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Tech Stories Archives - May 2004
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1.
Image Voting Still Open
Due to late submissions, you can vote throughout the weekend. Results will be posted Monday. However, submissions are now closed.
Go to http://users.adelphia.net/~ravnos2/tsc/ to vote for your favorite image.[By: TechnoVampire / 2004-05-01]
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ROFL @ "Here's Your New Mouse!" Oh my god that was hilarious! Duckhead: great work on the Olympics logo. :~} - RiffRaff
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3.
They're Every Where
I know it need not be said, but the morons that call us and want blood from a stone, act that way in "everyday" life as well. Lets take, for example, the show Airline, which shows very plainly this simple complex. Nothing is ever the customer's fault. Not taking a hammer to a printer, or missing an airplane flight.
That being said, here is another example; in the town where I reside, there is a Canadian Tire on the same street as a major mall. That is, the CT is on the same street, up the street by quite a bit, on the opposite side of the mall, past an overpass, and several on/off ramps in between of the nearest major highway. Suffice it to say, there is no connection between the mall and the store, beyond the fact they happen to be on the same street. Apparently, a woman came into the CT, loaded a cart full of garden and BBQ accessories, and went cheerfully to the counter. When told the total was 149+ dollars, she brought out 150 dollars worth of gift certificates to the mall down the road and you can just bet she didn't understand when the clerk, the customer sales rep, the supervisor, the manager, and finally the actual owner of the store/building explained to her that they didn't take those certificates. She was even shown a zoning map to show that the mall clearly ended nearly a 100 plus metres if not further from the parking lot of the Canadian tire. Finally, they had to tell her if she didn't pay for her items another way, they would call the police for trespassing. She didn't believe them. When the police finally showed up, she pulled out her CT credit card and tearfully paid for her purchases, running out of the store in bawling.
And the case for licensed breeding programs grows stronger.[By: Dragones / 2004-05-01]
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What the hell?!?!?!?!? Jeezus, I've done dumb things but how could anyone manage this? She's probably telling all her friends that the mall called the cops instead of letting her redeem her certificates. -Coward
"Those are expired ma'am if you take them to the customer service office they'll be happy to renew them." "Okay where's that?" "About three hundred yards... that way. Have a nice walk." -Jerbear
Wait wait wait - she has a STORE CREDIT CARD and didn't realise that said store was NOT PART OF THE MALL? WTF? That's like me trying to use Newgate Mall gift certificates at Sam's Club or Wal-Mart! (Same road, opposite sides of the street, several miles apart, and I have a Sam's Club credit card. Only practical difference is that I'm not stupid). -OgdenTechGuy
joke: I once got a GIF certificate from a local one-hour photo. It entitled me to one free digital image. -OgdenTechGuy
i would have shot her and put a bbq fork in her hand to show i did it in self defense. -postal tech
groan @ OTG... -soccerdude
Licensed Breeding Programs... I like this concept. Yes I do... *starts stripping* LETS RAISE THE AVERAGE IQ! -MaskedMarauder
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4.
Exchange is not for storage
So we get a request in to expand this user's mailbox, she says she's deleted everything she doesn't need, moved some attachments to her home drive and tried archiving her emails. Fair enough, you might say. Not, however, when you realise that her limit is 250Mb, after all this deletion (if it ever happened) she's still at 262mb, with emails going as far back as October 2001, and has 2 .pst files each of a bit over 100Mb on her home drive. This woman has something like 3600 emails. Yeah, kiss my ass you need all those for your job, quit being so fucking lazy and delete some, or I'll delete it ALL for you. I want the 5 minutes of my life it took to read your pathetic whingy email back, and quit breathing my fucking oxygen![By: paranoidepiphan / 2004-05-01]
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It's like I always say...some people don't DESERVE oxygen. They should have to pay a penalty tax on it or something for being so useless. -steveO77
What do you mean you cut off my oxygen because I didn't pay my bill? I want it NOWWW <gasp gasp choke> -concept14
Oh man. As I read the comments on Oxygen, I'm reminded of the old comic from the 80's. Which one? AIR RAIDERS! Now that I think back, the techs must have won the war and we actually DID tax oxygen on those SF's. Talk about a comic book that thinks ahead. -MaskedMarauder
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5.
Ugh...
