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Tech Stories Archives - September 2002
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1.
Apperently, we should know...
This lady calls in to our dail-up tech support. Apperently, her phone has been ringing, and ringing because someboby(s), has her number entered into their DUN as a dial-up number. Check the list, and behold we have a number *like* hers, just one number off. I let her know that someone has apperently added her number by mistake. Now she wants to know what we inted to do about it. Wha? I let her know their isn't much we *can* do. I tell her that if someone calls her number trying to connect again, *69 em, and tell them to call tech support, or better yet, give them the correct number. Then she starts whining about how were asking her to do our job. How? I ask. We don't know who made the mistake. I refer her to her phone company. Then she tells us that all they will do is change her phone number. I'm at a loss for words. Then she tells us we need to change *our* number. sheesh... Like THATS going to happen. She ends up hanging up...2002-09-01[By: evilCasey / 2002-09-01]
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some people want the impossible -kilo
It probably takes 200 ppl in her house to screw in a lightbulb. - 1 to hold the bulb still & 199 to rotate the building. -Digital Dogcow
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2.
Wife if Ripe
Wish me luck people, my wife is due today, our second daughter is on the way. Her name will be Emme. By the way, my wife and I met doing tech support for ol' MooCow. Our first anniversary is today as well. Hopefully our anniversary present will be that she is not pregnant anymore after today. : ) 2002-09-01[By: Eugene / 2002-09-01]
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Congrats! Keep us posted! -Shai
Congratulations! Keep us posted. I've got a nickel that you'll have a boy. -moonchild
me thinks he already knows the gender (ultrasounds make that pretty damned easy) so save your nickle.
congrats BTW, -Lordpryo
Congrats!!!!!! -demonknight2001
Another techie joins the ranks...cool! -hkypipe
So come on then Eugene, how did the blessed event go? .....or is she *STILL* in labour 3 days later? - dont leave us all hanging here, the suspense is killin' us! ;-) -Digital Dogcow
five days late now, goes in for check up this morning, in about 15 minutes, they may talk about inducing on Monday; it is a girl and her name will be Emme Lanae, we've tried all the tricks to get her into labor but she's still holding out ... :) -Eugene
Just got back from leave to help with baby. Emme was born on 09-08-02 at 1:06 p.m. , 8lbs.2oz.s , 21 inches long, beautifull baby girl! -Eugene
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3.
TSC Screen Contrasts
Is anyone else having trouble reading the author's names on the dark panels of this screen? I've tried adjusting the contrast on my screen, but it's still like reading black characters on a black background. The only way I could find out who submitted it was to "paint" that area. 2002-09-01[By: deltree/y / 2002-09-01]
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I read things just fine. Sure you didn't blow a color or something? How do other things look on your monitor? -paul
Everything is working fine on my box, and I can get contrasts on other sites, but TSC's colors just won't allow me to see the names of who posted the item. I can read the item and comments, but I have to "paste" over the margin to see who submitted it. Not a real big deal, just that it seemed strange that it's happening only at this one site. -deltree/y
Weird. It's working for me, too. -grahamwboyes
On one of my screens, I can read it, but it's a struggle. On the other, it's a lot clearer, but still a bit of a pain. I've asked Hawk to change it. -chazz
I can barely read the names on mine either. Monitor changes make no difference. -jhawk
Perfectly legible from here, looks like your making the next 5 payments on your optometrists BMW !!! -Digital Dogcow
i too cant see the black lettering on dark green background----my eyes are ok and i'm not drunk well i may be not sure -tominbangor
I can read it fine, but I agree that black on green isnt the greatest choice of colors. -Snakeeye
WHOA! THEY'VE GONE TO PINK! -Robster2001
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!! Im blind Im blind. Look what you have started deltree, dayglo pink and damaged retinas all round. I close my eyes and all i can see is your name and comment on story ¦( -nomoretears
Uhhhhh... And I thought having to deal with the color scheme of my work's reception area (nuclear purple walls and ceiling, reflective silver floor, the company colors) was bad enough... -cablemodemfox
I can't help thinking about the reflective silver floor - it's an old hobby, but does anyone there wear skirts? -deltree/y
Left click and drag thru the message and you can read it just fine. -atomicbill
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4.
