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Tech Stories Archives - June 2005
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2.
Wireless fun part 10^23
Starfish w/wlan router called, couldn't get Internet connection. Computer was connected to WAN port of the router, SF had two software-based firewalls running, and icing of the cake: no cable from modem to router.
When I straighten him out how everything should be connected, he uttered typical SF comment:
"But it's a wireless router!".
Sigh... this is going to be a loooong day! [By: NordicPT / 2005-06-01]
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My favorite response to that dumbass comment - There's the problem right there then! If it's wireless, you shouldn't have a phone line! That will definitely interfere with your wireless signal. -Pax
Let me get this straight... Computer was connected to WAN port of the router, two software-based firewalls running, no cable from modem to router....but apart from that, everything was OK, was it? - Gromit
Gromit: go straight to the POND Life without collecting GBP 200,- -NordicPT
and take a copy of mayfair with you too.... oh, no wait -Armakuni
"Indeed it is. And have YOU been able to make it work? No, you haven't, have you. Which is why you called me. Because I DO know how to make it work. Shall we continue?" -Geminii
"But it worked before" -Deadagent
sf - 'but it worked before'. tech - 'yes sir, before you messed w/ it' -omegawolf
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3.
Banking LART
No, it's not against the bank ... but one of it's customers. While standing in an extremely long line ( 15 - 20 minute wait), I rather large fat obnoxious black woman comes storming in repeating the following phrase: "Fucking Foreginers! Shit!". This ignorant pig keeps repeating the phrase over and over again in a loud boisterous voice. 2 or 3 other customers asked her kindly to cut it out to which she gave them excruciatingly painful directions on what they could do with their advice. I simply whipped out a toy from work ( iPAQ model 3760 ) and pointed it at her ... catching her lovely phrases. Then she has the nerve to ask me, what the fuck is that gonna do ? I reply with something similar to the following : "This? Oh, It's gonna get your ignorant self locked up." SF: "And how the Fuck are YOU gonna do that?" N: "By playing THIS to the COP that's enroute because you insulted too many people around here"(One of the other customers had stepped outside and called Police non-emergency) <Play selected ramblings of hers> <Cue look of horror on her face.> N:" So, If I were you, I'd either leave now or get settled before the cop gets here." SF: "Just WHO the FUCK do you THINK you are ?!?" <Cue cops walking in during the middle of her rant> N: <Pointing at bank entrance> "Ask them." [By: Necros / 2005-06-01]
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somehow I got to thinking about this quote: I propose a tax on all foreginers living abroad." -Bilkor
You have to finish this up, did she put up a fight or did the pigs just ask her to leave? -NOFXfan
Yeah come on where's the good half to this story :) that she gets beaten to a pulp with nightsticks -Armakuni
I hope they cited her for disturbing the peace! -rokitt
USA right? Isn't the US at war? -Bilkor
Beautiful :D -modeski
My guess is that she was upset because some commodity that she was used to purchasing just increased in price and she blames foreigners. Gas, perfume or ... Bolivian Nose Candy, I wonder which it was? -TieDyedDinosaur
or she got fired from a phonesex hotline 'cause it was outsourcing to India -Bilkor
Bilkor may be on to something there, the woman was apparently quite used to repeating the same thing over and over again with total disregard for how inane it sounded! -TieDyedDinosaur
Maybe that was the job she was outsourced from - "Fucking Foreigners"....'lady of easy virtue', stationed close to an international airport. -lineswine
Well, I didn't stay ... but I heard officers Hernandez and Tran mention something about taking her in for being "Drunk and Disorderly". ;-) -Necros
"officers Hernandez and Tran". All hail the cosmic LART. -DragonMageWTF
Nice. Mean people suck. -RiffRaff
But nice people swallow!!! -TieDyedDinosaur
^If this is the case, I'm a f*cking angel ^___^ Heehee!
Good job, Necros--STOP THE IGNORANT FROM TALKING...LET THEM HEAR IT BACK. ^_~ -TranceGemini
*bowing to Necros* -FuzzyElf
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4.
I Feel Good (Slightly OT)
I just got back from Magenta's school, where it is the last day of classes for her little juvenile delinquents. During the morning announcements, which are televised throughout the school on closed circuit, the principal told two of the students (a second grade girl and a third grade boy) in front of the entire school that due to their exceptionally good behavior, academic achievement, and respectful attitudes toward teachers and other students, they would each be receiving a free computer (donated by yours truly). They're only P1 100s with Win98, but the wide-eyed looks on their faces was worth every bit of work I put into refurbishing these systems. The little girl's class actually broke out into applause when she walked back into her classroom. I feel like I could almost enjoy being human today. Of course, I haven't talked to any of my customers yet today.
The sad part of this story is, out of the entire school, they are the only two students Magenta could think of who she thought really deserved computers. I hope they put them to good use.
