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Tech Stories Archives - August 2003
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1.
Miss Cry-Baby AGAIN sob sob sob
Another day in the DBA garden boys and girls....shall we begin?
Phone rings....so I answer it and oh my god I do not need this on a Friday.....it's her. Crybaby. Bane of techs everywhere. Starting up a copy of MS Word so I can note down today's stupidity I ask her what's she's after. She wants to know where the guy who works next to me is. How should I know?. Now she wants me to look at his Outlook Calendar to see where he is. But I don't have access to people's diaries says I, I am not a secretary..
You lot know what's coming don't you?
SHE THINKS I AM!!! And that I just do database administration in my spare time?! I point out that I did not go through university and spend several years doing programming to be considered a secretary. She asks why am I getting so defensive and irate.....
What did I DO in a previous life to deserve this BITCH? I must have kicked Ghandi in the nuts or something... [By: CommanderData / 2003-08-01]
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And yes, I've still got cramps and I now have anaemia as well. Someone really hates me at the moment *sniffs* - CommanderData
We all love you CD. Have a nice cup of yorkshire tea and DLBGYD. Stiff upper lip and all that! -Chewdini
My Mr. Crybaby spent several cheerful moments berating a tech who handled a call before him to a supervisor, only to find out it was the supervisor who had taken the call, followed by me, and both of us had done EXACTLY what we were supposed to do, and it was HIM that wasn't doing it right. I feel your pain, Ma'am, I feel your pain. You need paintball. Lots and lots of paintball. -Dragones
hey, we can all understand her mistake - after all, isnt she so proud of 'knowing it all'?
cd, its justifiable lusercide - not just pms, but a mercy killing, and a gift to society, and for the better evolution of the species:) -timelady
CD....Argos do a punch bag for £50.....getting one this weekend...although stringing miss crybaby up would be cheaper...and more satisfying -nomoretears
CD, on the plus side, PMS is a legal defense for murder. i can pull up the case precedents for your lawyer if you like... ;) -mousie
Just hang in there, it HAS to get better soon. but untill then, we'll send you a case of burbon, and a gross of larts. ;) -wolfprince
Nah... maybe a bottle of JD or Absolute -rockytech
CD, It is Friday, You have the weekend to look forward to. Go out to a local bar tonight and listen to a good live band, have a beer and a smoke and relax. It will get better. (eventually) -DragonXIII
Plastic bag + trunk(boot) + old chevy + deep water = best option at this point. -scooby111
CD - 1 stick dynamite, 1 roll of duct tape. Wrap her body entirely with the duct tape (with the dynamite positioned over her tummy), leaving just the wick out. Light and watch the fun. If you use enough duct tape, there'll be very little clean up afterwards. :-) -SwedishChef
We all feel for ya love. People that stupid you just have to learn to laugh at. -MacDaddy
CD - You really must excercise restraint and patience when dealing with your co-workers. Take the time to realize that she is in a new position and probably feels intimidated by you. Remember, you catch more flies with... Umm pardon me... <Sound of head hitting desk repeatedly> Sorry about that, just my schizophrenia acting up... Kill the B!tch! -Hellion
I fully agre with Dragon's comment. Also, if you have a SO, have them give you some extra pampering. If you don't have one, make sure to pick up somebody at the bar or the music show tonight. -ltu1542hvy
Woodchipper... $675, 20gal. gasoline... $34.00, 1 lighter... $1.29, saying "Go to |-| 3 |_ |_ to Crybaby... Pricele$$. -lancasterjl
Come out for a holiday to Australia, I'm sure I could pull a few strings so you could spend a day with the crocodile hunter - bring miss crybaby along, accidents do happen and all that ;) -Mephiston
A nice weekend of playing Magic The Gathering and Chess against the other half (and winning naturally) and I feel almost ok again. Having said that, expect more posts on Monday when I go back to the office and have to deal with the little wanker again. I 'accidently' deleted her account Friday and then booked the afternoon off. I think I can be excused. -CommanderData
CD-LOL at "accidentally" deleting her account. Sure wish I had that option with some of my users. -nicky
Well, Seriously I think you should get one of those portable cassette recorders and an induction mike to attach to your receiver, and then recort her "I do know all about this" questions, so you can present it to her boss.... -Dr Jerkyl
My God!, Magic The Gathering, Chess, DBA.. You truely are the perfect woman.
