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Tech Stories Archives - June 2003
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1.
Stolen from another site...
Experts agree that over the past few years more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's disease research. It is believed that by the year 2030, there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts and erections that can't remember what to do with them.[By: obie099 / 2003-06-01]
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<Makes mental note to cancel doctor's appointment for breast implants - then forgets about the appointment and mental note> - RiffRaff
Well, if that's true, there'll be a lot of senile 60+ year old GW vets who can still get it up! <BFEG!> -MadJack
MJ- Good news if I can remember it. -Hellion
hehehe. The best viagra substitute was from my friend's 60-year old landlady. Apparently she had her husband fitted with a "pump". The problem is, what if you forgot how to deflate? -mousie
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2.
Wouldn't normally do two, but....
RULES OF THE POOL
Little Billy is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "But everyone pees in the pool," said Billy. "Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"[By: obie099 / 2003-06-01]
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Tech: "Sir we have to shut down your internet service for pirating music" EU: "But everybody is doing it" Tech: "But not setting up your own FTP server on a dialup account and advertising it on IRC..." -shooric
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3.
The economy of China is hacking me!
not me, but a co-worker had a guy on the phone who wanted to change his IP address. Apparently, "the economy of China" was hacking him. Also, he mentioned that when he gets drunk he has a notion to go out and find bin Laden on the Internet, cuz thats where he's hiding you know. He almost caught him once, he said. Im just glad I didnt get that call, I woulda told him some things to REALLY make him paranoid ;)[By: DemonicAngel / 2003-06-01]
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omg I think I had your same customer refer to a customer type called crazy conspiracy theory type by me -alexcorvice
Believe me, there are plenty of conspiracy theory whackos out there. Most of my customers have to deal with the government directly so I hear all about their shite sometimes. -CelticSkyhawk
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4.
confused
And it goes like this... Me: Ok close OE for just a moment. EU: Ok, I've closed OE and am back at the Icon screen, but I'm still online. Me: OK thats good, now lets go back into OE. EU: Ok (pause as it opens) Now do you want be to go back online? Me: uhh, yeah, sure.... lol[By: DaSwish / 2003-06-01]
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5.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! pls somebody kill me...!!!!
THis day sucks! have you ever got a call when just setting static ip mean forever...waaahhhh and its supposed to day off after this.. ahhhhhhhhhhh![By: kennz / 2003-06-01]
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sorry bout the grammar i got too pisses to ever get grammar right!! -kennz
What grammar? I see no grammar? =) -obie099
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6.
Explain the bleedin' obvious (pt.1)
Took a call from a (l)user trying to register a dial up account with us. Said (l)user lives in an area we provide with telephone service and has her phone line provided by us. Anyways, during the registration process, a capacity check on the phone network is done to ensure availability of service (this is explained during the reg. process). (l)user gets message "There is insufficient capacity in your area etc. etc.". So of course she rings TS and says "What does this message mean?"...What the F**K do you THINK it means you braindead witless bint?[By: Witchfinder / 2003-06-01]
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It means there is insufficient brain capacity in your area to establish service. Either you need smarter neighbors, or they do. -RiffRaff
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7.
Explain the bleedin' obvious (pt2)
After me explaing - slowly & carefully just what no available capacity meant; (l)user says "Well what do I do now?How can I get on the internet?" Me <thinking "Don't bother, just kill yourself & do the world a favour"> says, "Register with another ISP?????" Thick as pigs**t, some people. How the hell do they earn enough money to buy computers?[By: Witchfinder / 2003-06-01]
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They neglect paying for other things. Like house care, vehicle insurance, healthy food, and schooling. :) -QuaziTech
We have a power company and an internet company. You would not believe the number of people that are past due on their power bills that will pay the internet bill immediately. The reason is that we can't cut their power for being past due, but we will yank the internet instantly. -scooby111
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8.
Humorous link...
Okay, everyone; I know we want to keep the posted links down, but I couldn't resist this one. Tkaes forever for published comics to post. Check this:
http://www.kingfeatures.com/features/comics/crank/about.htm
Check the Crankshaft comic for 5/18.
