|
Tech Stories Archives - May 2006
|
2.
Life with Shitbuckle
So Swayze Shitbuckle gives me call, madder than hell, that his account is suspended. Sez nothing is wrong with his credit card, and demands to know why we've suspended his account.
Well, we folks at Drop.Net have instituted a new policy, thanks to some foreign fuckstain attempting to create Drop.Net accounts with stolen credit cards.
Our billing network compares the user's zip code with his bank's billing information. If there is a mismatch, the transaction is declined, and the account falls into suspension.
I informed him that he could get hold of his bank and have them update their records.
You'd have thought I'd ask his 'nugget wife to give me a hummer. He busted a gasket, saying that it's all our fault, and that he was going to the competition. He then swung the receiver to the hook, creating one of the noisiest hangups I ever heard.
We now pause for this public service announcement:
Fuck you.
Let me repeat that, with pear-shaped vocals and perfect diction: Fuck you.
Let me repeat that for those in the cheap seats: Fuck you.
Let me also repeat this for our listeners in Zimbabwe tuning on the 31 Meter band: Fuck you.
We now return you to the toe fungus prevention infomercial.....
[By: vacuumtubes / 2006-05-01]
Comment on Story
Comments
"And the horse you rode in on!" - TieDyedDinosaur
Come on - tell us how you really feel. -Gerund
Bah, I don't get angry. I just call back with the sweetest voice possible: "I'm sorry sir, we seem to have been disconnected. Will you be updating your details at your bank, or should we completely delete the account so as not to cause you any inconvenience?" -Bobsentme
And the *intellectually superior* horse you rode in on... -RiffRaff
Screenshots or it didn't happen. -Shazzai
Oh, Shazzai...you've stuck your foot in it now. I've been to the shop VT works at, and in their shop have approximately 50% of the total IQ points for the city. They're a relatively small shop, too. Don't doubt it, they have some of the sorriest customer base the world has ever seen. Many of their customers likely got kicked off AOL for lack of intelligence. -Grue
sorry, busy spouting WoW catchphrases right now: o rly? -Shazzai
ya rly! -Torinir
so...what's his CC number and billing zip? /joking only. -drachen
............SO? Did you come or what? Was his wife cute? -burrkiss
So they play banjos in Zimbabwe too? -concept14
|
|
3.
NT/OT Happy May Day!
Blessed Beltain for those of you who celebrate it, Happy New Year AS XLI for those of you who are SCAdians, and all that good stuff.[By: pixel / 2006-05-01]
Comment on Story
Comments
so, international workers day also. or I should say socialist commy day -SGTARKyTEK
"Why Mayday? That's the Russian new year. We'll have a big parade and can serve hot h'orderves" </Airplane> -TheSingingTech
|
|
4.
