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Tech Rules

When you have the title Tech you have to follow by some very strict rules. We have the moral obligation to deliver the best technical support that is in our ability to give....which means tell them whatever it takes to get them off the phone so you can continue with your game of Quake. If you are new to the job this section is a must read. As of today TSC has received 6129 tech rules submitted by members!

6129. If you, the Obnoxious Union Narcissist, are going to be a Grade A dick to someone for asking an honest (and pertinent) question about their listed hours on their timecard in response to the weekly timecard email, don't do so a Reply-All that includes a distro group $supervisor, $divisionChief, $divisionChief's boss, and $regionalCIO are all members of.

Even $supervisor admits that it is only a matter of time before the OUN really and truly gets into some deep s&^t for running his big mouth.
[By : skippytpodar / 2015-03-03] [Top]
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  • Schadenfreude is the word you may be waiting on. *grin* -Grue
  • Oh trust me, Schaudenfreude would be a picnic compared to the bad karma OUN has accumulated just in the last two years. -skippytpodar
  • 6128. FNG rule: If you're going to ignore a request by $supervisor for 20 minutes to do a softball ticket from an email, at least come up with a better excuse than your "computer is a running a bit slow". [By : skippytpodar / 2015-03-02] [Top]
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  • Sorry, was rubbing one out. -Stryker One
  • Ohhhkay, Stryker, I think we should keep Skippy's FNG on, "the computer's running slow", rather than going there... -Voz
  • 6127. If you create a MySQL database named FPOS_FPOS, and then you set up ZenCart to use it, don't refer to it as FPOS only. It rather needs the whole name. [By : ralphp1024 / 2015-02-22] [Top]
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  • Functional Piece Of $#!+ ? -concept14
  • F*cking Piece Of Sh*t? -Stryker One
  • Depends. If the EU is around, it's a Fine Piece Of Software. Otherwise, it's Effin' Piece of Fecal Matter ... *grins* -RalphP
  • 6126. If you are going to void every cash transaction for an evening and pocket the money less than a week after I've installed new hi-def cameras over the registers, don't look surprised when we have the police show up to arrest you for it. Also, try to leave your heroin in your car instead of in your purse. [By : RiffRaff / 2015-02-18] [Top]
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  • Morons Abound! -Grue
  • 6125. You know you've been spending too much time playing PC games when you try to use WASD to move the cursor in Excel. [By :Starfury / 2015-02-14] [Top]
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  • There's an app for that. ducks into the lart shelter -deedadee
  • 6124. If you, the Tier 1 Desk Monkey, are the one who created the ticket, assigned it to us, and called us to let us know of its existence so that we can do your job for you, and have the same access to view/edit it that we do, then why on $deity's green Earth would you need to call us to get an update on the ticket instead of simply looking up the ticket for yourself? If you want me to do your job for you so badly, then perhaps I should get your paycheck as well... [By : skippytpodar / 2015-02-08] [Top]
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  • Do they make enough for you to notice if you did? -RDMcMains
  • Actually yeah... I wouldn't mind the extra $1500 a month... -skippytpodar
  • 6123. If you, the FNG, have worked in this department for 2.5 years, memorize the department's farking number! Don't call the Tier 1 desk monkies to contact us on your behalf and inform us that you're having connection issues and won't be making it in tonight.

    I'd use Otis on him, but I'm afraid he simply has too few brain cells to register pain.
    [By : skippytpodar / 2015-01-21] [Top]
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  • Sounds like, "If I lie to people who aren't in my department, it's not really lying." -Xal
  • You're almost certainly correct, in his mind at least. He's a really bad liar, and $supervisor has a pretty good radar for those things, which he's honed from all the OUN's stories. -skippytpodar
  • 6122. Always document your network with diagrams, using photo aids if possible. Why? At my last job, which was now several years ago, we had a long concrete building, and I was tasked with pushing WiFi through it. You could not have made a building less suitable for WiFi if you tried. But, I could get a usable signal if I stuck a repeater way above the ceiling tiles. It didn't work fantastically well, though, and as soon as I could get it approved, I said "Fuck it" and ran some cat-5 cables. The problem was... I FORGOT WHERE I PUT THE REPEATER. It was still stuck, somewhere, on top of a beam or over a wall stud. And... I can say with certainty, five years later... IT'S STILL THERE. This has been one of my biggest "Oops" moments in my career. :-) [By :linkv / 2015-01-06] [Top]
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  • Could be worse http://bash.org/?5273 -Stryker One
  • I once dealt with a company that had lost their email server. Admittedly, it was a very old Netware one, so that dates it, but it just worked. It turned out to be in a walled up cupboard still working. -Holdfast
  • 6121. YES, you may bring any product you purchase from us back for a refund or replacement if it is defective. NO, this does not apply if you bought the product from Goodwill and the reason it was donated was someone slashed important parts off. [By :Mushroom / 2014-12-21] [Top]
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    6120. Keep it simple stupid. I've developed a hobby of modifying staples buttons. I've got a couple that scream or play spooky noises and one where I changed a resistor so it's distorted. Tonight I made a jingle bells one. I used a musical christmas card. I had a problem the music only plays if continuous contact is made while the easy button is just a giant push button. I tried a couple of 555 timer circuits that should have worked but didn't and then I had an idea. I turned the mechanism inside the easy button upside down so pressing it broke contact and reset the music. wish I thought of that sooner. [By :Icelator / 2014-12-19] [Top]
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  • modify one to say "This is a holdup. Hands in the air!" and leave it at a bank. -srteach
  • AHH 555. Got a whole Radio Shack Forrest Mims Book on em. I wonder if the still sell em. WOW Looky here https://archive.org/stream/electronics_-_Forrest_Mims-engineers_mini-notebook_555_timer_circuits_radio_sha/electronics%20-%20Forrest%20Mims-engineer%27s%20mini-notebook%20555%20timer%20circuits%20%28radio%20shack%20electronics%29#page/n0/mode/2up -beatmewithstick
  • 6119. Computers turn on when you don't have the power lead for the floppy drive connected to the 2nd chassis fan connection on the motherboard. No, that wasn't me that did it, found it and corrected it and amazingly the system fires up, so far doesn't seem to be suffering from the knob that pulled this one. [By :spectreoflife / 2014-12-13] [Top]
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  • Floppy drive? How old was this PC? LOL -JoeLugian
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