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3128.
FOLLOW THE CHAIN OF COMMAND!
I've had a bad morning. The boss was out of the office, leaving just me to deal with the unwashed (literaly) masses. Now, the company has recently implemented a very simple and straight forward plan for the development of internal software.
1) user reports bugs/complaints/suggestions to a planning committee member
2) the committee member will approach me direct IF they believe that it's a BUG that needs to be fixed IMMEDIATLY or if they need to check if it's indeed POSSIBLE to implement
3)any software changes or additions with the exception of critical bug fixes are discussed at committee meetings, then changes are accepted are passed on to the boss.
4)the boss will review all changes, and veto/adjust anything that doesn't meet with company policy/rules
5)boss informs me about all changes to be made
unfortionatly, if the committee members are out of the office, or not visible, everything still comes to me, and I end up feeling like a broken record saying to take it to the committee over and over...
Most of the users are fine, but there are a couple who seem to think they are special, and it's best to consult me directly because I'm the developer, and can program anything. Sure I can program it, but I won't until the boss tells me!
[By :garwain / 2006-01-25] [Top]
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Comments
Being at the last phase on the chain in command, you can infulence the rst of the chain as you please... get in! -LowLevelFormat
Remember you have to affect the right end of the chain of command to get anything done. You ever tried to push a chain? - McSmiley
Just line it up, pour water and freeze it solid. The flexibility built in can be circumvented with a little ingenuity! -TieDyedDinosaur
ok somebody had to say it..Quit yanking the chain. -techpeon
Ask them if they know what the chain of command is? On any reply, you pull out a short chain and tell them, "its the chain I beats you with for attempting an end run like that!" -Chipsterian
It puts the lotion on its skin, or it gets the chain again! -FuzzyElf |
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3127.
Enunciating clearly into your phone when you call the for help, will make it MUCH easier for me to assist you. In addition, send the dog outside; put the kids in another room; let someone else change the baby's crap-laden diapers and turn off Oprah/Maury Povich/Jerry Springer. If you want my undivided attention when you call me for assistance, then you should have the courtesy to give me yours so I can solve your problem.
[By :MattN / 2006-01-25] [Top]
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But But its a reallyyyyyyyyyyyyy good episode!! -LowLevelFormat
Tivo!!!!!!!!!! -john11v35 |
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3125.
If my company makes software that is advertised and sold as "consumer-level" production software...do not call to bitch at me because you don't have professional options and results. Moreover, when I tell you that this is consumer software, DO NOT interrupt me and say "Well that's just your opiion"
[By :LaFiamma / 2006-01-24] [Top]
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Comments
Especially if there is a more expensive, better version available for professionals... (I had a boss who thought AutoCAD LT was just as good as full AutoCAD - it only costs 90% less!) -Divinar
Suctomer thought she should have final cut features in imovie? -crazymactech
"My opinion is what you're paying for. And that just cost you $20." -Geminii |
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3122.
Don't spell your name if I don't ask you to. Don't give me your last name if I don't ask you to. Don't spell your name instead of telling me what it is. Don't blurt out the whole mess without breathing and then spell it. Just don't. kthanks.
[By :LaFiamma / 2006-01-23] [Top]
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Counterpoint: My last name is messy. If you ask me for my full name, I will say it at a normal talking speed, pause, and then say "And that's spelled..." If you ask in the context of delivering something or calling back, I'll give you my last name, but generally add "... but don't worry about that, I'm the only Chazz here." -chazz
My last name is messy as well (origin is an eastern European language with very little apparent vowel usage ;) ). Even Anglicized as it is, it's difficult to spell correctly by only hearing it. -Dreamstalker
"My name is Macfrügelgòrschäbergenteuiler-san. Spelled just like it sounds." -Gaah
Why is it the world never remembered the name of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfernschplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-
apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-
kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwurstle-gerspurten-mitz-weimache-
luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shoenendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?" </python> -wolfman
--but you can call me, "Smith". -ShujinTribble
.....But its pronounces Luxury Yacht. -Harm
Wolfman- that's what you get when people begin hyphenating their names when they get married... generations later! -Voz
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, His name is my name too. (Tee Hee, I bet that is stuck in you head now!) -lineswine
Eddie Kumacatchacomatosanarytosenokasamakamawhaky Brown - fell into the well - what a shame it took so long to say his name - drown. -AngrySup
DAMN YOU LINESWINE!! ^-^ You suck...*shakes head* I will need me some Helloween or Slayer to get this out of my head! ...Hell, I'll settle for Dio! --In response to the original post, my last name is spelled EXACTLY as it sounds, but EVERYONE insists on throwing in H's and T's where they DON'T BELONG. It's fuckin' phonetic, stop fucking it up!! Rar! /minirant. So...yeah, don't give your name if you're not asked, but it's not always a bad thing if they spell it... -TranceGemini |
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3121.