-garwain
Crybaby got a payrise for "knowing it all" - so therefore she can GFY insofar as asking you "dumb secretary" type questions. I just wonder if she went to uni, if so was it the University of Blowjob? There has to be a reason they continue to employ her... -lineswine
For cramps- Whine. Describe your pain to guys and freak them out. Whine. Whimper until they give you Midol or something. ^_^ It's fun. -Vertigo
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2.
I landed the job!
Hooray, I got the job at the insurance company so I don't have to go on unemployment. Now I can really relax. Users beware, I've got no inhibitions now!![By: DarthLuke / 2003-08-01]
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congrats!!!!!! :D -mousie
Congrats Darth. Now if I can only find new employment today will live on forever. -Dangermouse
Congrats Darth. Now if I can only find new employment today will live on forever. -Dangermouse
Congrats Darth. Now if I can only find new employment today will live on forever. -Dangermouse
Congratulations!!! I've been here 6 years, I have no ambition. -persephone
Great Job!!! -MightyMouse
CONGRATS D.L.!! glad to hear it! -wolfprince
I know its terrible, but I would have done TS till they fired me, it was something I was good at and it made me feel better about myself :) I grapple with depression so sorry if I seem pessimistic at times. I was 95% sure I didnt get this job, but then they surprised me and called. I feel much better now. You guys all rock, thanks for the encouragement! -DarthLuke
Congratulations DL!!! Way to go... I know it's gotta be a relief :) -StarLight
Well done, and all the best. -strider
The Force is definetly with you, congradulations. -paul
Congrats! Have fun in your new job and good luck. -scooby111
Hooray!!!!! Good job!!! Unemployment sucks, so it's good you evaded it's trap. =) -techiegoddess
Good deal man! Glad to hear it. -Hellion
Good to hear SOMEONE got a job. I just got rejected for a wharehouse loading job. How much lower can I stoop? -MacDaddy
Congrats, Darth! Hey, everyone! Party tonight at Darth's! -sassicatz
Congrats, Darth!! -ltu1542hvy
Glad to hear it. Good luck at your new job. :~} -RiffRaff
Congrats! I've worked for an insurance company's Helpdesk for 3 years adn I love it. The Lusers are still losers, but the pay and benefits are great. -Jenzkind
Tread carfully Darth. Use the force. (Insuranse companies are sometimes not the easiest to work for-I once worked for a car insurance place that was about the most dishonest company in the world.) -Magenta
Magenta, that doesn't really narrow it down. -Bioguy
Congratulations, but beware of the clause which says to work in insurance you must sell your soul! (this is okay for accountants because they don't have one anyway) -K1W1
Good on yer mate, I hope the job is a good 'un & suits you too a tee. -lineswine
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3.
Don't blame the equipment.
"Im-yer-huckleberry User Support, Coyote speaking." I answer the phone in my normal loving, ready to assist manner. "Those computers you sent us suck. They didn't come with speakers and now the monitor died." The user informed me, foregoing a hello as most users do. The speaker thing BURNS me. We sent out top of the line PC and flat screen combos..and people bitch that speakers weren't included. "How did the monitor die?" I ask, rumaging for the repair number. "I don't know.
I'm not a tech. I pushed the computer button and the monitor didn't come on." I'm told in impatient tones. My spider-sense tingles. You know what I mean. The clueless didn't say anything, do anything, but you know not all is well in Who-ville. "Wiggle the mouse." I tell him as I stop in mid-rummage. "The mouse isn't broken.. there. See? The monitor didn't come on. NOW what?" they sigh into the phone. Still..something is amiss. "Is there a LIGHT on the monitor?" I ask, adding "It could be amber or green." Another sigh. "No. There is NO light, and I know what the power light looks like." they explain, yet still..there's that something. "Push the power button." I experiment. "Its NOT the power button!"and as soon as they say that, there is an audible click and the degauss sound, followed by the user's surprised "Oh!". "Hehe. I guess it was just off." They laugh into the phone. "You're not going to tell anyone about this are you? Hehe." they asking jokingly. "No, sir. Of course not. Have a good day." My lips are sealed.
