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Tech Stories Archives - April 2007
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1.
Need a prescription for Valium...
I don't know what it is about the calls tonight. But I've been getting calls where the fishies think they are too good for any type of protection for their computer. And they blame us for their deficiencies. /eye twitch/ Maybe its time to trot out the heavy guns. I mean if I pull up your session table and its showing that you have 1013 out of 1024 sessions in use then its not YOUR FRIGGING SERVICE. Its the fact that you have failed to follow the TOS and protect your computer and are now one of the whores of the internet. /eye twitch/ Now anyone have any spare valium? My medical plan doesn't cover more than one a day.....[By: adarklite / 2007-04-01]
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hmm after returning from mine smoke break.. moons lookin pretty damned full to me. id lay blame there. or (flipflipfdlip) Ionisation of solar flare matiriel in the earths atmostphere, causing displaced electrons to converge on high power consumtion devices. Soplution.. maintain the electrol flow whiole submersing yourself and the affected device in a full bath tub. - Harm
Full moon hits Monday. We're 98% there as of Sunday morning. -clockkingfl
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2.
Tin Foil armour has arrived
I want one of these.
http://www.worldofwarcraft.com/info/items/tinfoilhat.xml[By: DataSolutions
/ 2007-04-01 ]
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Ah, finally, something to keep the government/aliens from reading my characters mind while gaming! -EtherRabbit
http://people.csail.mit.edu/rahimi/helmet/ -Belgarath
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3.
Why I hate Vista.
I love the excuse I keep hearing. "You just hate Vista because it's COOL to hate Vista". I keep laughing at it.
http://seamus-moonfire.blogspot.com/[By: Seamus / 2007-04-01]
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Wow!!! I mean wow!! -adarklite
Fuckin' A. -RiffRaff
ROFL...nice real nice. (although I thought XP could run on as little as 64MB) -EtherRabbit
ER, it can, but only barely. At 256, it actually sort of works out okay, especially if the Startup list is clear. -Seamus
I just wish you could turn off half the background proceses like you used to be able to in 98, until only Explorer was running. Now, along w/ your startup, it's half dozen 'Svchost.exe's and other strings that if you terminate them... REBOOT! -MadJack
ROFL @ Seamus. That's true. Then again, XP 'barely works' with 2 gigs! :P -EtherRabbit
Plus Ca Change. Vista doesn't do too well on 2Gb either! :) -Seamus
XP runs fine for me (PIII 866mhz 128mb RAM) -cicero
For a relatively restrictive interpretation of "fine". Actually, truth to tell, I had a machine that would run XP reasonably well on a 266. Wouldn't do much more than that, but it would do XP. But one of the things I do is clean older machines for charity, and for 800MHz and less I generally recommend W2K or earlier. -chazz
Funny how XP seems to run slower on 256 than on 128... -MadJack
Was I the only one to notice all of the glaring technical mistakes/omissions that he made? He says Win98/ME is FAT32 (true), and WinXP/2000 are NTFS (true, but they can also run on FAT32), and Vista is neither? (When in fact it's NTFS). His directory structure is also messed up... last I checked the Docs and Settings folders in 2k and XP were in the root folder, not the user profiles.. </nitpick off> -Bynar
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6.
Arpil Fool from Gmail (link)
http://mail.google.com/mail/help/paper/more.html[By: concept14 / 2007-04-01]
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I especially like the part about the ads being printed on the back :P -EtherRabbit
And the soybean sputum... yum. -evolvedstarfish
oh my, I needed that today. -thatgirl
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7.
