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8165.
It is a good idea to cancel the data plan on your Blackberry to save money. After I help you make an account on Twitter, there's no need to tell me this when you ask if I can also set up Twitter on your Blackberry so you can tweet away from your PC. You should only shrug meekly when I notice the App World isn't loading and ask you if you've had any trouble with it lately. Only after I download the Blackberry software onto my computer--just for you since I don't have a Blackberry myself--and add the Twitter app manually should you inform me that oops, uh, heh heh, you may have at some point cancelled your data plan a few months ago and this wouldn't be the problem, would it?
[By :SpiderRider3 / 2012-02-06] [Top]
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Of course not. The problem exists solely in the vacuum chamber between the user's ears... -RDMcMains |
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8164.
It is a good idea, if you have 3 identical servers with RAID 1 arrays on each of them, to physically remove one of the hard drives in each of those servers and play musical-hard-drives with them, installing them in each server so that no hard drive gets installed in the same server that it came from. Corollary to that misconception: it is a good idea then to call Technical Support when you don't understand why the hard drives swapped above will then be flagged by the controller as Foreign. 2nd corollary: when asked by Tech Support as to whether you have a backup of the array(s) in question, you can then say "yes, we use this arrangement as a backup solution."
[By :tech4alltrades / 2012-02-02] [Top]
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Comments
1. Why?, 2. No you didn't!, 3. You make me want to stab pencils in my ears. -ravensentinel
The problem here is that we are looking at the wrong person. Sure we can be angry at the 'fish, but that the same as being angry at the sea or sun. The better quest is to track down the fool who gave the ability/opportunity to mess with the servers/backup. - DarkRookie
Seconded, DR. My bet is that they're a 'manager,' who also has admin access on their own system. -LDFeral
Blinky lights yay *flips switches* new colours yay... no work why? Leave. The. SAN. Alone. -fearmyroot
This is common on some forums. Repeat after me, RAID is not backup, RAID is not backup, RAID is not backup. Although using a can of RAID on some users might be a good idea. -Wraith556 |
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8163.
When you are testing the software, all you need to do is make sure the output file is not empty. After you run it in production, that's soon enough to see if the data is correct.
[By :concept14 / 2012-01-31] [Top]
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Comments
Just make changes in PROD, that's what it's for isn't it? -PoglaTheGrate
you must work where i work. "we'll do it live" </anchorman> -boxcar
"I didn't have a live file to test with. Just run it the first time we get one. If it fails, the on-call programmer can handle it." actual quote from one of my developers
-thx1138
to add: we don't need to see if the changes will work on real equipment if it looks like it works with a made up mac address or serial number in the testing environment. -frprinterwiz |
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8162.
More like a couple of auto repair mechanic misconceptions.
It is, of course, my fault that you haven't been able to get in contact with me about my car for the seven months that I've ben out of country when you: have entered my email address in your system incorrectly, despite my spelling it for you phonetically on numerous occasions; claim to have called four different phone numbers when I only gave you three, and have not responded to repeated emails I have sent from both work and home via the link on the repair shop website.
Furthermore, you can threaten to charge me storage fees for my car sitting in your parking lot, even though you uneccessarily took three months to begin repairs on it and failed to contact me upon completion of the repair.
[By :Spacegoat / 2012-01-31] [Top]
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Also, the repair was the tensioner pully (for the serpentine belt) and the coolant reservoir. -Spacegoat
A one hour fix took that long? You need a new mechanic shop. -srteach
Oh, I've got one, now that I'm back in the states. My own two hands. -Spacegoat
You dropped your car off for repair, and then promptly left the country? -Stryker One
You dropped your car off for repair, and then promptly left the country? -Stryker One
It took 3 months for them to even look at it, since you told them you were going to leave the country right? They instantly didnt give a shit. -burrkiss |
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8161.
When putting in a request to have a menu added, there's no need to specify WHICH menu from among the horde of menus in our system you really need. Even telling us what department you're in will narrow it down to only a few hundred.
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-01-30] [Top]
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Comments
Add all the menus! -ravensentinel
Is this the same nurse who needed a printer added? -thx1138 |
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8160.
1. 'User convenience' trumps US Federal prescribing/dispensing laws.
2. That I'll provide an airborne copulation targeting a ventrally mobile toroid the second through sixth times you open the same ticket, instead of responding with the same link to the same law, and blocking you from the ticketing system for the rest of the work-week.