Having the L2 VPN team available only during normal business hours is NOT HELPFUL! Most of the telecommuters are not at their VPN desks during normal business hours, so call in with their issues during evenings and weekends. We've asked the L2 team for additional training and they've told us that we have access to all the info they have.
[By :purplelinguist / 2006-01-22] [Top]
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Sorry - but the information I require at this point is your home phone number and what I need to press on MY phone to cold x-fer the call to you. Thank You, Have A nice Day! -ShujinTribble
Oooo, great! Then I'll be looking forward to that PAY INCREASE. rassafrassin cusscusscuss -FuzzyElf
Then why are they employed? -Geminii |
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3117.
Always keep backups of everything, including software, data, hardware, cases, accessories, and even eyewear. Learned that today when I went to put my glasses on and the leg?(ear peice) fell off. now I'm wearing about a 2 year old pair of glasses the prescription is off a little bit, but still usable.
[By :drachen / 2006-01-20] [Top]
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I know the feeling, thats why I keep everything, drives the gf nuts but better to have and not need then need and not have :) -halitech
some people were refer to that as 'being a pack rat'. I think of it as being prepaired for the eventual situation :) -Harm
I always keep a backup pair of glasses. Problem is I have no idea where they are... -CommanderData
I love it when I need something that I've hung on to for 5 years and I can do my 'I told you so' dance to my wife. She loves it too...I think. -Timeflies
I kind of doubt that she likes it, tf. Mine sure doesn't. -PaseoGuy
thats why I love (most of) the UK opticians, they give you the 2nd pair free for exactly this reason -Tarantulus
And, CD, when you need them, you won't be able to see to look for them. -purplelinguist
My leans prescription hasn't changed for 20 years or so...this means any random pair I find in a drawer I can use, but as fashions have changed A LOT over the years the REALLY BIG round "Owl Eyes" pairs do look a bit daft. Hey! they're from the 80s' ...what did YOU look like then? I'm willing to bet some of you were babies/not born yet. -lineswine
I only wish I had a spare. The dog ate them. The old ones are no good either. Too much change. And I need new ones (i.e. BIFOCALS ... getting old sux). -Mysty
I did that with auto parts. I had a turn signal relay and an axle seal kit for an old VW. I sold my last one in '01, and finally threw the parts away last year during a move. Last week I bought another VW, and needed both parts I threw away. Spent an hour searching the garage before I remembered what I did. -Jeckler |
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3115.
If a customer disagrees with something, they'll complain it was never in writing. If you show them it was in writing, they'll insist the font was too small. If you show them the font was of adequate size, they will onject that they never read it. If you contend that is unimportant, they will claim that it doesn't appy to them, as they are very special. If you insist the rule does indeed apply to them, they will very vocally inform the nearby area that they are unhappy about it.
[By : linkv / 2006-01-17] [Top]
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But my mummy told me I was special... -LadySharky
"Well, I don't want to hear that I'm wrong! You change reality so that it works out that I'm right after all or I'll threaten to whine again!" </starfish> -teivrann
"I reject your reality and substitute my own." </adam savage> -Harm
Fortunately, their unhappiness is unimportant too :) -Geminii
and on the bottom is a line next to a date and their signiture with the words " I have read this document and agree to its meaning" or to that effect <EG> -Jax
If you give them a gas pipe to suck on for awhile, they'll say the trip to the final exit was too slow. Just one bullet.... -vacuumtubes
That's where I am wishing for a fully-charged cattle-prod. -MattN
Customer's question: "If I get my General Manager to call, can he speed up the process?" My reply: "Nope. Unless he can change the laws of physics." -TechnoVampire
Ye cannea change the laws of physics, laws of physics, laws of physics! Ye cannea change the laws of physics, laws of physics, Jim! -ShujinTribble
I see ST has been listening to Lileks... "Ye cannae change the laws of physice! I don' even know if it can be repaired!" -chazz
then they ask to speak to your supervisor... -nathon |
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3114.
