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Customer Misconceptions

The 'Customer Misconception List' has been part of TSC since it's beginning. When you work in tech support you hear the craziest things, the EU's mind is frightening at times to say the least. From the user who believes in the mysterious Windows 96 to the one who thinks the help desk phone number is the one their computer should dial, we hear them all. If you know of a customer misconception, add it to the list. The total number of customer misconceptions that have been submitted to TSC is a whopping 8318!

8318. Today's misconception is a coworker misconception: I dont need any equipment on hand or time to prepare it before I can deploy a computer to a user. I can just magically make readily imaged computers and laptops out of thin air at will by blinking and then deploy them whenever, even at times when I'm not scheduled to be here at work yet. [By :KrazerKap / 2014-11-24] [Top]
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  • Yeah, we get this one all the time here as well. We're supposed to crap computers out of thin air even after we notify (in advance!) the requestor that they hadn't purchased a computer for the user & that there wouldn't be one waiting for them as a result. They always try to make it our fault that the unpurchased computer doesn't exist. *facepalm* -Grue
  • I create the new hire accounts and really enjoy the new hire report being sent out at 5:30pm (when I leave at 2pm) with 20 contract attorneys starting that day. -Starfury
  • 8317. All computer errors are the users fault. I was doing physical inventory today using remote handheld scanner for data entry. After logging one section, the system spit out four pages indicating nothing was counted and a single page listing 20 items whose quantity varied from the on hand report by +/- 1-2 items. They claimed I screwed up the data entry by failing to enter any line items causing the four page report. Never mind that the 20 items on the variance report were all on the not counted list. And it only happened on 1 of 10 sections I entered. [By :PolarCoyote / 2014-11-21] [Top]
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  • The scanner controller had a 'sticky-bit' incident and decided to fake a user error. -TieDyedDinosaur
  • 8316. How about a headhunter misconception? Got a call last night from New Jersey, from a guy trying to pitch a job in Greencastle, IN. I am on the south side of Indy. He said it was a 15 minute drive. It is 50 miles away... I did the math - yes, it is 15 minutes... if you go 199.8 mph. [By :figglywig / 2014-11-13] [Top]
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  • When this baby hits 199.8 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit. -AmazingKreskin
  • Later: "Nononono - I said FIFTY minutes, I dunno how you thought I said FIFTEEN!" -Grue
  • did I say greencastle no no no I meant greenwood. (ducks into the lart shelter.)Figgly if your looking let me know I can get you in touch with a real recruiter. -deedadee
  • You're lucky. For a while, I was getting calls from recruiters saying things to the effect of, "We think with your technical expertise, you'd be great for selling insurance over the phone". -Biosynthetic
  • I get those, too - where, in my resume, does it say anything about sales experience?? Nowhere, that's where. And I get offers for 3-month contracts at less than half per hour of what I make now. Uh... no. -figglywig
  • The last time I had my name with a couple of agencies, they kept on pushing jobs that needed a 2 hour commute. I had told them the area that I would consider. They just ignore that. -Holdfast
  • Now all you need is one of these http://www.autosnout.com/Top-Speed/Top-Speed-Over-200mph-Car-List.php and no traffic. -Stryker One
  • It goes in cycles where I'll get a bunch of "random recruiter" emails and calls. Usually low pay contract work or something that's out of state. They seem surprised when I tell them I'm not leaving my current position for some contract job that pays half of what I make now. -Starfury
  • I'll take this one - http://www.autosnout.com/Car-Performance-Statistics.php?Specs&EditionID=222 -figglywig
  • 8315. Here's a misconception for you - that I will know what to do when my job is inexplicably changed one day from Client Support to 'Order Fulfillment' (whatever the hell that means), and you provide no scope of duties, no job description, no training, and a vague sense that I will have to do Project Management, but I have no background or certifications in that. How I am expected to do that well enough to be useful, I do not know. If that isn't enough, there is some expectation from local manufacturing management that I can fix some VB.net coded visualization board, since I have no experience coding VB.net. 'Can you take a stab at it?' No. [By :figglywig / 2014-11-12] [Top]
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  • WTF? -RiffRaff
  • 'Can you take a stab at it?' Sure... can I borrow your knife? -srteach
  • I am sure an unspoken part of the job description includes reading the clients' minds, and the project management includes keeping ahead of whatever they want that they haven't asked for. -concept14
