"MY SON uses this to carry his books and stuff to nursing school, and now he can't take his stuff to class! You can't let this happen! We had to scrimp and save to get this, and now we don't have any more money! PEOPLE CAN'T JUST AFFORD TO BUY NEW BAGS EVERY WEEK!" Gee, then maybe you should have bought one of the $35 bags instead of opting for the bling-bling model.

"I understand you need the bag, what I'm explaining to you is that we can help you get the bag repaired, we just can't exchange it. "

"HE NEEDS THIS FOR SCHOOL! If he fails, IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT!"

"What we... "

"THIS BAG IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!! IT'S YOUR BAG! YOU'RE LIABLE!"

" Ma'am, we didn't make the bag, we only sold it. The manufacturer takes responsibility, and that's exactly what their warranty is for. "

"You SOLD the bag."

" Yes. We're not disagreeing with that, but at this point, it's still in the hands of the manufacturer, whom we can help you work with. "

At this point, the damndest thing happened. She cried. Bawled and squealed, for all of five seconds, then immediately composed herself. I still can't decide if she was trying to illicit sympathy or was just that insanely wired that her tears could go on and off light a switch, "This is YOUR bag, You sold it!"

" Ma'am, we didn't make the bag, we only sold it. We don't have a guy in the back of the warehouse sewing bags together, I promise you. " Yeah, by this point, I figured rational conversation wasn't going to be an option here.

"You sound so stupid. If only you could hear yourself and your stupid answers... "

" Would you like the manufacturer's number? "

"If I call them up, they're going to put me ON HOLD!!" Oh, lawdy lawd, say it ain't so! Not that!

It's around this time that my store manager, Paul, loses patience and steps in, This guy had absolutely no patience for this kind of crap, which is why we got along so well, " Ma'am, I'm the store director. The item you purchased is too far past the return date, you'll have to contact the manufacturer."

"That's garbage! I work in a grocery store, and we take back stuff all the time! Stuff we shouldn't take back! We take back rotten meat and spoiled milk!"

"That's nice, but it doesn't change anything here. We still can't take it back, call the manufacturer." I told you, Paul was awesome.

"They won't help! "

"Have you EVEN TRIED? "

Meanwhile, I had taken the liberty of writing the warranty number at the top of her receipt, and offered it back to her "Would you like the number now? " I asked, as she seethed and hissed.

She tore the receipt right out of my hands "I'll ruin you! I'll go back to that grocery store, and I'll tell everyone what's happened here. I talk to hundreds of people every day. When I tell them about this, none of them will ever come in here. I'll run this business into the ground!"

She stormed out, and everyone at the front counter took a deep breath. Even though I hadn't calmed her down, they were still glad I was the one to handle it. And, "Boy Scout" that I was, it became known as "The Day Linkv Made an Old Lady Cry,"

This story is dedicated to SwedishChef, who requested it. ( http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=77971 ) See, I owe the guy, for I borrowed my habit of serving meals with very long stories from him, and he's been gracious enough to let it slide. So, in thanks, here's a tale. And as I know the American TSC members have had their fill of poultry for a little while, let's enjoy a feat of pasta. Fr the more traditional, try my hand-folded ricotta tortellini and marinara. for the more adventurous, I've made my goat cheese ravioli in alnut sauce.

I was called up to the front desk, told that some lady was wanting to return a laptop bag that was past the due date. Normally, our returns are allowed for 30 days officially. We could do 40 without a problem, everything else was pretty much a no-go. So, I walk up and meet Stella, a woman who was about 2,600 years old, and whose face had not held a smile since the Ramses administration. Now I know why I was called-- while you TSCers know me to be something of a badass when the need arises, my co-workers considered me handy for quelling the more emotional customers. Maybe it's my young appearance or my small stature, or maybe it's my attitude, which is kind of Boy Scoutish, but I was often picked to diffuse the cantankeous old folks. Lucky me,.

So, I wander up and say "Hi, how can I help you?

She hands me her receipt. "Here, I want to return this laptop backpack." I look it over, which is just a formality, since at first glance I can see it's six months old. That's a deal-breaker right there. The ONLY way I'd ever take something back that old is if the customer could prove the sales associate was telling massive lies to get the sale. For a laptop backpack, there's no way.

Still, I pretend to scrutinize the receipt. It's for a cheap PC and one of those super-posh designer backpacks. Regular ones cost about $35, this one cost $100. And of course, it did nothing unusual except have a fancy label. "Well, ma'am, I'm looking at this, and our return policy extends for 30 days past the date of purchase. We're a bit past that, so we won't be able to take it back."

Stella steamed, and plunked the backpack down in front of me. I looked it over, and... near as I could tell, a gorilla had sex with it. That's the only thing I can think of to explain the sheer damage that had been done. The sides were ripped, the fabric was scuffed, and the seams had been pulled apart. Not as if they hadn't been sewn correctly, but as if it had been used and used hard. I just couldn't imagine that this was only six months old... I had backpacks that were six years old that looked better. "THIS THING IS DEFECTIVE AND I WANT A NEW ONE!!!"

"Ma'am, if you're having trouble with the backpack, we can help you contact the manufacturer and arrainge repairs."

"OH NO! I BOUGHT IT HERE!" She waives the receipt at me "SEE! LOOK!"

"Yes, I can see that, but we're still not able to take this back after 30 days. Your backpack is guaranteed by the manufacturer, and is still protected under their warranty." I'll leave it up to them to decide if they want to cover damage by hot monkey lovin'.

"I bought it here!"

"Yes, and you bought it under our return policy, which is 30 days. "

Then Stella gets sarcastic. "Oh, yeah... I made all this up, got this bag at a yard sale, and made a fake receipt, Just to rip you off! "

"Ma'am, I understand you bought it here, I'm not disputing that. I'm saying that anything bought here falls under our return policy, and you're simply way past that. "

TSC dumped the moment I posted a message in the forums, last Friday: http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?t=9343

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=97735184

Story summary: Some internet cafes in China are being forced by officials to drop the Microsoft operating system in favor of "Red Flag Linux," supposedly under the guise of cutting down on software piracy.

Who, besides me, wants a copy of this distro to see exactly how it works, not to mention as a collector's item?