"I want to talk to your supervisor!" Yes, Ma'am, I will let her know, but she is currently on a call with another customer. "Well, when will she be off?" She will be able to speak to you as soon as that call is completed. "Well, WHEN WILL THAT BE?" I have no way of knowing how long another customer's call will last. "Why not?!!?" Tech Support Rule: I am not going to apologize for not knowing what will happen in the future.
[By : linkv / 2006-01-16] [Top]
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"Please send me an email detailing when all unexpected outages are scheduled to occur."</phb> -AmazingKreskin
Ah, the days of selling Borland software on the phones when this happened to me: (SF) Why won't you sell me that $2,000 piece of software at educational price?! I work on the campus! I want to speak to your supervisor! (ST) Sir.... I *AM* the floor supervisor. And I am telling you, No. (SF) .................. -ShujinTribble
3 hours, 38 minutes, and 5 seconds from.... NOW! <click> -Divinar
Just tell her, "It sounds like she's talking to someone even worse than you, so it will probably be a while." -Gaah
Exhibit B: "Can you tell me if this item will still be in stock next Friday?" -linkv
"Because I am a computer repairer, not a fortune teller." -Geminii
"Cause there aint no freakin' french fries..." </Jack Nicholson impression> -srteach
What are the winning lotto numbers for the next drawing? *dashes for lart shelter* -Slycat
What am I? A doctor or a moon shuttle conductor?! (Oops! Sorry - wrong bitch-line... CtrlH CtrlH CtrlH CtrlH CtrlH CtrlH CtrlH CtrlH CtrlH CtrlH CtrlH CtrlH CtrlH ) -ShujinTribble
...If I jumped everytime a light went on around here, I'd be talking to myself. <continuing ST's bitch-line.> -Captain Trips |
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3110.
when customers follow you from job to job without even trying, you have a reserve seat in customer service hell.
[By :rhiannon / 2006-01-07] [Top]
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alternativly- you could already be there. IF you want to get metaphisical. -Harm
If I was you, I would file charges for stalking. -JackMackle
Dont you really just hate the ones that do that ? -Deadagent |
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3109.
Do NOT document your personal feelings regarding a fellow employee or the customers. You may not get caught the first time, but eventually someone will notice. Especially when some customers get copies of their case notes.
[By :CelticSkyhawk / 2006-01-06] [Top]
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is this you or co-irker? -Jax
Actually, its two of my employees. But they aren't the only ones, we've found a rash of them in the last two weeks. -CelticSkyhawk
When I started here I was told that the users get a copy of the ticket once it's closed. -Starfury
Also not a good idea to change the name on suctomer accounts to unpleasent references to zombie goats..... -leonine
Just tell them that "f*cktard" is an Elbonian word meaning "high exalted one". Any f*cktard who thinks he can get wireless cable through a dial-up connection will believe that one. -Gaah
I've got several co-workers that do this in ALL they're case notes. I can't wait to see what happens when we push the ticket system down to the user level, and they're able to look at the case notes, as well as add to them! -Bobsentme
"Can you say lack of professionalism?... I knew ya could" -wolfprince
I know heat and some other HD ticket track programs have an area that is just for the tech to view. Does your software not have this? -Blue3c
our dev department made our ticketing system so it included a "tech notes" field that the customer couldnt see. Other than that our major clients could enter tickets, and see the progress on them. the reason for this? a customer called and asked what "fubared" and "hosed" meant when he read about the servers we repaired for him. -xtc46
ha ha. I'd love to send the customers the results of their calls: Resolution time 30 mins, problem: customer couldn't send e-mail. reason: customer misspelled recipiants(brother's) e-mail address. Resolution: explained to customer how to spell their own last name. -drachen
I've always been a big fan of documenting exactly what happened, and letting that be evidence enough of customer stupidity. Example: "Customer's computer will not turn on. Customer is getting no power to unit. Customer does not know where power cord is, but assures me fully that computer is plugged in. I do not share her confidence." -linkv
"Five attempts and two reboots later, customer able to click on second option from list of two." -illiterate
Boss... is that you? I'm sorry I won't say you're a jerkoff again (in print anyway). -HelpMeee |
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3108.
