18920.
Today was a Monday dressed in Friday's clothing.
[By :vacuumtubes / 2011-10-28] [Top]
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Monday shouldn't wear frilly pink bras like that. -Mushroom
Could be worse. Other people's Friday nights ALWAYS masquerade as my Monday mornings. Whadda time to start yer week... - MadJack
I lost track of what day is what long ago, as a night shifter who works a week that overlaps the weekend, (as well as shifts that overlap the days), I end up just having one from Column Monday, and one from Column Friday each and every day. I just got home from my Friday to Saturday that's most people's Thursday. I think. -Voz |
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18916.
Overheard this from a fellow agent
There is a language barrier goin on here. You speak English and I speak American. I am trying hard to understand you, but it is not working.
[By : DarkRookie / 2011-10-26] [Top]
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"Rory? Yeah I know Rory. He's not to be underestimated, you've got to look past the hair and the cute, cuddly thing - it's all a deceptive facade. A few nights ago Rory's Roger iron's rusted, so he's gone to the local battle-cruiser to catch the end of his footer. Nobody is watching the custard so he turns the channel over. A fat man's north opens and he wanders over and turns the Liza over. 'Now fuck off and watch it somewhere else.' Rory knows claret is imminent, but he doesn't want to miss the end of the game; so, calm as a coma, he stands and picks up a fire extinguisher and he walks straight past the jam rolls who are ready for action, then he plonks it outside the entrance. He then orders an Aristotle of the most ping pong tiddly in the nuclear sub and switches back to his footer. 'That's fucking it,' says the guy. 'That's fucking what' says Rory. Rory gobs out a mouthful of booze covering fatty; he then flicks a flaming match into his bird's nest and the man's lit up like a leaky gas pipe. Rory, unfazed, turned back to his game. His team's won too. Four-nil." </lock stock> -AmazingKreskin
Whoa! Lady I only speak two languages, English and bad English.</Korben Dallas> -ChildofCthulhu
England and America - two nations separated by a common language. -Captain Trips
England and America - two nations separated by a big ocean. -MisterCommon
England and America: Two nations separated by their tastes in bad food and alcohol. [American beer? If you want tap water, there's a fountain by the loo.]
-VoiceOfSanity
England and America: Two nations separated by their tastes in football. One has a bunch of girly men running around a field random kicking a ball and falling down. The other has big millionaires trying to knock the shit outta each other every five minutes. -DarkRookie
Dark Rookie...we DO have big men knocking the crap out of each other, but without the obscene amounts of padding....it's called "Rugby". -lineswine |
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18915.
My Boss: "$CoWorker was fired yesterday, for embezzlement."
My Response: "So... I guess that means her candy stash is up for grabs...
[By :linkv / 2011-10-20] [Top]
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If that was my company, the candy stash would not have lasted more than 30 seconds after she left her desk. -TechieSidhe
When that happened here, she left no candy. (Worse - she worked in payroll!) -Captain Trips
round most places the candy / anything in the office would have been gone before her chair started to cool. -Harm |
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18914.
Story from co-worker - overheard two of our senior (attorney and secretary) users. Atty is getting in international phone for a trip and has to test it to make sure it actually works (meaning he doesn't know how to use it and has to have his hand held while making/receiving calls). Sec calls atty, phone doesn't ring immediately, atty tells sec it's not ringing. Sec: "It's not immediate, it (the call) has to go all the way to the satellite (NOT a satellite phone) and back first."
[By :redevil34 / 2011-10-16] [Top]
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Well, to give her credit, she did seem to understand light-speed delays. -Captain Trips
I don't find this very unreasonable even if it isn't specifically a satellite phone. At least she gives a reason for delays that can be easily accepted and likely won't be too far off the truth if he's on the other side of the planet for his meeting. -Calydor
And the phone could actually work on a completely different system, otherwise he could do ok with his regular set. The result would be a never reaching call. -buitre
Not entirely wrong - cell phones communicate with broadcast towers and such. The time delay would be miniscule most of the time - unless there's a backlog at the switching station. I'm sure every tech here knows this, but there are people in the real world who think cell phones communicate directly with each other like walkie talkies. -thx1138 |
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18913.
"...'He needed killing' is still a valid defense in Georgia.."
[By :Trillian / 2011-10-14] [Top]
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Comments
I believe that works in Texas too. -Stryker One
"Apparently in New Texas, killing a politician was not 'malum in se' and was
_malum prohibitorum_ only to the extent that what the politician got was in
excess of what he deserved." - H. Beam Piper, "A Planet for Texas" -VoiceOfSanity
Now to get wall street to move to Alanta... -DarkRookie |
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18911.
Deep Thoughts: "Would a Na'vi costume count as a fursuit?"
[By :Dante668 / 2011-10-13] [Top]
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I don't want to know, I don't want to know, I don't want to know. [Goes and finds some brain bleach...] -VoiceOfSanity
Why yes. What's your number? (come on, who wouldn't want to be with a slender, blue, 8 ft. alien, who wears little clothing and is good with a bow?) -AngrySup
I've been sitting on the curve of FurFandom for a very, very long time now. The fursuit movement is something I have never fully understood, even having lived in New Orleans for a very long time. I do have a few friends who are fursuiters, and keep my own personal opinions under lock and key as it's not my place to make a judgement one way or the other. [Now, as far as the Na'vi go, blue body paint and a few strategic pieces of cloth, and you could walk down Bourbon St. most any day and no one would think otherwise...]
