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Tech Stories Archives - March 2006
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1.
Road Trip
Headed to the Boston, Mass. area next week ( Fly in Monday, Fly our Wednesday ). Anyone in the area ? PM me.[By: Necros / 2006-03-01]
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Dude, my ONE piece of advice: DON'T DRIVE YOURSELF! Take a cab/bus/train. if you get on the streets you'll just give yourself a heart attack and die and nobody wants that.... especially the local driver's who'll immediately lean out thier windows and yell, "Gawd Dayumed tourists!" - ShujinTribble
ShujinTribble , While it's greatly appreciated, I need to drive a rental car. Besides, Being from DC, I'm used to driving on "The 8 lane death strip" (a.k.a. the washington beltway) so I could really give a darn less about the other id10ts on the road ;) I mean, what's the worst they can do ? I'll be nowhere NEAR Salem so sicking Laurie Calbot on me won't help ^___^ . -Necros
Tips - always turn right on red unless there's a sign telling you not to. Car's in rotary (roundabout) have right of way, and will try to hit you.
Turn signals are optional if you have MA plates on your car, required otherwise.
Pedestrians in Boston will ALWAYS assume that you're going to stop in time, they own the street not you.
If your walking in Boston - drivers will always assume that you can dodge their car, its their street not yours. And for the #1 sports tawk radio station in the country, tune in to 850 AM (weei) - just be ready for a non-stop onslaught of Red Sox Nation (it IS spring training after all) -redpaulhus
FWIW: When Fujin and I took a trip from LI to Kennebunk, Maine, we drove up I-95 where it turned into a 14-lane (7 north, 7 south) hwy... I was in lane 2 from right when guy in lane 6 suddenly remembers he's supposed to get off at the exit we're currently driving past. He made it to the off-ramp and I survived the near-hit. The steering wheel, however..... -ShujinTribble
For the love of all that is good, ShujinTribble, you took 95 through Boston when 290->495->95 would have worked just as well? -livinginexile
I was young, in Love and following a simple path... this was 'round '91, also -ShujinTribble
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2.
Fscking Advent PCs!
OK, so I'm still round at my sister's and yesterday, we went to PC World to buy her a new PC. She's just sold her house and is renting her new one, so she has a bit of money to play with, so she ends up getting an Advent desktop and a laptop too.
So naturally, it is my responsibility to get everything up and running, me being the family's tech support bitch. As usual, it comes preloaded with a load of crap that is unneccessary, including Napster and an annoying AOL sign-up thingie.
I go into Add/Remove programs to get rid of the offending items and they're nowhere to be seen. I can't exorcise the AOL demons for these systems! I really need to start charging my family for tech support...
[By: flapjackboy / 2006-03-01]
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Suggested that to my family once - sparked the great "How Much Did It Cost Us To Raise You, You Ungrateful Bastard" debate of '87... -Diptera
I had the same discussion once Diptera -NOFXfan
I had the same discussion, except i won easily cos I retorted with "and how much did it cost me to support you when you lost your job?" -Tarantulus
Be nice to me, dad, or your gonna go into a really shitty retirement home! -torgo
Removing AOL from a system involves manually removing many registry entries. -RiffRaff
Removing AOL from a system involves many hours of banging your head on the desk and screaming "WHY HASN'T THIS COMPANY GONE UNDER YET!?!" FIXED ^_^ -TranceGemini
Lazy way - Install AOL, then remove all copies. THEN fix the farked TCP/IP stack, remove the extra files left over, uninstall the VPN driver that gets left behind (unless the customer needs VPN), and finally, give them the bill for removing said spyware. Maybe next time they don't look at the initial, but the total, cost of a new computer purchase (Yah, Right!) -ralphp1024
Ya know, I'm thinkin' that it'd be worth the cost of just buying a standalone copy of the OS when buying one of these systems, just so all you have to do is nuke and pave as soon as you get the system set up. -missourimule
nuke n pave! nuke n pave! Free yourself of the unholy offerings! -ThinTheHerd
All together now - "Fdisk, Format, Re-install! / Doo-dah, Doo-dah! / Fdisk, Format, Re-install! / That's the Redmond way!" -Divinar
Format and install Linux. -maciarc
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3.
Checking In
Hey All! Sorry I've not posted or checked in for a while since getting the new job. Crazy-hectic!
I have to admit I'm like the job. More or less, but I get to be on the phones giving out support to starfishies again. *evil grins* So for your amusement, I'm posting a couple of things that have reaaaaalllly stood out!
First of all, a quote from a coach on the floor last night in our nightly meeting (we're in "nesting which means we're taking the calls and have coaches running around to help):"A truly savvy bank customer would NEVER ever delete their cookies." *winces* I decided it's not prudent to mention that I, as a computer techie girl, prefer to wipe my cookies and save my passwords in my head instead of relying on the computer to do it for me....
Now the new job is at a bank where I get to provide tech support for people who can't log into their online banking. With that being said, I had a customer who opened a second checking acct. He was staring at both accounts yesterday because he had written bills on the first account and wanted to remove ALL money from that account. So he called to ask if he could take out the money from the first acocunt even though the checks written on the first account had not yet cleared. *blinks*
Just a couple of examples... I really find it amusing that we're told in the troubleshooting to NEVER ever tell a customer to delete the cookies. *blinks and wonders if she should perhaps try to stop thinking like a tech when at work and decides that's impossible*[By: taieena / 2006-03-01]
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working for a bank I don't even understand that, in fact it's one of the first troubleshooting steps that our department similar to yours does -NOFXfan
/cry -Tarantulus
Memorized my account # and password. I won't save 'em, even at home. Roommate, however, depends on it. I *just* got her in the habit of at least locking her computer, now... -namor
Hmmm ... If you can't tell 'em to delete cookies, How about FFR ? <Grin> -Necros
hey which reminds me..No peaking at my account!! I know which bank you work for. -neuman1812
You have my sympathies. I'm supporting bank employees. Bankers and tellers are a special breed of starfish. -frito123
- Been there, done that, I used to support bank cuss-tomers (but the corporate ones) and then I was supporting employees of another bank. Same starfish, different piles. -TechnoCat
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4.
