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Tech Stories Archives - October 2009
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1.
Game consoles
Aargh. On one hand I'm glad a PS3 won't be despoiled by this moron, but in the words of an aging musician (Jonah Lewey?) on the other hand there's a fist. http://notalwaysright.com/let-the-flamewars-commence/2522[By: AussieFoot / 2009-10-01]
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Don't you just LOVE people who can't grasp the concept of storage space? <shakes head> - udoshan
W00t, many props for Jona Lewie and the "On the other hand..." album. Loved the songs "You'll always find me in the kitchen at parties" and (because I lived in Pittsburgh when the album came out) "I'll get by in Pittsburgh". Stiff Records FTW! -SalParadise
I used to think that game-playing users that have no technical knowledge at all should buy consoles. Now I think they should be given a rubber ball and sent outside. Of course, they'll still manage to choke to death on it. Can you imagine working for tech support for a ball company? -Biosynthetic
Bio, at the Rubber Ball Tech Support you'll get calls of strange men gasping and whizzing on the phone, with the odd grunting, panting and moaning added in, and sounds of trashing and crashing things in the background. Not unlike the calls you'd get from Burrkiss. -TheGhost
Bio: Like, maybe, this ball company? http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/clips/happy-fun-ball/229058/ Remember, do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. -rdwells
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2.
"He didn't tell us THAT..."
Customer walks in with friend upset.
"We talked to a tech at one of your other stores, and he gave us some BAD ADVICE!"
cue the violins...
They continue. "He told us our MS Office Home was faulty and needed to be reinstalled. So we tried that but now it won't reinstall!"
"Well," I counter "it doesn't reinstall automatically. sometimes you have to click the 'autorun' file when you put in the CD".
The two frustrated ladies look at each other, look back at me and say, "We were supposed to put the disk in?"
'deity' give me strength "Yes you do. Just use the same disk you used when you first installed."
They looked confused, so I ask them "Do you still HAVE the Office CD?"
"No" they replied. "He didn't tell us that! We threw the CD away months ago..."
"Excuse me, I must have heard you incorrectly. Did you say you THREW THE CD AWAY?"
"well, yeah, we didn't think we'd need it anymore!"
Where the HELL is my Motrin IB? [By: udoshan / 2009-10-01]
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There seem to be a rash of these "Well, the CD's empty now, so's I kin throw it away, ayup." idiots lately. -Seamus
Oddly enough I got to deal with a person today that couldn't figure out how to get Office WITHOUT HAVING BOUGHT the CD... "How I get?" "You buy." "But I not want to buy, just want Word!" Great GLUB I wanna get out of this freelance shixxor and back into a desk... (and yes, I recommended OpenOffice but noooo Word was the only thing.) -Lusus
have them go online to Micorsoft.com and buy it. or possably any online store to get just word or any other ms product -compbrat
Two words, Open Office. nuff said. -docfl
Operative words: "We didn't think..." -Biosynthetic
...psst... hey, over here... looking for an install CD? I can help you with that... of course theyre legit... here, let me show you.. *opens the front of his shroud and reveals... absolutely nothing.* -TheGhost
So, Ghost, they were going to get it from the "ether"-net? -Voz
"But it came on my computer, so it's free right?" -LazyLemming
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3.
It hates me, it does!
We have this Printer which does everything and then some: it prints in color, both sides, rotates the images, sorts the pages however you want, punches holes, corrects your grammar, improves your slide designs, whatnot - you name it, it does it.
I don't need to print on it often, but when I do, I really need all it's features as I'm probably doing a hand-out presentation for a potential client or some such.
In order to do all it's magic, The Printer has to be at least semi-sentient if not fully intelligent. Unfortunately for me, with intelligence comes personal likes and dislikes - and The Printer has taken a huge dislike of me.
It started around a year ago: instead of two-sided, The Printer delivered my slides one-sided. Color? Yeah, probably on the first four slides, but not on the rest of the set. Image sharpening? Let's blur this photo to a red blob! Print the cover on glossy paper and rest of the document to standard? Nope, The Printer rather did it all on standard.
Then The Printer started to kick my jobs out of the queue or re-scheduled them to night printing. If I managed to get something past it's queue, The Printer run all of the sudden out yellow toner while continuing printing or used A5 paper instead of A4. And so on.
Next stage was unreported paper jams. And not just some easy ones, but those where The Printer shredded completely one ark, printed couple of pages more and then jammed, requiring 15 minutes of surgery work to remove all the shreds from it's insides.
My theory is that The Printer checks who sends the work to it's queue as well as the document's author metadata: if my name is mention somewhere, it throws a tantrum. We have tested this with our Office Manager: when she prints a slide set received from HR, no problems, the only thing missing is a red ribbon around the papers. When I print the same set, all hell breaks loose!
Our IT refuses to believe The Printer hates me. Instead they have several times re-installed The Printer's control program on my computer, run all kind of tests everywhere, did this-and-that and whatnot. No help.
