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8118.
It's OK to call our help desk and expect them to help you when all you do is yell at them, complain that someone is remoted into your machine, interrupt them mid-question, and refuse to give them even basic information such as who you are, what the problem is, etc.
[By :  skippytpodar / 2011-10-20] [Top]
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Oooo, the "You done ree-moated into mah mahceen" tinfoil hatters - I LURRVE them. When possible, I always set the connection to disable their kb/mouse for that extra special touch for the extra specially touched... -PTSTech
This is the same person that "never has time" for you to troubleshoot. The more complex the issue, the less time they have. -TechieSidhe
Even better, your help desk is outsourced to India. Lovely kids, barely speak english, but whatever, they're cheaper than the local talent. -AngrySup |
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8116.
Old Software Today one of our users sent us some files to open. They're .ovd files. From what I can gather from my brief research the software was published in 1992 and isn't made any longer. Time to ask the client to convert to a current format and resend.
[By :Starfury / 2011-10-17] [Top]
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Comments
It could be an ObjectiveVision file, or maybe an OverDisk file. But wait! Could it be an Outlook View Definition? I am continually amazed by how much there is to know. http://msdn.microsoft.com/en-us/library/ee819848.aspx -nickdixon
We have a client that is known for sending Windows Media Player skin files...we have yet to figure out why or what they want us to do with them. -redevil34 |
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8115.
Wishing the password on a Word document to be removed because you don't know it gives you the right to yell at me that our metadata scrubber is throwing up a prompt for a password when you try to send it. And that the password prompt does not actually mean that there is a password.
[By :redevil34 / 2011-10-12] [Top]
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8114.
That a 4G cell phone connection can maintain usable connection speeds when split over 3 laptops. Furthermore, when the connection turns out to be slow, that it makes a difference to call tech support for the website you're trying to access. And, finally, after the support tech tells you to call Verizon and spends almost an hour trying to explain to you that it isn't the website's servers that are slow, that it makes a difference to call back and repeat the entire process with a different tech!
[By :scripttracer / 2011-10-11] [Top]
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Comments
Hi, everyone! Long time reader, first time poster. Heard this one from a co-worker and had to share it. -scripttracer
Stupid Lusers..... It really makes me wonder how people wipe their own butts... -beatmewithstick
Welcome to TSC! You already know not to turn your back on the Burrkiss... -chazz
Hi. Don't mind me, I come in once a week to service the water coolers. -MeanDean |
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8113.
That, as a national, you can ship out a work order with part A having an old address, part B having a horribly misspelled address (for the new one), and not giving a local contact number, the WO will still be run on time. Also, that you can call for a 7:30 AM CDT WO to be run when you don't show up into the office until 8 AM PDT (10 AM CDT for the time-zone impaired).
[By : ralphp1024 / 2011-10-11] [Top]
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8112.
Simultaneously running three different antivirus programs and two anti-malware programs will not affect the performance of your laptop.
[By :ThinkGuy / 2011-10-11] [Top]
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Comments
Well, of course not! An anti-virus program makes your computer 20% faster (because it's not running viruses), so with five of them, it's like a computer upgrade! Download RAM for everyone! -LDFeral
LDFeral: here you are: http://downloadmoreram.com/ -DarkRookie |
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8111.
When you have an IT contractor do a job and then refuse to pay them for six months, after which the contractor sues you, you should agree to appear on political endorsement commercials on all local broadcast stations, ESPECIALLY after your excuse in court was that you were having family issues and hadn't had time to 'go to the bank'. This would never possibly come back to bite you in the arse.
[By :metaice / 2011-10-10] [Top]
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Comments
Oh, and I did win that case. And I just emailed the judge a copy of the commercial. In 1080p. -metaice
Doesn't have time to go to the bank, but does have time to film a commercial? I hope he has time to go to court - or he'll find himself DOING time. -Captain Trips |
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8110.
