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Tech Stories Archives - January 2007
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1.
Flappy New Year!
Wishing all my fellow TSCers a Happy New Year. All my KarmaBats are winging forth to deliver goodness unto all.[By: TechnoVampire / 2007-01-01]
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Thank TechnoVampire! I hope all the fishies come to you to meet their doom! (if you know what I mean, nudge nudge, wink wink) Erm, what I meant to say was I hope all the fishies come to you to fix their fish'puters. ;) -TheMacOne
Anyone else waking up with a headache try
eating, it kinda works..:p -IceRuby
Oh, and Happy Happy! *falls back into bed* -IceRuby
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3.
Happy 2007!
May all of you have a Happy New Year, and may 2007 be the year you get to flash the Toothy Grin at all your 'fishy victims before you relieve them of their delusions of adequacy! [By:  Grue
/ 2007-01-01 ]
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Awww, sniff! Grue is such a dreamer! Happy New Year!! -TechMama
Hip (hic) Hipp Hippy Hap Hoopy Hip Hop Hoppin' New Yearz, alla youze from us... -MadJack
Yeah, what Jack said! <zzzzzzzzz> -ManyHats
thank you, Grue. To you as well. -persephone
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5.
Yet more case notes.
Polled modem, online, no attached device.
Sub said all modem lights on (not in Standby).
Modem not connected to anything right now.
Sub said power light on router constantly blinks.
Sub already talked to Linksys support, they said it's a bad router, and needs to be replaced.
Sub not able to connect PC to modem, as it's in a different room.
Advised sub that replacing router would indeed be the next course of action.[By: AmazingKreskin / 2007-01-02]
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Indeed! ;-) -TechnoCat
Yep, it's a Homer moment alright. Ready? "D'oh!" Or is it more like duh? -TheMacOne
totally understandable! -alsolh
totally understandable! -alsolh
Sounds like sub works for the department-of-redundancy-department. -EtherRabbit
sub has two brain cells, one is lost the other one is out looking for it. -AdmiralLaurie
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6.
Wait for it.... wait... THERE
ME: -Lame ass, "I'm too hung over for this" opening- How may I help you? SF: "Yeah, what's my password?" ME:"Ummm... 42." SF:"Ok, thanks." -wait for it, almost hear a click, <CLICK>" ME:"YES!!!" No clue who the caller was, no clue what they were logging into... Can't WAIT to see who emails back from the 15 of us that are here today, handling over 100 calls an hour, stating who the person is![By: TechnoTherapist / 2007-01-02]
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hey, 42 should work, after all, isn't it the answer to life, the universe and everything ? -persephone
Now, what would REALLY screw your mind would be if you don't get another call, because, after all, "42" was the right answer. -TheGhost
For those of you who don't know, Google Calculator is the greatest invention on the face of the planet! It knows EVERYTHING! Really, remove the brackets and paste this into the search line at www.google.com [ 2+2= ] SEE... the right answer, now do the same to this line [ the answer to life the universe and everything= ] -TechnoTherapist
Why would google calculator not work at my office? I use internet explorer, moderate surfsafe.. -illiterate
illiterate:Why would google calculator not work at my office? (self answered)I use internet explorer, -drachen
also you need to include the space infront of the "the answer" portion of the equation for some reason. -drachen
I didn't include the space <firefox> but got the correct answer -Grembo
I always thought the answer was a pineapple. And why use Google calculator when there's one in the OS? </hmmm> -TheMacOne
TMO: 'casue these fancy calcs: http://www.google.se/intl/en/help/features.html#calculator -Dr Jerkyl
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7.
Error 680
A Customer who has a dialup account is calling for the error 680 and he reads the description and tells me "There is no dial tone." and asks me to send him the dialtone (he means by that a ring tone same like mobile phones).[By: alsolh / 2007-01-02]
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"I have no dial tone! I can't find a dial tone anywhere? Have you happen to seen a dial tone around?" Or maybe I should go to Dial Tones' R Us? :D <weee! First day of the new year and I'm already running to the LART shelter! It's been a good year so far!> -TheGhost
"Connecting you to Mr. Dialtone, sir." <click> -docbrown01
Good luck getting a dialtone on a mobile phone. -illiterate
The Dial Tone... Where's the DIAL TONE?!</Modified Khaaaaan!> -ShujinTribble
"OK, sir, get ready to record your dial tone!" *click* -Voz
Just get him online so he can download it! Sheesh! <ahem...> -namor
I had one guy who wouldn't understand that 'no dial-tone' had nothing to do with his account being suspended. ended up canceling his account because he couldn't be bothered to check the phone cord. -drachen
drachen - I think he was one of MY customers. -ShujinTribble
Welcome to TSC! -concept14
When I was in the Air Force, when we'd get a phone with weak dial tone we'd send the newbie back to the shop to get a "can of dial tone" so we could recharge the line. Never got old -Grembo
"Here's your dial tone: Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring, Bananaphone...." -Dr Jerkyl
What, Grembo? Just a can of dialtone? An IC punch for checking the wall wires would've been more fun... <EG> Ah, sending my n00bs for AE punches and buckets of steam... fun times... -MadJack
Ah, yes. Box of grid squares. Bucket of "rotor wash" (I was Avionics in the Army. Worked on helicopters.) Muffler bearings. Ah, the list is endless. Once had a n00b (who, surprisingly, was later booted for being a dumbass) running all over base for an entire day looking for "flight line". Yeah, and we didn't even have to coordinate it ahead of time. -missourimule
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8.
