Tech Support Comedy! - End User Phrase of the Day!
Tech Support Comedy Logo
Tech Stories
EUPOTD
Misconceptions
Customers
Customer E-mail
Tech Rules
Co-Workers
Tech Songs
Story Archives
News

Tech Calls
Tech Video
Sign-Up
List Members

Members Area
TSC Friends

3101. SF: "My husband told me safe mode wasn't a good mode to be in, why is that?" ME: "Er...so, is the computer booted up yet?" [By :itwasntme / 2004-07-15] [Top]
Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

Comments

  • */starfish mode* but it says it's safe. Why is that a bad thing? -leonine
  • <sf> It's so big and funny looking and it says something in the corners. </sf> -Zayda
  • Safe isnt safe? <hums Twilight Zone theme> -burrkiss
  • "Is it ... safe?" -Jebus
  • The only safe mode for your computer is off.. -rockytech
  • 3100. Clients system locked up on shutdown. ME: "Please hold down the power button." Client: "Hold down the power button??" ME: "Yes, please." Client: " (after a long pause) on the computer??" *sigh* [By :Supergirl0811 / 2004-07-15] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • On your head. You don't have one? Wait for the clue by four.... -Gerund
  • with the left button or the right? -imawreque
  • Please press fingers tightly over both carotid artery and jugular vein until you pass out. Thank you for playing our home game. -technaround
  • How about the one in the outlet, you may need a fork or something to reach it. -Zayda
  • 3099. A Me-PotD, trying to describe the USB icon: "Is it kinda like ... a squid?" [By :Jebus / 2004-07-14] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • <Mr. Krabs> SQUIDWAAARRRRDDDDDD!!!</Mr. Krabs> -hkypipe
  • I don't see a squid. I do see an octopus though... -MrsTechnoVamp
  • Maybe....it's a jelly fish! -ecoli
  • "Jelly fishing! Jelly fishing! Jelly fishing! Jelly fishing!"<Spongebob & Patrick> -rokitt
  • Pitchfork. USB is the devil! -scooby111
  • Jelly fish taste nothing like jelly. -TeamWolfguard
  • No, its like a STARFISH -StarfishArthur
  • 3098. "I was pickling pickles and I think I pickled my brain." [By :Jebus / 2004-07-14] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Speaking to both the size/shape AND reasoning capacity, that's sad... -hkypipe
  • No way! I think you're gherkin' me around... *grin* -teivrann
  • Im in a pickle, can you help me? -burrkiss
  • Ooh, I'm REALLY gonna RELISH the bad puns that get posted here!:D -rokitt
  • I am slow today but I will try to ketchup get a good BUNny one mustard. -Rabbitt
  • I had a screen name on aol years ago that was bitemypickle. I had to get that out seeing that we are on the pickle topic. LOL -THETECHFROMHELL
  • Dude, you're getting a Dill! -concept14
  • LOL concept -THETECHFROMHELL
  • Ya all heard the one about the Pickle-Packer from Minsk? - So there was this Pickle..... -satanstech
  • So? How many pickled pickles did did she pick? -scooby111
  • I don't think making puns on a pickle post is very kosher... -RiffRaff
  • 3097. "my name is *end user* and my phone number is *555-1234* a few seconds later..."you know what? I'm busy. I'll call back later." [By :LaFiamma / 2004-07-14] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • *calls luser back* "Hi, this is {alias}. I have a bunion on my left foot. - You know what? We don't care. Call back later." *click* -teivrann
  • I'm busy now. I'll post a comment later. -robbor
  • 3096. "Ive been having Sooooo many problems with my <beep beep ISP> and i think im going to switch to another ISP" ME: " ok if you tell me what they are I can assist you (ive been listing to her babble for 2 mins) " EU: " uhhhm i dont know what they are..." Note: the reason she called was because her computer locked up when she was using her e-mail spellchecker. [By :putahtek / 2004-07-14] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • The reason for all the trouble is that our email spell checking servers will not work if the text contains the letters "S or F". -techwyre
  • actually it wa an OE spellchecker, so her microsoft office, which is required for OE spellcheck features is having issues then it would be microsoft office that is causing the problem. or am i just an idiot? -putahtek
  • you're right putah, I get calls from users that don't have office, and complain that they can't spellcheck in outlook. Why can't they learn to spell, or using a dictionary? OH wait they're starfish, I forgot. -LiQUidICicle
  • I've never had a problem with RR. You plug it in, turn it on, it works. How can you possibly have problems with it??? The only issues I have are my internal network going wonky. -Jerbear
  • "wonky", I'm seeing that word become more and more common. My co-worker (who will never be told of this site) would be proud. -Chipsterian
  • Chipsterian, it was your co-worker who wrote The Hacker's Dictionary? Cuz I've been using that term since about 1990 when I downloaded & printed that edition of THD (on company time & paper). -Tekkie
  • 3095. An oldie but a gooder ME: please click on My computer" EU: " how am i supposed to click on your computer?" [By :putahtek / 2004-07-14] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Alright then, click on YOUR computer. But I only have My Computer! Well, click on My Computer. But, how can I cl . . . -robbor
  • *Gives Robbor a kick to help them exit the infinate (no)logic loop.* -drachen
  • Who's on first? What's on second?! Nyak Nyak Nyak!! I'd like to be Moe and have them be Curly. -mugglemage
  • "Oh, a wise guy, eh?" -Jebus
  • Uh, "Who's on First" was Abbot and Costello, not Three Stooges. Ee-ee-ee-aaaabbottttt.... -Captain Trips
  • 3094. "Fifty-four thousand eight hundred twenty? How do you write that out in numbers?" She was an artist. [By :Mushroom / 2004-07-14] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • replace the word "thousand" with a comma! -billybien
  • replace here conciousness with a coma? -garwain
  • You’re an artist? Well, I’m a raving lunatic. Pleased to meet you. WTF do basic math skills have to do with being a tree-hugging hippie? -scooby111
  • How do you write that in Roman numerals, is more the question? -robbor
  • with a pen.... -techwyre
  • Call IX I I... -MrsTechnoVamp
  • Good one Billy, LOL -THETECHFROMHELL
  • 1101 0110 0010 0100 -Hellion
  • D624 Hex... -Wonko The Sane
  • MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMDCCCXX -Wonko The Sane
  • Scooby -- I resemble that remark!!! (One tree saved, two lost. One saved, three lost. Total: 2 saved, oxygen lost.) -Captain Trips
  • 3093. "How many megahertz does your internet have" User inquiring on our ADSL service. [By :MFSoopS / 2004-07-14] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Say something dumb and you'll find our mega-hurts! -Mushroom
  • *giggles insanely* -mousie
  • Tell them, 27Mhz, but they have to use Channel 19 to connect then flip to a different channel... 10-4 ;) -PsiDOC
  • Just one, typically, to be technically accurate, if I remember a'right. -namor
  • Well, let’s see…48 servers at apx. 800mhz….. 92 servers at apx. 950mhz…. and 26 servers at apx 1.8ghz…. I guess that’s about 175000Mhz not including routers and access servers… or did you mean something else? -scooby111
  • at that point I would have said, "Oh, I'm sorry but the phone lines that are in your house are not compliant with FCC ADSL megahertz standards. Maybe you should try another provider". -techwyre
  • Nooo, you say "...so you need to have your house wiring replaced." :) Right up there with the $800 mousepad upgrade. -Mushroom
  • that is not in our realm of support..mauhahah! -techwyre
  • ....and just *what* box of Cracker Jacks did you get your technical vocabulary from?... (can't say it to these types, but sometimes I'd like to) -CTYankee
  • Awww, did someone learn a new word??? -Hellion
  • 3092. "...how do you hang this thing up? just hang up? okay." [By :Mushroom / 2004-07-14] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Sounds like she has hang ups! -billybien
  • like this, *click* -duckhead
  • 3091. Her email address was p.enos@___ [By :Mushroom / 2004-07-14] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • *collapses into fit of giggles* -mousie
  • I still laugh at penismightier@isp.net. -scooby111
  • "penismightier" from SNL Celebrity Jeopardy. -DMosser31
  • Speaking to Pat were ya? -Harm
  • Penis mightier.... -Veinor
  • Whoa, is someone selling penis mightiers? -valkyrja
  • 3090. [I took this one] "Hello, is Hollie Bible there?" (Okay, now I'm humming a Ronnie James Dio song...) [By :Mushroom / 2004-07-14] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Hollie crap! You are kidding, aren't you? And who the feck is James Dio? -robbor
  • Robbor, you never heard of "Dio"? How about the song "Holy Diver"? -JoeLugian
  • "Holy Diver / You've been down too long in the midnight sea / Oh what's becoming of me" YEAH ROCK ON! -Bradford
  • Dio is god!!! -scooby111
  • <flicks bic!> -Harm
  • Thank you very much. Holy Diver on the headphones, with Rainbow In the Dark next on the playlist. -Grue
  • Dio has rocked... for a long, long time </Tenacious D> -Digitalutah
  • I'm sorry but tech support only deals with the unholy... -technaround
  • Love DIO. He got his start when he took over as lead singer of Black Sabbath when OZZY left the band. -Hellion
  • Yes, she's sitting next to Amanda Hugginkiss. -Captain Trips
  • Actually, Dio was the original lead singer of Ritchie Blackmore's Rainbow before joining Sabbath (the best band in the world). -StarfishArthur
  • 3089. [Coworker POTD] "Hello, may I speak to Tanya Fecker? *CLICK*" -- the name cracked him up and he, shall we say, mispronounced it. (And now I'm humming a song from the South Park movie, dammit...) [By :Mushroom / 2004-07-14] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Is Seymour there? Seymour Butts? -valkyrja
  • How 'bout Amanda? Amanda Huginkiss? -valkyrja
  • Perhaps they really needed to speak with Willie Fisterbottom? -DragonMageWTF
  • **regresses back to kindergarten** Umm... let's see... Ben Dover, Phil McCracken, Seymour Butts, Buck Futter? LOL -TechieSidhe
  • Don't forget Stu Pidasso! -CyBear
  • Ima Draqueen -billybien
  • Real athlete (Charlotte 49ers basketball): Ivana Mandic -Mushroom
  • Herassmus B. Dragon -ecoli
  • Shi'Thead -VIPERsssss
  • mike hunt -ewspy87
  • Hugh G. Rection -Lehk
  • or our scottish friend... Pat McGroin <EG> -HappyCrappy
  • Racecar driver: Dick Trickle. Talk about hating your parents. -DMosser31
  • Ivana Tinkle? -GeekGirl
  • George Bush -techwyre
  • I.P. Freely -RTFM
  • Ivana Humpalot -rockytech
  • I saw a sign that said 'Buck Fush'... this was like 5 minutes away from Harvard... -Veinor
  • Wilma Fingerdoo? -rokitt
  • Heh - reminds me of doing the "Labor & Delivery" rotation during my EMT training: the doc assigned to our class was an OB/GYN by the name of Dr. John Bush...and yes, the hospital did routinely page him on the overhead with "Dr. Bush to delivery." -Grue
  • There is a dentist on the south side of Indy whose sign reads "Dean H. Oller, DDS. Honestly, now, if your last name is 'Oller' and your middle intial is 'H', is that prudent for a dental practice? -figglywig
  • 3088. "I'm a complete idiot, I can't get the monitor to work." This is the most accurate thing this person has ever said. [By :Bradford / 2004-07-14] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • That's OK, the first step is admitting you have a problem... -duckhead
  • the second step is solving it. Might I suggest a daily diet of bleach and Clorox -Bunglehawk069
  • Wow, thanks for the warning! I usually don't realize it until you guys have managed to suck another small peice of my intellect away. -Hellion
  • "SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER"--Psycho HP Caller -vacuumtubes
  • 3087. SF: problem is when I calls up people they cant comprehend me.

