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Tech Stories Archives - March 2004
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1.
New toy..(begin drool)
64bit 3.0g processor, MSI K8T board, FX 5600, 1gig ram, 2(120gig)hd's Its my new Ghost recon/Ventrilo Dedicated server. [By: neuman1812 / 2004-03-01]
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And you stole this from where? -Bobsentme
*drip drip* duh, where ken i git one o' them? . . . </dumbfounded> - goblin69
Odd, I thought the Athlon 64's were sub-3Ghz in speed. Did ya get the FX-51 or the 'lite' version? :) -fearmyroot
All this so you can talk whilst playing games? If you are that gung-ho, there is always the National Guard!
*wanders away wondering how a student can afford such nice kit* -lineswine
HELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO NEUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!! -jamaal
Me=Geek=NoLife=MakeLotsOf$$$=Save=Buy kewltoys. Fx5600xt. its not just for me. I plan on renting the server for gaming. <dedicated server> :see previous post about opening new business -neuman1812
When you have the place set up, you know you're going to have to post pics, right? -scooby111
Wake me when they write 64-bit apps worthy of that kinda power. :-P -Mushroom
mushroom: i keep hearing that same reply from everyone. don't you think that the newer apps will need or even be built for that chip? the only reason i'm holding off from my new sys is because i'm waiting to see the benefits of pci express and the NEW 64bit chip -omegawolf
dont mean to be a butthole, but AMD does not make a 3ghz chip.
they have the 64bit chips as follows
athlon fx51 (2.2ghz) the current king of desktop chips.
athlon 64 3000+ - 3400+ (all ranging between 2.0 and 2.2ghz) amd added more cache to the chips to boost performance. -putahtek
I'M with what alot of folks say....dont see the point. i have used 1.7ghz machines with 1gig of ram and my athlon 600 with 256meg of ram seems just as fast -SGTARKyTEK
Yeah, that 1.7 was probably a Celeron, if it was running as slow as an Athlon 600. That, or a Pentium 4... But then, Intel sucks ass as it is, and it's SO funny that they tried to cover up the fact that they copied AMD with that whole stack overflow protection buffer idea... -GothKat
SGTARKyTEK: lemme get this straight, your saying you can't see the performance diff between a 1.7g cpu and a 600amd? even if it was celeron, (i'm w/ gothkat on this), you should have seen something w/ 1024 ram. (int-vid or agp?)
-omegawolf
I am building virtually the same system (Mobo arrives wed) Socket 939 (+ a bios upgrade) shoud allow you to upgrade to AMDs dual core processor when it is available. Sweet. -Flexo
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2.
Welcome to TSC, the musical
Enough with the tech support songs !!!!! Nobody's interested ! (Well, I'm not, anyway.) I mean one or two might be O.K. if you're familiar with the tune, but every other post is a bloody lament put to music ! And ABBA for feck's sake ! Come on ! (Grumble, grumble . . . Retires to LART proof shelter.)[By: robbor / 2004-03-01]
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Let me guess, Simon sent you home, right? -Bobsentme
Alright, if you don't want to read them, don't look at that section! The fact that they keep getting posted by various people surely implies that some people like them. -smellystudent
Hang on, I did the ABBA one....no beer mats for you! </soup nazi> Anyway aren't Bjorn Again from Down Under? -lineswine
Sorry dude. I like alot of those. I think they are here to stay, and Hawk agreed cause theres a section for them :) -MrThou
It's better than cup holder stories! -LaserGuru
I have absolutely no talent in the parody song department, either - but that doesn't prompt me to want to deny posting privileges to those who do. -Skylark
<realises that he was hiding his biggest lart in robbor's lart-proof shelter> <activates it> <it goes wrong and sings "Bang-a-Boomerang" very loudly> <thinks "Job well done anyway"> -EmleyMoor
These songs are annoying to those who read the new posts at the bottom of the main page, I dont go to each individual section as it would take longer to find all the new posts -jamaal
No TSC Album for you, I guess... :~p -RiffRaff
Somebody dissing Pink Floyd??? You, me and a plank of wood. -CommanderData
