Tech Stories Archives - February 2007
Talk to it!
For some reason, I have been selected as the Vista Guru in our support Team. No, we haven't had a single Vista call, yet, but we are bracing ourselves. So far we have Vista installed on one of our Lab machines, and I've been training myself to train the others.
Anyhow, today has been quite a slow day, so I've really had time to dig around in Vista and test various bells and whisles - including the speech recognization bit. Not impressed on that, takes a lot of training, understands only English.
But then it hit me: if the speech recognization modul ever will work with any of the local languages, we'll get one day a call like this:
Tech: "OK, please type..."
Starfish: "Look, I talk to my computer - can't I just but the phone by the computer's microphone so that you talk to it?"
Ohhhh....[By: NordicPT / 2007-02-01]
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Fear the future. -CaffeineHead
FORMAT-SEE-COLON-ENTER!</Old Joke> -ShujinTribble
Talk dirty to it, give it a stiffy... uh, oh, BLUE SCREEN!! -vacuumtubes
Take it to another level. Get the *fish to call in and get a bot that has options on what is wrong and they hit the option for the tech steps to be played for the computer and we do not have to get the call. -Z0nker
Shujin - thats already in the news! http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/6320865.stm -Darkstar2
Just wait until the computer starts talking BACK! They put the tech support guy on the phone to talk to the computer, and the computer says "PLEASE! HELP ME! SAVE ME FROM THIS MORON!" -EagleEye
hello computer </scotty> -3p0ch
http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20010320 and a few days forward. -Calydor
3poch, that was Spock, not Scotty. -Calydor
Calydor, I think the original quote is correct. Scotty says hello computer, once to the computer, and when then shown the mouse hs says it again. -shrikkee
yeah, Scotty talking to a fruit.... er, Macintosh. -CyBear
"A keyboard, eh? How quaint." <obligatory> -chazz
It was SUPPOSED to be an Amiga... [ http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092007/trivia ] (Damned stupid C= Execs....] -ShujinTribble
3pock you forgot to speak into the mouse!!! -adarklite
and isn't it strange that a computer's speaker can give clear instructions but you can't? -adarklite
Just think... one day the computer will say, "I WANT A NEW MOUSE!!!!!!" <running for the LART shelter> -CelticSkyhawk
"Hi, I'm a Mac." "And I'm a PC." "Really? Start-shutdown-ok!" -Mango
there was an episode of this comic, http://www.hirezfox.com/km/co/index.html, where 3 people were trying to use voice-operated computers...but one person said "control", another said "Delaware", and a third said "alternate" at the same time-and all 3 computers rebooted! -Erictheblue
The wonders of FOS (KINDA OT)
So, I got Frankenputer runnin' nice (Check past-posts all about this poor beast)... And, yeah... it's running dual HD/Boot - IDE PM: MS-Win2k / SATA0: Ubuntu.... Me likes!
For you guys considering Ubuntu still... just freekin' TRY it! Granted it's taking a little getting used to Gnome instead of KDE (yeah, I know I could add it), but I figure, why not just try it 'out of the box'.
The problem I had under Mandriva was getting my nVidia-based GeForce 7600 GS OverClocked (BFG Tech - AGP 8x - 512mb) running right... not an issue. The support forums for Ubuntu were GREAT on that... Went from trying to play "Chromium" at maybe 3 fps before getting the nVidia drivers installed... 20 minutes later... more like 50 fps... NICE!
So, just to be a pain in the ass, I figure, I've got Audacity installed, how about a little fun....
Apparently the instructions on how to alter your voice to sound like a Dalek are REALLY easy. (SMIRK) Now I have to learn how to do a BORG voice too. (Actually, I was playing around with my responce to [ http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=63763 ] just for S-n-G's.)
So... anyone want a specialized RingTone for their mobile phone? Something that'll freak out the masses?
Oh, and in case anyone was wondering:
We checked out a 'local' pre-school... likely gunna do that by the end of the month
Nothin' say Mother Nature is a bitch like consistent -16C temps (Outside Buffalo, NY)
No, I'm not doin' ok... but that's expected.
No new word on the missing women... and I can share the pix I took if anyone wants to see.
Anyone know if Neil Armstrong is gunna be making any personal appearances? TT said she'd love to meet him... come to think of it, so would I.