[By :Mollari / 2012-01-30] [Top]
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Comments
This seems to have something to do with the 'mile high club' but I'm not sure. -ravensentinel
"That I'll provide an airborne copulation targeting a ventrally mobile toroid..." Excellent. Along these lines I saw a man in his fifties absolutely lose his shit with my pharmacist a few weeks back when something did not go his way. I did not hear what it was about, but I did hear (as did half the store) him scream "I don't care what the law says, I am the customer, and the customer is always right. This is terrible customer service, and I WILL have your job over this!" Yeah, somehow I think that the big grocery store chain that the pharmacist works for is going to value legal compliance over giving an entitled asshat customer whatever he demands. It was an epic rant, the only thing missing was a declaration that he'd never shop there again. -SalParadise
...airborne copulation targeting a ventrally mobile toroid...? -DarkRookie
I'm with Darkrookie. Can we get a lawyer to decipher this? I apparenrly do not have your public key to decrypt it. -ravensentinel
Translation: a flying f**k at a rolling doughnut. And an excellent choice of obfuscation in my books... -chazz
Thank you. My brain is already fried from the buckets of stupid spilled today. -ravensentinel
Holy, I TOTALLY forgot this! When I was first in the Navy, I'd signed up under what was called the SWSE program (Strategic Weapons System Electronics), ie one of three ratings for sub-launched nukes, which were ET (Electronics Tech), FT (Fire Control Tech) & MT (Missile Tech). Before I washed out of sub school, I'd thought I'd go the MT direction, b/c so many of those in the program went with either ET or FT. The insignia for the MT rating was often described as a missile fucking a doughnut. http://i.ebayimg.com/t/OBSOLETE-1980S-STYLE-USN-1ST-CL-MISSILE-TECH-WHITE-/14/!B9LmhI!B2k~$(KGrHqZ,!lkEy+jCzOeHBM5C3q479!~~_3.JPG http://www.navycs.com/navy-jobs/missile-technician.html (Remember that one, Bill?) -MadJack |
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8159.
How? How can any "computer technician" from a "user group" think this web site is not the most vomit inducing P.O.S. that has been created since about 1995?
http://www.grm.net/~browning/index.htm
[By : DataSolutions / 2012-01-27] [Top]
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"Need a new computer built for your special needs?"
Obviously, the website's creator knows ALL about those special needs. ¬_¬ -Omega
Judy Patch, web developer. -AmazingKreskin
It lacks a flashing yellow and brown background. THEN it would be the worst site I've ever seen. -Calydor
I presume that was created for a bet... -Holdfast
Needs more blink tags and Real Media files. -Vie
My eyes, my eyes! -ProfessorFrink
They make more money on the ads than on repairs or memberships. -srteach
@srteach- That's what I was thinking. With that many ads, every one of us clicking to see what's on the page probably earns the guy another 31 dollars or so. -Voz
Set your resolution to 640 x 480 to get the true 1995 experience. -concept14
Opened up View Source, and saw exactly what I expected to see under the HEAD tag: <meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage Express 2.0"> Ah, FrontPage: the web design software for people who think PowerPoint is a graphic design tool. -MeanDean
@ Kreskin: Oh wow man, I'd completely forgotten about Judy Patch! What's really frightening is her Angelfire page is still up: http://www.angelfire.com/rings/judy_patch/ ... But now ALL the graphics links are broken. -MeanDean
@ Kreskin: Oh wow man, I'd completely forgotten about Judy Patch! What's really frightening is her Angelfire page is still up: http://www.angelfire.com/rings/judy_patch/ ... But now ALL the graphics links are broken. -MeanDean
oh GODDESS, Judy Patch... for me, it's the design is bad enough, but the BASIC KNOWLEDGE ERRORS!!! are the worst part. >_< -Omega
the source is worse -DarkRookie
This carbon unit sucks at life, period. -PTSTech
That was painful to look at... -Phylok
I designed a website for a charity in the early 00's. Full of factual content about the charity, easy to use bread crumb navigation. Junked because the girlfriend thought it was "Too Buddhist" and replaced with... well I think the same people designed it as that one. -fearmyroot |
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8158.
When you call in, according to popular belief, I will be able to read your mind to find out whats wrong, thus prompting you to simply state "Ive tried everything. Fix it."
[By :KrazerKap / 2012-01-27] [Top]
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Obviously you haven't tried suicide! -ecoli
<In my best Miss Cleo Voice>Sorry Dearie but dis here ain't no Crystal Ball, It's me Clue-Bat! Would ya like a Demonstration? -ChildofCthulhu
Obviously, you haven't tried everything yet..... It isn't fixed. -McSmiley |
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8156.
Questions When I ask you "Is it just your computer having a problem with an internal application or is it everyone in the department's computer having the issue you will say "just me." This will turn out to be a LIE when I call back after the issue is fixed and you have to check because everybody was having the problem when you called in.
[By :Starfury / 2012-01-23] [Top]
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Two competing forces at work: 1. The user's inclination to inflate the severity of the issue, which will cause them to claim that others are having the same problem as they are, born of the misconception of the fact that the more people that are experiencing the problem == higher priority; and 2. The natural self-centeredness of the average user, which causes them to assume that every single problem with the network/PC/application/dildo/etc is a personal attack against them specifically. -AmazingKreskin |
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8155.