RiffRaff, your customers...
are just amazing. Really. http://www.indystar.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2006612310322 -- I mean... well, let me put it this way. If this is the caliber of your usual customer, I can understand a lot of your and VT's frustrations...[By: chazz
/ 2007-01-02 ]
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Some people just do not deserve children. -Divinar
(I'm gonna hug my little monkey extra hard tonight!) -Divinar
I'm still trying to figure out how he wound up on the road. Most of 465 is heavily fenced. I guess if there's a will.... -vacuumtubes
VT, if it is one thing I learned quickly as a parent, you NEVER underestimate the intelligence of your toddler!!! -TheSingingTech
According to the story, he was seen climbing the fence by one motorist... -chazz
I think I'll be hugging my lil' diva a little tonight as well -TechnoTherapist
jesus fucking christ... i can't even hug my little guy, he's up with his grandparents until saturday. -illiterate
I'm investing in one of those little toddler retractable leashes now... OH... and a cattle prod for the mother! -TechnoTherapist
={ I can't believe how cavalier the mother was about the whole thing. "Oh, he got out again." wtf??? -mousie
You all =DON'T= want to know what I'm thinking right now..... Suffice it to say she would be... 'unfortunate'... to ever meet me. -ShujinTribble
These are not only our customers, they are the people my ISP deliberately targets for residential dial-up business. If we were a used car lot, we'd be of the "buy here, pay here" variety. -RiffRaff
These are not only our customers, they are the people my ISP deliberately targets for residential dial-up business. If we were a used car lot, we'd be of the "buy here, pay here" variety. -RiffRaff
Hooray for the double post! -TechnoTherapist
Hooray for the double post! -TechnoTherapist
SON OF A B!!!! <sorry to use HARSH letters> I swear that was not done on purpose! -TechnoTherapist
if your child is able to unlock the door use the damn chain. (never seen an apartment door without a chain. also never seen a three year old tall enough to uncain a door) -drachen
or you can stick a butter knife in the trim, way up high, if all else fails. She obviously didn't care. *whistle* outta the pool! -ThinTheHerd
Story says that she usually used a box to block the door, but that she doesn't recall whether she did that or not when she went to sleep the night before. I don't want to cast aspersions, but I can't help reading "went to sleep" as "passed out". -chazz
Obviously she was outwitted by a toddler (what does THAT say about your customers)? Even as a good smart parent you can get outwitted, but still.. ???? WTH was that? -Mysty
My ex wife let something similar but not nearly as bad happen to my daughter while I was at work. Yeah. That's why she's my ex now. I wanna go hug my kids now . . . -DarthLuke
*Blink* *blink* "Oh, he got out again!?!?" 2 counts of neglect is all they could get her for? *grumble* -DatabaseMonkey
I lived in government-sponsored housing for a year some time ago... the kids in the lot facing ours were probably no more than 5, yet would bust out the screen and scale down the apartment (1 floor up only) and then run around the street. The mother did nothing but yell at them. Yeah, they'd learned that she never followed it up, so they were pretty much free. -namor
From the pictures of her arrest, she looks like the total strung out redneck tweaker. Probably crashed after a binge. They ought to let her loose on the highway with full diaper and blindfold. No trucker would EVER think of stopping. -MacDaddy
Even better than a chain, it would have cost her just a few bucks to get a double cylinder deadbolt. No key, no exit -Grembo
Wow. Just...wow. For less than a buck, this meth-head could have bought a little metal loop and a hook, considering she admitted it wasn't the first time he got out. Methinks the boy has some good instincts, actually. "Hmm. Mom's a twit, there's s*** on the walls. I need to get out, but it has to stick. I'll run around on the interstate. That'll do it." I'd like to see where the boy is in 15 years. -JTSBrown
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9.
Reminder of DOOMSDAY
January 30, when Windows Vista is officially released. When 10 millions souls cry out in anguish and are then suddenly silenced![By: Wraith556 / 2007-01-02]
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then a lone tech sreams as the que light on his phone goes super nova....
