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Tech Stories Archives - September 2003
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2.
Song (prolly done before)
Sing to the tune of, if your happy and you knowt it:
If you don’t know what your doing
Blame IT
If you don’t know what your doing
Blame IT
If you don't know what your doing and your mail app is a screwing
Blame IT
If you don't know what your doing
Blame IT
If you don't know what your doing
Call IT
If you don't know what your doing
Call IT
If your don't know what your doing, and your IQ is dropping
Call IT
If you don't know what your doing
Call IT
If your porn isn’t downloading
Mail IT
If your porn isn’t downloading
Mail IT
If your porn isn’t downloading, and your cyber lover needs room and boarding
Mail IT
If your porn isn’t downloading
Mail IT
If you feel that your a moron
Do all three
If you feel that your a moron
Do all three
If you feel that your a moron and you need to get your work done (by someone else)
Do all three
If you feel that your a moron
Do all three[By: BOFHjr / 2003-09-01]
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please repost after buying a star -lancasterjl
Gotta lurve that <BR> tag!. & only a snip at a mere $35 per yr (free T-shirt inc.) http://www.techcomedy.com/users/star_member.php - Digital Dogcow
He's a member, she's a member, wouldn't you like to be a member too? -ab1normalh
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3.
OMG It's a sin! FTS cant send email!
This guy was a real winner. He said he was hard of hearing and couldnt understand the tech. His issue? Standard cannot connect. The tech powercycled the modem and he was online. Done, right? Oh so wrong! He's pissed because we cant email him the information on how we resolved the issue. I tried to explain over and over that he called telephone based support and we simply arent provided the ability to email customers. Never gave me a chance to tell him about our email based support. He proceeds to tell me that we arent providing good customer service because we cant email him. Asked him to explain how he can justify calling it bad service if we resolved his issue in less than 5 minutes. He hung up at that point. I looked in his case notes later and he'd sent a message to our email support. Of course, in typical luser fashion he misquoted what I said. Good thing I write a novel when I document cases. I really am getting sick of these people and their unreasonable expectations. (Yes, I really need a star. It's coming soon, October is a 3 paycheck month).[By: firebird2k2 / 2003-09-01]
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Oh yeah forgot to mention. This guy had the balls to mention in his email that FTS not having the ability to send him an email was probably against some kind of ADA (Americans with Disabilities) regulations. -firebird2k2
The resonable Americans with disablities should lart this guy. -Wolffarmer
Lack of oxygen is a disability now? Boy, are they ever getting specific -teivrann
Weird, wondering if it was the same guy I spoke to a few months ago. Same story. He started screaming at me how we don't even beleive in our product that we don't email anyone, and we are lying sacks of crap...etc.etc. Im really not sure exactly waht he wanted, but after the obscenities and rudeness, I woudn't email him out of principle. -HissyFish
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4.
EH
Yes, another quirk from my CO-WORKER in an un-named called center located somewhere in Canada. Customer calls in with RPC errors and the computer restarting....... whats the newest "fix" from said call center? Disable v.92 with an init string!! Yes, you won't get the mBlaster if you connect at v.90.... only in Canada eh? +MS=90 will fix anything.... ugggggggggh why do they have a call center in Canada?![By: bluesclues / 2003-09-01]
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Not to defend the stupidity of said agent, as they are clearly in the wrong, but are you really so dense as to believe that bad techs and pathetic fixes are country specific? I've spoken to numerous techs from around the world, and find that regardless of the country they work out of, some are great and some are downright incompetant. The country doesn't seem to make a difference. -Disallowed
calm down.... it's a JOKE. -bluesclues
I agree with Disallowed. However, the person that came up with that particular fix needs a serious larting. -firebird2k2
That's right, everybody north of the border, grab your Clue by four and proceed to lart the moron who proposed this solution. Sounds like they belong more in sales than tech support... -Disallowed
and if bad techs and dumb fixes were really country specific.... I'd have to point to India ;) -bluesclues
wow they found out microsofts secert fix -postal tech
bluesclues: If it was a joke, it was one in poor taste. -grahamwboyes
I don't think BC said anything out of line. I've said "Only in America" or "Only in Indiana" many times as a statement of exagerated disbelief, knowing full well that idiocy is a wordlwide epidemic. I don't think he was deliberately targeting anybody; so I'd cut him a little slack. -RiffRaff
I fully agree with RiffRaff. BC was just kidding around. I live in Canada and I believe that it isn't country related. It's the companies big honchos who make the bad decisions.
