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Tech Stories Archives - October 2003
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1.
I know what I am doing.
Hey All, been reading this site for almost a year (gets me through my hellish days) finally decided to sign up and post a story. I work tech/sales/billing/winging for an ISP. Just got a call from a customer getting "No Dial Tone" error In Win98. Cust reads me the error message and tells me he has already checked the phone line and modem connection. So I ask him to try connecting another phone to the cable (make sure it ain't busted) he tries, Cust-Its too big Me-"huh...ok have you got another you can try. Cust-Yeah I'll go get it (time passes) Cust-Thats too big as well. Me-(thinking WTF) Thats strange...Is it too big or just the wrong shape? Cust-I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING! the blue one just wont fit. Me-Blue cable? Him-Yeah Me-(snicker) Sir that is the network cable there will also be a phone cable plugged into the modem. Rest of call went as normal and I refered him to a tech when he refused to search for his modem driver disk. I just love making those arrogant jerks feel like the idiots they are.[By: strongmint / 2003-10-01]
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it is a nice high -Bunglehawk069
"You may know what you're doing, but do you know what you SHOULD be doing?" -AceOfShades
There was a guy who worked here, kept saying 'I know what Im doing'. Got sacked because he obviously didnt - couldnt tell the difference between two pieces of software - even after 3 months! -idlers
"I know what I'm doing." "Are you sure? Most people don't know when they look like idiots!" -Captain Trips
Welcome dude----you ARE aware that your name may get shortened by other TSCers to S/M aren't you? <runs away giggling> - lineswine
yes, l/w
-STJ
Maby that was my plan all the long ;) -strongmint
make sure it ain't me?? **runs away -Bustedson
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2.
You want WHAT?
Hi all. I'm taking A+ courses (on the company dime, yet!), and one of the labs goes a little something like this: Insert a defective monitor adapter card provided by your instructor into a system. Describe the problem in writing, AS A USER WOULD DESCRIBE IT. With that, I open the floor for responses. Be creative, have fun![By: hkypipe / 2003-10-01]
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Its broke and its all your fault dammit!! I cant get my pr0n! -rockytech
I booted up my machine and everything is upside down. Fix it, you goon! -da5ve
It was working yesterday! -Calydor
I want credit! My internet crashed! You did it! Gimme your CEO! I'll have your job! -livewire
The internet is backwards! Fix it! -LaserGuru
The internet is broken! -snowcrash
My TV-thingy is blank! And there's a flashy orange & green light! Is orange bad? -Tekkie
Can you help me? there is really funny smell coming from the back on my box thingy and a werid noise to sounds like broken trumpets, also when I turn on this box thingy I get this little blinking curser that is up to 1,000,188 since I start counting how much its been blink.... </dumbass> -LowLevelFormat
can i get a refund my HD is broken -neuman1812
These are great, just great! I'm gonna print this and take it to class. Keep 'em coming! -hkypipe
"Now look, I'm a CERTIFIED network engineer, so I know what I'm talking about! The problem is obviously on your side because there's NOTHING wrong with my computer!" -rokitt
... an I hope you are havening a nice day! -LaserGuru
Since I installed this I can't see what I'm printing, there's just NOTHING THERE! -Number42
It don't do nuthin' </hick accent> -RiffRaff
I can't get to the internet because my modem is broken and flashing an orange light. -pixel
"I didn't change anything." -thx1138
My buddy, "WHO KNOWS COMPUTERS", said that the problem was on your end! -Hellion
All I did was upgrade the video card and the computer you sold me is dead! My friend said the card looks just fine. -RePo
Mel, who is a comuter expert, told me it was a PCI card, but backwards compatibale with the SIA slot thingy. -LaserGuru
Is your server down? -idlers
I didn't do anything to it! So it must be at your end! No, it's your problem, I'm not going to do any %$%@#ing troubleshooting! -chazz
My modium doesn't work. -Wolffarmer
"Hello? Technical Support? I'm So-and-So's executive secretary. His computer isn't working. This is a business and its costing us millions of dollars. We need it fixed now!" -phanatik
it doesnt work.....IT doesnt work....IT doesnt WORK!!!!.....IT DOESNT WORK!!!!!!. Each comment followed by the tech asking "what is 'it'?" -burrkiss
I know what the fault is, the bulb has burnt out computer, All I need is your help to fit this new 40W bulb I have, How do I take the Monitor apart... -Wonko The Sane
*neep* *neep* *nnep* it's broken and you need to send someone to fix it. *Neep* *nop* -scooby111
"My computer won't boot up" - also works of the mon. is unplugged. -RunningWolf
Hard to get down to user level, but I'll try... "It werked yestreday! Wat did u change?" -maciarc
"i've broke the internet" -RTFM
woah. i just read it "AS A LUSER WOULD DESCRIBE IT" -CyberBuzzard
Same thing, Cyber ;) -Coward
my pics of naked women look like scrambled naked men -postal tech
You need to buy me more memory for my computer. -jennifer
"I can't get my email!" -concept14
