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Tech Stories Archives - October 2010
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1.
I can't escape...
I went two days ago for a colonoscopy and EGD. Luckily, the drugs were really, really good, and I remember nothing of the probing. (Found nothing but an ulcer. I have named it after our CIO.) I was laying in recovery, still loopy, passing massive amounts of gas with impunity, when I hear the nurses complain that the EMR is down, and they don't remember the number to call. Before I realize what I'm saying, I begin to recite the number for the parent company's help desk. I had the procedure at the hospital we work for. This may have been a mistake because then I got to hear about their problems with it, and how it never works right. It was a good day though, because I got to moon one of the docs I work for and got away with it. [By: TechieSidhe / 2010-10-01]
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AND Fart in his general direction! -Harm
Oh, I probably did, but I didn't remember. I also found out that the nurses will NOT give you a travel cup of medication, even if you ask nicely. -TechieSidhe
What?!? What's wrong with a couple of vicodin for the road? - 0gr3
They didn't give me a travel cup, but they did give me a prescription. And since they found a polyp (benign) they want me in more frequently for "probing." -Captain Trips
Recently, I was in a room where someone was getting such a picture taken. I studiously watched the computer screen during this - that was what I was there for. -Holdfast
If you wait, out in the middle of nowhere long enough, you may get little gray guys to do the probing for free. 'Course you may or may not remember it and they seem to suck when comes to treatment. -Stryker One
Usually getting that sort of procedure at work is without drugs, without lubricant, without request and without warning. ;) -AussieFoot
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2.
Not a bad way to start a Friday
Since yesterday afternoon, my counterpart at the sister facility and I noticed an unusual pattern, in that a significant percentage of the executables and scripts were failing, and badly. At first we chalked it up to the fact that the networking folks decided in their infinite wisdom, to redo the paths for the network file server, of which most of the scripts were based on, thereby breaking them. However, we also began noticing that even regular executables were failing that had nothing to do with the scripts, so we were essentially dead in the water with laptop updates.
This morning, I came in, and got a call from my counterpart that they had discovered the root cause. A virus had taken advantage of the system yesterday after lunch and proceeded to go in and make changes to the executable installers, rendering a whole host of them all but useless. It's being fixed now, but until it's being resolved, my counterpart and I can do little but wait for the AV people to clean it up and do a restore of the files from before the virus.[By: skippytpodar
/ 2010-10-01 ]
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We had that happen inside our company, where something came in and started mucking with anything that had an .exe on the end. Much chaos ensued. -VoiceOfSanity
can you tell us what kind of infection you got hit with? -slowANDeasy
W32/Sality variant. -VoiceOfSanity
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5.
Soylent Pink is Chickens!!!
http://gizmodo.com/5654066/chicken-nuggets-are-made-from-this-pink-chicken-goop[By: ActingUpAgain / 2010-10-04]
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"parts is parts" -Captain Trips
Hmm, looks like the pink yogurt my son likes...So, yogurt is chicken?!? -docbrown01
I thought about showing this to my seven-year-old, but I'd have to find something ELSE to feed him... -udoshan
saw that yesterday, looks like frozen custard to me (still more appetizing than anything from McD's) -DedSysOp
MRM (Mechanically recovered meat) is dirt cheap - about 10% of the cost of "real" meat.
It what you get if you take a chicken carcass once the real meat has been removed, hit it with rubber flails & high-pressure water. In other words, cheap shite. NOW, ask me if I eat McPukeles "chicken" McNuggets. -lineswine
I still remember when Jamie Oliver showed children how chicken nuggets were made, and they all said how gross it looked, but they still ate them afterwards. The same children didn't recognize potatoes were eventually made into French Fries. -Wraith556
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6.