    ....yea, and I'm willing to bet that this ISN'T a voice quality issue....
    [By :leonine / 2004-07-14] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • ME: Please don't speak. Just sit down, shut up and do as you're told and there will be no problem...comprende? -Hayden
  • "Im sorry, i did not understand that. Could you say that again?" -TeamWolfguard
  • I no speaking Engrish -Torinir
  • translation? :-P -Mushroom
  • "Sorry, no speaky Fucknugget...." -vacuumtubes
  • SF:"it's YOUR accent" accompanied with a grating giggle/laugh, Me thinking: naw you're jut a fecking Mo-Ron. -RTFM
  • "sorry repaet that sir- i dont quite understand what your getting at." - issue resolution - not possible - IQ version too low. -Harm
  • lol...I'll bet he's "axing" himself why... -imawreque
  • Que? -StarfishArthur
  • 3086. Paraddiggum Shift [By :concept14 / 2004-07-13] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Hmmm. Interesting. -Zayda
  • Shift happens. -Fuji
  • Is that anything like DigDug?? -ecoli
  • Is that a paradiggum shifting without a clutch? -da5ve
  • In the old days a pair o' dimes could buy you lunch. -robbor
  • "That's awful to munge the English Language that way....it's almost mac-a-bray (macabre)"--actually heard a 'nugget pronounce it that way... -vacuumtubes
  • 3085. 'We couldn't figure out how to get it on'...talking about installing Norton. [By :Zayda / 2004-07-13] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • That is the phrase I want to hear from EVERY starfish. -wolfprince
  • let me correct that: EVERY starfish that i talk to. -wolfprince
  • First you rip open the package. Then starting from the tip you roll.....Oh, sorry. Wrong virus protection instructions. My goof. -Rabbitt
  • Great, that solves the breeding problem, now for the breathing problem . . . -valkyrja
  • ROFL @ Rabbitt -duckhead
  • 3084. "Drink my asshole!" Said by a customer that was angry because he only bought the 1 year warranty and it broke down 4 years later and I politely told him to not be so cheap next time...the nerve of these fiends! [By :mugglemage / 2004-07-13] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • 4 years later and he is bitching what an idiot -Servo
  • If it broke the day after the warranty ended, then I could see reason to bitch... but 4 years? Gimme a break. -GeekGirl
  • "Present it!" </Miss chokesondick> -Harm
  • I've had some pretty pissed off ppl say some strange things but that one ranks high. -Zayda
  • hmmmm 4 years ago, p3 500... cheaper to buy a new machine than to fixit... here's your sign -DedSysOp
  • 3083. Me: "Thanks for calling Desktop Technical Support, how can I help you?" Him: "I'm not calling about my desktop. I have a problem with my computer!" [By :AmazingKreskin / 2004-07-13] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Another candidate for the tin hat. -THETECHFROMHELL
  • Case Notes: Killed Customer. Customer not having any problems with computer any more. -Bobsentme
  • EU: "Yeah hi, I'm having trouble with termites in my desktop.." -Mephiston
  • Hi, Desktop Support? I've got a slight problem. Ya see, my wife came in and cought me shagging my secritary at lunch today, and well, now my desktop is burning, with my secritary still on it. What should I do? -wolfprince
  • I'm sorry, sir, 3rd party and user-induced damage is not covered under the warranty. -AmazingKreskin
  • Im just waiting for the day the computers call about problems with their users.... -TeamWolfguard
  • Im just waiting for the day the computers call about problems with their users.... -TeamWolfguard
  • Im just waiting for the day the computers call about problems with their users.... -TeamWolfguard
  • 3082. SF:*confused, almost paniclike tone* "It says this workstation has been locked and i didn't lock it and no one ever gave me a key!!!" **smacking head against cubicle wall** ME: "I'm sorry. That is a hardware problem. You'll need to contact the vendor for support. Thank you for calling *insert ISP*." *CLICK*....OH..Damn!! Don't I wish it were that simple!! [By :Hayden / 2004-07-13] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • I think she meant that it needed a network password... someone else's. -Mushroom
  • duh! -Hayden
  • What a fucktard. -THETECHFROMHELL
  • "This workstation has been locked, please read the rest of the directions and stop being a moron" -Jerbear
  • That's not funny, because I get tons of calls with people saying "ISP said it was your hardware I want a new MMMMOOOOOOOOUUUUUUSSSSSEEEEE!" So please in our best interest tell them the CIA did it and that pr0n they were watching has been confiscated- saves you the trouble of dealing with a whiny SF, saves me from dealing with a panicky retard who thinks they know it all because their ISP told them something to get their retarded ass off the phone and they took it to heart... -mugglemage
  • Damn, I can remember when you could physically lock PC with a little key. -K1W1
  • 3081. when you say power do you mean the phone cable? [By :Servo / 2004-07-13] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Knowledge is power... weakling. -Mushroom
  • *cough*...actually, I don't mean power or phone cable...what I really mean is a fork. Please take a metal fork and insert it into the wall outlet. Sparks may fly but you'll then truly understand the meaning of power cable as YOU are acting as one. -Hayden
  • Now we need a special tool to work with that outlet. Yes, that knife is it... now stick it in the outlet. Don't worry... it won't do anything... much. *BRRZZZT SNAP* -Torinir
  • Did that starfish ride the short bus to school? -THETECHFROMHELL
  • Funny... I changed my messenger status to "Knowledge is power-cycling the modem" yesterday morning because a tier 1 tech escalated a call and that was all that had to be done to fix the issue. -CelticSkyhawk
  • 3080. me: "Hi, this is Really Large Bank, and I'm calling about your line of credit -- our records show we haven't received a payment since May 5th." him: "We already have a line of credit with Really Large bank, thanks." [no sheist?] me: "Yes, you do, which we haven't received a payment on since May 5th?" him: "oh..." [By :Mushroom / 2004-07-13] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • God, sounds like his cranial density exceeded the limit of human sanity. -Torinir
  • ....Oh I dont have an an account with <Really Large Bank> -mikeatnight
  • I've had that one twice, actually. -Mushroom
  • Maybe it is because a lot of banks call from "blocked id" and you automaticly assume it is a telemarketer. I do that and the otherday I got a call from my insurance and I got upset and told him I already have coverage. He agreed and said that is why he was calling. Oh. -jard
  • 3079. How do I get my Num Lock on? [By :kman52000 / 2004-07-13] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Talk to Stella. It's like your groove... -PaseoGuy
  • Better than getting it on with your Num Lock key. -Mushroom
  • Now that's got majorly bad connotations. :P -Torinir
  • LOL - Sounds like a bad wrestling move. -Hellion
  • Eeeww! Remind me to clean my keyboard! (Now what's that? Looks a bit funny . . . OW! It bit me!) -robbor
  • 3078. Self-POTD *after accidentally taking customer off mute and taking a swig of this Sobe Energy drink* "As much as I need caffene, this stuff tastes like sh*t" [By :TekkGeek / 2004-07-13] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • I have done that with a 3 day old cup of coffee. "Now, what you need to do is right click on that file and choose open from the list. <Takes sip> Oh god thats nasty! SF: I swear i did not down load that picture!!!! -TeamWolfguard
  • Or the too-strong cup... "OK, let's go to Start, Settings, Control Panel. *sip* *choke* Tastes like something I did..." -Torinir
  • Red Bull tastes like that to me. I took one sip and pratically spit it out. You have to be a special kind of masochist to hate your mouth that much. -scooby111
  • I happen to enjoy the taste of the Red Bull. At least the Thai stuff, dunno about the stuff in a can. Generally, drinks in long cans tend to taste like battery. -DracoSuave
  • Might as well be drinking liquid hair. -maciarc
  • redbull tastes like liquid skittles to me, the sobe adrenalin is very good too i like the citris thing its got going on. lol. and yes scooby i actually am a masochist (tmi i'm sure but...) -rhiannon
  • Me the other day, to coworker: "...but she was an absolute beeotch." / Cust who materialized in headset half a second later and had to have heard that last work: "Hello?!?" -Mushroom
  • (cringes) That's why I drink Diet pepsi at work.. :) -Warrick
  • I personally hate it when I get working on something, then reach for my coffee after half an hour or so. Blah! cold coffee is horrible! the office really needs someone to go around and refill our cups for us! -garwain
  • Red bull + Vodka 'nuff said -DedSysOp
  • i cant spell worth anything but on sysop's idea, Jagerbombs (i'm sure some of you know what i'm talking about) -rhiannon
