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Tech Stories Archives - June 2006

1. Thunderbird
any opinions? a good thing or is it a techs nightmare?[By: postal tech / 2006-06-01]
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I use it, like it, and my starfish clients are forced to use it. -Mahal

I'm soaking in it right now. Really do like it, rarely have problems, and mine reads five email addies in one go. -Mushroom

love it. recommend it for windows or linux. actually, insist* on it for windows due to outlooks crud. (* if they want any help frommein future, even paid help, they damn wellbetter use my basic survival kit which includes firefox, thunderbird, adaware, spybot, sygate firewall and avg.) -timelady

Ford or Mozilla :) -NOFXfan

I have one complaint (and it could just be that I've not made the proper magic incantation) - one newsfroup requires self-moderation, and I can't find any way to enable the "Approved:" header. For me, that's major suckage. OTHERWISE - It's OK. In UI I'd have to rank it below Outlook Express, but the engine is better and MUCH more secure. -ralphp1024

I still use OE just because Thunderbird is a bit slower on mine, but that's the only reason. I use thunderbird for several IMAP mailboxes at work, and it's good enough. -namor

Love it. Try a few different themes if you don't like the interface, also check out the extensions. -thx1138

FWIW - I still use the full Moz Suite, have for a LONG time, and the internal mailsystem runs IMAP ONLY through (Lessee now... carry the three...) 6 mailboxes across 3 domains + 2 news group servers (well, only 1 I follow) WITH Spam and normal filters running... barely even hickups -ShujinTribble

Oh, right... P2 333 / 128 / Win98se (eMachine) - Just for compare -ShujinTribble

I've used Thunderbird for a while now, never found any issues with it. Outlook (Not so clear) Express? The only thing I use it for is my online classes. Now I used to be a PegasusMail devotee, but Thunderbird's taken up that place on the desktop. Besides... Thunderbird and Pegasus have wings... OE has a large albatross around it's neck. ALBATROSS! -VoiceOfSanity

I'm not fond of Gallo wines. -maciarc

I love thunderbird, except how it orginizes SMTP server, for some reason the SMTP settings aren't with the rest of the account settings. My opinion each account should have its own SMTP settings fields. -klous

I always thought tin-tin was kinda cute, and thunderbird 2 was my favourite... http://www.thunderbirdsonline.com/site/ <giggles and runs away> -Bynar

Lady Penelope was HOT in the movie that came out last year. -squatchie666

Tried it on my mac running the latest OSX. Hated it! It crashed all the time and kept losing my email account settings or refusing to connect to email servers at all. I use the native OSX email client and have no problems now. Except being unable to reply to gmail messages unless I do it from the gmail site. And that might be a gmail thing. -TechnoCat

It was too slow when I tried it on an ancient 233 MHz machine. Haven't gotten around to trying it again since I upgraded. -concept14

I have Thunderbird running on one of my usb drives, and love it. The spam filtering is decent, and it's more secure than OE. Plus, I can take my whole email account with me, and I don't have to leave any files on my work computer. -docbrown01

2. Imbicilism Stockings
Was passing through a department store looking for a gift when I heard the walkie on this employee, who was stocking a shelf in the home medical supplies, ask if they carried "imbicilism stockings." The employee got a strange look, then replied, "I think you mean embolism hosery." The first person responded that the customer had asked for "imbicilism stockings." I think the customer was looking for the correct item for his life...
[By: Mushroom / 2006-06-01]
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I think they (imbeciles) put them on their heads and walk into police stations. -robbor

Only the finest in fucknugget fabrics. -vacuumtubes

"invisibilism" stockings? Yes, they're next to the cloaks. They come in different colors, but unfortunately, you can't tell them apart. :D -TheGhost

Imbecilism socks? Right next to the Moron Mumus and Stupidity Shirts, thanks. ;) -snowcrash

Not to mention the shitbuckle shoes. -concept14

3. Side story of TPB bust
Hello fellow techs.. Long time no post, as I'm still unemplyesd, but been reading your posts now and then.... Now for the story.... As you all know by now is that The Pirate Bay has been busted. The side story is that the police took EVERYTHING in the hall where the servers were, routers, switches, UPS, monitors EVERYTHING. The hall was swpt like you sweep away water from windows.... The best part of it is that this was also a server hall for several other business which had nothing to do with it..... [By: Dr Jerkyl / 2006-06-01]
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Unless I've misread the story, they've even taken the server hosting the website for one of Sweden's political parties - they should stand up and call it a politically motivated raid, and see whose heads start rolling. -Calydor

Problem being, they haven't actually broken any law in their home country, the police have 0 evidence against them, and yet they raided anyway... I smell a TPB Vs The swedish police -Tarantulus

calydor, the party you speak of was created by the pirate bay. -Tarantulus

It was more of a lobbying organisation, a counter-weight against the industries' orgainsation that claim that "they loose so much money" due to filesharing. -Dr Jerkyl

The funniest part is that they took the MONITORS! Guess they wanted to make sure they didn't loose any important information that those monitors contained. -Gmork