Nowadays I swear that when I enter the room where The Printer resides, it changes it's hum to a more menacing tone.
I might have my revenge, though: IT is looking for replacement to The Printer, as it's quite old and the maintenance costs (even when it works) are quite high. But before that happens, I seem to be having a mechanical enemy! [By: NordicPT / 2009-10-01]
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Dude I just got this weird email. Says to stop by 122 Cursed Ln in Chicago and drop a flaming bag of dog poo on the step and light it on fire. Its from fthisahole@nordicswork.com -burrkiss
Plug a blender into it. Maybe it mixes drinks!! Seriously, though, when they do get rid of it, officially, take it home and dangle it out a multistory window, and threaten it. It's worked with my laptop. -AdmiralLaurie
"PC Load Letter, what the f*** does that mean?" </oblig Office space printer-related quote> -Bynar
If it does what you say it does, you should get it to change all your "it's" to "its". ;) -thx1138
jost to give you a heads up, one of the issues may be driver versions. We've had some issues with complex documents and pcl versions. what may print well in PCL6 may do really screwy stuff in PCL 5 ( assuming your printer uses PCL and not PS -McSmiley
It hates us, Precious! Nasty printerses! -Biosynthetic
Maybe you need to give it some peace offerings. Like bringing new toner cartridges or clean new paper, and depositing them before the printer. Don't forget to bow a salaam while doing it. -TheGhost
If it keeps acting up, show it that scene from Office Space where they are destroying the fax machine and tell it "If you keep acting like this that will be you." -Belunar
Here's the real solution to your problems. Open it up, find a sharp edge inside, and give it a token blood offering. :D -OgdenTechGuy
I got another idea! Before sending any printing job, send a picture of a nekkid woman. Then, while it's distracted by the picture, send your print job quickly! -TheGhost
Ghost, you are assuming that it's male. Judging by the problems, I'd wager it's female. </to the lart shelter, AWAY!> -docbrown01
Time for an exorcism. I need a young tech and an old tech... -edventure
Start sending it print jobs of 2 girls everytime it acts up. It will figure it out real quick. -LazyLemming
I thought printers liked rum and chicken. -Stryker One
"Open the paper bay doors Printer." "I'm sorry, I can't do that Nordic."</2001> -AussieFoot
Suggest a ring consisting of: one rabbi, one witch doctor, one priest, one preisetess, and a ACME hammer. have all chant and give it a good Whack or two with ACME hammer. If that doesn't work. There is always the stand of where is the closest scrap heap. And threaten to run through a shredder. -StarFishHearder
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4.
Run Lola Run
This morning, my boss and I went through all the wards of the hospital, because the IG was going through and doing spot inspections of them. We were mainly going through and making sure the computers were locked and didn't have any paitient info displayed. Thankfully, between my boss and I we managed to find only a small number of them like that, in the low single digits, but it didn't keep the nurses from neeping and saying that the computes lock automatically after 5 minutes, to which we reminded them that if the IG came by in 3, what would happen...[By: elcapitane / 2009-10-01]
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If the current security policy is for the 'puters to lock after 5 minutes, then the IG can't really complain.....oh I understand he will, but then have him change the policy...and if he okayed the policy then tell him to STFU....nicely of course. -TubPorsche
Thing to remember, tub, is that the security policy probably ALSO says that you are to lock the computer if you step away from it. I'm guessing the nurses are using the "it does it automatically" line to try to get around having to lock the machine themselves when they walk away. -DatabaseMonkey
My guess is that the policy states to lock your pc when you leave. The Group Policy is set to 5 minutes because users refuse to lock the system but they don't want to make it so short that when a user turns around they are unlocking the system. -Olorin
Yeah here our policy is lock it if you walk away. Of course, noone follows it, which drives me mad, but I look on the bright side, it's not my neck since all computers are set to lock after a time. -LazyLemming
That's why you get the keyboard with the large pad lock button on it, so they don't even need a menu. -PeterGibons
Window-L = Lock. -AussieFoot
Our nurses used to do helpful things like place staplers on the keyboard so the computer wouldn't lock. Couple of them got caught and handed the fire-and-brimstone speech. After that it abated. I still snicker thinking about it. -Darkridr
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5.
