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5662.
I should not need to use a Windows-only program to configure a networking devIce that is platform-independent.
[By :linkv / 2011-03-24] [Top]
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Additionaly, I should not need to REGISTER my Linux box in order to be allowed to configure a network component! - TieDyedDinosaur
Furthermore, I should not need to use a Windows-only program to configure and talk to a gadget that runs Linux. -rurwin
And that's why I'll never buy an Apple product. I should not have to plug an iPad into a machine running iTunes just to turn the bloody thing on for the first time. -unrenowned |
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5661.
Do not worry about the all-important "Businessman", he who wishes to browbeat you with their impressive stature and demand that you fix things according to their rigid, jet-set schedule. Do not fret over their tantrums, public ridicule, and vocal threats. The one you should truly fear is the Lethargic Retiree, who will insist that because he has no schedule to keep, neither do you or anyone else.
[By :linkv / 2011-03-23] [Top]
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5660.
I am not allowed to deliberately contract lycanthropy.
[By :Dante668 / 2011-03-23] [Top]
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Seems arbitrary. -LDFeral
I guess keeping a cursed skull from an ancient native burial ground in your desk until you're possessed by an antediluvian demon-god is out of the question then huh? -ChildofCthulhu
what about deliberatly gifted to you? or others.. wererats happen. -Harm
It's a wurrwilf!! </MST3K> -MeanDean |
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5659.
When I am asked to revise the procedures manual, it does not mean that I am allowed to rewrite it in the style of the Necronomicon.
[By :Dante668 / 2011-03-22] [Top]
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I would LOVE to be able to do this, especially as I work at a .gov! -Grue
i envy! -Harm
So Klingon is right out then? I guess we'll have to settle for Elvish. No? Fuck it; write it in lolspeak. -MisterCommon
Write in Yodaspeak, think you can? No. -VoiceOfSanity
I'd do it in the style of a D & D Manual...Next thing you know people are muting their phones to Roll for Attack/Save when dealing with Sucktomers. -ChildofCthulhu
hmm create a manual with LOL cats? and Failblog! -Harm
Esperanto? -docbrown01
Atwhay aboutway uttingpay itway allway inway igpay atinlay -DarkRookie
All in good time, DR... First you've got to try other ones to drive them to the point where they say, "NO, no more 'geek' stuff. No Star Trek, no Star Wars, no Lord of the Rings! I don't want to hear anything of Klingons, no elvish, no Wookies. NO!" THEN you bring out the good, old fashioned, Pig Latin! -Voz
I don't know..a manual written in the style of the Necronomicon would be a decent read. You'd have to include a reference to the mad monk in there somewhere. -Phylok
Just remember the two words that have no right being in a list of instructions - "...but first..." -- and then make sure you use that phrase as often as possible. (Think M*A*S*H episode with the unexploded propaganda bomb. "Cut the blue wire. <snip> But first, remove the arming mechanism. <boom>") -Captain Trips |
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5656.
(as inspired by the cartoon link Divinar posted.) Do not make fun of the users - until you are certain that the phone is back on the hook.
[By :Captain Trips / 2011-03-19] [Top]
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What link? -Stryker One
This one: http://comics.com/working_it_out/2011-03-18/ -Fortytwo
I always hit the hang up button, wait a sec, then do it again before cussing somebody out after hanging up. -AdmiralLaurie |
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5655.
I am absolutely not allowed to discuss The Human Centipede with people over lunch. Even if they ask.
[By :Dante668 / 2011-03-18] [Top]
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hehehe i downloaded that one!! -Harm
According to the New York Times: "the grotesque fusion at least silences the female leads, both of whose voices could strip paint" - I think I'll have to watch this... -unrenowned
maybe I'm effete, but I thought it was unpleasantly, sickeningly twisted. -CTYankee |
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5654.
http://comics.com/working_it_out/2011-03-18/
[By :Divinar / 2011-03-18] [Top]
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Sorry, didn't realize there was nothing but link there - and you can't see the target. It's just a comic I thought was very appropriate. -Divinar
I think the comic very well represents the idea people have of the position, but BofH stories aside, I think it is a negative and misleading stereotype. I mean... I had to persuade someone today that the steps I was going to take were not to cause her anger or to adher to a script but to isolate the problem. -Fortytwo |
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5653.
NT/OT- If I ask you not to give my dog a treat because we are trying to get his/her weight down, do not ignore me because you figure "One treat won't hurt.". Figure out that you're the tenth person today who thinks they're entitled to be the exception.
[By :linkv / 2011-03-15] [Top]
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corellary: when you've been told not once, not twice, but four different times not to bother my pup because she's working, grabbing at her leash and saying that you're not distracting her, you're not petting her, will earn you a one-way trip out the front door. -AdmiralLaurie
AL - As you know, service animals are not pets. Some people just can't seem to think that a dog can have a job, too. Would they want someone trying to play with them while they are working? -Captain Trips
Tripps: I don't know, but it really annoys the hell out of me. I mean, if I came up and started scratching someone behind the ears while they were typing, I'd probably get slapped. -AdmiralLaurie
@AL - Give it a shot... -unrenowned
Would you prefer if they pet you? -Stryker One
The gist of my suggestion is this: if they want to pet the dog, tell them the dog is on the clock - and ask them if they would appreciate someone wanting to play with THEM while THEY were working "on the clock." There is a real chance (small, but real) that they will get the point. -Captain Trips
*Pat AL on her head* There there, do you want a milkbone too? -lineswine
We have four service dog trainers here who bring the dogs in to the office every day and it surprises me how FEW people interfere with the dogs. -CelticSkyhawk |
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5652.
Never... Ever... hack the accounts of a hacker's significant other. You will experience a world of digital pain.
This morning my best friend's fiance's e-mail and Facebook accounts got hacked. Being that my best friend knows various programming languages better than I know my own name, and can hack like nobody's business, whoever did this to his fiance is in a world of hurt.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-03-15] [Top]
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I've been on the Delivering end of this a few times, in retrospect what I retaliated with was nowhere near a reasonable reaction... but at the time it made sense... ... ahh... good to be back as TSC, been awhile -wazntme
never did that, but some fucktard harvested my Visa number once.. idiot bought webhosting and MP3's easy ip trace.. and a few people that owed favours promptly provided some payback. -Harm
I'll probably be able to hear the cussing from here. -AdmiralLaurie
Or to translate: "Skr1pt k1dd33 gotz 2 b pwned" -MisterCommon |
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5649.
It's not a problem unless someone else knows about it. *innocently whistles and walks away slowly*
[By :linkv / 2011-03-14] [Top]
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Problem? What problem? -metaice
You mean, like "it's not illegal if you don't get caught?" ugh. If it's a problem, it's a problem. It needs to be fixed. (If it's illegal, it's illegal. Not getting caught means you don't get a chance to make up the wrong you did.) (My late son once used this logic on me to justify shoplifting cigarette lighters at age 14. We let him know then that right and wrong don't matter on getting caught or not, wrong is still wrong. And a problem is still a problem. It is just plain unethical to let it go with "well, no one noticed, so...") -Captain Trips
CT- problem is a connectivity issue noticed at a PC an hour before quitting time on a Friday. User has left for the day. PC will go unused for the next 10 days while building staff is on leave. When they return, it will be my job to fix it anyway, and I make my own schedule. So do I A) bust my ass to troubleshoot a problem when I'd rather be getting home for the weekend or B) take the hell off and get back to it in a week and a half? -linkv
CT, I think it was more a "La La La, I can't hear you" more than a "Oh sh1t, now where do I bury the body so it won't be found" -lineswine |
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5648.
Before you can fix an issue, you must make the user admit that it is their fault. No matter what the issue is, even if you caused it yourself!
[By :Caboose447 / 2011-03-10] [Top]
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Good luck with that. -Stryker One
Which is why you must ALWAYS answer the phone with "What did you break now?". -virtualchoirboy
And I always do -Caboose447
as long as it's not a woman saying "the condom" I'm good with that salutation -CTYankee |
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5647.