UK, if the Police raid a place for piracy they can take (and keep if a conviction ensues) everything connected in anyway to a computer. . . One message to pirates, do not connect your 42 inch plasma TV to your computer -Zoomer

It was more of a lobbying organisation, a counter-weight against the industries' orgainsation that claim that "they loose so much money" due to filesharing. -Dr Jerkyl

ARGHH! Opera "crashed" on me (To self - Do NOT click on little red X {whistle}) and remembering last page (posting comment) got a seond post.... -Dr Jerkyl

TPB bust was a hoax..they are doing server upgrades and just said they got busted as a publicity stunt. -xtc46

I'm sure such a group would have offsite backups ready to replicate the entire structure at a moment's notice. -Geminii

xtc, may I direct you to http://www.mpaa.org/press_releases/2006_05_31.pdf ? -wolfman

xtc: Here you have the link to one of the swedish news broadcastings: http://www.tv4.se/player/categories.aspx?treeId=1&pid=56079&more=1 It starts at 3:57 and it's called "Fildelningsrazzia..." Although they speak swedish you can see the server hall which was raided. -Dr Jerkyl

4. I love it when they figure it out

Our credit card authorization box has been down since yesterday. We've seen out several emails to our stores to let them know this. So of course most of our calls today has been to ask why they can't do credit cards automatically. Several of them though must be reading their email right when they call because I hear this "My credit card isn't... um never mind I just read your email and figured it out."
That just makes me so happy. I have another call to log making it look like I'm being productive without having to do any work. *grin*
[By: redfaery / 2006-06-01]
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Count yourself lucky, here the end users like to set up filters to send anything MIS sends them to the trashcan. They then call us and neep about how we didn't tell them we were taking X system down after we've sent out 10 emails about it. -Olorin

I've set up such filters, since a couple of my jobs had daily flurries of information irrelevant to my job. I can't say that even once was I asked "did you get the memo?" if I had a question about something. -Mushroom

<reads this story and cries softly> Oh, how I *wish* my users were smart enough to figure stuff out for themselves.. you're so lucky. <chants "Job security, job security, job security" to negate the stupidity.> -thebombthewoman

My company's memos get ignored mostly---especially the "Please Put Both Pants Legs On Different Legs Before Coming to Work." ones -56Kdaytrader

56KDayTrader - "What? These are the only two legs I have!" <LART shelter! Incoming!> -ralphp1024

Reminds me of the VM I picked up on the Helpdesk line today: "I can't log in to the... <pause> ...oh wait, it's working now. <click>" Best call I had all day! -TechnoCat

From: PFY at head office. To: All Users. Subject: Obscure server in another state will be down for 15 minutes Sunday evening. (Right click, add to junk senders list.) -concept14

Don't worry 80% of the rest of my calls yesterday were from the 1/4 of the people who DIDN'T bother to read the email, even after they got on the phone with me. -redfaery

5. Can't live without email...
Responded to a client's work order yesterday. they had added a new server to their network and needed it (and an older server which was just sitting on top of another server) mounted properly on the rack. The new server went in nice and easy.
The second one was more fun... The rail kit came with snap-in rails, not center-pole, so after a half hour working with maintenance, I had them modified to the point where they would work nicely. All that remained was to shut down the server so I could get it out of the way for 10 minutes while attaching the rails. That's where the fun began... within 30 seconds of pulling the plug, the Tech Support person was in DEMANDING that the server be brought up IMMEDIATLY... Showed her the work order saying that I was authorized to take the exchange server down during production hours, but that wasn't good enought. The employees apparently can't go without email for 10 farkin minutes.
Simple logic would say since the server is already down, finish the job... Of course it can't be that easy, Tech Support Lady would prefer that I boot the server again, come back outside of buisness hours (ie, during the hours that will cost at least time and a half) and take it off line again...

My invoice will be extremely detailed to let the know why a small job is going to cost enough to make the beancounters cry...[By: garwain / 2006-06-01]
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If this was done at my work (and remarkably it HAS been done at my work a few times), you'd get scores of people complaining about the 10 minute downtime and yet if you asked them what mail they had delayed they wouldn't be able to tell you because they never READ it. Likely the inability to forward jokes that they're salty about. -Mushroom

Id tell her to ask her boss to send me an email confirming that he wants the server brought up now and that he would pay the time and a half later that evening. it will be fun becasue even if he approves the time and a half, he cant send the email. by the time that is worked out...you're done! yay! -xtc46

Tell them to redirect the callers to whoever authorised the downtime. -Geminii

6. No Leverage

I get a sametime (interal instant messaging) from my boss this morning asking me to bring a New Hire form for a particular person to his office.

(This New Hire form had been sitting on my desk for a week)

So he asks me why I haven't processed the form and I tell him that the guy is a 'tard and that he put in the request for accounts the day AFTER the guy started. (one week automatic penality in my book).

So my boss just gives me a funny look and says. "Well... there's not much that I can say is there?"

