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Tech Stories Archives - March 2003
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1.
I could kill this *lady*
For those that don't know my primary job is to install and troubleshoot voice and data circuits. Well today I get called out on a P1 issue for a customer (a lawyer, which are the worst) that had no dialtone on any line except her fax. I get onsite and determine within two minutes that the prob is not my co's issue. I tell her this and she argues with me for an hour about how she doesn't believe it's her phone system (a VERY old ATT Spirit system) becuz it worked yesterday. She wanted me to go way beyond my scope of support by checking her phone system and her inside wiring. First of all, there are about 1000 phone systems and I can't possibly know all of them. Second, even though I do know about inside wiring, I would never admit it to any customer. I adamently refused which pissed her off more. She was mainly upset becuz she had a $90 service charge (which she was informed of before I came out) and her issue wasn't fixed. Anyways, this lady ended up calling me tonite at 11p.m. (She got my number when I called her for the original install off caller id). I did not answer the phone or check the VM. I firmly believe if you have issues u need to call the normal Tech Support line and deal with it in the proper manner. I am not your personal TS b@itch, especially at 11 at nite. [By: JustAGirl / 2003-03-01]
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Oh, forgot to add, I'm on call 24x7, but only from the various NOC's. Screw this b*itch and every other customer that feels the need to call me late at night trying to bypass all the normal TS procedures. In this case, I already proved it you and have no need to deal with you on this issue again. GFY! -JustAGirl
She deserves a beatdown for calling you anyway, ESPECIALLY that late at night. May I do the honors? -hkypipe
hkypipe, you are more than welcome to give this woman a beatdown. I just want to watch so I can cheer! -JustAGirl
JustAGirl I would have done the same is my CORP didnt do the inside setup or wireing. NID to CO is fine. I am outta here later. She is a lawyer well know she know's what it is like to get screwed LoL -ALLHELLDOTNET
awwwww......poor you.....oh well....here's a hug for your troubles JustAGirl. -maniacmatt
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2.
Help meeeeee!
Not a true EU story really, although I am an EU so perhaps... Anyway, need some help, got WinXPP, fully updated, plenty of swap space etc. 2HDDs, 1 20GB, 1 40GB, both Maxtor slimline 7200RPM, both on same IDE channel. Drives are partioned thus: 5GB C on 40GB drive, 10GB D on 20GB, 33.28GB E on 40GB. I was reserving the other 10GB for later use. C is just for system, D for programs, E for data. I am getting loads of corrupt file errors and repeated scandisks/surface scans aren't helping. I'm losing files at a disturbing rate and the amount of data makes backing up something of a nightmare. Any ideas? Please feel free to Email me if any more info would help. quinnf@easynet.co.uk[By: Quinn / 2003-03-01]
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Motherboard/controller/system type? Something? What diagnostics have you run through so far? Swapped them out into another system? -namor
1) Check for viruses
2) Get Norton System Ghost, create image, backup and repartition the drive ;)
P.S. I by the way have same exact setup on my machine -shooric
Done a full virus scan/adaware. Done repeated full scandisks or whatever XP calls it now, but I can't find the logs to see if there are any bad sectors. I dont think its the mobo or anything like that. The 40GB drive is new, everything on the 20GB was fine then I moved it all around. The base system has been fine. It's all genuine Intel stuff. -Quinn
Off the wall, but check the fan sitting on top of your CPU, I've seen this and BSOD with faulty fan & chip overheating. Or your disks are overheating, have U got flow thru ventilation on them?? -macbeth
Have you run a full diagnostic on the hardware? Have you received any oher errors besides corrupt files? - ab1normalh
No other errors that are hardware based, a few software things but they are dodgy programs, been happening for a while. They HDDs are both spaced out well, they have a case fan blowing onto them, a case fan above and below at the front bringing air in, cpu fan is uprated to cool anything up to 3.0GHz (its a p4 1.7) and 2 case fans at the back taking air out. The system is in the middle of a table, away from walls, monitor, hi-fi etc. No other EMI, thing is there are no errors on the other drive at all. -Quinn
Odd one. "everything on the 20GB was fine then I moved it all around" - speaks volumes (NPI), swap the drive out see if the problem persists, have the IDE cable checked out / replaced if Necc'. -Digital Dogcow
FAT32 is a BAAAAAD thing. -Gecko
I know. That's why they are all NTFS. :o) Though if they WERE FAT32 I could do a scandisk from a nice old MS-DOS boot disk and view the results. Unlike the stuff you get with XPP you can't see any test results. And if I'm wrong in that and there ARE log files then please tell me and let me know how to find them as it would greatly help me. DD - I would agree that it's the drive that's faulty except for 1 thing - I'm not getting any errors on drive C, which is the first partition on the 40GB drive. Any ideas? The IDE cables are brand new but they have been swapped and its still been happening. -Quinn
Look in the drive root folder for a file named scandisk.log; it may be hidden. Also check under Admin Tools | Manage My Computer | Event Logs, I think it's in the application log where the scandisk results go. -chazz
Not to be picky, (actually yes I am dammit) but isn't there an forum in the members area for this sort of thing?