Hey... it takes all kinds... and alot of us like them... oh yea... *hits robbor w/ a dead cow* <WHAP>... there's the LART -duckhead
Uh oh. Now you've done it. You're gonna face the wrath of Commander Data! <pulls up chair, grabs bheer and popcorn and prepares to watch the bloodbath> :) -SwedishChef
*joins SwedishChef with a chair and drinks to watch* I enjoy the songs as well. I love creative endeavours; I've tried to create them before and I can't. *salutes those who actually can create parodies before going back to watching the carnage* -teivrann
Can you hear what I hear? <chourus> That's the sound of LARTS dear. hehehe. Seriously I don't mind the songs, if I'm not in the mood or I don't know the tune I'll just skip over it. So be cool, be calm, allow others to blow off steam, doesn't hurt anyone. -fearmyroot
I only skim through the songs I know. If someone developed a real tech song parody, then that would be cool to listen to. -LiQUidICicle
Speaking as one of the offenders, I think the tech songs show a great degree of wit and imagination. & come as a welcome digression from the 'normal' posts here. The Pump it up parody I posted last night (shameless self plug) was a wonderfully cathartic exercise, and the bottom line is that is what this site is about. As FMR says, if you dont like it, skip it. -Digital Dogcow
Guess what? I dont like them either. Guess what? I HIT THE BUTTON FOR 'NEXT'. Come on, dont be a fish and expect the world to change for you. Hit the 'next' button, come on be a good little fish. -burrkiss
Ok, come on. Fess up. Who pissed in robbor's cornflakes? Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Monday's. -scooby111
I feel that this comment is aimed at me since this weekend I dropped 9 songs of dubious merit most of which fall into genres not everyone enjoys. I apologize if this caused any cranial disorders. I think I may have gotten most of it out of my system so the flow should be greatly reduced. -DedSysOp
^.- But I like songs. -mousie
I like the songs. Last time we had a spurt like this, it was Christmas music -- which just don't fly at this time of year. On with the show! :) [And now'd be a good time for me to have my star again, sigh.] -Mushroom
(for mousie)...*breaks into a pathetic verion of 'I write the songs'*... I like songs that make TSC sing... I like the lyrics and every-thing... I like the songs that makes robor cringe.... I like the songs, I like the songs... -duckhead
{sets up camera to catch LARTing for PPV} Whoops! too late... -CTYankee
Darn, Duckhead beat me to it. But, as someone who does like to read and write those songs, I agree with the previous sentiment. If you don't like them, then don't read them. It's not like we are talking high tech here to skip past a post or two. -TheSingingTech
I'm gonna write a tech song about this, just for you ;-) -OgdenTechGuy
Song ain't bad.. and those who have the creative talent - i congradulate and thank you. i have none... dont like the songs? next em * jumps over virtual cubical wall and homer sipmson strangles the next person who uses "case of the mondays"* -Harm
Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays... <ducks into LART-proof underground bunker> -GothKat
Hey chill out. Some people post rants and some people vent via parodies. Parody writing was my major stress releif during our drawn out job review and the results provided a light note to my workmates. The song section was set up at the request of users of this site. Don't like 'em, don't read 'em. -K1W1
Oh yeah, and maybe its ABBA sometimes 'cos even if you don't like the original you probably know the tune. Be thankful no one's done a Spice Girls number - YET! (challenge issued) -K1W1
If you wanna be my larter.... -CoolBlu
(Hey K1W1) Tell me who to LART, who to really, really LART. I'll tell you who to LART who to really, really LART... -Hellion
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4.
Starfish Lie
In other news, gravity is still working.
Customer's Windows 98 machine is not able to open the Control Panel or surf online. She installed our antivirus twice and twice the system's crashed. Could be a major glitch we've got here.
Ah, but no! Remember the cardinal rule: STARFISH LIE. Fortunately this one couldn't keep her lies straight. Turns out the last time (and she even surprised me by admitting this) she'd installed our antivirus in conjunction with another one. OUCH. Nitro and glycerin.
