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8189.
You, the customer, are completely out of commission and unable to do any function of your job because your mouse isn't functioning.
[By :  skippytpodar / 2012-05-29] [Top]
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That may not be a total misconception, depending on the job and the software involved. </da> -ralphp1024
Her job description... Word, Excel, answering phones... :) -skippytpodar
Some people do not know how to use the keyboard for windows commands. -deedadee
I would say it's safe to say that the majority of the people I've supported don't even know that most mouse functions can be done by the keyboard. -BayouTech
Most people at least have papers to file, mail to drop off, or something. -Mer
If she needs a mouse to answer the phone, there's more wrong here than a broken mouse, seriously. -RDMcMains
RDMcMains, let me introduce you to Microsoft Lync, the *new* idea they've pushed at work... no desk phone, your computer has a USB headset and... wait for it... you need a mouse to click the spot to answer the phone. -VoiceOfSanity
I'll add that part of "answering the phone" is forwarding calls and/or taking notes. No mouse == can't use the PC based PBX program. No mouse == can't run Notepad (or whatever program they're using). So no mouse == can't do the job. Sad, but true. Mousification has screwed up several jobs that could be handled quite well without a mouse, except for the "OMG it's got Whinderz!! Drool'n'click!!!" so-called programmers. -ralphp1024
These could all be done with only the keyboard and no mouse, except for (1) lack of training, and (2) dipshit programmers* who leave buttons out of the tab order. You can play Solitaire without a mouse, so you shouldn't need one to answer the phone. (* I am entitled to say this because I have been one.) -concept14
VoiceofSanity: I feel your pain... We have M$ Lync as well. While we DO have a handset base, there is absolutely NO way to program any speed dials. I now have a Rolodex because most of the numbers I have to call are not in my "list" and I'll be damned if I start trying to put all the numbers I have into that shit. -unrenowned |
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8188.
Me Misconception: Trying to use my smart card to log into this site will not work.
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-05-29] [Top]
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swiping ones bus pass will not gain entry into work either. or vice versa.. ( okay who's got the caffine drips? looks like at least 2 of us need 'em around now) -Harm
Mine does - but only if I use the edge of the smartcard on my keyboard to type my username and password in. ;-) -Gromit
It's a misconception so... it does work? I want a smart card. -SpiderRider3 |
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8187.
Actually a Co-Irker misconception
It is my responsibility as a fellow helldesk technician to fix Luser issues for you because you have the ability to work from home as a helldesk technician on Fridays and $RemoteConsole runs slow over VPN from your house.
Maybe I should ask manglement why you were approved to work from home if you can't perform your main job function from said location.
[By :PhishPhucker / 2012-05-25] [Top]
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Maybe he's trying to convince Manglement to pay for a faster connection to view pr0n... er... do his work?
-VoiceOfSanity
@VOS doubtful since I work for $Gov't_Entity $Came_2_Retire more likely Manglement approved their Work From Home so that they could do the same -PhishPhucker
My $gov't_entity has eliminated work from home...except in dire need, like mine or a certain co-worker...we're the only ones that can do what we do in the org. -ravensentinel |
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8185.
It's OK to keep e-mailing us as to when a laptop will be ready after you've already been notified by myself and my coworkers no less than three times over the last week that said laptop has been ready since last Tuesday afternoon.
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-05-07] [Top]
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And the saga continues. I replied to his e-mail, saying the laptop has been ready, and his response was that he came up and someone told him the laptop wasn't ready when in fact, the only guy left who could give it to him was swamped with three people coming by at the same time for their laptops as well... Not exactly the same thing. -skippytpodar |
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8184.
2 for 1... 1) The order in which files are burned to a disk/copied to a thumb drive/placed in a zip file is critical as that determines the order they are displayed in in Explorer. 2) Removing fields from the Explorer view means no one will be able to see that information when the files are burned to disk...
[By :redevil34 / 2012-05-02] [Top]
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I've had people request CDs where the files are placed on it in a specific order and then I tell them it doesn't work that way. They'll argue but in the end have to admit that I'm right. -Starfury
Ditto that here. -redevil34
For smaller projects I force the disk copy order by first copying the files to an external drive and then copying file by file to a new folder on the hdd that I use to create the burn disc from. -PolarCoyote |
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8183.
A report request is simply saying that you want one. The details of what you want on the report gets to be worked out with your disapproval of my best guess. -- and even then you can still be vague.
I guess I should be more like Micor$oft and guess what you meant to do all day.
[By :gnuckles / 2012-04-18] [Top]
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"This is the report you wanted. It says so right at the top, here. See? Report on Sales by Something. That's what you asked for. Not what you wanted? Fine, submit a change request." -chazz
Heehee, cross-tabulate daily sales against office-wide consumption of cream buns. That fits the description "something". -MyCatVerbs |
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8182.
The speaker phone button is the flash/hook/release/whatever button and if it doesn't work the first time it will if you press it some more.
[By :SpiderRider3 / 2012-04-11] [Top]
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Sure! Helps hold down the call times. -Voz
If it doesn't work the first time, press harder, like with a shoe or a hammer. As a last resort, C4 or Thermite will suffice. -ecoli |
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8180.
Hi there - Long time lurker / first time poster. Co-worker misconception - that just because I only work here part-time that it's ok to leave my desk looking like an Autobot has vomitted all over it after a heavy session of whatever it is Autobots have on a good night out. Seriously guys, there must be the guts from over a dozen or so PCs and laptops here, just randomly strewn about: in one corner, hard-drives are stacked like a miniature copy of the Tower of Pisa (complete with vagely unsettling lean); opposite there must be 30 or more SATA and USB cables twisted together (why, I can't even guess) in what looks like a modern interpretation of the Gordian Knot; and in the centre are the motherboards, arranged (if you can call it that), as if someone was trying to shuffle them together like a pack of cards. And over everything - DIMMs, CPUs and heatsinks, sprinked like confetti. Oh yes, and wedged between the mobos are several CDRs, all completely unlabeled. (Apart from one that appears, at first glance at least, to have something scribbled on it in Latin). Biosicus Updateicus, perhaps? At least all the screws have been kept neatly together. ALL the screws. From all the PCs. All together in one cup. In ... my ... coffee ... cup. Sigh - It's gonna be a long day.
[By :Erraticus / 2012-03-29] [Top]
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DAMNN!! -redevil34
Just throw all that shit in the trash. When whoever left it there comes in and freaks out deny all knowledge of the mess. The desk was clean when you got there. -Bioguy
Suggestion: distribute the screws evenly amongst the coffee cups of all co-workers while they're not looking - preferably whilst they still contain coffee. BTW, welcome to TSC from someone in the next county! -Gromit
And the mystery is solved. Seems my boss (really nice guy but takes on too much IMHO) decided to have a bit of a clearout, all the old stuff at the back of the storeroom etc. Started ok but then got called to a more important job. Handed over to co-worker who also got called away. And so on and so forth. So this stuff works its way around the office from desk to desk, day by day, slowly losing whatever little order it started with. One hasty conversation later and the lot is in the recycling pile and I'm drinking my morning coffee out of a brand new mug. Result! -Erraticus
Well hell, it resolved itself without a lart? Must be nice... -spectreoflife
I posted a story last year about a guy in the office we subletted a room from taking this to the farthest extremes. He saved files on our computer and put stuff in our filing cabinet (all without permission, of course), then complained we didn't give him a chance to retrieve the files when we moved out. http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=85532 -SpiderRider3 |
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8179.
Actually a spammer misconception: you will be able to better "sell" the legitimacy of your phishing attempt that happens to name in the subject line a bank I actually do business with, if your attention to proper capitalization and including all required letters in the word "Banking" did not result in the e-mail showing up in my In Box with a "From:" entry showing, "online baking". It was hard to believe- I just don't have that much "dough"!
[By : Voz / 2012-03-09] [Top]
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8178.
You have every right to ask for administrative rights on your work laptop which you take home for the purposes of installing whatever the heck you want on it, without any regard for it being against regs for someone to have admin rights, not to mention that any and all software installations must be approved by us, and be installed by us.
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-03-08] [Top]
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Of course they have every right to ask, and you have every right to tell them hell no. -Calydor
I say tell them NO about forty times a day with either a stun gun, or the T-ball version of the aluminium bat. (Like the one I keep under my desk!) -jerrybear
But i neee-eed it for wo-orrk! And what software is that? Well, iTunes, bit torrent clients, three or four anti-virus packages and around twenty IE toolbars -PoglaTheGrate |
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8177.
Pressing any combination of options in the IVR will magically get you to the right person to answer your question. Likewise, you have the right to neep angrily when you are told that your hardware issues cant be fixed by the rep youre talking to in the losin and passwords queue.