[By: The Coyote / 2003-08-01]
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I love it when a (l)user actually realizes what a complete and total dumbass they truely are!!! -wolfprince
hehe -rockytech
Hoo-rah! The king of TSC is back for another round! Long live the king! -kman52000
I am NOT the King of TSC. Unless that was an Elvis refrence. THEN I would say.. Ahhh thankyouverymuch Mama. Thankyou. Thankyouverymuch. -The Coyote
you aint nothing but a (l)user cryin all the time -Dangermouse
I would've said "Hell yea, I'm telling EVERYONE about this". But that's just me. :) -Jeckler
"No sir...I wont tell anyone....will let the entire internet community read about it though.....what was your name again????" -nomoretears
No sir. I'm only going to post it on the internet so that you can be ridiculed by techs all across the world. *asshat* -scooby111
I would have told him the truth... "I document full details of every call." -ShutUpAndHangUp
Ahhh, client's with attitudes figuring out they screwed up - it's better than fine wine, beer, etc! -Poconos
"I'm sorry, but we are required to document EVERY call, sir." Especially if they are rude to us -- we have to cover our asses, or we are the ones accused of being rude to them. (Fortunately, we have a director who will take our side over theirs.) -Captain Trips
I have done this four times with monitors and once with a printer. It's SO much more satisfying when you do it in person as opposed to over the phone, when you see the user realize what a complete and utter dumbass they were. -ltu1542hvy
this happens a lot, esp DOCSIS modems with standby buttons, or people who wonder why there modem shuts off when they turn off their computer. And are in AWE when you tell them not to turn off the surge protector -MikeBirac
Great! Absolutely great! -hkypipe
Coyote: The God of TSC. As rated by me. -CommanderData
Cool story dude, I always like your style of writing.
Just one question - do flat displys need to degauss on startup? </pedantic> -lineswine
Heheh...I wouldn't have deluded the poor man. I would have just laughed. -Vertigo
hahahaha! another luser 0wned! u so rool! -TheCoyoteFan
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4.
Hotel Hijinks
just had the hampton inn in monroe call, wanted me to test the connection, i said click on IE, it came up, I said your all set. She's like, well we just had outlet's put into all the guest suites, and my manager wanted me to check those, I said ok, do you have a computer hooked up there? No. a Laptop? No. Move the Computer? No. I said Ok, how do you want me to test it? she said can't you just check it from your end? No. Ping it? No. Call some one? No. So what can I do? she says. I said either move the PC, or wait for a guest. that's unacceptable she said, test it now! I said it's like a electrical outlet, you can't test it without a lamp...she hung up.[By: Glitch / 2003-08-01]
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I want to test drive the car? Ok then start it. No. Get in it. NO! How are we supposed to test it? You can drive it for me? Nope. That is unacceptable!! -rockytech
"How can you prove there's air here?" "You're breathing, aren't you? Oh, wait..." -namor
"I'd like to have you test out this Pong game ..." -teivrann
"that's unacceptable". "Yes it is. Plug something into it and call me back" -WildKard
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5.
Hotel Hijinks
just had the hampton inn in monroe call, wanted me to test the connection, i said click on IE, it came up, I said your all set. She's like, well we just had outlet's put into all the guest suites, and my manager wanted me to check those, I said ok, do you have a computer hooked up there? No. a Laptop? No. Move the Computer? No. I said Ok, how do you want me to test it? she said can't you just check it from your end? No. Ping it? No. Call some one? No. So what can I do? she says. I said either move the PC, or wait for a guest. that's unacceptable she said, test it now! I said it's like a electrical outlet, you can't test it without a lamp...she hung up.[By: Glitch / 2003-08-01]
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Again? ;P -Bobsentme
So Glitch had a Glitch while posting this story... ;) -Wonko The Sane
Should have told her to stick her finger in the electrical outlet to see if it works...hey, if she's this thick it's worth a try. -redevil34
not really related, but this reminds me (hotel story) of when I stayed at a Super8 a few weeks ago and there was an Internet computer on my room running linux. The funny thing is that during my weekend stay (2 nights) the computer was reimaged over the network three times from two different setups. Front Desk had no clue whatsoever on how it worked... so I think maybe it was being updated by the ISP in charge of the contract. -WildKard
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6.