Sorry to moan but I was looking for a story to cheer me up and read something that looks like a support call
-K1W1
Is this an upgrade from a previous OS? Or did you Nuke and pave? Out of curiosity, why did you decide to put your program files on a seperate partition? I know that theoretically disk access time will be a little faster if the OS and program files are on seperate disk, but not enough to make a noticable difference. (Since they are on the same IDE cable, it makes even less sense.) If I were, you, I would move all the data to the 20GB hard drive, Nuke and pave the 40GB and install the OS there. Make the partition 40GB. Then install the software to the default location and restore the data. You can then move data to the 40GB temporarily while you nuke and pave the 20GB. You can then move the data back to the 20GB. The only thing I'd probably move to the 20GB from the core system is non-voltale data and the swap file. BTW, you're not an EU. The definition of EU includes: 'one who doesn't know and doesn't want to learn'. You're learning. -scooby111
The programs partition harkens back to the days when I still using a dual boot - I installed all my relevant programs in 98SE, then again in 2000 so that I could wipe the OS partitions later when need be (which is quite often) and not have to reinstall on the other OSesss(sp?) -Quinn
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3.
Your opinions please
I just added a pic to my profile here. Just wanted to get a few opinions on it. I aspire to someday work in Photoshop as at least part of my job but I dont know if I ever will. This is something I put together when I was bored and thought it would go great with this site. Let me know what you all think :)[By: DarthLuke / 2003-03-01]
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I go the whoooole world, in my hands... I got the whole wide world, in my hands... -Jonos
Cool Pic -Gecko
As an amateur graphic designer of 2 1/2 years, I like it alot. Nice smooth cut and paste. It tells me :"MUHAHAHAHA! Now that I've finally ascended to godhood, I'm gonna zap this (l)user, and this (l)user, and this one, and this one!" -FistLaw
GREAT PIC! -hkypipe
Slight professional crit'. a 1pt median blur around the edge of the globe would have made the paste a little less obvious. Few other tips i.e I would have used the rubber stamp to clone out the slight skin blemishes (but then I am very vain heh heh). also another trick of the trade is to avoid distinct backgrounds, a very slight blur will pull the veiwers eye more towards the forground image. Other than that, not half bad, very competant work for an amateur. If u dont already own a copy I would strongly advise investing in a copy of the Photoshop Bible by Deke McClelland, worth its weight in gold to any aspiring graphic designer. -Digital Dogcow
Thanks for the feedback (I think)DD. In this case the objects in ther image would be of massive, stellar size so the distant background would be about the same focus ... you are correct, I did forget to blur the edges of th globe but with the glow its somewhat less noticeable (probably why I overlooked it) I do have a few books on PS 7.0 but budget reasons have prevented my further education and as I am the most experiened PS user I know ther's nobody to learn from. Feel free to email me if you like, I'm always looking for feedback to improve things. -DarthLuke
What I want to know is why you're zapping large parts of Africa? ;P -WildKard
Everyone's a critic . . . I'm zapping Africa because that's the best pictuure of the earth from space I could find at the time that was 1. not half-dark and 2. was high res enough to be of practical use. Next comment :) -DarthLuke
that's almost as good as the one of you and curtis with lightsabers >:-) -noodles918
Very nice...It kinda reminded me of the album cover to Styx "Man of Miracles". Very cool concept!!:) -rokitt
heh okay.... remember to send them some oinment for the electrical burns :D -WildKard
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4.
no common sense
ME: can you please open and close the cd drive please? EU: how do i do that? ME: Open and then close the cd drive. EU: but how, i dont understand ME: press the button on the CD drive. EU: where is that? ME: where you put the cd in, open that. EU: oh, you want me to open the CD drive? ME: (banging head on desk) yes. (first call and already i dont want to be here. its been 48 minutes for a simple scan problem)[By: damiensmith / 2003-03-01]
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5.