[By :KrazerKap / 2012-03-07] [Top]
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*snort* it'd be nice to find out who her boss is and cold transfer her to them. -spectreoflife
"Well, I listened to all the options, then forgot which one I wanted so I just hit the '1'." True story, I was the tech she reached. (And she wanted a department that wasn't open that weekend.) -Captain Trips
Oh gawd you just reminded me of an incident when I was working in Insurance. There was a rather technical question that needed answering, so I called head office. After being bounced around four or five times, they decided to connect me to someone that should be able to help. She was sitting two desks over from me. -PoglaTheGrate
The only thing better, Pogla, would be if she then leaned over and called out, "Hey, Pogla, I've got a question for you..." -Voz
I always just keep dialing 0 until I get a human. -SpiderRider3 |
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8176.
If you submit a ticket for a website you're having difficulty with, and your only description of it is "its the one I always go to", that'll narrow it down better than the URL, the name of the website, or any other identifying description, since we really don't know who you are.
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-03-05] [Top]
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"The internet is broken." <browse to some websites> "only on my computer." -Olorin
Nice and vague. REminds me of a cartoon--two cats sitting in a restaurant. Female is licking herself. Other cat says to the waiter, "I'll have what she's having...." -vacuumtubes |
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8175.
Replying to spam email sent to a distribution list with 'REMOVE ME FROM YOUR LIST,' 'YEAH, ME TOO,' and 'I AGREE' will do anything but add the specific email addresses to the spammers' distro list.. We're up to 69 replies so far... wups, 70.
[By :LDFeral / 2012-02-29] [Top]
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We're getting delivery of reply-alls timestamped an hour ago. Mars is amaaaaazing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyXJfUPSQhM (SYTL) -LDFeral |
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8174.
That I will not email everyone in your office and let them know to tell you I have yet to hear from you and you have failed to answer any of my emails, calls, or messages and I've been waiting 3 weeks now. (it's not a ticket, or I would close it. Waiting on said DA to do his job and simply click an approve button)
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-02-27] [Top]
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Need a name for this personality type-the ones that feel their powers grow as they make everyone wait on their whim. The rule of inverses (Inversii?) applies too. The more important the response and the simpler it is, the longer they make you wait. -jerrybear
Might be recognized by the Latin name- Perversus Responsus. -Voz
Although it does bring a thought- "To: *corp_distribution_list_Everyone* Subject: Attempt to Locate" "All employees, please be on the lookout for *username*. After submitting a help desk ticket, they have not responded to return e-mails and calls. At present time, their location is unknown, and their welfare is in question. If found, please verify their safety and advise them to contact Extension XXXX as soon as possible. Thank you." Should get a response as everyone they see "reminds" them. -Voz |
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8173.
Applicant Misconception: That I will seriously consider you for a software support position when you 1) cheerfully admit that you don't know how to silence your iPhone and 2) clearly don't have the sense to leave it in your car as it repeatedly goes off during our interview.
[By :Trillian / 2012-02-24] [Top]
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But, you HAVE to hire them, don't you know that having an iPhone makes you an important person?!?! -linkv
I think that if I ever interviewed someone for e tech position and they had an iPhone, I would mention it and see why. I do not like them or many of the people who have them because they think it looks cool/creative or something. It doesn't. -Holdfast
iPhone? Not the droid I'm looking for...
-Captain Trips
The issue is that they're iPhone and possibly Mac users. They love to show off/talk about their equipment. PC/Droid users tend to be the opposite...they just use the equipment and don't have to brag about it. -Starfury
@ Starfury, et al: Actually, I am both an iPhone and Mac user. My problem wasn't with her choice of gadgetry, but with her demonstrated total incompetence. It was as bad as the TSC poster who had someone list Farmville on their resume. -Trillian |
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8172.
Setting access permissions for your hard drive to "no access" to user "everyone", then entering your admin password for confirmation will not cause your system to no longer boot. It will also not cause me to have you format and reinstall to teach you a lesson <EG>.
[By :Grembo / 2012-02-22] [Top]
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That should not be allowed by a proper software engineer............so it was Windows wasnt it. -burrkiss
Actually, no, it wasn't Windows. Mac OS X 10.6 Snow Leopard -Grembo
On one hand... that is a VERY dumb thing to do regardless of OS. On the other hand it is a VERY good thing that the system allows that behaviour. A computer should do as it's told even if that means leaving itself as a brick. -fearmyroot
Oh man kind of reminds me of my aunt. she's real smart when it comes to many things but when it comes to computers she's well lets just say has a lot of learning to do. -lauren54 |
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8171.
Randomly pressing buttons and overall mucking up the user settings is a prefectly reasonable response to the ENTIRE HOSPITAL NETWORK INFASTRUCTURE FAILING. Because the machine will magically make everything better for you because you changed the patient search method repeatitly.
[By :OldScratch / 2012-02-17] [Top]
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They watched too much Star Trek: Voyager (without understanding it) "Compensate!" -Divinar |
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8170.
More of a software designer misconception: That when the software you designed for receiving and printing faxes is consistently tossing up an error once a week; it must be a problem with the content of the faxes in question and that it is perfectly okay to request that we submit that content of those faxes to you.
[By :unrenowned / 2012-02-15] [Top]
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As a software designer who writes fax software, I would suggest that for some issues, this is necessary. In particular, there are some specific pathological cases where the data compression technique used in CCITT group 3 and group 4 faxes actually causes the image to expand to over 1KB for a single 1728-bit image line. This makes a large number of GammaFax systems toss their cookies -- many GammaFax modems have only 1KB of line buffer. I'd need to see the image, specifically to look for that pathological case, before I could say definitively where the error actually lies. -chazz
Since I am allowed to view the faxes I can honestly say that the issue occurred on some faxes that did not have any graphics/images and it also occurred on some that had simple images. No photographs are being sent via fax either. -unrenowned
I will add that "pathological" can be an artifact of the compression library as well, and not necessarily caused by the "worst case" alternating-pixels graphics. Our libraries don't have any problems that I'm aware of, but they did at one time... and at that time, having an image that would consistently crash the libraries proved invaluable in fixing the blasted things. However: Not knowing anything about your specific case, not even whether your fax vendor uses our toolkit, I cannot really judge the validity of this request. -chazz
From a tech support viewpoint, it sounds reasonable to determine if there is something specific to the faxes received when the system crashes. Or compare to a fax that doesn't crash the system and then play "which of these things is not like the other." -Captain Trips |
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8169.
More of an "ex misconception": that leaving your fax machine on instead of your answering machine will discourage me from trying to call my son. Really? I have access to several fax machines as she will soon discover upon arriving home...
[By :unrenowned / 2012-02-13] [Top]
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Unless she/he "forgot" to put paper in it too. -ravensentinel
document, document, document. -HappyCrappy |
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8167.
As the people who maintain your infrastructure, we should obviously be able to produce mounting rails for the nine-year-old system you bought for cheap on ebay in the half hour between our call and arriving on your site.
[By :ThinkGuy / 2012-02-08] [Top]
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Rails? Are the making some Facebook games? -PoglaTheGrate
Drill a couple of holes in some plastic knives. -AmazingKreskin
home depot ( or lowes) and a few peices of metal... mcguovered topgtether on ones lunch hour at $200/h 3 h minimum.. plus incidental expenses... like lunch.. and strippers. -Harm
I want to work for Harm's company! -Divinar
RAILS we don't need no RAILS!!! -deedadee
I'm guessing HDD rails for a chassis. As no two seem to be alike or compatible with each other rather than rack mounting rails? -fearmyroot |
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8166.
It's alright to keep calling every 20 minutes and insist that someone come right away, because a slight, barely noticeable, smear on every 20th page or so constitutes an emergency work order on a printer. This is especially so when you're 75th in the queue, and even more when you're printing out articles that have nothing to do with your job at all...
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-02-07] [Top]
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We get the ones that email in for an issue, never pick up phone when we call so we close the ticket for no response. THEN they give a negative ticket response because the issue isn't fixed. I've got one of those now and I'm expecting this to happen. -Starfury
lol ticketing systems, about 5 years ago when I worked for an ISP we had a ticketing system, course the lusers didn't have access to the system so we didn't have to worry about them being dicks with it. -drachen |
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8165.
It is a good idea to cancel the data plan on your Blackberry to save money. After I help you make an account on Twitter, there's no need to tell me this when you ask if I can also set up Twitter on your Blackberry so you can tweet away from your PC. You should only shrug meekly when I notice the App World isn't loading and ask you if you've had any trouble with it lately. Only after I download the Blackberry software onto my computer--just for you since I don't have a Blackberry myself--and add the Twitter app manually should you inform me that oops, uh, heh heh, you may have at some point cancelled your data plan a few months ago and this wouldn't be the problem, would it?
[By :SpiderRider3 / 2012-02-06] [Top]
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Of course not. The problem exists solely in the vacuum chamber between the user's ears... -RDMcMains |
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8164.
It is a good idea, if you have 3 identical servers with RAID 1 arrays on each of them, to physically remove one of the hard drives in each of those servers and play musical-hard-drives with them, installing them in each server so that no hard drive gets installed in the same server that it came from. Corollary to that misconception: it is a good idea then to call Technical Support when you don't understand why the hard drives swapped above will then be flagged by the controller as Foreign. 2nd corollary: when asked by Tech Support as to whether you have a backup of the array(s) in question, you can then say "yes, we use this arrangement as a backup solution."
