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Tech Stories Archives - July 2010
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1.
End of the Line.
Well, this is it.
Last day at Drop.Net.
After today, Old Man Unemployment puts out his old fogie stogie on my forehead.
It's been a good run--nine years.
Hopefully, something will turn up.
Time to apply for assistance.
Wish you all the best. I may be back.
Don't let the Fucknuggets wear you down.
Tell 'em to get out of the pool.
[By: vacuumtubes / 2010-07-01]
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KarmaKannon loaded and ready in case you need it. Just call for a fire mission. -slowANDeasy
Good workin' with you, bro. Keep in touch and let me know where you end up. - RiffRaff
Good luck, job karma o nthe way! -MadJack
Job karma on it's way. -THETECHFROMHELL
Good luck to ya, dude! -Grue
All the extra jobkarma I have is headed your way. Good luck, and don't be a stranger around these parts! -SalParadise
one pony Keg-O-Karma on its way. Good luck! -ecoli
job karma, that not only you get one soon but you like the one you get -rhiannon
I gotta love the 99 weeks. -burrkiss
Well, that was quick. Got a call from Daycare--my baby's sick. Gotta pick her up. Guess I'll pack the rest of my shit tomorrow. :-) -vacuumtubes
Good luck to you. Much Karma sent your way by transporter. It's "tech swim." All lusers out of the pool. Only techs can swim right now! -KrazerKap
You can regale us with vacuum stories... -beatmewithstick
Sending all I can spare. -Stryker One
Burrky, in IL the 99 weeks isn't guaranteed... Since it's not an automatic extension up to 99 weeks, you gotta go in cycles. I got a 20 week extension, and now my next (14 weeks I think) is potentially going to be revoked because the gov't can't get their heads outta their asses and vote for something. BUT hopefully the bakery thing pans out and I dun hafta worry about it much longer. -exzyle2k
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2.
This is why,,,
...those fake anti-virus programs are so widespread: http://notalwaysright.com/there%E2%80%99s-a-sucker-infected-every-minute/5987 "I already purchased it three times and it still wants me to pay again! All I want to know is how to stop it from asking me to pay!”[By: docbrown01 / 2010-07-01]
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"OK, do you have a shotgun on the premises?" "Yes." "OK, load that sucker up and place the barrel end under your chin." "OK, done that." "Good, now pull the trigger." -flapjackboy
Why do i wonder if that would be murder or manslaughter? -gashach
gashach - neither, it would be euthanasia. -ecoli
Nope, it would be Pesticide. -ChildofCthulhu
And the Pesticide's name shall be...Flit!
http://www.thewaronbugsbook.com/images/580_Flit_ad_August.jpg -vacuumtubes
Ah! You know your Suess. Do you know about what was found in the park in the dark? -figglywig
"My mother had a Flit gun, t'was not devoid of charm. A little bit of Flit shot out of it, the rest shot up her arm." (Pam Ayres) -lineswine
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3.
About that printer...
Backstory: The setup for our print server system is completely convoluted, and way more complicated than it ever needed to be. Not only do printers NOT have static IP addresses, but for reasons only known to a few who have since left, someone had the brilliant idea to tie to specific ports on our switches, to the point where a simple printer move involves the networking folks having to make changes to switches, as well as the programmers rebuilding queues because their physical location is changed.
Got a ticket the other day, saying someone had moved into a new office, and they had a printer that was never hooked up. Tried twice to call the person, no answer. Finally after a third call and an e-mail the guy finaly responds back, saying he moved from an office to an office with a newer printer, but he wants *his* printer in the office instead of the new & shiny(and working) one. Little does he know the can of worms he wants to open.