Moron Magnet Monday
Monday morning and I yet again have the moron magnet wedged in my colon, new starter starting today in Luser office central I was told was sharing a workstation. Today "We need a new workstaion hes working in tother office" GRRRRR so I'll McGuiver a PC out of chewing Gum and Pubic hair shall I, then I get his manager in SF "can you come over here and look busy for 5 minutes, we dont want him to know we weren't prepared" Ok so now he wants a machine we don't have fast and for me to look busy wasting time OK. Then i go an install this mungrel of a machine mauling a monitor in place only to find it dosent work I'm ranting checking connections and this Luser pipes up "That monitor dosent work it broke ages ago" Oh FFS tell me when I'm mauling it across office. So sorry about the lengthly rant but I AM AN ANGRY MAN[By: r3tude / 2007-04-02]
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Look at the bright side - your day can't get much worse.<$Include Murphy-oh-yes-it-can.php> -ShujinTribble
WORSE!!! </Bill Cosby> -srteach
If you were in my area, I'd buy you a drink after the day's done. I have a feeling that I'm going to be buried in stupid today. -beerman
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8.
CSR salesman
My customer has 2 phone lines, 1 for fax + dialup and the other for home phone. Guess which one they setup broadband on. 2 lengthy phone calls to the helpdesk and a modem swap and they still didn't realise she is using the wrong phone line. So I picked up what the issue is and we called the helpdesk to see what could be done. 10 mins on the line trying to explain what the issue is before she passed the phone to me. I was almost rude but I decided to be a good tech and not annoy the CSR ( hey, I hang around here ..ok ?), so I let him finish his script then asked him what number is the broadband line on ? line "1111" was the reply, well sorry sez I it should be line "2222". I could see the lightbulb go on over his head when he realised what the issue is. This is where the shit started... My customer is a fishie, but she is not an ignorant fishie, she learns from mistakes. When she explained what problems she had and the calls she made - it became obvious that she had told the helpdesk a few times that there is 2 physical phone lines in the house and not once did they click on that. So now problem identified we need to get the broadband shifted. No freaking way did they want to do it without charging her a $99 fee. We bounced up the esclation ladder twice and eventually the twit said ok they go halfies, by this time my customer was a bit steamed so she accepted the deal, coz it was just going in circles. This is where it gets my goat....then the asshole had the audacity of trying to sell to her some other services they have. [By: CSurfer / 2007-04-02]
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Similar story here, churned a million+ $ building co. to a new ISP but they nomiated a PABX # instead of the standalone fax #... three weeks and a cancellation/new connection fee later and it works. -Bloke
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9.
Too much is never enough!
SFW - http://news.yahoo.com/comics/uclickcomics/20070402/cx_ga_uc/ga20070402[By: missourimule / 2007-04-02]
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i did that once 26 cups of coffee made with 4 teaspoons of nescafe instant and 7 sugars, god i was the most hyperactive, jittery, argumentative bastard ever. Normal days I add redbull too, lol -r3tude
}}}}}}}} I-bet-you-shake-like-that-due-to-a-caffeine-deficiency {{{{{{{{ -EtherRabbit
Ah, he has reached the state of caffeination I call, declaring one's self Cornholio -56Kdaytrader
In our kitchen right now we have an espresso machine and four, count 'em four just-washed cafieteres (French presses). Mmm, think I'll go make myself one now. -modeski
You realize that the darker the roast of the beans, the less caffeine there is in the coffee/espresso? Espresso beans are almost burnt, so its just concentrated, not highly caffeinated. -evolvedstarfish
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10.
Doing what shes told
Ok, we all know we would love users to actually do what it says on the screen, well this one did. She was installing some finance application and it wont install, went round she had 2 disks in the drive disc 1 and disc 2. She said it told her to do that, the message said "Please insert disc 2" so she did.[By: r3tude / 2007-04-02]
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But of course the obligatory question, to which I will take the bait and ask, is: "Where did she... ?" -MadJack
O.o -EtherRabbit
The old stacking the disks in the CDRom tray. I haven't had this one in a long while but I still remember. -Gunpe
But of course! It never told her to remove disk 1! -Captain Trips
I saw this once with the old 5 1/4" diskettes. Managed to keep a straight face until I got away from the dingbat and go into the next room, then I lost it! -Voz
I am TOTALLY guilty of that on numerous occasions. Especially on other people's computers. I have a CD I need to insert into a computer, and I'm doing too many things at once, and I eject the tray, put in the disc, and close the tray. Then I hear a painful sound and realize my mistake. One time, I jammed a DVD+-RW DL drive with a disc someone burned and forgot to take with them and an upgrade CD for the burner software. Belt-drive motor couldn't handle it, had to use a paperclip. Luckily, I didn't need to dismantle anything, and the important disk was not damaged. And I managed to do the same thing in my laptop a few times. Yeesh i'm an idiot
-linuxmatt
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13.