Breaking into "I Love to Sing-a" at random intervals throughout the day is not considered an efficient use of company time.
[By :Dante668 / 2011-03-10] [Top]
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Niether is singing "This is the song that never ends...." -ravensentinel
...yes it goes on and on my friends... -virusjtg
...this is the song that never ends... -DarkRookie
About a sky of blue-a, or a tea for two-a,
Anything-a with a swing-a to an "I love you-a,"
I love to, I love to sing! -charred
John Jacob Jingle-heimer Schmidt! His name is my name too! Whenever I go out, all the people stop and shout...They just shout...I don't know why...do I stink or something? -ChildofCthulhu
My name is Yon Yonson, I live in Wisconsin, I work in a lumber mill there. The people I meet when I walk down the street, they say, "What's your name?" and I say my name is Yon Yonson... -MeanDean
I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves --- etc, etc -dadtaxi
That'd be 'ringringringring Bananaphone!", right? ;) -MadJack
Moooo? Moo moo moooOO. -AussieFoot
Any seemingly endless song or story supposedly isn't an efficient use of company time. Neither is losing hair due to starfish. -AdmiralLaurie
John Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt - his name is my name too...whenever we go out you can hear the people shout "Here comes John Jacob Jingleheimerschmidt!" (Da da da da da da da....) -Madrigorne
This earworm: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR1AUGwO39s -Angelace
Crap. Disregard that first link. I copy pasted the wrong youtube earworm >_<. Here's the correct one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKysZp02_TI -Angelace |
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5646.
Corner of metal cabinet + my knee = pain.
[By :Starfury / 2011-03-09] [Top]
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Tell the f%^&@# file cabinet to stay out of your way next time. -docbrown01
Too bad you aren't a Pierson's Puppeteer. They build things without corners, sharp or not, and pad all the curves. -Captain Trips
But you only get to meet insane Pierson Puppeteers, the sane one hide on their planet which they move. -AussieFoot
I used to be a tech...? -Mollari |
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5645.
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day...Try teaching a fish how to troublehoot his malignant, POS, make-believe, unsupported by IT, chewing gum and paper clip, makeshift, cursed by a witch, junk contraption that he built and was WARNED not to use because it was untested....and you'll bound to it for a lifetime....The lesson?...don't offer help on systems or devices that are not supported by your department!!!
[By :Captn92 / 2011-03-09] [Top]
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No good deed goes unpunished. -Starfury
Light a luser a fire and you keep him warm for a day. Light a luser ON fire and keep him warm for the rest of his life (and Darwin will thank you). -Jonos
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Slap him with a fish, the LART of a lifetime. -AussieFoot
This is why the term "Not supported" exists in the 1st place - to nip this sh1t in the bud. -lineswine
Got one of those that called my cell phone AFTER I was laid off from the company. He knew I was gone and still wanted me to support what was unsupported. I offered to do it on contract and once he heard my rates he quickly changed his mind! -CelticSkyhawk |
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5644.
I didn't wanna bump the porn encryption- so I'm moving my link over here. The tech rule? We love laser pistols. http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/108312-Laser-Enthusiast-Builds-Super-Dangerous-Homemade-Pistol
...eeeeee...
[By :LDFeral / 2011-03-09] [Top]
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Did he build it for Arnie? Or does he still need to settle for the Uzi 9mm? -AussieFoot |
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5643.
If you absolutely must fart in a room, at least try and make sure that there is another person who normally gets blamed for it in the room as well :)
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-03-08] [Top]
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It sounds like yours are "silent, but deadly" -Park7
Or ensure thats its the most Rank think ever produced.. possibly on the level of chemical warfare.
BE Proud of it! -Harm
Oh they are :) The one who normally gets blamed, his farts are considered WMD's in 16 countries and Canada, and are an approved interrogation tool in Mexico -skippytpodar
Or try to make it loud and when people look at you, smile and say, with your best Charlie Sheen voice, "Why, yes. Yes I did...and it's powered by Tiger's Blood." -ChildofCthulhu
Doing a "drop and go" in an elevator is always fun. -Wraith556
"At least" another person is the important part. If it's only one other person, well, you know, the process of elimination, (sorry), says that if someone knows it's not them, it must be you! -Voz
CD ? -Necros
I heard a good one-liner on the radio: Yesterday I farted in the elevator; it was wrong on so many levels. -LDFeral |
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5642.
HP printer/computer/monitor won't print/startup/display. Please fix/replace/return to manufacturer/toss out window.
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-03-08] [Top]
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L-user does not work...please replace/bury/feed to the zombie goats/throw out of the window? -ChildofCthulhu |
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5641.
Pro Tip for the 2nd Tier here: Don't get pissy with me because I insist you follow the established procedure. Don't give a flying fuck if you gotta walk allllll the way across the building to bring me the paperwork that I gotta sign. Shoulda brought it to me before you went over there. If I gotta sign it, I'ma gonna check it.
Why, no, I don't trust you to fill it out correctly. Inebriated diahrretic lemurs have a better track record than you do on that point.
[By : Grayhawk / 2011-03-07] [Top]
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Man, I just wish the manglement and users would. But that, I suppose, is but some nightmarish seed that leads to us all being unemployed because they don't need us anymore. -LDFeral
We have very strict policies on what we need from people in order for us to start working on their equipment. And then we ignore them and take the work on anyway, usually prioritized in order of user's job title... -Captain Trips
Mostly the same as Captain Trips, but if Casualty (A&E) so much as blinks, we should be there! I live about a mile from this hospital and we never know when one of us might go in there on a trolley! -Holdfast |
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5640.
Call from work When you've just finished a bowl if ice cream w/ hot fudge (at 8pm) on a Sunday night the office will call. The early guy is out sick and they want to know if you can come in at 5am. Going to be a looong day.
[By :Starfury / 2011-03-07] [Top]
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Say "no" -burrkiss
I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request... -ChildofCthulhu |
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5639.
Beware the full bladder, for tending to it at 4:10 on a Friday will keep you in the building just long enough to catch a stray "While you're here..."
[By :linkv / 2011-03-04] [Top]
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I'll deal with it Monday.... -srteach
"Who said I was here?..." -udoshan
Taking care of your full bladder? Wrong timing to ask for help. "Although plumbing is a form of technology, and we are technology support, that's not the kind of technology we support." (Yes, I once said this to a user. Different circumstances, though.) -Captain Trips |
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5637.
Don't gesture with a nearly full cup of coffee, or a lit cigarette, right over the laptop you're working on, or using. Ashes are a pita to get out.
Also, don't drop an ice cube into your coffee to cool it right near any equipment. Something could get splattered.
[By :AdmiralLaurie / 2011-03-03] [Top]
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I've said it before and I'll say it again; Computers and cups of coffee are NATURAL ENEMIES. -udoshan
Computers are an enemy of just about everything; earth, wind, fire, and water. -ravensentinel |
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5636.
No matter how much you wish, you hope, or you dream, the UPS tracking page is not Woot during a Woot Off. Refreshing the page every 30 seconds is not getting your new mouse home any faster.
[By : DarkRookie / 2011-03-02] [Top]
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Nope, but my idea of a seat shocker for the driver based on a gps-directed radio pulse would...who's going to be the first investor so that we can get this concept rolling? -ChildofCthulhu
granted... but it WILL inform you that the delivery was " Missed" and you have to trek down to the fucking DEPOT. OR that the box of parts, contained in a VERY OBVIOUSE COMPUTER STORE BOX, has just been dropped of at your front door.. in a very obviouse location that is in plain friggn sight.. OR its been delivered and signed for by someone you have never met in your apartment building. i hate UPS... -Harm
That sucks Harm, but if delivery guys don't get me, they give it to the office people. They store it in a locked room as well. -DarkRookie
Fedex isn't much better Harm. Had them leave my new gaming mouse on the doorstep to my apartment. I live on the first floor. They delivered it on a Friday. At 11AM. The apartment office is open until 6PM and always has someone there... Bastard lazy Fedex people. -Aelin236
My favorite was the day I skipped work and was sitting in my upstairs bedroom when I heard a THUNK-THUNK as something bounced off the porch railing and landed on the doormat. Running to the window, I saw the UPS driver getting back into his van and sailing off. He never even came near the front door, just tossed the box up. Luckily, it wasn't breakable. -TheCyberwolfe
I'd ordered some gaming miniatures and when the USPS guy dropped them off he literally dropped them..just pulled from his bag and let the box hit the porch. Lots of tinkling noises (metal pieces) and he beat a quick retreat. I'm very happy we have a MUCH better person delivering the mail. -Starfury
For one customer, we had to write the following instruction on every parcel sent to their site: "Ring buzzer and wait for security!". The Australian Federal Police would get very nervous about parcels left on their doorstep. -Wraith556
Warning: UPS distribution center workers treat a "fragile" sticker as meaning "treat like a soccer ball." (I have this directly from someone I once knew who worked as a "checker" in a UPS distribution center.) -Captain Trips |
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5634.
