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524.
Subject: F---tards
Probably been done similarly before... but to the tune of Data's 'Life forms' from ST:Generations:
F--- tards
You rotten little f--- tards
I want to burn you, f--- tards
Come and die
Ch-ch-chk-chk-chk-chk-*SLAP*
[By :teivrann / 2010-03-03] [Top]
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Comments
/no really, the medication and therapy are helping - teivrann
If they're helping, I'm glad I didn't see you before you started them! -Captain Trips
*Cue the "I Want To Eat Your Face" song from SPACESHIP!* -Seamus
Starfish: I am...fully disfunctional. Programmed with multiple bugs. -KrazerKap |
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523.
Subject: The St. Ream Worker's Song
(To the tune of Process Man by Great Big Sea)
Chorus:
And it's talk boys talk
They'll time your every call
And every day you're in your cube
You'll want to end it all
But you talk....
Well a Tech Agent am I and I'm tellin' you no lie
I troubleshoot among the fish that call all day and cry,
There's lusers all around me and the management's a joke,
The tools are down, your boss' a clown and the fish you'll want to choke
Chorus
Well I've worked among the servers and I've seen them up in smoke
I've listened to more bullshit that it neigh' on makes me choke
I've been hundreds deep in endless queues, got sick with the swine flu
Been workin' rough, I've screamed enough that my face has gone blue
Chorus
There's no VTO or overtime or incentives galore
They lied to you in training so that you'd come back for more
And soon you just don't give a damn and you're slacking on the job
For all the calls within these walls, will make you want to sob
Chorus
Well a Tech Agent am I and I'm tellin' you no lie
I troubleshoot among the fish that call all day and cry,
There's lusers all around me and the management's a joke,
The tools are down, your boss' a clown and starfish you'll want to choke
Chorus (x2)
[By :AdeptusMechanis / 2010-01-27] [Top]
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Comments
In the Great Big Sea of support, aren't we all a little fishy sometimes? Bravo! -LDFeral
Flows well even though I've got no idea what the original sounds like. -AussieFoot
So i must now learn how to play the key tar, kidnap AM and become Wired Al. -ZombieBear |
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522.
Subject: The Starfish
Based on The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Raven
Once upon a helpdesk query, while I pondered, meek and teary,
Over many a file and curious volume of forgotten LOLs,
While I shuddered, nearly snapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of starfish woke from napping, yapping at my chamber door.
"Tis some visitor," I uttered, "tapping at my chamber door -
. . . Only this, and nothing more."
Argh, distinctly I remember the sudden urge to hack, dismember,
And each separate dying member writhed its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morning; - vainly had not heed the warning
From the economic downturn - news of staff cuts more and more -
For the ones who used to work here, colleagues, friends and even more -
. . . Nameless here for evermore.
And the starfish sad incautious clicking on each purple monkey
Chilled me - billed them for fantastic errors never seen before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
"'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door —
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; —
. . . This it is, and nothing more."
[By :AussieFoot / 2010-01-21] [Top]
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Comments
A new classic! -Voz
fantabulous! -ThinTheHerd
Bravo! Bravo! Encore! -figglywig
I'd love to see the rest of that classic done into the style of tsc... -AdmiralLaurie
http://bash.org/?120296 NSFW -DarkRookie
Beautiful! *sniff* -Spacegoat
WOW... fantastic
-PhishPhucker |
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521.
Subject: Addicted To Lart
Based on Addicted To Love by Robert Palmerhttp://www.lyricsfreak.com/r/robert+palmer/addicted+to+love_20116935.html
Their lights are on, but they're not home
Fish call you on the phone
Your hands clench, your fists shake
Another fish, is what it takes
You can't sleep, you can't eat
There's no doubt, you're I.T.
Your throat is tight, you can't breathe
Another fish, is all you need
Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to lart
You see the signs, but pay no heed
You're listening, till your ears bleed
Their lips flap in double time
Another fish you'll lose your mind, your poor lost mind
You can't be saved
Oblivion is all you crave
If there's some left for you
You don't mind if you do
Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to lart
Might as well face it, you're addicted to lart
Might as well face it, you're addicted to lart
Might as well face it, you're addicted to lart
Might as well face it, you're addicted to lart
Might as well face it, you're addicted to lart
[instrumental break]
Their lights are on, but they're not home
Fish call you on the phone
Your fists clench, your teeth grind
Another fish, you'll lose your mind
Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to lart
Might as well face it, you're addicted to lart
Might as well face it, you're addicted to lart
Might as well face it, you're addicted to lart
Might as well face it, you're addicted to lart
Might as well face it, you're addicted to lart
Might as well face it, you're addicted to lart
Might as well face it, you're addicted to lart
Might as well face it, you're addicted to lart
Might as well face it, you're addicted to lart
[By :AussieFoot / 2010-01-21] [Top]
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Comments
LOL that is great. Now I will have that song stuck in my head for the next 2 days. -THETECHFROMHELL
Nicely done! Great track, too - although Tina Turner's rendition is even better IMHO. -Gromit
Author! Author! (Flicks Zippo) -MadJack |
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520.
Subject: Source Code (sung to Milkshake)
My Source code brings all the geeks to the yard,
And their like It's better than yours, Damn right it's
better than yours, I can teach you,
But I have to charge
[By :ZombieBear / 2010-01-19] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
*pictures peter griffon crying while doing the song / dance in prison* -Harm
Better than the original! -KrazerKap
I did enjoy watching her shake her milk, just turned the sound down. ;) -AussieFoot |
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519.
Subject: Part 2
You're thinking it over
But you just can't sort it out
Does she want someone to tell her
What they think it's all about
She claims to be the one and only
Who's sad and lonely
She's reaching for the top
Well, she keeps on neeping an nopping
And it's never gonna stop
It's never gonna stop
It's never gonna, never gonna, never gonna, never gonna stop
She's not willing to compromise
Or deal with infinite red tape
You're who she bought her PC from
So you'd better fix netscape
Turn her PC on, tune her PC up
She can't get logged online
She just can't seem to realize
That she hasn't phoned up the right line
She's young now, she's wild now, she wants her service free
She doesn't really give a damn you're not her ISP
She's young now, she's wild now, she wants her service free
You're using terms, she doesn't know, like TCP/IP
[By :AdeptusMechanis / 2010-01-06] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Bwavo Clappity Clappity. -ZombieBear
Holding up a lighter swaying back and forth!! That is so awesome!!!! -THETECHFROMHELL
Niiicce! -AussieFoot
Wow....well I must say that is impressive. -0gr3
Wow. If I had a band, I'd get that one recorded. I love that song. -AngrySup
I thought it was great, and I'm not even familiar with the original. -concept14
Nice job. Triumph lives on. A very under-rated band, imo. -ThinTheHerd
...and Rik Emmett plays guitar like nobodies business. After the band split, I saw him a very small venue (bar) and he blew my mind. Here's a link to the original song for anyone that's never heard them play (SFW)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=os5wH_H7cng -ThinTheHerd |
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518.
Subject: A parting gift as I am back to school
To the tune of Magic Power by Triumph
Something's on the other end of the line
You don't know what it is
It sounds like the fish you weren't hoping to find
But you're not sure if she is
Then you start hearing the neeping
And a voice comes crystal clear
A luser does the talking
Says things you don't want to hear
You're young, you're wild and your service should be free
I've got the magic power of a customer in me
You're young, You're wild and your service should be free
Got the magic power of a customer in me
She climbs into bed
She pulls the covers overhead
And she phones her local tech
She's had a rotten day
So she's gonna make
This guy's life a living heck
He can't make her feel much better
Or bring her closer to her dreams
That little salesman's lying
Made the service better that it seems
She's young now, she's wild now, she wants her service free
She doesn't really give a damn you're not her ISP
She's young now, she's wild now, she wants her service free
You're using terms, she doesn't know, like TCP/IP
[By :AdeptusMechanis / 2010-01-06] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
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516.
Subject: Stuck Here With Tards On The Phone
Song for beatmewithastick.... created by figglywig, all credit to them, and with apologies to Stealer's Wheel... (Stuck In The Middle With You)
Well, I hate to have to pick up the phone
with the starfish who just all piss and moan,
Makes me wanna hit my palm to my face,
And then go and thin out the human race.
Tards to the left of me,
Tards to the right,
here I am -
Stuck here with tards on the phone.
When they call, they all just neep and they nop,
How I wish that off a cliff they would drop.
I need another package of Tums -
It seems that all our users are dumb.
Tards to the left of me,
Tards to the right,
here I am -
Stuck here with tards on the phone.
Well, I stared out quite cheerful,
But now, I need a beer-ful, man...
And they wonder now just why I drink,
Makes me want to smack them and say
Think!....
Think!....
Trying to get through one more day,
Wishing they would all go away,
Feeling like I'll run out the door,
'Cause I don't think I can take anymore.
Tards to the left of me,
Tards to the right,
here I am -
Stuck here with tards on the phone.
Well, I stared out quite cheerful,
But now, I need a beer-ful, man...
And they wonder now just why I drink,
Makes me want to smack them and say
Think!....
Think!....
Well, I hate to have to pick up the phone
with the starfish who just all piss and moan,
Makes me wanna hit my palm to my face,
And then go and thin out the human race.
Tards to the left of me,
Tards to the right,
here I am -
Stuck here with tards on the phone.
Stuck here with tards on the phone.
[By : chazz / 2009-09-11] [Top]
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Comments
Good Work! It jumps, it flows, it swats with a LART stick. -Darkridr
"makes me want to hit them, "tink, tink"
o.O :) -dredtech
Bravo! But now the voice in my head is a nasal hippy with a guitar. -AussieFoot
Thanks, Chazz, for posting and adding song title (I'm at work, and don't concentrate on that many things that well anymore), and thanks also, DredTech - that IS a better line! -figglywig |
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515.
Subject: Queen Does Star Wars
Imperial Rhapsody
(sung to: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen) LANDO: This is the good life
This is a fantasy
Working on Bespin
An escape from Reality.
LEIA: Open your eyes
Stand up to these guys and see.
LUKE: I'm just a farmboy, I need some sympathy
Cuz who's my dad, I dunno
Little whine, little moan.
HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really matter, to me PIETT: Vader just killed a man.
Raised an arm up in the air
Now his life is no longer there.
Vader, we had just begun,
And now I've gone and lost the reb-el scum.
Vader, ooooooo.
Didn't mean to make you mad
If I'm not alive again this time tomorrow,
There'll be a new admiral, as if nothing ever happened. YODA: Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time.
LUKE: Goodbye everybody, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and learn the Force.
PIETT: Vader, ooooooooo.
I don't want to die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all. LUKE: I see a little silhouetto of a man
Palpatine, Palpatine, can it be the Emperor?
Thunderbolts and lightning, very very hurting me!
R2-D2, R2-D2,
R2-D2, R2-D2,
R2-D2, Where'd ya go? C-3PO O O O O O OH!
I'm just a farmboy, nobody loves me.
REBELS: He's just a farmboy, with a dead family.
Spare him this life of such mundacity!
HAN: Spice'll come, spice'll go. Jabba let me go.
JABBA: Bo shuda! (NO, we will not let you go)
HAN: Let me go!
JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)
HAN: Let me go!
JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: WILL NO LET YOU GO!
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! C3PO: Oh R2-D2, R2-D2, R2-D2, Come along.
LEIA: C-3PO has a rebel put aside for meeeee, for meeeeee, for
MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(Stormtroopers start headbanging) LUKE: So you say you're the dear old dad of mine?
But you cut my hand off and left me to die!
Oh Vader, can't do this to me, Vader.
I know there's some good, I know there's still some good in you.
OBIWAN: May the Force be with you.
Use the Force to see.
May the Force be with you,
May the Force be with you, alwaaaaaaaaaaaaays.
HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really mat-ter, to meeeeeeee.
[By :HappyCrappy / 2009-05-27] [Top]
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Comments
omg!! that's awesome!! -scary
Legend!! -starfishmagnet
teh formatting gots f*xxored, unfortunately -HappyCrappy
Congratulations; your super-uber-geek card will arrive in the mail. Allow 6 to 7 parsecs for shipping. -RiffRaff
Thanks for sharing! I like the Y.O.D.A one, too. :) http://www.stumbleupon.com/toolbar/#topic=Songwriting&url=http%253A%252F%252Fartlung.com%252Fsmorgasborg%252Fstar_wars_songbook.shtml -Tekkie
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha mutha-fukkin' GENIUS!!!1!1 (Forget the lighter, who's got a torch? (EG)) -MadJack
*applauds* Brava! Brava! -DarthIndy
Both Mr. Freddy Mercury, Sir Alec Guinness, and Lord Vader / Anakin Skywalker must be revolving in their tombs, but that was still genius! :D :D :D -TheGhost
That's just wow man, nicely done! -Phylok
you sire have win the awesomeness trophy! -dustyhawk
Retire the cup! It'll be a long time before anyone can top this. -concept14
Very entertaining! Does this mean your secret identity is Steven Cavanagh? -AussieFoot
Two things; 1) That was awesome, 2) You have too much free f*cking time.... -unrenowned
Wow... just totally kicks the ass off of "The Saga Begins"! -linuxmatt |
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514.
Subject: I Feel Fine
Based on The Beatles - I Feel Fine
Original lyrics here http://lyrics.rockmagic.net/lyrics/beatles/one_2000.html#s07
T S C is good, you know,
It's funny as can be, you know,
I said so.
T S C's for nerds and I feel fine.
Starfish tell us lies, you know,
They tell us all the time, you know,
They're so slow.
T S C's for nerds and I feel fine.
I just had, to save this U R L.
I just had, to tell all of the world.
That on T S C we post, you know,
Tech songs and karma calls, you know,
They just grow.
T S C's for nerds and I feel fine.
We're all around the world, you know,
From east and west and poles apart,
The whole globe.
T S C's for nerds and I feel fine.
Shallowness, just leaves us underwhelmed,
Intellect, is primo in our world.
Cause we're minds that think alike, you know.
Logic and techno-bling, you know,
The blue glow.
T S C's for nerds and I feel fine.
[By :AussieFoot / 2009-05-15] [Top]
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Comments
Blue Glow? -Stryker One
(wishes for enough hair on top for a mop-top haircut) Cool! -CTYankee
/applaud -Diptera
Author! Author! (flicks Zippo) -MadJack |
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512.
Subject: The Overanalyst
Another day, another call
Of something not working right at all
‘I can fix this!’ I think to myself
‘The manual is sitting up on my shelf’
A nice tricky problem, the best of all
Tracking the fault through functions and calls
I work for hours, investigating hard
Neglecting my lunchtime with little regard
But as I work, the user calls to me
He only went and fixed it..by rebooting his PC….
[By :CommanderData / 2009-05-08] [Top]
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Comments
"... Cuz I wanna be an Anarchist!" </Sid Vicious > -Necros
Sorry, Necros, but Sid wasn't in the band when "Anarchy" was released. Substitute Johnny Rotten and yer good to go. -SalParadise
*sigh* I've definitely been known to do that. I enjoy solving tricky problems, so it sometimes slips my mind to check for the simple solution - and of course, thanks to Murphy, those are the times when a reboot (or, er, plugging it in) will fix the problem. -DarthIndy
Sal - Glen Matlock would have been playing bass at the time, IIRC -lineswine |
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510.
Subject: Violent Night
Unfortunately I can't take credit for this one.
Violent Night
By David Pogue, excerpted from MacWorld Magazine, December 1996
(Sung, if possible, to the tune of "Silent Night")
Silent Mac, broken Mac!
System bombed, screen went black.
Books suggested things; I tried 'em all:
Shift key, desktop file, clean reinstall.
Now my deadline is tight,This Mac's been silent all night.
Violent night, horrible night!
Lost my cool, filled with spite,
Threw my Mac through the balcony door
Watched it fall from the 20th floor,
Now I'm sleeping in peace; Thank God I had it on lease.
[By :AussieFoot / 2009-02-18] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
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509.
Subject: I Hate People
To the tune of I Feel Pretty, from West Side Story...
I hate people!
Stupid people
I hate children, and women, and men!
And it's simple
I just want to stab them in the eyes with my pen.
I loathe people!
All the people
No matter their race or creed!
And I triple
My eternal loathing if they try to breed.
See the stupid person in that office there!
How could such a stupid person be?
Such a stupid oaf!
Such a stupid git!
Such a stupid prat!
Calling after me!
I hate people!
Loathsome people
I hate them twenty-four/seven each day!
And I'll cripple
Every dumbass who gets in my way!
I hate people!
Can't stand people!
Can't stand rednecks or Hoosiers or you!
And I'd quibble
With any jerk who doesn't hate them too
Hear the stupid moron on my speakerphone!
How fucking stupid can he really be?
Stupid questions here!
Stupid questions there!
Answer every one!
Then he questions me!
I hate people!
Stupid people!
I hate people and all of their noise!
For I'm doomed
To support all of their technical toys!
[By :RiffRaff / 2009-01-12] [Top]
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Comments
Where appropriate, replace people with starfish. But only in the song, in the real world it is preferable to replace starfish with a vacuum as it increases the average IQ. -AussieFoot
Cool boy. -unrenowned
Permission to rewrite with a few words to make it applicable to UK chavs? -CommanderData
CD: Sure, have at it and repost. -RiffRaff
Excellent work, Riffy! :) -Tekkie
Doesn't the fifth phrase have 5 syllables, e.g. shouldn't it be "It's so simple." ? Don't mean to be a nitpick, it's a great version of the song. -MSimmons777
Nice one! -MadJack
Thank you Riff! I am now in tears laughing at my desk! Just what I needed. -figglywig
Someone get that man a shotgun and ammo before he does something REALLY regrettable! -MacDaddy
Ah, Riff, you set such a high standard. Most of us can only manage to hate people twenty-four/seven each *week*. -concept14
Riff, if I wore a hat, I'd ti it right now. -udoshan |
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508.
Subject: Lolcats Ode to Joy
My God, I really have lost it...
Ohai, do not want!
It can be sing time
we haz a good song.
Joi, cheezburger awesome
kitteh of Ceiling Cat
We r in ur house
imbibin' ur fire.
Joycat has powerz
stop all fightn
Kittehs all frum same littur
cuz she sez so.
May kitteh who is lucky
to have a buddy
And kitteh who haz bewbies
Say kthanx
Rly, If he asks
I can has my own sole?
FAIL
DO NOT WANT
All the lols there r
are in ur nature, drawin ur joy
Goodcats and evilcats
are in ur flower bed
We haz kizzes and whyne
we be Joycat's friend
she showz us to chillax
and follow Ceiling Cat
Yay, Ceiling Cat gimme sun
to lay in
Kthanxbi
We rock!
Joi, cheezburger awesome
kitteh of Ceiling Cat
We r in ur house
imbibin' ur fire.
Hugz tiem for all kittehs!
We can haz kissez
Broz, Ceiling Cat
must be in our starz
Visible Ceiling Cat?
Is in ur canopy
dwellin in ur starz
Hugz tiem for all kittehs!
We can haz kissez
Broz, Ceiling Cat
must be in our starz
Visible Ceiling Cat?
Is in ur canopy
dwellin in ur starz
Joi, cheezburger awesome
kitteh of Ceiling Cat
We r in ur house
imbibin' ur fire.
Hugz tiem for all kittehs!
We can haz kissez
Broz, Ceiling Cat
must be in our starz
Visible Ceiling Cat?
Is in ur canopy
dwellin in ur starz
Hugz tiem for all kittehs!
We can haz kissez
Broz, Ceiling Cat
must be in our starz
Visible Ceiling Cat?