"Nope", I reply, "No Leverage". [By: BunnieTechBabe / 2006-06-01]
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I believe I sense short-timer syndrome going on here! -Tekkie

Score 1 to BTB -Tarantulus

I'm sorry, our company doesn't run that way, what's the reason for the lart? was he supposed to do it the day he was hired? before? -drachen

AHHAHAHAHA I wish I could get away with such a thing here! -PikaPikaChick

2 weeks notice. No 2 weeks notice, I put in the requests when I feel like it..... -BunnieTechBabe

We have a time frame for these things. Twenty minutes AFTER the newbie shows up ain't it...grrrrrrrr! -PTSTech

"No leverage." -Terl from Battlefield Earth (the book) -unrenowned

Wait -- someone who actually read Battlefield Earth? And admits it? No way. No freaking way. -chazz

7. Burnt Toast (OT/NT)

Guy opens the door to my area. Looks around and says

I smell burnt toast

Then turns around and walks away

[By: BunnieTechBabe / 2006-06-01]
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"first door on the left" /random utterances. -drachen

<kicks the toaster, and a square piece of charcoal pops out.> Damned sh*t, it's doing it again! <goes away in search of a hotcake...> -TheGhost

you might as well notify his next of kin... -Bynar

WTF???? -THETECHFROMHELL

"YEAH, TOAST!!"<obligatory Bob and Tom Show reference> -rokitt

It's POPCORN! -TieDyedDinosaur

"Christ, did a cow s**t in here?!?" </Kentucky Fried Movie> -TheSingingTech

Never make toast while you're on the modem. [(c)Me, 1992] -Mushroom

That reminds me of what a classmate in college told me. She worked at the Feminist Women's Health Clinic, which offered OB/GYN services as well as everything else for women, and there was this patient who was sitting at my mate's desk talking then suddenly goes "*sniff sniff* Hmm, smells like fish in here." My mate had to duck under the desk to stiffle the laugh. -Mushroom

You know, apparently it is a sign that you are about to have a stroke. So I've heard anyways. -ShiftedBeef

Any Canadian will probably say "He's having a seizure!" ... its our version of 'I've fallen and I cant get up!' -evolvedstarfish

"Burnt Toast! Burnst Toast! Burnt Toast!" (has anyone seen mt cello?) /obscure old Bud Light commercial reference.. -JoeLugian

At least he did not smell moth balls... -CyBear

Of course he didn't Cybear, do you how hard it is to hold a moth still long enough to smell them? *runs* -GargoyleTS

I guess that he is Canadian? -ProfessorFrink

What do you have if you have a moth ball in your left hand, and another moth ball in your right hand?....A bloody big moth! -fargle

Watch for pissed-off Cylons. -56Kdaytrader

"Buttered Toast!" <Ed, Edd, & Eddy> (Sorry, had to be done...) -MadJack

Powdered toast MAANNNN! -wolfman

8. Mr. Wiseguy Fax
Wiseguy from the other office always addresses his faxes to "Department of Loose Nuts." I'm due to fax him back in a while and I'm set on one upping him. I'm drawing a complete blank. Where else do I turn but the sharp wits of tech comedy? Any suggestions? No holds barred.[By: Aversion / 2006-06-01]
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"Department of Irrelevant Things." -Gromit

"Dickheads'R'Us" -Gromit

Deparment of Stripped Screws -ralphp1024

I'd pass on the stripped screws -- sounds too much like a "me too". "Department of Mysteries"? No, too good. "Apathy directorate"? -chazz

"Department of wasted air" sound good to me. -Gunpe

Attn: Starfish central. From: Dept of the all knowing Techs. We have notice you are having trouble with your letter head. Please note that all your previous Faxes have been address to your own old name. We the all knowing techs can see how starfish central could indeed confuse the TO: and From: boxes. To clairfy, the TO: box is where you are sending the fax, The From: box is who you are. Thank you for once again proving how you got your new name. -Blue3c

"Department of bardus gens". The bonus is you get to use Latin. -Gmork

Chief Nut Inspector? -maciarc

how bout "Department of Shut the F**k up" -MeatStick

Department of NO nuts! -Captain Trips

Dept. of Lost Nuts -Dr Jerkyl

department of redundant redundancies -drachen

Fax back a TPS Report cover sheet and tell him he has to start using them or else his faxes will be automatically deleted. And all 8 of his bosses will be informed. -Sidewinder

just loop a set of black paper through your machine and send them continuosly to his. if they constantly are recieving a black page they will 1) not be able to fax 2) run out of paper 3) run out of toner. fun is then had by you. -xtc46

Oldie but goodie: Ministry of Silly Walks -PikaPikaChick

I like Dept. of Lost Nuts. -NightSteel

Department of homeless security. -Olorin

Department Interpreting Consultantcy Knowledge -namor

I like the one about his new name, unless he's the boss, I'm also a fan of sending it to his boss by "accident" explaining that the only loose nut is the one sending this and could you refer to appropriate name for your department. -spectreoflife