Wife can not use PC anymore
While battling a 12 round, 6 hour bloody battle with my wireless router, my wife was listening to me reading various error messages and asking questions. I'm married 20 years and I know she knows NOTHING about computers so I'm usually pretty tolerant when we asks something ignorant. After a few hours, she was really starting to get on my nerves, as was my router, so I told her to stop asking questions. Like that will happen. When the error changed from a read error to a write error, my wife asked, "What's the difference between reading and writing?" I paused, looked at her with the expression she knows all too well, that expression that says, "DID YOU REALLY JUST ASK WHAT I THINK YOU JUST ASKED?!?!?!?!".... Turned back to my PC, deleted her profile and continued the battle. For those interested, the judges called this 12 round battle a draw. I hate computers.[By: gemachte / 2006-05-01]
Comment on Story
Comments
There are hardware problems (viagra fixes this), there are software problems ('does this make my butt look fat?') and there are compatibility problems. Guess which one you really have! -TieDyedDinosaur
I liked her way of trying to justify her question. "I know what reading and writing is but not as it relates to a computer". She gets same look and still is not allowed to touch the keyboard. -gemachte
Ah, everyone knows that when it comes to computers, words don't mean the same as they do in the real world. "Mouse" becomes a chunk of plastic with buttons, "bus" refers to a (usually physical) communications channel and "burn" means to put information onto a CD or DVD. "Read" and "write" could mean anything from "launch the space shuttle" to "three buckets of custard, your honor." Besides, it's bad karma to make the wife feel stupid - you end up sleeping on the couch if you're lucky :) -Geminii
Just after I purchased a truck for my wife I bought some foglights for it. Since I couldve got them from wallmart real cheap, but would require fabing brackets. I bought them from a truck warehouse with the correct brackets but cost more, I was putting them on and it appeared the brackets were wrong,this ticked me off, I bought these because they were direct bolT, my wife knowing nothing about mechanics says,,you got them up side down.....duh she was right. -SGTARKyTEK
Yes, I know that I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but you know, men really don't mind that, it's sorta like camping. -Divinar
Except with easy access to the refrigerator and the bathroom! -TieDyedDinosaur
Now me, in a situation like that, I would not delete her profile; that is irrevocable, and loses all her favorite places. It is equally effective to disable her logon or simply change the password; and that does leave the door open to reconciliation. And reconciliation can be fun. -chazz
Since I backup everything, if I really want to reinstate her, I could. She hates when I treat her like a child but my children know what "read and write" mean! Perhaps I should treat her like an adult? -gemachte
Custard Pie for me? Where?! -ThreeBucks
Wait...that says buckets. Nevermind. -ThreeBucks
I'm hoping the dog doesn't mind ya sharing his house :) -Harm
Get a Mac, they're designed just for idio... Mommies and Daddies... *Runs for the LART shelter* -unrenowned
Bad news, those same people up above called from the lart shelter... But don't worry, we will kick them out and let you in. -JackMackle
|
|
5.
RTFM
Not once, not twice,thrice,fourthice... but too many times, I inserted the wireless adapter BEFORE loading the software. Not supposed to do that. OK, fine. Uninstall the monitor software, shutdown, remove the card, reboot, load software, shutdown, put in adapter... Errors on shutdown. The friggin card works but the errors annoy me. Ever try Linkshit live chat? Ever feel like you know nothing and you're chatting with someone that knows less? Ever follow their instructions, have the same problem (or worse) and go back for more instructions.... for six hours??? I don't like me very much right now. Bottom line, I still get errors on shutdown but the wireless works and I don't care anymore. What do you expect from a mainframer that thinks he knows PCs?[By: gemachte / 2006-05-01]
Comment on Story
Comments
I tried their live chat recently... "Is it possible that >everything except OUR product< is having problems?" -illiterate
Answer#1 - Try reloading win2000. ME: NO. Answer#2 - Try reloading the drivers. ME: did that. Answer#3 - Did you load the latest drivers? ME: Yes, downloaded the latest drivers from your site. Answer#4 - Did you try a different PCI slot? ME: NO (OK, so if I do this, he gets rid of me and I'll have to start all over with a different idiot)... Sigh, ok. -gemachte
Shutdown wireless monitor, removed monitor software, shutdown, removed card, rebooted, loaded monitor software, shutdown, installed card, rebooted... Errors, errors, errors, but once again card works and more errors. Back to live chat. Different "tech", retype same story. This tech takes 15 minutes between replies such as "OKAY" and "I SEE"... I repeat, "I HATE COMPUTERS!!!" Back to hating mainframes. -gemachte
I always wondered - why on EARTH does it make a difference? Can't the card just pretend to be dead until the software calls upon it? Can't the installer overwrite any default settings that the OS may have assigned to the card on boot? Come on, it's just ones and zeroes... -Geminii