My Starfish Boss (Part III, finally)
(Now that limbs off of 100-foot-tall cedar trees have stopped bashing into the satellite dish, and the power is back on, AND I've got a sufficient supply of split wood on the porch to keep Kymster happy... I can finish this. It's been a burly-ass week, lemme tell ya.) >>>>> Barry owns two machines: a newish HP laptop with XP Pro and a 1ghz PIII running ME. He has bragged about having hand-built the PIII, but will never undertake such a task again: "I had to return five motherboards before I got one that worked!" 49% of me wants to interrogate him for details, to figure out what the hell he was doing wrong, and the other 51% knows I'd only sob myself to sleep that night. >>>>> The same PIII takes --- or took --- six minutes to boot up. BARRY: "I've run scandisk and defragged it over and over, but it still takes forever!" ME: Funny, I've got the same POS OS and my machine boots in about thirty seconds or so. BARRY: "Well, you've got a broadband connection." ME: [stares at Barry, unblinking, waiting and hoping the stupidity of his statement to be realized.] BARRY: "Oh... Wait... That wouldn't have anything, um, to do with... Uhh..." ME: Have you checked for spyware? BARRY: "Hunh?" ME: (moving on) How much stuff do you have loading into your system tray on startup? BARRY: {*dribble*} ME: I'll take a look at it tomorrow... The next day, I went into MSCONFIG and turned off about seventeen apps that were loading in every time he fired up, then installed Ad-Aware and ran it. Just over 400 bits o' business detected. Viola! The machine now boots in about one minute... But Barry's not happy. "Where are all my shortcuts!?" Say what? Ahh... He didn't know the difference between the system tray and the quicklaunch bar; after all, "they're both down on the gray bar at the bottom."[By: MeanDean / 2006-03-01]
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Well the 'shortcuts' do respond faster if the program is already running! -TieDyedDinosaur
By his own confession, the PIII is used as a 'pornograph' and for running QuickBooks, little else... And QuickBooks wasn't one of the apps loading on startup. -MeanDean
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5.
Yet another Karma Request
Well, here goes my request...I'm interviewing this afternoon for a part-time position with the city. It's an AV Geek position for the theatre in the rec center. Not many hours, not much money, but it's a city job, and may lead to more, and the work is simple and fun. (Running sound and light boards) So, might I humbly request a bit of that sweet stuff knows as TSC karma? Any little bit will be appreciated![By: VWFtech / 2006-03-01]
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I'll buy that for a dollar. Karma comin'. -namor
KAAAAAAAAARMA! -TranceGemini
We have a luverly batch of Karmushrooms growing and spreading Karmaspores everywhere, you'll be breathing them before you know it! -TieDyedDinosaur
Karma retro viruses now in your water supply. -virusjtg
KarmaJet being rerouted to your coordinates... -PTSTech
Karma chameleon is in the area ( if you look really close you can see him) -3p0ch
As long as Boy George isn't behind me... Anyway, it looks good for the job, gotta take a drug test and meet with the City Rec. Director, but basically I got the offer! <Returns remaining Karma to the pool> -VWFtech
scrapes some from-unda-karma and flings it. -putahtek
I am AVKinkyGirl and I send you lots of good karma! -avkinkygirl
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6.
NOT a request for karma
namor's story http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=56142 made me appreciate where I work. Sure, there are a few irritants (Big Boss's son, loser installer, and Ditzy Dispatch, to name a few) and the customers are a diverse selection of SE Alabama residents, including prom queen types and rednecks. In spite of all that, the company takes care of us. My sister, the Lart Queen, found out she had a malignant tumor in her mouth and throat last September. Not only is the company maintaining her pay and insurance through her surgery and subsequent treatments (and the last 4 weeks have been especially rough), they gave her a monster last-chance-to-drink-beer party before the chemo started, complete with DJ for dancin', lotsa eats, and quite a lot of free beer. Other drinks were BYOB, but that was cool. The beer was mostly in honor of the Lart Queen. The company fronted all costs, Big Boss (and CFO and marketing manager, and nearly everyone else in the company) asks about her every day since then, as she hasn't been to work in two weeks. The chemo and radiation combo is wearing her out. Another thing: The company sponsors a training session once a week for all field techs, phone techs, and CSRs, featuring an all-you-can-eat breakfast. From time to time, the cable supervisor will organize a midday cookout for all his techs (and invite everyone else) as a morale booster. And the company is always represented at the tailgate area of the local university during football season. It's usually a pretty popular tailgate site, as the cable super sets up a one or two TVs to watch whatever other games might be going on at the same time. And finally, three years ago, after watching me come to work day in and day out in a nearly 20-year-old wheelchair van that drank a quart of oil a week, they organized (IN SECRET somehow) a huge fundraiser to buy my daughter a new wheelchair van. (I don't know if y'all have ever priced those things, but you could nearly buy a house cheaper.) They presented me with a check for a major down payment for a brand-spanking-new wheelchair van two days before Christmas. I was so surprised. I grumble and moan and groan and complain about working here, get irritated sometimes with the inbred family attitude, but mostly, I wouldn't want to work anywhere else. [By: MamaTech / 2006-03-01]
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heh on the first line of mama's story where she said "big boss's son" i thought of the big boss man(wwf wrestler back in the day) and got a mental image of him standin over her with his trusty club in hand ;0) -starfishmagnet