Counting
<rant> What is such a farkin big deal about COUNTING? I have a lab with 139 machines. I have 139 numbered disks for the weekly restoration of said lab. I have 14 boxes, numbered 0-13 associated with aforementioned disks. Disks 1-9 go in box 0, 10-19 in box 1, etc... up to 130-139 in box 13. There is a REASON for this. the REASON is so that i can see at a glance if any disks have gone missing, and which disks. IT'S NOT SO FREAKING HARD to put NUMBERED DISKS into NUMBERED BOXES. But today, i went in, and EVERY FARKIN DISK WAS OUT OF PLACE. It's not like anyone OTHER THAN ME should even be TOUCHING THE DISKS!!!!!!!! The worst part is, I know who is responsible. My farkin supervisor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! </rant>[By: mousie / 2003-03-01]
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oooh. I say April Fools his a$$ until he gets the message... -Tmax
Yeah, I agree. Re-label all the disks incorrectly and put them in "order" according to the labels. When he comes to you bitching about it, tell him you didn't think it mattered. -RiffRaff
<bad suggestion>Threaten your boss that you'll store the drives in an "uncomfortable place" next time.</bad suggestion> -Antacid
Like the backseat of a Volkswagon? -Bioguy
supervisor is a "she". just a note, this has been an ongoing issue for nearly 2 years. and not just with my supervisor. It's been an issue with pretty much anyone who comes in contact with my disks. I'm particularly picky about them. :/ -mousie
You could lock the disks in a file cabinet, or just put them in a safe (non-disclosed to boss) area. -Starfury
This might take a while to work, but revenge is a dish best served cold and I get the feeling it would work in this case ... As you all probably know, but most people do not, the "inert system disk and fit a key" or "NT LOADER not found" messages are in a small program in the the boot sector of the floppy. It is moderately easy to load the first 512 bytes from the disk with "debug", change the message to "Virus Installed OK" and write it back out. The floppy is still perfectly usable, and there is no difference until you boot off it by accident... -rurwin
That would be okay, except I really *am* the only one to use these disks (which is why i get so annoyed when they are out of order). She was counting them to make sure they were all there. My peeve is that they are in numbered boxes to make the counting easier. Seriously, disks 1-9 in box 0, up to 130-139 in box 13. There. Counting done! all you do is look in the box, if there are 10 in each box, all disks are present. Why the need to MOVE THEM? It took me an extra 15 minutes to resort them after the lab multicast. *grrrrrrr* -mousie
Bioguy, you quack me up! -obie099
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8.
If at first you don't succeed...
*grr* User called in today. He'd been sent (by our desk) to his Ethernet card manufacturer because it wasn't installed properly and told that we couldn't help him until it was properly installed. The user called the manufacturer but couldn't understand the directions from the manufacturer. So, he called us back, thinking that we would tell him how... even though we sent him away because it's outside the scope of our support.[By: mwicks / 2003-03-01]
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Yeah...I always ask my plumber to work on my refrigerator...I mean, he's a repairman! By Whirlpool!!!! -Tmax
Heh, there was just a TV commercial on a few minutes ago for a plumbing and refrigeration repair company. :) -Antacid
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9.
What is he talking about??!!??
Hi guys I've been hanging around this site for awhile and finally got registered. I work tech support for a pretty big hardware manufacturing company and yesterday I had quite a notable person call through. The first thing he told me was that whenever he tried to use one of our programs, that the "sandy windows thing" would always come up. It took me a few minutes to figure out he was talking about the hourglass. That was quite amusing.[By: Selenia / 2003-03-01]
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I had someone call, saying that whenever they opened Outlook Express, nothing happened, and all they got was "the timer." It took me 5 mins to realize that the timer was the hourglass, and OE did open, but just to a solid white screen w/ title bar, as the program would freeze immediately. -DaSwish
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10.