It's OK to call twice a day to request the status of a ticket to have four computers put in a room, when the room has no electrical outlets, no furniture, and no network jacks.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-10-05] [Top]
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Comments
I had that happen to me at my previous work location. Mangler called, wanting computers placed into a new room that had no outlets, no phone jacks and no network jacks. Oh yeah, he was moving people that afternoon to start working in there. *SNERK* It was a week before the electrical contractor could show up just for the wall plugs. "But can't you sprinkle your magic IT pixie dust and make it happen?" -VoiceOfSanity
How does the lack of facilities affect your job of putting the computers in the room? They didn't explicitly say they had to function, did they? -Jeckler
Yeah, I think putting four computers on the floor, not plugged into anything, then closing the ticket is the way to go. -thx1138
We started getting work orders for PCs a few months ago for a project that IS did not even know was starting. Turns out our parent company is providing them for this project and the managers found out in a meeting three months ago. We just found out today. -TechieSidhe
That's entirely typical here too, TS. Manglement will decide months in advance to move on something, and then only tell us two days before it's supposed to be completed, and the prep work alone for it takes at least a week. -skippytpodar
Even better, the PCs were delivered to the parent company IT people that were supposed to prep them, and they didn't know either. -TechieSidhe
I went round and round with a manager here that wanted me to install a computer in an office with no desk. Kept asking me every day if I installed it yet, and every day I'd check and there was still no desk. Finally he screamed at me that there was a desk and I needed to install in NOW! So I set it up on the floor and told him it was done. He came to my office later that afternoon and apologized, his people told him that they installed the desk when they didn't. He never checked for himself. -Gunpe
Heh i can top that. I get a call to go on site and install a pc. electrician has not been there yet. So no outlets or jacks. Mangler asks so can't you just turn on the wi-fi doesn't it support POE. Apparently the techs had to explain how the cameras worked at one time or another, and he just thought the computer cords were just for show. -deedadee
I got a request once for three workstations to be installed in a room with no power or network. Not a new room without them installed yet. One that has never had nor ever will have power or network drops. It was a storage room. -ThinkGuy |
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8109.
You have an Imac, therefore, if you have Microsoft Office 2011 for Mac installed, it makes total sense to call Applecare support because the last time you launched it, it asked you to update. Then when you relaunched it, it asked you to do the same update. "But it's on my mac"
[By :Grembo / 2011-10-03] [Top]
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Comments
If Microcrap can't make good working, infalliable software for Windows, they certainly aren't going to do well in any other OS environment. -ravensentinel
good, working, infallible. Pick two. (In M$ case it is just one most times.) Hell I have troubles with getting one myself sometimes. -DarkRookie
they should have called a day after gif animator. -stiffarm
...or, they should have called it a day after gif animator. -stiffarm |
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8108.
That by bugging me day in and day out, sometimes hourly, about your account and your computer, that anything will get done any faster. Threatening to go to my next teir level support will only get you kicked right back to me. They have your ticket and they have 4 days to respond. It has been 2 days and you know this. Had you and your company done things properly and got all your information together BEFORE seeing me, all of your packets wouldn't have got kicked back and had to be re-submitted. (/end rant)
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-09-30] [Top]
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8107.
When IS calls you and tells you to not run a report because too many people are running it, the obvious next thing to do is to immediately go and run the report. Twice. Then tell off the help desk because you didn't get their report.
[By :TechieSidhe / 2011-09-30] [Top]
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I have been yelled at by two managers because they don't want to wait for the report. One harangued me for 10 minutes asking for a "solution" over and over again, not letting me talk. The solution? Don't run the thing when everyone else is trying to do it. -TechieSidhe |
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8106.
Actually a Cow-Irker Misconception: That you have any right to act indignant towards me when I call you out YET AGAIN when you forward email issues to myself and the Sr. SysAdmin when you have been told MULTIPLE TIMES (and as recently as YESTERDAY) that neither of us have ANY admin access to the email system. And yes, her supervisor and the PM were CC'd on this. If you thought that was "Attitude", you ain't seen NOTHIN' yet...
[By : Grayhawk / 2011-09-30] [Top]
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8105.
It's somehow OUR fault that you went on an unauthorized site on work time, with a work computer, had a nasty virus load itself on your PC, and then forced us, per policy, to remove our computer, reimage it after failing to remove the virus to the satisfaction of the security folks, and then yell at my boss why a piece of software wasn't installed when you got the computer back after you told us that you don't remember the name of the software, and don't have any of the media for it either.
It's also somehow our fault that you had to reschedule several patients because your computer was no longer functional as a direct result of you getting the virus, including a patient that had to fly in, paying for that ticket out of their own pocket.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-09-29] [Top]
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Comments
if that laptop had any patient data, he should consider himself lucky that he didn't get himself canned for exposing the hospital to possible hipaa violations. -McSmiley
Skippy, don't you guys have a firewall with an allowed sites list? Or at least a forbidden sites list? (We do, but we've found if people type in "https://" then the access list is ignored. But we have cheap firewalls. Fortunately, most of our people are afraid to even plug a monitor in to the power outlet!) -Captain Trips
Trips, you have appearantly never seen a management held hostage by a doctor before. It is that way here, the only doctor I have seen fired killed one underage drunk girl and crippled another then ran from police before he was fired. -OldScratch |
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8104.
Work e-mail account It's a good idea to use your work e-mail account for all of your online shopping. All the junk you've signed up for won't flood your inbox daily with non-work related mail and when you leave the company updating all those sites will automatically happen.