Life of the Unemployed in the South
Hello, ya'll!! Been reading all your stories and I am somewhat envious. I have been looking for jobs but it seems I do not have the necessary things (certificates, degrees, experience). I'm now enrolled at a local community college taking the Information Systems/Networking/CISCO Academy course. I should be studying my CBTs but this site just draws me in. Only excitement here is my upstairs neighbor, a old native southern lady who pops Rx's and wears tons of makeup. Yesterday she kicked out her roommate/boyfriend cuz he was drunk and he did not tell her about his DUI. I believe he got tired of looking at her and listening to her yakking, therefore she wasn't getting any. She told me that there was nothing going on between them, but this place is not haunted, so I know that was no ghost who was doing all the moaning at nights. At least she does not have a computer, she could be calling you guys!!!2002-09-01[By: ab1normalh / 2002-09-01]
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careful what u wish for ab1normalh, u just might get it!!!. Its entertaining to read the stories of our daily battles with the cerebrally challenged yeah, but beleive me it can get pretty damned wearysome when u have a constant stream of dead-heads comming at u either in the flesh or down the phone, day in - day out. Remember whats posted here is just a distillation of all the funny stories we have to tell, for each funny one we all have to recount, we ALL have inumerable other stories of ignorant, arrogant, rude, obnoxious morons whose sole purpose in life is to put our stress levels through the roof. - we treasure the funny ones cos its our tenuous grip on the lifeline of sanity ;-) -Digital Dogcow
Well said, Dogcow...not to mention for every story here there's 10 we can't post to protect the paycheck... -hkypipe
Great, another paper cert to join our ranks. -PFYrocks
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5.
Not a yes or no answer
Me: May I get your area code and telephone nubmer: (L)user: xxxxx (5 digit number)Me: That is a zip code, I need your area code. (l)user: I don't know where to find that, what does it look like? ~a few minutes later~ Me: Is your computer connected to the router or DSL modem? (l)user: Yes! Me: No, Is your computer connected to the router or DSL modem? (l)user: Yes! Me: No, it's not a yes or no question, it's one or the other. Is your computer connected to the router or DSL Modem? (l)user: Oh! Ok, yes it is connected. Me:I need to know which one you are connected to! (l)user: The router. Over 20 minutes to setup PPPoe on his router. 2002-09-01[By: suvdrivah / 2002-09-01]
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You know, you could have just said, "Is your computer connected to the DSL modem or the router? If it is, tell me which one it's connected to." -Veinor
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6.
Thicky, thicky, thicky, thicky.....
Part of a call today required going into the internet options. No surprise there. So I directed the (l)user to start-->settings-->control panel. I then asked him to (and I quote) "double click on the icon called internet options". He then replied "Which one's that?", to which I replied, in a somewhat irritated manner, "The one that says "internet options" (duh). Let's just say he wasn't too impressed with my snide sarcasm..........2002-09-01[By: Tech DJ / 2002-09-01]
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7.
The mystery of scanners.
So this guy wants to send a file atatchment and can't. Turns out he wanted to send a copy of a document he had on paper, which had a signature. He honestly asked me if he required a scanner to send it. Now, how did he suppose the computer was going to see it? Wave it in front of the monitor perhaps?2002-09-01[By: Tech DJ / 2002-09-01]
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The U.K. must be *way* behind North American technology. For years, I've just been telling folks to tape a copy of the document onto the monitor's screen and leave it there overnight. I guess it must work because no one has ever called me back to say it hasn't <;p>. Of course, I'm also the one who helped lusers keep their boot disks safe in the 1980s by having them use magnets to hold their 5.25" floppies on their file cabinets... (I really miss the old days!) -deltree/y
the u.k is always behind the usa--look at the dentists over there in the u.k. oh what there are none -tominbangor
yeah, we got rid of all the dentists in the great purge of '63. The lawyers were gonna go next but we got distracted by the Beatles. ;-P -Digital Dogcow
Beatles rock! Now, go do us all a favor and go pick up where you left off! -MadJack
No, no no! Lawyers FIRST! Haven't you Brits read Shakespeare? What's wrong with you people? You get rid of the lawyers, THEN you feed the dentists to the plants. -notpitr
BTW: Henry VI Part II, Act IV Scene II -notpitr
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8.