-VoiceOfSanity
"A few members of the furry fandom consider the fursuit a sexual item. Fursuits can be sold with or modified to contain provisions for sexual activity, such as openings, removable panels, and anatomically correct artificial genitalia. While these are the most common in the media, they are the least common instance of fursuiting"
Huh, learn something every day............so can I dress up like Riff as my fursuit? *snicker* -burrkiss
Burkiss, that was... well quite informative actually -PoglaTheGrate
I've run a bar (room party) at one of the biggest Fursuit Conventions in the western USA for 6 years. While I've had a pass or two made at me, none of them involved "fur" sex... -Divinar
Furverts! -Necros |
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18910.
Name of the Day: Stavros Thomopoulos
[By :Dante668 / 2011-10-13] [Top]
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Sounds like the name of a James Bond villain. Or a classical composer. [You try spelling Vangelis Papathanassiou on a regular basis...] -VoiceOfSanity
"Nobody diney-dashy on Stavros!!" <The Simpsons> -Trillian
can you say Dalek? -ecoli
Umm... With the amount of people of Greek extraction in Australia I can't see the issue with this name - or am I missing something? -PoglaTheGrate
Mr. Snuffleupagus? -VIPERsssss |
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18909.
To go along with the misconception. Me: Enter the password at the prompt. Luser: But you don't understand I bypassed the password when I was working on the document, it's gone. Me: Oh, then you can just enter it here again. Luser: No, I told you there is no password. I bypassed it. Me: Do you know it? Luser: No, I bypassed it and turned it off. Me: You can't turn off the password if you don't know it. Luser: I told you I did, you just don't understand. I don't have time for this.
[By :redevil34 / 2011-10-12] [Top]
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Ah...the "I don't have time for this" line. Always fun when they can't communicate the issue they're having or what they want you to help them with. Had one of those this week. -Starfury
"Oh? You don't have time for this? Not a problem!" *click* -unrenowned |
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18907.
Error message of the day (which I thought this was impossible): "No logon servers are available." (while logging on the DC I just restarted. Worked after the fifth try or so.)
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-10-07] [Top]
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It's very possible. The logon screen comes up before ALL services are started - I've been there when AD was starting up, but the logon screen was up already. Rule of thumb: Wait for a minimum of a 10 second no-disk-access before trying to log in. -ralphp1024
LOL, ya. I can't see the disk activity due to the front plates on the servers...and they're in disk filer and this server has some non-essential VM's on it that start up about the same time so disc activity would be inaccurate. Either way, I get what your saying. Just thought it was funny since the users had complained of the same error then I get the error on the server! -ravensentinel
I've seen that happen when a couple of AD servers decided to commit suicide one day, and it affected about a fifth of the company nationwide. Especially when the fall-over servers definitely fell over... -VoiceOfSanity |
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18906.
Overheard: "I always figured Gargamel was on drugs."
[By :Dante668 / 2011-10-05] [Top]
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That explains a lot. ;) (Especially his cannibalistic cravings for little blue people! hehehehehehehehehehe) -MadJack
Myabe the Smurfs were just a hallucination? "Wow, dude, I see little blue people...." -Shaede |
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18904.
Easiest ticket of the day so far: "User called about an issue but did not know her number. She will call back."
Solution: Closing ticket due to customer's inability to remember her own number.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-10-05] [Top]
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"Closed ticket that never should have been opened" -burrkiss
"I'm sorry sir, but your flight has been delayed due to extreme weather conditions." "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM??!!" "Security, requesting assistance at Gate 37, we have a passenger here who does not know who he is." -AmazingKreskin |
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18903.
Me POTD: What's the difference between leaded and unleaded? (re: soldering lesson material)
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-10-05] [Top]
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Naturally the response I got back via email: "One has lead" -ravensentinel
Unleaded has more zinc in it! -boxxertrumps
Allow me to demonstrate..No lead.[shoots with painball gun] Lead. [shoots with MAC-10]...Any questions?... -ChildofCthulhu
/me forces a *fish to raise their hand. -Harm
[B-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DRAP!...silence...]OK, Any other questions? -ChildofCthulhu |
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18902.
"The computer keeps telling me I'm corrupted. What do I do?"
[By :Dante668 / 2011-10-05] [Top]
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Comments
Spread the joy to everyone else while I put on my biohazard suit. -OldScratch
Apply for Middle Management or Run for Congress? -ChildofCthulhu
"I want either less corruption, or more opportunity to participate." -- Best Demotivator Ever -AmazingKreskin
Cast Turn Undead? locate a 20th level cleric? wander out into the bright sun and either sparkle or burst into flames? -Harm |
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18901.
"So that's what the internet is!" in an awed tone. One thing you don't want to hear from an 'advanced' computer class. I was tempted to tell them it's a series of tubes...