Well... I knew today wasn't going to be a good day.
First, woke up too late for my regular morning routine to take place. (Coffee and cigarettes) Second, get dinged for a speeding ticket for going 80 in a 60. (Thankfully the cop was nice, busted it down to 75; no demerits on my license that way.) Third, we're getting spanked with calls for that new Sasser worm. Blech.
Now all I need is someone walking up and laying a big steaming log on my keyboard to make my day complete.
[By: soccerdude / 2004-05-01]
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Sorry to piss and moan here, and I'm sure you've all got shittier things to deal with, just didn't wake up on the right side of the bed today. -soccerdude
Don't worry about it. Just get through today, and when you look back on it tomorrow, remember, YOU SURVIVED! -Bobsentme
When you wake up in bad mood that just means you are preparing yourself for the fight. Let those starfish have it! -steveO77
<Ships soccerdude a big steaming log via Federal Express> Here. Could you put this on your keyboard for me, please? Thanks. <bfeg> -RiffRaff
New FedEx motto: "We get your shit where it needs to go!" :) -soccerdude
I'll be relieved once people learn to download their friggin updates! 99% of my calls today were about that damn sasser worm. You know how many times today I'd ask someone "when was the last time you ran your windows updates?" they'd usually reply: "yesterday", or "last week". But sure enough, we run windows update and BAM! 17-20 updates!
Sorry for the rant soccerdude, I had a bad day too. lol -LiQUidICicle
The sad thing is that you're about to see a lot more support calls that are actually caused by the updates. (Just Google for WinXP SP2). -PCChris
went to the Microshaft Security seminar here in Denver a few weeks back.. XP SP2 is NOT all that its cracked up to be... for your average SF you can count on them calling up and asking how to Unlock their network so they can see other machines, Internet etc...
XP SP2 is not SF Friendly.......... Like we are? ;) -Warhorse
hmmm, I probably should run update one of these days, but I'm still running 98, so I'm not under pressure like those running 2k or XP -Splunge
Splunge - Haven't they turned it off for 98 already? I think they have for SR1 at least. -paranoidepiphan
paranoidepiphan: No, they decided to extend support of Windows 98 for another couple of years. -RiffRaff
The customer I support tried pushing down the patches and clean with Zenworks. The result? 200+ users stuck in an endless reboot loop. -frito123
Sasser? If you have the same blue-coloured two letter OEM that I am familiar with, the call would go like this. Charge 40$. If they refuse charge, shutdown -a, refer to anti-virus. If the accept charge, shutdown -a, go through the anti-virus for them. They tend not to go the 40$ route, so we have what we like to call the only ligitimate punt. 'But my computer's only a month old!' 'So you ran your critical updates as suggested in your user's manual?' 'No...' 'Now you know why we suggest it.' or 'Yes...' 'Then you don't have the Sasser virus you have an email virus. Stop clicking on the attachments.' 'Okay I didn't...' 'Then you didn't do proper maintenence of your computer.' Either way it is a legit punt. He he he. -DracoSuave
Just say it, drakosuave. HP isn't going to hunt you down and crucify you for betraying their tech-support regimen. As a matter of fact, seems like a fair and logical system to me. If they're going to be jackasses on *YOUR* time, by God they're going to pay cash for it. -PCChris
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6.
Counting Them
Not a story, just a question. Am I the only one who counts the number of morons I talk to in a day? Not everybody who calls in gets counted...they have to say something stupid first (which usually does not take long). I find that actually counting them relaxes me and every now and then I will actually makes notes on how stupid someone was.[By: steveO77 / 2004-05-01]
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I dont count them. I dont have one of those clicker counters that goes that high hehe -FrontSideBus
at the end of the day, I usualy just count the number of posts I made then multipy it by 10 or so (most of the stupidity I face is repetitive) -leonine
Well because I can only count to 21 and I get in trouble when I do this at work. -MightyMouse
I can count up to 1023 on both hands, and I lose count after a couple of cycles of that, so I've just stopped bothering. -soccerdude
I dont acount... it does it for me ;P Its easier to count the non-morons too.