Not really a story
So it's 10:00 p.m. Saturday night and this lady ring's in. ME: TS how may I help you. EU: Dang it I didnt want to talk to "Stupid TS" . Can you transfer me back into your call menu. ME: What department were you trying to reach? EU: The billing department. Now I know the billing department was not open @ such a time on a weekend. ME: I would be more then happy to transfer you to them right away. Now I know they are quite busy at this time so there might be a little wait but if you just stay on the line someone will pick up. EU: Ok just transfer me. On you go to a dead Q that nobody is logged into. That is what she get for calling TS stupid.[By: ALLHELLDOTNET / 2003-03-02]
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Are you by any chance a BOFH in training? (Or more likely the case, a full BOFH?) -Wiser
What is BOFH ? "Just Kidding" I think I am in training. I dont think I am a full BOFH yet. However, I did read the manual two times.
-ALLHELLDOTNET
The force is strong in this one... -hkypipe
Only two times? :) And I've read every single episode! WOOHOO! -Wiser
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11.
Our Patron Saint Strikes Again...
Just saw it and had to post it:
http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/images/dilbert2003030348402.gif[By: hkypipe / 2003-03-02]
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I saw that in the paper this weekend. :) I HAD to keep it. it's now laminated and sitting on desk at home. :D -mousie
You know whats funny about this - I had several people tell me that line from panel two almost line for line. I guess when you don't dial the number for the exact product yes you will have to push more buttons so that your call gets routed properly. -Yuri
hahahahaha -crazyiznormal
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12.
Oh I love this question
Was interviewing people for more techy jobs here when I got an absolute classic Guy was young, enthusiastic and a right pain in the ass, but we go through the usual questions..blah blah blah..and we get to allowing him to ask us questions. In all seriousness he asks - I have a MCSE, do you have one?, I of course answer no, he then asks something which nearly had me on the damn floor laughing my tits off, Well, how did you get YOUR job then? You can't work in the computer field without an MCSE!. I want a great deal of credit for keeping a straight face here, it was a two hour interview and I was dying for a piss anyway! [By: CommanderData / 2003-03-02]
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OY!! You know, CD, you could have had fun with the wanker. Start throwing tech questions at him, real and not real, then give him his grade. -ab1normalh
Better yet, ask him where and when he got it. Any delay in that answer would indicate a lie. Unless of course he has like 10 other certs (highly doubt), he should remember everything about such an occasion :) -DaSwish
"...laughing my tits off." hahaha, that's a new one -paul
In the last couple of years we've had 7 of the Micro$haft Clown School Educated through the doors here, not one of em lasted longer than 6 months (the last one pointed to a SVHS in my office & said "I didnt know Sony made routers"). All an MCSE proves to me is that u know the theory, that still doesnt prove u can do the actual job. (same thing applies to CNNA beofre the MCSE cert'ed amongst us cry havoc). Generally the only competant MCSE's I've met were already competant BEFORE they shelled out their 3k. I work with ppl who have doctorates in Molecular Biology who glue laptops to tables, why should a peice of paper from a cram school impress me?. -Digital Dogcow
You know, I'm working on my MCSE right now, and I'm working damn hard. I'm starting to wonder if it's worth the money I paid, or if I'm just going to become another laughingstock that people post about on sites like this. :/ -lunarpaladin
Probably never heard of MSCONFIG either. :o) -tlpervert
I interviewed a guy last year who said that he got his MCSE through a hillbilly community college. He said he had two computers networked at home and connected to the Innernet. I asked him what protocol he used, and he said Windows. I asked him again, and he said very proudly Windows 98. Farker has an MCSE and can't even tell the difference between a protocol and an OS. FWIW, I did get my MCSE a couple of months ago, but I hope that I knew what I was Having one may not mean much, but if you end up having to look for a tech job, your likely better off having one than not having one. At least you won't be at a competitive disadvantage with these hillbillys. -ltu1542hvy
All an MCSE means is that at one point in time you knew the Microsoft answers to some test questions. It does not mean you knew the right answers nor even the appropriate answers. It is far more important to be able to look at an issue and be able to devise a solution than to be able to spout something correct but useless like, "NTFS volumes do not need to be defragmented." or "The required amount of memory for an NT workstation is 24MB." -Foyle