Department of Black Operations. It's the implied threat that works. :) -Robster2001

Department of Butceks? -momo

Since you're the "Department of Loose Nuts" they can be the "Department of Tight Scrotums". Sorry, that's all I've got (for now). -TechnoCat

Hmmmmm. "Ministry of Silly Walks?" "Infernal Revenue Service?" New Prisoner Orientation: Guantanamo Bay?""<opposite party to the one he supports> National Committee: Welcome to the 1000 Club?" -56Kdaytrader

Director of Fucknugget Containment Policy. -vacuumtubes

Initech TPS Report Cover Sheet http://tinyurl.com/7seej -unrenowned

Dept. of Small Balls -beatmewithstick

Department of analcranal impairment -StarFishHearder

someone actually used this for his game name in Team Fortress 2: "department of redundancy department". -Erictheblue

9. Yeah, that would do it...
I get woken up by mom at 8 AM (computer is in my bedroom, or my bed is in the computer room, whichever). Having trouble getting online. She claims the only problem is Firefox "I hate this browser you installed. It's not giving me webpages." (timeouts which could be anything) -- Me: "I'll deal with it, leave the computer on." (more ranting about the "junk" I installed, she shuts it down). So I can't get online with three browsers, am taken to $ISP software installation page instead. Can't ping, nslookup, or traceroute. I know the NIC, modem and router are fine. Realization hits; first of the month and this has happened before. -- Me: "Did you pay the $ISP bill?" -- Her: "I thought I did." -- Me: (wander over to TV) "No you didn't, TV's dead as well." (she has a TV/cable internet package) Turned out the bill hadn't been paid since March (it got paid and all's well now).[By: Dreamstalker / 2006-06-01]
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Of course it's the software you installed's fault because it should automagically remind you to pay your bills. If you forget it will just automagically pay it for you. -Olorin

10. Help Tickets We Love to Get
"Customer states both her batteries will not hold a charge. Customer states this happen with both." Uhhh.....[By: MDB / 2006-06-01]
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From the Department of Redundancy Department ... -Calydor

Maybe she needs to find a man instead. -Jeckler

I'm guessing laptop batteries? Oh? That doesn't go ON one's lap? Where does it go, then? ... ? ... Oh... -snowcrash

I'm sorry, could you please repeat that? -Foyle

11. New Workstations...
So, my turn finally came around to get a new workstation. Our old workstations were HP Vectra VL400s.. (PIII 1.0GHz CPUs, 256 MB RAM, and 20GB HDDs) running windows 2000 with a ton of IT spyware on them. Off of a fresh boot they ran at about 240 megs of memory used. So, enter my new uber-beefed up workstation. P4 2.8GHz processor, 40GB HDD (not important, most of our work is stored on network drives anyway), and <begin rant> 256 FREAKING MEGS OF RAM!! (running the same bloated build of win2k). Talk about buying the porche and then putting a 5 gallon gas tank onto it.... it'll run great until you hit the swap file, and then you wait.... did I mention there's shared memory for graphics? Right now I have a few chat windows open, a couple of IE windows (required browser for work), and Lotus running, all requiring 340 megs of memory... When I run excel, things only get worse... </end rant> ahh.. I feel better now.[By: Bynar / 2006-06-01]
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but you have all of that unused disk space that you can use for swap....hellloooo...<dives for LART shelter and smacks his head on the doorframe> -MeatStick

Typical Kr@p! go cheap on the ram. no grasp of how a fast machine improves productivity. -mwad

I'll take your old, crappier system -- it's at least 5 times better than any computer I have at home! (Tons of spyware? Adaware, spybot, etc., lather, rinse, repeat.) Hey, your new one is an improvement. Do you look a gift horse in the mouth? -Captain Trips

Our workstations for the help desk are the same. Our workstations we use to monitor the servers are even worse. -Bobsentme

Does your IT department actually spec out the systems, or is it done by someone outside your department that doesn't seem to have a clue? -BayouTech

I'll add that I'd like to have a few of those Vectras. Strip the spyware out, beef them to 512M, and they'll run XP just peachy keen. Or leave them as is, strip the HD bare, and they'll run a gen back or two of most any Linux install. Matter of fact, one would be just right for the LAMP machine I need to get up for an anime board I'll be taking over ... *mutters to self* -ralphp1024

Vectra P-III 1 Ghz! <drools> ... ...No, no darling wait! I'm not looking at another Vectra! You know I love you! <hugs his Vectra P-III 500...> -TheGhost

Send me one. It'll kick my pc's ass. More than double the cpu speed. a little less ram, but i can part some ram out of my current system if the ram is compatable (I bet it is). Oh another thing... You could take the ram from the old ones and add that to the new ones (if compatable.. not likely, but possible... I just repaired a P4 2.8GHz with two 512 sticks and a SATA hard drive... the sticks were just barely out of my system's range. -linuxmatt

Don't feel bad. I once had to argue my boss into letting me get color monitors. Then he wanted me to justify buying a mouse with each system. I don't work there anymore. -Foyle

Perhaps the person specing the machines remembers the days when it was £10 for a 1mb SIMM but procs were comparitivley cheaper. Or they're just asshats. Ignore the first they are indeed asshats. -fearmyroot

12. Tryin to relax when.....

My phone beeps informing me i have a txt message. Check txt from friend which says to look in my e-mail inbox. E-mail from friend asks me to RING THEM.