Working early 1. You will set your alarm for the correct wake up time..but not change it from weekends to weekdays.
2. You won't be able to fall asleep earlier than you usually do...so going to bed 2 hrs early doesn't work.
3. The spouse will come to bed late...1:30am...and wake you up when getting into bed.
4. You'll wake up at 3:30am and say "I've still got 30 min before I need to get up."
5. At 4:20am you wake up and see the clock thinking "That's odd, the alarm didn't go off...and I've got 10 min more I can sleep" before you realize that you're 20 min behind schedule.
6. There will be ice on your car...and you'll have left your work access card inside the house.
7. Traffic is light and you can drive a bit faster than normal and still get into the office by 4:58am.
[By :Starfury / 2011-02-28] [Top]
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#5... that's not what I'm thinking when I look at a clock and see 4:20 :) -Diptera
*cough cough* A-men bud. -burrkiss
At least you didn't get a 4:04 Clock Not Found error...
-VoiceOfSanity |
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5633.
I shouldn't install a VM within a VM just to say I have a computer in a computer in a computer just to prove it to my friend. It just messing things up
[By : DarkRookie / 2011-02-25] [Top]
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It's fine, as long as you name the top level machine "Matrjoshka". -Stryker One
http://comixed.memebase.com/2011/02/24/koma-comic-strip-windows/
-linuxmatt
Yo dawg... -PoglaTheGrate |
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5632.
Yes, your netbook is on the tray of my chair. Yes, I have that for a reason.
Don't talk down to me. My eyes and back are the things that don't work, not my brain. Tray does not equal incompetence.
[By :AdmiralLaurie / 2011-02-25] [Top]
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Seems to inspire it in others, though, don't it? -LDFeral |
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5631.
When print newspapers show the weather for "This Afternoon" "Overnight" and "Tomorrow Morning" they mean RELATIVE to the date the paper was printed.
[By :SpiderRider3 / 2011-02-24] [Top]
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Uh. If this implies what I think it does, I think I need to have some cheap whiskey tonight, and weep for the future... or the present, I guess. -LDFeral
I've kept a newspaper since August,(from Norther Hemisphere) that had a weather forecast that I liked (Sunny and 90F) and it just breaks my heart that it has been wrong every day this month. Got it nearly right last week, though. -BurlyJ |
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5630.
It is NEVER necessary to inform your A/V tech staff that you will be doing an extra song or two during a live performance, causing your staff panic and rushed cue editing in the middle of a live performance of 100+ people.
[By :metaice / 2011-02-23] [Top]
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Hey, if they didn't give you a heads-up and a chance to set up before going live, well, I'd say let them sing on a dark stage into dead mikes. Just because the show must go on doesn't mean it needs to have electricity to do it... -Captain Trips
'Galileo, Newton, Watt- They were geniuses, all; without them we'd be freezing in the dark at the mall!' </fruvous> ... Hey! I ain't done yet. -LDFeral
I miss Moxy Fruvous. Their shows were awesome! -docbrown01
Moxy Fruvous was the $#!+. Funny as hell and great musicians, and those harmonies! BTW, a great segue for a radio show (or mix disk) is MF's Fly into White Bird by It's a Beautiful Day. -SalParadise
No need for power Captain, the networking switch is closer, and without that you loose all lighting control AND all post amp/pre fader audio signals -laughs evilly- -metaice |
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5629.
The customer that sends you over the edge with their stupidity causing you become agrviated will be the one call quality listens to. A little Karma would come in handy, Have yet to speak with my manager about the call, and I would like to be employed for the time being. If anyone wants a story ask and I will post in the forum as its not quite tech.
[By :ZombieBear / 2011-02-23] [Top]
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Good luck, dude. -Grue
Oh yes, please post a link, I have a feeling this could be an epic story. And, I'm sending all the Karma I can spare. -Stryker One
Yessss, we want the story. -SpiderRider3
Oh i have been there. call goes WAY past the " nic fit" point. as a supervisor i managed to get away with actually yelling at a client " SHUT. UP. NOW! LISTENING?! GOOD! now.. " i was niccing out and sitting on my "desk" feet on the chair AFTER i had fixed the problem 10 other locals techs fucked up, and had been in such possition for about 30 minutes. i a=miss those days occationaly. -Harm
Here is my story as much as I can get out now. http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?p=167203#167203 -ZombieBear
Karma coming your way, friend! -udoshan
One Keg-O-Karma on its way! Good Luck! -ecoli
Sending a Karma Karma Karma Karma Chameleon. It comes and goes (and comes and goes) to you. -Fortytwo |
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5628.
Just had to set up a netbook with Win7 Starter Edition. Fun Fact: It's designed so that the user CANNOT CHANGE THE DESKTOP BACKGROUND. Not only that, the option to change it is still there... the button and dialog box simply fail to do anything. It's freaking awesome that MS is eliminating a 20+ year old feature of Windows for no good reason. Of course, it's not impossible to get around, but the fact that someone deliberately made this change is hilarious. And to think, I have friends who get uptight about OSX/iOS devices being "locked down".
[By :linkv / 2011-02-22] [Top]
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They're not removing it "for no good reason", they've just decided that the ability to do so is a "value-added element" to induce the affected users to spend money on an upgraded version. Simple greed, is all. -Grue
At least they removed the limitation that would not let you have more than 3 windows open (and would bug you to upgrade if you tried opening a 4th). -linuxmatt
making 'linux starter edition' look better every minute -stiffarm
Just remember the mantra of software companies: "It's a feature." -MisterCommon
Oceanis will allow you to set a different wallpaper. -Wolph
Could there be some other program/bloatware (BESIDES Win7) preventing the desktop from changing? -docbrown01
No, DocBrown, this is a documented "feature" of Windows 7 Starter Edition. -chazz
What the hell you using SE anyways. Home works just fine on my little netbook. -DarkRookie
SE comes standard in Netbooks. Home 32bit is great for netbooks, but Windows doesn't see things very clearly, do they. I can't tell whether they're smart or cheap. Possibly both. -Noctleigh
Win 7 FU edition? -VIPERsssss
I thought SE was only for developing countries? -SpiderRider3
Personally, i'd rather they have the low-as-hell priced version available.
You look at it like they've removed a feature of the base version, i see it like they've simply made a cheaper version with fewer features, a sub-base version if you will. -metaball |
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5627.
http://img231.imageshack.us/img231/1654/image001p.png - Code quality can be measured in WTF's/Minute.
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-02-22] [Top]
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Friend sent me this, thought it was hilarious and perfect for this forum before I get accused of theft, plagerism, etc. -ravensentinel
So very apt when it comes to a certain person here. He's got to be at least 12 WTFs/min. -LadySharky |
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5625.
If I ask "Are you in front of the computer" after you described an issue, you say "yes" and it turns out that you are in front of a completely different box which does not have problem, your oxygen privieges are revoked.
[By :Fortytwo / 2011-02-17] [Top]
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Damned. Straight. -Seamus
What's worse is when they say 'yes' but are really in their car on the cell phone, and when you ask for "what are the results of <action>?" They reply, "I'll let you known when I get to the office, but I've been listening really carefully to what you told me to do..." -Captain Trips |
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5624.
