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Here is all the content that DarkRookie has contributed
to Tech Support Comedy. Tech Stories
1.
Rule 2: Lusers don't listen
Since we all know that Rule 1 is 'Lusers Lie', I throw my vote for this being number 2 since this happens almost as much as them lying.
My example:
I have to ask for three piece of info at the beginning of each call. Employee number, Name, and Service Tag. can usually get the first two without issue. When it comes time for the thrid, more ofter than not, they start there tirade about the issue. Which I sit around listening too. Going to need the info anyways. Once they are done, I ask again for a service tag. I swear, about three quarters of them get all huffy and pissed think I didn't listen to them.
I gets better sometime, becuase I sometimes have to ask two or three times. Each time getting there story again which almost always changes.
Its enough to drive a person mad
[By: DarkRookie]
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Comments
Then there's Rule #3: Users can hold, at most, one instruction in memory at once. "Enter your username and password." "Okay, I typed my username, now what?" -Lusus
Sounds similar to a rule we had at my last employer after being bought out by a huge corporation: "You may read OR reply to an e-mail, but never both". - Stryker One
Yep. Lusers brains operate on a single instruction stack. On the plus side, at least you don't have to worry about it being LIFO instead of FIFO. -flapjackboy
How about Knowledge In/Garbage Out?? -ecoli
Heaven forbid, I would be grammar nazi. Short and quick emails, I take allowances.
BUT, your post was VERY hard to read. -beatmewithstick
If your primary language is not English, then all is forgiven ! -beatmewithstick
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2.
Today....
....it can't be found.
it is lost.
Never to return.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Do tell... -Captain Trips
404 variant or google redirector malware ? -Necros
LucasArts? -Calydor
virginity grows back.. -Harm
and did you check Under the stove / fridge? you'd be amazed what can get under there.. specially if you have cats. -Harm
Its ok DarkRookie, ignore those guys. I get the joke XD -ApolloSZ
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away -0ddj0b
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3.
[OT] I forgot I well timed this was
http://tinyurl.com/ah72cnx
I forgot how well that timing was eventhough i just took the picture because it was a can of Linux soda
I figured someone could use a chuckle
[By: DarkRookie]
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That's an HL2 mod, right? Which one? -NightSteel
Black Mesa Source: http://www.blackmesasource.com/ -DarkRookie
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4.
Why am I not surprised
I saw this on Ars today: http://arstechnica.com/security/2013/02/were-going-to-blow-up-your-boiler-critical-bug-threatens-hospital-systems/
First thought that crossed my mind was "I am not surprised."
You know... It was prolly Steve's fault that this is an issue.
Note: There are a crap load of Steve's that work at Honeywell. I have talked to at 10 today. ALL DIFFERENT
[By: DarkRookie]
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I think I forgot an </i> somewhere. -DarkRookie
"Encraption"...that's a useful new term. -concept14
Encraption - when you have sh1tty encryption -ecoli
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5.
You cannot use the potato analogy here!
So on my wonderful tenth call today, I get a user with a problem with a piece of software supposedly call Sierra Dimension. I have no idea what this software was nor was the shit kbase finding anything as normal. So I jump in with teh classic repair/reinstall/send desk-side guy.
So I am remoted into the system. I attempt to look for this software in Programs and Features. Nothing called Sierra Dimensions. I asked the luser again the name of the software. "Sierra Dimensions" he replies. I look again. Nothing listed with that name.
So I look thru the list looking for either Sierra or Dimensions. Nothing, but during my look for Sierra, the luser stopped me. I was two above the pointer. Two above my pointer was Serena Dimensions and not Sierra.
I pointed this out to the luser, to which he replies: "Potato, Potato. Its the same thing"
The hell it is. Those are two different words. They don't even sound similar you idiot. You cannot use that. That doesn't apply. You should get your computer taken away. You now get slide rules and pencils from now on.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Comments
Or an etch-a-sketch. I would have said, "No, this is more potato, tomato. Would you enjoy your spaghetti with some nice potato sauce?" Likely user doesn't know that there is a Sierra Software, nor that its products were darned near everywhere not so long ago... which may be explanation, but is certainly not an excuse. -chazz
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink vodka. -MaskedMarauder
Thanks Chazz, Now I want Potato Sauce... -RoadDemon
Here ya go, http://www.latinmerchant.com/productdetail.asp?ProductID=HS0149 -Stryker One
But... but... both are out of stock. I want a new Potato sauce website... *runs* -spectreoflife
one is an adventure game company from the late 80s early 90s and the other is sailor moon. -Icelator
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6.
I said EFFING delete the contents
In doing a certain process 'round here, we must delete all the contents of a certain folder. This folder has a couple of files in it and a folder. Nothing major, or so I thought.
In these last few weeks of doing this, I found out that apparently sub-folders do not count as contents. Or there is questions on if the sub-folder needs to be deleted as well.
I swear I am going to start hurting these lusers if I get ask, "Do I need to delete the sub-folder as well". My instructions were clearly stated (Or at least I think they are) "Delete all the contents found in this folder."
RAGES
[By: DarkRookie]
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Comments
You mean you haven't created a self help guide for this yet? Oh wait, if you created the file they might delete it and nothing else. -MaskedMarauder
There is a self help guide, but it wasn't written by me or anyone here at the Help Desk. The instruction they list don't work. -DarkRookie
Well of course the instructions don't work when they click on the illustration in the instructions. -concept14
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7.
I believe...
I should be allowed to reply to an email about the promotion of someone so far above me, they don't impact my day to day work, with "Who cares?"
[By: DarkRookie]
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Day to day work impacted with Pink slip.. you know that's probably hapened at some point somewhere.. -Harm
Sounds like the last place I worked. We were told there was a hiring freeze in place, yet we still (on an almost daily basis) received e-mails to welcome some new executive level hire. -Stryker One
My previous employer did this all the time. "person I've never heard of now reports to other person I've never heard of, we're pleased to welcome someone else I've never heard of to some team I've never heard of and never interact with." Waste of my time and the mail server's bandwidth. -thx1138
Jeez rook do you work at the same place I do? Where i work it's so common I have an email filter -mrfoxboy
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8.
I FKING HATE PRINTERS
1. FK PRINTERS
2. FK DOUBLESIDED PRINT
3. FK MY INABILITY TO FIX DOUBLESIDED PRINT
4. FK COMPANY PURCHASE PRINTERS FOR HOME USERS
5. FK THE RULES SAYING I HAVE TO SUPPORT THEM
6. ALSO FK THE DELL SUPPORT SITE FOR MAKING THE PRINTER SUPPORT NUMBER SO DAMN HARD TO FIND.
*DarkRookie proceeds to run yelling AHH! at the top of his lungs while pulling out his hair.
[By: DarkRookie]
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"PC LOAD LETTER"? What the fk does that mean? -DukeOfURL
Oh. "Smell Support". THAT'S why you hate them, they're Dell's attempt to make a printer, which almost but not quite succeeds. Think "Let's take Lexmark's worst models, screw around with them so they're not close enough to use the same cartridge anymore, and then sell them!" -ralphp1024
Dell printers. Oh yes. I remember those... -smellystudent
DukeOfURL THat means that 96% of the planet has to put up with meaningless error messages because the USA is not aware of the concept of "standards". -Holdfast
The U.S. is well aware of the thing called 'standards' but there is no profit in that. Better to make everything proprietary so that the corporation can make more money off of the starfish! (greedy bastages!) -ecoli
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9.
Special Type Of Luser
Had a good one today. I had to remote in and install an IE add on to get one of the intranet sites to enroll for a digital certificate. Its a common enough issue for the luser without the rights to do so.
So I remote in and do my thing. Then I close what I had opened and told the luser to go to the intranet site. This was a fun Charlie Foxtrot to watch. The luser opens IE. Then open OL. Then an email. Then a link the the email to a PDF file, which was on the site I told him to go. Then the click on a link to go to the site I told him to go to in the first place.
Special, special peoples
[By: DarkRookie]
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Sounds like the person who always takes the same way to work but when the new highway opens that's 20 minutes faster and way more direct opens they still take the old way because that's how they've always done it (Driving with my Grandparents was always so much fun...not!) -frprinterwiz
Hopefully they have a good enough computer to do all that at once..... Some computers would pass out at the strain, especially doing PDF's. And yes, my grandparents took the long, long way round, even though there were faster and better ways to get where they were going. -AdmiralWbury
My grandparents were a little more thoughtful. If they had the choice of A) taking the long scenic route or B) sitting in traffic bumper to bumper; they took option A. -unrenowned
"You mean I can just type something in the address bar?" -MisterCommon
MC: Do your (l)users actually know what the address bar is and where is it located? Mine don't. "Type x.com in the address bar and hit enter". "I get a million results! Which should I use?". -buitre
I can totally relate. Most of my lusers are like that, even with shiny new phones. Some of my coworkers are that way as well, completely zonking out with newer phones -mrfoxboy
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10.
Goatse.cx is back, baby! [SFW I Swear]
http://www.goatse.cx/ I swear this is now SFW if you don't believe me http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/11/12/goatse_email_addresses_now_open/
[By: DarkRookie]
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horrified and intregued..
-Harm
lol i signed up for one. -deedadee
Burrkiss must be on vacation this week. -concept14
Goatse.cx is an internet balrog, a deamon of the ancient world. I wouldnt dig too greedely or too deeply into one of those mail boxes... -putahtek
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11.
Lock your system.
We have, prolly like most of you, have to lock, log off, or shut down our systems when we are away from them.
I relativity famous around here for messing with systems left unlocked. The usual flipping the screen, hiding the icons,auto hiding the start bar, things like that. Systems left unlock are usual pointed out to me to mess with.
Today was prolly the best one I have every done thought. A newbie has a habit of leaving his system unlocked. I have caught him two or three times already for it and fears me doing it. Tonight I am working OT and he has left for the day. So I cam up with this combo.
- Hid his icons
- Auto Hide the start bar
- Change the theme to high contrast mode
- Put a upside down picture for the background
- Flipped the left and right mouse button
- Decreased the mouse sensitivity to an absurdly slow amount
- Reduced the scroll wheel speed
- Enabled mouse trails
- Change the mouse icons
- Flipped the display upside down. Which with the upside down background, is funnier than hell
All in about 5 minutes.
On top of that, I taped a piece of paper to the monitor with the words: "Repeat after me: 'I will lock my system when away from my desk.'" I was nice enough to leave a list of what I did on the back in my bad handwriting. I did that since I come in at 9 and him at 7 and wanted to CYA
Hopefully he learns this time
[By: DarkRookie]
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Here, the person usually gets the Hasselhoff treatment. There's one particular image of him nude except for strategically placed shar pei puppies that's popular. -frito123
I am SO going to borrow this. Thank you! -unrenowned
Nice. Unfortunately, if you did that here at my place of work, you'd be hauled down to HR and terminated for that. And yes, there have been incidents where techs were terminated for trying to teach the (l)users a lesson on proper computing security. Me? I'd just turn off their monitors.
-VoiceOfSanity
I like to add change the background to a picture of their background with the icons before removing their icons. -AniMaL
Coward. You should have changed his password to "I will lock my system or be gangraped by 123 penguins!" ... -Necros
And that's why we force a 10 minute inactivity system lock as a group policy. -McSmiley
We tend to give a warning then we send out an e-mail to our group saying "$50 to the first person to come to my desk and remind me to lock my computer" or something close to it. -Phylok
Unfortunately most places frown upon that kind of thing. Back in college though, we once take a screenshot of a classmates desktop, hid the icons in a separate folder, and then change the password for her login and locked it up for her. Poor girl FREAKED OUT. Funny as hell though! -KrazerKap
When I was a tech another tech did the flip the screen thing to me, so hence going forward always lock before leaving even for a few seconds. -THETECHFROMHELL
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12.
Fail of the day
A little back story.
When I showed up today I had about a dozen emails with info that needed to be added to the kbase. I grumble and do them.
I got thru the first nine fine. Added to kbase. Info throw in email. Email sent to the agents. No problems. The tenth gave an issue. This one was the first to have pictures to go with the tip. So I added. Put the info in an email and attempted to throw it to the floor. No dice. Got an error saying my mailbox was over the limit.
I have been having trouble accessing my sent mail, so I haven't been able to clear that out in a while and thought that was the issue. I go in, clear everything out I could that wasn't in that folder. Then I sent the email again, sans pictures. Get the same message. I thought that was weird. Then the agents were getting the same issue.
This was cause by yours truly. Apparently, the first email I sent was 40MB and the second 20MB. This pretty much put everyones email over our 100MB limit. Oopsie!
Now everyone is a bit upset at me for doing that. I send a message to delete the emails and that should get you back under the limit. Nope. Now the all the mailboxes need to be compacted. Which make my Team Lead upset since now he has to put in 39 separate tickets for everyone.
good news is, I shouldn't get into any trouble, since this was an accident on my part.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Comments
Even the best of us must remeber we were once fishies. Every once in a great while the fish instinct kicks in :P -deedadee
Sweet Hoolies, how do your people function with a 100MB mailbox quota? My stingiest client allows 500MB and his people scream at us all the time. -TheCyberwolfe
Tell them to do like I do, forward everything work related (or half) to a gmail account. Whoopity doo and la de da. Unless you have a work environment that frowns on personal emails being open. -MaskedMarauder
only 100MB? i gots about 500 on my personal work and several gig for shared work inboxes. -Harm
Ours is 100 MB and we do not allow PST files to even be created anymore. -TechieSidhe
I find 100MB enough. Most of my emails are not really worth saving. I have a few saved, but they total 1MB between the 5 of them. -DarkRookie
Hey TechieSidhe, Anyone get wise and use a USB stick to save their .pst to? :D Instantly have all the space you are willing to pay for. -MaskedMarauder
MM, personal flash drives don't work on our system. Only a specific encrypted model does, and you have to be special to get one. -TechieSidhe
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13.
Shouldn't have removed that piece
I was doing my morning ticket audits (I pretty much select five tickets from last week and grade accordingly) and find this gem.
User was having an issue with the internal laapy fan. It was making a lot of noise and letting the system overheat, but the system itself was still booting and working. Agent ran diags and confirms that it is indeed a fan issue. Now instead of replacing the fan, luser wanted someone to look at it right away instead. Stupid idea, but we have to comply anyways.
I see the note the desk side tech left. He found a piece of metal in the lappy and removed. Then put it back together. Then the system wouldn't boot or even turn on anymore
Which goes to show, that one scrap of metal was keeping the system operational.
[By: DarkRookie]
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This is why I don't work on laptops. So many times you see something that doesn't look like it belongs but is a critical component. -deedadee
Cases i'm good with - Laptops... scare me. Cases i find are more forgiving of the light but discriminating sledgehamer touch. -Harm
More than likely the tech forgot to reconnect the power button lead to the system board after re-assembling. Having worked on laptops for years, I can't count the number of times myself or a co-worker would curse a non-functioning unit after a repair only to realize we'd forgotten to reconnect that one lead. -SwedishChef
So that piece was the lappy's Magic/More Magic switch? -RDMcMains
Never been comfortable going under the hood of a lappy. FTM, something like a Dell micro-desktop, cheese louise! Talk about CRAMPED! Standard size dt's & towers, you've got a LITTLE wiggle room... -MadJack
That "one piece of metal" wouldn't happen to have been the CPU, would it? :) -rokitt
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15.