[By :Starfury / 2011-09-28] [Top]
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As much as my place of work constantly reminds people that your work address is meant for work-related correspondences, people use it as a dump for daily news sites, catalog sales, even personal email with the family. Not much you can do about it, other than discreetly clicking "unsubscribe" while the starfish are amused by something shiny outside...
-VoiceOfSanity
take a suggestion form bill gates, deduct one penny for every none work related email they send/receive -Icelator
I blocked yahoo mail hotmail and gmail. I figured that would put the kibosh on most personal email use. -virusjtg
These are my users. Their email is 10 percent business, 99 percent catalogs, weekend planning, church bulletins, family drama, "Forward if you love Jesus" chain letters, and "inspirational" emails. I have talked to the manager 10 times, and the users a hundred more and they pretty much ignore us. Sadly, IT has very little enforcement ability. -TechieSidhe
(Realizing the above percentages don't add up.) It's 1 percent business. -TechieSidhe
That's OK TS. Obviously, the boss had told them he wanted "110 percent effort" from them. They only reached 109%, and that was by back-filling with a lot of other stuff! -Voz |
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8103.
More of a coworker misconception-Dont complain about the cost the 17 dollar calculator you need to pass the certification test when said test costs 300 dollars and the nearest test site is 6 hours away. Neither me or my colleague who have actually passed the exam will take any pitty on you, especially when you fail in a month.
[By :OldScratch / 2011-09-27] [Top]
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I'm currently facing down that cost for my CCNA exam. Ouchie. But it's still cheaper than the 4 college courses I get to get out of by having it. Let's see? 300 dollars vs 1500 dollars? Yeah. -TechieSidhe |
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8100.
Dad misconception: Plugging a printer with a wire into a wired router makes it a wireless printer.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-09-26] [Top]
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Comments
Is your dad my dad? (On the other hand, he and Pam were completely THRILLED when I set their printer to be shared over the home network.) -Seamyst
Corollary- unplugging a wired printer or other equipment will make it "wireless"... -Voz
First of a series: http://notalwaysright.com/wireless-clueless-and-hopeless/1950 -AnneBWalsh |
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8099.
Misconception by a good 2/3 of my department, including 2 Helldesk tiers, Specialists, and the people who programmed the login screen himself:
The user will not have any legitimate reason to set their system language to one with a partially non-roman character set, (given that this is impossible with the standard image of Windows provided to our clients) and therefore this will not be an issue when logging in to our Social Services oriented custom CRM.
In hindsight, the "Interpreter" roles were a hint.
[By :Dhamp / 2011-09-23] [Top]
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Comments
No comment. (Doh!) -ravensentinel
You can remove duplicates of this tale easily. -lineswine |
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8098.
Misconception by a good 2/3 of my department, including 2 Helldesk tiers, Specialists, and the people who programmed the login screen himself:
The user will not have any legitimate reason to set their system language to one with a partially non-roman character set, (given that this is impossible with the standard image of Windows provided to our clients) and therefore this will not be an issue when logging in to our Social Services oriented custom CRM.
In hindsight, the "Interpreter" roles were a hint.
[By :Dhamp / 2011-09-23] [Top]
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Comments
Reminds me of something I heard about a few years ago, some program that went through rigorous testing to make sure it would behave as intended when CORRECT values were entered. No one bothered to test what would happen if one entered complete gibberish or just a typo. -Calydor
Gibberish instead of passwords, clue-by-four can handle.
The user was doing *absolutely nothing wrong* which is why it was so damn irtitating. -Dhamp
I am sensing deja vu -DarkRookie |
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8097.
Having the three users in your department all submit a ticket for the exact trivial issue is going to make us work the ticket three times faster, when in fact, it's actually the inverse. The more people bug us, the longer it's going to take.
[By :TechieSidhe / 2011-09-21] [Top]
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Three? When a minor, trivial app fails here we hear it from no less than five - and those five are all department heads at that! -Captain Trips
12 total employees including me, you guess what happens. -Olorin |
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8095.
Just because your p.o.s. cell phone dropped a call does not mean I hung up on you. Also reporting that to your manager will just result in me recording all calls to and from you as well as conversations at this point. Also, do note that your manager is as spineless as you, so nothing of consequence will happen.
[By :OldScratch / 2011-09-20] [Top]
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So you were talking to a child right? -shadedworld |
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8094.