Code of Conduct
Swearing no longer allowed. Even if you are using the mute button as it will offend your co-workers. You are hereby ordered to repress all aggression and bottle it up till your blood pressure shoots up to dangerous levels...[By: Angelace / 2010-10-04]
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Well, fuck that damn shit straight to hell! -Captain Trips
This is what got me fired from ClownLogic. Ironically, that saved me from being down in the Gulf area when Katrina hit. -AmazingKreskin
Are made-up swears counted? Frak? Frell? -docbrown01
I wonder how close you can get before it's considered a swear. Ie. Shhhhhiii...., or the ever-favourite Motherfffffffuuuuuuu.... -LDFeral
What about 40K Swearing? - Feth, Fraking. WoT? - Blood and bloody ashes? Father Jack - "FECK!" -ApolloSZ
F2 Motherboard, son of a motherfather -DedSysOp
This is when you look up the proper definitions of swear words and use them as often as possible. Insist that the bastard you just spoke to happened to mention that his parents were unmarried. And surely, the cocksucker who was complaining was on his way out to the Pride parade. (DA: I actually don't have much of a problem with a no-profanity policy in most jobs, it's a professionalism issue. However, in most call centers, management has learned to look the other way in the interest of morale. And reducing killing sprees) -linkv
Corksucker. Farging icehole. -linkv
I kinda understand the no profanity thing being part of professionalism. ^^j but damn it's a great stress reliever....and maybe that's why I am the only one in our team with a normal bp but not for long if they start enforcing this rule...@_@ -Angelace
Do what the UK Premier leage footballers did,who, after getting fines for swearing on the pitch, used "clean" words to denote swearing. This is the reason that the word "pants" is now used to mean "rubbish, crap, of low quality", etc. -lineswine
Bonofa sitch! This user is nucking futs! -MarloVino
"Nucking Futs" is one way to go. I get a lot of mileage out of, "FutherMucker" as well, when something drops in the wrong place, the hammer hits in the wrong place, or many other things happen that just happen at the wrong time or in the wrong place. -Voz
It's either cussing, breaking things or demoralising the person in question until they feel their height in negative numbers. -AdmiralLaurie
The computer industry has some good ones. Unfortunately Shugart is no more, but Matsushita is still good. -rurwin
You're a smeeeeeeeeeeee-heeeeeeeeeeee... -AmazingKreskin
Fuq Dat! -Harm
Smeg-Head! -minchazo
How about in another language? Klingon, or psuedo-Chinese ala Firefly. -WinterWolf
How many of us HAVEN'T been fired for that at some time in the last 10 years? -MadJack
Back when the kids would parrot what we said, I made it a point to creatively substitute words, and so was born "Son of a biscuit eater", "Monkey Flipper", "Son of a mother", & "flapdoodle" -Grayhawk
Fuck that shit in their motherfucking asshole. Those cheese dicked, goat raping necropheliacs can gag on my love muscle. -burrkiss
My most often used swear word is "66 75 63 6b". In polite company, or at work, I often try to make a game out of it. The rules are as follows: 1. Only four-letter words beginning with F are permitted. 2. Make as many people laugh from your bowdlerization as you can. For example, 6675636b becomes "Go flap yourself!", "go fail yourself!" "pull your fishing head out of your air!" -Obsi
I just write them down as acronym and post on the wall in my cube now. STFU!!! -THETECHFROMHELL
I like "Mudder Pucker" myself. -unrenowned
Ladies and gentlemen, meet Nick, the battle cyborg with the swear censor. http://www.webcomicsnation.com/shaenongarrity/skinhorse/series.php?view=archive&chapter=33572 -Geminii
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7.
The non-professional IT professional
So my day has been pretty normal, and blessedly uneventful, reset password here, help with site nav there. I had a customer call up.. Hi, my name is (MUMBLE ANY NAME HERE REALLY FAST), and I am having issues with quickbooks"...
I reply, OK ma'am, can I have an account # plz.
she replies with one, and I realize it is a business account, so I then reply "Ma'am that is a business account I cannot handle those"
Fish - We have many accounts.
Me - Well can I have another one please.
Fish - I am an IT professional, all i need to do is figure out where to get this info I can download......
The whole time I am muted, cursing saying
" IF YOU ARE A GOD DAMNED IT PROFESSIONAL THEN WHY CAN YOU NOT READ THE PAGE AND NAVIGATE IT?"
*Slams head into keyboard*[By: SyntheticCoyote / 2010-10-04]
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<da> We have several IT professionals here who have no IT "smarts" - directors, managers, business analysts, and our CEO's admin assistant. It can happen. </da> -Captain Trips
Pulls head up from keyboard to find keys stuck on head to spell "EP1C FAIL." -KrazerKap
Doesn't IT stand for "Internet Thingy"? -MisterCommon
I-T the first and last letter in Id10t! -TubPorsche
Jen: I did say that on my CV, yes. I have a lot of experience with the whole computer thing you know, emails, sending emails, receiving emails, deleting emails, I could go on. --Denholm: Do.
