Tech Stories Archives - December 2008
NT/OT - it's over
Well folks...sadly...it's official. The GoblinKing and I are no longer together.
There are two parent programs running a minor program...and one of them is just not playing nice. The primary parent program is being forced by the secondary program to re-write itself in order to continue operations. I think the machine is in need of a nuke & pave...so that the secondary parent program can be replaced with a newer, better version...and then data recovery of the minor program can begin. However...for now, the new & improved secondary parent program has been uninstalled - hopefully it can be recovered and reinstalled sometime in the future...hopefully the VERY NEAR future.
Hugs for all of you, for your thoughts & karma.[By: lavenderrose / 2008-12-01]
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Just to confirm...GK is not the original secondary program... -lavenderrose
... Um... *Hugs* -Seamus
um, excuse me for asking. but what the hell was this post talking about. if its drama it doesn't belong here go to the breakroom for that. if its private again go air it out in the breakroom there is a nice clothes line in there for dirty laundry. -blindtech
Go fuck yourself, BT. -Seamus
Certainly seems to be something that belongs in the break room to me. Sad situation and I hope things work out lavenderrose but you're out of line, Seamus. IMHO -Grembo
BT is correct, but as usual, posted without any tact whatsoever. My initial reaction was the same of Seamus; I just didn't post immediately. BT, might I suggest you study up on diplomacy, and figure out when caustic response is warranted and when it is not. LR, my sympathies to you. Might I suggest you repost this in the Break Room? -RiffRaff
True, though it is labled NT/OT, this would be better in the break room. other than that - i believe this requries a, I'm sorry to hear that lavender. -compbrat
To heck with what's appropriate, Lavender put this out there with the NT/OT leader as an information bit because not everyone ventures into the breakroom and she wanted to share the info with *everyone*. I for one have no problem with this info being posted here. More discussion could be carried on in the breakroom if she wants more feedback. But for now this is just a news blurb to let others know the current lowdown. Good luck Lavender. -ecoli
I'm so very sorry. -charred
Grembo: No, I'm not out of line. Not everyone looks at the Break Room (myself included), and BlindTech isn't just delivering that spiel out of the goodness of his heart. He's been known to rip into people for asinine shit like this, and I'm fucking sick of it. -Seamus
Woah - due to the custody bullshit with the former goblinqueen, you had to split up with GK? WTF is he paying his lawyer for? -Divinar
I have been reading TSC for years, blindtech. I was here before the stars were invented; as such, I always cringe a bit when people apologize for lack of formatting. I was here when 'starfish' as a term was coined. I was here when getting a star meant getting a big butt all because of a typo. And I was here when it was agreed upon that if a post wasn't tech related, but of interest to the general TSC community, you'd put NT/OT (Non-Tech/Off-Topic) in the title. Your comment is so far over the line you crossed it not just once, but twice. --- As for you, Lavender (and if I read this right, GoblinKing as well), I'm very sorry for the both of you. Best of luck in the future. -Calydor
Sadly, my friends, it is LR's attorney who is th FcukNugget, di11We@$el who hasn't done jack (or jill for that matter) to help her. In fact he's been the BEST attorney that she could've gotten - for her EX. ANYWAY, because of the volitile nature of her situation, my 'mother' said I needed to 'voluntarily' disinvolve myself with her IMMEDIATELY or they would do it for me. 'IE: We see a section of desert half-way around the world with your name on it in your near future, should you fail to comply.' Love you, my dear. And yes, I know this post probably SHOULD'VE been in the breakroom, but many people (ie: lots of our friends here) do not check the breakroom and we are both hurting right now from this shite... so please, kindly excuse LR's posting in the wrong place. -GoblinKing
Thanks to all of you for your hugs & well wishes. My apologies for not putting this in the breakrooom - didn't know there WAS one...haven't been on much in the last year - for obvious reasons.
BT - if you didn't understand, perhaps you should bone-up on your tech-speak.