No Texting. For those who don't understand the concept, view this : http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/teachers-texting-policy/203hnkjy
[By :Necros / 2012-01-17] [Top]
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This one is my personal favorite: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UtRsGU6pVs -unrenowned
My sister is a college professor and we've talked about the actions taken in the class. I have an old sprint phone that we'll be doing this with if her class ever ignores her warning about texting. So far, they all listen to her. -unrenowned
Of course don't forget this classic: http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2011/06/booted-texters-angry-voicemail-message-becomes-dont-text-during-movies-psa -MisterCommon |
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8154.
E-mail responses When the signature block on my e-mail lists my hours (7am-4pm Mon-Fri) I will respond to any e-mail that is sent outside of that time frame. I will make an extra effort to reply to e-mails sent to me late in the evening and especially ones sent on the weekend. Getting upset when I don't respond to that Friday message you sent at 4:15pm will not change the fact that it's outside of my working hours. We do have a 24/7 helpdesk and someone is there to work on issues.
[By :Starfury / 2012-01-17] [Top]
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Why would you expect your (L)users to READ?? You are being very unsupportive! <runs to the LART shelter> -ecoli
Try the ones sent at 2 a.m on a friday night when you're either sleeping or drunk, stoned, etc as you see fit. Then they get hacked off because you're not their personal tech b!tch. -AdmiralLaurie
I have had this problem once, mine was a few hours before I had clocked in for the day. -JackMackle |
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8153.
If you are requesting I add a network printer to your computer, I don't need information like your approximate location in the building, which computer you would like it added to, or anything more specific than the fact you are a nurse. That will only narrow it down to 90% of the entire building, and I also don't need your extension to call you so I can confirm such details with you, I will just automagically figure this out by myself.
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-01-17] [Top]
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Amen brother! Also, which building are you in, since we have 3. -Gunpe |
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8152.
That the backup/document recovery feature will help you in any way, shape or form when the program asks if you want to save before closing and you hit "no."
[By :Mer / 2012-01-09] [Top]
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I've had my share of calls like this. A few have gotten really mad when you tell them that they screwed up and lost their data. -Starfury
"I really hate this computer/ I wish that they would sell it/ It never does just what I want/ But only what I tell it!" <saw posted in a campus computer lab> -ecoli |
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8151.
When dealing with family computing needs, it is ok to bother me over and over again for help if your windows 7 netbook goes down and I don't know what the hell happened to it.
[By :gremlyn / 2012-01-08] [Top]
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corellary: it's ok to insist that you want linux, when you have no clue what the hell it is, what it does, or why exactly you need it now now now! -AdmiralLaurie
For the people that want some form of Linux and insist on remaining clueless- the live CD's-Dvd's are a lifesaver. If you can't do it from the booted disc, you can't do it. Don't call me anymore! -jerrybear
when they demand linux tell them to get dsl (damn small linux). it fits on a floppy. -gashach
"What's a floppy?" is the next question you get. -srteach
and if they figure out how to trash the system by wiping the drive(s), there's no way in hell I'm bailing them out. You got yourself into this mess, you get yourself out, is my standard response for family members. -AdmiralLaurie
"I'll give you the family rate: $65/hr + use of my tools + anything new I have to buy to fix it." -ravensentinel |
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8150.
When you hear IS will be coming to your site to do inventory, it is your job to make your PC as inaccessible and hard to reach as possible, as well as make sure any bar code information we need will require the PC to be turned in multiple directions, once we can get to it past the piles of paper and purses. Bonus points for wedging the PC between the desk and wall so tightly that it cannot be moved.
[By :TechieSidhe / 2012-01-05] [Top]
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Extra points if the exhaust vent for the PC is on one of the sides where it's wedged in tighly....and for each "while you're here, I have a question" -ChildofCthulhu
don't forget about all the post it notes or cheat sheets taped to the monitors' entire perimeter, and all the geegaws and knick-knacks on the monitors and surrounding them. Oh, and the 12 pack of soda cans sitting on top of the CPU. -figglywig
Toss that crap out into the hallway. Their loss. I would. -srteach
and magnetic calendars and such. -ecoli
We still haven't done our OWN office yet, where the people can't remember their passwords from day to day but can tell you the exact position to the millimeter where each little statue and picture is and Gods help you if you move one even a little bit. Then we get angry emails about IT messing up their desk because one angel statue is a small bit out of place. -TechieSidhe
When they complain about "moving their stuff" just reply that you "fixed" the placement, so that their Feng Shui would be more balanced. -docbrown01
I'm probably actually going to use that one. -TechieSidhe
At the hospital I work at, any sticker MUST be removed. Bar code, inventory sticker, serial number, anything. Also, computers may be swapped out with any other computer, for any reason. Too loud? swap it. Like the blue power button better than the green one? Swap it! -goqqqqself |
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8146.
NT/OT
When you buy a vehicle from a used car dealership with several locations in nine states, with the specific intention to drive it halfway across the country and back, that you won't get a deathtrap that could have caught fire or blown any of the 5! (including the spare) tires along the way.