--Jen: The web. Using a mouse, mices, using mice. Clicking, double clicking. The computer screen, of course. The keyboard. The... bit that goes on the floor down there. --Denholm: The hard drive. --Jen: Correct. -DedSysOp
Whoo-hoo! New season of The IT Crowd starting here soon. -AussieFoot
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8.
Haloween is comming
[NT/OT]
I was wondering, would it wrong to wear this when handing out candy to the trick or treaters?
http://i23.ebayimg.com/03/i/000/f8/d0/d734_1.JPG [By: Stryker One
/ 2010-10-05 ]
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Gee, I was thinking more of playing this as a screensaver : http://alienatedmedia.com/common/xperiments/happyhalloween/ -Necros
Considering the recent 'advisory' regarding PedoBear you might want to rethink wearing that costume even for fun - it's more likely than not that you'll end up at the police station. -Calydor
Necros, I don't think many of these kids would get the movie series reference. -PolarCoyote
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10.
Finally back to work!
The Swiss Family 'Shan has now moved to Richmond VA, in search of better life for kids, breathing room for wife, and....oh hell, we're just tired of Northern VA.............. Anyway, weeks in advance, my bosses at the "Easy Button" store were cool enough to put me in contact with one of the stores in suburban Richmond (there are MANY of them here), so I could transfer with ease. I talked to them repeatedly, and met with them in person. They were eager to have me. Emphasis on "were"!............After I moved and got settled in, called the suburban store manager to discuss my starting day, to which he goes, "Umm, well...." (cue 'peril' music) and then "to be honest with you, I can't justify bringing you on." EXCUSE ME?!! "Well, your numbers are kind of low." I tried explaining that 1) the ENTIRE STORE went lower, not just me and 2) I was ONLY working 2 days a week! (I worked a full time job to supplement) He wouldn't budge. Well, THANKS A LOT for telling me this AFTER I just moved!!!! (I knew I should've gotten this in writing) ....................All was not lost, however as I found ANOTHER store much closer to my new home, put my old manager in contact with them and VOILA, I am now back with the company slaving away in the "Button" store once again. (Dodged THAT bullet...)[By: udoshan / 2010-10-05]
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Yeah, "Best Try" sucks. For one, look at how, the minute the domain registry on bestbuysux.com expired, they bought it up and gave it a redirect to their corporate site - thus effectively suppressing the hundreds of horror stories about the company (almost all from employees like you who were screwed over by their unethical employment practices.) -Captain Trips
Google up "promisory estople" (spelling is probably off) and see if you have a case. -ActingUpAgain
Congrats! -Grue
AUA- I think you mean Estoppel and this seems like a very strong case for it.
discalimer:IANAL -Tarantulus
Remember this instance when, a few years from now, you must choose between a lucrative offer or to stay local to the company. -TieDyedDinosaur
welcome to the neighborhood, glad it worked out for you in the end. (I too am in RVA) -boxcar
@Udoshan - If anyone at Staples ever asks you to help out the "other guy's" store location, make sure you firmly inform them that you cannot. If they are trying to push through a reset, new layout, remodel, whatever, do NOT let them encourage/volunteer/bully you into doing it. I wouldn't go back to working for Staples if it was the last job on this planet. At least when Worst Try offered to transfer me, they followed through on it. -unrenowned
Oh, side note: If Anna Maschino is still in charge of the EMT's, don't listen to that bitch; she doesn't know her ass from her elbow! -unrenowned
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11.
Why yes, actually I can
One of these days, when a user calls in and says "Can you reset my password?", instead of saying, "Which one?" I'll just say "Sure!" and reset one of the five passwords they could be referring to at random.[By: Mer / 2010-10-05]
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LOL I like that, wish that I would have thought of that when I was was in the tech field. -THETECHFROMHELL
(Me)OK, your password is reset! (Fish) Well, what is it? (Me)<bfeg>I'm sorry, we can't give that information out over the phone. Have a nice day.</bfeg> -AussieFoot
(Me)OK, your password is reset! (Fish) Well, what is it? (Me) reset! (Fish) Well, what is it? (Me) reset! (fade out to Bud & Lou & Who's on first) -madonnac
Just one of them? Reset all of them to 20 digit random strings. -docbrown01
Try resetting it and then tell them that you have to email to the account they can't get into (company policy). I actually worked in a place that they did put that into the policy for a half a day until someone pointed out how stupid it was... -AniMaL
We discussed how best to do this at threewhiteletteronblue company. Best practice, email to the account you locked out, and their manager, clearly stating they asked for their password to be reset. Or, pick one at random, and email that in. -LDFeral
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12.