In the right context, the phrase "in his infinite wisdom" can often carry the same connotations as "bless his heart".
[By :Dante668 / 2011-02-17] [Top]
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don't forget to add "poor thing" at the end. -ecoli
I worked at a place once where, in the first week since she started, a new IT manager decided, in her infinite wisdom, that the best way to bring a server down for maintenance was to simply shut off the power strip. And not send out any kind of notification beforehand, bless her heart. She didn't last long, poor thing. -AmazingKreskin
I still remember a promo for a show where a bunch of folks were sitting around talking about Bush Jr, being quite negative overall. The older lady on the panel, who, up to this point, had been silent, said: 'Oh, I don't know. I think he's doing alright... for a special person.' Everyone just gaped. Now I just imagine her adding any of the above phrases as well. Fantastic! -LDFeral
I live in the South. Trust me, it's a cultural thing down here. -Seamus
Yeah it is, my older relatives use it alot -DarkRookie
Around here-we tend to say 'Bless his pointy little head' -jerrybear |
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5623.
The fact that something is difficult, inconvenient, unwieldy, or even practically impossible to steal does not mean that someone, somewhere, will not try to steal it.
[By :Dante668 / 2011-02-09] [Top]
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Ok, I know there's more to this story. -Stryker One
We have these massive, heavy reference books, a foot high, three inches thick, and easily about ten or fifteen pounds. We still have to put security tags on them because patrons will shove them under their overcoat and try to make off with them. -Dante668
THIS. And the bigger, the more entertaining. S'why there's ALWAYS video of ATM thieves on World's Dumbest every week! ;) -MadJack
If someone could just walk in and steal the Mona Lisa(which did happen)then people will try to steal anything. Like the idiot who stole casino chips from the Bellagio (dumb!)
-VoiceOfSanity
Apparently, metal thieves made off with multiple tons of copper sheeting from *inside* a *locked* locomotive shed recently. They hotwired the shed crane to help move it. Thieves have also been known to heave a large rock off an old, rusty slate wagon, hide the wagon in an inconspicuous place for the day, then come back the following night and cut it apart, taking away the drawgear, wheelsets and axleboxes. Why? Because they have "GWR" embossed on them and are therefore worth something on eBay. -Chromatix
Around here, we had a power outage because thieves stole the copper wire from a electrical backup station. It wasn't noticed until there was a hiccup in the power, and then everything went down. -docbrown01
A few years an industrial sized AC unit was stolen from the ROOF of an empty factory building. They still don't know where they got the crane to lift it off with overnight. -redevil34
I read about a guy in San Antonio a year or so ago who tried to steal copper wire from a power line going to an abandoned building. He didn't know the line was still live. Scratch one thief. -Ramblin |
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5622.
It is really disheartening to see what people think nothing of doing to things that they are only borrowing from your company (whether it be leased equipment or library books).
[By :Dante668 / 2011-02-09] [Top]
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5621.
Wow....first post of the day :)
Hearing a manager scream "DO YOUR JOB!!!!!!" is a good thing....if you're not the tech that her ire is aimed at. (In this case, it was a tech from our Software Support group that pushed a case off on us Server hardware support guys.)
[By :tech4alltrades / 2011-02-09] [Top]
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Never shift a task without a reason and know your reason my dear Feyd...[If Vladimir Harkonnen had been an IT guru] -ChildofCthulhu |
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5620.
Not all accesses are created equal.
After dealing with an hour-long freakout session by a frantic mid-level manager who claims that one of her employees has just lost "all his access," I discover that what he has lost is in fact all his mainframe access. Slightly different, there. On the other hand, the employee himself knew what to do about it, so points to him...
[By :AnneBWalsh / 2011-02-08] [Top]
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5619.
If you are using RDP to connect to a server at a client site and cannot get past the login, YOUR IT team cannot help you. We don't manage access to the server at the client's site, just the connection to get you there.
[By :CelticSkyhawk / 2011-02-03] [Top]
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Oh god, yeah. I also have...ok so what's the password to my server? Uhm EXCUSE ME? -Angelace
I have the same problem with our users and external web sites. I've even had one ask me to correct an entry on Google. (Actually, you can do that now, but not then.) -Captain Trips |
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5618.
If you ask me why something won't work the way you want (ie. install an older version of Java), you shouldn't talk over me and interupt me when I try to explain the consequences of doing said action for your special little purpose. Cutting me off numerous times will reduce your "explanation" to a simple "It won't."...which I did.
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-02-03] [Top]
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I also "LOVE" to start from scratch when people do that to me. I've also injected a very long pause when someone has kept interrupting me and waited until they asked if I was still there. The response of course was yes, I was just waiting for you to finish asking the question. -spectreoflife
I hate that. I tried the long pause too but it rarely works. At one point during her interrupting, she accused me of trying to talk on top of her while giving an answer to a question she asked. -MisterCommon
*long pause* "I was waiting for you to ask a question that you actually want an answer to!" (Oh, if only I could get away with that one!) -Voz |
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5617.
When swapping (cloned) primary and secondary drives to change the boot order, it is unnecessary to swap the power cords to the drives; just the data cables will suffice.
WTF, man??? I didn't even realize what I had done until I booted the damn thing. I must be getting senile.
[By :RiffRaff / 2011-02-03] [Top]
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Brain drain. -Gerund
DOUBLE "brain drain" if the boot order is BIOS-selectable. -Grue
It is, but I have the drive bays labeled so someone who doesn't know the system can easily tell which drive is which. -RiffRaff |
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5616.
A box of replacement PC pwer supplies sent from Ireland (220V) to the UK(230V) must have them all set to 110volts although this is used in few developed places other than north America.
One got sent back as "apparently it was faulty..."
[By :Holdfast / 2011-02-02] [Top]
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Well, something was faulty alright. Just not sure it was the hardware... -Captain Trips |
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5614.
Watching idiots getting what they deserve is better than candy.
[By :Icelator / 2011-02-01] [Top]
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I know you're going ask for the story, nothing major just saw a shoplifter kiss the wall then get cuffed. -Icelator
were they shoplifting candy? That would make for ultimate poetic justice. :) -Bynar |
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5613.
It's 1:43am. User ignorance never sleeps.
[By :0gr3 / 2011-01-30] [Top]
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THIS. It generally comes in from work around half past midnight, and wants to hang out until 3am, with a brief respite while it goes to change clothes/eat/MAYBE watch TV. Problem is, it always comes back.... ;) -MadJack |
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5612.
I will no longer accept "This isn't user-friendly!" as a resonanable objection to anything ever again. For the past 30+ years, hardware and software companies have been chasing the ever-moving goalpost of making computers "user-friendly." We have now arrived at the point where it really does get to be as simple as a window that says "To continue, click OK". And the window has only one button, and it's marked OK. If it's still too confusing for you, it's time to accept that the computer isn't, and never was, the problem. You're just unwilling to think. Don't complain about the computer companies-- they have officially done their job.
[By :linkv / 2011-01-28] [Top]
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But WHY doesn't the computer realize I've read the information and click the OK button on its own?! -Calydor
I agree, that sounds like an RTFMessage-problem. But then, I think the time when usability actually mattered is over anyways. I can start music123 with a filename as argument and it plays that file. With Xmms/winamp/mp3blaster/sonique there is a lot of selecting involved and in the end, the file might play... maybe. Word processors have bells, whistles and gings but writing a text seems to be so much harder. User-friendliness has ended, by attempting to reach it. -Fortytwo
Amen. -Angelace |
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5610.
We have personnel at the Copy Center to assist in that area. We also have Instructions printed next to the SELF-SERVE fax machine written in plain english. So there should be NO REASON WHATSOEVER for you to walk CLEAR ACROSS THE STORE TO THE TECH DESK to demand, "You need to help me send a fax!" Um, no we do not, moron.
[By :udoshan / 2011-01-26] [Top]
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"Are you a tech?" [nods] "Great! Can you help me wipe my arse?" -unrenowned |
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5609.
