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Tech Stories Archives - March 2012
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1.
The impatient one
All of us that do internal support have those special callers. We have one that is very hyper and impatient. She calls in, gets one of the other analysts and tells him her computer won't start and she wants a hardware tech out. The analyst tells her "ok" and disconnects the call. He's in the process of typing up the ticket and calling the hardware room and the user calls back. I get her. She starts ranting and wants to talk to the original helpdesk analyst and I tell her he's on the phone with hardware now. She then demands to be given the direct line to the hardware group. I tell her no. We do not give out the direct lines to ANY of the staff here. She then wants to talk to the hardware supervisor saying "I know her." Ok..fine...so I transfer the call. One thing that the user doesn't know...we had a change of management and the hardware supervisor is now in charge of the helpdesk and there's a NEW hardware supervisor. So I transfer the call after giving the new boss a heads up. While she's ranting at the HW supervisor two of the techs show up at the office and fix her computer. Apparently the user had let the battery run out on the laptop and didn't bother to plug it in when back in the office. So the HW tech plugs in the computer and it starts up. They let her know it has to charge and if she's going to a meeting to bring her power supply with her. Just another day in the trenches.
[By: Starfury / 2012-03-01]
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You mean you have to CHARGE a laptop?! don't they charge over the air? -Necropyro
But it's _wireless_. -chazz
-McSmiley
What would have been classic is: If while still on the phone with the luser, the superviser has gotten the results form the ticket, and let her know how stupid she really was. -McSmiley
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2.
The bathroom
To preface the story: I'm male. Yesterday I'm sitting in the stall doing my business and playing a game on the work iPhone. I hear the bathroom door open and shoes clicking across the floor. I think "those don't sound like men's shoes" and then the stall door next to me opens and someone sits down. I glance over and see that that person is wearing women's heels (which explains the clicking sound of the shoes) and she proceeds to do her business, then gets up, washes her (I'm guessing) hands and leaves. I'm sitting there thinking...did I accidentally go into the women's bathroom? I finish up and check...yes there's the urinal so I am in the correct bathroom. I check the door and it also has the Men bathroom plaque on it. I wander back to my desk wondering who was in there with me and I regret not being done sooner to walk out of the stall to see who it was. [By: Starfury / 2012-03-01]
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Who says it was female? -Holdfast
Yeah, I mean if you can find a good pair of heels, wear them around. Show them off. Compare with burrkiss. - DarkRookie
They don't seem to do anything pretty in size 46 (I don't know what that is in US). -Holdfast
(ashamedly raises hand) I did the same thing once when I was a document courier, only it was me in the ladies room. The best/worst part was me and some woman standing at the sinks, washing our hands and giving each other dirty looks to say, "What are YOU doing in here?" Imagine my surprise --- and heartfelt apologies --- when we left, and I glanced back at the sign on the door. -MeanDean
"The restroom door said 'Gentlemen' so I just walked inside. I took two steps and realized I was taken for a ride.
I heard high voices, turned and found the place was occupied by two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse. What could be worse? Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse." /Bob_rivers -Grayhawk
Are you sure Hilary Clinton wasn't visiting the organization? -Wraith556
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4.
So this time, I'm the starfish.
Apparently I reset my TSC password to something strange at some point in 2008, and then completely forgot about it.
I've been assuming that Hawk did something to clear/reset my password, or that I had managed to get my account locked with all of the attempts to log in and password reset attempts.
Today, (4 years later) I finally mentioned this to my business partner, who looks over my shoulder and instantly points out that the password reset probably goes to my old yahoo email address, instead of my old company email.
So I decided to try to reset the password again, and sure enough, I had been checking the wrong email address.
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<Grin> Oh well, better late than never, right?[By: eldorel / 2012-03-04]
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CRS hits everyone sooner or later. Myself, I started having flareups at age 20 or so. -RDMcMains
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5.
WANT!
For all those users and other who have a bad case of on and on and on ... http://www.wtop.com/?nid=884&sid=2772976[By: Necros / 2012-03-05]
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has this been tested on geeks who regularly have to listen to and talk to people in india that causes a delayed feedback. -gashach
It also needs to be used on all sorts of politicians. The less some of them say, the less upset most of us get. -Holdfast
SILENCE!!! I WEEL KEEEEL YOU!!! -vacuumtubes
I need to pre order this now. -SpiderRider3
OK, that's another phone function for development, one for audio & one for video (for all those smartphones & live camming) -MadJack
what happens when two are pointed at each other? -Icelator
At the radio station where I used to work, this technique was called "stutterphone". If you apply the correct delay in the sound reaching the announcer's earphones, you can make him stutter and stumble... -chazz
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6.