[By :Dreamstalker / 2011-10-04] [Top]
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I was about to say I'm surprised that someone could get to late 2011 and not know even the basics of the internet...but I just realised I'm not surprised. Depressed, not surprised. -modeski
*sigh* i grew up with a computer in the house, i fondly remeber computers in grade 1 and kindergarden. trecking to a rather cold room, watching the little turtle make lines, on a monocrome screen ( sometimes it was Green! Scree!) my dads home office with the ISDN line, my schools ADSL line ( 2 computers in the library in 96, that was a VERY popular system with those of us that wanted Pr0n- getting Dial up internet (at home) round 97'. Id like to be surprised that an advanced Computer class didnt realise what the Internet was - but i'm too jaded and cynical. -Harm
As part of my forensics certificate, I had to take a 'basics of the internet' class. The book was poorly-written, outdated and in some cases just incorrect. I was docked points for not giving the (wrong) answers that the book wanted...I passed the class, but am still wondering why I wasn't allowed to waive it (someone with a CS degree doesn't need a basic internet class, or so I would hope). -Dreamstalker
i think the excuse of " I'm over 25, have been around computers from Birth and the internet / networking concepts since I was a teenager. i have forgotten more about markup laungauges and transfer protocols than you will ever know." should be a valid reason to waive " basics of computers and the interweb" courses. -Harm |
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18900.
"Is there any way to stretch the power cables?"
This was asked to me by a starfish who moved her entire desk by heself after she injured her shoulder (try to figure that one out), and had the power cords hanging in front of the PC because they wouldn't go around behind the desk. I had no extenders and there wasn't a wall plug in range of the power strip in question.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-10-04] [Top]
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First off, why was she moving her desk? Secondly, I know that they make power strips with fairly long cords (I'm talking 10-15' in length), it's always a good idea to have a few stocked up as you're going to have that one manager who likes his desk -> here while the outlet is over <- there. -VoiceOfSanity
She had just suck a power strip, and even with that one, I still had to piggyback another power strip just to make it work even remotely close to what she wanted. She was apparently quite adamant about wanting THAT EXACT spot in the office, and having her desk in that configuration. Oh yes, and after I got back to my desk, she called back to neep that something was wrong. -skippytpodar
Our policy is supposed to be - no extensions and everything plugged in individually. Electricians are supposed to remove them when they see them. I agree with that. They're a trip hazard.
For some reason, it doesn't actually happen like this... -Holdfast
"Yes, I know htat something is wrong but, unfortunately, I can't have you fired" -buitre
I wouldn't leave it like that. We've had various locations almost shut down by the fire marshal for daisy-chaining power strips like that. -Captain Trips
Heh - you guys should see our office - I sit in a row of four desks, all daisy-chained into a single outlet.I'm nearest the wall, so if I accidentally unplug somehting while switching equipment, the whole row dies :). It's not a trip hazard because they run inside the desks, but it's still an odd choice considering the whole office (including the floor) was re-done a few years ago. -Shaede |
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18899.
Me POTD (in email to director): "After EM, you will have to log into OWA for EE to get your EE address to put in your BB." (EM = Email Migration, EE = Enterprise Email, BB = Crackberry)
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-10-04] [Top]
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OMG TMI. -AmazingKreskin
TDM TLAs! -Fortytwo
You forgot... OWA = Outlook Web Access. For those who need LookOut but only have IdiotExploiter available. -VoiceOfSanity
"Excuse me sir. Seeing as how the VP is such a VIP, shouldn't we keep the PC on the QT, because if it leaks to the VC, you could end up an MIA, and then we'd all be put on KP." Linkage : http://www.hark.com/clips/cbgpdkrchc-robin-williams-good-morning-vietnam-vp-is-vip-pc-on-qt-vc-mia-kp -Necros
"Harvey's a CPA, he works for IBM. He went to MIT and got his PhD." -Captain Trips
OMG, too many TLA's -Bloke
OMG, too many TLA's -Bloke
Oops, PF5, premature F5 -Bloke
Necros - shouldn't that be " HE could end up MIA" ? / yes i've watched that movie way too much. -Harm |
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18898.
Name of the Day: Othello Lothar
[By :Dante668 / 2011-10-03] [Top]
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Funny, am I the only one that is picturing a black Norwegian? -Stryker One
I don't know...the first thing in my deranged brane was the question "Is that the next Doctor Who Villian?" -ChildofCthulhu
And here I was wondering what a former national player has to do with an iirc now defunct phone company. -Fortytwo |
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18897.
CW POTD, on the phone... "Hi Ken, it's Ken. I asked Ken about the software and he's fine with that price."
[By :boxxertrumps / 2011-09-30] [Top]
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Hey, there's an echo in here...here...here... -PTSTech
Mind if we call you Bruce? </obligatory Monty Python> -docbrown01
"No, thur, I'm *Igor*. You must mean Igor." -Dante668
"You must be Igor." "No, it's pronounced 'eye-gore.'" -charred
I once worked at a place with seven Jeff's. -Bioguy
I once had a roommate named Bill. (For those of you not on Facebook, my name is Bill.) Made for some confusion answering the phone. "Is Bill there" "Speaking" "No, the other Bill." -Captain Trips
I went to high school with no fewer than 6 Jasons and 3 Brandons, all within the same RPG clique. Made for some interesting (read: CHAOTIC) gaming sessions. -Lusus
This is why nicknames were invented. XD -Omega
I Once attended a meeting consisting of me, my boss, one of my co-workers and one of the networks guys. We ALL have the same first name... things became confusing... -Shaede
At my former place of work, we had two people with the same name. Timothy J. Walsh. Worse, they both worked engineering. It got to the point that we were using nicknames for them... you had "Bones" and "Marathon Man" (he ran the Boston Marathon a few times). -VoiceOfSanity
used to work with several pleople with the same name as me on the same team. People quikly started using my nick name -Harm
"No, no, I am *Zathras*...you are thinking of +zathras*..." -CTYankee
"Hi, I'm Ken, this is my brother Ken, this is my OTHER brother Ken..." -udoshan |
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18896.
