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Tech Stories Archives - December 2007
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1.
so, so very true
http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/archive/images/dilbert2007113334130.gif
apologies if this has already been posted.[By: illiterate / 2007-12-01]
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Amen, brother. -Seamyst
Not quite true, I have a PC in now with a problem literally half a dozen techs have looked at and gone "Never, ever heard of that before" -LazyLemming
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3.
Amusing T-Shirts
Well, since it's a slow day on the front page, I figured I'd post this here instead of in the break room... Saw a t-shirt stand in a mall selling this.. very amused to say the least.. http://tinyurl.com/ysfakb ... Other tech-related designs found here... http://tinyurl.com/2ylzpz[By: exzyle2k / 2007-12-02]
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I love this one: http://www.tshirtmagic.com/stock.php?action=step3&DesignID=996245
- drachen
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4.
And our residents are smarter, too
While discussing the football games today someone brought up one of my legendary calls from the Helldesk.
Shortly after the Bucccaneers had won the Super Bowl a friend of mine and I decided to make any password reset requests be set to "gobucs". It met all the requirements, and usually people were swift enough to realize what it was and we would then tell them how to reset it to something they desired. Then came the call from the person in Oakland.
Me: The password is g-o-b-u-c-s. SF: g-r-d-m-t-x?
Me: No. G as in great. O as in outstanding. B as in Buccaneer. U as in unbelievable. C as in champion. S as in Super Bowl. SF: (gets it totally wrong four more times)
Me: Alright. What city do you live in? SF: Oakland.
Me: Uh huh. And do you have a football team there? SF: Yeah. The Raiders.
Me: And the Raiders, they played in that big game down in San Diego. What was that? SF: The Super Bowl?
Me: Right! And the team that kicked the hell out of the Raiders, who were they? The Tampa Bay... SF: Buccaneers?
Me: BINGO! Which is the team I've been a fan of for my entire life. That's why your password is now go Bucs! In order to change it... SF:
In the 13 months I was there after that she never did manage to get that password changed.[By: Colonel32 / 2007-12-02]
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What is a "super bowl"? I wouldn't have had a clue without the spellout - but I could have changed it on my own.... -Divinar
The Bucs winning the Super Bowl... I still believe that's one of the signs of the apocalypse... -TechieSidhe
TechieSidhe--no, you're thinking of the Cubs winning the World Series. -pixel
I still choose between "starfish" and "nugget" -vacuumtubes
Actually, it is a well known fact that hell will freeze before the Saints win the Super Bowl. -kman52000
it was easier just to become a bucs fan -stiffarm
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5.
us surgen general vs santa claus
NT/OT http://commonsenselogic.blogspot.com/2007/12/us-surgeon-general-says-santa-claus-is.html The U. S. Surgen general is saying that Santa Claus is a bad role model because he is to fat.[By: compbrat / 2007-12-03]
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Sigh, okay, can't take it anymore, gotta sing the ditty....."And it's S...T...F...U...or Otis gonna get thru to you...Fucknugget, Fucknugget....YAAAAAAAAAAAAY<TINK!!> -vacuumtubes
but it says nothing of how long he has lived! -gashach
Can't politicians and other easily offended people leave Christmas alone? I'm tired of all this PC crap going on. -cecil36
whoever grows up wanting to be santa past say 10 really needs more help than just a diet if thats the real reason they're fat. -r3tude
Man, that right there is a good example of what's wrong with the world. Who cares that he's fictional? Who cares that if he _were_ real, he'd be a guy that works year-round without pay just to bring joy to people. But he's fat, so eff him. I think that kind of sentiment makes the Surgeon General a bad role model. -veaudaux
