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Tech Stories Archives - October 2008
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1.
Priceless
That was the look on the invoicing clerk's face when I walked into her office and, without a word, pulled open the paper tray on her printer to reveal a complete lack of paper. She hadn't called, mind you. She was busy chatting with another co-worker. One more baffled user who can't decide how much I know about what she does with her computer. :)[By: Tekkie / 2008-10-01]
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Do not question the ways of IT. For they are subtle and know where you hide your pr0n. -Necros
This "Now Don't You Feel Like a Loser of Doom" moment is brought to you by new Maalox Squidgies..... - vacuumtubes
I do that to our receptionist occasionally. Send her an email saying: Can you refill the hi-cap tray on the Xerox. I have a feeling it is empty. They have much respect for my network-fu. -Griffin2020
"Hey, I got an e-mail from your printer. It said it was hungry." -ActingUpAgain
I do that all the time. I am contracted for IT at several small companys, and most of the printers can be configured to send an alert when an error is encountered. I originally tried sending the emails to the people responsable, but they would just ignore them. (of course the printers have standard messages only, like "printer XYZ has encountered an error. Tray X is empty). A less technical message (YO, the printer at your desk needs paper) usually does the trick -garwain
Of course, now they'll expect you to be responsible for keeping all the printers topped up all the time, so they'll never check the paper levels themselves, they'll just call you and bitch that you're not doing your job. -Geminii
I enjoy answering the users question before they ask. They have a tendency to pause then ask "how do you know that?" I just answer have a nice day click. -Crai
test -dadtaxi
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2.
Unfortunate
You know how Windows automatically assigns drive letters to USB drives when they're plugged in? I needed to run some utilities (porn would have made it that much funnier) that were stored on my favorite flash drive and the resulting assigned drive letter combined with the directory name made me giggle like an schoolgirl: http://i33.photobucket.com/albums/d52/Tekkie1/fApps.jpg[By: Tekkie / 2008-10-01]
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What's worse is that there's a fisT in the middle of it (foxitreader.zip + ica32t.exe + spybotsd160.exe + Thunderbird Setu... ) <Evil Grin> -Necros
Is the next USB drive you plug into the G: drive going to have a folder labeled, "iggity"? -Voz
I do that all the time. F:/Apps. Every day, sometimes several times. I have to do it, specially after seeing some of the filth that some PC's have.But I always clean up very thoroughly. <BEG> -TheGhost
we have an f:\apps and I never ONCE looked at it that way... until now. Thanks for that <grin> -FixitWench
You should probably update to aaw2008.exe by now. -Calydor
Pronounce this one: \\paddy\giveadogabone -redevil34
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3.
perfect email address for a fish
I was listening in on some agent calls today, and came across a call where the customer's email address was about as appropriate as you could get: <starfish>@needpchelp.com I'm just hoping that this fish wasn't actually RUNNING the domain.[By: Bynar / 2008-10-01]
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JudyPatch@needpchelp.com. Now "that's" a scary thought for the morning. -TheGhost
Ima.Rock@needpchelp.com
Richard.Browser@needpchelp.com
Next... -Hellion
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4.
Shifted
I just received an email that had a subject line of "Phones???" and my reply answered the questions and added an offer to replace the keyboard with one that didn't repeat terminal punctuation. The gal took it well, I think, as her reply back to that email was missing several question marks. :)[By: Tekkie / 2008-10-01]
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What???? You mean, my keyboard is repeating punctuation signs???!!!! Outrageous!!!! :p <flees to the LART shelter>>>>> -TheGhost
Fear my periods... -LazyLemming
I once had a silent period. -Gerund
LazyLemming - I do not fear the periods as they are a proper form of punctuation - an ellipsis. Of course, there can be too many ... periods ... sometimes ... which ... is ... quite ... annoying ... after ... every ... word .... <Won't even bother going to the Lart shelter .... > -PCChaos
English??? -PeterGibons
Have a happy period! (quoting Kotek commercial) -Griffin2020
Ah, So you've called in junior detectives to solve the Mystery of the Phone. Good idea! < points to anyone who gets the reference> -Hellion
PCChaos: Actually, three periods are only a valid substitute for an ellipsis character (…, U+2026) when technical limitations apply. Also, the construct “. . .” is preferred even then. On Macs, by the way, the keyboard shortcut ⌥; (US layout) inputs it.