Company name: Fapco.
[By :vacuumtubes / 2011-09-28] [Top]
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They must be a bunch of wankers. <bfek9g> -Gromit
And this company produces what? -Aelin236
They make sauce...by hand...every day...several times... -ChildofCthulhu
producers of quality clam chouder.. -Harm
Packaging and parts flow management. Whatever that is. -HackerMagnet
to twist HM's definition into the better dynamic " rubber wrappers and fluffer's" -Harm
Mannaise? babby batter? -VIPERsssss
My boss named one of our servers xxx-FAPS1 and xxx-FAPS2 I giggle every time... -LilFarkette
Fapco, a subdivision of Robco, purveyors of the finest adult toys and devices in the post apocalyptic world! Cum with Fapco! -Vie
"Thank you for calling Fapco...Go away, batin'!" -stiffarm |
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18893.
Actually a Me PODT. "I think I may have fixed something I don't understand." Said after fixing a network point for a Portable Ultrasound machine. I didn't even want to turn it on!
[By :Holdfast / 2011-09-26] [Top]
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Well, if they "broke" it in the first place by forgetting to turn on the power, then "fixing" it might still be safe! Just don't forget your ballistic shield and other protective equipment. -Voz
We make equipment that some of our customers use to sort live malaria and TB. I feel bad for the field service guys that have to service those instruments. -Stryker One
He fixes things with the power of his mind. "The Force is strong with this one."
-MisterCommon |
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18892.
"In my next life, I'm going to marry you." So I guess I have that to look forward to.
[By :Trillian / 2011-09-23] [Top]
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Really? I just get cohabitation offers. Seems my mooches never want to commit. -linkv
Sounds like a threat to me. Dont take that crap in the workplace. File charges. -burrkiss
I advise that you set traps....big, big traps...with lasers...and sharp things on them. -ChildofCthulhu
ChildofCthulhu - I have the lasers, but mounting them on the sharks has proven difficult. -Divinar |
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18890.
(from a teacher) So I hold down Caps Lock to enter text all in capitals, right?
[By :Dhamp / 2011-09-21] [Top]
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Reminds me of the way I explain to people what I mean by the names: Shift is the key you press and keep pressed when you want capital letters, CapsLock is the letter you hit accidentally and do not notice it until a paragraph later and then you need to re-write the text. -Fortytwo
Given the luser had been grappling with (and losing to) the concept of 8 characters including at least 2 numbers for the past 10 minutes and failing meant I wanted to include as few keys as possible. -Dhamp
Dhamp, do you also go by Mhoist? -Stryker One
id weep for the future but i work with it. anyone over 27 is fubared. -Harm
I once had a user who was failing at creating a password because she thought that after she hit caps lock, the number keys were inputting the symbols... I only figured out what was going on when she started spelling out every key she was pressing over the phone. Luckily, facepalms can't be seen over the phone line. -Mer
<DA> - DSL proved that possible - else one would nexr know they existed. </da> -Harm
Mer - that's how Shift Lock worked on electric typewriters back in the day. -thx1138 |
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18889.
Family member POTD:
"You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice!"
[By :tech4alltrades / 2011-09-21] [Top]
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"See the earth below / Soon to make a crater / Blue sky, black death, I'm off to meet my maker" - "High Speed Dirt" -VoiceOfSanity
Ahhh! Woooh! What's happening? Who am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose in life? What do I mean by who am I? Okay okay, calm down calm down get a grip now. Ooh, this is an interesting sensation. What is it? Its a sort of tingling in my... well I suppose I better start finding names for things. Lets call it a... tail! Yeah! Tail! And hey, what's this roaring sound, whooshing past what I'm suddenly gonna call my head? Wind! Is that a good name? It'll do. Yeah, this is really exciting. I'm dizzy with anticipation! Or is it the wind? There's an awful lot of that now isn't it? And what's this thing coming toward me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like 'Ow', 'Ownge', 'Round', 'Ground'! That's it! Ground! Ha! I wonder if it'll be friends with me? Hello Ground! -SalParadise
Curiously the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias, as it fell, was, 'Oh no, not again.' Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly *why* the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now.
-Harm
It's not the fall that kills ya, it's the sharp, sudden stop at the end. -McSmiley
Rule 11: "Everything is air-droppable at least once." -RDMcMains
Gory, gory, Hallelujah! What a hell of a way to die... </blood on the risers> -LDFeral
Flying is easy. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss! -SwedishChef |
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18886.
Coworker: "I'm not feeling $program."
Me: "Technically you can't. It's a piece of software."
Down Burrkiss!
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-09-15] [Top]
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Saw a preview video for Windows 8 last night. I'm really not feeling it. -AmazingKreskin
fraakin novocain! i'm not feeling anything! i may have peed! -Harm
AK - Me either. Win8 is not gonna fly with me and definately isn't going to fly with enterprise environments. Read up on the server version as well. I cryed....alot. -ravensentinel
take the harddrive out and hit them with it. ask them if they feel it now?]. -boxcar
yah from what I've seen they're trying to convert everything to a tablet concept. -McSmiley
my brother took a look at their sample screens and immediately said it wasn't Windows 8, it was Windows for Smartphones. -Omega |
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18885.