[By: ShujinTribble / 2007-02-01]
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I tried Kubuntu when I was finalizing which distro of Linux I wanted to go with, and I hated the KDE desktop. I might try the new one to see if it's any better, plus if I ever start installing Linux on work PCs, KDE will probably be the way to go. Gnome just seems a lot less cluttered to me. -RiffRaff
I've never seen the Kubuntu version of KDE, so I'm not sure what it is like, but I compared the 2 in Debian and I liked KDE better. Then again, I have a cluttered lifestyle. ;) -ShiftedBeef
Thanks for the update, ST. Glad to hear you and TinyTribble are still hanging in there. Stay warm! -ManyHats
I've been using Xubuntu - Ubuntu with the XFCE desktop. Works nicely - desktop loads faster then gnome or kde ever have for me and most gnome and kde apps are quite at home in it. -pmillipede
For those who haven't tried it yet, Enlightenment is the way to go. I'm amazed that it runs on my PII, but it does. And well at that. -YourLastHope
And yes, that was my first post after stalking the board for 4 years. -YourLastHope
it took me a whiel to get used to gnome, and i was a heavily customised fvwm junky (minimalist black,no toolbars, permanent multiple aterms accessable). one tool i found helped is yakuake - despite being kde based, a keystroke gives me a drop down tabbed terminal tool. nice. oh, and feisty is looking speccy too. latest is when you click on multimedia files, it will suggest appropriate codecpkg to install, if needed:) oh and shujintribble, my youngest starts kindy middle of the year, i am in sniffle mode (mixed with mild cheering) already. stay warm you guys -and hugs, especially to the small princess:)))) -timelady
At -30 and below with windchill lately... HAH! :) I liked kubuntu better, will have to try the xubuntu, though. Maybe if I get a p3+ laptop or so. -namor
ARCHlinux for the win!!! -adarklite
There is evil afoot! (NT)
One of the helldesk staff I work with has a fried that works for See's Candies. The friend gets the reject candy that isn't shaped right or has some other flaw. Today he brought in some of that candy.
Not small bags but the gallon size freezer bags full of candy. He's got the molasses chips (yum), Dark buttercream, and Milk Bordeaux (my favorite). So far I've resisted going over and eating them but my resistance is weakening and I don't think I'll be able to hold out with out eating 1 or 2 handfuls of them.
[By: Starfury / 2007-02-01]
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Oh my. Oh my. Oh, do I miss See's California Brittle. We don't have See's in Chicago, and while Fannie Mae has some wonderful stuff, their toffee just isn't quite up to See's California Brittle. *sigh* -ManyHats
Heh, and I can't have ANY of that until after my gallbladder surgery tomorrow... -vacuumtubes
Resistance Is Useless. Your Teeth, As They Have Been, Are Now Rotten.</Who didn't see this one commin'?> -ShujinTribble
For those in the UK, I get the Hotel Chocolat box every month, and would cheerfully sell my granny to pay for the next box - if you're a chocoholic, check out www.chocs.co.uk for the nearest store.. or just get mail order. Diptera accepts no responsibility for huge weight gain caused by reading this comment. :) -Diptera
Sorry - only English chocolate place I will ever visit again is [ http://www.thorntons.co.uk/ ] -ShujinTribble
Hershey's or death! Seriously. I can't stand any other chocolate (bar). THe local market has 5oz. bars on sale all the time for 10 for $10. I (OK, my wife) stock(s) up (for me)! -Jeckler
I tried to resist...but have failed. I had ONE (so far) of the Milk Bordeux candies. I feel them calling...eat me...eat me.... -Starfury
Just grab and stuff, Star. Live for the moment. Come on, look at those bags...don't they look delicious? I can practically taste it right now.... </evil> -CaffeineHead
but - no one else enjoys those candies more then you. you HAVE to eat a few. c'mon. indulge. how offen do you have an opertunity such as this. ( way too good a playing the evil guy) -Harm
What's truly evil is living less than a mile downwind of the ghiradelli chocolate factory. Every night we can tell which variety they're making. -McSmiley
...they're ONLY WAY-farh theen! -ShujinTribble
The office is no place for a diet. -Stryker One
I have tried and failed to explain the wonderfulness that is See's candy. "So, it's like Godiva?" "Bite your tongue! Godiva has NOTHING on See's." IMO, the only thing on the East Cost that comes close is Wilbur's, located in Lancaster Cty, near Amish country. -AmazingKreskin
had a customer that recently upgraded from dial-up to DSL. Naturally he complains that his computer didn't go any faster and that his connection is just as slow. Then he tells me, "First off, don't blame it on my computer.. I have a Dell 4100. Let's just start there. It's a fast computer. . . " for those who don't want to look at the specs. . the base specs for this "fast" machine is as follows. . 800Mhz, 128MB Ram, 20GB hard drive, WinME. Then the customer tells me he recently upgraded to WinXP. I checked his memory and he only upgraded it to 256. I never wanted to transfer anyone to the dial tone department so bad in my life.[By: CaptRybo / 2007-02-01]
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Damn, that's better than the one I'm on now! I'm so envious! -ShiftedBeef
Even funnier: Is it Pentium/Athlon, or Celeron/Sempron (i.e. is there any cache RAM)? -Seamus
It amazes me how fast my old Celeron 633 with 256MB RAM can surf with Firefox on a 5 megabit connection, even running WinME. Granted, it can't play Youtube videos. -SFStrangler
Wow, I'm working on one of them now... -PTSTech
My PIII ~900 Mhz with 384MB Ram runs pretty damn well. It wont play new games that require 1ghz cpu and smokin vid cards but it runs better(or at least as good as) than alot of systems with P4s and 512MB ram(using general apps or surfing anyway). -MrJay67
<DA> for those commenting on how your relatively 'slower' machines work well... Uhhhh, yer TECHS, fer Pete's sake! I'd be worried if your machines DIDN'T run smoothly. -CTYankee
Good point CTY. My new Dell is a dual core 2 Ghz w 2 Gb of mem. It ran like a dog until I got into the guts of it. -MacDaddy
Oh yeah...and my 233 Mhz iMac runs OSX with 160 Mb RAM fast as hell too! -MacDaddy
Dumb and Angry
( Angry Fish with Flash drive, doesn't work on his PC)
Rob: Why doesn't it work. Make it work. Your so dumb! Just make it load!!!!!!