You'd think that after P&P can't find the drivers for the adapter and you disbale it, that when you load the software, it would allow you to reinstall the driver for the adapter and away you go. Ones and zeroes... Hmmm, can't read ones, can't write zeroes. I'll tell my wife that! -gemachte
Something similar with the 'Winmodem' installation, do it wrong and the port gets 'assigned', do it again and again and ... Have you seen EIGHT fake serial ports defined before? -TieDyedDinosaur
Can't say I have but I know that I tried each PCI slot to only make the situation worse. There are some others on Google Groups that describe the same issue. No one has figured out how to get rid of the errors. -gemachte
Make sure you remove anything related to the adapter in Device Manager then shutdown, remove the adapter, then boot up again. Go back into Device Manager, Enable "Show Hidden Devices" in the view Menu (NT/2k/XP), Remove anything you can related to the adapter, and knock out anything that shows an error too while you're at it. Reboot to complete the uninstall. Install the software, shutdown, and then reinstall the adapter card. Power on again and see if your errors are gone. -linuxmatt
--If that doesn;t work, lay the machine on it's side and sacrafice a zombie goat to The Great God Murphy. -ShujinTribble
Well sir, if you followed the directions from the start, you wouldn't be twenty feet deep in this crape. I sugguest redoing your entire mainframe from scratch and do it the right way as it says in the instruction booklet. --- Warp speed to the lart shelter. -JackMackle
I also had problems with my Linksys, uninstalled, reinstalled still wouldn't work, got onto live chat and the linksys rep asked of the wireless zero was working, when I said yes he said to use that one...not I liked the utility that came with the product and wanted to use it. They finally sent me a reg cleaner that resolved the problem I was having. My problem...it placed a entry in the registry that did not showup as a linksys entry. Once I ran the reg cleaner I had no problems with the device and the errors disapeared on shutdown. I have had no problems for the last year...knock on wood!!! -govtech
OK, so what was the registry cleaner they recommended and if you remember, what did it delete? -gemachte
Just read this one... contact me nordicpt at gmail dot com - I think I'll be able to sort this one out. -NordicPT
|
|
6.
Take This Job . . . Update
So far I didn't dodge the bullet of being moved to Admin Services. (Story here http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=57442 ) I had voicemail on Friday from the VP of IS since I was off. So now I know nothing except that supposedly, I'm now a member of Administrative Services (the facilities people), but no notion of who I report to, what my job duties are, or anything else. The head of Admin Services in Dallas hasn't called me back, I talked with the manager here and she hadn't even been informed of the change.
There's a reason I've said for years that our theme song here is the Mickey Mouse March!
I am so farkin' pissed I've been shaking for the last three hours. There is no !@#$#@^ excuse for not having a plan for transition, and no !)*&(*^ excuse for not letting me know what's going on! Farkin' asshat PHBs! Hell, I don't even know how people are supposed to request phone changes any more.
I have my resume up right now getting ready to post it on dice and monster. And I am soooo going to quit without notice when I find another job!
Late news: Dallas AS guy now wants me to talk to IS guy who will be in California late today. Guess I have to see him tomorrow. If he agree to keep me (fat chance!) I'm still going to quit when I find a job. The aggravation just isn't worth it.[By: sassicatz / 2006-05-01]
Comment on Story
Comments
So all your interoffice mail is addressed to, "Milton"? -ShujinTribble
"No MONEY is worth this..."(Orson Welles, throwing the radio script in the air and walking out of the Findus Foods Commercial Recording Sessions) -vacuumtubes
Solve your problem the Milton way - burn the place down. -ThreeBucks
VT: I admit I feel like that, but I'm going to bite my tongue until I find another job. Then I LART. By walking without notice. They will really be SOL when I do that, 'cause no one else here knows what all is set up with the ACD groups and such. There's one guy who could figure it out, but he's now manager of another group. -sassicatz
So they'll have to replace you with three people AND a blind fruit bat? -TieDyedDinosaur
With the way they're treating you it almost sounds like they want you to quit. So you should do what they want. Find a new job and then leave. -Starfury
So no-one can prove they're your boss, no-one can prove that their request is in your scope, no-one can prove that you need to be physically seen at a particular desk at any time, and yet you still get paid? Smells like... vacation! -Geminii
I'm with Geminii- if you don't have the boss telling you what your job is, or whether you're doing it properly, if at all, well... IT'S FREEDOM, BABY! -Voz
--Wait-a-sec! That means you're even free from the much-dreaded, "....and other duties as assigned" clause! -ShujinTribble
|
|
8.
