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5987.
No, it is not alright for you to decide, without consultation of the sysadmins, to enable port security on EVERY switch. Watching our entire infrastructure, section by section, farm by farm, turn red; this has a tendancy to cause not only lots of phone calls and screaming, but can quite possibly incite a heart attack. Back story: They enabled port security, but "forgot" we are running virtualized servers on most of our systems that can handle it...and needless to say, once port security saw the multiple MAC's transmitting on the servers connections, it promptly shut them all down.
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-06-29] [Top]
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Please keep us informed of the impending LART against said "tech". - Stryker One
But port security sounds like a good feature that should be enabled. -SpiderRider3
Yes, but carefully - and by someone who knows what he's doing. -Captain Trips
Yup, enabling port security on access switch possibly good. Enabling it on a core switch ,veeeeeeeeery bad. -McSmiley |
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5986.
I am no longer allow to IM a message to an agent stating "Compiler Error" when they use semi-colons for ending a sentence and not a period.
[By :DarkRookie / 2012-06-29] [Top]
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Comments
; -Harm
......... -Harm |
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5985.
I am not allowed to change all instances of iPhone into JesusPhone when rewriting the JesusPhone tip.
[By :DarkRookie / 2012-06-25] [Top]
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Comments
JesusPhone? Does it have a burrito app? -Stryker One
Customer: my phone is dead. Tech: Wait three days and try again. -thx1138 |
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5984.
'It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission' is no longer applied to the Domain Users group.
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-06-22] [Top]
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Comments
Back story? -Stryker One
Where I work, most of the time, it's the only way to get anything done. Going through proper channels usually means having endless meetings to debate how to brand [whatever it is you want to do]. -AmazingKreskin |
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5983.
In your next/current job you will eventually find one of these. http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/white-trash-repairs-there-i-fixed-it-if-it-works-dont-touch-it.jpg
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-06-22] [Top]
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Umm... loosely bundled, color coded cables in a clean server rack. I must be missing something. (don't mind those in-line peripherals. they're just for the government) -AngrySup
Actually, I think those in-line peripherals are home-grade 8-port switches... or maybe home-grade 4-port routers... what you do if you are a self-taught network tech with no budget and no more ports on your main switch. -chazz
There's a break in that one orange cable http://futuregiraffes.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/supercomputers-barcelona.jpg please troubleshoot. -Stryker One
@Stryker One - I'm running a new wire, and abandoning the old one in place. -Divinar
Not too hard, Stryker. All multi-mode fiber, just hook up an OTDR to the suspected fiber, and you'll know just how far down the fiber the break is. -Captain Trips |
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5982.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt to fix it yourself. You will invariably make it worse...
Just got back from trying to fix a label printer, and upon arrival, it already looked like the Tazmanian Devil had a two-week bender of speedballs and went to town on the poor printer. It was so bad, after an hour of attempting to remove stuck labels from underneath a roller well, I decided replacing it was less of a headache than continuing my efforts. And of course, everyone I talked to claimed ignorance as to the state of the printer.
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-06-21] [Top]
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Comments
"I know NOTHINGK!! Colonel Hogan!"
-harryscuz
That was actually Sgt. Schultz -srteach
Was it a Lexmark label printer? Those things jam at the slightest breeze. We have taken to just replacing them at the site and bringing them back to IS to perform major surgery because getting those labels out is a pain in the rear end. -TechieSidhe
Yes, it was Schultz, quoted as calling out Hogan's name. See? -FuzzyElf |
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5981.
Home computers As part of my job I will troubleshoot your home computer issue only when it pertains to connecting to work systems such as Outlook Web or remote desktop. I will not have anything to do with recovering your password to your personal laptop. We had an analyst fired because he was helping a user do this on their home computer. Looks like someone needs to try to remember their password or head to Geek Squad to get it fixed.
[By :Starfury / 2012-06-20] [Top]
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Or: "I can fix this on my own time, for $100, tonight. What would you like the password to be?" (Unless you use the MS encrypting on the hard drive that would be damaged if the password is changed...) -Divinar
So how do I do this with my Mom? -AngrySup
Geek Squad is not allowed to password crack. That whole thing about possibly "stolen" equipment. Actually, Staples techs aren't allowed to either for the same reason. Hmmm.... NUKE -N- PAVE! -unrenowned |
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5980.
I am not allowed to change my job title to rocket surgeon.
[By :DarkRookie / 2012-06-19] [Top]
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Comments
..it's not exactly brain science :) -Diptera
How about "Herder/Trainer of the Lobotomized Lab Monkeys"? -ChildofCthulhu
CoC: You know. I think I have agents dumber than that. -DarkRookie
The kind that make primordial ooze look like rocket scientists? Yep, I got a couple of those too. -ChildofCthulhu
How about Director of Advanced Software Heuristics in Information Technology, or just its acronym? -Stryker One
Better than in-flight rocket surgeon. -ravensentinel |
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5979.
When making a message for myself to hang on my wall do to the amount of screw ups I have had lately the messages "You need to stop f###### up hardware tickets" and "You need to stop screwing up hardware tickets" are not allowed but "You need to stop messing up hardware tickets" is.
I used f###### instead of the actually word on the print out
[By :DarkRookie / 2012-06-18] [Top]
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*due not do. -Harm
Dont mess with the 1st Priestess of Burrkiss. I shall bend you over my knee and..........punish you. -burrkiss
burkiss you forgot "in the name of the moon" -Icelator |
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5978.
Never badmouth the system in front of the user. Period. Our internal system issues are just that, internal. (Seriously, if you have worked in tech support for a certain period of time, you should have some sense of basic decorum and practice.)
[By :TechieSidhe / 2012-06-15] [Top]
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Exception: If you don't support system luser is having trouble with and the people who do support it are a bunch of stupid script monkeys. -DarkRookie
UNLESS it is universaly agreed upon that the system is incredibly dated and extremly limited and will one day be replaced hopefully soon. -Harm
There is a big difference between "yeah, the server is having a temper tantrum today" and telling the user the multiple faults of the system in detail. The users already don't like the system, but we're won't (and can't)change it, and us badmouthing it isn't going to help buy in and cooperation. Plus, any information you tell them gets convoluted and ends up getting used against IS later. -TechieSidhe
"It's taking a little bit longer than usual to get that RMA processed, please bear with me a moment." vs "Wow. Either everybody is getting an RMA at once or the server threw up on itself." -linuxmatt
There's discussing the failings of a system and *discussing* the failing of a system. When the end user is the one grousing about how bad the system is, all you do is nod your head and/or commiserate with the user. When it's a co-worker grousing about how bad the system is, that's when you can talk about the Satan-spawned, job-perpetuating system analysts that pushed this collective piece of garbage onto the company's user base.
-VoiceOfSanity
and then there is the entity known for the exec that bought it aka S.A.P. -PolarCoyote
S.A.P. Mother of God! Whomever created that steaming pile needs to be torn into little bitty pieces and buried alive. -Stryker One |
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5977.
If you sound like a woman on the phone, I will, by default, call you ma'am. Don't get offended if I do so, and please don't ask to talk to someone else, because I will guarantee you, they will almost certainly make that mistake as well with a voice like that. I'm here to help you, not piss you off...
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-06-04] [Top]
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*sigh* I've been called ma'am IN PERSON because of my voice. It's annoying but, as you said, not really your fault. -Aelin236
I've been called ma'am because of my hair once in a while :P -skippytpodar
"Ma'am? No, sir, I said 'man'. Sorry, it's an old habit of mine, I'll make an extra effort to address you as sir." -Calydor
@Calydor - I have had strange looks from people for calling them sir. In the UK it is mainly associated with the military and history. "Old" people seem to like it. The definition of old varies though. -Holdfast
Skippy - that's because your hair is so PRETTY. I am very jealous. -Madrigorne
I grew up learning to say sir and ma'am as a sign of respec to people regardless of age. In the last 10 years I have had a lot of people get upset with me because that makes them feel old. -jwinc7
NEVER call a woman "Ma'am". It makes 'em feel old. PS Calling the old slag tending bar "young miss" just might get you an extra pint. Or a drink in the face. Either way it's free. -AngrySup
It makes me feel old when they call me that, but rather than get pissy about it I'll just tell them it's ok to drop the ma'am and formal speak. It's a sign of respect, so no point in being angry at someone showing respect. -reveriel
When you've been in the military, it becomes ingrained in you that "Sir" is for officers. Hence the old joke, "Don't call me Sir! I happen to work for a living!"