So she had to have her OS reloaded. Then she reinstalls this antivirus, with no other one this time, and then her son installs a game after the PC has been shut down, and played it and on the internet for hours. System worked smoothly, no problems. System is shut down again.
She claims that our antivirus is the problem, despite this.
SF: "It all comes back to your software."
ME: "From what you describe, it's possible. But from what you describe, it's also possible that this is something unrelated."
SF: "But both times it happened right after the antivirus was 'downloaded'." (quotes added by me to illustrate idiocy)
ME: "The first time was because of a conflict between two antivirus programs. That's not a flaw with the antivirus, that's just a bad program conflict. The second time, you stated that the system functioned properly after it was installed. At this point it's not going to be easy to narrow down exactly where the problem occurred."
The poor darling hung up on me in mid-explanation. Oh, no! No, anything but that!
[By: teivrann / 2004-03-01]
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Oh yeah, I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that you're an idiot who can't even think logically. Where do these irrational people come from? Do they get their ideas from TV? -scooby111
<SF 'logic'>Well, the last major thing done while "I" was on the computer was to install your crappy software. Now the PC don't work so it must be YOUR fault. </SF 'logic'> -kman52000
HMm short attention span, frequent changing of storiy details , instant gratification, no logic or reason. Sounds like TV to me. -Harm
Not from me they don't, Scooby. -TechnoVampire
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5.
Submitted for your amusement...
I was helping a guy get his configuration working this morning, and he needed both his hands free to change the wiring. So he asked if I minded being on speakerphone. If they *ask*, I'm usually ok with it, because with our products there are times when one needs both hands, or perhaps three, to do what needs to be done. He puts me on hold briefly, and I resign myself to a few seconds of the usual commercial for whatever company it is. I hear "...ever had a girl lookin' any better than you did, and all the kids at school they were wishin' they were me that night..."I want to work for this company, if their choices for hold music are in any way reflective of the company work environment. Unfortunately they're in PA and I'm not moving.[By: pixel / 2004-03-01]
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Because I drank it all. Might as well have been farking water. -scooby111
"well, it was long ago, and it was far away, and it was so much better than it is today..." Woohoo, great song!!!!! -obie099
I used to work for a small software company and for xmas and halloween i would make theme cd's for the hold music (which was usually just plugged into a radio) -DedSysOp
Best Hold Music track ever: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/prodigy/fuelmyfire.html -Digital Dogcow
rum gone? Uhhhhh....evapamashun? -CTYankee
ohhh DD, if I could play Prodigy for the customers.. Oh joy, oh happy days ! -shayera
The internal DSL dept # at my old ISP would play adventure movie themesongs (and I recall several times going from Indiana Jones to the Bond Theme) and it just seemed fitting -- that trying to navigate through the phone menu and get answers was like trying to find hidden treasure with a zillion angry natives/comrades on your tail. -Mushroom
call up Vibe Magazine and ask to be put on hold..you get uncensored hard core rap music!! -frprinterwiz
Obie, better stop that singing, you'll upset robbor! -K1W1
CTY: Actually, I think the tag line comes from the recent "Pirates of the Caribbean" flick. Rather nice scene too. We have the DVD, come over this weekend and I'll share. -virtualchoirboy
What song is that? For some reason, the lyrics are lost to me. Maybe it's because they're in text. Hard to picture a tune in text, sometimes. -GothKat
GothKat, the song is "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" by Meatloaf. All Hail Meatloaf! -Bioguy
I was on hold with the one company and I got to choose what music I wanted. I got to listen to Jimi Hendrix live in Montaray -rockytech
At the label factory, I had some of my better MP3s loaded into the phone system. (Including a harmonica version of Green Day's Basket Case)... I only got busted after I had some of my 'inappropriate' MP3s get loaded accidentally. ("Please don't call me, I won't call you, don't tell me to fix it for you...") -iFox
All hail Jim Steinman! The man with a song for every occasion - including being on hold. -Hastur
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6.
I Hate Programmers!