Hey, I got my MCSE (couple of years ago) but I already knew what I was doing I just needed a piece of paper to prove it but now that paper is worthless... There are some intelligent MCSE's out there, they're just overshadowed by the thousands of (l)users out there who've taken the test without ever actually seeing a CON'PUTER -SpinyFrog
Unfortunately, MCSE, CCNA, etc. impresses HR. Nine companies out of ten require that you get past HR before you can even be looked at by IT. Which means IT doesn't even get to see potentially qualified, yet non-certified, candidates that apply. -Xiphiplastron
<soapbox> There is a difference in being a 'Paper MCSE' and a true MCSE. I do not doubt that some of those MCSE's are lying about their certs, but I also do not doubt that there are quite a few that went to class and just passed some test. We call those 'Paper MCSE's'. The guys that have no experience and have no idea how to troubleshoot the simplest problems. This used to be quite a problem with the old NT 4.0. Just about anyone could go to a 'Braindump' site and memorize enough to get an MCSE. Microsoft has made it quite a bit more difficult since Windows 2000. Now the tests are packed with real-world troubleshooting and setup scenarios and the test is pass or fail. They do not tell you what you got wrong. The people here have quite a bit of disrespect for MCSE's and I don't really blame them, but you need to differentiate between those that have the cert and those that have something to back it up. Oh, and yes, it is still worth it to get the MCSE just like it is worth it to get the BS or BA degree. It is what gets your foot in the door and ANOYONE that doesn't have the cert is automatically less qualified in the minds of whichever wage-slave is screening the apps. There are also some jobs I won't even consider you for if you don't have one. You ain't touching my domain if you don't have one. Not that they couldn't do the job, but if shows that they don't have the drive or ambition to do the job I need. Those of us that have the experience desiging and implementing windows networks look at the paper MCSE's in as negative a light as you do. True, we may know as much about troubleshooting a USB print driver as you do about desiging an enterprise-wide windows infrastructure, but that doesn't mean we're idiots. </soapbox> -scooby111
lunarpaladin - The MCSE is great if you don't have any work experience to put on your resume. Same sort of thing goes with the A+ (and any others), having it means nothing, but not having it means you may be passed up for an iterview. At my last "gig", they only hired people with certs or CompSci degrees. Half of the people there were lack-wits, but by golly they had their paper! Heck, my wife had a CompSci graduate working for her as a data entry clerk who would end the day by switching off the power bar.... When I told that to my 3yr old his comment was "She was silly! <giggle>". 8-) -TechOgre
Before I get totally flamed, I didn't mean a critisism of MCSEs, I just couldn't believe that I was being questioned about my ability to do my job without one by a FARKING interviewee!!! -CommanderData
Sorry. I didn't intend it as a flame (well sort of). I'm just a little annoyed that people keep puting down people just because they have an MCSE. Yes, I have one. I did go to a 14 week course that advertised getting the MCSE, and I passed one test before getting hired on as a help-desk tech. I worked DAMN hard to finish my cert and now I'm upgrading to Windows 2000. I've designed 4 different Windows 2000 roll outs and I implemented 2 of them solo. I also support 6 different companies right now. CommanderData's right though. Any idiot that challenges a interviewer's qualifications DESERVES to be flipping burgers at McDonalds(tm). That's why I love interviews. I get to weed out the idiots that have no skills from those that do. I also get to decide if he's screwed up enough to work for me. -scooby111
My theory about the MSCE is this; half the time it proves something because you have it, and half the time you'll *need* to prove something because you have it. -WildKard
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13.
Whatdoyameen Disconnect?????
EU:"I would like to reinstall windows on this system I got the CDs..."
ME:"Go ahead and disconnect all peripherals from the computer except the mouse, keyboard, monitor" EU:"Disconnect or Take off?" ME:"Just disconnect..." EU:"OK, hold on" at that point EU walks away I hear some furniture moving etc... wtf? EU comes back to phone and says: "Okey I only got computer now, everything else is in another room. I had to get my husband to give me a hand with monitor"[By: shooric / 2003-03-02]
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that should terrify me, but I've heard enough to be just plain numb now.... does that make me ready for the next level? -KuroTaka
You mean there's a BOFH 1.1? -Wiser
It is seriously scary how some people cannot parse even the simplest of instructions. If I suspect that there might be an inter-auricular void on the other end of the phone, I always ask them to repeat the instructions back to me. -Foyle
You must get some interesting replies, Foyle. -TechnoVampire
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14.