I hate Relay Calls
Let me say first, I feel very bad when I hear of someone with any type of disability. But I feel even worse for myself when I hear that I going to be taking a relay call. For those of you who have never had the horrible pain of a relay call, you are talking to an operator who then types your statements so that the caller can read it. But today, I had something new, a video relay call, in which the caller signs to the operator (and vice versa). Which, theoretically, would be fine, except that *both* the caller and the operator were the types that would just jump ahead and preform steps that would pooch the whole process. Throw in the fact that neither could remember exactly what they did to get to that point, and could never seem to tell me what window they were looking at. And as if that wasn't bad enough, they just called back. <Desk, apply directly to the forehead. Desk apply directly to the forehead.>[By: beerman / 2007-04-02]
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i had a new desk my forhead groove isn't worn in yet. -r3tude
Relay calls are never easy......Video relay calls are worse...The first relay call I ever had was a Video one.....my second week working in a call center....Its even worse when they have no idea what they are doing.... -tixarah
Customer says for you to fuck off, go ahead.... -vacuumtubes
You got a bad operator. All they are supposed to do is translate between the two of you; that's it. -RiffRaff
I agree with RiffRaff. Although relay calls are NO fun at all, the operator makes the difference. It's even better when you get one using VoIP and they are complaining that their internet isn't working. That's real fun to explain. Been there, done that. Take it slow, one sentence at a time. It may seem like the long way, but trust me, it isn't. Go ahead. -deskmonkey
NT/OT But... So I'm sittin around, not paying my bills, and the electric co. comes by to disconnect me. I get a courtesy knock on the door, only to be met by a tech who was deaf and dumb. He handed me a card that said so. After a couple of scribbles, there was no reprieve. Good 'on the Tech and the Company, that's a hell of a way to employ the disabled (sorry, otherly abled). -AngrySup
Did you get hooked back up, A.S., or are you posting from public library or friends computer? -MSimmons777
LMAO@vacuumtubes comment -THETECHFROMHELL
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14.
The Old Water In Basement Story
I worked in a call center for a bunch of years as a mind-numbed drone. I recall one time when the phone rang and I being the unsuspecting dolt
I was, answered it and lo and behold, there was a f**knugget on the other end. He was screaming at me that our company sucked, his connection
wasn't working, and that he was so important that we have to fix this right nowwwww! All of this before I can even finish my opening spiel. Ok, I have pretty much concluded that given his lack of anything even remotely close to basic courtesy, that he is not gonna be a happier camper when I get through
with him. How wrong I was because he sure as hell didn't need my help! After finally getting him to shut up long enough to start some troubleshooting, I ask him to get to the computer so we can do a basic powercycle of his system. Well cue the shouting and cussing again 'cuz he ain't going to do that 'cuz our company sucks, blah, blah, blah. Wasting more time with blathering idiot and ask him why he just doesn't work WITH me a bit so we can get this resolved for him. "I can't get to the computer" he angrily says
through clenched teeth that I can hear grinding away, "Because it's in the basement of my house". Are the stairs broken? Does your elevator only go up?! "Okayyyyyy and that means what exactly?", I ask. More gritted teeth and cussing. "Its been raining here pretty steady for the past couple of weeks and our basement is flooded and has several feet of water in it and my computer is swimming
with the fishes". <blink><blink> Wtf?! I couldn't believe what I had just heard this raving moron say so I asked him to repeat it. Sure enough, it came back the same. Call monitoring or not, I had enough of listening to Mr. Stupid. "Are you kidding me
here sir? Do you not grasp the concept of common sense? What part about a flooded basement do you not understand here sir? Think Titanic!! Drain the water, clean the mess up, take care of your household first, go buy yourself a new computer and then call us back!! Goodbye and have a nice day, you moron!!" <click> Sheesh! I just don't
get it sometimes how people can be so stupid about the frickin' bleedin' obvious.