[By :tech4alltrades / 2012-02-02] [Top]
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1. Why?, 2. No you didn't!, 3. You make me want to stab pencils in my ears. -ravensentinel
The problem here is that we are looking at the wrong person. Sure we can be angry at the 'fish, but that the same as being angry at the sea or sun. The better quest is to track down the fool who gave the ability/opportunity to mess with the servers/backup. -DarkRookie
Seconded, DR. My bet is that they're a 'manager,' who also has admin access on their own system. -LDFeral
Blinky lights yay *flips switches* new colours yay... no work why? Leave. The. SAN. Alone. -fearmyroot
This is common on some forums. Repeat after me, RAID is not backup, RAID is not backup, RAID is not backup. Although using a can of RAID on some users might be a good idea. -Wraith556 |
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8163.
When you are testing the software, all you need to do is make sure the output file is not empty. After you run it in production, that's soon enough to see if the data is correct.
[By :concept14 / 2012-01-31] [Top]
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Just make changes in PROD, that's what it's for isn't it? -PoglaTheGrate
you must work where i work. "we'll do it live" </anchorman> -boxcar
"I didn't have a live file to test with. Just run it the first time we get one. If it fails, the on-call programmer can handle it." actual quote from one of my developers
-thx1138
to add: we don't need to see if the changes will work on real equipment if it looks like it works with a made up mac address or serial number in the testing environment. -frprinterwiz |
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8162.
More like a couple of auto repair mechanic misconceptions.
It is, of course, my fault that you haven't been able to get in contact with me about my car for the seven months that I've ben out of country when you: have entered my email address in your system incorrectly, despite my spelling it for you phonetically on numerous occasions; claim to have called four different phone numbers when I only gave you three, and have not responded to repeated emails I have sent from both work and home via the link on the repair shop website.
Furthermore, you can threaten to charge me storage fees for my car sitting in your parking lot, even though you uneccessarily took three months to begin repairs on it and failed to contact me upon completion of the repair.
[By :Spacegoat / 2012-01-31] [Top]
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Also, the repair was the tensioner pully (for the serpentine belt) and the coolant reservoir. -Spacegoat
A one hour fix took that long? You need a new mechanic shop. -srteach
Oh, I've got one, now that I'm back in the states. My own two hands. -Spacegoat
You dropped your car off for repair, and then promptly left the country? -Stryker One
You dropped your car off for repair, and then promptly left the country? -Stryker One
It took 3 months for them to even look at it, since you told them you were going to leave the country right? They instantly didnt give a shit. -burrkiss |
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8161.
When putting in a request to have a menu added, there's no need to specify WHICH menu from among the horde of menus in our system you really need. Even telling us what department you're in will narrow it down to only a few hundred.
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-01-30] [Top]
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Add all the menus! -ravensentinel
Is this the same nurse who needed a printer added? -thx1138 |
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8160.
1. 'User convenience' trumps US Federal prescribing/dispensing laws.
2. That I'll provide an airborne copulation targeting a ventrally mobile toroid the second through sixth times you open the same ticket, instead of responding with the same link to the same law, and blocking you from the ticketing system for the rest of the work-week.
[By :Mollari / 2012-01-30] [Top]
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This seems to have something to do with the 'mile high club' but I'm not sure. -ravensentinel
"That I'll provide an airborne copulation targeting a ventrally mobile toroid..." Excellent. Along these lines I saw a man in his fifties absolutely lose his shit with my pharmacist a few weeks back when something did not go his way. I did not hear what it was about, but I did hear (as did half the store) him scream "I don't care what the law says, I am the customer, and the customer is always right. This is terrible customer service, and I WILL have your job over this!" Yeah, somehow I think that the big grocery store chain that the pharmacist works for is going to value legal compliance over giving an entitled asshat customer whatever he demands. It was an epic rant, the only thing missing was a declaration that he'd never shop there again. -SalParadise
...airborne copulation targeting a ventrally mobile toroid...? -DarkRookie
I'm with Darkrookie. Can we get a lawyer to decipher this? I apparenrly do not have your public key to decrypt it. -ravensentinel
Translation: a flying f**k at a rolling doughnut. And an excellent choice of obfuscation in my books... -chazz
Thank you. My brain is already fried from the buckets of stupid spilled today. -ravensentinel
Holy, I TOTALLY forgot this! When I was first in the Navy, I'd signed up under what was called the SWSE program (Strategic Weapons System Electronics), ie one of three ratings for sub-launched nukes, which were ET (Electronics Tech), FT (Fire Control Tech) & MT (Missile Tech). Before I washed out of sub school, I'd thought I'd go the MT direction, b/c so many of those in the program went with either ET or FT. The insignia for the MT rating was often described as a missile fucking a doughnut. http://i.ebayimg.com/t/OBSOLETE-1980S-STYLE-USN-1ST-CL-MISSILE-TECH-WHITE-/14/!B9LmhI!B2k~$(KGrHqZ,!lkEy+jCzOeHBM5C3q479!~~_3.JPG http://www.navycs.com/navy-jobs/missile-technician.html (Remember that one, Bill?) -MadJack |
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8159.
How? How can any "computer technician" from a "user group" think this web site is not the most vomit inducing P.O.S. that has been created since about 1995?
http://www.grm.net/~browning/index.htm
[By : DataSolutions / 2012-01-27] [Top]
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"Need a new computer built for your special needs?"
Obviously, the website's creator knows ALL about those special needs. ¬_¬ -Omega
Judy Patch, web developer. -AmazingKreskin
It lacks a flashing yellow and brown background. THEN it would be the worst site I've ever seen. -Calydor
I presume that was created for a bet... -Holdfast
Needs more blink tags and Real Media files. -Vie
My eyes, my eyes! -ProfessorFrink
They make more money on the ads than on repairs or memberships. -srteach
@srteach- That's what I was thinking. With that many ads, every one of us clicking to see what's on the page probably earns the guy another 31 dollars or so. -Voz
Set your resolution to 640 x 480 to get the true 1995 experience. -concept14
Opened up View Source, and saw exactly what I expected to see under the HEAD tag: <meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage Express 2.0"> Ah, FrontPage: the web design software for people who think PowerPoint is a graphic design tool. -MeanDean
@ Kreskin: Oh wow man, I'd completely forgotten about Judy Patch! What's really frightening is her Angelfire page is still up: http://www.angelfire.com/rings/judy_patch/ ... But now ALL the graphics links are broken. -MeanDean
@ Kreskin: Oh wow man, I'd completely forgotten about Judy Patch! What's really frightening is her Angelfire page is still up: http://www.angelfire.com/rings/judy_patch/ ... But now ALL the graphics links are broken. -MeanDean
oh GODDESS, Judy Patch... for me, it's the design is bad enough, but the BASIC KNOWLEDGE ERRORS!!! are the worst part. >_< -Omega
the source is worse -DarkRookie
This carbon unit sucks at life, period. -PTSTech
That was painful to look at... -Phylok
I designed a website for a charity in the early 00's. Full of factual content about the charity, easy to use bread crumb navigation. Junked because the girlfriend thought it was "Too Buddhist" and replaced with... well I think the same people designed it as that one. -fearmyroot |
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8158.
When you call in, according to popular belief, I will be able to read your mind to find out whats wrong, thus prompting you to simply state "Ive tried everything. Fix it."
[By :KrazerKap / 2012-01-27] [Top]
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Obviously you haven't tried suicide! -ecoli
<In my best Miss Cleo Voice>Sorry Dearie but dis here ain't no Crystal Ball, It's me Clue-Bat! Would ya like a Demonstration? -ChildofCthulhu
Obviously, you haven't tried everything yet..... It isn't fixed. -McSmiley |
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8156.
Questions When I ask you "Is it just your computer having a problem with an internal application or is it everyone in the department's computer having the issue you will say "just me." This will turn out to be a LIE when I call back after the issue is fixed and you have to check because everybody was having the problem when you called in.
[By :Starfury / 2012-01-23] [Top]
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Two competing forces at work: 1. The user's inclination to inflate the severity of the issue, which will cause them to claim that others are having the same problem as they are, born of the misconception of the fact that the more people that are experiencing the problem == higher priority; and 2. The natural self-centeredness of the average user, which causes them to assume that every single problem with the network/PC/application/dildo/etc is a personal attack against them specifically. -AmazingKreskin |
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8155.
No Texting. For those who don't understand the concept, view this : http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/teachers-texting-policy/203hnkjy
[By :Necros / 2012-01-17] [Top]
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This one is my personal favorite: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UtRsGU6pVs -unrenowned
My sister is a college professor and we've talked about the actions taken in the class. I have an old sprint phone that we'll be doing this with if her class ever ignores her warning about texting. So far, they all listen to her. -unrenowned
Of course don't forget this classic: http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2011/06/booted-texters-angry-voicemail-message-becomes-dont-text-during-movies-psa -MisterCommon |
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8154.