-Dean241
definitly, hey dean you think he works in our call center -alexcorvice
as a Canadian I take full offence into the story. As a TS'er, I'm insulted as they give us a bad name. Chances are, they are a monkey who reads from a script. Not all Canadians are bad, maybe it's our massively strong beer -Bunglehawk069
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6.
HELP!
I know this isn't a story and no one likes to hear cries for help here but, I NEED IT! After like a year of having DSL I have finally got me a new computer in my bedroom so I can surf in comfort and I bought *ahem* NetworkEverywhere card and router (not real proud of it). Anyway, the damn machine talks on the network for abotu 10 minutes at a time and then loses communication. Can't ping anything but itself. I've never had this problem with 2KPro, anyone else?[By: WickedClown / 2003-09-01]
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i have the same thing with win me and dsl.using ie 5.5 -postal tech
email me at webmaster@sbcomputers.biz and ill see if i can help you out -snaggle
is it wireless
if so try ditching any 900 mghz phones you may have -micko210
My hub does that all the time....I just do a tcpip Release/Renew and it comes right back up.
-Brf
Had the same problem with my NE router. Id do a Release/Renew on my XP machine and it seemed to work again. For some reason it seemed to lose DNS because if I was already connected to something streaming(online game for instance) it would keep a connection, but surfing web pages was a nightmare. Ended up getting a new laptop I bought a wireless D-Link router...works like a champ and only 40 bucks after a 20 dollar rebate. -DemonicAngel
Some questions? DHCP or PPPoE? Are you able to reach the router after that point, but not the internet? Or... something more specific? -namor
Well, I have the router acting as DHCP server. I can release the IP but I cannot renew the IP. Nothing changes, the Addresses are all the same, it's just as if someone has unplugged the cable (still has link light). I don't see it being a prob with the router, my 98 machine is working jsut fine. I was thinking either my OS is shot or its a bad NIC. -WickedClown
Never heard of NetworkEverywhere -- what is it, 10BT or 100BT over phone lines? Power lines? Or wireless? My immediate guess would be net card... but if it's something funky, I'd throw the whole thing out and put in a nice solid run of Cat-5e or Cat-6. And a D-Link net card, if you're strapped for dollars. Linksys cards seem to die, 3Com and Intel just go on and on and on... but are pricey. -chazz
Had a customer once who's net would sometimes work sometimes not. sometimes just stop. Went to the properties of the Net Adaptor Card and there was a "Power Managment" tab. (may be different in various cards) took off power managament. She hadn't call back in last time I checked and I gave her my email and never heard from her again. I would call that a fix. -Wolffarmer
NetworkEverywhere -is- Linksys, and I'm willing to bet it's a NC100V2 card. Try using the ADMTEK drivers provided with windows, or the Linksys LNE100TXv4.1 drivers. *squints* I have one of these beasties in my comp right now, and it's fine using anything -but- the NetworkEverywhere drivers. -iFox
I read one of the few reviews on the net of NICs, - the fastest turned out to be the Netgear FA311. Intel & 3Com are usually solid, as are D-Link but I avoid any NIC that is based around RealTek chips - 8029 was especially poor,easily the worst NIC I've had the misfortune to work with.
Its' throughput was simply terrible given that is was a PCI card, causing a LOT of "stuttering" from data from a CDServer.
I was told to fit these by a typical starfishy mangement moron ("but we've bought them now!" Did they consult anyone even vaguely techie before purchasing? Not farkin' likely....now they know why they were cheaper than the 3COMs we usually use) After fitting 17 of them & then displying to said starfish how lousy they were I promptly replaced them with ISA £coms we had previously used.
I've no reason to believe the current 8139 is any better...I've found they are cheap, nasty & unreliable. In NICs as in many other hardware related things, you get what you pay for. -lineswine
Lineswine- "cheap, nasty & unreliable" also sounds like some of the field techs I've had to deal with. -LaserGuru
lineswine- absolutely, the 8139 is better than the 8029, but, I think the problem may be in the router's settings..IE: "logoff if idle after xx minutes" is what it sounds like to me, just log into the router, and see what it's set for, also, I believe that dsl is always gonna give you a static IP, it may depend on the provider tho, not sure on that part... -Spyder19
spyder - not always, no. we have dynamic pools for residential users, static IPs (well, as much as can be with PPPoE) for business. Lots of ways to configure this stuff. -namor
Actually Micko210, it's the 2.4GHZ phones that will interfere with 802.11B and G. 802.11A runs on 5.4GHZ -Bunglehawk069
chazz--NetworkEverywhere is made by Linksys. Anyway, I got the prob fixed. Turns out I had a botched install of 2000. Wiped it clean, reinstalled, problem fixed. Can only assume it had problems with the networking software installed. Thanks to everyone for the help. -WickedClown
Spyder19: router? What farkin router? This was on a LAN - I was doing a "proof of concept" before we sold all this stuff to school as part of the UK's National Grid for Learning (NGfL)....8029 were just plain crap, I think it was a lack of buffering, or maybe the bus mastering was badly implemented - my point was the ISA 3com cards (slow bus) were beating the pants off the newer, supposedly better PCI (fast bus). -lineswine
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7.