Is in ur canopy
dwellin in ur starz
Joi, kitteh of ceiling cat
U has powerz
stop all fightn
Kittehs all frum same littur
cuz she sez so.
Hugz tiem for all kittehs!
We can haz kissez
Broz, Ceiling Cat
must be in our starz
Joi, cheezburger awesome
cheezburger awesome
Joi, cheezburger awesome
[By :linkv / 2009-01-10] [Top]
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Comments
lolz!! -MadJack
now that'll be stuck in my head for a while. lol! -AdmiralLaurie
Bad enough I watched the Little Einsteins Really Huge Adventure today which featured ode to joy at least 20 times in about an hours length of time, now I'll be singing it lolcat style. -frprinterwiz
Makes a great addition to LOLcat Bible. http://www.lolcatbible.com -MisterCommon
I am Ghostcat, and I approve of this post. Srsly. -TheGhost
I like this :) -CommanderData
Almost enough to redeem Basement Cat. -AussieFoot |
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506.
Subject: The I.T. Man
AussieFoot sent me this song to post.
It is based upon Billy Joel’s Piano Man, the original lyrics of which can be found at:
http://lyrics.rockmagic.net/lyrics/joel_billy/piano_man_1973.html#s02
The I.T. Man (reinterpretation of The Piano Man)
It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday
The regular fishes phone in
There’s a co-worker sitting next to me
Sobs and twitches with every phone ring
I say, “Sir, can you tell me your ISP?”
I don’t want to hear all your woes
I’m so sad and I weep cause I used to be leet
Why can't these starfishies let go
neep n-neep, n-n-neep
n-neep, n-n-neep, nnn-neep
Fix what is wrong, you’re the I.T. man
Fix what is wrong at once
Well, the gene pool’s in need of a chlorine wash
And you’ll have to deal with much worse
Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
I fix his PC for free
He provides scotch ’n’ coke, and he tells a good joke
But he still is an eye dee ten tee
He says, “Bill Gates I’m sure is a robot, man”
As the blood drains away from my head
“Well I’m sure I could run Windows Vista XP
Or just install DOS one instead”
neep n-neep, n-n-neep
n-neep, n-n-neep, nnn-neep
Now Saul is a sys admin specialist
Whos server has never been wiped
He’ll recompile SUSE, until he gets woozy
And probably will be for life
And the starfish are catching new viruses
As you think about breaking their bones
Yes, they’re sharing a file with a trojan horse
But at least you can hang up the phone
Fix what is wrong, you're the I.T. man
Fix what is wrong at once
Well, the gene pool's in need of a chlorine wash
And you’ll have to deal with much worse
It’s a regular haul for a Saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
Cause he knows that it’s me hides his porn on PC
To forget his real life for a while
And the PC, it sounds its last death rattle
And the HDD spins its last whirrr
As they lower the bar, put my head in my arms
And say, “Damn, those starfishes are wierd!”
neep n-neep, n-n-neep
n-neep, n-n-neep, nnn-neep
Fix what is wrong, you’re the I.T. man
Fix what is wrong at once
Well, the gene pool’s in need of a chlorine wash
And you’ll have to deal with much worse
[By :MSimmons777 / 2008-10-29] [Top]
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Comments
I love it and ohh so true. -Crai
*applause* -Grue
*Golf Clap* -Gunpe
We seriously need someone to make a CD so we can sell it, and it'll have all these songs on it. It'd make... millions? -Caboose447
You guys rule. I'd been trying to write the word for a tech song for months and I just don't have the imagination for it. My song was to the words, "Sunrise, Sunset" and it called, "Login, Logout". Any takers? -Biosynthetic
This is one of the best Tech Songs I've ever seen. Fits the original and yet is perfectly on-topic. *applause* -silvermoon
Seconded, Silvermoon - beautifully done. -Gromit
I keep tellin' you guys... Get me the music and I'll record myself singing it! ...did it at LEAST once already. -ShujinTribble
....holds cigarette lighter high in the air.....
-BarmanVarn
Very well done. kudos to the author (that being you)! -Darkridr
Author! Author! (Flicks Zippo) -MadJack
Actually, Darkridr, AussieFoot sent it to me to post. He may be the author, he didn't say. -MSimmons777
Yep, combination of reading TSC and boredom with comparing versions of hundreds of source files created a need to do something "not work" and fanned a tiny ember of inspiration. The Piano Man just seemed to fit so well as I was changing the words. Can't play, can't sing, can barely create, but when the mood hits sometimes I can mod the hell out of someone elses hard work. ;) -AussieFoot
//wipes.tears.from.eyes - i love it. -GoblinKing |
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505.
Subject: Pirate Song Reformatted
Pirate Song
Corrected the formatting . . . . .
Derelict by Young Ewing Allison (a.k.a. Fifteen Men On The Dead Mans Chest)
Fifteen Men On The Dread Help Desk
Fifteen men on the dread help desk
Oh-God-No and a bottle of rum
George and downsizing had done for the rest
Oh-God-No and a bottle of rum
The rate was fixed by the C.F.O.
My IQ drained by an AOL spike
And handset grip was marked belike
It had been gripped
By fingers ten;
And minds destroyed,
By users again
Like brain eating ghouls from the living dead
Oh-God-No and a bottle of rum
Fifteen men of the original corp
Dead and be damned and the rest outsourced
Oh-God-No and a bottle of rum
The super pointed his mouse at gore
Where the starfish alas his faith had shore
And the starfish he called back times four.
And there they stay,
And the telephone lines
Ringed all day long
To despairing sighs
At bonzai buddy and foul limewire
Oh-God-No and a bottle of rum
Fifteen men staring at facebook
Ten of the crew had the murder look
Twas an uninstall or a wipe instead
Or an Otis hole in a battered head
And our eyes agleam with throbbing red
And there they stay
AOL damn their eyes
PDAs crapped
On synchronise
All starfish are just contrariwise
Oh-God-No and a bottle of rum
Fifteen men of the brain bleach crew
Users having jacked over sites so blue
Users left hands clamped in a stranglehold
Their right hands clicking oh so bold
The screens filling up with sites untold
And they stay there
That had took the plum
With sightless glare
And our lips struck dumb,
While we shared all by the rule of thumb
Oh-God-No and a bottle of rum
More was seen through the stern light screen
Chartings no doubt where a woman had been!
A flimsy shift on a bunker cot,
With a thin dirk slot through the bosom spot
And the lace stiff dry in a purplish blot.
Oh was she wench…
Or some shuddering maid…?
That dared the knife
And took the blade!
By God! she was stuff for a plucky jade
Oh-God-No and a bottle of rum!
Fifteen men on the dread help desk
Oh-God-No and a bottle of rum!
George and downsizing had done for the rest
Oh-God-No and a bottle of rum!
We write 'em all up on the TSC
There's twice ten times what we've time to see
And we heave over 'em and block our sight
With a No-Please-No!
And a What The Hell!
And a sullen plunge
On a soiled Dell
Ten fathoms deep on the road to hell!
Oh-God-No and a bottle of rum!
[By :MSimmons777 / 2008-10-28] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Beautiful! -Seamyst
O.O I likes it. I likes it a lot, sir. -Seamus
Hysterical! I love it! -Biosynthetic
Yarrr!! Nice one, matey! -MadJack |
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504.
Subject: Technical Support Monday
The SysAdmin for the Helldesk tries to fix MS Exchange
They called him seven times already and he just got another page
It’s just a technical support Monday
Servers melting everywhere
Rows of cubes that are all the same
And IT just pulls out their hair
Here’s Mrs. Pride, her modem’s fried because lightning hit her house
And Mr. Breem, he’ll yell and scream that he just wants a brand new mouse
It’s just a technical support Monday
And I’m training some dumb noob
The PHB harps on handle times
And they blocked access to YouTube
The starfish neep and nop
They never seem to stop
I wanna jab their heads with an ice pick
I think I need to vacate
I’m sure you can relate
But they’ll can me if I call in sick
Duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh DUH
Duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh DUH
It’s just a technical support Monday
Calls come in from everywhere
It’s just a technical support Monday
Is it something in the air?
It’s just a technical support Monday (repeat and fade)
[By :Colonel32 / 2008-09-08] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
is that to the tune of Manic Monday? -AdmiralLaurie
Looks like it AL. -unrenowned
Pleasant Valley Sunday by the Monkees -Colonel32
Nice. Title and two lines were enough for me to identify the tune. (Yep, I'm an old phart.) -concept14
I like it. -Amicuspicarum
I firs tstarted trying to put this to the tune of Blue Monday.... :P -Ara
I instantly started to try to remember Mike Nesmith's way-cool opening riff, which was actually developed by the Turtles bass player Chip Douglas (no, not the one from My Three Sons) who based it on "I Want To Tell You" by the Beatles. This is still one of my favorite songs, though that opening riff is a bitch! I do some of my best vocal harmonies to this song. -SalParadise |
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503.
Subject: Let's all make a PPTP
(to the tune of let's all go to the movies)
Let's all make a PPTP,
Let's all make a PPTP,
Let's all make a PPTP...
Point-to-Point-Tunneling Protocol....
[By :illiterate / 2008-08-18] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Ha ha ha ha!!! -WalNut
I must've taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque! -billybien |
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501.
Subject: This is my rant
(inspired by TechKittenNotts in the break room: Original This is My Rifle by Combichrist)
This Is My Rant
This is my rant,
it is my life
We are master of our starfish
Till there is no starfish
[By :Ara / 2008-07-30] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
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500.
Subject: Inna Gada Da Vida
I' think you're a starfish, honey,
Don't you know that techs hate you?
I think you're a starfish, honey,
Don't you know that you'll always be screwed?
Oh, they listen to your crap
and give you a LART
Oh, the techs will beat on you
with a phallus induced fart
Your future is farked!!
[By :crazymactech / 2008-07-23] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
That bass line will be going through my head all evening. -concept14 |
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499.
Subject: Born To Be Mild
Story behind why I wrote this. I pulled into a Walmart parking lot on my Harley. I've got on a leather jacket, leather chaps, leather gloves, and tinted reflective goggles. As I'm taking off my helmet, a family walks past me and a 4-year boy keeps pointing at me and telling his mom, "Bad man! Bad man!"
I thought, WTF stereotypes are the parents teaching their kids? A bad man? I'm retired USAF, am a computer tech, and have a masters degree. Yeah, I'm a real "bad man." So this song is for all the computer techs out there who ride motorcycles :) Apologies to Steppenwolf.... Don't know why the question marks appear below. Probably got the HTML code screwed up (Safari doesn't play well with TSC). Maybe a mod can fix tha for met. Hey Hawk, I've haven't got my T-Shirt from my renewal a few months ago.
Get your bit torrent running?On the information highway?Lookin' for warez?And whatever I steal today
?Yeah Darlin' gotta make IT happen
?No users get a love embrace
?Fire all of your PFY's at once
?Explode them into space
??I see smoking PCs
?Modems get hit with thunder
?Dealing with starfish
?And their porn I discover
?Yeah Darlin' gotta make IT happen
?No users get a love embrace
?Fire all of your PFY's at once
?Explode them into space
??Like a true techie child
?We were born, born to be mild
?Tweaking the CPU speed so high
?You know it's gonna die
??Born to be mild
?Born to be mild
[By :crazymactech / 2008-07-11] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Someone get me the music sans vocals and I'll do it! -ShujinTribble
/me waves his lighter back and forth. -unrenowned
Most excellent! -Amicuspicarum
FREE BIRD!! -vacuumtubes
Shame knuckleheads think that about people that ride cycles. My brother and his wife have been riding Harleys for years. Each year they do rides for charity, the group makes sure there's money available for disabled kids that need surgeries or other medical treatments or even trips to places like 6 Flags along with their families. They have raised over $10,000 several years in a row now. I say 'ride on dude, ride on' and let those knuckleheads who are most likely the worst of the starfish live in their own little world of stupidity and ignorance. -NanoGeek
I know what you mean nanogeek. I ride with the Patriot Guard riders who help to ensure that the families of those KIA overseas do not have to see or hear the idiot protestors. One of our members is the step father of Byron Fouty. Bryron and another Army soldier were MIA for over one year. Their remains were recently found. Bryon's family wants PGR to be at the funeral.
As you have hinted at, bikers are some of the most kind hearted people you will meet. They will gladly ride to a charity event to raise $ for the event even though it cost them a lot of gas $ to get there. Tough looking exteriors, but teddy bear hearts behind those leathers. The song was a tongue in cheek response about the stereotypes about bikers. -crazymactech
With the way gas prices are going, we may all end up riding bikes/scooters. -Stryker One
Another stereotype-breaker: when I was a division supervisor in a corporate security group, ($1B company), we put out an alert to all of our security reps to watch over the bikes that employees rode in, because there was an epidemic of thefts from high-end Harleys... of course, the fellow who came riding in on his Harley the most on Saturday mornings was one we really wanted to protect- it was our C.F.O.! I really wanted to be around sometime when he might have gotten the "bad man" response, just to ease over and enlighten the poor fools! -Voz
My adoptive mother (50 yrs older than me) was one of the deluded individuals who thought everyone who owned a motorcycle was scum of the earth -- and consequently she'd be spinning higher revs than a Harley running flat out on a steep downgrade if she knew Mr. Lowlyte & I are teaching Lowlyte Jr. that, short of folks from the local SCA and our fellow Blue Blaze Irregulars, bikers are apt to be the nicest people and the most likely to help you out of a jam. My MIL thinks bikers are fine friends to have, but doesn't like their machines; of course, that kinda comes with the territory of being a retired orthopedic nurse... -lowlyte
Heh, yesterday on the way home from a lovely evening @ a bar by the beach, Mrs. Paradise and I are at a right-hand turn at a busy 4-way intersection. We're in a right-turn lane with a yield sign, and I get to it just after the light changes and there's traffic heading through the intersection right for me. Then this group of 4 bozos on bikes passes me on the right, and pulls onto the road *with the oncoming traffic*, all 4 of them right after another. No helmets, no leather, they're wearing shorts and flip-flops. "Great," says Mrs. P. "Another batch of drunken Sunday riders trying their damnedest to become organ donors." THOSE are the folks that give bikers a bad name. -SalParadise
CMT - the Patriot Guard Riders are awesome. I attended the funeral of my then-fiance's brother, who was killed in Iraq, about a year and a half ago. Members of the PGR came and provided escorts and protection from the idiots who were "protesting" his funeral. They were some of the nicest people I've ever met. -Seamyst
Exactly why the HELL anyone would be callous enough to protest at a funeral is beyond me! Geez, some people have NO respect for the dead... -udoshan |
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498.
Subject: chatting off topic
I used to think my o-pin-ion mattered, now I'm just not sure
But app-ar-ent-ley I'm off of topic, when I talk to her
Now every time I go to log-in, I think to myself "shoot..."
"..I wonder how long it will be, before I get the mute"
I'm chatting off-topic, oooh-whoa-oooh
I'm chatting off-topic, oooh-whoa-oooh
I'm chatting off-topic, oooh-whoa-oooh
And I startin' to get flamed: "HEY! Log off now!"
And I startin' to get flamed: "HEY! Log off now!" "Yea"
I used to think this was a freedom, I could say what I want
Too late I figured it all out, no tangents or taunts (not even one taunt)
Now I didn't get banned for the weekend, or even five days...no, no, no
I got kicked right out of the channel, this ban's here to stay (in-def-i-nite-ly)
I'm chatting off-topic, oooh-whoa-oooh
I'm chatting off-topic, oooh-whoa-oooh
I'm chatting off-topic, oooh-whoa-oooh
And I startin' to get flamed: "HEY! Log off now!"
And I startin' to get flamed: "HEY! Log off now!"
And I startin' to get flamed: "HEY! Log off now!"
And I startin' to get flamed
[By :EtherRabbit / 2008-03-22] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Bravo! You've EARNED your topicline mention in #tsc! -Grue
Heh, it took me a bit before I realized what song this was set to. Brilliant! -Seamus
Okay, I'm dumb...what song is this set to? -SillyGirl
"walking on sunshine" -EtherRabbit
I thought it went along to Walk like an Egyptian. -linuxmatt |
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497.
Subject: Ode to Old newbie
Old newbie is the bane of my working day.
this song is for you:
(sung to the tune of blues clues, sorry I have a young kid some things just get stuck in your head)
This is your last day-ay
This is your last day-ay
This is your last day-ay
And you don't even know yet.
(Repeat until hoarse.)
[By :drachen / 2008-03-13] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Why do I have the feeling there is more story here than the song implies. I'm lucky, my kids are past the BluesClues stage which means I can sing the Spongebob theme from memory. -Starfury
Saw the title and thought it was one of CorpCowboy's favorites - Old Hippie by the Bellamy Brothers... Hey CC - get working on that one! -VFox
Joe is no Steve... -TechOgre |
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496.
Subject: Call I.T.
Just a quick one for the morning...
(To the tune of "If You're Happy and you Know It")
If you need a new computer, call I.T.
If your network's running slowly, call I.T.
If your download speed is cruddy
And your monitor's all muddy
And you're vexed by Bonzi Buddy, call I.T.
[By :Dante668 / 2008-01-16] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
If your anti virus needs updating, call I.T. - If your crappy software keeps crashing, call I.T. - If your cursor won't move, and you mouse is all snafu'd, and you have a crappy 'tude, call I.T. -ecoli
If your personal laptop crashed, call I.T. If it locked down your network port, call I.T. If you blame others really smugly and your face is very fugly, if your PC's gotten sludgy CALL I.T.! -linuxmatt
If the toilet needs unblocking, call I.T. If your front door needs unlocking call I.T.
If the drinks machine needs stocking, and you can't stop monkey-shocking
If you need some serious mocking, CALL I.T. -Diptera
If you wanna move your cube then call IT, if your temperature's too cold then call IT, if your boss is really steaming, 'cause his p0rno isn't streaming, and you're ready to start screaming, call IT! -PTSTech
<raises hand> Ok, who else besides me sang along to all of those? C'mon! Fess up! -JoeLugian
I was singing to it I was doing it to the "happy together" beat. -Motient
Forum members don't answer in verse, post TSC - They inject remarks without rhyme, post TSC - If they've lost their sense of humor - And they fried the new computer - If their verse makes it worse, post TSC! (TA DA!) <takes a bow> -ecoli
The photocopier is buggered? Call I.T,
You want your coffee sugared? Call I.T,
Your office is too pokey
The sprinklers go soaky
& you smell the magic smoky, call I.T.! -lineswine
If you need a new mou-see, call I.T.
If there is a bug in the bathroom, call I.T.
If there is a computer to make
And a UPS to bake
And in the hallway is a snake, call I.T!
-PCChaos
ARGH! I'm going to have that tune stuck in my head all day. And yes, I did sing along...out loud...at work...in a call center. I'm getting strange looks. -Vaticus
Not to self, dont read songs when phone lines are busy, customers dont like it when I answer the phone giggling. -Silkfever |
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495.
Subject: When I'm Fixing Windows
This isn't my song, but I found it on the BBC News site (here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/technology/2008/01/bill_gates_you_asked_the_quest_1.html) as a comment on a blog and I had to post it. All credit goes to the original author.
Now I go fixing Windows
To earn an honest bob
For a computer whiz kid
It's an interestin' job
Now it's a job that just suits me
A Windows fixer you would be
If you saw what’s on this PC
When I’m fixing Windows
Windows XP, Vista too
You’ll have seen them nothing new.