-VoiceOfSanity |
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5976.
Just because I can actually decipher what you mean by "I think I keep that in my Yahoo even though it's Word." doesn't mean you aren't talking in gibberish. It's just that I've learned to translate the gibberish as a survival skill... much like I'd eventually drink my own urine if you made me dehydrated enough.
[By :linkv / 2012-05-24] [Top]
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it can be used as brain bleach in an emergency -stiffarm |
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5974.
I honestly don't give a rat's ass what kind of printer it is, or how it's connected to your computer, you still need to contact the Help Desk first and have them put in a ticket. I'm sure you like having your work documented as well, don't you?
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-05-24] [Top]
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And the best part... all she needed was to put paper into the printer. -skippytpodar
I can't think of the number of folks who this applied to... "The printer's not working, you need to fix it." "No, you need to put in a ticket to have it fixed, we don't work on printers." "But it's important!" "So is my lunch."
-VoiceOfSanity |
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5973.
Adding "i am awesome -darkrookie" is forbidden in any tip. Addendum: I no longer allowed to add anything extra to a tip that is not relevant to said tip.
[By :DarkRookie / 2012-05-21] [Top]
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I have had that message on that tip since I first created it, 6 weeks ago. -DarkRookie
I used to have a mangler who hated my tag lines in my instant messenger. "What want what? By *WHEN*?" It's why I still keep it visible, just because he can't remove it now.
-VoiceOfSanity
I'm guessing the phrase "thirteen inches of dangling fury" would be right out, too. -MeanDean
On a related note, while filling out paperwork to see a doctor, they have the usual lines for first and last names. However, they also have a line for "Name you'd like to be addresses as", oh so many possibilities to enter here. I was considering "My Lord and Master", but that's taken. -Stryker One
request i be addreessed as "Batman" -Harm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoX-HkOcEuE
I'm Batman -burrkiss
I had a very similar convo with manglement just the other day. I am no longer allowed to bash the tech for failing to print a test page to a "Fixed" printer. nor can I claim Layer 8 Error or ID-10T error in any helldesk tickets.
-PhishPhucker |
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5972.
The minute you take the SAN down to migrate it to a new OS, everyone will ask you for anything and everything and only the things that the documenation you will need to accomplish said task will be on the SAN you just took down.
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-05-21] [Top]
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From the hip troubleshooting time. Outlook doesn't open? Reimage. Getting message on boot saying fan has failed? Reimage. System is currently on fire? Reimage. System is infected with a pr0n virus? Search system for anything new, and then reimage. -DarkRookie |
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5971.
I am no longer allowed to call an incorrect transfer from server team to us a HAL-023 error any longer. :(
[By :DarkRookie / 2012-05-21] [Top]
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Go for 'RTS; Layer 8 Issue'. They'll love that. -LDFeral
My favourite is "Error status - PICNIC" and I am determined to put it in code somewhere. -Holdfast |
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5970.
A watched "Time Remaining:" status will stay at 51 minutes for ~3 hours then suddenly change to 6 hours remaining when you look away.
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-05-21] [Top]
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"And Einstein would look at this and say, 'E does not equal MC squared. E equals five to the monkey-nine...'"</izzard> -AmazingKreskin
One of my favourites: xkcd.com/612 -Erraticus |
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5969.
No matter how many times you tell your users that such and such service/server will not be available as of this date and time; even if you are nice enough to give them 3 weeks notice, you will still get half of your users that will ask "Is the server down?"
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-05-21] [Top]
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3 weeks is way to much notice for users with an average attention span of 5 minutes. -AmazingKreskin
Don't forget the people who call and say "I don't read the e-mail that IS sends out." -Starfury
That's the new rule I'm implementing. If I already answered your question in the original email I sent, which I usually do, then you need to find that email. Next question; did you delete my email? -ravensentinel
Had a user many eons ago that set a rule in his Outlook mailbox to auto-delete any message from the Help Desk. This was found after him complaining of a none-response after he called/emailed a problem in.... Fun times. -BayouTech
Heh, sounds like you need to duct tape a hard copy of any emails to his monitor. -spectreoflife |
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5968.
That anyone will understand what you mean when you ask how much it is to buy the third screen for a notebook after you've spilled liquid on said screen then taken the front bezel off, taken the LCD out and then taken the LCD -apart-.
[By :spectreoflife / 2012-05-18] [Top]
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5967.
"But, I didn't read it!" is not a valid excuse when you say you didn't know that bringing in your laptop every 90 days is a requirement on the single page agreement you've already signed.
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-05-17] [Top]
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You expect them to *read*??? You know how the (l)users think, things that contradict their beliefs they ignore/deny, especially if it is in writing and they signed it...
-VoiceOfSanity
That's why I cover the important points before they sign out a machine. if they can't/won't undertand/read the lawyereze. -McSmiley
Wait... VOS, since when do yo expect the (l)users to **think**??? Think requires at least two neurons to exchange some electrons. Their single neuron can only bounce around in the void. -buitre
McSmiley, wait till you have to do that with a lawyer! -redevil34 |
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5966.
If I send you an e-mail on Monday, to come up on Tuesday and you're a no-show, it's OK to e-mail me Thursday afternoon to come up when I have other people scheduled.
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-05-17] [Top]
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Whoops, thought I hit Misconception instead of Tech Rule :P My bad -skippytpodar
Might still be apropos, since it seems that it's usually the case. -LDFeral |
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5965.
TS House rule: If I get a new game (Diablo III), the hard drive I install it to will fail midway through the download. After getting a new drive and getting it downloaded part way again, the OS drive will fail also.
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-05-16] [Top]
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after that, the ram goes...then you just build a new one. -gashach
(makes lame excuses and exits the future asteroid impact zone.) -ChildofCthulhu
Not to worry - the Bliz servers were failing just as bad so you didn't miss much... :-) -virtualchoirboy
and then he built a third castle.... and it burned down ;) -McSmiley |
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5964.
Even if you are the first one in the building so you can do that server maintenance to clear the error that's been annoying you, as soon as you shut off the server, someone will show up asking if the server is down then question you and your equipments reliablity then proceed to insult you to the effect of "I'm copying everything back to my desktop!"....to which I want to inform them "Your profile is stored on my servers anyway...."...Muwahahahaha!
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-05-11] [Top]
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next time respond : we don't have a "the server" -gashach
It's even better when they refer to it as "MY SERVER". -ChildofCthulhu
We get that here a lot..."Is the server down?" My usual response is "Which one?" Usually they don't like that question and get a bit pissed off when they have to be more specific. -Starfury
We have one hundred and twenty-seven 'The Servers,' to which do you refer? The Server that is Blue, The Server that is Green? The Server that has one meg, or runs Symb-een? The Server with a Red Hat, or The Server we have to lean? There are many The Servers, small and tall; Which is Your Server, do tell us all! -LDFeral
three points to LD-'Seuss'-Feral -TheCyberwolfe
(Luser with hands on hips and exasperated tone) Whaddyamean "which server"? MY SERVER, DUH!! (Cue Tapping Foot) -ChildofCthulhu
Which server...the one that is down...DUH stupid nerd -neuman1812
It becomes a real question in our case. I have lost track of how many servers we have at corporate and our two colo's, not to mention over 600 locations with one file server and up to three print servers. How many servers do we have? I'd say it's less than infinity. -Captain Trips |
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5963.
It's amazing how a hair-on-fire issue, if ignored, becomes a non-issue if left alone long enough. During my server install the last 2 weeks, a user kept telling me how his old broken Xerox scanner won't work anymore after installing the new Xerox work center drivers (which scans). He "reminded" me every hour or so that it was still broken. Now, two weeks later and done with the installations, and haven't heard a peep from him. I want to quote MIB "Yours; old and busted, mine; the new hotness!"