<G>[By: MadJack / 2003-06-01]
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Ahhhh...I've missed that cartoon! LOL -techiegoddess
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9.
Not a customer
Here's the last call I took:
(l)user: "Hi, I"m with ( some business name) and we can't get online. The only thing is, I don't think we have your service, can you check?" So I take the normal info and can't find him in the data base. I inform him of this and he comes back with. (l)user: "Hmmm...guess we don't have your service, but could you tell me why we can't get online?" ME:" Nope! Look through your bills and see who you're paying for service." (l)user: "But...." ( I then cut him off ) Me: " Have a good day" *Release*Christ, like it's not bad enough trouble shooting our (l)users, now I have people without our service who want me to help.[By: n8 / 2003-06-02]
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I've gotten calls from AOL subscribers wanting TS for their problems. One of them was even so bold as to say, "Well, I couldn't get through to AOL support, so I thought you'd help me since you're in Indianapolis." Um... that would be a big fat "WRONG." -RiffRaff
You get to shoot your Lusers? NO FAIR.. I want to shoot some Lusers too.. -DarthDOS
Can't sign into AOL? Sure I can help. Ok, what's your username and password? <BFEG> -Hellion
Tech Rule #862812-D: Support from the wrong people can result in the wrong advice. Heh heh heh. -WildKard
I've had this occasionally. Customer wants us to troubleshoot their hardware and repair it, only they aren't in our database as an active customer. They cancelled their contract with us, went to a competitor, and the competitor won't touch the equipment because it wasn't purchased from them. So they call us and expect us to give a shite. Riiiight. -CelticSkyhawk
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10.
I Hate #^$%@$-ing Mornings (A Rant)
Who's fucking idea was it to start the workday when the sun's barely up, anyway? I've been working night shift hours ever since I was delivering pizzas in college, and I'm here to tell you, to actually watch the sun come up is an awful thing when you're used to sleeping till 10:00 or so.
Magenta and I are going to Chicago this weekend for some artsy shindig that a friend of hers is involved with, so in order to get the two days off I need, I have to work two double shifts this week so Hallicrafter doesn't go into overtime. As if it's not bad enough that I'm working 8am-9pm today and Wednesday, I also have to get up early tomorrow for a court hearing with my ex-wife, the Wicked Witch of the North. I'll probably be lucky if I don't get locked up for contempt of court tomorrow. So, in essence, I'm looking at 3 18-hour days in a row, one of which involves me being in the same room with the bitch from hell. It's bad enough we live in the same area code, the fucking wench.
ATTENTION LUSERS: This is not a good week to piss off RiffRaff. I can and will make your account with us disappear, but not before I take your credit card number and sign you up with AOL, MSN, AT&T, Earthlink, BlueLight, RoadRunner, and any other national ISPs I can find.
{cynicism=full BOFH=on compassion=null} Go ahead, starfish. Make my day.
Sorry for the rant; I feel better. Wish me luck for tomorrow. [By: RiffRaff / 2003-06-02]
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Starbucks Doubleshot IV drip, on it's way, STAT!!!!!!! -obie099
Riff, good luck in court. If you want to say something to the woman, just bite your lip. A bloody lip is better than a jail cell. -CelticSkyhawk
Looks like someones got a case of the Muuundays.