GK - I love you too, my dearone - and miss you more every day. -lavenderrose
By the sound of things, I hope things go as smoothly as possible and you two are back together in as little time is possible. -MadJack
Hugs... Just hugs. Were there for both the three of you. -McSmiley
thx McSmiley... will give you and Mrs. McSmiley the full run down. -GoblinKing
Thanks McSmiley - GK can give you my info - feel free to contact me anytime - I miss you & the Mrs. *HUGS!!!* do me a favor & try to keep GK's spirits up & hope alive, ok? -lavenderrose
*hugs LR & GK* -rosemetal
love, since *when* have I EVER had a *problem* keeping my 'spirits' up? You know damn well that in *my* tavern the rum is NEVER gone. -GoblinKing
*lots of hugs* I do hope things work out for you guys, LR; I'll think happy thoughts for you guys. -taieena
Good Karma to LR and GK. I hope you get things sorted out right quick. As for BlindTech, I find the irony of you complaining about a NT/OT astounding considering the number of "Help Me" posts you have put up (there's a forum for that, you know, called Help Me!), not to mention the number of posts flogging your own blog as well (there's a forum for that as well, you know, called Check out this site!). -SwedishChef
LR & GK...I'm sorry to hear things are going pear-shaped. My best wishes to both of you & sincere hopes that it works out best for both of you. -lineswine
Will have spirits and friends in a couple of weekends.... Rumballs, Matusalem, Homestyle Cuban cooking etc. -McSmiley
Wow... people got hot over such a small thing as posting... so sad... :( Also sad is the situation... Karma to both of you... and for the other dude... LR just pass me the N.A.C. that's (name address caliber) for this ex dude and lawyer causin the grief ;l ... in all seriousness, known quite a few people in these situstions, keep it together and youll get through it ok... -iamscoop
I pray/meditate/upload/ send karma for everyone involved; not only LR and GK, but the "minor program' as well. I have no solutions, just and emotional "finger-crossing". (and a certain "finger" for that incompetent lawyer. -udoshan
Testing 1, 2, 3
TSC took a shit on Friday, its coming back to life.[By: Hawk / 2008-12-01]
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We missed you... -Gerund
To quote that temp. page I saw, "It's back!" -Voz
Happy to see you back -Amicuspicarum
It's ALIVE, ALIVE!!!!! -RandalGraves
Whew... Glad to know all is well. -linkv
Yeah TSC is back. Never realised just how much I would miss it. Thanks for fixing it. -LadyLineswine
I was getting scared there for a bit... Thought my DNS servers went TU or something... -Bynar
That was one healthy dump. Maybe some immodium is in order for the server? >;~} -RiffRaff
Glad its back. -Crai
horray! we love you Hawk. -SpitefulTech
Awesome! Hawk, I could hug you. -Seamus
My liver thanks you. BTW. We have money on what went wrong. I bet Apache shit itself.... We wanna know -deskmonkey
I'm Suing for emotional distress... -Wonko The Sane
It failed after Thanksgiving - just how does a server suffer from over eating ???? -Wonko The Sane
YAY! Thanks, Hawk! -taieena
Thank You Hawk ! -Spyder19
Oh, Voz, he must've been testing it for awhile, the one I saw said "It Works !" -Spyder19
you mean there's other things on the intertubes than tsc? O.o -AdmiralLaurie
Hey, Hawk, I made 3 posts on saturday, where are they ? -Spyder19
OMG! TSC is back...Muchas gracias hombre. NOW - where's my farkin shirts! <runs to any shelter that will have me> -lineswine
Thankya muchly, Hawk! Just how bad of a hardware failure was it? -Grue
Thanks, Hawk! It was muchly missed... -CTYankee
Thanks Hawk, I checked every few hours all weekend... Not that I'm obsessed in anyway. -cyberblade3001
<hands Hawk the toilet paper and a toilet brush> -Armakuni
We can rebuild it. We have the technology. We can make it stronger, faster, better... -ActingUpAgain
Inquiries can be made to firstname.lastname@example.org -vacuumtubes
Thank Hawk! We were *twitches* getting withdra*twitches*wal symptoms here. *twitches* Good everything is back to abnormal. -TheGhost
Awright! We wuz all gettin' the DTs from TSC withdrawal. (Then again, it could've been someone's relative in an attempt "Get off the computer! It's Thanksgiving, fuhpetessake! Come have another piece of pumpkin pie." -MadJack
Oh, and Thanks again! -MadJack
Good thing it is back. I was bored Friday. -DarkRookie
Yeah, Spyder, that was a "close enough for jazz" moment. I saw that screen, and figured that it was gradually getting back online, and went away for awhile. After it was back up, then the spirit struck me, but the memory of exactly what the screen said was weaker... Mea Culpa! -Voz
And we are back! -Suspenderstech
WooHoo! Server uptime has begun! Friday evening was hell without this place. Thanks, Hawk! -Darkridr
*Passes out t-shirts reading "I survived the great TSC outage of 2008 but all I got to show for it was blisters from constantly refreshing the error page..."* -LinuXtreme
I'm glad your back -compbrat
snerk @ LinuXtreme...everybody log 3 'training' credits for Prof. Hawk's 'Website Repeated Verification Analysis' course -stiffarm
I was starting to get worried then I logged in today and now I feel a calm come over me. All is right with the world. Thanks Hawk for getting TSC back online. We love you!! -raneshem
< Passes a copy of VM Ware to Hawk for future developemnt ... and an evil grin > -Necros
Do you wanna know how much I missed it? I had to come into work at 4am to deal with an overheating server room as the air-con f$cknuggets couldn't seem to fix it to power down servers and cool the room down just to try and get things working for when staff started coming onboard, and while waiting with my hot coffee and grumpy countenance, could not get to my fav site - AAAARGH!!!! Hope it's all better now though, thanks Hawk. -Enzedder
Stella, Pt II
"MY SON uses this to carry his books and stuff to nursing school, and now he can't take his stuff to class! You can't let this happen! We had to scrimp and save to get this, and now we don't have any more money! PEOPLE CAN'T JUST AFFORD TO BUY NEW BAGS EVERY WEEK!" Gee, then maybe you should have bought one of the $35 bags instead of opting for the bling-bling model.
"I understand you need the bag, what I'm explaining to you is that we can help you get the bag repaired, we just can't exchange it. "
"HE NEEDS THIS FOR SCHOOL! If he fails, IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT!"