Everything and the kitchen sink [NT/OT]
I just love this. I hope it gives you a smile like me. (Then again it could be the mandatory happy drugs they give us eat the beginning of our shifts.)
NewEgg.com! Where you can by all your computer needs including the kitchen sink. http://tinyurl.com/7tcfrzl
[By: DarkRookie]
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...ten fracking pages of kitchen sinks... -chazz
$2300? For a SINK?!? http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16803450798 -Stryker One
@Stryker One - Maybe Monica lives underneath the sink, so you can enjoy doing the dishes while she does you? -Divinar
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16.
The ticket content phrase of the day
Got this gem from the site were I check for server outages today.
SERVER: Hostavailability : SERVER Equal to down
Server equals down. Love it
[By: DarkRookie]
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Yes but is it the 1st, 2nd, 3rd or, 4th down? -Stryker One
Depends on the yardage. -Captain Trips
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17.
Happy July 4th [OT/NT]
Happy 4 of July to my fellow Americans. The 236th anniversary of this great country.
Please don't blow of fingers when using fireworks. If you do, do NOT share the pictures with us. Not all can handle that.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Pet peeve of mine is when people say "Happy Fourth of JULY". Yes, the DATE might be July4, but, the HOLIDAY is called Independence Day. How many people say "Merry December 25th", or "Happy February 14th" ? It's "Independence Day" -Spyder19
"I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy, born on Independence Day.....". Sorry, it just doesn't scan quite right. -Trillian
*grins wickedly* My son is about to discover the fun of remote detonations... -unrenowned
Independence Day is not unique in being referred to by the date it falls on. There's another that happened two months ago tomorrow. -DukeOfURL
Duke, don't you mean 4 months? The 5th of September doesn't mean much to me, but even this Yank knows what happened on the 5th of November.
-SalParadise
Duke, are you referring to National "Let's go drinking" Day? -Griffin2020
as an aside, its technically ONLY the day we declared independance. the countrys birthday really corresponds with the day we accepted England's surrender. -HappyCrappy
2 months AGO, not 2/4 months later. XD Cinco de Mayo. -Omega
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18.
Rule #3 - Lusers will never...
Rule #3 - Lusers will never answer question directed at them, without you attempting to ask the same question at least 3 times.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Could it be because this is running through their heads. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Isjgc0oX0s -RoadDemon
Hmm. Error 502. Weird thought for a luser -DarkRookie
<all political comments removed. they'd just be to damn easy> -AngrySup
I am in smartphone technical support (for now). My least favourite question is "Are you calling me from the phone you are having issues with?". Some lusers will even figure ot how to write an essay on that question! -mrfoxboy
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19.
Wow... Really? REALLY?!
Quick background. Our time card requires you to put in the percentage, rounded to 2 places, of an hour if we manage to go over the normal 8 (or don't stop on a nice even hour mark). So 6 minutes of overtime gets reported as 8.10 in the time card.
One of my agents here doesn't quite grasp the concept of converting minutes into a percentage. (Which amounts to x/60) I was getting sick of doing the math for her (even though I showed her many times how to do the math) so I created a simple JavaScript page to do so. I put it on the intranet site and share the link. So far 5 responses of thank you for making that.
All I can think is REALLY?! C'mon guys. Simple math. IS over OF equals % over 100.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Some of my coworkers can't even do the math to convert military time to regular time. I mean, they now how to add and subtract 12 from something, but they don't know how to apply it. -thx1138
I have come across peopel who cannot do a % on the number of pence in a pound - or cents in a dollar (same sum). I think they decided many years ago that anything that involved any arithmetic was for geeks. -Holdfast
I will admit that percentages tend to give me trouble, however, if you showed me x/60, I'd know what to do. "Math is HARD!" -Lusus
THX- at least with the 24-hour clock, I've always trained people by telling them, "you remember back when you were real little, in school, and the teacher was telling you that an hour after 12 o'clock noon, it's NOT thirteen-o'clock? They lied!" -Voz
Well 2 + 2 does equal 5 but only for large values of 2. -atomicbill
X/60? Damn, even I can grasp that, and I went to public school in Southern California! -MeanDean
That being the reason that my company redesigned out time sheet to take a start time, and a finish time, then do the math in the background. -garwain
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20.
Timed Out.
A little story of a tool I dislike here. It is the web based version of Remedy 7.6 I believe. I use it to check for any outages that the server team has reported. I have to refresh it every so often since it doesn't do it by itself. I love it when the timer is up and it logs me out.
First, go to refresh the list. You account has timed out
Then I close the pop up window that contains the list. You account has timed out
Finally, I go to log out so I can log in. You account has timed out
All I can think of is http://tinyurl.com/7rjg2po [SFW] and fuck off you piece of shit tool, I know this.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Ah yes, the joys of Remedy. I've worked on Remedy on and off since 1999, and back then I loved it. Now, not so much... -skippytpodar
used Remedy ( any numbers of versions) from 2001 - 2008. even Citrix remedy.. Oh how that one sucked. never the biggest fan of remedy.. that is until we started geting it customised. and i got supervisor access. -Harm
Going on Harm's statement; the key with Remedy (CHRS, Salesforce, blahh...) is to be part of the customization process. That ways, they need you around every time they upgrade the base software. Oh, yeah. Using it sucks. Even if you've got a hand in design. -AngrySup
We use Remedy. Of the 5 tech's here, I'm the only one that seems to have mastered it. -ravensentinel
And thanks to your link, I just used that pic on someone. One of my users that has a sense of humor... -ravensentinel
Nope, don't know about Remedy support here...I really don't, but work for a certain company -objekt404
Oh no, we're working on moving to a web based Remedy (not sure on the version). Still using the client v 5.0, not making me very confident for the web based... -desseb
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21.
Flipping Higher Ups
This starts around 1400 local time. I am getting flak for not communicating a tip rewrite to the floor. So I go into the tip and prepare to copy paste into an email for everyone. I look at the tip. I know I have changed it in the recent past, but this isn't right. 1st tip of is the title, it's a question. Fuck that. A title shouldn't be a question. Next is the lack of key words. I started adding them to make the searching easier, but nope, not fucking there. Then the body of the tip is a complete and utter fucking joke. It has a bullet list, which will make it a pain in the ass to edit late. Tabs, which cause the same headaches. And its in the form of two questions. It annoys me that it isn't a simple list of what to do in what situation.
The first question is followed by three answers. I could compress that into one sentence. The second question covers a similar but different scenario that is covered in a different tip. I don't know what pisses me off more, the fact it didn't link to that tip, or that the answer that was provided was completely wrong.
Best part, it was written by the client. By the guy the oversees us. Prove more and more that this guy is an idiot, and I couldn't communicate with him without yelling fucking moron or something similar.
So I go and edit it to make it more palatable to me, and to keep it looking like the rest of the tips I have written. I was called over while working in Word to undo the bullets and tabs. I am not allow to edit it. I point out that it looks nothing like the other tips I write and it is convoluted. Nope, can't change it. After my round of bitching, I was allowed to add the keywords I wanted and the reference number of the other tip.
I sit down a bit angry I wasn't allowed to change it. I realized that higher up has his name on the tip saying he edited it. I get the distinctive feeling now that the Team Leads are waiting to a bunch of agents to fuck up the process so they can blame him. There always seems a game of blame going on between us and them. Them usually coming up as the loser.
[By: DarkRookie]
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sounds abuot right for call center politics.. or any office politics. -Harm
You usually cannot win in a game of f*ck-f*ck with the higher ups. You may prove them to be imbeciles, but that is not much consolation from the unemployment line. -Griffin2020
St. Ream? -objekt404
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22.
DAMN YOU! I need new pants [OT]
Thanks to who ever did it!
[By: DarkRookie]
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umm... missing a reference here? This is pretty opaque... -chazz
Funny the addition to the constellation seems apparent to me. -PolarCoyote
God I love a fat a$$. -burrkiss
Ah. Well, I guess I just ASSumed that DarkRookie had been appropriately decorated for some time now... -chazz
Sounds like someone likes big butts and can not lie .... I'll be in the LART shelter!! -spectreoflife
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23.
Ever get that feeling
Ever get that feeling, that is you continue to update the kbase enough so agents will stop asking dumbfuck questions cause they can't think, you will write yourself outta a job?
[By: DarkRookie]
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All the time... As much as I dislike those who have the ivory tower mentality, sharing at least some knowledge is helpful, but not so much your brain falls out. -skippytpodar
yea, as a consultant i do - while knowldege sharing is essentiall - i want to keep getting renewed or get new contracts. working on a call center though -- you'll never run out of KB articles.. there will be questions about questions and no way to anticipate every possible phrasing compbination agents or callers can come up with ( short of a millions mokeys at type writters) I almost miss those days... almost. -Harm
That assumes they'll read it -Icelator
Anytime you make a system foolproof, nature will make a better fool. You would have to document breathing in between troubleshooting steps to write yourself out of a job. -gashach
@Ice: They hate me. I won't give them the answers. I will at most, if I feel like it, give them a tip number. -DarkRookie
No chance of that considering even after you publish the kbase tip they still have to ask. -deedadee
" see KB XXXX" " where do i find that" YYYY " okay.. what does this mean?" and theen.. and then andthenandthenandthenANDTHEN -Harm
hah! I am tempted to write some documents on how to do singular and plural agreement and the tenses. When several hundred people see what you write, it pays to be grammatically correct. (I can't say the same for my colleagues) -boxcar
In theory, yes. In practise, no one bothers to read, so no. -reveriel
Nope - cause the better the kb, the stupider the people they hire. Sort of balances itself out. -frprinterwiz
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25.
I can haz FORTRAN
Had agent ask a question about a missing piece of software in our repository. I give the info on what to do when that happens (OT: There isn't day that goes by where I don't say the same thing at least 5 times a day). The software in question was Intel FORTRAN Compiler Pro 9.1. I made a joke stating that FORTRAN was possibly older than my parents. Quick look on wikipedia. It is! First appeared in 1957. Both of my parents were born in 1965. I find this funny.
[By: DarkRookie]
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I find it perhaps a little scary that I am, in fact, older than your parents... though not older than Fortran. Now get off my lawn! young whippersnapper... -chazz
Yeah, I'm older than his parents but younger than FORTRAN, myself. *shakes head* -Grue
yes, I am older than his parents and older than . . . oh, crap. -ecoli
I'm with Chazz and Grue - 1959 for me. -Captain Trips
Despite the fact that it's older than dirt and probably just as crufty, there are still things you can do in FORTRAN that you just can't do easily in any other language. Here at $We_Keep_The_ISS_Flying FORTRAN is one of those things that is still heavily used.
-VoiceOfSanity
First FORTRAN compiler delivered in April 1957. Makes me older than both FORTRAN and DR's parents. -MSimmons777
So am I. So am I. Side note: Just got a Microsoft FORTRAN compiler running on a customer's machine - DOSBOX is your friend! -ralphp1024
WATFOR and WATFIVE - University of Waterloo mainframe FORTRAN that actually EXPLAINED the errors! -TieDyedDinosaur
Great. I may be older than Dark Rookie's parents, too. But at least I'm younger than FORTRAN. -Divinar
TDD: I thought that was WATFIV, WATerloo Fortran IV, because of a 6-character file name limit on the machine where it was developed... -chazz
That's OK, my parents are older than FORTRAN (1948 and 1950) -DukeOfURL
Of course INTEL still wants THOUSANDS of dollars for its compliers. -axjdo
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26.
PLZ!PLZ!PLZ!PLZ!PLZ!
Sorry. No star. This needed formatted to be able to read correctly. Posted it in the forums. http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?p=175902#175902
[By: DarkRookie]
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What is said "Agent"'s job? Seems like they're just a glorified repeater. -ravensentinel
Phone base hardware, windows, and office troubleshooting. Normal L1 stuff really. -DarkRookie
My job title says I'm L1. </cry> -ravensentinel
Don't hold your breath, after all, Mr. 33 Years is still employed. -Stryker One
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27.
05/04/2012 [OT]
MAY THE 4TH BE WITH YOU!
[By: DarkRookie]
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Trust In the 4th Luke! -deedadee
Happy quatro de cinco, y'all! -Griffin2020
Oh. yeah? Just wait for the Revenge of the Fifth! -Voz
Voz - It's "Revenge of the Sixth" - your hangover from "Cinco de Mayo" -Divinar
http://www.dorktower.com/2012/05/04/go-fourth-dork-tower-04-05-12/ -Stryker One
Beware after sunset tonight! The Darkside of the 4th approaches! -CyBear
Grif: that's Quatro de Mayo (EG) -MadJack
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28.
Fat Bastard [Very long with no HTML]
This stars me and the L3. Now me an the L3 never see eye to eye. I really don't like him since (to me) he just loves power. He doesn't like me because of my various issues. Today it comes to ahead. Two encounters today. First was in the chats before I started. Agent here was having trouble with a docking station. Agent said the user was having trouble with finding the serial number. (Ever tried finding a serial number on a Dell product. Its annoying when you know what you are looking for.) The L3 tells the agent to drop it into the Hardware queue to get it replace. Doesn't mention the fact to make sure that number is in there. I piped up because I was logged in waiting for the top of hour to make sure to grab that serial number. I didn't want to deal with calling the user back to get it. So Mr. L3 says, if you are going to answer before you log in, you can take over the chat. He logged out. So I locked my system and wandered off for the next 5 minutes hoping something major would happen so he would get in trouble. Damn. Nothing. Silence in the chats for the next 20 minutes. Second issue was me correcting his fat ass. This started with an agent with a user that was having Stop Errors on his system. The user didn't want to troubleshoot. We hear that, we don't push it any further. (Really helps the AHT. Loved those calls) Now since the system wasn't pulling in the ticketing system for whatever reason, it goes to the L3s to figure it all out. A little bit later, he goes to speak with the agent. (More like yells over the row of cubes, but whatever) wanting a stop code in the notes. Agent counters with the the fact user refused troubleshooting, so that info wasn't obtained as it would be troubleshooting. L3 counters with some stupid statement. I then get my two cents involved like I always do, but since it involved a process I know by heart (I love abusing it as an agent and its my job to know the policies) and gives me a chance to prove him wrong (Which is always a plus) I inform Mr. LardAss that its the refusal process and a stop code is not necessary, only the fact that the user was getting stop errors. He continue of his beratement. Finishes. Tells me to sit down and shut up. I had already finished with my two cents I hadn't said anything further. And I didn't realize that he was in control of standing ability. I continued to stand, staring him down for a good 10 seconds before I got bored. He goes off saying today isn't the best day to mess with him. I let off a sarcastic little chuckle from my desk. 10 seconds later, he is telling me that I am not respecting his authority (which to me, he has none since I have been here longer and I still clean up his mistakes sometimes) and butting into other people conversations. Both statements are honestly true. The first doesn't get in trouble since I only deal with him when I have to. The second is just a really bad habit of mine, but in this case, it was correctly a policy mistake. Which I am pretty sure is in my job description somewhere. So when my Team Lead gets here later, we are prolly going to have another chat about me interrupting people. So I will have to prove that I didn't do anything wrong. Nothing will happen. And it will be a waste of peoples time.
[By: DarkRookie]
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29.
How to confuse newbies #1
Enter a sentence into the chats containing more acronyms than full words. Bonus points if manage more abbreviations in it as well.