[By: RiffRaff / 2005-06-01]
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Sad that there were only 2, but yay to you both for doing such a kind thing! -taieena
Are you getting soft Riffy, whatcha done to the puters, installed AOL on them <g> Seriously though bravo, but i'll bet there will be a lot more boot lickers next term when word of this gets out :) -Armakuni
Grizzled hardassed bastard on the outside, soft cuddly wookims on the inside. I love you. -burrkiss
*Grizzled hardassed bastard on the outside, soft cuddly wookims on the inside*....0_0 -CommanderData
anytime i see the words ass, soft and cuddly from burrkiss, i'd start retreating...backwards! -omegawolf
Very cool! Rather early for school to finish, but that is quite the reward! Hopefully the others will take note... -ShiftedBeef
Umm, OmegaWolf, I'd check behind me before doing that, if I were you: Burkiss has a reputation for planning behind, umm, err, ahead. -LoTech
"Grizzled" - check... "Hardassed" - check... "Bastard" - No, my parents were married, thank you very much... "Soft" - check (but I ain't sayin' where)... "Cuddly" - You betchya... "Wookims" - The rumors of me being related to Chewbacca are greatly exagerated... -RiffRaff
did you give them your phone number so you can do tech support for them too? <make way, comming through, open the door to the lart shelter!!> -wolfprince
YEOW! </Mandatory James Brown Reference Here> -Necros
Excellent! Now you have a place to put the two I dropped off last night.... <bfeg> -Grue
See, Riff?? Magenta HAS been good for you... you didn't even load the cases with C4 and a remote detonator! (you DID leave out the explosives this time, right, Riff?) -Ulfgaard
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5.
Six Flags Hijinx
So yesterday, the entire 8th grade was taken to a nearby Six Flags amusement park. Several hilarious things occured.
First off, I have two friends, A.A and J.H (real initials!). A.A is heavy and tall for his age, and J.H. is light and short. So we go to the guess-your-weight booth (they also do birthmonth and age), and he guesses 135 pounds for A.A. and 9 years old for J.H. They're 186 and 14, respectively.
So they both won these giant stuffed snakes, and I never let A.A. forget it. These are some of my quotes:- You're choking him with your snake!
- You're hitting me with your snake!
- That's a long snake!
J.H. was told repeatedly that he should sit on his hat, and not wear it. So he wears it on Raging Bull (a very fast rollercoaster), Viper (medium), and a bunch of other ones. But when he goes on the Whizzer, a kiddy rollercoaster)... you can guess what happened.
Finally, there was the Fiddler's Fling. It's a teacup-kind of ride; there are these 'cars' that seat 2, and they rotate about this axis that is itself rotating. So I get on with one of my friends, not knowing how fast these go. I got CRUSHED (he weighs 150, I weigh 120). I'm NEVER going on that ride with another person again.[By: Veinor / 2005-06-01]
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ALERT!!! ALERT!!! ALERT!!! The JH in thos story is not me! ALERT!!! ALERT!!! ALERT!!! The JH in this story is not me! ALERT!!! ALERT!!! ALERT!!! -JH
Knowing what you know now, you don't want JH, to be back in the 8th grade again? -Chipsterian
And thusly is how you make yourself a target for the grammar nazis. -Chipsterian
Ok, Veinor, I'll guess 'your' weight and age... 13 and 130 (nice round numbers)... No? Ok. Here is your snake and badger http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com
;-) -TheGhost
Ghost, you have just pissed everyone in my office off...I on the other hand just love that flash. It has been playing for about 15 minutes straight now :) -xtc46
Archie Andrews and Jug-Head? :| -steveO77
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6.
i'm a winner!!!!!!
i just won 25 million dollars in the uk lottery!!! all i need to do is send in my name/address/ssn for verification. [By: omegawolf / 2005-06-01]
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rofl -Torinir
same here! OMFG! < yea ill get right on sending you my info.. sure DELETE!> -Harm
You too? Cool!! I also had some gentleman from Zimbabwe contact me saying that I inherited $30M from his diseased elephant! -ch41nbr8kr
Crap! You mean I have to split MY winnings with you two? -docbrown01
i win the nigerian lottery at least twice a day. As rich as i am, it's mostly just inconvenience that keeps me from purchasing a star, and working-class pride that keeps me in helldesk. my butler wadsworth occasionally takes over calls when they get too stressful. -illiterate
I often win a Rolls Royce, or a new plasma TV, or a DVD player, or a cheap-a$$ camera. All I have to do is listen to someone try to sell me beachfront property time-shares on the shady Las Vegas waterfront! -TieDyedDinosaur
Interestingly, I get almost none of those on my five principal email accounts. But... I also monitor and clean the info@ address for a charity I work with, and they get, on average, one nigerian scam a day, and two lottery winners a week. -chazz
do a google search for mugu guymen, you should find several guestbooks for random websites with those words appearing. post in those guestbooks and include an e-mail address, it should start recieving plenty of those. -illiterate
Hey, I'll go and collect it for you if you like. I'm a bit broke at the moment though, so I'll need a bit in advance to cover the train fare. $4000 should cover it. -smellystudent
You lucky SOB -mazdarx764
Yeah, and some hot exhibionist girl found my profile online and was "interested in meeting" me and so she e-mailed me. Never mind the fact her e-mail address is always different, and the fact that if she really saw my profile, she would know that I'm not into exhibitionists.... -kman52000
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7.