<runs off> -pcmacman
Hmmmm, ex-wife problems....maybe PostalTech could help you on that score! -lineswine
lineswine: Don't tempt me. She has no idea how lucky she is that she's still breathing air right now. If it weren't for the fact that my daughter was in the house at the time, I would have shot her and the guy I caught her with 4 years ago. Why is it that if a man cheats on his wife, he's a filthy lying pig, but if a woman cheats on her husband, it's because he drove her to it? Fucking courts are so discriminatory it's ridiculous. -RiffRaff
That really sucks, Riff. Good luck in court. -snowcrash
Hey Riff, sorry to hear your week is off to such a shitty start, but please remember, she isn't worth the aggravation, walk on knowing you're the better one. -n8
What n8 said X2... -obie099
Same wench that sent you up the river? Do you need some help planning a suitable revenge? I'm available. -scooby111
<Loads pump shotgun> <Chambers round> (I love that sound) It's time to go huntin'. Here pcmacman, here pcmacman. ;) -scooby111
Yeah, she's the one, scooby. She knew about the illegal firearm for well over a year while we were married, and never said a word. It wasn't until I filed for divorce that she suddenly developed a conscience and decided to be a good citizen and tip off the ATF. Coincidently, since I was unable to attend the final divorce hearing, she walked off with the entire marital estate, including the house, two rental properties we owned, my car, all of my personal clothing and property, and my daughter, who I haven't seen in 4 years. When I walked out of that prison, all I had to my name, literally, was an army duffel bag full of some clothes and a few books. I had to start over completely from scratch, although I received a lot of donations from my boss and other people here at work. That Lincoln I wrecked was one of the last major purchases I had to make to be "normal" again. Oh, and the court hearing tomorrow? After all that, she says I owe her $40,000. Gotta love it. -RiffRaff
Man, that sucks big time! Best of luck... -hkypipe
Damn, I thought I had it bad when I split from my ex. Now I feel lucky I got off light. She must be one vindictive witch to be farking with you after all that. I feel for ya man, hang tough. -Hellion
I was serious about the payback. There's gotta be something we can do to let her know it's not OK to 'be her'. The real problem is, what is she teaching your daughter about you? Sorry to hear that. -scooby111
Were techs, let do this the techy way. <Here comes alot of Figural Speech> "Ehh em. what we have is a malfuntion of a model B1TCh666. Steps to repairing problem. Low level Format its HardDrive (This in turn removes Virus PMS.A$$.H0!E@ww.mm) Once gone replace HD with Bigger more effiecnt HD to increase "SPACE" Replace CPU with a faster proccessor to increase how many things this unit can do verus her 2 job min before he crashed for the night. Finally, increase Unit B!TCh666's memory for better productivity. If all else fails...... you can always stripper down and sell on eBay."
TechNote: Sorry to hear about it RR, keep the faith and don't ever give up. -LowLevelFormat
I forgot, I love to chatt, do u can always eMail me at Joshan.Bahadur@verizon.net if u wannna chat. -LowLevelFormat
Riff, I thought I'd had it bad with my 1st wife - the original psycho bitch from hell - she kept the house & child also but she at least gave up trying to extort large sums of capital from me! Best of luck tomorrow, man and remember - Nil Illegitium carborundum = never let the bastards grind you down! -Witchfinder
Illegal firearm? Dude, what did you have - a GAU-8 Avenger cannon in the garage? -Foyle
well there are 4489 techs that belong to this site out of all of us I am sure that one of us has abilities beyond teching such as hacking I think we should try to find a way for her to file for chapter 11(bankruptcy). Can I get a show of hands. -alexcorvice
I'm with Alex on this one Riff. People like that need to pay. Stay strong man. -MacDaddy
Gets my vote. Makes me sick how many truely EVIL women there are out there..really does give the rest of us a bad name. But you have the wonderful world of evil techies (otherwise known as the TSC membership) behind you. -CommanderData
Foyle: Let's just say it was altered from factory specifications and leave it at that. -RiffRaff
nothin wrong with earthlink -useless
Sorry to hear about your troubles, Riff! Hope the court date went well! She really deserves some awful fate. -sassicatz
Oh Lordy Riff, I was only joking when I mentioned Postal......it seems I was closer than I intended.
I'm sorry you were put through this through something that was initially no fault of yur own & it is high time natural justice prevailed.
If there's anything, ANYTHING I can do to "rectify" your personal situation, just ask & you can be sure you'll have any help I can render (I'm sure this goes for pretty much any of the techies on this site). Seriously, we need to sort this out.....no-one should profit from doing "bad" things & therefore it is time for such persons to receive their "reward" for such activities, if you catch my drift.
Mail me if you want to discuss this matter. -lineswine
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11.
Something she shouldn't have typed
Here where I work there are only 4 IT support people for about 200 CSR's. Now the CSR's are good people and mean well but some are not very computer savy.