That Won't work! I want it on my computer! Not your computer! It's my drive for my PC!!!!!
Me: But your computer is on the network, so it'll be accessible from your computer
Rob: I want It on my computer! not the network! MY COMPUTER!!!!!!!!!
* walk down to IT office*
* Loading Drive, opening PowerPoint, saving to his PC*
Rob: Open it!! Open it!! I don't want to change it!! I just want it on my computer! your supposed to be the smart IT Guy!! OPEN IT!!!
ME: Just use a floppy next time, it was only 44KB...
Rob: Like this one?
ME: WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU JUST USE THAT INSTEAD?!?!?!
Rob: Hey, don't take it out of the drive! it'll break! you can't take it out while the computer is on, that's why its a floppy!* accidentally highlights page*
Rob: don't hit anything! if you hit delete or backspace, you'll delete the internet!!!!!!!!
Rob: I can't believe you, you almost made me delete the internet. And blow up of the computers, because they'll get confused and explode, when you take out the floppy and all of the other computers won't know what to do, and they'll explode! and you didn't fix my flash drive!!!! Now I'm gonna get fired becuase my presentation is gone! Great, Now the world has no computers, and the internet is gone, and all of the files fell out of my flash drive, because you held it upside down, with out the lid! You Dumb Smart guys!!!! [By: PeterGibons / 2007-02-01]
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Please tell me that was humor, and not reality. If that was reality, I feel bad for the people he works with. -Lokiz
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pakled Pakled -McSmiley
Oh no...you've found him...Judy Patch's brother... -RamenMcTavish
And the downside is? -concept14
I hope you smacked him hard before you left. -robbor
i am rob from the story.
the floppy guy was another person named Tom. i dont own floppys because my comp doesn't have a floppy drive. the guy who thought hitting backspace with a webpage highlighted was Alex. he also thought that if you held a flash drive upside down, the files would fall out. i only did the thing with the flash drive. -bigstarfish
hi. im rob from the story and this is the real story:
i got to work late. i had to load a presentation. the boss told me i had to go quick and i said i wasn't sure if i could get it saved to the comp quick enough. the boss sent matt with me, saying that would make the computer go faster. when we got there, where were two people running in circles screaming. one was tom and one was alex.
Tom: i cant get the floppy out.
Matt: Push the button you retard.
Tom: wont that destroy the floppy?
Matt: no you retard. now whats wrong with you Alex.
Alex: i accidently highlighted a web page when i tried saving it to my flash drive. now im afraid i might delete the internet .
Alex: if i hit the delete button or backspace i will delete the internet.
Matt: no you wont!!!
Matt than saved the webpage to his flash drive and pulled it out. it than fell down and Alex started screaming: oh no! you deleted my files!
Alex: the files fell out!
It turns out he thought there were little file folders in the flash drive that the computer loads.
Than we saved the presentation to the computer, but i didn't want to make an individual file for it because we can get fired for it. matt wanted to though and i told him not to. instead just save it to the file where everyone else does.
that was what really happened. -bigstarfish
IF you want my help...
***formatting is going to suck since I'm not a star member yet, so please deal with it***
Preface: I need your undivided attention. That means that if you're: At Starbucks during rush hour, at the bar, eating, driving, running through the airport to catch a plane, at the supermarket, getting your oil changed, etc, etc... DON'T CALL TECH SUPPORT!