-Z0nker
awwww damnit! time to stock up on electrical tape.. so i can put something oer the que light... -Harm
Thank GOD I work internal helpdesk for the NAtional guard. we have specific programs we know pretty much what goes wrong with those and vista isnt projected anytime soon. HOWEVER word is soon we will have to encrypt our personal files, I can see problems a foot with that. I FORGOT MY password and I cant get this VERY important file PEOPLE WILL DIE IF I DONT GET IT lol. -SGTARKyTEK
Yep, internally we have too many slow computers for Vista, so only new ones will get it. That makes the pain just last longer. -DuckyFuzz
Hell, most of the computers in my office are still running Win 98... and the fact that these PCs are 8 years old and our cheapass bosses won't spring for newer ones means I won't have to worry about Vista for a while. (Instead I just have to worry about '98 and sh1tty old boxen crashing all the time...) -TechnoCat
I am not touching it with a 10 foot pole. -THETECHFROMHELL
Actually, my friend is using it and he loves it (running for LART shelter) -hskrfan23
I dread to think about the day my customers start getting vista pc's -boxcar
FWIW - You guys with the MS-Win9x boxes MIGHT want to check out BigFix (Google is your friend) It does wonders on getting updates / patches for MS-WinXXXXXX that you might otherwise have missed -ShujinTribble
WOW! We're spoiled at our work, most of the machines are P4s 2GHz or better, some Mac Minis. Unfortunately, the server is an XServer. -Stryker One
Crap! Better wait for the NEXT version then... ;) (You know where to find me!) -TheMacOne
I had the pleasure to help install it (Vista Business) on my boss' machine (Core 2 Duo, lots of everything but a not-so-great graphics card). It works, but we needed a Linux live CD to undo Dell's partitioning, and now there's a 4TB (yes, "T") big nothing between some Windows-created partitions. Oh, and you have to confirm every second click for some reason. Acrobat Reader comes up with an error message every time it is invoked from IE7. On the bright side, Solitaire and Minesweeper come in new versions with sound. Pretty unnecessary upgrade IMO, and it won't change that we're mostly a Linux shop. -DireFog
Also, no unsigned driver support and ALL software must be legitimate AND registered (I'm presuming this only applies to M$ software) Asus motherboard? You're not upgrading to Vista. Kinsington or Kengston hardware? Not using it with Vista (including memory). I forsee another WinBlows ME in this release... -TechnoTherapist
Luckily my employer just (I mean JUST) migrated to XP and is seriously considering moving to IE6 from 5.5.. not likely to worry about Vista soon. We're busy panicking about a certain communications provider discontinuing a common data protocol on the 31st. -Jay911
We might be getting a new PC with taxes - It'll likely have Win XPMCE05 on it. With the problems I've heard about Vista, plus the sheer specs required (128MB graphics card just for the OS???). Hell, I only bought a $20 8MB RivaTNT2 card because I bougth a Harry Potter game and Alice, neither of which would run with the integrated graphics on my old MB (which I no longer have). It made a noticable speed improvement overall as well, but nothing I couldn't live without for my needs. I rarely do any gaming more taxing (graphically speaking) than Diner Dash, at least on my computer. That's what my PS2 and N64 are for. :D And hell no, I ain't buying any of the newgen systems anytime soon. -missourimule
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10.
Break-in cost
Ok this is the last tech story about the break-in (reference: original story http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=62916 video http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=62926 newspaper article http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=62946 ) I just got word today about the repairs at the store, the door had to be replaced for a total cost of $600. This means the thieves did more than three times the dollar amount in damage compared to the retail value of what they stole. Also, one particular case was distinctive as being very rare (not that this makes it more valuable), meaning it'll be easy to spot if it shows up. Also, he mentioned (and this is hard to see on the video I shared) that the object that broke down the window was a small sledgehammer and they initially hurled it at the window. Onsite footage (which is higher quality) shows this clearly, it also shows that the hammer nearly impacted the cranium of one suspect after it bounced off the window. The glass was not damaged in the throw.[By: OgdenTechGuy / 2007-01-02]
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Too bad it didn't hit one of the "dudes". Hope you nail and BFG9k 'em. -TheMacOne
This reminds me of when I worked at FuncoLand and we had the playstation game cases out on the wall. Had a kid come in, asked him if he needed help, turned my back to stock the shelves and heard cases hitting the ground. Looked around and saw a row cleared off and this kid booking across the parking lot. I laughed at the situation and went out later, following the trail of dropped/smashed empty cases to a field across the street. All that work for jack shit. -exzyle2k
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11.
The Kids Strike Again
From on-site invoice tonight:
Customer Complaint: CD-ROM Drive not working
Initial Diagnosis: Two CDs inserted in drive simultaneously, jamming ejection mechanism
Work Performed: Disassembled old drive and removed child's karaoke CD and child's game CD. Drive ruined.
Installed used CD-ROM drive.
Total Parts: $10.00
Total Labor: $30.00
Total: $40.00
Should I give the 4 year-old a cut?