scary new users to support
I've just installed three new offices, one a call centre of 50 machines. I now have the joy of supporting the new users. Here are some classics 1. "I can't see the shared contacts (after explaining five times we don't run MS Exchange) 2. "I can't print to such and such (the computer with the printer was turned off) 3. can't send mail (on email address only was unreacheable, other email addresses worked they just never tried) 4. After install an adsl router and setting up permanent internet access on the network, they were still dialing in on one machine (the old dialup machine) and bitching that the other machines can't access the internet (they didn't tell me so I could explain to them and fix it over the phone - they just bitched until their supervisor larted my Boss who larted me).
All these "problems" occurred after extensive training about how their various tools worked (printers internet etc), including basic troublshooting (eg: if your email doesn't work, try other email addresses before assuming a problem)
Pretty standard stupidity I agree but I had to share with someone![By: wedge / 2003-09-01]
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murphy's law? -crackshot
Yeah I shoulda not bothered with the training, that's probably my mistake! Training just means people stop thinking for themselves -wedge
They stop thinking the instant they start talking to a TS person, with or without the training. -scooby111
When did they start thinking? If there's a stopping point to thinking, there has to be a beginning point. All that is assuming they're capable of thought. -testing123
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8.
Terminal Terminations
lusers neeping because they are getting bulk errors trying to connect to the terminal server for their applications. They are new to Terminal Services, but have been told to LOG OFF sessions, and not to just click the "x". In true luser style, they consider that advice to be nothing more than neurotic sys admin babbling, and have decided that they will end the session any damn way they like. The main offender, with 5 sessions open under her username, is also the main one complaining about the "connection problem with the server", and "unco-operative sys admins". [By: wedge / 2003-09-01]
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The solution we use in my school: No more than 1 session by user. When they cant log, they learn pretty fast how to logout. Amazing how braindead lusers can learn when forced to... -wastedtime
they never learn dude, trust me on this, best thing to do is to set up a session time limit, if they go idle fro longer than an hour, have the Terminal Server automatically log them off. OR you can watch them with the tsadmin and wait for the farkers to go idle and log them off. It's a pain in the ass, but there is no educating them. They're just to stupid to understand the concept of "Log Off". Chances are they don't even know how to log off of their local machine (even after showing them 12,894,389,290 times). Good luck. -testing123
testing 123, in my school, tech support is based on free will of the helper (aka me) to help. There is no one the luser can complain about me. If they dont learn, they won't use a computer, that'all. Wuhahahahahahahahaha ..... wuhahahaha . And even if they go see someone at school, they will be answered something like : "you re going to become an enginer, you should be able to do this".
And i don't like tellers, so they get their profile flushed since i have administrator rights ;)) -wastedtime
testing 123, in my school, tech support is based on free will of the helper (aka me) to help. There is no one the luser can complain about me. If they dont learn, they won't use a computer, that'all. Wuhahahahahahahahaha ..... wuhahahaha . And even if they go see someone at school, they will be answered something like : "you re going to become an enginer, you should be able to do this".
And i don't like tellers, so they get their profile flushed since i have administrator rights ;)) -wastedtime
damn, i was fast to make my first double post, sorry -wastedtime
ahhh I see now :) At least you can do something like that. I wish I could just restrict access from people for a week till they learn how to log off properly, alas, working for a company, they won't let me :( Bastards! -testing123
can't you tell your management that those slow witted luser are lowering the competitivity of the whole company , and therefore should be fired ? -wastedtime
The only way to fix this is to set the server to end disconnected sessions. For company-wide terminal servers, I have it set to 5 minutes. That way, if a (l)user gets disconnected by accident, they can immediately reconnect to the same session. It works like a charm and it was an easy sell to management since some (l)users were complaining about how slow the server was. -scooby111
i would try that arguement with them wasted, but the problem is even the board of directors are PC illiterate, or at least semi-pc literate, not so advanced to know how to log off properly. So either way it's a losing battle. Which is why we let the server do the booting. The minute they disconnect, they're booted automatically, no grace period. -testing123
Scooby11 your suggestion is the most appropriate in the long term, but one sesh per user will be used (thanks wasted) to Teach them about logoff. I will not be beaten. I will Teach. With God as my witness, all lusers will learn to logoff, otherwise be caught in the wilderness of their local workstation, unconnected from the great application server in the sky. Well, atleast I'm gonna try! Thanks for the suggestions! -wedge
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9.