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-05-09] [Top]
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"On a long enough timeline, the survival rate of everyone drops to zero." </fight club> -AmazingKreskin
Cardiac arrest, if ignored long enough, becomes a non-issue. -Stryker One
Stryker- It's still an issue, it's just that the urgency really, really fades. -Voz |
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5962.
If you ask for my advice on an issue and promptly choose to ignore it... DO NOT expect to get ANY advice from me in the future...
[By :TrueTenacity / 2012-05-09] [Top]
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Heh, I see you've met my wife. -VIPERsssss
And mine. -charred
Mine as well. :p -SwedishChef
And my co-worker... -reveriel
Apparently my wife has three other husbands. -thx1138
Obviously none of you are married to anyone in MY family. If you were, you'd keep getting advice whether you asked for it or not. -ManyHats |
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5961.
If you reply to my email telling me that you didn't get my email... I shall brand you a fuck-nut and ignore you forever...
[By :TrueTenacity / 2012-05-08] [Top]
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What do those words up there say? -ActingUpAgain
I have actually done that in all seriousness. There have been a few times that I get an encrypted email that for some reason Outlook can't decrypt even though my certs are properly installed. I have to respond to the person letting them know I can't read it and ask them to resend. -jwinc7 |
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5959.
When you travel for two weeks and are packing all the dirty laundry back into the suitcase it won't fit as well on the trip out and some of it will end up in the carry on bag. 2 Weeks in San Diego and 2 days of sun.
[By :Starfury / 2012-05-04] [Top]
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Clearly, you are not well versed in suitcase-cramming. -Stryker One
If you put your dirty clothes under the mattress the night before they take up less room in your suitcase. A) because they are mashed flat or B) because you forget and leave them there! -TieDyedDinosaur
Here in Sandy Eggo, we call this time of year "May Gray." It will be followed by "June Gloom." After that, sunny and hot until it rains in December. Ho, hum, another shitty day in paradise. -Captain Trips
Except when that May Gray & June Gloom continues on through the summer, otherwise described by the (in)famous weatherman John Coleman as "No Sky July" and "August Foggest"... -MadJack
These aren't my boxer shorts, man. They bend! /Dave Lister, after Kryten does the washing. -Erraticus
@ Mad Jack: ... Unless you go east past La Mesa, and who wants to do that? -MeanDean
After getting home and opening the bag...the TSA had "randomly selected" my bag to search. hope they enjoyed digging through my dirty clothing. -Starfury |
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5958.
If you are here to maintenance the AC units, just because you think I know computers (slight understatement), doesn't mean you get to stop working to try to explain every minute detail about all your family network and computer issues. You will however get a detailed explanation of my consulting fee's and my card.
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-05-02] [Top]
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$75 an hour (4 hr min) + a $10 fine for each time I have to swear at your issue + $2 for each piece of malware removed + $15 for piece of software installed + $10 a foot for each cable ran + $25 a foot for each new cable ran. -DarkRookie
Double that if you want to watch, triple if you make commentary. -McSmiley
Quadruple if you, "are right", regardless of what reality says! -Voz |
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5956.
When submitting a tool for the agents to use, make sure the <title> tag doesn't read: Templates, so many fucking templates.
[By :DarkRookie / 2012-04-24] [Top]
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"SO MANY BUTTONS!!"</roger> -AmazingKreskin
One template to rule them all, one template to find them. One template to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. MordorSoft, perhaps? -Erraticus
I know know the name of my next business venture... -virusjtg |
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5955.
Okay, OEMs... ALL OF YOU... Dell, HP, Toshiba... Every last one of you... NEEDS TO STOP PUTTING A TRIAL ANTIVIRUS ON YOUR PCs. Just don't fucking bother, because not only will it expire after the two months it'd be good for, the fucking fish won't even register it to start the trial in the first place. Yet they keep strutting their shit on the interwebs, saying "My compooter iz safe! I got da Nortins!" Then they bring it to me after it gets hosed, and act like they never heard of viruses before... because it's been 1996 for a while now...
Seriously, don't even do the trial. Users need to be told that security is THEIR job, not their OEM's. As an aside: I'd love to tell Norton/McAfee/Kaspersky how often I take a user they paid to get, via a kickback to an OEM, and show them the wonders of AVG.
[By :linkv / 2012-04-24] [Top]
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Avira... if you're going to put a free anti-virus on a machine, go with Avira. Less impact on the system than AVG in my opinion.
-VoiceOfSanity
The small OEM I use has a different policy - they put MS Security Essentials on every PC that goes out unless the customer or reseller specifies otherwise. No Norton or McAfee trial shit, but a basic level of protection until such time as the user or IT guy can put what they want on it. It uninstalls quickly and cleanly, too. This isn't expressing a preference for MSSE (I much prefer Avast or AVG) but at least it's free and legal to use for business as well as residential purposes. -Gromit |
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5954.
The headset on an iPhone won't work if the port on the iPhone is full of lint. There was 1/4" of lint in the phone and I'm not sure how that much accumulated there. I've had it for a few months (work phone) and it's in my laptop bag. I'm guessing the previous owner kept it in a pocket all the time.
[By :Starfury / 2012-04-23] [Top]
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I've heard of fuzzy logic before, but... -Lusus |
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5953.
You will know percisely who all the pot heads are in your schoolhouse and how many of them are your coworkers when you park at work and they greet you "Happy 4/20!"
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-04-20] [Top]
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wasn't it Hitlers birthday as well? (thats not a water pipe.. its a center peice Vase) -Harm
Thats not a hooka, its a air freshner. -burrkiss
Dammit! I don't get paid to next week. :( -DarkRookie
It's a combination hookah and coffee maker. Also makes julienne fries! -docbrown01
" Your Papers Please!" " Uhhh all i got is a pipe man." Zen you better come wiz Me!" -Harm |
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5952.
If you bring in your laptop in for updates, and I tell you that I will contact you when it is done, don't start bugging me every 45-60 minutes about when it will be done. It will only make my desire to actually help you dwindle further than the feeble amount it is already at, especially if the system logs on the laptop show just how little you really use it.
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-04-17] [Top]
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but what if you forgot? -SpiderRider3
Patience Youngling...Much time it takes to copy blackmail evidence and pr0n to a secure location for future use... -ChildofCthulhu |
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5951.
I will not feel obligated to defend the decision to purchase tons of expensive, proprietary, useless equipment... particularly because not only was I not involved in said decision, that decision was made before I even joined the company.
[By :linkv / 2012-04-17] [Top]
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Same thing happened to here! I didn't defend it. Instead, I complain to my boss each time their equipment causes me issues and reccommend the better solution. 2 years later and about a month of overtime paid to me, I'm getting what I wanted. -ravensentinel
copy that. the public sector has it bad. there is some hand-to-hand going on if there ever was any. -gnuckles
On getting the $decisionmakers to buy such useless crap, I subscribe to the "Big Bung Theory"... -lineswine |
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5950.
That the one function that is disabled in a piece of trial software is the sole function that you actually downloaded it for in the first place. Ancillary rule: The longer it took you to find said software on the web, ascertain that it provides the feature you want, check reviews for possible compatibility issues, download it, burn a bootable version to CD/Memory stick etc., the further it will let you proceed before flagging up that you're SOL. Oh well, at least I now have a list of programs that I know won't do what I want. Which is nice.
[By :Erraticus / 2012-04-12] [Top]
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There is always making it yourself -DarkRookie
For one of my class labs last night, my group spent the better part of an hour looking for a freeware tool for extracting PST data. I finally found one--but it requires an existing Outlook install. The lab computers don't have Outlook enabled, and nobody in the group uses it. -Dreamstalker
Each piece of trial software on the computers does some of what we need, but nothing does everything (and it's the 'everything' that none of it does where the problems arise). If I could do a roll-your-own forensic software suite that's tailored to each situation I'd be all over it. -Dreamstalker
I've been working with a PST extraction routine based on the PSTSDK. If you need more information, PM me... -chazz |
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5949.
Call Volume When you're working the early shift (5am) and are alone for 1.5+ hours you will either have 2 calls in that time period or 15 plus a slew of emails. The calls will not come in nice and neat...they'll come in 2-4 at a time instead. As a bonus the boss and other admins will call the special line while you're stuck on these calls and get upset when it's not picked up right away.