E-mail responses When the signature block on my e-mail lists my hours (7am-4pm Mon-Fri) I will respond to any e-mail that is sent outside of that time frame. I will make an extra effort to reply to e-mails sent to me late in the evening and especially ones sent on the weekend. Getting upset when I don't respond to that Friday message you sent at 4:15pm will not change the fact that it's outside of my working hours. We do have a 24/7 helpdesk and someone is there to work on issues.
[By :Starfury / 2012-01-17] [Top]
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Why would you expect your (L)users to READ?? You are being very unsupportive! <runs to the LART shelter> -ecoli
Try the ones sent at 2 a.m on a friday night when you're either sleeping or drunk, stoned, etc as you see fit. Then they get hacked off because you're not their personal tech b!tch. -AdmiralLaurie
I have had this problem once, mine was a few hours before I had clocked in for the day. -JackMackle |
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8153.
If you are requesting I add a network printer to your computer, I don't need information like your approximate location in the building, which computer you would like it added to, or anything more specific than the fact you are a nurse. That will only narrow it down to 90% of the entire building, and I also don't need your extension to call you so I can confirm such details with you, I will just automagically figure this out by myself.
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-01-17] [Top]
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Amen brother! Also, which building are you in, since we have 3. -Gunpe |
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8152.
That the backup/document recovery feature will help you in any way, shape or form when the program asks if you want to save before closing and you hit "no."
[By :Mer / 2012-01-09] [Top]
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I've had my share of calls like this. A few have gotten really mad when you tell them that they screwed up and lost their data. -Starfury
"I really hate this computer/ I wish that they would sell it/ It never does just what I want/ But only what I tell it!" <saw posted in a campus computer lab> -ecoli |
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8151.
When dealing with family computing needs, it is ok to bother me over and over again for help if your windows 7 netbook goes down and I don't know what the hell happened to it.
[By :gremlyn / 2012-01-08] [Top]
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corellary: it's ok to insist that you want linux, when you have no clue what the hell it is, what it does, or why exactly you need it now now now! -AdmiralLaurie
For the people that want some form of Linux and insist on remaining clueless- the live CD's-Dvd's are a lifesaver. If you can't do it from the booted disc, you can't do it. Don't call me anymore! -jerrybear
when they demand linux tell them to get dsl (damn small linux). it fits on a floppy. -gashach
"What's a floppy?" is the next question you get. -srteach
and if they figure out how to trash the system by wiping the drive(s), there's no way in hell I'm bailing them out. You got yourself into this mess, you get yourself out, is my standard response for family members. -AdmiralLaurie
"I'll give you the family rate: $65/hr + use of my tools + anything new I have to buy to fix it." -ravensentinel |
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8150.
When you hear IS will be coming to your site to do inventory, it is your job to make your PC as inaccessible and hard to reach as possible, as well as make sure any bar code information we need will require the PC to be turned in multiple directions, once we can get to it past the piles of paper and purses. Bonus points for wedging the PC between the desk and wall so tightly that it cannot be moved.
[By :TechieSidhe / 2012-01-05] [Top]
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Extra points if the exhaust vent for the PC is on one of the sides where it's wedged in tighly....and for each "while you're here, I have a question" -ChildofCthulhu
don't forget about all the post it notes or cheat sheets taped to the monitors' entire perimeter, and all the geegaws and knick-knacks on the monitors and surrounding them. Oh, and the 12 pack of soda cans sitting on top of the CPU. -figglywig
Toss that crap out into the hallway. Their loss. I would. -srteach
and magnetic calendars and such. -ecoli
We still haven't done our OWN office yet, where the people can't remember their passwords from day to day but can tell you the exact position to the millimeter where each little statue and picture is and Gods help you if you move one even a little bit. Then we get angry emails about IT messing up their desk because one angel statue is a small bit out of place. -TechieSidhe
When they complain about "moving their stuff" just reply that you "fixed" the placement, so that their Feng Shui would be more balanced. -docbrown01
I'm probably actually going to use that one. -TechieSidhe
At the hospital I work at, any sticker MUST be removed. Bar code, inventory sticker, serial number, anything. Also, computers may be swapped out with any other computer, for any reason. Too loud? swap it. Like the blue power button better than the green one? Swap it! -goqqqqself |
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8146.
NT/OT
When you buy a vehicle from a used car dealership with several locations in nine states, with the specific intention to drive it halfway across the country and back, that you won't get a deathtrap that could have caught fire or blown any of the 5! (including the spare) tires along the way.
My Dad and stepmother have been planning a trip to Utah for Christmas for about six months now. During the pre-trip inspection of her '95 Ford Explorer, the mechanic discovered issues with the transfer case that could leave them stranded. So she decided to trade it in for a '99 Dodge Durango at the Car-Mart in Decatur, AL, which had a better selection than the closer one in Cullman, AL. When she got to Utah, her son Tony took a look at it and, when he saw the condition of the vehicle, he was fighting mad. In my stepmother's words, here is what he found:
"Burnt plugs, wires so brittle they came off in pieces not bigger than 3", arcing in the #1 wire, corroded and burnt cap and rotor, bald and separating spare, all tires below wear bars, bad idler pully, bad ball joints with nearly 2" of play."
She went on to add: "All fixed now. $800 out of pocket for tune up and tires. All else paid under service contract but 2 1/2 days of dealing with these people and their 'I don't give a hoot' attitude toward their customers was appalling. They wanted us to allow them to tow the vehicle 1120 miles at (at the cheapest) $1 a mile, then have things fixed for $600-800, and leave us stranded in Utah, and our responsibility to get to the car. Refused to pay the shop of our choosing, etc. Several calls to the CEO's office is what it took to resolve. [The] dealer assured the safety of the vehicle when I specifically asked and said we were leaving on a long trip the next day. The way the man talked to me was unacceptable. Apparently all women are stupid and know NOTHING about cars or business or customer service, because the technician at the shop (my son Tony) was trying to scare me into paying money for unneeded repairs and there is NO WAY the vehicle was in that bad a shape."
As a side note, my stepmother grew up around cars, her Dad taught her a lot and made sure she knew a certain amount about fixing cars before he'd let her get a license. So for them to talk down to her is akin to a computer tech talking down to a power user as if they were a 12:00 flasher.
[By :DukeOfURL / 2011-12-31] [Top]
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Exception to Rule 1... On rare occasion, the user is literate, versed, and will call bullshit as appropriate. Now, as techs that sometimes have to call tech support, be polite. Stabbing someone in the neck with a flash drive is only a temporary pleasure. /apol. to Heinlein. -AngrySup
Why not just rent a car? -Stryker One
I hate to be a dickish, but if your mother is carwise, why did she not notice 4 bald tires/massive play in the steering wheel? Plus ALWAYS get a car checked at a shop. Cant tell how much pad/rotor there is with the wheel on, cannot pry at the suspension components to check play,cannot see seepage/leakage from oil/tranny/coolant. It can save from buying a clunker..............I love you. -burrkiss
What's the betting that the '95 Ford would have been a *better* choice for the trip? -Chromatix
For that matter, in a simple inspection what would the technician have found wrong with the Tcase to leave them stranded? If the vehicle was driving fine, tcases don't have very many outward signs of failure. -LazyLemming
Here's what I got: Burkiss's tranny is leaking. He'd better get her looked at.... -FuzzyElf
The mechanic sensed something funny in the car and suspected the transfer case, so he did some more in-depth checking wherein he found the problem. With the cost of the repair plus the fact that the car was 89k miles past the average failure mileage of the transmission of a '95 Explorer, it was a wiser decision to replace it. And as far as the bald tires, they looked at one tire and that one was good. Don't ask me why they didn't look at 'em all. -DukeOfURL |
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8145.
Google wants their own satellite radio station in their effort to rule the world and they're making Sirius' website load slowly because they won't give them one.
[By :SpiderRider3 / 2011-12-28] [Top]
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I somehow doubt the validity of that. -ravensentinel
...and Google makes Sirius' website load slowly how? F*cking interwebs, how do they work? -SalParadise
Magnets, of course! -docbrown01
So, I just type www.sirius.com into this bar marked google right? -LazyLemming
Raven: he was trying to navigate to Sirius' website by typing "sirius satellite radio" into Google and pressing I'm Feeling Lucky, then said this when the page loaded slowly. -SpiderRider3 |
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8144.
It is perfectly acceptable to call about a physically modded device you bought on ebay and expect warranty support on it. Bonus points if it also has custom firmware that allows you to bypass provisioned speeds and steal service.
[By :linuxmatt / 2011-12-23] [Top]
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I believe this is usually referred to as, comic relief. -Stryker One
I used to get calls about cable modems purchased on ebay, or the backs of trucks somewhere. Trying to explain to people that while, yes, we could activate the modem, it would require adding a separate instance of the online service on the bill (and thus, another $50/month) was like trying to drill a hole in your head. -AmazingKreskin |
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8143.
You can bribe one of us into providing support for a discontinued product by offering to bring us tea and rice.