"What we... "
"THIS BAG IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!! IT'S YOUR BAG! YOU'RE LIABLE!"
" Ma'am, we didn't make the bag, we only sold it. The manufacturer takes responsibility, and that's exactly what their warranty is for. "
"You SOLD the bag."
" Yes. We're not disagreeing with that, but at this point, it's still in the hands of the manufacturer, whom we can help you work with. "
At this point, the damndest thing happened. She cried. Bawled and squealed, for all of five seconds, then immediately composed herself. I still can't decide if she was trying to illicit sympathy or was just that insanely wired that her tears could go on and off light a switch, "This is YOUR bag, You sold it!"
" Ma'am, we didn't make the bag, we only sold it. We don't have a guy in the back of the warehouse sewing bags together, I promise you. " Yeah, by this point, I figured rational conversation wasn't going to be an option here.
"You sound so stupid. If only you could hear yourself and your stupid answers... "
" Would you like the manufacturer's number? "
"If I call them up, they're going to put me ON HOLD!!" Oh, lawdy lawd, say it ain't so! Not that!
It's around this time that my store manager, Paul, loses patience and steps in, This guy had absolutely no patience for this kind of crap, which is why we got along so well, " Ma'am, I'm the store director. The item you purchased is too far past the return date, you'll have to contact the manufacturer."
"That's garbage! I work in a grocery store, and we take back stuff all the time! Stuff we shouldn't take back! We take back rotten meat and spoiled milk!"
"That's nice, but it doesn't change anything here. We still can't take it back, call the manufacturer." I told you, Paul was awesome.
"They won't help! "
"Have you EVEN TRIED? "
Meanwhile, I had taken the liberty of writing the warranty number at the top of her receipt, and offered it back to her "Would you like the number now? " I asked, as she seethed and hissed.
She tore the receipt right out of my hands "I'll ruin you! I'll go back to that grocery store, and I'll tell everyone what's happened here. I talk to hundreds of people every day. When I tell them about this, none of them will ever come in here. I'll run this business into the ground!"
She stormed out, and everyone at the front counter took a deep breath. Even though I hadn't calmed her down, they were still glad I was the one to handle it. And, "Boy Scout" that I was, it became known as "The Day Linkv Made an Old Lady Cry,"[By: linkv / 2008-12-01]
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Applaud making annoying old person cry. Next time get annoying old person to play in traffic and I will stand when I applaud. -Crai
These people are the same, regardless of age. "I don't care about you, your store, or your company policies; do what I want, and do it now, or I'll <insert inane threat here>!" Fuck 'em, even if they are older than Methuselah. -RiffRaff
I recall a Dilbert comic: "You have to do what I say, because I'm old." She got her comeuppance, though: coyotes in the purse. -chazz
theres a smile on my face now. and a wet spot on the under-side of my desk. -SpitefulTech
The first step is "making the annoying old bint cry." The final step is "making the annoying old bint kill themselves with their own stupidity."
Personally, I liked Coyote's method: "making the annoying old bint swallow her face." -Seamus
Why the fuck was her son carrying his bags in a bag whose only function to justify the price was sod all? I got a designer bag for Christmas last year and yes, the leather is slightly scuffed where I've set it down and picked it up, but mygoddess, her son needs to learn a little something called "responsibility" and "take care of the shit people buy you."
Gdammit, this just pisses me off. -AdmiralLaurie
chazz, Coyote can't fit in a purse... Use it for paintball practice maybe... -Spyder19
for some reason this feels a little familiar...http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?t=9252&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0 -Icelator
Here's a question that will be relevant to CD... did this lady have an English accent? -NightSteel
The deliberate crying isn't uncommon. Lost track of how many, (non-tech warning!), hotel guests I made cry. Did you know that if an 18-year old girl rents a hotel room for an after-prom party, bringing in a 45-person party with everyone underage for drinking, multiple noise complaints in just a five-minute period, etc., (that is to say, VERY hard for all of the other guests, and employees, to miss), that when we go and break up the party, that we're speaking to a calm, reasoning person one minute, then a sobbing, wreck of a person whose prom night, and very life, has been ruined by our breaking up the party? Oh, and after they see the sobbing hasn't had an effect, it's suddenly gone again! Sonofagun!!! If you take into account all of the guests who've pulled the "you've ruined my stay, I'll complain to everyone about you and ruin this business", I've ruined a LOT more people than they have! I think I don't dare go into some of the seedier parts of town for fear of the number of people who will suddenly jump up, exclaiming, "that's him, he ruined my life!" -Voz
You mean you forgot to mention you did all that in a dress, Icelator ? < LART Shelter. Go! > -Necros
It's even funnier when people try the 'I'm NEVER using your service again!' when you are internal tech support. I've had people pull that line on me when I won't fix their teenage son's iPod -CommanderData
CD- Are you allowed to praise $deity when they say that to you? *laughs* -NightSteel
Guess she's going to have to go back to her old job of lying in ponds, distributing swords. -Biosynthetic
Bravo, Linkv, Bravo! The meal was most delicious, as was the story! And someone has to keep serving the audience as I have not had enough time to sit down and properly enter my stories. Yet. :) -SwedishChef
Biosynthetic - "...just because some moistened bitch lobbed a scimitar at me!" right? heh -lavenderrose
Stella, Pt I
This story is dedicated to SwedishChef, who requested it. ( http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=77971 ) See, I owe the guy, for I borrowed my habit of serving meals with very long stories from him, and he's been gracious enough to let it slide. So, in thanks, here's a tale. And as I know the American TSC members have had their fill of poultry for a little while, let's enjoy a feat of pasta. Fr the more traditional, try my hand-folded ricotta tortellini and marinara. for the more adventurous, I've made my goat cheese ravioli in alnut sauce.