You'd be surprised what PCs do
When I’m fixing Windows
In my profession I'll work hard
But I'll never stop
To stop domination by Gates
Who tries to stay on top
The user dating on the Net
Looking for it you can bet
I'd rather have that than a pet
When I’m fixing Windows
The web designer has a thought
A new domain he has just bought
Sticks his USB in the port
When I’m fixing Windows
I know a fella, such a fool
He wastes his time, that's his rule
While he’s about he looks so cool
When I’m fixing Windows
In my profession I'll work hard
But I'll never stop
To stop domination by Gates
Who tries to stay on top
DVDs lyin’ side by side
Sexy ladies I have spied
I've often seen what goes inside
When I’m fixing Windows
------ banjo ------
A famous screensaver’s been seen
It looks a flapper on the screen
It's more like flashing but it’s clean
When I’m fixing Windows
It pulls the clothes off down behind
Then pulls off her... never mind
It’s amazing what clutter I find
When I’m fixing Windows
In my profession I'll work hard
But I'll never stop
To stop domination by Gates
Who tries to stay on top
An old maid’s profile goes online
She's so fed up, but that is fine
She's happy once she has seen mine
When I’m fixing Windows
When I’m fixing Windows...
[By :katinahat / 2008-01-07] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
If anyone wants to hear the original, you can find it here... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfmAeijj5cM&feature=related -Fuji |
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494.
Subject: The OWA Before Christmas
(based loosely on IRC events, and even looser on 'the night before Christmas')
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the channel,
Not a member was stirring (OWA flew off the handle);
The bodies were stacked by the chimney with care,
And blood-stained knives lay around everywhere;
War1ock was first, whom OWA disemboweled,
As he cackled like the joker, an' hooted, an' howled;
Next up came Helix, who started to run,
Which knowing the OWA, just made it more fun;
Then Ether, and Happy, and Murdock, and Kat,
(The Rabbit deserved it, let's leave it at that);
He caught up to Virus, and ran N-A-V,
Which wetware nor not, 'twas the end of he;
Then enter the Half, and Splunge and Cog,
And 58 knives, and 1 bloody fog;
He turned his attention upon mister Swine,
A stab, and a slash, and a "Heh, EndOfLine";
Poor Mahal and Veinor, and ol' NR too,
They used to be mods, and now they're just goo;
What happened to Sauron was a frightful thing,
He ain't getting back up, he ain't getting his ring;
SysOp watched events, with hardly a care,
Just hoping that vodka, soon would be there;
He set his sights on SpitefulTech next,
And put to shame every good horror text;
Then Dread and PID1, and then MCV,
Oh the terrible things he did to those 3;
He eventually caught up, with good ol' Gashach,
Whom he covered in napalm, and then lit a match;
Up next came TrainButt, and poor SmellyStu,
HairTech escapes (but returns in part 2);
Then good ol' Grue came to break up the fight,
Which was about when, OWA switched to thermite;
There isn't much talk of that Christmas no more,
But PM the OWA...I'm sure he'll add more.
[By :EtherRabbit / 2007-12-29] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Has my stab of approval! -RandalGraves
AHA, that's the OWA we know and love :P -Mysty
*grins* *applause* -Grue
*snicker* Sorry I missed it... -RiffRaff
Yay vodka! (i'm printin' this out) -DedSysOp
Dammit! That's what I get for spending time with the DaWife & Kids... -Ulfgaard
"EndOfLine" is brilliant. -veaudaux
Glad I missed OWAs' latest slaughter-fest. Beautiful job PacketRabbit, you probably did deserve it too ;) -deskmonkey
is it warm in here? -gashach
verrah nice, and teh funnay! -HappyCrappy
OWA? 'Outlook Web Access'?!? <flees to LART Shelter> -CTYankee
LOL Very nice! Thats the OWA I know (Woot! Got mentioned even though I was away) -Caboose447 |
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493.
Subject: Talking to a Brain-Dead Idiot
Telephone rings, you aren’t listening,
You are lame, you ain’t glistening
A terrible fright,
On the phones tonight.
Talking to a brain-dead idiot.
Gone away is the bluebird,
Here to stay is a new bird
(The middle finger),
As I drone along,
Talking to a brain-dead idiot.
In the traffic I wish you would frolic,
Then get run over a thousand fold.
I'll say: I won’t miss you
No one else will.
And you can go to hell,
F***ing starfish.
Click on Start, on the taskbar,
Not the reset, on the tower
Get out of fdisk,
Or your files, you will miss,
Talking to a brain-dead idiot.
You over-clocked your Intel with a spare key
And neep and nop that your processor’s blown
Claim that it’s still under our warrantee,
But I will laugh so hard that I make brown.
You complain, I get migraines,
The whole time, I’ll be billing.
We'll frolic and play, the Otis-brand way,
Talking to a brain-dead idiot.
[By :linuxmatt / 2007-12-21] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Appropriate. I get to speak to only this sort of person at this time of year. It's the law! There are exceptions but they're few and far between! -Loon
Hehehehehe!!! Nice one! -MadJack |
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492.
Subject: In the Neep Midwinter
With apologies to Harold Darke, author of the original "In the bleak midwinter". Still, $midwinter_festive is nearly upon us, so raise a glass of your tipple of choice, and salute those TSC members that may have to work over the holiday.
In the neep midwinter, starfish calls made moan
Brains as dumb as iron , skulls as thick as stone
Woe befallen, woe on woe, woe on woe
In the neep midwinter, long ago
Oh god, we cannot kill them; murder must refrain
Sense and Reason flee away, passing through their brain
In the neep midwinter, our fun they try to douse
Saying "God Almighty", I NEED A MOUSE!
Enough for them, who have no clue, how they have fucked up,
A disk full of pron, and a film (two girls, one cup)
Enough for them, whom techies line up to beat-
their skulls in with Otis, for a LART so sweet.
Helpdesk and the admins, may have gathered there
LOLCATZ and BOFH-quotes thronged the air
But only the starfish, said "come take a look, "
"at the six hundred friends I've made on my Facebook."
What can I give them, bored as I am?
If I weren't so jaded, I would give a damn
If I were respected, I would give a toss
Yet what I give, is their worth: utter dross
[By :Diptera / 2007-12-19] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
bravo, well done -cyberblade3001
I bow in recognition of awesomeness. -Elfling
Very, very nice! -Seamyst
Excellent work, Diptera! -Tekkie
It has brownie points for featuring some excellent websites there :) (I couldn't get a rhyme for LOLCATS) -CommanderData |
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491.
Subject: Techie Xmas Poem
Christmas in IT is a funny old time
Yes I’m afraid this is gonna be in rhyme
We don’t put tinsel on the servers or balls on the PC
We might break for cookies and a nice cup of tea
No making the network play old Christmas songs
Nor snowball fights in LAN rooms, that’s just totally wrong
Getting drunk on whisky and singing rude rhymes?
Well we do do that, but not on company time
There are some bright lights on the Christmas tree
But seeing as we’re geeks, they’re all USB
No asking Santa for wishes or sitting on his knee
We would ask our managers, but they’re never quite free
So that’s the happy xmas and merry new year
Poetry time over, lets go get a beer
[By :CommanderData / 2007-12-19] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
but....but....what about the plum pudding, and the flaming brandy, and the fruitcake, and pin the tail on the celebrity, and....<gasps and expires> -CTYankee
Bravo, I like it! -Gunpe
Flips open cell phone in leu of lighter -thatgirl
CD, what are you doing in IT when you could be a poet? ... Oh yeah. Money. Well, maybe you can be both. <thumbs up> -TheGhost
I'm inspired! :D -FormerSithLord
I APPROVE HEARTILY SIRRAH :) (nice job CD) -TranceGemini
*applauds* Very nice! -Seamyst
Author! Author! (Flicking Zippo) -MadJack |
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489.
Subject: Format (A PC's Ode to Vista)
Format (A PC's Ode to Vista)
Origanal Song: Attack by 30 Seconds to Mars
I am suff'ring, been broken
No email, or photos
Nor chatting with friends, and
Won't give up what I
once had
nor try to
See from your point of view
But not this much software
'Cause I am just slowing down
Go away, Go away
I’ll Format
Go away, Go away
Go fix yourself
Go away, Go away
Now I’ll Format
I’ll Format, I’ll For-MAAAAAAAAAATTTTT
We could've work-ed together
But you had to sever
The network con-nec-tion is
Slower than a...
Kill off your process
It's starting to abcess
I'm losing control now
But without you I might just be fast
Go away, Go away
I’ll Format
Go away, Go away
Go fix yourself
Go away, Go away
Now I’ll Format
I’ll Format, I’ll For-MAAAAAAAAAATTTTT
Your promises
They look like lies
Your honesty’s
Like my back that hides your knife
I don't want you (don't want you)
I don't want you (don't want you)
I just want to be fast
Go away, Go away
I’ll Format
Go away, Go away
Go fix yourself
Go away, Go away
Now I’ll Format
I’ll Format, I’ll Format
I will Format
Go away
I'll Format, I will Format
Go away
I'll Format, I will Format
Go away, Go away
Now I'll Format, I'll Format
I'll For-MAAAAATTTTT
Your promises (promises, promises)
I don't want you (don'd want you)
I don't want you (don't want you, don't want you...)
[By :duckhead / 2007-10-26] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Nice run! I don't know the song but I like the message. *grin* -Darkridr
Very nice. Hadn't heard this one before, so I used YouTube for it's one truly useful purpose - locating the song. Here's the vid, for those who haven't heard it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7wCdsnqhyQ -missourimule |
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488.
Subject: No Motivation
(sung to the tune of "Infatuation" by Rod Stewart")
I'm showing my age on this one. (Be gentle, it's my first song and finally bought my star so I could format this correctly.)
Early on a Friday, I can’t wait
‘Til it’s time for my smoke break
I’ve been tired all day, can’t concentrate
Maybe I should have come in late.
Starfish call going “neep neep nop”
Wanting TPS reports that I ain’t got.
I just want to hit ‘em with my clue-by-four,
Flip the bird and walk out the door.
Oh no, not again
Another help ticket?
Don’t they understand?
No motivation…..
No motivation (shun-shun).
Management asking for another change
How many bad decisions can they make?
Better back off you bloody sods,
I’m gonna kill someone I swear to God
Oh no, not again
Where’d I put Otis?
Don’t they understand?
No motivation…..
No motivation (shun-shun).
5 o’clock is almost here,
Screw a nap just give me a beer.
The weekend’s here, not a moment too late,
Can’t wait to get home and master---um, watch TV…..
Oh no, not again
I feel a LART coming,
Don’t they understand?
No motivation…..
No motivation (shun-shun).
[By :BarmanVarn / 2007-10-26] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
/standing ovation WELL DONE!!! -TechnoTherapist
Nice one! -MadJack
LOVED THIS.... especially the line of "Can’t wait to get home and master---um, watch TV….. "... classic... truly classic... <waves lighter around - burns hand>
-duckhead
Fabulous! -ActingUpAgain
Hope it's just his _hand_ that Duckhead burned... <grin> especially considering the line he quoted. Well done! -chazz
AWESOME!!! the "watch TV" line got me. So much for that pepsi. -beerman
This was pretty good. Although I had to put a disc in the ole cupholder to recall how the tune goes. Yeah, I'm showing my age too, in that (1) I still have music on CDs and (2) one of them is Rod Stewart. -concept14 |
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487.
Subject: NT/OT a Snape Tribute -----SPOILERS
To the tune of "Isabel," a traditional Celtic tune
Severus
I lie on this floor bleeding my life out
And I don't give a pin for all their scorn
For my true love's son will live
For this my live I give
Give me the chance I'd do it all again.
Give me the chance I'd do it all again.
Lily my love you'd the heart of a dove
Only Hogwarts could train such a mind
On the wild mountain side
Despite Fortune's cruelest tide
My heart by yours until the end of time
My heart by yours until the end of time
The night you fell I sold them out for a price--
My promise to see your boy a man.
Your Harry dared it all
And he risked his mother's fall
Surely Dumbledore he had a plan.
Surely Dumbledore he had a plan.
At this Bannockburn Death Eaters' hearts will turn
From his noble and daring campaign
Yet I cannot help but fret
Though my heart flies with him yet
And my body now lies dead and disdained.
And my body now lies dead and disdained.
He's as bold as a lion, he's as clever as a snake
He's a man that could never be denied
He is Eagle-wise, Badger-strong
And he'll win the war so long
And just to know you'd know, I gladly die
And just to know you'd know, I gladly die.
[By :56Kdaytrader / 2007-10-21] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
That is brilliant! The original song is beautiful too - I've heard Steeleye Span sing it and it's a lovely haunting tune. Fits a treat. -Gromit
*shudder* I appreciate the sentiment, but when will you harry pothead fans learn that what you're inspired by is a childrens book, with no more substance than paris hilton.. </anti-potter flame> other than that, good work! :P -Tarantulus
A kid's book? Does that make it intrinsically without teaching value? Like, say, _The Hobbit_? Or _The Chronicles of Narnia_? Just asking... -chazz
If it wasn't for the comments made, I wouldn't have known it was about Harry Pothead at all. -Divinar
Nicely done and true to the story. -silvermoon |
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486.
Subject: On the Phones Again..
On the phones again (By Willie Nelson and MacDaddy)
On the phones again
I don't wanna get on the phones again
Neeping starfish and their problems never end
Oh I don't wanna get on the phones again
On the phones again
Stupid logic twisting in the wind
Hearing things that I don't wanna hear again
And I don't wanna get on the phones again
On the phones again
Like all techies on the InfoHighway
Where the logic ends
Insisting that the app should be working THEIR way
Not OUR way
On the phones again,
I just don't wanna get on the phones again
The life I love is coming quickly to an end
Oh I don't wanna get on the phones again
On the phones again
Putting idjits on the InfoHighway
Then the LART begins
And they wonder why they got punished our way
That's OUR way
On the phones again,
I just don't wanna get on the phones again
The sanity I had is coming quickly to an end
Oh I don't wanna get on the phones again
And here we are getting on the phones again
The sanity I had is coming quickly to an end
And I don't wanna get on the phones again
And I don't wanna get on the phones again
[By :MacDaddy / 2007-10-19] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Most excellent rendition!!! -Tekkie
/me Cranks his cowboy hat over his head and gies a hoot'n hollar! -Darkridr
Hmmm. There's Karaoke tonight over at Shay's Lounge... (real place name) -LoTech
Yeee-haww!! Nice one! -MadJack
Good job, MacDaddy. I saw Willy play years ago in Buffalo, and he was staggering drunk. He wrote some lyrics about that one, he did. -ThinTheHerd
Nice! I did one of this song a few years ago. It lends itself so well to parody :) -DarthLuke |
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485.
Subject: Not exactly a song, but kinda close kin
To celebrate my newly embiggened butt....
We who bear the burden of knowledge hear your cry, but are numb to it.
We have trained and supported and demonstrated and fixed and changed and updated and uploaded and installed and worked around to no avail.
We have defragged and uninstalled and degunked and rebooted and rebuilt and reformatted and removed spyware to the end of days.
We have lectured and asked and begged and cursed and wheedled and bargained and explained but our words fall on deaf ears.
We are Legion.
We are Tech Support.
Inspired by Tuesday's User Friendly
[By :grrltechie / 2007-10-17] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Since I evidently have forgotten the little html I used to know, the link is supposed to be http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20071016 -grrltechie
AMEN! Preach on, sister! -Acros
For those about to tech... we salute you -Tarantulus
We sa-LUTE you! *LART!* - We sa-LUTE you! *LART!* - Weeeeee Saluuuuuute YOOUU! -Divinar |
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484.
Subject: BLUE SCREENS AND SPAM
BLUE SCREENS AND SPAM
By EtherRabbit
That Tech-I-am!
That Tech-I-am!
I do not like
that Tech-I-am!
Do you like
blue screens and spam?
I do not like them,
Tech-I-am.
I do not like
blue screens and spam.
Would you like them
here or there?
I would not like them
here or there.
I would not like them
anywhere.
I do not like
blue screens and spam.
I do not like them,
Tech-I-am.
Would you like them
in your cube?
Would you like them
in the nude?
I do not like them
in my cube.
I do not like them
in the nude.
I do not like them
here or there.
I do not like them
anywhere.
I do not like blue screens and spam.
I do not like them, Tech-I-am.
Would you like them
on a Mac?
Would you like them
through a hack?
Not on a Mac.
Not through a hack.
Not in my cube.
Not in the nude.
I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I would not like blue screens and spam.
I do not like them, Tech-I-am.
Would you? Could you?
In your car?
We've got wifi!
It reaches far.
I would not,
could not,
in my car.
You may like them.
You will see.
You may like them
through RDP!
I would not, could not through RDP.
Not in my car! You let me be.
I do not like them on a Mac.
I do not like them through a hack.
I do not like them in my cube.
I do not like them in the nude.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like blue screens and spam.
I do not like them, Tech-I-am.
Some gain! Some gain!
Some gain! Some gain!
Could you, would you,
if we cranked the gain?
Not with better gain! Not with RDP!
Not in my car! Tech! Let me be!
I would not, could not, on a Mac.
I could not, would not, through a hack.
I will not like them in my cube.
I will not like them in the nude.
I will not like them here or there.
I will not like them anywhere.
I do not like blue screens and spam.
I do not like them, Tech-I-am.
Say!
How 'bout in a park?
There in the park!
Would you, could you, in the park?
I would not, could not,
in the park.
Would you, could you,
from your summer home in Spain?
I would not, could not, from home in Spain.
Not in the park. Not with better gain.
Not in my car. Not with RDP.
I do not like them, Tech, you see.
Not in your cube. Not on a Mac.
Not in the nude. Not with a hack.
I will not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere!
You do not like
blue screens and spam?
I do not
like them,
Tech-I-am.
Could you, would you,
with a raise?
I would not,
could not,
with a raise!
Would you, could you,
from home on sick days?
I could not, would not, on sick days.
I will not, will not, with a raise.
I will not like them off in Spain.
I will not like them with more gain.
Not in the park! Not through RDP!
Not in my car! You let me be!
I do not like them on a Mac.
I do not like them from a hack.
I will not like them in my cube.
I do not like them in the nude.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them ANYWHERE!
I do not like
blue screens
and spam!
I do not like them,
Tech-I-am.
You do not like them.
So you say.
Try them! Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may, I say.
Tech!
If you will let me be,
I will try them.
You will see.
(at this point the user gets pissed-off, and uses the blue-screens and spam as an excuse to take a 1 hour smoke break)
Say!
I like blue screens and spam!
I do! I like them, Tech-I-am!
And I would like them on sick days.
And I would like them with a raise...
And I will like them while in Spain.
And in the park. And with more gain.
And in my car. And through RDP.
They are so good, so good, you see!
So I will like them on a Mac.
And I will like them from a hack.
And I will like them in your cube.
And I will like them in the nude.
And I will like them here and there.
Say! I will like them ANYWHERE!
I do so like
blue screens and spam!
Thank you!
Thank you,
Tech-I-am!
* * * The moral of this story is, instead of bitching about the one or two things that takes a few seconds out of your life, look at the fifty-thousand other things that untold hours of I.T. overtime has let you do....or at the very least use it as an excuse to take a paid break. * * *
[By :EtherRabbit / 2007-10-17] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Wow, just fricking wow! This weekend's new project: teach this to my granddaughter. -Ramblin
Bravo PacketBunny, bravo! -Helix666
Definitely chuckle worthy and I think that one of my nephews may be learning that shortly! However, am I the only one that detects a slight Windows theme? -Loon
Aha, now THAT I enjoyed thoroughly. Lovely job :) -Mysty
That was freakin awesome! -ITNaziChick
I love Dr. Seuss, and I *will* be sharing that with the kids tomorrow. Thanks Etherabbit -katinahat
Did you steal this from marketing collateral for Windows Vista? :-) -concept14
That...was amazing. Having read Green Eggs and Ham to my preschool class no fewer than four times in the last week, I fuckin' APPLAUD you sir. Ma'am. Person-thing. Well anyway INTERNET COOKIES TO YOU. -TranceGemini
That is bloody beautiful! Take a bow, maestro. -DazZler
dude, how can i read the original to the small geeklets anymore - this one rocks:) -timelady
hehehehehe good one!! -MadJack
How totally not like green eggs and ham, thanks for that! -TieDyedDinosaur |
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482.