The first south park Christmas special, did a pretty accurate rendition of what Christmas would be like if you took out all of the stuff that generally pissed people off. Needless to say it wasn't that great. -Phylok
Oh $deity what next, santa eating celery instead of cookies....Anyone see where this is going? Then he'll start exercising and eventually look like "famous person with 6pack abs that is a bad role model because they use drugs to enhance their muscles." -Olorin
I'm gonna walk off this motherfucker if they transform Santa into Jack LaLanne... -vacuumtubes
@ south park reference, now we'll have to watch interpretive dance at our kid's school plays? -TheDorkSide
Ok thats it, no more christmas. Its cancelled because of you dumbasses! Happy now? *mumbles about idiots and being PC* -FuriousGeorge
It's only a matter of time before PETA comes out against Santa's exploitation of fictional animals and FedEx and UPS file a class action against Santa for damaging their revenue. Maw, git mah scattergun, the lib'rals is runnin wild agin. -Learyban
To say nothing that the next thing will probably be some extremely rabid anti-smokers and their concerns that "The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath"... "Sniff sniff. Honey, do you smell second-hand smoke? Go down and tell Santa to put his pipe out right now, I don't care if he puts the whole family on the Permanent Naughty Plaque!" -MadJack
Oh, and veaudeaux: Remember that Bloom County strip where C. Everett Koop walks up to Opus and starts giving him a lecture: "Blah blah blah no motorcyclin', no smokin', and NO RED MEAT!" <SPLAT> "Ironically enough, the Surgeon General was done in by tofu and bean sprouts!" (Too bad I can't find that one) -MadJack
Why, oh Why is this a frickin issue? Santa can't be fat, Santa can't say "Ho HO HO" and kids can't play dodgeball. Pretty soon we will all be in padded cells so nobody can hurt us or our "feelings". Santa is a icon. Does it make it right, or not offend someone? No, but come on here. It's Santa! Just my 2cnts. -computerdoc
MJ: Yes, I love that one. Just like "Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway". Also, I'm amused you spelled my name in the correct psuedo-french even though I don't. Like the parents of kids with stupid names, I make the letters make whatever sound I want. -veaudaux
In response to the pussification of America, the north pole has issued the following: "San-ta Claus is gun-ning you down!" -Seamus
It's bad enough I had some guy on the street once tell me 'You have to lose weight' , while I was waiting for a friend outside a store. He was older so I just said "Thank you" as curtly as possible and moved on but if he looked more my age I'd have probably been prone to slug him. PC f$@#s, LEAVE THE SANTA ALONE! -Warrick
"His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow/And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow/The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth/And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath/He had a broad face and a little round belly/
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly." -- Clement C. Moore said it and I believe it. -Mushroom
Next thing you know, they're gonna tell mall Santas to stop buttfucking fat chicks in the dressingrooms. -Mushroom
"Blah blah blah no motorcyclin', no smokin', and NO RED MEAT!" <
No Worries, Santa eats Venison -Zoomer
What country is it that annouced they want to do away with Santa saying HO HO HO because some people might find it offensive? I wanna say Australia, but am unsure...... -Zimmerit
meh, this is a republican appointee waving something shiny to divert attention from things that deserve real outrage. orwell would be so proud. -stiffarm
Surely, a country that KEEPS electing a dumbass for a president, has a VERY unhealthy obsession with guns & just LOVES to be involved in conflicts (as long as they aren't home turf) has a fuck sight more to worry about than the weight of a fictional character. -lineswine
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6.
