3526. Supervisors that need Supervising If there's one thing I hate, it's supervisors who do half-assed jobs and then get mad at us when things go wrong. Specifically, there is a certain branch of the offices I work the service desk for whose job it is to submit request tickets when clients need a change performed, such as software "pushed" to their units, or permissions granted and/or revoked, and also activation of the client's credentials. These requests are usually time sensitive; as in, the client is arriving to start work tomorrow and needs to be able to log into the computers, etc. So when do they usually submit these requests? About two hours before they leave for the day, while expecting that when they come in the next morning their request will have been processed. They usually have a good week's advanced notice when someone has been transferred to/hired at their site, but they still don't send the request in until the last possible minute, and usually send in several at once. By now they simply have to know that these requests take a BARE MINIMUM of 24 hours to process, and that's if their ticket is first in the queue. To make matters worse, I'm not even on the team that handles request tickets. No, I'm just the guy who gets to answer the phone when the supervisor calls in angry that their laziness is now costing the employee. [By :Waish / 2013-05-17] [Top] Comment on this Customer Type Comments Where I work we have clearly posted turnaround times for all services. Doesn't prevent the screaming matches, but when something gets kicked higher up, there's something in black and white to point to. -AmazingKreskin

3525. Instantspeak Hateworthy This is the kind of client that a call center tech might get who, from the first syllable they utter, makes you hate them. It isn't really what they're saying, it's just...how they sound. No, I don't mean a funny accent; those are par for the course and don't even sound out-of-place anymore. I mean something like they're really nasal, or they sound whiny, or there's just a hint of condescension in their voice, or they sound like they've fried their brains with drink or drugs, or they have a voice that one normally associates with Downs Syndrome (but don't actually have it!). Sometimes they have these cartoonishly exaggerated voices that make you think you're talking to a Hanna Barbera character. Whatever it is, you just want to hang up the instant you hear them, and even if they're nice, you can't help but hate them at least a little. [By :Waish / 2013-03-18] [Top] Comment on this Customer Type Comments we had one of those. didn't hate her though very nice lady...just sounded like a muppet. -Phylok I get at least one a day. They vary in their level of hate-inspiration. They almost always start off setting my nerves on edge. Sometimes by the time the call is over I like them a bit more. Sometimes. -Waish *cough* Fran Drescher *cough* -lineswine I have one that is a Czechoslovakian who lives in Canada. I dread hearing from her. -Grembo

3524. Hello? HELLO!? An old one, but I feel it bears reminding. This is the guy that is allergic to silence. If at any point you take longer than 0.00000000000000002 seconds to reply to what he's just said, he'll start yelling "Hello!? Hello!???" as if the mere fact that you haven't started speaking at the exact moment he stopped causes him physical pain. Often it doesn't even help if you need to look something up or do something on your end and you say "give me a moment." This guy's definition of a "moment" is more like 0.00000000000000005 seconds. After which he will immediately start again. "Hello!?" Makes you wonder what phone etiquette is like in their universe. [By :Waish / 2013-02-28] [Top] Comment on this Customer Type Comments Retail gets it too. I've had cuss-tomers yelling "HELLOOOO!" at me less than a nanosecond after I tell them I'll be with them as soon as [I finish whatever crisis I'm dealing with] and it's still not good enough (they continue being snarky until and even after I decide to help them). Luckily my boss knows that our customer base is generally insane. -Dreamstalker I got that taking orders for pizza as well. The worst was when they asked ME to wait a moment, and while I was waiting for THEM to speak, they start saying "HALLO?!?!?!?" -thx1138 *devil's_advocate* Sometimes, cell phones and VoIP installs lack so much of the sideband noise people are used to with landlines, they think the line has dropped because it's so dead quiet. I'd rather hear you breathing - if it gets quiet enough, I'll wait about 5 to 10 seconds, then ask, "I'm sorry, it's dead quiet. Are you there still?" That's part of the art of VoIP codecs - just enough feedback to keep the old sideband noise going, not enough to detract from the conversation. */devils_advocate* -ralphp1024 What's worse is when they continue 2 seconds later with "Well, then transfer me to someone who knows what they're doing!" Lady, I DO fucking know what I'm doing, I'm just taking a few seconds to decide the BEST way to resolve your issue! (But damn me if I'm allowed to say that.) -Captain Trips I like it more when they say "are you still there?".... and reply "NO" -Jax I got another variant on this yesterday. Starfish starts explaining her problem, and stops part-way through (she'd been talking for maybe a minute) and goes "Hello?" I'm like "Um...you were talking. I was listening." -Waish