[By :Starfury / 2012-04-11] [Top]
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What's the "special lines" phone number? :) -ravensentinel
I think that is the line for "special" people... -Holdfast
The special line (Bat Phone) is a direct line to the helpdesk. It's only supposed to be used by IS people and is never given out to the masses. -Starfury
My momma told me I was special. -ravensentinel
So did mine. -DarkRookie
Yes but that's the window licking kind of special. Oh and the snozzberrys really do taste like snozzberrys -Crai
Oooooh, good Veruca Salt ref! -lineswine |
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5947.
If you're gonna neep about how a ticket wasn't done correctly, and how two people didn't get a printer added to their profile in addition to yours, nor how anyone came to your office or contacted you, make sure you get your facts straight, such as:
- how those two other people were never mentioned in the ticket at ALL
- how I went down there, and nobody in the office you specified knew who you were or where you were really located
- how I noted each time I called a grand total three times, but since you had no voicemail set up, couldn't leave a message to ask where you were really located
- how I sent two separate e-mails, asking when would be a good time to remotely connect to your computer so I could get the job done and with the proper information
- how YOU replied to one of those e-mails, despite the fact that in that reply, said that nobody contacted you at all regarding this ticket.
I swear my Monday is off to a great start...
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-04-09] [Top]
Comment on this Tech Rule |
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5945.
The day grows incredibly long and the work is incredibly boring when you have gotten two really good nights of sleep.
[By :DarkRookie / 2012-04-04] [Top]
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Jay: Zed, don't you guys ever get any sleep around here? Zed: The twins keep us on Centaurian time, standard thirty-seven hour day. Give it a few months. You'll get used to it... or you'll have a psychotic episode. </MIB> -ChildofCthulhu
What is this "sleep" you speak of? <got maybe 4 hours last night, and 4.5 the night before. Can't remember past that.> -PsychoKittyB
define " NIghts of Good sleep" these are what now? i know the words individually, and have possible fantasies of what could be a memory of "Good Sleep" - but as a string the concept eludes me. -Harm
What is this "sleep" that you speak of? (checks his caffeine IV drip) -ecoli |
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5944.
If you tell me to install Ubuntu on a laptop, and watch me toil for hours trying to find drivers for the obscure wireless card. Don't, when I present it to you for testing and use, say that you didn't actually need it, and decided to keep the laptop that it was going to replace, especially since that was going to be my work laptop.
[By :Chalmrah / 2012-04-02] [Top]
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Sounds like a family member? A significant other perhaps? -sonofanarchy21
And don't be surprised when I present you with a bill for the time involved. Even if you are my spouse/parent/sibling. -SalParadise
OK, Fine, I'll keep your new one, and here's the bill! -Divinar
It was actually my boss :( -Chalmrah
Yay, overtime! Make the cunt pay, one way or another. -lineswine |
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5943.
A company that feeds it's employees bacon is a good company to work for. Too bad they didn't schedule any naptime for afterwards.
[By :frprinterwiz / 2012-03-30] [Top]
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"That's just The Itis!"</boondocks> -AmazingKreskin
free BACON??!!?!?!! where is this heaven on earth that provides gratis porcine goodness? -Harm
We cooked breakfast for dinner Thursday night and the house smelled like bacon...mmmm bacon -Starfury
I used to work for an insurance agency that supplied the entire company with breakfast every Friday as a morale boost/team builder thing. There was a rotation for whose turn it was to make/acquire breakfast. Most people went lazy with breakfast burritos. I made pancakes and bacon every time. :D -Aelin236 |
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5942.
Excitement: Realizing that you are currently driving a car that also contains a spider and an arachnophobe. (The spider in question was on the inside of the windshield on his side of the car. It was also the diameter of a pencil eraser.)
[By :Dante668 / 2012-03-26] [Top]
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That's a recipe for either a cracked windshield or a broken passenger side window (depending on the results of the Fight or Flight check). -AmazingKreskin
Would be both in my case, the scream would shatter the glass of both the wind shield AND the passenger window. -Calydor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCzXZfNIu3A&list=PL87DB3F7E8107A4AE&index=6&feature=plcp You'll love #1 -Starfury
http://tinyurl.com/cz58nau -objekt404
...the itsy bitsy spider caused a 24car pileup on the interstate this morning... -Madrigorne
You could always stomp on the brakes, slamming the passenger INTO said spider, resulting in spending the rest of the day on the side of the road as they loudly and repeatedly scream, "I am NOT getting back in that car!" -Voz
Reminds me of when I was in the car with an old house mate of mine. She came to a screeching halt in the middle of Parramatta Road and jumped out of the car because she was sure a spider had brushed her leg. It turn out to be one of these http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JFZk7MvW2IQ/TkDEq8fcqPI/AAAAAAAACNA/tELCRqBGrKs/s1600/koala.jpg that she had on her rear-view mirror -PoglaTheGrate
Just a few days ago, my mom picked me up to go somewhere. We hadn’t gone more than a mile and I saw a rat scamper across the dashboard. I mentioned it to her and she said “Oh that’s what that noise was”. She got it the next day. -Park7 |
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5941.
Dear Boss. Your email will get lost if you don't remind me once in a while. I will forget whatever "thing" you wanted me to do 4 weeks ago if you don't remind me. You will call me accusing me of not caring and joking around and not believe a word about the 4 projects, 3 applications I am building, 28 work orders, 14 purchase orders, 2 scripts, and multiple days of general maintenance I am single handedly handling and think I am joking and kidding. I will lose my raise. Thank you for the motivation!
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-03-26] [Top]
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4 Server upgrades, 3 gigs of RAM, for the 2 luser fish, and a headache the size of Texas! -KrazerKap |
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5940.
Admittedly stolen from Slashdot: Microsoft: Re-inventing square wheels.
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-03-25] [Top]
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"Building better mousetraps. Selling them to beekeepers." (Ubersoft) -chazz
It's an upgrade from the triangular wheels 3.0. -stiffarm
No stiff arm, triangular wheels have one less bump, so square would be a downgrade -PoglaTheGrate
Pogla- but the angle you'd have to overcome to get it to "roll" would be that much more difficult! (OK, let's take it another step down, about a TWO sided wheel, and see how that rolls!) -Voz |
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5939.
The moment all your explorer windows go dark or stop responding; mentally, your head drops with a sigh and the thought scrolls through your head "here they come."
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-03-20] [Top]
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It's time to open MAB before the nasty blocks it, update MAB to the latest and let it do its thing. -Wraith556
What is this MAB you speak of? -ravensentinel
MAB == Microsoft Automatic Bluescreen??? -ecoli
Ahhh....a term I have not yet heard. -ravensentinel
Wasn't that the internal working title for Windows ME? -WinterWolf |
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5938.
Server hard drives will fail on the same schedule as when your warranty expires.
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-03-19] [Top]
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Known item, dude. 30 seconds past the warranty expiry? Unit fail. *nod* -Grue
At least on the bright side, this was enough to finally convince the big cheese of the bean counters to let me fill out the rest of the empty hard drive bays and finally buy a disk filer. 27 TB worth! But now, I've realized the filer will not have any space on the PDU and the UPS is about tapped out, so I'm putting in 2 more UPS's....but the outlets in the room are all apparently on the same breaker...so now I need new power lines....the plot thickens lol. -ravensentinel
So... standard upgrade process? Ours went Upgrade Software Version > Upgrade servers and bandwith > Upgrade routers > Upgrade VOIP equipment > Upgrade UPS > Add new electrical circuits > Add new server room cooling. All direct or indirect results of going from 5.5 to 5.6. -LazyLemming |
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5937.
Despite what everyone thinks, just because I am IT, does not mean I support and/or know everything about anything with a plug. Just because the drop ceiling happens to have a projector and screen built into it, doesn't mean I know anything about drop ceilings.
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-03-15] [Top]
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well -- you know a couple things.. its should be above your head.. and DRop seems to indicate it has the potential for known fact 1 not to always be the case. -Harm
I think that belief is fairly standard all over the world. I regularly get asked to fix or set up all sorts of things. I still want to know WTF are we still using faxes for though. I do draw the lime at ECGs, syringe drivers and other fun medical kit though! -Holdfast
corollary - that because I work for an ISP that I should know the website for every single page in existence or that ever existed. -frprinterwiz |
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5936.