My Dad and stepmother have been planning a trip to Utah for Christmas for about six months now. During the pre-trip inspection of her '95 Ford Explorer, the mechanic discovered issues with the transfer case that could leave them stranded. So she decided to trade it in for a '99 Dodge Durango at the Car-Mart in Decatur, AL, which had a better selection than the closer one in Cullman, AL. When she got to Utah, her son Tony took a look at it and, when he saw the condition of the vehicle, he was fighting mad. In my stepmother's words, here is what he found:
"Burnt plugs, wires so brittle they came off in pieces not bigger than 3", arcing in the #1 wire, corroded and burnt cap and rotor, bald and separating spare, all tires below wear bars, bad idler pully, bad ball joints with nearly 2" of play."
She went on to add: "All fixed now. $800 out of pocket for tune up and tires. All else paid under service contract but 2 1/2 days of dealing with these people and their 'I don't give a hoot' attitude toward their customers was appalling. They wanted us to allow them to tow the vehicle 1120 miles at (at the cheapest) $1 a mile, then have things fixed for $600-800, and leave us stranded in Utah, and our responsibility to get to the car. Refused to pay the shop of our choosing, etc. Several calls to the CEO's office is what it took to resolve. [The] dealer assured the safety of the vehicle when I specifically asked and said we were leaving on a long trip the next day. The way the man talked to me was unacceptable. Apparently all women are stupid and know NOTHING about cars or business or customer service, because the technician at the shop (my son Tony) was trying to scare me into paying money for unneeded repairs and there is NO WAY the vehicle was in that bad a shape."
As a side note, my stepmother grew up around cars, her Dad taught her a lot and made sure she knew a certain amount about fixing cars before he'd let her get a license. So for them to talk down to her is akin to a computer tech talking down to a power user as if they were a 12:00 flasher.
[By :DukeOfURL / 2011-12-31] [Top]
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Exception to Rule 1... On rare occasion, the user is literate, versed, and will call bullshit as appropriate. Now, as techs that sometimes have to call tech support, be polite. Stabbing someone in the neck with a flash drive is only a temporary pleasure. /apol. to Heinlein. -AngrySup
Why not just rent a car? -Stryker One
I hate to be a dickish, but if your mother is carwise, why did she not notice 4 bald tires/massive play in the steering wheel? Plus ALWAYS get a car checked at a shop. Cant tell how much pad/rotor there is with the wheel on, cannot pry at the suspension components to check play,cannot see seepage/leakage from oil/tranny/coolant. It can save from buying a clunker..............I love you. -burrkiss
What's the betting that the '95 Ford would have been a *better* choice for the trip? -Chromatix
For that matter, in a simple inspection what would the technician have found wrong with the Tcase to leave them stranded? If the vehicle was driving fine, tcases don't have very many outward signs of failure. -LazyLemming
Here's what I got: Burkiss's tranny is leaking. He'd better get her looked at.... -FuzzyElf
The mechanic sensed something funny in the car and suspected the transfer case, so he did some more in-depth checking wherein he found the problem. With the cost of the repair plus the fact that the car was 89k miles past the average failure mileage of the transmission of a '95 Explorer, it was a wiser decision to replace it. And as far as the bald tires, they looked at one tire and that one was good. Don't ask me why they didn't look at 'em all. -DukeOfURL |
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8145.
Google wants their own satellite radio station in their effort to rule the world and they're making Sirius' website load slowly because they won't give them one.
[By :SpiderRider3 / 2011-12-28] [Top]
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I somehow doubt the validity of that. -ravensentinel
...and Google makes Sirius' website load slowly how? F*cking interwebs, how do they work? -SalParadise
Magnets, of course! -docbrown01
So, I just type www.sirius.com into this bar marked google right? -LazyLemming
Raven: he was trying to navigate to Sirius' website by typing "sirius satellite radio" into Google and pressing I'm Feeling Lucky, then said this when the page loaded slowly. -SpiderRider3 |
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8144.
It is perfectly acceptable to call about a physically modded device you bought on ebay and expect warranty support on it. Bonus points if it also has custom firmware that allows you to bypass provisioned speeds and steal service.
[By :linuxmatt / 2011-12-23] [Top]
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I believe this is usually referred to as, comic relief. -Stryker One
I used to get calls about cable modems purchased on ebay, or the backs of trucks somewhere. Trying to explain to people that while, yes, we could activate the modem, it would require adding a separate instance of the online service on the bill (and thus, another $50/month) was like trying to drill a hole in your head. -AmazingKreskin |
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8143.
You can bribe one of us into providing support for a discontinued product by offering to bring us tea and rice.