After finaly figuring out how to mount new fan on new motherboard ( after RTFMing and finding that none of the documentation addresses removal of 1 part from motherboard) and applying arctic silver - one will enevitably forget to slide the temparature sensore between said fan and CPU. fuck me blind!*headdesk* scrw this i'm closing the case and ill deal with it tomorro.
[By :Harm / 2006-01-05] [Top]
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Boy, that's a call to burrkiss if I've ever seen one. -redevil34
or blindtech -putahtek
What?? Don't tell me I'll go blind doing that too!!! (yeesh, nothing fun is good for you anymore) -FrontSideBus |
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3105.
Alexander Graham Bell never intended it to take this long to boot your telephone.
[By : concept14 / 2006-01-04] [Top]
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The telephone was invented 130 years ago. You'd think they'd have it working by now. -RePo
..that doesn;t boade well for MS-Win... OH! Wait... Permanant Tech Jobs for everyone! W00H00!! -ShujinTribble |
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3103.
SUB: I cant get onto the internet!
ME: Ok, what is the exact error you get?
SUB: Oh, my computer has to be on?
ME: ...yyyyep!
SUB: Ok, let me turn it on.
When you call your ISP because you cannot get onto the internet, YES, YOUR COMPUTER WILL HAVE TO BE ON!
[By :Gonzo / 2006-01-04] [Top]
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Ans yes you will need to be home sitting in front of the computer as well. -THETECHFROMHELL
"but if I turn on the computer I'll get disconnected from the phone" -halitech |
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3101.
You know when you have been in front of a computer too long when you have a really disgusting thought and start panicking that your company’s security department might have seen you access it….
[By : CommanderData / 2006-01-04] [Top]
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No Borg implants yet? (Y'know, you could always share your gruesome thoughts with us... we don't mind... *grin*) -teivrann
Call it the 3pm time period where the mind drifts off into thoughts best left to over-18s only. -CommanderData
Where visions of fellation and cunnilingus dance in our heads....for want of a better term..... -vacuumtubes
if companies could read your mind...wooh...I'd never have made it past the interview. -3p0ch
Interview? Security would meet me at the door. -Bobsentme
Latent visions of "sugarplums" dancing in your head? -viennasausage
We are the borg, you will join the colective. um...ugh kick her out. That's just nasty. -drachen
Whatever it is, it can't be THAT bad far as I'm concerned. (And CD? Thanks for the inspiration... tech song posted thanks to you.) -ShujinTribble
[Checks under desk] Nope, no cameras there, yet. Then again, "disgusting thoughts" and "sitting at work" rarely cross paths with me. That is, unless it involves the head cheese, a zombie goat, two tubs of <+++ATH> <No Carrier> -HidariMak
CD--isn't that the long, dark tea-time of the soul? -PaseoGuy |
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3100.
Hey, Norton techs, listen up:
If one of my customers can retrieve e-mail from us with NIS disabled, but can't retrieve his e-mail with NIS running, then IT IS NOT OUR FUCKING PROBLEM!!!!!!! Don't punt him right back to me, telling him that his ISP needs to reconfigure Outlook Express for him because your piece-of-shit software fucked up. Again.
Have I made myself clear enough, or do I need to break it down into monosyllabic words for you?
Having said that, I've already instructed this particular customer to uninstall your crappy bloatware, and to download and install AVG Free Edition. This is after I gave him the option of conferencing a call with Norton Tech Support with me so I could rip someboady a new one, and you just know I would have posted a recording of that conversation here. Fortunately for you, he declined and went with the AVG option instead.
Get your fucking heads out of your collective asses and do your fucking jobs.