However, i once documanted "The customer is a jackass" in a ticket by accedent. It make it past, MODs (they approve thier 3 issues). Tier 3 and QA. I was amazed :S -MrThou
maybe they thought you meant it was Johnny Knoxville on the phone? -Splunge
Mighty mouse - 21? Ten fingers, ten toes, and one... oh, dirty boy! -paranoidepiphan
I can count past 21 too. However, I have to "borrow" fingers to do it. I think I would be in worse trouble than the other MM. -MaskedMarauder
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7.
Took you long enough
If I've bragged about it once, I've bragged about it more then twice, I'm over five months pregnant, darn close to six. (give me a break! Took me over a year and a LOT of expensive drugs to get into this condition in the first place, I have a right to brag). And as I wasn't a small girl to start with, I look it. (As I've said before, some people think I'm ready to pop already). So, anywho...
Hubby and I are walking through the mall today, and there are, as usual for a weekend, kiosks everywhere with people looking for donations or advertising some great deal/timeshare/whathaveyou. One caught my eye, horseback riding from some farm celebrating an anniversary. You have to understand, I plan vacations around horseback riding and last trip I made to the Dominican Republic, I spent eight straight tropical hours horseback riding in the mountains. I love horses. So the lady sees someone interested and starts to pounce me like Hugh Grant on a hooker with flyers and brochures and the like. I just smiled politely and said, "Well, I'm interested, but I can't in my condition." And it took the woman about two minutes to figure out what I meant. Her response. "Oh. (two minutes later) OH! Well, maybe later then." To give her credit, at least she blushed at her obliviousness. I just smiled and walked away.
Incidentily, I love the looks people give us when they see my husband wearing his TSC shirt. (the "and your credit card number" one). Why are people so afraid of big, imposing, pentagram wearing men dressed all in black?[By: Dragones / 2004-05-01]
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If it makes you feel any better, 5 people didnt notice one woman we hung around with was pregnet. Saaad -MrThou
What's worse is NOT being pregnant and someone asking when are you due? -MamaTech
Until I see a baby coming out from between your legs, ambilical cord still attached, I will NEVER, EVER assume you are pregnant. -Bobsentme
Pregnant Woman, Overweight Manager of Area & Newbe Tech meeet in hall - Manager & Pregnant woman discuss when she is Due & How she is doing. Newbe Tech asks Overweight Manager when she is due. He spent the next 3 months sneaking arond like a CockRoach, hoping she'd forget him. -satanstech
Well, did she forget about you S.T.? -Beeker
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8.
Tech BBQ
Right, since I've finished the TSC judging, on with the usual business Myself and Fuzzyom will be hosting a TSC BBQ on Saturday July 10th at our place in Swindon, Wiltshire for all techs who can make it. Those interested, either email me or put a message on my whiteboard and I'll get the full details to ya. [By: CommanderData / 2004-05-01]
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*sniff* no-one loves me.... -CommanderData
Oh, man, now y'all have gone and done it. You've made CD sad. Don't make me come over there... <g> -RiffRaff
Hey, I love you (in a platonic and sisterly way). I just can't make it to the UK that weekend! ^^;; -snowcrash
Heck, CD, I'd be over there in about a half a minute... but I am very nearly halfway around the world from you, and I can't quite make the air fare. I can't even get down to Spokane for the PacWest TSC barbie... -chazz
I'd be glad to attend aside from my current location... Kinda across the pond. What sucks even more is I can't make it to Riff's either.. GAH
-Warrick
*shakes his head* With one week apart in dates, I can only make it to one of the BBQ's. Since Idianapolis is due north of me and only like a 4 turn trip... Well... You know.. I get curious and curious on the road leads to lost. Which by the way, leads to paranoid delusions of therapists. Oh no trebeck! Its THE RAPISTS! -MaskedMarauder
It'd normally only be 140 miles away, but annoyingly I'm being dragged to Sicily that week for the wedding of some distant relative of the gf. I'd really rather be in Swindon :-( -smellystudent
Count me, LadyLineswine, Chewdini & Nomoretears in - I've already said I'll drive - & if DD reads this, there a place reserved for you mate! -lineswine
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9.
Another TSC Member Meeting
Magenta and I had the pleasure of meeting Figglywig and her husband for brunch here in Indy this morning. There was no shortage of great conversation, and we had a good time. They will be helping us out with the Indy TSC BBQ, too.