To get help we have a programed installed on each PC that will let the user simply click on an icon and request help. All the IT staff do is please submit a detailed problem as to what is happening. In the link below this one user submitted to much info. Please enjoy....
http://blacksweb.com/Cribbs/files/blooper.jpg[By: ZEN35 / 2003-06-02]
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Can I be there tonite? -obie099
truely truely worth a chuckel -virusjtg
Let's see here... she's running AIM, ICQ, and Kazaa, among other things. How much time does she spend actually doing her job? -RiffRaff
should I bring wine? Terry? -shooric
RR - I caught that too. With all of that running at the same time she's working it's no wonder her computer keeps dropping to it's knees. :) -Hellion
I think you missed the point. That's ZEN35's computer that's running all of that. Ouch, you're a netadmin's nightmare! Can you post your user's name and address. I'm feeling pretty lonely today. :) -scooby111
Yeah, and I have the next 2 days off... -mrwolfie
Sorry scooby; you're right. I refer everyone to my earlier post as an excuse for not noticing that. <sheepish grin> -RiffRaff
Damn, you're right Scoob. < hangs head in shame> I don't know where you work Zen, but I've never been anywhere that would let Kazaa, (from a legal stand-point if nothing else),through the firewall. -Hellion
Wow, Riff, you really shouldn't work Monday mornings. You NEVER miss that kind of stuff... -obie099
And, Zen, Your real name and work email address on TSC too. Wow... -obie099
yep the KAZAA running in the background is mine.. One of the perks to being the admin is access to certain programs. And yep even admins make mistakes too.... Never include your name and wher you are LOL I drank too much this weekend :) -ZEN35
I see "Bonzi" poking its head up too...man, what a load of junk... -hkypipe
“Miss that wouldn’t be a problem if you didn’t get drunk every night” -BangHeadHere
LOL! I think we've all had days like that Zen :) -Hellion
What happens when they're having a problem submitting tickets to this system.. hmmmmmmmm! lol -DaSwish
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12.
There's a power button?!
EU (an engineer, mind you): My new laptop's been locking up so I've been ejecting it from the dock and pulling out the batteries to turn it off.
Me: Um.... holding down the power button on the docking station doesn't turn it off?
EU: Where's the power button?
Me : .... it's the round one with the green light over it...
EU: You mean the one I use to turn it on?
Me: .... um, yes, there's a power button on the dock and one on the laptop...
EU: Where's the one on the laptop?
Me: *beats head on desk*
apparently switches only work one way in his starfish world...I wonder how he turns off his lights.. or his car...[By: bracketmonkey / 2003-06-02]
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Yeah, well, engineers designed and built the Titanic, too. -RiffRaff
He jumps out of his car, and while it's still running, opens the hood and disconnects the battery. His lights, he just flips the breaker switch...isn't that how everyone does it? -pookieboo
Some laptop power buttons do only work one way though, the idea being to stop people from hitting it to turn off and filling up their drive with crud. Of course you can hardwire the button so that it launches the shut down process, but a lot of older machines don't do that. And of course if all the switch does is launch the shut down process, it's no use at all if the machine is hanging completely. -DavidHM
I've gotten something similar with laptops, where the (l)user "couldn't turn off the laptop" even though they've held down the button. I make them count to ten on the phone with me while they hold down the button and they're ALWAYS amazed when it shuts down. -techiegoddess
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13.
Celebrities and Famous People
I was wondering who among TSC members have talked to a Celebrity or Famous person. I had the pleasure of talking to Alan Alda (Hawkeye of M*A*S*H). I talked to him on two occasions. One for his PCMCIA modem and Cell Phone and one for his ISDN Modem (Terminal Adaptor). After that, I got a letter from him thanking me for my help. Anyone else here talk to someone famous?[By: DragonXIII / 2003-06-02]
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I used to work in the field for the telco DSL product in the heart of Silicon Valley. I've been in the homes and offices of a lot of famous (at least in the business world sense of it) people. Almost to a person they were very gracious. Names have to be withheld as a matter of it's none of your business and I'm sure the telco would reach out and touch me for revealing them in a public forum. -DMenscha
Lucky! In all the time I've spent on the phone, I've never spoken to one famous person (the actual person, not some namesake). Never met one in person, either. -MadJack
Idea: the next time you're looking for work and need an edge over the rest, take a copy of that with you. -MadJack
well, I've met Mrs. Vermont from 2002, and Mrs. Mass 2002. A friend of my family is a retired pro hockey player -garwain
Back when I used to support coin op arccade games I was in The Woz's house (he had quite the collection). He was a cool dude.