More bathroom misadventures (NT/OT)
Seeing Starfury's story about bathrooms and high heels reminded me of a incident from a few days ago...
I was in the mens room attending to my business, when I heard a mechanical buzzing noise. It sounded, I thought, an awful lot like an electric razor.
No big deal, thought I, until I realized it was coming from the ladies room on the other side of the wall.
Then I prayed it was just a razor...[By: Grayhawk
/ 2012-03-05 ]
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{O}v{O} -burrkiss
Better a razor than a chainsaw ;) -Necros
I remember an Ikea commercial where a kid was playing with a "rocket ship" toy that he found by Mom's bed that made exactly that sort of buzzing noise... -chazz
"I already found my Christmas present in my mom's closet: The Ultravibe Pleasure 2000!" "What the hell is that?" "I don't know, but it sounds pretty sweet!" </cartman> -AmazingKreskin
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7.
NT/OT: The Health Patrol
I'm just curious to see if this idea is really gaining popularity in the workplace (especially outside the US) or if I've just had a weird string of jobs in the last 5 years. Lately, each job I've held has had a company "Health Champion", who gets to spend a good chunk of their time compiling a "Heathly Living Newsletter" that gets sent to everyone. All of the advice contained therein says something to the effect of "If it's fun, knock it the fuck off!!!", telling me the evils of caffiene, alcohol, fat, sugar, salt, sleeping too little, sleeping too much, and using the wrong kind of soap. While on the surface, this project seems mostly benign, I have to say I'm a little put off by my company spending so much time on giving me advice, stopping just short of coaching me on my sex life. It's also more than a little annoying that the person who spends days on end writing this newsletter gets paid to do it, rather than something of more immediate benefit to the company.
So tell me... does everyone's company have a self-appointed Nanny? And is anyone else resenting the notion that it's not enough to just go to work, do your job, and go home afterward? [By: linkv / 2012-03-05]
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Some insurance providers will give discounts to companies who promote healthy lifestyles and encourage their employees to improve or monitor their health. Kind of like getting a discount on your homeowner's insurance if you have a burglar alarm.... -JoeLugian
The company I work for does this, and Joe is right; it's because we get insurance cheaper if we do it. We even have to take some annual health survey that chides us about how little we exercise and what crappy food we eat. I just do the minimum to comply with this nonsense. -NightSteel
My current job doesn't have anything like that (just lots of wasted paper informing everyone of our Green Initiatives), but when I worked at CV, they spent a fair amount of effort advertising the free mental health counseling services they offered as part of the benefits package. On the other hand, that's a potentially useful thing in a call center. -AmazingKreskin
First, it was your cigarettes. Next, your Big Mac.
-vacuumtubes
We get them as PDFs in weekly emails. -unrenowned
It started as a 'good idea' to save employers money on their employees' benefits. And it gets manipulated into another bargaining chip they can use to control you... EVILEVILEVIL It's wrong & it doesn't belong in the workplace, no matter what the beancounters think. -MadJack
Koop: "blah blah blah no motorcyclin' no coffee no sex no alcohol no tobacco and NO RED MEAT." PLOOOMP!!! Opus: "Ironically, C. Everett Koop was done in by tofu & alfalfa sprouts!" </Bloom County> -MadJack
In Finland it's the done thing to have a physiotherapist come around about once or twice a year to sort out ergonomics. Also, discounts on various health-related things might be offered, and informal sports/activity clubs might exist. Nowhere near as pushy as what you describe though. -Chromatix
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8.