More a cow-irker misconception.. It's OK to tell a luser to call us back when the printer starts smoking because you don't feel like replacing a printer fuser that throws fuser errors on the printer faster than a pedophile throws out candy at Halloween. And yes, Mr. 33 Years really did say this to a luser recently.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-09-20] [Top]
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Okay, obviously your company is never going to get rid of Mr. 33-years and it is also obvious that he is trying to burn the place down. I invoke the Tech's Imperious Eradicus! Bring us the body, we'll take care of the rest.... -unrenowned
ahem - we have no idea as to what unrenowned speaks of... none. at. all. nothing happend nothing will happen taht has not been pre ordained to happen by chaos theory. accidents happen all the time.. people snap and wander off into the swamps.. -Harm
true, true... and in any case I saw skippytpodar, unrenowned and Harm nowhere near the incident... not that I knew there was an incident, that is... WAS there an incident? Oh, really? how.. um.. incidental.. that was... -Diptera
i have this signed affidavid and several photos AND receipts (again dated) from our outting at the pub. -Harm
Wait, Mr. 33 Years actually got sucked INTO the printer's fuser?!? However did that happen? (Oh, wait, that comment wasn't supposed to be posted until after it happens...) -Voz
At my place of business we have an old joke, more of an inside joke. See our ticket system has 15 break/fix levels and we only use level 1 or 2. So we joke that level 13 will take care of all problem users:-) -shadedworld |
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8093.
Call Forwarding. If all the staff on an entire floor are in training all day and are unavailable to answer their calls, that I can click my fingers and magically change the call forwarding settings for all extensions on this floor to go to reception with no advance notice and no helpdesk request.
A user from this floor came to my desk to request this whilst the training had already started and they realised that no calls were being answered. I replied "do you realise how long this is going to take us to do this!
If you want unanswered calls to go to reception then talk to your General Manager and get him to approve this. It was the General Manager"s decision in his infinite wizdom to have the call forwarding settings for all staff on this floor set to have all unanswered calls bounce around to the admin officers and executive assistants on the floor. If all admin officers, executive assistants and all staff on the enitre floor are in training then who is going to answer the calls??
[By :jp / 2011-09-20] [Top]
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Comments
Who will secrete the secretaries? (uh.) Who will assist the self-same assistants? (better) -LDFeral |
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8091.
That yes, i would love to carry a new line printer out to your desk, even though we just finished discussing that i was just in the hospital for a torn back muscle.
[By :metaball / 2011-09-19] [Top]
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But it's a line printer, and everyone knows that a line is just one dimension. Without width or height, it can't weight anything, so therefore a line printer has no weight! </sf logic> -DukeOfURL
A few years ago, I was 2 days out of foot surgery on crutches. A co-worker wanted me to walk up stairs carrying a large stack of printouts. *sigh* -MisterCommon
That was brilliant sf logic. -metaball |
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8090.
That because you are afraid the epoxy I used wasnt applied using an aplicator gun, and you can't pull the part that was epoxied off, or it shows absolutely no signs of creep, that I will get give two s---s about your fears that the thing might fall off. If it hasnt as much as moved in 1 week than it is fixed, so please leave me alone.
[By :OldScratch / 2011-09-16] [Top]
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Reciprocal of this story- we worked on ECM pods, (Radar jammers) and the high power output RF amplifiers (TWT) were attached to the cold plate with a layer of Thermal Interface Material (Heat sink). You haven't lived until you take a failed pod apart where they used white RTV silicone rubber instead of the white cadmium TIM. -jerrybear |
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8089.
Client (a hospital) misconception: it is perfectly reasonable to tell us to email you a spreadsheet containing patient data without even protecting it with a password. HIPAA is optional.
[By :thx1138 / 2011-09-14] [Top]
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Comments
I'm sure burrkiss would pay good money to see them get screwed up the arse by JCAHO for that HIPAA violation... -skippytpodar
If they don't care about the rules, tell them about the fines and bad PR they will get WHEN (not if) caught. -Holdfast
We don't have to answer to HIPAA, not being in the medical field, but we have our restrictions too. A former Network Manager went so far as to require us to put passwords into a password-protected zip file, e-mail that, then e-mail the user the password for the zip file. (He didn't, or chose not to, see the contradictions that involved.) -Captain Trips
Holdfast - that's tempting, except we would get fined too. And for some reason they don't let me talk directly to clients. Something about diplomacy. -thx1138
A short statement, saying "I am unable to comply with your request due to HIPAA regulations" will generate a paper trail. keep replying in the same way, until overridden by someone high enough to know better. creates a great CYA. {I used the same reason for not accepting any paperwork to deal with excuses for absence. Their supervisor had to approve/take the blame} -madonnac
I bumped it up to my boss, who bumped it up to the legal department. -thx1138 |
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8087.