Joke
A couple of posts from today reminded me of an old joke...Q) How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb ? A) None. It's a hardware problem...[By: Spyder19 / 2003-09-02]
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And how many computer techs are needed to know why the light bulb still does not work? - None, it's a management problem! -Dr Jerkyl
How many MCSE's does it take to change a lightbulb?...None. M$ has just defined darkness as the new industry standard. -Digital Dogcow
How many EU's does it take to change a lightbulb?...319 . (1 to hold the bulb still, & 318 to rotate the room). -Digital Dogcow
How many Mac users does it take to change a lightbulb?....2. (one to do it & the other to brag about how much faster, cooler looking & more energy efficient neon is compared to tungsten fillament). -Digital Dogcow
How many jewish son's does it take to chaange a lightbulb?...None!, dont trouble yourself, I'm happy sitting here in the dark, why should it bother me?, the woman who spent 19 hours in labour to bring a son into the world who could care less when his poor forgotten mamma has to go without light?. -Digital Dogcow
How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb? All of them: 1 to change the bulb and the rest of them to sing and clap. -RiffRaff
How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They wait for the lightbulb to burn out and then follow it around the country for years... -technaround
How many college football players does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he gets 3 credits for it. -sassicatz
Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, no one ever RTFM anyway!
-K1W1
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly coloured machine tools.
-K1W1
Q: How many Yorkshiremen does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to change it, one to hold his racing pigeon, one to hold his greyhound, and one to drink his pint of bitter.
-K1W1
A: One.
Q: How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
-K1W1
Q: How many seventies disco dancers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to boogie up the ladder and one to say "Get daaowwwwn !"
-K1W1
Q: How many nannies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, They don't make nappies small enough.
-K1W1
Q: How many New Zealanders does it take to change a light bulb?
A : 2 - 1 to change the bulb & 1 to shag a sheep! -lineswine
How many shrinks does it take to change a light bulb? Only 1, but the light bulb has to really want to change -PCRaevyn
http://lightbulbjokes.com -PCRaevyn
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10.
Never Lie to the Riffster - Update
So, Little Miss Attitude from my earlier Customer E-Mail post (#18955) evidently discovered she could not log in earlier today, and called our office. Of course, we were closed for the holiday, so she got shunted into voice mail. I called in around 21:00 to see if there were any problems needing immediate attention, and decided to return her call to see if being without service all day had adjusted her attitude somewhat.
Sure enough, she was as sweet as pie, especially when I informed her that had our logs actually verified that she has been experiencing connection problems for a while, she would have gotten a free month's service. Apparently, all the fight went out of her, because when I mentioned her reply e-mail to me, she said, "Yeah, I'm sorry I was so harsh." CHA-CHING!
RiffRaff to Red Leader... RiffRaff to Red Leader... LART impact confirmed... Attitude adjustment verified... Mission accomplished... RTB... Over.
[By: RiffRaff / 2003-09-02]
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nice -KuroTaka
It's always nice to be right. -namor
*steaples fingers* "Excelant." gotta love it when someone THAT nasty realizes they can't get away with treating you like shit. -wolfprince
Yes. Very nicely done... -hkypipe
Final score :
Nice techie 1, neeping starfish 1 (well, she WILL get a free month out of you...) -lineswine
Whoops, my bad.....Tesch 1, NS 0 - after a recall (a bit ike California, innit!) -lineswine
You let her back on? I'm disappointed in you. Some people deserve to be on AOL. -scooby111
Ice up a cold one boys I'm commin home </Clint> -Digital Dogcow
<a-team> I love it when a plan comes together </a-team> Good Job Riff :) -Spyder19
<Ace Rimmer> Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast</Ace Rimmer> -K1W1
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11.
Got Priest?
ok, this one has me stumped, and a bit scared.
system is a portable that is locking up. where it locks varies. sometimes at the bios splash, sometimes in windows. even when it locks up before the bios splash cust has full control of caps scroll and num lock. I have removed everything removable, (modem, nic, memory, hard drive, optical, floppy, and pcmcia cards) and the blasted thing is still able to lock up on the windows Me splash screen.