So this SF calls because previously during the past week or so, she was not able to authenticate on the VPN from a wireless location. (Note: 99% of these turds pronounce authentication as "autheniFucation") Fine, that's what I'm here for... anyway, the SF tells me that she cannot connect. The background noise was so loud that I was envisioning Pearl Harbor during WWII... people yelling, loud noises, crunching, etc.. I swear I heard someone yell "GET THE .50!!!" anyway, I ask her to login and read me the error message VERBATIM. She says, "O, I'm not at my computer, I'm out with some friends..." WHY are you calling tech support while you're out at a club? I swear that these people are mentally retarded and only hired because they are cute and can basically sell ice to an Eskimo.[By: lextalionis / 2007-02-01]
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When I called I *was* at my computer. I've been on hold for 3 hours, and got bored with your hold music...
why is "authentication" such a hard word for people? -illiterate
It was probably 'get the forty' and referred to a can of malt liquor. -TieDyedDinosaur
I once messed up 'confiscate' as 'confisticate' - and now have to think hard or I automatically pronounce it the wrong way. The mind is a bewildering thing (and look what's telling me that...) -namor
the customers are getting to me, i have to stop myself from saying "authentification" myself now. someone please save me! -razmann
Welcome to TSC and thanks for posting this authentific story. -concept14
I'm not in front of my computer. I'm on authentivacation. -FixitWench
...Uhhhhh, I'm confusimicated....<off to LART Shelter, with a song in my heart> -CTYankee
Don't Eskimos need ice????? -thatgirl
ALL WISH VT
Good luck on his Surgery tomorrow!!!!![By: beatmewithstick / 2007-02-01]
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All our best from up here in the frozen North, VT! I'm sure Riff will be keeping Otis active for you... -chazz
Hey VT, Surgery Karma on the way. Let us know how it turns out. I go in to have mine out on the 12th. -Crispy06
Er... cut a vein! (Break a leg?) -namor
I once had to get a tooth pulled that was going to come in sideways... thank god I was out like a light at the time. Best of luck VT! -Veinor
Dude! Use your Sharpie and write something witty on your stomache -ShujinTribble
ST - Hm. I almost wish I had surgery scheduled, so I could do that. The first thing that pops into mind is 'MEAT POPSICLE' but maybe that's tempting fate a bit *too* much... -namor
G'luck to ya VT. -FixitWench
Yes...best wishes for VT to become disconnected from the post-surgical tubes & his butt bounced back home for recovery ASAP! -Grue
[Ok... time to start the pool: How long after VT is discharged from the hospital before he eats wrong and.. uhm... 'discharges' in a most violent manor 'cause he didn't watch what he was eating / listen to the Dr.? I give him a week.] -ShujinTribble
If you do write with a sharpie, write that they are supposed to remove your gallbladder . . . to be sure they do the right surgery . . . (I'll take 8 days, ST).
Anen. And, VT... don't forget to hit on the hot nurses when Mrs. VT isn't around! A great pastime for recovery (trust me, it worked great when I had my appendix out at 18...) -MadJack
I already make Superbrowns if I'm not careful, so I will be doing babysteps on my eating habits anyway. Visions of Valium and Vicodin to all of you, and thanx. -vacuumtubes
VT, may the surgery be quick, uneventful, successful, and may your recuperation be short and unstressful. May the only problem be tears of laughter from playing with your little one! -CTYankee
karmarsupials for VT, and all others facing upcoming surgeries!! -timelady
"Sir, if your camera cannot be repaired, then the next thing we can do for you is replace it."
"A camera of your choice, based upon the value you originally paid, in this case, $199."
"Well... what if my camera has gone UP in value since then...?!??!"
Buddy... it ain't an Elvis collector's plate, allright?[By: linkv / 2007-02-01]
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"If your camera has gone up in value, I recommend you sell it on eBay and use that money to buy a more expensive camera. Thank you for calling %camera_manufacturer, have a nice day! *click* idiot." -OgdenTechGuy
"You don't understand! I once took a picture with THIS camera of a guy that looked exactly like Prince William, except that he was black and had curly hair. Imagine the collector's value!" -TheGhost
Yeah, gone up in value and its broken..... is he a rocket scientent? -burrkiss
not really a story
More of a rant... Why is it that SF feel the need to digress into some wild tangent which has NOTHING to do with the question you asked them? For instance: I asked this last SF "by what means are you connecting to the internet, wired or wireless broadband"? Her response was "Well, ya see this morning I was at a Starbucks trying to connect to wireless and it said something about I can't come in. Then I went to Pannera Bread and it let me in.. now I'm at home and it says I can't do it again... and one time I was making a sandwich and this bitch on TV had the biggest ass, and I was like, OMG!! and I was at the hair salon today and... ME: HOW ARE YOU CONNECTED, WIRED OR WIRELESS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?![By: lextalionis / 2007-02-01]
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Funny, this sounds like a thinly-veiled rant at Juan Williams' "interview" with George Bush this past moinday.</1st Amendment Rights are GREAT!> -ShujinTribble
Onboard graphics chipsets
Why do distributors still USE the VIA/S3G UniChrome IGP? No pbuffering, 64Mb RAM, and crappy drivers...