[By: RiffRaff / 2007-01-02]
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Said 4 year-old is the same 4 year-old who picked the keys off 2 laptop computers, so I've gotten three jobs off the same kid so far. <bfeg> -RiffRaff
Perhaps you should teach the kid to block fans, that could make for more expensive repairs :-) (Just make sure to teach him to only do it with non-conductive material and not to try it on the PSU in the first place, you don't want workplace accidents...) -DireFog
no, go for broke, man. Give him some magnets and tell him to go play with the monitor. if his parents are too fishy to push the degauss button, remember to enforce the 1 hour minimum. -illiterate
I think something along this line might be appropriate: http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2450475&cp=&f=Taxonomy%2FTRUS%2F2254197&origkw=magnetix&kw=magnetix&parentPage=search he he.... -virtualchoirboy
No, no, NO! Riff, we're going to have to revoke your Dr. Evil license - the sucktomer gets a brand new LightScribe dual layer DVD burner at 4x markup after a cockup like that one! That'll larn them to keep the kids away from them high tech toys! -ralphp1024
$40 ?? Your such a cheap slut. Souldnt it have drive time? Id10t tax? $60-80 sounds right to me. -burrkiss
Lemme guess... said CD Drive has a cartridge-load system and is SCSI? -ShujinTribble
Burrkiss, I may be cheap, but I ain't easy. ST: It was IDE, but of the trayless autoloading variety, hence the need to disassemble it to get the disks out of it. -RiffRaff
Nah, don't give the 4-yr old anything. One major rule of finance is that you never pay for something you're going to get for free anyway! -Voz
My 4-year-old has her own (rather older) laptop. My 17-year-old has grown into a non-tech (although not an actual starfish, thank goodness!), and I don't want to allow THAT to happen again! Do you think she's too young to learn how to upgrade RAM (the 4 year old)? :) -TechMama
I've had two disks in a drive and not even had the disks scratched. must've been a tight fit? -linuxmatt
should at least give the kid another cd--repeat business -stiffarm
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12.
Convergys...you suck again
So I left my job at The Con 2 months ago, smelling the whiff of techie screwdom stronger than the sewage plant so strategically located downwind. Ran into a new coworker talking on his cellphone telling a friend he just 'left Convergys'. Being the inquisitive type, I inquired why he left. Turns out he was in the 3rd team hired for the Comcast contract I was in, and told me that almost everyone hired was fired shortly after my departure. Just as I thought, they overhired people with no expectations of keeping them, just to bill extra to Comcast. How does The Con stay in business? Any wonder why this is the only company I worked for that has EVERYTHING bolted to the desks[By: MacDaddy / 2007-01-03]
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I am currently looking to escape The con myself.The firings will start here in about a week and I know I am on the list,Apparently it is a bad thing to help the customers and tell your boss that he/she is a moron. -conundrum
yea thats about rightg.. CVon just runs contracts into the ground.. usually burning through human resources like paper. -Harm
I have worked for the con 3 times. ATT wireless tier 1 tech, Sprint PCS consumer gold and consumer general (yes, they class their customers). Worst 3 jobs ever. The stories of mismanagment i could tell you would shock you. It was really that bad. But now, I work for another 3rd party center, working high-speed tier 1 tech for the same company as harm. I never knew a call center could be that good of a job! Still not the best tho, So I have a job interview tomorrow, may be working at a factory for a lot more $$$. -cicero
Oh yeah guys. Keep an eye out for a recorded call between a sprint supervisor and a customer. Super is extremely rude...cust recorded call had it played on a local radio station. That sup...You guessed it, work*ed* for the con. Should start floating on the net soon... -cicero
what do you mean "again"?? did they ever not suck? (and yes, I've done my time there as well) -halitech
I used to work there, and all I know is that for some stupid reason, they tend to keep the staff that now nothing about what they're doing but have short call times...but they'll readily get rid of the person that actually gets the job done, even when it takes a little longer.
I had a coworker that kept telling customers that 'the internet had run out', resulting in a fairly short average call-time.
Meenwhile, I was getting flak about taking 15-25 mins per call, and getting the job done.
Oh well, I guess that's what happens when you habitually forget your LART at home. -EtherRabbit
Sounds like clueless managers who believe in "The System" more than "Results". -Wraith556
Ah...Mc'vergies. More grease in the pockets than the pan there! The fast food of tech support; I spend more time 'stomache pumping' the comps 'fixed' by their goons than anyone elses.
-LeopardMadcat
Guess what they do when they get a call center full of people who actually know what they are doing .. close the call center! -AngelicTech
EtherRabbit, I think you may have missed something vital here. You seem to think they are in business to help people fix problems. I'm afraid you are wrong. They, like almost all other businesses, are in the business of making money. They get paid per call, not per problem solved, so they want to take as many calls per hour as they can. Someone who takes 25-30 minutes per call may fix the problem, but the company makes ten times the money from someone who only takes 2-3 minutes per call! So of course they will keep the ones with the low AHT, and fire the ones who take the time to be competent. It's not the supervisors who are wrong, but the overall business model and profit structure! -Captain Trips
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13.