[By :linuxmatt / 2011-12-23] [Top]
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So, are you against bribery, or are you just not that cheap? -Stryker One
Best part, coworker who got this call said the customer was totally serious, offered multiple times, and had a very thick Asian accent. -linuxmatt
100000 Credits. Or no dice. -TaliPhoenix
Maybe he was asian and was offering to "tea bag" you. You just heard "tea and rice". Your loss. -burrkiss
TaliPhoenix: +100 Darkside Points. -30 Corso affection. -LazyLemming
Now, were it chocolate and caffeine, well... -Captain Trips
hookers and blow... then least its a start.. -Harm |
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8142.
Text messaging and bath tubs do not mix, and no I can not repair the damage in less than a day.
[By :OldScratch / 2011-12-20] [Top]
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Reminds me of the time I was doing phone support for the Philip Morris sales force and had to ask the person on the other end of the phone why I was hearing water noises. He replied "Oh, I'm in the tub with the computer on my knees". I immediately requested that he move the laptop away from the tub lest something drastic happen, and to call back later. Shoulda told him to drop it...
-Grayhawk
Ren: Stimpy, sometimes your wealth of ignorance astounds me. Stimpy: Yeah, they don't call me stupid for nothing! -Biosynthetic |
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8141.
Actually my boss's misconception.
1) When you reply to a situation that is beyond my control, in this case a broken part I dont have stock of, with "I thaught you were bright", do expect me to reply, "I am bright, I just dont have a manufacturing plant behind me."
2) Also, when you ask for me to develop a program to track everyone's current location in the facility, dont be surprised when I suggest adding GPS tracking device to augment the program.
3) And when you suggest selling it to the DM\company, dont expect me to die inside since you insisted it be developed on company time, with company resources. However you have shown the extend of your knowledge in regards to patent law.
[By :OldScratch / 2011-12-16] [Top]
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1) My usual answer to such is that I don't have a latex glove that long with me. 2) I suggest GPS on ear tags like they use for cattle. 3) A punch in the gob might be the correct response for that one. -ChildofCthulhu
Nah - for "gob" read "nuts". -Gromit
So... he'd essentially sell their own product back to them? What a moran. -TaliPhoenix
I cut a top-hat in half and glued it to the front of my office door with a sign "IT has granted global access to our magic hat. If you need something, please reach in and pull it out." Sadly HR got pissed and made me take it down. -LazyLemming
LL: HR have no sense of humour, so they? (Unlss it happens to be at review time, then the joke is most definitely on us...) -lineswine |
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8140.
Your desire to have the computer on the floor in a registered and marked fire egress lane, which violates OSHA rules, Joint Commission regulations, and several other regulations to boot, overrides my employer's desire not to get written up for said violation the next time an inspection comes through.
If you persist in neeping at me, I will gladly send you to $frontOffice so you can explain to them how having an extra square foot or two of desk space is more important then keeping our accreditation, and by extension, our jobs.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-12-15] [Top]
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Set the luser on fire and have them trampled in the resulting evacuation. Sometimes, you just have to be cruel to be kind^Wamusing. -aeddan
If they have a flat screen, put the computer behind their monitor. -Wraith556
Cable-tie their computer to the grid of the suspended ceiling. It's up out of the exit path, and all is right with the world. The sane part of the world, anyway... -Voz
To Voz I add: right over her chair. (Think of it as evolution in action.) -Captain Trips |
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8136.
More of a roomate misconception- Just because the landlord sends me a text telling me that your dog can no longer be chained in either the front or back yard, which is unnessecary anyway since we a 6 high ft fence as well as a very large backyard, that I am controlling you. Also, please do threaten to move out in two weeks, I already pay for everything you broke dumbass, it just means that I can turn your room in a laboratory, and your other room into a game/guest room, while you try to find another place that will take you and your pitbulls. Enough ranting.
[By :OldScratch / 2011-11-14] [Top]
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Next time roomy threatens to move out, tell them "not a problem". -unrenowned
Screw that. Kick 'em out now. -charred |
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8135.
Coffee is just coffee; Coffee is like fuel, graded for performance. For preference: http://www.bluemountaincoffee.com/ . Keep your techs happy, and they'll stop taking it out on your systems.
[By :LDFeral / 2011-11-14] [Top]
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Seriously not an ad, I'm just continually stoked to find this stuff after searching fruitlessly around the City for years. -LDFeral
Speaking just for myself, coffee is a beverage that I cannot stand drinking. I never acquired a taste for coffee, or anything coffee related (java ice cream, for example.) My caffeine has to be provided with carbonation, like Dr. Pepper.
-VoiceOfSanity
I'm with VoS. I can't stand the smell of coffee, let alone the taste. Makes me nauseous. -Divinar
Ah, Jamaican Blue Mountain. The coffee of Presidents. ;)
-MadJack
I am also w/VoS. I love the scent of coffee, I cannot stand the flavor, not even as an additive. :( Mt Dew is my caffeine of choice, but I am not real picky when it comes to cold carbonated caffeine...hell it doesn't even have to be cold -Madrigorne
One day, you may just discover why CommanderData loves tea so much. (So do I, for that matter.) -lineswine |
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8133.