NT/OT - more PC Xmas twatwaffling
Think the US Surgeon General's comments on Santa being a bad role model because he's fat was bad? http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=71720 These twatwaffles in the UK are pissed off by Santa's red suit, freaking out over is being a symbol of "modern commercialism". No, really! They claim it will remind their pwecious snowflakes of Coca-Cola advertising. You can't make this shit up, people: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=495435&in_page_id=1770[By: SalParadise / 2007-12-03]
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Actually, if I remember right, it was Coca-Cola who went with red for their bottles/cans/labels in general because they wanted to be associated with Santa... Not to mention all of the times Coke has put some version of Santa on it's products, it's all bullocks. -exzyle2k
I reiterate what I said on the other comment. Cancel christmas until everybody stops with this PC bullcrap! It'll just be another day on the calender. Nobodies happy but then you all brought it on yourselfs! -FuriousGeorge
Umm... not to be pedantic, but... the image of Santa as a large, white-bearded man was actually _created_ by the Coca-Cola Company. before they did that, the only description we had was from "'Twas The Night Before Christmas", where he is described as "a jolly old elf". Representations of Santa before the Coca-Cola advertising agency created the new image were very often dressed in green. -chazz
What the fuck happened to people just ENJOYING THE HOLIDAYS, godammit! -Grayhawk
Chazz - you would be wrong. http://www.snopes.com/cokelore/santa.asp 'nuff said. -MrsQuadrinaro
Okay, I'm wrong... but from that same article: "All this isn't to say that Coca-Cola didn't have <I>anything</I> to do with cementing that image of Santa Claus in the public consciousness. The Santa image may have been standardized before Coca-Cola adopted it for their advertisements, but Coca-Cola had a great deal to do with establishing Santa Claus as a ubiquitous Christmas figure in America at a time when the holiday was still making the transition from a religious observance to a largely secular and highly commercial celebration." -chazz
I think we should forego this supposed Saint Claus and just bake a birthday cake for Jesus, although I think it would be a pain to put 2007 candles on it. -d4rkf1re
...but the cake is a lie.</Recovering Catholic> -ShujinTribble
I guess because of coca cola we now have both "sinterklaas" and santa claus in the netherlands. before we just had sinterklaas and apple juice. oh yes, and christmas trees. -supportrobot
Do you have lake trolls, too? Because.. I really like those. -veaudaux
Ok, why in the FUCK can't we just enjoy the Holiday, without the PC CRAP! *grumbles* The first year in a couple I can actually afford to be able to buy gifts under my own power.. that's soemthin' to celebrate! *grumbles* -Warrick
Well heck, what about the new "Harley-Davidson Santa" being pulled by some motorcycles? -kman52000
Thomas Nast created the visual in the first place, and Clement Moore gave the description, but it was Coca-Cola that put the familiar image that we think of into the collective conscience. However, there's not a damn thing "commercial" about portraying Santa as wearing a red suit. That's what he wears in some cultures! (Father Frost, Pere Noel, etc. wear green or brown.) But leave it to someone to fuck with... -Mushroom
i say it every year - ho ho hum. i am SO over xmas - but will move heaven and earth for my kids to have a warm and loving one. -timelady
Supportrobot>>> Yeah, I want to be a bad kid in the Netherlands and have Sinterklaas take me away to Spain for a year. And MrsQuadrinaro, in some of those pics you linked to, that fat bastard is SMOKING (and not is a good way). -Stryker One
well they couldn't exactly make Santa look like a cokehead, could they? -stiffarm
Bah Humbug! Coca Cola can shove their tooth-rotting sugar water up their collective arses. -lineswine
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7.
India Tech Support
I just got off a call with a Customer, 3 way with "$4_letter_computer_Manufacturer", The customer was referred to them by us, as her dialup modem has been coming up as not responding. The "Tech" who's name was "Edward", couldn't tell the customer how to reboot her Vista machine, (I butted in and explained to the customer), the "Tech" also took 45 minutes to reinstall a modem. That should be a 5 minute job!!! This supposed "Tech" had no idea what he was doing!!! I had to bite my tongue to NOT jump in every couple of minutes, and tell this fucktard how it should ACTUALLY be done....[By: Magog / 2007-12-03]
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So, just how do you say George in Hindi? -vacuumtubes
Vista on dial up... life truly doth sucketh for some
-HappyCrappy
Now if only it was a Diamond Winmodem. Then it would be a trifecta of suck. -Seamus
I hate Dell tech support almost as much as I hate Verizon DSL tech support. Vzn told a customer that their NIC card was bad, they come to one of my stores to get a diagnostic and new card installed. When I questioned him I suddenly realized that something was fishy. I plugged the system into our test network and viola! it worked like a charm. I did a quick check, nothing wrong with the system, but the vzn dsl software pack that comes with some of their modems (that does nothing more than popping up a window for login/password info) was not functional. I got his info, manually punched it into the system and away he went without spending more than the small cost of a tune up. He called back happy that it was working again. Of course, you know that the next time his system settings goes tits up, he's going to come running back to me screaming bloody murder.... And I will oblige him... -unrenowned
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8.