[By: DarkRookie]
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you forgot the alphabet soup bonus, all 26 letters in the acronyms. -deedadee
Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the V.P. is such a V.I.P., shouldn't we keep the P.C. on the Q.T.? 'Cause if it leaks to the V.C. he could end up M.I.A., and then we'd all be put out in K.P. -unrenowned
Robin Williams in Good Morning Vietnam.
docfl
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_aiDDU5z18 -docfl
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30.
How To Piss Off The L2:...
How To Piss Off The L2: Or How I Learned That A 2x4 Isn't Always Efficient. Now for part two. At about 1430 local time, the exchange SYSTEM decided to go down. Not just one server, but all of them. I think the company uses about 30. (Can't say for sure not a network guy.) OMGWTFSFBBQ! Now after getting a ticket put to the server group (which requires a blood sacrifice, a few goats, a bottle of cheap vodka and a level of patience that Buddha would've envy) I send an IM and email to all agents as per process. About 3 minutes after that, my trouble children all chime in the chat with:"OL is not send/receiving mail" Now I missed the question cause I was off in a different window, but 3 of the more experienced agents put the message I sent out verbatim into the chats. I come back and thought the quest was answered. Fuck no apparently. They all chime in with all the steps they have attempted with failure. Then I copy and paste my message. Now I assumed they all got it. Nope. My stupidest agent didn't. I explained in little words that the exchange system was down. I was pissed at this. The coffee fairy called, and on my return to my desk I noticed that his system was unlocked. So I rotated the screen 90 degrees, turn on High Contrast Mode, put a pic of a spider on the background (agent LOATHES spiders and screams like a 4 yr girl when encountering them), hid all desktop icons, move the startbar to the left, auto hid the startbar, change the keyboard to DVORAK, locked the system, unplugged the mouse and keyboard and knotted the cords together in a knot that looked more impressive than it was, put the Avaya phone in his desk (he was on lunch, and i didn't disconnect the phone line), and unplugged any cable plugged into the back of the system. I got applause for doing all of that in 5 minutes. This was all done with manager approval since the agent has been warned about not locking his system in the past. Great 20 minutes watching him undo what I did.
[By: DarkRookie]
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hmm i see the sprit of vengence and" ZSMARTENTHE FUCK UP" has passed frm me to you... i bequeth to you my broken hockey stcik. weild it like a 1H axe at all times. -Harm
I'm in an escalation position considered Tier 1.5 or Tier 2 lite. I took me all of about a week to figure out why all the Tier 2 guys are disgruntled.... -Grembo
I spent about 5 minutes trying to find the arrows so I could upvote this. Clearly I've been spending too much time on Reddit. -charred
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31.
How To Piss Off The Help Desk:...
How To Piss Off The Help Desk: Or How I Learn To Stop Worrying and Love The Release. Today is a fun loving day. Today started normally enough. Then the calls started coming in. We go from 0 holding with 5 in available to 25 holding in the space of 2 minutes. Apparently our End Users (all 50000) got an email stating that some security software was missing. Well, maybe 1 in 100 of these people didn't have the software installed. Mostly us telling the lusers to ignore that email and the lusers arguing with us. All kinds of fun. 12 sup calls so far today because of it. (I might get 3 a week if I am really unlucky) All kinds of fun. Then the exchange servers go down and that will start part two of this story.
[By: DarkRookie]
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32.
The Password is 12345 [OT]
http://work.failblog.org/2012/04/08/job-fails-the-password-is/ <br> Sorry died laughly when I read that. WTF is a floppy disk
[By: DarkRookie]
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Laddie, ye are nae true geek if ye know not what ALL 3 versions of tha floppy disc are, do ye ken? -HappyCrappy
*facepalm* -ecoli
Three versions? At least five. Not counting single and double sides, single, double, and quad density, hard sector and soft sector... -chazz
Eight inch, Five (and a quarter), Three and a half, two point 8, and the Bournouli. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_floppy_disk -TieDyedDinosaur
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33.
The US is at it again [OT]
https://secure.avaaz.org/en/stop_cispa/ <br>
apparently the US government is still upset they let the internet go to the user and now want to spy on us
[By: DarkRookie]
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I dont get it. When will these idiotic members of the government just give up already?! All it is is another form of control. Well I wont let it happen. What I browse to online is MY business, not the governments. And I dont want to share. If I want them to know what I am browsing to, ill tell them if/when they need to know. And right now, they dont need to know. Idiots. Wheres my LART?! -KrazerKap
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35.
I gotta a box from newegg [nt/ot]
BOXBOXBOXBOXBOX
I GOT A BOX.
BOXBOXBOXBOXBOX
IT IS AT HOME
BOXBOXBOXBOXBOX
WORK SUX
BOXBOXBOXBOXBOX
I WANT MY BOX
BOXBOXBOXBOXBOX
[By: DarkRookie]
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annnd *zthzip* got him.. now that tranc will take a few minutes to settle in - but once 'e falls over we should be good to transport 'em back to home terrority. -Harm
I have to admit I know how he feels... but I've gotten so many of late from NewEgg that the thrill has kind of worn off. THat, plus I've gotten an awful lot of defective drives through them -- not their fault, WD seems to be the manufacturer shipping crud this month... -chazz
Good to know Chazz - i was considering possibly picking up a few WD drives. i think i'll hold off for a bit - least until the kins are worked out from after flood production. -Harm
I've been having issues with WD Green Drives. (and most things WD) -ecoli
Just in case someone asks: Its a replacement Roswill Card Reader that decided it didn't like magic smoke any longer. -DarkRookie
"*ahem* We are here today to witness the opening of a new BOX to replace the BOX which used to stand on the corner of Ulverston Road and Sandwood Crescent... The Ulverston Road BOX was removed, leaving the wall BOX in Esher Road as the only BOX for the people of the Ulverston Road area." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2gM_Cyt4CA -MeanDean
I've been sticking with either Hitachi or Seagate. -Stryker One
I got TWO boxes today!!! BOXES BOXES BOXES!! I GOT TWO BOXES!! (The Gyrowheel and Death Star planetarium that I ordered for my son for Easter) -unrenowned
*watched Fallout 3 GotY edition download* it was only 20 bux.. and i liked that game.. getting tired on online shooters (cause i get sucked in and a quike match turns into 3 hours.. then i can't sleep. damnit i wanna get a box! but upgrades arn't absolutly needed yet. unless thers a really gooddeal on for CPU MB and RAM... -Harm
I got a NewEgg box last week that had a RAM upgrade and a new video card for my home studio machine (I'd just been given a mobo/CPU by a co-worker unexpectedly) and when I was told that it had arrived, I decided the rest of the day I'd be working from home. There's no better geeksquee than knowing the newegg box has arrived. -SalParadise
Ummm Death Star planetarium??? Hell yes! -SalParadise
VIDEO! Or it didn't happen. -AngrySup
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36.
My Stupid Agent
This stars my favorite idiot. While on lunch, there was an argument brewing about a tip in the kbase. I come back in the middle of it. Its one of the ones I wrote, so I my interest is piqued. It was a relative new tip, so bound to be confusing. (Takes about 2 or 3 rewrites to get everything right since I never have all the info I need, or the info I have has holes you could fly thru)There was apparently two issues with this tip. 1. The CTIs were wrong. (CTIs tell us how to code the ticket since most people will NOT use common sense) I knew for a fact they were correct. I had to look the damn things up. Then it was a copy and paste job once I found them. I actually went to his desk and told to follow them. BEHOLD. I was correct. 2. The second issue was, the tip didn't tell you who to assign it to. Well it did, but it wasn't verbatim as with the ticketing system. His panties were in a wad over that. What the FUCK. OK I did say Queue instead of Team. Same difference really, as everyone uses them interchangeably. The kicker is, that when following the CTIs, that the only option to fucking select. After his call, he IMs me to argue. So I sat back and countered each and every point he had. Gave me the boost I needed for the day. "ok you win. Im not going to win this argument ." Like I said. I am not Simon. I am not that evil (Neutral Good actually) So no torturing. No physical harm. No blackmail. I just like cowing them with logic. Especially logic that says I am right.
[By: DarkRookie]
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I'd have LARTed his ass... -virusjtg
What is this logic you speak of? -PoglaTheGrate
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37.
Karma FFA [NT/OT]
So today I was late. My bus was early. So I what for the next one, which will make me late. Come in today and check my attendance status. We use a point system here. >10 you are fired. I thought I was at 8.5, with bringing my total to 9. Not good since I have trouble going a whole month without being late for whatever reason.
So I check with my Team Lead. Lo and behold, I am only at 6 with today bring the total to 6.5. Boy was I surprise. So if any one needs any karma, I have some to spare. Maybe that train that stops you next time only lasts 2 minutes instead on 10.
[By: DarkRookie]
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38.
Needz Moar
Saying "OH HELL YEAH! Gimme all that" is not a proper reply to the clients when asked on wanting a copy of the list of tips in the kbase.
[By: DarkRookie]
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but perfectly acceptable request in *ahem* other.. situations. :P -Harm
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39.
The Dark Lord of All Rises
A little bit from the chat today
DarkRookie: wonder if this works
*DarkRookie is now know as [SME]Stormageddon Dark Lord of All
[SME]Stormageddon Dark Lord of All: hmmm that actually worked
*[SME]Stormageddon Dark Lord of All is now know as DarkRookie
AgentOne launches the Honeywell Technical Firewall(TM) to keep Dark Lords out
DarkRookie counters by sending the request thru the server team
AgentTwo: lol
AgentThree: omg
AgentFour: lolz
AgentFour thinks the server team will fail as usual
DarkRookie: THE DARK LORD OF ALL SHALL RISE AGAIN
this halloween
DarkRookie: Why do you think i routed it overthere
[By: DarkRookie]
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Dark Lord of All shall rise up, and he shall free all Techies everywhere. FRY ALL THE FISHYS COMPUTERS! -KrazerKap
Heh. If they really wanted to keep you out, They'd have sent you to "customer service" ;) -Necros
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40.
To my fellow of the Frozen North [OT]
Wow! I thought the RIAA and MPAA were bad
http://www.michaelgeist.ca/content/view/6347/125/
[By: DarkRookie]
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they need to do what we did. One day replace main page for all the potentially affected sites, with these words "Blame Cima for not being able to reach your stuff." -McSmiley
wellcome to the Harper Goverenment ( no kidding.. its actually letterhead. ive seen it. no long the Canadain Goverenment.) -Harm
whats worse .. CD's DVD tapes etc have a jacked up price due to subsidizing the recording inductry ON CASE one was to take / re record heir muic onto a recordable media. And Nickleback is canadian sadly. -Harm
They want to stop piracy. Fine. Go back to ANALOG--put your stuff out on LP's, 45's even fucking CYLINDERS. No tapes--that's copyable. -vacuumtubes
If it can be read, watched, or listened to, it can be copied. No matter how hard they try to stop piracy, they'll never be successful. -Cyan
They need to get with a better business model that works for everyone, & isn't outrageously expensive, instead of sticking to the old ways. They're called OLD for a reason, y'know... too bad it's all about the money for the very top, eh? Like the artists even get what the labels claim they're asking for... they should've thought about this back when home recording was first made available, back when you could tape something off the radio (long before you could even tape something off the tv, par exemplar...) It's all about $$ and control. Fuck 'em. -MadJack
And if anyone is naive to think the record companies are trying to protect the artists: <a href="http://failblog.org/2012/03/07/music-fails-music-fails-occupy-the-music-industry/">Offsite Link</a> -harryscuz
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41.
Programmer Poetry Jam [OT]
Found this parusing the 'tubes today: http://code-poems.com/index.html
Few more details: http://www.wired.com/underwire/2012/02/code-poems/
My poems so far: https://skydrive.live.com/redir.aspx?cid=68032e0c838c75c8&resid=68032E0C838C75C8!121&parid=68032E0C838C75C8!114&authkey=!ACBGfyfNARVRC1Q
[By: DarkRookie]
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42.
To all across the pond [OT]
Something to be concerned about
http://www.techweekeurope.co.uk/news/uk-government-to-demand-data-on-every-call-and-email-61583
[By: DarkRookie]
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I'm always glad when I see examples that show that the US does NOT in fact a monopoly on government idiots. -Stryker One
The nice thing about being part of the global community that is teh intarnetz is realizing that, while *people* are generally, mostly, kinda-sorta okay, their governments are pretty much universally screwed up in one way or another (FSVO "nice", of course. Perhaps a better term would be "enlightening"...). -Lusus
What good is it to only store the recipient and sender? Either this is a ploy by spammers to get a more complete email list or its a bare minimum CYA law. If you're going to do something like this at least do it right! -adarklite
Sorry. It offends me when people take half assed measures that just generate more work without at least accomplishing the goal. -adarklite
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44.
I did a LART (I think)
This starts with me taking on some of the burden from the L3's. I watch for tickets in email now. Really isn't that many of them. Neither is it hard to do. So I take it. The L3's can do what they need to do and I can look busy.Its a special group that sends these. They would normally call us, but with us being slammed worse the burrkiss on Free Night, they send emails instead of calling. They should know better
Win-Win
Or so I thought. I forgot how bad some of these tickets can be. Usually while on the phone, I can get the correct info and go from there. Can't do that here.
So start an chain of emails on one ticket. I think it was up to 12 by the time I was able to do anything with it. It was for a battery that needs replaced, which entails including its serial number in our notes. The one in their notes wrong incorrect. Starts this little exchange:
1. Ticket received.
2. I reply stating the serial is wrong
3. Reply starting that that was the serial number
4. Me stating its wrong
5. They state its right after calling the Eu again
6. Me stating its wrong
7. They state its right
8. Me stating its wrong
9. They state its right
10. Me stating its wrong
11. Me stating to check the part DB for part number, and if they any further issues obtaining the serial number, please consult http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NATO_phonetic_alphabet, http://tinyurl.com/7btzqnz, and http://www.freewebs.com/darkrookie/ppider.htm.
12. Reply with a corrected serial number that checks out.
That was it on step 12. Just the 20 character serial number. Nothing else. I don't know if they were embarrassed or were holding their tongues.
Anyway the battery was order, and the Eu should be happy when they receive it tomorrow.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Reply back telling them they're forgiven. -AmazingKreskin
At step 4, you should have told them that 1. that is not a serial number and 2. if it is a serial number, it was not purchased by the company, and is not covered for replacement.
-BurlyJ
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45.
80% [NT/OT]
http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/8/2012/01/17d480553dd7adc4efc014b6d0c42f5f.jpg
prediction of a hundred years ago. I believe its about 80% right.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Some of those are remarkable prescient, such as the "photographs will be telegraphed from any distance". Others, not so much (peas the size of beets?). Was this from 1912? Beautiful fonts in any case (sorry, font junkie and evil punster). -Lusus
Actually a very fascinating read. They were very hung up on electricity being a miracle cure for everything, obviously, but if taken with a grain of salt a lot of it has come true. -Calydor
They missed one big one by miles: "Everybody will walk 10 miles. . . A man or woman who cannot walk 10 miles at a stretch will be regarded as a weakling." -Griffin2020
Some border on socialism, some are outlandish, some are quaint, but quite a few did come true, just not quite as imagined. -Griffin2020
If only there were free education for all. Latin not being taught in schools is accurate, however -PoglaTheGrate
I want my tubes dammit. How come there are no tubes to deliver stuff to me? -LazyLemming
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46.