After 10 minutes of going back and forth, trying to explain to him that it's far more complicated than simply picking one up and dropping one off in it's place, especially since by default, he got an upgrade, the fishie relented, and I was finally able to just install the printer. He also said he was having trouble getting onto a website, and because he's a social worker, he feels he should have the right to go anywhere. So I stay connected remotely to his PC and have him go to the site. Turns out, he was trying to get to some random comic strip site I've never heard of, which was blocked by people much higher up the food chain than either me or the fishie. I told him he'd have to submit a formal request to the folks in $centralOffice, and to pray he didn't get laughed at too much...[By: skippytpodar
/ 2010-07-01 ]
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Yeah. I have a degree/title/fancy position and no need to actually have the admin access- but I demand it, due to my <previous stated awesomeness>. I will also screw things up so bad with said password that it'll be your fault for someone else giving it to me. -LDFeral
see, I 'm the Senior sanitary engineer, I'm higher up than the Director of IT, cuz I'm senior, and an engineer. -McSmiley
"We didn't buy the option which allows us to do that. It's a good idea, though, and if you'd perhaps see your way towards making a budget donation in the next cycle... hello? Hello?" -Geminii
There is a reason that workers and diseases start with the word social. ;-) -Necros
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4.
My knee hurts.
Never should you leave you computer, which is in a big black case(http://tinyurl.com/2c4tr3v Just so you how stupid I fell for missing it), in a narrow walking area. Which is also near where you sleep.
Oh, the pain. I woke this mornig as I normally would. Cursing that I actually have to do work to get money. When is the moneyless society like Star Trek goin' to come around. I stumble out of bed and walk to bathroom, except I forgot where I left my case. Remember where it was a few scant seconds later. Smacked right into it and dropped my knee hard into the top of the case. Best way to wake up I have ever encountered. After a few words in some colorful combonations, I stumble away and get on with my morning. Suffice to say, I got to the bus stop in record time, and had time for a smoke while waiting for it.
Now you ask, how did I miss a big case I a middle of a walkway. First, my eye sight is horribly bad as I am very near sighted. I don't know what my Visual acuity is, but it would suprise me if it was 20/400 without my glasses. Next, it was dark, and I don't see to well in the dark. Thrid, I will stumble to the bathroom without my glasses on since I will knock them under my bed I just go for them when I wake up. Last, who ever truly pays attention when they are walking to the bathroom in the morning.
It's been about 8 hours since I smacked my knee, and it still hurts.
Just remember children, watch where you put your computer when you are done fixing them, or you could end up like me.
[By: DarkRookie
/ 2010-07-01 ]
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Seeing as you've now suffered for that computer, it should work great. -Stryker One
The computer gods demand a sacrifice. -VIPERsssss
But is the case ok? Please tell me you didn't damage the case! ;) -AussieFoot
The case is fine. My knee wasn't. -DarkRookie
Oh Dark Rookie...you & your Antecs. <*breaks speed limit on way to PunLART shelter*...let me in!> -lineswine
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5.
Shopping for FAIL
http://notalwaysright.com/online-store-meet-offline-brain/5994[By: KrazerKap / 2010-07-01]
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Clearly the customer needed to be transferred to Scotty. -Stryker One
Well it almost sounded like they were looking for something you might expect from a Star Trek replicator. Sorry those haven't been invented yet. -KrazerKap
Of course then you get the situation of it making something that slightly resembles but tastes completely unlike tea. -Olorin
Wait, isn't that what you get from the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation? -Chromatix
Share and enjoy! -Captain Trips
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6.
Joke of the day
Most of the cartoons on this site are just plain weird, but once in a while they strike a chord http://partiallyclips.com/2010/06/30/men-at-computer/ [By: AussieFoot / 2010-07-01]
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Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey. -AmazingKreskin
"It has no stabilizers." "Yes, the blue stabilizers!" "The blue things? They don't do anything." "Yes, they're the blue STABILIZERS!" "It didn't make that whooshing sound." "You drive with the brakes on!" (Yes, Doctor Who got pwned by River Song!) -Captain Trips
And on a related note: http://www.cad-comic.com/comics/64762d381278043206.jpg
-Stryker One
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7.
Following up...