"My Windows 2000 ME is broke! I'm losing thousands of dollars wasting my time on hold for your stupid tech support, and now you're telling me it's not your fault! This computer was brand new when I bought it four years ago at a garage sale, and I expect you to fix it immediately! This is unacceptable! My friend George is a lawyer and he's gonna sue you for every penny you've got!" -TechnoVampire
<(l)user> I need you to help me download a new monitor, because this one isn't working and I can't see what I'm doing..</(l)user> -Mephiston
Two. 1- "It no work." 2- "Habla Espanol?" -Captain Trips
You broke my TV-Thingy! I wanna cancel & go to AOL 'cos they are the internet.
-lineswine
<grunt> Magic Box No Work. Grog No Like <grunt> cue 2001 A Space Oddessy music as grog and the other users go to throw bones in the air and worship the giant Bit-O-Honey bar. -GefahrMaus
My cd rom works ok but I can't see the picture on my computer. Does that mean I need to pay my bill? -strongmint
Soner or later, everyone pays Bill. -LaserGuru
i think my pooter got that blaster worm thingy. -> everything's blamed on blaster these days -omegawolf
My picture's broke -Digz
It worked just fine yesterday and now i cant see anything on the monitor. NO, i didnt do anything (you insist some more...)i didnt do anything i am telling you, i just had a friend who knows...the rest is history :P -AmdInside
yeah a i got a blinking light on my box and i can't see my buttons on the thingy there...uhaaaa it must be the internet is down cause it was working yesterday...it all started when i got a new car and i drove down the block and ran over the modem box but that works fine..... -jas75249
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3.
cable modem & cable tv installers
Coming time for my g/f and me to move so we are going through all the fun stuff of transferring accounts for electric, cable, et al. The cable is in her name so she was handling it last night as I was goofing around on the computer at home. I’m like half hearing her end of the conversation. When the cable modem was installed here at work and at home both of the installers were too chicken to blow away the tcp/ip protocols to get the cable modems to actually work. So the g/f says something to the effect that the guy should just bring the modem out and we’ll handle it ourselves since the last guy had such a problem with it the last time….. If you ask me the cable company should have people who specifically know computers to come and install the modems instead of Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokel who doesn’t know a computer from a microwave oven. And as I have said several times to several people about the cable installers out here “They are nice people but they don’t know shit about networking”.[By: RunningWolf / 2003-10-01]
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Yep they dont know shit about networking. Thats why I use DSL cause of the simple fact that VERIZON sends you out a small package with a do it your self home kit, which for Networking Nuts like me, just adore -LowLevelFormat
I was trying a few different hook ups last time they were out for my g/f’s computer. I had to blow away the network properties and the NIC and reinstall. The guy was there for 4 hours trying to get it to work and he was afraid to blow away the card and settings. Would hate to see if I had the modem hooked up to the router from the get-go. Also as a side note I have to watch the same program as I record on the VCR cause the digital cable tv wasn’t hooked up right through the box and VCR….. Nice people but pretty unprofessional when some regular Joe like me can hook the stuff up better…. Thinking maybe I should apply for a job with them after I move. :) -RunningWolf
'round here, couple of different experiences. With cable, I signed up for free month - cancelled after 2 weeks. The installer wired the modem, and I got home just in time to tell him not to touch any computer, as it was going to a linux box. His comment, "I have no idea what you're doing." Yay. Second, our field techs who install DSL for some (most are contracted out to computer companies) know more about the line and how to fix the issues on that side, than about the computer issues. They usually resort to hooking up their company laptop, test it with that, and leave it. Good enough in 99% of cases... -namor
hey my name is JOE !!! -LowLevelFormat
Oh no not another JOE!!!! My name too, a buddy of mine’s name, and we also have a few other people at happy hour named Joe (Gets confusing after a few drinks and someone shouts out “Joe” to get someone’s attention)…. Funny thing was with hooking up the cable modem worked fine on my box right from the get go. The tech tried a USB type hook-up, no dice on that either….. Think it’s time to format the g/f’s drive cause for some reason she can’t do any audio streaming anymore. Worked before but just crapped out for some reason. Got the stream to by-pass the firewalls and router defenses, gets to the Real Producer Server and she gets an error message…. I have the networking skills and she can spank my ass with what she knows about Real Producer even with the combined brain power of the two of us and some people from the site she streams on we’re still getting hosed! -RunningWolf
It's TI Joe against Starfish and Destro teching to save the day, TI JOE! A real world hero!.... Ok Warrick's gone insane here folks.