HOLY CRAP
May I just direct your attention to http://www.gloucestercitizen.co.uk/displayNode.jsp?nodeId=115271&command=displayContent&sourceNode=115268&contentPK=4433200 and let the comments ensue. It is safe for work, for those wondering.[By: DaSwish / 2003-03-02]
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We can but dream. -Digital Dogcow
Think of it...no one would pronounce it "innahnet" anymore. -FistLaw
Holy Crap Batman. <sorry, I just had to say it.> -Bioguy
If they actually mange to fix this one, we're all out of work... -Disallowed
It would be worth it... -hkypipe
It's a novel idead - but my concern is this - what's more dangerous - Lots of 'dumb' people or lots of really 'smart' people. Think of this in the context of how it applies to our jobs.....:) -2 B Named Later
i dont care if it makes me loose my job or if it would be more dangerous, it would be bad A$$ being able to talk to people with out getting pissed off. -seedsta
Really? - I'd rather talk to the Eu who's an idiot who knows nothing than the EU who thinks they know everything and wants to tell you your job. I get less aggravated with somone who has no firsthand knowledge of computers than someone who thinks they know farking everything and challenges everything I say. If we eliminate all the stupidty then everyone one left will automatically assume they're an 'intelligent' form of life and that's the last thing I want to arm my EUs with. :) -2 B Named Later
Fix the genes? I just bought a new pair of them and they don't need to be fixed yet. -tlpervert
Yeah, I definitely agree with 2 B Named Later, I would prefer to deal with dumb EU's, as long as they know they are dumb, then a smart EU who thinks that because he knows a few things he knows everything. Those types are already far to common. -CaffeineHead
Two comments:
1. That's just what we need, a bunch of smart jerks.
2. Who's going to be "fixing" the genes? The same people who program Windows? That would cause a lot of proglems. -Yoda47
Worse than that Yoda, actually its gonna be the guys who glue laptops to tables. So give em 20 yrs & an $380 Billion budget & they'll prolly come up with a gerbil that can ride a tiny unicycle. -Digital Dogcow
We 'ahem' had some fun with some of the experiments when I was doing biology, I swear at one point I saw a UN treaty conference going on under the microscope........ -CommanderData
Mr. Oliver James just proved the need for a cure for stupidity. Science Fiction has an eerie way of turning into Science Fact at an accelerating rate. To declare that the future is not worth talking about until it becomes the past is rank stupidity. -Foyle
And I always heard "Stupid is forever, ignorance can be fixed." Maybe not any more. Still, I've seen a number of otherwise intelligent people (doctors, scientists, librarians, teachers...) turn into drooling morons as soon as a computer enters the picture. -TechnoVampire
I say the reason a lot of people are stupid is that they don't WANT nor CARE to learn anything new. -kman52000
That's scary... a local channel is advertising a "special report" that involved child safety seats being install improperly because people don't know understand the instructions. The instructions are written at a 10th grade reading level but they claim the average person only reads at a 5th grade reading level. That really worries me as I was reading at a 10th grade level IN the 5th grade. -CelticSkyhawk
Celtic: it has to average out *somehow*... let us all pray that those who can't read and/or understand will ever find this website ;P -WildKard
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15.
WTF??
Okay... I work for an ISP. A user called because her dialup connection keeps getting dropped. Everything on the PC is set up fine, but while talking, I kept hearing a lot of line noise. I mentioned that might be causing the connection to drop, and the (l)user asks me in a whisper, "Would that (meaning line noise) happen if someone put a tap on your phone?" I'm thinking... if you have to worry about something like that, you have bigger problems than your ISP dropping your internet connection.[By: mwicks / 2003-03-02]
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Nope. But black helicopters flying over your house might cause it. Go look outside. <g> -RiffRaff
Okay... today must be my day for all the paranoid wierdos... last call of the day was some guy that thought our ISP was breaking into his computer because he was accessing sites we didn't approve of. *grr* -mwicks
Lemme guess. Got an "Illegal Operation" error, right? -TechnoVampire
No... a message came up on his screen telling him that someone had accessed his computer and if he looked for certain files on his hard drive, the files would tell him who had been accessing his computer. I told him it sounded like a virus, but he insisted that my company was trying to break into his computer for "looking at sites outside of the legal agreement." Yeah. Right. We have nothing better to do. -mwicks
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16.