These things come in twos. Employing a webhosting company that does not:
1. Update the open source software on their OWN website
2. Update the open source software on YOUR website
Will result in two more things:
1. Both of the sites being defaced with malware include commands because of the five year old security flaws in the software
2. You receiving an email from me explaining you are incompetent and shouldn't be running a website because my end users are whining our antivirus solution will not let them on and I'm tired of listening to them.
[By :metaice / 2011-09-13] [Top]
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8086.
That five weeks after I've left a job, I'm going to remember the day-to-day minutiae of it. Fortunately, in this case, I did remember the particular thing I was being asked about. It still wasn't the answer they were looking for, but that's not my fault.
[By :AnneBWalsh / 2011-09-12] [Top]
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Comments
Last week, I had a client stop me on the street (his office is across the parking lot) to ask me a question about a nearly 18 month old project. Let me note that this particular client is one of two that my employer has confirmed to me stopped using our services specifically because I came out as trans. But apparently I'm still good enough to answer questions when their contractor screws up. -Transkaren
TK- I hope you've invited the prat to become intimately experienced with a chainsaw? -Seamus
Did you charge them consultant rates? 2 hour minimum in cash? -Starfury
I've been at my new worksite for 7 months now. I still get pages from my cow-orkers at the other site about where things are and how to do certain installs. This is after I left instructions and information... *sigh* They're good folks, just... a touch slow when it comes to some of the technical issues.
-VoiceOfSanity
Seamus - No, unfortunately, I'm not a tech, I'm an Engineer. Part of that means that once we're responsible for a project, we're responsible for a project. We cannot fire a client for anything except the grossest of violations. Even the guy that indirectly threatened me (2nd hand report: "I wouldn't send Karen on any inspections out here, I don't know if my employees would react well") is still being supported. -Transkaren
TK - I think the laws defining a hostile work environment override anything your contract may say - any contract that contains an illegal clause is null and void. And requiring you to put up with (verbal or physical) assault is illegal. So you DON'T have to do ANYTHING for them - as they have verbally assaulted you for no good reason. ("Hey, we don't like how you are a different gender than when you started" is definitely NOT a good reason.) -Captain Trips
While I agree with you, this is almost all hearsay. I'd have a hard time proving it. Yes, I can tell when "the look" says "I think you're scum", but it's hard to prove damage in this case. Plus, small office - I'm *not* the Engineer of Record, but I do work for him. And if I *don't* do the work/answer the questions, I get less billable time (because I don't get salary). Basically, my workplace sucks. But I can't seem to get another job. -Transkaren |
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8085.
Newly promoted HR Driod walks into IT. "I think something is wrong with my blackberry. The battery isn't lasting as long as it used too." Me: "Well I would assume with your recent promotion your usage has increased and it is draining your battery faster." Her: "No, I don't think my usage has gone up. I just make more calls and get more emails" This is the point where I just get up and leave the room without saying a word.
[By :Puggiman / 2011-09-12] [Top]
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"So you've used it more than previously - IE made more calls and sent / recived more emails? " " NO i've made more calls and sent more emails!" *launches vary large dictionary is persons direction* -Harm
"So you're saying your foot hurts?" "No, doc, my foot is in pain." -skippytpodar
"So your car won't start again aye?" "No, when I push the button, nothing happens." "Are you pushing the Start button?" "Yes" "Where are you?" "At my desk." <facepalm> -ravensentinel
"So, Mr. Mouse, you want to divorce Minnie because you say she's crazy?" "No, Your Honor, I said, 'because she's fucking Goofy!'" -Captain Trips
Cue the anvil... -PTSTech
..& the coyote with a resigned look on his face, for about 3 seconds. -lineswine |
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8084.
It's perfectly alright to stop me in the hallway whilst I hold a hot coffee in one hand, and a hot breakfast sandwich in the other (because the place didn't get its shipment of bags on time) to try to give me your laptop & tell me about your problem for the third time after I already told you to call the Help Desk, and then three minutes later, come to my office as I'm about to take a first bite of said sandwich to drop off said laptop, after I again told you to call the Help Desk FIRST.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-09-08] [Top]
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did you give him a reciept? if no, then sell laptop on ebay. your defense? I couldnt have worked on it, it is supposed to goto help desk. -burrkiss
Another reason for her to call the Help Desk first? The problem requires the laptop to be re-imaged & re-encrypted from scratch, and we don't have a copy of the image here, nor do we really want to either... -skippytpodar
Keep your liability low. Do nothing to it. -srteach
Deliver it to her boss, with a note explaining that there's a required process not being followed. -Grue
50/50 the persons boss is just as bad, maybe even worse??? -jerrybear
Here at $We_Build_Things_With_Wings, we have something called the Laptop Service Center. My usual refrain when asked about laptops that I'm not assigned to work on (namely the executives) is always the same: "Have you called the Help Desk or gone down to the LSC with this?" If no, I tell them to do so. I won't work on $average_luser's system unless directed, I have more important folks ahead in the queue. -VoiceOfSanity
Of course, if they're shoving it into your hands, which are already full, it would almost be worth having to get a new coffee and sandwich if you "accidentally" fumbled the hand-off, missed getting hold of their computer, dropped it, and to add insult to injury, in a valiant effort to catch the falling computer, dropped your coffee and sandwich, which would land on top of the poor computer... "Honest, boss, I even tried to catch their computer, but my hands were full!" -Voz |
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8083.