If you spend six months working with an outside company and your internal Marketing department to completely rebuild your entire website from the ground up, two weeks before the site is planned to go live the company will hire a new Marketing Director, who will not like the new site and put the project on hold. Nine months later it will still be on hold, and the IT department will continue to get complaints regarding the crappy old website we are still using.
[By :Ramblin / 2011-01-26] [Top]
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Make a log of all complaints, who they came from, the type of complaint, the specifics of the complaint; turn it into Powerpoint presentation as well as an Excel spreadsheet. Present it to the new marketing person... -unrenowned
I tried that. About 6 months ago. Ran it all the way up to the big boss. Got shot down, and almost hung out to dry over it. "She'll get to it when she can" and "Back off of this and don't push it any more". Can't be any more clear than that. -Ramblin |
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5608.
I should not point out to my manager that technically 0 attachments divided by 0 sales equals an attachment rate of infinity.
[By :Icelator / 2011-01-26] [Top]
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Oh, great! The Sales Department just caused the collapse of the universe as we know it. Great going guys! You can kiss your annual bonuses goodbye! -RiffRaff
<nit pick>Actually, 0/0 is indeterminate, not infinity. Anything else divided by zero is infinity.</nit pick> -rurwin
Or to put a better spin on it... it can be any number you like. -rurwin
I thought any number divided by itself is unity. (And division by zero is not undefined, just not permitted. Otherwise all mathematics falls apart. Example: If 0=0, and 2*0=0, and 3*0=0, then 2*0=3*0, and 2=3. Therefore, we all agree to not allow division by zero, but only by human agreement. There is no "law" that says you can't do it, just the fact that all our mathematics don't amount to shit if you do. -Captain Trips
There's the thing about exceptions to every rule. 0 is the exception to a lot of basic arithmetic rules. And according to many of my teachers, and many leading mathematicians (sorry I can't cite right now, but I'm kinda distracted), 0/0 is actually {0,1,|infinity|}. In fact, 0 is a pretty unique concept in mathematics... one of many. And most of them require their own exceptions to the basic rules, as well. *needs take calculus class still, skipped it so far, but loves math* -Omega
2 + 2 = 5, but only for exceptionally large values of 2. -Jonos |
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5605.
Bitching for two minutes about using up your daytime minutes on your cellphone to call us, when all I asked you for is your Internet user ID, is counterproductive.
[By :Jonos / 2011-01-21] [Top]
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Wait until they call about the overage bill... -unrenowned |
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5604.
If I know every e-mail you send me is actually a personal letter addressed to me, telling me stuff directly to me, I'll read your mail as soon as I get it. If I know every mail you send out is just a forward of a lame joke I heard five years ago, or a link to a stupid video, I'll file all your mail to be opened "When I have time for such nonsense", better known as "never." This WILL cause me to accidentally skip over the rare personal letter you actually do send to me, thus you should not be surprised if I don't answer your question or RSVP to your shindig. If you fail to understand this very basic concept, it's only because you're a self-centered prat who thinks they're the only person on the planet who has a "Forward" button on their e-mail client.
[By :linkv / 2011-01-19] [Top]
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+1 -Seamus
But how else are you going to find out about the latest LOLcat?! -AussieFoot
I had that exact problem today. Aunt sent me a text this morning asking if I'd read her e-mail about a laptop. The title looked like spam and I rarely get anything other than forwarded "hilarious" e-mails about cats from her. So no, I hadn't read it... -Archonix
But MY email is so much more important than you getting on with your work, especialy when im asking why you havnt finished yet and I want an answer NOWWWWW!!!!!
P.S. Have you finished yet? -dadtaxi
I sent out the very same email to my right-wing propaganda proliferrating relatives. Basically told them to stop sending/forwarding crap or ALL their emails would wind up being autoforwarded to trash/spam. Worked for most of them although I still get a few who can't take a hint. You can pick your nose,you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your relatives...and I have several I'd like to use an ice-pick on!!!!! -TubPorsche
I get that a lot too. I am tempted to reply back to the SFs - WE ARE NOT FRIENDS. I help you with your tech problem that is all - every other email will be ignored. K, tnx, bai. -Angelace |
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5602.
When asked what kind of Internet service you have, responding with "high speed", "medium speed" or "low speed" is ~not~ helpful. Nor is saying the name of $Company of any use whatsoever, since $Company three different types of Internet services other than dial-up.
[By :Jonos / 2011-01-17] [Top]
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Yeah, I got me that there wireless dsl cable. -Captain Trips |
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5601.
I should be allowed to change the status of a trouble ticket to "Pics or it didn't happen".
[By :concept14 / 2011-01-17] [Top]
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I had this happen during a game of Risk: I had made an alliance with one friend and then with another. When I broke the second alliance, my second friend was suitably pissed (he sometimes doesn't understand that a game is just a game). Anyway, when he called me on it, I said unto him "Screenshot or it didn't happen". When he said "You can't screenshot life!", I responded by showing him the picture I had taken of me shaking hands with the first friend. -Jonos |
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5600.
Local (pst-to-pim) synchronization cannot die screaming fast enough.
When I was in training for [$TLA_client] two and a half years ago, and they described ActiveSync to me, my response was akin to "That is an incredibly ludicrous concept".
As far as I can see, I was right.
[By :Seamus / 2011-01-14] [Top]
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As someone who has managed email systems longer than some TSC folk have been alive (first used email in '79, was administering mail systems by '87), the whole concept of a proprietary format .pst file that's prone to corruption is just f'ing stupid to me. The mail program I use (sylpheed) keeps each message in a separate text file which is in a directory that's named the same as the folder used in the tool. Easy peasy. Some programs use a single large text file which may be a bit more prone to corruption, but can easily be recovered (I've done it with corrupted spool files on UNIX and linux mailservers.) Why in the name of $DEITY would anyone choose to save all this in a precariously built single file that can shit itself if you even try to just access it over a network?? It proves that the stupid works its way up to levels where it isn't expected to be. -SalParadise |
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5598.
Thou shalt not borrow my coffee cup and return it WEEKS later unwashed and with something growing in it. Whatever that was, it growled when I tried to chip it out of the cup. Goodbye coffee cup (not worth the effort to clean that nastiness), hello new cup! Coffee cup swag courtesy of $CONTRACTING_COMPANY.
[By :CelticSkyhawk / 2011-01-13] [Top]
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Same goes for plates that bread was on, bowls, anything else lusers get their hands on. -AdmiralLaurie
It only growled? I had stuff in the sink that was trying to talk the toaster into a revolution. Good thing the water heater set to extra hot and the dishwasher could hold all my dishes. -DarkRookie
i've had dust bunnies and odd greed stuff that Used to be a bowl up threaten me with a nuclear assult.. better armed then most contries.. GO GO BLEACH and VACCUME! or . uber weapon.. KITTEN! -Harm
I had a plate of ambrosia since christmas before last that was there until last August. It not only growled, but tried to bite me, then walked away. -AdmiralLaurie
That's why I like to attach subtle electrical traps to my food/drink items. When the office lights dim, I know someone is trying to get at my french press. -LDFeral
Bleach is your friend. I do this to my own tea cup once a month at least, just because tea stains it. -CTYankee
LDferal Or it's trying to escape. -LazyLemming
Eh, it was swag from another contracting company, I wasn't particularly attached to the cup. I was just shocked to find something in it that looked very similar to lichen, except hard as a rock and battling something white and foamy looking (also hard) for space in the cup. -CelticSkyhawk
In a different job I was working with a feller that hadn't worked in an office before (he was a chef prior). We got the usual emails about cleaning up after yourself in the kitchenette, and he couldn't believe that people couldn't wash a simple cup or plate. Welcome to office life -PoglaTheGrate
Being an AA, I rinse out and refill the coffee pots. All the damn time. And people look at me funny and ask why I do it... because nobody else does, that's why! -AnneBWalsh
I've had a particularly recalcitrant Hunsworth pork pie nip at my ankles.