just one of those days...
argh. I am sorry. just had one of the worst days of the past years. in random order: one crying customer. one mechanic whose only skill was he has a drivers license. one guy who thought "I suppose so" was close enough as an answer. this was after he told me he could tell I had excellent analytics skills. one guy using bad language. many people telling me: "but it worked fine yesterday/last week/last month". one guy telling me his modem could not be broken, because he did not throw it against the wall (are you sure?). nothing I said made these calls even a bit more easy. And, last but not least: I almost fainted. we ran out of oxigen. "hello, this is supportrobot speaking, how may I kill you?" I am SO glad i won't have to work till thursday![By: supportrobot / 2007-12-03]
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"It couldn't be a problem with my keyboard caused by spilling coffee on it! I only drink tea!" -TieDyedDinosaur
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9.
Rule #1
Generally, for some unknown godly reason, I tend to forget about Rule #1. Maybe I have a little too much faith in human existence, nah that can't be it. I get a call this afternoon, man with heavy (unknown) accent is of course complaining about an error message. I know the cause of this error, its simple, its mundane and I have to tell people how to solve at least 2/3 of my day. There is an easy fix to it.... reboot. Of course NO ONE ever thinks about this. I tell him to close out of all <products> and go in to task manager. "I already did that." Ahhh, Rule #1 strikes me. Seeing how I'm lowly Tier I and would like to move up in the world, I tell him to check it again. "There are no <products> running." Well, lo and behold his Majesty, King Xircese didn't check the processes tab. I wish I had more pull around here so I could have laid an official LART down... sigh[By: d4rkf1re / 2007-12-03]
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This is Xerxes. Starfish calling tech support, The Many demands to know why you lied to the tech. Do you not know he is trying to help you? He fixed many issues like this just today. Why do you persist in your starfishiness? Starfish, calling tech support. </Obscure> -Galandar
Tech song> to the tune of "Ground Control to Major Tom"? </tech song> -LoTech
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10.
Undocumented Fixes
Long time since i posted but remarkable i have had no IT user or cow-worker issues in months
high profile smokin hot (not too lame) user: so in so fixed it a month ago
me: okay i'll check the tickets and the KB
Me: hey so-in-so what did you do to fix "X" a month ago
/me checks tickets and KB furiously
so-in-so: nothing
Me: okay fuck you too buddy.
on the plus side i get to spend more time on the phone with her.[By: Blackneto / 2007-12-03]
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but if I make notes on how to fix it, everyone at the company will know how, and I will no longer be vital.....
-drachen
sounds like you might need to make a house-call. ;) -Bynar
Would it be excessively cynical of me to think that perhaps the other tech has withheld the solution to this problem in the hopes that the next tech (you) would be foreced to transfer the issue to him for resolution? (thus resulting in HIM getting to spend more time on the phone with the smoking-hot user in question?) in a similar vein, from http://www.demotivators.com/worth.html "Worth: Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important" -LoTech
Would it be excessively cynical of me to think that perhaps the other tech has withheld the solution to this problem in the hopes that the next tech (you) would be foreced to transfer the issue to him for resolution? (thus resulting in HIM getting to spend more time on the phone with the smoking-hot user in question?) in a similar vein, from http://www.demotivators.com/worth.html "Worth: Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important" -LoTech
and whether you or not you really make a housecall, you need to LART so-in-so with mind-blowing tales of your 'undocumented fix' -stiffarm
I think lotech has it right.
