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2410.
Subject: Access fail
having trouble with the internet connection? I do not know how to access the internet, once the (connection)has been made through your server. Tell me how to do this.
Take the gaspipe....
[By :vacuumtubes / 2009-09-14] [Top]
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Comments
I just happen to have a 300-baud Acoustic Coupler under my desk that's still attached to my Atari 800. You can have it for a song.......and a lapdance. -Biosynthetic
If that's the case, how did they manage to send an email? and vt, you're getting the bill for my carpet cleaning, I just spit dr. pepper, and having play the flute for many years, I tend to spit straight down, rather than straight out. -AdmiralLaurie
The sad part is this is a regular occurrence with his customer base. - RiffRaff
AL...was the the regular flute, or the skin one? *BFEG* -lineswine
And don't forget to put on your tinfoil hat,and be sure to inhale very slowly, taking in a full breath of gas. -THETECHFROMHELL |
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2409.
Subject: You expect IT to act too?
This is an email the Helpdesk received over the weekend.
" I am a teacher at <name removed> Elementary School in the <local> City School District. In the past some of your students have come and performed a play for our school. Are you still offering these performances? If so, how much do you charge & when would your group be available for a performance?"
[By :Olorin / 2009-09-08] [Top]
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Comments
Go put on a Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie skit. Any one. -Ramblin
Yes. You have the option of the following plays: "Death of a Starfish", "Romeo, Juliet, and Starfish", or "Dr. Starfishlove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Stupid, Braindead, Idiot End Lusers". -LordObsidian
Give'em credit for offering some type of payment for your time, no?
-CTYankee
Log into, and configure, an old PC as a firewall, on an LCD projection display. Call it "modern art, illustrating our age of technology". Bonus points to have a speakerphone "help line" where you have a confederate call in with a stupid issue. Then have them help deliver a LART to the caller- make it "audience participation". Hmmmmm, that prompts some ideas for a stage show... where's AUA when you need him? -Voz
This year, we'll be pantomiming the best questions from Yahoo Answers. NSFW. -Biosynthetic
You can set "Tech Support, the Musical" with music by Wagner: "Kill the starfish, kill the starfish, kill the starfish..." -TheGhost
Or put an ever-popular TSC call on a continuous loop..."GIVE ME A NEW..." *runs* -lineswine |
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2407.
Subject: 'Out of Office'
When you send a report to a client, who is expected to pay on reciept, recieving an Out Of Office response of "This email is no longer active or monitored" is not a good thing.
Hopefully someone else in the project team will pay up.
Green shoots of recovery my ass.
[By :Watfordian / 2009-08-28] [Top]
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Comments
Now THERE'S a mental image that will stay with me to my grave! I'll put that phrase on my tombstone. -Biosynthetic
That's ONE way to get out of paying for the report. VERY creative! -lineswine |
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2406.
Subject: Email I just sent to my boss....
I’d like to open a Project for myself. It should consist of one task, recurring hourly, entitled “Bang Head Against Wall”. Thanks
[By :BarmanVarn / 2009-08-28] [Top]
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Comments
If it were my boss she'd reply with "Project denied, task redundant. You do this everytime your phone rings anyways." -LazyLemming
Ah well then, we have a research grant for you, please line up behind the rest of these companys for govment $$$ -Harm
Yeah, the project would be denied- they'd say that due to cost issues, they need to look at a more efficient way of completing the task, so you are now to answer a call by picking up a phone handset, and smacking yourself in the head with the handset three times, before you say your greeting... -Voz
Expaning on Voz's suggestion, each time I smack myself, I can say loudly: "I'm a pretty flower, I'm a pretty flower." -BarmanVarn
Slight modifaction: must chant in Latin and carry a bit of wall with you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgYEuJ5u1K0 -Biosynthetic
"Modifaction"? Awesome, my possessed fingers strike again... -Biosynthetic
@Bio: Great minds think alike. I know what the link was before I even clicked it. -BarmanVarn
Domaneitis Requiem! ( i'm sure thats qwrong) *SMACK* -Harm
Actually it's Pie Iesu domine, donna eis requiem. Merciful Lord Jesus, grant them rest. In my opinion, they should have made it Pie Iesu domine, donna nobis pacem. -McSmiley
Response: Project Denied. Reason: May damage wall. Resolution For Resubmitting: Change Wall to Desk. Have a nice day. -LordObsidian |
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2405.
Subject: Best SPAM email address EVER
Chris.Poe@ ky.gov
[By :redevil34 / 2009-08-27] [Top]
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Comments
I guess the IRS owns that domain. -AmazingKreskin
Ummm, I think that needs to be forwarded to the Commonwealth Office of Technology in Ky. -techinator
"Stick your finger in the hole..." -vacuumtubes
could be this guy got his email address compromised. I"m sure his bosses were impressed if thats the case. -rhiannon |
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2402.
Subject: Engrish 101
This morning I had received a ticket from our level 1 support with the following message: "when custoeme delete an email its email do not desappear from the inbox and if customer go ahead to delete the email it shows up an error message"
As a little backstory for this specific user. She had recently transferred to our site and her mail file got moved to another server. They don't us local site support folks to touch these kind of mail files because the powers-that-be think we can't handle it and will royally screw something up. So someone who makes 10x my salary did the move...and royally screwed up her mail file. Now I have to do his job, figure out what's wrong, tell him how to fix it, while documenting what I'm doing so he can't take credit for my work. Le sigh.
[By :cert2b / 2009-08-13] [Top]
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Comments
And then they can use the results to train offshore techs to do the same job cheaper even than you. -TieDyedDinosaur
Lao Tzu say: You are a fucknugget.... -vacuumtubes
Ahh, I see you've got a user that has mastered the art of typing with their left butt cheek, too. Gratz! -Biosynthetic |
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2401.
Subject: I hatez Mondayz...
"I just recently on a computer that has 4ghz ram and over 380ghz of memory." That and, "Oh great, now you're gonna use computer stuff on me." These will not end well.
[By :Biosynthetic / 2009-08-10] [Top]
Comment on this Customer Email
Comments
I accidentally an entire computer. -Calydor
4GHz RAM? WANT! (fastest super expensive custom stuff out there now is ~1200MHz) -SirJosh
Fark that... I want the 380ghz memory... -LazyLemming
that's not memory, that's foresight -stiffarm |
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