Found this a good read [OT]
https://github.com/jwise/28c3-doctorow/blob/master/transcript.md
Great read in my opinion.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Cory Doctorow is a great writer and I like his way of doing business: by giving his books away for free. I may be a little cash strapped at this time, but when I'm able to, I will buy all of his works for myself, and to donate them to as many different needy entities as possible, as he suggests. -buitre
THIS -Omega
Very good read!! I vote this guy into congress!!! Hell, make him the speaker of the house! -ravensentinel
President. XD -Omega
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47.
Nothing better
Nothing is better at work than a slow day and cleaned Email box.
[By: DarkRookie]
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I can think of a few. Not being there would be one. -ravensentinel
*cough* http://www.laphroaig.com/whiskies/10yo.aspx *cough* On second thought... I think I'm gonna go crack open my bottle now... :-) -virtualchoirboy
Well, being paid for a slow day is good. Along with digging out an old copy of Doom and/or Quake. -Biosynthetic
VCB: You enjoy drinking diesel? That stuff is rough! -ElPolloDiablo
gonna go with - being at home on double pay - with a nice selection of drinks / bottles ( warm and cold drinks of course) - a broken pagers that won't ring anyway and maybe the cat curled up in another room. a selection of hot and cold Noms of the snaking variety ( small burgers of cheeze make and model) of course 50 channels of actually interesting programs ( rather than 5000 channels and nothing on) -Harm
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48.
A HelpDesk XMAS
From my Team Lead here
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the queue
All agents were snoring cause there was nothing to do.
Real Time was itching to hand out EO
In hopes they could keep the Occupancy low.
The EUs that called exclaimed with such a din,
HELP! HELP! I cant access the VPN.
We troubleshoot and help them get their email,
So they can work from home and shop all the sales.
Now, I in my jeans but still in dress code,
Exclaim to the agents, Theres no calls on hold!
The agents rejoice with a clamorous cheer and Spark me back,
Just wait for the New Year.
[By: DarkRookie]
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and I heard the PHB exclaim as he drove out of sight, "You get no overtime and no bonus tonite!" -ecoli
I like this one! :) -Fortytwo
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49.
I forgot I did this
We have to create a seperate kind of ticket for any system that Eu damage. I was looking into the tip that tells you how to create the special tickets and when you have to make them.
This is number 1:
1. User Damaged Parts
-Eu dropped system. Eu threw system out the window. Eu torched it. Eu fired the LOIC at it.
For those that don't know; LOIC is Low Orbit Ion Cannon. A nice piece of destructive equipment.
Makes me wonder if people just looked at it and passed along because of my use of shorthand for everything
[By: DarkRookie]
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someones been playing on the imperial side haven't they... -Harm
@Harm... there's another side? ;) -Diptera
Yeah the side where SW is made into a MMO thats not a rip off of WoW -DarkRookie
true... although does kinda follow a LineageII kind of progression.. sorta.. kinda.. (not playing TOR - just have friends that are) -Harm
EU fired the OADS at it. [Orbital Anvil Delivery System. http://www.impsec.org/~jhardin/OADS/anvil_chorus.html ] -VoiceOfSanity
Certain pieces of hardware would DESERVE it. -Fortytwo
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50.
Linkage [OT]
http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-jobs-everyone-in-world-should-have-at-some-point/
SFW
Number 3
[By: DarkRookie]
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I have done 3 and 1. I work at a fast Food place, don't know if that will count towards 5. -DarkRookie
I have done 3 and 1. I work at a fast Food place, don't know if that will count towards 5. -DarkRookie
I don't know how many of us have done # 5 (either as a teen or adult), but I'd be willing to bet most of us have done #1 sometime in our early lives, 3 goes w/o saying, & 4, if you've got any kind of family, there you go. High school, I went to an SDA boarding academy where you were in class half the day & worked half, #1 for me was doing dishes & mopping floors in the school cafeteria & working in the nearby patio furniture factory after I became 16. #3, we all know. # 4, I'm not a parent, but I am an uncle. #2, I had some of that in uniform, and found I was none too fond of it. I'm not fond of supervising people who won't be supervised, to say nothing of my performance being measured by theirs. -MadJack
I've done 1 through 4, and 5 should be "work in retail/service industry", not just "wait tables". Anyone who has worked for any retail store, restaurant, fast food joint, etc can share horror stories about how poorly they were treated by customers who felt "they were always right". -SwedishChef
I have worked #1 (distributing newspapers) and #3. I do agree on the language issue here. -Fortytwo
I've done everything but #3. Mostly because even I realize that putting me in charge of children is the stupidest thing anyone could ever do. EVER. 21 Kids on the tire swing? I'd be the adult stacking them like Jenga blocks to make 22 fit. -LazyLemming
I've done everything except #1. I have, however, too many friends who have been servers/hostesses who have relayed so many horror stories. I will always treat my server well, unless I get truly sucktacular service. -Grayhawk
I like the quote on #3: "Tech Support employee trains his mind for pleasantly and efficiently communicating with people who are much, much dumber." I might make that my tagline. -MisterCommon
sort of did 5/1 - worked as a behind the counter at a butchery server and midless of help select, weigh, wrap, put price sticker on next! - done 3.. done 2 (during 3 at some points) 4 - yea no... my mom worked in a pre school for years i GUESS i could be considered for 4 but that was usually only once in a while Kids are okay, i'm told i'm good with them - but not as a job. -Harm
#4...drove school bus (300 kids a day on the bus. Have 9 kids myself #3...taught computers to seniors citizens and have done TS. #2... managed a movie theater and owned 2 different businesses. #1...Farm work, enough said. -srteach
Done all of those jobs except the kids one. -Olorin
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51.
Bellcurve Of Intelligence
Is it just me, or is the intelligence of companies follow a bell curve.
It just seems at a certain point, going in either direction on the corporate ladder, people will get dumber and dumber as you move along.
[By: DarkRookie]
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You mean kinda like presidents of banks flew their personal jets to DC begging for money because they're destitute, then threw parties and gave themselves raises and bonuses after they got the money? I'm not sure if it's an Epic Fail or an Epic Win. -Biosynthetic
It's an epic fail on the part of the suckers who gave in to the begging. -Chromatix
More likely those the bank presidents were begging to were promised "consultancies" with the bank at a later time. -Wraith556
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52.
I am no longer.....
I am no longer allowed to refuse tickets or kick them back for the following reasons:
- No capitalization
- Horrid abuse of english language [1]
- No period or line stops
It drive me nuts honestly.
[1]: Rejecting a ticket because I can't understand is OK. I just can't say that.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Not even tickets like: "My compooter want do that thing...with teh thing?" -Biosynthetic
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like? -VIPERsssss
Viper! That thread was AWESOME. -Seamus
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53.
Hubris and Arrogance
Now this story begins around 1230. I have to watch the hardware dispatches. Any non-luser replaceable parts get sent to me to review, correct, and sent out as necessary. Well I had one that wasn't suppose to be in there. An AC adapter replacement was sent. Since that was a luser replaceable part it goes to a different queue, called the WLM queue, to get sent off. I double check the agents note, yep a mistake. Sent it to my hardware queue because he didn't have access to our part number database. Its a normal occurrence. So I send it off to the right place and let the agent know that there is no need to send it to me first to find parts.
Now lets fast forward an hour to 1330. I have just come back from lunch and low an behold an email. An email stating I did something wrong. Oh joy. I read it and just start mouthing off. A menagerie of colorful swear words and insults of the senders idiocy.
This is were it gets fun. He heard me. Not hard considering since I am only a knight's move away from him. So starts our argument and why I used a title I did. I will argue about practically anything and refuse to be wrong. So is the guy I am yelling at. I will argue even more when I am right and can prove it. Lets start with his issue and my counter points. The counters had tip numbers (except 4) but I am hiding those
Q1. I blinding move the ticket to his queue
A1. I read over the ticket and even wrote in it "Over to WLM for POS dispatch" when I moved it. Since thats all I knew at the time
Q2. System was out of warranty.
A2. I wasn't aware of it, as I didn't check. Before anyone gets onto me about this. If it was a proper hardware ticket; it would have been checked.
Q3. Agent should have sent luser to purchaser for a new AC adapter
A3. That is NOT the proper policy for AC adapters. Monitor yes. AC adapters no. Seperate policy there.
Q4. He call the AC adapter a power supply
A4. This is just a me nitpick. I am in the part database a lot and its two separate parts with two different names to me.
This didn't start civilly and it prolly wasn't going to end that way. We argued. I counter. He tried to interrupt with a wrong statement. I would cut off his answer. He would argue louder. I would do the same. Back and forth for about 5 minutes. The team leads got in the way before our voices got to loud and our language became too colorful. So he was challenged to back his statements like I did my.
He couldn't find anything faulting me for moving an improperly routed ticket.
Find nothing stating that I had to confirm each and every aspect if the ticket was misrouted. So I don't have to check warranty information before moving it. They had to once it was assign to them, like I would with a normal ticket.
Absolutely nothing about a broken AC adapter going to purchaser in the event that its out of warranty.
Number 4 was just left alone by everyone.
So I guess no LART was preformed by me in its normal meaning. No changing access. No resetting the password to 'dumbf8ck'. No physical harm to his person, possessions, or system. Nor any plans to do so.
I beat him with my favorite though. Logic. Especially the kind that says I am right.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Well played. I'm assuming that it was the responsibility of the person that originally sent you the ticket to check the warranty status? -AmazingKreskin
Yes it is. -DarkRookie
Addendum to the story. Hopefully to clear some questions up. It is yes and no for the agent checking the warranty info first. The ticketing system has a warranty end date, but it is highly inaccurate and not used. The part database has the warranty end exactly, but agent didn't have access to it. -DarkRookie
Beat them with logic, then kill them with fire... -Diptera
The title sounds a bit like a law firm... -Biosynthetic
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54.
And to think I had four hours...
One should not run ones mortal coil on caffeine, nicotine, and spite. It is not healthy for you and a mortal hazard to the people around you.
[By: DarkRookie]
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oh my poisons at the moment: Monster, Pall Mall Blue 100s, and an overwhelming desire to destroy the human race. I'm cranky. -DarkRookie
All I get anymore in Levitra, caffine and THC. -atomicbill
"Caffeine, sugar, THC; is all the doctors are going to find in me; when they do the autopsy; the micro-organism won't get me" /Boiled in Lead -AngrySup
DuMurier distict king size - Full THrottle BLue demon, distilled usenet Bitterness (or just my oen leveld of bitternets and spite) simmering frustration levels and an overall passive distain for humanity - = MOnday morning. 48 Hoursd LANS invove many more packs of smokes, a case of beer - several cans of full throttle ( or 2 bottles of NOS) and frustration / near homicidal levels of hatred toward spawn campers and that guy that seems to always get behind me / head shot me. -Harm
caffine, nicotine, spite . . . . Sounds normal to me. -SpitefulTech
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55.
Head Scratcher Here [OT]
Since its a slow day, why don't I ask for help here.
I need a little help answering the question found at the following link: http://tinyurl.com/dxarb2y (SFW)
Don't worry. I will delete this once I have my answer
[By: DarkRookie]
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57.
DO A BARREL ROLL
open in FF, Chrome, or any HTML5 browser
http://tinyurl.com/3kuewxs
hehehehehe
[By: DarkRookie]
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i found that last night! oh and the codes for barrel in starfox work to! -Harm
http://www.google.ca/#hl=en&sugexp=kjrmc&cp=12&gs_id=6&xhr=t&q=Z+or+R+twice&pf=p&sclient=psy-ab&safe=off&site=&source=hp&pbx=1&oq=Z+or+R+twice&aq=0z&aqi=g-z1g-m2&aql=f&gs_sm=&gs_upl=&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.,cf.osb&fp=860acd7772d317a2&biw=1256&bih=595 -Harm
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58.
Productive Day [OT]
We have been maxed out at 32 calls holding the whole day.
Our part dispatcher is not working.
I locked myself out of two tools cuz I am an idiot.
I am sick and really, really don't want or should be here.
But I managed to get 25% of my x-mas shopping done today.
:D
[By: DarkRookie]
Comment on Story
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59.
I found people to test the LART's on
http://www.wired.com/magazine/2011/09/mf_scareware/all/1
Great read. Makers of scareware.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Social engineering is the most powerful tool ever. -unrenowned
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60.
I think I figured it out
Our ticketing system is notoriously slow. I think I found out why.
autism2prdmt04
I really don't think your server should include autism in its name
[By: DarkRookie]
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It would be worse if the server had adhd, it would work faster, sure but it would probably get distracted halfway through the process. Or if it was visually impaired that did not see computers more than a few hops away :) -Fortytwo
autistics are sometimes hired for puter work because they can stay on task so well and ignore the stupid human stuff that leads to shoddy and slow performance. just sayin' -stiffarm
if the server was autistic - it would probably be the most stable whatever server and would keep on task without being distracted by whatever. a lot of autistic people are uber task oriented and process oriented. a-b-c-d. many a company employs autistic people as code debuggers. -Harm
if the server were ADD it would work quikly for a period of time, get distracted and wander away.. possibly comming back on task when it remembers. it may also self medicate with - eines ( caffien , nicotien) how many PPl with ADD does it take to screw ni a light bulb? only one you see and i find that joke in bad .. HEy LOOK! a Puppy! -Harm
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61.
LARTing the new guy
So I am sitting around, bored. It roughly 1615 here when it occurs. I decide to look for more work to look busy. So a trip to the Hardware Box
Lo and behold, there is one in there. Been two hours since my last one so I jump in. So I look over it before I send it off for as normal. Its missing 3 key elements. Very basic elements. Ones I know I told the new guys personally.
So I talk to the agent. Told him he did wrong. He counters every point I had an issue with.
The fun begins
Now this is just friendly banter between us.
It starts off with the name calling. Than him calling me fat. Me calling him ugly. Him with a "you dont know what your doing" Me telling him that he has more open tickets this month than anyone, setting me back down to third after some other guy broke my record.
Then he gets a call. 12 minutes later, we are at it again. This time, I had time to prepare. I scour the kbase and my sheet of top 50 tip i gave to them when they started. I find a total of 12 tip that back up my objections with the ticket. 5 for the first issue. 3 for the second. 4 for the last. Of those 12, 10 were on the list I made.
He likes to believe that he knows everything. Hell I am still asking questions. That shut him up good. He turned a bit red and sat down. You could he him muttering. Couldnt here actual words, but the intent was clear.
heheheheheh
[By: DarkRookie]
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Heh, just noticed your sig... had to go searching the Forums to confirm it really was me, as had forgotten saying that! :) -Diptera
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62.
Someone owe this man a drink
http://work.failblog.org/2011/09/23/job-fails-mark-just-saved-your-marriage/ sfw
Someboby owes someone a drink
[By: DarkRookie]
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Not necessarily; take a close look at the dates of the question and the answer. :/
-BayouTech
But it is true. Some sites out there will connect to dozens of other sites when a user thinks they are only going to one. I just hope the news came in time to save the marriage. -Captain Trips
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63.
6 for 7 now
Got a call on our EMEA line tonight. Eu hailing from Angola, Africa. I lost him 30 seconds into the call, so I really dont know what the issue was. So that make the sixth continent I have gotten a call from. Prolly the 30th country
All that is missing is Antarctica, but I doubt I will get a call from there.
[By: DarkRookie]
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That should today. Would've been tonight for the Eu. -DarkRookie
There's always that Norwegian research station, but no one's heard from them for some time. -AmazingKreskin
Going for the cycle today, DR? -skippytpodar
Skippy: ??? -DarkRookie
Any call from Antarctica (at least the US facilities) will route to the Raytheon facility in Colorado. They have their own tech support folks in place, although it would be amusing to say the least.