actual voicemail content
Picked up the voicemail this morning. This is a word for word representation: " Hi, This is Mike. My laptop kind of ended up in the river this weekend, and I was wondering if there was anything you guys could ...uh...do for me. My number is..."[By: drea / 2006-05-01]
Comment on Story
Comments
Hello sir, We're shipping you a fishing net. -drachen
"Where was the laptop?"<br>"In my car"<br>"How did your car end up in the river"<"Well, I had a flat and pulled over to change it and got out without setting the parking brake and it sort of slid off the jack and went into the river"<br>Penalized two days for stupidity. -TieDyedDinosaur
Well yes, we could extract your wishfull thinking head out of your ass for a small fee. -THETECHFROMHELL
We could throw you in the river, so you and your laptop are reunited. We will add some weight to make sure you get to the bottom too. -TheGhost
Sir it is impossible for you laptop to head up river unless it is salmon66 P 1 version, please us your analogies more carefully -LowLevelFormat
Yes, we can. Wrap this lengthy and heavy anchor chain around your neck and go in after the laptop. If you need help, we'll throw both ends of this sturdy rope to you. -Sidewinder
Of course, a hit team - err Tahnicians will be over to your location shortly. look for the black Buick, with the tinted windows. -Harm
"Yes, Mike. We can laugh ourselves sick." -Geminii
Reply- "Hello, Mike. Never before have I been so flattered that someone felt that I could do the absolutely impossible! Your faith in my abilities to resurrect the dead, while misplaced, more than makes up _to_me_ for the thought that you carelessly dropped your laptop in the river. Your boss, whose work unit budget the replacement computer will have to come out of, may feel differently, though! As a matter of fact, your kind and complimentary words are so greatly appreciated, I am copying this e-mail to your boss! Good luck! Signed, Tech Support..." -Voz
|
|
10.
*this* I can handle!
I and my compatriot in the DNS/webmaster area are interrupted in our dandelion musings by the arrival of a cute, lithe, exotic pretty.
Namely, the front-desk wench. (I wonder if she's spank me if I called her th - uh-oh. It appears they can see this. On with the story!) She indicates there's a gentleman at the front who wants to speak to one of us. He wants his website updated.
Great consternation follows. We don't do *content*, here, after all. I think it's been years since someone actually visited the building for us, for something. I feel like I'm shedding cobwebs, here.
We decided which one of us would check it out, by time-honored techie tradition - rock/paper/scissors.
My skills weak, I slouch up to the front to inform him, "We don't do that."
I do indeed get to say this. He insists someone did this for him before. He's got the content, too, brandishing a small USB key at me like some obscure talisman of ancient secrets. (As well it might be...)
I'm curious, anyway. He's got that much. So what's the site? Not a domain? Personal webspace? Yes, he's got the full business package, but he's using his www.isp.net/~username space for his business website.
Okayyyyyyyy... well, it means I've got his username. What about a password, I ask him.
It's on the USB drive. I look at it askance, shrug, and plug it into a computer we've got there.
What the... he was right. He points excitedly at the ws_ftp executable, which I launch. It's got his profile saved. This far along, I finish it - back up the current, upload the new content from the key as well, and test the site. It works.
That wasn't so hard.
As I hand the key back, he fumbles, drags out his wallet, and hands me a crisp $20.