Me-POTD: Good news: I'm the smartest one here. Bad news: I'm surrounded by idiots.
[By :MisterCommon / 2011-09-15] [Top]
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"Good news everyone!" </Professor Farnsworth> -ravensentinel
I always said, "The good news is that I'm the smartest person in the room. The bad news is that I AM the smartest person in the room..." -Voz
The late, great, George Carlin had this to say: "Picture just how dumb the average person is. Now consider this: since it's an average, half of all people are dumber than that!" -Captain Trips
Worse news--everyone else in the room is saying exactly the same thing about the group that includes you.. -Vulpis |
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18882.
From one of our branch's female office manager: "These guys are awful...now they're throwing blue balls at me..." Took awhile for me to regain my composure. Wouldn't be surprised if the fucknugget QA dings me for it.... :-)
[By :vacuumtubes / 2011-09-10] [Top]
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Should have known better than to be eating and reading TSC. Ice cream is cold inside the nose. -srteach
I've gotten blue balls from some women, but never gave them back... -Captain Trips
those bottles can HURT! (Bawls that its) -Harm
What about Dickens' Cider? Especially when mulled! Yum! NOTHING beats a hot Dickens' Cider! -Captain Trips |
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18881.
"It does what?" Me: "Nevermind." (trying to explain to a user why they can't type in a dropdown box)
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-09-07] [Top]
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So, it's disobedient? *Voz picks up the microphone in the bad-punsters corner of the LART Shelter...* "After all, it "never minds"..." -Voz
Some drop down boxes can be typed in though. -SpiderRider3 |
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18879.
Let's Play Phrase of the Day: "And by the way, this segment of the commentary was recorded on the toilet. TECHNOLOGY IS AMAZING!" (The commentator had recently acquired a laptop).
[By :Dante668 / 2011-09-05] [Top]
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Then the bidet blasts out some sub-zero h2o and the next recording is "Uh, Hi...Is this warranty replacement?" -ChildofCthulhu |
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18878.
A caller wants to add internet service to an existing account. I see the account is protected by a password of the customer's choosing. I ask the caller what it is but I get the wrong answer. I inform the caller that I can't add internet service to the account. Then I get the phrase of the day: "But I have a constitutional right to get internet". Bonus "what I wish I would have said" of the day: The caller said it was her mother's account and complained that it was taking so long. What I wish I had said: "I'm sorry it's taking you so long to steal something."
[By :MisterCommon / 2011-09-05] [Top]
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Someone asked on Yahoo! Answers the other day if Internet access was a basic human right, as defined by the UN. I told her "no, it's a privilege, not a right, and what the UN thinks has little bearing on reality" or something to that effect. -DukeOfURL
Problem is the UN has defined it as a basic human right... without bothering to suggest how it be provided. Another instance of the UN demonstrating its own stupidity... -chazz
Every citizen has the right to access the Internet, sure - at your local public library, for one. It has never been stated that any specific access method is a 'basic human right' - just that there needs to be SOME form of access. -Captain Trips
United Nutcases? -Flappy |
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18877.
"Information Chicken" - One of the PC support persons was talking about how he makes chicken breast. When the phone rang, instead of saying "Information Systems", he said "Information Chicken"
[By :Park7 / 2011-09-01] [Top]
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Caller: Buh-Bwauk? -ChildofCthulhu
Is his name, by any chance, Benton Harbor? -Treker
Frank Purdue? "Is that you, Frank?" -MadJack
I wonder how he'll cope with teaching a new user to right-cluck with a mouse... -Gromit
"It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused". Frank Perdue (translated into Spanish). -docbrown01 |
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18876.
Overheard half of a phone conversation: "I understand your frustration, sir, but I can assure you that I really am the only person here right now."
[By :Dante668 / 2011-09-01] [Top]
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LIES! You were there! How else could you have heard! -0gr3 |
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18869.
Seen on the back of a T-shirt: "We get it up... we keep it up..." (note, the front of the shirt had the local firefighter crest and seemed to be a promotional shirt for a crane/something lifting company)
[By :spectreoflife / 2011-08-18] [Top]
Comment on this End User Phrase of the Day
Comments
One of the shirts I have has this on the back: "I am a bomb disposal technician. If you see me running, try to keep up." -TheCyberwolfe
Cyberwolfe - I saw that on one of my instructors when I was in the OTC, and he really was one... -Holdfast
SHWING! -TieDyedDinosaur |
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18868.
Related to my "I Am Perfect Co-Worker Type" after one more round of everybody else is wrong, another co-worker said, "I am on medication today, can I go kick his ass?"
[By :LordObsidian / 2011-08-16] [Top]
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Fire at will! -lineswine
Update: Ass has been kicked, but not by one on medication. Cooler heads have prevailed. -LordObsidian
LS: What did Will do to you? ;-) -Grayhawk |
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18866.
"Special Thanks to K for becoming a Star Member Today!" - Agent K? Didn't know the MIB did tech support.
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-08-12] [Top]
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And we're going to ensure that it stays that way...[puts on sunglasses]...would you look over here please?...[FLASH!] -ChildofCthulhu
And we're going to insure...[puts on sunglasses]...that it stays that way. [YEAAAAHHHHHHH!] -PTSTech
Hey, man, I want one of those. -Captain Trips
That must be a really "Special K"! LOL 'grats! -EMTGeekGirl |
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18863.
After reseating a hard drive: Customer: "Ok, now they make blinky-blinky!"