Used to deliver a new game toDanielle Steele's crib in San Francisco. What a beautiful place. Covered an entire block there. She also had quite the baseball card collection, including a Mickey Mantle rookie card.
One of my favorites was the guy who runs Seagate. He was very nice.
I also had the joy of troubleshooting Defender for Tim McDonald formerly with the 49ers a couple of days after they lost in the playoffs. He was depressed even though he played very well. He blocked a field goal. He also tipped me $20. -borisd63
James Doohan (Scotty) lives in Redmond, WA. I've met him across the counter. -scooby111
MICHAEL CHIKLIS, from The Shield on FX. Back years ago (92/93?) He came into a Radio Shack I worked at in the Lowell MA area, and bought a battery. He was "The Commish" at the time, but still somewhat famous. Seemed nice, but it was all of a 60 second encounter. I've also run into a few other celebs in downtown Boston, but never interacted with them more than a wave... I don't want to bother them.
-butler1850
Scooby, I met James (Scotty) Doohan once. It was about 20+ hears ago as he was a guest speaker at a local colege.
He was very down to earth. I had my photo taken with him. It was very cool. (I was quite young then. I.E. A GEEK.) -DragonXIII
Through a cousin of mine, I met an NFL player that was on his team in college. Not a big name player or anything (Cam Cleland) but he had dinner with my family at a seafood buffet. -kman52000
I met James Cameron and his (then) wife Linda Hamilton on one of those airport shuttles that takes you from the terminal to the plane at the airport in Madrid, Spain. This was about 2 weeks before the release of Titanic. -Gecko
Not me, but freinds of mine. One met Sean Bean (LOtR's Boromir) and another met Will Ferrel. -QuaziTech
I met Dave Chalk from Dave Chalk's Computer Show in person and I teched Phil Collins dial up connection over the phone -alexcorvice
Ellen Degeneris, A.Martinez, The Baldwin Brother that's a vampire on a daytime soap, Lil'John (local cleveland celebrity), Marsha Warfield (Roz from Night Court)- I used to spend quite a lot of time in Studio City -BunnieTechBabe
When I was training and listening to another tech, we got a call from Donny Osmond. He was having problems with a cdrom drive in Windows 3.1. Turned out he had the wrong driver. This was in 1997. -Bluetech
I met Anthony Stewart Head (Giles from Buffy) at a sci-fi collector's fair. Man is that guy HOT!!! *drool...* -CommanderData
lol... I feel so deprived, the best I've done is selling a computer to the mayor of Maumee, OH. [Drives a blue pickup truck...] -iFox
I talked with Bill Gates for a couple of minutes at the Toronto Comdex in either 1985 or 1986. -Fuji
I haven't teched anyone famous but I have spoken with Linda Hamilton and her sister in Maryland (they have a house on Chincotegue (sic) Island). A couple of mayors Of Omaha Ne. as well as BOB Kerry (Senator for NE). And I have spoken with Dolly Parton a few times as well. Dolly is a real cool Lady. -Traytor
I've met my fair share of celebs, mostly musicians, but none through work... Although I did hear that someone in my center spoke to Pamela Anderson once... -Razordance
I saw Herb Kohl outside a Walgreen's in Milwaukee once. He had a really nice suit on to go with his Milwaukee Bucks cap. -bentm99
Boxer Larry Holmes was the only one in an offical capacity. -TheSingingTech
For me, Techiegoddess is the celebrity. However, I did not talk to her yet. Hi Techiegoddess! -misterallno
I made a housecall to a lady close by that sings with an absolutely fantastic vouce...she's not TOO well-known (name withheld) but I was excited all the same...turns out I couldn't get the problem to occur in the hour I was there and refused payment. Instead she gave me a CD and an autograph! Best payment I ever got...I often see her now when we're walking our dogs and just bought her latest CD. -grahamwboyes