My sister is having a baby...
This user calls up, and she is in TEARS, sobbing hystericaly on the phone...I decide for once that I should attempt to be nice, and not just snap at her to stop..the call only got worse... EU: (still sobbing) "My sister is having a baby" ME: (why does this pertain to me?)"Ok, what can I do to help you?" EU: (still sobbing)"I can't get my e-mail" ME: (and you are worried about that right now because???)"Ok, Let me check the board" EU: "sniff sniff" ME: "yes maam, I see that we are having an issue in the area, looks like one of the servers are down" EU: (breaks into wailing, sounds like she is going into convusions) "I have to get my e-mail...can you see my e-mail?" ME:Mo Maam EU:"OH MY GOD....PLEASE??" ME:"Maam, we do have people working on this, and it should be resolved soon" EU:(She is now gasping for air, sobbing uncontrolably)"You dont understand, my sister is having a baby" ME:(I give up at this point)"I am sorry maam, but I dont see how you not getting your e-mail should have anything to do with your sister having a baby..." EU:"Well.."(more sobbing)"her husband e-mailed me the directions to the hospital, and I cant get them"(sob sob) ME:(sorry I asked)"Maam, you could try www.mapquest.com...they will have directions there" EU:"I CANT!!!!!!!!" (more wailing) ME: (houmoring her) "Why not?" EU:(sniff sniff)"I dont know how" so...to make a 45 min call short, I looked up the directions to the hospital, and gave them to her, she calmed down, and I think that she may have made it to the hospital ok...2002-09-02[By: mlsfromhome / 2002-09-02]
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Kudos! Ya done good! -obie099
hopefully she wasn't paying long distance charges cause she could have called the hospital for directions. -Cathuga
You're alright. Sometimes you just gotta give a little. I respect your decision to go the extra mile. -aliek@t
golf clap -omegawolf
Nicely done... -hkypipe
Well done, sir! -notpitr
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9.
what the hel?
its labor day-i'm working and people are actually calling in--jeez people go out have fun on this day-go to the beach2002-09-02[By: tominbangor / 2002-09-02]
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Go to the beach? Yeah!! THat'd be a fantastic idea if I could escape my 11-6 shift! Booooooo! Working Labour Day sucks. -moonchild
Yea there ya go. Everyone go outside and play today. I unfortunately am here until someone offers me VTO today. My shift is 8 am to 7 pm
Damn -datadisruption
im here at work and all the morons are calling tech for billing issues when billing is closed for the holiday!!!! -tominbangor
Hey! I'm making double time and a half- I've got no problem working labour day! -aliek@t
time and a half ? i get a comp day for working today which means a paid day off -tominbangor
I get time and a half (plus 10% shift differential) and a comp day since this is my normal day off. -Hatedsl
I dunno. I went to do something - and spent nearly 5 hours at a rain delayed baseball game. Shoulda just stayed on the computer... -Snakeeye
It's not so bad...working 12 hours for double time and a half pay. -qrankz
Or do as I do - go OVER the beach. Tech support is ok, but Heli Flying is much nicer. :) -chattech
labour day? I love working Christmas day. We're busier than hell...nevermind spending quality time with family...naaaaaah. "My puter don't werk!" "You people all suck" Hrm...what a wonderful holiday season. I just don't get it. ;p -hedgehog
I was working on Labor Day, and I was actually surprised we were so slow. I figured with everyone having the extra day off, they'd be calling in about that "Authentication Error" they've been getting for 3 weeks and haven't been able to get online....but no, we were dead. -mikederr
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10.