  • 12 cups of Earl Grey per day - I love my caffiene. Earl Grey is worse than nicotine in that I've only drunk one cup before I am making another -CommanderData
  • CD you sound like my roommate. He is such a slave to Earl Grey we'd call him a vassal -DracoSuave
  • Why ruin perfectly good vodka. Hey I'm an Equal Opportunity Drinker. -MrsTechnoVamp
  • 3 XL 2x2 from Tim hortons, couple bottles of BAWLS, a 600ML coke or 2. and to counteract the caffiene when i get home - a nice, well rolled < realised hes out> well aged wiskey. -Harm
  • 3077. Me: "Do you get an error message when accessing the Internet?" SF: "It says it's got problems" [By :Crysanna / 2004-07-12] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • No, read it again, it says YOU got problems. IT is quite hunky-dory. -Mushroom
  • oh good - then hang up, deal with them and call us back once your in a better state of mind. -Harm
  • 3076. "my e-mail address is WWW...." me: "no its not, lets try that again." [By :putahtek / 2004-07-12] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Next is the "lightning round" </Simpsons> -valkyrja
  • Caution, I have actually met users whose email address started with triple-dub. Not the brightest C-7's on the Xmas tree. -Mushroom
  • www.isp.com/username is my favourite SF response to the e-mail question. Funny thing is, even our homepages aren't set up that way. -Crysanna
  • 3075. 'You mean that I can play videos' after telling a customer that 3DFX was her video card... [By :Zayda / 2004-07-12] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • lol, well she's not wrong, but then again she's not right. she's wronght -drachen
  • Great. Now how you gonna stuff that DVD into the video card???? -ecoli
  • 3074. "i'm getting 10Mbps and thats just not fast enough" uhhh well since our ceiling is 3Mbps id say you're golden, get off my phone [By :rhiannon / 2004-07-12] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Oh, fucking cry me a river. People like this piss me off. I get the dial-up version of these asshats: "Yeah, I'm only connecting at 48kbs. What do you need to do to speed that up?" -RiffRaff
  • well what do ya do Riff <covers and chuckles> -Bunglehawk069
  • But my ping time is 128! Can't you fix that? </EverCrack gamer-lamer> -Mushroom
  • You want better? Get a T-3 line. Only $1200/month, get 'em while they last! -Captain Trips
  • "this cable modem isnt fast enough! what do you have in optical lines?" - nothing you can afford, given your running a business off a residential account. -Harm
  • http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=12690 -scooby111
  • 3073. Me: *generic greeting* / SF: *extremely loud music in background* WHAT?! / Me: *greeting again* / SF: *music still blaring* I CAN'T HEAR YOU! . . . . the next couple minutes were pretty much the same, just replace *greeting* with *asks starfish to turn down music* [By :TekkGeek / 2004-07-12] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • I attain background silence the old-fashioned way: *click* within 15 seconds of the noise not going away. -Mushroom
  • Had that last week. One store manager called in, really wanted me on speakerphone, and some (c)rap was playing over the store's pa. (Store was closed.) Music was louder than his voice. At one point, I said "I'm having a really hard time hearing you over the music." What did he do? Increased his speaking volume -- by about 1 dB!!! -Captain Trips
  • Oh, yeah, and I wish I could have disconnected, but we have to work with them or it's a write-up for me. And I **REALLY** hate rap 'music'. (BTW, it ain't music. Music has harmony, melody, and rhythm. Rap has rhythm and bad token rhyme. That ain't music, it's noise.) -Captain Trips
  • That's when I turn the output volume of my headset way down to almost non-existant. -kryliss
  • 3072. "I tried it several times and it just won't go in." [By :Hastur / 2004-07-12] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • sounds like a personal problem *click* -rhiannon
  • Put some hair around it! -Zayda
  • Let me transfer you to our sales department for some lube. -TekkGeek
  • Viagra vs. Cialis "Play of the Day" Second Place Winner, methinks. -Grue
  • Push harder or find a loose woman. -burrkiss
  • Put some hair around it?????? -ewspy87
  • "Sounds like a personal problem" is soo my saying. I say it to everybody all the damn time, and most of the time people look at me like i'm crazy. -BunnieTechBabe
  • Shoe-horn? Get an adult-sized model? -Mushroom
  • have you tried Gin, compliments, dirty talk or lube? -Harm
  • Get two popcicle sticks and some tape.... -ecoli
  • Vaseline. 'nuff said. -maciarc
  • 3071. "what do you mean when you say electrical or power cable?" /me strangles customer with it. [By :putahtek / 2004-07-12] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • See those metal wires? Yep... yep... Go ahead and grab them. Now plug it in. *bzzt* -Torinir
  • the cable i wish i could tell you to suck on. it woudl fix a ton of future problems. -Harm
  • *cough*...actually, I don't mean power or electrical cord...what I really mean is a fork. Please take a metal fork and insert it into the wall outlet. Sparks may fly but you'll then truly understand the meaning of power cord as YOU are acting as one. -Hayden
  • 3070.
    This is not funny, this is a really stupid thing to say: "####(refering to his 4 number/digit password, huh that's the same thing I use for my bank card"
    Who in their right frigging mind would tell a complete stranger(who happens to have their card number and their disposal)
    [By :drachen / 2004-07-12] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Used to work at a full-serve gas station... had one woman who would hand us her card, and tell us just to put it through ourselves, the PIN is 1234, and jump off to the store next door while we finished up. Yeah, they're out there, this doesn't surprise me that much, I've been de-sensitized. -namor
  • i think its funnier when they give you that info and then threaten you later in the call because you are being unhelpfull about thier other issues (uh who has who's name, address, social security number, and credit card info) i wouldnt realy use most of the stuff (darn ethics) but still dont give me that info then make me angry -rhiannon
  • My farking boss used to do that. He'd toss his bank card at the cashier and have them punch it in for him. Farkinglazylyingbastardneedstoroastinhellfortimeandalleternity. -scooby111
  • Sounds like our ex-Ops mgr. When showing the security system to new mgrs, He'd set it off and then have to stand in the hall and yell his passcode into the 2-way connection to our monitor service... -ChildofCthulhu
  • <512k> This is not funny, this is a really stupid thing to say: "####(refering to his 4 number/digit password), huh that's the same thing I use for my bank card" Who in their right frigging mind would tell a complete stranger(who happens to have their card number at their disposal) </512k> -drachen
  • 1...2...3..4..5. That's the same combination I use for my luggage! -TechieSidhe
  • 3069. probably been heard before, not read the site in ages: "...now requires you to ROBOT your computer..." [By :jaggyboy / 2004-07-12] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • I've never heard that one. BWAHAHAHA! -Jerbear
  • Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, Mata ah-oo hima de Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, Himitsu wo shiri tai -rockytech
  • Thanks rocky...now I will have that song in my head the rest of the night...lol -jjtech4
  • ...clicks on the relevant .mp3 from the archives, rocks along with it. -Grue
  • 3068. (its a usb-ethernet converter) "Earnhart to usb converter" hmmm, so thats what really happend to him, he was converted to usb. [By :rhiannon / 2004-07-12] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Sounds more like FireWire to me. -Mushroom
  • No Earnhart was old when he died, I'd say SCSI. -Jerbear
  • subether brainwave converter (where is that from?) -DedSysOp
  • nO, that's a Earnhardt to SUB converter, as "he has been converted to SUBterranean living" -beatmewithstick
  • dedsysop - HHTTG - i belive it had to do with the xplination of the babel fish. -Harm
  • 3067. ME:Read to me what all is checked in this msconfig window. SF: Scan Regidity, load pire profile, mckeefy webscanX, [By :mikeatnight / 2004-07-12] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Load pooper Profane... -Torinir
  • Waterbug -Mushroom
  • "I like to say 'quark.' Quark quark quark quark quark." </Hobbes from 'Calvin and Hobbes'> -ThirdOfFive
  • I like it when some lady calls in and she reading along and all of a sudden is all quite and says "1on1" "Sex Teris" "hotwetlove" "InstantPleasure" and all the other great dialers. It is a great LART to hear them read them all. sometimes I ask them to read them letter by letter to me. "Adult Dialer -jard
  • its great to hear customers have to read the names of dirty programs - older married woman tend to give you a " scuse me ill have to speak to my husband/son/nefew/grandson. Ill call back later." -Harm
  • 3066.