Ahh... I see The Drool From Here..
Not a Story But more of a gloat... i finally get to begin building my new computer... and the cornerstone of it all.. it the new amd... relased yesterday... the AMD Athalon X2
http://www.techdepot.com/product.asp?productid=3408621&affid=10000485[By: wazntme / 2005-06-01]
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i hate you -omegawolf
You should add that the link is not safe for work. Some of us may get overexcited watching that! -TheGhost
And the day after you get it, it will be out of date. -Deadagent
Damn. What MoBo are you putting this in? MaximumPC Magazine just did an artilce on Dual Core proc's and only reviewed Intel's. AMD's X2 apparently wasn't available by press time. What they finally concluded is that Dual Core Procs will be excellent in multitasking: that is burning a DVD while playing a game or surfing the web but for gaming, you won't see a performance gain due to the fact that no games are coded to use the dual cores. But when they do, you'll be ready... -JoeLugian
Sorry - that proccessor alone cost more than my last upgrade (a year ago, up to a 3200+ with a gig of ram, new MB & case)
-Divinar
divinar - lmao, until recently that's almost the COST of my main pc. [damn similar to yours] -omegawolf
I hope you love beeing bleeding edge, not too many 64 bit apps out there let alone multithread. :) -NOFXfan
So you can just imagine this vastly powerful processor sitting there 'I'm Bored, there hasn't been any input for 40 MILLION cycles' -TieDyedDinosaur
Just make sure you name the new PC "Marvin". : ) -JoeLugian
939 pin motherboard -b33fcake
I have only 2 words for you ... YOU BITCH! ;-) -Necros
what Necros said.... -RandalGraves
"Wow, Bob! Check out how fast this card snaps from one pile to the other!" </playing solitaire> -missourimule
hmmm, i'll trade you my winning uk lottery submission for your x2. -omegawolf
For those wondering, from what I read the X2s should work on several of the most recent mobos with only a BIOS update. Then as long as you're running XP Pro, Server 2003, or Linux you can use the second core. Now for the 64 bit goodness you'll need Linux or to wait for WinXPProx64 -Darkridr
umm... I have WinXP Pro x64. Went gold about three weeks ago... -chazz
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8.
A Dream Come True
So I have this client whos office is about an hour drive away. The have two Cable internet connections comming into their location. at one of the modems there is also a TV. So they attacha splitter and and ampifier to the line and run one cable to to the TV one to the modem. Now I get a call that things arent working, go out and figure out something is wrong with the splitter or amp (i am a network tech, not a cable tech) so I take off the amp and splitter, attach straight to their modem and all is good. I tell them to leave it all alone till we can get a cable tech otu to fix it. And leave. A few hours later get a call that their site is down, and that I was supposed to come fix it earlier that day. I explained that I had been there and it was fixed, now its not. So I have him check all the cables and lo and behold, the splitter is back on and so is the amp. after what had to be 10 minutes of explaining how to disconnect a splitter(yea, something my 4 year old sister could do blind folded) and it is working again. I remind them to NOT TOUCH THE EQUIPMENT and that they need to wait for their boss to call a cable tech. Weekend passes and aI get a call on tuesday. Site is down again. Same jackass... once again walk him through disconnecting the splitter only this time, it is like a gift from *diety*. The amps power cable is actually a coaxil cable with an electrical plug on one end and a screw in one on the other, just like the power. so I "accidently" forget to have him power off first, and he is strying to un screw it and i hear him yell. Apparently he got shocked. I hold back my laugh, and it happens again...and again...and again... this goes on for about 3 minutes until he gets the power cable unplugged and I tell him he unplugged the wrong cable and ask him to plug that one back in...zap..zap...zap.. so after that i tell him to hook everything up the correct way and to unplug the amp from the power strip and to put it in a closet and not touch it anymore. Hasnt called back yet :)[By: xtc46 / 2005-06-01]
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Pity there was no way to actually KILL him. -illiterate
So how many times did he shock himself ? -Deadagent
that story is too good, I wish I could zap my fish -NOFXfan
Evidently not smarter than a hamster. "Oh, a wise guy, eh?" *BZAP* "Ow!" *BZAP* "Ow!" *BZAP* "Ow!" </Simpsons> -teivrann
apparently he wasnt shocked enough time...they just called back and left a voicemail. Im not even going to talk to them this time. gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh -xtc46
Darwin was WRONG -Deadagent
As usual, teiv beats me to it! :) -viennasausage
History has proven that electroshock therapy does not work with starfish. Unless it's 25,000 volts. -TheGhost
The best LART yet, shock the shit out of them! -mazdarx764
This sounds like one of the cable company installation supply drop amps. In the early days of cable modem roll-outs, they were often needed due to the push being done on a crappy plant. Years later, amps are cranked and the level at the modem with the house drop amp is screaming at +50. Customers however seem to think that putting them back in after a tech unhooks them will make the Internet run faster. You want to kill and bury them in their own basements. I've had the same customer fark their connection this way nine times in four days. I finally went outside, put filters on all four tap ports and then gave them sharp jerks to break them. Told her she was out of luck and would have to wait for a line tech to repair the tap, sometime next week. -suitepotato
You rock. -TranceGemini
Lovely shock treatment - but absolutely stupid SF. -NordicPT
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9.