Subject: How CD does tech
Yes, I know it's poetry and not a song, farking bite me There was this young technician
Of near notorious fame
Noted for wearing long black cloaks
You might have guessed her name
One day she got an urgent call
‘Oh please help out’ they cried
‘Our diaries won’t print out right’
‘And the help files all are fried’
So off she went to the top Floor
All dressed up in her suit
Created whole new profiles
And waited for a reboot
And lo! The diaries printed out alright
Our technician felt less like a berk
But then came the dreaded cry
‘While yer here, our printers don’t work’
But if you want to know what happens
This saga hasn’t come to an end
Just don’t call our cloaked technician
She’s gone clear round the bend…..
[By :CommanderData / 2007-10-08] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
*clapping* butimus -compbrat
Huzzah! -BarmanVarn
Author! Author! (Flicks Zippo)
-MadJack
What's the appropriate way to show appreciate for poetry? Polite applause and a cup of tea? -smellystudent
I believe the correct response is to snap your fingers repeatedly, beat-nick style. -BarmanVarn
Give me the tea. -CommanderData
encore! -EtherRabbit
For appropriate responses to poetry, refer, if you will, to the poetry scenes in "So I Married an Axe Murderer." (eg) -MadJack
According to the reactions at my college's poetry readings, the appropriate reaction to poetry is applause and cheers, followed by a couple of smartass jokes. -Seamyst
bravo! bravo! -AdmiralLaurie
*ahem!* "Roses are red, violets are blue. That was very funny, and so..." ... Damn, I AM a lousy poet! :( :D :D :D -TheGhost
Seems to me, a golf clap, is most fitting. -Stryker One
Seeing as it was you, I covered the screen with my hand until I could set down my tea well away from the computer. -concept14
HA HA... my Dew missed the screen... oh damn... it landed on the keyboard.. <walks off to look for a paper towel> -duckhead |
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481.
Subject: New Model Army "Stupid Questions"
It's not a crime to be a moron
Some things you can't control
But you're in the real world now
A brain is most required
Well I know my techie heart
And I've seen your stupid brain
And I think we know the truth
You're thick not I
Don't claim ignorance, I know you
And you ask why I hate you so so much?
[Chorus]: Don't ever call me again I already know you're a fuckwit.
Well you're stupid as the rest of them
Your smile remains so vacant
When you attempt to eat me alive
I'll show you my teeth
If you really want I can name the starfish
Be an angel of LART at department games
[Chorus]: Don't ever call me again I already know you're a fuckwit.
Well I know you're stupid
I am not as thick as you
Grow up now - you're still daft
And I think that your clue
Is due to arrive at last
It's not a crime to be a moron
Some things you can't control
But you cannot hide forever
You may need a brain
Technology works, you just can't use it
Waiting for help to be a total muppet
[Chorus]: Don't ever call me again I already know you're a fuckwit.
[By :Loon / 2007-10-03] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Oh man... one of my grad classes is Stuart England (I'm a history student), and we've been talking about Parliament's New Model Army from the Great Civil War. TOTALLY confuzzled me when I read this post. -Seamyst
I love New Model Army. Just picked up some CD's off of ebay because it's so hard to get to my vinyl. I knew the tune immediately. Great song. -Paisley |
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480.
Subject: Fishy and The Tech
Fishy and The Tech
Based loosely on the theme-song for 'Pinky and The Brain'
They're Fishy and The Tech,
yes, Fishy and The Tech.
One knows computers,
the other's a pain in the neck.
They're both potentially nice,
but Fish needs his genes spliced.
They're Fishy, they're Fishy and The Tech, Tech, Tech, Tech, Tech, Tech, Tech, Tech, Tech,
Before each night is done,
'Techs work will be unfurled.
At the dawning of the sun,
the Fish screws up his world.
They're Fishy and The Tech,
Yes, Fishy and The Tech.
Their back-and-forth campaign,
Is easy to explain.
Each to prove their worth,
they'll have to change the Earth.
They're Fishy, they're Fishy and The Tech, Tech, Tech, Tech, Tech, Tech, Tech, Tech
Neep!
[By :EtherRabbit / 2007-09-28] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
excellent! -AdmiralLaurie
Thanks EtherRabbit, now I'm gonna have this stuck in my head all night! And my Chris is working from home so he has to listen to me singing it.....OOoooh, delightfully evil!
-taieena
Rofdl!! Nice one!
-MadJack
>>Golf Clap<< Very Niiiice -ShujinTribble
Narf! -MeanDean
Poit! -Seamus
Love it.."What are we gonna do tonight Tech?" "Same thing we do every night, try and take over the net" -udaduno
I alway felt Brain's problem was that he never listened to Yoda - "There is no try, only do!" -Captain Trips |
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479.
Subject: Rosin Smokescreen
To the tune of Double Vision.
Apologies to Foreigner. Blame unrenowned for this one (same link as the last one)
Getting down n dirty, into the machine
Tracing down a fault since it came onto the scene
It's time I had a short break, I need a caffeine drink
I wanna chuck this MoBo in the bathroom sink
Fill my eyes with that rosin smokescreen, no way to hide
from that rosin smokescreen
Ooh, when it wafts up to me, it makes it hard to see
That rosin smokescreen gets the best of me
Never do more than I really need
My finger's racing, but my gun in the bead
this trace's light, I'm gonna weld it in a minute
So it can handle a load with a 30 amp limit
Fill my eyes with that rosin smokescreen, no way to hide from that rosin smokescreen
Ooh, when it wafts up to me, it makes it hard to see
That rosin smokescreen always seems to get the best of me - the best of me, yeah
Ooh, rosin smokescreen, I need my rosin smokescreen
It takes me out of my head, takin me out of my head
I get my rosin smokescreen, oh, smelling rosin rosin
Oh, I have rosin smokescreen, yeah, Im getting rosin smokescreen... (to fade)
[By :maciarc / 2007-09-03] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
That is officially going into my list of all time favorite parodies... *BRAVO BRAVO!* -unrenowned
I love the smell of rosin-core solder in the morning! -Divinar
You must practice correct breathing. Breathe IN while lining up on solder target, hold while heating wire, breathe out while saying OMMMMMM and applying solder. Allow your thoughts to clear (and rosin smoke to dissipate). -TieDyedDinosaur
heh heh heh heh heh.... Very Nice! -MadJack
TDD - but then I wouldn't have the, um, inspiration to continue wiring every component I can find into one gigantic electronic thing, that sits there, blinking at me. I think it's trying to communicate.... -Divinar |
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478.
Subject: Subdivisions
Apologies to Rush. Oh, and blame Mushroom: http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=69771
Crawling through the sectors of the HD
In cylindrical order
A data type re-order
Relegating old bytes
To the far unlit unknown
Buying up the ISO one-sided
Opinions all provided
The future pre-decided
Detached and subdivided
From the market speaking drone
Nowhere is the hacker
Or the guru so alone
Subdivisions ---
In the MBR
From the CD-R
Linux will be passed out
Subdivisions ---
In the WiFi zones
In the laymen's homes
Windows will be cast out
Any escape might help redeem
That annoying blue screen
But Windows causes some to scream
An uncouth sailor's stream
Drawn like sheep they boot up the PC
The OS installation
The start-up hesitation
Waiting for the GUI
Just to browse the internet
Some will shirk the constricting grip of Bill G
And switch to GPL3
And control their PC
And start to see that software
Doesn't always have to crash
Sometime everyone will see
The monopoly as history...
[By :maciarc / 2007-09-03] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
WoooooooooHOOOOOOO----I wanna hear Working Man! -56Kdaytrader
Two Rush in a row!! W00T!! Damn, I keep forgetting about the idea I had awhile back out a Tech Song for 'Tom Sawyer'... -MadJack |
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476.
Subject: HTML Lessons - by Queen
Ok, FIRST off... Blame Dr. Jeckle ( http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=69757 )
Second... "Because it was there."
============================
HTML Lessons - as sung to 'We Will Rock You' by Queen
(With DEEPEST apologies to Freddie ($Deity_Do_We_Miss_You!) Mercury)
. . /
. . /
. . /
. . /
Buddy you're a young man. Really! If you try to
play Atari games you get FOUR whole bits!
You got egg on y'r face-.
You big dis-grace.
Some-body's beat your ass at "In-va-ders, SPACE!"
H - T - M - L - Lessons!
/ . . /
H - T - M - L - Lessons!
/ . . /
Buddy y'r a young man. Readin' all the XM
L codin' books. Don't know WHAT they mean.
You've got stars in your eyes....
a [DIV] in disguise.
Pretty soon y'll be askin', "Would you like some FRIES?"
H - T - M - L - Lessons!
/ . . /
H - T - M - L - Lessons!
/ . . /
Buddy y'r an old man. Pinin' for the good old
days of TABLES, ALT's and LYNX - don't know WHAT you mean!
Now y'r brain is fried.
Which standard to decide?!
"And you kids don't even know 'bout SCSI-II WIDE!"
H - T - M - L - Lessons!
/ . . /
H - T - M - L - Lessons!
/ . . / ev'rybody!
H - T - M - L - Lessons! ALRIGHT!
($Include_Guitar_Solo_WaveTable.mid)
Sweet geebus... WHY?!?! WHY did I do this!
[By :ShujinTribble / 2007-09-02] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Cause you're awesome, that's why. -Veinor
...yeah, that's about right. Veinor's got it. Best parody I've "heard" in a while. (K, I sang it out loud to myself. Why're you looking at me like that?) -PaseoGuy
I'm trying to not sing this to the tune of the sandskrit chant playing atm. roflmao! well done little fluffball! -AdmiralLaurie
Ok Shujin. I just had a talk with Mr. Mercury (his ghost). He says he's not decided whether to be insulted or delighted. He will decide on you punishment when he finishes laughing. ... That may be a while though... :D -TheGhost
Attention! Attention! Mr. Mercury has left the building! -RiffRaff
I'm ROFLing here, having the original song on repeat and humming along with your lyrics. Jesub, WHERE do you come up with these ideas????? {wipes his eyes} -NordicPT
Veinor / PaseoGuy / AdmiralLaurie / RiffRaff: Thank you kindly. Ghost: Makes me smile to hear that. Thanks. NordicPT: Actually, I was thiking about the origianl song and modeling it after. Most of us started with the Ataris, later tried to learn all the new crap now, only to wish for the old efficient and better tech from 'long ago'. -ShujinTribble
Did anyone else imagine Jake Stonebender pounding that solo out on Lady MacBeth? -TheCyberwolfe
You are the champion, my friend. -lineswine
ST: That would be because you could and did and it definitely got a chuckle from me. TheCyberwolfe: IIRC that would be a Callahan's reference? Been a few years since I read them and they were considered pretty obscure then! -Loon
I can actually picture (and hear) Fast Eddie on the ivories behind Jake for that one. -Grue
Author! Author!! (Holding up lit Zippo) -MadJack
Just relocated my copy of Callahan's Crazy Crosstime Bar (1st one and all I own) after earlier comments. ST: If you haven't already read it I suggest you do so. There are puns in there to make even you groan! TheCyberwolfe just had to remind me.... -Loon
I never have figured out what's wrong with tables. Especially considering all the hacks you have to do just to get a simple header, 2 columns, and a footer if you're just using DIVs. I'd never go back to <font> tags - but if an old method is actually easier, more reliable, and more flexible - well, why not? -veaudaux
ST First I'll gladly take the blame... Secondly: SUPERB! One of the bests tech parodies done so far! Ol' Freddie would for sure singalong up there in the skies where he's now (and not miss a tone :D)... -Dr Jerkyl
If you know Spider Robinson and the Callahan's books, but CAN'T hear Jake, Spider himself has sung a few of the songs from the series; clips can be found at http://www.spiderrobinson.com/music.html -- but I haven't vetted them yet and can't swear the excerpts aren't as NSFW as some of the whole things. $Diety knows I can't let my kid listen without having to explain a whole lot more about men and women than he's ready for, though he adores the puns. -lowlyte |
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475.
Subject: Theme Song For "The StarFish Family"
They're crazy and they're kooky,
A little slow and spooky,
They're always acting moody,
The StarFish Family.
Their PC is a nightmare,
Their people skills just ain't there,
They make techs pull out their hair,
The StarFish Family.
So get a pot of caff' on,
You know the call may be long,
Just try not to yell out 'kahn',
The Star-Fish Fa-mi-ly.
[By :EtherRabbit / 2007-08-17] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Duh - Duh - Duh - Dut <snap> <snap>.... Loved the song!!!!! -duckhead
Watch out for straying 'hands'! -TieDyedDinosaur
Especially when Burkiss is around. -Seamyst
lolz! -MadJack
I've always liked Fester. ... ... Wait. That doesn't sound right... -TheGhost
Thing T. Thing. -ShujinTribble |
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473.
Subject: Vacation!
(Originally by the Go-Gos)
Can't seem to get my mind out of work
Here on the lines I'm hip-deep in jerks
Gotta get away
Don't wanna stay
Tomorrow's a day of mine
The fish won't be in
If the boss looks at me
I'm gonna run
Overtime is just no longer fun
Hey, don't get me wrong
Been at the job so long
I should've known all along
That time would tell
A week without fish
Please don't forget
Two weeks without fish and I
Still haven't stopped the insanity yet
Vacation
All I ever wanted
Vacation
That or the loony bin
Vacation
Just to be left alone
Vacation
All I ever wanted
Vacation
That or the loony bin
Vacation
Just to be left alone
A week without fish
Please don't forget
Two weeks without fish and I
Still haven't stopped the insanity yet
Vacation
All I ever wanted
Vacation
That or the loony bin
Vacation
Just to be left alone
Vacation
All I ever wanted
Vacation
That or the loony bin
Vacation
Just to be left alone
Vacation
All I ever wanted
Vacation
That or the loony bin
Vacation
Just to be left alone
[By :56Kdaytrader / 2007-07-18] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Having just come back from a two-week vacation (hiking in the mountains out of cell phone range), let me say: Right on! -concept14
Well... I'm on the last days of my four week vacation - and I still agree on this song! -NordicPT
Ok I love this song.. -Phylok |
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472.
Subject: Where Have All The Good Techs Gone
Techinator asks, and I answer, singing that song by Paula Cole:
Oh you get me ready in your ads so heavy
We can fix it all in the shade
I'll call you from my front porch
The keyboard it is scorching,
I need a Long Island lemonade
I will reinstall it if you replace my drive
Where is my John Wayne
Where is my geeky god
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the good techs gone
Why don't we take all evening
To figure out that menu
And I'll fix a little something to eat
Oh I know you have to go ask your supervisor
Suddenly this isn't so sweet
I will wait on hold here while you go learn English
Where is my John Wayne
Where is my geeky god
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the good techs gone
I am telling you my problem tonight
But you don't, but you don't stop that fscking script
Say our goodbyes
Say our goodbyes
Say our goodbyes
I finally got a good tech
When I threatened to sue you
And you transferred me to Tennessee
Skeeter sure talked funny
But he knew what he was doing
Unfortunately he's quitting next week
I will bang my head now while you go have a beer
Where is my John Wayne
Where is my geeky god
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the good techs gone
Where is my techie man
Where is his solder gun
Where is my software ranger
Where have all the good techs gone
Where have all the good techs gone
Where have all the good techs gone
Yippee aw, yippee yea (6 times)
[By :56Kdaytrader / 2007-07-11] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
All right. someone murder me for asking this, or lart me or whatever. but how the fuck do you submit a tech song? It's nowhere that it would logically be.
Thanks! Nice rewrite, by the way. my own coming soon when I can submit it.
-AdmiralLaurie
AdmiralLaurie: Need a star for submitting songs, like a few other things. Stick around long enough and someone just might gift you a star. But likely not me, I'm poor. -evolvedstarfish
Oh my! I... well... I know it's wrong but... I got all turned on imagining 56K singing that song with a sexy voice and... uh oh... ;-) -TheGhost |
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470.
Subject: Touchless Phone
In response to recent Gizmodo article: http://tinyurl.com/284dat
SEE ARTICLE FIRST FOR FULL EFFECT
Then scroll down.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING SONG HAS STRONG STICK-IN-YOUR-BRAIN-AND-TORTURE-YOU-FOREVER-ITUTE! FOR LIABILITY REASONS, IF YOU ARE PREGNANT, HAVE A HEART CONDITION, OR HAVE A BAD ENOUGH TIME GETTING SONGS OUT OF YOUR HEAD ALREADY, PROCEED WITH EXXTREME CAUTION (WITH TWO X'S - THAT'S IMPORRTANT WITH TWO R'S)
----------------------------------------
Ringringringring
Ringringringring
Pokébuttonphone! (boop boop-a-pikachu)
Ringringringring
Ringringringring
Penetraphone
^(It's dialing's censored.)
What rhymes with censored?
It's grotesque,
Not worth the risk.
Cellular,
Modular
Imprac-tic-ally-odular
/me *tee-hees* off and away.
01000010 01100001 01101110 01100001 01101110 01100001 01110000 01101000 01101111 01101110
01100101 00100000 01000110 01010100 01010111 00100001
[By :linuxmatt / 2007-05-25] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Ringring, Ringring, Ringring, Ringring, Ringring, Ringring, Ringring - Starfish, Starfish..... </badger> -Dr Jerkyl
01001001 00100000 01101100 01101001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110011 01101000 01101111 01110111 00101110 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 00111100 00101111 01000111 01101001 01110010 00111110 -teivrann
$ -.. . .. - -.-- --..-- .. .-.. --- ...- . - .... . .-.. . . - -.- . -.-- . -..- - . -. ... .. --- -. .-.-.- : -.. -missourimule
00101110 00101101 00101101 00100000 00101110 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 00101101
00101101 00101101 00100000 00100000 00101110 00101110 00100000 00101110 00101110 00101110
00100000 00100000 00101101 00100000 00101110 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 00101110
00100000 00100000 00101110 00101101 00101110 00101110 00100000 00101110 00101110 00101110
00101101 00101101 00100000 00101110 00101110 00101110 00101101 00101101 00100000 00101101
00101101 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 00101110 00101110 00101110 00101101 00101101
00100000 00101110 00101110 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 00101101 00101101 00101110
00101110 00101110 00100000 00100000 00101101 00101110 00100000 00101101 00101101 00101101
00100000 00101110 00101101 00101101 00100000 <bfek9g> -Dr Jerkyl
"Badgerbadgerbadgerbadger... If we built this large wooden hamsterbadger...." -MadJack
Ok... All the geek-speak aside.. that is arguably THE DUMBEST gadget I have EVER seen! "How do I press the buttons? Where's the SEND key?!" IGNATS! It's a piece of performance art is what it is. -ShujinTribble
I totally want one.... -Madrigorne
LMAO! oh gosh. I laughed so hard. We sing bananaphone at work on teh crazy busy days. we all (all 6 of us in the infamous HR Row) put our member's on hold and start a singin' -Giovanni |
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469.