Sorry, I'm not Alpha and the Omega
So, apparently I'm in deep trouble at work, because the CEO has received the following complaints about me. "She's always in her office on a computer" "She's never in her office" "She wasn't in office B on Friday" "She was in office B on Friday" "My computer has been broken for a week because she didn't answer her phone, I didn't leave her a voice mail, or an email or a ticket in the ticket system she setup for this very reason." "She shouldn't be involved in the EHR project" "She can't answer questions about the EHR project" "She refused to come fix my front desk computer because she out of the office training doctors how to use the EHR system"
Those last 3 even came from the same person. Am I approached for my side of any of these, or even to be reprimanded? Nope, I'm just told if I don't straighten up they'll find a replacement. The only person who has my back is my boss, but she's about as hated as I am, so they don't listen to her. I...fucking...hate...people. [By: LazyLemming / 2009-10-02]
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Request (demand) a look at your hr file, if none of these complainst have specifics then demand they be thrown away, then the ones with specifics but in a description of what really happened. -Icelator
your getting set up. start looking. -burrkiss
Wouldn't be great if you and your boss marketed yourselves as a team. The fun of both leaving at the same time. -Year9595
In a rare moment, I'm agreeing with burkess. In old-timey mob speak, it sounds like you've "picked up a marker..." -vacuumtubes
Under the same guise, I'd file an official harrasment with HR against the user for creating "A Hostile Work Enviroment" so your can "Cover your Assets" so to speak. -Necros
ohh this does not bode well - i'd start the job search in earnest - can't hurt even if everything turns out OK. -Harm
Document, document, document. I can't emphasize this enough. Document. Then when the axe falls, find a hungry lawyer (just through some fresh entrails on the sidewalk, one will show up in seconds). -ecoli
through == throw -ecoli
I didn't know that being somewhere indicated a refusal to be somewhere else. That's a bit Existential, isn't it? If a user manages to electrocute themselves into a lathered frenzy and there's no one around to see it, is it still funny? -Biosynthetic
The previous suggestions of starting CYA documentation, updating your resume, becoming familiar with HR "hostile work environment" complaints are good ones. Do a sit-down with your boss, avoid whining and complaining, and explain your concerns, that the other departments may have unrealistic expectations of your performance and duties.
So, the folks are complaining that you are not available when you are running around like you were on fire already?
Had a similar sitatuation myself. Talk with your boss, and review and revise your job description. Your boss sets your priorities, you fulfill them as best you can. If the fishies want your priorities changed to suit them, they can talk to your boss, who can carefully consider their request, and either a) work with you to change your schedule and priorities, or b) tell them NO.
Carry copies of the job description around with you. Hand them out as necessary.
If you are approached directly to "take care of something" refer them to the ticket system you have established, or refer them to your boss. No exceptions. If necessary, when you get a request, instead of fulfilling it, guide them entry on the ticket system, even if it takes longer than their original request. Make it clear that the ticket is part of the procedure to get things fixed. -Xal
wear one of those wearable cameras on your person at all times. record every min of your 8+hours a day and when shit goes down you can sue sue sue
-drachen
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6.
Happy Birthday A.G.B.
Yes kiddies that's right! Today marks the birthday of Alexander Graham Bellski.
For those of you that skipped history class, he invented the Telephone Pole. [By: atomicbill / 2009-10-02]
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*raises a glass of Jameson* -Seamus
(Raises several pints) Here's to the inventor of the device that has helped Darwin eliminate scores of people that shouldn't have been driving anyway! -ecoli
Apparently, he really hated tall trees, too. -docbrown01
And don't forget this guy...(NSFW) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQNCsQqjuGw -Biosynthetic
Yeah. Ghandi as well. So if you're not getting the call centers to pick up ... < Runs > -Necros
Yep, he figured out how to get 'em to grow in a straight line. -vacuumtubes
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7.
Olympic Woot!
Thank $diety that the IOC saw through Saint Daley's BS rhetoric and decided to award the 2016 games to a city who's mayor isn't out for ego stroking... But it's all a moot point anyways, 'cause the world is gonna end in December of 2012. Right? Right? Bah... someone's gotta fix the echo in here. [By: exzyle2k / 2009-10-02]
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Further proof that Obama isn't the Second Coming like the media made him out to be. I think Jibjab did an accurate depiction of how the world saw him. -Biosynthetic
*applause* Olympics NOT in Chicago - YAY! -Grue
No comments about the Olympics, but a rant about Mr. Obama's visit to Copenhagen: he flies from US, is here for five hours, is driven all around the town in convoys of several cars (and causing massive traffic jams due to police closing the streets) and then flies back. How enviromental friendly that was? How much CO2 did it generate? This behaviour from the person who seems to be having real intrest in the enviromental questions. -NordicPT
Aw, that's nuthin. Al Gore owns his own private jet. -Biosynthetic
BEHEAD THE INFIDEL WHO DARES TO CRITICIZE "THE ONE"!! :-) -vacuumtubes
look mate, if you want the Olympics that badly you can have ours in 2012. I can't see us doing it right on the shoestring budget allocated, the hoopla is getting right up my nose already and I foresee a year of total fucking chaos running up to it. Deep joy. -Gromit
No Gromit... You can have it. In fact, expect a call from Rio in 3... 2... 1... -exzyle2k
Best comment I heard about this on morning radio was something along the lines of "Can you imagine the black hole of corruption that would be generated by Chicago politics and the IOC being in the same place?" -redevil34
Ahh...Chicago. The city where the only people that vote are the dead and the homeless. -adarklite
Sigh. Apparently, the Olympics are a huge drain of resources anyway. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, but ffs, this isn't really referring to Obama's charisma or anything. (Incidentally, from what I hear, it was more a gesture to the place he lived in.. ) Poor Rio. Hope they have the money to set up for it. -HimemiyaChikane
Nordic: You forgot how much it cost the U.S. taxpayers for his little 'spur of the moment' boondoggle, like they had a chance.