I mean voice, not vouce! Ugh it's late, and talkig of music, I've got to finish this music number for the show tomorrow that the guy faxed me LAST NIGHT...all 25 pages of it! (grimaces at prospect of zero sleep) -grahamwboyes
Hey everyone I have talked to Jamie Farr from Mash and Brent Spiner from star trek both were for their pda's. It was so cool. -Dean241
We've had Reggie Jackson and Joe Montana show up here as vendor reps. Way back before I was a tech, I met Donovan when I and a girl crashed his sound check at a local club. I've high-fived Bill Nye when he used to appear on Almost Live. -Xiphiplastron
I once spent an hour an hour on the phone helping Steven Baldwin , McManus from the usual suspects. he was pretty cool -GefahrMaus
I cannot say if it is true, but I did receive a call from former President Jimmy Carter. He needed help on his Aptiva, nuke and pave. Only reason why I remember it so well is that he called back and spoke to my supervisor to tell him I pissed off Jimmy Carter, former President of the United States. He could not follow instructions at all. -ab1normalh
Somebody actually managed to piss off mild mannered 'Runny Johnny Jimmy' (as they called him in those days) enough to where he actually complained. Good job, Ab. Even Brezhnev couldn't get him to do that (publicly, that is.) -MadJack
As an afterthought, I have also met several almost famous musicans while at gigs. I've met a few of the big names, and even jammed with some of the not quite so big names. (I'm talking about the brass and woodwind scene, not rock groups) -garwain
When I worked in a discount store in Lincoln, Nebraska, I met Gordon MacRae who lived in the condos across the street part of the year. And in a part-time current line of work I met Warren Beatty backstage at a concert of an orchestra that I play in. -sassicatz
I've never teched for famous people, but I met Richard Karn (Al from Home Improvement) and all the members of Collective Soul when they were here on tour. I am a HUGE Collective Soul fan so meeting them was one of the many highlights from my life. In fact, I'd say getting saved, getting married and becoming a father are the first three and meeting Collective Soul is fourth. -CaffeineHead
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14.
On the lighter side
Back before I worked in TS, I was gainfully employed in the Engineering dept of a computer storage maker, doing the product integration (taking it from hardware engineering and troubleshooting the design for manufacturing). Having no college degree, but access to a printer, I made a diploma for the wall of my cubicle.
GRADUATE - WILE E. COYOTE SCHOOL OF ENGINEERING
Never fool with a SuperGenius..... bwahaha[By: technaround / 2003-06-02]
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<cue the roadrunner> neep...neep! -rightclick
Pictures, we want pictures!!! -hkypipe
I thought Wile E. had graduated from Acme Looniversity, with honors. -WildKard
Yup, and in small letters beneath the School of Engineering, it said ACME LOONIVERSITY. Ever read the notes at the end of Tiny Toons Adventures? -technaround
ACME Looniversity was printer in small letters on the diploma. -technaround
The small print on the diploma had the ACME Looniversity printed in. -technaround
Aaarrrrgggg! Damn roadrunner got me again. Better not look down... -technaround
Good old Acme Loo. -MadJack
If I remember correctly, he was a SupraGenius, not a SuperGenius. -Xiphiplastron
Nope - its on the "latin" version below his picture - "coyoteus supergenius" -technaround
I didn't know ACME products made storage devices!....did they work in the same fashion as all of the other products used by Wile. E. Coyote?
I don't suppose you now TS for RoadRunner do you? <ducks LART> -lineswine
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15.
Vague....or was it vacant
I just got a call from an internal client.
Client: I tried to log on this morning and got some kind of failure.
Me: Um what kind of failure?
Client: Ummm, press F1 or F6 or something.