I was called up to the front desk, told that some lady was wanting to return a laptop bag that was past the due date. Normally, our returns are allowed for 30 days officially. We could do 40 without a problem, everything else was pretty much a no-go. So, I walk up and meet Stella, a woman who was about 2,600 years old, and whose face had not held a smile since the Ramses administration. Now I know why I was called-- while you TSCers know me to be something of a badass when the need arises, my co-workers considered me handy for quelling the more emotional customers. Maybe it's my young appearance or my small stature, or maybe it's my attitude, which is kind of Boy Scoutish, but I was often picked to diffuse the cantankeous old folks. Lucky me,.
So, I wander up and say "Hi, how can I help you?
She hands me her receipt. "Here, I want to return this laptop backpack." I look it over, which is just a formality, since at first glance I can see it's six months old. That's a deal-breaker right there. The ONLY way I'd ever take something back that old is if the customer could prove the sales associate was telling massive lies to get the sale. For a laptop backpack, there's no way.
Still, I pretend to scrutinize the receipt. It's for a cheap PC and one of those super-posh designer backpacks. Regular ones cost about $35, this one cost $100. And of course, it did nothing unusual except have a fancy label. "Well, ma'am, I'm looking at this, and our return policy extends for 30 days past the date of purchase. We're a bit past that, so we won't be able to take it back."
Stella steamed, and plunked the backpack down in front of me. I looked it over, and... near as I could tell, a gorilla had sex with it. That's the only thing I can think of to explain the sheer damage that had been done. The sides were ripped, the fabric was scuffed, and the seams had been pulled apart. Not as if they hadn't been sewn correctly, but as if it had been used and used hard. I just couldn't imagine that this was only six months old... I had backpacks that were six years old that looked better. "THIS THING IS DEFECTIVE AND I WANT A NEW ONE!!!"
"Ma'am, if you're having trouble with the backpack, we can help you contact the manufacturer and arrainge repairs."
"OH NO! I BOUGHT IT HERE!" She waives the receipt at me "SEE! LOOK!"
"Yes, I can see that, but we're still not able to take this back after 30 days. Your backpack is guaranteed by the manufacturer, and is still protected under their warranty." I'll leave it up to them to decide if they want to cover damage by hot monkey lovin'.
"I bought it here!"
"Yes, and you bought it under our return policy, which is 30 days. "
Then Stella gets sarcastic. "Oh, yeah... I made all this up, got this bag at a yard sale, and made a fake receipt, Just to rip you off! "
"Ma'am, I understand you bought it here, I'm not disputing that. I'm saying that anything bought here falls under our return policy, and you're simply way past that. "[By: linkv / 2008-12-01]
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OMG, is this story funny. I had to read it three times through tear-streaked eyes I was laughing so hard! -Biosynthetic
Maybe Stella needs to be nailed by the gor....er. Um. Never mind. -Zimmerit
Unbelievable but true
One of the sales guys came over to me and asked why he couldn't print. So I walk over to his desk on the other side of the building to take a look. I'm getting ready to sit down when he goes. "I'm so sorry, I know what's wrong, I forgot to login to the network, go ahead back to your desk, I'll fix it myself". [By: redfaery / 2008-12-01]
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<boggles> A salesman who not only figures out the problem, but apologizes? Okay, I need my umbrella, the pigs will be overhead any second now. -chazz
That's one of the signs, I know it! If we see locust, we're screwed. -ActingUpAgain
Was the crash of techcomedy the first sign? -Stryker One
Yah, but he had to wait until you walked all the way over there to tell you. -McSmiley
To give him credit, he had tried a few things first, he had gone to Control Panel/Printer (he showed me what he did) and showed me where he saw he status, before he panicked and came and got me. -redfaery
I say leave a steaming business card on his desk for future reference. The least he could have done is given you cab fare back to your side of the office. -Biosynthetic
Having you come over to his computer was typical starfish. Admitting his error was not. Watch this one veeerrryy closely. The Force may be just beginning in this one. -ecoli
Guy called in complaining because we replaced his mobo, cpu, psu, and memory and the system STILL did not work. So after he complained for a while we started a system exchange. Guy called back and was totally pissed with the new system. Get this, the guy went from a 1.8 celeron D to a 2.5 core 2 duo, from 1 to 2 gigs of RAM, a FREE upgrade to vista business 32/64 (he still has the XP disk) and he says he wants a NEW system because this one is refurbished. Im considering sending this guy on "outside" e-mail to let him know how much of a starfish he is. *sigh*[By: Gingy / 2008-12-02]
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If there is bad spelling. Its first thing in the morning. Just got the e-mail about this guy.. =D -Gingy
Kill him. Kill him now. He doesn't know a good thing when it walks in and sits down in front of him? Dispose of him, consider it a favour to society, and I'll be waiting with the getaway transportation. -AdmiralLaurie