Old german gentleman, you rock. For 5 minutes of my time, I could do this all *day*.[By: namor / 2006-05-01]
Comment on Story
Comments
YOU DID WORK FOR CASH. YOU WHORE!!!!!! <pulls out a $20> What will you do for a twenty honey? -burrkiss
Strange that the first comment was from burrkiss... I got back to my desk, relate the story to a half-dozen co-workers, pulling out the $20 for emphasis, and... one looks at me meaningfully, motions toward the corner of his mouth, as though to indicate that there was a crumb, and says, "... I think you still have some come on your lip." -namor
So are you going to have to get a new 'handle' for TSC? Something about "I can be bought? Damn RIGHT!" -TieDyedDinosaur
3 oddities: 1. the guy had the knowhow to setup a usb key to run the ws_ftp with the correct profile settings. 2. Although the guy did neep "someone here has done it before in the past" from the tone of the story it wasn't done in an annoying way. 3. your knees didn't get sore. -drachen
Please tell me the front desk girl's name is Dawn Tinsley. Oh, please, tell me that! :) -viennasausage
"rock/paper/scissors" That's funny, we usually just call "Not it". -DuckyFuzz
==NOT-IT!!== -ShujinTribble
NOT IT!!! -Bobsentme
NOT IT. Na na na na na na! -DuckyFuzz
And now, next time he needs it done, he's got a face on the person who did it and "I PAID YOU FOR THIS". -redevil34
looks like your coworker and me think along the same lines. BFEG -burrkiss
we play phone russian roulette when it comes to esclations. if someone calls the sup line- could go to any one of teh 3 of us. queue desk sets everyone same priority.. and has the agent call back with the customer ready for transfer. -Harm
i tend to cheat if i know whats happening ( IE queue guys is smiling) -Harm
You got $20 for UPLOADING a website??? HOW!!! -srteach
|
|
11.
Now *this* I can handle...
Not wanting to bump the link, I'm posting this as a story...
It seems that IT certs are now becoming a hindrance in getting hired. Slashdot link: http://it.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=06/05/01/1928228
It seems that IT managers are finally beginning to understand what we have known all along: them as can, does; them as can't, gets paper certs. [By: chazz
/ 2006-05-01 ]
Comment on Story
Comments
There isn't any real substitute for having experience doing what the job calls for. -TieDyedDinosaur
Interestingly, I'd posted this in the breakroom this morning: http://tinyurl.com/zwpn8 -Tekkie
I have said this for years! When I was in school for my certifications I had several classmates that could pass the tests but didn't have a clue when it came to the practical applications. It would really piss me off in class because they would ask the most unrelated, stupid questions and slow the whole class down. -Gunpe
|
|
12.
When Good Laptops Meet Bad People
A client dropped (pun intended) this computer off to me today. Said that his daughter had dropped it, and he wanted me to check it.
http://www.ericandkathy.net/photos/computers/BrokenLaptop.jpg
Amazingly, the system boots up fine (with an external monitor, of course), but diagnostics are revealing some problems with the hard drive, so it was probably damaged as well; I'm still running some tests.
Labor & Diagnostics: ~$50.00
Cost of a replacement LCD display: ~$50.00
Cost of a replacement hard drive: ~$30.00
Cost to just replace the entire system: ~$199.00
Creating a psychedelic paperweight: Priceless
[By: RiffRaff / 2006-05-01]
Comment on Story
Comments
... you can get LCD displays for $50? -chazz
Used. Off E-Bay. -RiffRaff
Wow! The Peter Max laptop! Cool, man.