-VoiceOfSanity
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64.
This person needs a new mouse
http://verydemotivational.memebase.com/2011/08/11/demotivational-posters-youre-going-to-need-a-new-mouse/
Safe for Work but very disturbing.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Classic! -TieDyedDinosaur
Just think if that happened in 1945, instead of the insect - we'd be demousing our programs, and probably using a bug as a pointing device... -Captain Trips
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65.
Yes, yes I am
Yes I am outside smoking a cigarette.
Yes I know I am, technically, in the wrong AUX code. Don't care too much.
I have to take one of the most convoluted tips we have and make it near near idiot proof. One which I still have no idea quite what needs to do. The one that I have interpreted wrong and have had change three times already.
So I am going to finish this. Then I will go inside. I will bang my head against my desk til I feel better. Then cry under the desk.
And then hopefully, get another 25% of the tip finish before the day ends.
[By: DarkRookie]
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ON SMOKE BREAK! will deal with AFTER i am sufficiently nic'ed up to play nice! -Harm
How are you IN a code? -Stryker One
Stryker One:I work HellDesk. They keep a track of us by Aux Code. Each one has a different use. -DarkRookie
Yeah we have to do phone codes to. Either we're 'Available' to take incoming calls, or we turn our phone off with specific codes - break, research, meetings, and lunch. Gets tracked by software and recorded in a spreadsheet. -Blankman
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68.
Mourn The Space Shuttle
http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-awesome-images-that-will-make-you-mourn-space-shuttle/ Kinda NSFW
Great article on the space shuttle and space program
[By: DarkRookie]
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I love how everyone keeps missing the point about the shuttle program being scrapped: NASA hasn't given up. They're looking into alternate propulsion systems. Rockets are very slow. -Seamus
The future can be summed up in two words: Gigantic Railguns. -AmazingKreskin
@AK - Hopefully without turning the Moon into a penal colony. -RDMcMains
@RDMcMains: IDK we might get an actual AI that way -DarkRookie
I'm holding out for an elevator. (Even climbing at 1000 MPH, though, it will take a full day to reach geo-sync orbit.) -Captain Trips
A DAY? Not sure I could take that much elevator musak... -Diptera
What if the person standing next to you in the elevator "lets one go". Talk about your long trips. -RoadDemon
@rd: fabriz dispensers every few millimeters, or, some way of recirculating a limited amount of fresh nitrogen, or efficiently scrubbing the aromatic compounds from the expeled gas and returning it w/ a small quantity of air. Diptera, I like elevator music, thankyouverymuch. Although, elevators make me a little ill, so probably not a good idea. -AdmiralLaurie
What most people fail to realize is that orbital elevators will be at least motel size, if they're to be efficient. -Omega
I like the skyhook and space trapeze ideas, myself. I heard the Japanese gov't is working on a tether so that it would be possible to climb to space on a solid cable.
-CTYankee
@CTYankee: It is called Carbon Nanotubes... -unrenowned
Also, Authors don't kill kittens -DarkRookie
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69.
Chaking stuff
Yes there is 3 L2 here today, A bunch of OT we are taking. We all will answer question, even though we are just acting as normal agents.
(10:28 AM) Agent: thanks turns out user was calling from blackberry when asked to chak something heard buttons will call back
(10:28 AM) L2-1: yeah, he needs to call back from a landline so that we can chak stuff
(10:31 AM) L2-2: yeah, cant chak anything when he is using the blackberry to make the call
(10:32 AM) Me(L2-3): yeah when chaking stuff the BB hangs up
(10:38 AM) L2-4: :-D
[By: DarkRookie]
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Chaknugget.
-vacuumtubes
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70.
I really want to hurt this guy
http://techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=86081
Someone asked for back story so I will post one
Earlier today I had another encounter with one of the clients employees. This guy is either a moron, lacks imagination, never was a tech, or got his job via: nepotism, favoritism, or a good set of knee pads. Maybe some combo of all of the above.
I don't know if he combs thru all the ticket that get sent to the tech in the offices, but I seem to be his favorite target as of late.
I had a ticket in which the icons on the screen were humongous. 'Fish's words, not mine. She couldn't right click on the desktop to get to properties. The start bar is not showing. I couldn't remote into the system. In short, send ticket to local guy.
Nope
He had a list of the most fucking inane and moronic questions I have seen to date. The one that got me was:"Is the Eu logged into Windows?" How else would she see the icons you fuck nugget stain?
I take his list of question, and answered in all caps with a nice venom coating.
Apparently the venom coating didn't piss his boss off, but the fact that I answered in all caps. Prolly came across as a very, very mild skin irritant. Sarcasm and word play aren't my best of skills Team lead calls me over. Asked why the answer were in all caps. I said in a amazingly straight face that it was to differentiate them from the questions.
Have you ever gotten a look that the person knew your were lying and didn't say anything. I got that look. I have seen that look before. He says OK. Gives me some half-hearted lesson in typing etiquette, and I go back to my seat.
He doesn't care for the contact the client has setup for us.like the He will tie him to a stake, burn him, a gleefully dance around the fire sort of doesn't care for. So I think he would rather believe us than him.
So in short, Be happy that your team lead likes you better than the client. I think he knew I was lying about what I did.
[By: DarkRookie]
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72.
Made me laugh
http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/archives/012862.html
[By: DarkRookie]
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"Darth Moron"? -Captain Trips
shit... i think i actually know of that person...
-Harm
"Luke...I'm your Uncle-Dad..." -vacuumtubes
Luke, I'm, er, like your son, or something like that? -lineswine
<Dark Helmet> I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate. </Dark Helmet> -ecoli
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74.
Why in the world
Why to all the fish seem to want to read me THE THRICE DAMNED DEFAULT GATEWAY when I ask for the IP address.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Starfish default gateway is : 6.6.6.666 - -Wonko The Sane
Wait until they try to read IP6 addresses! -Holdfast
IPv6 is a bear to resolve at first, but once you get it, it's easy as pie :) -skippytpodar
Uh, ours want to read me the netmask. Yes, I already know it's 255.255.255.224. (Also, when they start the regular address with 127, I don't let them finish .0.0.1 - again, I already know that.) -Captain Trips
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75.
Two things that drive me up a wall
First, people who read the eight digit ticket number in a grouping of 3-3-2. WHY!? It is not even. I doesn't flow well. Numbers tend to get lost. Why not 4-4. Hell, 2-2-2-2 would be better.
Next, when they ask what phone number I want. I really don't care. Give me a phone number for an adult chat line. That would make my day when the L3s call it. I ain't asking for your office number, or BB number. Just any pattern of numbers that resemble a US phone number.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Or when they read each digit so slow. I always wait to hear at least 4 digits before I start to type it. ARGH!@$%^ -THETECHFROMHELL
Our tickets start with letters. Always the exact same letters. People insist on phonetically spelling them. Just give me the damn numbers already. -boxcar
<DA hypothesis> The 3-3-2 pattern people use in speech is probably *because* of U.S. phone numbers: area code (3), prefix (3), last four numbers... 'cept there's only two numbers to read off. Just a thought.</DA> -MeanDean
I have the same peeve with mobile numbers here, 4, 3, 3 is the only acceptable way to give a mobile number. -Bloke
I've always given non-telephone number strings in a staccato beat-beat-beat rhythm akin to ATC. "The number is WUN-TWO-TREE etc. Comes perhaps from having a grandfather in the Air Force who was rather fond of his days therein. -Lusus
@Boxcar...I appreciate it when I get strings in phonetics. It means the other person generally has a clue. Also, *they* don't know your numbering schema (just my $0.02...) -CTYankee
Used to work for a bank call center. You want annoying? Having them read their debit/credit card numbers in any grouping other than 4-4-4-4. ATM cards I give them, because the bank doesn't break those up in anyway, it's just a string of 16 numbers. But credit/debit cards are in 4# groupings! -Aelin236
It's because the registers in a lot of people's brains can't hold more than 3 digits at once. It would cause a page fault. -AmazingKreskin
Actually, there is some psych studies that show people remember numbers better in groupings of 3, but letters in groupings of 2 or 4 (about an even split between 2 and 4). -Wolfie0827
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76.
AUX codes
For anyone who has worked in a call center prolly has a general idea how these work. We have a suite here. (Break, Meeting, SME, Project, Coaching, Tool Failure, Training. 1-7 respectively). I found out my paper has a back and decided to change them a bit.
- 1. Avoiding Work
- 2. Under the tree. Meetings take place outside
- 3. EXP gain. LEVEL ++
- 4. Officially Avoiding Work
- 5. Manager yelling at me
- 6. Puter broke I am not allowed to fix my system here
- 7. "Learnin'"
- Next Two I added
- 8. Zombie Attack
- 9. Alien Invasion
What do you think?
[By: DarkRookie]
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heh -- oh i remeber thise.. AUX 76 ( TL coaching) was unofficially changed to Liquide Lunch for the tech supervisor team... -Harm
#3 made me think of this cartoon: http://www.egscomics.com/?date=2003-06-12 -Erictheblue
I don't miss those from my previous work. The support desk I'm at now doesn't have them, thankfully. We got break and we got work and that's all we need. -thisid
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77.
SW meetup in Orlando
http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?t=11546
Anyone with more ideas?
[By: DarkRookie]
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TechSidhe and I have tenatively pencilled in for this weekend, so there's that. I'll be there for 4 days with a friend anywho, so maybe we can work some stuff out. I'm also open to coming other weekends as well, since my financial situation is looking a tad bit sunnier, and I have a couple other long weekends coming up. -skippytpodar
Still trying to work out logistics on this. I will know by tomorrow night what I am doing. -TechieSidhe
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78.
The CDC warns about zombies
...and hurricanes apparently.
http://emergency.cdc.gov/socialmedia/zombies_blog.asp
[By: DarkRookie]
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i just thought i should mention: the guy who wrote the "zombie survival guide" also wrote a novel: "World War Z". -Erictheblue
That is FANTASTIC!!! -sallysedai
Smart way to change it up so people pay attention to them. -ActingUpAgain
OH OH! I call dibs on Zombie response squade! dibs on the auto shotgun or the chaingun! -Harm
You know, this may be one of the better ways to get folks to think about disaster preparedness over the usual sorts of pages and announcements they make. I like how they mention other disasters such as hurricanes (next week is Hurricane Preparedness Week at our worksite), and given the way that zombies of late have become the "in thing", it's a nice way to get folks to think about what they need. (Yes, living in a hurricane zone means I usually have my disaster preparedness kit stocked for the most part... and I'll be picking up what I need in the next few weeks.) -VoiceOfSanity
Their recommended readiness kit is severely lacking in the arsenal department. -Stryker One
I just read this. I agree the kit is very severely lacking in the arsenal department. I call dibs on the poisoned arrows! -AdmiralLaurie
Good thing I got ol' painless when i did. -OldScratch
Tongue in cheek way of using the upcoming "Doomsday" to keep getting the real point out. -MadJack
Oh; and who made off w/ my .44 Automag? If the world starts ending @ 6pm Saturday @ the IDL; The panic will hit streets before my Friday night shift is over; and I'll need it! ;) -MadJack
Yeah, yeah, we know, they didn't include the weapons. The last thing we need is for the geeks to start being confused with the Montana Militiamen, or any of the other post-apocalyptic groups out there... -VoiceOfSanity
It is kind of expected.I wonder if they tell you to wash your hands to prevent getting infected? -OldScratch
I have always wondered how effective a good spray paint application to the head would be towards disabling Zombies. Or at least reduce their ability to navigate. -TieDyedDinosaur
@MadJack but the zombies are leaving us on saturday -DarkRookie
After a typical Saturday night, zombies are all that're left, anyway! ;) But, if there's anyone left alive after the end of the world, they'd all be undead, anyway, amiright? 0_0 -MadJack
oh, i just remembered this article: http://www.cracked.com/article_18683_7-scientific-reasons-zombie-outbreak-would-fail-quickly.html -Erictheblue
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79.
Why, oh why?
Why does everyone calls me want to check there thrice damned email to see if they our on our intranet. The home page is quicker and all the internet browser default to it. And the only way to get to it is when you are ON THE DEITY DAMNED NETWORK.
http://inside.honeywell.com for the curious
[By: DarkRookie]
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"Is there a problem with the network?" "Why do you ask?" "Just wondering." "Are you using your deskphone?" "Yes." "Then WHY ARE YOU ASKING IF THERE'S A PROBLEM WITH THE NETWORK?" [We use VoIP phones... if you can call me, there's not a problem.] -VoiceOfSanity
VoiceOfSanity, that may not be true. The way our network is set up, voice and data traffic are routed two different ways. It is possible here, even with VoIP for phones to work, and data to not be. -TechieSidhe
TechieSidhe - That might be true, but in the company I work for, the VoIP and regular network are on the same lines and go to the same central server location. The servers may be separate, but that's only inside the data center. Outside the data center, it's one pipe carrying the data to our site and all the others in the region. (When Huntsville went down from the tornadoes in late April, VoIP and network services for a lot of sites went down with it.) -VoiceOfSanity
DNS fail on that link. -Stryker One
Its the point, without being on the intranet; that goes no where. Trust me, that page loads faster then OL ever will. -DarkRookie
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85.
Why do these people work here
Because of the general idiocy of the day I need an outlet. A short rant of two people I won't hand this site to.
First is Matt, our On Site Tech (Field Tech, People Hell Desk escalates to, whatever. We called them that here). He calls me first to try to figure out what to do. I get the ticket number and ,low and behold, the god damn answer is in the ticket. Reinstall our VPN software. I thought he was messing with me. Then the second call comes about ten minutes late. I get him again. I recognized his voice and ticket number. (For those lucky enough not to work HD, that is a pretty rare occurrence) He doesn't recall me a bit. Even though I use his name before he gave it. Now he needs help configuring the VPN software. It is not hard. It was one of the first thing I memorized working here. Apparently they get paid double us. If the rumors are to be believed. Hell I would move to get that morons job.
Second moron is a guy who works here at the HD. Complete and utter starfish. I really don't know how he got this job and has kept it for the last 6 months when we let go better agents. I know he has no connections here cause no one likes him. He must, MUST, be told 2-6 times what to do before he will feign understanding and proceed to destroy the users systems with his stupid magiks. On top of that, his notes sucks. They rival George in the murder on the English language.
Some of his other fine points:
- He smells bad. Like a cross between soured milk and road kill. There is a one cube space completely around him
- He will randomly just start a conversation and will attempt to keep it going. He doesn't get the hint no one likes talking to him
- The way he talks to you is beyond weird and way into the creepy territory. Not the only one who says so. He will stare at you when talking, and then constantly blink, like his scare to look into your eyes. Its is creepy and distracting as hell
Well that rant is concluded. Maybe the voice will stop screaming murder because of it. It just one of them days. :(
[By: DarkRookie]
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Did this guy happen to work for a hardware repair company before he came to work for you? We had a guy show up at our office smelling like sour milk and dirty diapers left in a hot car for two weeks. -TechieSidhe
Why do m0r0n5 like that ALWAYS seem to keep their jobs? Makes you wonder how many times the universe has been replaced by something even more bizarre & inexplicable in our lifetimes, doesn't it? ;) -MadJack
The description of how he smells makes me gag. If it's a medical condition, get it looked at. If not, y'know, there's something called soap, a scrubber and hot water. Use them. Liberally. -AdmiralLaurie
Aspergers? Maybe? -Stryker One
"He doesn't get the hint no one likes talking to him" Or he just plain doesn't care. -SpiderRider3
A coworker had the smell problem until we discreetly mentioned it, all of a sudden it's gone, dunno if the wife changed the process at home lol. Great guy otherwise. -desseb
Does he by any chance wear a Pokemon necklace? -Trillian
The funniest part is all the comments more or less saying, "I know that guy!" -minchazo
I've been to sf/fantasy cons with folks like that. Thankfully I managed to stay upwind of those kinds, as I'm a firm believer of showers, soap and deodorant usage. -VoiceOfSanity
Minchazo, DarkRookie and I work in the same town. It's entirely possible I do know that guy. -TechieSidhe
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86.