Temptation! (NT/OT)
Okay, this is kinda weird... I'm walking by the mini-mall near my house, and I spot a car at an empty end of the parking lot. I look a little closer, and this girl is opening up the hood of the streetlight. I watch her do this, then get back in the car and leave. Once I'm sure she's gone, I walk up to the streetlight and open it up. Inside is a film canister. WTF did I just witness? A drug deal? A blackmail drop? Or is this just the way this chick is working her way through college? No, I didn't open it... Or take it. The romantic in me wants to think it's a "secret admirer" scenario. On the other hand, the canister was marked with an "x". Just to make it that much more intriguing.[By: linkv / 2010-10-05]
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Geocaching. -chazz
Probably a geocacher. -flapjackboy
Congratulations, you were observed. They are checking you background and history and a team on their way to capture you. Tonight. You're best bet now is to follow my instructions exactly. At the end of the cubicles, turn left, go to the 3rd door and go inside and open the window.... -GargoyleTS
Friggin muggles... -0gr3
You can verify the geocache location here: http://www.geocaching.com/ -PolarCoyote
Hope it was a geocacher. This isn't common anymore: http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/terrorists_spies/spies/walker/1.html -MisterCommon
I thought that kinda spy methodology went out w/ the Cold War! ;) -MadJack
Hey honey, do you what to know who killed JFK? NAME THAT MOVIE!!! -burrkiss
Nick Cage in "The Rock" -slowANDeasy
The rock... loke that movie. " Your best? Losers whine about their 'Best' - winners go home and fuck the prom queen." -Harm
Yeah, and Jerry Garcia was an MI6 agent! -Captain Trips
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13.
Any TSC Members in Houston TX?
Hi yaul, its me the tippity tappin BlindTech. I have Tapped my way all the way over to Houston TX, where I now reside. was wondering if any members lived out this way and wanted to say, hi, or welcome me to this city, I actually live just over the city limits in a suburb called pasadena but who's getting Technical, "Get it, Tech Nical cal ". Yeh joke hahaha![By: blindtech / 2010-10-06]
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Being blind makes you pun harder? I know that blind people do it by feel. UNGH yeah wb. -burrkiss
I don't live there, but I go there about three times a year. My best friend lives out there. Too hot. -MrsCheezil
Such a shame BT, I used to live in Houston till I moved back to manila in 2009. But since you are there I recommend Larry's Bar-B-Que along 290 and Tidwell, just make sure to go at odd hours, I don't know if the Karaoke Cowboy still performs there :p Such a shame really, when I was in Houston I was all up for doing a TSC BBQ at my place but time really got away from me. -CrystalMare
I used to live in Baytown. Passadina? whew, why'd you have to pick stinkadina, as we called it. But, if you're happy there, all the best to you. -AdmiralLaurie
Houston? nope... Dallas, yes... -duckhead
but if you're up for a texas get together, i'll make the trip -duckhead
I'm on the westside of Houston for the time being, been here for several months, don't know any of the attractions except for my local watering hole -DedSysOp
also: http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?t=10917 -DedSysOp
Shucks DSO had that thread started when I was still in Houston, I would be constantly updating it with the cool places I find wandering around with my SO. Larry's BBQ, The Movie Tavern, and all the Vietnamese restaurants we have tried :p -CrystalMare
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14.