There But For The Grace Of God Go I
God help me, I'm finally breaking down and installing Debian on an older P1 laptop I obtained a few weeks ago. I'm no stranger to basic UNIX, but I've never had a PC of my own with a Linux OS installed. My sysadmin has only had to nag me for a few years to do it.
Chickens sacrificed in my name will be greatly appreciated as I venture into new OS territory and spend the next month figuring out how the hell it works.
[Holds breath as applications download] [By: RiffRaff / 2003-08-01]
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Linux of laptops is an unholy bitch. Tonight I get to set up Suse on a laptop on a firewire drive. Sacrafice some for me as well. Make sure you have power management, ofen the fans are controlled by that. . . . -nm
Heathen - slackware is the One True Distro. :) I've got an extra P166 I just set up as a test server, maybe I can install Debian on that for reference... post in the forums, even. What'll you be using it for? -namor
Actually, for successful Linux installation/operation, I believe you have to dance naked around a Weeping Willow, during the full moon, while covered in ardvark feces. All this while burning an effigy of Bill Gates and your significant other whacks you with CAT5 cable. -Hellion
Hellion -- sounds like fun. /me goes off to start a Debian DL for my old Alpha 533... -chazz
namor: Basically I'll be using it as an educational platform to increase my knowledge of Linux. I'll be trying to duplicate eveything I normally do on my Windows platforms, and once I'm comfortable with all of that, I'll go from there. Since all of my critical data is still confined to my Windows machines, it doesn't matter if I FUBAR this system while trying to learn it. And Hellion: Dancing naked around a weeping willow while Magenta beats me with a CAT5 cable is something I do on a regular basis anyway. Who says geeks don't have any fun? <eg> -RiffRaff
Awww yes, I broke eariler last month and decided to put Debian on a old desktop. Well needless to say I am running low on chickens and my neighbors don't even look my way anymore when dancing naked in the yard. -MightyMouse
Cat-5 o' nine tails is more like it: http://www.roadkill.net/madmins/CAT509pro.html -ltu1542hvy
I don't even try linux as a desktop machine. Ouch. Especially on an early pentium. Maybe I should... XP doesn't like my current machine, and now that the wife has her own... -namor
ha! narf to all - im writing this on a debian sid install on hal the wonder laptop - ive done quite a few now:)
sound, video, everything is easy:)
we find it so good, we use it as distro of choice for our computerbank recipients (we recycle donated hardware, and give it away to low income groups, communities, individuals, and even to other countries...) -timelady
We'll see - I decided to follow up on the idea, made sure I had nothing I wouldn't mind losing on the primary 5GB portion of my 450, and just fdisked it, in the middle of a slackware install... first time in a while I've installed X, wonder how well I can get this going over the weekend. -namor
tried to install mandrake on mine, an older model ibm thinkpad...with a parallel port cdrom...gave up when was unable to get it to see the bluidy cdrom to install from the cd....now am running dual boot on my desktop -PCRaevyn
I've installed Windows after putting the CAB files on the HD via an old copy of laplink via serial cables... I wouldn't want to try the same things in linux. Update, though, is that I'm now typing this via Konqueror. Hoo, boy, lotsa tweaking to do... -namor
..................<whimper>................. -RiffRaff
stop scaring RiffRaff. Linux is perfect and nothing ever goes wrong =)</propaganda> -WildKard
I'll offer whatever help I can, if he'll post about it (or give me root... >:-) I'd say I'm an intermediate user, and I know network services and all a little better than that, so whatever you need, my email's pretty simple to get. -namor
That reminds me...*goes off to teach herself linux again(I managed to do it for unix quite a few years ago with the help of a Dummies book)* -Vertigo
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7.