Explain to him that company policy dictates only that you replace his system with a P3 computer that has 64K RAM, 340Mb hard drive, a 14.4K modem, monochrome video card and amber monochrome display. If they are unhappy with the current computer you will be more than happy to downgrade their system for them (and you take the now upgraded computer home). Simple, clean and of course they won't get it and demand to talk to the manager/head honcho/guy in charge. Just shoot him. Have it over with because he's just too stupid to touch a computer let alone live. -ecoli
you cant please everyone. when i worked in the repair depot, we had a problem suctomer who wanted the absolute best laptop we carried, which was the dell lat D430. same model she currently had. anyways, we tell her that we cant give her anything better at the moment because its the best model that we stock, etc. a few days later, we get a ticket to replace her laptop becasue it fell down the stairs while she was taking it to the bathroom to rinse coffee off of it. we ended up sending her a Dell Lat D400 instead of a D430 (about four years older, much slower and uglier, etc). i got a customer satisfaction survey from her saying that it was the BEST laptop she'd ever had... go figure. -r3dn3x0r
Eat a bullet salad, you clueless, douche-guzzling chainsaw-magnet. -Seamus
<D.A.> <quote> "... FREE upgrade to vista business..." </quote> Well, a Cel D 1.8 with 1 GB and XP runs WAY better than a C2D with 2 (or 4) GB and Fista. I'd be very pissed too. </D.A.> Still, the Starfish-DIAF Foundation is there to assist you. -TheGhost
People get so annoyed with refurbished electronics. Vista jokes aside, what this twatrag fails to realize is that a PC is not like a cell phone. As far as the hardware goes, a "refurbished" PC is often BETTER than it was off the shelf. -Seamus
Hell, I PREFER refurbished systems, 'cuz that one problem that almost always crops up (just random problems, but there's always one) has already been fixed or replaced. Refurbs are actually better off than factory fresh units. Stupid Fishies... -themaxx
Tell them that to use a computer, and really be one with it, they need to start with the basics. I've got a Northgate 386 with DOS 6 and Windows 3.1 parked on the shelf here somewhere. Explain to them that editing CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT a few times as they install programs would do them good! Then give them their computer back... -Voz
I gotz a "Brand-New" Timex-Sinclair 1000 he can have for a nominal fee. Complete with a classic tape-recorder. -Biosynthetic
Fire his ass. Now. He's an industrial-strength douchebag and he'll NEVER cause you less pain than he is right now. -PTSTech
The following is an actual email sent by one of the office staff at another of our locations to the sales staff at my location.
I was told to contact you for pricing on 2 laptops to be shipped here for a customer.
He wants a P3 or better w/ over 40G hard drive and over 2.0 ghz RAM. That is the only
requirements he had to have. Of course he wants the standard specs for this type of
laptop. Please let me know as soon as you can, what this will cost.
Thank you in advance for your time and help.
I hadn't realized that memory had gotten up to 2GHz already. And "standard specs" that are common from P3 and up? Glad I don't have to deal with this request.[By: Tekkie / 2008-12-02]
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Yah, that memory will be the hard part. Otherwise, you could quote them a Netbook for about $400 your cost and be good ;) -ralphp1024
for a P3? just give him 100mHz ram, it's not like he'll know the difference. :D -OgdenTechGuy
send him a pair of glasses and say this is the standard specs -gashach
Silly Fishies Gigahertz =!= Gigabytes. Now go sit in the corner... -themaxx
Send him a pallet-load of Etch-A-Sketches. He won't know the difference. -Biosynthetic
Strewth! Even a Tuffbook's hard disk won't withstand 40 Gs. Give me strength... -Gromit
"Oh, and can you make sure Vista is installed with VMware?" -billybien
sigh another retarded luser that's read an in-flight magazine, remembered 1/2 of it, mangled 3/4s of that...& now expects you to fill all of it. Nuggets...can't kill 'em, but it never stops being fun trying. -lineswine
And it has to be the right color, to match thier paisley carry on bag. -Darkridr
I wanna know where they got a time machine! -CTYankee
For BT and AL
And all our other visually redacted friends. http://linux.softpedia.com/get/Adaptive-Technologies/Vibuntu-43337.shtml
A customized version of Ubuntu for visually impaired users
Vibuntu is a Linux distribution based on Ubuntu 8.10 (Intrepid Ibex), designed especially for visually impaired users.
[By: neuman1812 / 2008-12-02]
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That's much better than Windows for the Slightly-Dead. I think it's discriminatory that operating systems don't support Zombies, just because they eat flesh. I mean, really! -Biosynthetic
I can't see installing that on my system! -billybien
Am I the only one that saw "softpedia...." in the address and thought of soft-core prOn? -Daywalker
Softpedia - is the participation of underage goatlets implied? -TieDyedDinosaur
dankee much, Neuman! I'm downloading it now and will have a cd to test it on later tonight. maybe I can pitch vista off this box entirely! -AdmiralLaurie
Now batting cleanup...IT divison...
