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Tech Rules

When you have the title Tech you have to follow by some very strict rules. We have the moral obligation to deliver the best technical support that is in our ability to give....which means tell them whatever it takes to get them off the phone so you can continue with your game of Quake. If you are new to the job this section is a must read. As of today TSC has received 6111 tech rules submitted by members!

6111. There is always a grain of truth in every tech support meme......... Today's example, 10.5GB of email in the TRASH can in Outlook. Perfect place to store all that stuff you want to keep right? [By :Olorin / 2014-10-16] [Top]
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  • And if you delete it, they yell and scream that there were critical documents in there, and threaten to get you fired. -AmazingKreskin
  • The lawyers I work for do this. They've been informed (and ignore it) that after 30 days items in trash are deleted and NOT backed up anywhere. Sent items are also archived and removed from the folder after 60 days. They don't manage their mailboxes well...but when you get 500 email a day it does get to take a lot of time. -Starfury
  • I say remove the 0 from the trash rule and the sent folder rule and then blame the problem on a Microsoft patch. -Biosynthetic
  • I had a fish do that once. he stored all his must save items in his trashcan. When we set the system to empty the trash can on log off he lost everything. Called us up screaming and yelling. I pointed out it was in the "trash can" After a few min i asked him if he kept all his tax info and important letters in the trash can out on the curb. he said "no that would be stupid". I said "my point exactly" then i closed the ticket. -Crai
  • 6110. Coworker rule: If you're going to "call in sick" (read: force $supervisor to call you two hours into the shift and ask where you are) on the last day of your workweek, and give $supervisor the impression that you'll also be taking off sick the first day of your workweek coming up, forcing $supervisor to ask me to come in and cover for you, don't log into work and say you spent the weekend mountain biking, especially if you've been milking the fact that you've complained of a broken clavicle the last month or so.

    And don't say so especially in a format that can be copied/pasted into an email to $supervisor... ::tink::
    [By : skippytpodar / 2014-10-05] [Top]
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  • Please please please tell us this was the FNG. -Calydor
  • No. This was an analyst who is very nearly as irritating as the FNG, and thinks the slightest little thing out of the norm should be met with a threat of Union involvement. The one thing he and I agree on regarding the FNG is that the FNG's an oxygen thief, and needs to be babysit. Other than that, this analyst has no redeeming qualities and loves to order people around like he's the boss, and has quite literally pissed every one else in the shift off on several occasions... -skippytpodar
  • 6109. Hammers are better... this comes from a webcomic I read, and thought you guys might appreciate it or even want one of your very own - http://teespring.com/pcw_2014 [By :figglywig / 2014-10-03] [Top]
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    6108. It is not OK to wait until half an hour after everyone goes home for the weekend to call in a problem that you yourself just admitted has been occurring all week, and it's equally not OK for you to claim this is an issue that is "critical to patient care", just to try and bump the ticket up to a high priority.

    If it was so critical, you'd call it in the moment it began happening... ::tink::
    [By : skippytpodar / 2014-09-26] [Top]
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    Comments

  • Report them to their supervisor for dangerous neglect. If it's critical to patient care AND went unreported for more than an hour they're putting patient lives at risk, are they not? -Calydor
  • Sadly, the phrase "this affects patient care" is so horribly abused that I've had someone from HR say it when they couldn't watch a couple YouTube videos their buddy had sent them. It's definitely become the case of "When everything is an emergency, thus nothing is an emergency," and the Tier 1 Desk monkies, even if they know the request/problem is complete and utter BS, are required to put it in as a high priority when that phrase is uttered, so therefore the users utter it for every single call they take. Their contract with us requires it, and they're forbidden from changing the mind of the starfish or attempting to dissuade them. -skippytpodar
  • I think my mental analysis of priority is based upon the possibility or likelihood of someone lying on the floor bleeding. -Holdfast
  • Is that before or after you get there and determine that it wasn't really an emergency, Holdfast? After all, if it wasn't an emergency, I'd be sorely tempted to leave someone lying on the floor bleeding! -NoHelpAtAll
  • 6107. I love TSC for a lot of reasons, but a huge one is that this is the only tech site I can go to without having to listen to endless iOS vs. Android holy wars. At this point, I'd rather have a Jehovah's Witness spend the weekend with me than listen to one more argument about how I'm using the "wrong" smartphone. [By :linkv / 2014-09-26] [Top]
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  • No offense intended to any TSCer who just happen to be JWs. -linkv
  • WIN 8 PHONE FTW!!!! :P -DarkRookie
  • Wot about us Blackberries? (runs) -Gromit
  • Quite right. The login page sends the infamous 'packet of firey death' to any device it detects using Safari. -smellystudent
  • There there, Gromit. There's a comfy hospital bed waiting for people like you. There's a really nice view past the bars. -smellystudent
  • ...duck season!....rabbit season!....duck season!....rabbit season!...same old joke, with just different players... -docbrown01
  • I happen to like both. Partially because they both have excellent qualities, but mostly because I've recently started developing apps for both and I could use all the monetization I can get. BTW, after 25 years of using Windows, I'm now a Mac user and Microsoft can suck it. -Biosynthetic
  • 6106. When you call the helpdesk on a Saturday afternoon and want help in a conference room....well good luck. We have had no training on how they're set up or how to connect to the equipment that is in there. Hardware techs that handle this are M-F only and the one person that isn't telecommuting today is a contractor.... [By :Starfury / 2014-09-06] [Top]
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    Comments