More of a flashback/link
For those interested in reminiscing or comparing how long they have been around computers and what not, I just found out the first computer I ever used was a TI99/4A. I clearly remember playing on it, but could never remember what it was until I saw this. http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=1247&item=5203086458&rd=1 So who thinks I should shell out the $30 to have as a keep sake so I don't forget the 3.2 GHz beast I have now is a monster?[By: DragonMageWTF / 2005-06-01]
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$30? Plus $18 shipping? Get a star instead ;-)
-Divinar
As someone who started computing on an old 8bit Atari, I say go for it! I still have my old Atari 800XL, several Atart ST models and an Atari Portfolio (the oine John Conner used in T2: Judgement Day to hack the ATM). -JoeLugian
get it.. -Harm
My first one was a CARDIAC. It was a cardboard educational kit from Bell Labs. 1964. You can still buy them! Naturally it was programmed in machine language, all of 8 op-codes available. And the program counter was a lady bug on a match-stick, because....there's ALWAYS a bug in the program! -TieDyedDinosaur
I had an old Texas Instruments. I wish I still had it. My next one was a PC that was built for me by a friend of the family. Only ran DOS and a really slow Win 3.1! -TechieSidhe
my first computer was an old IBM XT my uncle bought for us for $50 around 1991. after we got our 286 a few years later, we gave that to my uncle, who still has it set up and everything! -razmann
TDD- I still have a CARDIAC around somewhere. -LaserGuru
And I have the old Exidy Sorcerer that was the first machine our family owned. Before that I had done programming on HP 9100a, 9820, 9825, 9830, 9845, and DEC PDP-12 and PDP-11/34... if I recall correctly. -chazz
Commodore 64 and 128 owners, raise your hands! Still got mine... -BayouTech
I found a Quest Super-Elf at a thrift store for $1.65 (with tax) Couldn't pass it up, need to make some code to blink the lights! -TieDyedDinosaur
And wouldn't it be cool if someone had ever made compatible processors at today's speeds. "Wow, I finished Lode Runner in twelve minutes..." -suitepotato
Raises hand...had C128 myself. Started learning BASIC on that thing when i was around 9 or 10. Wish i still had it but let it go finally before i knew better. -MrJay67
if we're all on the subject of first computers I was in elementary school, like first or second grad and the computer was (I could be wrong since I can't remember what year) either a lisa or a lisa 2 (it was deffienetly a mac and was "cutting edge" for the schools to have them at the time. we learned to type and speed read. -drachen
Bunch of youngun's first for me was TRS-80 model 2. -Wolfie0827
I still have my TI99/4A and my C64 and a TRS-80 in my old tech cubbyhole! I miss the old 64. Might just take it out of the cupboard and show the fiance how to play archon! -Evilturnip
I used to have a CARDIAC, and I've been trying to remember what it was called. Thanks! -LadySharky
I got $75 for mine on eBay 5 years ago. It was also my first home computer (but not the first I ever used. That was the PET). -SwedishChef
I still own my first REAL computer - Amiga2000... it's at the office and not at home.. but still. -ShujinTribble
For the life of me, I can't remember what model or manufacturer our family's first computer was. All I remember is it was a circuit board, about 1 1/2 by 2 1/2 feet in size, mounted on plywood and had a whopping 8K of RAM. No storage device, but it at least had a keyboard. -helldesk
"Trash"-80, C-64 and the Timex Sinclair 1000 here -deskmonkey
Found my old Sinclair ZX80 the other day - I made it from a kit 25 years ago when I was 12! Plugged it in and it still works! Ah, the memories... -Smegger68
First one I used: TRS-80, surrounded by Hollerith card punchers & readers & such. First I bought: Apple II+. I still have a Tandy 200, like the TRS-80 model 100, except this laptop has the fancy flip-up screen 40char x 16 lines, plus two non-contiguous 19K RAM banks. Got plug-in modules and Portable Disk Drive II (runs on 4 AA batteries like the laptop). -FuzzyElf
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10.