Oh wait never mind - I'm a dumb *&%$
I get a call - the guy can't set up his email. So - I begin the walkthrough for netscape. He says: "oh - this is just like the instructions I picked up." I quiz him to see if they match his OS - they do. I just tell the guy: "OK - just follow the instructions - and you'll be set up in no time!" (all artifically happy) The guy just says "Oh yeah - nevermind. I guess I'm a dumass."2002-09-02[By: moonchild / 2002-09-02]
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...and the customer is always right. :) -Robster2001
Response should be "Yes, if you say so sir." -mikederr
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11.
My Rant
I tell the guy to disconnect the printer from the computer, essentially the computer and the printer are not connected to eachother. The (l)user asks if what I want to unplug the power cable.... answer me this... do any of you connect the computer to the printer via power cord????2002-09-02[By: Cathuga / 2002-09-02]
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same guy and i ask if he has a program on his computer that is needed he says yes. when we get to the point where we need it.. he asks me "how would i know if that is on my computer" for the love -Cathuga
some makes of power supplys also have a power out port that you could theoretically plug a printer power cord into, i woudl assume they should be used for monitors to conserve wall jack space -desano
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12.
Adust some Windows
Some clerk accidently closed one of two windows required to operate his POS. Now all I need for this idiot to do is doubleclick the icon on the desktop.
After 10 minutes of teaching this guy to use his mouse he still can't find the icon.I tell him "You may have to adjust some of the windows so you can see the ICON (figuring that the other required Window was covering the left side of the desktop). Next thing I know I hear him walk accross the room, open the blinds and adjust some Windows. Oddly enough this did not help him find the icon althoug he did mention that he could see the keyboard a lot better.
How can these people remember to keep breathing all day? 2002-09-02[By: PHASTPHRED / 2002-09-02]
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lol
-tominbangor
If they had to *remember* to breathe, they'd never survive! -sassicatz
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13.
I am not a deity!
Just had a guy in here who just arrived in Res at this univ. and he brings his laptop in wanting help with his dial-up. Ok, we don't officially support people's dialup stuff, but we don't stick to the rules much here. After two of us muck with it for close to a half hour (he's getting an IP, but still getting DHCP errors), we tell him he's gonna half to take it up with his ISP. He THEN says: I tried that and they said the problem was with my modem. !! So what, am I just supposed to summon some magical modem-healing power from somewhere? "By the power of greyskull - modem be fixed"? - some people!!2002-09-02[By: Falldownboy / 2002-09-02]
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greyskull? oh he-man -tominbangor
BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!! I HAVE THE POOOOOWWWWWEEERRRR!!! -PFYrocks
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14.
Not really a tech story, but...
It simply /has/ to be shared.... A little back story: "Cecil", one of the people on my team (names changed to protect the stupid), has a habit of not showing up to work. There's almost always a good reason (or at least a doctor's certificate), but this one takes the cake.
About four or five months ago, Cecil didn't show up to work. At about 8:30, half an hour after his shift was to start, the Team Leader calls his house. Cecil answers the phone and says, "Yes, I'm sorry, I overslept but I'm on my way in now." No problem. Cecil never shows up that day, and numerous attempts to call him go unanswered.
Around 3:30PM, on of the early starters logs off and heads downstairs to stow his stuff in his locker before heading home. There's not much downstairs other than lockers and empty training rooms, because council regulations prevent the use of a warehouse as office space. He hears a faint "help me, help me" coming from the downstairs bathroom. He opens the door, and finds Cecil on the floor -- he'd arrived at work, like he said he would, and fallen in the bathroom downstairs where nobody could hear him. For whatever reason, he couldn't get up, but the fact remains he'd been down there all day.2002-09-02[By: Patchwolf / 2002-09-02]
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lmao--what happened to him? tell us more -tominbangor
Not really sure what happened after that... It was funny enough with just the mental image of him lying on the bathroom floor for about 6 hours or so -- every so often raising a plaintive little "help me." Ahhh, it's that glimmer of hope in their eyes and voice that keeps me giggling all week long. -Patchwolf
We had one guy who locked himself in a utility closet for several hours. He eventually found a screwdriver and pried the door open. When he quit a year later, he was presented that screwdriver on a plaque. -Brf
We have a fellow Tech named [X]. When he doesn't show up we wonder if he was able to post bail from the previous night ... -chattech
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15.