-Warrick
The LCD at work is starting to go to heck & now displays the message PROCESSING JOE when it prints. -Tekkie
The LCD on the 5Si, that is. -Tekkie
Had an installer one time tell me that the DSL line wasn't provisioned, and was in fact not connected to anything at the crossconnect or CO. Ignoring the fact that the Speedstream synced up halfway through her sentence. And that I could log in with my PPPoE username and password. The problem, as I saw it? I'd ordered a bridged, instead of PPPoE, connection. <g> -iFox
adelphia? -postal tech
from what my g/f was saying adelphia was a hell of a lot faster & better than CONcast. What ever happened to cable deregulation? I want to run concast out of business! -RunningWolf
amen. i've had one of those people come to my house and not know how to turn my pc on or where the NIC is (it is onboard next to the USB ports; i had to tell him). the worst part of it is, i can't get a job like his because i'm an over 25 year old female and the only position they want me to fill is for a receptionist. (even though i'm A+/Net+ certified, working on my MCSE and have 8 yrs experience in the computer industry) -techwench
TechWench- any chance you got any of that in writing? You gotta hell of a case against any potential employer if so. -BayouTech
our installer (a self proclaimed "god")used analog splitters for the digital tv/modem imstall. changed them out, tv cleared up, speed doubled. -HappyCrappy
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4.
IT Stupidity
I was working with a (l)user yesterday. As the web content we give them is time sensitive, I was walking them through their browser settings in Internet Explorer.
I took them to their settings and they had the update option set to Never. I explained that this means the page never checks for newer content and would always show the cached pages.
She said her tech did it so it wouldn't store any web data...
Then I had her check the temporary internet folder size... 286MB.
I think somebody needs to LART that tech.[By: technaround / 2003-10-01]
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You sure about that? It's just I thought that when it was set to never, that it would never see if the page being visited was newer than the one in cache not that it would permamently only look at the cache. And I think the IE cache is calculated as a percentage of the drive when you install Winblows/IE... this sucker defaults to 289Mb as well. -fearmyroot
The order is this: in most modes, except Every Visit to the Page, it goes to the Temp Internet Files folder to look for the page reference. Never - never looks for the updated page. It was a mode designaed for kiosks and other applications where the content doesn't change. And, yes, default is 5% of the drive capacity. Great idea for slow dialups in the 90's, time to change now... -technaround
Until they figure a way around the current limitations on distance for DSL, there will continue to be dialup. -Tekkie
Default size is ridiculous due to the high-capacity hard drives today. Although I'm still a bit chapped that my WD 80GB SE is really only about 76GB. -Wanamingo
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6.
I got laid.... OFF!
Reduction In Force, need to save xx million dollars as part of this new operating contract, blah blah blah, I'm sure most of you have heard one form of this or another before.
No condolences or shoulders to cry on needed for me- got a decent nest egg, a huge reduction in the stress level + nice severence package, a few (potential) fixer-uppers/help-me type jobs, and assurances from everyone I know that I should be able to land something better.