Hold that thought, I wonder how much of Oprah's money was behind it? -MadJack
Ah, well, I would have enjoyed the Olympics being here -- being "at" an Olympics without paying $500.00 a night for a $40.00 a night sleazy motel 3 hours from the venues... Plus, Chicago is an awesome town! As someone from a major retail chain once put it, the city works -- unlike other places, where you spend weeks trying to get something approved or whatever, in Chicago, once you find the right person to bribe, it's done immediately! :) -TechMama
The only down side for me in Chicago losing the olympics is that I can't rent my condo for 2 grand a night to some group looking to be close to the events. -Tuswole
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8.
NT/OT Paint for your TinFoil Hat
http://tech.yahoo.com/blogs/null/151779 Article: Anti-Wi-Fi paint keeps your wireless signal to yourself [By: Necros / 2009-10-02]
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hehehehehe I love it! A new excuse for some of my PITA guests. -MadJack
Liquid Faraday Cage... :-) -vacuumtubes
Then comes the day you want to show that family home video on your back porch during a barbeque and you headdesk. -LazyLemming
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9.
Things come in 3's
I wrote a little over a week ago about my place getting robbed. They may have caught the bastards who did it but we are still waiting on prints. My lappie was recovered at least! :D Now if only the rest of our stuff can be found, we'll be golden.
That weekend, the hubby and I moved in with my evil sister. I say evil, but she IS letting us stay there rent free. Seriously though...she is evil. Last night, I cooked too loud for her tastes. Then I did the dishes too loud while she watched tv on the couch and her dog pooped on the floor. Guess who got to clean that one up? I really don't mind pulling my weight around the house to say thank you, but I will not become a maid.
Last week, a good friend went into the hospital with heart problems. She's in her mid-thirties; the doctor found a loose muscle in her heart, but she's doing better now. I'm not sure what they plan on doing to "fix" her.
My dad went into the ER twice this week with a nose that would not stop bleeding. They don't know what's causing that, but he's going to see a specialist this week.
Not that this part is important, but I had a birthday within these past two weeks that I would like to forget. I think I might "reschedule" my bday to a more convenient day just so I don't have anything bitter tasting about this year. IMO, it's not a good idea to start off a new age year with bad juju.
My 3-4 bad things in a row has hopefully expired! I'm buying lottery tickets tonight to see if my bad juju has finally reversed![By: judoprincess / 2009-10-02]
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Cooked too loud?! that must've been one hell of a hangover! I say, cook bacon over a loudspeaker. -Biosynthetic
your bday too eh? yea.. mines been resheduled til b4 christmas.... -Harm
Oh, oh.... karma inbound, and I hope your friend and father are well soon! -AdmiralLaurie
Good luck on ALL fronts! -Grue
The Epic Bazooka of Karma is prepped and ready. I also sympathize completely about the situation with your sister. I have an evil sister as well, one who calls me 3-4 times a week, and turns right around to complain to the maternal figure that she never talks to me. She also shoves her "opinions" down my throat without any regard for the fact I at least have the dignity self-control to keep mine to myself unless and until asked. Oh yeah, and she also declared I was doing an exercize regimin all wrong, despite losing 20 pounds in a month's time. There are many other items, but it'd take up too much space for this posting... -elcapitane
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10.
Wrong hole stupid.
Story of my life. Swear to $deity!
So i'm sticking in a line for $theBoss for one of our customers, nothing special; just a VoIP line for faxes and some additonal hardware to expand the office LAN.
Few plugs and unplugs later:
* The existing phones work fine
* The intergooglez work fine
* new line has dialtone and all signs are good
* new is full of fail, can't hit an outbound line to save its life
FUCK!
now a few quick calls back to $basecamp and tests show the fax server is getting incoming no problem, all configs seem to be fine, the line is all set and happy in the provisioning system. but nothing is getting out. So really nothing to suggest a problem SHOULD be occuring.
So the $theBoss calls me up asking what the problem is, 'cause everything on OUR end seemed fine . . . . . . . (and this is where I lose a little pride.)
We do a rundown on the configuration . . . . and I notice:
(Ready for this? got your pointing finger out and your laughing hats on?)
I had switched the line into the OTHER (and very dead) port after I had confimed the dialtone in the working port.
DOH!
Qoute $theBoss after I had fixed the issue and told him what the matter was: "Ah. Wrong Hole stupid."