-Mikoangelo
⌥ being the option key, of course. -Mikoangelo
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7.
Stop Calling Me
Bit of back story first. I work for a computer repair shop. We do a lot of work for businesses. About a month and a half ago I went out to a company and set up a few switches and ran some cables. Everything was good. But then the calls started. Turns out that if the employees had any sort of question that was even remotely related to computers, they were told to call me. Yesterday I got a call about how to do some sort of obscure formatting in Excel. Today they called me because they had somehow f*** one of their scanners and had somehow deleted some macros from Word. I was more then happy to help with the scanner, but we don't support Word like that. I told them this and recommended some very helpful websites that would walk them through re-making these macros. The woman I was talking to replied something along the lines of "But the macros are gone." I then asked some more in depth questions about what the macros did. There was a long pause followed by the click a phone makes when you hang it up. Yes, that's right, they hung up on me. Hopefully this means that they will stop calling as there are way more trouble then they are worth. The real kicker is that they have, or had not sure about the details, an IT guy. My theory is that he was crushed by the overwhelming annoyance. [By: hobobanana / 2008-10-01]
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That is above and beyond what I would have done. Macros? NO. Word? NO. Scanner? NO,unless it's used for uh... pictures, yeah that's it... pictures... and I get a GOOD copy. -srteach
Nope he went insane pulled his hair out and electrocuted himself trying to fix that scanner! You are now their replacement for all of the stupid questions. Resistance is futile you will be assimilated!!!! -imawitch
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8.
True Confessions of a New Media Whore
I didn't want to bump the LOTD. Some of you may find this guy's writing funny, some may not. If you like Coyote's "blog" then this will probably have you laughing pretty good. I actually ended up ordering the book and I'll let you know how it is when I get it. http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/10/01/bringing_nothing/[By: BarmanVarn / 2008-10-01]
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LOL -formatCdrive
And the star came back the very next day!!!!! -formatCdrive
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9.
Just press paste
trying to help a fishie with sending an email attachment. Took about 25 minutes. here's a little sample of how it went. me- ok i need you to right click and press paste. sf- huh? me- click your right mouse button and select paste from the menu that opens. sf- you need to slow down, this is all over my head. me- do you understand what we're doing? sf- yes. me- do you know how to paste a file after copying it? sf- yes. me- good, now paste the file into the folder. sf- what? me (starting to get annoyed) PASTE THE FILE! sf- what are you saying? me- the file that we copied, i need you to paste it! sf-cake? me- PASTE! P! A! S! T! E! PASTE! PASTE THE FILE! sf-face? DIAF!! [By: hobobanana / 2008-10-01]
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They probably ate too much paste. -Stryker One
lmao, way too good. Get to many of those to want to keep my job
-Gingy
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10.
The things you find out in college
My husband and I were packing it in for the night. ( He works at a local college. I am a student there) We were walking down the hall and just chatting about benign stuff that newly married couples who act as if they have been married forever talk about.( No you hordogs we were not discussing sex) I think we were talking about bills when I looked in front of us and saw a brown cardboard box lying in the middle of the hallway floor. Now the college has had it's issues with students stealing crap and leaving the loot strewn about the various buildings on campus. So I said to my husband, "Honey whats in that box"? So he cautiously opend the flaps of the box and peeked inside.....and burst out laughing.
I cautiously peeked in the box over his sholder.... and I saw another box inside the brown box. The New box was the box to a penis enlargment pump!
The brown box was what it had been mailed in and still had the male students name on it. So now I know that....well I won't tell you his name but I know that a certain someone is trying to make a small thing larger. I didn't need to know that. But is is funny as hell.[By: imawitch / 2008-10-01]
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So...no dick in a box? -momo
Nope, a box in a box. -Stryker One
...is this the new meaning of a "Jack in the Box.. in the Box"? -ShujinTribble
"Hmm. It's just a box." </Metal Gear Solid 1, 2, &3> -Jonos
So you turned to box into lost and found, right? -Ramblin
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11.
