can go to his computer and do as I bid, and he said he had something else he needed to attend to and left. F*CKNUT! -Mushroom
I had a guy today who insisted that he couldn't have his modem plugged into the phone line and talk on the phone at the same time, because the phone line would go dead. At first I didn't believe him, and then I thought, well, the modem might be fried and shorting out the line. So I started explaining that, when he went ahead and plugged in the modem. The line immediately went dead. Oh well. -abodeman
Had a couple users who had the phone line plugged into the NIC, and couldn't figure out why they had no dial tone when the PC was on. They could be on the phone and turn the PC on, but couldn't make or receive calls if it was already running (turning the PC on took the phone off hook). -Jeckler
abodeman: wouldn't he have to UNPLUG the phone first to plug it into the modem? -WildKard
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10.
Runaway emails
I work on an Internal IT Helpdesk, dealing with the worst type of customer (other employees!)
A few months ago when a particular department moved buildings, I got a call from one of their staff members. He was claiming that he had lost some of his emails between the two building. What can I say! We sent the search party out looking for them 2002-08-02[By: tickler / 2002-08-02]
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I feel your pain. -Yoda47
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11.
boo whoo!
TODAY! fellow techies, i regret to inform you (haha) that THIS, yes THIS, will be my last day that i will be joining forces with you as a fellow techie! :( i will no longer be able to hear the wonderful, joyious sounds of whiney crying babies in the background, or be put on speakerphone while a bird kills my ears with its hurendous squalking. i will miss the days when i ask them to click on ok and they kill me with the question of "ok so you want me to MASH the APPLY button?" I will never again have to hear that they have windows ME 2000 xp, or MAC OS XP or better yet the infamous windows 97. BUT all in all i think i will kinda miss the little lusers....:)2002-08-02[By: purpledaisy / 2002-08-02]
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Tech Support is like the Hotel California, daisy... you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave... -Robster2001
It's more like a roach motel, actually..... -notpitr
You will be back, they always come back. Hell, two years later, I came back....... -psxdefector1
unless it's MS support then you would get charged by the hour..;)
-nascar
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12.
use the good nic
Ms just upgraded to XP, says she was online last night. But of course now she isn't. I have her check her nic in device manger. It's listed under other devices, try to load drivers. Nope. Then she says, " I have this other nic card here in my hand, do you think that the floppy I said I have is for this card and not the one in the computer." Keyboard meets my head about now!!! me: "that is very possible" luser: "now that I think about it, yall did come out and replace my card because it wasn't working, do you think the card in the computer could be bad." Me: "yes" luser: "Why did I keep this card if it was bad?" Head is hurting now! So I advise ms to replace the card with the good one and try again.2002-08-02[By: MightyMouse / 2002-08-02]
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13.
The Blabbermouth Methodology
This user was having problems with their email client (outlook express) It was obvious from the error messages that she would need to reinstall it. I explained this to her in a relatively easy to understand language. We do not normally support outlook express, and I explained that she would need to go to the microsoft website and download the newest version. She didn't seem to understand that I would have to leave the line. When I told her this, she was slighly irked. So instead of asking for my supervisor, she just started blabbing. Yeah, that's right: blabbing. All the while, she was actually reinstalling outlook express!!! The things she said were a random mesh, one after another. By the time I could get a word in edgewise she was half done with the installation (she had DSL) What a lousy trick! (but an efficient methodology nonetheless) I probably should have hung up on her. I contemplated it, and tried to explain again that I would have to leave, but she kept on blabbing. It worked, and I was forced to setup her email on the new version of OE. Has anyone else ever heard of this method? 2002-08-02[By: Milton1583 / 2002-08-02]
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Sounds like she was experienced in the ways of the dark side. She knew that if she stopped talking, you were gone, so she fillibustered you... -hkypipe
is your closing statement include "is there anything else i can help you with today?" because after you say this its even more fun trying to tell them you cant walk them through the oe reinstall -fng
The pitfalls of "Is there anything else I can help you with?" I had a large discussion with my former employer about this. He wanted us to say that when we did something. I told him that its a big old trap, and to NEVER say it. Needless to say, I never did say it. I dont say it now. -psxdefector1
We're supposed to say, "Do you have any other questions regarding this issue?" I practically yell the word this. -digitalman
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14.
Ain't the disks...
This isn't my story, but one a friend related...seems he'd been a support-drone in Germany for awhile. Anyway, EU calls in, says her floppy drive isn't working right. He runs the troubleshooting flowchart, and the unit is just acting bizarre; it can format, read and write disk number one. When disk number two is put in, it cannot read it. Asked to format disk number two, customer can format, read, write to disk two. Back to disk one, system cannot read the disk. Back to disk two, and the drive can neither read or write to it, but can format it. Weird. Call gets escalated to a site call. My buddy shows up, new drive in hand,to ascertain the problem. This lady lived in a very upscale area of Berlin. The interior decorating fad-of-the-moment she subscribed to was neo-Japanese, complete with a corroded-steel accent wall. My friend was stupefied to see that the client had decided to artistically store her floppies by affixing them to the steel wall with alnico magnets. Needless to say, he zeroed the problem rather quickly.