Subject: All OEM Techs Have Had This Caller
The tune I base this off of should be obvious
I made it through the shopping mall
Somehow I looked a bit
Didnt know what 'puter lust was
Until I found it
Had a smudge, send it in!
It's been had!, I was sad and blue
Tech please make me feel
Make my computer all
Shiny and new
I wanna a virgin
Booted for the very first time
Like a virgin
In your mag ad
Photoshopped
Gonna bitch you out tech
My fear is fading fast
Been saving it all for you
'cause it came back scratched
It's so fine that smudge line
Did it wrong!, yeah you make me hold
If your techs can't see
Yeah, your techs can't see it
But I know it's there!
I wanna a virgin
Booted for the very first time
Like a virgin
In your mag ad
Photoshopped
Oooh, oooh, oooh
It's NOT fine that scratch line
Ill escalate till the end of time
cause I really feel
Yeah, I really feel
my bottom case is too wide
I wanna a virgin
Booted for the very first time
Like a virgin
In your mag ad
Photoshopped
Like a virgin, ooh, ooh
Like a virgin
I will check inside
If I see a speck of dust I will demand you
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh, baby
Cant you see that dust speck
For the very first time?
[By :56Kdaytrader / 2007-05-24] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
*pictures 56K in a white lace bustier* *faints* :D Great job! -missourimule
Sounds like my fishes when they get cards with a 'hickey'! (eg) -MadJack |
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468.
Subject: Fourty Two and None
Forty Two and None
Original Song: Tool - Forty Six and Two
I wake up
Make some coffee
Knock on the door
You're building?
Offramp?
Construction
My house torn down?
And Ford shows up then.
He wants to go to the pub and,
Have a beer and to take a towel.
He tells me of a trip, hitchhiking
I've got to save my house
And then we are in a ship
Vogon from what he tells me.
Be real quiet, hiding from them
Never listen to they're poetry.
In My journey
My journey.
Got a Babel Fish in my ear
Trillion's joining us
With Paranoid
Robot Marvin.
We're in a ship, the Heart of Gold
Zaphod Beeblebrox's stole.
Kidnapped hisself and run from his job
And what to do now?
Traveling to another world called,
Magrathea, and the answer.
They've got to have the answer and
Then they'll know what to do then.
My towel
Trip is coming.
Now is my time.
Listen to the Vogon poetry.
It's always the wrong question but then,
Forty-two and none's the answer.
I choose to live and to
Grow, take and give and to
Move, learn and love and to
Cry, kill and die and to
Be paranoid and to
Lie, hate and fear and to
Do what it takes to hike on.
I choose to live and to
Lie, hide and steal and to
Read, learn and love and to
Do what it takes to hike on.
See my towel working,
Stretching up and over me.
Using it as a bed.
Hoping I can sleep this way
By readin through my guide,
Coming through without harm.
But what's the question.
Forty two and none's still the answer
[By :duckhead / 2007-05-22] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Never heard the original, but I dub this a worthy tribute. Remember, Towel Day is this Friday, the 25th. -VFox
Never even heard of the original. Saw the title and thought "Parody of '25 or 6 to 4' by Chicago?" -linuxmatt |
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467.
Subject: I can't smilie without you
This Inspiration thanks to RedFaery’s post re her emofishie…
Sorry, gang, I couldn't resist... Now, imagine this fishie crooning to her computer… (Fishie) You know I can't smilie without you
I can't smilie without you
I can't lol and I can't wink…
(Red) I'm finding it hard to not give her a ‘tink!’
(Fishie continues)You see I click ‘sad’ so you're sad
I click ‘glad’ when you're ‘glad’
you let me show you what I'm going through
I just can't smilie without you
You came along just like an add-on
And brightened my mail
Who would have believed that you were part of a scheme
Now it all seems my inbox failed…
(Fishie) You know I can't smilie without you
I can't smilie without you
I can't lol and I can't wink…
(Red) I'm finding it hard to not give her a ‘tink!’
(Fishie continues)You see I click ‘sad’ so you're sad
I click ‘glad’ when you're ‘glad’
you let me show you what I'm going through
I just can't smilie...
Now some people say emo-ness takes so very long to type
Well, I'm finding it hard leaving your grins behind me
You know I can't smilie without you
I can't smilie without you
I can't lol and I can't wink…
(Red) I'm finding it hard to not give her a ‘tink!’
(Fishie continues)You see I click ‘sad’ so you're sad
I click ‘glad’ when you're ‘glad’
you let me show you what I'm going through
I just can't smilie without you
Taxi!! :p
[By :MadJack / 2007-05-19] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
that....was....perfect -EtherRabbit
Oh $diety! That was b-e-a Utiful!! -unrenowned
roflmao ;-) :-) ;-P -FixitWench
Wow! Great work! -PTSTech
*lols and winks* *and rofls* :D :D :D -TheGhost
I just saw this, and I am truly honored *wipes tear from eye* -redfaery |
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466.
Subject: Dont Let Your Babies Grow Up 2 B Techies
"MAMAS, DON'T LET YOUR BABIES GROW UP TO BE TECHIES"
(with apologies to Jennings Waylon for this terrible re-write of 'Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys')
Techies ain't easy to love and they're harder to hold.
They'd rather give you an upgrade than diamonds or gold.
Pocket protectors and old faded sweatpants,
And each night begins a new day.
If you don't understand him, an' he don't die young,
He'll prob'ly just hack away.
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be techies.
Don't let 'em build PC's or fix up the net.
Let 'em be doctors and lawyers and such.
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be techies.
'Cos they'll always stay home and they're always alone.
Even with someone they <3 .
Techies like obscure old chat rooms and often use emotes,
Little free applets and Linux and WoW through the night.
Them that don't know him won't like him and them that do,
Sometimes won't know how to take him.
He ain't wrong, he's just different but 1337 pride won't let him,
Do things to make you think he's right.
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be techies.
Don't let 'em build PC's or fix up the net.
Let 'em be doctors and lawyers and such.
Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be techies.
'Cos they'll always stay home and they're always alone.
Even with someone they <3.
[By :EtherRabbit / 2007-05-18] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Bravo, bravo! *applause* -VFox
Bravo! *lights up lighter.* *his shroud catches fire and burns down to ashes* ... That's ok, It was worth it. *runs away naked in search of a new shroud* -TheGhost
Aaaaah! My eyes! N-n-n-naked Ghost!
-Divinar
Wait, if a Ghost IS only a shroud, what's left? Something like Zefrem Cochrane's cloud creature in 'Metamorphosis'? Wait, no, I know, Ghosts are Organians under their sheets!! (eg) -MadJack
Nope.... But if you listen, you might be able to hear the laughter and a cackling voice saying, "Die, Die, DIE! Kill you alllll! AAAhahahahahahaha!" -ShujinTribble
Hmmm...I thought a ghost was something with a c-10 canister rifle, a cloaking device, and a faulty aggression inhibitor... -EtherRabbit
ER - Nothing faulty about it... It's welded in the OFF position by design. -ShujinTribble
Absolutely wonderful!!!!! *stands and cheers* -ManyHats |
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465.
Subject: I've got a lovely bunch of dust bunnies...
In the spirit of ShujinTribble's post: http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=67419
Sung to Monty Python's: I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.
I've got a lovely bunch of dust bunnies,
There they are a standing in a row;
Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head,
Give 'em a flip, with the airgun tip,
that's what the benchtech said.
Now that I've got a lovely bunch of dust bunnies,
Every one you grow will make me twitch;
There stands me strife, the allergy of me life,
Bloody hell I'm gonna call it: Starfish Itch!
p.s. - I haven't read through all the tech songs here so if I somehow managed to create a copy of another, I will delete the content.
[By :unrenowned / 2007-05-12] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Actually, The Monty Python team never wrote or performed this song. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27ve_got_a_lovely_bunch_of_coconuts -flapjackboy
Although it may have been used in one of the animations -flapjackboy
Flapjack: was used "In the "Monty Python's Flying Circus" show" according to your link and that's where I remember it from and they were singing it, fine, they didn't create it, BUT YOU COULD AT LEAST TELL ME IF YOU THOUGHT THE PARODY WAS FUNNY/AMUSING/ETC... Prick... (j/k) -unrenowned
Amusing. :D And probably the most recent use was by Zazu (the bird) in The Lion King. :D :D -missourimule
unrenowned: S'alright, I suppose. :D -flapjackboy
Actually it's sort of catchy! It is precisely the perfect length to be reciting while air-dusting a tower case. Encore! -TieDyedDinosaur
Very good! We just need the rest of the song and I'll be happy. :) -TheMacOne |
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464.
Subject: Motzart's Piano Concerto
Really excellent Piano music...
More Really excellent Piano music...
And yet More Really excellent Piano music...
Yep, you guessed it, More Really excellent Piano music...
And for the Grand Finale, Even More Really excellent Piano music...
That's it.... Song's over.... now go away...
[By :duckhead / 2007-05-12] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Bravo! Encore, encore....I mean NO MORE...NO MORE!!! -dc70380
WYLDE STALLIONS, DUUDE! -ShujinTribble
Meh - it's not as good as Grieg's Piano Concerto, by Grieg, arr. Andre Preview and Eric Morecombe. I like their lyrics better. ;-) -Gromit
I still prefer my version of Edgar Winter's Frankenstein. :D (check the Tech Songs archive - Mar '06) -missourimule
I refuse to go away! I even love Mozart's
operas. -IceRuby
Gromit: 'fish grabs the techie by the collar and intones, "Look, sunshine. I'm pushing all the RIGHT keys... but not necessarily in the right ORDER." -Diptera |
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463.
Subject: Stuck In The NOC Here With You
EtherRabbit - Stuck In The NOC Here With You
(my apologies to 'Stealers Wheel')
Well I don't know why I came in tonight,
email said: users claim things don't work right,
I should be, in my chair, back at home,
end user claims typ-ica-lly are over blown.
Servers to the left of me,
switches to my right, here I am,
stuck in the NOC here with you.
Yes I'm stuck in the NOC here with you,
and I'm wondering what they think I will do,
it's so hard to keep fus-teration' off my face,
losing control, yeah, I'm all over the place.
Servers to the left of me,
switches to my right, here I am,
stuck in the NOC here with you.
Well the problem's probably nothin',
just a 'fish that needs adjustin' ... *tink* … *tink* *tink*
And your users, they all come crawlin’,
slap you on the back and say,
Fix it please.... Fix it please.....
Trying to make some sense of it all,
but I can see that they can't learn tech at all,
I think that I'll curl up on the floor,
'cause I don't think that I can take anymore.
Servers to the left of me,
switches to my right, here I am,
stuck in the NOC here with you.
Well the problem's probably nothin',
just a 'fish that needs adjustin' ... *tink* … *tink* *tink*
And your users, they all come crawlin’,
slap you on the back and say,
Fix it please.... Fix it please.....
Well I don't know why I came here today,
'supposed to be my weekend off anyway,
I'm so tired I think I might throw my chair,
or maybe push some 'fish down the stairs.
Servers to the left of me,
switches to my right, here I am,
stuck in the NOC here with you.
Yes I'm, stuck in the NOC here with you.
Stuck in the NOC here with you.
[By :EtherRabbit / 2007-05-10] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
I've been busy, and I've forgotten most of my stories, so here's a song instead. -EtherRabbit
Bravo! Author! Author! (Flicks Zippo) -MadJack
W0ot! EtherRabbit! Yeah! -ManyHats
I love it!!!!!!! -THETECHFROMHELL
RIGHT ON! -PTSTech
Pretty fly for a white guy... Nice work! You earned youre Star Powers, young Jedi. -ShujinTribble
Bravo, Bravo! Although my favourite variation is "Stuck in a room with Artoo". http://www.studiocreations.com/imperialdogs/multimedia1/stuckinaroomwithartoo.mp3 -Wraith556
* finds a strait razor.. duct tapes fav luser to a chair.. dances ala Mr Blond* -Harm
Love it! -K1W1
Bravo! Another classic song remade. -crazymactech |
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462.
Subject: Du stern
Du stern
Origanal Song: by Rammstein - Du hast
Du...
Du stern...
Du stern fisch...
Du...
Du stern...
Du stern fisch...
Du...
Du stern...
Du stern fisch...
Du...
Du stern...
Du stern fisch...
Du...
Du stern...
Du stern fisch...
Du stern fisch...
Du stern fisch Scheiße...
Du stern fisch Scheiße...
Du stern fisch Scheiße und sie haben nichts gedacht..
Sie legten sich hin und den LART nehmen,
wie ein Mann scheißen Sie Kopf voll?
Nein!
Nein!
Sie das Scheißhandbuch lesen,oder
Sie fortsetzen, es zu essen?
Nein!
Nein!
Du...
Du stern...
Du stern fisch...
Du...
Du stern...
Du stern fisch...
Du...
Du stern...
Du stern fisch...
Du stern fisch...
Du stern fisch Scheiße...
Du stern fisch Scheiße...
Du stern fisch Scheiße und sie haben nichts gedacht.
Sie legten sich hin und den LART nehmen,
wie ein Mann scheißen Sie Kopf voll?
Nein!
Nein!
Sie das Scheißhandbuch lesen,oder
Sie fortsetzen, es zu essen?
Nein!
Nein!
Sie legten sich hin und den LART nehmen,
wie ein Mann.......?
Nein!
Nein!
English Version:
You...
You star...
You star fish...
You...
You star...
You star fish...
You...
You star...
You star fish...
You...
You star...
You star fish...
You...
You star...
You star fish...
You star fish...
You star fish shit...
You star fish shit...
You star fish shit and you have no thoughts.
Will you lay down and take the LART,
are you a man, you shithead?
No!
No!
Will you read the fucking manual, or
continue to eat it?
No!
No!
You...
You star...
You star fish...
You...
You star...
You star fish...
You...
You star...
You star fish...
You star fish...
You star fish shit...
You star fish shit...
You star fish shit and you have no thoughts.
Will you lay down and take the LART,
are you a man, you shithead?
No!
No!
Will you read the fucking manual, or
continue to eat it?
No!
No!
Will you lay down and take the LART,
are you a man.......?
No!
No!
[By :duckhead / 2007-05-08] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
"You star fish shit and you have no thoughts" = me ROFLing -Elfling
This should have been the original version. It's terrific. I don't think I'll be able to get it out of my head for the rest of the day. -Paisley
ROTFLMMFAO@Duckhead, raising lighter in the air, then wiping my morning coffee off the moniter, as I spewed it while reading that hilarious song. -THETECHFROMHELL
ROFL! Since I have no idea what the original lyrics mean, from now on this would be the translation on my mind! :D :D :D -TheGhost
That was great, I could hear the music in my head while reading this. I have both the English and the German versions of that song. -Gunpe
PERFECT! -Grue
AWESOME!! I now have to explain why I'm giggling like a homicidal maniac. -Wraith556
i'm normally not a fan of tech songs, although I can appreciate the work that goes into them. but that has to be the best one yet. I've read a few sites that show the rammstein translations and no one seems to know the actual context of the german words, so du hast could be you hate or you have -areatech
Sehr gut! -56Kdaytrader
This comment NSFW: F*CKING A MAN!! -unrenowned
unrenowned, did you mean "fucking-A!" or are you channeling burrkiss again? *bfeg* -missourimule
Area - although the liner notes say the German equivelent of 'to have', the pronounciation is left deliberatly ambiguous. The words are literally one letter apart - 'hast' is 'to have' and 'hasst' is 'to hate'. Both are pronounced 'hahst'. The ambiguity is in keeping with the general tenor of the song. But I think 'starfish shit' is even more in keeping. -Parilla
11/10! Love that track and love those lyrics. Had the lyrics in my head with the song the whole time... perfect! :D -TheMacOne
Du hast der magic touch. gooder! -Giovanni |
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461.
Subject: If the Fishes Knew What They Wanted
Inspired by
http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=67072
(From the Bangles "If She Knew What She Wants"
If Fishie knew what she wants
(I'd be showing her how to)
If she knew what she needs
(I could walk her through too)
If Fishie knew what she wants
(But I can't read her mind)
If she knew what she wants
I'd be showing her how to
showing her how to
But she wants everything
(But the application don't do that)
Or there's nothing she wants
(And I don't know why she called us)
Fishie's driving me crazy
(Fishie don't know what she's looking for)
If she knew what she wants
I'd be showing her how to
showing her how to
I'd say her brain cells are corrupted
But she's open to change
Then one call she's satisfied
And the next I'll find her crying
And she'll talk my damn ear off
Techs have a style
That they work hard to refine
So they walk a crooked line
But she won't understand
Why anyone would have to try
To walk a line when they could whine
No sense thinking I could rehabilitate her
When she whines, whines, whines
She's got so many ideas traveling around in her head
She doesn't need nothing from mine
[By :56Kdaytrader / 2007-04-27] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Nice one! <Flicks Zippo> -MadJack
<Zippo ducks and backhands MJ, then rushes the stage> -ChildofCthulhu |
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460.
Subject: The Starfish Always Lies
Sung to the tune of "The Camera Never Lies" by Michael Franks
Give them their new mouse - unless you do
The tide of neeping's sure to rise
You see it coming - o yes you do
But the starfish always lies
Yes the starfish always lies
They send the requests via email
They think it travels through the skies
And lands directly on your im-mo-de-um
But the starfish always lies
Yes the starfish always lies
Truth they can't disguise
Just open up your eyes
'Cause the starfish always lies
We see the reasons so impotent
And it should come as no surprise
That the misspeak is no accident
We know the starfish always lies
Yes the starfish always lies
[By :PTSTech / 2007-04-26] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
A truly great Geek Meditation song.... -duckhead |
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459.
Subject: Throne Of Pain
Or, "Ode To The Repeat Caller"
Sung to the tune of "Throne Of Gold" by Steel Pulse...
She's my Fish
I'm her Tech man
No pain no deh like the
Pain she brings me
In the morning
While I'm waking
Waiting for me
her brain imploding
Dreams of call time got my
Head spinning around
Don't you know pain grows
This can never be
A one-and-done
Dreams of call time got my
head spinning around
Don't you know pain grows
This can never be
A one-and-done
I'm her knight in shining armour
Joy and laughter never after
Mother Pandora Father Murphy
From beginning said she was mine
Never been no hate like this
Since Ignatz and Krazy Kat
Cause I'm
CHORUS
Sitting on a throne of pain
Yes I'm
Sitting on a throne of pain
She's mine all the time
Sitting on a throne of pain
Yes I'm
Sitting on a throne of pain
She kills my soul yeh
I a warrior with my computer
Behold how good and pleasant it was
She'll stand by me
Share in my misery
We seek relief together
Sitting on a throne of pain
In the morning
While I'm waking
Waiting for me
Brain imploding
Dreams of call time got my
Head spinning around
Don't you know hate grows
This can never be
A one-and-done
Dreams of call time got my
head spinning around
Don't you know tink grows
This can never be
A one-and-done
That's why
Sitting on a throne of pain
Cause I'm
Sitting on a throne of pain
Yes I'm...
[By :PTSTech / 2007-04-24] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Niiiiiccceee.... I likes this one..... good job! -duckhead |
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458.