-Tekkie
Is the daughter into acid? I could swing with that! 18 or above, doncha know! ;~} -viennasausage
dude.. trippy. the screen is melting man.. ah shit.. so's my hand.. Far out. -Harm
Was there a stuttering, floating head like Max Headroom (sp?) ? -Bobsentme
OT: It almost looks transparent - if you had tilted the screen juuuust a bit farther back and/or taken the pic from slightly higher.. either that or you took a screenshot of the desk behind the laptop. It looks wild, anyway. :) -Jay911
Gnarly dude!!! -momo
You can get a LSD screen for $50. Trippy dude. -burrkiss
Reminds me of when I dropped by Fry's near the repair desk. One of the techs was showing off an LCD TV that looked just like that. Customer was trying to claim that s/he just turned it on one morning and it looked like that. Riiiiight. -56Kdaytrader
"Geee, I don't know HOW that beer could have gotten into my laptop keyboard! Now just send me a free replacement under warranty, mmm-kay?" </sf> -TechnoCat
I'd have thought he'd have gotten it from Fingerhut. -vacuumtubes
WOW that looks like the one that impacted my lower occipital area one day at work when I fell. -LunaticFringe
It needs some burning giraffes and melting clocks. -MeanDean
how the hell did you get a replacement LCD for $50? -drea
Drea: Second comment. E-Bay. However, as it stands now, further testing revelaed that he's also got a damaged hard drive, and I recommended that he not sink any more money into it. -RiffRaff
Suggestion: take a straight on shot of the screen as it stands now, and when the ssystem is fixed/replaced, install that as the wallpaper and hide all of the icons... -docbrown01
|
|
13.
You waited how long to call?
Today I had a call from one of the secretaries here. At the end of March two staff members were let go. This user and her manager needed access to the departing users e-mail. This request was granted and the user was notified the helpdesk would work with her. A voicemail was sent...with no response from the user. A second voicemail was left. Two days after that the helpdesk tech sent an e-mail telling her that the ticket was going to be closed and to call back if she still needed help.Fast forward to today...May 1. The user calls and needs access to the departed staff's e-mail. I pull up the old ticket from March and then put the user on hold and contact the e-mail admin. Guess what I'm told by 2nd level? The e-mail accounts have been delted and all archived e-mail along with it. I give this news to the user who neeps at me a bit about needing this e-mail and Are you sure it can't be restored? I tell her no and remind her that we attempted to contact her ONE MONTH ago but she didn't respond so we closed the ticket. Maybe next time she has a similar issue she'll call us back a little faster....
[By: Starfury / 2006-05-01]
Comment on Story
Comments
Nice LART. If it was that important, they would have gotten back to you sooner. Muahaha -modeski
Document * 3... you KNOW this one's gunna come back at you with a VIP calling to dema... ahem... DEMAND the files be restored. -ShujinTribble
I'm sure she will, ST - but the sh!t will be just as tough then, as it is now. -TechnoCat
OOH! I love doing this! Gives me an evil warm fuzzy feeling. -TheMage18
|
|
15.
But that's how it works on other sites..
Let's see, where do I start...I guess this will work:
I get an email from some sr counsel that we need to make a correction to our extranets so they work like every other web site. (Yes, that was basically it). I reply in an attempt to get more information. Yeah, I know, this is on par with self mutilation. He writes back that when he tries to open a document he always has to go and click on the document button twice to open it and sometimes has to go and click on the document window button on the task bar - this is unacceptable and the clients of course will not use such a poor program. I write back that this is not the way it works and ask him if he is getting an error message when the document does not open the first time. He reports back that there is no error message, it either doesn't open or he has to go select it. Does anyone else here see what's coming yet? I email back - "Are you single clicking or double clicking on the link? This is a website, you only need to click once on the link." The reply is, of course, "I am double clicking just like every other website. This one should be same, you need to change it to work like all the others that double click. I have never seen another site do what this one does when you double click, it can not work that way." What insues are four more round trips where I try to explain that NO website ANYWHERE works on a double click and that web developers do not set that (and throwing in a comment that "no one" double clicks web links - yeah, I know it's BS). Meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out how this mouse-button-twitch has never encountered another web site that opens a link in another window...including the four other extranets he has used over the past year and a half... How the hell do I keep attracting these people????[By: redevil34 / 2006-05-01]
Comment on Story
Comments
Attracting them isn't so bad as long as you have a good booby trap set up. Preferably one equipped with high explosives. -TechnoCat
just lay a trail of supposedly free swag OR things to complain about-- leading into a wood chipper. -Harm
You are dialed into the fucktard cue. -THETECHFROMHELL
In answer to your question... Well, DUH. You work around lawyers. It's my contention that the "bar exam" is a literal concept: they repeatedly bash the law school grads in the head with a big metal bar. Those that die from the brain damage were never meant to be lawyers. Those that live and thrive didn't have brains to begin with. -MeanDean
</takes a moment to remember all of the poor webservers that gave their all in service duplicate page requests> -Bynar
But viewing a page that has an iframe of a folder in IE requires double clicking. <iframe src="file:///c:/" height=480 width=640> lol. -SFStrangler
|
|
16.