3523. Rat Bastand "No Problem" Escalator This is the S.O.B. who tells you about a minor issue and when your superiours ask for update you relay the minor issue and that you are on it, but next thing you know, the customer is calling your supervisor and it's a HUGE issue and they make you look like a layabout loser. Example, they tell you that 2 orders in the last day have failed to auth properly but when they tell your supervisor, it's that NO orders have been able to auth in the last day, which makes me telling the boss that I was on it & it wasn't a major panic issue look like I've no idea what I'm talking about. [By :SillyGirl / 2013-01-30] [Top] Comment on this Customer Type Comments "Sorry, that's not what the customer told me in their initial contact. If I'd known it was that bad, I'd have gotten right on it." -NightSteel Yeah, tried saying that but apparently she's more trustworthy than someone who's worked for him for over 9 years. -SillyGirl I think we have the same coworkers...This happens to me nearly daily which is why my queue of daily things is huge because of all of the "hair on fire" issues that aren't really that. -ravensentinel Amen, had this happen to me this week. In a technology meeting someone brought up that the equipment was not working in a classroom. I had explained the work around, as a 50' VGA cable is not properly getting all of the video frequency range to the projector. (Weak video amp). Turn off for a minute and power back on. As it turns out, this was not actually the case it was a MONITOR not a PROJECTOR that was failing. Had they mentioned the monitor I would have actually gone down to the classroom, taken a look and replaced the equipment. Instead I have it come up in a technology meeting with various higher ups suddenly asking in their head, why did that not get fixed? -MaskedMarauder

3522. Raise it up! Raise it! I'm growing to hate it when clients call in and the first words out of their mouth is "I'd like to raise a ticket for..." First, it's the terminology. You don't "raise" tickets. You "request" them. I "create" them. Then I "submit" them. I have never "raised" a ticket in my life. But it goes beyond my tendency toward being a terminology nazi. Whenever a client starts off asking me to "raise" a ticket for something, this is shorthand for "something wrong is happening, I don't want to do any work to fix it, I just want you to work your magic or send someone here who can work THEIR magic, and do it as fast as possible with little to no inconvenience for me." They request this ticket be "raised" without really explaining what the issue is ("I need a ticket raised for outlook.") and it may very well be something I can fix myself, but they rarely let me get a word in. They certainly don't want to try a few basic troubleshooting steps; their time is much too valuable. Also, is it me, or do they use the word "raise" to implicitly suggest that their ticket should be given highest priority, even if it's a routine issue, or the same issue is happening to multiple sites at once? [By :Waish / 2013-01-22] [Top] Comment on this Customer Type Comments Really glad right now this verbal virus has not infected where I work. -Mer some one say Virus? -virusjtg No problem ... I'll raise a ticket to remove outlook from your computer, and remove your computer while we're at it. -srteach <pedant_mode> I have heard this used as a synonym for 'escalate' but that's for an existing ticket. </pedant_mode> I've never heard of anyone using raise as a synonym for creating or opening a ticket. -SalParadise I'll see your ticket - and raise you 5oz of apathy. Call. -Harm Wouldn't you really prefer to raze them. -Stryker One I get requests to raise a ticket at my job too, usually accompanied by "I've already contacted the support team and they just want a ticket opened". They can't be bothered to explain actually what is going on. I've learned to document names of the analyst who requested the ticket to avoid the whole thing being rejected for lack of information. All of my experience is wasted in becoming an easily outsourced 'ticket taker'. -notyouagain When asked to "Raise" a Ticket my response is "Are you an O5 / GG15 or above? Is this a Critical work outage? Is this for a down range site? If the answer is NO to all the above then my answer is NO" Thank you for calling Helldesk! -Crai

3521. Thinks it's 1995 Most of my clients still use Windows XP. This is not a problem. It's stable enough that there's not much they can screw up, and old enough at this point that we don't hear much whining about "this new windows" and how much simpler it was in the old days. But every now and then I'll remote into a client's computer...and it's Windows 95. Not really, but they've had someone from onsite modify the menu layout so that it looks like the old 95 menu, even going so far as to have them turn the taskbar grey again. How do I know they didn't do this themselves? Because they treat the computer as a terrifying little box housing the devil himself that they're sure they screwed up badly because they double-clicked too slowly or some such. Wonderful idiots to deal with. [By :Waish / 2013-01-22] [Top] Comment on this Customer Type Comments actually it's easy to do and can improve the performance of machines with low ram and or crap video. -deedadee I do this any any XP system I use, regardless of specs. It does help performance. -PsychoKittyB I do it to any PC I use. I do not need the computer OS to be a toy or a game. It may run games etc but the operating system need as little dross as possible. -Holdfast Reducing the servers to such old school styles can actually reduce the strain on bandwith when remoting into them. -unrenowned I always turn off the Playschool settings on XP. -Divinar