NO FREAKING HARD DRIVE OR MEMORY IN THE DAMNED COMPUTER, AND IT IS STILL OCCASIONALLY GETTING TO AND LOCKING UP ON THE WINDOWS SPLASH SCREEN!!??!?!?!
only thing I can think of is customer lying, or demonic posession. [By: KuroTaka / 2003-09-02]
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corupted bios? -wolfprince
Is it the ME splash? Could be the BIOS splash -- some laptops have a BIOS splash screen as well. I would actually bet on CPU fan, or CPU fail, those being the two big things im my experience to cause random lockups... -chazz
Bad internal memory? If it really had no memory then it wouldn't even get through BIOS. -rurwin
It was the white ME splash screen (I'm a co-worker of KuroTaka and tried to help on this one but I am not on good terms with any deities) -Wolffarmer
Got pictures? -TechnoVampire
Windows ME isn't that far off from demonic possession. Sprinkle it with holy water and install Linux. <g> -RiffRaff
I also vote for CPU fan - I recently had a Dell laptop do the same thing... -hkypipe
THOU SHALT NOT SUFFER A WITCH TO LIVE! - 'nuff farkin said! -Digital Dogcow
overheating would be my first guess, but I'd check the BIOS settings, and ensure they're ok, RAM second, then Video Card third. If it's a laptop, some motherboards have onboard RAM, if the onboard RAM is acting up, game over. Best of luck. -testing123
I did a packhard Bell laptop recently, I had a devil of a job finding the HDD - it turns out it was integrated with the FDD! It maybe that the item you are T/Sing the same design of kit.
As for the lockups? My best guess is heat related, so as others have said look for duff fans, loose heatsinks etc. -lineswine
CPU is overheating. Either the fan is dead, or you will need to reseat that heatsink (with a fresh layer of thermal paste) -HotGreenMeat
Since you've eliminated everything else, I'd have to agree with everyone here. It's got to be hardware or BIOS. The most likely culprits are: On-board memory; CPU (fan or processor); and BIOS. If all that fails, sprinkle it with hold water and bury it in an unmarked grave on holy land. -scooby111
Many years ago I came across a Toshiba Laptop - It had a RAM Drive (384k) and the OS in a ROM Drive (size unknown, but it was DOS on this PC Compatable (And it was 8086 or 286 cpu) the Rom drive looked at the ram drive for an autoexec.bat when booting.... And all the memory was soldered in... -Wonko The Sane
Going back a bit...if it's a (l)user, they are probably lying. Recommend following TSC advice listed above, just in case the user is telling the truth. :) -snowcrash
Wound up throwing mem, mb, proc, hdd, touchpad, keyboard, and some screws at it. hehe. don't have a part number for holy water. will have to talk to someone about that. -KuroTaka
IT IS THE DEVIL, I MEAN BILL GATES,SAME PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!! -VispaTech
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12.
Be afraid
Had a couple of guys visiting the office yesterday, with their PCs. I started to get DNS errors while browsing. Eventually I bothered to run Ethereal, and guess what. One of those machines was pinging successive IP addresses every 20ms. I told him he had wildlife on his computer. "Hmm. I suppose I'd better load an AV app. at some point."[By: rurwin / 2003-09-02]
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*blink* Ya think?!?!? -scooby111
Hmmm... I'm falling out of a plane. Maybe I should go get a parachute. -teivrann
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13.
CD goes evil
A bit of background....one of our prized databases has been transferred over to finance. THEY now handle the support for it and administration of it. I'm glad to see the back of it since it's the most buggy piece of Access I have EVER seen. Majorly unreliable.
So I am surprised to get a call from the new Finance-Part-Time-DBA who says 'the users are asking questions!'. Ermmm, that's a problem how? says I. 'Because I didn't know they'd ask questions! I thought all I'd have to do is run a few macros now and then, I didn't expect to have to deal with them!'.
Knowing me as you lot do, do you think I...