It's my way and management agress
This cranky old bastard calls in with no pic on his TV's. Check my email no outages, so it's time to schedule a tech to come to his house. Tell him next available time is tomorrow. C.O.B. goes into prime neeping and noping about us not sending a tech for just him. Tell him sorry we don't have the man power and even offer him credit, which I never do. He still insists on bitching and moaning and wants my sup's and her sup's name, no problem. Both are busy and will not be able to talk to you for most of the day.
Well send sup's email to warn her about C.O.B. and she works on the problem. Well it gets to the field sup in that city and he says that he will personally go there and fix the problem. Now I know customer service is important, but damn it now he thinks this special treatment will be given to him always.[By: MightyMouse / 2003-08-01]
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Exactly, the more bitching, pissing, and moaning they do, the lower priority I give them. Because then they think that all they have to do is bitch/piss/moan and they'd get their way. I'd rather them kiss my ass when i'm there, and then curse at me when i leave than them just curse when i'm there and when i leave (the whole time pissin' me off more). At least if they curse at me behind my back it would reaffirm my suspicions that they're backstabbing pricks to begin with. -testing123
Dang right. Had a a new customer recently that switched from another ISP because they were "rude". Little old lady, could not follow simple directions. So the boss sends me out, it's an hour drive away. Fixed about 6 typos in her configuration. So far, she has called in 9 times in 4 weeks, using up 8 hours of tech time. That time in labor is more than the yearly margin on her service. That other ISP was rude to her **for a reason!** -CyBear
Well I'm sorry sir but tommorrow is the earliest time we have...ooops! Sorry, thanks to your incessant neeping someone else got that time. Next available is 2 weeks from now. Have a great day!!! -EUsBYTE
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8.
I'm bad.. hehe
Forgot all about this one: A new luser (first day on the job) calls up cause he's having problems with his system. He's not our typical starfishy because he follows directions AND has a sense of humor. ME: Okay now go ahead reboot the system and log on (notice I can even give him 2 commands). EU: OK. System reboots and as Windows comes up I hear the song "I'm Walking on Sunshine" playing. EU explains that the lady before him set up the computer to play it. ME: Well you could always change it to "Take This Job and Shove It!" We both bust out laughing as my manager about has a heart attack... :)[By: StarLight / 2003-08-01]
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Ah, the joys and sorrows of office space... I think ill go watch it now -crackshot
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9.
NumLock NumbSkull
Had a Luser call in this morning. "Username or password not valid on the domain" was the error. Looking through error logs on the server, I see the password is wrong. Weirdly wrong. Hold on, it's, it's, it's.... the dreaded numlock on a laptop! Doh![By: CyBear / 2003-08-01]
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It's even more fun to try to explain to Lusers how to turn the numlock off. Imagine, they have to find not one, but two keys and press them simultaneously! -Jenzkind
thats why i suggest they buy an external numerical keypad. has a nice little NUMLOCK button -catman1229
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10.
I'm Connecting Today! Why?
We're all familiar with the customer that wants to ask you why something wasn't working, or why it's working now that it's been fixed. This is a new twist. Lady calls in complaining because she hasn't been able to connect for two weeks, asking if we've "been upgrading" or doing anything else that would cause her to not connect.
So I ask some basic TS questions and tell her to dial in so I can watch the connection from here. Lo and behold she connects with no problems. I tell her this, and she gives me the following reply:
"Oh, I know. I've been able to connect all day today. I just wanted to know what was wrong that kept me from connecting for two weeks."
Somehow, I resisted the urge to write down her address so I could break into her house and spray paint her dog neon green. I've got people on hold with "real" problems, and she calls me because her connection is working. What the fuck is wrong with these people? [By: RiffRaff / 2003-08-01]
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Do you really need us to answer that? -Splunge
I nearly lost it yesterday when a customer called and got nasty because he couldn't follow the instructions on our goddamn install CD. People that are less technically savvy have had no issues with the CD, and this guy had the gall to threaten to report me to my supervisor, because he couldn't get the hang of swapping between windows. Ohh well, 6 weeks till the corporate takeover is complete, and then I'll be out of a job. Maybe I'll take up gardening, or something equally non-technical... -Mephiston
Sorry, Splunge, I forgot to add the </rhetorical> after my last question. My bad. <g> -RiffRaff
Not to mention the <rhetorical> before it? :) -karlata
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11.