Or, I could pursue music (drumming + possibly other instruments) full time. Yo Riff, are those song parodies copyrighted? :)
[By: BayouTech / 2003-10-01]
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Now your free, time to go on to bigger and better things. Good luck in finding your niche. -MightyMouse
Yep. But not by me. The RIAA will probably end up suing my ass for posting them. -RiffRaff
Have you considered a career in piracy? You'd make an excellent Dread Pirate Roberts. -scooby111
I got laid.......ONCE.....got me a kid. -burrkiss
If you've got the relaxed state of mine, maybe you should try and start an order of Grammaton Clerics... (seen Equlibrium, love it)
-Warrick
This just about says it all -> http://www.ucomics.com/reallifeadventures/2003/10/01/ -RedSwingline
There are times when I actually agree with those who go flipping insane and do things they shouldn't, this would be one of them
-Warrick
Doggone it, RedSwingline! Now I have to clean boiled egg off my monitor! -sassicatz
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8.
Prove me wrong
I got a call from a customer with a workstation not connecting to the network. I've worked with the site before and the two people I normally speak to are not great with computers but they follow instructions and don't mess with anything unless specifically told to do so. So I'm working with person 1 trying to figure out why this box won't connect and I hear the other in the background talking about how I must think she's an idiot because she's computer illiterate. I laugh and tell the person I'm speaking to to let her coworker know that they are much better than most the people I deal with. Then we find the problem... the one in the background had unplugged the hub. She KNEW she unplugged the hub, but didn't remember why or when and didn't know what it was for. I had to retract my statement.[By: CelticSkyhawk / 2003-10-01]
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What does this thing with blinkie lights do? Oh well, I'll just unplug it and forget about it. Where am I? I think I'll go to that place where the TV and thing is... -scooby111
I just remembered a george carlin quote about dogs "A dog will be walking across the floor on his way to the kitchen, then drop all of a sudden and start licking his balls. For 8 or 9 minutes. Then he'll get up and forget where he was going, and just kinda start wandering"... dumb lusers -crackshot
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9.
A Job Maybe?
Well, after being unemployed for 6 and a half months I finally have a 2nd interview for my dream job. If this works out I swear god, No BOFH for at least a week! Wish me luck![By: WickedClown / 2003-10-01]
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Good luck, WickedClown! Knock 'em dead! -chazz
Still trying to decide on my dream job. Finally out of the burger joint and now doing unarmed security (hired yesterday), but don't think I want to do this for too long. Good luck. -AceOfShades
Unarmed Security? How do you pick your nose? <STOP, or I shall say STOP again!> -scooby111
It's not the security where I actually get to stop criminals, but I'm just supposed to scare them off before they can do anything. Not as much fun sure, but it'll do. -AceOfShades
STOP!!! DONT MAKE ME DIAL THIS PHONE!!!! -burrkiss
Ace:- What? Not even a LART?
Wicked:- Good luck with the job. -lineswine
And after a week, you revert slow back into BOFH mode, until after a month the get to the stage that when they get any computer problems, they write there will before asking for advice... }:-) -Wonko The Sane
HI yes this is steve with security, and there is someone trying to break in.. you need to come down and fix the window for me...what..yes I know Im the security gaurd, but its your window thats broken.. what..yes he has a gun....no I dont.. ok (/lays down phone) (background..sir..sir..the tech said to point gun at me and shoot...bang) (/sound of postal laughing through phone) -neuman1812
Yeah yeah I know it sounds lame, but that's what I'm supposed to do. It's just a private security company, I'm not a cop. -AceOfShades
MacGyver handled security just fine and *he* never carried a gun. :~p </sticking up for Ace> -RiffRaff
Scooby - Robins Williams Rocks! -stpatience
Andy Taylor never carried a gun. -LaserGuru
Barney Feif at least got 1 bullet -burrkiss
Heh, sorry for taking your post away Clown. Come on people, dude requested wishes for luck here! -AceOfShades
Best of luck to ya, WickedClown! Do we want to know what the dream job is? -Tekkie
no lie-i applied to a local security company who does both armed and unarmed. they told me i was a risk because i did tech and cs support. -postal tech
Seriously postal tech? Damn that blows large.
-Warrick
Postal - If they only knew, if they only knew. -scooby111
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10.
Ahh Linux...
