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Tech Rules

When you have the title Tech you have to follow by some very strict rules. We have the moral obligation to deliver the best technical support that is in our ability to give....which means tell them whatever it takes to get them off the phone so you can continue with your game of Quake. If you are new to the job this section is a must read. As of today TSC has received 6094 tech rules submitted by members!

6094. The seven worst words you can hear from a luser: "While I've got you on the phone..." [By :Waish / 2014-04-16] [Top]
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  • I dunno, "While you're here" tends to be worse, in my experience.. -NightSteel
  • Same thing, basically. -Waish
  • How about "one more thing..." -Starfury
  • I've got a list of things for you to do. -Gerund
  • I've always had issue with "my son used my laptop for his homework." (Usually followed by either a lengthy cleaning, or a complete reimaging.) -Captain Trips
  • "While you're doing that..." and they process to list 5 or 6 other things wrong with their system while I am editing the registry or recoding their XML or something that takes me a little more concentration to do - expecting me to fix 5 problems in addition to not effing up the reg is something that makes me a little crabby. See also, I am working on their system remotely, and because I am not using "their" mouse, and they're bored, they start browsing the internet - effectively wresting control of the system away from me and stopping me from completing my task - and then they complain when I lock them the hell out of the system before I start the regedit. ARGH. -Madrigorne
  • I propose to call this type of user, "Columbo". -Stryker One
  • I'm with Stryker on that one. Also, Madrigorne, I feel that one. I refuse to do over-the-phone registry clean-ups anymore. If their computer is that fucked up, I send an onsite tech. It's just not worth the headache. -Waish
  • 6093. For the love of Cthulhu's ancient tentacles...if you have a name that sounds common, but could have multiple spellings, PLEASE tell me how you spell it! If you're named something like Chris, or Sean, or Jean, or Michelle, or Sarah, etc., why on earth would you assume that I know which of the two, three or even four spellings of these names you use? And it gets worse for those of you whose parents decided to be REALLY original and spell, say, "Roxanne" as "Rocsan." Tell me how to spell your names, people! [By :Waish / 2014-04-14] [Top]
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  • ... but you know me. I called in last month. -srteach
  • Apparently, the phonetic alphabet is wrong. Someone told me Sierra is spelled with a C. -MisterCommon
  • Well, C-erra, obviously. -AmazingKreskin
  • I had one once - she had a rare (but only one spelling) first name, but her last could have been spelled any of half a dozen ways. I asked her to spell it, she started spelling her first name. I stopped her, saying "I know how to spell Rhedonda, but your last name could be C-O-X, K-O-C-H-S, or even K-O-C-K-S." (She was offended by that, because she was supposed to be the center of the universe, and everyone should "love her and despair.") -Captain Trips
  • @CaptainTrips: So was her response "It's Cox, Sucker!" ;-) -Necros
  • I wish - she was a looker. (But once you got to know her, she turned into a total bitch.) -Captain Trips
  • I got one. How do you pronounce "Natuzzia"? I had to ask her 3 times. I sstill cannot say it. -beatmewithstick
  • http://www.snopes.com/racial/language/le-a.asp -Stryker One
  • 6092. If you start any conversation with "I know you're tired of me asking how to do this, but...", you're right. I am. [By :linkv / 2014-04-08] [Top]
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    6091. If you are unable to read, cannot follow directions or understand how the directions on the paper correlate to what appears on your screen, & need remedial classes in basic computer use, such as Outlook & Internet Explorer & how to type passwords, you probably should not be 2nd tier support for the outsourced field techs installing our hardware. Correlation- I should not be teaching you how to use a computer when we have the same title & are supposed to do the same job! [By :taieena / 2014-03-31] [Top]
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  • OOOOO! I love this one. -DarkRookie
  • Sounds almost like the FNG on my shift, especially in that if a customer's question even slightly deviates (read; virtually every call/e-mail/ticket we get) from what he learned in his cert classes, the kid is a lost little lamb... -skippytpodar
