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7965. That by finding a virus on your computer I have just accused you of being a bad Christian. [By :Dante668 / 2011-02-15] [Top]
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Nope, just a randy lil bugger and a pervy sod who frequents "those" type of websites...that's all... -ChildofCthulhu

This is very common, even among people who know exactly where their computers have and have not been. I point out that, first off, if you can get infected by visiting the New York Times site, anyone can get infected anywhere; and second, virus researchers have found _those sites_ to be much cleaner, as a category, than the Internet at large. -chazz

I have witnessed many drive-by infections, on computers whose users are careful... Except they use IE -linuxmatt

Christian pron - "Get down on your knees for Jeheezus! Amen!" -AussieFoot

"Good Christians" usually have the best porn in my experience. -VIPERsssss

7964. That when I say I have fantasies of setting your ass on fire, that I'm joking. [By :SillyGirl / 2011-02-15] [Top]
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Fire is nice but, personally, I plan to embed diamond and/or glass shards into an over-sized anal probe. -Aelin236

Napalm - easy to make and burns soo nicely. -Harm

Hydrofluoric acid. -VIPERsssss

Or you could go really low tech: A banana skin on any exposed flesh hurts like a mo-fo and can raise a nasty welt. Vinigar on said welt will sting like nothing else -PoglaTheGrate

A sulfuric acid eyewash should do nicely. Or, tiny little papercuts, and rub salty vinegar or pickle brine in. -AdmiralLaurie

7963. Co-Worker Misconception: That wearing those (butt-ugly, hideously overpriced, marginally effective) "Shape-Up" shoes can have the slightest impact on your caloric expenditure when you sit at a desk for 8-9 hours straight. [By :Trillian / 2011-02-12] [Top]
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This might, though...exercise ball desk chair: http://www.google.com/products/catalog?hl=en&sugexp=ldymls&xhr=t&q=exercise+ball+desk+chair&cp=19&safe=off&um=1&ie=UTF-8&cid=9378873865984531285&ei=CxFXTZXhLYG88gbI2f3wBg&sa=X&oi=product_catalog_result&ct=image&resnum=4&sqi=2&ved=0CDwQ8gIwAw# -CTYankee

CTYankee- that looks like the larda$$ got up and walked away, but left their larda$$ in the chair! -Voz

To lose weight, calories out must be greater than calories in. Or so we at "fat actress" are telling our clients. In fact, this doesn't take into account how many of those calories in are never digested and therefore come out in a manner that doesn't involve exercise. Nor does it take into account that you also can lose weight through sweat. But what it does involve is that if you want to increase calories out by exercise, you have to actually exercise! -Captain Trips

CT: one of my former co workers had one of these at her desk....and it didn't seem to make any difference in her weight. -Starfury

I actually bought an exercise ball like the one shown in that link - just the ball- and sat on it as my desk chair. Was great for my abs but hell on my back, had to stop after a few months... -JoeLugian

7962. Who do you thank when location X burns down, you have to build 15 PCs/laptops/servers and ship them all within 6 hours? IT!! PS, fark you, guy who comes in 10 minutes after we package and print shipping labels saying we could have put them on the truck they just setup. Way to save $5000 on next day AM shipping! [By :STJ / 2011-02-08] [Top]
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So, you work with Epimetheus then? -ChildofCthulhu

7961. That their "server" doesn't have to be on to access the database it is hosting. Customer calls us and says they can't access the database. The error message makes me ask them what is happening on the server. They reply they don't know because that computer is turned off. I ask why is it turned off? They answer that the user works part-time, and... wait for it, ... they aren't in today! [By :Wraith556 / 2011-02-08] [Top]
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What is this I don't even -Seamus

I like when business-critic apps are run in client computers instead of servers... -Dr Jerkyl

7960. For email or chat support: Typing in ALL CAPS will make me sympathetic to your problem. [By :Angelace / 2011-02-03] [Top]
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We have one woman in the company who insists on typing everything in caps. And she is the only one. And then when something is inputted incorrectly into the system, and it is all in caps, she always denies it. -MrsCheezil

IT DOESN'T?! WHAT THE FUCK? -SpiderRider3

MAKES ME WISH WE CAN REPLY BACK IN ALL CAPS TOO! - oh...snap. :P -Angelace

7959. Instructions are numbered for a reason. You do not get to choose which number you like and what order to do them. [By :Angelace / 2011-02-02] [Top]
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I have this problem all the time with users. ALL THE TIME!! Example: Our IA training, a whopping 1 hour, has 3 steps. Everyone does step one which print a certificate, but for some reason doesn't get that if there's a step one, MAYBE, there's more than one step and never finishes there training and therefore their accounts get turned off. "Oops, sorry your idiot." -ravensentinel