Exchange error
Microsoft Exchange System Attendant service failed to start due to the following error: Operation Completed Successfully.[By: r3tude / 2008-10-02]
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See if it does something right it knows it did something wrong. -Crai
"&Program& install: Error 1" = installed succesfully. -Jeckler
Ah, yes. That's my favorite Microsoft error. -Seamus
Dear friends
God gave a beautiful son to Davit and Lusine.janet and I are grandparents now!!!
Rafi
Rafi Shahverdyan
175 Atoyan Ave.
Yerevan-Armenia
Tel.+37410 458382
cel.+37493 476247 -zapata
Seda jan
I bless you in Jesus name.I hope that every thing is going well.We had a blessing camp for three days for youth.We enjoyed the presence of the Lord.We celebrate in the church the successful trip of Etera and Christine to Gorgia(Vrastan).The church started there in Akhalkalak.Seda jan I wanted to help you with money but it was impossible.
Seda jan I bless your ministry but there are a few things that I want to warn you.I hope that you won't be upset.I didnot want to write for the first thing but I saw three steps in this short time those were not Christian ministers behaviour.
1-first of all to do the community.I mean the Haghordotyoun.I am not a relegious(kronavor) but I feel danger for you.You are not realeased(artsakvel) for such a ministry.If you asked me before I would think and answer you maybe say yes.You asked me money but not ask for Haghordoutyoun.!!!You like to do everything which you like.It is not the way which we talked.You like to have my cover but you don't move with pastoral cover.
2-Second it was surprise for me that Mushegh told me about the support.You hide it from me and didn't tell any thing.why?It is not clear and light.Seda jan I would be happy for that support.But I don't know why you didn't want to tell me.
3-Third you moved to Iran without asking me.I know that you had to leave Turky because of visa but you had to call or wait for my answer.However I don't want to judge you but only say that if you like to continue like this I cannot cover you spirituly because you are INKNAGLOUKH.I am sorry for such a word.Because you are anointed but you have to learn humble yourself.
Seda jan please pray and let the Holy Spirit guide you.I am sure that you will decide the right possition for future.I will write the same message for Honibal of course after your answer.
Love you Rafi
-zapata
Seda jan
I bless you in Jesus name.I hope that every thing is going well.We had a blessing camp for three days for youth.We enjoyed the presence of the Lord.We celebrate in the church the successful trip of Etera and Christine to Gorgia(Vrastan).The church started there in Akhalkalak.Seda jan I wanted to help you with money but it was impossible.
Seda jan I bless your ministry but there are a few things that I want to warn you.I hope that you won't be upset.I didnot want to write for the first thing but I saw three steps in this short time those were not Christian ministers behaviour.
1-first of all to do the community.I mean the Haghordotyoun.I am not a relegious(kronavor) but I feel danger for you.You are not realeased(artsakvel) for such a ministry.If you asked me before I would think and answer you maybe say yes.You asked me money but not ask for Haghordoutyoun.!!!You like to do everything which you like.It is not the way which we talked.You like to have my cover but you don't move with pastoral cover.
2-Second it was surprise for me that Mushegh told me about the support.You hide it from me and didn't tell any thing.why?It is not clear and light.Seda jan I would be happy for that support.But I don't know why you didn't want to tell me.
3-Third you moved to Iran without asking me.I know that you had to leave Turky because of visa but you had to call or wait for my answer.However I don't want to judge you but only say that if you like to continue like this I cannot cover you spirituly because you are INKNAGLOUKH.I am sorry for such a word.Because you are anointed but you have to learn humble yourself.
Seda jan please pray and let the Holy Spirit guide you.I am sure that you will decide the right possition for future.I will write the same message for Honibal of course after your answer.
Love you Rafi
-zapata
Seda janIt is blessing to hear from you.I am sorry that I couldn't come to bus station.I and the church pray for you daily.We had a powerful pentecost day with more blessings I will send the pictures later.Please send your account number.I bless you and your ministry.A part of the message was about the fire on the tabernacle(khoran) God wants to put his fire on our head like the day of pentecost.That fire lights the desert and keep the cams from dangers.May the Lord put his fire upon your head.
Rafi -zapata
Seda janIt is blessing to hear from you.I am sorry that I couldn't come to bus station.I and the church pray for you daily.We had a powerful pentecost day with more blessings I will send the pictures later.Please send your account number.I bless you and your ministry.A part of the message was about the fire on the tabernacle(khoran) God wants to put his fire on our head like the day of pentecost.That fire lights the desert and keep the cams from dangers.May the Lord put his fire upon your head.