Is Windows a Virus??
No, windows i s not a virus. Here's what viruses do:
1. They replicate quickly -- OK, Windows does that.
2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so -- OK, Windows does that.
3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -- OK, Windows does that too.
4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh...Windows does that too.
5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So, Windows is *not* a virus.[By: Pilkster / 2003-03-03]
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Now explain how Bill Gates is not a hell-spawned demon from the netherworld. -Foyle
Ah Jealousy.... -Gecko
Then it's a BUG. -hallicrafter
give me about 10 minutes on that bill gates thing. -damiensmith
Hell-spawned demons from the netherworld have far better dress sense!....NEXT ! -Digital Dogcow
Then it's a BUG. -hallicrafter
It's not a BUG, it's an undocumented feature. -tlpervert
LOL.. That is why Linux was created.. -Keltic
Windows doesn't have bugs. They're "undocumented features" -Grembo
And this is why we say AOL is a virus. -MadJack
I remember seeing this up on usenet years ago circa 1995. But it's nice (or sad!) to see it's still funny and relevant. -WildKard
you left out the significant difference between windows and virii, other than virii tend to work, virii are provided free of charge -davonds
Virii also have less security holes and critical updates -WildKard
Ummm.... but most modern virii AREN'T sophisticated - they're written by script kiddies who are anything BUT sophisticated! -notpitr
nobody said anything about 'sophisticated' as of yet. Thank goodness too... the last thing I need is viruses coming in as suite software with 32-bit kernel support and additional clipart. -WildKard
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17.
Personal Story
Just wanted to share this. I just find it funny that my 2 year old daughter is better with a computer than 99% of my customers. She can use the mouse and follow it. Knows about a keyboard and types letters, well just bangs the keys, but she is trying. And knows the WinAmp icon and points to it when she wants me to play mp3's of "The Wiggles" She will make a good tech someday.[By: suvdrivah / 2003-03-03]
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My son too. 2+1/2 you need to go to www.thinkgeek.com and get her a 'In training' t-shirt.:) -scooby111
I know the feeling ... my 2 and a half year old daughter plays her blues clues pc games and can finish them with no help at all ... yet customers seem to have lost all ability to distinguish left from right -dgnr8
oops sorry my daughter is 3 and a half not 2 and a half -dgnr8
My grand-niece started at 3, and I concur with your assessment... -hkypipe
I started my 3 year old sister on a PC, now she is only 7 and can successful navigate her Inspiron Notebook with touch mouse, and check on tcp/ip settings of our home network and let me know if she is not getting an "IPer" address as she like to say -LowLevelFormat
Ny son, granted he's older than many mentioned here at 4-1/2, but we got a new game two weeks ago -- Tonka Raceway. And I had to install it for him, but he figure dout how to run it, play it, and quit the game... and he knows his way around the keyboard, and can type his name in the "player name" box. What happens to (l)users when they grow up? -chazz
Guess its like when they believe in Santa. They just lose that part of their brain. Those lucky enough to retain this intelligence grow to be techies who are abused 24-7, wake up in sweats at the sound of a phone ringing, get yelled and screamed at, are unappreciated for their efforts, and after 20 years of loyal service are laid off unceromoniously by the very Id-10T managers he helped with their computer problems. **sniff** I think I'm gonna cry. -suprtechy26
Suprtechy -- does that mean you still believe in Santa Claus? I do -- in teh same way I believe in the existence of the Competent EU. I know (s)he's out there somewhere... -chazz
WTF?, Santa is real. look http://www.santaclaus.com/ -Digital Dogcow
I love it "There are approximately 296 days until Christmas 2003!!!!" Too funny. -Bioguy
Just the other night my wife, 3yo and I were playing a game of CTF UT (Me and kid vs wife). Kid kept saying "Stop running, mommy, i want to shoot you!" -Yalius
My brothers 3 year old managed to bring down a Linux server. Betcha that's the last time he brings a kind into the workplace. -MacDaddy
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18.