To my fellow of the Frozen North [OT]
Wow! I thought the RIAA and MPAA were bad
http://www.michaelgeist.ca/content/view/6347/125/[By: DarkRookie
/ 2012-03-05 ]
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they need to do what we did. One day replace main page for all the potentially affected sites, with these words "Blame Cima for not being able to reach your stuff." -McSmiley
wellcome to the Harper Goverenment ( no kidding.. its actually letterhead. ive seen it. no long the Canadain Goverenment.) -Harm
whats worse .. CD's DVD tapes etc have a jacked up price due to subsidizing the recording inductry ON CASE one was to take / re record heir muic onto a recordable media. And Nickleback is canadian sadly. -Harm
They want to stop piracy. Fine. Go back to ANALOG--put your stuff out on LP's, 45's even fucking CYLINDERS. No tapes--that's copyable. -vacuumtubes
If it can be read, watched, or listened to, it can be copied. No matter how hard they try to stop piracy, they'll never be successful. -Cyan
They need to get with a better business model that works for everyone, & isn't outrageously expensive, instead of sticking to the old ways. They're called OLD for a reason, y'know... too bad it's all about the money for the very top, eh? Like the artists even get what the labels claim they're asking for... they should've thought about this back when home recording was first made available, back when you could tape something off the radio (long before you could even tape something off the tv, par exemplar...) It's all about $$ and control. Fuck 'em. -MadJack
And if anyone is naive to think the record companies are trying to protect the artists: <a href="http://failblog.org/2012/03/07/music-fails-music-fails-occupy-the-music-industry/">Offsite Link</a> -harryscuz
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9.
Well, It's Official....
For the first time since 1999, I hate my job.
I work for BigAlarmCo, an enormous multinational company.
In their Employee Manual, (which should be re-titled "Up To and Including"--Legal gets a huge chubby telling you about the many ways they can frogmarch you out of the building) they state that there are two FORBIDDEN days that no one can take off--they fall on the last two business days of the month.
Partly understand, because they are the two busiest days of the month, local offices are tying up their work orders, and the Jeters in the workforce (think Stifler from American Pie) have had their fun milking the system for what it was worth by taking "unplanned" vacations during that time.
Well, last Thursday, I had to take unplanned time.
I got me a good case of the Leon Trotsky's...cha cha chaaaaah....
and there was NO WAY in hell I was going to try working unless:
A: I was in a diaper
or
B: I was sitting on a bucket.
I didn't eat for three days. First time I ate something substantial was this Sunday.
Came in, asked my supervisor if I was going to be in Dutch for breaching the FORBIDDEN DAYS law.
Can you believe.
O_o
Can you FUCKING believe.
I'm gonna be written up.
Like I was really enjoying my "vacation", folding myself sideways.
Thanks BigAlarmCo.
Thanks for showing "faith" in me and revealing your true motives.
I am like the lights. Every time I start working, I cost you money, a drain on your resources, therefore I am a liablity, NOT an asset.
If you could replace me with a Bangalore Script Monkey--or a Big Blue computer--you'd do it in a flash.
In a perfect nightmare scenario, the dickhead boss from my days at the Auto Body Jobber would his resign his position and become one of my managers at BigAlarmCo.
Where I could aspire, once again, to be become what he frequently referred to me as--his dick-sucking bitch.
Corporate policy.
To quote E.H. Armstrong, "They substitute words for reality, and then talk about the words....."
[By: vacuumtubes / 2012-03-05]
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Sounds like a meeting with HR might be in order since it seems a case of discrimination to enforce the policy on the non-favored employees but the "Jeter's" not only seem to take said days off as a lark but actually enjoy rubbing it in others faces that they took off said days without punishment. Refuse to sign the write up as you had a medical condition that precluded you from entering the office but was not severe enough to require an emergency room visit and sitting in a doctor's office trying not to sh*t yourself was not an option either. -GargoyleTS
I'm sure Jeter gets his too--that's why the rule was made--only the honest get hurt, kinda like zero tolerance--one size kicks ev'ryone's 'nads. -vacuumtubes
Document it, as stated, if they leave you no choice, state clearly in explicit detail why you had to have time off. Looks great when someone gets it later, you disciplined (person) because they were doing what? -spectreoflife
Sounds like my time at $hitty programming limited where any leave, including sick leave, had to be approved by the GM's PA, in advance. So I followed the Sirius Cybernetics doctrine of "Share and Enjoy". -Wraith556
Moral of the story is: Next time this happens, come in, and take a big ole, wet, stinking, runny crap in the middle of either the HR person or GM's desk (whoever is the one responsible for the asinine statement that you have to schedule when you get sick). -Griffin2020
To this day, I am thoroughly pissed at Chase, who had the audacity to call its employees "family", and then run round after round of layoffs when it merged with JPM in 2002. -AmazingKreskin
Would a doctor's note not nullify the whole thing? I know most companies are run by the soulless, but legal usually keeps them in check if you've got a doctor's note. -SwedishChef
Chef--nope. I asked that too, so I just gottta live with it. Zero tolerance--one size shoe fits everyone's ass.