Cable company misconception: it's perfectly ok to repeatedly call me with promotional calls, even after I've asked you twice, nicely to stop and remove my number from your database. I don't care if I have service with you, that doesn't make it right! Furthermore, you tell me that you've upgraded me for the same price I'm paying so that now I supposedly have the rr standard, but I still get the same bad speeds and dropouts. No wonder it's often called crime warner. B@st@rds.....
[By :AdmiralLaurie / 2011-11-08] [Top]
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Complain about being promo/cold called; either they have it on file, in which case they should give you something for not going away/breaking agreement, or they don't, and they should give you something because they haven't documented it, and kept bothering you. That's how I rolled. <suggestive eyebrow waggling> -LDFeral
I would suggest handling the bad speeds/ dropouts problem like this: Do a tech call, explain that you have an on-going issue that other techs have not been able to fix, and that you want an actual RR tech to work on it, not a contractor. Most companies providing this service use contractor techs who are not paid the same way as the company techs and therefore do not have the same work ethic. Personally, I'm wondering if you have the older, relatively thin RG-59 cable somewhere in your setup. Modern installations (and this includes U*Verse and satellite dishes) use RG-6Q (thicker, quad shield) cable at every point because it is strong enough to carry the larger, two way communication signals that modems and better set-top boxes require. -BayouTech
I work for them and there is a little box called Privacy in the profile tab on CSG. Just let the rep know that you want that box ticked so you will not get any more marketing calls.
If you live in Texas I could do it for you. Otherwise, any rep should be able to help. Regarding the tech problem, BayouTech is right. -buitre
It is also highly recommended that the wiring be a two way splitter with 1 leg to your modem, the other is to your tv's so a threeway, fourway, eightway with/without a amp whatever is needed. (10 years fixing peoples cable shit) -burrkiss |
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8132.
That the bathroom is a good place to ask technical questions...about your personal PC....that you let you kid on....and now it has pop ups...and I have a hangover. Being nice is not a requirement in this situation.
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-11-08] [Top]
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Keep a latex glove handy when you go. When they start in, hand them the glove and inform them that there's something that you want them to look at and let you know if it's a funny color or inflamed or whatnot...If warranted, continue to drop trou and bend over. Either they leave or you have found a new friend. Win-Win! -ChildofCthulhu
I've already run through six nsfw scenarios that I just couldn't find the heart to post. <note to self - stop surfing so much pron.> -AngrySup
The heart is typically in the upper-left portion of the ribcage; I've found the best path to get there is an upward motion starting from the navel. :) -TheCyberwolfe
the Trouble with Tribbles -Harm
"Those pop-ups only come from hardcore gay websites. You should talk to your kid." -VIPERsssss
<appears over the top of the stall wall with suggestive music playing in the background>Did someone say....'Pop-ups'? Cause I can help you with that...<flashes out a poster of Kathy Bates from 'About Schmidt' in eth hottub scene.> -ChildofCthulhu |
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8131.
It is perfectly OK to rant & rave to our support queue about how you hated spending all day today trying to save a dead RAID array when I spent two hours overtime last night trying to fix it and determined that the array was beyond saving, and furthermore, you told me the data was backed up and you've told me you are perfectly OK with building a new array. Yeah, go back to square one dude. Especially when you wasted more time ranting than building the new array and restoring from backup would have taken.
[By :tech4alltrades / 2011-11-08] [Top]
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8130.
Co-worker misconception: That i won't notice you're trying to illicitly pad your stats when you've taken a hardware repair ticket for my location when you're physically located halfway across the country.
[By :metaball / 2011-11-07] [Top]
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Now that takes balls. -Stryker One
"I'm fixing things... With my miiiinnndd!!" -MeanDean
I do believe that the O in LOIC is for orbit. Might take awhile, but I will get the shot lined up again. -DarkRookie
Update the ticket and say that you're express couriering the repair to him and expect it fixed and returned in under 48 hours :) -spectreoflife |
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8129.
Changing the screen resolution to one tick below recommended, so that every picture is misproportioned and all text looks horribly kerned and blurry, makes it "easier to see".