2002-08-02[By: Buckler / 2002-08-02]
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There is actually a good reason for this. The plastic bezel on the front of the tower is misaligned and the eject button for the floppy isnt coming out all the way when a disk is put in. Close enough that it works when the disk sits just right, but will throw it off on others. Saw it alot doing OEM support. -Grembo
Alternative possibility, if the magnets weren't involved. -Grembo
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15.
nuclear meltdown detected
i got a call earlier, the guy was trying to remember the message. "the message was sumthin' like... ... ... hard thing detects m&m meltdown or drive to texas. what can i do? how does it know i aint in texas?!?" I'M NOT JOKING THIS IS ALMOST WORD FOR WORD. "ok sir you have to understand... laughter - transfer. i couldn't stop laughing. both rows were staring at me, i was almost in tears.2002-08-02[By: omegawolf / 2002-08-02]
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mmm.... m&ms... -Veinor
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16.
NO MORE COMPAQ SUPPORT IN USA
compaq has given us 90 days notice before they terminate the contract w/ my company. i saw this coming when dell yanked out to india. oh well, anybody need a smartass level 2 at their job. i'm accepting all bids. otherwise i'm going to bellsouth support, uh-oh. the bright side is... what, oh yeah the bright side is...um uh...2002-08-02[By: omegawolf / 2002-08-02]
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funny my friend at work is dating a compaq tech rep from canada -tominbangor
That's a surprise? Compaq and HP support are different brands only. Same corporation, same support plans. They all want cheap support, we've said it all before. I'm kind of glad I got booted before Dell leaves Stream entirely or the Trinity site gets shut down. Did I mention before the landlord for the Trinity site has a For Sale sign at the front of the building? -MadJack
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be free of St.Ream, although I'd rather be working than not. They just picked a bad time and the wrong person. Jobs are going overseas, and they kick a Gulf War vets out on their butts for letting their anger get the better of them on a bad day. Can you say discrimination? Looking into the feasibility of a lawsuit, maybe I'll get to take them down. Naw, I'm not bitter. Just remember what today (August 2nd) is. -MadJack
Well, my employer seems to be on a hiring freeze, after this current class comes through. Added 30 people, and the queue is still red hot every day. Oh well, at least I have a job..... -psxdefector1
I never thought of this before, but that's probably why Gateway left our site, rather our co. for good. -Eugene
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17.
a
well it was bound to happen-a lady calls up and yells about a bill-i put her on hold to get some info-but i actually put her on mute-when i did she started making fun of me-one thing i hate is i'm a guy and alot of people call me maam and thats because my phone set lowers the voice and plus if i talk with my south of new york accent then i would confuse these downeasters-anyway she starts calling names and everything to her friend-well being pissed i chime in "maam first thing i'm a guy-two i dont appreicate you making fun of me like that because you called me for help with your issue and i would think if you called the cops or the paramedics you wouldnt make fun of them now would you? i heard silence-then i siad now i'm going to put you on hold for real now so i could call the biller to get a answer for your issue-i put her on hold do what i have to do and go back to her-well to my delight she hung up and called back and got one of the customer service reps who heard me say that-well the rep said the woman was very apoligetic and was saying sorry-the rep told her that she was lucky because i was a tech taking over flow calls and i could have really screwed with her account where she would be getting weird adult like email-god i like it when i got power and the balls to put these bastard customers in there place.and another thing im from nj and people up here are just stuck up bastards.2002-08-03[By: tominbangor / 2002-08-03]
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Not to diss on any one person, but let's just say various people where I work feel that callers from NJ are unpleasant... we know how you feel. -Mushroom
people from nj r call but up here in maine they r nuts -tominbangor
eh, I had this lady call in every week just to chat with me for 5 mins on her break from nj, now Im in san fran at that time, all the way across the continent, and she met me via her bos who's dsl line was fubar due to the fact that they had copper from the 30's in that building. -abl2ping
NOOO!! NOT NJ! It's Comcast all over again! Damn those winny NJ customers. It is the ONLY state I have had death threats for. Imagine... you threaten the tech to DEATH because your INTERNET doesn't work?? Damn I'm glad the birdie doesn't have custs in NJ. ;-p -psych
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18.