But i fixed the problem and documented it. Customer pleased, user is pleased, cow-loser is probably still wondering why he hasn't been consulted. -Blackneto
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11.
And you are?
When calling in, it is best to leave us some way of returning your call and tell us who you are. The actual voicemail: "I have a problem that needs to be fixed with $program."
Also, calling my IT manager when I do not return your call immediately and stating "I have a problem" without first stating who you are and secondly not showing any politeness will most likely not get what you want. In fact, if techs will push you to the bottom of the list, what do you think the manager in charge of the techs will do on a particularly bad day?[By: PCChaos / 2007-12-03]
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The first step in solving a problem is to admit there is one...not step this way for your nitroglycerin enema and your consultation with Dr. Otis. -ChildofCthulhu
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12.
King Fish Returns!
Remember King Fish? (Reminder: http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=71183 ) Yes, the man who couldn't be right if he jump-started his brain with a protractor? Well, another time, a friend and I happened to be killing some time, and he was within earshot. Unfortunately, we couldn't get away, so we made small talk, about academics of all things.
I was a pretty light conversation, I made the joke "There are 3 kinds of people in this world: those that are good at math, and those that aren't." Okay, maybe not the funniest joke, but I kinda liked it. And the group I was with wouldn't understand the binary version of the joke.
King Fish didn't miss a beat. "What's the third kind?"
"That's all there is. Those that are good at math, and those that aren't." I smiled for emphasis. Three kinds of people... those that are good at math, and those that aren't.
"So then, I'd have to say that third group would be people that were just 'alright' at math." What kills me is that in the context of my original statement, there was no doubt that I was kidding and that I wasn't intending to have this analyzed. And no, he wasn't kidding me in return... King Fish did not have the capacity for that level of subtlety.
No, you're missing the point. I said three kinds, and I mentioned two... indicating that I, myself, am not good at math.
"Yeah, that must be it. That third group is just kinda average."
My friend lost it. "NO! LISTEN! He's saying that there's really TWO! But he's not good at math, so he thinks the TWO equals THREE!"
"....but he said two..."
As of now, this conversation had lasted ten minutes and counting "Yes, and if someone tells you there's three kinds, and there's only two, then would you say that person is good at math?"
"Well, some people are good, some aren't and some aren't, and some that are kinda okay."
*CUE DAFFY!!!* [By: linkv / 2007-12-03]
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Cue a howitzer and stand back. -redevil34
Don't kill me, but I didn't get the joke until you explained it here. -Seamyst
<da> I think the guy didn't realize that it was a joke when you were explaining it to him. There are some jokes that I hit a mental block on, myself. </da> -ShiftedBeef
G'dammit. Gimme th' bat. -vacuumtubes
It is in the same class as dyslexia. There are some people who just do not have a sense of humour -Zoomer
I knew my brain was going to hurt after I clicked on the "reminfer" link. I was right. (walks off to get an ice-pack) -beerman
I remember vividly being embarressed the first time I had to have a joke explained to me (which was, the 'wears the soap' one for anyone interested) but I never compounded it by trying to claim that I was right and the joke teller was wrong. -CommanderData
Zoomer- "Dys-laugh-ia"? We may have discovered a medical cause for some of our humorless customers. -Voz
That is just amazingly familiar. See http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=41219 -SirJosh
There are 10 kinds of people.... those that understand binary and those that don't. *runs for LART shelter* -telcommgeek
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13.
15 minute call and how long in the mail?