Well, most of our programmers. One of the supervisors asked a programmer to give him a count of how many trouble tickets she closed last year for her review. When she didn't know how, he e-mailed me and copied her. So I sent her a hint. Next thing I know, I got an e-mail from her saying her query didn't work (Tickets assigned to Her). So I kindly sent her back a hint, that I'd search for tickets closed by her between certain dates. Now I have an e-mail that says "How do I do that?"
I don't know whether to laugh or cry! I'd like to tell her "You're the programmer. You should know how to extract a set of records from a database!" But I know that would get me in trouble. On the other hand, I'm desktop support not her programming teacher (though I could probably teach her a few things about programming in light of the question). I've never been trained on the app either, but I can read enough to figure it out. Get a clue, woman! This isn't rocket science![By: sassicatz / 2004-03-01]
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<Devils advocate> Mebbie she wasn't a database programmer? -CommanderData
She's a database programmer, CD. Oracle for sure, and maybe MSSQL. But maybe not, this DB is MSSQL. But if she can read she can figure it out. I'ts a typical MS type form where you click fields, operators, etc., to form the query. -sassicatz
Doesn't matter. Any programmer who can code at all should be able to figure it out. It's not hard. I'm a farking admin and I can do it. -scooby111
Todays Sesame street was brought to you by the letters R T F & M. -Digital Dogcow
I have a degree in programming. job market is preventing a job in programming. My point though is that I can figure out how to query in any database. -AngelicTech
<BOFH mode> Forward the email chain to her boss. That'll look good on the review </BOFH mode> -CTYankee
Give me a break. Database programmer or not, if you are talking about problem tickets then you must be talking about some application that is logging them, in which case, the program should be able to perform the query with a bare minimum of information from her. It's not like she has to write code for the query... <br>
set objRecSet ="SELECT * FROM g_colRETARDS" <br>
for each objRetard in objRecSet <br>
objRetard.OfferJob() <br>
Next <br>
Sorry for the rant, it happens around here a lot.
-DarthDOS
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7.
this is classic
ok, if you remember my past few posts, im changing acc'ts. most of us got x4d to hellsouth. i'm trying to get into h*ghs to keep my m-f sched which i need for school. the norm sched is 13hrs/day 3-1/2 days/wk. <rant> so i skip class today to see about my new sched and, furture boss: "what schedule?". WTF?!? we found out on last mon, my change was approved by both my tl and mgr. the problem is on the recieving end. on top of that, i've been told i'll probably lose commission *and* $1/hr. i can't go back to t/s because the only m-f sched they have lets out at 1:30am. </rant>[By: omegawolf / 2004-03-01]
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Wow, jst wow. I can't belve that they'd do tht to you. Farking stupid mgrs. -scooby111
update: it's tues and i STILL don't have an acc't!!! -omegawolf
update: i *might* be able to go in wed. the email finally got sent. turns out, my old mgr never sent it out.
-omegawolf
finally at 11pm tonight, i got a call to come in wed at noon. i'm cutting clas again but it's worth it. i keep my $15 and get a kickass commission. W00T!!! -omegawolf
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8.
After the "tidy up"
Gah.. miserable little me... now down to 2 P4 systems (one gaming machine, one work machine) two celerons, (linux + 2k server) and an old G3 (which needs work on it, and I know buggerall about macs). Oh, and the ipcop box in the hallway (p2 350). Damn the gf and her "we have too many machines" rant. (then again, 3 of us in a little 2-up 2-down.. and I was taking over the TV room). Bright side is I swapped a libretto latop for a DVD burner.[By: NightRain / 2004-03-01]
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well, if you ever need a place to drop those machines off.... just let me know. ;) -Bynar
dang, the gf might have to go... depending on the machines... -duckhead
I'm being dead serious here... I would think about your GF's role in the relationship. Sure, now it's to many PC's, what about 5 years from now? -Jeckler
email me the G3 details, its possible I just *might* have the service source. -Digital Dogcow
The machines that went are mainly p2's and p3's. And one 1.4 AthlonXP machine. And this *is* a tiny house. Its a worker's cottage rom before the Boer (spelling?) war. -NightRain
You got rid of an Athlon, and kept two P4s? What the hell were you thinking? -GothKat
And you kept CELERONS over an Athlon?! What were you smoking, and can I have some? -GothKat
I knew a sysop that had 4 running machines in the bedroom. Don't know how he and his wife could sleep, but do figure the bedroom was nice n' toasty. -Mushroom
I dont mind all the machines here ... but I really wish my bf would get rid of his junk. Do we really need paperwork from when he was in grade school? When he moved in it was with 2 times the amount of stuff I already had and I have small children ... anyone with children knows they have stuff ... so I will keep the computers ... but can I get rid of the other junk please? -AngelicTech
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9.
