Tech Support Comedy! - Co-Worker Types
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Co-Worker Types

You love them you hate them, they are your friends or enemies but whether you like it or not you work with them. As another form to vent your frustrations we make the co-worker type database available for you to use. Add to it, read it, laugh and say that sounds just like so and so. As of this second we currently have 2382 different co-worker types!

2382. I can't watch The View
I get a call today that there is an emergency at our corporate office. I rush down there to find that the secretary cannot stream "The View" and she can't work without watching that she watches it everyday for that hour. I have to get this fixed ASAP because if not she can't work.
[By :helix2301 / 2015-01-14] [Top]
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  • I do believe you've set a new low bar for "Are f*cking kidding me?". -Stryker One
  • "Thank you for confirming that our filters work. Too bad you don't" -srteach
  • The internet connection here was upgraded a LOT a few years back because of the college basketball thing in March. Apparently people couldn't stream all the games at work. When you work for lawyers if they want something they get it. -Starfury
  • 2381. The Obnoxious Union Narcissist
    I have had a coworker on the shift, that I can only describe as an Obnoxious Union Narcissist. He is so in love with the sound of his own voice, he insists on doing voice chats with people over menial little things, instead of sending an email or an IM. He also feels he need to express his opinion on every...single...topic (including and especially about politics), and when we ignore him on such things, he complains that nobody responds to him, and calls us all Zombies as a result.

    Also, whenever something doesn't go his way, or he gets pushback on something, he threatens to go to the Union over it, even if it is over something very minor. Perfect example: Early on, we were told it'd be a couple months before we could begin teleworking a couple days a week. For the Obnoxious Union Narcissist, that was too little too late, and in our very first meeting with $divisionChief, within ten seconds of him mentioning the issue of telework, Obnoxious Union Narcissist said we should get 5-days telework immediately, or else he'd go to the national union rep over it. $divisionChief hadn't even gotten his first sentence out, and was already threatened with Union action, when he was trying to tell people his bosses were slow to adopt it and authorize it for us, and OUN's threat to go to the Union right away knocked him back on his heels and pissed him off.

    OUN is also convinced he knows how to do everyone's job better than anyone. When we get tickets during the shift, several times, he tells us what to do, how to do it, who to call, where to go, etc., even to those have the procedure down cold, and when we call him on it, he gets indignant. He is also convinced him that whenever $supervisor takes a day off, he's in charge by default, despite being not even close to having seniority, even when $assistantSupervisor is working on the shift. This has inevitably lead to more than a few butted heads, and OUN expressing his disdain for how something is done, even if it directly contradicts our procedure, since he wanted it done that way. OUN has even tried to actively upset people or piss them off just to try to get under their skin. As a result, more than a few times, $supervisor has had to force OUN to apologize to almost everyone on the shift at least 3 or 4 times after telling him what he did wrong, and who he pissed off. The apologies can be described as weak and half-hearted at best.