Sorry for the lack of formatting. My first call of the day: this asshat calls up, asking why we've never responsed to any of his letters. Several different ways of asking what his issue was generated no results. Finally, he complained that we haven't updated his credit card via the US Post Office. I had to ask him *why* would he want to *mail* us his CC info, when we could do it over the phone (or better yet online at the homepage). He says he doesn't trust 'dem newfangulled Pee-Cees' And guess what else? He's on hold for late payment. Does he wanna mail a check? Does he want to pay over the phone? Or pay online? Nope - this dumbass wants to snail-mail us his CC #, then we run it and snail-mail him back a receipt. But we have to turn his account on BEFORE he does this. News flash, jerkoff - ain't gonna frakking happen. 15 minutes wasted on an issue that could've been handled in less than 90 seconds tops.[By: Zimmerit / 2007-12-03]
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Ask him to mail you the 'actual' credit card. The plastic itself. No, not for what you think, that would be immoral. Just break it in two pieces and mail it back. If he complains, "it was damaged in transit". And the bank will be happy to charge him to issue a new one. -TheGhost
I don't see the HTTPS lock on my mailbox... is it safe to use? -Mushroom
I think that TheGhost is on to something here- tell him that if the card is going to be run manually, you need to have him send the card in because you have to run it through a card reader to be charged that way. Then after you get the card, send away for the card reader! Charged to the card. Shipped to him. UP$ Ground Service. Then tell him that to get him his card back, he needs to get the reader back to you, so that you can run the card, so that you can send it back to him. How much do you want to bet that he'd need to ship the reader to you by charging the shipping to the same credit card that YOU have? -Voz
Mushy: I had that question a few times this last job... ey yi yi yi yi! -MadJack
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14.
It's Monday....
So starfish calls in this morning from one of my other facilities complaining they can't access the server. Ok, this is expected as we just installed the new server late Friday (after the old server died a terrible death). All I needed to do was join his computer to the new domain server. To do this I need starfish to log in as Administrator so I can remote into the computer and make the necessary changes. I asked starfish to enter username Administrator and the "adminpassword". Sounds simple right? Me: Please hit the Enter key now. Starfish: Ok! (I wait a little bit) Me: Please let me know when you are logged into the system. Starfish: Ok! (I wait a little longer) Me: What is the system doing now? Starfish: It's working. (Wait a little longer. I begin to think this is taking way to long) Me: Sir, can you describe what is on your screen please? Starfish: The login prompt. <Mute button> WTF!! </Mute button> Me: Sir, please log into the system. Starfish: Oh, you actually needed me to type that information in? I thought you could do it remotely! Me thinking: Grumble. Grumble. This is going to be a long day.[By: PCChaos / 2007-12-03]
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"I'm sorry sir. I suffered from telekinesis once, but I'm no longer infected." -TheGhost
That "terrible death" sounds like there's a story behind it. -Stryker One
Everyone who believes in telekenesis please raise my hand. -SwizzleStix
Stryker, "terrible death" is because not one, but two of the hard drives failed. Did not have enough to rebuild the drives and had to start over from scratch. Luckily we had a spare server, so we just did the old switcharoo and all was happy for now. -PCChaos
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15.
Let's try that password again, shall we?
So, I'm trying to get logged into yet another computer with an administrator account in the same facility that lost the server last week. After trying several passwords with no luck, I get to thinking that somehow this computer was never changed from factory default. So I'll have the starfish just hit the Enter key. Me: Ok, could you just please hit the enter key this next time? I think that when this system was setup, there was no password assigned to the system. Starfish: Sure, no problem (clackety-clack). (Why am I hearing numerous keystrokes I'm thinking) Starfish: It didn't work. Me: You did make sure the username was Administrator correct and you left the password field blank? Starfish: Uh, no I typed in "n-o-p-a-s-s-w-o-r-d" as the password. Wasn't that what I was supposed to do? (Huh?!) Me: Not exactly. Please leave the password field completely blank. Starfish: Oh. Oops. Starfish tries again. No luck after repeated tries with the field blank. Me: Ok, send the computer to our main office. Funny thing about that computer's password when my network administrator fired it up. Leaving the password field blank worked. <shakes head in frustration>[By: PCChaos / 2007-12-03]
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Where's the damned bat. I want to swing it away -crazymactech
He probably had the password highlighted and hit the Spacebar to clear it. -TechnoVampire
...or he left the password as "C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E-L-Y-B-L-A-N-K". -Voz
...or he left the username field blank and typed a-d-m-i-n-i-s-t-r-a-t-o-r in the password field. -Bynar
12345 -Gerund
Nah, he typed "Blank" and probably misspelled that -Zoomer
Yes, completely blank. Like your mind. -flapjackboy
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16.