Have any openings? -virusjtg
Ditto here, SFM. Also, am I the only one who read the line as "porn queen types"? lmao...good luck to you and yours Mamatech, and that is so awesome to have a job that's so obviously like family. -missourimule
MamaTech - I know with any mouth / throat treatments its hard-as-hell to talk, but.... if you'd like someone to talk to her (not WITh her, if she's not up for it), I offer my services, Pro Bono. [I keep telling people, "I can't do much right now, but I'll do what I can."] -ShujinTribble
In all fairness, I like where I work, too. I just have to laugh (and sometimes, cry) at the inanities, still. -namor
It's great to know that there are still one or two employers that really look after their staff - they obviously understand that loyalty is a two-way thing and, lets face it, it's vastly easier and cheaper to keep good staff than to be constantly having to replace them. Good for you, Mamtech - long may it continue. -Gromit
Sweet. My boss is currently fundraising. One of our good tech guys has to deal with his wife being in chemo; guy can't cook. (The words "burnt ice-cream" say it all.) Boss wants to get together US$110 to buy this guy some home-cooked freezer-to-oven meals that don't suck -- think once-per-month cooking places. So far, he's raised US$150 and I haven't donated my US$10 yet. SOME PLACES *ARE* GREAT TO WORK FOR. :) -snowcrash
mamatech - antipodean karma headed towards yr sis for chemo. hugs and love to all for support, and major major kudos sent to company. why not show them this story? (ok, just copy and paste, do NOT give them the url!;) ) -timelady
I'm with you MT. I got what I thought was a good job last summer. It has since turned into what is likely to become a career. They are looking to ramp up the developer teams from 2 teams of 4 to several teams of dozens, and yet the parent company employs over 4000 people. Benefits are nice, rewards are nice and they refuse to let me work more than 50 hrs a week until it's SERIOUS crunch time (mild crunch time need not apply). I got a 10% bump effective next week, can go for cert training as soon as I find a decent class (company paid), and best of all, they are now having me work out of my house 3-4 days a week. I guess this is the reward for putting up with 4 years of crud at my last job. -virtualchoirboy
Yay! I thought I was the only one. 50% of our customers I write about and the other 50% are tolerable if not wonderful and... My company rocks, too. -Zayda
How cool is this - went down to help the sales people set up the projector/laptop. They apparantly couldnt log onto it so I went to investigate. By then time I got down there it had magically worked (always the way) and for my quick effort I got 2 nice chilled bottles of premium wine! Bonus - working at a wine distribution company rocks! -avkinkygirl
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7.
What thought makes you smile?
In all seriousness, I've been having a bad week - in no small part to having done taxes... That's a NTOT story for another day....
I'm wondering what image in your head, what line from a movie / book / TV show you can think of that just makes you smile or just laugh.. with no other prompting. (Admittedly, it's partly for myself, but I'm kinda wondering if there's a common thread for us all.)
In my case, I can think of the Hanson Brothers from "Slap Shot" [ http://imdb.com/title/tt0076723/ ] standing on the ice while the Star Spangled banner is being performed; busted lip, bleeding nose... the ref comes over and....
[Referee skates over to Steve Carlson during the playing of the National Anthem]
Peterboro Referee: Got my eye on the three of you. You pull one thing, you're out of this game. I run a clean game here. I have any trouble here, I'll suspend ya.
Steve Hanson: I'm listening to the fucking song!!!!!
And, of course, the outtakes from Cannonball Run [ http://imdb.com/title/tt0082136/ ] where Dom Deluis carcks up trying to do the final scene and he complains, "--Mister Martin laughed first!" (He just couldn't call him "Dean"... THAT'S respect in my book.)
So? C'mon, folks! What makes YOU smile! (Reacharounds don't count.)
[By: ShujinTribble / 2006-03-01]
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'clerks' plain and simple, the entire film is GENIUS -Tarantulus
I have all kinds of computer stuff lying around the house. Yesterday after eating lunch, my sone (he's 2) picked up an OLD Mac laptop off the floor and brought it over to the table. He pushed his plate out of the way and put the laptop down. Popped open the screen and said, "It's my email Daddy". That made me smile. -ChuckBiscuits
I do have to agree that Clerks is a remarkably kick-ass movie. However, tragically, that alone does not always warrant a smile...I'd have to go with...seeing my friends...whom I haven't seen in FOREVER...and Stan giving me three hugs in one day...yeah. *hugs you all* and you guys of course! -TranceGemini
for me its the simple things. My two dogs, my two rabbits or looking at the picture of my girlfriend on top of my machine here at work. -virusjtg
Stripes. 2 lines. 1. what we have here is one heavily armed recreational vehicle. 2. I had a car waiting. -LunaticFringe
Alone in New York - The two burglars encountering a succession of painful traps culminating in the final wrench, brick or piece of scaffolding falling on them just as they are getting up again. -TieDyedDinosaur
So many things crack me up, I cannot point to just one. -srteach
A number of random things including very old Sesame Street references, old Carlin routines. I'm particularly fond of the fussy eater and rice krispies routines from Carlin. -pixel
Riff and I are currntly easily tickled by South Park's Ike. In one scene, Kyle says, "Hey Ike, let's play kick the baby" and Ike says (in his cute little Ike voice) "Don't kick the damn baby." We can giggle for an hour over that if we are really tired. We also use it when we are bored or just need a stupid line... -Magenta
Coming home from work and having my kids yell "Daddy!" and run up to give me hugs. -Starfury