Todays example of irony
Irony - when the "Committee to Reduce Paper Usage" (yes, that is their actual committee title), prints a 4 page guide on "How to Reduce Paper Usage in Your Department" - and prints said guide single-sided, with 40 copies for a meeting with 18 people. They were not amused when I pointed out that they had just used 160 sheets of paper when they could have only used 36.[By: Ramblin / 2010-10-06]
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or they could have not used paper at all and sent it as an email? -McSmiley
power point presentaion along with an email uses... 0 paper!. -Harm
Except when everyone prints out the file. -AmazingKreskin
*cough*PDF*cough* -RiffRaff
Oh, they did put it in .pdf, and I put it on our intranet site. The meeting was with the managers so they'd be aware of how seriously upper mgmt is on this - had they emailed it, I can guarantee 75% of the managers would have printed it themselves, along with extra copies to send to their personnel. -Ramblin
Don't forget all those printouts "to check if it looks OK on paper"... -Dr Jerkyl
Training course, everyone gets told (with instructions) to change their default printer to the one in the venue. Everyone finishes the course and goes back to their own offices with supplied reference material. 1800 staff attend the course. How many (including me) remembered to change their default printer before leaving the course? How many then found out the reference material did not include the instructions for changing printer? How many who remembered the instructions deciphered the 4-letter code assigned to various printers at 200 locations, some with multiple printers? Pallets of paper went through that printer from people wondering why nothing was coming out in their own office. -AussieFoot
snicker, snicker, funny stuff -Hawk
OMG do we work at the same place? Our office asked for input on ways to save the company $$ when the recession hit, one of my ideas was to scan all docs into the shared drive so that we could all view them, a few days later the printed a 4 page doc one sided in reverse meaning all black back ground and some white type, there are 40 people in our office that copies of the 4 pg doc. I wanted to bang my head against the desk. especially since the printer had a setting to have it print white back ground and black type. -THETECHFROMHELL
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15.
OpenOffice.org vs LibreOffice
Anyone heard of the breakaway product now released in competition to OpenOffice?
Any opinions?[By: SoldierJedi / 2010-10-07]
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That this should be in a forum... -ravensentinel
You're absolutely right! My bad. Here: http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?p=163786#163786 -SoldierJedi
Wow that was quick. You should give me a million dollars... -PoglaTheGrate
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17.
Arguments can be fun
So, we were having some issues with our KMS not activating copies of Office 2010. I got our high-up IT guys involved as they run the KMS. While trying to figure this out, there was an existing argument between the two IT guys about the KMS and whatnot.
One of the admins mentioned that the KMS is one of the worst programs Microsoft has ever written, it's all command line stuff, the commands don't make any sense, and there's no GUI.
Now, normally I'm one to not say anything, but this was too good to pass up. I replied with,
"$ITAdmin, real administrators run completely in the CLI. GUI's have made you too soft... and weak..."
That resulted in an almost head-exploded stuttering and a loud "NO!" and more ranting. All the while my mic is muted and I'm in tears laughing!
It's days like today, that remind me why I love my job![By: Caboose447 / 2010-10-08]
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Ya know I do IDAdmin for my job and I wish I had a CLI for the 47 damn intel servers on this one account I manage. >_< Remote desktop is farking slow. -Aelin236
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18.
In need of karma for my family...
So it seems my parents are not really...on agreeing terms. It hasn't gone as far as divorce yet, but my Dad thinks it might. I love both of my parents to death. They have been there for me from day 1. This is going to be hard on not just them, but on me and my sister. You would think that some people take it better with age when hearing about something like this, but to be honest, for me at least, I don't. I am still very upset and damn near on the verge of tears knowing this. And I am not one to cry very often. Any karma you can spare would be greatly appreciated. Looks like times are-a gettin' tough, partner. [By: KrazerKap / 2010-10-10]
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karma and hugs coming your way. -kennz
Good luck to all.... -Grue
Sending karma your way... -Seamyst
I am terribly sorry. There are tough times all around. Seems like it's 1979 all over again... -vacuumtubes
I don't know which is worse. My parents split when I was four, so I really didn't know what was going on. In a way that was better, but I've had to grow up with a part time dad. Karma your way -PoglaTheGrate
Karma to you, good buddy... -udoshan
Karma and good will in general. I'd suggest urging them to go to family and couples counseling. Alot of churches do it as group activities with other couples for free and don't push the religion aspect of it if your parents aren't religious. If they are, it definately can't hurt having it somewhere they draw their faith. -RA
My thoughts be with you. Things will get better, one way or another. -Aelin236
All the Karma I have going to you. My parents split when I was young so it was different for me. I wish you all the best. -AniMaL
Sending all I can spare. -Stryker One
One Keg-O-Karma™ on its way. Just remember, it is never the fault of the children. Sometimes people just grow apart. I know. -ecoli
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19.
Happy Turkey Day EVERYONE!!
That is all.[By: 0gr3 / 2010-10-11]
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TSC is a global community, but thank you from Ontario. -ThinTheHerd
Happy Turkey Day to our northern neighbors on Lieutenant Colombo's Day! (EK9G) -MadJack
"Oh, but just one other thing" /for those of you who remember. -AngrySup
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