I just love those who "self help" themselves. My only hi pri ticket of the day went to one of our employees in purchasing. Said employee: unplugged everything, had desk moved by public works personnel, then plugged everything in...to find out nothing worked. I never thought I'd see this one coming: 3com phone, 2 wires pluged straight into SOHO switch, computer plugged into same switch, nothing from the wall jack. Best one though? UPS plugged into itself because it has a battery! I had a good laugh this morning fixing that one![By: FormerSithLord / 2008-12-02]
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Ahh..the poor-man's version of the perpetual-motion machine. -Biosynthetic
Isn't "Public Works" a contradiction in terms? Kind of like "Micro$oft Works"? -Captain Trips
Ah yes, Public Works, 3 "supervisors" watching one person work.....that would be them... -FormerSithLord
...So Shall It Be Said...
...So Shall It Be Done, As It Was in the Days of the Pharoahs - and a seriously pissed woman.
The following event actually took place in front of me today while journeying to lunch, let's tune into our program already in progress:
**Man and woman infront of me at signal light waiting to cross intersection... obviously a couple. Man's blackberry rings and he goes to answer it - apparently this happens all to frequently on HER time as the following ensued**
Woman: Jesus Christ, Brad... can we EVER go to lunch where it is just you and I and not you, me and your damned blackberry.
Brad: If it were not important, they would not be calling me.
Woman: It needs to die in a fire. (Seriously said that... hmmm is she one of us?)
** No sooner had she spoke those words, then Brad pulled his Blackberry from it's holster, lost his grip and it went sailing to the street where it was PROMPTLY run over by a cab. **
Brad: Nice wish!
Woman: *stutters trying to find the correct words*
** Brad picked up the pieces of his Blackberry and walks on in silence (makes the sign of the cross) //diety.of.choice rest it's sim card in the name of the Control, the Alt and the Delete... reboot
...the ironic part? On the cab was an advertisement for...
FIREdog.[By: GoblinKing / 2008-12-02]
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The Force is strong with that one. OK, ladies, whoever it was fess up and take a bow! -MadJack
LMAO! Gotta love it! *EG* -lavenderrose
:innocently logs back into his workstation: *clicks IE and loads TSC* ... *click*... >>>>[Damned near bathes his monitor and CallMaster IV in Coke]<<<< Okay - THAT made my day. Thanks, GoblinKing! -Seamus
Reminds me of an anecdote in a story by Spider Robinson: Man's hat blows away. Man to his wife: "don't worry another'll be along in a moment." Man holds hand up in the air just as a hat blows into it. -Icelator
It must have been company property. Not many people would be so cavalier about having their own crap destroyed. -NightSteel
I think it was more they were both stunned that she wished for it to happen... and it did. -GoblinKing
That. Was. Awesome. *grins* -rosemetal
Best thing that could happen to a farkin crackberry. -lineswine
"Use your right words" she said! It doesn't even begin with I wish.....wait it did! -McSmiley
So is she gonna wish to be multi-orgasmic and that *he* won't need Viagra anymore next? <evil grin> -CTYankee
I don't post near as much as I used to, but I'm still a bad influence on all of you..... :-) -vacuumtubes
... no worries, Vacuum - due to mitigating life circumstances (see Lavender Rose's recent post) I have not even been around as much and there has not been an epic-worthy LART in a while. Jesus H. Christ (not to be confused with any other) I might be loosing my edge/touch. -GoblinKing
Went over to my grandma's house today, because she called and said she thought she had "a spyware" - she kept getting a pop-up that said something about chatting with your friends. I went over there, not very worried, but armed with Spybot S&D, ClamWin, AVG, and Malwarebytes (I have the installers for each on my flash drive in case). I started up the computer and... nothing. Oh, it booted up perfectly fine, but no pop-up. I was confused. I deleted the McAfee trial (expired 2 years ago - yikes) and installed ClamWin. Then my grandma came into the room and said, "Did you see it?" No, I hadn't. So she told me to go to her email. I went to mail.yahoo.com... and she said, "SEE! THERE IT IS!!!" pointing excitedly at... the Yahoo banner on the sign-in page. Apparently she had an automatic login before and had never, ever seen the sign-in page. The Yahoo ad for Yahoo mail ("You can chat with your friends!" or something) was what she described as a pop-up. I explained it gently, and ran ClamWin just in case (clean bill of health - she only goes to Yahoo Mail, and only knows that because of the desktop shortcut), and went home. Another job well done.[By: DarthIndy / 2008-12-02]
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Could be worse, and now that I've said it, it probably will be. -Icelator
You know though, I prefer the ones that worry about every little ad over the ones that CLICK on every little ad. Stupid WinXPAV 2009. -LazyLemming
I agree. I don't really mind my grandma's computer illiteracy. I *do* mind the 45 minutes there and 45 minutes back. Unfortunately, I can't bring myself to charge her. Hell, I'm even upgrading the RAM for free (It's old RAM I had lying around - she has 256MB, I'll be pushing it up to 1GB. IT'll FLY comparitively. It took six frikkin hours to run a virus scan for 7 GB of data on the computer! With ClamWin! I have a full 160GB drive, and it scans in two, max! </rant> -DarthIndy
Turn off your computer and make sure it powers down; Drop it in a forty-three-foot hole in the ground; Bury it completely; rocks and boulders should be fine; Then burn all the clothes you may have worn any time you were online! </Virus Alert by Weird Al> -SirJosh
I've mentioned LogMeIn before - http:\\www.logmein.com - The free version is great for fixing relative's computers at a distance (assuming they can get online at all) -Divinar
In reference to LogMeIn... did I mention she only has PeoplePC dialup? *grimace* Until last year, she had AOL, but I was finally convince her to go for the lesser of two evils. I'd like to use LogMeIn, but AFAIK dialup = death. I will be installing it on the computers I have at home, though, so my parents will quit asking me to come home between classes to fix what they screw up. -DarthIndy
Grandmas are the best for such things. Just trade off a home made dinner or a cake for the services. If they are the cooking type. If they're not then its a trip to Damons Ribs or MCL cafeteria or something.. -Darkridr
Spelling is important
The following is an actual email subject line from a local bank that we do business with, so you'd think they'd be more professional than this:
Subject: woring papers
I know it's missing a letter, I'm just not sure if it's a K or an H.