For warm fuzzies I think of someone I love. (Yes, this means you, dear). -pixel
either the fuck song in jay and silent bob strike back(little 3 year old sayin fuck cracks me up) or for the real belly laughter finding nemo(various bits really) but the bit that gets me hollerin is when the teacher asks nemo where he lives(an anemone) and nemo tries sayin it and gets tongue tied,there have been actual tears from the laughter!!! -starfishmagnet
all of Hannibal King's (ryan reynolds) lines in blade trinity...it was a crap movie but I own it on dvd just for those parts. comedy gold! -3p0ch
Any time I need a laugh, I say out loud, regardless of the conversation,: "...and now for something completely different" -ThinTheHerd
Spaceballs! "Who is he?" "He's an asshole sir." "I KNOW THAT! But what's his name?!?" "That is his name, sir. Asshole, Major Asshole"...."How many assholes we got on this ship anyhow?" ALL: "YO!!!" "I knew it I'm surrounded by assholes!" -TheSingingTech
Desktop background pic of my 10 month old nephew. -momo
Blazing Saddles. My all time favorite Mel Brooks Film. When depressed, this will cure me. -Grayhawk
Galaxy Quest - Sigourney Weaver's line "Let's get out of here before one of those things kills Guy!"... get me every time. -PsychoMike
Homer's Odyssey--especially the part when the sirens turn out to be Patty and Selma. -Gaah
No matter how many time I see it, I will ALWAYS laugh at the "fish slapping dance". -edventure
really really lame jokes - for example"What did the fish say when he swam into a cement wall?" - "Dam" or "What star is the least funny?" - "the dog star because he's Sirius" -frprinterwiz
"I have faith in only this: When the universe collapses and DIES, there will be three survivors. Tyr Anasazi (the guy talking), the cockroaches ... and Dylan Hunt, trying to save the cockroaches." -Calydor
"In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!" "We need to go to the crappy town where I'm a hero." "I swallowed a bug." "Dear Buddha, I want a pony and a plastic rocket..." "We're gonna explode? I don't wanna explode!" "You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?" "Super Nintendo Chalmers!" "I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T..." "You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way." -snowcrash
Galaxy Quest - that's the movie that always gets me. My sister and I watched it together right after it came out on DVD and giggled all the way through it. Not sure if it is the movie itself, or just watching it with her. Watching Tony Shaloub totally spacing or Sigourney Weaver's smart aleck comments (sounds like something she or I would say) just cracks us up still. Of course, watching my kids (although they are adults) on stage or TV always makes me smile, or just talking to one of them on the phone. My middle daughter can make me just laugh out loud with the random comment - "OH NO not the BABY!!". Story to follow if anyone is interested. But it works better if you can visualize the drama. -MamaTech
My son really likes, from MP&tHG: "You stay here, and make sure 'e doesn't leave." Shortly after I discovered HHGttG, I was watching Dr. Who, and the story "Pirate Planet" was written by Douglas Adams; when the Doctor, and his assistant, are chained to the wall, and the Doctor says, "Don't Panic"... well, in context it was astoundingly funny. But mostly, I use this site, particularly if there is a new story by CD, or DD, or RiffRaff... -chazz
umm, that last Andromeda quote just made me crack up. -squatchie666
Bundy, Al Bundy. Nuff said! -RandalGraves
Speaking of MP&tHG: The "Knights of the Round Table"... animated with LEGO on the DVD. -Gaah
The Gord. -Geminii
I have several - but the 2 that immidiatly come to mind is the scene in boondocks saints when they accidently shoot the cat - and the " Is it Dead?!" thats uttered while looking at the redsplotch on the wall. - The other being family guy movie " You know what really grinds my gears? When I can't find the droids I'm looking for." <cut to 2 strom troopers watch TV> "Yea! Me too!" -Harm
WOrking in the office environment all I see is the stereotypes from Office Space, has to be one of my all time favs as I think most here. But to really bring a smile, I have pics of my gf in my cube and Keira Knightly on my wallpaper, my 2 girls. What makes me happier is my gf just says if I ever meet KK just bring her home, its good to be me! -d4rkf1re
Star Wars: "What an amazing smell you've discovered!" It's funnier saying it in the restroom. -maciarc
From B5: "Zathras work here. Zathras were born here. You work up there, Zathras work down here. You dress like that, Zathras dress like this." -PTSTech
from the movie "boondock Saints"
character named Rocco and the 2 brothers become assassins "to kill evil", they go into a porn shop to kill a mobster. They kill him and are about to leave when 2 other guys enter the cubes to pay to watch the dancer who they had knocked out. The Brothers kill the 2 guys and as they shoot Rocco looks down at the KOed girl reaches down and cops a feel one of the brothers shouts "WTF you doin?", He jumps up and shouts "I'll tip her!!" -WraithDarkRose
Shujin: Seen the UNCUT version of Cannonball? (Y'know, the one where Mel Tillis sing-songs "I cain't see shit, can you?" instead of whatever the line was in the uncut version?) The first time I ever saw the uncut version... Farrah: "You know what I like best about trees? You can lie under them at night, the leaves gently blowing... and ball your brains out." Never, EVER heard anything remotely close to that come out of Farrah's mouth b4 (then, this was YEARS b4 she went on Letterman or Howard Stern...) -MadJack
I was just sitting here reading this post and the replies. I had my two Siamese cats piled on my lap, and I moved my arm a bit to grab the mouse to post my reply. My chair tipped, I nearly fell, the cats both went flying and the mouse fell off the edge of the table to dangle by its cord in mid-air. This made me laugh. It made my kid and her bf who are playing WoW on their PCs at the same table, laugh too.