...so confusing to Windows users, even at the simplest times. Teach was explaining something about /etc/passwd. Been there, broke that. So I was sitting there staring at my BSOD screensaver when I noticed a fellow student trying to cd /etc/passwd. Response: "Not a directory". Pretty self explanitory eh? But no, goon figured he just typoed, so cd /etc; ls, name of file sitting right there. Try cd passwd at that point: "Not a directory". Tried a few more times, never figured out what the problem was, and gave up. You got to third semester how exactly?[By: AceOfShades / 2003-10-01]
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Being very good at sports? -fearmyroot
Well yeah, I've made that mistake before too. It took me a while to slow down and actually read the message and have it sink in. Of course, I was drunk at the time... *hic* -scooby111
Should have beat this into his head.
ls -la
If it has a d next to it, its a directory. -klous
No, no, no... it's rm -f /etc/passwd ... it means Really Mean it, Fark! -namor
Yeah... I'm a windows baby. I tried linux once, and it corrupted my HDD (Most likely due to something i did). I've been afraid of it sense -crackshot
I know just enough Unix that I can navigate and create/edit/delete files and directories. But I don't know it like I know Windows. -RiffRaff
Didn't the school offer intros on using linux? -jhuang
This IS the intro to using Linux. For the most part people are figuring out how to navigate the thing, but still, that message should explain well enough on any OS what the problem is. -AceOfShades
against fools the very gods themselves contend in vain *sigh* -timelady
Yeah, installed SUSE once, formatted my HD. Hell of an OS, though. Just wish the dang Comcast cable installation disc would work on it... -Veinor
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12.
LLF Misconception
So I am installing PcANywhere on 2 computers using 1 IP address, I am done, YAY !!. GO back to the office, tried on connection, it worked tried second... LOGON failed... Hummm did this for about 30mins untilI realized second connection is port 5633-5634 not 5631-5632 your going to the wrong computer yah genius, DUHH DUMB DUMB DUMB... it like one of those days.... really[By: LowLevelFormat / 2003-10-01]
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I've been trying to figure out how to configure VNC with different port numbers for different machines on my network and haven't had much luck so far. -RiffRaff
Riff: Just base it around the assumption that 5900 is the *base* for VNC... -1 for 5899 I believe, +1 for 5901, etc... once did that. Assign 5900-6155 for every possible machine in the subnet. :) -namor
Ahhhhh... that helps. I'll try it tonight. Thanks! -RiffRaff
also (depending on the flavor of VNC you are using) instead of the the standard address:port (as described above) you can use address::actual port .... IE: I have a port open in my firewall, say port 23 the normal version you would use my.server.com:5877 or alternately my.server.com::23 <--note the double colon -Syowr
sorry that first example should have been my.server.com:-5877 (negative port to count down to 23) -Syowr
Ok, I'm confused. Why use different port #'s with VNC anyway? The newer versions can connect by IP addy or machine name. just open the standard ports for VNC and go with machine names. -DataSolutions
That might work for the viewer, but since I prefer to use a browser with the java script, don't I need to establish different port numbers to differentiate machines? -RiffRaff
I hate leaving anyone feeling stupid alone...I panicked this afternoon when my phone software, HD software and internet went down. After being stupid enough to ask our Net Admin if he'd disconnected me, I came back and realized when walking someone through a process, I'd gotten click happy and disabled my LAN connection...DOH! There. Now you're not alone dear. *sweet smile* -techiegoddess
Actually, there is a reason to use different ports for different machines. Let's say you have a firewall. Typically, when you set up a firewall to open ports, you can specify which ports are routed to which IP addresses within your in-house network. So you set up three tunnels inward, point each one at a different machine, and set each machine to respond to VNC requests on the specific port that is being re-routed to it... -chazz
I set that up in my router, chazz, but it still didn't work. Granted, I've been too busy to spend much time on it lately, but I'd still like to figure it out sooner or later. -RiffRaff
I also use this idea for RDP from my router - internal - 3389 is the main machine, then 3390 for the next (which just forwards to the next machine on 3389 anyway...) Same principle might apply, depends on VNC, been a while since I looked. -namor
Well, I opened ports 5800 & 5900 in my router and pointed them to my main machine. Works great. Opened ports 5801 & 5901 and pointed them to my weather server, and I get nothing, even after editing the registry key that specifies the port VNC is listening on. I've been researching the documentation, and I have yet to find a suggestion that works. -RiffRaff
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14.