A. Sympathised with this bean-counter, put aside all my coding work for the day and offerred to help or...
B. Laughed evilly and told them 'welcome to tech support'.
MWAH HAH HAH HAH! [By: CommanderData / 2003-09-02]
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Ummmm, a bean counter becomes tech support. I would call that sweet justice. -Wolffarmer
Hmmm a neeping tech support person - thats just proves once a beancounter, always a beancounter...and they say techies lack people skills? This tosser doesn't even want to TALK, never mind T/S! Tough shit beany, welcome to our world <EG> -lineswine
Every now and then, the universe has a way of setting things right, if only for a moment... -hkypipe
Erm...?.......A? (buhwa ha hahahahahahah) -Digital Dogcow
Ok, my money is on the bean counter drinking and smoking heavily by the end of the week, and by the end of the month, he'll be about 30 lbs heavier, and his diet will consist of sources of caffine, sugar and fat. Next monday, he'll even have his glasses taped together (after the other bean counters realize what's happening to him). Any takers? -garwain
Garwain -- No bet; he may be able to hide it well enough that the other bean counters don't tape his glasses. As to the rest of it -- it may take longer than you predict, but that is certainly the course he is on. CD: Supremely evil. I love it. Is Miss Crybaby now going to be asking _him_ questions as well? That would be just too rich... -chazz
*blink* You take over part of MY job because they say that they don't need a full-time DBA and you're calling me up to complain that you actually have to work?!?! And you expect sympathy?!?! Bwahahahaha!!! Welcome to tech support. Check your soul at the door and abandon all hope, ye who enter here. -scooby111
Welcome him to tech support aka the 30th level of hell, and be sure to inform him that the rules of becoming a tech are similiar to that of joining the Mafia..only way out is death, if he quits, he would soon find himself in another support position, with less pay. -testing123
How long do you think it will be until he posting stuff here!!! (just joking CD) -RTFM
It's true. Once you get stuck in a "support" position you literally have to change careers and omit that part of your life on your CV/resume before it will stop haunting you. This guy's in for it. I wonder what he did to deserve this. >:) -snowcrash
I still have a soul Scoob. It's really really small now, but it's still there dammit! -KuroTaka
C = put them on hold, make and then leisurely drink a nice cup of tea, return to phone and if they're still holding -->Option B -K1W1
I lost my soul last friday when I blew up at work and threatened to strangle my manager. (he a nice guy realy, he just happened to be close while I was ranting and raving. He bought me a pop and I felt a hell of a lot better) -Wolffarmer
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14.
Not this month...
Besides from normal computer support I do also PBX support in my company (well, it HAS linux in it...). This guy comes to me and asks what's wrong with his DECT, it tells System Error on the display. Me: Well have you ever dropped the phone ? EU: Not this month....[By: Dr Jerkyl / 2003-09-02]
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I have yet to work at a company where the computer guys aren't also the phone guys. -scooby111
I've already learnt that when I given SysAdmin duties, I became responsible for many things I didn't know existed. A general rule is if it plugs into a power socket, YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR IT! Even the water cooler, the coffee maker, and the microwave oven. -Wraith556
Woops! The first sentence should read "I've already learnt that when I was given SysAdmin duties,... " -Wraith556
learnt? Are ya'll from the south? -Hellion
Hellion, learnt, learned... sometimes the fingers can't keep up with the brain. As for being from the south? Further south and west than the Mason-Dixon line. Try the far side of the big pond, over the Tasman from K1W1. Next stop Antarctica. -Wraith556
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15.
un-f*cking-believable.
Fantastic. Went on a nice camping trip labor day weekend (i caught a fishy!). Came back yesterday... start school today...
We took our laptop camping so mom can work on a huge finances thing. I get to watch the kids (4yo girl / 5yo boy) while she relaxes out by the campfire. She asks for a soda. I take it out there and while I'm gone... the 4yo starts bashing on the keyboard and pressing the LCD. Start it up the next day... ZXCVM<>?[shift] [right] [up] [down] 0123. [end] [home] and [Enter... all do not work. Somehow this is my fault... so I have to give up my computer until the laptop is serviced (depot box for it coming tomorrow.)
yay... my mp3 player is starting to work again after that dunk in the lake at the campground! (lcd is messed... but it still plays music!)[By: catman1229 / 2003-09-02]
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"but the plug wasn't in"..... -Dr Jerkyl
My kids once snatched out the tray to my wife's CD-RW, like completely pulled it out of her PC, walked into the living room with it, playing tug of war with it. Needless to say that when I saw that, they got disciplined, and they NEVER touched an optical device since. Amazingly I was able to get the tray back in there and the CD-RW still works. Just makes a noise when opening and closing, but functions fine still (luckily). -testing123
I hate to say it but, it was your fault. A 4 year old and a 5 year old in the same room with electronic equipment unsupervised??!? That's asking for trouble... <G> - - My kids are very well behaved around computers, but I would never trust them near my laptop. -scooby111
It's my fault my mom was too damn lazy to get up and get a pepsi herself? -catman1229
I've had to ban Magenta from having drinks near my computer area. I love her dearly, but she's a klutz, and she spilled an entire glass of Pepsi on my desk the other day and ruined my digital camera. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... -RiffRaff
Which is why my keyboard at work is a nice brown colour. From all the tea I keep spilling on it. -CommanderData
killed my keytronic with coke. 5 keys not working anymore, try to disassemble and clean with apporiate product, but didnt work. So i keep using it and when i went an a i do alt+97 ... ASCII is my friend now... -wastedtime
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16.
Automatic dialers
A very satisfying day for me. Today I've received 3 calls from automated dialers (you know, the annoying ones that wait until you say something, then transfer you to a person...) and using my standard greeting (monotone "hello, you have reached Garwain's office, how may I help you") I fooled all 3 into thinking I was an answering machine!