Don't You Understand Thats Not L0gical?
I have often thought that statement at my subs when they say silly things like, "does my modem have to be turned on for me to get online?" and the such... But today for the first time one of them questioned my logic.
She called in telling me her daughter left yesterday and since they switched the modem to her computer the internet service stopped working. She explained how the modem must be broken since no lights would come on. I then verified that no lights were even flashing and she confirmed. I went on to explain to the customer that if there were NO LIGHTS then the modem was not receiving power and she would need to check the outlet and for a power button. Being labor day i was a bit too lazy to actually run the modem check to find out which one right away.
The sub went off on a rant because the modem was working fine yesterday when plugged into her daughter's computer, and did I not understand that its not logical to think the problem was no power getting to modem since it was working perfectly yesterday, not to mention since its plugged into her laptop now it must be receiving power through the computer if not the wall. I let her yell at me for a minute or two before asking her to please test the power on the outlet or look for a power button.
She was asking me which cord to unplug and describing the TWO cords coming out of them modem (one going to the computer and one to the cable outlet), when it hit her there was no power cord plugged in. She lost her steam and hung up immediately.2002-09-02[By: repunk / 2002-09-02]
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Don't you love it when the irates get all embarrassed after thay realise what a dumbass they've been? -Patchwolf
Ah, the euphoria that comes when you know the light bulb fizzled for a moment, then went out... -hkypipe
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16.
Canada doesn't have area codes
Not much of a story, but I have had just as many Americans as Canadians do this, but the Canadians add a twist. ME: May I get your area code and telephone number? (l)user: Canada does not have area codes, we have postal codes, It's E2L 4K2. Me: No, Canada DOES have area codes, it's the 3 digits at the begining of your phone number. (l)user: Oh...yea! 2002-09-02[By: suvdrivah / 2002-09-02]
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well-i've been here in maine and only once went up north to nb,canada and one thing canadians are weird.. -tominbangor
ACTUALLY- WE DO HAVE AREA CODES (PHONE NUMBERS) - I THINK YOU MEAN WE DON'T HAVE ZIP CODES. WE CALL'EM POSTAL CODES. -aliek@t
YEAH! AND APEARANTLY WE LIKE TO TYPE IN ALL CAPS.
stop that. -Lordpryo
Just goes to show ya that Canucks can be just as stupid as Americans...... -notpitr
OK guyz.... Slow down. You yanks are always so ready for a confrontation. lol -aliek@t
Just ask for the "phone number" only. If they fail to give you the area code, say, "I'll need the area code too, stupid!". They usually like that. -xhypertensionx
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17.
a angry dude
not a story--but i'm pissed-i had to work on labor day and all i got were morons--people with no modem detected and they blame us--god i need alcohol..and my hatred for canadians got worse today when one from nb wanted dsl and i had to talk to him 4 times today and explain we only have service in the states....i need a vacation again2002-09-02[By: tominbangor / 2002-09-02]
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We had a caller talk to just about everyone in the center today. A total of 61 calls since 8/24. He has a bad modem and seems to prefer calling us rather than his oem. -Hatedsl
Sometimes it goes both ways.I got held up coming back from the US because some redneck was trying to convince the border guard that the American constitution was universal, so he had the "gawd given right" to bring his handgun across to go fishing with. (I want to see what he thought he would catch -;> ) -Skogula
he should have took hollow points as well, some of those Bass are wearing flack jackets these days ;-) -Digital Dogcow
Dude, it was a holiday, they were on the computer, and called tech support. Of COURSE they were all morons! -hkypipe
The strange thing about handguns is that you could carry 1 in California as long as you had a valid "fishing" license & were 18 years of age. No requirement that you have fishing gear, and a "hunting" license didn't OK you to carry a handgun! Of course, we did have some nasty catfish around Palo Verde near the AZ border. -deltree/y
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18.
This will be the death of me.
OH GOD....HELP!!!
my call center just started taking calls from New York again.... ARG!!! i was so used to not dealing with new yorkers.. they are perhaps the worst.
WHY ME!
my god but they are rude...