Much laughter was had. oops![By: SpitefulTech / 2009-10-02]
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Isn't this title a punch line from a dirty joke? -MSimmons777
I seem to remember a Japanese golf game.... -Biosynthetic
hey, I did that one, and it took a tech from comca$t to fix it.... -AdmiralLaurie
There is no wrong hole to stick it in. -burrkiss
I have to agree with Burrkiss on this one... -unrenowned
fat or thin, vasoline will get it in! -Harm
<SIGH> There's always some techie whose mind is not in the gutter. AdmiralLaurie is going to ruin our bad reputation. What are we perverts going to do? I say we make her watch Animal House for 24 hours straight. -CyBear
I counter Animal House with continuous looping playback of all 5 Bob Rivers Twisted Christmas albums. -PolarCoyote
I counter Bob Rivers with Porkys I, II, and III. -unrenowned
"There Are FOUR Holes!" </Pervcard> -Divinar
No, no, AL didn't say what the Comc@$t tech had to *do* to fix it. ;-D -Chromatix
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11.
NTOT:UK asks CA Gov to terminate website
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20091001/od_nm/us_prostitutes Gee. Maybe someone should have checked here http://www.punternet.com/ before taking their trip. Eh, Burrkiss ?[By: Necros / 2009-10-03]
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Or perhaps a certain Brit should have read this: http://www.law.cornell.edu/constitution/constitution.billofrights.html#amendmenti before asking Der Governator to shut down a web site. -Captain Trips
The activity being "rated" is perfectly legal. The website has a disclaimer. "Chill out, dickwad", is what Arnie's going to tell her. -ThinTheHerd
Yeeaaahh. Here in the Colonies we still have this quaint concept called 'due process of law.' It doesn't help that I read this article five minutes ago: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/cps-defends-prosecution-of-disabled-widow-in-prodding-case-1796654.html -MeanDean
Ah, Harriet Harman - living proof of ingrowing virginity. She's only pissed off because her site ratings are so low. <evil grin> -Gromit
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12.
Cell phones + Car....
Well, not so much a cell phone but eventually she did seem to use it as one! Yesterday, I'm driving to the airport to drop someone off and we see a young woman driving a nice looking (for the moment) Honda as we pull up to a stop a light. The reason why she grabs our attention? She's not talking on her cell phone... nope, it's a CrackBerry and she's TEXTING on it. Light goes green, we start off, and watch as this waste of a being continues to watch what she's texting even as she starts driving. Felt like stopping at the next light and asking her what she's going to do after she gets in an accident? Punchline? If you're still alive, stop texting and dial 911.[By: spectreoflife / 2009-10-04]
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Way too much of that going on... I seem to recall that last month, two public transit drivers got into accidents while texting and driving at the same time, one on a commuter train, one on a bus. And I think NY State has just a law forbidding texting while driving. -chazz
Alabama also is either in process or has passed a no texting while driving law. I forget which. But next up is no talking on cell phones at all while driving. So how many more tickets to be written because work insists you answer? -PCChaos
It's quite simple.. ifwhen the law is passed in your jurisdiction.. keep a copy on you. When someone tries to bitch you out, hand them a copy and ask if they'd like to pay for your ticket and accept the points on their license. -NightSteel
We're getting no using a cell phone at all (text/voice, etc) unless you have a handsfree kit. End of oct apparently. -desseb
Unless you *have* a hands-free kit? If it's really worded like that, I see a loophole big enough to drive a bus through. While texting. -Chromatix
In the UK it's not only an offence to use a cellphone whilst driving unless you use it hands-free, but if you have an accident whilst using one hands-free you're done for driving without due care and attention. They've even introduced "safety cameras" in the Gromit's Retreat area that spot and record drivers using cellphones or not wearing seatbelts as well as speeding. Y'know, it STILL doesn't stop the bastards. -Gromit
"Car to watch out for: Any car whose driver is drving and on the telephone at the same time. Technology has broguht us these self-important twits. You know, if cell phones were invisible, these people wouldn't have them, the whole idea is for you to see the phone, so you know that they are busy people........they're reaching out, that's what they'd tell you....well, reach out and JERK ME OFF!"- George Carlin -mechajock
Maryland just had a "no texting while driving" law go into effect as of Oct. 1st. One wonders if this applies to "sexting" as well... -Grayhawk
California passed the 'must wear a headset law' but I don't know how effective it is. There is a Distracted Driving law on the books which pretty much covers anything you're doing other than driving. Personally I don't think that anyone should do anything but DRIVE THEIR CAR when in it. Pull over to make a call/text/update facebook/yell at the kids. -Starfury
I have a hands-free device, I like it. It seems to insure that I get zero calls while wearing it. The day I forget to wear it, everybody and their brother wants to call me. -Stryker One
In Cali? They still ignore it, it's impossible to enforce (mostly due to not being able to see the perp texting unless a traffic cop's stopped at a light next to them, sees the texting going on AFTER they step on the gas, and pull them over. Rare, at best. Good idea, the no-texting laws, but useless.
