Tech Support Comedy! - Co-Worker Types
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Co-Worker Types

You love them you hate them, they are your friends or enemies but whether you like it or not you work with them. As another form to vent your frustrations we make the co-worker type database available for you to use. Add to it, read it, laugh and say that sounds just like so and so. As of this second we currently have 2372 different co-worker types!

2372. Mumblesvague McGee
Mumblesvague is that co-irker who mumbled questions that are vague & nonsensical. Attempts to probe and clarify are met only with additional mumbled of the original question that may or may not be an actual query. Further attempts to summarize or clarify are failures as Mumbles is incapable of clear OR concise statements defining the problem. However, by the time another person arrives to translate, Mumbles has organized his thoughts and can phrase a better inquiry, which is unrelated to what he originally asked.
[By :taieena / 2014-03-31] [Top]
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  • One of the many reasons I prefer to communicate via e-mail. -Stryker One
  • 2371. Left for greener pastures
    Recently we have lost a fairly large number of senior staff lured away by the promise of more money and more freedom. Today I recieved a raise which bumps me up to more per hour than what any of them left for. And my facebook feed has been full of them lamenting the fact that this new company requires certs that they are all going to have to pay to go back to school to be able to pass (they pay for the test - you get 3 chances to pass or you have no job). So for all the shit you think you left behind it made great fertilizer for my wonderful green pastures .
    [By :frprinterwiz / 2014-03-11] [Top]
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  • Sounds like a clean win for you! -Grue
  • Sounds like a win-win -skippytpodar
  • Do you think management might have come off their wallet because they though you might be the next one to bolt? -volmtech
  • I'm expecting an exodus from here this year and when it starts I'm going to come to work in "interview" clothing several times a week. Should freak the bosses out a bit. -Starfury
  • 2370. (Shape) Shift Supervisor
    This is a description of where I've been lately: It seems that the way my place of business handles people is to hire a group of temps at one location, train them in a lot of things, then after a few months hire another group of temps at another location and phase out the first group. Repeat months later, bringing in temps at the first location and closing the second location for a couple weeks.
    [By :Mushroom / 2013-10-10] [Top]
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  • I'm thinking the phase-out is right at or near the point where the workers become eligible for raises or other benefits increases due to the enhanced skillset. -Grue
  • Wouldn't surprise me. They do a similar thing here at different queues. -DarkRookie
  • Qualcomm? I know that's how they work, too. Constantly retraining temps must be cheaper than hiring them on permanent... -Captain Trips
  • 2369. The guy who's got your back.
    So I have a little 8x10 whiteboard on my door that another co-worker and I have been going back and forth on. What started out as an NFL football has eventually turned into Stewie Griffin saying some unflattering things about people that change his expression around. I just found out today that the really nice Romanian guy saw this and thought someone was threatening me. He was taking pictures for evidence until someone in his department explained "Stewie Griffin" and "Family Guy". It's good to find out someone you weren't expecting is looking out for you. Still funny, though.
    [By :VIPERsssss / 2013-08-22] [Top]
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  • Steve walks warily down the street with his brim pulled way down low... -Madrigorne
  • 2368. Stafish Captured!
    http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6800357/traffic-cone-starfish We now have photographic evidence...
    [By :Holdfast / 2013-08-21] [Top]
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    2367. President of the local Tinfoil Hat Club
    This co-irker, as intelligent as he claims to be, claims that anything decision made by manglement is automatically a ploy to delay something he specifically wants done (without him personally putting forth the-dirt-under-a-fingernail's worth of effort to get said thing accomplished), is a way to harass him personally, or to annoy him by making him do things that require him to just shut up and do his job. He also expresses his opinions openly and automatically takes the opposing viewpoint to whatever common sense thing is being said, and twists it around into yet another ploy to put him down, even if he himself made that exact argument 20 minutes prior. He also completely contradicts the boss right in front of him, telling him something cannot be done right in the middle of when $boss is showing him how to do so, and no date you specify him for to be given something is ever sufficient, as he wants it sooner than is even possible.

