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3507.
A need to get probed
There's the assholes, the idiots, the whiners, and then there's the just straight up nuts. http://notalwaysright.com/e-t-no-phone-home/18600
[By :  Stryker One / 2012-04-07] [Top]
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I actually laughed out loud at this one and people looked at me funny. -SpiderRider3 |
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3506.
The Caps Lock Lovers
You know these folks. The ones who whether its a web address or an entire report, they will submit the item with everything in caps. USUALLY SEEN WRITING LIKE THIS, THESE PEOPLE JUST CANT SEEM TO REMEMBER THAT CAPS LOCK IS NOT OUR FRIEND. Remember: green light on caps means bad!
[By :KrazerKap / 2012-03-30] [Top]
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Ohmygod,dejavu! -AmazingKreskin
Not necessarily. I run with caps lock on 90% of the time when I'm doing drafting - construction drawings just don't look right with correct capitalization, with the limited exception of notes. -Transkaren
test -dadtaxi
So our fault reporting/management application have some field which you fill in in lowercase but it converts to UPPERCASE for your viewing enjoyment, others which MUST be filled in in UPPERCASE. Cosidering the customer has oversight to the jobs is it any wonder that some of the comments are done in uppercase . So when the customer complains that the engineer is 'shouting' at them does the managment 1) Adjust the fields/filtering for lowercase or 2) shout at the engineers every time it has happened over the last 15 years ? Answers on a postcard only -dadtaxi |
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3505.
The Caps Lock Lovers
You know these folks. The ones who whether its a web address or an entire report, they will submit the item with everything in caps. USUALLY SEEN WRITING LIKE THIS, THESE PEOPLE JUST CANT SEEM TO REMEMBER THAT CAPS LOCK IS NOT OUR FRIEND. Remember: green light on caps means bad!
[By :KrazerKap / 2012-03-30] [Top]
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WHAT IF THEY KNOW THAT BUT THEIR "SHIFT" KEY IS STUCK? -JH
CAPS LOCK IS HOW I FEEL INSIDE. ALL THE TIME.</louis vs rick> -AmazingKreskin
I LIKE ANGELINA JOLIE! SHE HAS ENORMOUS LIPS! -Harm
BUT CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL! -docbrown01
BUT GREEN MEANS GO SO I'M SORRY BUT YOU'RE WRONG IT'S GOT TO STAY ON. -virtualchoirboy
http://bash.org/?835030 -Cyan
caps lock = cruise control for cool! OMGWTFBBQ!!! -objekt404
EVEN WITH CAPS LOCK YOU STILL HAVE TO STEER -DarkRookie |
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3504.
Actually Mgmt Style
SFW - http://business.newsvine.com/_news/2012/02/22/10478502-management-lessons-to-learn-from-star-wars#comments. Interesting reading of the comments where they have a discussion of how this applies to other events in the Star Wars.
[By :redevil34 / 2012-03-09] [Top]
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And from the positive side of examples from science-fiction: http://www.forbes.com/sites/alexknapp/2012/03/05/five-leadership-lessons-from-james-t-kirk/ -MisterCommon |
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3503.
IT'S AN EMERGENCY!!! FIX IT NOW!!!
Step 1: Become CEO of a company
Step 2: Call your IT Admin and tell him that you have an emergency, drop everything he's doing to figure out the solution and call back within five minutes.
Step 3: Don't answer the phone or respond to text messages when he calls back with a solution to your emergency.
Step 4: Increase the Indianapolis metro area homicide rate by one for 2012.
[By :RiffRaff / 2012-01-27] [Top]
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That's not how it's always been? -ravensentinel
..."Next!" -stiffarm
I'm lookin' for work - need an assistant? I recently got my A+, finally... -figglywig
hey riff- going to BWBBQ? -HappyCrappy |
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3502.
The Genius
This is a sucktomer several people in my department have had the displeasure of dealing with over the years. He is a nursing assistant who is the low nurse on the totem pole, but feels within his rights to boss everyone around and tell them how to do their jobs. He makes it a point to tell people their faults in excruciating detail, which extends to the realm of IT as well, in which he immediately tells us that we're wrong and offers his own opinions, which he insists are the correct way to fix something, no matter how far afield from reality they are.