That on a server that has 2 2 terabyte hard drives installed (in a non-RAID configuration), you should wonder why the OS complains about insufficient space on the C: drive....when that drive occupies exactly 8GB of one of the 2 TB drives. Oh, and by the way, the OS in question was Server 2003. To my surprise it actually installed and ran fine in that small a partition. By the way, this was a "brand new" server that had nothing else whatsoever installed on it. Yeah, you're reinstalling the OS and putting it on a decent sized partition.
[By :tech4alltrades / 2011-09-07] [Top]
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There is so much wrong with this. -ravensentinel
Dell...Dell....Dell... (no?)
It's an idiotic way to set up a server -CTYankee |
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8082.
It's OK to call and insist that we help you for a program you have been specifically told not to use, that is made by a company we have no licenses or contracts with, nor do any of our technicians have any knowledge or training on.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-09-07] [Top]
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"But Harvard Graphics is the industry standard! This issue of Byte magazine says so!" -AmazingKreskin
WHY WILL YOU NOT SUPPOT MY PURPLE MONKEY!!!! SUPPOT THE MONKEY!! NOOOOWWWWW!!!! owowowowowowowoooOOOOOOOOOOWWWWoooioWWWWW -Harm |
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8081.
Probably listed here somewhere already, but it's happened again. So many clients seem to think that, if you have anti-virus software installed, you can open your browser and surf away without any concerns over what you are clicking on.
[By :TechMama / 2011-09-02] [Top]
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My purple monkey protects me. -Gerund
Has anyone else ever been told by a user that "everyone knows" that you get more protection from an expired 30/60/90/etc day trial of something that should cost money than the free A/V thay we keep advising them to use? -Holdfast
Yes with this software I can visit pornandspyware.com without any fear of infection! -shadedworld |
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8080.
All right; this is an old misconception, but a very recent incident, which makes it all the funnier in a pathetic way. Two weeks ago, I get a panicked, high priority, voice message. This individual, a recent hire, claims that her computer won't start when she presses the power button. She has one of the newer, more expensive systems in the building, and is in an imporant high level position within the organization. I rush in to her office, double check with her what is wrong, and then push the power button on the system. It starts right up. She immediately becomes defensive and asks me what I have done (in an angry tone). I say that I just pushed the power button on her computer. She tells me that I have not, and points to her monitor, stating that that is her computer. I tell her that that is not her computer, that is her monitor. She completely misses my point and says, "If that is not my computer, who does it belong to and why is it on my desk?" I make an attempt to explain: "No, I am sorry, perhaps I wasn't clear. That is your monitor; it is attached to your computer, but it, itself, is not your computer. It is yours, and belongs on your desk. But turning it on will not turn your computer on." This just seemed to fluster and confuse her all the more, and she told me to take it (the LCD monitor) away from her desk if it was not her computer. So, I tried to explain the relationship between her monitor and computer in very simple terms: "This is attached to your computer; it shows you what is happening inside your computer and gives you visual feedback so you may control your computer using the mouse - it's not your computer but it is connected to your computer and you cannot use your computer without it." I didn't know what else to say; I mean, it has been a really really long time since I have had to explain such basic concepts to someone. Especially in an office environment. These are basic office skills. Basic living in this society skills. IDK. WTF else could I have done? In any event; she wasn't happy with me.