Going to be a Great Year
In case I was wondering just how great a year this was shaping up to be, checking my Gmail this morning I discover that I have won, not one, but two different international lotteries. China for $800K and Great Britain for $950K. Guess I'll be buying that new villa in France afterall.[By: Dewby / 2007-01-03]
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You TOO?! -ShujinTribble
If you send me that $900k, I can loan it to a friend in an African country that was recently deposed, and needs it to get his $5.9 million back. You will make 2.95 million if you help out. -burrkiss
So far this week I've won around 3.5 million of your U.S. dollars, and 1 million Euros. Nothing in my natvive currency, though - I'm hoping I won't have to travel much to collect the cash... -Diptera
Burrkiss - Considering the fate of deposed world leaders as of late, sonehow..... I'd rather hold onto the money I have now. I don;t want anyone stretching thier neck out for me. </Nope... Not feelin' dirty for that one yet> -ShujinTribble
You get SPAM to your G-mail account? I haven't had any, but then I haven't told anyone my G-mail address. Maybe that's the key? Get an e-mail address but don't tell anyone! -robbor
Lemme guess: robbors_Completely_clean_of_Spam_Email_Account@gmail.com ? -ShujinTribble
I answer emails for our company and get everything from viagra to (male member) enlargement patches...wonder if anyones ever going to figure out I'm a female...and give me a bazillion dollars of international lottery money. -persephone
There's a charity that I clean the info mailbox for. That one seems to run about three international lotteries and two to three deposed rulers every day. Lately apart from that, it's been pharmaceuticals, phishes, and bogus job offers... -chazz
I haven't won any lotteries in a while, but aparrently an uncle of mine in Ireland died and left me 350,000...all I have to do is send his lawyer my bank information...it's just too darn bad that I lost the email address. :P -EtherRabbit
Lucky buggers. I'd like to just win $1k, that's all. ;) -TheMacOne
robbor - you will eventually get spam at your Gmail account. The spammers are now sending to (randomstring)@(populardomain) more than they are using lists... we have email accounts at $employer that have we *know* never sent an Internet message but are spammed to death. The only way to avoid spam now is not having an email account, alas... -Robster2001
Haven't won a lottery recently, but there's this honest and trustworthy Nigerian woman who, in exchange for 30%, needs me to help move her late husband's 25 million out of the country. Hey, for 7.5 million, I'll give her my bank account number, SSN, name, address, phone number, credit card numbers, and anything else she says she needs, even though I don't know her. After all, she DID say she is an honest and God-fearing woman! -Captain Trips
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14.
Wanna-Be-Me
"Duodenum." I answer the phone as it rings absently noting somewhere in the back of my mind that I have GOT to stop reading Deadpool comics.
"W-wha-HUH?" Comes the glib reply as I envision the caller looking at the receiver of his phone in confusion.
"Duodenum. Connects your stomach to your jejunum." I explain happily, loving the word Jejunum almost as much as Duodenum.
The long pause on the stupid end of the phone tells me that my mind games are working and the empire will soon be mine.
"Oookay." The user drawls as if *I'm* the retard. "Look, I've got a computer down in the training room." He continues and my butt IMMEDIATELY puckers, because I *hate* the training room. You see, the instructor who "owns" the room is usually brought in for a month or two for new hirer training, refresher courses and to surf really boring porn. I don't have any problems with the porn surfage at all (well..he has bland tastes), but what I do have a problem with is *him*...
He's a wanna-be tech. And the worst part is? He has *no* technical skill. Everything that he has "done" has come from popular tripe computer movies and sitcoms. If anyone in this world has hacked the Gibson, it's THIS guy.
Reluctantly I made my way to the training center (Via a path that Billy from the Family Circus couldn't follow that stopped at every hot girl's desk), and stepped into the FULL classroom of hopeful new hires that have NO clue who I am. These little Hitlerites have been listening to Tommy Tall-Tale up there for about a week, and have totally bought into his schpeal.
"Everyone, This is Coyote." He announces in a loud clear voice as thirty heads turn my way. "He's the other technician here." He introduces, adding the word "other" with such clarity that I know for a fact that he's been regaling the class with his made-for-tv hacker stories.
"Broken computer?" I ask, uncharacteristically holding my tongue. The class is *his* and anything I say to lash back will make *me* look like the moron.
He points to a PC towards the back of the room but waves a dismissing hand as I head towards it.
"I've already diag'd it for you." He says smugly as his class looks on with admiration. "No power, no boot. Just order a new power supply and main board and call me when they get in." He orders as I glance at the PC and then back at his dismissal.
I flicker my eyes over the PC again and chuckle inwardly, all the while holding a straight face as I look back at him.
"Wow." I say, my voice actually reflecting the awe that he commands, and I can tell he's happy because he smiles this smug little smile. "Power supply AND motherboard eh?" I ask, getting him to clarify.
He rolls his eyes and sighs with the class watching on enraptured. "No power, no boot. I'm guessing that storm we had last week surged out the building and fried the computer." He says as if it pains him to explain himself.
"That same storm unplug the power strip?" I ask, plugging in the power strip and pushing the computer's power button.
"Buhwha?" He replies as the computer beeps happily to life and starts the boot up process.
I give it a quick once over just to make sure that was the issue, and head towards the door without another word. As I reach the exit I turn back, still straight faced and tilt my head.
"You want those parts shipped directly to you?" I inquire innocently as half the class cracks up and his credibility falls faster than a fat kid off a swing set. He doesn't say anything, so I let myself out with a wink to some of the gigglers.
I really hope he's not as full of shit as he seems to be, because as soon as I got back to my desk - I disabled his hallway access to the bathrooms.
Sometimes evil can feel pretty damn good.