Subject: rokitt's song - Talk Nerdy To Me
This song is being posted for rokitt,
because he's incredibly lazy...
or there was a goof on his star renewal...
one of the two.... :-)
Tech Song Sung to Poison's "Talk Dirty To Me"
Talk Nerdy To Me
You know I never
I never seen you look so good
You act like a female techie should
And I like it
And I know you like it too
When I talk tech to you
I gotta have you
Oh yes, I do
You know I never
I Never get to go on dates
Female techs are taken, it's too late
I want to see you
To talk more tech with you
And hear how much you like it too
It's gonna happen
Chorus:
Cause baby we'll be
Talking about PC's
Replacing Motherboards
Fine tuning Wi-Fi
While making new network cords
Wiping hard drives
Overclocking a Dual-Core
So Baby
Talk nerdy to me
You know I'll call you
I'll call you on the telephone
Cause tech talk really makes me moan
I wanna hear you
When you say tech stuff to me
Like a hot female techie
I love to hear you
Chorus:
Cause baby we'll be
Talking about PC's
Replacing Motherboards
Fine tuning Wi-Fi
While making new network cords
Wiping hard drives
Overclocking a Dual-Core
So Baby
Talk nerdy to me
Baby, treat me like a BIOS and flash me now, Yeah!
Guitar solo
Chorus:
Cause baby we'll be
Talking about PC's
Replacing Motherboards
You're upgrading my RAM now
Making me scream for more, more, MORE!
Wiping hard drives
Overclocking a Dual-Core
So Baby
Talk nerdy to me yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So baby
Talk nerdy to me!
[By :duckhead / 2007-04-11] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
the BEST one ever! Woo Hoo I LOVE Poison! <holds up virtual lighter> -JoeLugian
Thanks for posting this for me duckhead! I can't wait to get my star powers back! :D -rokitt
That was excellent! -56Kdaytrader
Is that by Poisson? -tallahah2o |
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457.
Subject: No Fish
(From TLC's "No Scrubs")
A 'fish is a guy that thinks he's smart and is
also known as a moron
always talkin' about what he wants
and just sits on his dumb ass
so (no)
I don't want your number
no I don't wanna give you mine
and no I don't wanna meet you nowhere
no I don't want none of your time and no
I don't want no 'fish
a 'fish is a guy that can't get no help from me
reaming out the telephone hide
in his best friend's ride
trying to holler at me
I don't want no 'fish
a 'fish is a guy that can't get no help from me
reaming out the telephone hide
in his best friend's ride
trying to holler at me
But a 'fish is scammin' me
but his game is kinda weak
and I know that he cannot BS me
cuz I'm top of the class and his computer is trash
can't get wit' a deadbeat ass
So (no)
I don't want your number
no I don't wanna give you mine
and no I don't wanna meet you nowhere
no I don't want none of your time (so no)
I don't want no 'fish
a 'fish is a guy that can't get no help from me
reaming out the telephone hide
in his best friend's ride
trying to holler at me
I don't want no 'fish
a 'fish is a guy that can't get no help from me
reaming out the telephone hide
in his best friend's ride
trying to holler at me
If you got an iPhone and a Packard Bell
Oh yes son I'm talking to you
If you talk about my mama
Oh yes son I'm talking to you
If you bought a Mac Pro you can't turn on
Oh yes son I'm talking to you
Wanna fix ME with no money
oh no I don't want no 'fish
No staarfish
No staarfish
No No
No staaarfish
No no no no
No no
I don't want no 'fish
a 'fish is a guy that can't get no help from me
reaming out the telephone hide
in his best friend's ride
trying to holler at me
I don't want no 'fish
a 'fish is a guy that can't get no help from me
reaming out the telephone hide
in his best friend's ride
trying to holler at me
(until fade)
[By :56Kdaytrader / 2007-04-09] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Thanks 56K! Now I've got to find my CD.. :) -thebombthewoman |
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456.
Subject: Smells Like Tech Spirit (by Beerman)
Another song by Beerman posted with formatting.
Smells Like Tech Spirit
Based on "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana
Load up on Jolt
And brace yourself
The stupidity comes and never ends
I'm getting bored
But I am sure
I'm gonna say a dirty word.
Hello? Shut up. Then click, Goodbye
Hello? Shut up. Then click, Goodbye
Hello? Shut up. Then Click, goodbye.
Hello? Shut up. Then Click, goodbye.
With a cluebat,
We're more dangerous.
We have Tech Comedy,
for entertainment.
We have skillsets,
And some good sense.
And Tech Comedy,
for entertainment.
Hello? Shut up. Then click, Goodbye
Hello? Shut up. Then click, Goodbye
Hello? Shut up. Then Click, goodbye.
Hello? Shut up. Then Click, goodbye.
A dial tone. A dial tone. A dial tone. A dial tone. A dial tone.
[By :concept14 / 2007-04-07] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Even DaVe Grohl weeps tears of pure gold when reading this. Is someone getting the best of you?
-thatgirl |
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455.
Subject: Killing Me Slowly (by Beerman)
Beerman asked me to post this with formatting.
Killing Me Slowly
Adapted from Lauren Hill's "Killing Me Softly"
(Chorus)
Drumming my desk with my fingers,
Wishing that this call would end.
Killing me slowly is this call,
Killing me slowly is this call.
Tearing my soul out is this call.
Killing me slowly...is this call.
(Verse)
I heard the phone start ringing,
It filled my heart with dread.
A dumbass starfish neeping,
I'm ripping the hair from my head.
And there's no calming this young boy.
I wish I had stayed in bed.
(Chorus)
Drumming my desk with my fingers,
wishing that my shift would end.
Killing me slowly is this call,
Killing me slowly is this call
Tearing my soul out, is this call.
Killing me slowly... is this call.
(Verse)
I felt all full of anger,
from listening to his crap.
He's crossed the line a few times,
Just hand me the Goddamn bat.
I want to LART him badly,
And then I did just that.
(Chorus)
Listen to me, you dumbass,
Try getting this through your head.
Everything broken is your fault.
Everything broken is your fault.
You dropped your fucking laptop.
Everything broken, is your fault.
[By :concept14 / 2007-04-07] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Ahem. You slightly misspelled "Janis Ian" there B) -ralphp1024
Ralph- Two words. "Generation Gap." and when I JFGI, I came up with Roberta Flack. Eh, whoever originally wrote it, no disrespect intended, I'm just young and naive. -beerman
*blink* You're right, I misspelled that too .. it WAS Roberta Flack. -ralphp1024
Several people covered that when we were kids... this, however, tops it! Well done! -MadJack
*sniff, sniff........Lighter....I felt he had heard my calls and repeated each one out loud...... -thatgirl |
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454.
Subject: Helpdesk-Man (Spiderman)
I have no idea why this even comes to me this time... I think someone made a comment that made my brain start to work on it... a VERY bad idea...
So, here you all go.. another installment in the Great Earworm Wars!
"Help-Desk Man" - as sung to the ORIGINAL 1967 (And only TRUE) 'Spider-Man' theme, as performed by Michael Bublé [ watch the vid / hear the song at
http://youtube.com/watch?v=R1AuWZFGng4 ]
= HelpDesk-Man =
With apologies to Stan Lee, Michael Bublé, Sam Rami, et al.
Helpdesk-MAN! Helpdesk-man.
Does whatever the helpdesk can.
Spins a web, Homer size'd
to catch Users in their lies.
-LOOK OUT!
Here comes the Helpdesk-Man....
Is he strong, listen bud
His B.O. could freeze your blood.
"He can read MY mail threads?!"
'n balance MAPI overheads?
-LOOK OUT!
Here comes the Helpdesk-Man....
In the chill of night,
at the scream of lost files,
woken from his sleep,
He will call you a 'pile!
Helpdesk-MAN! Helpdesk-Man.
Treat him well or be Per-ma-banned.
Wealth and fame are a lore,
But only if y'r in Bangalore.
-LOOK OUT! (-Look out!)
Here comes the Helpdesk-Man....
(Instrumental interlude)
Helpdesk-MAN! Helpdesk-Man.
He's the one with the CRT tan.
COUNTer-STRIke is a bore,
His own PC is strew'n 'cross the floor.
-LOOK OUT! (-Look out!)
Here comes the Heeeeeelpdesk-Maaaaaaaan....
With a chill of delight,
Web Servers are defiled.
If management complains,
They'll be restricted to diiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaal!
(PAUSE.... Key change)
Helpdesk-MAN! Helpdesk-Man.
Does whatever the helpdesk can.
Spins a web, Homer size'd
to catch Users in their lies.
-LOOK OUT!
Here comes the Helpdesk-Maaaaaaaaaaaaan....
(Key Change2)
Helpdesk-MAN! Helpdesk-Man.
Treat him well or be Per-ma-banned.
Wealth and fame are a lore,
But only if y'r in Bangalore.
-LOOK OUUUUUT! (Look Ouuuuuuuut! [LOOK OUUUUUUUT!!!] )
Here comes the Heeeeelp... deeeeeeesk.....
.........
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
-----------------------------
(Now, Screw you's all.... I'm sick and gunna curl up with my three best friends: Rob I. Tussin, The Earl of Grey and The Flintstones (chewables, of course.)
[By :ShujinTribble / 2007-04-07] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Virtual lighter raised --- excellent!!!! -MSimmons777
Tres' Cool! -MadJack
excellent! -56Kdaytrader
Bravo Bravo!! Officially added to my favorite tech songs list. -unrenowned
Wow...it brought a tear tome eye...this one's getting posted on me office wall! -EtherRabbit |
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453.
Subject: T-R-O-U-B-L-E
Origanal Song: T-R-O-U-B-L-E
Sung by: Travis Tritt
Well, I work an old PC, start at nine with a break at one
I'm just tryin' to make a livin' fixin' everybody's shit on the phone
Well, I don't miss much if I happen to get it to ping
Mercy, look who just called me with a ring
Well, hello T-R-O-U-B-L-E
Tell me what in the world
You doin' with N-T
Yeah, say hey, you S fukkin' T-U-P-I-D
Well, I hear T-R-O-U-B-L-E...
Yeah
I was a little, pasty newby when I went at took this job
They had a time teachin' me to fix the prob (lem)
They told me not to laugh cause it was impolite
They did the best they could to try to teach me right
Course they had never told me 'bout nothin' like Y-O-U
Bet your mama musta been another dumb loser starfish, too
Yeah
Hey, you S fukkin' T-U-P-I-D
Well, I hear T-R-O-U-B-L-E...
Yeah
Yeah
Well, you're a damn callin', never lis'nin', always cryin' baby
Q A is gonna love ya and the techs are gonna hate ya
Remindin' them of everythin' they'll never wanna be
May be the beginning of a world war three
Cause the world ain't ready for nothing like Y-O-U
I bet your daddy musta been another dumb loser starfish, too
Hey, say hey, you S fukkin' T-U-P-I-D
Well, I hear T-R-O-U-B-L-E...
I said Tink
I said Tink
I said Tink
I said Tink
I said Tink (Tink)
Oh, I hear T-R-O-U-B-L-E...
Yeah
Whew
[By :duckhead / 2007-03-30] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
WOW, that is awesome -shortythetech
V-E-R-Y G-O-O-D, dude. Keep up the good work. -VFox
Ok, this brought back memories. And old girlfriend and I used to go to country bars and dance. Our favorite was to swing-dance to Travis Tritt's T-R-O-U-B-L-E. We we so good, we would actually draw a crowd to watch us! :) -JoeLugian
JoeLugian - A crowd gathers when I dance, too - but that don't mean I'm good! (Just good and drunk if I'm out on the dance floor at all!) -Divinar
Me likey! -EtherRabbit |
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452.
Subject: Everclear
Origanal Song: The Everclear Song
Sung by: Roger Creager
Everyday at lunch I wander out,
And all throughout the year,
I'd drink a Coca-Cola with a touch of everclear.
I'd pass some over Namor, or over to CTYankee,
I'd have a chemical flashback to jog my memory.
Once me and ShujinTribble partied with TechnoVamp and,
that night I put some everclear in his Dr. Pepper can.
I thought it'd make him relax, but he took it pretty hard,
We took him home and rang his doorbell, left him lyin' in the yard.
Tequila dries me out, and beer just makes me fat.
Whiskey makes me nauseous, tell me who the hell needs that?
If you're thinkin' about drinkin', then the answer's crystal clear,
Its the invisible intoxicant....its called everclear.
I remember the TSC picnic in the spring of '99,
We had 4 fresh watermelon sliced right off the vine.
While Hawk gathered them around, and gave grace for the food,
Hey, I pulled out the bottle, and I soaked them melons good.
Well they never knew what hit 'em, when the potion went to work,
There was CD doin' backflips, an' Rockitt lookin' up her skirt.
They were singing Hallelujah and a few Tech songs,
CyBear said it was the best dang picnic,
That the techies had ever thrown.
Tequila dries me out, and beer just makes me fat.
Whiskey makes me nauseous, tell me who the hell needs that?
If you're thinkin' about drinkin', then the answer's crystal clear,
Its the invisible intoxicant....its called everclear.
When I'm drinkin' everclear, I think I'm a right big party host,
I'm bigger and badder than Riffraff and cooler than The Ghost.
Until I wake up and I'm face down in the hall,
Hey, I'm completely naked, for a reason I can't recall.
Well I'm kinda, sorta prayin' that maybe I met a chick,
'Cause there's lip marks on my neck, and burkiss don't wear lipstick.
Well I hope that she was pretty and I hope that she was kind,
Enough to leave my clothes somewhere they're easy to find.
Tequila dries me out, and beer just makes me fat.
Whiskey makes me nauseous; tell me who the hell needs that?
If you're thinkin' about drinkin', then the answer's crystal clear,
It's the invisible intoxicant....its called everclear.
[By :duckhead / 2007-03-29] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
I LIKE IT!! -beatmewithstick
*Applause* -VFox
'Bug Juice'! -TieDyedDinosaur
Encore! -EtherRabbit
Very good! (and I'm still looking up CD's skirt!) >:) -rokitt
Ribbit -Gnarfl |
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451.
Subject: Cubicle Man
Inspired by the addition of cubicle walls in the next office over (and elements of "Office Space"), I present "Cubicle Man", to the tune of "Particle Man", by They Might Be Giants.
Cubicle Man, Cubicle Man
Working all day in cubicle land
Who does he work with? He doesn't know
Cubicle Man
Is he a dot, or is he a speck?
When the shit hits the fan, does he get wet?
When is he gonna get some respect?
Nobody knows, Cubicle man.
Bureaucrat Man, Bureaucrat Man
Bureaucrat Man hates Cubicle Man
They get in a fight, Bureaucrat wins
Bureaucrat Man
Manager Man, Manager Man
Come into work with his spray-on tan
Living in corner office land
Manager Man
He hangs out with Yessir Man
Toady Man and Brownnose Man
When they meet it's happy land
But more work for Cubicle Man
Stapler Man, Stapler Man
Loves his red Swingline stapler man
If you taunt him you might lose a hand
Stapler Man
Is he insane, or is it ingrained?
Why does he have staplers on the brain?
If you take it away will it cause him pain?
Degraded man, Stapler Man
Bureaucrat Man, Bureaucrat Man
He took the stapler from Stapler Man
Fire alarms rang, people ran
Stapler Man.
[By :Dante668 / 2007-03-28] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Hells Yeah. This is awesome. -Psyl3n5e
BRAVO! -RandalGraves
A lot of tech songs start to look alike but as a fan of They Might be Giants for more than 20 year I have to say that this is awesome and is now at the top of my favorites. *Walks away humming* -Paisley
I love it! I am in awe! -TechnoVampire
I love it! I'll be humming this all day. Eminem? Metal band parodies? Dunno the songs. TMBG? Hell Yeah! -SalParadise
Oh, HELLS yeah! -VFox
A true work of art. Kudos to you! -beerman
Top notch. -MacDaddy
Nice work. You need one of these: http://www.mcphee.com/categories/cubes.html -docbrown01
Not familiar t=with the tune, but enough people have mentioned TMBG that I need to check them out. In the meantime, the words go with "Nowehere Man" but the rhythm doesn't. -concept14 |
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450.
Subject: Oye como Va
Origanal Song: 'Oye Como Va' by Santana
hey Sr. starfish
usted es un idiota yo
la voluntad LART
usted con un palo
Traslation:
hey mr starfish
you are an idiot
i will LART you
with a bat
[By :duckhead / 2007-03-28] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Repeat as needed. -ShujinTribble
*does 'Oye como va' dance* I just love
that, one of my favorites. Didn't think
it could be improved upon.
-IceRuby
One more reason to work on learning Espanol!! **puts MP3 player full of Pimsleur lessons back on** -CTYankee
*gasp* *choke* I.... can't ... stop... laughing! ... can't breath... *dies laughing* ... *wait, it's too late for that, isn't it?* -TheGhost
Yeah, just a little bit. Don't worry. I'm in the same boat. Err, coffin. -TechnoVampire |
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449.
Subject: WTF Did You Say?
As I have done in the past, occasionally I will post a tech song for someone else. Today our actual contributor is Psyl3en5e, who contributes the following, to be sung to the tune of Eminem's Stan:
Chorus:
My coffee's gone cold I'm wondering why I..
got out of bed at all
The morning fish clouds up my mind..
and I can't think at all
And even if I could I would go insane,
but when I pick up my next call
It reminds me, that it's not so bad,
it's just so sad..
Dear Tech, I wrote but you still ain't callin
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
but anyways; fuck it, what's been up?
Can you solve my problem?
My girlfriend's system's screwed, She told me to give you guys a holler
I went and bought some solder, guess why I'ma be the caller?
I think I might have broke it.
I tried to fix a piece that's smokin', shoot I'm sorry
I thought I could fix it but I think the problem worsened.
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I need a hand
I even got a manual about my computer, man.
I got a room full of parts and guides and a cooling fan
I cannot find the internet and my monitor is completely black
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back,
What's a CPU? Whats A rack?
This is Mack
{Chorus: Dido}
Dear Tech, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fast
If you didn't wanna talk to me cause you didn't like my attitude,
you didn't have to, but you coulda answered what I asked you.
I can't seem to find where I plug in my intertubes,
I just got a new CPU with Vista
I cant find outlook express and you just said "Newb"
That's pretty shitty man – I need this up and runnin'
A pop up said I won a ps3, so when's it comin'
It's ok though cause I just got another one.
All I have to do is give my Social security number
I just got another ad, do you think it really makes it bigger?
It's worth a 100 bucks and comes with a free sticker.
Now my monitor is blue with some sort of error number
I think its cause of that file I deleted,
How was I supposed to know I needed.. this kernel file, Jesus!
I just bought another laptop until I get my CPU runnin
But I cant figure out, where's the right mouse buttin'?
Where's my start button and why is there a fruit icon at the top
I put in a CD and now I cant get the damn music to stop
See everything you say is fine, and I respect you cause you tell it
You tell me to send it back to where I bought it or just to sell it.
I don't know this like you do Tech, I don't know who does
I'm sorry if I'm buggin you , but its just because
You gotta help me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever have
Sincerely yours, Mack -- P.S.
We should hang together too
{Chorus}
Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fishies,
this'll be the last time I ever call your ass
It's been 6 hours and still no word - I don't deserve this!
I know you got my last two emails;
I wrote and CC'd the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my final voice mail I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm at the store right now and I brought my gateway wit me
Hey Tech, I just found your office on MapQuest dare me to go?
Ever seen that one movie and at the end of the show
That one guy who set that office building on fire
Cause no one would listen, he was just so fed up n tired
That's kinda how this is, you coulda saved me from doing sumthin crazy
Now it's too late – I'm telling your boss to fire you, maybe,
and all I wanted was a lousy email or a call
I hope you know I ripped +ALL+ of those tickets off the wall
I love you Tech, you coulda taught me somthin, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't BREATHE without me
See Tech; {*Your computer Is ready*} Hold up a sec! I'm tryin to talk!
Hey Tech, that's real IT in the background of this call
but he didn't ignore me, he actually fixed my system, see he ain't like you
cause if he was he'd blow me off, never call me, or email me too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the checkout now
Oh shit, I forgot, how'm I supposed to send this voicemail out?