As a reminder, the First Annual TSC "GeekFest 2004" BBQ is only two months away. (See http://www.techcomedy.com/bbq.php for more detailed information.) As it stands now, there are at least two other TSC BBQs being held on the same day: one in the US Pacific Northwest and one in the UK. It is our intention to link all of these parties with webcams, so if anyone else is making plans for a TSC BBQ anywhere else, please feel free to get with DarthLuke, CommanderData and/or myself to coordinate your efforts with ours.
I will post at least one more reminder, as well as any updated information as the time draws closer. Magenta and I would like to have a fairly complete list of people attending by June 15th so we can plan food arrangements accordingly, so please RSVP to my whiteboard by that date if you plan to be at the Indy BBQ.
We look forward to seeing everyone in July!
[By: RiffRaff / 2004-05-01]
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Afraid I'm going to have to do ours the weekend after yours Riff, BUT it will still be an official TSC BBQ. -CommanderData
You're supposed to be 5 hours ahead of us, CD, not 7 days behind. <g> Good luck on your BBQ, and take pictures! -RiffRaff
Hmm i could organize something. But it wouldent be a BBQ, illegal in apartments you know ;P Ill look into it. -MrThou
MrThou, just do like my last neighbor did and put the grill out in the hallway. nobody will mind, honest! -FrontSideBus
FSB. ROFLMAO. Thats even worse! -MrThou
the great thing about asia is that we can have a barbeque anywhere here. I wish i could join with you guys but there doesn't appear to be any other TSC member where i'm at, anyways Y'all enjoy the roast :) -CrystalMare
Sorry I can't be there (my pockets are empty after Cancun!) But (embarrasing) pics are welcome :D -Dr Jerkyl
I saids I bes there. Do it I will. Filthy star fishies. Looking forward to seeing all of you. I knew I saved up my vacation days this year for something. -MaskedMarauder
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10.
Happy habitual liar day.
I don't know if the moon is full, planets are aligned or two black holes are in a passionate embrace but no one I've talked to today can give me a straight answer to a single bloody question. I talked to one lady and the circumstances of her computer rebooting on it's own changed no less than five times. One guy who swore up and down that "This is the first time this has happened so it must be your software /rant/rant/rant" only to change his tune to it's happened three times in recent history. I swear I'm about to start making people take an oath before I help them today. "I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and to not just click on random buttons and mash on my keyboard while putting ez-cheeze in my printer" GAH! Okay. Sorry guys, I feel better now. Anyone else having this day?[By: Jerbear / 2004-05-01]
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I had an entire store telling me that their Registers were rebooting at the same time. They swore they weren't having any power issues, and it MUST BE THE REGISTERS. Check the UPS logs for the store, and find out the entire store IS losing power periodically. THat's when they tell me about the construction, Lightning storm, and BAD POWERLINES!!!! I was angry, to say the least.
-Bobsentme
morons all day and no end in sight... i swear if i could reach through the phone line and strangle callers. i don't care you fucked up your system by running ad-aware and NO, i'm NOT going to tell you how to install it and run it! <2 diffrent calls> i dot give a RATS ASS you screwed up your system by your dauter installing kazaa and every piece of spyware known to man.. one more cluless spy wear caller im gonna go postal. -Harm
Did you ever have one of those lives where nothing goes right? -atomicbill
I Unplugged the phone at 4am this morning after a late keen call....
Took the day off ;) -Warhorse
Harm - ad-aware screwed up a lusers system? Please tell me more, I've always found it to be a reliable prog (& Spybot S&D too) -lineswine
It breaks KaZaA. Never had it break anything else through. Kazaa is fixed with a reinstall. Usually run it and reinstall kazaa. -trs998
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13.
It feels like I just slapped a customer.
It was great. Im so happy.
SF: Im getting these warning from my firewall, do you know anything about that?
Me: No, your going to have to e-mail Secur...
SF: *interupts* So is i said "Firewall has blocked access to win_something_something_ect..." doest that mean anything to you?