Rafi -zapata
Barev Dzez
Kinoerekoner choreqshabti orerin cragri shrjanaknerum hravirum enq Narekaci Arvesti Miutyun ayschoreqshabti ` hoktemberi 1-in, ditelu Emir Kusturicayi verjin gegharvestakan filme`<Patgamy>2007t.:
Inchpesmisht mutqn azat e:
Hravirum em mets sirov`
Raffi
Kino-erekoneri kazmakerpich
-zapata
can you say spammer? -Icelator
should specify I'm not talking about r3tude -Icelator
I just get the feeling that Zapata has $20 million in a box somewhere, that only YOU can get access to - all you have to do is give him $10k in demurrage fees...</Nigerian 419 scam> -lineswine
Hey Hawk! Wanna Kill-9 this spam-happy prime example of mental atavism progressing at warp 12? -unrenowned
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15.
i can has grabbity? (nt/ot)
http://www.nbc.com/The_Tonight_Show_with_Jay_Leno/headlines/H_3629/10.shtml#headline[By: Ichiro / 2008-10-02]
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Bah. Nothing special to it. Just Hovercat taking a nap. -TheGhost
"She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and because she sleeps above her covers... *four feet* above her covers. She barks, she drools, she claws!" -Stryker One
Comment at, "October 1 - 4:46pm PT", made me laugh... -Hellion
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16.
NT/OT Classic shirt
http://www.zazzle.com/more_magic_black_shirt-235982481889197294 - whoever gets the joke, props to you[By: fearnothing / 2008-10-02]
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DON'T flip the switch!!! The server will crash -Ghouly
Cool... A few years ago I took my labeler and wrote that on the lightswitch in my shop/server room. -LinuXtreme
See, that's the kind of joke that tells us apart from these starfish in geek clothing... -cyberblade3001
A provocative statement CB3001. Are you now the measure by which all others must be judged ? -Maltgha
I know some people who are getting these for X-mas. Well maybe not... It would take to much time to explain :) -Hellion
We wannnts it... we neeeeds it... our... prrrecious! -charred
What, there are people that *haven't* read the Jargon File? :) -Diptera
Diptera: I haven't. Is that a *bad* thing? -FixitWench
Ohhhh, I want! I've labeled switches "magic" and "more magic" before, sometimes even with things attached to them. I've considered using such labels on 2 switches in my house that I have no idea what they go to, though I've lived there for 7 years. Yes, I *do* expect some woman in Australia to call and tell me to quit flipping them. -SalParadise
A long time ago, my parents bought a second-hand BBC Micro. When I took the lid off, I found... a switch, with one end attached to somewhere fairly random on the board, and the other end insulated off. It didn't behave like the "more magic" switch... but I still have the machine, and the switch. I took the switch out of the machine though. -Chromatix
Gotta be careful with that switch! When the lights go out, my clothes come off!! -unrenowned
I believe that every time I blink the lights go out. So if the lights start to flicker you will know I am out of my Blink Sync. </2NU - Spazz Attack > -DragonXIII
@ Maltgha-note I said that's the "kind" of thing... Not that everyone has to know that particular item. But it's the knowing of obscure items that makes us what we are. -cyberblade3001
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17.