I know it's cheap, but it doesn't justify having a PC with a 1.6Ghz (or higher) processor and 1.0Gb RAM if you've got such an outdated POS for graphics.
This still confuses me.[By: Seamus / 2007-02-01]
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Because - they go into machines running Windows. And after the fishies get through loading up Bonzai Buddy, WeatherBug, LimeWire, KaZaA, NIS, and McAfee - it doesn't matter WHAT video they have! -ralphp1024
I'm seeing a lot more mVidia-based onboard video chips these days. -OgdenTechGuy
The answer is directly in your rant- it's because they are cheap-cheap-cheap to manufacture. It will be interesting to see how this plays out now that Vista is on the market with its 128mb-graphics-memory requirement for the flashy interface. -BayouTech
Just as a note - the store I sometimes benchtech at is working on a "Vista Upgrade Package", consisting of a 128M GeForce 6200 (PCIe or AGP) and 2G of DDR or DDR2 RAM (2, 1G sticks). Plus Vista Basic Home Upgrade or OEM (offered either way). It'll be interesting to see how many takers they have. -ralphp1024
you do notebooks? -adarklite
I'm guessing that there are still people out there that use their computers for COMPUTING rather than for generating eye-candy. In which case, why waste money on a whiz-bang video-card that will never display anything more challenging than windows containing text and the occasional .jpg? -LoTech
Because not everyone are PC gamers requiring Dual 768MB SLI Video cards on their PC. High end gaming and video multimedia work is all that requires anything better than what comes onboard. Let's not forget all the standard corporate workstations. Why don't all cars come with GPS/DVD players and 22" rims? Because not everyone needs it and don't want to pay out the ass for stuff they don't need and will never use. The people who do want the high end stuff, can buy it after-market. -squatchie666
I'd have gotten the GPS in both my cars if it had been an option. But I hate 22" rims - heck, I like STEEL wheels with hubcaps. Alloy wheels don't survive the snow/ice/potholes. -Divinar
Fun with email and NAV
This actually happened a while ago, but it was so unbelievable that we still have guys like this around, I wrote it all down and have just now gotten around to posting. These guys drive me bonkers:
Second call of the day, I get one of those old guys who are hooked on ebay, stressing because he couldn't send an email message. Wanted to talk to whichever guy he had talked to before, but everyone else was busy so I asked if there was something I could do to help him.
After we determined that all of his settings were correct and the mail server was not down ("But it must be! It won't let me send an email!") I started digging a little deeper. It turned out he had Norton Internet Security - which, in the hands of the incompetent, can be a scary animal.
"Do you have scanning for outgoing mail enabled?" I innocently asked.
"Just a minute, little lady," he insists, immediately causing my hackles to rise, "Let me read you all of this 'cause you people need to know how to fix these problems."
"I've seen this problem before. I'm familiar with this issue. So please check: Do. You. Have. Outgoing. Mail. Scanning. Enabled." Please, god, just answer the question.
"Now this screen here has nothing about email... hmmm, now do I click on the Spam Filter? naw, says it's disabled. What about Personal Firewall... no that can't be it..."
"Sir," exaggerated patience dripping from my voice, "Could you please check your Norton Antivirus Options?" Please please please!!!
"Well, let's see... hmmm... are you SURE none of the guys are available? They've helped me with this before... I think I really need to talk to one of them. You know, I'm kind of a old-fashioned guy, so I'm not real comfortable with ladies doing jobs that men should be doing. I just don't believe you're gonna be able to help me with this."
With this observation, my attitude dropped several degrees in friendliness - and it was already bordering on dangerously witchy.
"Norton. Antivirus. Click it. Open it." NOW before I crawl through the phone and strangle you!
"Oh here it is, Norton Antivirus. Are you sure this is where I need to go? I'm pretty sure I did something else the last time...." And he drones on. And on. And on.
I've stopped listening to him, just waiting for the magic word "OPTIONS", since, once more, he is reading the entire screen out loud to me. Because I 'need to learn these things'.
FINALLY, I hear "OPTIONS" and I frantically scream, "That's it!! CLICK IT NOW!"
"Are you sure? .... Hmmm, here now, it says something about email..." No kidding bozo, we'd have been here 20 minutes ago if you would just shut your trap and follow directions. "Well, now, I'm beginning to wonder if maybe you might know almost as much as those boys in the internet department. Not quite! But - and I want you to take this as a compliment - you're probably nearly as smart as they are."
Not worth the comment. Yet. Since I am more than ready to get off the phone with this anachronism of an ignorant moron. "Click email. Remove the check on 'scan outgoing messages'. Click OK."
I'm speaking in a monotone now, completely frosty, through gritted teeth, waiting for the chance to knock the dude on his fanny. It's going to take a while because he continues to read - EVERY - FREAKING - THING - that pops up on the screen. And ask questions for which he will not wait for the answer. And still treating me like the "little lady" - one who is probably the epitome of a dumb blonde.