Me: No. *in a blunt semi annoyed tone*
SF: Oh.... *Sounded like a LART just hit her like a ton of bricks*
OOH PAINFUL! It felt so good.[By: MrThou / 2004-05-01]
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Oh yeah, don't it? I don't mind pointing out where people can find the resources online most of the time, but self-important twits like this who interrupt and don't listen the first time deserve a little verbal smackage. -teivrann
Call me an idealist, but I say be *OVERLY* polite; give them no reason to dispise you, and let them feel smart for ten minutes. It may be years later, but eventually they will realize how stupid they were acting. One less starfish in the world! :) Wost case scenario, they don't learn and you don't lower yourself to the level of an ignorant, pissed-off individual who really just needs to get layed, read a book, and listen to some classical music. -PCChris
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14.
Fear II
A news flash - The Tech Support Comedy Olympics has a guest judge...
Miss CryBaby...
Now that's something to be scared of ![By: Wonko The Sane / 2004-05-02]
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How on earth she managed to judge from inside that concrete block on the bottom of the ocean I dunno...(oh come on, you don't think I just let her walk out of the building did you?) -CommanderData
CD, I for one didn't think you'd let Miss CB walk out of the building, at least not in one piece. Does that explain the "EXIT" sign placed over the inlet hopper of an industrial tree shredder parked in the lobby? -Wraith556
I picture the opening scene from the movie The Cube. That will get your blood pumping... Atleast it did for the guy in the scene. (in EEEEVIL mode today) -MaskedMarauder
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15.
Fine, be a bitch...
Wow, something TECH related! So, the other day at work, I had a day where out of many, many calls, most of which I solved the problem, only a few people said "thank you". Now you have to understand that I usually deal with people that if you solve their issue, they're generally nice people, but for some reason the other day, they were acting like complete bitches. So I was annoyed by the late afternoon, to say the least.
One lady was being particularly bitchy because I wanted to create a case for her, even after I explained why. Finally, I gave up and just told her to tell me what was up. She wanted to use unsupported media in the printer. "What setting would I use for that?" And I decided, you know what? I don't care if this is QA'ed/Audited/whathaveyou. I really don't. I have tried to be nice, and this woman has treated me like crap. Hence, my response, "None, because it's unsupported media, and the printer is not made to use it. It is only made to use certain types of paper, and you need to use a supported one."
She bitched and moaned about how her home printer could do it. I just basically repeated myself over and over until she practically screamed, "Oh, thanks so much for your help." and hung up on me. My response, "Thanks for calling, and have a nice day." said in a pleasant tone, for the auditers if they were listening, then I went to the next victim.
Crunch, Crunch, chew, chew...mmm damn that's good ketchup![By: Dragones / 2004-05-02]
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You have a license to kill starfish for the next few months due to your ever-changing hormonal situation. No company in the world could ever get away with firing a pregnant woman who went ballistic on a rude customer. I say use it while you got it. <g> -RiffRaff
I whole heartedly agree :) -CrystalMare
What you said didn't sound rude to me at all...you were telling the customer the facts. If the customer didn't like them, that's their problem. -Mango
Yeah, but still go postal whenever possible. Use it or lose it baby. (Don't forget to post the story here though.) -ewspy87
Personally, I don't see a problem...if the Luser is too dumb/bitchy/pig headed to listen to what the nice tech is saying, it is the Lusers' problem, not the techs. As for your "delicate condition" use it to its' fullest advantage...hang up on a few of the more annoying SF's - go on, you know you want to... -lineswine
Definitely use the hormonal imbalance to your advantage while you can...and don't forget after screaming at a starfish/stupid co worker to break down crying. It's one of the perks of being pregnant. -Starfury
LOL - Don't mess around with Dragons because you're crunchy and good with ketchup :) -Hellion
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16.
More Pictures!
Finally got the remaining photos from Bioguy's visit with us developed and on the website.
http://www.wizardslab.net/~riffraff/pictures
Enjoy!
[By: RiffRaff / 2004-05-02]
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Great pics! Did Sienna take the one of all 3 of you? -Tekkie
Woo hoo! Geek male pictures! My kinda site...;-) -CommanderData
Is this Magenta's site? http://www.magentasites.com/public/ -billybien
*nod* Nice. (One of these days, I'll post pictures someplace. ^^;;) -snowcrash
Nice :) -Hellion
When my new domain goes up sometime this month, I'll be happy to host pictures for people. -TechnoVampire
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17.