And, apropos of nothing whatsoever, didn't Obama just sign an executive order regarding texting while driving? As usual, a not bad idea still difficult to implement and impossible to enforce. One more nanny-state idea that doesn't even have teeth. The only enforement is if the driver enforces it upon themselves (like that'll ever happen). -MadJack
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13.
(NT/OT) little things bug me.
Like seeing actors in Terminator Salvation who are all dirty, beat up, battle worn and without any household amenities in the future waging war with the machines, have the whitest teeth on the face of the earth. There, I'm done.[By: Biosynthetic / 2009-10-05]
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Or seeing cities full of Brand New Cars, especially when involved in accidents. Even the Cops' cars are brand new! -TieDyedDinosaur
Or how Dirty Harry can discharge a .357 Magnum in a crowded city and, even if he misses, NEVER HIT AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER. -udoshan
.44 mag -burrkiss
Udoshan, I didn't think there were innocent bystanders in dirty harry movies. -PolarCoyote
Or any film set in the middle ages, wild west, first world war or sword and sandle epics. What REALLY bugs me is that somehow in Hollywood, you can make noise in a vacuume -PoglaTheGrate
No, Burrkiss, I think .357 was right. "The most powerful handgun ever made." The .44 has a lower muzzle velocity, and as we all know the momentum is 1/2*m*v^2, so a little less mass but an equivalent increase in velocity means a much bigger punch. -Captain Trips
A .44 magnum can go through an engine block. A .357 Magnum would flatten against one. -Seamus
You need an .88 Magnum. It shoots through schools. -hymie
Harry: Not bad.
Horace: Not bad, my ass! You've got to strain the remains for the fingerprints.
Harry: Well, this is the .44 Magnum Auto-Mag and it holds a 300 grain cartridge. And, if properly used, it can remove the fingerprints. </Sudden Impact>
-MadJack
Burrkiss was right. Dirty Harry's gun "was" a Smith and Wesson "N-frame" Model 29, 44 magnum, though for filming purposes, they used the Model 57, which was the same large frame, but chambered for 41 magnum, to make it easier to control on set. A little more Hollywood deception... -Voz
I always find it funny when any movie uses a desert eagle .50. OR while falling through the roof, tangles up, they free 2 weapons, and clear out a room in asecond.. UPSIDE DOWM AND ROTATING! 10 outta 10 for COOl,, but just not feasable! ( yes i watch way too much boondock saints) -Harm
Just repeat to yourself "It's just a show,
I should really just relax -Divinar
Just repeat to yourself "It's just a show,
I should really just relax" </mst3k> -Divinar
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14.
Bad Parenting.
About 2 years B.W. (Before Wii), Me and the kids played the HELL out of our N64. The rules for Jr. Shan was simple; No Rated 'M' games. (BabyShan hadn't started playing yet)
One day, after I passed out on the couch watching whatever, I woke up to find Jr. Shan playing the one game that qualified for the "No Touchy" rule I established. He looks up, in fear at me waking up with a look of disappointment.
"Dad" he says "I, uh, I didn't mean-"
"Give me the control, son" I reply.
"But Dad..."
"Just hand it over son."
I take the control from him, switch over to "Enter Cheats" menu, and put in the Ultimate Code: "B-W-A-R-E-O-B-L-I-V-I-O-N-I-S-A-T-H-A-N-D"
"There ya go. buddy: Unlimited Ammo, Invincibility, and All Weapons. (among other perks)
"Gee thanks Daddy!" my son exclaims.
"Don't mention it, son" I reply before going back to sleep"
Hey the damage was ALREADY done, so what the hell...