[By : RiffRaff / 2006-01-03] [Top]
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Look now...Dont hold back. We know you are trying to tell us something. Please let us know how you really feel! (oh crap... Where the hell was that shelter? Excuse me sir..can you.. Ow hey, ow ow ow stop hitting me with that...) -MrJay67
Wow - symantec seems just about as clueless / useless as M$! -Harm
Not quite Harm: Symantec is usually by choice. -Necros
Free AVG rulez! Norton sucks. Yeah. -Gerund
I haven't used norton POS anything since I installed it on a Windows NT computer I had spent days installing. The "protected" recycle bin took the cpu to 100%. It took 4 hours to get it stopped and uninstalled as it still screwed the computer in safe mode as well - I suppose just in case you deleted something in safe mode you wanted to keep. Crap! -Gerund
I completely agree with you on the norton evil thing, thier stuff just plain sucks ass. Bravo to putting that ahole in thier place. -THETECHFROMHELL
heh... gotta love Norton. Stealth Automatic Updates that disable the internet..
When people say that they have Norton Internet Security, I start giggling. When asked why Im laughing, I tell them what a terrible program it is. I bet Ive personally gotten at least 100 people to un-install that pile of dung. -Gonzo
avg tends to havee flakey mail scanner, it will break as frequently as nortons. I find Avast (free) to be the best free AV program out there for the end user. -putahtek
Heh. ALL of the "email scanners" in AVs are b0rked. Well, with Outlook Express - or Incredimail - or even Thunderbird. But since none of the extant mail programs can run an executable from within the email message (has to be extracted to a temp folder first!), turn off the mail scan, and let the resident AV catch it. -ralphp1024 |
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3098.
Never let roommates with download capability on your computer. (Story/cry for help to come)
[By :Jonos / 2006-01-01] [Top]
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Download capbility? Can't do much with broken wrists *mwuhahah -shooric |
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3097.
NOTE: This is from the same woman as the previous EUPOTD
You know your day is going to be interesting when a customer signing up for a new account casually makes the comment that she uses the Internet to communicate electronically with her murdered son.
Then, to make matters worse, while I am still trying to wrap my mind around that little bombshell, she pulls out her phone and asks, "Do you mind if I text my son?"
Like a fool, I say, "Oh, is that how you do it?" not thinking that she might have another son who is still living. So here I am, thinking this woman is trying to send a text message to a dead person; and there she is, thinking that she's speaking with a tech who doesn't know how text messaging works.
There is no alcohol strong enough, people...
[By : RiffRaff / 2005-12-30] [Top]
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Whoa, that is deep, Riff you and Tv get all the good ones. -THETECHFROMHELL
I meant to say you ans VT get all the good ones. -THETECHFROMHELL
Wow! <hands Riff a bottle of EverClear>Here ya go...it's the strongest alcohol I could find! :) -rokitt
yes there is. It is Tequila and will set you back $75+ a bottel. BUT OMG is that good stuff. Like a smooth wisky or Scotch you can sip it. -virusjtg
<passes Riff a bottle of Bushmills> -wolfprince
I had a womanc all up in tears once; seems her sister (who was depressed and bipolar - she was the actual customer, not the woman crying) tried killing herself because she didn't check to see that the POP number we gave her was long-distance or not for her dial-up ISP service. She got 2 months' worth of long-distance charges on her Qwest bill, and she thought that was too much of a financial burden to her family, so....... ANyway, the crying woman wanted to know if I could find it in my heart to send her a check to cover the cost of the long-distance phone bill! She sounded pretty damned sincere, but since I wasn't paid to be a phone/grief counselor, I transferred the call to my boss. -MattN
"I see dead people" -leonine
Sorry - I was going to say something, but suddenly I really don't think I should. (TSC Regulars will understand) -ShujinTribble
I did not think VOIP would work in the afterlife wow and so that guy at Worst Buy was right I can call anywhere for free. -joebob |
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3096.