Me: Ok, I think I got it. Are you at a black screen with some writing on it?
Client: No it's blue. It's says 'Log on to windows'.
Me: And when you type in your username and password and press 'OK'
Client: I can't get in.
Me: What does it say?
Client: That I can't get in.
Me: You are getting an error message, what does the error message say? (Must control Fist of death)
Client: It says that I can't get in.
Me: (red haze coming over eyes) And are you sure you're typing the password in correctly? Is your caps-lock on?
Client: Well no. This is a coworker's computer and she didn't give me her password.
WTF?? Why did it have to take 10 minutes to get to this point and why would they try to log on using the coworker's name?? AAARG.
Me: (definate green tint to skin) Stay right there, I'm going to drive down there and show you exactly how to 'log into' the desktop.
(I wish. Computer, meet skull...)[By: scooby111 / 2003-06-02]
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"Sir, I'm just going to hang up now and pretend you didn't call, unless you'd rather I conference you manager to find out why you are not only trying to login to the system with a co-workers username/pw, but actually called tech support for help with it?) -obie099
So what was he trying to use as a password???? I've worked some places where the (L)users gave out their passwords as if they were a polite form of greeting. <"Hello, you're new here right? Well it's nice to meet you, and oh by the way... if you ever need to use my PC here's my ID and password."> -Hellion
That is a typical day for me..... Glad to see I'm not alone -ZEN35
and I've been on a computer system where there were different usernames, but everyone was assigned the same password so that there wouldn't be any confusion. -WildKard
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16.
So... what's the problem?
EU: Our internet is down. And, (paraphrased) the ENET light on the box isn't on. Me: Hm. Okay, so what sort of device/router is the modem we supplied plugged into. EU: It's this <router> thing here, it's not on right now. Me: Okay, that's why there's no ENET light on, and why it's not working. EU: So, what' the problem here? Me: <thinking> Exsqueeze me?[By: namor / 2003-06-02]
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Please make sure the O-N/O-F-F (spelled out) is in the O-N position. -WhiteTiger
R-U-N-N-O-F-T -obie099
Dumb as a bag of hammers. <g> -RiffRaff
At least the hammers have useful reason for existing. -Hellion
Is the innernet busted? Mah PC light is off... AAAAAAARGH!!! HULK SMASH!! -LaunchpadMcKwak
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17.
Oh, I did know you were coming.
To all (L)users. Please make sure that you act surprised when we show up to move/replace your PC. Even though you picked the date and time, and confirmed it at least once. We understand that asking you to remember something that trivial is simply asking too much, and/or is beyond your mental capacity. Additionally, since we have plenty of time, feel free to finish your 367 slide PowerPoint presentation while we wait. Also, if it wouldn't be too much trouble, please have pictures of all your friends and relatives, cryptic Post-it notes, various figurines, stuffed animals, and any other misc. crap you can think of, taped, glued, hung, welded, or otherwised affixed to every visible part of your system. We love that! [By: Hellion / 2003-06-02]
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Oh, and please make sure that you are unavailable to remove these items or log onto the system in it's new location. We love getting calls after the move complaining that it doesn't work or that all your stuff was left in a pile. -scooby111
I had it worse today. People thought they'd be cute and move the systems themselves and there wouldn't be a fuck up. Until half the damn network printers go goofy. Then guess who they decide to call to clean up their fuck up? Dumbasses. If they don't know what the fuck they're doin', leave it the hell alone. They managed to destroy a couple mice too. Go figure. -testing123
Don't forget - "And be sure to be elsewhere when we arrive and leave your machine logged in and ten files open so you can blame us for losing your work when we pull the plug on everything to move the box." -Foyle
And after we move it, make sure you decide that that isn't exactly the right place for the monitor and CPU so that we have to unplug everything and move it again. -DMenscha
And bitch that I refuse to let you have stickers on your new computer after it took me 45 minutes with a gallon of butyl acetate, a pressure washer, and 50 sheets of 40 grit sandpaper to get your shit OFF the old one so I could reuse the case for some poor wanker in Accounts! -iFox
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18.
WTF???