*sigh*
[By: starfishmagnet / 2006-06-01]
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*RING* So, d'ja get my email? -LoTech

*ring* so whats the weather like on THAT side of the building? -Darkridr

They wanted to ask if you got their fax with the URL of a website that lets you send IM text through the internal mail system. -Geminii

Cover me with kisses, baby / Cover me with love / Roll me in designer sheets / I'll never get enough / Emotions come I don't know why / Cover up love's alibi / Call me! On the line / Call me call me any anytime / Call me! oh my love / When you're ready we can share the wine / Call me... -viennasausage

OW. <winces and tries to prevent her brain from escaping..> -thebombthewoman

hmm... something's missing. I can't pinpoint it, but I can feel something's been left out. ... Bingo! Where's the fax?! ;-) -TheGhost

"Just the Fax, please." "Did you get the Memo about this?" <Can't believe no one's used that yet...> -MadJack

Send 'em a text back, telling them to check their email. The email tells them to check the postal mail a couple days later. The letter has one word....Dumbass -Jeckler

13. First Post and More...
FIRST POST!

I would also like to draw attention to something I had found, http://www.gamespot.com/news/6152133.html (or for a more comical view, http://www.gucomics.com/archives/view.php?cdate=20060601 ).

How many of you out there want to take advantage of his announcement and try replacing your work PC with a PS3?[By: MarkerMage / 2006-06-02]
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Should I continue to rant against this "first post" crap alone, or just realize that TSC is becoming as inane and narcissistic??? TSC is **NOT** slashdot. GET OVER IT, FOLKS! First post = SQUAT. -snowcrash

You just wanted to get the first comment, snow :P I always laugh at this, given that TSCers are spread throughout the globe, so first post is largely meaningless. -modeski

It is currently 1:16 AM over where I am, so it has some meaning to me. -MarkerMage

Rant in break room. (.kill -9 FirstPosts.) -snowcrash

5th comment on the first post! WOOT!!!!!!!!!!! wait...its still thursday here... -xtc46

I don't like having the first post, I prefer to have the last word. -TechieSidhe

I'm confused, do you get a prize or something if you post first???? -redfaery

I guess I am just as confused. Why does first post matter? And why does it matter that someone does not like it when someone posts first post. Sorry I just don't get it. If someone gets there rocks off on a first post, why would that bother someone. Please explain. -Blue3c

By the way. I like the second link. ...................To bad it was not good enough to be the first link. -Blue3c

I like Post Toasties! -viennasausage

He who laughs last. Thinks fastest. -3p0ch

I believe 3p0ch, the correct expression is "he who laugh last, didn't get the joke." </pedant> -TheGhost

He who laughs last didn't get the joke! -Captain Trips

Dang it Ghost, you beat me to it! -Captain Trips

LAST POST! (so far...) -Dr Jerkyl

At this time, this is the LAST comment to the first post -ShujinTribble

LAST POST in reference to the second link, of the fourth order, once removed. -Stryker One

this is the post that never ends, no it goes on and on my friends..... -timelady

Not fair... you have external help! -ShujinTribble

I WANNA NEW FiRST POST!!!!11ELEVENTYONE!! -concept14

Is that like a strap-on, ST? -missourimule

14. I hate the phrase "at this time"
CustCare tells the customer before a transfer, "I've got Mush on the line, and at this time we can not authorize going to a store to get a new [dildo]."

Miss: Please leave out the "at this time" part... we have never been able to, and we never will be able to. It's not a momentary matter.
[By: Mushroom / 2006-06-02]
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I cannot comment at this time. -modeski

At this time, I shall comment on this post. -MarkerMage

I WANNA NEWWW MOOUUSSE AT THIS TIME!!!!! -Gromit

At this time, I am fed up with people saying at this time -Tarantulus

I had a manager once who made me put "at this particular point in time" in every memo I wrote. I hated that phrase the first time I heard it and I worked with him for 4 years. Grrrrrrr. Hate. -Gerund

Well, at this time people are often going to say "at this time" more than at any other time. But this time, I am not going to say "at this time". So, at this time, goodbye. -ecoli

"--At this time" is just double-speak for, "If you scream loud / long enough one of our employees with a bendy-twisty 'spine' will change the 'rule' for you because we wanna make you /HAPPY/!" (include MattFrewer-esque.Happy-Face.h | Happy-Face-with-double-hand-frame-face.h) -ShujinTribble