Never tell your starfish partner that upgrading a mobo/CPU and RAM is "not really that difficult" he/she WILL respond with "teach me then".... it's gonna be a looooong night
[By :Tarantulus / 2005-12-30] [Top]
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Always Qualify "If you know what you're doing/ done it as many times as I have/ Posess a _functioning_ brain" -Dj
Well, for starters, you need a hammer, a chisel, and one of those blue dots from the inquirer... -ShiftedBeef
Sure, instructiion rates are $50/hour, min. 3 hours, payment in advance. (They'll either tell you to forget the whole deal, or you'll be in for some cash coming your way. (Tech skills aren't cheap, ya know...) -lineswine
"teach her" but only after she "teaches" you how to watch her make out with another chick!!! -burrkiss
wait a sec. is that the one I spec'd out for you? hope 4GB is enough ram for ya :D -burrkiss
A good followup might have been "once I started seeing it as a cross between auto-mechanics and open heart surgery, the details just fell into place". If she hasn't run out of the room at that point, you should. -HidariMak |
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3093.
If you want to confuse a customer... ask them if they called tech support before.
[By :ShiftedBeef / 2005-12-29] [Top]
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Do you guys like tech support? Yes. No. Yes. No. I love tech support..... and so do you. Yes. -viennasausage
don't even have to ask them anything that hard, ask them their name and they get a blank look in their eyes -halitech
So you hate gay men? NO, I DON'T HATE THEM. So you love gay men? I-- /Mallrats -TranceGemini
I never would have believed it, if I hadn't taken this job, but it's true. At least 90% of the suctomers choke when you ask them that, and most, after they regain their composure, answer the question wrong. -DrLecter |
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3092.
That the day end-of-year payroll processing (read: all company raises, tax updates) are scheduled, the lead programmer will be out ill.
This will, naturally, leave only you, who's never run either procedure before to accomplish it by yourself...with payroll breathing down your neck.
I love my paycheck.
I love my paycheck.
I love my paycheck.
Am I the only one who occasionally has to remind themselves of that?
[By :shadowkat / 2005-12-28] [Top]
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I used to think I wanted a career with computers - now I realize I only wanted a paycheck -Divinar
Me, I want to fix and make computers work better. I just don't want to have to deal with the stupid users. -Wolfie0827
Wolfie sounds like House, wants to treat patients, but not deal with lying, whining people. -evolvedstarfish
ShadowKat, how about raising YOUR pay while you're about it? <grin> -CTYankee
And House sounds like Linus Van Pelt. Charlie Brown: "To be a doctor, you've got to love mankind." Linus: "I LOVE mankind. It's PEOPLE I can't stand!!" -Captain Trips
CTYankee - I did typo at one point and give one group a 1000% raise instead of a 3%. (0.103 instead of 0.0103). And yes, I was in that group. I'd love to make 22K biweekly... -shadowkat
Sounds like an opportunity to make several people regret their career choice. -Geminii
I have a GOOD job. (Get Out Of Debt) -LaserGuru
I have to keep reminding myself how fond I've become of eating to keep myself coming back for more of the "fun" B^( -halitech
reminds me of the scam of Office Space and of Super Man... Remember to "deposit the money in 26-29-5-15-16 is that your swiss bank account no the locker at the bus station" name that movie. -techpeon
got the stinking numbers wrong will change when I find the dang link again. -techpeon
techpeon: Bourne Identity -areatech |
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3091.
If you become hostile towards your friendly wireless carrier techie, it doesn't matter how knowledgable you are. He will penalize your rudeness by putting you through the standard t-support script, only slower.
[By :illiterate / 2005-12-27] [Top]
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3089.
Same Vendor from my previos post
That a vendor who first told you it's a hardware problem suddenly needs to have PC Anywhere installed on the server to connect to it but can't use one of the three other methods we have to connect to servers remotely, on Christmas Eve when we're on a skeleton crew for the holidays.
[By :TheMage18 / 2005-12-24] [Top]
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Hmm.. leessee.. it'll get done oooonnnn.... What's two business days after, "HA!" -ShujinTribble |
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3088.
Both a tech rule and a traffic rule: After I've spent a day with the fishies, dealing with constant yelling and neeping, you are NOT going to rattle me by sitting behind me and beeping your little horn. Go ahead and try.