Wow, that's annoying.
My officemate is having issues with her computer. We hadn't been able to figure out *exactly* what the problem was. She needed to reboot her computer everytime the printer was connected, something I did not need to do, and something we both were certain should be unnecessary as the printer uses the USB port to connect. Anyway, the real tech comes up to take a look at it, fiddles around for a while and sends a test document through when he's done. The speakers were turned up full blast after the system restore (just don't ask why). As the document is send, the computer announces at Rock Concert volumes "PRINTING STARTED!" The tech blinks and says nothing. 2 or 3 test documents later, he blinks again and states "Wow, that's annoying." The funny thing is, it has always done that on both our machines. We were just used to it, and kept our speakers turned down. It didn't occur to him to turn the volume down at all.[By: mousie / 2003-10-01]
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To be fair, I try to leave my users settings alone, even when they annoy me. If I change things, I try to remember to put them back. -Tekkie
I used to have drivers that did that. Lexmark I believe (if not than HP is the only other printer brand hooked up)... but you *can* shut it off in the drivers. It's such a enthusastic voice too like "Printing! Started!" (Hooray!) -WildKard
why <grins, ducks, runs> -CyberBuzzard
Farking Lexmark printers. -scooby111
Thank god I don't have to do any printing here.. considering how stunned this office is on the average (some really good techs here, with the relatively stunned managers over their heads sadly).
-Warrick
Definitely Lexmark (smug bastards). -chameleon
Yeah, but when you substitute Majel Barrett's voice for the standard Lexmark voices, it becomes much more interesting to print. ;~} -RiffRaff
The software we package with our products has a sexy British female voice.... <thinking of CD saying "Paper Empty" "Toner Low" "Not Responding"... "Warming Up"> -LaserGuru
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15.
Phones for Beginners
Last Week I had to 'Teach' someone how to use a mobile phone - Arrggghhhh!
They had seen others using them before so it wasn't like having to explain this 'Witchcraft' to such a luddite.
Step 1 - How to make a call.
First Unlock the Phone, Press Menu/Unlock then press the Asterisk Key (Blank Look from User) - Star Key... (Anyway after a while 5 Mins - He was able to Lock & Unlock the phone) - It took 10 Mins to explain why you Lock and Unlock the phone...
Step 2 - How to Dial.
First I showed him how to enter the number, how to correct the number and how to press the Dial button, when he was ready, Also I had to explain that Mobiles do not have a Dial tone. Then explained how to end a call. (30 Mins taken !)
I am looking for Volunteers to teach him how to program the address book....(estimated 2 Hours to explain)[By: Wonko The Sane / 2003-10-01]
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I nominate CD, since she has experience with cell phone 'fish. <runs away laughing HAHA your 3,000 miles away> -burrkiss
Motorola phone? Later ones are nice... and I doubt you want to introduce them to PC-based contact-list management software for their phone... :) -namor
It was an older Nokia Phone - 5xxx series I think. -Wonko The Sane
Step one: Take back to cave. Step two: Smash with rock. Step three: Throw at deer. -scooby111
i'll teach him. he gets 5 minutes to learn it or i start beating him with my bat. -postal tech
Now here's a funny one. I DON'T have a mobile phone. A sysadmin without a mobile. It's simple. If I'm not in the office (and that is 10+ hours, M/F) I don't want to be contacted! -Wraith556
burrkiss, start running, I have enuff fun with Miss CB's adventures into modern life! -CommanderData
and I bet I can find some techies on your continent who will get you if I promise them a friendly CD hug! (I'm joking mate, not really offended) -CommanderData
Stuff that for a game of soldiers - 1)Take mobile phone from Luser 2) replace witha bag of coins & a simple map to the nearest phone booth.,...problem solved! -lineswine
Replace it with a cell phone from the toy department... -LaserGuru
Sounds like my Mom :-). Sorry, Can't be, she's afraid of buttons.... -Dr Jerkyl
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16.
Password
My first post, so here it goes...
Me: Ok, you need to put in the password you chose.
EU: I don't remember it.
Me: [looks up password] Uhm, that's "bite me".