[By: OldFatBaldMan / 2007-04-02]
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*golf clap* Very nice LART sir -Caboose447
*Applause* -Zimmerit
How did he know the connection wasn't working? Should have *Made* him test it. ZAP! -cicero
"OK, sir. The connection is fixed. Now, to prevent the connection from breaking again, you need to go start up your computer in the next three minutes..." -Voz
You guys in the call center did a raindance, didn't you! You changed the water, so you SUCK!!!
-Mushroom
Wow that is as bad as the people who call during power outages -novababy
Now that right there is some weapons-grade stupidity... -PTSTech
Reminds me of the Lady from North Carolina during the hurricanes that happened a few summers ago....It was in the middle of one of the big ones, and she was sitting in her trailer concerned that her Cable wasnt working....and yelling at me for it....My response "Ma'am, Id be a little less worried about your cable, and a little more worried about your trailer blowing away" -tixarah
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15.
Update on husband!
I've taken all the remaining karma and made some chili for everybody. The doc says that he simply has a case of bad migraines, and all the blood vessels in his head are completely normal. Yaaay! OK, not because of migraines, but because migraines beat the crap out of the other possible diagnosis.[By: 56Kdaytrader / 2007-04-02]
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Good to hear it! -BarmanVarn
YAY That's awesome to hear!
Make my Chili extra hot!! -Caboose447
Schweet!!! Glad he's ok... "ummmmmmmm... chili!" /homer Actually... chili sounds good... may just make me some tonight... -TechnoTherapist
That's great news! -Frazzled
Glad to hear it, dearheart. -Seamus
Awesome news! -FixitWench
Most excellent...in a rather painful sort of way. Continued days above the turf is a win, no matter HOW you look at it! -Grue
*Grabs a big-ass spoon to enjoy the karmic chili* That's great to hear that hubby's not *seriously* ill, though I'm sure the migranes are no fun. -SalParadise
Yes, extra hot chili, so you can fell the burn twice. Congrats on the migraines. -Stryker One
Wow - glad to hear the "good" news! There are a lot of migraine meds on the market and hopefully your hubby can find one that works for him. I thank God every day for Maxalt! I take one at the start of a migraine and 20 minutes later, all I have is a tiny manageable headache and I don't have to hide in a dark room for 2 days anymore. :-) -CathyV
Glad to hear the good news!! Hopefully they'll find a cure for migraines next?? ** adds lots of beans to the chili so's we can all be our own "noisemaker"-s** "Fer gossakes don't let CD at that chili!!" <sets countdown clock to Flatulence-geddon> -CTYankee
mmmm Chili </homer> -Starfury
SAAAWEEEEETTT!!!!! -HappyCrappy
Awesome! Migraines are appalling, but I'm glad that's what it is (compared to the alternatives). Yay a common manageable problem! -Mahal
yay! oh, is he being prescribed imigran(sp)? its a magic bullet for many (not all, sadly) sufferers here in oz. -timelady
In US it's known as Imitrex, works well on my migraines. We also have something called Relpax. I get sinus headaches as well, and you haven't had a bad headache until you've got a migraine and a sinus headache on top of each other. Makes one want to go to a dark quiet room with ice-pack and meds and die. -MSimmons777
Woo Hoo! Good on ya! -PTSTech
Oh, what a relief! Migraines are NOT fun, but are definitely treatable and better than the alternatives. -ManyHats
I get migraine too, and if the body is low on magnesium they can get worse. I also take an herb called feverfew daily to help keep them to a minimum. -THETECHFROMHELL
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16.