In my first encounter with him, he put in a request to have a dual monitor setup put into an office. It seemed simple enough on paper, were it not for two problems. First, was that the desk in question was barely large enough for one computer with a single monitor (and I do mean barely). Secondly, there already was a computer on the desk. He insisted I install the 2nd one there anyway, along with measurements down to the millimeter on how he thought it would work.
He also puts in requests at least twice a month to our boss to gain access to the networking/telecom closets so that he can do networking himself (fat chance), and his desire to get a job in our department, despite a glaring lack of any IT skills whatsoever, not to mention that his pay grade is so low, he'd have to wait a minimum of 3 years before he even becomes eligible for a job in our department just on pay grade. He has also requested that we give him the administrative override password for the OS encryption we have in place on the laptops, even though he doesn't even have such a laptop from us, and there is no chance he'll be getting one from us any time soon, on account of the fact that nobody in his own department can give us a reason why he needs one. And this is the same department which is infamous for flimsy excuses when they put in equipment requests.
Then there was the matter of today. He put in no less than 3 work orders for the same computer being unable to connect to the network in the span of a single morning this weekend. A coworker and I went up and it was the same PC whose network cable was forcibly ripped from the wall, thus damaging the wall jack, but not before they put it back into the wall in a half-assed attempt to cover their tracks. My coworker had already put a note on the PC the other day, but said had mysteriously disappeared, indicating that someone would come by soon to repair the network jack.
We did get a good laugh on the ticket notes that The Genius kept insisting he knew exactly what the problem was, namely that we had somehow "restricted" the NIC card, but because he wasn't an administrator, he needed one of us to come ASAP to fix it.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-12-12] [Top]
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Yup, there is a restriction on the NIC. the retriction being that it has to have a working network jack to plug into. The restriction will be lifted when the cabler arrives. -McSmiley
Why does your department put up with shenanigans like this? I understand you work in public sector, but still, you would think maybe management can just ban him from talking to IT at all? -boxcar
Unfortunately, boxcar, that is one genie they can't put back in the bottle. The Helldesk number is public knowledge, and the helldesk workers have to log EVERY call they receive. I don't envy them sometimes. -skippytpodar
Just about time to Wile E. Coyote this cat, since he's a genius and all... -PTSTech
Maybe he just needs a 'special' mailbox number. -LDFeral
I'd LART his ass back to the paleolithic. -virusjtg
Give him a can of Silly String to play with. He'll be dead in half an hour, probably from choking. -MeanDean
Recommend POF until condition improves. -clockkingfl |
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3501.
The Jukebox
More of a co worker type
This person will start singing songs to get people to join them. Before long you get half the people singing and the other half looking at the singers like they are crazy.
It will always be a catchy pop song that will refuse to leave your skull.
[By :DarkRookie / 2011-10-21] [Top]
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I do that to a co-worker all the time. My weapons? Broadway plays and novelty songs. Alan Sherman and Tom Lehrer are good for that. -VoiceOfSanity
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring... -VIPERsssss
.. and if they are anything like my wife.. they sing the incorrect words to the siong.. or start making them up (persinal pet peeve) -Harm
........banana phone..... -burrkiss
badger,badger,badger,badger,badger,badger,badger,badger,badger... -Harm
I'm a lumberjack and i'm okay........ -MarloVino
I see things, I see them with my eyes, I see things, they're often in disguise... -chazz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuyS9M8T03A ( George Clinton - Atomic Dog. ) Nuff said :P -Necros
VoS - just try doing that with me, I grew up with "Al and Yetta," "Harvey and Sheila" and "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park!" -Captain Trips
Captain Tripps - "It was Automation, I know..." "Headaches, Headaches/Aspirin commercials give me headaches..." "I see bones/I see gizzards and bones/and a few kidney stones/amidst the lovely bones!"