[By :blurp / 2011-09-02] [Top]
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Starfish hear "computer" and their brains solidify. You need to create an analogy for them. "It's kind of like a TV and a DVD player. The DVD player plays the movies, and the TV attached to it shows you the movies. This box here is doing the computer stuff, and this here is the TV that shows you what the box part is doing." If you want to prove a point, you can go on: "If you look at the keyboard and mouse really carefully, you'll find they plug into the box part, and that's how the box part knows what you want it to do." -chazz
chazz - too funny; when I was explaining to her that the monitor was attached to the computer, I actually, simultaneously, showed her the cable and ran my fingers along from the monitor to the computer. Didn't seem to help. -blurp
You should have taken her monitor for yourself. After all that's what she told you to do. See how much work she would get done, and when she requested it back it would 'unfortunately' have been 're-assigned', but there's this waiting list for new monitors ... -Calydor
i would have done exactly what she asked for... disconnected the monitor and walked away.. after getting her to put it in writting :) -Harm
and when she demanded it back, she doesn't sound like the "requester" type, I'd have dug out the oldest and biggest CRT screen that we had the still worked, mostly, and plopped that back on her desk. Reassign the newer monitor to some hottie in the company. -ChildofCthulhu
Ask her how she's going to work on her computer if you take the monitor away, then do so. She'll look like a fool to anyone that comes in and asks her why she isn't working. "IT took the computer away, they are supposed to give me mine." "But that's it under your desk, where's your monitor?" "I had them take it away since it's not my computer." -Captain Trips
Take out a piece of paper and have the user write down what they want you to do and date/sign it. Then remove the monitor and see what happens. You'll have documentation you did exactly what was asked of you. -Starfury
This kind of shit from a user infuriates me. Seriously: you're paid a huge wage being an important member of the organization and you don't have the fucking smarts to know the difference between the PC itself and the monitor? It is 2011, I an through hand holding and coddling these idiots. Your job requires you to use a computer. LEARN WHAT THE FUCK IT IS. (sorry, rant over) -JoeLugian
I can't help wondering what they think the tower does if the monitor is the computer. -thx1138
thx1138: I had one older worker who thought it was a foot warmer. No joke. -AnneBWalsh
this is your dvd player, this is your tv got it? -Icelator
Well put. If you don't know how to turn on a computer and what the difference is between a monitor and the computer then you shouldn't be working in an company or office environment or own a computer PERIOD. Have the fucking disipline and professionalism to learn these things as using a computer is part of your job. If you don't know how to use a computer you don't know how to do your job. If you don't know how to do your job then ask for help or training. I even suggested to our Human Resources department once that staff attend a basic computer skills course which didn't go down well. -jp
*lol* I've had a few of those conversations over the years myself. My usual response once finished explaining the confusion the person caused is that they ask me if I think that they are an idiot. I have yet to be annoyed enough to say yes however. -spectreoflife
What else could you do? I don't know, maybe... SLAP HER? HARD? -FuzzyElf |
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8078.
That sending me a screenshot of the document you want put on the website followed by a screenshot of where the document is on the FTP site is the same as just emailing me the document.
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-09-01] [Top]
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At least they gave you some kind of information as to where the real document would be located. Most users I've had to deal with would stop at including the document screenshot with no other information. -AmazingKreskin
I'd get a screen shot of a page in the document. -redevil34
I'd get an e-mail with a scanned-in attachment of a printout of one page of the document. (Xerox scanner/printers create PDF's, which are useless for editing!) -Captain Trips |
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8077.
"My computer will not even power up, so my internet is not working!"
[By :Servano / 2011-08-31] [Top]
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My car won't start. Send Highway maintenance out to fix the road! -flapjackboy
My car won't access the highway! sure it and my neighbourhood are currently a flamming ball of explosive death due to the burning munitions factory behind the house - FIX THE ROADWAYS NOW!! -Harm
I thought Al Gore owned the Internet? -Captain Trips |
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8075.
HDTV and Digital TV are the same thing.
[By :Servano / 2011-08-24] [Top]
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Well, they are the same crap. Or do you get great and new programming where you live? In our case, a lot of reruns and very old shows and movies that look the same in digital or HD. -buitre
500 channels, and nothing's on. -AmazingKreskin
Yes, and a car and a truck are the same thing. -burrkiss
Even normal digital TV is a vast improvement over analog TV and VHS tape. Even normal digital TV recorded to VHS tape is better than analog TV. HD looks good up close but once you sit 5+ metres away from the TV, you find you are watching the story and not the pixels. -Wraith556
Having lived at the edge of the coverage area, I disagree. Digital TV is a bad idea because it does not degrade gracefully like analog TV does. A bit of static and bad sound does not faze me that much, but sudden interruptions and both going away during an exciting scene sucks! -Fortytwo
Just so, 42. The dramatic pops of disabling sound, the stuttering, frozen images; grotesque stills of half-open mouths and squinted eye, all the more unsettling due to the eerie smoothness of the picture. -LDFeral
... And where I live, ANY TV means another $40/month bill, which I don't feel like paying. We finally got DSL service back in March; if I care enough to watch it, I'll visit Hulu. -MeanDean
$40?! fraak me! the cable side of my cable/internet/phone is about$80. we may aprox $200 a month for the combination. and at that we watch maybe 20 chanels out of the 500 or so. -Harm
In my field,I was referring to customer responses to statements or questions. ie; how many HD-DVRs do you have? cs: ALL my boxes are HD! (meaning digital) -Servano |
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8074.