    Any delay in him getting anything is immediately an excuse for him to bring up (often out-dated) union & labor rules, despite his being one of the biggest anti-union and anti-organized labor people I've ever met. He can't stand it when people get a good job e-mail from the boss man and openly calls others dweebes when he wants to try to belittle them in the presence of coworkers.
    [By : skippytpodar / 2013-06-20] [Top]
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  • a.k.a The Paranoid Asshole. Seriously though, this guy sounds like he may have serious mental issues, maybe a persecution complex. http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Persecution_complex -Stryker One
  • But, Stryker, it's NOT a complex when everyone in the building wants to see him gone. Sometimes quite messily. *grins* -ralphp1024
  • 2366. LTA
    LTA: Lacking Technical Aptitude
    A term we use to describe the agents on the phone here that cant troubleshooting worth a damn.
    [By :DarkRookie / 2013-04-16] [Top]
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  • So, one step above ART (Assuming Room Temperature)? -Stryker One
  • Sounds like our noob...who most likely won't be with us much longer. -Starfury
  • PICNIC = problem in chair not in computer My company is a lunchtime buffet. -Admik
  • 2365. Not that kind of locker room guy...
    Um yeah...look around you dude... Has anyone else dropped their britches? Not a good way to make a first impression.
    [By :Captn92 / 2013-04-11] [Top]
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  • I used to work with a guy who when using a urinal would drop his pants and boxers around his ankles. -0gr3
  • So what kind of locker room was it anyway??? -concept14
  • 2364. Not A Team Player
    Didn't happen to me, but thought you'd appreciate this: http://notalwaysworking.com/revenge-is-a-disk-best-servered-code/29135
    [By :harryscuz / 2013-03-19] [Top]
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  • Sounds like he found a sure-fired way to get some time off to regain his sanity. -spectreoflife
  • That and getting a boss fired for breaking security protocols. -McSmiley
  • WHAT the actual fuck. -FuzzyElf
  • 2363. So Professional I Can Be Unprofessional!
    We have a group chat constantly going among the analysts at my service desk. It's sorta useful, if there's a major outage or something. But lately, I tend not to go in there. You see, there is one colleague here that is all smiles and bubbly personality, as long as you're dealing with her face to face. I call this side of her "Jekyll." In that group chat, "Hyde" comes out--STRONGLY. She will leap down your throat at the first sign that you might not be 100% happy with everything that is going on at your job, at any even slightly sarcastic comment, or anything you say that she could twist into the idea that you're not working as hard as she is. Any time you suggest that something could be improved, she's after you about your negative attitude. If you make a joke, she snaps at you that it must be nice to have all this free time to crack wise while she works her butt off. If you complain about how busy it is (as in, compared to normal), she yells at you that this is our job, and maybe it wouldn't be so busy if you quit complaining and pulled your weight! What makes this bad is that she's obviously trying to project an image of herself as the consummate professional, but she does it by belittling any co-worker she sees as less professional than herself (nearly everyone), and she does it with schoolyard taunts and bullying. The irony of trying to show how professional she is by spouting off incredibly unprofessional phrases never dawns on her. For instance, after the installation of the new Pope, one guy just briefly mentioned it in the group chat, and here is her only-edited-for-anonymity response: "There are 20 emails in the mailbox, don't you have better things to do right now? and 2 calls waiting." The guy in question was on break, but it made no difference to her: "Sorry for interrupting your youtube time!" My only interaction with her came way back before I knew of this alternate personality of hers. I was having a horrible morning and snidely answered her "good morning" with a "no, it's not". At my last job, that either would have been ignored or would have elicited an "I hear ya, dude". This bitch? "Your negative attitude is bringing everyone down. If you don't like it here you should quit. You wouldn't be missed." Did I mention she has no authority whatsoever?
    [By :Waish / 2013-03-14] [Top]
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  • I also want to clarify something; TSC is where I vent, or try to make a negative experience funny. As you can see by my history, I don't even do so very often. It is certainly NOT how I act when dealing with clients co-workers, so, no, I'm not known by anyone but her as the guy bringing everyone down, nor do I have such a negative attitude that people can't wait to see me quit. -Waish
  • I should also mention that my "no, it's not" comment is one of the few times I said anything in group chat that wasn't directly work-related. It's also the first comment I made that elicited any sort of response from her. My question is, what if I had said that because I'd just gone through a personal tragedy? (Later, when I actually had gone through one, I stayed out of the chat entirely for a few days). -Waish
  • Gun back at her. She makes snide comments about not doing work, make one right back about her seeming to have plenty of time to snap at anyone so she must not be working very hard either. She complains about negative attitudes complain that her negative attitude is interfering with teambuilding and is very unappreciated. Anything she says like that shoot back. Soon the entire team will fire back at her crap and she'll shut up or shoot herself in the foot big enough to take it to HR. Hell, that could even be considered making a hostile work environment, you might get a couple of your team to quietly have a word with the boss about how they are afraid to speak up in chat because they are afraid she'll snap at them....document and build your case well young padawan.... -GargoyleTS
  • That last comment makes me suspect she plays WoW and spends a lot of time on the forums there, one of the usual responses to anyone suggesting anything could be done differently is "Don't like it, leave." Which is oh, so constructive. -Calydor
  • I would simply forward the logs to HR and lodge a complaint about poison work environment and bullying. Let them sort her out. -SwedishChef
  • I have a couple coworkers like that... One woman was commenting on another coworker, that's on medical leave. "I hope she doesn't come back" I responded with "I really like coworker, I can't wait for her to get back." She shut up. Tell her in the chat, you think that whatever opinion is valid, and that venting and having someone identify with you is better for morale than a fake optimistic act. With luck, she'll cause enough of a stink on her own that chat logs might be reviewed, and she'll be reprimanded for behaving with such hostility. -boxxertrumps
  • First thing is to start saving the chats. Second is to mention to your boss that he might want to lurk in there him/herself (most corporate chat programs have a way for someone to be in there yet invisible). Eventually she will either stick her foot in it bigtime in one catastrophic comment or slowly she will dig her own grave. Or the other option is just to block her completely if you can. -frprinterwiz
  • If she has time to say "good morning" then she's got time to answer one of the waiting tickets... -RealUnimportant
  • If you decide on a course of action involving a boss, tell NO ONE else, to avoid letting it get back to her. Boss (or HR) needs to see her in her natural mode. -FuzzyElf
  • 2362. Donut Man
    This co-worker brings food in ALL the time. Donuts, muffins, cookies, and other sweets 3-4 days a week. While I enjoy this kind of food my waistline says "you shall not eat" so I rarely indulge on this cornucopia of sugary goodness. I'm not sure if it's because he's nice or trying to score brownie points with the staff/bosses.
    [By :Starfury / 2013-03-07] [Top]
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  • Not just brownie points... donut points, muffin points, you name it! -skippytpodar
  • The office, where diets go to die. -Stryker One
  • oh man you are lucky -mrfoxboy
  • I bake cookies to help work through anxiety attacks. My wife is diabetic. My neighbors love me when my head's a mess. -MeanDean
  • I like baking, but I like for my waistline to go down. so whenever I end up trying out something new, my co-workers get the result, since I can't eat all that by myself. -reveriel
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