[By :Mer / 2011-11-02] [Top]
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I used to hate people who used anything below native resolution. Just as I was getting to accept that, widescreen monitors started being deployed, so now I get annoyed at people who choose any resolution that makes things 'squished' vertically.. how can anybody stand that?? -NightSteel
On a side note, once you've used 2560x1440, it's really hard to go back to 1280x1024. -Stryker One
I think you will hate me. Being visually impaired, there is quite an amount of screens I used at completely unsuitable resolutions for anyone but me (stupid windows no longer allows me to use 640x480 as resolution). -Fortytwo
Ditto. In a lot of cases the native resolution is so high that unless the user has absolute 20/20 vision they have to reduce it. Anyone above the age of 40 is likely to be in that category. -Gromit
Not me Gromit. I am 51 and use glasses to read. Sub-optimal resolution gives me a headache. I would like to set the only allowed resolutions to be "native" and 640*480. If they want blurred and out of focus, they can have it done properly! -Holdfast
See, that is the reason why I think that flatscreens were a big mistake. They dosplay low resolutions very awkwardly. No CRT I had did. -Fortytwo
This is one of my pet peeves. I give a user a brand new 22" widescreen LCD with a 1680x1050 res and they immediately ask me "Why are the words so small? I can't see them! Waahhh!" And I have to take this beautiful screen and make it display 1024x768 because that is what their last 17" LCD was set to.. I hate people... -JoeLugian
If i watch movies on my laptop I have to drop the resolution as otherwise it causes bluescreens. -Olorin
Win7 has taken a step in the right direction as far as divorcing the size of UI elements from the screen resolution, but it's still not perfect. On my living room TV, native res is 1920x1080, which is just enough to make text in browser & Explorer windows unreadable when I'm sitting back on my couch. I tried changing the text size in Display options, and that worked; the only problem with that is that it seriously interferes with ObjectDock's "Reserve top of Screen" option, which prevents windows from being maximized over (or behind) the dock. In the end I switched it all back and set the browser zoom up a few ticks. -AmazingKreskin
I don't have any problem with people who genuinely need to reduce the resolution to see. (That'd be silly) But one tick down, from 1920x1200 to 1680x1050? That only makes it harder to read!! -Mer
A few years ago, I remember rolling out new systems with bigger screens. Someone complained that stuff was too small. I got a ruler and measured the size of an object on her old PC and the new one. They were identical! It was just the additional space round making things seem smaller to some people. I was informed that my ruler was faulty! I left her with 800*600. -Holdfast
On Windows7 systems, CTRL + (plus) will make your intarwebz larger. Just a thought. -lineswine
The Control + cheat already worked in Netscape 3.x but still it is not really a solution since the rest is not made bigger via that (like the interface). Also, even the native resolution makes things unreadable with most OSes insistance on anti-aliasing often even including the subpixel 'optimisation' which causes colored seams around each word. -Fortytwo |
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8127.
Boss Misconception When I am on Vacation I will respond to e-mails asking me to do things at work. Just because you gave me an iPhone to carry around doesn't mean that I'm going to respond to any messages you send. It's one of the reasons I'm an hourly employee and don't work when I'm not there.
[By :Starfury / 2011-10-31] [Top]
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You actually took it WITH you on vacation? -Stryker One
I'm at home on vacation...wife is in Mexico and I'm here with the kids. And since all I have is a flip phone, I use the work iPhone for personal use...and just happened to look at the pile of mail in my inbox. Now the phone is off and tossed in my work laptop bag. -Starfury
Staycation! -AmazingKreskin
nothing wrong with stay cations.. best relaxing times i've had have been by my onse in my own house. and a week to catch up on gamies/tv shows and pretty much all tat stuff 've been meaning to get done / finish for the last few years. -Harm |
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8126.
That the best way to request that I do XYZ is to come up to me out of the blue and ask, "So, when are you going to do XYZ?"
[By :Dante668 / 2011-10-31] [Top]
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"When the proper procedures are followed for requesting it, including filling out all the required forms." -AmazingKreskin
"And not a second sooner." -AmazingKreskin
"but maybe a few days later!" -ecoli |
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8125.
A coupon is a legally-binding document, and we are obligated to fulfill it by giving you all the discounts, promotions, and any other free McShit to which you think you're entitled. Except for the part that says the coupon expired during the Clinton administration... That part is not only negotiable, but it never applied to you in the first place, because you're special.
[By :linkv / 2011-10-31] [Top]
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WYLFWT? -lineswine |
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8124.
That the Help desk will know that you mean you can connect to our main database program when you keep telling them you can't connect to the internet.
[By : Gunpe / 2011-10-31] [Top]
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Just like we are supposed to know "my computer is broken" means "I can't launch Solitaire." -Captain Trips |
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8123.
The words email and internet are interchangeable. Providing me with your domain email settings will allow me to configure your DSL modem, and that it is also somehow my fault that no one in your organisation has any information whatsoever. (I did find a number with modem sync) Giving your domain host's support a blast on the on the phone will help rectify the problem.
[By :Bloke / 2011-10-26] [Top]
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8122.
cow-irker misconception: It's ok to talk to yourself about personal problems nobody has any desire to know, sing to yourself so off-key that people swear they heard dogs howling a block away, and generally act as if you have an imaginary friend, despite being in your 40's...