-VoiceOfSanity
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts..... -Stryker One
"We're fahren, fahren, fahren auf der autobahn" /kraftwerk -AngrySup
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ&ob=av3n -Gerund
AAAAAND we will all go together when we go. What a comforting thought that is to know. Universal bereavement, an inspiring achievement. Yes, we will all go together when we go
-PoglaTheGrate
this is the song that never ends, it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends, it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends, it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends, it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends, it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends, it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends, it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they'll continue singing it forever just because .... -unrenowned
I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves.
I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves. </Joe Pasquale> -lineswine
@lineswine, his voice is annoying enough. Although I think I will have to play some Tom Lehrer tonight. Mainly because I've been requested... not to. -TaliPhoenix |
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3500.
"The PA for [InvisibleDirector]"
ID has problems, many of them, with the simplest tasks.
The least audit-restricted of which is their password for the finance system. (The most sensitive i've seen is authorising a 7 figure (GBP) payment)
The Director will *never* be seen, heard, or email you directly. Their PA will, and will expect you to treat them as if they were the physical avatar of the etherial being known as their assigned ID
If you challenge the PA as a potential fraud case as per client-decided Audit regulations, expect to be bellowed at by the head of IT because they are a high profile client (despite already having broken enough rules for them to get fired).
This luser type is often affiliated with Skeletor, Megatron, Lex Luthor and Dr Doom simultaneously.
(tech support is *much* worse when you have to be an accountant too!)
[By :Dhamp / 2011-09-22] [Top]
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When I worked at Chase, the secretaries of the VPs were utter bitchcunts from hell. Oddly enough, the VPs for which they worked invariably turned out to be rather pleasant individuals, once you actually got to meet them in person (I suppose not having the threat of being fired hanging over you while you talk to someone will tend to make them seem less intimidating). -AmazingKreskin
Often the VPs can afford to be nice because their secretaries are the hardliners for them. I was very lucky when I worked for PNC, as most if not all of the AA's and boss-types I came into contact with were nice. (It may have helped that I kept a large jar of candy on my desk at all times...) -AnneBWalsh
My first thoughts were that this would be a NT/OT story about how the director got in touch with his piercest. -Aelin236
Document, document, document. Oh, and, "piercest"? -Stryker One
@Stryker- do a Google image search for Prince Albert. :) You'll understand the comment. -Aelin236 |
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3499.
Too stupid to own a computer...
After having a salesperson/tech (myself in this case) point to a monitor and tell you that this monitor here costs $$$, the customer asks, "What do you mean by monitor?"
[By :spectreoflife / 2011-09-17] [Top]
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It means we need to monitor you for your own safety. -Stryker One
It also means we get to laugh at you just as hard when you have the same response to your auto mechanic telling you your points need to be adjusted. -Vulpis |
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3498.
Pollyanna
Suffering from a deplorable excess of optimism, Pollyanna is cheerfully confident in your ability to fix their computer and get it back in working order lickety-split, even if said machine is five years old, using a version of Windows that Microsoft doesn't support anymore, or is in fact ON FIRE. And they'll have it back tomorrow, right?
[By :Dante668 / 2011-09-14] [Top]
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Warning: This customer type has been known to instantly turn into a raging thundercunt upon realizing that you CAN'T in fact fix the computer in question, due to it being on fire and out of warranty. It's a pendulum: the nicer they are at the start, the quicker they turn on you. -AmazingKreskin
AmazingKreskin beat me to it. -Divinar
This customer type is also invariably what the person who pays your paycheck is, so you're boned in any case.. -Vulpis |
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3497.
Miss Above Everyone
She thinks that doing things like calling the Helldesk, waiting her turn on tickets involving keyboard replacements, and other menial tasks that are not hair-on-fire critical, are demeaning to her and beneath her. As such, she will sit there & wait until you come by, insist you drop whatever it is you're doing, even if you're on your way to the ER to fix a computer crashing next to a patient having a heart attack to replace her mouse.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-09-07] [Top]
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In a healthcare company, you can't believe how many people cannot understand the concept of triage. -TechieSidhe
Actually, skippy, you WOULD understand..tee hee... -TechieSidhe |
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