[By: Tekkie / 2008-12-03]
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Aint got yer papers,cant work -starfishmagnet
If it's a bank doing business in Amsterdam, it could be whoring papers..... -ShujinTribble
"SIGN THE PAPERS OLD MAN!" *SMACK*. 'I cannot sign the papers!' "Why can you not sign the papers?" 'Because you have broken both of my hands....' -Biosynthetic
In Communist China, Linux Installs You!
Story summary: Some internet cafes in China are being forced by officials to drop the Microsoft operating system in favor of "Red Flag Linux," supposedly under the guise of cutting down on software piracy.
Who, besides me, wants a copy of this distro to see exactly how it works, not to mention as a collector's item?
[By: RiffRaff / 2008-12-03]
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http://www.redflag-linux.com/xiazai/eindex.php < download -neuman1812
I'm not a Linux user, but I know that I wouldn't want this on MY PC. It's bad enough that the US government could be spying on me, why would I invite the Chinese to do the same? -NightSteel
Confucius says: "The Penguin will make you free." ... wait, Confucius was communist, right? -TheGhost
charging $700 in fees? Possible GPL violation? -McSmiley
Um... If you're paying for Linux... YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. -Seamus
McSmiley: they're really, really expensive blank CDs! -Helix666
From the site and reading a bit more, it appears you have to pay for "Certification" to install the server version. Since most Internet cafe's will probably be client/server based. this is where they get you. plus its china....do you realy think they care about GPL violations? -neuman1812
Formerly known as Melamine Linux Deluxe. -Biosynthetic
Given a choice of global domination between US and China, I'd prefer the US. The political system is not perfect, but at least there's not the graft, corruption, nepotism, cronyism, abuse of process and law like China's. Where else for a small payoff to local officials can a company kidnap children and use them as slave labour in a hazardous workplace? -Wraith556
version "Tibet" -stiffarm
But it worked yesterday
This http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=78063 made me remember this story. Monday noon-time I get a request to look at an HP8150 printer with a fuser error. Went to it, tried a couple things, determined printer was dead, so drug it onto a cart and brought it back to my desk. Needs a LVPS. Yesterday I get another request from another user asking where the printer is. Called her up and said it was dead, on my desk, parts may take a week to get. She tells me "it was working yesterday morning!" Well, probably, then it stopped, which is where I came in. She then asks this gem; "Are you sure?" <sarcasm>No, I felt like inconviencing you for a week and dragging an 80lb printer back to my desk for the hell of it</sarcasm>, Bitch.[By: Jeckler / 2008-12-03]
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<tasteless alert> somebody here came up with the gem , "Well, Grandpa was alive yesterday, too. Your point?" </tasteless> -CTYankee
Open up the dead LVPS and see if the fuse has toasted - you can get replacement fuses at almost any hardware store. If the fuse is good though that means the circuit board is toast and you're waiting for the parts (did you order from partsurfer? they do overnight delivery no extra charge if you are in the states). -frprinterwiz
No fuse. There's a circuit breaker on the main line, but nothing else on the board. -Jeckler
So the Luser is missing a fuse? Nothing unusual there... -unrenowned
Don't Drug the printers! HP have a strict no Drug policy, you're violating the license... -Xeauron
And Now you have to die.
This is a letter I will be giving to my teacher soon in regards to a presentation I have to give tomorrow:
To: *my teacher (he's actually a pretty good teacher)
In regards to: *douchebag fellow student* (dfs) and The IT Site Visitation Report.
*dfs arranged for us to tour his Father’s company *** in Toronto. We arrived on site and were given a small tour of the facilities and given a presentation from his dad about the company. We were given a handout of the slides from one of the presentations we were shown but this was difficult to read in a few places. We took notes but *dfs had volunteered to take most of the notes as he had worked there and could fill in any gaps. *dfs and his Father promised to send us a copy of the two different slideshows we were shown for us to use. This occurred in week seven and we were at the company on the Friday.