How the engineers stole Christmas
A new report stating the very same thing the last analysis said.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071203/od_afp/swedenchristmaskyrgyzstansantaoffbeat_071203163428
Sorry about the lack of formatting. My star disappeared a long time ago and I was too broke to buy another.[By: cecil36 / 2007-12-04]
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Santa's life got so much easier since Rudolph got a GPS. Factoring in the large number of naughty people with a copy of Excel and too much time on their hands calculating his demise, we should be able to rule out large chunks of the population for present delivery.
This should mean that for true believers he now has time to deliver the RC helicopter and tank I saw on thinkgeek -Bloke
don't they know, he can stop time. -compbrat
Check out "He's checking his list" For someone who REALLY know if you have been Naughty or Nice.http://www.paulkidby.com/hogswatch/index.html -Zoomer
"He has 34 microseconds at each stop" to slide down the chimney, drop off the presents, nibble on his cookies and milk and hop back on his sleigh" - He isn't fat! he's just storing all the energy he needs. You should see him at the end - strapping young man. no WONDER Mrs. Claus stays with him after all this time. ("And who-o-o'se been a naughty girl while Santa's been out, Mama?") -ShujinTribble
Here's a thought: Why not actually figure out something useful to do with the information instead of just say that Santa is impossible damn you Engineers! -Warrick
God, don't these people take into account the fact that Santa is magical? And yes, I agree, it's great that they have all this extra time to figure this out. And what Barbie's true dimensions would be if she were real...or if James Bond would have lived past the age of 30 given his drinking and womanizing habits. Good goin' guys. Glad you're putting those big brains to some useful cause. Although, I must say, I laughed at the last paragraph, about the sleigh vaporizing due to wind resistance (or something. I have the memory of a goldfish this morning). -beerman
Know why Santa is so jolly? Well it's because he knows where all the "naughty" girls live. I mean really, what do you think he does the other 364 days of the year. -atomicbill
its easy enuf... everyone is using einstein relitivity and netonian reactions -- but santa's stuff is quantam based and hell he has teleproter technology or he couldn't produce enuf presents so all thos calcs are meaningless -- try the equations using quantam black hole tunneling (mico miniature worm hols) and the calc then showes that santa can be trans universal and still have TONS of time to deliver -cyberguru
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17.
128k internet anyone?
I'm on hold waiting for some obscure department in BT (a rant-laden story for another day), and they've got the usual advertising-on-hold thing.
Did you know that, with ISDN, you can access the internet twice as fast, and still use the phone at the same time?
Well, bugger me. And here I was, thinking that my 2Mb ADSL was reasonable.