[By :linuxmatt / 2011-12-23] [Top]
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So, are you against bribery, or are you just not that cheap? -Stryker One
Best part, coworker who got this call said the customer was totally serious, offered multiple times, and had a very thick Asian accent. -linuxmatt
100000 Credits. Or no dice. -TaliPhoenix
Maybe he was asian and was offering to "tea bag" you. You just heard "tea and rice". Your loss. -burrkiss
TaliPhoenix: +100 Darkside Points. -30 Corso affection. -LazyLemming
Now, were it chocolate and caffeine, well... -Captain Trips
hookers and blow... then least its a start.. -Harm |
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8142.
Text messaging and bath tubs do not mix, and no I can not repair the damage in less than a day.
[By :OldScratch / 2011-12-20] [Top]
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Reminds me of the time I was doing phone support for the Philip Morris sales force and had to ask the person on the other end of the phone why I was hearing water noises. He replied "Oh, I'm in the tub with the computer on my knees". I immediately requested that he move the laptop away from the tub lest something drastic happen, and to call back later. Shoulda told him to drop it...
-Grayhawk
Ren: Stimpy, sometimes your wealth of ignorance astounds me. Stimpy: Yeah, they don't call me stupid for nothing! -Biosynthetic |
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8141.
Actually my boss's misconception.
1) When you reply to a situation that is beyond my control, in this case a broken part I dont have stock of, with "I thaught you were bright", do expect me to reply, "I am bright, I just dont have a manufacturing plant behind me."
2) Also, when you ask for me to develop a program to track everyone's current location in the facility, dont be surprised when I suggest adding GPS tracking device to augment the program.
3) And when you suggest selling it to the DM\company, dont expect me to die inside since you insisted it be developed on company time, with company resources. However you have shown the extend of your knowledge in regards to patent law.
[By :OldScratch / 2011-12-16] [Top]
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1) My usual answer to such is that I don't have a latex glove that long with me. 2) I suggest GPS on ear tags like they use for cattle. 3) A punch in the gob might be the correct response for that one. -ChildofCthulhu
Nah - for "gob" read "nuts". -Gromit
So... he'd essentially sell their own product back to them? What a moran. -TaliPhoenix
I cut a top-hat in half and glued it to the front of my office door with a sign "IT has granted global access to our magic hat. If you need something, please reach in and pull it out." Sadly HR got pissed and made me take it down. -LazyLemming
LL: HR have no sense of humour, so they? (Unlss it happens to be at review time, then the joke is most definitely on us...) -lineswine |
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8140.
Your desire to have the computer on the floor in a registered and marked fire egress lane, which violates OSHA rules, Joint Commission regulations, and several other regulations to boot, overrides my employer's desire not to get written up for said violation the next time an inspection comes through.
If you persist in neeping at me, I will gladly send you to $frontOffice so you can explain to them how having an extra square foot or two of desk space is more important then keeping our accreditation, and by extension, our jobs.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-12-15] [Top]
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Set the luser on fire and have them trampled in the resulting evacuation. Sometimes, you just have to be cruel to be kind^Wamusing. -aeddan
If they have a flat screen, put the computer behind their monitor. -Wraith556
Cable-tie their computer to the grid of the suspended ceiling. It's up out of the exit path, and all is right with the world. The sane part of the world, anyway... -Voz
To Voz I add: right over her chair. (Think of it as evolution in action.) -Captain Trips |
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8136.
More of a roomate misconception- Just because the landlord sends me a text telling me that your dog can no longer be chained in either the front or back yard, which is unnessecary anyway since we a 6 high ft fence as well as a very large backyard, that I am controlling you. Also, please do threaten to move out in two weeks, I already pay for everything you broke dumbass, it just means that I can turn your room in a laboratory, and your other room into a game/guest room, while you try to find another place that will take you and your pitbulls. Enough ranting.
[By :OldScratch / 2011-11-14] [Top]
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Next time roomy threatens to move out, tell them "not a problem". -unrenowned
Screw that. Kick 'em out now. -charred |
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8135.
Coffee is just coffee; Coffee is like fuel, graded for performance. For preference: http://www.bluemountaincoffee.com/ . Keep your techs happy, and they'll stop taking it out on your systems.
[By :LDFeral / 2011-11-14] [Top]
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Seriously not an ad, I'm just continually stoked to find this stuff after searching fruitlessly around the City for years. -LDFeral
Speaking just for myself, coffee is a beverage that I cannot stand drinking. I never acquired a taste for coffee, or anything coffee related (java ice cream, for example.) My caffeine has to be provided with carbonation, like Dr. Pepper.
-VoiceOfSanity
I'm with VoS. I can't stand the smell of coffee, let alone the taste. Makes me nauseous. -Divinar
Ah, Jamaican Blue Mountain. The coffee of Presidents. ;)
-MadJack
I am also w/VoS. I love the scent of coffee, I cannot stand the flavor, not even as an additive. :( Mt Dew is my caffeine of choice, but I am not real picky when it comes to cold carbonated caffeine...hell it doesn't even have to be cold -Madrigorne
One day, you may just discover why CommanderData loves tea so much. (So do I, for that matter.) -lineswine |
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8133.
Cable company misconception: it's perfectly ok to repeatedly call me with promotional calls, even after I've asked you twice, nicely to stop and remove my number from your database. I don't care if I have service with you, that doesn't make it right! Furthermore, you tell me that you've upgraded me for the same price I'm paying so that now I supposedly have the rr standard, but I still get the same bad speeds and dropouts. No wonder it's often called crime warner. B@st@rds.....
[By :AdmiralLaurie / 2011-11-08] [Top]
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Complain about being promo/cold called; either they have it on file, in which case they should give you something for not going away/breaking agreement, or they don't, and they should give you something because they haven't documented it, and kept bothering you. That's how I rolled. <suggestive eyebrow waggling> -LDFeral
I would suggest handling the bad speeds/ dropouts problem like this: Do a tech call, explain that you have an on-going issue that other techs have not been able to fix, and that you want an actual RR tech to work on it, not a contractor. Most companies providing this service use contractor techs who are not paid the same way as the company techs and therefore do not have the same work ethic. Personally, I'm wondering if you have the older, relatively thin RG-59 cable somewhere in your setup. Modern installations (and this includes U*Verse and satellite dishes) use RG-6Q (thicker, quad shield) cable at every point because it is strong enough to carry the larger, two way communication signals that modems and better set-top boxes require. -BayouTech
I work for them and there is a little box called Privacy in the profile tab on CSG. Just let the rep know that you want that box ticked so you will not get any more marketing calls.
If you live in Texas I could do it for you. Otherwise, any rep should be able to help. Regarding the tech problem, BayouTech is right. -buitre
It is also highly recommended that the wiring be a two way splitter with 1 leg to your modem, the other is to your tv's so a threeway, fourway, eightway with/without a amp whatever is needed. (10 years fixing peoples cable shit) -burrkiss |
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8132.
That the bathroom is a good place to ask technical questions...about your personal PC....that you let you kid on....and now it has pop ups...and I have a hangover. Being nice is not a requirement in this situation.
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-11-08] [Top]
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Keep a latex glove handy when you go. When they start in, hand them the glove and inform them that there's something that you want them to look at and let you know if it's a funny color or inflamed or whatnot...If warranted, continue to drop trou and bend over. Either they leave or you have found a new friend. Win-Win! -ChildofCthulhu
I've already run through six nsfw scenarios that I just couldn't find the heart to post. <note to self - stop surfing so much pron.> -AngrySup
The heart is typically in the upper-left portion of the ribcage; I've found the best path to get there is an upward motion starting from the navel. :) -TheCyberwolfe
the Trouble with Tribbles -Harm
"Those pop-ups only come from hardcore gay websites. You should talk to your kid." -VIPERsssss
<appears over the top of the stall wall with suggestive music playing in the background>Did someone say....'Pop-ups'? Cause I can help you with that...<flashes out a poster of Kathy Bates from 'About Schmidt' in eth hottub scene.> -ChildofCthulhu |
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8131.
It is perfectly OK to rant & rave to our support queue about how you hated spending all day today trying to save a dead RAID array when I spent two hours overtime last night trying to fix it and determined that the array was beyond saving, and furthermore, you told me the data was backed up and you've told me you are perfectly OK with building a new array. Yeah, go back to square one dude. Especially when you wasted more time ranting than building the new array and restoring from backup would have taken.
[By :tech4alltrades / 2011-11-08] [Top]
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8130.
Co-worker misconception: That i won't notice you're trying to illicitly pad your stats when you've taken a hardware repair ticket for my location when you're physically located halfway across the country.
[By :metaball / 2011-11-07] [Top]
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Now that takes balls. -Stryker One
"I'm fixing things... With my miiiinnndd!!" -MeanDean
I do believe that the O in LOIC is for orbit. Might take awhile, but I will get the shot lined up again. -DarkRookie
Update the ticket and say that you're express couriering the repair to him and expect it fixed and returned in under 48 hours :) -spectreoflife |
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8129.
Changing the screen resolution to one tick below recommended, so that every picture is misproportioned and all text looks horribly kerned and blurry, makes it "easier to see".