    And the worst part is, the FNG treats OUN as a veritable demigod, agreeing with everything he says, even if it makes absolutely no logical sense whatsoever, and keeps stringing him along for such things. The OUN's one saving grace is that like the rest of us, he doesn't think much of the FNG or his abilities, much akin to the Foghorn Leghorn shorts with his interactions with the little Chickenhawk.
    [By : skippytpodar / 2014-12-11] [Top]
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  • Sounds to me like this person is creating a "hostile work environment." This is a term that scares HR departments and could be mentioned to your boss next time this person starts raising a stink. -Starfury
  • Fortunately for me, our office's version of that person works in a different division on a different floor, and I don't need to interact with him very often at all. *grin* -Grue
  • @Starfury: That phrase has already been thrown around, but by him, because we don't want to talk to him or take his "advice." Oh and I forgot to mention, he loves taking long breaks and lunches. The shortest "break" he's ever taken was over 25 minutes, and his lunches regularly go over 45 minutes. His breaks frequently involve him going to the store to buy sodas and snacks, when he refuses (for whatever reason) to do so prior to the beginning of the shift. He's also been caught lying to people more than once. Once he didn't show up to the shift at the end of a workweek for him, forcing $supervisor to call him to ask where he was, and also have me come in on a Sunday to cover his shift. He claimed he was sick in bed and couldn't make it in, but told me the next week he had spent the long weekend he suddenly had biking in the mountains. Needless to say, no one else was happy... -skippytpodar
  • He sounds like a socio/psychopath. Seriously. -Madrigorne
  • Holy crap. I think I used to work with this asshat. -Stryker One
  • To quote the meme: "Ah say, lookie here boy. You're a Dumb@$$ !" -Necros
  • 2380. the quality-agent wannabe
    Right as I was heading to lunch, the person I had help me with a thorny problem on my computer pulled me aside and said “you should not tell your customer you had to ‘beat the hell out of the computer.’” She had this **written in a little notebook** so she could remember this event of a few minutes earlier. I replied, “But I did.”
    [By :Mushroom / 2014-10-17] [Top]
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  • QA or Thought Police ? -Necros
  • 2379. "They might get it wrong!"
    Our IT department's website has a European contact number. The first time I tried to use it, I didn't know about exit/entry codes, and flubbed it several times. I later found out about a North American toll-free number, which I now normally use. I asked them to put the NA toll-free number on the website, but that was refused, as "People have tried to use out outside of North America."
    [By :Xal / 2014-09-21] [Top]
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    2378. URL Clueless HR Drone
    When I give you the courtesy to let you know that the URL in one of your mailed out form letters is not working. Do not tell me the website is working correctly, because you've taken 4 people there today, and hasn't changed in years. "" does not equal "" Your form letter needs to be corrected.
    [By :PolarCoyote / 2014-08-11] [Top]
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  • This ought to be a function in an email editor. They can warn you when you type "see attachment" without attaching a file, so they should be smart enough to test your links for you. -concept14
  • The provided URL looks like an internal address which is being given out to potential hires that don't have access to the internal site. -PolarCoyote
  • lol... My dad still asks if http:// is needed, and insists I have to tell that to him every time. -skippytpodar
  • 2377. Mr. Did You Fix It Yet
    So, got a guy in support that is clueless about the product and how to actually do support. He gets all the customer's info and then gets off of the phone. He waits a week or so and then will call the customer back in the last half hour of his day and ask "So... have you fixed that problem yet?" Then offers no solution and will get off the phone if they didn't fix it and then just ask someone else how to fix it. Now, these are for even the simplest of issues!
    [By :ChopTop / 2014-07-30] [Top]
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  • Mr Pass-the-Buck? He's there too? -srteach
  • Mr. Buck Passer? Lol. Made me think of this. -KrazerKap
  • 2376. The Timekeeper
    There was a clock installed in the office and as a joke it was decided to change the time, forward a few min, back a few min etc. This guy has changed the battery twice and one time use compressed air to clean. Now this is a enclosed clock so spraying air just dusts off the cover. He thinks the clock is possessed I guess, not sure. A second identical clock was bought to move the battery to a different location so when he takes it down he will wonder how it is running with a empty battery compartment. There are so many stories about this guy. When time permits there will be more posted.
    [By :ChopTop / 2014-06-09] [Top]
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  • I seem to remember hearing about a clock at a train station in Europe that slows down slightly just before the hour, and right after the hour, so that the trains leave "right" on time. I wonder if you could get a hold of one of those? -docbrown01
  • 2375. Ms. LazyBoss (Part 1/4)
    So, Ms. LazyBoss was in a bit of a bad situation. Her commercial multifunction printer was dying, but when it came time to get equipment replaced, she just never quite came up to the top of the list. Her printer was leased from a local copier company, so we tried to work with them, though they proved to be less than helpful. Even though this thing was belching out toner, had physically broken parts, had horrible output quality, and didn't support newer versions of Windows, Ms. LazyBoss was stuck with it. Using what limited influence I had, I kept petitioning the purchasing department to set money aside for a new printer from her. It took ALMOST A YEAR, but finally, they shipped me a new printer, and that's when the real fun started...
    [By :linkv / 2014-05-05] [Top]
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    2374. Ms. LazyBoss (Part 2/4)
    Ms. LazyBoss was thrilled to have a brand-new printer, but it took almost no time for her to realize that her excuse for not getting work done had vanished. Suddenly, she couldn't do any work... Because I never showed her how to use the new printer! Yes, yes, that was it! So she claimed she was out of commission until I could giver her a tutorial. Seeing as her office is a 40 minute drive from mine, I called her up and said "When you want to print something, hit PRINT." This seemed to satisfy her for a few hours. Then she said she didn't know how to fax with the printer. I said "Dial the number you want to fax to, and hit the green button." She didn't understand this, saying that there was also a blue botton that blinked. "Don't worry about that blue button. Dial the number, push the green button, that's all you have to do. It's actually exactly the same as the old printer." She called me back, still unable to fax, because I hadn't shown her how to do it. She was still fixated on this blue button.
    [By :linkv / 2014-05-05] [Top]
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    2373. Ms. LazyBoss (Part 3/4)
    So, I pulled up the PDF of the printer manual and isolated the three pages that pertained to faxing. They essentailly had large pictures and big print, telling her step by step to dial the phone number and push the green fucking button. I called her back, and verified that the fax was coming out now, and that it would show her, in picture form, what I had been explaining to her for the past half hour. Mz. LazyBoss STILL 'didn't understand' and insisted I come out to show her how to use the fax. Which, the next week, I found time to do. And, I dialed a ten-digit phone number in front of her, and hit the green button. That happens to have a phone on it. I made sure there was someone else in the room to see this, so if Ms. LazyBoss "forgot" how to operate the fax, her co-worker could remind her. And with that, I left, doing the last part of my job, telling her about the toner.
    [By :linkv / 2014-05-05] [Top]
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    2372. Ms. LazyBoss (Part 4/4)
    I said, "It seems like it takes forever to get replacement toner in. Please order new toner TODAY so it can be ready when your starter drum runs out. THIS IS THE NUMBER OF THE CARTRIDGE!!" And with that, I wrote down the brand (Hint: two letters) and part number (spoiler: three numbers). And I told her to call purchasing and have them buy one of those immediately. So, all she had to do was call another department and give them five letters and numbers. What does she do? She calls up the leasing company from the previous printer, tells them to have a delivery guy bring her toner... then when it doesn't fit, asks me to come back to her office to show her why. Because she can't get her work done without her printer.
    [By :linkv / 2014-05-05] [Top]
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  • Document, document, document. -Stryker One
  • Stab, stab, stab. FTFY -Shooter
  • Document, stab, AND cc: her boss. She is wasting her time and yours on the most basic of office functions, functions which have been in the officeplace for 3 decades now... -Captain Trips
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