No star, so quick unformatted text. Furthering the issues involved in my post on the Offtopic forums [GRR ARRGH], apparently the incompetents at the Primecast office had managed to create my account in my mother in law's name - so I can't even cancel it! On the plus side, I'm actually really happy with the way the my newest ISP [Clearwire] has been treating me.[By: Shevaresh / 2010-07-02]
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um, about the mother in law's name thing...did she in anyway make any contact with this company while setting up this account? otherwise it's fraud, and she and you can sue this primecast company.(or at least threaten it) that'd be like your nephew getting a car and some how the loan is in your name. -drachen
Nope, she's never spoken to them, ever. Oh, and it gets better; She calls up to cancel - and they say she can't, since she doesn't live there. She, of course, is old and confused [she's actually my *grand* mother in law, she only missed living through the first great depression by a few years]. Oh, and my father-in-law has cancer and is even older. Honestly, if this goes around any more I will be calling the police and filing a fraud complaint. -Shevaresh
Followup to the Followup: I spoke to someone there again, got things mostly cleared up. She is canceling my account [at that site only], and is reversing all charges except the early termination fee - she told me she will call next week with information regarding the early termination [which I told her I'd drag them to court to fight]. Seems she can't approve it herself, and her manager is out for the weekend. -Shevaresh
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8.
Fun with USB
Several months ago, I mentioned that we had a piece of software pushed out that locks down the USB ports to the point that they're all but useless, even for devices we dole out to people, and would even go so far as to send a notification e-mail of the incident to the IT security folks, unless they had a waiver on file for that specific device, signed by everyone up to and including the Hospital director..
Recently, the IT security folks began cracking down by sending out nastygrams to people who plugged unauthorized stuff in to USB ports, including Crackberries, iPods, personal flash drives, external hard drives, you name it. As a result, people are turning right around and calling into the Help Desk to complain about getting these e-mails. Because I deal with encrypted thumb drives, they almost by default come to me. Yesterday, I wasted an hour of my life on the phone with a lady who was adamant she never plugged anything into any USB ports despite the fact that there were two seperate incidents on the e-mail she got, showing that it was her username logged in at the time, the computer in her office, during two times she admitted she was using the PC. And today, I got yet another ticket from a lady who insisted she only plugged in her personal Crackberry just to charge it. I didn't call her yet, but I magine that's gonna be another fight where they'll claim ignorance (despite the torrent of e-mails saying not to do it), and the fact that they should charge their stuff at home, not here.[By: skippytpodar
/ 2010-07-02 ]
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Tell them to get a wall mounted USB charger and use that for their crack (berry) -srteach
I can see a USB device being plugged in w/o them knowing about it - I know if I was at that company, I'd have a hard time not pranking my friends that way. [I had a "missing" USB drive plugged into my computer for 3 months once. Can you tell I never look at "My Computer"?] -Shevaresh
Does the software even lock out power to the USB port? If not, then she shouldn't complain since she can still charge her device, she just can't use it. -MisterCommon
So can you actually do anything about these complaints, or do you just tell them to go bug the person who made the policy? -Geminii
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9.
interesting where typo's lead you.
so today I was going to go to fark and instead I typed in www.fakr.com it's a redirect to a utube channel but I wondered how many people make that same mistake. the one video I watched was sorta kinda funny.[By: drachen / 2010-07-02]
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I've done that one before. Was scared to un-flashblock/noscript the site, so I still don't know what's on it. -Shevaresh
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10.
User Name of the Day
Helen Mount.
And she's married, so this was a choice![By: ChasingPuck / 2010-07-02]
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Good to know she wasn't Force'd.... -unrenowned
Mt. Helen? Mt. St. Helen(s)? Goto Helen Mount? Well, at least it was a married name, so she didn't have to put up with the inevitable jokes as a kid... ;) -MadJack
Was her maiden name "Back"? -lineswine
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11.