Attitude Adjustment, Thy Name Is Riff
New customer having connection problems. Stated he had Windows ME. Took him into the connection properties, and he starts telling me that he doesn't see what I'm asking him to click on. The following ensues:
ME: Sir, are you sure you're running Windows Millenium Edition?
SF: Yep. ME Professional.
ME: Ummmm... Okay, ME did not come with a Professional version.
SF: {attitude} Well, that's what it says!
ME: Okay, why don't you just click on Start, Run, and type in "winver" for me?
SF: Okay. {Pregnant pause} Um, {softly} I have 2000 Professional.
ME: {BOFH Mode} I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. Could you say that a little louder, please?
SF: I have Windows 2000 Professional.
ME: Ah. Well, that makes a big difference.
SF: Sorry.
Damn skippy you're sorry, you piece of gastrointestinal sludge.
[By: RiffRaff / 2004-03-01]
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I love the sound of a good LART impact. -teivrann
*hears a thud, and looks aroun*... oh, Riff must of LARTed another one.... -duckhead
Damned bodies are starting to pile up! Riff, please clean up your mess after you've finished LARTing them, okay? A clean work environment is a healthy and happy work environment for everyone! <bfeg> -SwedishChef
Okay...my winver doesn't say 'professional' anywhere on it. (running win2k pro) It does say Windows 2000 however. -Gecko
Gecko: I don't think he actually had to type in the command; I never heard the keyboard. I think he saw it on the left side of the start menu as he was going to do it. However he figured it out, the LART was deserved. <g> -RiffRaff
<cranks up Millenium Falcon for LARTing run> -LaserGuru
Damn, Riff. I felt that LART half-way across the country!! :) -TheSingingTech
damn u -postal tech
But wasn't the Millenium in 2000? -scooby111
Oh I certainly believe in the justifilartion. I just thot I was going nuts. -Gecko
simply put: he was pwned :) good one -Bunglehawk069
No, the millenium was either in 2001 or to happen in 2048. You pick. -Calydor
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10.
Photo-LART (repost)
In case you missed my late friday posting -- Photoshop material: http://www.walkingtallmovie.com -- warning: turn off speakers if at the office! [By: ReDon / 2004-03-01]
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Fuck I wish I was that good with flash/shockwave. I suxor....:( -Gecko
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11.
Ole Dopey me...