Yes I DO know how
Helping the wife hunt for a job. Went through a well-known temp agency's *online* application process (note it is online, this becomes important in a moment). We ran into the following question no less than 6 times:
"Do you know how to use a computer to navigate in Windows and/or browse the Internet?"
Nawww...ya think???? [By: tech4alltrades / 2006-05-01]
Comment on Story
Comments
<da>There are some jerk-offs who ask their friend/neighbour/shocky monkey for help</da> -momo
Personally I spank my monkey while using a computer. That's why it's purple. </Burkiss> -Gerund
*DA* Nope, I used a Mac and a friend forwarded me a copy of the online form. -Geminii
|
|
17.
You just know it's going...
...to be a great day when you have to dodge two elephants and a steaming turd as you enter the parking lot.[By: LaserGuru / 2006-05-02]
Comment on Story
Comments
There's a euphemism here, if I can only find it... -namor
My boss, the Ops Manager & their latest brilliant idea. Or were you being literal? -Tekkie
See, that's why I stopped smoking that stuff at breakfast: the elephants and flying excrement went away. -MeanDean
Very literal. There are filming part of Evan Almighty here. Apparently elephants are involved and they are staying in the cow pasture behind us. -LaserGuru
So your company is gearing up for a new project and a couple of 'heavy' VIPs are throwing their weight around? And you can just tell that it's all a bunch of crap! -TieDyedDinosaur
*secretly ponders how much it would cost to rent 2 elephants and dump them in my former employer's parking lot for the day* -leonine
leonine:$1500 each per day, plus trainer's fees if you need tricks plus travel time. -drachen
Will you settle for a Bear and a box of Chocolate Exlax? -CyBear
Carefull Leo. A bear with such an enormous butt and loaded with Ex-lax could mean the end of civilization altogether. :D <Draws an anti-seabears circle and hopes it works with Cybears too.> -TheGhost
<looks through his spell book> ...protection from stupidity (if only the spell components weren't so rare)... ...power word LART... ...summon starfish (fun to use over a giant vat of acid)... ...exploding rune (Why did I even get this spell? Starfish don't read!)... <fails to find any spell that will protect him from the exlax filled cybear and scrambles towards TheGhost's anti-seabears circle> -MarkerMage
I like my evil co-worker's suggestion of a cement truck and a car with a sunroof. I'll leave the rest to your imagination. -Wraith556
Damn I thought I was the only one thinking my job is a fsckin' circus! -Packet
RE: Wraith: I prefer catalyzed self-expanding ridgid bouyancy foam (like they fill the bench seats of small boats with.) It's every bit as inconvenient to deal with as set concrete once it is hard, but requires nothing more complex than a bucket and a mixer to use, so no need for the cement truck! -LoTech
LoTech, I'll suggest that one to my co-worker, but the cement truck has dramatic effect, especially if the mark is watching. -Wraith556
If all you want the elephant to do is take a dump, I don't think that would count as a premium-service trick. -concept14
|
|
18.
To GooD!