-Coyote [By: The Coyote / 2007-01-03]
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<Grabs pen and paper and starts making notes> I'm good... but I'm not THAT good! -TechnoTherapist
That's *Doctor* Evil. I didn't spend six years in Evil School to be called "Mister", thank you very much. -RiffRaff
ROFL!!! What a way to start the new year. :) -TechMama
oh well played... /golfclap -Quchant
He deserved it too! Although - when I'm talking to a starfish, and trying to sooth them, I do mention the time many, MANY years ago that I did the same thing with me Mum's Telly. In defense, it WAS plugged into the cable box - just not far enough to stay on. -ralphp1024
Sweet. Nicely done. -FixitWench
Very good. Double points for punking him in front of a class that will spend the rest of their time there laughing at this idiot... -PTSTech
Once again a beautiful Lart and a great story. -Gunpe
You, Sir, are my hero. I aspire to a tenth of your greatness. -grrltechie
You would have earned bonus points if you had had one of the closest students come over and verify your diagnosis before fixing it. Double-Boinus Score if she gave you her phone number after. -ShujinTribble
(Singing) "Don't you know you gotta, Flow. Flow. Flow, Pancreatic Juice. Flow Flow, into the Duodenum" (/Weird Al "Pancreas"> -TheSingingTech
Supreme! The Art of the LART lives. The trick is not in being able to put the pie in the face, it's in reading the person to know whether you have an "honest mistake"-to-be-forgiven case, where the creme pie should be handed to the subject to ease their embarrassment, and the pompous case who gets it in the face. You truly read your subjects well! -Voz
That is classic..If I wasn't happily married, I'd send a cyber-kiss for making my day. -persephone
that is a good start! -alsolh
I LOVE DEADPOOL! -3p0ch
Damn. If I told you how much I needed that today, I wouldn't have time to say thank you. Coyote, thank you again. I can't say how good it is to read your stories... now that I've learned to recognize your style within two sentences and put down my freaking coffee. -chazz
wow. Just... wow. -Bynar
ROTFLMAO! -sassicatz
Bravo! -BansheeTechGirl
Bows in homage to a LARTmaster. -Wraith556
Simple, devastating, and required no follow-up LARTing...I may have a new idol. -EtherRabbit
EtherRabbit - may? http://www.techcomedy.com/users/submitted_content.php?nick=The%20Coyote -namor
I am not worthy! -ThreeBucks
i love reading your posts....they are so well written and entertaining.....and nicely done with the bathroom passes haha -tixarah
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Bow down to the... damn, Wraith beat me to it. "It's GOOD ta be da Coyote!!" -MadJack
Nice! But the REAL LART comes in the form of DETAILED documentation that gets sent up the chain. -Stryker One
Great story as usual, but I gotta ask: access keys for the restrooms?! Is manglement afraid that someone's gonna swipe the TP or something? -BayouTech
ah. ain't revenge grand? good going! -AdmiralLaurie
the last part and other comments reminds me of a quote from a novel: "you're so full of shit your eyes are browner than usual!" -Erictheblue
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15.
Morning Trip
Bright and early I wake up to start my day and head off to work. I go through the usual routine, smack my alarm, drag my a$$ out of bed, and put some clothes on. After brushing my teeth I kiss the wife goodbye and head out the door. It's rainy as usual and I don't feel like running back up to my third level apartment to get my umbrella. The hood on my jacket will do just fine. So dark and empty outside, sometimes I wonder if I'm still dreaming, no cars, no people, nothing breathing around me. I wait for my train after a quick walk. Still empty outside. I board the train and sit down. The person across from me kind of chuckles, "where did you get that bruise, it's huge."
"I work at a call center", i replied. As he sat a little confused I couldnt help but to think
maybe that wasn't the type of bruising he was talking about.[By: champmaterial / 2007-01-03]
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WELL!?!? Where was the bruise? Did you get into a bar fight and get a beatdown? Did your wife give you a shiner for slippin her the tounge with your morning kiss? -burrkiss
oh yeah, your new. I'm the resedent pervert. Dont take anything I say the wrong way, since i AM the wrong way. :D -burrkiss
.... and then you discovered that it's your day off and you could have stayed in bed. -robbor
If it's anything like mine, it's likely in the middle of the forehead. *headdesk* -AmazingKreskin
It was just a bruise on my arm, from waking up too early and walking into the bathroom door. Good times! -champmaterial
re: bathroom bruise- when i still lived with my parents, they decided it was a good idea to wake me up at 6:30 am after i had been out drinkin' until 5:30. i walked to the bathroom to shower with my head hung low, eyes about 15% open. I didn't notice the door was closed, and ended up headbutting the door so hard I cracked the wood, cut my head, and scared the hell out of my mom, who was quite suprised to see my head literally coming through the bathroom door. Heeeeeeeeeere's Johnny! -beerman
Should have told the nosy person that you got the bruise from your dog givin it to ya too hard /burkiss -SimianMilitant
well see the rope slipped an the handcuffs caught my arm, then the car battery slipped..what..no? oh.. I mean I hit my arm on the door. -neuman1812
Well, at least you didn't smack your a$$ and drag your alarm out of bed, so it wasn't a total loss... -Robster2001
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16.