[By :Mer / 2011-11-02] [Top]
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I used to hate people who used anything below native resolution. Just as I was getting to accept that, widescreen monitors started being deployed, so now I get annoyed at people who choose any resolution that makes things 'squished' vertically.. how can anybody stand that?? -NightSteel
On a side note, once you've used 2560x1440, it's really hard to go back to 1280x1024. -Stryker One
I think you will hate me. Being visually impaired, there is quite an amount of screens I used at completely unsuitable resolutions for anyone but me (stupid windows no longer allows me to use 640x480 as resolution). -Fortytwo
Ditto. In a lot of cases the native resolution is so high that unless the user has absolute 20/20 vision they have to reduce it. Anyone above the age of 40 is likely to be in that category. -Gromit
Not me Gromit. I am 51 and use glasses to read. Sub-optimal resolution gives me a headache. I would like to set the only allowed resolutions to be "native" and 640*480. If they want blurred and out of focus, they can have it done properly! -Holdfast
See, that is the reason why I think that flatscreens were a big mistake. They dosplay low resolutions very awkwardly. No CRT I had did. -Fortytwo
This is one of my pet peeves. I give a user a brand new 22" widescreen LCD with a 1680x1050 res and they immediately ask me "Why are the words so small? I can't see them! Waahhh!" And I have to take this beautiful screen and make it display 1024x768 because that is what their last 17" LCD was set to.. I hate people... -JoeLugian
If i watch movies on my laptop I have to drop the resolution as otherwise it causes bluescreens. -Olorin
Win7 has taken a step in the right direction as far as divorcing the size of UI elements from the screen resolution, but it's still not perfect. On my living room TV, native res is 1920x1080, which is just enough to make text in browser & Explorer windows unreadable when I'm sitting back on my couch. I tried changing the text size in Display options, and that worked; the only problem with that is that it seriously interferes with ObjectDock's "Reserve top of Screen" option, which prevents windows from being maximized over (or behind) the dock. In the end I switched it all back and set the browser zoom up a few ticks. -AmazingKreskin
I don't have any problem with people who genuinely need to reduce the resolution to see. (That'd be silly) But one tick down, from 1920x1200 to 1680x1050? That only makes it harder to read!! -Mer
A few years ago, I remember rolling out new systems with bigger screens. Someone complained that stuff was too small. I got a ruler and measured the size of an object on her old PC and the new one. They were identical! It was just the additional space round making things seem smaller to some people. I was informed that my ruler was faulty! I left her with 800*600. -Holdfast
On Windows7 systems, CTRL + (plus) will make your intarwebz larger. Just a thought. -lineswine
The Control + cheat already worked in Netscape 3.x but still it is not really a solution since the rest is not made bigger via that (like the interface). Also, even the native resolution makes things unreadable with most OSes insistance on anti-aliasing often even including the subpixel 'optimisation' which causes colored seams around each word. -Fortytwo |
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8127.
Boss Misconception When I am on Vacation I will respond to e-mails asking me to do things at work. Just because you gave me an iPhone to carry around doesn't mean that I'm going to respond to any messages you send. It's one of the reasons I'm an hourly employee and don't work when I'm not there.
[By :Starfury / 2011-10-31] [Top]
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You actually took it WITH you on vacation? -Stryker One
I'm at home on vacation...wife is in Mexico and I'm here with the kids. And since all I have is a flip phone, I use the work iPhone for personal use...and just happened to look at the pile of mail in my inbox. Now the phone is off and tossed in my work laptop bag. -Starfury
Staycation! -AmazingKreskin
nothing wrong with stay cations.. best relaxing times i've had have been by my onse in my own house. and a week to catch up on gamies/tv shows and pretty much all tat stuff 've been meaning to get done / finish for the last few years. -Harm |
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8126.
That the best way to request that I do XYZ is to come up to me out of the blue and ask, "So, when are you going to do XYZ?"
[By :Dante668 / 2011-10-31] [Top]
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"When the proper procedures are followed for requesting it, including filling out all the required forms." -AmazingKreskin
"And not a second sooner." -AmazingKreskin
"but maybe a few days later!" -ecoli |
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8125.
A coupon is a legally-binding document, and we are obligated to fulfill it by giving you all the discounts, promotions, and any other free McShit to which you think you're entitled. Except for the part that says the coupon expired during the Clinton administration... That part is not only negotiable, but it never applied to you in the first place, because you're special.
[By :linkv / 2011-10-31] [Top]
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WYLFWT? -lineswine |
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8124.
That the Help desk will know that you mean you can connect to our main database program when you keep telling them you can't connect to the internet.
[By : Gunpe / 2011-10-31] [Top]
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Just like we are supposed to know "my computer is broken" means "I can't launch Solitaire." -Captain Trips |
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8123.
The words email and internet are interchangeable. Providing me with your domain email settings will allow me to configure your DSL modem, and that it is also somehow my fault that no one in your organisation has any information whatsoever. (I did find a number with modem sync) Giving your domain host's support a blast on the on the phone will help rectify the problem.
[By :Bloke / 2011-10-26] [Top]
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8122.
cow-irker misconception: It's ok to talk to yourself about personal problems nobody has any desire to know, sing to yourself so off-key that people swear they heard dogs howling a block away, and generally act as if you have an imaginary friend, despite being in your 40's...
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-10-25] [Top]
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We have a lady at work that is supposedly a professional singer. She wears earphones all day and sings to the music. She can be heard three rows away, and we can't figure out who would buy her albums. It's horrid. -TechieSidhe
In defence of the off-key woman with the headphones, some people need the feedback of hearing their own voice. On the other hand there are those like me who couldn't carry a tune in a hermetically sealed bucket. -AussieFoot
I can carry a tune, but only in conjunction with someone else - I'm a harmonizer. My strength is in timing. <_< -Omega
I can carry a tune, but people usually just tell me to carry it away. Far, far, away. Quickly! -Voz
I can carry a tune but it refuses to be carried by me T_T -Angelace |
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8121.
"4005" is said "four hundred, five"
[By :Mer / 2011-10-25] [Top]
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Comments
And I'm being generous with that comma... -Mer
Thanks for your comma-nificence. We all know you're usually the Ebenezer Scrooge of commas, and we know with the holidays approaching, it must be particularly galling to give them out. Your generosity is an example to all of us. ;) (Sorry, I saw 'generous with that comma' and just laughed..) -NightSteel
sounds like someone else was generous with comas -stiffarm
four thousand five -DarkRookie |
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8120.
When reading off an IP address, you can give all the numbers in an unbroken sentence of single digits. They're not separated by dots for any reason.
[By :Mer / 2011-10-25] [Top]
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Comments
Especially when you just described it as four numbers separated by dots in order to help the user find it. -NightSteel
DA: If you're familiar with your site's network architecture, you can kinda get away with that. For us, all our sites start with the same two octets, and then a two digit octet, so we do tend to speed through them over the phone. -TechieSidhe
Our last two octets can be either one or two numbers long. -Mer
Our first two octets are standard. But when they tell me 1723549 I have no idea whether it's 172.3.5.49, 172.17.235.49, 172.17.23.549, etc. (Yes, some of our people think octets can be greater than 255. Or are surprised when I ask where the dots are.) (On that subject, has anyone noticed how many CSI type shows use IP addresses of 10.10.10.362?) -Captain Trips
To quote the prophet Jerematic, one-zero-zero-zero-one-zero-one-zero-one-zero-one-zero-one... [later] ... zero-one-zero-one-one-zero-zero-one... two. Amen. -VIPERsssss
Amen. -AmazingKreskin
Trips- it may be the modern equivalent of how Hollywood has made every phone number in TV and movies start out from the "555" exchange, (or for those who are even more ancient, "KLondike-5"), so that the phone company would be happy that no one would be getting harassing phone calls just because the star of the show was getting a phone call. Make a network address internal, and they can't reach it from the Internetz, ya know... -Voz |
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8119.
Boss Misconception It's perfectly OK to schedule training on a day we've got 1 person out sick and the call volume has been 2x normal. This leaves 3 people to handle calls. Guess the callers will just have to wait.
[By :Starfury / 2011-10-21] [Top]
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Comments
The calls will be there when you are out of training. They can wait. -DarkRookie
Ugh our HR manager likes to do this. Shoot us an email Friday afternoon to go train some new employee Monday morning. And you damn well better be there, who cares about massive update projects, go lives, clinic starts or major outages! -LazyLemming
I like the ones who have all the time in the world to chase their pet rabbits around, talk about them for hours at a time, until ten minutes before shutdown Friday then toss out an outline that needs to 'Hop on the Bullet Train' first thing Monday morning. And he has loaned out 90% of the assets you need to perform the op- -jerrybear
"pet rabbits?" -Captain Trips
we had a case like this. the ticket was close with notes "coached $manager on how to strategically staff meetings" -boxcar |
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8118.