EU: I'm putting that in and it still says invalid.
Me: Are you putting a space between "bite" and "me".
EU: Yes.
Me: Ok, clear everything out and type out b-i-t-e, hit the spacebar, m-e.
EU: Still not working.
Me: Ok, let me just change that for you.
So nice when you don't get fired for telling an EU that...[By: The5thRing / 2003-10-01]
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Whats my password? "Retard" -burrkiss
Once I managed to pull off the following: "Your password is now the word craphat" -Jester
BRAVO !!!!!! -ZEN35
Conversation between me at helldesk and boy trying to get his password reset at [large Ivy League Uni in central NYS]: Boy (smugly):"You don't like my password because it's a dirty word!" Me (completely unruffled):"No, I don't like your password because it's too short and it doesn't have a number in it. When you come up with a password that follows the rules, I'll reset it for you." -pixel
I was going to change the password to ID10T -- but craphat is a much better idea. -The5thRing
"Your new password is 'Ll<bs>Uu<bs>Ss<bs>Ee<bs>Rr<bs>', Don't forget it!" (<bs>=backspace for the record...) -Dr Jerkyl
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18.
ugh
just a side note because i'm bored and exhausted. there is an old HP Laserjet 2 doors down. i mention that because the operative word in that sentence is *old*. it needs servicing. it's starting to cause damage to my ears. no machine should be permitted to make those noises....[By: mousie / 2003-10-01]
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and miss CB should have a muzzle now that I think of this post. -burrkiss
LJII? Contact me offline and I'll turn you on to some printers that were made this millenium. </shameless proselytizing> "Damnit, Jim, I'm a tech, not a sales droid" -LaserGuru
They are a Good Little printer, I once worked on one that was almost worn out > 250,000 pages - I've never seen gears worn out before... ;) -Wonko The Sane
(cringes and officers Mousie some earmuffs) That must be painful.. listening to some of these customer can be bad enough -Warrick
Be glad you're no longer in the era of brutally loud dot matrix printers. Although I understand that somewhere someone has made orchestras with them... -WildKard
if u can't priont to it, just print something that says HELP I'M DYING REPLACE ME BEFORE I CAN'T PRINT ANYMORE. that should get the point across -postal tech
Picture this. 10x10 room. 2 850 cps 3-head dot-matrix printers - always printing. 2 dying LaserJet 4+es. IBM RS/6000. 3 newish dual PIII webservers. 2 large Trane aircons no more than 5 feet overhead. People wondered why I always answered the phone "WHAT!!! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" when I was in that room... -iFox
Could be worse. Could be a clapped out 6 yr old Laserwriter 8500 thats done 200,000 copies & sounds like a Harrier Jump Jet starting up. -Digital Dogcow
Could be worse. IBM mainframe attached line printer with all hammers firing and the cover open -- doesn't matter how old it is. -concept14
Thought about percussive maintenance? -Wraith556
My companies 10 year old docucolor (our only color printer) needed to be powercycled (boot up took like 10 minutes) everytime you wanted to print a job.
Then a week before I left tehy got a a brand new docucolor that worked like a dream. Thats the story of my life, good things come after I don't need them anymore, blah! -nm
Printers suck in general
<officespace>"Pc load letter, wtf does that mean?!</officespace>
All except my hp lj1200, sweet! -nm
Except that the one in Officespace was a fax machine. -scooby111
Bah. I used to work as a secretary in an office where I couldn't answer the phones for about 20 minutes because the Dot Matrix printer was doing it's daily reports. Old printers suck. -techiegoddess
How about a 7 or 8 year old lexmark optra with about 350000 pages printed that needs 2 reams of paper on top of it to hold the cover in place, or otherwise the gears don't engage? -Yalius
mousie, major sympathies from another sufferring tech. The laser printer next to me screams, and it's about the size of my car and about 5 inches from the back of my head. -CommanderData
Old LJ? - if II or III just fit a Canon SX servicing kit - that should stop all the noise...usually the culprit is the fuser unit. The LJ & a few Apple/Sun/etc. printers are based on the same Camon SX print engine.
It always makes me laugh when I see the HP "Invent" logo...well they didn't invent this one! -lineswine
We used the SX engine in one of our products as well. We even invented our own printer language but it didn't take off. -LaserGuru
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19.