    I honestly cannot believe how entirely clueless this girl is. Would someone please save me?

    Blonde: Oh wow, this is too cool!! [Former Secretary, whose job she's taken over] has this thing on her computer, and it's like so neat! It's called RealPlayer and you can like play your music and it copies your CDs onto the computer. You can even play radio stations. This is like the coolest thing EVER! I love it!!!

    [By :mousie / 2004-07-12] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • like OMG, it even surfs webpages. How amazing is that <ditzy laugh> -Bunglehawk069
  • *giggle* and if you go to certain websites... *whisper* it plays naughty movies too </barbie mode> -Beeker
  • (offers Mousie access to his arsenal) Here.. you need it more than I. -Warrick
  • like oh, my god, seriously, that like totally Rawks. </valley girl> makes me want to bring back that lovely little "needed killin" law they had in texas back when -rhiannon
  • And it fills up your hard drive with MP3s if you forget to take it off 'record' mode. Oh, and it's a memory hog. -CommanderData
  • I just had an epiphany! Stupid people breed more then smart people because they're too stupid to follow the directions on birth control! -Dragones
  • Check out Real Alternative. Realplayer is too infested. Er, scratch that... you start helping, they'll never allow you to stop... -namor
  • good point Dragones. Im sorry mousie that you have to deal with all these stupid people. here *hands over basball bat* a proven stress reliever. -Ksnarf
  • Like does it come with any attachments? bzzzzzzzt -Mushroom
  • Cool! What’s it called? Real-player? <downloads player> Wha? Popups! What’s all this cra<comment buffering: 15%.....16%.....16%......17%..... -scooby111
  • Kibo help you if she ever discovers Bonzi Buddy. -TechnoVampire
  • < valley girl> Like Oh.. My god! its like , SO cute. i can like watch the numbers climbs and stuff! and the blue like.. totaly matches my shoes! Oh i love this so <BLAM> brain cell overload. <what shotgun?> -Harm
  • Oh my Gahd, liek gag me with a spoon, like my old PC was soooo Grody, but this Re-ul puhlayer it is soooo bitchen, like oh my Gahd </Valley Girl> -K1W1
  • "Oh that's fine... fer sure fer sure... she's a Valley Girl... and there is no cure..." -R.I.P. Zappa -StarfishArthur
  • 3065. Blonde (to other secretary): Do you know how to take the printer apart?
    Other gal: Pick it up and drop it.

    (sorry, I found the mental image hilarious)
    [By :mousie / 2004-07-12] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • How true you were.... the HP LaserJet repair part of me just passed out.... -LowLevelFormat
  • agreed, I had to take an HP class so i could service our HP printers. Maybe i should try that next time i need to a printer apart. I'll just tell them I heard about it on a well-known site that is visited by many technical service professionals. :) -Ksnarf
  • <passes Mousie 12LB sledge> Have fun. -scooby111
  • "Oh, I stole something from work..." </Office Space> -Beeker
  • PC load letter </office space> -srteach
  • (gives Mousie a tank) Enjoy in good health dear. -Warrick
  • this is the little known yet popular "gravity assist" method of electronic component dissasembling. The trick is to find a suitable point from which to rapidly lower the device towards the ground. The more robust the device, the greater the altitude needed for complete dissasembly. -Mephiston
  • 3064. This one's from a few years back:

    "I don't understand why I can't install an internet search program on my computer. They (Yahoo) have to contact all those sites to search them anyway, right? So, why can't I use my computer to do the search?"

    I honestly didn't know what to say.

    [By :ThirdOfFive / 2004-07-12] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • that's SF logic for you, I think i need to go read some news, like the Onion. I think my IQ just dropped trying to come up an explaination. :) -Ksnarf
  • well you *could* run a search spider on your home machine, for about 2 minutes till you get disconnected for an apparent DoS attack. -Lehk
  • Forgot to mention: he was on dialup. -ThirdOfFive
  • "Because, sir, yahoo know what they're doing. You're an idiot". -paranoidepiphan
  • Because your computer’s processing ability is similar to your brain’s… limp and underpowered. -scooby111
  • "Next time you come to play mind games with me...Make sure you are armed" -jjtech4
  • Set his desktop wallpaper to Google. -TechnoVampire
  • 3063.

    Oh I have my microsopic CD... shall I insert that one?

    ^.^ yes please insert your "Microsopic CD" in the cd hold.... (mute) hahahahahahahahaha [By :LowLevelFormat / 2004-07-12] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • I tell ya, media is getting smaller all the time. -Mushroom
  • 3062. "i have outlook express as my password" really, how silly of you [By :rhiannon / 2004-07-11] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • What was his account name? *grabs a pen and paper* -TekkGeek
  • 3061. "You want me to take it out of the plastic?" -- starfish asking about the CD I just told him to insert into his cd tray. [By :TekkGeek / 2004-07-11] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • unless you have a cartridge cd-rom drive, grab a plastic bag and closly inspect the inside bottom of said bag until you remove your self from the pool -DedSysOp
  • Well, that depends - ya take yer twinkie out that plastic 'fore ya shove 'er in yer mouth, sir? -valkyrja
  • the only thing that should remain in the "package" or "wrapped" during use is the male organ of starfish -srteach
  • "Please keep all media in the original packaging for freshness. Do not use after expiration date." -miketheman
  • 3060. ME: Good Morning, (Company A), this is PE speaking.
    EU: Uhh... hi. Is this (Company B)?
    ME: No, this is (Company A)
    EU: Oh, right. Can you unlock my windows account for me then?

    WTF? You called me, lady, not the other way around, you should really know which company you're dialling, especially since our phone numbers are nothing alike. Also, why ask if we're (Company B) if it's (Company A) who can help?
    [By :paranoidepiphan / 2004-07-11] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Crap. Stupid tags. Heh. -paranoidepiphan
  • I was in company C...heheh -imawreque
  • Were you the bugle boy? -LaserGuru
  • not trying to defend the fishes but i have been on hold so long that i have forgotten who it was i called. This happens when A)people barge into my office to ask me questions or B)I am pondering my next call. By the time there is a real person on the other end i have forgotten who i have called. (mostly happens with HPUX support) -TeamWolfguard
  • 3059. curlly inch tall programs i think she meant curently installed programs [By :bradleyshaz / 2004-07-10] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Probably... though these programs usually require that you shave regularly or you lose data *grin* -teivrann
  • An inch tall and curly? She might want to consider getting that looked at by a doctor. -Jebus
  • Or get Inch High, Private Eye to take a gander at it for her... -hkypipe
  • "Now, about my case..." </Harvey Birdman> -ScarletPimp
  • Damn, I gotta trim these pubes! -billybien
  • Billy...T.M.I.! -lineswine
  • 3058. Co-Worker POTD - "The world is a router...."
    but where do I plug in?"
    [By :FrontSideBus / 2004-07-10] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • for some reason that made me think of smashing pumpkins, "the world is a vampire" (the song is called bullet with butterfly wings before anyone corrects me, i was just quoting the line) -rhiannon
  • "DISPITE ALL MY RAGE I AM STILL JUST A TECH IN A CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!!!" Heh... sorry 's how I've felt all day. :-) -Jerbear
  • <WAR>Don't you know, that it's true, that for me, and for you, the world is a router...</WAR> -hkypipe
  • 3057. From a while ago: "male.isp.net?" "N'no ma'am... that's a different service" "ROFL" :-) [By :Jerbear / 2004-07-10] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • It'll POP3. -Mushroom
  • . . . so what DOES "SMTP" stand for again? -valkyrja
  • Simple Male Transformation Protocol. It'll strip your headers down whut-good. -teivrann
  • "Stimulate Me Twice Please"? -wolfprince
  • Small Midget Toilet Paper! </Esteban> -Mushroom
  • i like wolfie's answer -rhiannon
  • hehe, Rhiannon, my kids are gone for two weeks...... Michigan isn't that far away.... and uh...i'd be happy to demononstrate for ya....<looks like the shock is wearing off> -wolfprince
  • oh sh*t! notice: my last comment was posted BEFORE i read the hooker comment left by gecko on my story about my kids being gone for two weeks! BEFORE i saw it! <diving into the newly built BunkerBusterLart proof shelter just in case> -wolfprince
  • LMAO my response to the hooker comment almost was "hey i'm young single and could use the cash" -rhiannon
  • Send Mail To People (as said by someone else here) -Lehk
  • Send Me To Peru -billybien
  • 'Spam Me Till Purgatory' -Harm
  • Starfish - Mainly Tard-like People -StarfishArthur
  • 3056. (another coworker POTD, to a woman has shouted at at least 3 reps today including myself) We don't know who you are, and you don't know who you are. [LART!] [By :Mushroom / 2004-07-10] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • We don't know where we are, but it's no use being late. </Quigly Down Under> -LaserGuru
  • 3055. "I should just get rid of the internet, it doesn't get along with my other medicines" ...wha? [By :Jerbear / 2004-07-10] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Truer words have never been spoken. -Mushroom
  • Viagra?? -rockytech
  • take 2 ipconfigs and a ping and call me never -FrontSideBus
  • From now on I'll lube my own crankshaft. <Bubba Ho-tep> -LaserGuru
  • 3054. Are you based in Timbuktu, India ? [By :RTFM / 2004-07-10] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Isn't Timbuctoo in Nepal? -Mushroom
  • i know there's one in africa but i cant remember which country, i want to say northern part but last time i took geography was about 6 years ago -rhiannon
  • I did reply, "Timbukto is Mali, West Africa, sir" SF: "Oh" was the reply, he promptly shut up after that. -RTFM
  • Read The Fucking . . . Map? This guy gets lumped with the "where am I calling from" SF. -valkyrja
  • 3053. (Coworker phrase of the day, to someone with a crappy cell) Can you hear it going in and out? [By :Mushroom / 2004-07-10] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • I feel dirty. -Jerbear
  • It could be worse, Jerbear. I've now got "Squeeze Box" by the Who stuck in my head. -Jebus
  • ...Daddy never sleeps at night. -Mushroom
  • If you can, then you need less lube.........or maybe more depends on the sounds. -burrkiss
  • 3052. Leo: click on start.
    SF: which one?