-TechnoCat
And the reply I was going to post: 1. Various Simpsons gems, especially Chief Wiggum's "there's nothing a woman finds more attractive than a man in uniform" while his gut's busting out of his shirt onto the table in front of him, 2. British comedy, esp. Blackadder and AbFab. 3. Canadian comedy, esp. The Trailer Park Boys. 4. Childish lowbrow humour like Three Stooges or Dumb and Dumber. -TechnoCat
Oh yeah and some of the corny lines from old Star Trek, like the episode with the Doomsday machine "Scotty you can beam me up any time now... Scotty... Scotty... " -TechnoCat
Scenes guarenteed to make me laugh are the baked bean scene and 'Telegram for Mongo' in Blazing Saddles and the 'Stoopid' and 'Supplies' lines in the Weird Al film UHF. The butter adverts with Ozzy Osbourne and John Culshaw crack me up. I could go on all day really. -Thokas
*High-fives d4rkf1re. My wife and my gf say the same thing! -Gaah
OMG ChuckBiscuits that is adorable for a 2 year old! 1. Lying in bed with my laptop, nice munchies, a sexy boy next to me, my cats purring... with nothing to do for the rest of the day. Heaven :) 2. Sealab 2021 always makes me smile. 3. The Thai Green Curry from Yorkeys Knob in Cairns, Australia. Awesome pizza. -avkinkygirl
The movie Police Squad usually does it with me. "Nice Beaver". Also, any movie which is so 'B', that it's a comedy whether the producers wanted one or not. Blood Freak ("the world's only turkey-monster anti-drug pro-Jesus gore film!"), Killer Klown From Outer Space, Jaws: The Revenge, Night of the Lepus, the later movies from MST3K, etc. -HidariMak
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8.
Dance! Dance! party
Great, now we have to be able to dance to do our work! http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11618167/[By: VWFtech / 2006-03-01]
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"You should be DAN-CING! Yeah." </BeeGees> -Necros
"And now it's time for Funky Dance Party Jam (with Some Science)..." </The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron> -PTSTech
OMG! I cry when I think about possibly having to support that. -sassicatz
And how are we supposed to manage Ctrl-Alt-Del? I bet Burkiss knows <wink> -StuffT
If this does go mainstream, I'm hoping it doesn't completely replace the keyboard and hence become necessary for bios navigation. That would be a nightmare. -Dreamstalker
can you imagian trying to tell a starfish how to right click on this? It's be like talking someone through the hokey-pokey.... "NO SIR! you put your RIGHT FOOT IN! RIGHT FOOT!!!" -wolfprince
One Word: Twister! -TheSingingTech
And WE are the grunts when they get to goof off and blow money up their @ss for shit we woul dhave to teach *fish... -Z0nker
"It's just a jump to the left!" C'mon, Riff, sing along! -Menor
Wait, completely hands free websurfing? Any interenet porn loving person would LOVE this!!! Now, how do I order? huh, HUH!?! -Bobsentme
You've played DDR: Extreme and DDR: Ultimate, now it's time for the next level. DDR: Corporate! With greats like 'Takin' Care of Business'! -NightSteel
"SIR! When I said reboot the computer, I didn't mean.... aw forget it.." -Bynar
"It may never make it to store shelves, but that's no concern to Microsoft, which spends billions of dollars a year researching far-out technologies without worrying about whether the gizmos will ever make it to store shelves." As much as I dislike Micro$haft, I really really want to work in that department. -squatchie666
i smell bull. That's a standard DDR pad. -illiterate
"This calls for a sexy party!'</stewie> -Harm
The guy did say it was standard, off the shelf equipment, illiterate. I would *so* get this if I could. What a great way to get exercise! -Parilla
Ummm, I need to develope my idea. MOUSE PANTS!!!!!! -Wolffarmer
WOW! Now someone can really state that their foot pedal is not working properly! -BesideMyself
OMG... it's the fargin' Leap To Conclusions Mat! -chazz
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9.
Automakers aren't building these NT/OT
Why? 'Cause just like one of the studends said, big oil companies will loose their billions in profit.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/02/17/eveningnews/main1329941.shtml
Summary: "Alternative" highschool studends build a 50mpg, 0-60 in ~4 seconds sports car.......that runs on biodeisel.