  • 6090. If you're in a movie or TV show and you have a set of 6 numbers either 2 or 3 digits long each. It's longitude and latitude, it's always longitude and latitude but you'll never think of it right away and you will always be shocked when you figure it out. [By :Icelator / 2014-03-30] [Top]
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  • Yeah. That really bothered me in the film "Knowing" (other than it's a crappy movie). The main character, who is a mathematician, and really knows numbers, doesn't see the numbers on a page as long/lat? Broke my sense of disbelief. -docbrown01
  • 6089. When two techs with the same first name work on the same helpdesk line end users will assume they are one combined person even if they have different voices. [By :shadedworld / 2014-03-05] [Top]
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  • We used to have 3 helpdesk techs named Nick working at the same time. Plus 2 Dave and at one time 3 Mike. -Starfury
  • "Yeah, this is Joe. I don't think you were talking to me, maybe you were talking to Jo? She's on another call now, you can either hold for her, or I may be able to help..." -chazz
  • We used to have two people called Chris. "Chris came here and fixed my printer." Was that Christopher or Christine?". "Don't know." "Christopher has a beard." "Still not sure, sorry." -Holdfast
  • at work just recently for a little while we had 2 chrises, 2 daves, 2 jameses, and 2 zachs. -Icelator
  • 6088. Just because you had to deal with a bunch of tickets yesterday doesn't exempt you from doing your job today, especially seeing as you make more than most of us. [By : skippytpodar / 2014-03-04] [Top]
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    6087. NT/OT - When fortifying your position, always check the drop ceilings. Sorry, just got done watching Aliens for the Nth time. [By :Stryker One / 2014-03-03] [Top]
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  • In movies where death is immanent, nobody ever checks the ceilings! I think that it is an unwritten rule, sort of like running down the middle of the road when something (a BIG rock) is rolling along after you. Why don't they ever turn off down a side street instead of becoming a pancake??? And who the hell goes into a room where the lights don't work looking for a monster??? -ecoli
  • 6086. There comes a point at some point during the work week when you realize you're just done for that week. You no longer care; you will only do what is required of you in your duties and no more. You will drift off during meetings. You will zone out on your callers, and all of them will start to sound like whining six-year-olds, and any hint of them not being computer-savvy causes you to mute the phone and growl "fucking idiot!" You'll flip your boss off when he isn't looking and mouth "fuck off" at your phone whenever you get a call. To some (often me), that time is Monday morning. [By :Waish / 2014-02-28] [Top]
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  • I'm usually that way by sunday night and i dont work weekends. -deedadee
  • Monday 7:32 AM... -Harm
  • First call Monday morning. Until that time I'm ok. -Starfury
  • When I get into my truck on Monday morning to head to work. -Olorin
  • I am so glad I'm off the Hell Desk. Again. (Never know what next week will bring, though. I was at this same point 8 years ago, and ...) -Captain Trips
  • Here, we call that "The Fukits". They usually show up Thursday afternoon/Friday morning. -JoeLugian
  • 6085. This one's for my co-workers. Just accept the fact that often, our starfishy clientel is going to give you some push-back when you tell them what has to be done to fix their problem. They don't like being told they have to contact someone else, or submit a request to have something done rather than call us up and have us "just do it over the phone". That doesn't mean that you can do it, just because the client demanded it. Most of the time we physically can't, anyway, and even if it's in our power, but outside company policy, guess who'll get in trouble? Not the client! [By :Waish / 2014-02-04] [Top]
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    6084. Just keep in mind, have the phone on the cradle before you groan loudly, sigh in exasperation, or start telling your co-workers how much I suck because I wouldn't violate the laws of reality or our scope of support. If you do it WHILE you're putting the phone down, I can still hear you. And I decide how quickly your ticket gets actioned. [By :Waish / 2014-02-03] [Top]
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  • Ah yes, the great AutoLART. -Stryker One
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