    [By :leonine / 2004-07-10] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Sounds like a drunk joke, don't it? Two drunks were out on the golf course and one says, "Which of all those balls am I supposed to hit?" The other one replies, "You can hit 'em all, you've got enough clubs in your hands..." -Mushroom
  • I've got two guns - one for the each of you! </Doc Holiday> -valkyrja
  • 3051. Cust in background: "Take a message, don't worry about it." us: "Our number is 1-800-xxx-xxxx". Kid: "Okay." us (weren't born yesterday): "So could you repeat the number back to me?" Kid: "uh...." us: "You wrote it down a moment ago, what did you write?" Kid: "uh... what was it again? I need to get a pencil, I wrote it in crayon." [It should be a crime to teach your children to lie for you.] [By :Mushroom / 2004-07-10] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Great, kid. Try writing your resume in crayon and see where it'll get ya! -billybien
  • Worked for our present commander-in-thief... -Mushroom
  • That resume was written in blood -billybien
  • Oh hush. Y'all are just bitter 'cause the inventor of the internet didn't get elected. -Beeker
  • Rumsfeld tech support: "Turn off the computer." SF: "Ok, I turned off the computer, now what?" RTS: "I don't think I ever told you to turn off the computer..." SF: "Well, sir if you'll listen to this call that I recorded, you'll see that you CLEARLY told me to turn off the computer." ETC... -billybien
  • Beeker: Actually, he did. :) -Mushroom
  • Here come the fucking politics. -Gecko
  • 3050. *while power cycling modem*
    SF: Well, I think I've been bitching at you for at least 30 seconds, should I plug the modem back in.

    ...and

    I hope you get worse people than me during the day...errr. I mean, I don't hope *you* get them. I hope there are people that are worse than me....


    ...and just for the record. This guy was paniced over a deadline, but no where near as bad as most I speak with. I almost directed him here to listen to the I wana new mouse call so he could hear what bad really is....
    [By :leonine / 2004-07-10] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • The first rule of TSC is: You do not talk about TSC. The second rule of TSC is: See first rule for details. -flapjackboy
  • Directing a starfish to TSC is a capital offense. Don't even think about it... <shudder> -RiffRaff
  • If word gets out, we are screwed. -SamFT
  • key word **ALMOST**...I gots better smarts than that, lol -leonine
  • every starfish that finds this page is sacrificed by th IT ninja's.< alarm goes off> gotta go <SSSHHHINK!> -Harm
  • 3049. (Co-worker phrase) "He's laughing like a Serial Killer" [By :madonnac / 2004-07-09] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! *gets out the knife and puts on the mask* -rockytech
  • The Quaker Oats dude has an axe! -LaserGuru
  • And you know this...how? -Hayden
  • Im a serial killer and I dont laugh. Are you talking to me? -burrkiss
  • whaaaaa? yous don' tink i'ma cereal killa'? show me some cereal, an' i'll kill it. -wolfprince
  • Bet you'll eat it too, wolfprince, won't you? You sick bastard. What's your last name, Dahmer? *grin* -teivrann
  • that's why i spelled it the way i did teivrann, i could REALLY murder some cereal right now. -wolfprince
  • <looks at pantry> whew... they're still safe <hugs boxes of corn flakes> -CrystalMare
  • There's an easy way to solve this problem with "cereal killers" - quit selling live cereal! -Grue
  • "I'm a cereal killer, it's a bad habit. I killed Tony, Lucky Charm and the Silly Rabbit" - ICP -OgdenTechGuy
  • (/evil laugh) MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! -leonine
  • i had a 'trick 'r treate'r show up at my door once - dressed as cereal box covred with bood and holding a plastic knife - i gave her the bucket of candy. most original costume id seen. -Harm
  • 3048. "I can't read you mind -- I don't have ESPN." And no, this wasn't a complaint about cable reception. [By :concept14 / 2004-07-09] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • If I can read your mind, dear starfish it would be like a blank peice of paper -rockytech
  • "I can't fingerpaint, I don't have ebola." Well, then we both lose out, don't we... -teivrann
  • i can't read somthing thats not there. -Harm
  • 3047. THAT LOAN IS PAID OFF IN FULL, SO YOU CAN KISS MY ASS!!! [By :Mushroom / 2004-07-09] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • ...said in a middle-aged female Texan twang. *click!* -Mushroom
  • Kiss mah grits, Mel! </Alice> -billybien
  • YOUR CHECK BOUNCED! SUCK IT DOWN! -Harm
  • Congrats, i bet you feel great, debt sucks big time -AmdInside
  • 3046. "I am very glad to say, praise God, that I have never been late in any of my payments." (And when you check the statements issued the entire life of the loan, he's had a past due since the very first one.) [By :Mushroom / 2004-07-09] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • "So God pays your bills?" -teivrann
  • the lord giventh and the ISP taketh away - gods busy running the universe, pay your own damned bill. -Harm
  • Dyslexic talking about his dog? -LaserGuru
  • EU's definition of "no late payments" = The cable was never actually disconnected and the car was never repossessed. Magenta will tell you I get furious with myself if I have to pay a late fee or a bounce-protection fee. -RiffRaff
  • 3045. "I put a new hard drive in my computer this morning and, to my shock, I had to reload everything." [By :Jebus / 2004-07-09] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • No sir... you can boot to that empty HDD and feel the joy of looking at a blank screen with the phrase "Non-system disk error." on it all day long. -Torinir
  • No, sir, that's the 'non-system OS' - it's a beta release, though, it just lets you replace the disk and press any key. - No, it doesn't provide support for your any key. That's a hardware issue. -teivrann
  • I just bought a new coffee machine and found out that I had to put coffee in it! -billybien
  • Sir these sort of things are better left to those who are trained and equipped to handle them. Is there a mold or fungus in the house? -scooby111
  • I brought a Fitness Club membership - seems you have to turn up too -madonnac
  • I just got a new car, there was some black stuff in the engine, i think it was called oil, i drained it all out, then the motor blew up! you need to fix this! -wolfprince
  • 3044. [Notes from previous rep] mr sys paula wank xxx-xxx-xxxx //sys she sent ck# xxxx $11,000 sent 5/3/04 advsed not received will f/u and c/b [Paula Wank? Told to 'f/u'?] [By :Mushroom / 2004-07-09] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • I could think of so many naughty things........ :P -CrystalMare
  • We use that here... follow-up. -namor
  • Someone's mind was in the sewer when they made that log. :-p -Torinir
  • Hehe, I've seen f/u in notes I was looking at. I've also seen gibberish that looked like "clld wnt cxl pr0n chg 1000" - we're a DSL ISP. Any interpretations? -valkyrja
  • client wants to cancel porn charge of 1000$ -Olorin
  • I get notes everyday using "f/u". The really fun ones contain "Vag" and some strange ones will note that someone or other is "U/A". -obie099
  • someone is U/A urine analyzed? unavoidable asshole? up their ass? do tell!! -srteach
  • 3043. "When I try to connect this little yellow man popups everytime on my screen" (AKA AOL AIM) [By :SamFT / 2004-07-09] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • http://www.artistsonly.com/yellhm.htm -billybien
  • I'm not sure I would want to eat anything made by a company called Golden Stream http://www.goldenstream.com/ -LaserGuru
  • All the salty goodness... -billybien
  • That's our new AOL Viet Cong Edition. Just shoot him with an automatic weapon and he'll go away. -Beeker
  • 3042. *from the beginning of the call*

    Leo: What happens when you try to log onto AOL?
    SF: The same thing.

    boy...that narrows it down...
    [By :leonine / 2004-07-09] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • No, think about it. The same thing really <i>does</i> happen every time they log into AOL. God kills a kitten. -ThreeBucks
  • Well I don't like cats, but it's AOL, but I dont like cats, but it's AOL.. (I kid, I kid) -DedSysOp
  • Silly luser... AOL's for script kiddies. -Torinir
  • God kills a script kitten? isn't that a good thing? -WildKard
  • NOoooo!! NOT THE SCRIPT KITTENS!!! oh god! OH god!! how will cats get substanderd and useless support now!! Who will they meow too when they are no sure weather to pouce, or claw the furniture! -Harm
  • script kittens? they go me0w pu444444 -rockytech
  • Not to be used for the *other use* -valkyrja
  • 3041. I went through the gyrations with <Other Tech name withheld to protect me from getting smacked in head>...Oh how I wanted to ask her if it was as good for her as it was for <Other Tech name withheld to protect me from getting smacked in head> [By :mikeatnight / 2004-07-09] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Not tonight, dear... I have a headache. -Torinir
  • And when Windows loads, you can hear the computer bump and grind. -Mushroom
  • yipeeyayay yipeeyayyo.. i wanna bump your body baby..... :P -CrystalMare
  • <offers a cigarette and a light> -Harm
  • Are they doing the modem mating sounds? -rockytech
  • do you need a smoke afterwards? Or a nice cold one beforehand? -jjtech4
  • you know, they say that if your wife smokes after sex you should....(drum roll) slow down. sorry, I couldn't resist -Dcadiman
  • 3040. SF: "yea, I called you guys up earlier this morning to cancel my digital phone and *ISP* and I want to know why I don't have a dial tone now".