-vacuumtubes
I'd get a dr note anyway, and hand it over to HR, stating simply, "I'm covering all bases, so you know exactly why I couldn't come in that day. Unless you wanted me to wear an earpiece to the bathroom every five minutes." And then make a note of it in your personal files in case all hell breaks loose later, you can testify. -AdmiralLaurie
Don't sign it, provide a dr's note, and if need be find a lawyer. Those three things will piss them off but cover your....well you know. -Olorin
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10.
Am I really that jaded....
Later today I have a appointment with a client, the note on the appointment says 'Can't Login to facebook' And the first words to cross my mind were 'problem solved'. Am I really getting that jaded. Seriously I have no sympathy for this chick. oh well $40 bucks an hour to figure out how to log into a free website, must be the idiot tax at work. [By: drachen / 2012-03-07]
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jaded? only slightly - run of the mill cynicism based on the continueing avalanch towards "You make things go" -Harm
"Can't log in to Facebook" is just the presenting complaint. When you get there you will find that the monitor is off or the keycap for one of the letters in their password is broken. -concept14
Or they have a computer but don't have an ISP -Grembo
Actually, what you'll find is she searched for facebook login, ended up here and couldn't find the login prompt. SFW http://www.readwriteweb.com/archives/facebook_wants_to_be_your_one_true_login.php -redevil34
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11.
Couldn't deal with the fishies??
When I first read this story I thought he couldnt deal with the starfishiness of the people. Then I found this better version of the story http://readingeagle.com/article.aspx?id=369602 and realized he is just another A-hole who needs to be eliminated.[By: RoadDemon / 2012-03-08]
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The badass award goes to James Born, who apparently took 12 hits to the head with the hammer, and not only lived, but was able to get up and head downstairs to call for help. -AmazingKreskin
Wow! Kill one person, nearly kill another, and this asshole still gets a chance at parole?! -Stryker One
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12.
An open letter to my manager
Dear Boss, Please give those of us at the helpdesk training on new software before you roll it out to the end users. Putting a note in the documentation to "call the helpdesk if you have questions" is fine...but only if WE have had training on the software. If you don't plan on giving us training...at least put some sort of helpful documentation in our knowledge base. Having the same document as the one sent to the end users isn't that helpful when they have questions or problems which are not listed there. Sincerely, Your Helpdesk staff.
[By: Starfury / 2012-03-08]
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BAHAHAHAHAHA! <breathes> BAHAHAHAHA! As if this will ever effin happen. I will spontaneously change genders first. -DarkRookie
Darkrookie, I could go for you. What gender are you now? -Gerund
Lets see... I can count to 21 so male as of now. -DarkRookie
*shoves a girdle of Masculinity/ Femininity on DR* well ya asked for it.. and i've witnessed it happening before. its RARE.. unlike that girdle. -Harm
Tuck it back DR. -burrkiss
You too? I've often been asked to support software I didn't even know we had, let alone how to use it! -Captain Trips
I am getting really good at "intuitive" tech support, where I have never SEEN the software, but by asking the user the right questions, can usually do some pretty decent support on it. Sadly, this process does not work with lottery numbers. -TechieSidhe
I'm about to be the SME for a product that is only working 33% of the time but they want it rolled out by oh...3 weeks from now...And no manuals...no knowledge base...nada...zip. -Angelace
"Shut up and re-boot", "Hey, it works now" (click) "My call times are getting better" -AngrySup
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13.
Here's your sign...