George? Is that you?
Summary:
Store is having accessing SLinside
[By: FredKlein / 2003-08-01]
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Serious (L)user Inside? -LaserGuru
nah, can't be George, having is spelled correctly -Splunge
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12.
New Ways of printing
Well apparently HP photo printers have this brand ability to print from disk.
After a customer brought in their printer to be service, he said it wouldn't feed in paper. SO, after air dusting it, inspecting it, 5 minutes later, I find "Family Photos" The Floppy disk, in the 4x6 tray.
I guess he wanted to print from disk. His response "Oh that's where that is"
I tell ya, the more user friendly they get, the dumber people are[By: Bunglehawk069 / 2003-08-02]
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Disk?! The ones I've seen don't take disks, they take memory cards (CF I think but I'm not sure, I've never used one.) -Loren
Some of the HP's I've seen take pretty much everything from CF to Memory Stick, but never FDD. -fearmyroot
Oh yes. Do not install XP with one of those HP printers that take a memory card plugged into the system. You get to do it over. -Wolffarmer
Weird. I have XP and the HP printer w/ memory cards slot, never had any problems with it. -Jbasebal3
Yes, but did you INSTALL XP while that printer was connected? -RePo
Alright, the guy STUCK a Disk in the 4x6 slot thinking he could print from it. -Bunglehawk069
not nearly as bad as a customer I had who when requested, inserted her CD into her cd drive. The disk was not reading according to luser. Went through the normal QandA to determine if optics were dirty, we tried with no luck to eject the CD. It was only later that I realized that Luser had inserted her disk in the slot between drive and the case of her PC. I almost fainted!! -Techwolf
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13.
over stressed and under payed
Apologies in advance for this rant, but it was either this or spend another half hour bruising my knuckles on my cubicle wall..
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I am sick to death of customers who think that we have nothing better to do than to hold their hand because they are too stupid and/or lazy to read the instructions and the terms and conditions. I've had not one, but two abusive goddamn customers in two days, one who couldn't get the idea of "read instructions, minimise window, perform instructions, repeat" and decided that I make a great punching bag. The second couldn't understand the concept of "bill payed one month in advance" which is clearly stated in our terms and conditions. In 6 weeks, I'll be unemployed, and even then, I don't get payed enough to be threatened by people who choose not to read the fine print. Having said all that, If I suddenly go very quiet around here early next week, it'll be because my boss decided to fire me..[By: Mephiston / 2003-08-02]
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Maybe one way to deal with this is to have printed in the ToS that if cust is abusive (recorded voice) then they will be billed with xx$ extra.... -Dr Jerkyl
After 10 years in customer service/tech support, i find it is still the same Mephiston, i.e (l)user will use service/product to their own means/needs/requirements, F**K what it says in the Manual/TOS.
The mute/release button does come in handy, though!!
-RTFM
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14.
For you all thechs out there....
I came to this little story, hope you enjoy it as I did...http://www.bigfatbaby.com/newfun2/joke/mosesandcomputer.cfm[By: Dr Jerkyl / 2003-08-02]
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Noisy page. Turn your volume down before visiting. -TechnoVampire
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15.
coulda been worse
I'm glad that an EU is using Win XP Pro, I'm also glad said EU took it upon themselves to try and clear their own print buffer. I am pissed because when they cleared said buffer they deleted their printers. One restart, printer popped back. I could just see her try to play around with her PC, "Oh I didn't know what format was, so I told it to format the C:\ Was that ok?" So it could have been worse.[By: testing123 / 2003-08-02]
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DOH!!! -ResidentLuser
I didn't know what the shotgun was, I didn't mean to kill all those people or shoot myself... -Disallowed
I know NT4, Win2k won't let you format the boot drive (usually C:) as it can't unmount it. XP Pro should be the same. -fearmyroot
I dunno if it would or wouldn't as I haven't tried it myself like I did w/ 2k. Just needed to put an example of how stupid this moron is. -testing123
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16.