    took 15 minuites to explain to this waste of space that she asked us to shut her off...so we did.
    [By :leonine / 2004-07-09] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • "Hi, my power got cut off and now my computer won't turn on... I need a technician sent out immediately!" -Torinir
  • talk about dense.... -CrystalMare
  • 3039. "But my neighbour/friend/kid down the street said it's broke and you guys HAVE to send a tech to fix it!" [By :Torinir / 2004-07-09] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • *raises his LART shield* -Torinir
  • Sorry, our tools show it's really the neighbour/friend/kid down the street who is malfunctioning... Have that person replaced. -Mushroom
  • Sorry, our tools show it's really the neighbour/friend/kid down the street who is malfunctioning... -Mushroom
  • You mean little fart, fiend, twit? I don't call them anything as respectable as neighbor, kid, friend. Unless they've earned it. -MaskedMarauder
  • I'm sorry, but I didn't realize that your entire neighborhood works for my company. -ThreeBucks
  • Why do WE have to fix your broken air conditioner? -billybien
  • how does cable internet have ANYthing to do with your computer having been peed on by the dog? -Harm
  • Certainly sir, we'll send a tech round straight away. With a trepanning drill and lobotomy kit! -flapjackboy
  • 3038. "I have a Safari problem- Internet Explorer won't stream windows media files" (seems that itis probably not a problem with Safari then is it?) [By :LaFiamma / 2004-07-09] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • I've got a car problem, my credit card keeps being rejected. -Torinir
  • I've got a phone issue -- my users are stupid. -Mushroom
  • I went hunting for a rhino in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know. - Groucho -MaskedMarauder
  • Why would you take a computer on Safari? Didn't you go just to get away from your normal life? Tempt fate by french kissing a rhino? Please? -Beeker
  • Mushroom - Scary, your comment made sense to me. -ThreeBucks
  • Mushrooms comment didn't sound like saracasm or humor, just the truth. Hey, Mushroom! None of that now. We are here for the Funny! -ecoli
  • "Be more funny!" </Homer> -teivrann
  • i have a problems with windows - my dog ate my stash! -Harm
  • I've got this problem with my Ferarri, my Pinto just caught fire . . . -valkyrja
  • I have a problem with my lusers, their parents KEEP reproduce -AmdInside
  • 3037. "It won't stay up!" (customer was unable to click somethign and drag it to the top of a window) [By :LaFiamma / 2004-07-09] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • If they check their e-mail I'm sure some drug company has a fix. -Starfury
  • Got Viagra? :-p -Torinir
  • Couldn't find his credit card number and drag it to the window? -MaskedMarauder
  • well sir- as a cable ISP i really cant fix that- however if you call 'sally' at 5551234- ive read she can help." -Harm
  • http://www.pfizer.com/main.html -srteach
  • 3036. us: "You're behind a payment." him: "Yeah, I know, sorry, I'm unemployed... but I do have a check so I could make a payment soon." us: "Okay, when can we expect that payment, for our records?" him: "I can't figure that out right now, I'm late leaving for work." Er.... [By :Mushroom / 2004-07-09] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • dont'cha just hate when starfish pull that crazy flip-floppin shit on you? -leonine
  • I had to forward this one to our accounting dept -mikeatnight
  • I mean I'm late for workers unemployment insurance benefit meeting. Yeah, that's the ticket! -billybien
  • <Set mode=devilsadvocate> Maybe he meant that he was unemployed. -scooby111
  • Scoob: He MEANT that he was unemployed. But that wasn't true. :) -Mushroom
  • see starfish rule 1. -xtc46
  • or else he may be unemployed now that you've caused him to be late for work... -WildKard
  • He didn't have to answer the phone. Should his priorities of phone before work be thusly skewed. Yeah, unemployed is his trade. Or <devils advocate> he is one of the people who stands on the road side holding a sign "Will work for food" and just waits for hand outs. -MaskedMarauder
  • actually, he may be unemployed, but have to work off public assistance benifits </starfish advocate> -wolfprince
  • Lying starfishy caught in the act! -CommanderData
  • 'Good sir. You're receiving a check, and going to work. Have a friend lend you the money. I expect payment by noon tomorrow. I will call you tomorrow at nine o'clock to reconfer. Thank you.' Then I would call at eight. People who can't get such a story straight as the existance of them having a job to their creditors deserve the hard line. Especially if he reveals he's getting a check. Generally if you start setting deadlines like that, they start piping up about then whens and wheres about their check, just to buy some time. -DracoSuave
  • 3035. ME: "Do you see a start button in the lower left of the screen?" SF: "Nothing." ME: "Um...okay...can you please describe what you ~do~ see on the screen?" SF: "um...well, I could click on the thingie at the bottom." **CRINGE** ME:"Does the ~thingie~ have a description/name on it?" SF:"um...well, it says **hesitation**....start....**hesitation**...**Lightbulb!**...oh!! is that what you want me to click on?"...**Slamming my head into desk**...ME:"Yes, please click on the start button." [By :Hayden / 2004-07-09] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • There is no start button. </Neo> -scooby111
  • Yeah, but would he have clicked on it even if you hadn't told him where it was? </Oracle> -Beeker
  • But my start button isn't on the bottom... it's on the top. So what do I do???? -ILuvTech
  • You want me to do that now? -billybien
  • start button? i have an appple! -LaFiamma
  • "You see a big black nothing, oh, okay, no, that's totally my fault. Please turn ON your computer." </TDTIAB> -virtualchoirboy
  • OK I have been teching for too long, the first thing I thought of is to ask if he had auto-hid his taskbar... -mugglemage
  • 3034. DSL subscriber calls in about slow DSL speed, says he's getting a message saying "connection is poor." Me: "Where are you seeing this message?" SF: "At the top of this poker site I'm at." Me: "I want you to open another internet explorer window so we can run a speed test." SF: "You mean open another poker game?" [By :Jebus / 2004-07-08] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Don't even run a speed test, just tell him all such messages on websites are scams. -thx1138
  • ...or get the to speedtest & when the test "lies" (b/c the poker site says the connection is still slow), they'll be properly noted for a tech to come out & collect their Stupid Tax :: Ante up, m'fer!!! -objekt404
  • Look fishie, do EXACTLY as I say or I stick a red hot poker where the sun don't shine...got that now? Good - I KNEW you'd see it my way if I explaned it clearly enough -lineswine
  • Its a poker site. Feed his paranoia. "They are talking about your bank balance and not your connection speed..." -TeamWolfguard
  • 3033. "Intronet link"

    From an introverted card?