{Chorus: }
Dear Mack, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy
You said your girlfriend's computers broken? What is she experiencing?
Look, I'm really flattered you would try and fix your system
But you shoulda waited till I got back
You probably worsened the situation
I'm sorry I didn't see this email, I musta missed it
Don't think I did that intentionally just to get rid of it
But what's this shit you said about setting the office on fire?
I hope your joking sir
You might be stupid but you cant be that retarded?
You got some issues Mack, I think you need calm down some
to help your ass from bouncing off the walls when your computer shuts down, hm
And what's this shit about you coming to my building number?
That type of shit'll make me want to beat you down another
Notch, you think you pay my wages or are you just tryin to vent
or maybe your just pissed off, cause all of that money you spent
I hope you get to read this email, I just hope it reaches you in time
before you hurt your wallet, I think that you'll be doin just fine
if you relax a little, I'll be glad to help you man
why are you so mad? Try to understand, Ill solve these issues if I can.
I just don't want you to do some stupid shit
I seen this one guy down stairs a few minutes ago that was funny as shit
Some dude was drunk and drove down here and had a fit
and had his computer in his arms, and was screaming at Vic
So she punch 'im in the face, dropped his system, knocked out too.
Said he was a customer here, his name was.. it was you
Damn.
[By : chazz / 2007-03-27] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Wow. Just wow, Psylene. I am totally unfamiliar with the original but was still floored by your lyrics. I can only imagine how those who know the tune will feel. -concept14
I'm wondering if "Psyl3en5e" is pronounced "silence". :) Great job, BTW! -snowcrash
Damn! Eminem ain't got nuthin' on ya, Psyl3en5e! -Ulfgaard
Silence, AKA DJ Psyl3n5e. Dark Drum and Bass / TranceCore. -Psyl3n5e |
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448.
Subject: The Sounds of Brewing - NT
This is not exactly a "Tech" song, however I figure there are enough coffee junkies on this site to make it worth posting.
With humble apologies to Simon & Garfunkle
Edits by kindly Lineswine
Tune:Sounds of Silence - Simon & Garfunkle
Hello Coffee my old friend
I've come to drink of you again.
Because a vision was softly creeping
Of cups of Java while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sounds of brewing.
In restless dreams I drank alone
In a coffee shop that was near my home
'Neath the halo of a the Cafe sign
I drank my cup & it refueled my mind
When my cup was grabbed by bad wait staff
who gave me decaf
And killed the sounds of brewing.
And in the naked light I saw
A thousand flavors, maybe more
People drinking without speaking
Java brewing without weakening
Grinders breaking up all those thousand beans
A happy scene
Was the sounds of brewing
"Fools", said I, "You do not know
Java like the river flows.
Gaze upon my cup so you can see
How perfect straight java can be"
But my words, like decaf droplets fell
And broke the spell
In the in the pots a'brewing
And the people bowed and prayed
To the coffee god they'd made
And the sign flashed out it's warning
Yuppie brews are up and coming
And the good brews are vanishing into the past
it can't last
And thus ends the Sounds of Brewing.
[By :Caffiend / 2007-03-27] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
<sips coffee while holding up his lighter>Cool man, like, totally groovy man! -rokitt
Awwww, that's beautiful, man! -TieDyedDinosaur
Ah, a new hymn. Thank ye, kindly. -Seamus
Author! Author! (Holds up lit Zippo) -MadJack
Awesome! Even more so when you know the original song. -Wraith556
This is a definite keeper. But one quibble -- your very nickname is Caffiend but you didn't mentione caffeine in the song. -concept14 |
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447.
Subject: 6) U Neep 2 Much
U Neep 2 Much
You Talk Too Much
With Great Thanks to George Thorogood You neep too much, you neep too much,
I can't believe the things that you say everyday
If you keep on neeping, starfish
you know you're bound to drive us away Now you get on the telephone with tech support,
your conversation pally donn't make no sense
Yakety-yakety-yakety-yak all the time,
you keep on neepin,lady, drive me out of my mind
You neep too much,
I can't believe the things that you say everyday
If you keep on neeping, starfish
you know you're bound to drive us away Well I'm sit down in the evenin' and I start to wrappin',
you beep into my phone with them jaws a-flappin'
You keep that motormouth moving morning, noon and night,
you keep on neeping mister make my head turn white
You neep too much,
I can't believe the things that you say everyday
If you keep on neeping,starfish,
you know you're bound just to drive us away I think you're trying to put me through some kind of test,
I'm telling you asshole won't you give it a rest
You talk about problems that you don't even know,
keep it up bozo I'm gonna pick up and blow
You neep too much,
I can't believe the things that you say everyday
If you keep on neeping baby,
you know you're bound to drive us away Don't get me wrong gomer I don't mean to complain,
but if you keep on neeping you're gonna drive me insane
You keep on talking all around the clock,
I'm begging you starfish won't you please stop!
You neep too much,
I can't believe the things that you say everyday
If you keep on neeping, starfish
you know you're bound to drive us away Yes... uh-huh... yes, ma'am...
yes, I'm listening...
oh, I heard every word you said, lady..
uh-huh... yes, sir...
Oh, I agree, you're right, you're always right, gomer...
yes ma'am
uh-huh..
yeah, I... I... I s...
I heard you.. I HEARD you...
yes...
uhhh...
Shut up!
[By :MadJack / 2007-03-25] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
So it's been a slow day at Mañana Printers? -concept14
It's Sunday! I don't work weekends. (Yesterday was a 'make up lost hours' day). -MadJack
Nice work, How am I able to submit songs. or is it a star member only thing. -Psyl3n5e
Yes, Psyl3n5e, it is a star member thing along with the ability to write in HTML and have the ability to format your story so it looks good. -MSimmons777 |
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446.
Subject: 5) Starfish Are Stupid
Starfish Are Stupid From 'People Are People' by Depeche Mode Starfish are stupid
So why should it be
They should have to call us up, so needily
Starfish are stupid
So why should it be
They should have to call us up, so needily So were different techies
And were different breeds
And different starfish
Have different needs
Its obvious they need us
when the phone bell goes 'bong'
We've never even see you
So what's taking so long I cant understand
What makes a star-
fish turn off their brain
Help me understand Starfish are stupid
So why should it be
They should have to call us up, so needily
Starfish are stupid
So why should it be
They should have to call us up, so needily
Now they're neeping
And they're nopping
And they're shouting at me
And we can't reply upon their common decency
So far it hasnt surfaced
if indeed it exists
It just takes a while until they
fin-all-ly get the gist I cant understand
What makes a star-
fish turn off their brain
Help me understand
Help me understand Starfish are stupid
So why should it be
They should have to call us up, so needily
Starfish are stupid
So why should it be
They should have to call us up, so needily I cant understand
What makes a star-
fish turn off their brain
Help me understand
I cant understand
What makes a star-
fish turn off their brain
Help me understand (starfish are stupid)
I cant understand
What makes a star-
fish turn off their brain
Help me understand
[By :MadJack / 2007-03-25] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Bravo! Bravo! This one is going into my collection. -unrenowned |
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445.
Subject: 4) One More Minute
One More Minute
With Great Thanks to Wierd Al Well, I heard that you're leavin'
Gonna leave us far behind
'Cause you found a brand new PC
You decided that we're not your kind
So I wiped your name out of our call tracker
And I tore all your tickets in two
And I took down the server where you once logged in
Just so there are no traces of you That's right, I ain't gonna hear you neepin'
I'm glad that you found somebody new
'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass
Than waste one more second on you I guess I might seem kinda bitter
But I'm not feelin' down in the dumps
'Cause I'm sittin' here listenin' to your neeps and your nops,
And you're giving me a case of the grumps! Okay, bozo let me "help' you with that laptop
There, now it's broken in two
I'd rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
Than waste one more second on you I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Than hear you saying 'This thing don't work!'
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door
ZOMG you're the worst kind of jerk!
Oh, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, starfish I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches
Shove an ice pick under a toenail or two
I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue
Than waste one more second on you Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with Krazy Glue
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades
Than waste one more second on you I'd rather rip my heart right out of my rib cage with my bare hands
And then throw it on the floor and stomp on it 'til I die
Than waste one more second on you
[By :MadJack / 2007-03-25] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
You steal from the best. -concept14 |
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444.
Subject: 3) Land of Confusion
Land of Confusion
With Thanks to Phil Collins & GenesisI mustve heard a million beeps
Been haunted by a zillion neeps
But I can hear the shrilling creeps
Theyre with me, when I "work" in my sleep.
Now did you read the news today
They say outsourcing won't go away
But I can see the queue's still alight
It's beeping into the night. Theres too many men
Too many people
Making too many problems
And not much sense to go round
Cant you see
This is a land of confusion.
This is the world we live in
And these are the hands were given
Use them and lets start trying
To make it a place worth working in. Ooh common sense where are you now
When everythings gone wrong somehow
The wits of steel, the minds of power
Are losing control by the hour. This is the time
This is the place
when we look to the future
But theres not much sense to go round
Tell me why, this is a land of confusion. This is the world we live in
And these are the hands were given
Use them and lets start trying
To make it a place worth staying in. I remember long ago -
Ooh when we were much younger
Yes and the calls were light
All through the night
And the sound of our laughter
As we mocked our fish
behind their backs - I wont be coming home tonight
Some generation can't get it right
We're now just making promises
That we know, well never keep. Too many men
Theres too many people
Making too many problems
And not much sense to go round
Cant you see
This is a land of confusion.
Now this is the world we live in
And these are the hands were given
Use them and lets start trying
To make it a job worth fighting for.
[By :MadJack / 2007-03-25] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
This one I like. -Bobsentme
dammit, i can hear it with the music, really well done mate:) -timelady
Holding lighter way up high, that is a cool song!! -THETECHFROMHELL |
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443.
Subject: 2) You Can't Always Get What You Want
You Can't Always Get What You WantWith Thanks to the Rolling Stones I saw them today out at Worst Try
Defective mice in their hands
I knew they were gonna need new connections
At their feet were rubber bands You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
But if you ask sometimes well you might find
We don't give a damn And I went down to the local cube farm
To pull my day's share of abuse
Fish sayin', "were gonna vent our frustration
If we dont were gonna blow a 50-amp fuse
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
But when you ask sometimes well you might find
We don't give a damn I went home to home to get my dinner
and spend some time with my Jill
But when I get there, my lady's pissed
And man, did she look pretty ill Her laptop had given her an error
'File Not found' "Oh, I'm dead!"
she said to me, 'I'm on a deadline!"
The boss needs projections now, that's what he said"
I said to her He cant always get what he wants
He cant always get what he wants
He cant always get what he wants
But when you tell him that, you might find
You don't give a damn!
You don't give a damn!--yeah, oh baby She called me today from her office
her boss needs a tech real bad
But I am practiced at the art of deception
and I told him, "That's so sad..." But, You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
But if you ask sometimes you just might find
You just might find
I don't give a damn!
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
But if you ask sometimes you just might find
You just might find
we don't give a damn!
[By :MadJack / 2007-03-25] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
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442.
Subject: Tech Support
Soo, D's travelling and I have some time on my hands...
soooooooo....
A few tech songs that've been lingering in the back
of my mind.....
Tech Support
(from Don Henley's 'Dirty Laundry'
I make my living off the tel-e-phones...
I'm stuck here workin'... in the help desk zones...
Fish love it when they make you groan,
They need Tech Supp--oorrtt... Well, I coulda been an actor, but I wound up here
I just have to sound good, I dont have to be clear
Starfish neepin' in my ear
They need Tech Supp-oorrtt LART em when theyre up
LART em when theyre down
LART em when theyre up
LART em when theyre down We got the bubble-headed starfish who
Calls up at five
She can tell you her hard drive crashed with a whine
and a sigh
Its interesting when people lie-
They need Tech Supp-oorrtt LART em when theyre up
LART em when theyre down
LART em when theyre up
LART em when theyre down
LART em when theyre up
LART em when theyre down
LART em cuz theyre sick
LART em all around
You dont really need to find out whats going on
You dont really want to know just how far its gone
Just go and leave us all alone
You don't need tech suppo--orrtt!!
LART em when theyre up
LART em when theyre down
LART em when theyre up
LART em when theyre down
LART em when theyre up
LART em when theyre down
LART em cuz theyre sick
LART em all around
Your Dirty little secrets,
and Dirty little lies
We got our techy little fingers in everybodys pie
We love to cut you down to size
We say 'All is Kno-own!!" We can do the innuendo,
We can talk and sing
When its said and done we havent told you a thing
We all know the LART is king
Cuz we're tech suppo-orrtt!!! LART em when theyre up
LART em when theyre down
LART em when theyre up
LART em when theyre down
LART em when theyre up
LART em when theyre down
LART em cuz theyre sick
LART em all around
[By :MadJack / 2007-03-25] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
SOME-body's tryin' to cut an album... -RiffRaff
Or someone is REALLY bored! -Wraith556
Wow you are on a roll -THETECHFROMHELL
Don Henley must DIE! -TubPorsche |
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441.
Subject: Another One Gets The LART
SysAdmin walks through the office,
with his pace measured quite slow
Ain't no sound but the sound of his simmerin',
aluminum bat ready to go.
Are you ready, Are you ready for this?
Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?
Out of the doorway the (l)user yelps,
To the sound of the beat...
*tink* *tink* *tink*
Another one gets the LART.
*tink* *tink* *tink*
Another one gets the LART.
And another one *tink*! And another one *tink*!
Another one gets the LART.
Hey, I'm gonna get you too!
*tink* Another one gets the LART.
Do you think that I can pass this day,
without you, breaking your shit?
Every 15, you call me and say:
"My PC's throwin' a fit".
Are you stupid? Are you dumb-as-a-brick?
Are you here just to warm a seat?
Three blocks down one can hear my fit,
As my (l)users feel the beat
*tink* *tink* *tink*
Another one gets the LART.
*tink* *tink* *tink*
Another one gets the LART.
And another one *tink*! And another one *tink*!
Another one gets the LART.
Hey, I'm gonna get you too!
*tink* Another one gets the LART.
Another one gets the LART.
*tink* *tink*
Another one gets the LART.
*tink* *tink*
Another one gets the LART.
*tink* *tink*
Another one gets the LART.
*tink* *tink*
There are plenty of things that you have got to learn,
to keep Otis from commin' around:
You can reboot, you can plug-in, you can turn it on,
3-fingered salutes you can pound.
But I'm a-ready, yes I'm a-ready for you
I'm a-heading down 'cubicle street'.
Out of the doorway the Otis rips,
repeating the sound of the beat:
*tink* *tink* *tink*
Another one gets the LART.
*tink* *tink* *tink*
Another one gets the LART.
And another one *tink*! And another one *tink*!
Another one gets the LART.
Hey, I'm gonna get you too!
*tink* Another one gets the LART.
[By :EtherRabbit / 2007-03-25] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Thanks to 'frazzled' on http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=65884 , I have 'made' another song. I-AM-SOOOOOO-SORRY ABOUT THIS ONE! (in my defense though, this makes up for my hellish Friday) -EtherRabbit
Tres' cool! -MadJack
Me likey!
-Grue
You know of course that we are hearing this in Weird Al's voice, not whoever did the original. -concept14
Awesome!
-Bobsentme
Actually, I did hear Queen in the back of this one as I was reading... Well done! -chazz
Nice job! -FixitWench |
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440.
Subject: LARTIN' NINE 'TIL FIVE
[ http://www.techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=65773 ] - Blame them.... BASTARDS!!
As sung to Workin' 9 'til 5 by Dolly Pairton
"LARTIN' NINE 'TIL FIVE"
Crawl out of bed and stumble to the kitchen
Slam the caffeine, constantly wishin'
that maybe, today, the phones with display some life....
Caffeine takes hold and the blood starts pumping
Out on the street the traffic aint jumpin'
"Why the hell can't I LART these nimrods from nine till five?!"
They let you dream just to watch 'em shatter.
"You're just a rung in the IT ladder."
He forgot who's ROOT. He'll never get away.
In a cube farm with a lot of your friends,
waitin' for the day you can E-vil-ly grin
by spooling all his pron to HR's laser to print away!
[ REPEAT AND FADE ]
That makes TWO in one day?! WTF?!?!
[By :ShujinTribble / 2007-03-20] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Good job! Although, I'm not sure you should dress like Dolly... :) -snowcrash
Considering she's 5-foot-nuthin' (Not unlike my Fujin) and SUPPOSEDLY measures 40DD-20-36... eeee-yeah, I'm thinkin'.... NO! -ShujinTribble
Dammit, I've tried to center text before and never gotten it to work. Finally checked the source code to see how you're doing it. Oh, and great song. :~} -RiffRaff
Couldn't even read the song. I was laughing just with the title. OK, here we go... *sits on the floor else falls of chair laughing* -TheGhost
odd, the source code doesn't show a </p> do you not have to use that anymore?
-drachen
(I just got lazy...) -ShujinTribble
This is a keeper. -concept14
And nobody picked up on the misspell of "Parton", or was that intentional too, as in "two heavies" -DazZler
Daz - Intentional ripoff from Match Game answer by Betty White. -ShujinTribble
*stands up, applauds, cheers, w00ts and says, "Encore! Encore!"* -TheMacOne |
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439.
Subject: Send Them Back
[my apologies to the Stones...Painted Black was a great song]
I see a red flag and I want it changed to black
No more flagged emails please I want to send them back
I see the fish walk by dressed in their office clothes
I have to restrain my LART until my darkness goes
I see a line of PC's they're all painted black
I know when they're all fixed I'll still have to come back
I see (l)users shake their heads and quickly look away
I got to deal with the same eight people e-ve-ry day
I look inside the case and see the board is black
The system shorted out when (l)user spilled his snack
Maybe soon he'll fade away before I can fetch my LARTs
I still think all employees should be screened for PC smarts
Once more does my head spin as I begin to swoon
You broke it by 2:30 I fixed it at noon
If I look hard enough into the T-S-C
My sanity returns, I find out there's more like me
I see a red flag and I want it changed to black
No more flagged emails please I want to send them back
I see the fish walk by dressed in their office clothes
I have to restrain my LART until my darkness goes
Hmm, hmm, hmm,...
I wanna see it change-ed, change-ed black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see this PC taken away from this guy
I wanna send 'em, send 'em, send 'em, send 'em back
Yeah!
[By :EtherRabbit / 2007-03-20] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Woo love it! -FixitWench
Bbbrrrraaaaaannnnnnggggg! I can just HEAR those riffs! -TieDyedDinosaur
WOW!! Someone needs to make that a music video -Caboose447
lol...something down the lines of a SysAdmin bashing his head on a keyboard for 3 minutes? -EtherRabbit
Yay! An original old enough for me to remember. I loved this one. -concept14
TSC break room needs a "collaborate projects" area. You know, for video production, the TSC sing-along album, random movies... -snowcrash
I'm down for this "project room" you speak of. I got massive amounts of sound and video editing software. And boy can I manipulate them. -Psyl3n5e |
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438.
Subject: Still Crazy After All These Years
Don't as me why, but thanks to this story and suggestion [ http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=65718 ], this song popped into my head. It's not great... hell, I think it's only just passable... but it earwormed me and I had to get rid of it.
"Tech Crazy After All These Years"
Sung to Still Crazy After All These Years
with LARGE apologies to P. Simon
I found my old laptop on the street last night
She seemed so glad to see me; I just smiled.
So I hook'd up the old Wall-wart and she loaded up some Wares...
Still boots fine after all these years.