True true true
http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/archives/012582.html
[By: DarkRookie]
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...gotta disagree. The worst of them do so much damage, he'd be only a pinprick more. -CTYankee
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87.
Thanks
Thanks for who ever metion the site logmein.com It just save me a trip to my friends house.
I am such a lazy bastard
[By: DarkRookie]
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Ever since they took VNC away from us ("it isn't PCI compliant") we have relied on that site even for in-house support! (It's okay, because it requires both parties knowing consent for a connection. VNC doesn't.) -Captain Trips
I've been using TeamViewer. Just removed a virus from my dad's laptop remotely with that program. -linuxmatt
+1 linuxmatt. I've used Teamviewer to resolve issues reported by my parents. Makes the job so much easier and less stressful to just remote in and see what's happening. -Wraith556
Been using LMI for years. Just a couple weeks ago I helped my SIL set up a new laptop and two airport expresses.
We use Remote Assistance where I work. -Jeckler
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89.
South East US meet up
http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?t=11546
This letting y'all know some more details. Looks like we have four confirmed so far. I think we are shooting for June or July in Orlando. Disney has been talked about, but not confirmed (It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. AHHH get outta my head)
Preferably indoors.
So if you are in the SE and would like to come, or have a vacation already planned for coming down here, come speak up.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Cool beans! Hopefully more will be able to come :) And if Disney is the choice, we can meet up somewhere beforehand and carpool there. Anyone with an Annual Pass can park there for free, which will mean more money for goodies :) -skippytpodar
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91.
Update
In regard to story: http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=85366
Its finally fix. No more Siebel message. Hallelujah.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Yeah, easy for YOU to say. Our Siebel troubles are never-ending. (But usually an issue of network latency, as our system is remotely administered 1500 miles away.) -Captain Trips
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93.
When did this happen
Found this since I can't type
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tech_Support_Comedy
When did we get a wiki page?
[By: DarkRookie]
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The edit history says Veinor created it in 2006, which tallies with my recollection, and the departed ElCapitan did a lot of editing to bring it up to par in 2006 and 2007. I guess it's been sort of lying fallow since early '08... -chazz
Yeah it's outta date...I didn't get my t-shirt along with my ass :( -0gr3
There used to be a lot more info on the page, but it got chopped quite a while ago. -AmazingKreskin
>I didn't get my t-shirt
Does Hawk even come here anymore? I gave up on my T-shirt many moons ago. -Tarantulus
In particular, the wiki entry doesn't warn people about burrkiss. This is probably a grave oversight... -Diptera
I remember a couple years ago that Hawk mentioned the shirts would no longer be made, and he'd disabled the star purchase/renewal option for getting a shirt. There was brief interest from a couple members about requesting rights to produce and sell the shirts, but I think that died off as well. IIRC, Hawk bumped the users "owed shirts" an extra year on their star membership. -Grue
It does currently say that t-shirts are "suspended", though. -Seamyst
IIRC, we've had one for a while, but it was deleted (or at least marked for deletion) for being "not notable". -linuxmatt
Well, looking at the history it seems it was Veinor at 6:28 on 29/10/2006. Quite a few others seem to have contributed. -AussieFoot
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94.
12/10/2010 10:00
Thanks to who ever inflated my ass. Needed an excuse to buy new jeans :P
The day that will live in infamy, or until they fix it and we forget about.
Since that date, we have had a recording when we transfer to the server team. No one else has that but us Hell Desk techs and the AOAs. (AOAs order things for Eu, can't modify the phone recordings)
The same message has been playing from that date and time. Apparently the number for SIEBEL support is still not working, 3 months later. Who the hell support this. I know it ain't us. Prolly not the server team since they have no clue what SIEBEL is. Then again, I don't either
Everyone of us has complained about and still it hasn't change. It is fucking annoying waiting the 30secs to get past that message since the server will hang up on us 2 out of 3 times for no reason what so ever. It doesn't help that half the agents here have not met there AHT goals and I know for a fact that wouldn't be a problem if that message wasn't there. /rant
[By: DarkRookie]
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95.
Neat toy!
http://howsecureismypassword.net/ (SFW) So how secure is it
[By: DarkRookie]
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Most common used: 3 hrs, lazy password: .048 sec, secure password: 169 days, work password: 106 years -DarkRookie
My normal password is about 6000 years. I thought it was a fairly simple one... -Evan
Spam email: .4 seconds, work passwords: 9 quadrillion years, the "I don't care" password: about 3 hours (odd), the database editor: 2 billion years. -ravensentinel
And for the paranoid among us . . . what is the likelyhood that we just entered our passwords into a spambot setup specifically to collect our passwords? -geeklady
Likelihood is high. I wonder what my passwords would be? I use the same 2-3 for insecure mail (friends and other people that don't have access to credit card information) and other less important sites (Fark/TSC/Facebook/WoW), but my other passwords are randomly generated with letter/number/symbol, 8 characters. -Transkaren
Source Code: http://howsecureismypassword.net/passwordstrength.js -DarkRookie
Source code? Or at least, so they say... -chazz
I'm with Geeklady... I didn't enter my password but one using the same template of letters, numbers, capitals and symbols. 9 years was the result. ;) -JoeLugian
eve online, 4 trillion years. -boxcar
Averysecurepassword really is! I am not sure about that. It has only letters - no numbers and no symbols. It would take about "50 quadrillion years" to brute force. -Holdfast
I doubt the accuracy. Just typing "fds" over and over again gives whacky results. Any dedicated, devoted password crack would/should look for that sort of nonsense/manager password. -Lusus
I tested it, a password that it says would take over a year I was able to crack in ~2 minutes with ophcrack. -0gr3
Meh. antidisestablishmentarianism would take about 527 sextillion years. But Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious would take about 2 tredecillion years. -Necros
Looking at the source, it doesn't take dictionary+variant crackers into account. It only checks a list of explicit common passwords, then determines how long it would take to brute-force it. -Chromatix
hmmm.. tried my most common password, it said 3 hours. Changed one letter to uppercase (which I use for sites that insist on it) and it jumped up to 10 days... -Shaede
HAHA! Work password:46 Million Years = WIN! -ChildofCthulhu
My TrueCrypt encryption password: 374 trillion years. My pron collection is SAFE for all eternity! -RiffRaff
Personal password (short variant) 45 minutes (longer variant) about three hours. Server GRUB password: about a day. Server root password: Abuot a trillion years. -OgdenTechGuy
RiffRaff - My porn password will take about 266 octillion years.
-Divinar
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96.
Well no crap
m.gizmodo.com/5772585/your-computer-problems-are-almost-definitely-your-own-fault
So true. SFW
[By: DarkRookie]
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My fave: "Me: 'You need to buy a new sound card.' User: 'Okay, and do I just need to put that in the CD drive?'"
-ravensentinel
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97.
TL;DR
That is you want to kill a bit of time between calls. http://www.groklaw.net/article.php?story=20110218181557455
[By: DarkRookie]
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The case seems to be a slam dunk. IMHO Sony just shot themselves in the hip with that one. Morons. -AdmiralLaurie
The access to that part of the drive was not lost, Just the ability to access that part of the drive through the PS3, the data is still there if you open up the unit, and pop the hard-drive into a system. A pain in the ass since it is a laptop hard drive, but not that hard to do. Seeing as that seems to be one of the biggest complaints made, might not be as cut and dry. -ZombieBear
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98.
Its Early
It is too damned early. I got up and to work before sunrise, rooster callings, and the GOD DAMN FOG. I am at work to early when at my first break 2 hours in; I am watching the fog roll in. 1430 is not getting here fast enough. 1 Call in 3 hours. Not too bad.
[By: DarkRookie]
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You got fog? We have snow (New England). First time it's been ice-type slippery this entire winter. -CTYankee
It was 65* here yesterday. I was outside with shorts and a t-shirt. Also, we're getting huge bonuses this year. <ducks> -VIPERsssss
Would you rather be in that early (3 to 4 am) to unload a fast food delivery truck for 2.5 hours in either -10 snow, 80F AND raining or 90F. Or would you rather be in that early to sit at a desk? ... NOW imagine that one of your ankles is 45 degrees off axis and the leg is shorter so that you walk to the opposite angle than it has grown in.... -axjdo
It's sunny and seventies here. :D -AdmiralLaurie
Cups to litres, I get it. Feet and meters, I get it. Fahrenheit to Celsius, I can't do it. I see 20 degrees, and I go- damn, that's some fine summer weather. -LDFeral
You know you're getting up too early when the roosters are telling you "Dude! WTF?" -AussieFoot
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99.
To the prog. that wrote that VB script
MsgBox("Done") One extra line moron. I don't know VBS at all and found it on Google in less than 30 seconds. How am I suppose to know when it is done. Written for us to use my ass.
[By: DarkRookie]
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I added the line myself. It works. It take roughly 30 seconds to run the program. That would have been nice to now. -DarkRookie
*raises hand* I'm guilty of that often myself. I start running an agent in Lotus domino and am like "wtf?"...doh! I forgot to put in a status counter to let me know it's doing *something*... -ChildofCthulhu
Friggin' lotus script. -LDFeral
Status counters are nifty...that is if you were nice enough to say caluclate the total work steps first. If you are working on object 10 but don't tell the person they have 3 million objects to process, they might be sitting there a bit. I've done that to myself before in SQL processing lol. -ravensentinel
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100.
Well that was fun.
I never noticed how tweaking I have done to my home systems till now. We just got Win7 machines here at work and it took half an hour to get it the way I wanted. I didn't think I mess around to much with it. Also who ever decided to change the monitors out should be shot. The resolution on these are 1440x900. I like the wide screen, but losing that 124 pixels from the y axis sucks.
[By: DarkRookie]
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I'm very attached to my 1680x1050 at home, and miss it greatly when I'm at work, where I'm saddled with 1152x864. My only consolation is that I get two of them at work, at least. -AmazingKreskin
1920 x 1200 on my both my monitors at home - When I get to work its 1920 x 1080 and 1280 x 1024, so dont mind so much *grins* -TechKittenNotts
1024*768 + 1280*1024 + 1280*1024 +1280* 1024 = 4-screen glory. -SoldierJedi
My laptop is 1920x1200 (15" screen), with an external 1920x1200 (24" LCD). -Kid
1440x900 X2 here at work
1920x1080 home desktop at home
1300x 900 personal lappy -McSmiley
2048*1152 at home, 1280*1024 at work. -AussieFoot
1980x1080 on two 23" at home. 1280x1024 on a crappy old CRT at work. -hobobanana
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101.
You know your a programmer when...
when you hack together 150 lines in 10 minutes, where 3 was correctly making the output string and 2 finding a missing parenthesis. Add your own.
[By: DarkRookie]
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...you think that Perl looks the same before and after encryption. -RamenMcTavish
When you have complicated drawings tacked to the wall behind your desk, or, if you have sticky notes all over the place with half-finished code scraps lying around, or stuck to the coffee pot. -AdmiralLaurie
...when you see code brackets that aren't formatted the way you like them, and it irritates you until you change them. -RamenMcTavish
...when you find yourself designing an app, script or module to handle every repetitive action you perform on a computer. -virtualchoirboy
you start designing logic gates in Open Transport Tycoon... no wait that's an electrical engineer. (also, no kidding: http://blog.openttdcoop.org/2009/01/18/optimization-of-logic-logic-gates-part-ii/ ) -Archonix
...you have and routinely use a script that removes unnecessary whitespace and comments from your production code. *Not me, but someone I work with.* -RamenMcTavish
.....you would rather code than have sex. -burrkiss
....when the majority of the code needed is written in your head before you even sit down at the keyboard. -BarmanVarn
... when the only difference in sober code, and drunken code, is the profanity. -LDFeral
...when you use "your" when you should be using "you're". (Sorry, my OCD kicked and I had to.) -Jonos
understand_this? if forthprogrammer then. -Fortytwo
...when you can fix a problem the higher-ups in the company claim will take months...while the conference call on which it's being discussed is still going on. (Guy in my department--thanks Mike!) -AnneBWalsh
f y cn rd ths y cn gt gd jb n cmptr prgrmng -DarkRookie
If you have seen Javascript that makes less sense than a Perl script. -Chromatix
If you twitch when you see a submit button named "submit". -AussieFoot
...when you consider caffeine to be a food group all on its' own. -lineswine
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102.
THE NGP!!!!
blog.us.playstation.com/2011/01/27/next-generation-portable-ngp-all-the-early-details/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=NGPTech_12711 or the PSP2. <drools> Me wants. Only downside. No UMD drive, so how do i play old games?
[By: DarkRookie]
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and where's the 4G support? >_> -Omega
Screwing over previous customers again, 3G support (why?!) and a rear touchscreen/touchpad (WHY?!). The sony way! -Caboose447
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103.
Have you ever...
Have you ever not created a ticket right just because you couldn't trust what you would say in said ticket. Case in point: I had a luser calling with adobe issue. I have him read the error message to me: "Please open Acrobat 9 Pro and accept the license agreement to continue." That was the message and the solution as well. So I made what we call a call log. We are suppose to make them if we don't get any info, which I did. I didn't see myself deleting 'Eu ask a stupid fucking question and couldn't read' from the notes.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Users are, by their nature, unable to comprehend sometimes the most simple of statements on the computer screen. These are the same folks who look for the "Any" key on the keyboard, or when facing a dialog box asks if they should click "ok" when that's the only option available. Fortunately, I am now at a location where that sort of issue isn't as common... I've yet to see the real problems.
-VoiceOfSanity
I once wrote in my ticket "Mbr will erect their own pole (giggety)", and forgot to remove it from my notes before I saved the ticket. -Jonos
We use Heat. (Yeah, I know.) On a call like this, I will close it with "connected to user's desktop, showed user how to open Acrobat 9, and how to click on the button that says "accept to continue." And mark "Training: Y" because they need to be taught how to fucking read! -Captain Trips
(Okay, I don't put the word "fucking" in the ticket. I may not like some parts of my job, but I like to keep it.) -Captain Trips
On the flip side, these folks go home with their laptop at the end of the day, and start surfing dodgy websites. Para.33, section 5, "all your base are belong to us". -AngrySup
I once had someone (okay, it was my father) ask me how to get past an error screen. The message was "Press the spacebar to continue". When I asked him what he thought the message meant, he yelled "If I knew, I wouldn't be asking you". Come to think of it, I submitted that before. http://techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=64788 -MisterCommon
Direct quote when trying to get someone in a support session: "Ok, now I have a blue button that says 'Click here, then choose Run.' What do I do?" -Trillian
I had to enter this ticket recently: [User] cannot print document. Resolved by clicking "print" icon. -hymie
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104.