    [By :teivrann / 2004-07-08] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Baby's first link? -Tekkie
  • Intro-net: The network for people who don't yet know each other. -LadySharky
  • 3032. "Spinning like it was in Never Never land" - That has so many (wrong) connotations, makes me worry what they were thinking of [By :madonnac / 2004-07-08] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Sounds like a description of a speed freak transvestite's weekend! -billybien
  • Why does "Thick as a Brick" keep playing in my mind? :-p -Torinir
  • Is that a Jethro Tull reference I see before me? -lineswine
  • Indeed it is. ;) -Torinir
  • Call notes: Caller likes wild little boys. -scooby111
  • this caller's initials aren't M.J. are they? -wolfprince
  • This one puts me more in mind of "Locomotive Breath", actually. -Grue
  • Sit and spin? -valkyrja
  • mom and dad raised me right, i'm the youngest person i know who gets Tull references. locomotive is always a fav. -rhiannon
  • Sounds more like "Aqualung" -- Eying little girls with bad intent! -Captain Trips
  • 3031. We had a power outage so I ran my recovery cd. [By :SamFT / 2004-07-08] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • and did a clean install...Why can't I get online? -billybien
  • Whatever cheap drugs the SF was on... I want some. o_O -Torinir
  • There's no problem there, as long as they ran the recovery disk DURING the power outage. -Beeker
  • my car drove funny, so i reformatted the computer -rhiannon
  • My radio wouldn't turn on, so I bought a new car. -MightyMouse
  • My wife stopped sleeping with me, so I got a girlfriend. *blink* Oops. -Beeker
  • 3030. This was overheard from my ex-boss before I joined the department. He was the CIO--"I don't know what FTP is but I like it!" [By :Slatavus / 2004-07-08] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Friggin' Toilet Paper? Was he coming out of the bathroom when he said it? Sorry, been a long day and I wish I could sit on the can with my gameboy for an hour...hey anyone wanna buy a gameboy? -mugglemage
  • Fuck Those People! -billybien
  • Fanged Terror Poodles -TechnoVampire
  • Overheard from same manager: “I don’t know what a horseradish enema is, but I like it!” -scooby111
  • Feel the Pants! -CarbonTetra
  • FREE THE PU.. oops, sorry, supposed to keep this safe for work. <ducks into the lart shelter again....thinking of making this my new home> -wolfprince
  • give me a few days Wolfprince, I'll build you a mobile LART proof shelter for one (it'll cost extra if you want luggage space :P) -Mephiston
  • if i could afford that mephiston, i would have my star already! (this weekend i WILL join the constelation) -wolfprince
  • OK muggles. If you want to visit the bathroom with your "gameboy" it makes no difference to me, but TMI, OK? *I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.* -Beeker
  • A CIO didn't know what FTP is???? How the hell did he get his job? -Oaf
  • LOL at TV....that's better than ubersquirrels. -VIPERsssss
  • 3029. I am a computer tard... [By :haplo1024 / 2004-07-08] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Need I say More! -haplo1024
  • No, but I will.... "More" -duckhead
  • First name Leo? -LaserGuru
  • Damn, LG! Cola out the nose hurts! -Tekkie
  • LG - Is that stretching a point? -lineswine
  • LW -- no, just a little bit tight(s). -Captain Trips
  • 3028. "Uh, they're sleeping - no wait, they're at work." (Could I leave a msg?) "Call back and leave a msg on the machine." Geez, could you *decide* how you're going to blow me off? [By :Mushroom / 2004-07-08] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • The Infamous Blowoff!!! -haplo1024
  • "They're sleeping at work. Together." -Tekkie
  • I try to sleep at work but this goddamn phone keeps ringing! -billybien
  • i have a really nice sized space under my desk for curling up and napping, too bad my boss is cool and i'd feel bad about making him fire me. no napping, no fires in the cube, man what kind of rules are these -rhiannon
  • They're..... in jail.... yeah, yeah, that's the ticket. They're in jail. Won't be back for years. </John Lovitz - SNL> -virtualchoirboy
  • Hey Dave, are you here man? -Gerund
  • Dave's not here, man. </Chong> -Jenzkind
  • after my uncle died my cousin actually used to tell telemarketers that he was in prison. her mom was fairly pissed about it when she found out -rhiannon
  • 3027. I swear I get this one all the time: ME:"What version of Windows are you running?" SF:"Um....Windows." [By :bkreeger / 2004-07-08] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • my personal favorite is still "windows whatever" -leonine
  • here are my favs "The newest one", "the latest and greatest", "2000 XP", "2000 NT" and the list goes on and on -Bunglehawk069
  • After awhile it's all a blur... -Mushroom
  • Is your computer Win 98 or XP? yes -mikeatnight
  • windows 93, to which i almost repsonded, so thats like what dos 6 -rhiannon
  • Oh, christ - if I had a penny for everytime somebody said "2000 XP," well...well...I certainly wouldn't be working this shitty job! -bkreeger
  • my favourite was "windows the usual" -Newfie
  • I ask that question and I get "Microsoft Word" -Torinir
  • (looking at a #2 pencil) Microsoft Word for Blondes? (apoligies to all blondes on this site as they are all obviously smarter than the stereotype <shameless LART dodge>) -virtualchoirboy
  • Hey, choirboy, I take offense to that!! Oh no, wait, I have that pic of MS Word for Blondes up on my cubicle wall. Sorry, I fogot that I thought it was funny! :) --Biscuit (a.k.a. Blondie) -Biscuit
  • bkreeger - if you weren't working this job, you wouldn't hear them say that. Just pointing that out. -JH
  • RedHat 9 (The cool part is that he was right. I love teching for linux users) -scooby111
  • Office XP if the one I get the most, although lately I've been getting "the newset one". Gee....THANKS! One guy told me it was the Linux version. ROFL!! -Neroausity
  • 95-98-ME-NT-2000-XP -Lehk
  • We recently upgraded our EUs to Office 2003 so now we get them saying they have Windows 2003. -BritishBunny
  • wait...hold on, it's coming up on the screen....ooh yeah. 3.11 -LaFiamma
  • OMG - I got one on the phone right now that said, "Windows 97." -bkreeger
  • 3026. (relevant: I'm temping for a bank in Loan Collections.) me - "We haven't received a payment from you lately." him - "Yes, you did. I sent $1000 in May." me - [check records] "Um, I don't see any payments of that amount in the last three months." him - "Oh, you got it." NO, WE DID NOT. JEDI MIND TRICKS DO NOT WORK HERE. [By :Mushroom / 2004-07-08] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • I knew someone that made a withdrawal of $500 from their credit line account, deposited it in their bank account, then paid the same amount back into their credit line. They wondered why their credit line didn't reflect a payment of $500, instead of being at the same amount it had been before withdrawing the $500. -Dragones
  • "I'm a Toydarian, mind tricks don't work on me. Only money." -OgdenTechGuy
  • I used that when I was a Bill Collector! 'I'm a Bill Collector. Your whine tricks do not work on me... only money!' -DracoSuave
  • LOL@DracoSuave -scooby111
  • "These aren't the techs you are looking for." "These aren't?" -Captain Trips
  • *waves hand* "The internet is working perfectly...You do not need a trouble call." -billybien
  • 3025. "They don't call me the Wiz cause I am good with computers, it is from bad bladder control" [By :DoctorTech / 2004-07-08] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Definitely TMI! -LadySharky
  • o.O, yeah, definitely going to need to learn selective hearing -Cooki3
  • Euuuugh! -lineswine
  • o -burrkiss
  • k -burrkiss
  • could it be an old person, pregnant lady or a coffee addict... -DedSysOp
  • Who you calling old??? <heading to the Depends section of the store> -Wolffarmer
  • This customer was a male in his mid-20's. And believe it or not he wasn't intoxicated! Go figure. I couldn't hit the mute button and just let out this rip-roaring laugh when he said that! Still makes me laugh thinking about it. -DoctorTech
  • I whiz constantly. Not cuz I'm pregnant ("you pee more than a chick!" a former boss said) or incontinent -- it's because I drink too much water/soda and I find that management can't get too harpy about body functions -- gotta go, gotta go; it's one of the few ways to slag off at work (couple relaxing minutes among the quiet tiles) that is halfway condoned. -Mushroom
  • Well, Ease on down, Ease on down the road! (To the Texaco) -ChildofCthulhu
  • *blink* -mousie
  • I have to pee most of the time, of course the caffiene addiction does not help -CommanderData
  • THERE'S BLOOD IN MY COFFEE STREAM! -MaskedMarauder
  • How's THAT for TMI? *snickers* -MaskedMarauder
  • 3024. Client calling in for technical support with his computer: So... do you work with computers often? Me:??!! [By :Supergirl0811 / 2004-07-08] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • No, I'm a marine biologist specialising in starfish. Now, how can I help you? -LadySharky
  • Lady sharky, that was a great come back. -ewspy87
  • The a$$hat probably thought you were the techs' secretary (will these morons EVER learn it's about what is in your head, not in your pants?) -lineswine
  • naaww.... i'm an oriental chef and we specialize in thinly sliced starfish in oyster sauce :P -CrystalMare
  • No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. -ProfessorFrink
  • lol @ CrystalMare and ladyshark. Today on Iron Chef...starfish battle!!!!! -leonine
  • Al Jaffee's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions" is due for another volume, eh? :) -Mushroom
  • Ladysharky - Nice :) -Hellion
  • Excellent reply Prof Frink. -Beeker
  • it might just have been a poor attempt at a pickup line :P -Mephiston
  • after successfully troubleshooting and correcting the problem, the sf asked me if I went to school to learn about PC's. I answered "nope, I'm the janitor, I was walking by and noticed the phone ringing so I answered it". That earned a full minute of silence from the sf. hehehe -Dcadiman
  • 3023. "Do you have Google on this computer?" I'd expect more from my engineer... then again, maybe not. [By :monitor lizard / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • <devil's advocate>perchance ment google toolbar</da> -DedSysOp
  • 3022. i havent shutdown my computer in a couple weeks cuz i'm so afraid it won't come back on. [By :rhiannon / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • "It's dead Jim" </Dr. McCoy> -wolfprince
  • So, it wasn't you complaining you didn't have enough to do - Sorry, my mistake. -satanstech
  • Isn't the same logic behind Cialis? (Excellent sig, by the way.) -Jebus
  • I used to have a car that I felt the same way about. -ewspy87
  • Yeah, I'm getting old. I just keep Mr Happy @ attention at all times. That way I dont have to pay for Viagra. -burrkiss
  • I had a flaky pws that I didn't want to shut down because it usually didn't come back without reseating the atx and p4 power connectors. What a pain. -jard
  • Shoe box the system. Then never worry about getting to anything again. -MaskedMarauder
  • I'm saving my urine so I won't dehydrate -billybien
  • 3021. fsck: Once we hang up, go online and check your email.
    SF: Check the football logo?
    [By :fsck / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Someone didn't wear his helmet in high school. -LaserGuru
  • I'm thinking his problem started WAAAAAAY before that point... -hkypipe
  • LG, people are looking at me funny as i roll ont he ground at your comment. -ewspy87
  • I figured people look at you funny all the time. -LaserGuru
  • HEY! Your running without the ball again. -MaskedMarauder
  • 3020. To describe the separation blocks among the numbers at the bottom of a check: "that Mickey Mouse thing" [By :Mushroom / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Also known as the "transit symbol" </display of obscure technical knowledge> -Fuji
  • you mean the square non-smiling smiley? -satanstech
  • One of the four symbols in the MICR E-13B font (transit, amount, on-us and dash). Not that obscure for a lead laser printer tech. <BEG> -LaserGuru
  • 3019. "How do I set Internet Explorer to be my homepage?" Customer said Google was the current homepage and he wanted IE to be the homepage. He hung up after he said he couldn't explain what he wanted. [By :EstrellaDeMar / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • At least it wasn't one of the neepers who MUST repeat themselves in increesingly loud tones untill they "force" you to understand. -wolfprince
  • WOW Deja Vu! I just had this today employee says his wife can't set internet explorer as their home page on their home PC and could I help. As they couldn't get anywhere I suggested they call their ISP (Sorry! - you're not in the Omaha area are you?) -BritishBunny
  • I've had that call before (more than once) they usually mean either MSN.com or ISPHOMPAGE.com </me needs another drink> -DedSysOp
  • BritishBunny... Hmmm, would that be Omaha Nebraska??? If so.. hello from Lincoln. -kryliss
  • 3018. I dont have a problem, i just have a question. My problem is why's the internet so slow? [By :rhiannon / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Sir, trust me on this. It's not the internet that's slow. -flapjackboy
  • Sure it's slow. But if you get DSL your computer will go faster! -DarthLuke
  • I thought he said he didn't have a problem???.... <walks away grumbling> -CrystalMare
  • 3017. Customer I got yesterday had a DHCP issue. Part of our t/s is ripping/reinstalling the NIC. I asked the customer if he has NIC drivers on a disk somewhere that maybe he might have forgotten about. He says, "I don't think you know what you're talking about, you don't sound like you have a clue, can I call back and gert someone else?" So I told him sure, and then in block letters wrote in the ticket to PC tech the guy for NIC drivers. BAHAHAHAHA. [By :Neroausity / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • I guess the customers don't expect you to put notes in their case file or that you even keep one. Documentation is your friend. -Starfury
  • thats what sucks about here, we dont have a good documentation system, the old place had a billing system that allowed for notes. -rhiannon
  • I love that, between 6 and 9 i am the only one here. so whenthey call back they get me again. -ewspy87
  • 3016. "I just redownloaded my modem" [By :nmccartaz / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • damn, wish i could do that and get the updated version :P -CrystalMare
  • I wish this worked with new computers too! -wolfprince
  • I wanna download a new mouse!!! What? WHAT? You all saw it coming! You're just sore because I got there first... -paranoidepiphan
  • no, paranoidepiphan, i just chose not to stoop to that level on this one....aw who the hell am i kidding! I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET THAT ONE SLIP BY ME!!!!! -wolfprince
  • USR WinModem? -LaserGuru
  • 3015. You are so good, I am glad you don't speak Indian. [By :LordObsidian / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • What you mean me no speakum Indian? -billybien
  • Ugh? -rokitt
  • Does an EU in India say (in the native dialect) "Thank Ganesh you don't speak English"? -Mushroom
  • whenever i get a caller who says that i get so tempted to fake my accent into an indian tech, :P it would be worth a few laughs :P <apu voice> "but sir i am in bombay" -CrystalMare
  • &#20117;&#25144;&#24403;&#28982;&#31169;&#12399;&#12452;&#12531;&#12489;&#20154;&#12434;&#12289;&#31169;&#12391;&#12354;&#12427;&#26085;&#26412;&#35486;&#35441;&#12373;&#12394;&#12356;&#12290; -Beeker
  • Ah ratz. That was supposed to be in Japanese... *sigh* -Beeker
  • Oh, man, Beeker. You comitted the cardinal sin of "Fucking Up the Page." Your life as you know it is over. Been nice knowing ya'. <bfeg> -RiffRaff
  • BEEEEKKKEEEERRRR! You are so lucky Coward turned us on to ForceWrap! -Tekkie
  • Was speaking to some Indians yesterday about my visit to India in '58. As they left, they said "Hope you get to visit India again" - Ans: "I don't need to, my x-Compaq Job is visiting India for me" -satanstech
  • 3014. SF: it's not the home networking. It's just when he tries to get it on with the wireless. [By :leonine / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • I do not have a router! I connect wirelessly!!! -billybien
  • hark, i hear bad porn music as he's trying to seduce his computer with the wireless connection. -wolfprince
  • 3013. Sub asked for spelling of "Communications".... [By :Zentar / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • "No problem: eye a em a ess tee you pee eye dee eye dee eye oh tee." -ThirdOfFive
  • Nothing wrong with that, it's a big word. It's when they ask me how to spell "option" that I get jinxy. -Mushroom
  • 3012. SF: "why is my phone service not working....oh, I bet it's because Bush is flying over my house right now."