[By :tech4alltrades / 2011-08-10] [Top]
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Comments
"Chef says you have to make sweet love down by the fire." -AmazingKreskin
"Does he make?" "...Make what?" "Make tinkle?" - Tales Of A Fourth-Grade Nothing -Seamus
Yeah, AmazingKreskin, but everyone knows elephant and pig DNA just don't splice! -TechieSidhe
(Er, that might have been Superfudge. It's been a *long* time.) -Seamus
Peter Frampton up in here signing those horrible things to the Childern! What?! -Harm
I makey the sexy time good. -burrkiss
*rummages through library, ah, yes, it was chapter five, Fudge's birthday party. The comment in question was made by Jenny, in reference to Dribble, Peter's turtle, just before she made tinkle on the rug. -AdmiralLaurie
Oh Gawd Seamus and Admiral you have just brought a whole bunch o' childhood memories back. 'S funny that a kid on the other side of the planet can still relate so much to stories about cities (oh and that town they moved to in Maine) that he had never seen, living in a block of flats etc etc -PoglaTheGrate
What, no Inky, Pokey, or Clyde? ;) -MadJack |
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18862.
A MePOTD: "And to which bar will $COMPANY have established a large tab after this rollout? Anything less than a few thousand dollars will be insufficient, as it will take more than the entire contents of a brewery to forget THIS ever happened."
[By :TechieSidhe / 2011-08-09] [Top]
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I feel there is a missing back story here. And interesting one at that. -ravensentinel
I recall an incident involving a science fiction convention, the Dorsai (Very) Irregulars, and a bar tab... a very, VERY large bar tab.
-VoiceOfSanity
It can't be that big a bar tab if you can remember it. Or was it on your expenses? -Holdfast
Sounds like the past year where I work - and make mine Tulamore Dew! (Man, that stuff's smooth....)
-Captain Trips
Yeah, it is a long story. It involves a mass changing of EVERYONE's employee numbers, and thus, their AD accounts. Half of our users can't remember their IDs NOW if you tattooed it backwards on their foreheads. -TechieSidhe |
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18858.
Actually two Business names: Mile High Pharmacy....and Cannabliss.
[By :vacuumtubes / 2011-08-03] [Top]
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I've probably driven passed one or both of those at some point. -Aelin236
Welcome to California, where I'm sure these are legitimate co-op names! (I use "Platinum Rx" myself...) -Captain Trips
sounds like BC.. or many many "smoke" shops that inhabit most downtown cores. -Harm |
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18857.
"I need to keep the hard drive bigness." - starfish who was insistent she keep the 2nd hard drive in her PC, which she uses to store CAD drawings and e-mail archives going back to the mid 90's
Oh yes, paging Burkiss!
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-08-02] [Top]
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<badly translated and dubbed pr0n film>Oh yes! I do needing the bigness in-side! Needful being in-side LONG time! -ChildofCthulhu
Badtranslator gives me, after 56 translations: "Development and accessories." using Google and "Ghost continues" using Bing -linuxmatt
Not commenting on the grammar, but our office keeps files back to 1998. Excel, PDF and DWG for the most part. -Transkaren |
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18856.
"Special Thanks to ecoli for becoming a Star Member Today!" (found that mildly amusing)
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-08-02] [Top]
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Are you commenting on how I have gotten my butt blown way out of proportion (stay away Burkiss)? -ecoli
Well he does like big butts and he cannot lie :) ::runs for the LART shelter:: -skippytpodar |
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18855.
CWPotD
I really hope the End User didn't just fart on the phone!
He did! He said excuse me! OMFG
o_O
[By : DarkRookie / 2011-08-01] [Top]
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If a customer farts on the phone to tech support, aside from the more pleasing tone, how do you know that isn't their normal speaking voice...aren't they full of #2 anyway? -ChildofCthulhu |
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18852.
I said this one
My hands smell of a weird combo of hand sanitizer, JB Weld and stale Pepsi.
[By : DarkRookie / 2011-07-28] [Top]
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Wait, what? Pepsi goes stale? -chazz
Chazz, Pepsi goes stale the second you open the bottle. Or at least that's how it tastes to me anyway. *And the Coke drinker dives for cover!* -Vie
It always seemed to me that both Coke and Pepsi taste the same after n days open as they do instantly after you pop the cap. I had assumed that "stale" meant that it had changed somehow over time... -chazz
always thought pop/soda went flat, not stale. Pardon me while I go toss my lunch as my brain insisted on trying to recreate exactly what that combo smelled like and while probably not accurate, it's pretty gross.... -frprinterwiz
I prefer Coke myself. I just find Pepsi too chemical tasting. But I only like it ice cold. Room temp or warm soda is icky. -TechieSidhe
For caffeine, coffee. For refreshment, beer. If I have no choice other than pepsi or coke, I generally drink root beer or iced tea. -chazz
Diet Coke ftw -- except in front of the hubby, who works for Pepsi. :P -TechMama |
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18851.
EU (clicks send on his email client and asks at the very same second) "Did you receive my email?"
I'm then always saying 'No, as this is email and not instant messaging.'
[By :TheLabAdmin / 2011-07-27] [Top]
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"Not yet... not yet... not yet... not yet... not yet... not yet... not yet..." -Voz |
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18849.
Luser to me:"I like to use my laptop in a remote location, is it sufficient to use a gas powered motor to charge the battery? What about solar panels ?"