I silenced it with 1/2 a pint of mushy peas - with mint sauce, of course. -lineswine |
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5597.
The plural of Doofus is Doofi, right?
[By :ecoli / 2011-01-12] [Top]
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I thought it was "Government"...or is it "Management"? -ChildofCthulhu
Deefus, like Geese is to Goose. -AussieFoot
"Congress" (or "Parliament", whichever suits) -CTYankee
The plural of doofus these days seems to be political party (a few of them in particular) -technaround |
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5595.
If I ask you if you registered your extended warranty (so I can continue the repair call on YOUR behalf!), yes OR no is perfectly acceptable, as long as it's the TRUTH! This the ONLY way we handle warranty issues!
[By :udoshan / 2011-01-11] [Top]
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5594.
I am required to move my lips when talking to people. Even if I am otherwise able to speak clearly.
[By :Dante668 / 2011-01-07] [Top]
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Where did this "no ventrilliquism" rule come from? -Mushroom
Was this before or after you throw your voice and start saying. "Brain I'm starving for brains?" -Corycdc
If the fish don't see your lips moving they might think the good advice is from the voices in their head. We don't want to inspire that sort of trust. -AussieFoot
If your lips aren't moving, then theirs have a chance to. (But, then, keeping their mouths from moving won't necessarily prove the Prefect Theorem, either... more likely DISprove it 99% of the time...) -MadJack
but they don't have to match the sound of the words -stiffarm |
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5593.
The fact that cold pizza can be made with bacon is all the proof I need that it is indeed a proper breakfast.
[By :linkv / 2011-01-07] [Top]
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wait pizza is not part of the basic food group. -Corycdc
Corycdc, I hope that your comment was more of a question and not a statement of fact! Of course pizza is one of the main food groups, right next to alcohol, snack foods and prescription pain killers! -ecoli
your forgot Caffine as a food group.. -Harm
Yes it was suppose to be a question. -Corycdc
The four basic food groups, as laid out in the classic 1991 Corey Feldman epic Rock & Roll High School Forever, are as follows: Sugar, Salt, Fat, and Booze (I would posit that this fourth group can also include other body-chemistry altering drinks such as coffee, in much the same way that eggs are sometimes lumped in with dairy). -AmazingKreskin
The four basic food groups for an IT tech are : 1) Coffee, 2) Cola, 3) Pizza, 4) More Coffee.... -Wonko The Sane
Pizza: grains, dairy, veggies, meat. Very nutritious. -ThinTheHerd
Hawai'ian pizza evenincludes fruit (pineapple). -concept14
Most pizzas contain fruit. Tomato's a fruit, right? And they have tomato sauce on them (usually), right? Right??? -ralphp1024
Listen to Bill Cosby - chocolate cake for breakfast. -srteach
... and grapefruit juice! (G) -MadJack
"Purple's a fruit!" -Trillian |
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5592.
The following phrases will not be coming out of my yap while I'm fixing your netbook, and certainly not more than once:
"Please don't pet the dog, she's not a pet."
"Don't lean on the tray of my chair. it's not designed to hold your weight."
"Please don't touch the track pad. It messes up the jaws focus."
"Please try not to lean into my personal space. It makes me incredibly edgy".
After having to repeat one of the above twice, or a multiple of any of those in any combination once, you will be handed your device back and asked to either sit down until you can settle down, or please leave.
I hate people.
[By :AdmiralLaurie / 2011-01-07] [Top]
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You left out the one where the Cluser picks up anything not nailed down, examines it then lays it back down in a different place. I love to leave three soldering irons going just for them. -jerrybear
Or the one that leans over your shoulder, breathing on your neck, while trying to see what you are doing. If you are a woman (and you are!) they go for the obligatory boobie shot. -ecoli
I remember the first time I picked up a soldering iron (age 5?), and my Da, who was working at the time, turned to me and said 'Do you know what that is?' 'Noooo,' I said back kinda drawing in the air. 'It's a pen for starting fires,' he said, eyeballing the tip of the iron, 'and I *really*' want you to put it back before you start your own.' To this day, I've only seen him get nervous about two subjects, my (initial) driving, and me waving around a lit soldering iron; and me, I'm still a little nervous of soldering irons. -LDFeral
People lean across the arm of my wheelchair. This bothers me because it I hate it when people lean on the arm of my wheelchair. Or lean on the tray. That thing is only held on by a pressure clamp on each arm, and it can hold no more than the weight of a standard laptop, or a plate of food. Not 150 pounds of somebody too curious? annoying? to sit down. -AdmiralLaurie
On a completely separate note, I refreshed a laptop for a friend's parent. When they asked about JAWS, I at least knew what it was, and why someone would need it. Thanks, without reading your posts, I wouldn't have looked so intelligent. -Kid |
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5591.
I am not allowed to package up and ship a developer's machine to the customer, because that's the only machine on which the code works.
[By :AlG / 2011-01-06] [Top]
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Can we hear the backstory on this? It seems it'd be frikkin' hilarious! -CTYankee
I second CTY's request. Backstory, please! -Seamyst
I threatened to do that after hearing the infamous "It works fine on my machine" for about the tenth time in a day. I work in QA and got sick of playing "bug tennis" with a developer. -AlG |
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5590.
It is not your job to cheer me up just because my default facial expression is not a smile.
[By :Dante668 / 2011-01-06] [Top]
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depends....attractive member of opposite sex? "Loose" morals? Go ahead, cheer me up! -CTYankee
"You know, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile." ... "You know, it takes more energy to point that out, than it does to LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE." -Seamus
I'm one of those people that, when not actively making my face do something, generally have an expression that looks like a frown. Those that ask why I'm so bitchy-looking all the time get to find out what I really look like when I'm bitchy. ;) -Tekkie
I've been told my new default expression is a smirk. Previously, it was just a face - no smile, no frown, very drone-like. -Transkaren
I remember from when I was little, explaining that I wasn't sad. Just that my face was "not in gear". -Holdfast
People think I'm angry when I don't smile; I'm not mad just...ugly. (Puts paper bag over head). -udoshan
If your neutral face makes people cower in terror, it's all good. -Stryker One
I'm a big believer in the traveling scowl hehe, I forget where I heard this from sadly. -desseb
My neutral look is a solemn look of deep contemplation and intense mental activity. I would love to shake the glittery happy butterfly who tells me not to look so unhappy. Listen to me, you little ball of slime. I'm not unhappy. Nor am I happy. I'm just existing at the moment. -AdmiralLaurie
My neutral voice gets me accused of being aggressive and yelling. -AussieFoot
I am told by many that because of my quiet ways, my 6'0" height, and my 270lbs of rippling (jiggling?) muscle (?) that I am intimidating. At least that is what all of my daughters boyfriends have told her. -ecoli
I get this a lot. And I am a girl. And I wear glasses (frowny face + glasses) B| Hey...any extra paper bags that I can use? -Angelace |
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5589.
If you are going to stand on one side of a wide hallway, talking to a colleague standing on the other side of the hallway, you both lose the right to get huffy with me when I walk between you to get where I need to go.
[By :Dante668 / 2011-01-06] [Top]
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OMG, that one really grinds my gears. Happens every day around here. -BarmanVarn
We have a couple of folks notorious for this, and they stand right in front of the bathroom entrances. -CelticSkyhawk
What's worse is when it's a small group of people completely blocking a frequently-used hallway, and they will not freaking move!
-linuxmatt
Ya, I get that frequently as well, my favorite is that when they do that in the way to the staff room or bathrooms is that the only way to get there is through a door and up the stairs and frequently both look to see what the noise is and still don't move. I also frequently forget to excuse myself as I walk through them. -spectreoflife
I'm with spectre on this one. I pity those of you < 200 lbs though. Must be rough. -ThinTheHerd
I actually say "excuse me", politely yet firmly. Most will politely move, some give me dirty looks. I give 'em right back. -udoshan
Last time this happened to me, I cut one loose (massive fart) right when I was between them. They never stood there anymore -srteach
This is what the Tazer was made for. -Stryker One
One advantage of being >200lbs, six feet tall, equipped with a thousand-yard psychotic killer stare, and the ability to say "MOVE!" in the kind of voice which automatically appends "or something very unpleasant will happen". -Geminii
I really hate the ones that cluster in a doorway or other narrow passage, or even the single individual that stands there blocking all passage, until I raise my voice and say "Excuse me" in an authoritative way. They usually move. If not, I place a hand on the nearest shoulder, glare at them and say "excuse me" even louder. Most people look guilty and allow me to pass. -ecoli |
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5587.