A lesson I learned at age 4, building a model kit. No, you can not do step 37 before step 5. -Captain Trips

Depends on what we're talking about. If steps 1-5 are how to assemble part A and steps 6-10 are how to assemble part B, and step 11 is put A & B together... I'll sometimes do 6-10 and then 1-5. :P But, ya, 11 can come first. -Aelin236

*11 can't come first. Stupid rebellious fingers... -Aelin236

I get this all the time, and what's worse is they skip over the section that is bold red to emphasize the IMPORTANCE of the step! -CelticSkyhawk

7958. Just because you haven't learned to use a telephone or follow directions yet doesn't mean I need to dail all of your phone numbers. It's very simple. Stupid in, stupid out. [By :ravensentinel / 2011-02-02] [Top]
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You can't fix stupid. -Starfury

Actually, you CAN fix stupid, but it could result in 20-to-life... -Captain Trips

No CT, that doesn't fix the stupid, it's just a disposal method like incinerating toxic waste. -AussieFoot

Stupidity can be fixed by castration or hysterectomies. Perform appropiate procedure on offending EU. Viola stupidity will eventually die out. -deedadee

7957.
Because I make my living working with computers, I must love Microsoft and all it's products. Why else would I have his job, right?
In reality, working with Windows on a regular basis means that techs are the group of people most likely to seek an alternative. We know better than anyone else how frustrating it can be, and how Linux or OSX can work perfectly, at least by comparison.
[By :linkv / 2011-01-28] [Top]
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Windows User, XBOX 360, and ZuneHD. Damnit -DarkRookie

Windows/openSuse dual boot. iPod Touch. Wii. PSP. I guess I have a bit of everything. -linuxmatt

If we're going to do that. AMD 5000+ black win7 DT, AMD 3200+ WinXp DT, AMD Sempron 1.6 win7 LT, XBOX 360, nDS lite, PSP-1000CFW, ZuneHD -DarkRookie

XP*3 Pro/Pro/Home, PS3, PS2, PSP, iRiver PMP, Kogan eReader. -AussieFoot

DT = 1, XP SP3. LT = LT = 8 at last count, a mix of XP SP3 & Ununtu 10.10. XBox360 250GB + Kinect = 1, Wii = 2, + Wii Fit. XBox with hacked dashboard. Sansa clip+ 8GB = 1, Soundmagic PL50s, soon to be swapped for custom IEMs. Toys? Hell yeah, toys! -lineswine

Windows 7 Ultimate 64-bit on the primary drive. Windows XP Pro on a secondary drive. Fedora on a PATA internal drive. Windows 7 Home 32-bit on the netbook. Windows 7 Business 64-bit on the work computer. I deal with it. -VoiceOfSanity

I have a dozen machines on 2 networks at my ex's house and my house. Microsoft has zero presence on both networks. I use Linux for everything, but my roommate and son are both Mac users. I prefer my computers to work, TYVM. -SalParadise

7956. That you will always be right as long as you can avoid observing any evidence at all that you are wrong. [By :Dante668 / 2011-01-27] [Top]
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Works for governments the world over.... -Treker

Nope your wrong! LALALALALALALALALALAAAICANTHEARYOULALALALA -Harm

Sounds like Descartes...."I think not" and then the starfish disappears.... -CTYankee

Ah, that one day I could disappear someone in a puff of logic. -LDFeral

Ooh! When I worked as a tech at the post office, I ran into this exact thing repeatedly. The most memorable example of all was, when, after being yelled at by a mail processing supervisor about "our machines", and how barcodes were being sprayed over existing barcodes, I had to go explain why. Looking into it, I discovered that the barcodes were being sprayed by machines in TX (I'm in Indy), so I searched the supervisor out in another work area, and when I tried to engage him about the problem, he literally ran away and hid in the men's room. Since I am female, I guess he figured I wouldn't follow him. I didn't, but I DID stand outside the men's room door, waiting for him to come out. He wouldn't - he'd peek out, see that I was there, and he would NOT come out to have a reasonable discussion. His whole unit of workers were just about rolling on the floor watching this. Fun times. -figglywig

7955. Client misconception: telling me you didn't receive a file is synonymous with saying you received the file but it was missing some information you were expecting. [By :thx1138 / 2011-01-26] [Top]
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I vote for docking pay for telling lies to assistance personnel, on a climbing scale...1%, 2%. 4% 8%, etc... -CTYankee

@CTYankee - most of our users would already be in the realms of 128% and climbing... :) -Diptera

And the problem with docking idiots all their pay is...? -Jonos

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