Viruses
Am I the only one who finds the Sasser virus (and all other viruses) hilarious? This lady calls up not able to get online on her dialup connection. She can ping out but IE gives her jack. She's got the Sasser worm. She is absolutely frantic. You'd swear somebody was trying to murder her cat. She asks "Why would they do this to ME?" She really seemed to be taking it personally (once again, I found it really funny). Got her to run the removal tool and then install the security patch and it works fine. Then she asks "Can you find out who sent me this virus so they can be charged?" The clincher? The call came in while I was at home and the caller was my mom. LOL.[By: steveO77 / 2004-05-02]
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Hun, you've managed a double post! -Tekkie
sweet -steveO77
Sasser annoys me. Whilst my own PCs are fine, the PCs at work are infected, so every 20 minutes they're rebooting. Since they won't give us local admin, I can't run the symantec removal tool or edit the registry. Cheers, management. -paranoidepiphan
On Friday night my system became infected with something stupid. That's what I get for using IE at home...but I was still pissed, even after clearing the crap off'a my system. (>:( grrrr...) But yeah, I guess it's kinda funny two days later. -snowcrash
I've heard about viruses. ;) --Linux user -PCChris
I've heard about them also (IE user with good firewall and AV software and sense enough not to click on bullshit pop-ups or open starnge messages with file sattached, but that's just me.) -ewspy87
I actually saw a virus on a computer once... (Win98 user with a router, firewall, NAV, and the common sense to forward e-mails with attachments from people I don't know to my ex-wife <eg>) -RiffRaff
Virus? What's a virus? XP user, McAfee Online set to autoupdate, router with SPI setup correctly, ISP with half decent spam filters, Spybot S&D & Adaware updated & run regularly. -lineswine
I call your viruses a silly thing! I laugh at them! Ho, ho! (Netscape user) -robbor
Steve0, it was me. I wrote the sasser virus, and i feel really bad about it now. Please tell your mom i'm sorry and give me her bank account number so i can transfer $1000000US to her. -QuinTech
I didn't get sasser because I'm a human. My roommate's compy on the other hand.... -DracoSuave
It's Monday, and we are all waiting for the first instance of this among our customers. We have just recently started cable modem access in one area, and have found about %80 of all customers dont have any firewall, virus protection, etc. Ya know, if I didn't make more money then someone working at Sonic... wait a minute.. I don't... -OzarkBard
Hmmph, I think I've inadvertantly pissed off a few people with my Linux comment... It was a joke, people. Don't take it so seriously. And for you NAV fans, if you've never been infected consider yourselves lucky. I was an admin of a 200 seat NT network that used a NAV solution, and they were infected with 20 unique virae in a 1 year period. NAV had a nasty habit of reporting to the management console, "Hmm, these clients have a virus. *sips coffee* Gee, guess you're screwed or something". Wonderful product. I tried to convince the IT Manager to go with Trend Micro, but he wouldn't have any of it. </rant> -PCChris
yeah, NAV 2003 wasn't too bad, reported ll the viruses. Didnt actually /do/ anything, but noticed them... NAV 2004 is crap though. About 50% of installs need the NAV removal tool and try again. Thinking about standardising on something else. -trs998
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19.
Hmmm, mortein dont work
Tech call,
SF: got a virus, its sasser.....
ME: okay, go to www.sym...blah blah,
SF: thats a hassle, cant I just spray it with something?
:-o[By: LeutiusM / 2004-05-03]
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sure, just use some clear acryllic spray paint, that'll protect it!!!! -duckhead
How about an elephant sized condom? That'll stop the little varmints from doin' it again...yee har <strolls off into distance playing a banjo> -lineswine
sure. Spray it with water. Make sure you open the computer while you do it. Stick your finger in, for electrotacular fun -Bunglehawk069
<Drives to luser's house> <Sprays luser's brains all over computer> <problem solved> -scooby111
*looks at Scooby* Did I miss the invention of household quantum computers, you know, the kind smaller than a single atom? -Calydor
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20.
Starfish Olympics
My most sincerest apologies... but the counting up of the votes has not been completed. It will be either late tonight, or tomorrow (hopefully) that the winners of the Starfish Olympics will be posted. Thank you for your patience in this. [By: duckhead / 2004-05-03]
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The Image voting results will be posted later today. -TechnoVampire
Hey, no worries, whilst I was doing the judging I thought 'it's gonna take Duckhead AGES to score this stuff' -CommanderData
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