Despite the many and varied improvements & innovations done to elevators, the one thing they still cannot do is read minds, so you must still press the button corresponding to the floor you wish to go...
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-03-13] [Top]
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Eleven! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FFRoYhTJQQ -NightSteel
"Bridge!" -Divinar
I am surprised that I have not met any fish yet that see an elevators doors open and they think I opened it with the Force. Would be awesome if I could...but... -KrazerKap
Incorrect! You must take the stairs instead. -MyCatVerbs
Fish goes to same elevator many times a day. Wants to go up so presses down button. Phones maintenance regularly because the elevator goes down when they get in. -Holdfast
There's a Douglas Adams quote going a begging here. -AngrySup
NightSteel: That was bloody brilliant! -unrenowned
does no one ever copnsider including the Lift in these decisions? Perhaps they want to feel needed?! or may breifly experiment with Sideways before sulking in the basement. -Harm
"Elevator - Transporter room." "I'm fine, how are you?" "Elevator, I said TRANSPORTER ROOM!" "I'm fine, how are you?" -Captain Trips |
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5935.
Taking one supervisor call will ruin the rest of the work day. The whole day if the luser is particularly dumb, belligerent, and/or likes to here themselves talk.
I had a nice luser that was a talker and a yeller.
[By :DarkRookie / 2012-03-13] [Top]
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5934.
http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2012-03-11/ - This WILL happen. It will happen more than once. You will cry everytime.
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-03-12] [Top]
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It even comes from directors in I.T. - we have a couple who like to ask for things that can't be done, and when it's explained to them why it can't be done, they say "good - when will it be ready?" -Captain Trips
Thx! I saw that in the Sunday paper (right b4 I got off work) & lmao, & then went & forgot to post afterward. -MadJack |
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5931.
That in a business environment, on a new login, having anyone else other than the intended user setup the security questions wont cause headaches.
[By :KrazerKap / 2012-03-07] [Top]
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Or indeed, that headaches are at all avoidable, even when users input the answers themselves. -AmazingKreskin
"Wife's favorite position? Wow, I better not let Charlie know that I knew the answer to THAT one." -Captain Trips |
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5930.
Trying to jump the line, ahead of the 90+ people whose tickets are in the queue is a bad idea, especially when there are two other customers who have waited several days to a couple weeks to get their stuff fixed in the room when you say you're important.
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-03-07] [Top]
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Someone just 'volunteered' to let the next 50 people put in tickets before her. -DarkRookie
Not here. Ticket triage is based on the requestor's rank and not need. So, if the CEO needs her keyboard cleaned, it comes ahead of rebuilding a server. -Captain Trips |
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5929.
Only when the server hard drives crash will you notice that apparently someone, in a fit of brilliance, had cancelled the task that did the nightly backups and you were cataloging blank tapes.
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-03-06] [Top]
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In a previous life I had to manage backups for a tatty VMS system. The backups consistently reported successful, but for the life of me (*and* the resident VMS wrangler) we couldn't ever get anything restored. We tried different tape drives, fresh tapes, sacrifice of livetock... Finally we disected the backup script and found out that my predecesor had done the needful and forced a positive result even though errors were coming fast and furious, apparently because correcting that would have forced him to do his job. -Lusus
It's people like that who need to be brought in front of a firing squad -skippytpodar |
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5928.
If you're going to have a hair-on-fire ticket saying you need a ribbon replaced in your label printer, don't expect me to do anything if you don't have any rolls of ribbon to replace it, and the supply office is closed for the day. I will mark the ticket as a lower priority, no matter how badly you neep that you thought we had them, and not Supply, even after you've been told to go to Supply to get those rolls..
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-03-05] [Top]
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They've probably been told a dozen times to get the ribbons from supplies...and never listened. -Starfury
Document in the ticket that they've been told previously to get it from supplies, that you checked supplies, found it locked, declined to commit b&e to get the requested object, told the (l)user to get it from supplies in the morning (again and no, supplies hopefully does(n't) have it to give to them in the morning. -spectreoflife
Ribbons? They actually still use those? (EG) -MadJack
hair on fire? as in liar, liar...... -slowANDeasy |
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5927.
A major app will only crash when it's entire team is in a meeting. (To be honest, though, this team spends most of it's time unavailable and in meetings.)
[By :TechieSidhe / 2012-03-05] [Top]
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So it crashes a lot, then? -Mer |
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5926.
Any plan that involves regular people following simple instructions is doomed to failure.
[By :linkv / 2012-02-29] [Top]
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(Please restart your router) [Aw, but the router is upstairs and I'm at the basement. But you know what, the circuit breaker's here...] -akantha
amen brother.. amen. -Harm |
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5925.
The bigwig who insists on the purchase of a networked company printer, who loudly proclaims the benefits of having everyone share an efficient, inexpensive, commercial-grade machine, and who admonishes all other departments for "wasting ink, money, and productivity" on their personal printers...
...will be the first one to say "But I'm gonna get my OWN printer, because I don't have time to be running back and forth to the copy room all day, and my work is too important to slow down!"
[By :linkv / 2012-02-24] [Top]
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"and it is to confidential to let the peasants see it." -Holdfast
The guy that sits in the cube next to mine is in charge of the initiative to remove all desktop printers and fax machines from the organization, replacing them all with centralized network printer/scanners that are accessed via our ID cards, and faxing is all done via email. It's been very inspirational to see the contract come together over the last year and a half. Rollout starts in March. -AmazingKreskin
We've been working on this for a long time. We got our big Xerox a few months back, but what gets me is their stupid driver installer doesn't actually install anything. It goes and downloads more drivers. -ravensentinel |
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5924.
Nothing prevents me from telling Dell's Online Chat Support that my name is Batman.
[By :linkv / 2012-02-22] [Top]
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Or 'The Walrus'... -ChildofCthulhu
"I'm Batman. And I can breathe in space." http://www.shortpacked.com/2005/comic/book-1-brings-back-the-80s/01-just-a-toy-store/batman-can-breathe-in-space/ -Calydor
Just don't say "I am the Eggman" to a Sonic fan! ;) -MadJack
I am the Tick. I shall fight crime with my uber powerful SPOOOOOOOON!!!!!! -burrkiss
MadJack ROBOTNIK!!! -PoglaTheGrate
"Batman's a scientist." <Homer Simpson> -Trillian
"It's not Batman!"<Marge Simpson> -AmazingKreskin |
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5923.
If you come to me and ask me to help you fill out some paperwork as a favour and then assume it's OK to leave to "quickly" get another cup of coffee even after I tell you to wait around since I'll have to ask you for information, your paperwork shall immediately be placed through the shredder. A bonfire will be substituted for the shredder if you ask me to fill out the easy fields first while you step out for a smoke and promise to return in a minute to supply the info for the rest, then return 20 minutes later asking if I'm finished the whole thing.
[By :SpiderRider3 / 2012-02-17] [Top]
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What a jerk - a meaner angrier version of me would just set fire to the house once they left and forget the whole thing. Enjoy your coffee. Horrible people. -Madrigorne
All done, you should be good. I just put down that you're a lesbian, female, Puerto Rician, paraplegic, with a documented history of a medical bi-polar disorder that we can't consider in hiring. Welcome aboard, Bob. -AngrySup
No offense intended for the lesbian, female, Puerto Rician, paraplegic, with a documented history of a medical bi-polar disorder crowd that hangs out on this site. -AngrySup
Which would be, say, the majority? -lineswine |
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5922.
It is considered impolite to break into peals of maniacal laughter when IT informs my department that everyone in the building is being asked to stress-test the network by streaming media until it crashes.
[By :Dante668 / 2012-02-16] [Top]
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STREAM ALL THE PR0N!!!! stream ALL THE NETFLIX!!!
hell ogin to your systems at home in multiple VOPN windows and stream EVERYTHING YOU HAVEE!!! WEEEE! ( as long as the IT people don't start craying when you start laughing your OK) -Harm
GigaNews w/ Diamond Account + NewsLeecher = All your bandwidth are belong to me. -Stryker One
lets see if the engineers are smart: spanning tree loop plug two ports to the same hub, and stream to a third machine on the hub. maye do a portscan too, while you're at it. -McSmiley |
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5921.