Yes, I too have my starfish moments...We got a new HP Laserjet 8150n big-assed laser printer about a month ago. Noticing that, on each printed page, text seems "raised" and it is easy to wipe off or smudge the print. I called HP tech support. After an easy 3 min wait, I got an ENGLISH speaking person who told me to check the fuser area, that these printers ship with spacers so that certain parts don't get damaged. (I DO remember removing several packing pieces from inside the printer) I look in there and notice THE TWO GODDAMN BRIGHT ORANGE PACKING SPACERS THAT SEPERATE THE FUSER FROM THE GODDAMN ROLLER!. I remove said spacers and print is perfect. I then told the tech about this site. :)[By: JoeLugian / 2004-03-01]
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Been there, done that. We have big orange labels on our fuser locks- they remove the labels. -LaserGuru
Yes...and these type of calls make for excellent call times on their side. PEBKAC is wonderful. -DDFR
We have 8 of those 8150s. After about a year, we started having problems with one of them and when I called tech support, it turned out someone hadn't removed those same spacers. My question is HOW did it work for the first year? -sassicatz
The fuser works through heat and pressure- one roller has a heat lamp, the other is spring loaded. The locks open the spring loaded roller so it does not flatten out during shipment and storage. The rollers may still tough- there is just no real pressure. Short, light runs will work, but heavy runs will have problems. After some wear and tear you might have problems. -LaserGuru
Did you talk to an agent in the states or canada? There are only two centers that handle these ones and I work on the Canadian side, most of my team mates know about this site already. (Ps - don't forget to make sure your envelope levers are in the down position or you will be calling back in 10 000 pages for smudge printouts again :)) -frprinterwiz
LG, that is exactly where we saw the problem witht he print - on heavy runs (Invoice printing). One or two page jobs we saw no difference, but big jobs, bad print. -JoeLugian
In the 'Old' days there was a game called find the Pin, this involved removing all the pins from a new shirt before putting it on... (My best score was 1 missed pin...) -Wonko The Sane
The 'New' version is find the transport clips in the printer, my best score is a pile of Blue tape, & Orange clips which are twice as heavy as the printer they were removed from! -Wonko The Sane
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13.
We all have our days
So I get a call from this lady who has an alarm system tech doing a service call. In checking the system and moving some of the phone wiring for the alarm system, her DSL had gone down. I spoke with both of them; she wasn't familiar with much at all, but she had a good attitude - didn't expect the world to change for her and was easy to work with. Then the tech was on the phone, and he was fairly comfortable and knowledgeable to speak with. We tried the modem in another jack in the house, and huzzah - it works. So something's gotten disconnected on the phone jack.
Then the tech lays this on me:
"But nothing's changed with the wiring."
My eyebrows shot up so fast one of the techs sitting near me frowned in surprise, as he happened to be looking at me at the moment. I said, "If nothing had actually changed, it would still be working."
He says, "Oh."
Huh? I guess we all have our days...
[By: teivrann / 2004-03-01]
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ah, nothing changed that you can SEE, luser-san. not everything is at it appears. now take this stone from my hand </kung fu> -goblin69
ROFL @ goblin -duckhead
Damn you, goblin... *wiping monitor* I am a huge kun* f* fan (asterisks to dodge copyright laws) and that reference was too farking funny... -HappyCrappy
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14.
Remember Boris?
Luser deleted his NTDLR, and comes to me whining about it. I ask him if he still has his boot disk, he says 'maybe... no.'
So I dig through piles of cds and floppies until i find one, give it to him and he walks out holding like smeagol with the ring.
A few minutes later I hear two things. The first is the sound of a computer being hurled out a third story window, the other someone shouting "I am invincible!" like Boris from Goldeneye.
And if someone comes to me tommorow with a smashed up pc, i dont think im going to fix it.[By: AdolfNixon / 2004-03-01]
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Oh one more thing, two minutes after the pc was thrown out the window, theres a knock on my door. It was the luser who asked me for the boot disk. Yeah, he said it didnt work. Why? Because his computer was thrown out a third story window. -AdolfNixon
must've thought suicide was better than having to live with a Luser -goblin69
Sweet! I've got a server that needs the same treatment. -scooby111
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15.
We are
We are black, white, Hispanic. We are american, french, german, italian, russian, japaneese. We are your mothers, fathers, daughters, sisters, brothers and sons. We are young, old, fat, slim. We are lonely, sad, happy, stressed. We know how to speak, spanish, english, german, cantoneese, klingon, russian. We know Bill gates home phone number. We can program in, cobol, fortran, machine code, c, c++, basic, pascal, turtle pascal and binary. We know windows, macs, linux, unix. We can build computers out of paper machee and toothpicks. We service, telephones, computers, toasters, warp drives, satelites, refrigerators, hair dryers. We are students, teachers, help desk support, and managers. You command us, demand us, order us. You yell at us, plead for us, your scream, you neep you noop. You bitch, whine, complain. But in the end, we will survive, because at the end of the day, you still come to us for help.