It's OK to call our help desk and expect them to help you when all you do is yell at them, complain that someone is remoted into your machine, interrupt them mid-question, and refuse to give them even basic information such as who you are, what the problem is, etc.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-10-20] [Top]
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Oooo, the "You done ree-moated into mah mahceen" tinfoil hatters - I LURRVE them. When possible, I always set the connection to disable their kb/mouse for that extra special touch for the extra specially touched... -PTSTech
This is the same person that "never has time" for you to troubleshoot. The more complex the issue, the less time they have. -TechieSidhe
Even better, your help desk is outsourced to India. Lovely kids, barely speak english, but whatever, they're cheaper than the local talent. -AngrySup |
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8116.
Old Software Today one of our users sent us some files to open. They're .ovd files. From what I can gather from my brief research the software was published in 1992 and isn't made any longer. Time to ask the client to convert to a current format and resend.
[By :Starfury / 2011-10-17] [Top]
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Comments
It could be an ObjectiveVision file, or maybe an OverDisk file. But wait! Could it be an Outlook View Definition? I am continually amazed by how much there is to know. http://msdn.microsoft.com/en-us/library/ee819848.aspx -nickdixon
We have a client that is known for sending Windows Media Player skin files...we have yet to figure out why or what they want us to do with them. -redevil34 |
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8115.
Wishing the password on a Word document to be removed because you don't know it gives you the right to yell at me that our metadata scrubber is throwing up a prompt for a password when you try to send it. And that the password prompt does not actually mean that there is a password.
[By :redevil34 / 2011-10-12] [Top]
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8114.
That a 4G cell phone connection can maintain usable connection speeds when split over 3 laptops. Furthermore, when the connection turns out to be slow, that it makes a difference to call tech support for the website you're trying to access. And, finally, after the support tech tells you to call Verizon and spends almost an hour trying to explain to you that it isn't the website's servers that are slow, that it makes a difference to call back and repeat the entire process with a different tech!
[By :scripttracer / 2011-10-11] [Top]
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Comments
Hi, everyone! Long time reader, first time poster. Heard this one from a co-worker and had to share it. -scripttracer
Stupid Lusers..... It really makes me wonder how people wipe their own butts... -beatmewithstick
Welcome to TSC! You already know not to turn your back on the Burrkiss... -chazz
Hi. Don't mind me, I come in once a week to service the water coolers. -MeanDean |
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8113.
That, as a national, you can ship out a work order with part A having an old address, part B having a horribly misspelled address (for the new one), and not giving a local contact number, the WO will still be run on time. Also, that you can call for a 7:30 AM CDT WO to be run when you don't show up into the office until 8 AM PDT (10 AM CDT for the time-zone impaired).
[By : ralphp1024 / 2011-10-11] [Top]
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8112.
Simultaneously running three different antivirus programs and two anti-malware programs will not affect the performance of your laptop.
[By :ThinkGuy / 2011-10-11] [Top]
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Comments
Well, of course not! An anti-virus program makes your computer 20% faster (because it's not running viruses), so with five of them, it's like a computer upgrade! Download RAM for everyone! -LDFeral
LDFeral: here you are: http://downloadmoreram.com/ -DarkRookie |
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8111.
When you have an IT contractor do a job and then refuse to pay them for six months, after which the contractor sues you, you should agree to appear on political endorsement commercials on all local broadcast stations, ESPECIALLY after your excuse in court was that you were having family issues and hadn't had time to 'go to the bank'. This would never possibly come back to bite you in the arse.
[By :metaice / 2011-10-10] [Top]
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Comments
Oh, and I did win that case. And I just emailed the judge a copy of the commercial. In 1080p. -metaice
Doesn't have time to go to the bank, but does have time to film a commercial? I hope he has time to go to court - or he'll find himself DOING time. -Captain Trips |
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8110.
It's OK to call twice a day to request the status of a ticket to have four computers put in a room, when the room has no electrical outlets, no furniture, and no network jacks.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-10-05] [Top]
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Comments
I had that happen to me at my previous work location. Mangler called, wanting computers placed into a new room that had no outlets, no phone jacks and no network jacks. Oh yeah, he was moving people that afternoon to start working in there. *SNERK* It was a week before the electrical contractor could show up just for the wall plugs. "But can't you sprinkle your magic IT pixie dust and make it happen?" -VoiceOfSanity
How does the lack of facilities affect your job of putting the computers in the room? They didn't explicitly say they had to function, did they? -Jeckler
Yeah, I think putting four computers on the floor, not plugged into anything, then closing the ticket is the way to go. -thx1138
We started getting work orders for PCs a few months ago for a project that IS did not even know was starting. Turns out our parent company is providing them for this project and the managers found out in a meeting three months ago. We just found out today. -TechieSidhe
That's entirely typical here too, TS. Manglement will decide months in advance to move on something, and then only tell us two days before it's supposed to be completed, and the prep work alone for it takes at least a week. -skippytpodar
Even better, the PCs were delivered to the parent company IT people that were supposed to prep them, and they didn't know either. -TechieSidhe
I went round and round with a manager here that wanted me to install a computer in an office with no desk. Kept asking me every day if I installed it yet, and every day I'd check and there was still no desk. Finally he screamed at me that there was a desk and I needed to install in NOW! So I set it up on the floor and told him it was done. He came to my office later that afternoon and apologized, his people told him that they installed the desk when they didn't. He never checked for himself. -Gunpe
Heh i can top that. I get a call to go on site and install a pc. electrician has not been there yet. So no outlets or jacks. Mangler asks so can't you just turn on the wi-fi doesn't it support POE. Apparently the techs had to explain how the cameras worked at one time or another, and he just thought the computer cords were just for show. -deedadee
I got a request once for three workstations to be installed in a room with no power or network. Not a new room without them installed yet. One that has never had nor ever will have power or network drops. It was a storage room. -ThinkGuy |
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8109.
You have an Imac, therefore, if you have Microsoft Office 2011 for Mac installed, it makes total sense to call Applecare support because the last time you launched it, it asked you to update. Then when you relaunched it, it asked you to do the same update. "But it's on my mac"
[By :Grembo / 2011-10-03] [Top]
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Comments
If Microcrap can't make good working, infalliable software for Windows, they certainly aren't going to do well in any other OS environment. -ravensentinel
good, working, infallible. Pick two. (In M$ case it is just one most times.) Hell I have troubles with getting one myself sometimes. -DarkRookie
they should have called a day after gif animator. -stiffarm
...or, they should have called it a day after gif animator. -stiffarm |
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8108.
That by bugging me day in and day out, sometimes hourly, about your account and your computer, that anything will get done any faster. Threatening to go to my next teir level support will only get you kicked right back to me. They have your ticket and they have 4 days to respond. It has been 2 days and you know this. Had you and your company done things properly and got all your information together BEFORE seeing me, all of your packets wouldn't have got kicked back and had to be re-submitted. (/end rant)
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-09-30] [Top]
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8107.
When IS calls you and tells you to not run a report because too many people are running it, the obvious next thing to do is to immediately go and run the report. Twice. Then tell off the help desk because you didn't get their report.
[By :TechieSidhe / 2011-09-30] [Top]
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I have been yelled at by two managers because they don't want to wait for the report. One harangued me for 10 minutes asking for a "solution" over and over again, not letting me talk. The solution? Don't run the thing when everyone else is trying to do it. -TechieSidhe |
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8106.
Actually a Cow-Irker Misconception: That you have any right to act indignant towards me when I call you out YET AGAIN when you forward email issues to myself and the Sr. SysAdmin when you have been told MULTIPLE TIMES (and as recently as YESTERDAY) that neither of us have ANY admin access to the email system. And yes, her supervisor and the PM were CC'd on this. If you thought that was "Attitude", you ain't seen NOTHIN' yet...
[By : Grayhawk / 2011-09-30] [Top]
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8105.
It's somehow OUR fault that you went on an unauthorized site on work time, with a work computer, had a nasty virus load itself on your PC, and then forced us, per policy, to remove our computer, reimage it after failing to remove the virus to the satisfaction of the security folks, and then yell at my boss why a piece of software wasn't installed when you got the computer back after you told us that you don't remember the name of the software, and don't have any of the media for it either.
It's also somehow our fault that you had to reschedule several patients because your computer was no longer functional as a direct result of you getting the virus, including a patient that had to fly in, paying for that ticket out of their own pocket.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-09-29] [Top]
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Comments
if that laptop had any patient data, he should consider himself lucky that he didn't get himself canned for exposing the hospital to possible hipaa violations. -McSmiley
Skippy, don't you guys have a firewall with an allowed sites list? Or at least a forbidden sites list? (We do, but we've found if people type in "https://" then the access list is ignored. But we have cheap firewalls. Fortunately, most of our people are afraid to even plug a monitor in to the power outlet!) -Captain Trips
Trips, you have appearantly never seen a management held hostage by a doctor before. It is that way here, the only doctor I have seen fired killed one underage drunk girl and crippled another then ran from police before he was fired. -OldScratch |
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8104.
Work e-mail account It's a good idea to use your work e-mail account for all of your online shopping. All the junk you've signed up for won't flood your inbox daily with non-work related mail and when you leave the company updating all those sites will automatically happen.