Hacker
I was in the hospital for 4 days I just had a baby boy. I was working on my laptop when one of the nurses comes in and sees me on the laptop she sees I’m changing my system around and she asks me are you a hacker? I did not even get the chance to say no when she asked are you hacking in to the hospitals system I looked at her confused. I said no I don’t even have my wireless card here so how could I be in the hospitals system? I said the only cord that is running to my laptop is the power cord how could I be networked to anything?? She said I don’t know. I can’t get a way from starfish. [By: pepsiguy / 2005-06-01]
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How does a pepsi*guy* give birth? :-P -NOFXfan
yeah, what NOFX asked. <confused> -JH
"yes, and if you are nice to me, you might just get a raise" -xtc46
well, maybe his WIFE, had the baby and he was bieng supportive and staying at the hospital with her...my hubby did that when we had our little boy. he didnt leave the room except to go get food from the cafeteria...its was very sweet actually... -TeChMoMmY
If I *was* a hacker, WHY would I tell you? -AmazingKreskin
Congrats on the new ltlpepsiguy. -Rabbitt
Not surprised at all by this. We have some incredibly starfishy nurses, and some that aren't. They tend to make for interesting support calls though. (You broke an IV over the keyboard? Do I need a biohazard suit? Just antibiotics? Ok, be right there with a replacement.) -Sien
sooo you had a dietpepsi? -neuman1812
"Are you a hacker?" "Are you a doctor?" "NO, why would you ask that?" "Well, I assumed since you are wearing scrubs in a hospital you are a doctor, just like you assume that since I have a laptop I am a hacker. No please leave this room and never return, if your nursing skills are anything like your deductive reasoning skills you're going to kill someone soon and I'd rather it not be a member of my family." -GargoyleTS
Hello NURSE! Yakko, Wakko -Deadagent
I was with my wife she was the one having the baby i was just saying there. -pepsiguy
Congrats on the Pepsibaby? ^ ^ Yeah, the idiots are everywhere. Too bad you didn't take advantage of the morgue to kill and freeze her... -TranceGemini
congrats on the baboga man!!!another tsc'er in the makin?? -starfishmagnet
there is no escaping the sf until we have completed tech island. [we're all *STILL* waiting on coyotes secret lair] -omegawolf
Congrats on the bouncing baby beverage! -Grue
My greatest hopes for your family's future health and well being. -ShujinTribble
Congrats on the "New" Pepsi!! Hope Mommy & baby are doing well! -Ulfgaard
Congrats for the Pepsi Light! -NordicPT
Congrats on your bouncing boy, you do realise that your mothers curse will now kick in.
The one that says you will have a sone who will be twice the little s**t and hell raiser you were....BFEG, what kind of cigar do ya like pepsi, and I'll bring ya one to work.
And by the way, I would have said yes I am, and who should I code blue in ICU, just to fark with her, really BFEG. -Wolf359
Congrats on the new Pepsibaby! Yeah, the fishies are trying to take over the world. Scarier in a hospital, though. -sassicatz
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11.
Bank error in my favor.
Well, I feel good today. I just got a nice bonus curtisy of my bank. I had a couple small checks to deposit into my account, and decided to pull out 100 bucks while I was at the machine instead of paying the insain fees that other ATMs charge. the machine spit out a 15 $20 bills for some reason, so I took the receipt and the pile of bills over to the teller (who looked bored, since clients are "encouraged" to use the ATMs) and told her about the error. She checked my account, and said that only $100 was withdrawn. I show her the pile of cash and ask if anyone in their right mind would want to give the bank $200 out of their pocket?. She insisted that my account was showing the right numbers, and there was no error. After agreeing that my account balance was what it was expected to be, but pointing out that I still had an extra 200 in my hand she still didn't get it. Even the manager when finally called over refused to admit that the machine could make such a mistake. Finally I gave up and said that I hoped they would remember that I tried to give the money back when their machine doesn't balance...[By: garwain / 2005-06-01]
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Well leveraged stupidity tax. Sounds like you can afford the cell phone now. ;) -DragonMageWTF
Didn't even have to pass Go for that one. Nice! -teivrann
It happens, the mechanism will only record WHAT IT THOUGHT IT PAID. The banks have insurance. You have won the ATM lottery, remember that they took your picture when you took the money! -TieDyedDinosaur
yeah they did TDD, but like you said, the machine only records what it thinks it paid out. So it wouldn't know who it gave the extra money to, since it obviously didn't do it on purpose. Just out of curiosity, where's that ATM located? *bfeg* -JH
At least you were honest about it, their loss at this point. -mazdarx764
Plus, you'll be on camera and security records and stuff as wandering around attempting to give money back. Score! -Mahal
right now there's a hacker/scriptkiddie in new york trying to brag, and all his buddies can do is say "that's the stupidest thing you've ever done, joey" </sutble movie referance.> BTW what bank was this? -drachen
Hahahahahaha I watched that retro flick last night (well, at one-thirty-am this morning). Yay for Angelina's sexy ass ^ ^!! -TranceGemini
drachen, not even close to subtle around here. -Lehk
While in Sydney, Australia at St. George's Bank ATM, we took out $100 AUS and never had it deducted from our checking account... Go fig! (This was about 6 years ago) -ShujinTribble
Call me mercenary if you like, but I'd deposit that money IMMEDIATELY into my acct. & them pull it out again via the ATM - $330 into acct, $300 (officially) out of ATM...acxtually, if it screws up again, it will be $900. Keep doing this until 1) Daily ATM limit is reached 2) ATM doesn't screw up again 3) ATM runs out of money. If the bank refuse to admit a problem you can't be doing anything wrong, can you? -lineswine
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12.