[By : linkv / 2005-12-23] [Top]
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Wire up your reverse lights to a switch (so you can still be in Drive and have the lights on). Throw the switch when someone honks at you, and start revving the crap out of your motor. When the light changes (or the path clears or whatever), GUN IT. -Jay911
Always remember the threes rules of enrgy conservation- and do your best to conserve energy- 1: it takes 43 muscles to smile, very consumptive. 2: it takes only 17 to frown, less consumptive, good usual choice. 3: it takes only 3 to extend the middle finger and wish them an "FU!", good option for those not worth much effort. -HappyCrappy
Jay911, that is WAY funny. I think I will do that! I've gone through about 6 pairs of reverse lights (modified car). Hellas may be next. Back to the point, Those people that honk are just hypocrites. Given the same situation they would hate the horn blaring at them. -UnderLord
You see officer, I was a cat cross the road and slammed on the brakes, swerving to avoid it. Not my fault I got rear-ended, the guy was not following the 2 second rule.....I sure hope he has insurance. -Psudo36
The bumper sticker I'd buy would say "I brake for assholes" -lineswine
--Better than, "I break assholes", no? -ShujinTribble |
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3087.
Everyone is calling from their damn cars today. Noticed that?
[By :illiterate / 2005-12-23] [Top]
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Because they are all out almost-last minute shopping ofc. -evolvedstarfish
Yeah, it's kind of hard to troubleshoot a "hard drive problem" (more likely a PEBKAC problem) if the person I'm talking to is several miles away from the computer :) -Antacid
"Hi, I need you to tell me my balance quick because I'm about to go into a...." *Click* -UnderLord
My response ---> "Sir? I'm sorry, what was that? I se m t b go g in o a tu el. I'm b eak g u<dialtone>" -missourimule
In a panic voice, tell them to "STOP", "LEFT TURN", "RIGHT TURN". Of course, you are not repsonsible for any ensuing accidents. -my2kids |
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3085.
Here's the one that didn't get posted:
Don't Type in ANY password or username in caps. it just makes you look like an idiot.
[By :drachen / 2005-12-22] [Top]
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How about numbers, can they be in caps? -TieDyedDinosaur
ONE,TWO,THREE,FOU...it`s not what you meant is it.... -Jax
OK, OK, Numeric digits! -TieDyedDinosaur
Does a thumb count as a digit? -ShujinTribble
Is *THIS* a digit? No? Oh. It's a stub? -CyBear
BUT MY DIGITS! - Heir Doctor, Reboot. -evolvedstarfish
But WHY can't my password be "!"£$%^&*()_+" ? Give meeee a new password! -lineswine
Ok.. (CLickity) You have a new pass word.. Buh-bye! <CLICK> -ShujinTribble
<Dr. Hibbert>Homer, A FINGER IS NOT A THUMB!</Dr. Hibbert> -PaseoGuy
D'oh! Reverse finger and thumb in that last comment. -PaseoGuy
...wait...reversing your finger and your thumb sounds painful, if it's even anatomically possible...I'm going back to sleep, now. -PaseoGuy |
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3083.
Rule in General - make something good and funny (and bloody and gory) and some a$$hat(s) will complain. Story here: http://www.theregister.com/2005/12/22/outlaw_mortal_asa/
Video here: http://www.ttr2.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=131
[By :squatchie666 / 2005-12-22] [Top]
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So... "serious or widespread offence" = ONE complaint now? -Gaah
Dude, that video is kewl! I wish our meetings were that exciting... I could think of a few marketing sleezeballs that could use the Raiden treatment. <eg> -CivilWarTech
sooooo, an ad about a combat computer game, showing combat is wrong? wtf is wrong with these people? -Jax
Did y'all NOT see the TV ads for "Combat" for the Atari 2600? You didn;t raise a stink then, why now?! -ShujinTribble |
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3082.
More of a 'mindless call center rule'...
- You called me. On my personal mobile phone.
- I answered the phone by saying my name.
- You ask me my name again, then tell me you have important business you wish to speak to me about.
- You then ask to confirm my date of birth before going any further??
I do not give out personal information to anybody who just calls me up and asks me. Further more, as my bank you should not be encouraging your customers to give away personal information unless they're very sure who they're talking to.
Give me your name and location, and I'll call the number written on my bank card to get back to you. Otherwise, paranoid though it may be, I will not divulge any personal information to you.
end of rant...