HVAC Fun
The owner of my company owns the building I work in. He has one of the other engineer types do the building maintenance; he learned early on I'm incapable of doing anything like that. Anyway, the HVAC system downstairs broke down, they're working on replacing it. This, of course, sets up the EUPOTD [actually Co-worker POTD].[By: Shevaresh / 2010-07-02]
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12.
As geeks age...
My plan was to look at internet pictures of scantily clad ladies, but I got distracted by the faulty DVD burner I brought home from a customer account. A little bit of lubricant and the cooling fan spins without noise. Never got around to looking at those pictures though...[By: Bioguy / 2010-07-03]
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Well there's yer problem - you used up your lube on the burner! (pounds on LART shelter door) Lemme in! LEMME IN! -Frazzled
*from inside the LART shelter door* nope, stay out there and take your LART like a man. -virusjtg
*pops up out of tiny hole in the ground* somebody order a hole? quick, frzzled, get your @$$ in there, I burrowed into the shelter for you. -AdmiralLaurie
<pours lubricant down hole> there y'are, have fun wrestling your way back in the LART shelter now! <bfeg> -Enzedder
If you smoke after sex, use a lubricant. -AussieFoot
Bioguy had a "oooh, shiny!" moment. -lineswine
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13.
Endearing yourself to the on call tech..
When the help desk message says to please give the on call tech 20 minutes to contact you in the evenings and on the weekends, the tech will LOVE you when you page the help desk every three minutes. (I was driving and had to pull over to check the message.) It will also endear you to the tech when you giggle and try to pretend that you had no idea that we weren't in the office on weekends, especially if you've worked here 5 years. It will also not help that the number you leave the tech goes automatically to a "office is closed" message. [By: TechieSidhe / 2010-07-03]
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That's when you make notes about the call that state the number was not in service at that time and close the call. -spectreoflife
Sadly, spectre, I'm required to look up the correct number in our systems and call them back. In orientation and in the voice mail message, we tell them exactly what to leave and 9 times out of 10 we get none of it. We get "Hi, it's Maria, I'm locked out." We have 500 employees and 50 Marias. The only number I get usually is the one on the caller ID. We've tried to educate the lusers a million times and they don't listen. Our freaking CIO gave a talk at the manager's meeting about it, and nothing changed. -TechieSidhe
You'd be surprised how fast things change when you don't do the work. If the CIO is serious about the issue, just close any tickets that do not have the required info. The only way the fish will learn is by the stick. -PoglaTheGrate
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14.
choke on this
One of my coworkers came into the lunchroom holding her throat, and stood at a table trying to fully swallow this dry chunk of bread she'd eaten, which was now sliding painfully down her throat. I wish I had a transcript of this conversation, because any time you can talk to a woman about something hard going down her throat and gagging her, and how she chewed it so now there's big globs in her mouth... Yeah.[By: Mushroom / 2010-07-04]
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Throat, hard and gaggle!!! Wow. Sounds like pr0n -- off to the lart shelter equiped with a riot shield. -kennz
As a woman once commented to me (slip of the tongue I swear!), "Let me get right off on that." -spectreoflife
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15.
whores are everywhere
I knew the call would be good when it started out with the guy, not yet realizing I'd picked up the call, saying to someone behind him, "gawddamn whores!"
The trouble was based upon how his two teenagers went apeshit with their cell phones and ran up a few hundred dollars on the bill, but that detail didn't come out until much later. We started with him telling about how the previous woman who he spoke to was a whore, and how the people at the store were whores, and pretty much any other sentient being that entered the conversation was a whore. What he doesn't realize is that the previous person, despite him claiming she could not or would not do the thing he asked, had already done that task of deactivating his kids' phones... and now, now that he realized that we could block everything but phone calls on his two kids' phones, wanted me to reactivate them. He has now turned his rant about the whores of the world to how his kids jack off on their phones so blocking everything but calls will prevent this. The mental image of this was keeping me on my toes.
I got off the call happily and told my supervisor she really should have a listen to that one since I deserved a medal or somethin' for surviving.