[By: ThreeBucks / 2006-03-01]
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the "good" news is that the big oil fellas are buying up all the alternative fuel technology that they can right now. ie:Shell Oil is bigtime into solar cells and wind turbines. Once they have the manufacturers/patents/rights to this stuff, we'll see it implemented. As long as they can keep their stranglehold on it, they'll allow it. -ThinTheHerd
I'm not big on conspiracies, but I Wouldn't Be Surprised if some oil company is already sitting on the patents for this tech. It will be interesting to see if we hear anything more about it. -WinterWolf
Actually, they've been sitting on the ability to fuel cars with water for ages. And no, it's not a joke. Simple chemistry: electrolysis will separate water into hydrogen & oxygen, recombine (2H, 1O), compress, and apply a spark, and after the explosion? End product: water! -Bagheera
Actually, the biggest reason it won't take off is because the soy oil that powers that car costs $9/gallon. As for hydrogenwhere is the energy for electrolysis going to come from? -Gaah
Hydrogen seems most viable now, requiring less wide-scale changes than any other, it seems. The good thing is that there seems to be a lot of *possible* alternatives, in a real crunch. -namor
"....the Bad News Bears of auto shop." Now THERE'S an image! -ShujinTribble
One thing that most "hydrogen" fuel proponents forget - liquid hydrogen still isn't as dense, fuel-wise, as petroleum (gasoline or diesel) is. So it takes more space - plus you've got that highly combustible material in case of an accident. See some of Don Lancaster's notes on that at http://www.tinaja.com/ sometimes ... -ralphp1024
Ralph -- actually, gasoline is MORE explosive than Hydrogen. Don't let the Hindenberg fool you -- that thing was rubberized canvas, coated with aluminum dust -- and a combination of rubber and aluminum dust is what gets the shuttle into orbit. Most of the explosion was caused by the skin, NOT by the gas. Your car's gas tank actually has more "tons" of explosive force than an equal mass of hydrogen. -Captain Trips
Captain - BINGO! THAT is why pure Hydrogen isn't used - it doesn't have the fuel density. BUT - what you fail to forget - is that gasoline tends to stay liquid at normal temperatures, so you don't have very much at the stoichiometric point, unlike that hydrogen which just boiled out (being as how it's about 300+ degrees K over boiling when there's snow on the ground) and has promptly mixed with the oxygen. -ralphp1024
OK, now I'm in my comfort zone. Hydrogen propulsion devices (I hesitate to call them "engines") still cost WAAAAY more than IC engines, and as was pointed out, biodiesel is expensive. And the automakers and oil companies are not "squashing" this tech, as the big suppliers have the ability to do their own R&D to come up with this stuff on their own. First one to market at a competitive price will win. Problem is, I could build one of these in my garage for several hundred thousand dollars, but getting 'em off the line for 20 grand is currently impossible. No conspiracy, just math. Nobody will pay what we'd have to sell them for. -GuitarGeek
I will make one other comment -- thing that appeared on /. about three months back. They have found a catalyst that cracks NH4 into N2 and H2. This is important because with a substance (as particulate) that adsorbs NH4, they actually now have the same energy storage density for H2 that they have for gasoline, and the NH4-saturated pellets don't explode. -chazz
Or maybe not...I looked up some numbers and it looks like their claimed energy storage density is around 13Mj/l. Gasoline is over 30Mj/l, and traditional diesel is higher yet. This brings automotive packaging into the equation. Tough questions. But I'll stand up and scream every time somebody suggests that big companies aren't working balls-out on this... -GuitarGeek
At that, 13Mj/l is the best energy density we have for hydrogen-fuel yet, I think... probably a little better, and I expect a great deal safer, than LNG, which can also be cracked to H2 catalytically. -chazz
Bagheera: the problem is it takes a lot more energy to split a water molecule than you could get from the hydrogen. -thx1138
what THX said, where are we going to get this endless suply of Hydrogen? Hydrogen requires a lot of energy to produce from water and since a large portion of electricity produced here is from fossil fuels we are no further ahead... -NOFXfan
As the resident nuke, I'll have to plug nuclear power plants (specifically the high temperature gas cooled version) as the only reasonable method of producing bulk quantities of hydrogen gas. Hydrogen is still a lousy energy source compared to any kind of combustible hydrocarbon. -nuqlar
We're getting to the root of the problem here: Hydrogen, for all practical purposes, is not an energy SOURCE. It's a great way to get from B to C, but it costs too much to get from A to B. On the other hand, current developments involving ammonia will be worth following. Technology WILL give us an alternative to fossil fuels. It's just a matter of time and economics. -Gaah
I will mention one thing here: The amount of energy you get by combining hydrogen and oxygen, by definition, is the same amount of energy you have to put in to crack water into hydrogen and oxygen, less any thermal losses. Burning is inefficient because thermal energy is so disorganized; but fuel cells have relatively little thermal loss. So in this context, hydrogen, whether as ammonia or as straight hydrogen, is not an energy source, but an energy storage device. So is gasoline -- it's simply that the energy stored was actually converted from sunlight some millions of years ago. And biodiesel and ethanol equally are energy storage, using energy collected from sunlight by natural processes, true, but still only storage. -chazz
When you look at gasoline from a total energy I/O perspective, producing it is tremendously expsnsive and time-consuming. Fortunately, 99% of the required energy was expended by nature over a period of millions of years. -Gaah
Hey nuqlar you are not the only "nuke" here. As for the hydrogen issue it is safer than gasoline in an accident. Bust open a gas tank and burning goes on until you are a crispy critter. Bust the h2 tank and it goes real fast. You have a much greater chance of surviving. I'll take the hydrogen thanks. But the big thing is that h2 will not be economically feasable until we develop fusion reactors. This I do know. -atomicbill
i remember a story about the HIndenburg: a young woman pointed out that most of the deaths were from FALLING, not burns;and less than ONE-THIRD of the people aboard died! -Erictheblue
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10.
Cause & Effect Part 2
Told y'all there would be a Part 2 for this person.
http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=56123 for those who wish to refresh their memories.
As we last left our story, the customer had agreed to bring the computer in for us to diagnose here, and she did. Before I continue, I should point out that the computer in question is a Gateway AMD K6 500MHz, with 128 MB RAM, 4 of which is set aside for video memory. It has a product key on the case for Windows ME, but it's running XP Professional. Talk about using a Ford Taurus engine to run a Corvette.
Anyway, I was able to reproduce the connection problem at the shop, ruling out phone line issues. I nuked and paved the TCP/IP stack, without any change. Also reinstalled the modem drivers; no joy. Popped a PCI modem in, and it worked beautifully. Diagnosis: The on-board modem is FUBAR.
So I called the customer and informed her that she needed to replace the modem. After reassuring her that "modem" is not the same thing as "tower," and that she was only looking at a $15 part to correct the problem, she said she would pick up a modem and drop it off to us this morning for us to install.
Enter RiffRaff at 13:00 to begin his daily descent into the den of dumbasses that constitute his customer base: No modem. A quick inquiry with my partner in slime resulted in the following gem:
"She called and just wants us to put the case back together. She bought a new computer."