At this time, I would like a Guinness, or maybe a Harps. -TechieSidhe

And some Fucknugget Repellent. -vacuumtubes

And a dollar. -vacuumtubes

And a taco. -vacuumtubes

Oh, one more thing. Shebednigo. -vacuumtubes

"At This Time..." just means, "I'm trying to avoid you getting any more upset right now, leaving you in the false hope that tomorrow, next week, etc., the impossible thing you want may be possible! Hope, pray, and call back to talk to someone else, rather than continuing to waste my time!" /cynic -Voz

"At this time we do not know they identity of the suspects, at this time"</Southern Sheriff> -VIPERsssss

"At this time" is a semantically null statement meant to appease the customer. Actually, anything one says at any time only applies "at this time" as it refers to the moment it is spoken, not the past or future. It has as much meaning as "please" and "thank you" -- it is nothing more than a social lubricant (no comments, please, Burrkiss!) Of course, it doesn't mean I'm against their use -- they show that no ill will is intended. -Captain Trips

Because everyone else already done it, and the fun is wearing thin, I will resist the urge to comment something saying "at this time". .... What?! ... Doh! -TheGhost

It seems to be a U.S. thing - not used much over here. "At this moment in time" emerged from the primordial swamps a few years ago but was only really used by Marketing drones who didn't know any better and irritated the shit out of everyone else (no change there then...). What's wrong with fucking "NOW", anyway? -Gromit

I'm all for fuckin' now.... But you aren't my type. -ShujinTribble

I WANNA NEEEWWWWW DIIIILDOOOOOOOO neeped the pr0n star to the Customer Service line at Whanda's Whips..... -56Kdaytrader

"Not at this time" = call back after I retire. -concept14

"the extinct species" <carrierwave breakup> "Humpback whale... can give the correct response to the probe... Starfleet command do you concur? We are going to attempt... time travel... We are computing our trajectory... at this tiiiimmmmme<Carrierwave breakup> "Get him back! GET HIM BACK!" <ST4:TVH> (I can't believe that, AT THIS TIME, no one'd thought of posting this!) "Scotty! LART Shelter! ENERGIZE!!" -MadJack

15. I Hate Living In The City (OT/NT)

"One of the worst crime scenes in 25-30 years" less than two miles from where we live.
http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/06/02/indianapolis.slayings/index.html
And Magenta wonders why I want to move out of the city so badly.
I hate people.

[By: RiffRaff / 2006-06-02]
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I understand where you are coming from. When people glorify violence and crime the result is usually more violence and crime. Hope things improve for you and Magenta. The best thing to do, which is usually harder than it sounds, is to keep a positive mental attitude. And take your aggressions out on StarFish. "Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat. Jim Davis (Garfield the Cat)" -ecoli

Wanna buy a house in Corydon? It's only a 2 hour drive, and it's DEFINITELY not in the city! -ActingUpAgain

When the ex and I bought a house, and were waiting to move in, there was a front-page story in the paper about a guy shot in his truck down the street from it. Started wondering about the choice at that point... -namor

That suspect looks like a POS drugged up crazy. Riff I know how this type thing feels when it hits so close to home. -THETECHFROMHELL

I'd been wondering how close to your place that had been. Yow! -Grue

unfortunately this sort of thing can happen anywhere, it could have been in a farm house in the middle of Idaho.... some people are just sick -NOFXfan

Dunno where you'd work - but I'm part owner of a house in East Texas we'd LOVE to sell. 10 miles to the nearest town, 4.7+ acres, about 60KUSD (somewhat negotiable). Was my parent's house, and they both died last year (not in the house, in hospitals!), so the four kids (older sister, older brother, me, younger sister) are trying to sell it. Email me if you (or anyone!) is interested ... Oh, it DOES have electricity there B) Internet will have to be satellite or *gasp!* dialup for now. -ralphp1024

I'm very lucky where I live - and I know it! The other day travelling to see a customer we had three roe deer bound across the road in front of us from one field to the other. Magic! Having said that we also discovered the other day that there is a paedophile living in the block of flats next to our house. Apparently just released from prison. You win some you lose some. -Nazreel

I used to live in the middle of a forest up in the mountains, with nothing but woods around. I thought I was safe. Then it turned out my nearest neighbour (who lived a mere 300 miles away) was the Unabomber. -TheGhost

ralph...I hate you. 60k and that gets you a house on 4.7 acres? 60k would get you laughed at here... 2 bedroom apartments just went on sale in one of the new high rises they are building, starting price you ask...400k oh the 3 bedrooms? 1 million...wtf... -xtc46

The nugget has been caught. -vacuumtubes

Riff, move up here with me. Not only is the crime rate low but so is the excitement level! Oh but we have churches!! And strip bars! -TheMage18

Heard about that on the radio this morning and wondered how close it was to you guys. -concept14

I also live about 300 miles from the Unibomber. And I had a meeting with a member of the FBI bomb investigation team 3 days before the Unibomber was arrested. The FBI guy is actually my newest Brother in law. Oh, there are lots of houses for sale here in Idaho that are out in in the country. You could get a job with Dell and Magenta could get a job with the local schools. -Wolffarmer