NOW STFU AND READ THE MANUAL Thank you, Have a nice day.[By: neuman1812 / 2004-03-01]
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heh.. very nice -rockytech
this public service announcement was brought to you by http://www.ysati.com -goblin69
heh reminds me of the document which turned my entire universe upside down http://24.185.97.0:88/manifesto.html -DedSysOp
Thanks DedSysOp, I was looking for that. -scooby111
*claps Hard* very nice... now if only the fishies would listen.... -HappyCrappy
Neuman's not bitter. Nope. Not one bit. :~} -RiffRaff
http://www.pongomail.com/yousuck-ascii.html -Bynar
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16.
if you're gonna do it, do it right!!!
alright, i found out i had the day off from work due to "mis-communication between dep'ts". so i took the time to check some ntwks i had set up around town. i do this periodically to check if my clients have changed anything in regards to the configuration. - lo and behold, some jackass, (ivan i know you're reading this), had set up a wireless printserver. IT'S BEHIND THE FARKIN FIREWALL!!! don't call me in for a secure ntwk if you're gonna screw it all up w/ your damn printer. i was paid to wire this guys house, secure the ntwk, explain what i was doing and why. THEN he goes and screws it all up for a printer?!? ok, that'll be $150 please. ];)>
[By: omegawolf / 2004-03-01]
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Stupidity should be painful...and expensive. -Starfury
New business idea: LARTS-R-Us. Start up a new hacking-for-hire company, running around and causing harmless havoc. Like a message that starts with Windows saying, "You screwed up your security for a WIRELESS PRINT SERVER? That'll be $150." -teivrann
Of course, now I have that cursed WHAM song, 'If you're gonna do it right', stuck in my head. -Answerboy
There's an idea. WHAM. WHAM. WHAM. -KickahaOta
LOL its funny cuz he's gay and the name of his band is "WHAM" lol. -putahtek
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17.
The Passion of the Tech...
Network Admin!!! LART them, for they know not what they do!!!
If it be possible, Let this call drop from me, nevertheless techsupport will be done!!!![By: jamaal / 2004-03-02]
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...in the name of Simon, the PFY, and the Holy BOFH.... -duckhead
Amen. -lancasterjl
"Lord, bless this, Thy Holy Hand Grenade; that with it Thou might blow Thine enemies to bits in Thy Mercy!" -ThreeBucks
:-( some of us know what we are doing :-( -wazntme
Ezekiel 25:17: The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the Valley of Darkness; for he is truly his brother's keeper, and the finder of lost children. And, I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers! And, you will know my name is The Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee! </Obligatory Pulp Fiction quote> -lineswine
OST 25:17. "The path of the tech support man is beset
on all sides by the inequities of the retarded and the
tyranny of stupid men. Blessed is he who, in the name
of low wages and good will, shepherds the dumb through
the valley of the Blue screens of Death. For he is
truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost
files. And I will strike down upon thee with great
vengeance and furious anger those who demand to see my
supervisor. And you will know I am the Tech when I lay
my vengeance upon you."
-recalcitech
OST 25:17. "The path of the tech support man is beset
on all sides by the inequities of the retarded and the
tyranny of stupid men. Blessed is he who, in the name
of low wages and good will, shepherds the dumb through
the valley of the Blue screens of Death. For he is
truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost
files. And I will strike down upon thee with great
vengeance and furious anger those who demand to see my
supervisor. And you will know I am the Tech when I lay
my vengeance upon you."
-recalcitech
Flexo 1:22 : St. Flexo was taken to the call center, and there was he tortured by calling starfish for 40 days and 40 nights. St. Flexo saw on the 41st day that none of the calls were resolved, were due for callbacks and no overtime was paid. Flexo did cry out that "root is a rotten bastard" and root did lay waste to all st flexo's off time.
Here endith the reading. -Flexo
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18.
And then senility set in... Conclusion
Luser: You want me to log off?
H.D.: No. Just close outlook and start it again.