*pounds head against keyboard* help! lol
2002-09-02[By: Silkfever / 2002-09-02]
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actually i find the new yorkers easier to deal w/ than the southern fried hicks. at least the majority of them know right from left and can differentiate between the monitor and the computer. -omegawolf
They may be better educated in NY, but they almost always have an attitude problem and wont give you any details that you need to t/s the problem. -Grembo
And remember: St.Ream is mostly 'southern fried'. -MadJack
Speaking of difference between right and left, the other day I told someone to left click, and they said, "Left, right? Is that on my right or my left?" -digitalman
Hey, now, MadJack. Their "HQ" is north of NYC...In fact the only center "south" is Dallas. Or did you mean a "sophistication" comparison? Or maybe "Southern Canadia"? -obie099
Naw, just speaking US-wise. Canton's shutting down, as far as I know. They were sending their work down here right before I got the ax. Memphis is gone, the only sites left in the US that I know of are Beaverton and Trinity. Course, can't count ST-B as southern-fried, hey? -MadJack
Haven't heard a word on Canton, but since they were just a "show piece" anayway, not too surprising if they shut down. As for southern fried, no, ST-B definately isn't... (not sure that's a good thing, however) -obie099
New Yorkers didn't come about their fecal attitudes on their own; they had to learn to be assholes from New Jersians. -Mushroom
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19.
sometimes it pays
to be a tech. i was doing laundry and this beautiful blonde 'bout 5'2" and single comes in and is muttering 'bout comp*qs "support". Seems all she needed was 256 megs and a quick msconfig. ah yes, the wonders of a day off. she makes a decent salad too.2002-09-02[By: omegawolf / 2002-09-02]
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And then you showed her your clip art collection right? :) -chattech
Several PC (or would they be NOT PC?) jokes come to mind here, but I'll pass... -hkypipe
actually, i'm on my way 2 her place 'bout 8pm EST to install the ram. then she buys me dinner at the ale house. this whole thing's looking better and better. -omegawolf
'To install the ram.' You just coined a new euphemism. -MadJack
when are you going to put it in her.....computer that is! -dglgrm
Did u notice I didnt do the mouth full of lettuce comment? - sheeesh I never get credit when I behave ;-) -Digital Dogcow
condensed version: she's great, perfect except she smokes-newports, and listens to country. i'm hoping i can at least steer her away from the music, country...blegh;) -omegawolf
Come on upstairs. Let me show you my ... hard drive. -notpitr
"come on up and interface sometime..." -obie099
Oh! Looks like Omegawolf is smokin' too! ;) -deltree/y
deltree/y - here I am again!!!! lol -aliek@t
And here I thought Mushy would have commented by now. -MadJack
Ahhhhhhh! That crazy Canuck really IS stalking me. Were you that lady who kept howling Wednesday night in the campground on the Sunshine Coast? -deltree/y
deltree/y- I plead the 5th! -aliek@t
deltree: i quit cigarettes 3 yrs back. relapsed for 2 months when my now ex fiance dumped me. that was 4 months back. quitting (cig) the 2nd time was harder though. -omegawolf
OmegaWolf - that wasn't what I thought was "smokin" ... something about a "hot rod" (NOT a "hotrod") ;-) -deltree/y
deltree: i only wish. whilst i may be far from geeky lookin' there's no aura of studliness around me. unfortunately my sarcasm drives most ladies away. oh well, most of the people out there can't hold a decent conversation anyways. -omegawolf
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20.
You know you're too tired to work when..
I came in to work this evening, plopped down at a promising looking workstation and booted up the machine. When I picked up the headset, it turned out to be broken. *grumble*. I went and got a new headset and switched the cords in a bleary-eyed daze, then clocked in. My screen blinked and told me that I had a call, but I couldn't hear the customer. I check the buttons on the phone console, and they looked fine *grumble* then I realized that I had plugged the two headsets together instead of plugging one into the phone. *hitting head on desk* If I could afford the luxury, I would have seriously considered declaring myself too tired and stupid to work today.2002-09-03[By: Triffid1978 / 2002-09-03]
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Ugh... sounds like the customers are starting to rub off on you -emailhell
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