Just the thing for your keychain to supplement the car alarm... http://www.nazarian.no/wep.asp?id=370&group_id=2&country_id=50&lang=0 (or when mowing the lawn) http://www.nazarian.no/wep.asp?id=370&group_id=2&country_id=50&lang=0&p=2 -deltree/y

16. The Beast
(sorry for no formatting - just signed up yesterday so no star...) The great thing about having my own apartment is I can have computer parts spread all over without my mom (the Anti-Geek) yelling at me to put it all away and in the meantime could I help her check her AOL email? In the course of my quest for Linux I recently acquired two extra machines. One is a 2-3 yr old minitower with the OS wiped that the geeks at Computer Renaissance let me have for $100 so I could have a machine to take apart and tinker with and not worry about breaking a $500 investment. The other one I call the Beast. The Beast is a Packard Bell D1000 Multimedia desktop that we bought used in 1996 with Win95 on it, and it has been sitting in my parents' basement for 3 years. In the course of trying to refurbish the Beast into a Linux machine I have discovered that whichever wingnut designed this machine needs to die horribly over the course of a week. The internal battery that powers the real-time clock died valiantly in a thunderstorm, which would be fine if it weren't soldered in place. The case itself is held shut by screws of such an arcane shape that I had to get a toolkit from Radio Shack (after striking out at Home Depot) to get it open, and only then did I discover that the internal layout is such that I will need to remove half the components to replace the mobo (a Socket 7 board, in theory). On the bright side, once I get past replacing the motherboard everything else should be easy by comparison. I'm going to have so much fun torturing and breaking Win95 <eg>. What's the most arcane system any of you have refurbished?[By: Dante668 / 2006-06-02]
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Good luck, and godspeed on finding parts for a Packard Smell. At least Goatway, eMachines, and (newer) HPs are ATX. -iFox

Oh, and the worst machine I've worked on was a Gateway Essential 633c Small Form Factor. It took me 45 minutes at a customer site to figure out that to get the "tool-less" chassis off you have to remove the bracket that holds the FlexATX height PCI cards in. -iFox

Welcome to TSC! Good luck on replacing that motherboard. Packard Hell was notorious for using propriatary motherboards. You might do better to buy a new case along with the new MBD and transfer the components out of the old case. Again, Welcome to TSC! -VWFtech

My god man. A packard hell. Just throw it out. Run away from it. it is the def of evil. I am not kidding. Junk it. Treat it like the printer from office space. Just kill it now. It will suck your very soul from you. -Blue3c

LOL thanks for the welcomes and wishes... two funny details regarding this project...When I went to radio shack with one of the Screws from Hell (which I'd managed to cadge off with a small flathead screwdriver) the guy noticed the phillips slot it it was a little stripped. I explained I was using tools I'd gotten from HD but they weren't working on all of them. He asked me why I went to HD. Ummm, because they sell tools?? Also, the case came with two labels on it. The one on the front essentially said "I AM USER-FRIENDLY! PLAY WITH ME! i AM EASY TO USE!" The one on the back next to the serial number was more to the effect of, "This machine is dangerous and evil! If any of you power users get any cute ideas about opening it up and messing around inside the demon of Packard Bell will tear your soul from your boddy and devour it!" -Dante668

I was running my domain on an old Packard Bell P-75... stupid case, proprietary crap in the motherboard and the case. Hated it. </living color> -namor

TRS-80 Model III L2 in 1992. -maciarc

AS/400? oh you mean PC... this week, it would have to be a Dell Poweredge 2U 2550 that has mounting rails that are 2mm too high, and the hinges won't pass by to slide into the rack... or a compaq server that weights about 200lbs and doesn't have any sort of sliding rails, just a shelf for the rack, and top access panels... -garwain

My father and I fixed a Timex Sinclaire 1000 back in the late '80s after he dropped a shelf of books on the 16k(!) memory cartridge. Sodering 30-odd pins to a ribon cable took a while, but it worked. Beyond that, I did quite a bit of refurbishment to my PCjr in the early 90's, including replacing the 4.77mhz processor for something slightly faster. ;) -docbrown01

Atari 800XL. Modified to 256K of memory, 1Meg Cache on the MIO Interface that the 20 Meg harddrive connects to. And yes, it sill runs. My friends come over and still fight about who plays Joust next... just like in the old days.. -G -Gonzo

17. Eeep!
So on my list of things to do today was renew my star membership, to ensure I stay stuck in my chair...but it looks like someone beat me to it! So, whomever you are, thank you. :-)[By: pixel / 2006-06-02]
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So, how many pixels wide is your butt now? ;-) <hides in the LART shelter and sends a "congratulations!" message from a secure location.> -TheGhost

got mine back today as well, yippee! -NOFXfan

Ok. One of you two need to move over some you're blocking the light for the rest of us. -Rabbitt

says a very big butted bunny -virusjtg

Hey - she's got a Nice Ass...why bitch about the view? Don't forget to make those kittydoors a little bit wider again, next time you run at a wall! -Grue