The fact that you stumble, fumble and stammer when randomly asked if you have the software needed installed, after lying to us again in the past about it, causing you to be over an hour late getting online, and forcing the person before you to run over due to your b.s that should've been solved in between times, that we won't let you go right then and there. The same applies for lying to the boss and saying that so and so was lying about this, or that she was skiving off to go play a game. Oh, that dent in the wall? That's from my head.
[By :AdmiralLaurie / 2011-08-18] [Top]
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Owwies! *gently snuggles your head* -lineswine |
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8073.
It's OK to stop me in the hallway for three "simple" questions, that turns into a 45 minute clusterf^&* when I'm busy enough as it is today.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-08-17] [Top]
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My wife bought me a t-shirt that says "There cannot be a crisis today. My schedule is already full." I've written this on my board but people refuse to read it. (My bad handwriting is no excuse.) -Olorin
@Olorin You could have removed the last word of your sentence (before the parentheses) and it still would have been true. Sad, really. -RDMcMains
Best t-shirt ever: "I'm sorry, I can only deal with one idiot today. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking to good, either." -AmazingKreskin
This same reason is why today, field work that should have taken three hours took five hours. I have sites where I will not answer "one more question" or even ask if there is anything else I can do, because I will be there all day. -TechieSidhe |
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8072.
I can assist you with configuring the VPI and VCI and disable PPPoE on your DOCSIS 3.0 cable modem.
Also, DSL is pronounced much like "diesel".
[By :linuxmatt / 2011-08-13] [Top]
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Dipshit Subscriber Line? -Seamus
Ah, hera at Very Cool Internet, we do pronounce it as Diesel,,,,,,,,,,,,, -beatmewithstick
at big red, I liked calling their fiber optic product feezo and their dsl deezo. -areatech |
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8071.
More of a cow-irker misconception:
That we will believe you when you say you got 4 PC's imaged and ready to go yesterday, while the server containing said images & ancillary software requred to update them has been down since Monday morning due to an electrical problem in the room in which it was located.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-08-10] [Top]
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33 years XP i take it? -Harm
Your example is precisely why I have a DVD set with the current image load! -Grue |
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8070.
The notes I gave you after troubleshooting are merely a waste of space. YOu don't need to keep, memorize or actually, y'know, use them for anything. Even if you don't need them, you might want to file them away. Oh,. and don't lie and say you put them away. I heard you delete them via your speakers. Skype isn't one way, you a$$hat.
[By :AdmiralLaurie / 2011-08-09] [Top]
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"Well, you see, we figured they were more like guidelines..." -Captain Trips
"Dis heer comik strip dint have no pikturs so I's just gonna t'row it away." -MisterCommon |
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8069.
Your computer didn't get infected by a virus because you downloaded something called "sexyladies.exe".
[By :xhi / 2011-08-08] [Top]
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Damn straight (pardon the expression). It was sexydudes.exe. -concept14
I think you're both optimistic - 'sexybeasts.exe' -LDFeral
Man, where is Burkiss on this one? I bet it was sexymanbeastswithvegitablesgoatselemonpartytubgirl.exe -0gr3
IT BURNS!! IT BURNS!!
-VoiceOfSanity
...when I pee. -Chromatix |
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8068.
It is OK to leave 6 messages on a Sunday ranging from frustrated through to offensive (in the space of about 20 minutes) because your WOW addicted son figured out how to do a hard reset on the wireless router to bypass the scheduled rules.
Yes his university studies may be suffering but perhaps some active parenting on your part years ago might have played a bigger part in your obnoxious offspring's habits instead of band-aid fixes now he is an adult.
[By :Bloke / 2011-08-07] [Top]
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Somehow, I think he'll be doing just fine. Granted he may need some spit & polish, but that kid may make a pretty fair IT guy someday.. -skippytpodar
Oh Skippy, don't say that! TOO MANY of the new generation IT PFY think a hard reset is the answer to EVERYTHING! (It's just the answer to almost everything, including customer penalties!) -CyBear
coul d go into IT... but given gthe addiction to WOW somehow i don't think they would do much. -Harm
A hard reset on my router loses the internet connection as it clears the DSL account passwords until I can reload the router settings and manually type them in. Former roomie self larted himself several times doing that. -PolarCoyote
PC: Pretty much most/all of them do that. It also drives home the point that it's a good idea to back up the router's configuration somewhere on a locally connected machine. -BayouTech
This is a wireless router attached to a cable modem that requires no authentication apart from the modems mac address, so he left the wireless unencrypted into the deal. -Bloke |
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