Hey, they say practice makes perfect... now to figure out who the hell is trying to call me for non-computer related sales pitches... and issue a severe LARTING[By: garwain / 2003-09-02]
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Someone needs to develope a tone generator that will fry this things when they call. -scooby111
Captain Crunch time. -Wolffarmer
my bet is that the good Captain has already done so... -Spyder19
Now all you gotta do is sell yourself as sounding "soothing" and you should be able to get a nice job reading scripts for companies who want to play commercials instead of hold music! ("Thanks for calling about your service. The next agent will be with you shortly. While you're waiting, why not check out our website at www.company-name.com?") It's gotta be better than actually TALKING to the users! :) -snowcrash
Got your solution: LEt it think you are human, then when someone comes on the line be prepared with an extension phone with the output from the speaker of a tape player wired straight to the mic in the handset and play recorded modem noise at max volume (while holding the phone away from you ear of course). Or try to seel them something and don't take no for an answer! -GargoyleTS
Try a police or referees whistle - a real ear-drum buster. Wait 'til they answer & then let rip! -lineswine
There is such a tone generator... It plays the Bee-doo-beep That you get when you dial a disconnected/wrong number. Automatic dialers are configured to remove those numbers that give that tone from the list of numbers to call. -Myrkul999
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17.
drunk telco workers ?
Hello everybody, new user, mid time reader.
One day, just after we got our 100mb network installed over the 600rooms of our campus (hey we're in france, so it is only 2 years old), I had 1 PC not able to connect at all to the lan, everything was plugged right, I changed the netword adapter, dont work. I changed the cable, don't work. Tried to connect with my laptop (which worked in my room) dont work. Checked the net plug in the wall was wired, an it was. Check plugging on the switch, it was allright to. Then i started to remember the guy who made the wiring of the plugs. They looked quite drunk. So, i rechecked the wiring with the color code next to me: this moron had wired it crossed ! I spent a whole afternoon teching because of a drunk piece of s*it... And when I told that to campus staff, they told me i must be wrong because "All the plugs have been tested by ******* (company)" me: I dont think so, I have one friend connecting with a X cable. Them: "So, you admit it works ...."
Had to take a drink and a smoke after this one...
sorry if my english is not perfect, but i'm french[By: wastedtime / 2003-09-02]
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I know Americans who speak English worse than that. Welcome to TSC. And might I take this opportunity to point out that a star membership would do wonders for international relations. -RiffRaff
i will consider star menbership after moving to ireland, if i can find a rent cheap in Dublin ( i can't find anything under 400€ (450$) per month) btw, if someone knows about something to rent cheap near dublin, i will be glad to know ... -wastedtime
€ read euro -wastedtime
Yes welcome! Just becuase you are smart enough to work around the idiot's screw up does not mean he did not f-up. -MightyMouse
Welcome. Now I may have to give up all my preconceived notions about the French and technology. <g> -scooby111
OK ! all you american's being nice to a french guy, step outside & raise your hands. A van from the Dept of Homeland Security will be there to arrest you ASAP. ! :0) . Bienvenue Wasted'. oh & you're gonna love Dublin, that town is MAD!. -Digital Dogcow
Even if we've switch from "French" to FREEDOM fries, and FREEDOM kissing?! What does a person have to do to show patriotism these days??! -pennywithahole
Uhmmm... Fly the flag in front of your house and treat people with respect? -LaserGuru
Oooh, oooh. I know!! Mount a flag on your car and drive it until it looks like a tattered grey+black dishrag. -scooby111
hey can u send us some freedom fries lmao -postal tech
English is a difficult language. You're doing great! :) -snowcrash
Bonjour WastedTime. Ça va? I'm sure you've noticed by now that lusers are the same around the world. -K1W1
Uh, LaserGuru, flying the flag doesn't indicate patriotism, it indicates nationalism. And as to treating people with respect, who respected the rights of the 3000 innocent Iraqis that died in this last war?
Flying the flag does NOT indicate patriotism, it indicates "see, I'm patriotic, neener neener." TRUE patriotism comes from questioning if your government is truly standing up to the principles of your nation. It is NOT unpatriotic to question the actions of your government -- indeed, it can be the most patriotic act of all, asking "Do I want them to do this? Or should I take my constitutional right to vote against them the next election?" Nationalism, on the other hand, is simply "My government tells me what to think, and I will do so." In other words, patriotism is open-mindedness, and nationalism is what most of us saw in the past year or two -- everyone hanging "me-too" flags. -Captain Trips
Welcome, wasted! I've talked with more (l)user's here in Indiana who did much worse with the english language. You did pretty good for an amateur. :) -rokitt
Welcome! Having done a pile of data and phone cabling myself, I know just how easy it is to cross wires. I do it all the time. But to certify it as being tested when you know you havent done the testing is just wrong. -Snakeeye
thanks for the welcome everybody.