Words fail me.
[By: RiffRaff / 2006-03-01]
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Well, obviously she didn't want a computer that YOU had touched! Now, wash your hands before the police find the evidence linking you to her murder. -Bobsentme
hmmm, spend 15 bucks or 1000? let me see WHICH MAKES MORE SENSE!!!!! it's enough to make my brain hurt i swear -Tarantulus
She probably got the cheapest Wal-Mart PC on the market to replace her old PC. -Starfury
Charge her a fee unless she lets you 'dispose' of it in your lab ;) -Necros
she must have read of you on here and thought my god what did he do to my computer while naked in the shop. -postal tech
*shakes head forlornly* there......are.....no......words -starfishmagnet
She probably walked into Best Sell, asked for a modem, and got hit by a slick salesperson who showed her a dazzling screensaver. -Gaah
Umm, this computer "AMD K6 500MHz, with 128 MB RAM" isn't worth more than $15. I think she made the right decision...to buy something less than 10 years old. -squatchie666
I was thinking in the same line as Squatchie, $15 bucks plus your fee for fixing it would probably double the actual value of the comp. A new one kind of makes sense. Now, if you don't want it, can I keep it? O_O <big puppy eyes> -TheGhost
No fee for fixing it; this falls under our standard support for my ISP, which is no charge. This is her daughter's computer, and she chose to spend $500 to $1000 for a new system rather than $15 bucks to repair the one she's got. Must be nice to have that kind of money to throw around. -RiffRaff
You guys do too much shit for free. "Not our problem, her's your bill." -burrkiss
as much as it disturbs me i agree with burrkiss. and why cant you provide dialsuck in my area so i dont have to have people pc -rhiannon
you can buy a cheap package PC in the States for around 500$, it's not that much money to throw around, considering I've spent that much on "entertainment" in a single weekend, but then again that might be why I'm so far in debt ;) -NOFXfan
Id love to know what sort of computer she actually got in the end.. if she was swept up by a flashy salesman (yes with a fancy screen saver hehe)... that could be amusing info! -avkinkygirl
The fact is that if she was able to get away with the AMD 500Mhz, anything she buys (even EMachines) is likely to fill her computing needs. -technaround
A few months back, someone else posted a story here about how people are buying whole new computers when they have any software problems. The "old" computer is still under warranty, and they have the O/S CD for reinstalling Windows, but the PC becomes an end table instead. So yeah, giving up a K6 when the modem stops working, doesn't really surprise me anymore. -HidariMak
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12.
Another Brilliant IT Person
Disclaimer: This did not happen to me personally, but to a co-worker. I do submit it as authentic and unexaggerated, though.
A man came in to buy a laptop. He asked my co-worker about two particular units-- same brand, same hard drive, same RAM, same software. One had a Pentium M, the other an AMD Sempron. Here's the kicker-- due to a really weird combination of rebates and sales, the two laptops were the EXACT same price. The customer listened intently as my co-worker presented a very, very comprehensive explanation as to why the Pentium M would be a better choice, citing such obvious benefits as better speed and better battery life. At the end of the discussion, after listening closely to everything that was said, the customer insisted on buying the Sempron unit. His only comment?
"Let me tell you why you're wrong: I work for $MajorITCompany, and I can tell you for certain, the AMD chips are ALWAYS better." [By: linkv / 2006-03-01]
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The funny thing is, in terms of desktop proessors, he's right. But for mobile processors, Intel still delivers the better price/performance ratio, especially when taking battery life into account. -DreadPirate
But the underdog chip TRIES harder! -TieDyedDinosaur
Just because he works for a major IT company, doesn't mean he's actually in IT. Maybe he's the janitor? -ChuckBiscuits
Well, some people prefer a bigger engine instead of miles per gallon. Screw 'em. -Bobsentme
yep and as a wise scholar(homer simpson) once said "tryin is the first step towards failure!!";0p -starfishmagnet
CB took the words right out of my mouth... -PTSTech
so he's a sales rep for the it company and overhaerd an actual tech talking about AMD, then tok the conversation out of context. -Harm
I'm an AMD whore, so i probably woulda picked the same thing, but i wouldn't have ASKED which one is better if i was gonna take the AMD no matter what. -razmann
"I work for $MajorITCompany..." I would laugh if this is one of those phone tech support guys who always has to put you on hold because he doesnt know the answer to the question. -haddytech
"If you work for $MajorITCompany and know the answer already, why did you ask the question?" -smellystudent
sempron vs. Pentium M, regardless of clock speed is an obvious choice. if it was a turion then i would probably go with AMD -Lehk
ChuckBiscuits- naw, he seems too stupid to be the janitor... Marketing, maybe??? -Voz
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13.
Tin Foil........
.......Hat, for your wallet.
Not seen this posted here and thought it would bring a smile :o).........http://www.vnunet.com/actions/trackback/2148628[By: eddie736 / 2006-03-01]
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link busted :( -3p0ch
Try this one: http://www.vnunet.com/vnunet/news/2148628/build-own-rfid-blocking-wallet -eddie736
I wanna new WALLLLlllletttttt :P ... Exit stage left >lart shelter -Z0nker
Some people have WAY too much free time... -Starfury
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14.
Tech Republic top 10 IT peeves
Over at Tech Republic they have an article on the top 10 IT pet peeves.
http://tinyurl.com/fxpqe
Thought it was kinda funny that they got around to most of the stuff that we have covered here!
