Tech Support Comedy! - Customer Misconceptions!
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Customer Misconceptions

The 'Customer Misconception List' has been part of TSC since it's beginning. When you work in tech support you hear the craziest things, the EU's mind is frightening at times to say the least. From the user who believes in the mysterious Windows 96 to the one who thinks the help desk phone number is the one their computer should dial, we hear them all. If you know of a customer misconception, add it to the list. The total number of customer misconceptions that have been submitted to TSC is a whopping 8301!

8301. FNG misconception: That utterly unprompted and out of the clear blue sky, the rest of us on the shift want to hear about some random, virtually unproven link between aspartame and lupus, and how at 86 degrees, it's converted into formaldehyde, then formic acid and thus is a danger to human beings.

Also, informing us that you will be working on a personal project involving the configuration of DNS for your personal home network, when you were already asked to curtail personal projects several times by $supervisor...
[By : skippytpodar / 2014-07-29] [Top]
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8300. When logging into a brand-new computer for the very first time, that computer will automatically know just who you are without you doing anything. It knows your name, your login, and etc. [By :KrazerKap / 2014-07-15] [Top]
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  • Worse is when you power on a brand new computer and it already knows your name - and it's not YOUR name. Back to Try's it went. (They sold it tome as new, and it obviously wasn't. ) -Captain Trips
  • 8299. Just a little story: [By :harryscuz / 2014-07-11] [Top]
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  • I've dealt with similar in years past. So I started asking 2 questions while I had them on the phone. "Is it plugged in?" "Is it turned on?" Then, because of something that happened to CD way back, I added a 3rd question. "Does the building have power at the moment?" -clockkingfl
  • 8298. Not knowing what an IP address and "all that crazy tech talk" is, is somehow grounds for getting a networked printer set up especially for you, and to have an after-hours tech drive in from home on a Friday night, just to get it set up and install ed for you, as well as insisting this is a high priority because "patient care is affected". [By : skippytpodar / 2014-06-27] [Top]
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  • "Crazy..Tech...Talk" And they wonder why we talk to them like there 5 years old. -Crai
  • You know Mr. Sucktomer...there's this amazing thing called Google out there where you can find info to help you decipher "Crazy Tech Talk"... -lavenderrose
  • Precisely, and here's some more crazy tech talk - JFGI. :) -Gromit
  • 8297. Co-irker misconception: It's OK to sit on a request for 7 hours to even have someone on our staff put in a ticket, only doing so when the local CIO asks if the simple request can at least be put in today for action, and for something which takes barely 20-30 minutes to do. [By : skippytpodar / 2014-06-16] [Top]
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  • FNG? -ManyHats
  • Sadly no, our day shift. $supervisor on the day shift got the e-mail around 7:30, even replied to it, and just sat on it until $localCIO emailed again @ 2:30, asking if his request could at least be looked at today, considering the person he was requesting this for was a high level exec at a very large local site. -skippytpodar
  • And the funny thing is, when my team comes in for our shift and gets logged in for the afternoon/evening shift, the day shift can't leave fast enough. That, and the stuff they tell us on our shift change-overs is minimal at best, which has come bite to bite my shift several times, in a big way more than once. We've actually resorted to deliberately delaying the change-over as long as we could, and not taking over the phones until a few minutes before they're supposed to leave in some cases, with mixed success. We've even threatened to drop $divisionChief and/or his boss into the change-over IM, and that seems to be the only thing that works, but $divisionChief and his boss generally don't like it when we do that ;) -skippytpodar
  • 8296. My computer crashed is the exact same thing as Outlook isn't working. It's you should be able to tell the difference between the computer and an application not working. [By :Starfury / 2014-06-12] [Top]
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  • Should've been able to tell the difference in 1994. I was able to. -DarkRookie
  • People that were (L)users in 1998 are still (L)users in 2014. The names may have changed, but they are still the same. -CyBear
  • 8295. Misconception: The Goblin King is *EVER* Actually Gone / Yes, my fellow Techites, Techophiles, Geeks, Geekettes and Uber variants of the above alike... / The Goblin King is Re-Emerging / So for those who do not know me... hello, my name is workstation, you killed my server, prepare to die. / Seriously though, one of my long term employers, Federal Government Maritime Enterprise, recently contacted me and asked if I was interested in playing with Federal Government Land Enterprise in a place that's hot, has lots of sand and people who want to kill us. Actually, they more or less called and said - PACK. / While IT is ** with FGME, because I have a *#%&-ton of knowledge in the subject, I usually end up doing it - in addition to my regular job. There are worse collateral duties. / Anyway, I just had a great conversation with CISCO yesterday that I thought I would share with you all. Look for it in the POTD section shortly. -GoblinKing [By : GoblinKing / 2014-06-10] [Top]
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  • Welcome back to the land of the living dead! -ecoli
  • As I mentioned on your WB - welcome back! -Grue
  • Long time no hear, the remaining members of the old crew say Hi. -McSmiley
  • 8294.
    Misconception of my own: That the Uncle doesn’t hire brain dead 5 year olds.