Bonus Point for whomever can guess the game... [By: udoshan / 2009-10-05]
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Turok 2 but I cheated :P -Olorin
Uh, I'm going to have to pass on commenting. I'm not sure why you want to brag about encouraging your son when he deliberately disobeyed you. Sorry, I don't get it. -rosemetal
Turok 2: Seeds Of Evil -Necros
Ummmm.Resident Evil 12: Tentacle Rape? -Biosynthetic
I was raised on violent games. I turned out ok. Everyone who dissagrees with me im going to find you and kill you with a lead pipe. /jokes/ -putahtek
I remember the original cheat code: Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A B A Select Start -elcapitane
Gradius! -PCChaos
my mum played games in front of me. my dad played aviator games in front of me. my friend's husband plays some very disturbing games. And I'm fine. -AdmiralLaurie
Cobra City: Panic - An oldy but goody. -TieDyedDinosaur
gabbagabbahey - name that cheatcode and game! -Harm
My son wasn't even a year old yet so we hadn't thought about monitoring what was on TV when he was around. Turns out that he thinks it's hilarious when someone gets killed while watching any movie. Now that he's two, jumping out of the helicopter in GTA4 and smashing into the ground will elicit a 10 minute belly laugh session followed by screams of again Daddy again!! Should get even more interesting as he gets older! -frprinterwiz
Harm: Full Armorments Code in Descent and a "lose everything you cheater" code in Descent II. -Necros
I was playing GTA:Vice City in front of my son (4yo). But, I made sure that I didn't kill anyone, and only took cars/bikes that were not in use. Boy, that made it tough, sometimes. -docbrown01
Harm - Decent II. On a good day, it could make me motion sick... -Divinar
I never had a chance to play such games, when I was a kid (everything around here was fields.... Oops I've gone into nostalgia mode...) - Just Board games, all I played was with Clue(do) - So I can only kill people in Libraries if I use a candle stick... - Oh can you return this book for me, I too busy I've got this candelabra to polish... -Wonko The Sane
We had Pong when I was a kid! :) -TechMama
My 4yo loves Lego Star Wars and Lego Indiana Jones on the PS2 - and will quite happily take point on Halo, Assault on the Control Room... He understands it's just a game, he can only play it with Daddy or Mummy, and he's just happy to get his Assault Rifle pointing in the right direction to make purple goo. He even killed a Hunter for me once! -SoldierJedi
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15.
From the 'Techs Can Be Starfish Too'File
Ran into an old co-worker not too long ago:
"Yeah, so, my new job is great! I'm doing all sorts of crazy things! Last week, I had to run some wiring through a solid concrete floor, so I spent all day using a jackhammer! It was awesome!"
"I'm happy for you, but please, PLEASE tell me you're using ear protection when you do stuff like that."
"Oh yeah. I plug in my iPod headphones and turn it them all the way up."
[By: linkv / 2009-10-05]
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"What? I can't hear you! Speak up!" -unrenowned
Lots of people actually put conduit in those floors, and leave jet line in them "for future use". I wonder if he looked first... -Spyder19
I thought I was stupid, lv you've made me laugh for the first time in three or four days. thank you! -AdmiralLaurie
"Que? Kay? Cayyy?" -vacuumtubes
huh... there are drill that go through concreate.. pretty sure about that at least... -Harm
Harm -- carbide tipped bits. Far quieter than a jack hammer -- but then there's no need to deafen yourself with music! -Captain Trips
yeah, no reason to use a jackhammer when a hammer drill with an appropriate bit is all that's needed. wtf? (sorry wrong site heh) -desseb
But, if he didn't use the jackhammer, how would the tech get through the wall? What do you mean he could just walk around? -docbrown01
But the Jackhammer goes up to 11 -Zoomer
Maybe it was really just a hammer-drill. -TieDyedDinosaur
Not many building owners want a jackhammer creating microcracks on a pre-cast concrete floor. It would ruin the integrity of the floor itself. -randyskier
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16.
Oh yeah, and...
We found out a little prior to the end of the day that the paperwork's been put in for two new techs to come in. That should hopefully build up our ranks, and also make Mr. Legend a little more nervous :)[By: elcapitane / 2009-10-05]
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excelent! -Harm
Sounds like you'd still end up one short... Sleeping Ugly, Country Bumpkin, and Legend = 3, yet you're only getting 2 as replacements... Granted, that's probably enough though, given the stories you've posted. -exzyle2k
if the 2 new guys are even 1/2 competent, you will have an overstaffed department (3 * (useless deadweight) < 2 * (semi useful)) -gashach
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17.
Sure Sign Of The Times
I was at a music festival over the weekend (Dragon Dreaming if you must know). A pretty small affair, with a few market stalls set up. There was one stall selling music of all types (a LOT of vinyl, it was a dance music festival after all). Surprisingly they had some tapes for sale as well. My twin 6yo daughters had a look at the tapes and asked 'What are these daddy?'. It took me a second to realise that they would have never seen a cassette in their lives. I started explaining to them what they are, when they got distracted by some shiny.[By: PoglaTheGrate / 2009-10-05]
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I had taht conversation with my daughter about 10 years ago... we found some 8-track tapes in the garage. -CyBear
I'm making sure my little one knows how to dial a rotary phone... :-) -vacuumtubes
Ironically, I just replaced my CD player/radio boombox with a CD Player/Cassette player/radio boombox. Mainly because the old one was poorly made and lacked some features that I consider standard (shuffle play for the CD), as well as the radio being finicky and often not working at all. The cassette recorder part was an added bonus. -OgdenTechGuy
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18.
The sky, it's full of stars!
This morning, within 10 minutes of coming in, I was already bombarded with requests, including several from Country Bumpkin.