Sorry for the lack of formatting, my star has dropped. Anywho, if you recall, the other day, I wrote about a lady who kept neeping she wanted "her" laptop back right away after calling saying it needed said updates. This laptop hadn't even been turned on since last November... This necessarily led into another problem. Supposedely, said lady was part of the home-based care team, meaning she went to people's homes and using a VPN connection and a work laptop at their home, would give patients basic medical care who couldn't otherwise travel to our hospital for outpatient based care. It's a novel idea, and one I've always fully supported, since I've got two grandparents who require such care on a nigh-daily basis. She picked up her laptop this morning, only to shoot off this long-winded e-mail to me and others about how she can now no longer log into her VPN "all of a sudden". Our infosec guys check... her account was disabled for lack of use in January, which tracks since VPN accounts as of last October have a 60-day trigger to disable if not being used. They respond back saying as such, and that it had been re-enabled, and would continue to be so for 60 days, provided she could successfully log into it by the 5 PM cutoff. Otherwise, the disable flag would re-establish. This wasn't good enough for her, and she responded back how she just got a CAC card from the infosec guys, and how they should have checked it out then, even though CAC cards and VPN have nothing to do with each other in our organization as of yet, involve completely separate systems, and are in no way linked yet. In fact, the possession of one has nothing to do with your ability to get the other as of yet. This back & forth kept going, but the gist of it was that she felt she had every right to be excluded from the 60-day timeout, even though logging into VPN just one time successfully within that window would reset the timer, and the nature of her job being what it was, meant she would supposedly be logging in via VPN several times a day. How she didn't even log in once since November, let alone turn her laptop on, since she took no leave of absence, and by all accounts, was out in the community, has thus far stumped everyone in my department.[By: skippytpodar
/ 2012-03-09 ]
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The only word that comes to mind is "FRAUD" - and her patients should be checked on, to see if they're still alive! -Divinar
...or even exist! -Voz
I would take the evidence of disuse to her supervisor. If she hasn't used the VPN in 60 days, how is she providing care to her patients? This is a bigger issue than a starfish proving rule #1 - this could even be a HIPAA issue. -Captain Trips
Another vote for fraud. I'd be thinking about alerting whoever her licensing board is. -Loren
I was out on Friday, so I apparently missed the fun. My coworkers responded to the e-mail by saying the lady in question is now a supervisor as of last November (curiously the same time she effectively shut down the laptop. My boss questioned out loud to her if she hadn't touched it in four months, why she even needed it since by her admission, she only needed to attend meetings and now didn't go out in the field, contrary to what she initially claimed. -skippytpodar
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14.
Techs can be starfish too.
So I had to deal with some rather huge starfish at $dsl isp.
This is the background of what I'm about to right, so stay tuned...
$dsl isp was giving me modem router combos that frequently failed.
After about the third or fourth crappy modem router combo, I was getting sick of them already.
The thing that took the cake was that.
1. I have an Apple Airport router that I wanted to use, but wasn't able to use it to its fullest extent because the $dsl isp modem router combo was blocking some ports to get outside the modem router combo's network to be able to access the hard drive I've got plugged into the airport router.
2. The best advice $dsl isp gave me was to disable the dhcp server, as I could find no option to turn off the modem router combo's firewall. I did this and things went straight to hell from the getgo.
3. got the dhcp server remabled and managed to get the router to go into bridge mode, but was still not able to even get a connection to the airport router.
Had a friend come over and help me fix what $dsl screwed up, and was back on the internet with a lot of speed problems.
4. I called $dsl isp, and they were wanting to send a tech out to check things out, but after telling them I didn't need a tech numerous times, they finally agreed to cancel all of the service I had with them.
Now for the $cable provicer fun...
Admeral Laurie and I called $cable provider and told them we wanted to get set up with their service.
That went all well and fine, until today.
The tech from $cable provider was supposed to come out between eleven to one this afternoon.
We gave $cable provider our cell phone numbers, and said tech never used them to call us, just put a flyer on the front door of our apartment building.
Needless to say... I was rather pissed off.
I called $cable provider and the starfish on the other end of the line wouldn't even bother to help me out, all they said was to reskedule the appointment, and all they had was Sunday.
The same starfish then turned around and said that was to soon to have the tech come out and install the modem.
Admeral Laurie then called them and got a different person on the line. This person then was able to escalate the setup.
The good news is that now I have better internet access, and I don't have to dink around with $dsl isp's crappy equipment.[By: gremlyn / 2012-03-09]
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Oy. What FUN you've been having! -Grue
Well there's your problem, apples are for eating, not computing. [I'll be in the LART shelter] -Stryker One
Now, now Stryker. I come here to get away from evangelists... ;-) -Grayhawk
In my experience, the Airport Base Stations work better than most routers. They just don't have DSL modems built in, worse luck. -Chromatix
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15.