NT/OT - Cross between a Mop and a Puppet
So, I was in Future Shop last week buying some stuff for my media centre (Blu-Ray drive, sound card, Blu-Ray movies), and I remembered a conversation the Mrs' and I were having a few days ago revolving Tim Currey. I mentioned that he was in Muppet Treasure Island, and how that is one of my all time favourite movies. Ever! So, I wanted to get it. A sales girl asked if I needed help finding anything (I was digging through all the Blu-Ray movies hoping I'd find it) and I asked her if they had Muppet Treasure Island on DVD, HD-DVD or Blu-Ray. She looked at me all confused, then said that she could check the computer. We walk over to the computer, and she starts typing in Mop. I say "No, Muppet! Kermit the Frog..." She looks at me, and tells me to type in the title (Note: My hands are full of stuff right now). I one finger type in the title and hit enter. 3 copies on DVD. Perfect! An older lady beside us is laughing her ass off and says "You must be too young for that kinda thing dear". The girl kinda smiles and we walk to the family DVD section. I ask her how old she is... "17!" came the reply. "Ya, that sounds about right!" was my reply as she handed me the DVD. She ended up getting the commission on all my stuff 'cause she was the only sales rep that asked if I needed help finding something, instead of telling me to go to their till so that they could ring me up![By: Caboose447 / 2008-10-02]
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A movie with one of the greatest character names ever. Big-Fat-Ugly-Bug-Face-Baby-Eating O'Brien! -Fuji
Fark that! Dead Tom was awesome! -Seamus
Yeah, I image, "Moppet Treasure Island", probably would be found at another venue... -Hellion
"Why are there so many./" -AngrySup
"Songs about rainbows?" /KtF, wrong movie, but i'm already diggin' the pond life. -AngrySup
You can't really fault anyone born after 1990 with not knowing the Muppets. A great man once said "Jim Henson had a 'wait and see' attitude, and look what happened to him! Now we have wrong-sounding Muppets!" -veaudaux
My favorite muppet: http://www.youtube.com/user/meepmeepmeepow -maciarc
maciarc, you just reminded me of this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfkuvqIqPYk !!WARNING!! RICKROLL, but a funny one -razmann
lolz! (Tho I half expected Beaker to MeepMeep through the whole thing (g)) -MadJack
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18.
Better or Worse?
I wonder if supporting these users would be a better or worse experience than PC users.
http://jobview.monster.com/GetJob.aspx?JobID=76062588&WT.mc_n=jobscomview[By: Stryker One
/ 2008-10-03 ]
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I'm dealing with a security door outfit myself at my new job. 16 days now, and it's still swinging in the breeze. They've (finally) isolated it to the keyed entry circuit, and punted it to an electrician. -ThinTheHerd
Ah, the precursor to the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation. -Tekkie
SkyNet? -WalNut
Hello tech support...the gate is beating the hell out of my car make it stop
-Crashville
now, granted it's been a while since I've looked at a job description, but MS Office, AND powerpoint skills? When was powerpoint removed from ms office? </nitpick> -Bynar
Think powered gates...think gates communities...think over-privileged, self-important entitlement whores. No.Farkin.Way. would I do that job! -lineswine
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/03/28/bofh_2008_episode_11/ -adarklite
And they want a BS, to start? (eg) -MadJack
A security door... that opens when there's an electrical fault? Please, just stick to a damn key lock. -Chromatix
"Hello Tech support? I'm having a problem with a pod bay door. Your HAL system refuses to open it. ... No, there's no error message, other than "I'm afraid I can't do that"." -TheGhost
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20.
No, sir, I won't help you...
So this guy calls in, after having talked to by another agent here at $PCCompany. He wants help installing xp... He gives me a serial number for a system that came with Me. Advise we cannot support installing XP. After going around for about 10 minutes, he says he went and got the Me reload disks that came with $PC. He tries to boot but is not getting our normal options. Anyway he asks me to hold, then says... Ok its gonna take 39 minutes to install windows... *lightbulb*
Me: Why are you lying to me.
FskNgt: What?
Me: Only windows XP takes 39 minutes to install. You told me you had gotten your Me disks. Now, I see you are installing the restore kit from an oem xp computer. This is illegal, those cd's did not come with this computer, and you are breaking the law. I cannot assist you in this. There is nothing more we can do to help you. Have a good day.
FskNgt: *Speechless, unintelligible muttering...*
/endcall[By: iamscoop / 2008-10-03]
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Nice, but you could have really gone for the kill by telling him you had to report this :) -Armakuni
Me sysreqs: 128MB RAM at most. XP sysreqs: 256MB RAM AT LEAST. Methinks fsckboy doesn't realize this... -Seamus
I've installed XP pro on a 233 with 128Mb of RAM. Was slower than molasses in winter but worked. -Olorin
I am currently reading all this with a Pentium II at 265 MHz, with 160 MB of RAM. Works fine! -Captain Trips
I'm pretty sure my garage door opener has better specs than that. -ThinTheHerd
...the Hubble has been upgraded to run on a 486 now, you know..... I'm just sayin'. -ShujinTribble
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