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-10-25] [Top]
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We have a lady at work that is supposedly a professional singer. She wears earphones all day and sings to the music. She can be heard three rows away, and we can't figure out who would buy her albums. It's horrid. -TechieSidhe
In defence of the off-key woman with the headphones, some people need the feedback of hearing their own voice. On the other hand there are those like me who couldn't carry a tune in a hermetically sealed bucket. -AussieFoot
I can carry a tune, but only in conjunction with someone else - I'm a harmonizer. My strength is in timing. <_< -Omega
I can carry a tune, but people usually just tell me to carry it away. Far, far, away. Quickly! -Voz
I can carry a tune but it refuses to be carried by me T_T -Angelace |
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8121.
"4005" is said "four hundred, five"
[By :Mer / 2011-10-25] [Top]
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And I'm being generous with that comma... -Mer
Thanks for your comma-nificence. We all know you're usually the Ebenezer Scrooge of commas, and we know with the holidays approaching, it must be particularly galling to give them out. Your generosity is an example to all of us. ;) (Sorry, I saw 'generous with that comma' and just laughed..) -NightSteel
sounds like someone else was generous with comas -stiffarm
four thousand five -DarkRookie |
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8120.
When reading off an IP address, you can give all the numbers in an unbroken sentence of single digits. They're not separated by dots for any reason.
[By :Mer / 2011-10-25] [Top]
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Especially when you just described it as four numbers separated by dots in order to help the user find it. -NightSteel
DA: If you're familiar with your site's network architecture, you can kinda get away with that. For us, all our sites start with the same two octets, and then a two digit octet, so we do tend to speed through them over the phone. -TechieSidhe
Our last two octets can be either one or two numbers long. -Mer
Our first two octets are standard. But when they tell me 1723549 I have no idea whether it's 172.3.5.49, 172.17.235.49, 172.17.23.549, etc. (Yes, some of our people think octets can be greater than 255. Or are surprised when I ask where the dots are.) (On that subject, has anyone noticed how many CSI type shows use IP addresses of 10.10.10.362?) -Captain Trips
To quote the prophet Jerematic, one-zero-zero-zero-one-zero-one-zero-one-zero-one-zero-one... [later] ... zero-one-zero-one-one-zero-zero-one... two. Amen. -VIPERsssss
Amen. -AmazingKreskin
Trips- it may be the modern equivalent of how Hollywood has made every phone number in TV and movies start out from the "555" exchange, (or for those who are even more ancient, "KLondike-5"), so that the phone company would be happy that no one would be getting harassing phone calls just because the star of the show was getting a phone call. Make a network address internal, and they can't reach it from the Internetz, ya know... -Voz |
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8119.
Boss Misconception It's perfectly OK to schedule training on a day we've got 1 person out sick and the call volume has been 2x normal. This leaves 3 people to handle calls. Guess the callers will just have to wait.
[By :Starfury / 2011-10-21] [Top]
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The calls will be there when you are out of training. They can wait. -DarkRookie
Ugh our HR manager likes to do this. Shoot us an email Friday afternoon to go train some new employee Monday morning. And you damn well better be there, who cares about massive update projects, go lives, clinic starts or major outages! -LazyLemming
I like the ones who have all the time in the world to chase their pet rabbits around, talk about them for hours at a time, until ten minutes before shutdown Friday then toss out an outline that needs to 'Hop on the Bullet Train' first thing Monday morning. And he has loaned out 90% of the assets you need to perform the op- -jerrybear
"pet rabbits?" -Captain Trips
we had a case like this. the ticket was close with notes "coached $manager on how to strategically staff meetings" -boxcar |
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8118.
It's OK to call our help desk and expect them to help you when all you do is yell at them, complain that someone is remoted into your machine, interrupt them mid-question, and refuse to give them even basic information such as who you are, what the problem is, etc.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-10-20] [Top]
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Oooo, the "You done ree-moated into mah mahceen" tinfoil hatters - I LURRVE them. When possible, I always set the connection to disable their kb/mouse for that extra special touch for the extra specially touched... -PTSTech
This is the same person that "never has time" for you to troubleshoot. The more complex the issue, the less time they have. -TechieSidhe
Even better, your help desk is outsourced to India. Lovely kids, barely speak english, but whatever, they're cheaper than the local talent. -AngrySup |
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8116.
Old Software Today one of our users sent us some files to open. They're .ovd files. From what I can gather from my brief research the software was published in 1992 and isn't made any longer. Time to ask the client to convert to a current format and resend.
[By :Starfury / 2011-10-17] [Top]
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It could be an ObjectiveVision file, or maybe an OverDisk file. But wait! Could it be an Outlook View Definition? I am continually amazed by how much there is to know. http://msdn.microsoft.com/en-us/library/ee819848.aspx -nickdixon
We have a client that is known for sending Windows Media Player skin files...we have yet to figure out why or what they want us to do with them. -redevil34 |
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8115.
Wishing the password on a Word document to be removed because you don't know it gives you the right to yell at me that our metadata scrubber is throwing up a prompt for a password when you try to send it. And that the password prompt does not actually mean that there is a password.
[By :redevil34 / 2011-10-12] [Top]
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