NT/OT Pollute by breathing? WTF...
Apparently CO2 and other "greenhouse" gases are now to be considered pollutants. If that is the case there are several hundred or so CO2 generators out there that I can neutralize and do the environment some good. http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=070402160408.i1mdzqip&show_article=1[By: adarklite / 2007-04-02]
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Excellent... we can kill all the starfishies and claim we were implementing the Supreme Court decision, since they suck up oxygen people who think really need, produce excess CO2, and also take up valuable space on the planet :) -elcapitane
Makes perfect sense to me. Excess CO2 is a pollutant. -thx1138
I thought for a second this was a belated April Fool's joke, but it seems it's real. I see they limited it to cars. What about those of us who are overweight? We exude more CO2 than the average person does. Does that mean the EPA will be mandating weight control programs??? -MSimmons777
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17.
Just when you thought...
fishie's had a limit. (SFW) http://news.yahoo.com/comics/uclickcomics/20070402/cx_zi_uc/zi20070402[By: missourimule / 2007-04-02]
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Imagine the size of the recycle bin. -concept14
Read the link now folks, that site has a two week limit and then it's dead. -MSimmons777
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19.
Can I speak to Your Manager??
So, I get this guy on the phone today telling me that $company told him to call us to set up a repair or get a replacement.....I explained that we do not do replacements and that we could set up a repair without a problem....I explained our repair precess....Customer then tells me that $Company told him that if we did a repair we would give him a loaner phone in the mean time ...My company NEVER gives out loaner phones....Explained this to customer, he says fine whatever...so then I ask whats wrong with the phone....and he says "Well sometimes it doesnt let me call and a bunch of other technical things"....I respond "Sir if theres more things wrong with it, I need to know, because the repair center needs to know"...so he adds 3 more things to the list, and gives me the "A bunch of more technical things" bs again.....again "Sir, I need to know EVERYTHING that is wrong with the phone, without knowing everything, my repair center cannot fix what is wrong with your phone.".....He then told me not to raise my voice at him, that if I wanted all the details we'd be here all night...His mother then grabbed the phone and asked for my supervisor......When my supervsior took the call and she told him that I was raising my voice at her son, he promptly responded "Well Ma'am I sit near her and never heard her raise her voice today"....haha...thats when I released the call...[By: tixarah / 2007-04-02]
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So his supervisor talked to your supervisor. -concept14
haha never thought about it that way -tixarah
"Mommy, this lady who can't be a tech because she's a she is being mean to me! -Captain Trips
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20.
VPN quesition
Anyone here happen work for ATT DSL department? Our users that have DSL at home with ATT are sudenly unable to access our VPN. we know its not our VPN because other companies (cable, verizon..etc) are able to access it. The only common link between all the users is they all have ATT DSL service. [By: neuman1812 / 2007-04-02]
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I know that I have problems with blocked ports with SBCGlobal DSL in San Jose, CA. -Divinar
I'm not what you're looking for, but can offer the following: I have DSL from SNET -> SBC -> ATT and have had no problem connecting to my company VPN. However, we do use customized Cisco VPN software. That's about as much as I can tell you without getting in trouble. -virtualchoirboy
I'm not what you're looking for either, but I have noticed an increase in ATT DSL customers unable to access company VPN and what we've usually ended up doing is putting their company computer in the DMZ of the modem/router combo issued by ATT. -purplelinguist
Comcast did this many years ago, claimed using VPN violated the TOS. -thx1138
Are you using a Linksys router by any chance? If so, go into that router's config, find the VPN passthrough section, Uncheck it, save the settings, then recheck it and save settings again. I know this becasue it happened to me last week. Spent over an HOUR trying to torubleshot the VPN, it was the frigging router! :0 -JoeLugian
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