I hate my cell provider...
Actually, I have had very few problems with my cell, it's the GF's that is a constant pain the the neck. Today, it went back for the 3rd time for service (for the same problem) Their insain policies have cost me $75 for rental phones. Worst part is they refuse to let me trade in the phone for a different phone, or upgrade it. I can BUY a NEW phone, but I won't get any sort of discount.
If I'd cut my losses in the beginning, and just replaced the phone the first time, I would have saved 2 months of agrivation, and half the price of the phone my GF really wants.[By: garwain / 2005-06-01]
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step 1. Call the phone company. when the first person answers the phone say in a calm friendly voice "Hi, my name is _____. May I please speak to a superviosr." they will undoubtly ask what the problem is a try to hel. your reply will be "I understand that you would like to hle, and i am very thankful for that. But I will probably get upset along the way and begin to raise my voice. You seem very nice and dont deserve that type of treatment, and certainly dont get paid enough to deal with it, so I would much rather speak to a supervisor" at this point in time they will probably be very amused and transfer you to a supervisor. Repeat these steps untill they cannot transfer you any higher up. now commence the larting. this is to ensure fewer casualties of nice people just trying to earn a living at ajob, we all know that they hate. Works very well too. -xtc46
75 bucks for a service loaner? OUCH!! my provider (not the place I work for) does replacement phones for 35 bucks, or if you are willing to wait 2 weeks they replace them for free.. 'course, this assumes you didn't inflict horrible injury upon the phone and cause the problem yourself. -illiterate
which provider? ( sio i know who to ster clear of when the day comes i can keep my phone number) -Harm
Harm, in the USA you can do that now - we kept our numbers jumping from Sprint to Verizon. Service is better than most of my friends who don't have V... -Divinar
yea, the whole being able to keep your phone number is what sent ATT wireess out of business. They provided crappy service and when the law passed all their customers jumped ship with their numbers. -xtc46
may be able to do so in the US, but i'm farther north- can't have it up here yet. the ONLY reason i havent changed providers is due to my phone number. its sweet and ends in 00. -Harm
And *that* would be what they call karma. Use a portion of your free 200 dollars to buy a new phone and be done with it. That's really quite spooky. -viennasausage
Actually, ATTWS's biggest problem with WLNP was that they were "smart" and decided to use a different porting management vendor than *everyone* else in the country, AND they decided to upgrade their billing system *at the same time*. Yeah, like *that's* not asking for trouble. Oh, and they farked the upgrade, and couldn't do *anything* (ports, upgrades, activations, nothing) for the better part of a month. Now, Cingular has the problem that ATT was giving away the farm toward the end (1500 anytime, free n/w, free m2m, and a buttload of other stuff for $40 a month???), so now they have a herculean task of convincing these customers to switch to a Cingular plan, when Cingular doesn't have *anything* close to offer. We could probably fill up a couple hundred megs of Hawk's server space on this...lol -missourimule
I'm guessing Roger's? Roommate had insane problems with them, same idea... finally by threatening to quit (didn't really want to, was prepared to, though) he got a deal on an upgrade and new phone. I gotta try that sometime. -namor
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13.
Wow, that was difficult...