Who did it
You made this up. I know it was one of y'all http://work.failblog.org/2011/01/21/job-fails-congratulations-you-need-to-reinstall/
[By: DarkRookie]
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105.
The truth is told
http://thisisindexed.com/2011/01/esprit-de-corps/
[By: DarkRookie]
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reminds me of this cartoon: http://freefall.purrsia.com/ff800/fv00762.htm (the ship's computer hates Sam) -Erictheblue
I haven't read Freefall in years! Thanks! -Jonos
I'm stealing that for FB -crazymactech
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106.
Lets learn Boolean today
Here is a list of question that should have only 2 answers. No maybes. No let me bring that up. "Do you have the login box up?" In regard to the EPE. "Do you know how to get your IP address?" "New or existing issue?" "Is this Eu is the US?" In regard to the server team, which handles Canadian Eu's. I don't, unless they are in the states. "Is this a laptop or desktop?" How this is hard is beyond me. There is prolly a few others, but I can not recall those at the moment.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Are you in front of the computer right now?...Is the computer turned on?...Do your room/office lights work?... -ChildofCthulhu
Can you pass the turing test? -McSmiley
True / False / File Not Found... -Wonko The Sane
I previously worked on a huge call center where we had so many nubies that we setup a default set of questions that had to be pasted into all their new tickets. Verify Machine name, persons name (and logon) phone number, location etc. If they didn't get that then they weren't allowed to pass the ticket on. -AniMaL
These fishies must be very buggy quantum computers. How buggy? "computer_on [TRUE/FALSE/BANANA]" -linuxmatt
abort/retry/fail ? -lineswine
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107.
If I find that person...
Some of you might have come across this POS software endpoint encryption. I believe it encrypts the HDD or something like that. The Eu's have to log into it, and when it works right, it just goes right into Windows. No fuss. When it does break, we have way to either reset that password or boot them into Windows to fix it. Not fun to fix, but doable. In the last 6 weeks it has failed twice. When this software fails, it take every system with it as well. Back in early December, an 'update' was pushed. Broke every system that uses it. We didn't have a permanent fixed for 3 fucking days for that. It was pretty much get into Windows and tell them not to restart there systems. Then the clients realize that something is broke and gave us a fix. Now its broken again. This time it is only affecting Win 7 users. So only 1500 users instead of 50000. Thing is everyday since Wednesday, the screen the Eus are getting stuck on changes. So when trying to troubleshoot the issue and walk them the solutions, yesterday solution doesn't work. So we get about 7 emails with the current solution. I just want to bang my head against a wall.
[By: DarkRookie]
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does this endpoint encryption software's name start with 'M'? or is there an owl in the logo? -figglywig
Our company uses whole drive encryption as well, but none of this making it easy for the users. You log into the encryption, system boots, then log into Windows. For me, I then have to log into the VPN to access the network. All 3 passwords MUST be different. Gotta love paranoid network security folks. -virtualchoirboy
We aren't paranoid, just making sure the helldesk has work to do.....<.< >.> gotta go encrypt something to look busy.... -Olorin
it start with 'M' and rhymes with shitafee -DarkRookie
You need to keep a copy of BitUnlocker handy. Check the link to see it in action.
:-)
http://citp.princeton.edu/memory/ -AniMaL
We use that software on all of our laptops, but when we started using it, it was called SafeBoot. And it is a pain to deal with. -Acros
Like Acros, we started with Safeboot. In fact the server still has that in the name.
I think I have found out an advantage of being (almost) exclusively XP. It doesn't seem to update. Just Synchs and works. -Holdfast
Agreed with Holdfast. I would say about 97% of our machines are still on XP. We are slowly rolling out Win7. On the laptops with Win7, they have not installed it yet. Bugs are still trying to get worked out. -Acros
Our company uses MEE (!!!) for our Windows 7 images. I've been using it for the last year, to be honest I hadn't had any issues with it working on our systems anywhere. Admittedly, we do have a direct line to the company for support (as in dragging their head programmers in to fix things, just like with Microsoft). But we're $Big_Major_Company and not a smaller company... -VoiceOfSanity
Being paranoid is no guarantee there isn't someone out to get them. ;) -AussieFoot
I feel your pain. -THETECHFROMHELL
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108.
It's been to long
You know it has been a long day on the phone when you have 5 template spots left and you don't feel like coping and pasting. When you don't catch an incorrect transfer. When you start running out of words today. then you relieze that you have an hour left to go. My liver is having a work out tonight. It needs to earn its keep
[By: DarkRookie]
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words today should read words to say. -DarkRookie
Actually, I thought the first version was just as good. There've been times when I've just.. run out of words. -SoldierJedi
"I'm sorry, I would explain the solution to your problem, but I've hit my quota on words today, and if I tried to explain your issue, I'd have to borrow from tomorrow, which would put me at a serious disadvantage, and just would lead to a vicious cycle that I probably wouldn't be able to pull myself out of for at least 3 months. Crap, there we go. Death spiral, ahoy!" -AmazingKreskin
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109.
[nt/ot] This worries me
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-12145602 I hope if you are over there, you fight it.
[By: DarkRookie]
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What's next? As babies are born take a DNA sample and put in the 'system' so should they commit a crime they already have it? What utter pants. -0gr3
Agreed. My sympathies to anyone who has lost a family member to a violent crime (or for any reason for that matter), but treating every man in the city as a criminal is not the answer, at least not in a free society. -Jonos
Police/Courts already assume a woman is telling the 125% truth when they claim rape; even when it is false. If a man declares a woman raped him, he get's laughed at; mocked... President Obama is puzzled by how many fathers either don't have custody or visitation of their children; yet the courts are quick to take it all away from a man on the whim of a woman. Why should we stop there?!?! Let's go for manadatory DNA testing at BIRTH!! Let's just FUCK all men's rights because we all know that women are 100% truthful and are the BEST parents in the WORLD!! /sarcasm Fuck these courts and police policies! I an sick of this shit; having a Y chromosome is NOT a fucking CRIME! -unrenowned
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114.
I have linky
This didn't seem worthy of LoTD but, still funny.
[SFW]Unless you're a programmer.
http://www.junauza.com/2010/12/top-50-programming-quotes-of-all-time.html
Have fun, and add your own.
[By: DarkRookie]
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True, oh so true... -Diptera
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115.
I have linky II
Thi almost bump the LotD, but I like cybernetics more.
http://www.teachparentstech.org/
hehehe
[By: DarkRookie]
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Brilliant! -Seamus
We likes it we does... now all I need to do is fix the munted spelling of 'mum' and Christmas is sorted -PoglaTheGrate
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116.
You want me to fix what?
So I am waiting on a call. It is about noon and hoping for one now at fifteen till lunch instead of three till so I don’t mess up my adherence stat, which right now is pretty bad. At 1202 the phone rings.
“Thanks for calling, This is DarkRookie. Can I have your ID number,” I answered trying to keep the annoyance in my voice to a near minimum. Failed utterly if you knew me.
“Sure. It is [6 random digits],” the ‘fish said neutrally.At least it starts nice.
“Can I have the asset tag number of machine,” I ask still failing to keep my voice from betraying my feelings.
“Uh. It doesn’t have one. It has this [random 12 digit code]. Does that help?” he asked.
“No. Haven’t heard of a number like that. What type of system is it?” I enquired. The three types being either Dell, HP, or IBM.
“It not a system. It is a golf cart,” he responses, confusion lacing his voice, like I am the one asking a dumb question.
This is where I am dumbfounded. I know my jaw dropped open at that. I also cocked my head to the side as if to hear him better.
“A golf cart?” I say incredulously.
“Yes.”
“There is really not much here we can do for that. We fix computers not equipment like that.”
So I am looking for the number for facilities there., or attempting to. The tip DB ain’t working as normal.
“Well I am trying to find the number for facilities, but the DB ain’t working.”
As per normal operating procedure is what I wanted to say, but I have been in trouble for smack talking the tools to the Eu. Especially the tip DB. I guess the client spent too much time making it work, and is blinded about the fact it is a steaming pile of shit. I digress.
“Oh, I have contacted him already. He said to contact you guys at the 4013 number. Then the lady transferred me to you.”
4013 is the last four digit of our help desk number.
Now I am completely just amazed. I check the number on the phone. Sure enough, our server team transferred the call. Cold transfer at that. Without giving the Eu a ticket number. Too bad the Eu couldn’t remember the name of the agent. I have really wanted to get one of those guys fired for incompetence.
That not the bad part, it is the part that the facility guy sent the Eu my way to begin with. What are we suppose to do. Wish it back to operation? My MP is low right now. Give an OST a ticket to work on it? He would die laughing at it. I did manage to get that guy name and EID, and here is hoping he does get fired.
“Well sir. I can’t really do anything for a golf cart. We deal with computers exclusively here,” I explained.
“The facility guy said to contact you guys,” he says with the neepage slipping into his voice.
“Well he was wrong about doing that. We other do computers here. Call him back and tell him that we said that,” I explained again.
“Well I am going to call back with him on the line. Any way to get back to you?” he asked. Full neepage in his voice.
“Not me directly. Anyone here can tell you the same thing. Dial the help desk to get anyone of us.”
“Ok”
“Anything else?”
“Nope.”
“Have a good day and thanks for calling.”
He hangs up. I didn’t create a full ticket, since it wasn’t needed. I should have though. In case the Eu calls back. Just to see what was said.
So, I share that little encounter in the chat room. (Which I am allowed back in.) I have about five people go Huh. WTF. LOLz.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Sounds about right. We get calls that the bathrooms don't work, the ceiling is leaking, the power is out...the Help Desk is the dumping ground for all calls nobody knows what to do with. -TechieSidhe
the best one I've heard so far is 'there are fleas in the neighboring cubicle, because of the contractors that were here'.... oh, my... -figglywig
I was just transferred from a contract where we were the poc for any and all calls, office too cold, call the helpdesk, carpet needs cleaning, call the helpdesk, need office furniture moved? call the frackin' help desk... -DedSysOp
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117.
Much better than Ron White
http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson823.html
SFW I promise
[By: DarkRookie]
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Another addition to my Google Reader page. Thanks! -AmazingKreskin
Jabbergasted. Gotta write that one down... -udoshan
Thanks D.R. for that. -Rabbitt
I'll be busy this evening going thru his archives. -concept14
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118.
Ransomware
wandering around teh tube and found this
blog.fortinet.com/all-your-drives-are-belong-to-us/
had to share on the main site. Dont know how many veiw without going in the forums.
Wasnt able to read the article in too much detail, cuz i am on a phone, but it seems a MBR rewrite should fix it
[By: DarkRookie]
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MBR rewrite will fix it if you have default partition setup. The key is the partition table; you have to replace that exactly as it was. -chazz
I used a tool many years ago which could scan the drive and, from filesystem metadata, could figure out where the partitions were. I managed to recover most of the data from a rapidly dying 10GB drive with that help. (The manufacturer replaced it with a 20GB unit.) -Chromatix
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121.
No bumpee
Didn't want to bump the LotD.
I found this a fun read
http://chronicle.com/article/The-Shadow-Scholar/125329/
[By: DarkRookie]
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so he's a professional student, he must have like a ton of (un/honory) doctorates. -drachen
I think I'm going to be sick... -RandalGraves
An Expert for a Day. While I'm sure it's been phrased better by many others... The guy's a writer. I know folks in academia, the press, and (not surprisingly), marketing, that make their livings just this way. As they said, knowing who to hire is a critical business skill. -AngrySup
Great read. Thanks for the link. -ThinTheHerd
I still have a copy of an essay written by one of my college classmates (in a fourth-year class). The title and subtitle consisted of five words - and two grammatical errors. It went downhill from there. *sigh* At least I'm pretty sure that she wrote it herself :p -Shooter
Makes me wonder ust how many degrees I could easily get if I went back to school. (I already have one.) -Chromatix
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122.
I found OTIS
http://work.failblog.org/2010/11/13/job-lols-the-company-workhorse-has-been-downsized/
[By: DarkRookie]
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Naah... he's too cute and doesn't do enough damage. Swatting a starfish with that would not even leave a mark... -chazz
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123.
But the OST found it funny.
I am no longer allow to attempt to rick roll the on site techd any longer.
I don't have to fill out those fields any longer, but still have to put things in them.
The letter 'x' is the only thing that should go into those fields. Not random song lyrics or memes.
[By: DarkRookie]
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:) -AussieFoot
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124.
I cant count past 10, imma outta fingers
This is a friend of mine story. He placed it on Facebook and decided I wanted to share it with everyone here. I sent him a link to the site, but I don't know when, or even if he will join.
I will post a little more detail about him and and the story in the break room.
Hope you enjoy!
I am having troubles posting the story, prolly do to its length, posting it in the Break Room, http://www.techcomedy.com/members/message_board/viewtopic.php?p=164237#164237
[By: DarkRookie]
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You could almost use that logic to make an argument that you deserve free fuel for life because the car had a full tank when you bought it. ;) -AussieFoot
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127.
Things DR is no longer allow to do
Since I really don't have any major complaints or outrageous stories to tell. I like collecting a small list of things here that I am not allowed to do or/and annoy me. Please share any other similar experiences.
- I am no longer allowed to call the tip DB, RD, or remote tool any of the following: slow, stupid, managed by monkeys, or programed by a drunken retard
- My Call of Duty: Black Ops poster is not allowed, but the Dragon Age 2 poster is fine.
- I am no longer allowed to participate in any of the following conversations, even if the Eu on the phone starts it: Legalization of pot, brands of beer, polygamy, favorite adult star, WMDs, military weapons, impromptu weaponry, or How to hide a dead body.
- I am no longer allowed to laugh if my team lead compares himself to a large mammal uknowingly.
- The new people on the floor are not suppose to be called 'Fresh Meat'. N00b, greener than grass, or newly admitted are allowed
- I am no longer allow to play the new guy card since I have been here 7 months now
- I am no longer allow to break the processess in the tips. This causing to much work for the WLM and she, the SME, my Team Lead, and the client doesn't like it.
- I am not allowed to to threaten bodily harm with the phone
- Standing on the desk to fix a light is not allowed, even if it hasn't been looked at and I have talk to the right people to fix it.
Well thats all for now. I will prolly have a few more added to the list by the years end.
[By: DarkRookie]
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i was once banned from bringing a battle Axe to work... then a saber.. then a longsword, then a katana, .. then a flail.. Oddly enuogh they never minded my paintball gear. only reason i had any of those @ work was i purchsed / picked them up from the UPS depot on my way INto work.. didnt have time to get the stuff home ( cept the paintball stuff.. they knew i was heading to a game after work.. and thought the gear was cool) -Harm
You can't call it "managed by monkeys" or "programmed by a drunken retard"? then call it "programmed by a retarded monkey" and "managed by drunkards" -Obsi
Harm: time to order a repeating crossbow. -Chromatix
I am not allowed to tell 'fishies that they will be the first to be assimilated during the coming Borg invasion, in order to provide the techies time to hide underground where the Borg will never find us. -KrazerKap
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128.