Nothing beats the feeling when you spend two days tracking down a problem that has shut down your entire operation only to find the problem was actually user input error.
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-02-09] [Top]
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Except the feeling as you beat the user senseless in the back alley... -Divinar
I would except I blame the vender's website for not doing proper checks on the data entry prior to it be committed to the database. Also, it was their software that was not trapping the memory over run as it processed the data so no fault was being thrown to identify the problem. -ravensentinel
Divinar, don't do it in a back alley, do it in front of everyone so that they will understand that there are penalties for being stupid. -ecoli
"Here's your sign!" [/Bill Engvall] -lineswine |
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5920.
It will require that you only get 2 hours of sleep and have a hangover to come to the conlusion that none of the symptoms add up, so check if the database is corrupted.
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-02-08] [Top]
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5919.
If you get called in the previous night to fix an issue and are unable to fix the issue until you can call vender support in the morning, your boss(s) will incist you go to xxx meeting and talk to yyy about zzz issue. You will not be able to call vender support until 3 hours after your shift started due to all the explaining, emailing, documenting, reporting, etc.
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-02-08] [Top]
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Just make sure to get the thing down in writing that your boss MADE you do the meeting, you know instead of say fixing the problem. -drachen
Happens all the time. Would you like me to deal with your issue/request, or discuss why this discussion is preventing me from dealing with it? -WinterWolf
Boss phrase of the day: "and we'll keep on having meetings until I understand why the work isn't getting done." -BurlyJ
"OK, do ypou want me to fix the issue, or talk about it?" (Yes, I've actually said that on more than one occasion...) -lineswine |
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5918.
If you're submitting a ticket on behalf of a user to get menus in our system, it helps to know which user needs them and what menus are required...
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-02-03] [Top]
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domino's , pizza hut, who ever else in the area delivers... add 'em all :) -Harm |
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5917.
When the ticket queue is empty and all else is done or awaiting parts/someone else, Metallica on the radio is the best!!
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-01-27] [Top]
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Who need radio, I have the full discography ripped to mp3 played via VLC -Xultaneron
And when the queue is full, crank up the Raymond Scott: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZACT4UgBog -MeanDean
And when the queue is full, crank up the Raymond Scott: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZACT4UgBog -MeanDean |
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5916.
If you, the low technician and administrator, have to deal directly with tier 3 support, you sill spend more time filling out their paperwork and argueing about why the ticket to remove a letter from a name isn't done in the last 16 days than actually getting the work done. Had the tier 3 person done his/her work correctly in the first place and actually R E A D the request and typed it as I had, we wouldn't be having any issue at all....oh, and since you screwed it up twice on the same day, I will find you.... /rant off
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-01-26] [Top]
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Happens all the time here. They complain we don't get enough information so we put everything in the ticket including screenshots and detailed instructions on how to reproduce the problem....and the ticket comes back with "need more detail" which means our info was TL DR. -Starfury |
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5915.
Useing the words "FOLLY BANGER" in the subject of any email will net you many odd virtual looks.
[By :ravensentinel / 2012-01-23] [Top]
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What's scary is that after last week's Dirty Jobs I know what that is. -Starfury
Yes...I couldn't remember what it was called when I was talking ot someone about it, then I remembered as soon as I got back to my desk, so I emailed a conversational errata of sorts since I was calling it something like "folly chaser" or some craziness. -ravensentinel |
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5914.
When you're rarely, if ever, in your office, don't answer your phone, don't respond to repeated e-mails we know you've read, nor do you answer the door when we knock, it kinda makes it tough for us to help you out, especially when you call to neep that nobody's there to help you with your asinine computer problem.
[By : skippytpodar / 2012-01-23] [Top]
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Simple: find out what time this person starts. Have a tech IN the office 5 min before they show up so there's no reason not to fix the problem at that time. Or just follow process and when they don't respond close the ticket. -Starfury
That would be nice. Just one thing... even the guy's coworkers (none of whom have a key to his office... paranoid much?) have no clue what his schedule is like, as it seems to change more often than Lady Gaga's hairstyles... -skippytpodar
Time for a system grab and go. If you can ever get in the door. -PolarCoyote
Actually, IMHO, time for the connection to the network to go away. "Yeah, I heard you had a problem with your computer, and it sounded like it might be a virus, but I couldn't ever get into your office to diagnose, so to protect the rest of our network I had no choice under HIPAA but to kill your connection." -chazz |
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5913.
A general rule of customer service, and society in general...
You are not going to make a good first impression, and will decrease the likelihood of someone recommending your several thousand dollar product if, after I explain that I need help locating a branch of your company out in another state, the first words I hear are...
"We don't talk to customers. I'm only talking to you because I wanna be a nice guy."
O.O *sound of brain frying*
Wow. Great customer service, and great manners, too!
[By :AdmiralLaurie / 2012-01-13] [Top]
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I'M A PEOPLE PERSON DAMMIT!!!!! -burrkiss
I've actually been in a position to say that to customers. We are an INTERNAL help desk. Any client (customer) facing issues need to go to our client support team. (There have been times when a newbie there sends a client to us, we just send them back. We aren't ALLOWED to work with clients!) -Captain Trips
It was their customer support that said it. Not the internal support or whatever. The actual customer service said that. Which is what really surprised me. I don't mind if you say you're not allowed, but "won't" and the condescending tone was what got me. -AdmiralLaurie
Probably on his last day today and felt like being a dick before leaving the company. -SwedishChef
What Chef said! -Captain Trips
"Sure, you can TRY to take the pizza from me without paying for it, but you'll find it's hard to eat without any fucking teeth in your head." Being able to say things like that is why I never worked for Domino's. -MeanDean |
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5912.
no matter who you are you can get pwned, especially by a smart lawyer. http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/supreme_court_dispatches/2012/01/supreme_court_and_fcc_s_fleeting_expletives_policy_what_exactly_counts_as_indecent_on_tv_.html
[By :McSmiley / 2012-01-11] [Top]
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I'm not surprised. The Human race has always been about pushing the envelope. Forty years ago, you couldn't say the word Hell on television. Now we've already breached Carlin's 7 Words You Can Never Say on Television. The Girl Scouts are now allowing transsexual boys into their organization. I can tell you that within the next 20 years, we'll be discussing equal rights for Pedophiles and Bestialists and how it's a sexual preference and not deviant behavior. -Biosynthetic
Crossing species boundaries just isn't going to happen. Who's to say a dog, sheep, goat, etc is "consenting"? IMHO, it's rape, and should be illegal...not just a shunned societal issue. -ravensentinel
Bio, are you really equating swearing and accepting transgender people with raping children and abusing animals? -thx1138
The other day, my dad showed me a link to a news article about someplace in Europe that was considering making pedophiles eligible for benefits like handicapped people. -Omega
To play devil's advocate, you can argue consent to have sex when we no longer kill animals without their consent to have their life taken away for our benefit. -Calydor
@Biosynthetic transgendered girl... transgendered boys are ones that are given a girls name at birth. just fyi. -TaliPhoenix |
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5911.
This rule is for the customer.
Before calling for support, please attempt to be at least passable at being sober. If you have enough THC in your system that you can't follow the cable from the wall to your device, and then identify whether the device that is connected is the device you are calling about, you need a time-out. Without the pot.
[By :linuxmatt / 2012-01-11] [Top]
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For most, it won't help. We've all had lusers who couldn't follow a cable even when they weren't stoned. -AmazingKreskin
I wonder what the line is. Some of my best calls were from people who had been drinking/imbibing more than a little. No annoying questions, no more vague than usual, just wanted to watch tv and eat a sandwich. -LDFeral
Does hydrocodone or ativan count? that makes some mellow phone calls.... Then again, so does alcohol -AdmiralLaurie
best folloowers of TS have been drunk or stones.. makes it real easy for them to get their pr0n of pr0n AND a self made sammich are in their future... -Harm
Turn the tables on 'em... "Hello, thish ish tech shupport, how can I <giggle> help you? Jush try shwitching it off'n on again. If that dun work, jush try prayin' a liddle." -Gromit
What is this "sober" that you speak of? -ecoli |
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5910.