Phone joke
I know this isn't a story, but I think it's an outgoing message we'd ALL like to give to our users... I was reminded of it by the discussion of IVR routing gone haywire down below... "If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer. If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear." Or maybe that's just how my day is going...[By: Robster2001 / 2003-03-03]
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If you would like to hear a duck quack, press 7. Try it...800-888-3999 -scooby111
*presses 7 over and over again*
isnt that the number for an insurance co? -damiensmith
Online brokerage. -scooby111
To be put on hold, press 1. to be disconnected press 2. otherwise you will be put on hold, then disconnected. -garwain
To speak with someone who doesn't speak english, press 1. To speak with someone who doesn't speak French, press 2. -garwain
To speak with somebody, press 0. To speak with nobody, hang up. -TechnoVampire
just tried the number, and the duck is no longer there. *pout* -damiensmith
To speak to someone who could care less about the French, thinks there a bunch of wimps, and generally would like to see their whole country blasted off the face of this earth. Please hang up and dial 492874 for GW=BUSH. Thank you. -suprtechy26
The duck has been gone for some time now. I did hear it quack when this was new, but they quickly became overwhelmed by the thousands of people who heard about this over the Internet and had to fire the duck. I hear he got another job as spokesduck for an insucance company. Now what was the name of that company....? -Foyle
suprtechy26 can we keep the jingoistic war shite off TSC huh?, this is supposed to be a tech comedy site, we come here for a laugh & to let off steam. T.I.A. -Digital Dogcow
Sorry I dont mean to sound harsh, its just that there are other forums better suited to that stuff. -Digital Dogcow
Sorry, I used that one forever. I didn't know it had been disconnected. But - If God Had Voice Mail:
Thank you for calling heaven. Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for requests; Press 2 for thanksgiving; Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all other inquiries;
I am sorry, all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.; If you would like to speak to: God, press 1. For Jesus, press 2. For the Holy Spirit, press 3.
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, press 4. To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, press 5, then enter his or her social security number followed by the pound sign. (If you get a negative response, please hang up and try area code 666). For reservations in heaven, please enter J-O-H-N 3:16; For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark is, please wait until you arrive.; Our computers show that you have already prayed once today, please hang up and try again tomorrow. ; This office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday. Please pray again on Monday after 9:30am.; If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor. -scooby111
scooby's got a really good take on organized religion. At least I would have been comfortable with the "prayer tree" but I think I've got a spot reserved in A/C 666. ;) -deltree/y
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19.
DNS, damnit!
I was asked by a couple of people when this guy called in, and it still had to come to me. Issue: domain transferred their DNS away from us. Oops, we close the domain in ours. No issue, as we maintain separate DNS servers for hosted domains and for lookups. Cust calls us, wondering why nobody can get to their site anymore. Do a few tests - the new DNS servers are responding like there's no zone for that domain. Tell cust this. Doesn't understand, calls back. I hear another person talking about this and they're now asking for a manager. They transfer to me instead. Cust conferences in a "tech" from the new hosting company. He is *COMPLETELY BAFFLED* and has no clue as to why it's not working, and is still asking me, "So, how long until your DNS server propagates and this is fixed?" NO! Fix your own server, it's currently sitting in the corner looking stupid when anyone asks about this domain! Quote: "Hmmm, I've never come across this before." Good luck with the new hosting company, friend, if this is any indication...[By: namor / 2003-03-03]
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I had one of those once. He transferred the site to another ISP, and didn't tell us so our name servers didn't really care much about it. Conf. with other tech and the other ISPs tech goes, "Dude, it's us or them. Please make up your mind. They're great, we're great, six of one half doz. of the other and let one of us know what's up." Yes, he was paying for both ISPs. -Jazmin
Thank god I don't troubleshoot DNS. What a headache. -suprtechy26
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20.
NO, BUT...
"Tech support this is ChumpStain, how can I help you?" Yea, I have this and that problem.
**** TROUBLESHOOTING HERE ****
Thank you so, so much, are you like a senior tech or something?
"No ma'am, I am a temp, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night..." Click.[By: ChumpStain / 2003-03-03]
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If only that was a solution to all of our customers........ -hotfoot
ROFL. Mental note to use that line sometime :) -RiffRaff
I used to work as a temp. When I'd start a job, the first thing they'd usually tell me is. Well this works this way or that way, it's broken so the work-around is... I'd usually troubleshoot the problem and either fix it or call the vendor and have them fix it. Usually it was something that had been broken for many months. -scooby111
ROFLMAO - Boy I gotta remember to use that one. (still laughing) -suprtechy26
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