Internet Without PC
A customer is calling inquiring about his internet connection because the techs. were at his house and they installed the adsl line and kept the modem and went away. he says "why my internet is not working?" i say "No problem sir please go to the computer and" and he interrupts me and say "what computer?" i said "The computer that the modem is connected to" he said "There is no computer connected to the modem" i was on a very bad mood that day i said "how do you suppose to connect to the internet without a computer?" he said "I know that they just install the line and the internet will work" i replied "are you kidding with me!??" he replied "No i am talking seriously how dare you talk to me like that i demand to talk with the supervisor!!?" i then transfered hin to the supervisor and the supervisor was very busy because there was a long queue in the line when the supervisor replied the customer said very proudly "My Internet is not working i dont have a computer i demand someone to come and fix my problem" the supervisor replied quickly and said "Sir do you have a microwave?" customer said "Yes!" then the supervisor replied "Please keep the modem next to the microwaveand the internet will work within half an hour" the customer thanked the supervisor and didnt call again!![By: alsolh / 2007-01-03]
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Anyone else seen that commercial with the blond buxom barmaid? "I so totally don't know what that is, but I WANT IT." (As in "dat dere interweb thingy!") -Captain Trips
Ok, that wins for the stupidest fkin thing I've ever heard. My month is complete, I can now go home. -FixitWench
Captain, that would be Jessica Simpson and I think she was talking about some kind of HDTV programming. -halitech
My favorite tech story I ever submitted involved a man, his cable modem and the ability to make his cable go faster...nuff said. -persephone
Oh, THAT'S Jessica Simpson? Cute, but dumb. (Why do so many think that's what men want? Me, I'd rather have cute but smart! Like the gal I married.) -Captain Trips
Hells bells, guys. Cute is nice for a roll in the hay, but you gotta have smart to come home to. Else at the end of the day you'll be gritting your teeth, "Oh, jeez, I gotta go home and fix the dozen things she's screwed up today." Like your credit rating. And you gotta take the long view, too: cute fades, smart improves. Of course, if you can get both in one package, that's great... but no, you can't have Mrs. Chazz, she's _mine_! -chazz
"You cain't fix stupid!" </Ron White> -ManyHats
like the old saying goes, no matter how good looking s/he is, someone somewhere is tried of puting up with their crap. even looks and brains need to be tempered with a good disposition or you'll still end up fighting all the time over who's right and who's wrong. -halitech
You're lucky it wasn't P@r!s H!lt0n. It is said beauty X brains = constant (but the constant can vary). Personally I could think of better things to do than ride the village bicycle. -Wraith556
my old highschool theory was: well, if you don't have a bike the village one can be quite handy. -drachen
"She has vagina like wizard's sleeve." </Borat> -Wraith556
Correction from IMDB: "Her vagine hang like sleeve of wizard's robe." -Wraith556
ahh, ye olde' I'm stupid for OTIS, I need Steel Justice! -beatmewithstick
Wraith, by that formula (and applying my personal standards) we have Paris being about 10 times smarter than Stephen Hawking! (I think she's an ugly, overused skank. Her sister's a little better looking. Give me the classic and classy Sophia Loren look any day! Even when she's over 60!) -Captain Trips
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18.
The wonders of Express Delivery (NT/OT)
The company I work for supplies Software to Educators. In a conversation with one of the newer staff over in Accountingland, I was just told that a package was recieved by a bewildered customer who called in immediately upon delivery to discover where the contents should be sent. The confusion being caused by the fact that the order that was being fulfilled was shipped out 5 years ago! No wonder our education system is limping along in some areas with their graduates handling the deliveries in this way...@_@[By: ChildofCthulhu / 2007-01-03]
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never send anything by USPS unless you don't care about it. -drachen
Drachen: My experience leads me to believe that UPS is harder on packages than USPS. -chazz
I've received stuff through USPS where the envelope was torn almost enough that you could shake the contents out, soaking wet, and things that said "DO NOT FOLD" were bent, snapping any CD or other stuff inside. Basically, any labels on there, they do the opposite. I wonder if I put laxatives in an envelope and write: "DO NOT EAT"...
On the other hand, the deliveries I received through UPS are always in perfect condition, not a single scratch on the box or contents. I actually watched a few deliveries through the window. Most packages they will put down quickly and ring the bell, sometimes with a bit of a thud, but ones marked fragile, they put down carefully. -linuxmatt
'Brown makes brown', LM? Nah, save it for the SF. The first call: "ZOMG!! FREE Ground shipping!!" The last call... "Where the fcuk is my..." "You chose Brown Ground, we didn't make you. You need to call 1-866-UMADE-BROWN, and next time, read the TOS. Buh-bye!!" -MadJack
If ya got the money, FedEx beats 'em all. -Stryker One
I've had stuff through USPS - never had a problem. showed up perfectly. on the other hand - i've had things shipped using UPS.. and of all of them 2 have actually been delivered to me. everything else either never showed up, was sent to their depo as THEY never showed up. or was shipped back to the place i bought it from after ups never bother to come anywere near my place. -Harm
The fedex guy... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5TwvwbAOLM -Dr Jerkyl
With regard to the first two comments - actually I've had worse difficulties with the Royal Canadian Post Office breaking things. I've sent items to the Netherlands, England, Hong Kong, Japan, Australia and the only national post office that f*rked things up was Canada. France can be slow sometimes, especially whent he customs inspectors are on strike. If you want to talk slow though, USPS can be. My parents tax return once took 42 days o go from Muscatine, IA to Davenport, IA by mail and it could be walked there in about three days. -MSimmons777
There was recently a case where they found a container load of mail in Finland, or somewhere, that was sent from Russia . . . . in 1990. -robbor
I've had at least two letters and one parcel lost through USPS. Consequently, I've been using UPS a lot lately. I know they're not perfect either, but I really feel burnt by the alternative. -linkv
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19.