  • Closely related to the rule about calling for support 5 minutes after a meeting was supposed to start, and expecting someone to drop everything to come bail you out. -torgo
  • 6105. If you, the FNG, have no idea what the next holiday is, or what date it is:
    • Google it
    • look on a calendar
    • check the multiple emails from $supervisor that he's sent the last several weeks about the upcoming holidays, complete with dates, and who's working them
    • perhaps you shouldn't request to work any holiday
    [By : skippytpodar / 2014-08-29] [Top]
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    6104. I cannot state the reason why we are so busy is not because the lusers ate lead paint as children and continue to so. [By :DarkRookie / 2014-08-25] [Top]
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  • It would explain our call volume some days. -Starfury
  • 6103. It is not my fault that you locked your account. Do not give me grief if it takes two hours to unlock the account and there is no way around it. You are the dumbass that forgot your password. I remember mine. Hell! They aren't even written down which most people do. [By :DarkRookie / 2014-08-21] [Top]
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  • 2 Hours to unlock an account? How long does it take to update an account a month? No really why would it take 2 hours to unlock an account is this some new OS I should avoid? -Crai
  • Sounds like a stupid tax to me, and you know how people complain about taxes. If the user is smart at all (debatable), they wont forget their password again. -docbrown01
  • We had storms roll through last night, and one person capable of PIV/PIN resets is out because his basement flooded. The other person is on regularly scheduled off day today...so we have users who can't get their screwed-up logins fixed until next week. *grin* -Grue
  • @Crai: The account is not related to Windows. Its a separate account for a PKI certificate. If that makes any sense. -DarkRookie
  • @DarkRookie yes now that does make sense I deal with those also. Love the new mandatory ones for the other system that no one uses lol. -Crai
  • 6102. FNG rule: If have no idea that your SF-50 (Personnel action for salaries & bonuses) and Performance Appraisal are two completely separate things, and need to ask where to get those, then 1) perhaps you really shouldn't apply for a promotion 2) how on $deity's green Earth did you apply for the job you've had with us, considering you needed to submit those two items to apply for it? [By : skippytpodar / 2014-08-08] [Top]
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  • If he came in from the outside on his application, he wouldn't have had those to give in the first place.... -Grue
  • That's the kicker, Grue, the only postings we've ever put up for our section, were for ones internal to our department of the Uncle, and he worked for other parts of the Uncle out west prior to moving to our department... -skippytpodar
  • Oh, and almost forgot... he's (supposedly) a veteran, but had no idea "full bird" referred to a full Colonel, and several other things have led us to think his military svc. wasn't all it was cracked up to be. -skippytpodar
  • What? You mean playing Metal Gear doesn't qualify??? -ralphp1024
  • He must have limited internal memory and those facts got paged out. -concept14
  • That, or he had someone apply for the position in our department for him. More than once, we've wondered how he gets up in the morning, brushes his teeth, dresses himself and feeds himself without help... -skippytpodar
  • 6101. I don't know whether to laugh or cry when Windows Firewall interferes with Windows Updates... [By : RiffRaff / 2014-08-08] [Top]
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  • Windows Firewall: What is this "Windows Updates" you speak of? It must be a virus or malicious software! DENY! DENY! -KrazerKap
  • The sane responses would be to reach for a linux install media example, but hey.... -Grue
  • Who said my reality was sane??? -RiffRaff
  • *nod* Notice the "but hey...." -Grue
  • Windows firewall is turned off on all my machines. -Gerund
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