Not a story, a question.
O.k. Plase forgive my ignorance on this subject, but.... i've seen numorous referances to George. Who the hell is George? (i'm guessing a tech somewhere, and if so, how did he get ((or keep)) his job if he is "havening" this reputation)
thank you in advance, and please no larting me on this. (well, i guess ya can lart me if you must, wouldn't be the first time, and i'm sure it won't be the last)[By: wolfprince / 2003-08-02]
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(and if ya do wanna lart me for this, please use one of k1w1s chocolate filled larts, and share the prize inside!!!) -wolfprince
See http://chroniclesofgeorge.nanc.com for the complete Chronicles of George. It will all become clear. :) -nicky
Thank you Nicky! -wolfprince
I know him. Except his name is Dan now. -RedSwingline
after reading some of those tickets.... you have my sympathy RedSwingline. -wolfprince
We had one of those too - only his name was Dave. -Poconos
Don't do that, Dave; If you continue, Iii mmmuuuussssttt ttttaaaaakkkkeeeee mmmmmmeeeeeaaaaassssuuuuurrrreeeeessss; Daisy, Daisy, .... (Hal from 2001) -Dr Jerkyl
I had never read the chronicals of george before. After reading them I was practically on the floor laughing. A 'tech' with the literary skills of Miss Crybaby herself! -CommanderData
See, I spend my day reading emails from customers. I agree a "tech" should have better English skills than a user, but I'm scared by how easy it was for me to read those... I'm fluent in (l)userese... :o( -Nonamys
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17.
Misconceptions of Alcohol
This is a house call.
The person wondered why half of their keyboard wasn't working and they couldn't left click. After careful examination, I found an empty bottle of red wine. I open the mouse and asked "what's this red stuff" they reply "Oh I spilled wine on that, is that bad?
To which I reply "yes it is", I secretly replied "Nah, all liquids and circutry mix good together. As a matter of fact, crack open your TV stick your feet in cold water and sit the kiddies around for hours electrotacular fun"
[By: Bunglehawk069 / 2003-08-02]
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Electrotacular! I love it! -Plurimatic
I used to play movies during electronics labs in college. The electrician in "Down Periscope" was our favorite character. -Bioguy
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18.
Don't I get a day off?
It was a nice, late night of drinking Woodchuck and enjoying a concert. I didn't get to sleep til very late. I was enjoying sleeping in. And then my b/f calls me, waking me from a very nice dream, and the first words out of his mouth aren't, "Hi, how are you? Sorry I'm waking you." or the normal niceties. Nooo, it's, "Have you ever run into this problem before with a computer?" And then describes it. It's too early on a Sunday morning! Don't I get a day off from this stuff??
I solved the problem, and he's going to pay when he gets back from Drill today. *growls*[By: techiegoddess / 2003-08-03]
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Ooooo...I know somebody that better get treated to dinner and a backrub tonight! -ResidentLuser
I so wish I could have slept in this morning, but no I had be at work. I sat in my hot tub and drank until 4, only to be up and at work by 7. At least I get paid for doing work. Though I'm sure you will get paid a very well, if not let us know and we will take care of him. -MightyMouse
I too, was in the middle of a very nice dream, when the hospital called. Duct detector tripped the fire alarm. Again. Eleventh time this week. I went to bed at 2:30. They called at 7:38. Now I can't get back to sleep. I HATE SIMPLEX!!!! -Bioguy
When i come home from school, all i do is fix my friends computers... Its a curse that comes with knowing about something that most people havent a clue about. -crackshot
I'm flying halfway across the country to spend a week with my girlfriend back home. While I'm there, I get to fix her computer, her mom's computer, my friend's computer and my mom's computer...... So much for vacation. -Wraith
Sounds like some of y'all need the Thinkgeek "No, I will not fix your computer" T-shirt! And techgoddess, sounds like that b/f of yours deserves to be put into the doghouse for that - or to be threatened with being replaced. -ltu1542hvy
I'll replace him! PICK ME! PICK ME! -Bioguy
It **COULD** have been worse. See my farkin fun filled sunday! <goes back to wiring the detonator>. -Digital Dogcow
DD, that's the weak point in all of our Department of Homeland Paranoia nonsense. ANY decent electronics tech with the inclination, a Newark Electronics catalog and access to common industrial chemicals can make almost indescribable damage happen to almost any target. The Federal Government won't be happy until technology is only in the hands of a limited few and the rest of the population is living in mud huts. That's just my opinion, I could be wrong. -Bioguy
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19.