Rude EU: Can I have a modem string for an HCF 56K PCI?
ME: What kind of modem is it? HCF is a chipset.
EU: I don't know, how do I check?
*Blink, Blink*..thinking - if you don't know how to check and see who makes the modem how do you plan on changing the string?
ME: Well, It might be a Conexant...try this AT&GO&FU&C&K&YO&RSE&LF
[By: rightclick / 2003-06-02]
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AT&U=ID10T -RiffRaff
Excellent string RiffRaff! Much easier to type too! Less chances of a fark up :) -rightclick
I'd give them this one, but prepare for lots of neeping when they whine about their connection speed being only 1200 baud: AT&F&D2X4\N0%C%E0&K0N1+MS=B212. -cecil36
If it's the internal modem that came with their PC they might not know. My Aptiva came with an unnamed internal modem with a Rockwell chipset. No brand name on the modem or anywhere in the documentation. -thx1138
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19.
Fellow Techies (not a story)
Pardon me for not being up to date as to what's going on recently. I know now that DD had a problem with content posted at TSC and decided not to be a part of TSC anymore. He will be missed.
Now I don't know what happened to the PostalTech. Can anyone please tell me what's going on? Thank you in advance.[By: fxdwg6922 / 2003-06-02]
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AFAIK, PT is still very much a part of TSC, as he has posted recently a story (day before yesterday I believe). He did take a small vacation though. -Gecko
his small vacation was caused by member name nightglider1 take a look a both PT and nightglider1's white boards and posts and you'll see why -alexcorvice
Can't we all just get along? -snowcrash
</website_politics> -WildKard
'What the world needs now...' is a little less flaming. I save it for the office, along with the funny faces and sticking biros up my nose....(hey I get bored ok?) -CommanderData
What's a biro? You imperials with your quaint customs... :) -scooby111
I seem to recall that a "biro" is a cheap ballpoint pen, sort of like our "Bic" pens here in North America. Although since Bic also sells cigarette lighters in North America, I don't think I'd recommend sticking a Bic up your nose without checking very carefully which type of Bic it is. -chazz
Time to get some sleep if you can't tell the difference between a lighter and a pen. As for sticking either one up your nose, well, whatever floats your boat man. Don't ask, don't tell, and don't ask to borrow my pen. ;) -scooby111
thinking about that... I'd say "CD, remind me to never borrow a biro from you ever again." But I don't think I'll need reminding... Hey! Maybe you could loan Ms. Crybaby a biro... and then a couple of days later "let" her "catch" you with biros up your nose... -chazz
CD, would that be a Blackadder reference, or only if you've got your underpants on your head the same time? -K1W1
I'd offered to solve a user's problems by flicking my Bic more than once at the label factory... (Ah, how I miss the label factory... The users were sheep, the servers were reliable, and the air was about 50% solvents. Free glue high every time I came into work.) -iFox
Scoob, Biro - (Lazlo Biro to his friends) invented the ball point pen.
His name is used as a generic term for ball point pens, similar in the way "Hoover" is used as a term for any vacuum cleaner.
I'm sure if you google on "Lazlo Biro" something will come up.
FYI, I didn't need to look the guys name up, I just remembered the subject at school, which I left in 1977. -lineswine
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20.
I love this part, really.
Background: I run a mail server at home. I have it set up on a static IP, in such a way that I cannot even relay through my own ISP's mail servers. It is an island unto itself. I use it for just this sort of situation. Another rep comes to me, this cust is getting relaying errors. Everything looks fine. Tell him to point it at my mail server, I'll get detailed logs and we'll see. This time - I see the connection - from the local cable company, which we are not. Of course, relaying denied. Customer vehemently denies having Shaw, or even a VPN, which was my second thought. They go back and forth a bit... until finally, our rep gets back on the phone with him, and the guy says, "Your network guys are gonna think I'm a tool..." He was using his laptop, to dial into a box which was connected with someone else, and mail out through them. And only *just* realized/admitted this might be an issue. Yeah, buddy, we do.[By: namor / 2003-06-02]
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"here's yer sign!" -lineswine
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