3520. ....so now what? many years ago i worked on the helldesk for a big British ISP. I had a guy call in who seemed a bit confused. He told me he had recieved his install disk and had run that on his PC with no issues. his modem had dialed up and he was looking at our homepage. 'So what is your problem sir' I asked. 'Well', he said, 'What do I do now'? 'I'm sorry, I don't understand sir.... you have the homepage on the screen, what is your issue'? 'Well I was told by my friend that I needed to get on the internet for my business... but I don't actually know anything about it. I thought it would come with a manual'. I was genuinely lost for words for a moment. Eventually I told him to buy some magazines and showed him how to use the search engine but I never quite understood how someone would buy a premium internet service when they had no idea what it even was...! [By :Smegger68 / 2013-01-19] [Top] Comment on this Customer Type Comments Same reason soccer moms buy a Hummer H3 ... some salesman convinced her. -srteach "Well sir, it's entirely up to you. What type of women do you want to see, and what sexual activities should they be engaged in?" -MeanDean That was me in 1993. I had used a TRS 4 for ten years in my business but my new PC clone was the first with the ability to connect to the internet. My instal disk came with Netscape but no instructions on what to do next. I worked it out with trial and error but was years before I knew what to do with the right mouse button. -volmtech

3519. Speekafun Caller: Hi, munayma Fssshhhh Brrrrggg uny hvfumprobm vif cfaaaaaazzzzfshbulmisshhh... Me: I'm sorry I really can't understand what you're saying. We appear to have a bad connection. Could you speak up please? Caller: Izz numyfa fyoocnt heerma yufun mstbee hvgprahblm. Me: Are you on a speaker phone? Caller: Sry dyoo ass ion speekafun? Me: Yes, if you're on a speaker phone, could you please pick up the headset? Caller: *click* You must have a problem with your phone because I can hear you just fine! Now, I'm gonna put you back on speaker phone because my computer is across the room... [By :Waish / 2013-01-14] [Top] Comment on this Customer Type

3518. The Babble-Box Here's how the conversation usually goes with this type: "Thank you for calling customer service, how can I help you?" "Oh, hi. Yeah, what happened is, two years ago my daughter was getting married but she couldn't fit into her dress, so she enrolled in this special fitness program, and let me tell you the guy who ran that was a jerk. Anyway, she ended up dropping fifty pounds, which was bad because she only weighed about 120 in the first place, and her dress was too loose, so we tried to return it, and...." "Sir, what is the issue that you called in about?" "...oh, yeah. Well, about six months ago my son was in a terrible car accident, and it was all the other guy's fault, but the other guy was refusing to pay and we got tied up in court for about five weeks, and during that time my son's girlfriend lost the baby she was carrying..." "Sir. Do you have an issue that I can resolve for you?" "I'm gettin' to it, I'm gettin' to it. So anyway, last month my wife was diagnosed with diabetes and she had to stay in the hospital for about three days for tests..." [By :Waish / 2013-01-14] [Top] Comment on this Customer Type Comments ...and we wore onions our belts as was the fashion at the time. -thx1138 "Gimme five bees for a quarter!" -Lusus

3517. The Lazy One This is the customer that will seemingly not understand basic computer use and will not be able to accomplish the simpliest of tasks, like finding a computer name, even with your instructions. This naturally forces you to have to go to their desk, several buildings away, find them again (despite you telling them you're on the way), then do whatever menial task for them. [By :ravensentinel / 2013-01-07] [Top] Comment on this Customer Type Comments I think you forgot that they want you to wipe their butt too... -skippytpodar i call them "special" cause they think they are. Reality is not within their meager grasp.. and they will never properly register sarcasm. they think its praise! -Harm Harm - I came across one that actually took praise as an insult. There were several users who a colleague and I agreed were incapable of tying their own shoelaces. We felt this one was and she overheard us and complained, not about us insulting the others but about us saying that she was smarter than them. We later concluded that she was indeed no smarter and was probably not able to tie her own shoes! -Holdfast

3516. drunk-tard the car full of kids in the late-night drive thru who skew the breakfast prep by ordering 20 mcdoubles at 2:55am. Thus delaying the availably of breakfast for everybody else. [By :axjdo / 2012-12-02] [Top] Comment on this Customer Type Comments Now I want 20 McDoubles. -AmazingKreskin with cheese and no onion please :D -rokitt

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