The type who talks to you every day and is dying to impress you with how cool they can be, yet manages to only get smug over matters that show how ignorant they really are. Examples:

"PPhhh... I'd never get an iPhone, because with my Droid, I get my apps for free! You suckers pay for all yours!"

"Why are you using Linux? Can't afford the upgrade to Windows 7?"

"You don't need to encrypt your wireless if you don't do financial stuff online. It's just a scam to make you pay more for wifi."

Barbie is a rather charming, attractive female co-worker with an office down the hall. She's good at her job, and is very much a "people person". However, I've noticed that in her interactions with me, she deliberately plays on my ego. Okay, maybe not me specifically, but pretty much any male employee. She's very, very good at getting her way by sprinkling a little bimbo dust.

This isn't meant to condemn her. As I said, I think very highly of her as both a person and a co-worker. Buuuuutttt... I didn't like the game that she had to play the helpless princess, and I the gallant knight, every time she needed me to show her what box to check in Excel. One day, she came up to me, and said "Ummm... if you wouldn't mind... Could you please come take a look at my problem, if you have time?" She did the pouty-lip thing, and her tone implied she'd asked me to give her a kidney, rather than just do my job.

She wasn't in true luser mode, so a full LART wouldn't be called for. Instead, we needed a LART-Lite. Something just to clear the air. In my most cheerful voice, I looked her dead in the eye, and said "You practice those faces in the mirror, don't you?"

Stunned. Absolutely stunned. While I didn't outright hurt her, you could tell I'd really surprised her. She nervously said "Yeah..." And off we went to solve whatever issue was perplexing her. Since then, she's come to me several more times, but never used the Bimbo Dust on me. She learned well that such will not earn my favor.

Instead, however, she has taken to forwarding boxes of Chick-Fil-A to my desk. THAT, on the other hand... *BFEG*

Dweezil is not a starfish in the strictest sense. He actually has a fair amount of computer knowledge. He knows at least enough to be dangerous, and has shown a propensity for locking down company computers for "security"... to the point where they're almost unusable. The problem with this is, he's not part of the IT department, and we really don't appreciate his going rogue on these matters. For various reasons, direct confrontation with Dweezil has been avoided, though we unofficially think there's a future LART with his name on it.

Flash forward to now, when Dweezil decided he wanted to go from "mild annoyance" to "just plain stupid." He works in a very small building that is only staffed by two people. As supervision is at a minimum, the company had concerns that staff could be goofing off, even sleeping on the job. Last week, I added a security camera to Dweezil's office area, to watch for just that. His brilliant solution? Tack a post-it note on the camera lens.

Not content to endanger his job merely by screwing with company equipment, Dweezil made it worse. His co-worker, sharing the shift, took down the post-it note and went out for a bit. when she returned, a damp paper towel had been placed over the lens.

... so let's get this straight. Sabatoging the camera alone is enough to get himself fired, but then he moves from a method that merely blocks the lens, to one that (theoretically) could moisten and damage it (however unlikely that is). Next, ask yourself, how dumb to you have to be to screw with a security camera, which is recording everything you do to it? Beyond that, getting caught doing it by being THE ONLY OTHER PERSON IN THE BUILDING, and eliminating any possibility of reasonable doubt. Now, the kicker... Dweezil is in trouble for messing with a camera THAT WASN'T EVEN TURNED ON! I had to make a return trip to connect the power because the existing hookups didn't allow it. He'd put all that fuss into a dead camera, and he KNEW it was dead, because the monitor in the next room showed it!

On second thought, I don't think I'll LART him. At this rate, he'll LART himself.