Appoligize to WHO!!!!
As I'm sure you have already noticed, we have inserted a reminder into the
IVR to apologize to the customer. This is part of a new focus on the S*C
account to ensure that we are apologizing to all members every time it is
applicable. This is just a reminder and hopefully will assist us in
becoming more consistent at apologizing to each member at the beginning of
each call. There may be instances where you feel neither you, nor S*C, has
done anything to warrant an apology, however, we can always apologize simply
for the member being inconvenienced by having to call us. Thank you. ---- we inconvenienced them?? what the hell -- i already slipped up and said "I am sorry you don't know how to plug in a filter, maybe this call has enlightened you and raised your I.Q. above 3." Yeah they pissed me off and my manager walked by and reminded me to appoligize. [By: Siemata / 2003-10-01]
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wow. I get frustrated just reading that. -WildKard
Is management supposed to apologize to the techs for having their heads up their asses? It's only fair, as the techs have to put up with all their shit every day in addition to the shit they get from the (l)users. -SwedishChef
act. i did get an appo. from HR. My file says I can't work past 11, and they have had me sched. till 3 am. Just got that changed today, and and appo., and all occurances I have recived from leaving after 11pm within my entire 2 years here. tehe -Siemata
"Thank you for calling (any company). We apologize for the wait. We would also like to take this opportunity to apologize for your apparent ineptness and inability to follow the simplest of instructions. And while we here at (any company)appreciate your choice in being one of our valued customers, we would like to extend further apologies for your impossibly low IQ. We of course, realize how much of an embarrasment it must be for you to be so stupid. Your call will be answered in a moment....assuming you haven't already accidently hung up because your drool shorted out your phone." -rokitt
me apoligize for some dumb ass fucking bitch downloading a virus onth their computer hence causing the damn thing to die? fuck no i would just tell them that they are fuck heads who shouldn't own a damn computer. -postal tech
LOL @ Rokitt -burrkiss
hehe, I had a script but my boss ignored it as much as I did. the virtues of working in a small company. -nm
*B* pppppppppppppppttttttt. screw them had dsl service with them for 3 years......service great billing not. Notice that Charter now has high speed cable in my neighbor hood....bye dsl and homephone -SGTARKyTEK
Shouldn't that be 'Apologize to WHOM?'? (Sorry. Just wondering.) -scooby111
I refused to apologize. "I'm sorry your IQ is less than that of a gnat" -techskier
Yep, Scoob. Since the word is going to be the object in a prepositional phrase, it must be "whom." The word "who" is only used when it is the subject of a sentence or in place of a noun. </Grammar lesson> -RiffRaff
"Thank you for calling XYZ. I'd just like to apologize in advance for any names I will call you for the duration of this call."... Tada, 1 apology without having to say the word 'sorry', and you're then free to rip into them for the remainder of the call without having to apologize for each instance. -Splunge
Where is Chazz when you need him? -chameleon
This reminds of an arguement I almost had with my manager about not saying "no" (as in I can't help luser do something) or say something is against policy. As he read it off in a meeting, I said "and when the next person calls because commet cursor, deskshots or aol doesn't work...we're supposed to tell them what?? Got the biggest snear I've ever seen. -redevil34
Did I hear my name taken in vain? -chazz
I know the deal... Work for S*kes too -HappyCrappy
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20.
A LARTing I will go
Long weekend approaching. I'm going on a trip with a co-worker, his father-in-law, and another relative to perform some vermin destruction. Ahhh! Stress relief. Now thinking feral pigs = (l)users. And in my hands a 6.5x55 LARTing tool. 4 days away from computers, networks, and (unfortunately) internet.[By: Wraith556 / 2003-10-01]
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6.5X55... what kind of Larting tool are we talking here? -Warrick
M96 Swedish Mauser. Calibre 6.5mm, 55mm case length (hence 6.5x55). It's the European method of naming cartridges. .308 Winchester = 7.62x51, .30-06 = 7.62x63, 7x57, 8x57, etc. -Wraith556
Ah yes :) (Warrick nods.) Now I get it. Cool :) -Warrick
I wonder how many folks DID understand the Mauser reference, and hope it's not too worrying that I did. -Wanamingo
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