AT LONG LAST, we get back to the email issue, get his email sent, and I'm ready to sign off, when he "compliments" me again.
"I'm still not comfortable with a lady doing a man's job, but I reckon you got me fixed up this time. I do believe you might be every bit as smart as those guys I talked to before."
"You know, that's interesting you should say that." Twice. "Because it just so happens that I trained every guy in the internet department who works on the phones. I created - created - the manuals they use for reference. And, if they ever put you on hold and say, 'Let me just check on that', you know who they are asking? Me. I'm not 'almost as smart' as any of them. I'm smarter. And you'll forgive me, I'm sure, if I don't take it as a compliment. Have a good day." *click*
He called back later for some other unrelated issue - and got one of the guys. Who afterwards laughed out loud at the notes I had left on his account while I was waiting for him to do as I asked:
more problems with outlook express. Reading everything out loud. Please kill me now. Outgoing messages are being scanned. Removed check. DON'T TELL NORTON TO FIX. Reading all messages out loud to me. Been on the phone for 30 minutes and he won't listen to me because I'm a girl. Yippee. Dear heaven he is now reading his spam messages to me.
Well, I had to do SOMETHING to entertain myself. Heaven help me if we ever start sending a copy of the notes to the customer. [By: MamaTech / 2007-02-02]
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Thanks for the story, good laugh, honey. Lart shelter here I come! -Stryker One
Glad you told the ass that you trained all the guys there. I'm laughing. We can't know anything cuz we're "girls". One of the pitfalls of being a female in tech, eh? -FixitWench
I'm not a woman and I can almost hear him wearing a string bow-tie and sipping a mint julep... what - an - ASS. -ShujinTribble
Personally, there's nothing sexier than a woman training me. With a whip. While wearing leather. And high heels. ummmmmmm........ 'scuse me while I ask Magenta to teach me how to........... *YELP* Thank you, Mistress, may I have another!?! -Magenta
Ummm. That was me, posting, obviously. ^^ -RiffRaff
I, for one, am hardly surprised that this breed of moron continues to exist. Like the occasional racists you encounter, these inbred yokels are still out there, and when they get MamaT on the phone, they deserve the smackdown they get! Good on MamaT! -CaffeineHead
Now that I'm doing the industrial automation stuff I get to talk to lots of guys who are totally unprepared to talk to a woman--but so far they've all been well-behaved. So far. -pixel
Grade A First Class LART on a no-class LUSER! -kman52000
You're not just a gentlewoman, you're a gentle woman. I'd have commented on how incompetent he is that he can't even follow directions, and that if he were smart enough to fix it he wouldn't be CALLING now, would he? But then, I'm an evil bastard, and Irish besides (re Irish - definition - An Irishman is a person who can tell you to Go To Hell and still have you looking forward to the trip) -CTYankee
Always stuns me to hear that sort of misogynist still exists. Our mail administrator / Queen of All Things Lotus is of the female persuasion, and we bow before her expertise in her field. Mostly because she'd heavily wound us if we didn't, of course.. -Diptera
"Sir, please turn your PC off, pack it up along with everything that it came with, send it back to the distributor. I will be at your home shortly to EAT YOUR MUTHAFUCKN' FACEMEATS!!!" -Seamus
Grade A First Class LART on a no-class LUSER! -kman52000
MamaTech: serious class. Serious. Congratulations on getting through that without ripping him a new one... although it might have done him some good. NightSteel: my favorite QoW strip... I particularly like how, when she's being all girly-girl she has cleavage, and when she's being herself, she doesn't. I can't say how sorry I was to see that strip end. -chazz
Rock on Mamma! And I duly apologize for our southern gentleman. Went through the same thing in shop class. Had to tell them the only thing they could do that I could'nt was pee standing up and I don't touch trash like that anyway. Then I passed my welding test in heels. -thatgirl
6/5 thumbs up! You have LARTed, for greater justice. This whole "gender"issue is so NOT an issue - you've just proven that if you can do the job, who gives a fsck about gender? -TheMacOne
It's Groundhog day... [NT/OT]
The Prognosticator of Prognosticators, Punxsutawney Phil, has spoken:
From the official site: http://www.groundhog.org
Phil's official forecast as read 2/2/07 at 7:28 a.m. at Gobbler's Knob:
El Nino has caused high winds, heavy snow, ice and freezing temperatures in the west.
Here in the East with much mild winter weather we have been blessed.
Global warming has caused a great debate. This mild winter makes it seem just great.
On this Groundhog Day we think of one thing. Will we have winter or will we have spring?
On Gobbler's Knob I see no shadow today. I predict that early spring is on the way.