You do not say that the reason you didn't do something in a timely matter is because the ticketing system is slow. Its a fucking bullshit excuse that will get a acidic sarcastic comment outta me about your incompetence.
Tickets are finished before the call is done.
[By :DarkRookie / 2012-01-10] [Top]
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Our system is slow too...but I manage to fill out/close tickets during my wrap up time or at least save them in process until I can get them typed up. There isn't really a good excuse not to do this. -Starfury
People make and close tickets?.....Maybe that's why Convergys and I didn't get along well :P -0gr3
chrsit PPL at CVG did that all the fraakin time.. drove me up the wall. -Harm
I thought that's what ACW was for. Whee! -LDFeral |
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5909.
If you need to remove and recreate several partitions on a PC in order to apply images to those partitions, maybe you should mark the appropriate partition active if you want the machine to, you know, boot afterwards. Yeah, having a fuh-fuh-fuh-football player moment today..
[By :NightSteel / 2012-01-10] [Top]
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*Pats* -Mer |
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5908.
Murdy say: "Popup antivirus programs are like prostitutes. They'll tell you that you need their service, that their prices are modest and that they'll do just what you want them to do. Only when you're infected do you begin to wish that you'd never given that walking STD archive your credit card number."
[By :murdermachine / 2012-01-05] [Top]
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Oh hi Murdy. -RandalGraves |
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5907.
I will install and configure your software...not create, edit, print your documents.
I will configure and repair your hardware...I will not go on an Easter Egg hunt to locate the equipment your team misplaced.
Don't ask me for help and then tell me I'm wrong as I take logical steps toward the solution...if I ask you to stay close, it's because I need you to verify the issue has been solved.
[By :Captn92 / 2012-01-04] [Top]
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Install, configure, do our jobs. What's the difference? It's all just pressing buttons. -modeski |
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5906.
When you get the wild hair to try and either a) run a scam or b) gain access to info that isn't yours, the cell phone company won't bend to your demands. And your ex is as gullible as they come if he believes your cnb story. Thanks for trying to ruin our honeymoon. Now, go away!
[By :AdmiralLaurie / 2012-01-04] [Top]
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document document document!!! -gashach
cnb? -Divinar
Divinar - "cock'n'bull", usually.
-Grue
And no honeymoon would be complete without a TSC story posted about it, right AL? Btw, congrats on your marriage! Even if it's a little late, my best wishes for you and your very fortunate hubby. -buitre |
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5905.
It's going to be a great year when on the first day back from holiday break you begin termination paperwork for a user who not only used his workstation to look for another job, but also contacted prospective employers using his corporate e-mail account.
[By :RiffRaff / 2012-01-03] [Top]
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I guess he saw the writing on the wall. -McSmiley
O.o Uhh.. yeah.. not the sharpest tool in the shed, hm? -NightSteel
epic fail... i can maybe understand checking around - but never using your corp account ( or business phone #) -Harm
"Yes, we certainly have an opening for a person like you - don't slam it on your way out." -Gromit
I used my *cable company* issued cell phone to call the *phone company* to have them reinstall my phone, since *cable company* didnt give a shit about MY crappy phone service, which was a known area issue...for weeks. -burrkiss
Oy. *facepalm* -Grue
I may surf the web at work and look at job listings...but I NEVER use my work account for anything personal....especially job hunting. -Starfury
I wonder if potential employers might be put off my an applicant using their work email. I don't see it as an indication of good employee behaviour. -Holdfast
Put a keen edge on Chuck...he's gonna be used to chop a head off.... -vacuumtubes
It actually sounds like a good thing - the average IQ will go up once he's gone! -Divinar |
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5904.
No matter how detailed your instructions, telling someone to "Login to the website" is not detailed enough. Even if it's the same way they log in to the computer, and every other intranet website every day, they still need a walkthrough on the process. Do I just have "gifted" users?
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-12-28] [Top]
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No, that's pretty standard, you have to tell them step by step how to do things. IE "Now click in the box that says username next to it...No, the box that says username to the right of it...no the box that is empty that has username next to it..." walk over and smack them in the head...."now type your username in...no, not your hotmail account, your username, no not your facebook account, your username...." walk over and type their username and password in. -Olorin
Users are special...in an Olympic sort of way... -Biosynthetic
@Bio- my favorite saying has always been, "They're really special. They even have their own Olympics!" -Voz
oh god, I can't even get them to understand what a log in or username is. "Okay, type your username. Your username, starts with xxxx. No, it's the same one you logged into the computer. No, it's the exact same username you used this morning. The same as your email. No, it starts with XXXX. Yes that would be why you can't log in to your email. What did you log into the computer as? The username you put in. I know your name, I want to know what you typed for a username. Okay that's it. Now type your password. Where it says password. Yes right there. It didn't work? okay read your username out letter by letter. Okay now type the same password you use to log into the computer. No, that's your username, type your password. Okay you've forgotten it, I'll reset it. Yes, yes you have forgotten it, since you obviously don't know it. Okay fine you didn't forget, it just stopped working. I'll reset it. And now I'm going to walk you through changing your password from the default I set it to..." *headshotgun* -LazyLemming
Yeah, you generally have to write manuals pitched at a trained monkey - without the training -PoglaTheGrate |
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5903.
Before you realize it, you will install a patch, your server will restart, and so will your VM's hosting the website. And the VM's will hang...and so will the rest of the server. And then comes the time where you have to power cycle the server and pray.
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-12-19] [Top]
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I really do hope you haven't pissed off Murphy more so than normal lately
-DarkRookie
Oy...good luck! -Grue |
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5902.
Someone, somewhere, will get the idea that changing an acronymn somehow makes the product work better.
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-12-19] [Top]
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And then someone will get an idea that changing the version number will do the same and also allow you to raise the price $50. -ChildofCthulhu
It's a "feature" -unrenowned
CoC: That's what the iPhone 4S is. :) -Mushroom
Mushy: How very DARE you take the products of Lord Jobs (he who will be exhalted by every Apple fanboi) in vain? Why he DIED to give you that iPlod! Bow down before his grave, I tell you! -lineswine |
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5901.
On migration day, you will do all the backup's of all the data that is important and after you rebuild the RAID array, you will realize you forgot ______ (ie. huge script) and suddenly the 1-2 day migration just got extended...
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-12-16] [Top]
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Whoops! -Grue
Dig out the backup you ran just before playing musical hard drives.... -Divinar
"Migration" is an evil word to us. These past couple of weeks, we've been doing an e-mail migration - from one Exchange 2007 server on one domain to a 2010 server on a different domain. What a bloody mess - especially for those users who never archive and have over 4 GB in their inbox folders. (Quotas we have - but for executives they are ignored. Ouch. Sudden lessons in archiving abounded! And did you ever try to teach an executive anything about how to properly use their computers?) -Captain Trips
4GB?Pffft! Where I worked, we had on "Director of Sales" i.e. a total retard who had a FIFTEEN Gig PST file. To say this nutter got in deep that I had somehow to extracate him from is like saying Hitler was "a bit of a scamp". -lineswine |
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5900.
If a human wrote the program, then there has to be an error somewhere.
Check out this example that I saw a few minutes ago: http://i.imgur.com/agBfE.jpg
[By : shadedworld / 2011-12-14] [Top]
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Only half the password was recovered. -ravensentinel
Now THAT's a successful fail! -Biosynthetic
You get this in MS software too. The API says that the function returns true on error and sets nLastError to indicate what the error was. There is an enumeration defined with all the possible errors of which zero means "no error" and a function to convert error numbers to text. Then some function returns true and forgets to set nLastError. It is, though, a royal pain in the ass when it happens. -rurwin |
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5899.
Yelling 'F###' can be tolerated as long as you are working on a project and you accidentally close 90 minutes of work.
[By :DarkRookie / 2011-12-12] [Top]
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requiered justification?? oops. -Harm
Cartman: Don't call me fat, you f$@#ing Jew!
Mr. Garrison: Eric, did you just say the F-word?