If you don't know where to plug/unplug it, you probably shouldn't be plugging/unplugging it. If you pulled it out, like sex, you can't just stick it back in any ole hole. It tends to make the IT dept (AKA me) angry.
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-01-04] [Top]
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AAAAHHH!!!! ARMAGEDDON!! ARMAGEDDON!! <BOOM!!> -ChildofCthulhu
I keep imagining a computerized female voice saying, "That's not iiiittttt...." -duckhead
Duck, I wish it would've been that smart. We had a planned power outage over the weekend till yesterday so we told everyone to unplug everything. Well, she did just that. Unplugged every wire from ever outlet, inlet, port, etc...even the display's signal cable was unplugged at both ends. -ravensentinel
LOL sounds like they went a little into over kill mode. -THETECHFROMHELL
Just a tad. Didn't help she plugged the comp's network cable into the voice jack in the wall. To which she said "I didn't know which one it went in, so I just stuck it in. All of them have internet coming out right?" -ravensentinel
NSFW: http://sexylosers.com/199.html -Chromatix
As the old sailor said, "Any port in a storm". -AngrySup |
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5586.
I am not allowed to talk in a way that suggests I have a malfunctioning sound card. It t-t-tends to fre-freak people ooouuuttt.
[By :Dante668 / 2011-01-03] [Top]
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I would think having people asking, "So what's up with the Max Headroom impression? Is it still 1987 in your universe?" would be a big deterrent too. -MeanDean
I could see that- especially if you kept referring to them as 'in-in-in-sekts.' Ah system shock. -LDFeral
"Sir! I am the owner of this... of this... mess! And I would like to say j-j-just one thing.... w-w-w-We're Closed!" </Mel Tellis> -MadJack |
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5584.
These are not YOUR computers. Thes are OUR computers. We're just allowing you to use them so long as you're employed here, unless and until you give us a reason to delete the account we've set up for you.
[By : skippytpodar / 2010-12-29] [Top]
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That's what you think... as for the (l)users, well, if it's a laptop and they have any kind of admin rights they're going to install all sorts of software in violation of the company policy on installing non-work related software on systems. It's a losing cause sometimes... -VoiceOfSanity
And just wait until they let their 14-year-old son use the company laptop for a couple of hours one Friday night "for homework." (Took me 2 days to clean that system.) -Captain Trips
Captain Tripps - been there, done that, got the tentacle hickeys. Worse, it was a former manager's kid that 'used' the notebook. *sigh* -VoiceOfSanity |
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5583.
Just because I do something that looks easy doesn't mean that it is nor that you can do it yourself.
[By :SillyGirl / 2010-12-29] [Top]
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"Do not try this at home! We are what you would call experts!" -TieDyedDinosaur
I always think when the Mythbusters say "we get paid to do this" I think, hmm, so if I could get someone to pay me to do it, that'd be all right then? -SillyGirl
Ah, but if I play my "I reject your reality and substitute my own" card, then I trump your "Don't try this at home-EVER" card. -Captain Trips
I always wondered about that line from Mythbusters. Those guys are definitely professionals, they get paid to do what they do, but to self claim that they are "experts", seems a bit hollow. An expert "title" should really be laid upon someone by their peers in their field. -Stryker One
"We get paid to do this" = "We are professional". Other implications are that some of the money they get paid goes to protective gear and safety education. I'll grant that this is not obvious from context. I'll also grant that they have no real right to call themselves "experts", except that they have been playing or working with things that go boom for several decades now and still have all of their fingers. -chazz
Explosives + all your own fingers is no small things, but I third the dubious nature of the 'experts' qualification. Their science is pretty shaky. I remember one about gun cotton, where what's-her-name stood pretty close to a bunch of treated denim while hitting it, heating it, etc. Of course, maybe she knew that purple smoke when treating it meant something went wrong. -LDFeral
http://xkcd.com/397/ ... but, that aside, I have to argue that the fact they haven't blown themselves up remains prima facie evidence that they know what they are doing, somehow. -chazz
Corollary: Everything is easy. Until it becomes YOUR job. -Xal
this is also true of making pottery in public, doing a demo, then people ask, 'why does this coffee mug cost $15?!!! it only took you 30 seconds to throw it!' Yeah, 30 years and 30 seconds! Not to mention the time it takes to finish the form, make a handle, attach it, fire it, glaze it (make the glaze, too), clean it up after firing, material acquisition, clay body and glaze formulation time, loss of product in any of the stages of creation, packaging, transportation, marketing, etc.... you get the idea.... -figglywig |
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5582.
Making things run smoothly is overlooked & unappreciated no matter how long you manage to keep things that way. But once anything goes wrong, those that you support will suddenly forget all the smooth times & act like stuff NEVER works.
[By :SillyGirl / 2010-12-29] [Top]
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It's because the fishbrains edit out all the time where things actually work, because they don't have to even attempt to think. Once a problem of non-zero magnitude happens, they have to attempt to think, and their internal "IT'S NOT FAIR!" clock starts running. That's the only clock they track, so the only time they ever remember is on that clock. *shrug* -Grue
This goes along with my favorite quote I have posted on my desk: "If you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all." Which has often turned right around and bit me in the ass. -ravensentinel
"When we're right, you never remember. When we're wrong, you never forget or forgive." - unknown. -VoiceOfSanity
Your post just gave me an idea. You know those signs in mfg. plants that show "X number of days without an injury - work safely!"? How about one for I.T.? -ThinTheHerd
TTH- you mean something like, "XX days without a justifiable homicide of a user"? -Voz
Yeah, because accidents are usually operator error and in my business a lot of the time they are the result of shoddy software that I had no input in picking out but have to deal with at all hours of the day and bloody night. -MrsCheezil
TTH, "X number of MINUTES without a dumb question - think before you ask!" I doubt you'd need a large amount of numbers though. -lineswine |
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5580.
It is considered polite to let someone know you need to get through before simply hip-checking them out of the way.
[By :Dante668 / 2010-12-23] [Top]
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Awww, but wouldn't it be fun if life was more like a semi-pro hockey game :) -Ramblin
And here I thought all techies were psychic. -Jonos
Carry a clipboard, look worried, and move really fast. Anyone asks, "There's an issue". Move along. -AngrySup
On the other hand, when a woman walking with a crutch, and still obviously not very mobile, says "excuse me" several times to get your attention, do NOT look at her as if she's out of her mind asking you to move aside so she can get past! (Happened today to Mrs. Trips at a bookstore.) -Captain Trips
Nah, the best thing to do is when obstructed by folks you yell "MAKE A HOLE!" (old basic training routine when the sergeant wants to get through) I've done it on Bourbon St. during Mardi Gras, and you'd be amazed how many folks *DO* get out of your way. *gryn* -VoiceOfSanity
Or if the old bald man is pushing his wheel chaired wife up a airport terminal ramp yelling “Gangway!”. Just get out of his way. He’s have a weird military flashback and is late for the connecting flight. Also, whining about your foot being run over will only get you growled at. Gangway! -Year9595 |
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5579.
More of a QA rule...Asking a developer "Do you want to know how I know you don't test your code before sending it to QA?" is frowned upon.
[By :AlG / 2010-12-22] [Top]
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Don't be a pu$$y. Send it straight into production. ;) -VIPERsssss
How do I know? Because the boss doesn't complain unless I hide the bodies too close to his office. -AussieFoot
How do I know? By the Judy Patch color scheme you're using in your app. -Dr Jerkyl |
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5578.