Sub calls in and says, "Have you ever done something so stupid you didn't want to admit it?" To that I reply: "No Sir" a long sinclence follows and then I hear the phone hanging up.[By: Enigo / 2006-05-02]
Comment on Story
Comments
Recursion! If you HAD done something so embarassing you didn't want to admit it, you would HAVE to say NO! -TieDyedDinosaur
"What's your alignment?" Pause... "Lawful Good." -AmazingKreskin
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!! -vacuumtubes
"WEll, ya sir I'm sure we all have. like just this morning, I put a bomb in my car and set it to go off after I got off work, but then after I came back from my lunch break I found out I was working a double shift, now that I'm back from lunch, I cannot leave the building and now there's a bomb that's going to distroy the building and kill me in the process. Boy that was a stupid idea. What did you do today sir?" -drachen
/me stands on chair w/ rollers, whistling maniacally and cheering, "BRAVO!".... just before Sir Issac Newton's first law of gravity takes effect. -ShujinTribble
No, maybe the time in tiauanna, with the zombie goats, but i was very drunk and we only have a gainy DVD of it, but the camnera guy was wasted to. But man- i have never had to dig that much in my life! Hardware stors aren't open as late up here, unfortunatly. -Harm
|
|
19.
Take This Job . . . Further Update
Well, I kind of dodged the bullet. It helped that I emphasized that I only spend about 5% of my time doing phones, which comes to about 24 minutes a day. They decided I'm officially in Admin Services, but when I'm not working on phones or training, I can do PC/Network support.
This probably means when someone else is trained, they'll show me the door, but in the meantime I'm planning to upgrade my MCSA to Win2K3, and get a Network+ cert. I'll probably also do as much work as I can with our senior network analyst to get my hands into more network support. And look for another job. There's no future for me here, regardless of the currently improved situation.[By: sassicatz / 2006-05-02]
Comment on Story
Comments
Well, make the most of this mixed blessing, and here's wishing you much luck. -chazz
What chazz said. They haven't got a clue if they'd treat you so poorly. Good luck, sassicatz! -Tekkie
|
|
20.
I'm a Marine!
Posted without permission from a friend...
Tech Support Person: Sir, please unplug your computer and turn the power off.
Idiot: OK.
Tech Support: OK, now remove your memory card
Idiot: OW!
Tech Support: Ow?
Idiot: OW!
Tech Support: Sir, did you unplug the computer and turn it off like you were instructed?
Idiot: I'm a Marine! We don't FEAR electricity!
[By: Divinar / 2006-05-02]
Comment on Story
Comments
The PC on the other hand...... -Jeckler
"Real men don't join the Marine!" <J/K. But "real men don't fear electricity was too obvious.> -TheGhost
Funny things happen to Marines. -Sidewinder
CHARGE! -TieDyedDinosaur
Shocking ! -CSurfer
My god, it's the real life Chip Hazard. He's literally a hazard to chips. -flapjackboy
hopefully he won't be arrested for battery and put into a dry cell... -Bynar
Bynar - Wouldn't he get more of a charge out of a wet cell? (This is getting re-volt-ing...)
-Divinar
And the charges will be amped up. -gotpasswords
He should get a dishonorable discharge! -Divinar
Do you really want him to "discharge" inside a computer? He really does have a power-ful attitude, don't he? -srteach
That could have caused a hazard to his family joules. (Ow that hurt just to write.) -Packet
But do they FEAR LARTs? -MarkerMage
I see a great (if temporary) future for this caller as a lightning conductor. -Geminii
Was the luser's name, "Fester"? -ShujinTribble
It's gotta be the hat. -ShujinTribble
Watt? I wasn't listening... -Voz
Resistance is 120 watts. Your darkness, as it has been, is now over. In time, you will change... Us.</Sylvania of Borg> -ShujinTribble
*groan* -stpatience
Well, look at any marine, their hair is always on end. -STJ
|
|
Read More Stories from May 2006 (332 for this month)Back to the Archives Section
|