/ 2007-02-02 ]
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(SMIRK!) "Gobbler's Knob" -ShujinTribble
Aye, we've definitely got some...odd town names in PA. -meros
meros, I was driving through several years ago, and noticed to fun towns right next to each other on the map...Cherrytown and Shy Beaver. Must have needed some town names to balance out Intercourse. -JTSBrown
You know, the calender date for the First Day of spring is about 6 weeks from Groundhog's day. That Phil is a scheister. -beerman
Then there's Blue Ball, followed by Virginville, Intercourse (already in the list), High Point, and Climax all in PA. A few others are Wankers Corner, OR,
Rough and Ready, CA, and Hooker, OK. -MSimmons777
That's the good news. The bad news is that Bill Murray has to die 53 more times to make it happen! -ActingUpAgain
you should post this again, see if anyone notices. -Quchant
Quchant - already has been reposted six times... didn't you notice? ;) -Diptera
y'all missed Bird-In-Hand. Interestingly enough it's quite close to Blue Ball. -meros
Big Bone Lick, Kentucky -RadWaste
There's also Boring, OR about 10 miles from here. -Grembo
Dildo, Come-by-Chance, Conception Bay, all in Newfoundland... -chazz
My sister lived in Shongaloo, La. Some one asked if I was making that up. -thatgirl
Gnaw Bone, Indiana. -vacuumtubes
Hustler, WI, home of the Hooter Bowl. -redevil34
My friend and I were heading out to sign up for a poker tournament, when a good customer of mine called and asked if I could stop by and pick up a laptop belonging to a friend of hers for diagnosis. I told her that we were busy, but that we'd stop by in an hour or so...
My friend and I went about registering for the tourney, and swung by the customer's apartment building on the way back. I hit the buzzer, and when they responded, my buddy said, "Pizza guy", just for giggles. The customer responded with, "Do you want us to come down, or will you come up?". I was taken aback by this, thinking the customer has a great sense of humour, and is a great ad-libber. My undaunted buddy said that we'd bring the pie up to their apartment. The customer proceeded to buzz us in.
As we were getting on the elevator, I couldn't help but wonder if, by an amazing stroke of coincidence, the customer had actually ordered a pizza, and her response was genuine, and not funny. As the elevator doors closed, I saw a small car stop in the "unloading only" zone out front of the apartment complex door.
I voiced all of this to my pseudo-pizza-delivery-buddy, and we had a thigh-slapping good time on the ride up to the customer's floor. I even went so far as to give a play-by-play of the scenario unfolding. " Delivery guy is getting out of the car; opening back door; removing pizza; closing door; coming in lobby; buzzing customer; greeted by confusion". As we approached the top floor, my verbal play by play was reaching its' end. We step off the lift, to the sound of customer's phone ringing. We burst out laughing, realising that my play-by-play was dead-bang on, and they had indeed ordered a pie.
We got inside her apartment, told her all about our silly little escapade, and we all had another good laugh. We were still chuckling about it when the real pizza dude came to the door.
In his outstreched arms was not a pizza, but the laptop I came for.[By: ThinTheHerd / 2007-02-02]
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Did it have pepperoni on it? -TieDyedDinosaur
Land shark? -McSmiley
Working helldesk can be hazardous to your health.
Why? Currently half of the helldesk staff are sneezing and/or coughing. I do not want or need to get sick. It's times like this I'm glad that my cube is in the far corner. I will also be washing my hands more than usual to do my best to avoid the plague that seems to be going around.
[By: Starfury / 2007-02-02]
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I had a flu shot this year, for the first time in my life. When I quit the Jobs, the whole contact center was sick, except for me & the other tech who had the shot. Just the two of us, out of 280 or so. I'm sold on it now. But (damn you, Murphy!) now I'm sure to fall ill. -ThinTheHerd
And exactly why I keep hand sanitizer with me at all times. Small one in my bag, pump bottle of it on my desk. -FixitWench
I had one this season - first since the year I retired from the Air Force. People around here are getting sick with "a cold" and then DYING - forget that! -PTSTech
PTST: Captain Tripps, maybe? -Dante668
I'm lucky to have a robust immune system. Once I've got used to "the local set of bugs" after moving somewhere, I very rarely get ill enough to matter. Now, if I could only do something about my permanent jetlag... -Chromatix
I'm generally pretty healthy, too, sadly. That said, a few weeks ago I missed a couple of days because I was vomiting too hard to come in. That's unheard of for me. I generally just let the germs come. that's kind of the idea behind a shot, anyway, isn't it? -namor
Andromeda Strain? -thatgirl
New years Plague. -Harm
Do you notice that nearly all of the first-wave sick people are those with children in either childcare or junior school? -Wraith556
Would you buy a car from this SF?