[By: Mushroom / 2010-07-04]
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Well everyone is a whore, we all just have different prices. I myself right now would prefer cash but will consider new tech. -drachen
Make a note in the records for those phones that they should be decontaminated and no refunds for a phone that just "died" based off of the info the customer gave you about his sons... activities. :) -spectreoflife
Everyone has their price. It's just a matter of who's paying. ;) -ChasingPuck
"& here's me thinking an iPad was a feminine hygiene product" -lineswine
I think the iPad could be used as a suppository. Especially on Steve Jobs. -Wraith556
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16.
Well it is a job...
Anyone in the Kent, WA area looking for a (desperate for a) job?
http://seattle.craigslist.org/est/tch/1796610091.html
[By: Stryker One
/ 2010-07-04 ]
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Sounds like your average Tier-1 tech support job, but the description's in HRSpiel. -Seamus
Yep. BS and years of experience for an entry-level post that'd be lucky to pay double digits per hour. -MadJack
Western Australia? No, I'm in Victoria. -AussieFoot
I'm in Kent! Waidaminit, wrong Kent. -Gromit
I could say this sounds a lot like a temp agency looking for sucke^H^H^H^Hfolks to do support at $We_Build_Jetliners, but some of the requirements are outside of normal lines...
-VoiceOfSanity
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17.
what it really said wasn't far from this
I could swear I saw a coworker wearing a t-shirt that said:
Team I Can Count To Potato [By: Mushroom / 2010-07-04]
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Team Edward...Scissorhands. :D -OgdenTechGuy
If you weren't way up north, I'd say that sounds like a name for an OTL team. But, OTL isn't until later in the summer, either.... -MadJack
To elaborate on MJ's comment -- the Over The Line tourney here every summer has team names that couldn't even be published here! (One of the milder women's team names: "We Can Suck Peanut Butter Through A Straw") -Captain Trips
I still stand by this one... http://shirtoid.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/team-belmont.jpg -exzyle2k
I still like the shirt I saw at a convention: "And then Buffy staked Edward... The End". -technaround
1, 2 , .. many... lots! -Harm
"Cranks for the Mammaries" - Another famous OTL team motto. -TieDyedDinosaur
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18.
Quick 'user' giude.
Common Layer 8 Issues
Layer 8 Error: user entered flawed input. (This is common, and even advanced users encounter these.)
Parsing Error: user does not understand instructions. Either from the display, over the phone or other medium. Not to be confused with a Layer 8 Stack Overflow.
Checksum Error: user cannot parse more than one instruction at a time. This may be due to bad args in his subroutine.
Stack Overflow: user cannot interpret instructions or function calls consisting of more than one syllable or argument. Any attempts at reformatting statements frequently cause the users routines to stall or timeout. Really, even a device such as a toaster can confuse this person. See also 'ID10T', '12-o'clock-flasher' or 'PEBKAC' conflict. Corollary: Starfish.
General Compatibility Conflict: user replies to instructions or function calls with his Mac/iPhone. General args consist of how everything should just work with his $dildo.
[By: Seamus / 2010-07-04]
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'giude'? Yup, I'm tired. -Seamus
I've heard too many bad user args in my time. -concept14
Compatibility conflict should read "user replies to instructions or function calls with comparisons to his Mac/iPhone..." -Seamus
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19.