Me: [Opening schpiel] SF: "Yeah, I haven't had internet access in over a month, and it's pissing me off." Me: "Okay, I can help with that. What are the lights doing on the modem?" SF: "There's 1 light on, that's all." Me: "Does that light happen to be labeled Standby?" SF: "Yeah, what the hell is wrong with your service? I need to get this running here." Me: "Hit the button on the top of the modem that says Standby, and give it about 5 seconds." [two seconds later...] SF: "Hey, it's working!" Me: [MUTE] Shut up and hang up. [Unmute][By: AmazingKreskin / 2005-06-01]
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DO I GET COMPENSATED???? I HAVEN'T HAD SERVICE IN A MONTH!! I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR BECAUSE THIS SOLUTION WAS TOO EASY, IT CAN'T BE REAL!!! I HAVEN'T GOTTEN ONLINE IN A MONTH AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!! -illiterate
"Can I get some compensation for haveing to talk to a idiot like you?" -Deadagent
credit? for your stupidity? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! < inhale> BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! better luck getting that from your parental lineage. -Harm
I TURNED MY MODEM OFF!!!1!!ONEoneE!!! I WANT TEH CREDIT YOU SUCK!... ROFL that story was classic :) -Inphinity
Did it happen to be when of those Motorola Surfboards? -cheater200227
Why can't you put their reproductive systems on standby? Then they wouldn't be able to breed more of their STUPID. -TranceGemini
Can someone answer a dumb question please (on my whiteboard if you don't want to tie up the the tech story) ... why would someone want to put a modem in standby anyway? That seems to be as useful to me as having a switch to stop your (powered-on) TV from receiving signals. -Jay911
I put mine in standby when I don't want to be online. Don't see the point in wasting that 1/1000th of a cent of electricity unless I'm online. This usually works out to a) the computer is powered off, or b) I'm playing CD-ROM's with the kids. -missourimule
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14.
In The Presence Of Mine Enemy
http://www.wizardslab.net/~riffraff/pictures/surrounded.jpg
'Nuff said. {BFEG}
[By: RiffRaff / 2005-06-01]
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Use the Force Riff. Use the Force. -Rabbitt
To H*ll with the Force, use THE BLEACH! <grin> -CTYankee
Napalm. Lots and lots of napalm. -teivrann
Looks like if you had started jumping up and down, the starfish would have disappeared and you would have racked up a bunch of points. (Think Mario.) -QuinTech
Nuke from high orbit, the only way to make sure -Deadagent
customer convention? -wolfprince
A) chipper-shredder B) 50 gal drums, C) 'DIP' D) Barbeque! -TieDyedDinosaur
Turn to the dark side. -burrkiss
My GHOD! It's full of STARFISH! <Grin> -Necros
AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! -TechnoVampire
Nice trophy wall! Did you kill 'em all yourself? -Tekkie
The Horror, the horror. Apoch Now -Deadagent
no, dont touch any of them, if they break, they regenerate....scary. -broken
Maybe its just me.. But is that a 1970's-era red LED wristwatch you got on there? (Smirk) Two Words: Heat Lamps -ShujinTribble
It looks like "The Scream" has finally turned up. The Munch museum will be SOOOO pleased! -lineswine
Where at the Shedd was THAT? -Grue
Thermite, lots of thermite. You can never use too much thermite. -Liquidice
..And Liquid Nitrogen! Our two main weapons are Thermite and Liquid Nitrogen. --and a CLUE-by-Four! -ShujinTribble
Yeah, what Tekkie said.FE -FuzzyElf
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15.
the lights are on, but nobodies home
DSL customer can't get web pages, asked him which lights are on on the DSL modem, he say's "yes". inform him there is more than one light, he then replies "green". finally determin that his power, DSL, internet, and ethernet, no wireless, no wait internet, lights are on. had him unplug the power, and we get disconnected, most likely he unplugged the phone cord instead of the power. no matter, at least i'm off the phone with him.[By: razmann / 2005-06-01]
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That's called 'failing the cable IQ test'. Works all the time. -teivrann
VoIP? lol...please unplug the modem *click* -xtc46
unfortunately when that happens here, we have to call the customer back. -fiesti
im lucky if its a voip phone we just have to note the account that they have it, their service works -Imrcly
what no-one has said it? oh well: There are four lights! /TNG -Bilkor
You are incorrent, there are three lights. Look again...:) -tethys
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16.
Mr. eMachines (part 1)
My post yesterday about Management Training brought to mind another story... I had traveled into deep
waters on that particular day, and the fish were more aggressive than usual. This guy was probably the
first "problem customer" I ever dealt with on my own. For some background, this was April. I had started
working at RetailComputerStore in November. It was a typical early Spring day, a time of year when consumer
electronics slows down and a young starfish's fancy turns to thoughts of neeping. I walk the sales floor
happily when the department phone rings. Now, this was before my foray into tech support, so I had not yet
developed that deep loathing of telephones. I pick it up like a good little associate... [By: linkv / 2005-06-01]
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17.
Mr. eMachines (part 2)
I say hello. A very agitated man is on the other end. "Yeah, I bought a computer from you guys, and the
hard drive crashed!" Uh-oh, all hands on deck. Start with basic fact-finding and diplomacy. "I'm very
sorry to hear that. When did you buy it?" Matter-of-factly, he says "Last October!" Whew. I wasn't working
here then, so I'm in the clear. "But," he adds, as if to stump me, "We didn't even open it until Christmas Day!
It's only a few months old, so I'm gonna exchange it." Interesting conclusion. Time for the bad news. "Well,
sir, our return period extends for a x days beyond your purchase date. That has passed so we'd be looking
at a different solution." he stammers "What? But we didn't even open it until Christmas!!!" Wow, he's really
latched on to that. "Indeed, but the return policy goes by the purchase date, not the date upon which the box
was opened." The neeping then goes ultrasonic...[By: linkv / 2005-06-01]
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18.