I know it's not the fault of the CSRs, but this really bugs me.
[By : smellystudent / 2005-12-22] [Top]
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thats why I let all calls go to voice mail and then call them back. if they don't leave a message then I don't talk to them. -halitech
Uhh, unless there's more to the story, what makes you think it *was* your bank? -Jeckler
Jeckler: I did call the known number for my bank in order to find out if it was them. I never assume anybody on the phone is who they say they are. -smellystudent
Another favorite of mine, slight variant, is the auto-dialer that calls and then asks ME to hold for the telemarketer/bill collector/charity solicitor/whatever. I hang up, every time. -Kensai7
What's also fun is to pick up the phone and not say anything, even when the caller says 'hello'! -TieDyedDinosaur
yeah I get them, calls, I say I will call them back on the contact number I have, and ask for their details to get back to them that way...had two *fails* using that method, so yeah, paronoid works -Jax
OK, so cold-calling Telemarketers bug me. I have a 'cunning plan' I put in action... they ring, I answer, let them verify me & they launch into their script. THEN I tell them there is someone at the door & tell them to hold on while I answer it. 5 minutes later I ask if they are still there (usually they are)& I say - "Good, hang on a bit" - I put the handset on the desk again & give it another 5 minutes. After that I pick it up & then say "please remove me from your database" & hang up.Result? One pissed off Telemarketer & a busted AHT. -lineswine
They all read the same telemarkting bible. I worked for a large cable company, as a direct marketing agent. After Mr. X answered the phone, my next task is to verify the address. Well, only his cable company would have the address info to verify was the reply given by the upper managment. So, this way he would know for sure it's from his cable company. -my2kids |
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3081.
Any new software that needs to be installed that WILL paralyze the entire company must be installed last minute on a short holiday week! This ensures maximum panic potential and one tired technician.
[By :ActingUpAgain / 2005-12-21] [Top]
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On a similar note: The 150 monitors for a PC refresh wil show up the night before the 5-person team is scheduled to fly back home, thereby causing the sole on-site tech to have to install them all. -Jeckler
Or the opposite: The software that you had to buy RIGHT NOW to take advantage of a sunset sale will sit unused for six months because management won't replace your five-year-old computers with something capable of running the new software. -Gaah
we (I) have other probs, comp is hiring, but I have no PC`s left to give them, managers come into office and look at all the empty compaq cases I have and say things like " make that PC work" and "it`s a computer how hard is it to make one work" bearign in mind said cases have no CPU, RAm, HDD`s and in some cases no mother board *big drawn out sigh* -Jax
Jax: "You're right, it's so easy anyone could do it. Let me know how you get on." *leave* -Geminii
do what I did at the last company I worked at. I fixed up an empty case with a white board and an old serial mouse and an old type writer and made cords run to all of it and gave it to the manager who asked for that computer to work. -techpeon
I just do a computer version of the dead parrot sketch until I get authorization for a new machine... six months, and still pining for the fjords. -Gaah |
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3078.
If I ask you what version of Windows you're using, and you reply, "It's not; it's linux," then you had by god better be able to tell me what distribution you're using.
"I don't know. 10? How do I find out?" is NOT a valid answer.
She was running SUSE, by the way.
[By : RiffRaff / 2005-12-15] [Top]
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Hehe.. any Linux user has been able to tell me what needed to be known, so..
-Warrick
Riff, this is a necessary step toward linux making it into the mainstream. Next, we can expect to hear users say, "Neato! There's a black text boxy thing I can type commands into!" -scooby111
If you ever hear, "What's this 'root' thing? I'd better delete it..." then RUN! -namor
Perhaps her computer will play "Fur Elise" or "It's a Small World" for no good reason....check the MS KB for the meaning of this little inside joke..... -vacuumtubes
meh.users shouldnt have to typecmds. dont let the sods near cmd line i say!!! s'why i like ubuntu/kubuntu/edubuntu...:) -timelady
I blame the Live CDs given out with every bloody starfish-level computer magazine... -NordicPT
RiffRaff I hate to break it to you yet you got computers that come preship with it.
Xandros SurfSide Linux
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=3762907
LinSpire
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=3762912 -JackMackle |
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