Me: "Thank you for calling <>, this is MadJack, may I have your first & last name, please?" SF: "My name is <>, I have an invoice # for you..." Me: "What would your invoice # be please?" SF: "<Name...>" [By: MadJack / 2007-02-02]
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<D.A.> His name was "Juan Andres Sventy-Ford" </D.A.> <Takes off to the LART shelter while they're trying to figure it out> -TheGhost
how to translate you're screwed
...in yiddish, german and cuban? i just got told today that i'm the programmer for a 200fixture ceiling that's supposed to be finished on tues - heheh, aint gonna happen folks.
even if all they want are basic sunset/sunrise scripts, i still have to map out the room and input the serial numbers of each fixture so i can address them. the lights are up and they don't have the numbers for me, this means they have to take each light out of the cove one by one so i can input the s/n. then i can assign the lights to their groups, write the scripts and debug each program. all this without leaving the house, i'm already sick and i'm not supposed to stress my system any further. as it stands, they'll be lucky to get this by next tuesday.[By: omegawolf / 2007-02-02]
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network connected lighting? Just one more piece of crap to fix in our domain... -srteach
"Hello, tech support? All my lights are flashing..." <I'll, um, be in the lart shelter> -ManyHats
Is it microsoft powered? I wanna see a "Blue Dancefloor of Death". -Darkridr
There are *four* lights!
Now there's NO lights. -ShujinTribble
OH! Wait.. now there's five lights... no, four.. now seven... now none..... Now they all spell out, "All Skate". -ShujinTribble
According to my german obsessed co-worker it's "du bist am arsch!" in german. As for Yiddish (and isn't it Spanish they speak in Cuba?) you're on your own. -wolfman
Japanese= Dekinai! (deck-e-na-e) -Servano
"You're screwed" in Cuban? "Muerte a Fidel!" There. Just say that in Cuba and you're screwed. -TheGhost
*cough* DMX *cough*? -lineswine
a sign of the apocalypse
ok, i just had a caller on the phone with problems connecting to the internet, internal modem, so he couldn't powercycle, so i had him reboot. after rebooting it started working again, so i was about to hang up when he actually apologized for not thinking of restarting before he called! i'm shocked. i'm amazed. i'm afraid, is the end of the world near?[By: razmann / 2007-02-02]
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Watch out for flying pigs! -TieDyedDinosaur
I just had that also -- user complained that she couldn't email, I found she had 1.8Gb of deleted mail, cleaned out the deleted folder and she was good to go again. She said, "Duh! Why didn't I think of that?" and apologized... Now granted, I know she's not a starfish, but still... twice is coincidence... -chazz
I think I hear the faint sound of four distant horses at full gallop -deskmonkey
Honey! The cows are home! -CyBear
LEONARD BIERNSTEIN! -ShujinTribble
huh.. no horses -- but i see this really hot redhead on a Bike.. with a rather nice Blade.. umm.. i'm not sure if i should be fearfull, lossing it completly, turned on, in love or horrified . i chose turned on. -Harm
And those 4 distant horses are Pestilence Pony, Famine Pony, War Pony and DEATH PONY. -wolfman
"Aww, the poor thing can't hear us." -Harm
Wolfman, I thought Death pony was the fifth horsey (eg) -MadJack
As I type this, a stupid whore is STILL calling my cell phone. She has called at 430 432 434 and now 436. I refuse to pick up. I called her at 200, and left her a message stating "Since you are not home for the scheduled trouble call, you will need to call customer service and resched at 1-800-EAT-MY-ASS"
She just called again, but I have the phone on vibrate and is now down my pants. Keep calling me bitch, I'm almost there.[By: burrkiss
/ 2007-02-02 ]
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Tea. Over. Monitor. Burrkiss, you filthy bastard, I adore you! -CommanderData
How did she get your cell phone number? -Divinar
I'm leaving the office in a few minutes, and it looks like I'm going home with a smile on my face (despite my day). Thank you, Burrkiss! -ManyHats
Obviously you 'serviced' her way too nicely the last time! -TieDyedDinosaur
And without her knowledge, now she's servicing you.
Divinar, she probably has caller ID. -NightSteel
I forgot to *67 her. -burrkiss
Thanks, Burrkiss, you just made me recall that 'Freakazoid' episode... -MadJack
Burrkiss, that's disturbing </tight-assed weenie imitation>. CD, glad to see a lightness in your messages! -CTYankee
Soooo... CD just Tea bukakke'd her monitor? -ShujinTribble
Burrkiss caused a monitor to be tea baged? While a customer was inadvertedly getting him off. wow. AWSOME! you . are . a . GOD! -Harm
ROTFLMMFAO@Burrkiss, only you would think to put that vibrating cell phone down your pants.. too funny man... -THETECHFROMHELL
http://mysite.verizon.net/vzepn7va/img/page_content/humor/pager.gif Oh, yeah, and then there's that new A11tel commercial... -redevil34
You Magnificent Bastard. -AmazingKreskin
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