He needed a MAC address blown away from our imaging server, and also needed help with McAfee. Apparently, he didn't get the memo that there's been a fix out for it for two months now to get the repository servers set to hit ours first instad of the one in Washington, nor did he remember the fact that BlackICE is still very much a part of all our images. In fact, I even had to show it to him running happily along on my machine, despite his convictions that it had been removed some time ago from our systems.[By: elcapitane / 2009-10-06]
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blow him away.... not just from the imaging server of $deity, but from the multiverse as well. Preferably with a quiver full of poisoned arrow, or a trillion tiny little cuts doused in acid. -AdmiralLaurie
hmmmm somehow manage to invent then inject him with a comppond that will crystalise his entier body when exposed to a UHF for.. say 45 seconds.. then BOOM! according to Fringe. -Harm
hell, elcapitane, i remembered the mcafee problem, and i don't even work there. i don't even think i'm in the same country... probably a different time zone too. -boxxertrumps
Stupid ham-fisted plough-boy lard-felching fucknugget..... -vacuumtubes
-vt you made me laugh, and I'm sore! that and my kb smells minty fresh... -AdmiralLaurie
BlackICE... brrrr!! I hate that program with a passion. We have it on our machines, or rather the renamed version Proventia (more like Preventia), and hopefully by next year it'll be removed. More trouble than it's worth. -VoiceOfSanity
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19.
Karma plz NT/OT
Hey all, I know I'm not the first to deal with this situation, but it's a first for me.....and I'm terrified. Broke up with the gf about two weeks ago and she just found out that she's pregnant.....woo. Relationship not salvageable, I don't make enough to cover child support nonetheless medical bills and I feel like a piece of 5h1t for not being able to be involved. I hope things work out and am currently accepting any spare karma floating around. Thanks for listening to me moan.[By: Kiddingme / 2009-10-06]
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Sending any available karma. Hope it works out for you. -Evan
not too sound incrediblyjaded... but you sure its Yours? there was a breakup involved... 2 weeks.. if things happened in the right time frame, you could be in the clear. I'm not sayin anything - I'm just sayin. a breakup was in there - and there are reasons people break up. PLUS i've lived through enough BS to be skeptical. -Harm
With all confidence I can say that yes, it is mine. She is actually a solid chick as far as that goes....though I will be obtaining proof anyway. The math of the story works out anyway :p -Kiddingme
ahh.. Like i said - Just sayin.. and these results have been coroborated by a medical professional? not mearly the pee on a stick test? All the karma i can currently spare comming your way.. the hangers a little empty as i've been burning through what i once had :) -Harm
All available karma from me is en route. -elcapitane
whatever karma I have is headed your way.
-Ramblin
a pitcher of Karmaberry juice is on the table. bottoms up! -AdmiralLaurie
oh, and that "afford child support?" No worries, they'll take 25-30% of what you make, no matter how little. Or figure an amount and start arrears. -HappyCrappy
As much as it may seem to suck right now, it sounds like you're going to have a kid. On the bright side, there are the first words, birthdays, and a true legacy in the world. It all balances out. Karma for strength. You're going to need it. -AngrySup
Wow. Prayers are with you. Good luck. -PCChaos
*casts karma* -rosemetal
Here's some custody-karma; I hope it works better for you than it did me! -unrenowned
*casts karma* -compbrat
My relationship with my ex was all of six months old when she fell pregnant. Less than a year later we had split up. I will say one thing, and one thing only: GET INVOLVED WITH THE RAISING OF YOUR CHILD. Even if it only one day a week, or one weekend a fortnight to start with, you need to be there as much as you can. A dad is an important part of your child's life, and even though you feel inadequate, useless, whatever at the moment, you need to be around your kid as much as possible. Karma your way, whiteboard me if'n you want to chat -PoglaTheGrate
Good luck!
-Grue
Here's a Keg-O-Karma for ya! Good Luck! -ecoli
My karma barrel is running low, but what's left is yours! *preps the trebuchet* -judoprincess
Its my baby, I did her. -randyskier
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20.
I Am My Own Starfish
So today my external CD burner quit working. I tried the USB cable in several different ports but no dice. So I called the help desk. The guy shows up, takes one look, and points out to me the power cable lying where I'd kicked it out of its socket that morning. In my own defense, my boss today handed me a spreadsheet containing about 2000 lines of information which she wanted sorted three different ways by tomorrow. And it does not respond to most automatic methods of sorting so I'm doing this by hand. Still, this particular level of stupid would be worthy of a report from someone else, so just because it's me is no reason to deprive you of a good story. [By: AnneBWalsh / 2009-10-06]
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Admitting your own mistake is the first step to recovery; the second step involves rum... -unrenowned
... a lot of rum. -lurker
But why is all the rum gone? -VFox
That's a rum deal, it is. -ralphp1024
Rum like hell </Pink Floyd> -PoglaTheGrate
Hey we all have days like that. I call them. "If it was a snake it coulda bit me day." -StarFishHearder
sangria (sp?) will make it all better... -AdmiralLaurie
I like rum...rum is good...I bless you in the name of the Silver, and the Gold, and the 151, in nomine spiritus enebriatus....amen. -mechajock
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