Cartman: Jew?
Kyle: No, he's talking about "f$@#". You can't say "f$@#" in school, you f$@#ing fat ass!
Mr. Garrison: Kyle!
Cartman: Why the f$@# not?
Mr. Garrison: Eric!
Stan: Dude, you just said "f$@#" again!
Mr. Garrison: Stanley!
Kenny: f$@#!
Mr. Garrison: Kenny!
Cartman: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. F$@#-f$@#ety-f$@#-f$@#-f$@#.
Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
Mr. Garrison: What did you say?
Cartman: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was...
[picks up a megaphone]
Cartman: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS, MR. GARRISON?
Stan: Holy shit, dude.
-Biosynthetic
LOL... ohh apparently a South Parjk MMO may be in the works.. Paladin, rogue,, and secret character class.. ( given catrman is the voice over / narrator voice.. wonder what that would be..) -Harm |
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5898.
It's ok for an ISP to keep dishing out crappy equipment, if you're the only dsl company in the area.
[By :gremlyn / 2011-12-08] [Top]
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...or the only competitor is even worse due to being state-owned. -Fortytwo
At least you didn't file this under misconception. Though we all wish it was. -LDFeral
Welcome to TSC. Have you been lurking for a while? -concept14 |
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5897.
Bad: I am not allow to make a tip called: Troubleshooting when Trouble Shoots Back.
Worse: Not allow to have the contents say:"Shoot it again"
Worst: Not allowed to recommend any weapons
[By :DarkRookie / 2011-12-07] [Top]
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Is there a tech rule for hardware that just needs to die? Kinda like Texas' 'he-needed-killin' law. -Stryker One
I can troubleshoot from the hip. -Captain Trips
My email signature is that saying. The trouble with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back.
-ravensentinel
I got a poster next to my desk with Kari Byron holding a 50cal that has that caption...Can't decide which is sexier though...Kari or the 50 cal. -ChildofCthulhu |
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5896.
More of a Misconception but this was perpetrated by half starfish. If we tell you a program requires the user to be a local admin in order to function properly.
Giving the user local admin rights and then disallowing access to C:\ means the program will not function.
[By :deedadee / 2011-12-07] [Top]
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5895.
Dear Little Miss Cleanliness: If you're going to sing to a particular song, at least try to do so somewhere remotely on-key. And if you could also select songs people actually want to hear, we'd appreciate it.
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-12-05] [Top]
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Would "Plastic Jesus" be a good retaliation, or "Friggin' in the Riggin'"? -Lusus
Phonebook to the back of the head. -VIPERsssss
Boot to the head. The song ofcourse, I wouldn't condone kicking like that.... *whistles*.... -ApolloSZ
Fuck the song. I'd recite the sketch. -Seamus
"Aboard the Goode Shippe Venus" (You really should have seen us! With a figurehead of a whore in bed and a mast of a phallic penis.) -Captain Trips
No songs of that nature...I simply sing "Danny Boy" - like the worse pub singer you ever heard x10. I've been known to empty rooms with such, quickly. -lineswine |
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5894.
While I don't really mind getting credit for closing out tickets, I'd prefer if the reason they weren't closed was something other than laziness...
[By : skippytpodar / 2011-12-05] [Top]
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I know the feeling all too well. -KrazerKap
Laziness? I don't mind closing out other people's tickets, if they would take the effort to open one when they work on an issue. THAT's lazy! -Captain Trips |
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5893.
If you're printing something highly confidential, don't send it to a public printer. Failing that, do not get pissy with me when I look at said document to see if it's mine.
[By :linkv / 2011-12-02] [Top]
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My previous manager did a printout about letting the helpdesk telecommute 2 days a week instead of one. Guess what I saw...and also what has never been implemented. -Starfury
"All your print are belong to us!" -Trillian |
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5892.
If you "push" all the people around you to do their job so you can finish/start doing yours, eventually someone will get pissed and tell your boss you are stressing them out.
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-12-01] [Top]
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Just have your ROI schpiel ready to give to said "Head Monkey" proving that you're putting extra cashola in their pocket... -ChildofCthulhu |
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5891.
You may evaluate your customers by the gifts that they give during the holidays. http://www.pastemagazine.com/blogs/lists/2011/11/11-christmas-ales-ranked.html Almost, but not quite, LOTD.
[By :AngrySup / 2011-11-26] [Top]
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One of those is from a microbrewery near where I work. I may give it a try. -Captain Trips
Uuuhhhh... Not trying to be a party-pooper here, but... That's one of those gifts where you should know the person you're sending it to. The recovering alcoholics among us would be less than appreciative. -MeanDean |
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5890.
It is actually illegal for 90% of people here in the US of A to eat turkey. That's because it is considered cannibalism.
[By :atomicbill / 2011-11-24] [Top]
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I'm concerned, then, what the other 10% are. I'm presuming the turkey is human, at this point. Afterall, tomato sauce (pizza) is a veg, I hear. -LDFeral
90% of 'merikans are turkeys?? -0gr3
You are what you eat, after all. (I must be a dictionary, because I have to eat my own words so darned often!) -Captain Trips
I thought jive turkeys went out of style with disco! ;) -MadJack
"The more I look around and see these turkeys, the more I... watch off to the left, while you're drinking, isn't that J. J. McClure?" </Sammy Davis, 'Cannonball Run'> -MadJack
[debating on America's national bird]
John Adams: The eagle.
Thomas Jefferson: The dove.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: The turkey.
John Adams: The eagle.
Thomas Jefferson: The dove.
John Adams: The eagle!
Thomas Jefferson: [considers] The eagle.
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: The turkey.
John Adams: The eagle is a majestic bird!
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: The eagle is a scavenger, a thief and coward. A symbol of over ten centuries of European mischief.
John Adams: [confused] The turkey?
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: A truly noble bird. Native American, a source of sustenance to our original settlers, and an incredibly brave fellow who wouldn't flinch from attacking a whole regiment of Englishmen single-handedly! Therefore, the national bird of America is going to be...
John Adams: [insistently] The eagle!
Dr. Benjamin Franklin: The eagle.
</1776> -MadJack
The other 10% is made up of ham and various vegetables. -AngrySup
spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam -unrenowned
My theory of evolution is that EVERYTHING evolved from chickens. Because EVERYTHING tastes like chicken. -Biosynthetic |
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5889.
If you are a startup company/charity/band/artist/ANYONE looking to get your name out to the public, having a YouTube/Facebook account is NOT a substitute for having your own website!!!
[By :linkv / 2011-11-23] [Top]
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That's why I have http://billcademy.yolasite.com - so that I might get some hits for voice-over work. (Any voice-over Karma is always welcomed!) -Captain Trips
I'm exceedingly annoyed when a band's Facebook page is more up to date (usually re: tour info) than their official site. -AmazingKreskin |
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5888.
The best day to schedule an self install upgrade is the day before a 4 day weekend....because the helpdesk hasn't already spent the last month with calls backing up 10 hrs a day. So much for "not doing any rollouts until after the holiday"
[By :Starfury / 2011-11-23] [Top]
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5887.
I cannot rename the servers after various lifeforms, beings, tools, wibbily wobbly things, etc from Dr. Who... Nor can I rename my computer TARDIS, and rename the admin accounts The Doctor.
[By :ravensentinel / 2011-11-22] [Top]
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You can't? Well, what kind of lowly access do you have? -Stryker One
my sonic screwdrivers says otherwise... -Harm
Low. The one where you can do whatever you like within the bounds of the humor level of your paycheck signer. -ravensentinel
"Computer ..." said Zaphod again, who had been trying to think of some subtle piece of reasoning to put the computer down with, and had decided not to bother competing with it on its own ground, "if you don't open that exit hatch this moment I shall zap straight off to your major data banks and reprogram you with a very large ax, got that?" -Biosynthetic
"Alright... get the axe." -AmazingKreskin
What about timey-wimey things? -TaliPhoenix
Hey Monkey! How about "Wibbly Thing" or "Big Orange Swirly Thing"? </CAT> -ChildofCthulhu
hmm what about Dr Suess? Thing 1 Thing 2 , red fish blue fish, green egs, Ham, etc... -Harm |
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