Oh, still boots fine after all these years.
I'm not the kind of man to software piratize.
I seem to lean on U-bun-tu ways.
And I aint no fool for Windows(tm) that whispers home to Gates...
Still boots fine after all these years.
Oh, still boots fine after all these years.
Four in the morning! Wired up, but yawning....
Burning those files a--way.
I'll never worry, Why should I?
Its all Z.G.B....
Now I sit in my cubicle, And I hear IQ's go by.
H.R. should fear I'll do some damage one fine day...
But I would not be convicted by a jury of my peers
Still boots fine after all these years....
Oh, I'm crazy! Yes, "crazy"....
"Tech Crazy"... Now just buy me some beers.
(Now, if you'll all excuse me.. I'm gunna go apologize to Mister Simon personally for this one)
[By :ShujinTribble / 2007-03-19] [Top]
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Comments
*begins singing along* -EtherRabbit
lighters in the air- dude, it rocks (freeform dancing time again, eep, a hippy on the loose!) -timelady |
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437.
Subject: Full Moon Rising
posted for EtherRabbit
I see the full moon arising
I see starfish on the way
I see spyware, modems, an' reboots
I see bad times today
...don't go to work tonight
...well, you're bound to take your life
...there's a full moon on the rise
I hear threats an' anger ablowing
I think that Otis is commin' soon
I fear my call queue's over flowing
I hear the voice of rage and ruin
...don't go to work tonight
...well, you're bound to take your life
...there's a full moon on the rise -- all right!
Hope you got your TSC logon ready
Hope you are quite prepared to write
Looks like were in for nasty calls now
Different names, but they're all the same type
...don't go to work tonight
...well, you're bound to take your life
...there's a full moon on the rise
...don't go to work tonight
...well, you're bound to take your life
...there's a full moon on the rise.
[By :Mushroom / 2007-03-08] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Song
Comments
Awesome! -Wraith556
friggin' brilliant! -DazZler
Very nice! I like it! :) -rokitt
Some of my werewolf buddies are out howling the chorus to this now. -TechnoVampire
That's great, man! -concept14
Author! Author! <Holds up lit Zippo> -MadJack
Now, my dear Rabbit, you must get a star and post them yourself. They love you, they really do! :) -Mushroom
II LOVE IT! -Harm
Bless you giant butt! -EtherRabbit
not to be pick, but I believe its "Bad Moon Rising" by CCR -HappyCrappy
Cool! Second line in chorus should/could be: well, you're bound to lose your life. Bit more appropriate, IMHO. ;) Bravo! -TheMacOne |
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436.
Subject: It's a Big Country
To the tune of the 80's hit (cue the bagpipe/guitar):
Woke up screaming
Woke up screaming
I've never seen me look like this without a reason
Another caller fallen through
Another offline passes by me
It always took the smile away from your coworkers' face
And that's a desperate way to look
For someone who is still a child
It's a big country calls stay with you
Like a screaming voice voice from the Lower East Side
Stay alive
I thought that fixing stuff was that which really mattered
But you can't stay here with every bit of sanity shattered
I'm not expecting to teach starfish how to h4x0r
But I can live and breathe
And see break time in just five minutes
It's a big country calls stay with you
Like a screaming voice from the Lower East Side
Stay alive
Stay alive
So take that look out of here it doesn't fit me
Because the call sucked doesn't mean I'll be discarded
Pull up my head off the floor—woke up screaming
Cry out for the frontline job I should have kept it
I thought that fixing stuff was that which really mattered
But you can't stay here with every bit of sanity shattered
I'm not expecting to teach starfish how to h4x0r
But I can live and breathe
And see break time in just five minutes
It's a big country calls stay with you
Like a screaming voice from the Lower East Side
Stay alive(repeat 3)
[By :56Kdaytrader / 2007-03-07] [Top]
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Comments
damn, i was singing along!!! -timelady |
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434.
Subject: Mozart's final tech support call
(From "Lacrimosa" in Mozart's Requiem. Said to be the final composition of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart)
MATRYOSHKA
(a salute to those issue that nest like Russian nesting dolls (matryoshka)
Matryoshka eventi illa
Qua resurget ex computram
numquam tamen peior malum!
Huic ergo parce, Deus:
Pie Jesu Domine,
Dona mei Glenlivet. Amen.
[By :56Kdaytrader / 2007-03-01] [Top]
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Comments
Gratias ago vos. Ego necessarius imbibo. -maciarc |
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433.
Subject: The Wasp
a rewrite of "The Wasp; Texas Radio and the Big Beat" by Jim Morrison and The Doors...it doesn't rhyme, but neither did the original :-P
I wanna tell you 'bout Microsoft Vista, and Big Bill.
Comes outta Silicon Valley,
Bloated and slow with a lack of precision,
With a cluttered interface that's hard to master.
Starfish call it heavenly in their ignorance.
Others, forced to support it, scream.
I love the open source I have downloaded off the 'net.
We have constructed plug-ins in honor of our escaping.
This is the plan how licensing fees die.
Ubuntu on my hard drive; freeing resources.
The Linux community saying:
"Forget the Windows.
Chat with us in forums of insight.
Out here on this OS, there are no crashes.
Out here, we reboot by choice."
Listen to techs, and they'll tell you 'bout the hardware.
They'll tell you 'bout the upgrades and the loss of cash.
They'll tell you 'bout the hopeless fight-
The meager changes from Win2K
They'll tell you 'bout the OSX perks Bill stole.
They'll tell you this:
No service packs will save you now from malicious cons.
I'll tell you 'bout Microsoft Vista and Big Bill-
Lame drivers, slow and bad, like some new language.
Now listen to this, and I'll tell you 'bout Windows.
I'll tell you 'bout the Windows Vista.
I'll tell you 'bout the endless fight
Supporting Bill's wet dream.
I'll tell you about the coder with a wrought iron soul.
[By :ThinTheHerd / 2007-02-16] [Top]
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I'm a huge Morrison fan. Glad to see someone else is, too. Love it! -FixitWench
Very nice! -ecoli
Oh man, THIS has got to go on the album! -Divinar
That was great, and i LOVE the part about "Out here, we reboot by choice."
-duckhead
Anyone know where I can get a "karaoke" version of the original song? I know a guy in a band who has the voice for it...
-Divinar
That would be cool. Probably a little too obscure to get on karaoke. -FixitWench |
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432.
Subject: CSNY: Teach Your Children
I was inspired to write this after a particularly disturbing chat session with a young girl yesterday. Hopefully, the last of many such encounters...I didn't have to modify the lyrics much at all
Youth, who are on the 'net must have a code that they can live by.
And so don't be yourself because the dude might be a bad guy.
Teach your children well, their A. O. helL will slowly go. Bye!
And fill them in on MySpace schemes, the trolls they tease, and the ones you know hide.
Don't they ever go outside? If they told you, you would cry.
So don't chat with them and cry, and hope they boot you.
And YouTubers, of the tender years
can't know the fears that us elders grew by
and so please help them with their youth
they seek the truth before they can die.
Teach the n00btards well, the children tell their real email.
and read their MSN's, the ones about dicks, those ones'll make you cry.
Don't you ever ask their age. If they told you, they would lie,
so I don't chat with them in IRC, I'll stick with my 4-digit ICQ.
[By :ThinTheHerd / 2007-02-06] [Top]
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431.
Subject: Why Me?
Origanal Song - Planet P "Why Me?"
sittin' in here
watchin' all the lights blink down below
the phone is ringing
why does time go so slow
thinkin' bout the job I left behind
what the hell was I thinking
or have I lost my mind
why me?
why me?
I was waiting on the phone
all systems were go
the man in the server room
was enjoying the show
then I got this feeling
that I never had before
hey let me out of here
what am I here for
why me?
why me?
there must be a thousand other guys
must be some other way to make money in this world
why am I in here, what do they see in me
must be a thousand other places to be
why me
the last man to be here
was never heard from again
and my contract won't end
till 2010...
and now the call is getting dire
with my back to the wall
blood pressue higher and higher
why me?
why me?
there must be a thousand other guys
must be some other way to make money in this world
why am I in here, what do they see in me
must be a thousand other places to be
why me
call anyone but me
why me
[By :duckhead / 2007-01-28] [Top]
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*kisses* Glad to see I'm not the only one who remembers Tony Carey's Planet P Project. Pretty good revision. -Mushroom
...and I CANNOT find a copy of that album! My tape of that wore out LONG ago. Bravo! -Grue
Looks like it's available through iTunes. -docbrown01
OMG, I used to LOVE that song. I've forgotten all about it. I have to download it! -FixitWench |
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430.
Subject: John Doe StarFish
At EtherRabbit's request... blame him. <wry grin>
To the tune of "SpongeBob SquarePants":
Are ya ready, kids?
Aye aye, Captain!
I can't hear you!
Aye aye, Captain!
Whooooooo, lives with an IQ that's under 15,
John Doe StarFish!
And ignant and bitchey and useless is he,
John Doe StarFish!
If technical dumbness be somethin' you wish,
John Doe StarFish!
Then pick up yer phone and just listen to 'fish!
John Doe StarFish!
John Doe StarFish!
John Doe StarFish!
John Doe StarFish!
John Doe Star... Fish!
[By : chazz / 2007-01-24] [Top]
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*Runs to the lart shelter, but finds that chazz has already locked the door* -EtherRabbit
I don't know if you prey on this site, or it was just coincidence, but I only posted that 5 mins ago...lol -EtherRabbit
*thought everyone haunted the site* OPh, sorry... Thanks- now I'm going to be humming that on the phone all day tomorrow... :P *wonders idly if she'd get fired for typing that to the fishies who email her* -taieena
It's been a while since we had a small child in the house, so my familiarity with that kind of music ends with "We are looking for Blue's Clues...." -concept14
ROTFLMAO -conundrum
Nnnnnnnoooooooooooooo! Where's the bleach? -TheMacOne
WOW! That is simply amazing! You sir, have a very talented Muse working with you! -Caboose447 |
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429.
Subject: Smack the fish up
Origanal Song by Prodigy - Smack my B_tch up
Woah.
Woah.
Woah.
Woah.
Change my pitch up, smack the fish up. Woah.
Change my pitch up, smack the fish up. Woah.
(really kickin' techno music here)
smack the fish up. Woah.
(more kickin' techno music here)
smack the fish up. Woah.
(and yet again, more kickin' techno music)
Change my pitch up, smack the fish up. Woah.
Change my pitch up, smack the fish up. Woah.
[By :duckhead / 2007-01-15] [Top]
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i could HEAR that - that will change my prodigy listening:) i am back in the mosh pit! (seriously, i was in a mosh pit when prodigy performed at a big day out about 8 yrs ago. my eldest was MOTIFIED. act your age mum! i was - 32 AINT old, kiddo) -timelady |
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428.
Subject: I don't wanna be tier 1 no more
(incubus, obscure tune but a good one)
Up nights in the cube farm, poppin t3's
Starfish, constantly
it don't stop, watch the 'fishies get pissy
and they neep: "it don't work, fix it! fix it!"
I don't wanna be tier 1 no more
(I'm not tier 1 I just LART a lot)
But your I$P support line, still got what you're lookin for
(Burndown baby, Burndown)
I don't wanna be tier 1 no more
(I'm not tier 1 I just LART a lot)
But you know big Que still down behind
Who's down to LART a lot?
Hey yo I'm still not an operator but you still a Luser
transfer to a -dropped call- hah, see you later, I'm gone!
dialtone/dead air is sweet, end user freaks
In house tech geeks, useful like frog teats, dial-up creeps
DHCP lease, with a moan of "why?"
Coppin a -one six nine- and when your not, i'm $deity in the sky!
feeding me lies, from you $dildzito
Up in the windzito with your kids from queens,
nicknamed perico
We go back like da's and wearin pj's
Now we reach the peakage, runnin code for three days
We wanna die it won't cost you a dollar
Whether Mac or Windows of course you still gonna holla
My my, I'm mean, I'm gonna rip, through your shit
Its sick, you couldn't measure my wait time, with six rulers
Hold up, luser, you just got all thru
But If you don't reboot, then your going to get hoofed
I don't wanna be tier 1 no more
(I'm not tier 1 I just LART a lot)
But your I$P help line, still got what you're lookin for
Burndown baby, Burndown
I don't wanna be tier 1 no more
(I'm not tier 1 I just LART a lot)
But you know big Que is still down behind
Who's down to LART tonight?
I don't wanna be tier 1 no more
(I'm not tier 1 I just LART a lot)
But you know big Que and QA are still down behind
Who's down to LART tonight?
(I hate from when broadband began to crackberry asses
I don't discriminate, I LART every shade of the ---
Long as your an ass, and fail the test
Fat highly unintellegable geriatric-etts
That's the best, I won't settle for less
I wanna get a diskette, thats unforgettably possessed
I lay my head on my desk, come feel my heartbeat
We cant park the neep, techs mobbed deep, and just spark the --
It's hard to sleep since I found joe
Every bitching hero, wanna go down low
But this techno down pro-fessional, i'ma let you know
Once I start the phones, get your W'doze, cause you got to go
I could go downstairs, little p0rn dialers everywhere
You nasty fuck! (I don't care)
Round here they call me Spiteful, if you with the LART guns
Take time, known to make a starfish (cry) )
Up nights in the cube farm, poppin t3's
bitchin' starfish screamin constantly
it don't stop, watch the 'fishies get pissy
as they neep "it don't work, fix it! fix it!"
(repeat 2x)
I don't wanna be tier 1 no more
(I'm not tier 1 I just LART a lot)
But your I$P help line, still got what you're lookin for
(Burndown baby, Burndown)
I don't wanna be tier 1 no more
I'm not tier 1 I just LART a lot
But you know big Que and QA still down behind
[By :SpitefulTech / 2007-01-13] [Top]
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Kill! Kill! Kill! (/Alice's Restaurant) -TieDyedDinosaur
Kill! Kill! Kill! (/Recruiter at Alice's Restaurant) -Divinar
Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! </Just wanted to be in the group> -ShujinTribble
you can get anything you want... -timelady
..And then Alice, remember this is a song about Alice and her restaurant.. -conundrum |
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427.
Subject: Twas the Dream of Tech's Christmas
Twas the Dream of Tech's Christmas (An Adaptation of: The Night Before Christmas by Clement Clarke Moore)
'Twas the dream of tech's Christmas, imagine the gall
Not a phone tech was working, not even on call;
The phones were not ringing, the lights were all out,
The workers were all away, partying no doubt;
The users were typing in the phosphorus glare,
With applications, games and other software;
And mice with their buttons, one, two, or three,
And not having problems, just working with glee,
When out on the network a glimmer was seen,
of a virus so deadly, more than any's thus been.
From a windows computer it spread in a flash,
Tore through the firewalls and resting in cache.
The virus had spread in an instant it seemed
As though twas not broadcast but instantly beamed,
But all was not lost, the solution was near,
No one would be troubled, no need to fear.
No hard drives will crash, no bandwidth will drown,
No techs come in Tuesday to a network that's down.
No need for worry, all traffic gets through,
No one will notice what the virus will do;
"I'll run and I'll wipe all the data I find!
I'll interrupt process, any threads I'll unbind!
To the top of the stack I'll push errant data!
I'll make this OS more buggy than beta!"
As the hardware quivered, prepared for onslaught,
the system was laughing with nary a thought,
For the virus was helpless in it's impotency,
The OS new this and reveled in glee.
The virus was locked away, shunned, vaulted
Where it couldn't run, no processes halted.
Then it came aware of the system it found,
Could not even run it, the API's bound.
In every uplink and downlink it had,
It couldn't find Windows and knew that was bad;
With a package to deploy and no suitable path,
Nowhere to deposit it's deadly wraith.
It's payload is useless, it's code obsolete!
Without a host, it admits defeat!
With no trepidation, in fact, with a grin,
The virus was moved to the recycle bin;
Then filling in zeros, then ones, then repeated,
The virus was gone, every byte deleted;
At no party nor home was there noticed,
This moment's activity, the virus not missed.
And some time to come in the next passing week,
Some log will be checked by a hardworking geek;
At first he'll chuckle or maybe guffaw,
At the last remainder of the virus's fall;
He'll write a memo (no TPS cover)
And report the finding, his mouse will hover,
Then click on send, when spellcheck is done.
The rest of his time's spent coding in fun.
He'll shut down his desktop, push in his chair;
Turn off the lamp, his hand combs his hair,
You'll hear him explain as he leaves for the night,
"Now that Microsoft's gone, all software runs right."
[By :maciarc / 2006-12-23] [Top]
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Maciarc, that is an absolute CLASSIC! beautifully done. -Gromit
That was so awesome, I'm printing it and hanging it up somewhere. -Bobsentme
mate that is SO brilliant, i would love to blog it, with permission and attribution....i won't until you ok it. *applause on large tech scale from all the linux/freebsd boxen in my house (6)* -timelady
You have my permission to use this for anything non-commercial, and I'm honored that you find it deserving. Post a link for me so I can see it! -maciarc |
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426.
Subject: One for all the Edgar Allan Poe fans
Abort, Retry, Ignore?
by Anonymous Works
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets.
Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer,
I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store,
Only this and nothing more.
Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing,
Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more.
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token.
"Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!"
One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more,
Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before.
Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises.
The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more.
Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more,
From "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key.
But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before.
Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore,
Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
I tried to catch the chips off guard, and pressed again, but twice as hard.
I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore.
Now in mighty desperation, trying random combinations,
Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before.
Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before.
Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted.
Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night.
A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core.
The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore.
Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
To this day I do not know the place to which lost data go.
What demonic nether world us wrought where lost data will be stored,
Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes?
But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more,
You will be one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore,
Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
[By :lineswine / 2006-12-03] [Top]
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*presses cellphone button so the screen lights up and waves the phone in the air while banging bongo drums with the other hand* -halfstarfish
(Tilts his black barrette to the side a bit more, dons his sunglasses and snaps his fingers.....) -ShujinTribble
If we ever make a tech song album, this has to be on it as a spoken word reading. -concept14
Brilliant! *buys LS a pint* -smellystudent
That, mate, is an absolute classic! Brilliant bit of work. -Gromit
Lineswine, that is absolutely the best tech "song" I have ever seen. Thank you. You had sargie cringing as I read it aloud. :) -Mysty
Someone pass the hat - see if James Earl Jones is available for this one. -ShujinTribble
Second round... er... pint... is on me! Bravo! -TechnoTherapist
Beautiful... just beautiful. -pcmacman
Lineswine: Us old farts will recognize this -- it's been kicking around teh Imtarwebs for a long time now. Still a classic, though... -chazz
And the HDD was 'nevermore'. -EtherRabbit |
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425.
Subject: Cubical farm
http://www.lifeaftercoffee.com/2006/04/27/cube-farm-the-song/
[By :colk / 2006-11-28] [Top]
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I always LOL when I hear that song -THETECHFROMHELL
Sweet...now I have to learn to play guitar...just for that song. -ThreeBucks
Dude! you learn to play guitar for the chicks, not for a song. -kuijen
Still... lol xD -kuijen |
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424.
Subject: Don't Dial Me Up (Fragment)
To the tune of "Don't Fence Me In" by Bing Crosby
Oh, give me RAM, lots of RAM, and a T1 or above
Don't dial me up
Let me surf through the wide open web that I love
Don't dial me up
Let me be by myself at my computer desk
Teaching the uber-1337 the meaning of respect
Link me to wherever but for the love of heck
Don't dial me up.
(Not a lot, I know, but first tech song so that should count for something... maybe one of the more musically inclined can help me out?)
[By :Dante668 / 2006-11-23] [Top]
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