Linux Internet vs Windows Internet
I'm sitting at the last of a long line-up of obligatory Christmas family reunions, when one of my uncles comes up to me and starts talking about computers.
IMPORTANT BACKGROUND: my family is relatively ‘tech-tarded’.
ON WITH THE STORY:
Anyways, he starts asking me about this wonderful "Linux" thing he's heard so much about.
"Is it true that it's free" he asks.
"Yes." I answer.
"I hear that you can't really use Windows stuff on it, is this true?" he continues.
"Yes, but you can often get similar software that will run on Linux." I answer.
"I see. Huh. Well, right now I'm running Windows, and I'm having to pay forty-five bucks a month for my internet..."
***WAIT FOR IT***
"...so if I switch to Linux…”
***HERE IT COMES***
“…I wouldn’t have to pay so much for my internet, right?"
***SIGH***
Long story short, my uncle is going to stick with Windows for now.
[By: EtherRabbit / 2007-01-03]
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You just turned my frown upside down. -Thanks -ThinTheHerd
"If I build my own car I won't have to pay for petrol?" -Wraith556
"that depends, on whether you are charged for bandwidth use, and if so on whether or not you can actually use linux enough to connect to the internet." I know, it's damn easy for US to get online with linux but I'm talking about one of THEM! -drachen
Welcome to TSC. It sounds like you'll fit right in with the other inmates. ;-) -concept14
Drop them down to a cheap ~$10/mo. dial-up account and have them use Lynx. -deskmonkey
Depends if he wants to spend some time 'tinkering' with the neighbours wifi using Linux! thanks for that post :) -gwendes
How do you connect a rabbit the ethernet? Wouldn't it be painful for the rabbit? Just a thought... -TheMacOne
"Besides, it would take a superman to get him out of there, not the kind of weed who blubs just because somebody gives him a slice of rabbit pie instead of birthday cake!" -illiterate
You catch an EtherRabbit with an EtherNet... -cicero
How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.
-robbor
How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way. -robbor
lol...with all the 'rabbit' jokes, I'm starting to think that robbor and rabbitt are the same person. -EtherRabbit
EtherRabbit - keep saying stuff like that & you'll have a "Warren" your hands! <Off to the PunLART shelter I go!> -lineswine
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20.
(OT/NT) Cricket
After two days of heavy rain in Sydney (not that it was unappreciated) I now believe that the game of cricket is an ancient Celtic rain-making ceremony when practiced by the high wizards. And when did the Sydney Test start? Two days ago! As for my other thoughts on cricket, it is the only game that can not only be watched but also followed while in a state of narcolepsy. As for the scoring, I'm certain that there are PHD thesis' on the mathematics of cricket to explain how the game is scored. But I've never been able to watch the game after seeing the Goodies parody of cricket. I believe Americans call the game "Baseball on Valium" and wonder how a five-day game can end in a draw.[By: Wraith556 / 2007-01-03]
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oh my god those games can last 5 days? oh fark that.../me invents time machine to go back in time and kill who ever invented cricket. -drachen
Oh dear, scoring too difficult for you? Would you like a chick to explain it? -K1W1
Bah cricket. Around here we are just now finally getting to see this past season's V8 Supercars races from downunda. -Jay911
Earth "Cricket" is an insult to Brockian Ultra-Cricket http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brockian_Ultra-Cricket -Divinar
... and apperently a throw back to one of the bloodiest wars in universal history THE KRIKKIT wars!... we just named a game after it as we're obliviouse. -Harm
.. now bow your heads in payment.... -Harm
5 days? Draw? As an England cricket fan, that's just a ridiculous concept. We've usually lost well before the end of the 3rd day! 5 days? Draw? I wish... -Criptonite
Cricket is the sport that only a 'select few' countries are allowed to play, let alone understand. :) It is a national pastime here.
Criponite - It's nice to know that you're used to losing to Australia. ;) -TheMacOne
More boring than golf? Bowling? Please tell that, like those two games, at least it's somewhat entertaining to *play* the game, even if it's coma-inducing to watch. So, anyone up for a good American Football vs European Football or NFL vs Rugby debate? :D Just kidding, of course. -missourimule
i like krikkit - the planet AND the robots. WOOP. -timelady
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