b
this happen a year ago-guy calls you for prices-i tell him the prices and he says well this other isp will charge me only 14.95-you guys charge 20.95-how about we make a deal-i said sir our prices are set in stone i cannot and will not give you a lower rate then our rival-and also if i had that power i still wouldnt-well this guy gets mad and says wonder why the small isp's go under because the large ones who charge less take the customers away-i chimed in well small isp not much issues with connection large isp like oh aol you wait a long time for help-guy gets pissy and says well im going with this isp because they charge less-2 weeks later that isp went under and guess who calls back-you guess it mr lets make a deal-he still wanted the price of the other isp and 10 megs of web space and 6 email addys and 10 megs of email storage-i told him that we only have 5 meg web space-6 meg email space and 5 email addys avail and for the prices i told you 2 weeks ago-he gets mad again and says forget it i'll look elesewhere before i hung up i said as a last lick sir too bad we are the only company local for you-no other isp services your area.god i like these fools who think they can get what they want. 2002-08-03[By: tominbangor / 2002-08-03]
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Hmm... sounds like a someone needs to get a better job than McDonalds, although 20 is a bit high, but cheaper than AOL :) -dxs
wow! how can anyone talk that long without taking a breath? -maidtina
He's probably used to a severe limitation in note space in his call logs, so he avoids punctuation wherever possible. I feel his pain. -notpitr
sorry im just lazy no commas or periods -tominbangor
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19.
Zero, the letter or the number
A quick excerpt from a conversation from one of my calls. I was entering an init string and this is what happened:
Tech: I would like you to enter an init string for me.
EU: Okay.
Tech: A - T - ampersand - F - ampersand - C - One - ampersand - D - Two - S - One - Zero...
EU: Zero, the letter or number
Tech: (trying not to laugh) uh...the number..?
EU: Okay
It just continued on and entered the init. What I really want to know is what would they have done if I had said the letter zero?2002-08-03[By: dxs / 2002-08-03]
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They probably would have put the letter O. Even still, what a lack of brain cells to not know the difference. -paul
You mean the number O. :) -Mushroom
Right, sorry, my bad. This all reminds me of that one Celerity Jeopardy on SNL where the xfiles guy was playing Jeff Goldblum. Final Jeopardy was "Letters of the Alphabet". When Alex got to him, he read, "You answer...the number 2." Ah," interupts Jeff "that's the letter 2!" "No, 2 is a number" JEff lowers his head in shame "I can't read or write" Pure Hilarity. I got that on divx somewhere, I'm going to go watch it now :) -paul
I still think the inventor of the QWERTY keyboard should be shot for putting the Zero right next to the O. -notpitr
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20.
AOLazy
This one really makes me laugh and hate AOL with even more. The ISP I work for has a Tech Support Library for customers to use, incase they ever have an urge to configure something themselves (which never happens). The website also has our toll-free number, which you can then go into the tech queue. We offere DSL and are able to troubleshoot DSL. Here is my story:
I get a call from a woman who is having trouble with her DSL. I asked for her username: searched for it and can't find it. I then asked for her phone number: searching results in nothing. I asked for her address: searched for it and still no luck.
I asked her if she had an account with us. She said "Yeah, I called AOL for some support because my DSL is down and they gave me this number". I asked her if she had "AOL DSL". She replied "Yes". I told her "I'm sorry but I cannot troubleshoot this because you are not a customer of ours, you need to call AOL and ask for THEIR DSL techs to troubleshoot this." She then replies "But isn't this AOL?". I reply back "No this is *COMPANY NAME*, we are in NO WAY AFFILIATED WITH AOL". She got ticked off and hung up.
This isn't the first time this has happened I take calls all the time will AOL giving out our number for support. It's really annoying. I shall dub thee AOLazy2002-08-03[By: dxs / 2002-08-03]
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That's cuz AOL support sucks and they know we're better. -toycondin
Hahaha...you think that's funny...my dad brought a laptop someone was having trouble with to work on...last thing the person did was install AOL and then her laptop died...I tried to boot the thing up...it was completely dead...althougth the laptop looked old...but still last thing she did was install AOL... -amageus
I have to ring in here: Time-Warner provides cable connection to AOL, Earthlink, and RoadRunner. The phone menu when one calls their local TWC office doesn't always route the person to the right provider (or it's user error, same diff). So techs from one company will get calls intended for another company. I don't know anything about AOL's DSL service but I'm guessing that if one were to call whatever carrier (Verizon, BellSouth) directly and be prompted for who the ISP they get service through, the sort of situation you describe could happen. Just giving a little credit. Of course, I know darn well that when someone uses AOL and [ISP] for broadband, and when they can't get their AOL to work they call [ISP], some "didn't identify the source of the problem, called the wrong party" situations arise. I get people all the time who use my company for email, webspace, etc but the connection itself is Someone Else. No throughput? No problem (to us!)! -Mushroom
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