After the break we tried multiple times to schedule a meeting with *dfs and continuously reminded him to get the slides from his father. *dfs never appeared at any of these meetings and pretty much stopped coming to class. *dfs kept promising to get us the information but never delivered, we told him to come in several different days and each day he would not appear and also had no excuse other than he forgot. He never offered any excuse or information. Due to these circumstances we delayed starting the report to try and wait for him to deliver and we were left only having information for the Environment and Hardware sections of the report. We could have planned ahead better and possibly handled this sooner but that in no way changes the actions of Sean or the results of said actions. Due to these actions we request *dfs’s expulsion from our group.
Just now at 1:40 pm the day before our presentation, he sent us one of the powerpoint presentations his Father showed us. This is not work Sean has completed this is a file his father already had and merely gave us a copy. This does not provide us with any further information for the presentation except for a better looking version of the diagrams I recreated by hand from the printout.
yeah you read that right he just sent it now the day before it is due when we needed it a month ago.
I am not a violent person and will not harm him, but it has been a long time since I've been this tempted. Though if he shows up and tries to get marks HE WILL BE LARTED.[By: Icelator / 2008-12-03]
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Sean needs to die from a thousand papercuts. -Calydor
I had two lusers in my tech classes exactly like this. I finally absolutely refused to work with them, and if they were put into my group, I would complain until I was moved to another group. Hate slackers! -redfaery
I had a group project in a class with 6 of us. We broke the problem down and each person got a part. One person didn't do anything on theirs and was impossible to contact/never showed up in class. Another person and I did that part and our own. Amazingly the guy sent in some crap work about 2 days before the project was due to be presented. His part of the presentation was a joke. We all got an "A" he got a "C". -Starfury
I specifically asked NOT to do group projects, even if it meant doing the whole thing by myself. I was a commuter student in university with a FULL TIME job. They'd always stick me with Buffy and Binky who lived in campus with no job. I could never make those meetings, especially considering I worked nights, then had classes all day. I'm not excusing that guy's behavior, he was just lazy. But I was willing to do ALL the work, just to do it by myself on my schedule. -TechieSidhe
Yeah had someone like that in my group project back in college. Only showed up for the presentations. Keep us updated on what happens. -MarloVino
we had a test today he showed up. Apparently he had done part of what we asked him to do but not all, not even half. Me and syzyx discussed and basically because we don't know the quality of his work and he didn't do all of it if we had taken his stuff we would have to work more and make sure it's good enough and do the slides. So we told him we didn't need his stuff and that it was too little too late. he said ok and left. -Icelator
I loathe group work for this reason and steadfastly refuse to do group projects at school. When asked why, i simply explain that I do not have time to bs around whilst the rest of the group doesn't work, or if they do work its going to drag my grade down because the students didn't, couldn't or wouldn't follow in structions. -AdmiralLaurie
I'm afraid this is useful preparation for the corporate world. -concept14
What concept14 said. -thx1138
When my daughter was in school of education, there was a major group project, 6 per group. There was a slacker (surprise surprise) who never made the group meetings, didn't do his share,etc. When she went to the prof to complain, professor said, "Get used to it. Real world is, there is ALWAYS AT LEAST ONE SLACKER IN EVERY GROUP, no matter how professional they are supposed to be. This project was also a lesson on how to deal with team members who drop the ball." My girl said it convinced my daughter to avoid working in groups, but she's in theatre/music/dance education - group work by default. -MamaTech
Pretty much exactly the same thing happened to me in first-year Computer Science. There were only four of us in the group, and one of them just didn't do anything useful, despite having promised to. I ended up doing his part of the work (beyond minimum spec, too), and noting in the report what had happened. Even the non-programmer was more useful! -Chromatix
Oh dear god I hate that real world shit. I HAVE A JOB, I HAVE BILLS, I HAVE WORK, I AM IN YOUR REAL FUCKING WORLD. I AM NOT IN NARNIA OR MIDDLE EARTH I AM IN THE REAL WORLD. NOW STOP USING THAT STUPID PHRASE AS AN EXCUSE NOT TO DO YOUR FUCKING JOB AND HELP ME LIKE I AM PAYING YOU FOR. sorry but believe me I've actually got multiple rants about teachers who use that real world line on me. -Icelator
In fact I've posted those rants in the break room. -Icelator
Heh... I don't like people like that. Just finished my intro to C++ class, and even though we weren't supposed to work in groups we did... hehehe. Anyways, Of the 6 or so of us, we all did a little of everything. But some did more of the initial coding, while others did more debugging, fixing errors, and running the programs to get the outputs. but we all put in lots of effort, and we all got some great programs. I like being able to work with others in that respect, so long as we all work. I guess Ive been lucky so far. -iamscoop
As I mentioned a while ago I am back at College. Each class seems to be split into groups. Two things I quickly noticed, thankfully the more SF students will actively avoid getting put in a group with me and even the ones who do get me will automatically fall silent and either look or even point to me when we have to explain where we are up to. -Zoomer
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