[By :dustyhawk / 2011-07-27] [Top]
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umm... not an entirely stupid question. Thinkgeek does sell a solar panel and lithium battery combo that can feed a laptop... though I sure would not trust a gas generator with my delicate electronic stuff. -chazz
Like my car? I suspect we all have those handy 9v sockets. I have an inverter that converts to mains AC.It is fine for charging things but not so good with power tools! -Holdfast
It's a 12V socket, connected directly to the battery, in most cars. Some extremely old ones run on 6V... -Chromatix
Through a UPS or a power conditioner of some kind, I'd say. I did that once out on a farm. -LDFeral
Let's see; there is this: http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16882260004 then there is one of these: http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/travelpower/e93c/ oh, and don't forget this if going mobile: http://www.ctsolar.com/backpackfoldingsolarpanels.aspx -unrenowned
in an additional note, person above wants to use it in a forest in India. -dustyhawk
Well, it's either that, or one freak-a$$ long extension cord! -Voz |
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18847.
"Ohm's law is in a tree." Short backstory: We instruct basic electronics. Ohm's Law is one of the lesson's. The font file was missing from the computers that had the Ohm symbol in it and the software was useing a tree-like symbol utterly confuseing those students that were straight out of high school.
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-07-26] [Top]
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Why not just select another font that has Greek letters? "The Ohm Symbol" is also known as "omega" -Captain Trips
ok so we have Ohm's law, Kirchhoff's voltage and current laws, Murphey's law and even the law of gravity. Ever heard of Cole's law? -atomicbill
Ok so actually Cole's Law is just thin sliced cabbage with some dressing. -atomicbill
Captain - because the font file has more than just that symbol in it. There's a lot of others for other mathmatical formulea....I am assumeing they just wanted all the fonts in one file. -ravensentinel
Me, I swear by Hanlon's Razor, myself... but that doesn't quite apply here. -chazz
How about Murphy Slaw - any salad that can go bad will go bad. (runs for the LART shelter) -ecoli
My response to Occam's Razor is, "The simplest theory is the simplest theory, no more, no less." -Omega |
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18846.
Co-worker NOTD: Hee Hoo Khoo
[By :tech4alltrades / 2011-07-26] [Top]
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Please press 5 for Gibberish -Spyder19
"I'll take 'Things People Say While High On Psilocybin' for fifty, Alex." -MeanDean
Now imagine Derek Jacoby saying that and you have the Nightgarden! *Shiver* (For those who don't know it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SynWcnvqF30&feature=related Be aware that LSD is required to understand this.) -Vie |
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18845.
"I just got two {walkietalkies}. Will they reach from here in the US to the exotic forests of frahn-say? My wife gets lost a lot and her phone doesn't work out there."
Let me give you the number for our 2-way radio support...
[By :linuxmatt / 2011-07-23] [Top]
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I think thats called a ham radio with a big @#%^@#ing transmitter/antenna. -burrkiss
You can use an HT while in the US to talk to someone with an HT in France. You would need Echolink linked repeaters on both ends but it sure is possible. 73 de K0ECW. -Bioguy
Get the girl a satphone. http://www.satellitephonestore.com/ -unrenowned |
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18844.
"Could you please remove your tentacles from my pc oh great sith lord." This from a user who i was helping via glance.
[By :deedadee / 2011-07-22] [Top]
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Uh oh, I channeled you know who... I read that as "testicles." -CyBear
uh, what is glance? Google said it was a demo program for sales droids. -beatmewithstick
but how did you?!? ohh.. tenTIcals.. oh yes.. well haha! -Harm
Beatmewithastick: http://www.glance.net/Remote_Support.asp -Gromit |
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18841.
MePoTD: Like spandex, going out in public in your pajamas is a privilege, not a right. *shudders*
[By :spectreoflife / 2011-07-22] [Top]
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yea,,, but in many univertity towns ( like Kingston or peterbourough) its gonna happen - specially around exam time. the secret is to apply a over developed mental filter system. those that really shouldn't be waering their " PJ's" can be mentallly painted into jeans and a shirt.. or into winter attiere depending on the time of year. (personally i stick to coheisive footgear / dress code) -Harm |
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18838.
You know you missed an interesting conversation between two women when you overhear the closing line, "And that's the complete anal lubrication." o.O
[By :SwedishChef / 2011-07-20] [Top]
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thats a disgusting story. *spits* -burrkiss
Blink, blink... blink... come again? -Harm
Hmmm, I always thought Burrkiss would be a swallower. -SalParadise
Am I the only one that understood Burrkiss' joke? Should I be scared that I understood it?! -unrenowned
Apparently. I can only imagine a few reasons you would need to lube a Burkiss. -ravensentinel
Why do I see a fully equipped medical lab in a nice, suburban neighborhood? I hear there's a basement too. -AngrySup |
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18835.
"Did you know 'Charter' spelled backwards is Al Qaeda?"
[By :linuxmatt / 2011-07-20] [Top]
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Comments
retrahc? Sounds like something Scooby Doo would say. -Gerund
Trafalgar Day always makes me smile - if you spell it backwards it comes out raglafart. -Gromit
A friend of mine once pointed out that "Finsbury Park" backwards is best pronounced "Crappy rub sniff" -Diptera
"SILENCE! I weel KEEL you!!"