    Set up: So one of our networks is degraded we have 2 faulty switches and are awaiting replacements. About every 30 to 45 min the network looses full connectivity if you are logged in you lose email and network access. If you’re not logged in you lose the ability to log in. As bad as it sounds we the techs no longer care. We have been telling them for years to replace this 20 year old garbage and uncle wouldn’t listen.

    Short term solution we reboot the switches but that only last 30 to 45 min. So now we sit in an over seas port waiting on replacement parts to fix the issue once and for all.

    Starfish: I have 2 Starfish that are a pay grade above me who every night blow up my phone because they A. Can not log on or B. have lost access to everything on the network we are doing nothing of interest and they just want to use the chat function to talk to there buddies. Every night I must explain to them that the network is degraded and that they will continue to have this issue until we can fix it. Every night the same series of questions and answers comes about.

    Fish: When will it be fixed?

    Me: When we get the parts

    Fish: Well when will you get the parts?

    Me: when they arrive

    Fish:When will that be?

    Me: leaves room........ It finally dawned on me I’m working with 5 year olds.
    [By : Crai / 2014-05-23] [Top]
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  • Are we there yet? -Captain Trips
  • Are we there yet? -Captain Trips
  • Are we there yet? -Captain Trips
  • Are we there yet? -chazz
  • When will we be there? -chazz
  • How about using something like this to automatically power cycle the switches? I know it's an ugly bandaid, but maybe it will at least keep the fishes off you back. -Stryker One
  • Striker One that would be a good bandaid but since i would also have to wait for it to arrive in the mail and since the Switches are hard wired into the power grid it would take some doing. These are not plug and play i'm on a Ship for Uncle. Thanks for the thought though would be a great idea under other conditions. -Crai
  • Yep. We're there. Get out. (never stops the car) -Madrigorne
  • 8293. Co-worker misconception: Because I do a LOT of repairs/maintenance/upgrades on my house I'll be willing to tile your bathroom...even if you will pay me. I've got way to much on my plate at the house...and while I can do tile I'm not fast at it and don't really want to spend the time removing the old tile, prepping the floor, installing/grouting new tile. Been there, done that. [By :Starfury / 2014-05-23] [Top]
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  • Tile grouting - second only to drywall sanding in the Most hated house improvment work catagory of life. -Harm
  • 8292. FNG misconception: It's OK to say in a group IM that you got the call for a ticket and were working on it, 15 minutes after (on the very same group IM) we had discussed the ticket and someone else had already reassigned it, all while you were (supposedly) present and not away or inactive.

    Misconception #2: Someone dangling a shiny Linux box in front of you should not be an excuse for not doing your job...
    [By : skippytpodar / 2014-05-21] [Top]
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    8291. Coworker misconception: That we, as a Tier 3 operations center are in any way required to contact end users for what are obviously local issues which we have no access to fix, when the local sites and the Tier 1/2 help desk monkies are the ones that are supposed to be doing so, and half the time cannot be contacted.

    I signed up with this job to GET AWAY from dealing with end users after doing so for the better part of 9 years, only to have the Tier 1/2 desk monkies cry that they can't reach the local after hours support people, as if my group will magically have better odds. If the two people in my group (the guy who thinks cutting people off mid-sentence & talking over people makes him right, and the FNG) want to help the end users, they can knock themselves out! But since we're not REQUIRED to call them, I and the rest of us who are actually trying to view this job for what it originally was, will do what we were originally hired to do.

    Yes, we know every... single... ticket... contains the phrase "patient care" but we all know 95% of the time, it's just one user complaining about one single system and lying about it being patient care when they're too lazy to walk the extra 10 feet to another computer or printer. And worst of all, this behavior is enabled and encouraged because nobody locally is willing to actually educate the users as to what really constitutes needing IT to come fix something because "it affects patient care", and enforce a policy where whenever someone does have to come in for what ends up being a single printer, single PC, or worse, just a mouse or keyboard needing to be replaced when it can wait, to have any and all overtime and travel costs to be incurred by the department of the person who called it in. I guarantee you then, when it affects their departments' overtime budgets, management will begin to think three times before having people call stuff in after hours unless it really and truly is something serious.

    [By : skippytpodar / 2014-05-21] [Top]
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  • Good luck, dude.... -Grue
  • Thanks! And my boss just sent out call stats for all of us. 308 calls came to my line with a 95% pickup rate, while people like the FNG and Mr. Browbeater took barely 2/3 of what I did, despite Mr. Browbeater being a GS-12. I also had the 2nd highest login time of anyone. Only $assistantSupervisor was higher. -skippytpodar
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