What say TSC? [By: ecoli / 2006-03-01]
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These didn't discuss brainless ID10Ts who can't distinguish their modem from their pencil sharpener! -TieDyedDinosaur
Hmmm . . . that's not a given? Oh well, at least they limited it to 10. They probably would have had several thousand otherwise. -ecoli
MY No. 1 Pet Peeve of all time.... If you call ME for help, don't get pissed off and question me when I tell you the answer, have data to back it up into an airtight container, AND have the tech credentials to tell you, with thanks for Reginald the Demon, "YOU.... are a Fucking... MORON!" -ShujinTribble
"Users using IT as an excuse" is a HUGE sore point for the IT dept at my work. So much so that I will post seperately about this... -TechnoCat
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15.
This Lady Was Confused (Audio)
I can safely post this here since this is not a customer of ours. All we can say is, "WTF?" The best part is at the very end of the call.
http://www.wizardslab.net/~riffraff/calls/confusedebaycustomer.mp3 (01:52)
[By: RiffRaff / 2006-03-01]
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I played this one through 3 or 4 times using different settings, and I'll SWEAR I can hear a banjo in the background. -Gromit
O.o That was just plain weird! -rokitt
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
Ya know Riff, you need to have those Indiananas stop drinking gasoline. -burrkiss
Wow, she's a quick one.... Quick like molasses in January running uphill. -TheMage18
Stop sniffi'n glue !!!! -Z0nker
Oh... My... God... "1-800-555-1212"... "Don't go so fast!" -EagleEye
"Waitaminnit, lemme get this down... 555...1 wait, that's the number for information!!" Cue Daffy!! "AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" <eg> -MadJack
what was the problem? cust was confused, didn't know what to do, tried to get help from ebray, and the jackasses pawned her off onto you. Furthermore, didn't even argue when told "I can't help you". A dream customer... -srteach
OMG some one @ebay hates you. -THETECHFROMHELL
"I hope you are who I'm trying to get ahold of"...good lord sounds like some parents/relatives. Ebay help is truly clueless. -Dreamstalker
I'm not sure who @ Ebay you've pissed off, but GODDAMN that's pretty bad when they're referring straight to you guys. -Bobsentme
Well, at least she was nice about it and thanked you for you time...I am amazed at how people can get so damn confused.. -JoeLugian
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16.
Two forms; Why?
I fail to understand why a call centre staff member faxed the same form twice. Sure, the client had to complete the same form for two different purposes, but surely it makes more sense from our point to get the customer to copy it? Damn it, there I go again assuming starfish have sense![By: DazZler / 2006-03-01]
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Maybe he assumed the recipient was too stupid to copy the document themselves? -momo
Maybe he KNEW the SF was too stupid to copy the correct side of the form! -TieDyedDinosaur
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17.
new position
I am applying for a new spot, within the company I currently work for. It lines up with my previous experience, and i think itd be a good fit, plus it is off the phones...wont find out till april tho :([By: macbrat / 2006-03-01]
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Good luck! -Parilla
good luck also :D -Jax
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18.
3 way fish bake n shake
Was on the phone with this *fish a while back and she was having issues with pop ups. So after 40 min of getting her to stop her bios messenger and I thanked the computer gods that her phone dropped.... so fast forward one hour later.. I get her back... this time she was trying to get the spy tools downloaded. I was on a merry-go-round of AOL searching-Yahoo searching-MSN searching - some random search page-aol search-random domain regestry site- etc.. so I got to the point where the 50th lap and getting dizzy I decided that either the system was Farked or she was obsessed with using search engines for browsing.. So I tell her that she needs someone else who has a cd burner to download some tools and then she can install them and fix the issue... She then turns around an conferences me in with some guy and now I had 2 of them babbling on and the guy thinks I am pulling his leg... he says thanks and I say my closing and for the next 15 they are on my phone running each other in circles... Call ended with " I gotta go and I will yell at you later ... True story![By: Z0nker / 2006-03-01]
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19.
Where to plug the cables
EU picked up a PC that was repaired. Called later in the day because the keyboard and mouse were not responding. Here’s a part of our conversation:
Me: Unplug the keyboard and the mouse from the PC.
EU: Okay, they are unplugged.
Me: The plugs for them are both round, but are of different colors right?
EU: Yes, one is green and one is purple.
Me: What color is the end of the keyboard cable?
… pause …
EU: It is purple.
Me: What is the color of the mouse wire?
… pause …
EU: It is green.
Me: So, plug them into the appropriate spots.
EU: Which one goes where?
Me: Well, you can tell by looking and the cables and the ports.
EU: Well, you’re the specialist! You tell me where to plug them![By: ch41nbr8kr
/ 2006-03-01 ]
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TTFH Bites lip... I would be oh so tempted to instruct him to plug then in his ass.... -THETECHFROMHELL
He'd have to squeeze it in beside his head. -TechnoCat
'Port' might have been too complicated a wrod for the little starfishie. -Psudo36
I dunno, he seems to have issues with more common words like, "purple" and "green", as well! -Voz
*Cocks gun. Puts two bullet holes in the EU's head.* "Try THOSE holes. Oops, my bad. They're both red" *heheheheheh I said cocks* -momo
Unless she has an old Compaq computer, in which case the KB jack is orange. -Gaah
Im colorblind, which one is purple again? -broken
They are COLOR-CODED ARGH! -avkinkygirl
They are COLOR-CODED ARGH! -avkinkygirl
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20.
What's newer?
EU: Which one is newer – Windows 98 or Windows 2000?
Me: They are named after their release year.
EU: Oh, so which one’s newer?[By: ch41nbr8kr
/ 2006-03-01 ]
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'Miss, Does it hurt being that dumb?' -Psudo36
"When you pause to think.......................... ............................... do you have trouble starting again?" -namor
"Oh, well then, the Windows 2098, most assuredly so." -virtualchoirboy
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