Luser: OK…
Luser: OK, Outlook is open again.
H.D.: Ok, can you open the address book and make sure we have the right one.
Luser: I don’t have time right now. I will try it later. I usually don’t hook it up when I am dialing in.. It takes too long. I have about 2000 entries in it. Thanks.
H.D.:
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
[By: DarthDOS / 2004-03-02]
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sir, what is the phone number you're calling from.... ok, prepare to receive the 150,000 watt 'Your Welcome'... <BZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT>... -duckhead
Don't you just hate it when a whiny twat like that KNOWS that there may be a problem but neeps at you anyway...or hassles you over something & then has the bare-faced cheek to say "Oh, it doesn't really matter". If it didn't matter you tosspot, why did you call & neep at me in the first place? OK, who is up for designing "Telephone Deliverable LART"? I'm proposing something on the lines or a referees whistle, blasted right into the annoying Lusers' ear...maybe the sound will rattle some sense into the organ that the posess instead of a brain. -lineswine
I vote on 'megaphone messaging.' http://www.techtv.com/unscrewed/video/story/0,24682,3445966,00.html -miharu
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19.
And then, senility set in... Part 2
Now in the open file dialog, pointing at the Outlook folder in the Local Settings/Application Data folder of the NT use profile. We never have people store things there because it is not accessible anywhere but the current workstation. We normally have users put these files on their home directory, which is a share on a server.
Luser: Oh. There it is… CLICK.
Now has just selected the default file which is empty.
H.D.: That won’t work. You have selected the wrong file. Let’s try again.
Luser: OK. Where do I click?
H.D. BLAH.. then BLAH …
Luser: OK. It says BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ….
Which one do I click?
H.D. BLAH, then BLAH.
Luser: OK. I clicked BLAH. It now says BLAH,BLAH,BLAH, personal address book, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH …
H.D. CLICK PERSONAL ADDRESS BOOK starting to sound stressed
HD walks luser through file/open dialog, after instructing him not to click the default choice. Successfully adds Personal Address Book to Outlook. Now gets message that this service cannot be used until outlook is closed. Click File/Exit and Log off.
Luser Reading pop up message : You cannot use this service until Outlook is closed. Click File/Exit and Log off. …
CLICK.
CLICK.. CLICK..
I just clicked on address book and my personal address book is still not in there.
H.D: You have to close outlook and relaunch it before it will work.
[By: DarthDOS / 2004-03-02]
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So many lusers, and not enough dogs in my kennel... -scooby111
So many lusers and the wood chippers broken... -virtualchoirboy
So many lusers, so little trunk space... -Hellion
So many lusers and the sea is so shallow -bert57
So many lusers, so little trunk space... -Hellion
Wow, that was cool a split, double comment. -Hellion
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20.
And then, senility set in. Part 1
An analyst in my work unit told me this story about one of his calls:
The luser in question is a frequent caller, and is generally a PITA. Everybody in the call center has experienced the joy of dealing with him.
H.D. [insert spiel here…]
Luser: I am working remotely through dial up. I need my personal address book in Outlook.
H.D. OK. I can walk you through that. Click on Tools, then Services…
Luser: I don’t have Services under Tools.
H.D. Oh? What version of outlook do you have.
It is rather remarkable, that the luser actually knew this.
Luser: I have Windows XP and Outlook 2002.
H.D. OK. That’s why you can’t find Services.
We haven’t deployed Office 2000 yet, let alone XP and there are only a couple VIPS who have it, so most of us don’t know it all that well.
H.D.: Here’s what were going to do. Click on File, and read me the choices…
Luser: BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH….
H.D.: OK, click on BLAH.
Luser: BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, and BLAH.
H.D.: Did you click BLAH?
Luser: You want me to click BLAH?
proceeds through the menus until he finds the one H.D. is looking for:
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, personal address book, BLAH BLAH BLAH
At no time will he stop reading before the whole menu has been read aloud…
H.D.: Click ‘personal address book.
Luser: OK.
[By: DarthDOS / 2004-03-02]
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