And postal, i could send french fries, but they will be held by us custom, since it is not allowed to import food without going through a lot of paperwork. And scooby, don't forget a french invented the plastic card with EEPROM on it 20 years ago, and now, it is used worldwide... But I do agree thaht lusers are the same all around the world and I have some idea of lart that would be great, as a tetsubo (japanese, a plain metal stick of 1.5m with spikes all around) I will try to post a photo of it on my ridiculous site -wastedtime
CT- Let's not get into a flame here. I posted a short and trivial answer, not a thesis. I am painfully aware of the differences between patriotism and nationalism, having seen both up close. [FYI- I've had a US flag flying since I moved back home in '93. I also promote proper retirement of flags with a group I work with.] -LaserGuru
I fly the American flag outside my apartment. It is not flown for any political party, but fot the men and women who faught under it's banner. Since I have put it up, others have appeared in the apartments. The Candian flag, the Union JACK, and even the Tri-Color of the French. It is not support of the current war, but a rememberence of that , which has come before. Not the politicians, but the people who have died, defending that they belive in.
I may not believe your belief's, but I will support your right to belive it. -fadedglory
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18.
Not a chance in Hell...
Get this: Since my last day is Friday here, they apparently need me to migrate all 14 of our sites to an outside vendor by Friday. As in tested, databases working, dns resolved, email, etc. They told me this today and I just laughed. Fortunately, my bosses boss told me, that since he knows it'll take longer, HE'LL pay my contract rate (that he set, btw) of $75/hour until it's done. 20 hours at $75 an hour? Not too shabby.[By: shawncat / 2003-09-02]
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Bwaaahahaha! Time to make sure it takes at least 40... -scooby111
Only 20 hours? Surely you can work less efficiently than that. Afterall, those that are non-technical wont know the difference. -firebird2k2
Any jobs going? -RTFM
why u leaving? -postal tech
So you're buying the next round? ;) -snowcrash
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19.
I feel your pain...
http://zdnet.com.com/2100-1104_2-1025465.html . I guess they are discovering what we already knew, poor bastards...[By: hkypipe / 2003-09-02]
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UMM.... I think the story is expired. Because I click the link and type the address in. It comes up for a second, then is rerouted to a generic page. -MightyMouse
That story is so old, it is turning into urban legend. It has been posted many, many, many times before. -Gecko
If anybody wants to read this story, I found it on another page. http://technology.nzoom.com/technology_detail/0,1608,205377-113-380,00.html grrltechie -grrltechie
Welcome to Hell India -burrkiss
Shurely shome mishtake burrkiss, shouldnt that read Welcome to India Dell ??? -Digital Dogcow
And people wonder why I won't bash them! I've got a cold beer and a sympathetic ear for anyone who has had to do night shift on a help desk, especially while speaking a language that isn't native to them. Good luck to any tech from India who reads this site (despite the India bashing that sometimes occurs). You're gonna need it! -snowcrash
I actually spent a month in New Delhi last year training techs for an outsource company... I have to say, once you put a human face to the voices and actually make friends with them it really changes your attitude. I don't begrudge those Indian technicians their jobs. What pisses me off is the American companies that send the jobs over there in the first place. -D311LinuxGuy
Or New Dell-i -K1W1
My attitude all along has not been to blame the Indian techs (hell, wouldn't you jump at the opportunity, in their situation?) but rather to lambast the farkin' mgmt. types over here who send call centers elsewhere. -chris98b
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20.
Haiku error messages
Below, the essence of Zen:
(too much time on someone's hands but good for a laugh)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Your file was so big./
It might be very useful./
But now it is gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The Web site you seek/
Cannot be located, but/
Countless more exist.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Chaos reigns within./
Reflect, repent, and reboot/
Order shall return.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Program aborting:/
Close all that you have worked on./
You ask far too much.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Windows NT crashed./
I am the Blue Screen of Death/
No one hears your screams.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Yesterday it worked./
Today it is not working./
Windows is like that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
First snow, then silence./
This thousand-dollar screen dies/
So beautifully.
[By: Remo / 2003-09-02]
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Windows NT crashed?
How about Windows ME (spell out each letter instead of saying 'me') -catman1229
Yesterday it worked./ Today it is not working./ Windows is like that. ---- HEHE wish I could get my callers to believe that -KuroTaka
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