-vacuumtubes
"I think he did a little too much lds in the sixties"... st quote -AdmiralLaurie
Hey, LadyL likes Donny Osmond! Leave that there Moron Church be!
-lineswine
In south east Victoria, Aust, there's a town called Trafalgar, the locals there refer to it as 'Traf', non-locals refer to it as raglafart, or, just simply, fart. -DazZler
Daz: lolz! I can imagine the answers when someone asks "Ya goin' ta Fart, mate?" -MadJack
My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. -AngrySup
Resume so pacific a pose, muser -PoglaTheGrate
Sex at noon taxes -PoglaTheGrate |
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18833.
Questions I Am Not Qualified To Answer, #235: "I found earwax in my nose. Is that bad?"
[By :Dante668 / 2011-07-19] [Top]
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Comments
I think we are all wary of asking how it got there... -Holdfast
Maybe I'm a Gloomy Gus, or just mean, but I would have asked if he wasn't sure it was spinal/cerebral fluid. Y'know, with a faux concerned expression? -LDFeral
"Depends, which hole did you think you were picking?" -ravensentinel
So long as it's not belly button lint! -jerrybear
You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. You CAN'T pick your friend's nose. -AngrySup
And if you can, AngrySup, it kinda redefines the word, "friend"! -Voz |
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18832.
(CWPOTD while explaining why the default settings are easier) "Let's say you change your network name to Snickers, and a power outage or something causes the gateway to reset. If that happens, Snickers is gone."
[By :linuxmatt / 2011-07-19] [Top]
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"Not going anywhere for a while?" -AmazingKreskin |
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18831.
"How can (product that is showing a manufacture date of almost 3 years ago) be out of warranty? I just got it today and it's your latest model, right?" (odd, he didn't want to fax us the reciept)
[By :linuxmatt / 2011-07-19] [Top]
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Executive Veto! I refuse to accept your reality! -unrenowned
"I reject your reality and substitute my own." -Captain Trips |
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18830.
Over heard at a Rent-a-Car place, Agent: How long do you plan to keep this car? Customer: About 15 days. Agent: Your insurance will pay $30 a day, but you will have to pay the difference, that is $15 a day. Customer: That will be $175 total. I am an accountant for the IRS.
[By :LordObsidian / 2011-07-18] [Top]
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DEAL! -Stryker One
as long as I get a bigger return he can audit me any day. -burrkiss |
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18827.
This one needs to go up there with "Sh*t by boss says": "So if your done pulling out..." (this being yelled down a hallway...a school hallway. Much giggleing was heard but not sure from where...backstory: we were running cable and he was guideing it around a corner)
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-07-12] [Top]
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18825.
Me-Phrase of the Day: "If you want to lose your faith in humanity, do tech support." My sister called me because she had been trying to figure out how to add a friend in Facebook. I wasn't that familiar with it since I don't have every webpage memorized and it's been a while since I did it. I opened up the webpage, clicked "Find Friend", then "Add Friend". 2 clicks! That's all! It took her 15 minutes on the phone and she still couldn't figure it out. It was easier and faster for me to drive 30 minutes to her place and click twice (a whole 6 seconds) and drive home again.
[By :MisterCommon / 2011-07-09] [Top]
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Comments
So that's two clicks per gallon of gas or two clicks per hour. Which one sounds worse? -concept14
and now you will have to do it EVERY time. You got suckered in. -ecoli
If she asks again, tell her to sign up for GoToMyPC or something. :) -TechMama
This time, $8, the next $16, the next $32 etc. they'll soon give it the old heave-ho or be very, very skint. Step three...profit! -lineswine |
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18824.
More of a Microsoft Error message of the day:
"The Service Control Manager could not start $service. The failure code was: The operation completed successfully (085)." Only in Redmond does a successful completion of an operation merit a failure code.
[By :tech4alltrades / 2011-07-09] [Top]
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I haven't seen that error in ages! Ah, it warms my heart. -Seamus
As a programmer, I've seen that happen FAR too many times and not just with MS products. It's usually the result of a programmer failing to set a return code on function exit. Of course, it's also a sign the developer never frickin' unit tested their code. Lazy, sloppy bastard!! -virtualchoirboy
Speaking as a programmer, in this case it seems that the error number returned (apparently 85) was an unexpected success code. Although failing to set a return value from a function can have that same effect... -chazz
To put it concisely...M$ ballsed it up AGAIN. -lineswine |
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18822.
I'm sorry, I'm so stupid! Honesty from a user. Happens sometimes.
[By :Starfury / 2011-07-08] [Top]
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I think I saw that episode of The Twilight Zone. -ecoli
Rule #3: The only time a (l)user is not lying is when they are telling you how dumb they are. -Captain Trips
Wake up! You're hallucinating! -AdmiralLaurie
Uhm, I believe that "hallucinating while sleeping", is called "dreaming". -Stryker One
So, you've crossed paths w/ Ivana the dummkopf, eh? As fishies go, she wasn't a bad one. -MadJack
...& then you woke from the dream? -lineswine
The customer is always right... ;-) -crazyblkndn |
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18821.
(Overheard) Agent: 'Does your account number start with a 1 or a 2?' --- (L)user: 'I don't know, it's in French!'
[By :Jonos / 2011-07-07] [Top]
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un deux trois -DarkRookie
I had three cats - une, duex and trois. They went swimming, but unfortunately drowned. Une duex trois quatre cinq -PoglaTheGrate
"It starts with a "15- something"..." -Voz |
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