  • and the PM part of it also involves an intricate knowledge of SAP (which I've never used), and how it is implemented in multiple manufacturing plants across the country (per transaction code). I must contact responsible individuals at those other plants to find out if someone's proposed change will affect them in any way... however, I do not know very many people AT these other company locations, who they are, what they do, etc. I am the second-newest addition to Client Support, when I was part of it, and have the least experience dealing with other plants. They have their own Client Support personnel. There are other things wrong with this reassignment - all my travel has been cut, so no additional funds come my way from that, nor any occasional OT. I have had an approximate 6% pay cut, and when this was pointed out, my new boss said, 'I understand your concerns.' Yeah... no you don't. -figglywig
  • Time for you to spin the Wheel of New Employment, it seems. -Grue
  • SAP? Ouch, you have my sympathies. I don't believe a more byzantine program has ever been written. -Stryker One
  • Uh, stab me. Please. I need the Workers Comp. -beatmewithstick
  • 8314. Misonception is "Knowing Trivial Items Is Your Job". Conversation... him: You offer this model of heated [clothing]? // me: Yes, they're in stock. // him: What is the power rating on them? // me: Hmm, let me find out. // me: (catalog doesn't say, manufacturer site doesn't say) // me: Let me talk to someone who knows the product. // me: (product specialist doesn't know, asks why anyone would care, suggests cust call maker) // me: We don't have that information, but if you call the manufacturer at... // him: I'm not calling them. Knowing this is YOUR job. YOU call them. // me: ... // him: And call me back when you have that information. // me: (thinking: I don't have your identity... okay!) // me: Okay, I'll call as soon as I find out. Thank you! *click* [By :Mushroom / 2014-11-11] [Top]
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  • 'Tis the season to be a douchebag, GFY-GF-YG-F-Y... -RiffRaff
  • Love it Riff! 'Tis the season to be a douchebag" Fa La LA FU @ -beatmewithstick
  • Love it Riff!1 I will use it. -beatmewithstick
  • 8313. Wife misconception: I will be able to fix the issue with your phone simply because I'm a "techie." I don't own a smart phone and my hands on use of one is VERY limited. If you're losing pictures or for some reason they're going to some sort of cloud app I don't know when/how/why this happened. Maybe at the family function you should use the CAMERA we have that does only 1 thing...take pictures instead of your phone that you sort of know how to use. [By :Starfury / 2014-11-02] [Top]
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  • I got this one on Saturday, the day after some hand surgery, from an older lady I know... "our visiting nurse knocked over our shredder and it came apart - what trick do you have to put it back together? It's a Fellowes..." I fix computers. Not stereos, tv sets, toasters, or shredders. Ugh. -figglywig
  • Been there, tried to tech her through things and use logic or google, usually ended up doing the fix. ( well Exwife, partner, spouse, GF whatever now) -Harm
  • 8312. if your friend reinstalled windows for you my store or the computer's manufacturer will have a copy of your bookmarks on a disc stored somewhere for you to get them again rather than them being gone forever. [By :Icelator / 2014-10-27] [Top]
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  • That works if you don't use Internet Exploder. My Chrome bookmarks follow me to every device I use. -Holdfast
  • yes but you can't call up google and get them to send you a disc with the bookmarks on them. -Icelator
  • Icelator - No, you can't, but log into your Google Account, wait a few minutes for the bookmarks to fill in, and then you can copy off the Bookmarks folder to any media you want. Quicker than Google sending you a disk in any case. -ralphp1024
  • 8311. If you forget your password and have your computer at home I can magically pull your password from our master password list and give it to you. Alternatively I can reset your password and beam it into the computer from the office so you can log on. [By :Starfury / 2014-10-27] [Top]
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    8310. When I tell a customer to buy a 32 ports stackable Cisco switch that does not mean 4 linksys 8 ports that stack on top of each other. [By :helix2301 / 2014-10-24] [Top]
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  • But they are made by cisco. Runs for the lart shelter. -deedadee
  • 2x 24 ports in a data and power staking config woulda done nicely... add some PoE and you got yerself a nice little setup :) -Harm
  • buwuh? -HappyCrappy
  • Did you inform them that they forgot the lego bricks and duct tape w/ instructions to finish the job ? -Necros
  • 8309. When i say plug your internet modem into the wan port what i really mean is plug into the console port [By :Servo / 2014-10-24] [Top]
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  • "Any port in a storm?" (Also runs for cover) -Voz
  • But the user didn't feel imPORTant enough and went to get CONSOLEd :) -Necros
  • But did they use protection from all those nasty viruses.. virii? -CyBear
  • 8308. When I say to "shut down" that means Log off or Restart since all 3 are the same thing. [By :Starfury / 2014-10-21] [Top]
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  • And by the computer, we really mean the monitor, printer, and anything else BUT the computer, or "hard drive". -skippytpodar
  • And "Close the Window" means: "Walk across the room to close the sliding glass door". -Stryker One
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