    WTF...you know, I'm not a republican, but I swear that guy just get's blamed for EVERYTHING.
    [By :leonine / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Possibly because he's responsible <ducking!> but not for that person's issue. -Mushroom
  • Well, maybe not the phone not working, but, perhaps it's fault that the grage door doesn't open. http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=04/07/05/1727249&mode=thread&tid=126&tid=137&tid=172&tid=193 -Oblivious
  • tinyurl.com is your friend. -flapjackboy
  • Somehow, I think "irresponsible" is the right word for Bush. Heck, he couldn't even be bothered to read Daddy G's book, which pointed out the problems with going into Iraq. (And why he opted against it in the first gulf war.) -Captain Trips
  • Actually, while in Ireland the Secret Service had a roaming cell-phone blocker that went wherever Bush did, so she's not as far off as you think. -thx1138
  • 3011. (after being asked for model and serial number, found near floor) "I gotta get down - Jesus help me" [By :madonnac / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Cause that J-dog can spin one fine track! -DragonMageWTF
  • Sounds like following the course of gravity isn't the issue -- she'll need the Savior's help GETTING UP AGAIN. -Mushroom
  • Jesus is coming...Quick! Hide the bong!!! -billybien
  • Jesus is coming and boy is he pissed... -RiffRaff
  • i found jesus, he was behind the couch the whole time -rhiannon
  • " And for my next miracle, i'll turn water into ... FUNK" </Familiy Guy> i watch way too much family guy. -Harm
  • Jesus is coming...look busy. -ScarletPimp
  • Since Jesus died for my sins, I figured I would get my moneys worth. CRACK/WHORE PARTY AT MY HOUSE!!!!! -burrkiss
  • rhiannon - I have a fridge magnet with that phrase. -yakko
  • I came to get down...I came to get down...So get off your cross and jump around! -billybien
  • 3010. "But I don't like having those icons on my desktop, they're not pretty and I don't like it! It's ugly!" from a user who has a pink color theme and didn't want 2 work related icons on her desktop. [By :Starfury / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Let me guess: The user's name was "Elle Woods" and she was an attorney, right? -JoeLugian
  • Work machine = not yours. Deal with it. -h3x0n1c
  • So's the unemployment line, lady . . . -valkyrja
  • 3009. I am trying to open this most wanted list, but I can't. Because it's in a "pedophile". [By :Evildman / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • A .pdf file? Or an actual molester or children? Or WTF? -paranoidepiphan
  • he may have that backwards...shouldn't the pedophile be in "it". -leonine
  • It could be he's trying to get a file in a public library where certain words are blocked-- No, the guy's a moron -DracoSuave
  • Must be .pdf - just keep your kids away from that program anyway. :) -Mushroom
  • "Im trying to open one of those pedofiles and i dont know what to use." I tell them a big hammer, a knife, or a shotgun is best for opening pedofiles. -TeamWolfguard
  • I had images of a user trying to cut open some guys chest with a butter knife trying to get something a list that this person ate *shrug* why you looking at me like that?? -Cooki3
  • i like this opening up pedophiles but then what will the catholics do on wednesdays, and sundays and.....oh sorry. -rhiannon
  • Yes, this SF was trying to open a .pdf. This line was definately a test of the Mute reflexes. -Evildman
  • Mute Reflexes. Now that is a great phrase that describes exactly what we all need! -CyBear
  • 3008. Me: Is the light on the modem on or off? SF: It's solid Black. [By :StylinTechie / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • "I'm sorry. None of our modems have black lights, so this must be a third party modem, which we don't support." <click> -pmillipede
  • yea...when I stand in front of it my shirt glows.... -leonine
  • It's the color scheme that freeks me out. Every time i push one of these black buttons and little black light lights up, Black, to tell me i have pushed the button.</zaphod> -TeamWolfguard
  • Hey, black is beautiful my brother. Peace out. *click* -Beeker
  • Solid,Black!!! -billybien
  • 3007. Me: "(lame opening spiel) How can I help you?" SF: I can't get the cable signal for my DSL. [By :StylinTechie / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • I bet! <click> :) -steveO77
  • Did you dial up your modem? -Mushroom
  • wow, I guess we have an outage. Please call back when you get that light. if worse comes to worse, please switch to our competitor </click> -Bunglehawk069
  • 3006. jarralad: Which operating system are you using? SF: Not XP, the other one [By :jarralad / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • No not that one, the other, other one. -Gerund
  • I'm sorry - <LAME ASS COMPANY> does not support "The Other One" as a valid Operating System. Please contact the vendor of this product for support. Thank you. Buh-Bye" <CLICK> -Hayden
  • "Spanish lady comes to me, she lays on me this rose." </Grateful Dead, song: "The Other One"> -Captain Trips
  • 3005.

    Ask Lineswine if ya need an explanation...

    Bring it on girly, the wobble board is ready! [By :CommanderData / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • His planchette done fell off his ouija borad? -LaserGuru
  • ok.... hey, Lineswine, what's this mean??? -duckhead
  • You're going to test his balance? We all know & love him as unbalanced. -Tekkie
  • wobble board........if you put 4 legs on a bed it wont wobble anymore. :P -burrkiss
  • Do they have to be on two people, or one farm animal? Or can they be random legs you have collected? <emptying closet> -Mushroom
  • To put you out of your misery - Lineswine had found out I'm scared of thunder and was threatening to bring a wobble board to my BBQ... -CommanderData
  • I'm guessing we won't ever see you in Northern Oz then - highest lightning strike count of anywhere in the world (hey, we have to be proud of *something* and being the beer capital of the world wasn't all that topical :P) -Mephiston
  • 3004. I have Win XP Home Outless Express. [By :Mango / 2004-07-07] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • They could have said OUTHOUSE EXPRESS LOL -THETECHFROMHELL
  • Win SF Home Witless Excess? -lineswine
  • 3003. "I have the word Microsoft installed. . . " I'll just let you guys figure out what THAT means. [By :valkyrja / 2004-07-06] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Or "I'm using Microsoft". -LaserGuru
  • ARRRGH!!! I hated when people would say "the Microsoft" or anything like that. See my content, story 78 entitled "The Microsoft" -DarthLuke
  • Microsoft Word.. Yo homie wassup. In da hood yo! -rockytech
  • sorry, you'll need to call Webster's we only handle numbers. -drachen
  • They probably meant the WORM Microsoft...which would be accurate, all things considered. CP/M RULES!!! -Grue
  • Yo! My dilly-up connizzle be wack!!! -Beeker
  • "was it the Chad?" :P -Mephiston
  • 3002. "no, its doing something, it wont let me" huh? [By :rhiannon / 2004-07-06] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • Translation: "The computer is processing information, so the hourglass is displayed, which means I cannot currently do anything." Oh for the love of all that's sane, please just shoot me now for being able to understand that! -LadySharky
  • me next, i immidiatly understood what it mean. <russian roulette> last person standing has to answer the next call. -Harm
  • Yeah, I'm fluent in Starfish too - sadly. -lineswine
  • 3001. them: "But I paid already." us: "What date did you make that payment?" them: "1354." us: "Was that a check number?" them: "No, that was the date." [By :Mushroom / 2004-07-06] [Top]
    Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day

    Comments

  • ok sir the internet was not in operation on Jan. 03, 1954 you have reached a number that is either no longer in service or will be in service in fifty years. -jjtech4
  • The MS Excel converts 1354 to September 15, 1903, which is still too early for the internet. -Tekkie
  • StarFishDate. -LaserGuru
  • StarFishDate 1354.... Captain's Log... (found floating in bridge toilet). -LaserGuru
  • has to be 13-05-04 in dd-mm-yy format -Lehk
  • LMAO LaserGuru..........hehe. -geaux
  • Well, if the Starfish is using the Gregorian Date calendar (sometimes mistakenly identified as the Julian Date) that number converts to May 14, 2004. May 14th being the 135th day of this year (4). I doubt it, but military repair shops use Julian/Gregorian dates for trouble tickets. -Beeker
  • LG - any sign of the "Cling-ons"? -lineswine
  • Not after a good hot shower... -LaserGuru
  • 1354, eh? I'm sorry sir, but the internet was not available in the 14th century. -flapjackboy
  • Show me more EUPOTD's in groups of: 10 50 100

    TechSupportComedy (c) 2003-2014 all rights reserved.
    Any and all trademarks acknowledged.