Chocolate factory screw up
OK so my husband and I moved to a new place a year ago. We did all the regular stuff that everyone does when they move. Got net set up, got utilities in our name. But by far the worst thing we ever did was get our home phone. Not only do we get telemarketing calls, bill collector calls, but somehow we managed to get a phone number that was tied to a business called Rocky Mountain Chocolate factory. So now I get phone calls from people asking me " Is this The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory?" at 8 am in the morning. I used to get really pissed off and hung up a lot on these people... I used to mess with their heads and take their orders and hang up on them. I got bored with all of that and actually changed my answering machine message to a message that had the correct number for the place of business on it. Yet a year later I still get calls from idiots asking If I am the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory! I found out that there is a Manager handing out Business Cards with my number on them. So the annoyance continues, and I get no free chocolate for being nice and sending there customers in the right direction. Hell When I called the real RMCF I didn't even get a thank you. Now I know that most of you out there are going to ask why I don't get my Number changed. Simply put, I am bad with all things alpha numerical. My number is wedged into my head tighter than a cork in a bottle. It's even more of a hassle for me to change my number and have to give it out to everyone again. ( though I am seriously tempted to give the RMCF's number to all my favorite rude ass bill collectors![By: imawitch / 2010-07-04]
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My land line is 2428. The local GM dealer is 2824. No matter what the customers ask me, I just say "Yes, come on in". -ThinTheHerd
Could be worse. I heard of someone that had nearly the same number as a hospital. The phone calls were at 3am. The telephone company refused to change the number without billing for it. So the next 3am conversation went: "Can I speak to ward 7?" "No." "Why not?" "Because you've been naughty." The number was changed quickly at no cost. -rurwin
See... That's when being able to speak with an accent comes in handy. Whether it be Irish, Scottish, or even the growing popularity of Canadian (eh?), it always throws the unsolicited callers off their game. -exzyle2k
A friend & her housemate were getting strange calls of the "what are you wearing/talk dirty to me" variety on a regular basis, once they convinced the callers they had the wrong number the callers wouldn't stay on the line long enough to explain where they got the number. One guy finally let slip he got it from a UK mag, all these guys had failed to realise they needed to dial an international prefix and instead were making a local call to a house in Melbourne. -AussieFoot
TTH: Waiting for the story when Burkiss calls and you give him that line... ;-) -Grayhawk
Wait, you actually have a land line? -Stryker One
Living in the same city as a major theme park and all the associated area's hotels, our phone number was a reverse pair of digits from one of the hotels. A mother called screaming at us that her daughter was in one of our rooms and she had to speak to her right now (and it was not apparently an emergency). My roommate explained seferal times that she had the wrong phone number and this was a residential phone number but she kept screaming at him that we were keeping her from her daughter. MY roommate finally hung up. Would be nice if people would get the idea thatmost hotels answer the phone as the name of their hotel and that their misdialing does not make us responsible for them. -technaround
I get a lot of calls for a cabin-rental company, and my boss used to get calls for our local elderly/disabled ride service... apparently none of these people can hear the part of the message that says "Hello, you've reached Glass Bathroom Bank..." -AnneBWalsh
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20.
My son, the Noob
I broke down and bought CounterStrke source for my son (and me) to play. He's online, and being a noob, doesn't know how to buy any gear. He asks and is told: Press F10 and then enter. This dumps him out of the map and exits the game. He comes to complain to me and I show him the correct amount of sympathy this requires. Dan, you've been pwned. He didn't take it that well...but did learn something in the process. [By: Starfury / 2010-07-04]
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Reminds me of my 1st game of counterstrike way back Beta 4.1. This noob did not know how to open doors and jump through windows. Most popular Map then for us was CS_Baghdad ( Forgot the map it was totally removed from the game ) and CS_Mansion - my favorite map. -kennz
Prior to CStrike, I was playing Delta force ( No doors, No windows - just sand and grass lots of it ), jump from Delta force to CStrike without even playing HL or Team Fortress. -kennz
Delta Force? Isn't that where you crash the aircraft in the desert & never reach your target? Oh, sorry, that's the IRL version. "Operation Eagle Claw" -lineswine
Fool me once.... -vacuumtubes
@lineswine.. I have only this to say. "Chuck Norris". I rest my case. -kennz
Kennz - he's a fucking actor. Don't believe all the Hollywood bullshit. The Iranian embassy siege in London, however... S.A.S 4, Arabs 0.
One particular terrorist landed at the bottom of the staircase with 86 bullet wounds (allegedly). John McAleese was responsible for a number of those wounds. -lineswine
Lol. That was a joke. Anyways, you sure know a lot of details regarding special services actions. Cheers. -kennz
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