[By: smellystudent / 2007-12-04]
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As I read this, I am logged on from Peyton Place 2, where 128k IDSL is the fastest connection I can manage. -RiffRaff
*points at RiffRaff* Ha-ha! (though, thinking about it, it was only about 4 years ago we got ADSL out here...) -smellystudent
Wow, they're still selling ISDN? Back in the last century when I ran an ISP, we did OK with ISDN as dedicated lines (bypassing the per minute charges), but only because frame relay and T1s were still really expensive. Now? You can get better bandwidth with 2 tin cans and a string. We used to say that NYNEX (now Verizon) thought ISDN stood for "I Still Don't (k)Now". Seems like it still does. -SalParadise
Sal - I remember these ads from when ISDN first became a reasonably affordable prospect for small businesses, which was around 12 years ago. I just think nobody's checked the outgoing messages for a while! -smellystudent
ISDN is also a last resort for residential users who live so far out in the country that it's the only high-speed connection they can get besides satellite. $ISP still supports some ISDN customers for this reason. -RiffRaff
2Mb,Smelly? BWAHAHAHAH! Once BT have pulled their finger out, I'm going ADSL2+...from a mere 8MB, up to a sweet 24Mb. OK, so it helps that the exchange is about 1km away. -lineswine
Appropos of nothing, *really* need to find a new nick for ya Smelly...SmellyNotStudent perhaps? :-p -CommanderData
I'm still proud of the 110k I get from my cell phone -Spyder19
Riff, I seem to recall ISDN being as sensitive to distance to the central office, if not more, than xDSL. I don't think it's that the customers way out in the boonies are better positioned for DSL, I think it's that telco hasn't ubgraded the switches at the CO since the last century. -SalParadise
Curious, my understanding is the exact opposite: that ISDN has the same range as POTS, where ADSL is limited to a click or five. -chazz
I'm with Chazz. ISDN can also be used as point-to-point connectivity over very long distances. -smellystudent
I imagine the person responsible for updating the hold messages was let go in a round of budget cuts 5 years ago. -thx1138
ISDN is used at our company where sites don't have enough bandwidth (or the right equipment) for teleconferencing. Usually the gear uses IP addressing, but at a few places the older teleconferencing hardware is ISDN-based, so they link up through a bridge. I know, our site just got rid of the ISDN hardware. -VoiceOfSanity
re CD's note on your name: Noting your resemblance to the actor who plays the good doctor, perhaps "SmellyWho" would be an option? -ManyHats
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18.
Training new improved user base
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/7124156.stm thats it, humans are thick, they're now training the new improved user base. To think all those people that struggle with those automated touchscreen tills, HAHAHA[By: r3tude / 2007-12-04]
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We've just gone soft with all this time at the top of the food chain. What we need is a natural predator, to thin the herd and sharpen our senses.. -veaudaux
It wasn't a fair test...they used students. You'd think they cound have found a number of humans that possessed common sense, sound financial principals and a work ethic, wouldn't you? -lineswine
LS: Common sense, sound financial principles and a work ethic? It's hard enough to find people with *one* of those among the masses, let alone all three! -TheDeathOfRats
lineswine, they used Japanese university students. And you think they don't have a work ethic??? Have you ever met any Japanese students? -Fuji
The article said that this more photographic memory was a skill that human children had, but lose over time. What would have been the results if they'd included children in the study? -Seamyst
Well, on the downside if you had to support chimps and they had annoying technical problems, they would more than likely throw poop at you. -Slartarama
veaudaux - I volunteer! -Divinar
humans are thick...in related news, water is wet and fire is hot. -CommanderData
ok forget everything else...FARKING CHIMPS know how to count.... -drachen
Not all lose the eidetic memory, some keep it. There's a reason why it's usually lost though - it's a curse, not a gift. However, the studies they've done are all short term memory, not long term. As we all know, starfish have excellent short term memory (in most cases around 5 seconds or more if you're lucky!) but long term? Forget it! They do so why shouldn't we? -Loon
Chimps? Even *horses* can be taught to count. -missourimule
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19.
how to prank a telemarketer
I didn't want to bump the LOTD, but this was too funny to not share with you all...
http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/[By: cyberblade3001 / 2007-12-04]
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An oldie, but a goodie. -Stryker One
I like it. -Seamus
I am SO glad I put the drink down first! I don't get those at home anymore but at work - let's just say that it has definite promise..... -Loon
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20.
A glimmer of hope
So, new job, new boss, it's been a little rocky due to extremely opposing personalities. However, he just made my day and I think we may be more alike underneath than I think.
Customer asked for an IM program that would deliver offline messages for them. Boss's response, via email:
"That's what email is for."
:D [By: Elfling / 2007-12-04]
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*scratches head* Doesn't Yahoo IM do that? I know I can get messages through it even when I'm not online.... unless said customer was talking about something different. -Seamyst
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