Clicking on the obvious
Sucktomer calls in, has created a website using the lamer than Frontpage software that is provided free with her computer. She's spent 1 1/2 hours with tech support for GoDaddy. She's entered all the correct information for the FTP server and the website. She clicked the "test connection" button, which told her "the connection tested successfully, you can now publish the website". Yet the website did not show up. I got the call at this point and asked "did you click the 'publish site' button?".
"Where is that?" was the response.
"It's a big green button at the bottom left that says 'Publish Site'"
"Oh, It's uploading"
Imagine that....[By: Grembo / 2012-03-12]
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Reminds me of this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9em-ZCddWk Goto 6:29 for what I am referring to. -RoadDemon
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17.
I think we have a Rule #1 violation here
http://notalwaysright.com/doctor-weve-got-a-serious-case-of-self-loathing/17745[By: Stryker One
/ 2012-03-12 ]
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It's a gift....
-vacuumtubes
Danger! Stupidity levels approaching critical mass. Warp core breach is imminent. -KrazerKap
You forget rule #3 -- the only time users aren't lying is when they are saying how stupid they are.
-Captain Trips
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18.
The Dark Lord of All Rises
A little bit from the chat today
DarkRookie: wonder if this works
*DarkRookie is now know as [SME]Stormageddon Dark Lord of All
[SME]Stormageddon Dark Lord of All: hmmm that actually worked
*[SME]Stormageddon Dark Lord of All is now know as DarkRookie
AgentOne launches the Honeywell Technical Firewall(TM) to keep Dark Lords out
DarkRookie counters by sending the request thru the server team
AgentTwo: lol
AgentThree: omg
AgentFour: lolz
AgentFour thinks the server team will fail as usual
DarkRookie: THE DARK LORD OF ALL SHALL RISE AGAIN
this halloween
DarkRookie: Why do you think i routed it overthere
[By: DarkRookie
/ 2012-03-14 ]
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Dark Lord of All shall rise up, and he shall free all Techies everywhere. FRY ALL THE FISHYS COMPUTERS! -KrazerKap
Heh. If they really wanted to keep you out, They'd have sent you to "customer service" ;) -Necros
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19.
Happy Pi Day 2012!
Don't forget to draw a circle at 1:59 PM your time! Additionally, baking a pie in a square pan is a punny way to finish things off.... [By: Grue
/ 2012-03-14 ]
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I'm hoping to celebrate the day with a steak and a BJ: http://steakandbjday.com/ -SalParadise
As my dad says "pie r squared? No, pie r not squared. pie r round. Cornbread r squared." -docbrown01
Has Pi been changed to 14.3?? :P -starfishmagnet
@ Grue: 3.14 1:59 was in the AM. Yawn! And ". . .Cornbread are square " was said by Jed Clampett (Buddy Ebsen) on the Beverly Hillbillies. -BurlyJ
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20.
Not his job
We have a part-time tech. Yesterday, while he was out, a coworker opened a FedEX spam/virus. It looked like the AV caught it, but today the machine isn't booting. The coworker came over to me and said "I have a bone to pick with <tech>, my computer is infected. Shouldn't the server be stripping out the infected attachments?". I replied "No, the server choked when we enabled AV; we rely on employees ability to tell which attachments are and are not safe."[By: Transkaren / 2012-03-15]
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Of course, the tech also isn't responsible for this e-mail server anyway, because it's not our in-office one (the owner owns two companies, one of which has it's own mail/web server.) -Transkaren
" We tried that - then everyone complained they could no longer get pics or videoa they spreadsh around eating up bandwidth - so that was removed.. now you get a virus and complain we disabled by popular demand request - the option the very things that we advised was supposed to be there in the first place. i sugest you blame Popular demand. -Harm
The main issue we had with the AV was that the server was an old machine at the time (400 Mhz, IIRC) and since we were running our own server we had people taking advantage of the lack of mail size limits to send 10Mb zipped drawing files to each other. -Transkaren
Drawing their own pron??? -ravensentinel
Nah, building (construction) drawings. Largest (Mb-wise) I've seen clocked in at almost a hundred megs including support files. -Transkaren
What ever happened to FTP? -Captain Trips
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