18. More Yahoo Answers Stupidity
Holy crap, While the majority of question on yahoo anwsers are god awful, this one I have to share.....[By: blazingriver / 2006-06-02]
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http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AqbuXVL.j9HrhA6rc9Z8N8nzy6IX?qid=1006053116000 Maybe if I posted the URL < whoops /> -blazingriver

he has been infected by the yahoo and must be cleansed -starfishmagnet

He's a Yahoo, alright ... -Calydor

But, but - no one mentioned the infallible "nosmoke.exe" fix! -Dutch

Geez, if this yahoo doesn't know the difference between a PC and an OS, he has no business opening his box -- or especially taking a soldering iron to it! -Captain Trips

"all I had to do was solder a few metal plates over those holes in the case and the smoke stopped comming out...) -xtc46

Mental note: Do not go to Yahoo answers with computer problems. Ever. -Starfury

Isn't that ironic? Judy Patch's own son doesn't trust her to ask for a problem with his "Windows XP smoking". :D -TheGhost

WTF could a person with no computer knowledge solder on that would fix it? I have occasionally done solder jobs to fix things (like a farking new motherboard that had no circuit connecting the PS2 ports...) but a burnt power supply... forget it! -garwain

There is a fuse on the Keyboard +5v line on some MBs that is trivial to solder SHUT once it 'smokes'. Works, sort of, until whatever was sucking too much current fries. The Littel fuse is actually there for a purpose! -TieDyedDinosaur

Yeah, Windows XP isn't the only thing smoking. -Bobsentme

If that's not a hoax I'll eat my foot! -viennasausage

Ketchup, mustard, mayo? -momo

Didja read his bio? He's definitely got a short between his keyboard and chair. It's either his immodium or his intramanet exploder. -DoctorNoodle

19. Continued Hp Fun
So today i get sent along with another guy to install an HP Color LaserJet 3800 Printer series. We get tot he school and begin set up. We go to print it no joy it says the tray is empty (tray was full with paper).
I noticed the printer was kind of leaning so we move it tot he floor and it prints.
We are not permited to leave equipment on the floor for obviouse reasosn so we move it to the top of the filing cabinet. Try to print... no joy it says the tray is empty. After f*cking with it for a 20 minutes we try the manual feed and that work no problem.
So we decided to try the tray from the printer in another printer of the same vintage in another school nearby. it works there
Now we think maby its a censor so we call HP. The problem was if the printer is not on an 100% flat surface it wont print from the main tray. What a pain in the a$s! I have said it before and i'll say it again i hate HP![By: Servo / 2006-06-02]
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My old Laserjet 5mp is the same - so I went and got a cheap offcut of wood for it to sit on. Result! -Darkstar2

Why dear deity why? -Gmork

Glue a level and a sign to it: "If the bubble is not at center, don't use the pritner." -Bobsentme

This may have been a pain in the ass to solve, but I don't believe that HP is at fault here. If the printer (any laser printer) is not operating on a flat surface (and this is me speculating here) it might be possible over time for the toner to shift over to one side, leading to one side of the printed page to be lighter than the other (until toner is shaken up or replaced). If a filing cabinet is truely the desired platform for a brand new laser printer, tell the client to wedge a triangular rubber doorstop or two on the cabinet bottom to make it level. Or if it's the top of the cabinet that is bowed in from having a heavy small surface area device sit on it, tell them to get a thick piece of plywood that extends to the width of the cabinet top, if they're too cheap to shell out for a printer stand. HP has certainly done many things in its equipment and support over the years to earn the ire of many consumers and businesses but this is not something to curse them for, IMO. -BayouTech

BayouTech has a point... but in a case like this the error message should not be "out of paper" but "printer is not level". -chazz

20. friday night fun
As some have read a girl from my home state of New Jersey won the National Spelling Bee beating a Canadian. [By: postal tech / 2006-06-02]
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So? Wy shud I be intrested in sump'n that s baddly spelt? -Gromit

A New Jersian competing against a Canadian? (from what province?) Wouldn't that make it the INTERnational Spelling Bee? [/wiseguy] -LoTech

Someone from New Jersey can spell? I call bullshit. -burrkiss

New Jerseyisn't part of the United States, Burky. Kinda like... well, like New Mexico isn't. (Screwit, I'm in a FOUL mood) -ShujinTribble

Probably screwed with 'em on 'colour', you vagrants. -namor

--or "Cheque" -ShujinTribble

Or "About" instead of "Aboot" -exzyle2k

Actually, Canadians pronounce "about" as "aboat". Seeing as I live as far away from Canada as you can get, I know this. -robbor

Its aboat time u fuckers realise this. -momo

Or you = "Yous" -burrkiss

meh - bt look how many others we beat out :) and of course congrats to the winner- well deserved victory. -Harm

Really, I thought it was American's that can't say it right. After all, if you have seen the I Am Canadian beer commercials, "It's about, not "a boot"." So where do boats come into it? I like boats. BOOBIES! What were we talking -about-? -spectreoflife

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