Anyone who does not understand why IT people are frequently in a pissy mood have obviously never worked in any sort of customer support role. They also don't realize how thin a line they are frequently walking between the IT tolerating them and the tech giving into long held fantasies of beating them to death with the nearest blunt object and quitting this bitch.
[By :SillyGirl / 2010-12-22] [Top]
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I think everyone should have to work in some kind of customer service role, either food service, technical support, retail, or phone based service. Just for the perspective. -TechieSidhe
^ +1, work the front line for low pay an no recognition - and you'll think more then twice about giving the rep on the other end of the line a hard time. Except telemarketers.. those one you politly say NO and hang up.. -Harm
You said the magic word..."polite." -TechieSidhe
" NO thank you, i'm not interested, have a good evening" -Harm
Lately, I have come to realize just how easy it would be to declare bankruptcy and let them take the house... And yes, that's bad news for you, my young starfish! -TechMama
Amen to THAT. -MrsCheezil |
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5575.
Fuck all group work assignments
Everyone actually came through but after 3 courses with group work this semester just fuck it all.
[By :Icelator / 2010-12-17] [Top]
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If group work is insisted, speak with your professor about being a group of one. Explain your horrible experiences. I had one particular class where one student was so vocal, that the student got their wish. Argument was that the student was not going to have her GPA dragged down by lack of effort from lazy classmates. -PCChaos
Ah group work, another fine introduction to the world of real life. In real life you don't get to pick your team and if someone is slagging off they are probably related or have blackmail on the person giving the assignment. Just like the vague assignment you got, in the real world most manglement can't put together a coherent thought, much less a request clear enough to finish easily. /rant -Olorin
I hate group work, and don't do it every chance I get. If it was insisted, I told them that I don't work well in a group, because the others work too slowly or not at all. especially in high school. -AdmiralLaurie
I had a different problem in college as part of a two-man group. He would always call me at 8 am to get together (before breakfast, even) and my class schedule was such that my earliest class was noon, once a week. Both of us were competent, but could never agree on a schedule. -Captain Trips
We just stonewalled someone because our paper is due today, the team needs time to review and make adjustments and he said he wouldn't have his portion done until late this afternoon when we all agreed to have it done Saturday. -CelticSkyhawk |
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5573.
Never, ever, ever leave me to my own devices. Noone in my group of 4 has contacted me about the final assignment due friday, the assignment language is annoyingly ambiguous about whether a certain part is a person or automated machine. I think the report might be written as though the "shipper" is a cybernetic organism that packages and ships videos while interfacing with different systems.
[By :Icelator / 2010-12-13] [Top]
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Please share -DarkRookie
There is hope yet 1 out of 3 has contacted me. -Icelator
ummm....have you contacted them? -wylfwt
He making head way with our new overlords. Better to let them know now that the tech are on their side so they might spare us. -DarkRookie
Sounds like half of my online classes... fortunately, I've graduated and don't have to deal with that any more. *gryn* -VoiceOfSanity
I've basically done most of the previous 2 assignments, see my thread before about it only taking me 15 minutes to do someone's part. Rather than try and motivate people this time around I just started working on it and am letting them come to me. If I have to do the whole thing that's fine, they get to explain to the teacher why they didn't contact me at all. -Icelator
Wow, sounds familiar. -CelticSkyhawk |
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5572.
Halfway through a 3-hour training session, your most clueless trainee will say "Hmmmm... maybe I should put my glasses on, so I can see what you're doing..."
[By :linkv / 2010-12-08] [Top]
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Glasses don't fix cluelessness. -Stryker One
"Your glasses won't fix the fact that you forgot to bring your brain..." -Dr Jerkyl
Okay, you go get your glasses and I'll write up your termination notice... GTFO! -unrenowned |
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5571.
The word "butt-hurt" is not to be used in business correspondence, no matter what the context is.
[By :Dante668 / 2010-12-07] [Top]
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But is it ok to say "Hang on. Daddy's gotta go make wee-wee!" during a conference call with the home office? -ChildofCthulhu
something like: "....and in the response to the proposed upgrade to OS2 Warp, all I can say is, Butt-Hurt!" -duckhead
What does it say that OS/2 is an upgrade? -LDFeral
" and in conjunction to the merger of IT asets and performance metrics HOLYCHRISTISATONANUT!" -Harm
What about "backdoor Hammertime"? -VIPERsssss
Why is it that I see "butt-hurt" and my mind translates that to "burrkiss"? -Captain Trips
Cap'n, that sure sounds like the voice of hard-fought experience...care to share any stories? -ChildofCthulhu |
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5570.
Always make sure your backups are working. If not, you may need to pull an 11-hour all-nighter to get things up and running again with a two month old backup.
Backstory and a request for assistance related to the situation can be found on the forums.
[By :OgdenTechGuy / 2010-12-06] [Top]
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Hmm it didn't post the link: http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?p=165341#165341 -OgdenTechGuy |
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5569.
Just because you work on weekends it does not mean that everyone else does. Neeping that it's been THREE DAYS since you reported the problem will get it fixed faster. Technically it's only been less than a day since Saturday/Sunday don't count.
[By :Starfury / 2010-12-06] [Top]
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Just like all of those terrible problems that have been going on for 'months' and stopping you doing your job...the ones that just got reported this morning... -ChildofCthulhu
It's been affecting you for months and months even though you just got hired last week. -McSmiley
So one of our clients is going live with the new system today. If you weren't in IT you'd find the number of "oh it's not worked for months I just didn't think it was important" we've gotten today. New system manages payroll..... -Olorin
A user's view of time: Called in a ticket an hour ago, it's been a day since anyone looked at the ticket. Called in an issue on Friday, no one's contacted the user in a week when Monday morning arrives. Tech arrives 5 minutes after ticket was placed, user complains that we take too long to respond. User complains too much, tech uses flame thrower on user and computer. Solves two problems at once. -VoiceOfSanity
It's interesting to announce a big new change to corporate computers/networks/whatever, make a big deal about it for several days via email, login messages etc, and then not do it. You will still get hundreds of complaints on the due date that people's computers have been broken by "that new thing that came out today". Some probing will reveal that all of the complaints are about things which have been issues for months but never reported. Despite the extra workload, it's a good way to identify and clear up lots of minor issues _before_ a rollout, a good excuse for reformatting a whole bunch of PCs to bring them up to spec, and it can be scheduled for an otherwise typically slow day. -Geminii
Geminii, that's so evil! But it definitely should be standard practice! -Omega |
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5568.
If you title is Senior Accountant you should not have to call the help desk for basic Excel assistance...like how to format a column or print the page.
[By :Starfury / 2010-12-03] [Top]
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You may want to start asking to be paid in cash. -docbrown01
ESPECIALLY get paid in cash if you notice the color printer going through the magenta ink ... -ralphp1024
Do you work at my company? -SillyGirl
Yes, get paid in cash. And ask to be paid again. And again... If they're that bad, they may fall for it! -Voz
I once saw one of our accountants looking at an Excel spreadsheet, double checking the calculations with a hand held calulator... -LadySharky |
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5567.
I stood all I can stands, I can't stands no more.
[By :atomicbill / 2010-12-02] [Top]
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Sounds like me today at work... only I don't have a can of spinach and can't do the Popeye bit. -VoiceOfSanity
Methinks atomicbill is doing a Burma shave-type exit from his place of employ. :) I hope retirement is good to you, bill. -Tekkie
That sounds like the late Dobby. -Holdfast
Stay tuned tekkie. -atomicbill
You bet I will, bill! :D -Tekkie |
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5566.
Foo Kit. Just Foo Kit. Stay tuned for more important announcements.
[By :atomicbill / 2010-12-01] [Top]
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Now, the Foo is a strange bird. Although its droppings are noxious, if they land on you the only thing worse than its effects would be to then expose the skin back to the open air. So remember - if the Foo shits, wear it! -Captain Trips
Sometimes an accent can be a dangerous thing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbC-TXNGK1M - What he actually says is "forget" or "forget it". -AussieFoot |
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