Mr. eMachines (part 3)
"Well, what are we going to do about this, then?" he demands. "Oh, there are a couple of options we do have, sir.
Now, when you bought your computer, did you purchase our service contract?" I ask. "NO! He yells triumphantly, unaware that he just began a self-LART. "Why?" Still smiling, I say "Well, that helps determine what steps we need to take to get your computer repaired. Under our plan, we cover all parts, labor, shipping costs, and in-home servicing, that's why I asked." A dim light flickers... "So you're telling me that I gotta buy this
extra protection if my computer breaks?!? No one told me that!" Ah, one of my first encounters with Rule #1, not
to be my last. "That is unlikely, Sir. The service contract is one of the best reasons to shop at RetailComputerStore, and it's company policy to offer it on all qualifying products." I say this without a hint
of bullshit-- our service contract is a heck of a deal, and I say this as someone who's more than capable of fixing his own computer problems. Does the story continue? You bet![By: linkv / 2005-06-01]
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19.
Mr. eMachines (part 4)
"So, what you're telling me is, since I didn't buy this extra protection, I'm out of luck!" Huh, my memory must be fuzzy, I don't remember saying any of that. "Well, no, sir, you're in luck! Since your computer is still under the manufacturer's warranty, you can contact them for repairs. Bad hard drives are covered, and they will
repair it for free." I like to think hearing the magic word "free" will quell any fish. How naive I was! "Well,
so what do I gotta do, bring it back to the store?" *SIGH* What we have here is a failure to communicate. "No, sir, since you are using the original manufacturer's warranty, all repair work is done through them." He
processes this with "So what's that mean? Where do I take it?". "That done at the manufacturer's discretion. You may need to take it to a service center. You may need to mail it in. We have no control over manufacturer's warranty repairs. You will need to contact eMachines." "What?!?! So I gotta pay to ship it back?" This just ain't getting through "That is handled at the manufacturer's discretion, sir. I really don't know." What could top this off? The icing on the cake? Here it comes....[By: linkv / 2005-06-01]
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20.
Mr. eMachines (part 5)
I don't know what else to tell him. He doesn't have a service contract with us, he's months past the return period. Oh no, he's prepared to brush all this off. "Well," he says, in his most matter-of-fact tone yet, "I want a new computer!" Yep, he said it... and I'm thankful I didn't read TSC at the time, otherwise I would have
lost it on the sales floor. Time to get back to basics for me: "Well, sir, as I said, it is too late to return your computer to us, that has to be done within x days. You don't have a service contract with us, so we can't offer you any repair or replacement. Now, I've already said you're within your manufacturer's Warranty, and that
they will repair your problem **FOR FREE**! I really don't understand why that is a problem." I'm also not understanding why he isn't asking to speak to my manager, but I just then realize I'm being very cool and controlled through the whole thing. "Well, I can see I'm getting nowhere here!" *click*[By: linkv / 2005-06-01]
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He's not getting anywhere because the hampster is dead. -ThreeBucks
...and all this stemmed from your first mistake, YOU PICKED THE FONE UP, naughty naughty *slap* :) Nicely done thou -Armakuni
Its worse then talking to a brick isnt it. -Deadagent
Talking to a brick sets up sympathetic vibrations in the brick. Talking to starfish is like shining a gigawatt laser down a black hole: nothing comes out of it, not even comprehension. -teivrann
We can't give you a new computer...but check out our price for this fabulous neeeeeeeew MOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUSE! -Evilturnip
now the only problem is that you work(worked) for a company that sells e-machines....j/k Great story and great timing. two thumbs up. -drachen
It'd be nice if he was on a push-to-bitchslap phone... -TranceGemini
hmmm...push to bitch slap phone..where can I get one of those, although I'd love a self electrocuting phone for SF. -reddbarron
I bet those service plans rhyme with RAP...
but your response when he wanted a new computer should have been"excellent, we have a lot of great deals this week" and proceed to tell him aboutthem. then be sure to mention the extended warranties. -xtc46
It sounds like you work for a company like FS or BB get out while you can!!!!! run for the hills keep resumes flyin, I worked same environment for 3 years got me nowhere! -Dewd420
$50 says there is nothing wrong with his hardware and he just got a virus from all the freaky porn he downloads off kazaa -Lehk
well either that or he knocked it off the desk while it was running and totally f'd his machine. -Lehk
its an emachine- course its dead.. sold in box- dead. -Harm
Reading from the Book of LARTS, Chapter 2, verse 9: "...and the Lord Thy God shouted from the mountain top, 'THOU ART A FUCKNUGGET IN MINE SIGHT! REMOVE THYSELF FROM THE WADING POOL!'" -vacuumtubes
hehe vacuumtubes, heres your beer -Deadagent
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