From 'MSOE.dll' Not Found to FFR ...
So there I was, minding my own business in a telnet chat, sitting out in the virtual garden to enjoy the virtual sunshine, when ... *-> Katrina asks you: Got a minute?* I should've said no. I knew it already then. But alas, I did not say no. I told her to ask away. Well, Outlook Express was reporting a MSOE.dll Not Found on her brother's new used machine. Messed around with it, nothing worked. No IE, no install disk for 98SE, no nothing. Finally agreed to wipe the bastard. Took ten minutes to get her into BIOS and find the Boot Sequence. Changed it to CD, C, A. Booted from CD, to DOS with CD support ... No CD drives supported. Bummer. But figured since it could see the CD to begin with, the install would be fine after the format ... Long story short, it wasn't. Right now poor Katrina has a blank harddrive that I will have to walk her through hooking up to another system, copy the cab files to it, then put it back ... Last time I settle for a FFR. How do you guys get your customers through them, without a Restore Disk?[By: Calydor / 2003-08-03]
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Simple. We say, "Your hard drive needs formatted. Contact your OEM." <click> hehehehehe... Seriously, we won't do it over the phone. It usually gets referred to me as an on-site call, and I get to make a little extra cash. -RiffRaff
No need to move the hd. Create a dos boot disk with mscdex.exe(cd driver for dos) on it. -Zaxtan
A little drastic for a missing DLL that is only related towards Outlook Express. Other than the usual fun to FFR a computer, why FFR it? -psxdefector1
In the office I use a wonderful little program called CD-Rom God. (Google it and ye shall find). It essentially is a DOS boot diskette that has most every CD driver known to man (or woman) and boots to a menu where you select the CD driver you want to try. So far I have yet to find a CD drive for which it does not work. -ltu1542hvy
FFR because previous owner deleted a lot of things. Only program installed and working was RealPlayer. *shiver* Three missing DLL's on boot too, but nothing stopping it from loading. And I'll go look for that CD manager. -Calydor
You should have just had them download IE-6, which includes OE with it -Brf
Download WinTasks to find out which application is using this DLL. Many problems can be solved by resinstalling this application. If the DLL is missing, download it to your windows system folder.
That was all you had to do here. Sorry -Techwolf
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20.
dont be sorry for that...
working here with jonos and reading this site, while i get a caller who is just driving me nuts....installation failed of our ISPs software, i couldnt figure out why it failed because he wasnt from this country..*go figure..*
USER:i'm sorry for my computer being slow my friend..
Me:*thinking* dont be sorry for having an old computer, be sorry for not knowing how to use the darn thing... "ohh thats ok sir, i'm paid by the hour"
User:"haha ok my friend, i let it go slow then"[By: Decoder / 2003-08-03]
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Yes, fellow techies, I've brought another to the fold. Make sure he is issued his LART-carrying license. -Jonos
we get liscences? where was i during that meeting? and why cant i spell? -crackshot
Yes, we get licenses (or a least we should). Police get licenses to carry firearms and to kill if necessary; so techs should get licenses to carry LARTs and to pummel when necessary (ie: whenever the starfish open their mouths). -Jonos
You have no need to appologise for slowness sir.....that responsibility lies with your parents. -Digital Dogcow
er, that wouldn't be an AOHell install CD would it? -lineswine
*no comment* -Decoder
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