[By :Starfury / 2011-09-28] [Top]
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As much as my place of work constantly reminds people that your work address is meant for work-related correspondences, people use it as a dump for daily news sites, catalog sales, even personal email with the family. Not much you can do about it, other than discreetly clicking "unsubscribe" while the starfish are amused by something shiny outside...
-VoiceOfSanity
take a suggestion form bill gates, deduct one penny for every none work related email they send/receive -Icelator
I blocked yahoo mail hotmail and gmail. I figured that would put the kibosh on most personal email use. -virusjtg
These are my users. Their email is 10 percent business, 99 percent catalogs, weekend planning, church bulletins, family drama, "Forward if you love Jesus" chain letters, and "inspirational" emails. I have talked to the manager 10 times, and the users a hundred more and they pretty much ignore us. Sadly, IT has very little enforcement ability. -TechieSidhe
(Realizing the above percentages don't add up.) It's 1 percent business. -TechieSidhe
That's OK TS. Obviously, the boss had told them he wanted "110 percent effort" from them. They only reached 109%, and that was by back-filling with a lot of other stuff! -Voz |
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8103.
More of a coworker misconception-Dont complain about the cost the 17 dollar calculator you need to pass the certification test when said test costs 300 dollars and the nearest test site is 6 hours away. Neither me or my colleague who have actually passed the exam will take any pitty on you, especially when you fail in a month.
[By :OldScratch / 2011-09-27] [Top]
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I'm currently facing down that cost for my CCNA exam. Ouchie. But it's still cheaper than the 4 college courses I get to get out of by having it. Let's see? 300 dollars vs 1500 dollars? Yeah. -TechieSidhe |
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8100.
Dad misconception: Plugging a printer with a wire into a wired router makes it a wireless printer.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-09-26] [Top]
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Comments
Is your dad my dad? (On the other hand, he and Pam were completely THRILLED when I set their printer to be shared over the home network.) -Seamyst
Corollary- unplugging a wired printer or other equipment will make it "wireless"... -Voz
First of a series: http://notalwaysright.com/wireless-clueless-and-hopeless/1950 -AnneBWalsh |
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8099.
Misconception by a good 2/3 of my department, including 2 Helldesk tiers, Specialists, and the people who programmed the login screen himself:
The user will not have any legitimate reason to set their system language to one with a partially non-roman character set, (given that this is impossible with the standard image of Windows provided to our clients) and therefore this will not be an issue when logging in to our Social Services oriented custom CRM.
In hindsight, the "Interpreter" roles were a hint.
[By :Dhamp / 2011-09-23] [Top]
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Comments
No comment. (Doh!) -ravensentinel
You can remove duplicates of this tale easily. -lineswine |
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8098.
Misconception by a good 2/3 of my department, including 2 Helldesk tiers, Specialists, and the people who programmed the login screen himself:
The user will not have any legitimate reason to set their system language to one with a partially non-roman character set, (given that this is impossible with the standard image of Windows provided to our clients) and therefore this will not be an issue when logging in to our Social Services oriented custom CRM.
In hindsight, the "Interpreter" roles were a hint.
[By :Dhamp / 2011-09-23] [Top]
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Comments
Reminds me of something I heard about a few years ago, some program that went through rigorous testing to make sure it would behave as intended when CORRECT values were entered. No one bothered to test what would happen if one entered complete gibberish or just a typo. -Calydor
Gibberish instead of passwords, clue-by-four can handle.
The user was doing *absolutely nothing wrong* which is why it was so damn irtitating. -Dhamp
I am sensing deja vu -DarkRookie |
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8097.
Having the three users in your department all submit a ticket for the exact trivial issue is going to make us work the ticket three times faster, when in fact, it's actually the inverse. The more people bug us, the longer it's going to take.
[By :TechieSidhe / 2011-09-21] [Top]
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Comments
Three? When a minor, trivial app fails here we hear it from no less than five - and those five are all department heads at that! -Captain Trips
12 total employees including me, you guess what happens. -Olorin |
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8095.
Just because your p.o.s. cell phone dropped a call does not mean I hung up on you. Also reporting that to your manager will just result in me recording all calls to and from you as well as conversations at this point. Also, do note that your manager is as spineless as you, so nothing of consequence will happen.
[By :OldScratch / 2011-09-20] [Top]
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Comments
So you were talking to a child right? -shadedworld |
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8094.
More a cow-irker misconception.. It's OK to tell a luser to call us back when the printer starts smoking because you don't feel like replacing a printer fuser that throws fuser errors on the printer faster than a pedophile throws out candy at Halloween. And yes, Mr. 33 Years really did say this to a luser recently.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-09-20] [Top]
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Comments
Okay, obviously your company is never going to get rid of Mr. 33-years and it is also obvious that he is trying to burn the place down. I invoke the Tech's Imperious Eradicus! Bring us the body, we'll take care of the rest.... -unrenowned
ahem - we have no idea as to what unrenowned speaks of... none. at. all. nothing happend nothing will happen taht has not been pre ordained to happen by chaos theory. accidents happen all the time.. people snap and wander off into the swamps.. -Harm
true, true... and in any case I saw skippytpodar, unrenowned and Harm nowhere near the incident... not that I knew there was an incident, that is... WAS there an incident? Oh, really? how.. um.. incidental.. that was... -Diptera
i have this signed affidavid and several photos AND receipts (again dated) from our outting at the pub. -Harm
Wait, Mr. 33 Years actually got sucked INTO the printer's fuser?!? However did that happen? (Oh, wait, that comment wasn't supposed to be posted until after it happens...) -Voz
At my place of business we have an old joke, more of an inside joke. See our ticket system has 15 break/fix levels and we only use level 1 or 2. So we joke that level 13 will take care of all problem users:-) -shadedworld |
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8093.
Call Forwarding. If all the staff on an entire floor are in training all day and are unavailable to answer their calls, that I can click my fingers and magically change the call forwarding settings for all extensions on this floor to go to reception with no advance notice and no helpdesk request.
A user from this floor came to my desk to request this whilst the training had already started and they realised that no calls were being answered. I replied "do you realise how long this is going to take us to do this!
If you want unanswered calls to go to reception then talk to your General Manager and get him to approve this. It was the General Manager"s decision in his infinite wizdom to have the call forwarding settings for all staff on this floor set to have all unanswered calls bounce around to the admin officers and executive assistants on the floor. If all admin officers, executive assistants and all staff on the enitre floor are in training then who is going to answer the calls??
[By :jp / 2011-09-20] [Top]
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Comments
Who will secrete the secretaries? (uh.) Who will assist the self-same assistants? (better) -LDFeral |
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8091.
That yes, i would love to carry a new line printer out to your desk, even though we just finished discussing that i was just in the hospital for a torn back muscle.
[By :metaball / 2011-09-19] [Top]
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Comments
But it's a line printer, and everyone knows that a line is just one dimension. Without width or height, it can't weight anything, so therefore a line printer has no weight! </sf logic> -DukeOfURL
A few years ago, I was 2 days out of foot surgery on crutches. A co-worker wanted me to walk up stairs carrying a large stack of printouts. *sigh* -MisterCommon
That was brilliant sf logic. -metaball |
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8090.
That because you are afraid the epoxy I used wasnt applied using an aplicator gun, and you can't pull the part that was epoxied off, or it shows absolutely no signs of creep, that I will get give two s---s about your fears that the thing might fall off. If it hasnt as much as moved in 1 week than it is fixed, so please leave me alone.
[By :OldScratch / 2011-09-16] [Top]
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Reciprocal of this story- we worked on ECM pods, (Radar jammers) and the high power output RF amplifiers (TWT) were attached to the cold plate with a layer of Thermal Interface Material (Heat sink). You haven't lived until you take a failed pod apart where they used white RTV silicone rubber instead of the white cadmium TIM. -jerrybear |
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8089.
Client (a hospital) misconception: it is perfectly reasonable to tell us to email you a spreadsheet containing patient data without even protecting it with a password. HIPAA is optional.
[By :thx1138 / 2011-09-14] [Top]
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Comments
I'm sure burrkiss would pay good money to see them get screwed up the arse by JCAHO for that HIPAA violation... -skippytpodar
If they don't care about the rules, tell them about the fines and bad PR they will get WHEN (not if) caught. -Holdfast
We don't have to answer to HIPAA, not being in the medical field, but we have our restrictions too. A former Network Manager went so far as to require us to put passwords into a password-protected zip file, e-mail that, then e-mail the user the password for the zip file. (He didn't, or chose not to, see the contradictions that involved.) -Captain Trips
Holdfast - that's tempting, except we would get fined too. And for some reason they don't let me talk directly to clients. Something about diplomacy. -thx1138
A short statement, saying "I am unable to comply with your request due to HIPAA regulations" will generate a paper trail. keep replying in the same way, until overridden by someone high enough to know better. creates a great CYA. {I used the same reason for not accepting any paperwork to deal with excuses for absence. Their supervisor had to approve/take the blame} -madonnac
I bumped it up to my boss, who bumped it up to the legal department. -thx1138 |
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