It is almost done
http://www.joystiq.com/2010/09/03/duke-nukem-forever-being-completed-by-gearbox-expected-next-yea/
Anyone got a copy of the orignals, cuz I have never played 'em.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Problem is, no matter how much awesome Gearbox eventually brings to the table, it's still not going to live up to a decade and a half of hype. -AmazingKreskin
They even hired Axl Rose as a consultant to help them get the project finished on time. -Quark
i - i just don't know.. Duke seems to have been soo distant these last .. decade and a bit.. i was hyped when i was 17, 18, 19. 20 i forgot about it... now - while Fallout 3 was freaking awsome.. i'm just not sure Duke will be the " OMFGBBQWTFROFLCOPERBBQ1" that its been promised to be. -Harm
I doubt even a Vegas bookie would put odds on this actually happening. -Stryker One
Duke Nukem 3D was the first computer game I remember playing. And honestly, I don't remember much aside from lots of shooting at things. -OgdenTechGuy
http://www.destructoid.com/i-played-duke-nukem-forever-today-what-the-f-ck--183108.phtml&mainnav=Top+stories -ThinTheHerd
Bollocks to that. I remember when Duke was two dimensional. I remember when your gun fired a short zig-zag that drilled its way toward the edge of the screen. And kissy-faced biting mouths on caterpillar treads climbing the walls. -Seamus
I remember taking out security cameras, and taunting the big bad, "I'm gonna take you out, and be home in time to watch Oprah!" Yep, Duke said that. However, Gearbox and 2K made Borderlands which I see as fun and replayable shooting mayhem, so it's a good start. -Xal
If you are still interested, you can buy the game at GOG.com for $6. They have the full game, DRM free, with DOSBox xconfigured to run and tested up to Win7. -PCGameGuy
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129.
This WILL end badly
http://mthruf.com/2010/08/04/bring-my-email-back-and-you-can-have-cake/
I truly feel sorry for teh owner of that cake.
[By: DarkRookie]
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I just don't understand that. To say nothing of the retribution it could bring, it's unprofessional and just downright freakin' rude. It makes me think there *has* to be a back story there, like IT got something that nobody else did, and that's the (ridiculous) revenge of the 'have-nots'. -NightSteel
Office-permissible version of nugget rage? ;P -MadJack
Wow you lost what file off your PC? Did you save it to the network share? Sorry we don't backup PC hard Drives!! You will just need to recreated it. -YoYo
The cake is a lie. -KrazerKap
No cake for I.T.? No problem!! You didn't want that 24" LCD upgrade, nor the 4GB RAM install, nor network access... -unrenowned
This is a cunning plan by an I.T. member to get revenge on the lusers. It is not a regular cake but actually the dreaded "Lax-A-Cake" and he doesn't want to be sitting at ground zero. If you were in that office you might find all the toilet paper has mysteriously disappeared as well. -AussieFoot
I'm not so sure there's much behind this. We're commonly blacklisted, though not so obviously, from company 'functions', like cake, or sponsored breakfasts. We have to be ready, in case someone needs a password reset, don't'ch know. -LDFeral
In our company, IT is one of the first to get offered candy and cakes. We do require tribute so that we, in our role as tech gods and goddesses, may keep the place running. -TechieSidhe
It's okay -- the end of this month, we are having an "I.T. ONLY" event, to celebrate the end of 3 years of development and deployment of our new software package. We did the work so we are doing the celebration. The others can come, but they need to pay their own way in. -Captain Trips
I'm going with I.T. know that "The cake is a lie", a la HL2 Orange Box. -lineswine
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131.
My knee hurts.
Never should you leave you computer, which is in a big black case(http://tinyurl.com/2c4tr3v Just so you how stupid I fell for missing it), in a narrow walking area. Which is also near where you sleep.
Oh, the pain. I woke this mornig as I normally would. Cursing that I actually have to do work to get money. When is the moneyless society like Star Trek goin' to come around. I stumble out of bed and walk to bathroom, except I forgot where I left my case. Remember where it was a few scant seconds later. Smacked right into it and dropped my knee hard into the top of the case. Best way to wake up I have ever encountered. After a few words in some colorful combonations, I stumble away and get on with my morning. Suffice to say, I got to the bus stop in record time, and had time for a smoke while waiting for it.
Now you ask, how did I miss a big case I a middle of a walkway. First, my eye sight is horribly bad as I am very near sighted. I don't know what my Visual acuity is, but it would suprise me if it was 20/400 without my glasses. Next, it was dark, and I don't see to well in the dark. Thrid, I will stumble to the bathroom without my glasses on since I will knock them under my bed I just go for them when I wake up. Last, who ever truly pays attention when they are walking to the bathroom in the morning.
It's been about 8 hours since I smacked my knee, and it still hurts.
Just remember children, watch where you put your computer when you are done fixing them, or you could end up like me.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Seeing as you've now suffered for that computer, it should work great. -Stryker One
The computer gods demand a sacrifice. -VIPERsssss
But is the case ok? Please tell me you didn't damage the case! ;) -AussieFoot
The case is fine. My knee wasn't. -DarkRookie
Oh Dark Rookie...you & your Antecs. <*breaks speed limit on way to PunLART shelter*...let me in!> -lineswine
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132.
Oooo a quarter
Read this: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100530/pl_nm/us_usa_outsourcing
Good or bad news?
[By: DarkRookie]
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Coming from that fucking little weasel, no good can come from it. -vacuumtubes
even with that tax, it will still be cheaper to have overseas agents take the call than to pay US-based agents. -Bynar
From a comment under the story "I would like to speak with someone who speaks fluid English." -torgo
I'm all for disclosure. I don't think the tax is a good idea though. -NightSteel
You know that they will lie to you and tell you that you are being transferred to Tennessee then you will actually end up to someone named BOB with an Indian accent. -THETECHFROMHELL
It may be just a quarter per call, but if you're transferring 100,000 calls a day it adds up. I see a few problems with this - some companies play follow the sun, so if you call them on off hours for US timezones, you route overseas, seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to do since the graveyard shift sucks. Another sticking point is the time it will take on a call to play the message - "your call is being routed to *wherever*. Unfortunately, this bill is unlikely to keep/bring jobs back to the US and the companies will only pass on costs to their customers. -boxcar
'Fraid so. The real tax tactics that'll make megaconglomcorps think twice about offshoring jobs (of any industry) won't ever happen, b/c it's not in the pol's best interest to vote for them. Fiorina's running for Senate on a jobs platform, and one'll get you 10 Boxer won't even call her out on it. -MadJack
He must have a buddy selling VOIP equipment. By the description, internal VOIP connections wouldn't be taxed. -SaladOfDoom
Any tax that would make outsourcing unprofitable would also quite likely make corporations move. They don't have to have a US headquarters in order to serve US citizens... and if the tax regime gets too oppressive, you may be buying your next computer from Compaq (Taiwan) LLC... people don't understand the "multinational" nature of multinational corporations. -chazz
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133.
Damn Partial DOA
So first story on what appear to be a rainy Saturday.
I just got a new and sexy ZuneHD 16GB. Getting the Zune software was a pain and I don't like it to much, but it got it set up. I synced the songs I had and got a couple of the free apps they had and pretty left it alone since the TV was more interesting then the music I had. Come 0000 local time and me in bed unable to sleep. I am listening to the alarm clocks radio and realized that the Zune had a HD radio thing I hear about. So I get it and my headphones and plug it in. No sound. I check to make sure there is nothing the jack and it plugged in all the way. No sounds.
So I am pissed at this moment in time and hear some static when I plug in the headphone. Lo and behold, I have sound but it doesn't sound right. Also the headphones aren't plugged in all the way. So I listen to the radio for a bit until a song I know comes on.
Home by Three Days Grace(Great song and band by the way) came on the radio. I know that song and my suspension is confirmed. It is only playing in mono-sound.
So know I gotta pack it pack together, find the receipt, and return it to the store tomorrow.
I was started to figure out the thing and was enjoying it too. It help find a song I liked.
[By: DarkRookie]
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From previous experience with Microsoft, the hardware is probably fine and it's a software issue. Although after the RROD fiasco my assumption of MS hardware quality may be misplaced. -AussieFoot
No matter how hard I try, You're never satisfied, This is not a home, I think I'm better off alone (damn you, this is going to be stuck in my head all day) -DedSysOp
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134.
Its been a slow day...
It has been a slow day. I guess people are taking a 4 day weekend instead of a 3. I am looking thru the tip database and found this funny as hell: 'Tip ID 404. Tip not found'
I swear this was a tip at one point
Its been a boring day here.
[By: DarkRookie]
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I've been on vacation since May 21 and don't go back to work until Wednesday. -Starfury
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136.
That its. No aussie trip for me [nt/ot]
Not only does that place have some of the world deadiest spiders, there is this to contend with on a visit: http://www.smh.com.au/technology/technology-news/travellers-to-be-searched-for-porn-20100520-vh09.html I really don't need anyone looking thru my system for porn
[By: DarkRookie]
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A baby ate my dingo! -Seamus
Get one single "vanilla" pornographic image, encrypt the hell out of it, encrypt the encrypted file again, and again, until you have about a dozen layers of different types of encryption. Store it in a Seagate BlackArmor drive. Let them TRY! -unrenowned
Baffling...asking a question like that makes no sense. If it's legal porn, it's none of Customs business...it it's illegal porn, the traveler is unlikely to admit it anyway. -ChasingPuck
huh... guess it means change out your "usual" hard drive for a " travel" hd be for you go - travel drive bing the one with all the encryption on a JPG of your resume. -Harm
Do they just search for the standard image files or will that ascii porn be in danger, too? ;) -Tekkie
ChasingPuck: apparently part of the legislation enabling the Great Firewall of Australia makes _all_ electronically stored porn illegal. -chazz
Well, I'm pretty blase` with my clothes on, but if I bent Riff over the Xray machine and someone started recording it, theres your porn!!! -burrkiss
They've already outlawed any porn where women have 'small breasts'... http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/01/28/australian_censors/ -cyberblade3001
I was thinking about this because pr0n can be hidden in so many ways. Anyone with half a brain will know NOT to label the folder XXXporn or anything obvious. My media player has hundreds of photos (Unit just sold, house we are buying, a selection of honeymoon photos, family christmas photos, photos of my son at various family get togethers, and the stock photos included with the device) and enough video to watch non-stop for over a week (and maybe 2). I couldn't imagine a customs official having to check every single photo and watch all of every video (you could join 15-20 minutes of a cartoon at the front of a pr0n movie to pass casual inspection) at the customs inspection. Now add about the same to a 747 or A380 load of people and you are talking about a monumental waste of time! -Wraith556
If yer on vacation, waddaya need pr0n 4, anyway? Part of the idea, whether single or coupled, would be to get away so they can make it, nespa?
And talk about asinine enforcement. Another idea that was good on paper, with *some* noble intentions, gone horribly awry. -MadJack
Wow, this from the same Government that thinks its a good idea to run fibre optics to remote areas, have an easily circumvented internet censorship policy that they will not publish the blocked sites and wanted to take ISPs to court over user's file sharing. Unfortunately the Libs are no better... election this year... maybe I should vote with a coup -PoglaTheGrate
TrueCrypt, FTW -RiffRaff
Check the laws. In the States you could be held incarcerated until you surrendered all necessary passwords for access to your computer. And the computer could be held as long as was necessary to do whatever amount of search was believed necessary. -chazz
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137.
[NT/OT] Poutine (sp?)
I have heard a lot about this on #tsc and since I am banned from the IRC channel, I will just ask everyone. I have the northern neighbor talk about this stuff. I believe it is french fries (Steak style seem to be the best),brown gravy, and cheese. I have the fries and gravy, but I am drawing a blank on the cheese. What kinda of cheese am I suppose to use. I have seen site referred to it as poutine chesse, but I doubt I finding that down here in Florida. I also see that is it just plain crumbled mozzarella. What kinda cheese am I going to be looking for
Also is crumbled bacon allowed on top?
[By: DarkRookie]
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Thanks. Now I'm hungry. -BarmanVarn
Tradionally it is cheese curds that are used but shredded mozza works just as well, you certainly can use bacon, considering you are in Florda we won't come down and kill you for basterdizing our national food. -0gr3
cheese curds are traditional but any kind of cheese will work. And yes it's not bad with bacon on top as long as you don't over do the gravy. If you really want to make a French person cringe, put ketchup on it as well! Don't forget to let the cheese and gravy sit for about 5 minutes or so, so that the french fries get all soggy. -frprinterwiz
Yeah, like Ogre said, you can even switch the sauce, you can use Spaghetti sauce instead of the gravy, or even BBQ sauce... Essentially, you need French "Liberty" fries, some kind of sauce (gravy is the original recipe) and some cheese (most recipes use cheese curds), but here in Quebec, we have a restaurant that even goes so far as using rice instead of the fries... :) -QcTech
We have that down here too! Except for fries we have steak. And bacon instead of cheese. And a glass of beer instead of gravy. -ecoli
A lot of grocery stores sell cheese curds. -thx1138
Had this @ Le Cellier in the Canada Pavilion at EPCOT on Saturday. It's exactly that. Steak Fries, brown gravy and cheddar cheese.. -JoeLugian
* Notice - I grew up in Montreal and Work in Quebec, technically* Ahh poutin, the lovly artery clogging , sits in your belly like a brick, will burp it up fomr days staple of Quebequios cuisine. Steak cut fries or even just strait cut is a Must. McCaine usually are the best one can buy, BUT if you want to cut them up and have a deep fryer - GO for it! Fries MUST be golden brown, but still softw enough to break apart. NOt the Mc Dicks salt sticks. Gravy - depending on taste, this could be the standard Brown , or even a mushroom gray. Turkey gravey can work well but around here you can buy Poutin gravy. Traditionally its a thick brown. Must coat the fries and yet pool a bit on the bottom. Cheese is usually Cheese Curds (Squeek Squeeks!) ST - Albert is usually the type found in most grocery stores. sometimes these are not available. - to Simulate - take a large thing of Mozzarella ( black diamond i use the 500g slabs) FREEZE IT SOLID. thaw it in the fridge then Break it apart. you could shread it, but if you crumble it up it is Much better. needs to be chunks. Layer the fries and cheese, then top with piping hot gravey - the gravy and the heat from the fries will melt the cheese slightly. Toppings - Smokes Meast is GREAT on top, Or whatever you fancy. bacon works, beef, chicken even. In Grandfalls NL - there is this place ( can't reme,ber the name - Wife swears by it and craves it) taht does teh MESS i belive its call. Poutine with wedge fries, everything you can think of on it including hot dog. Just the illustration of what can be topped on it. I usually just keep it strait or add some smoked meat - people that put Ketchup on Poutine have a special place in my personal "WTF"!?! files. -Harm
It sounds interesting but how the hell do you eat it?! Is a fork allowed or do you pick up the fries? -Tekkie
QcTech - SACRALIGE!!!!! Rice?!! Rice is just soo wrong! -Harm
Tekkie - Forks are alomost a must. hands get way to messy. -Harm
.. damnit now i'm hungry for Poutine!!! -Harm
Then, there are Newfie Fries. Fries, loose ground beef, gravy, cheddar cheese sprinkled on top... -evolvedstarfish
Yep, cheese curds. Soggy-ish fries, eat with fork - yum! I think grated Parmesan (the real thing, not the Kraft Krap in the green cardboard tube) and fresh ground black pepper would be yummy. -AlanSmithee
In my bloodline, 'poutine' is a common word for whiskey. -Seamus
Harm: Never tried it, never will, as I agree it is a sacrilege... Mayo works as well as ketchup, adding steak BBQ sauce in addition to the gravy is suuuuper good, and its great food when you get out of the bars at 3am and you need to fill your belly up so that the Alcool won't hit too hard... Usually serves as the next day's breakfast as well... :) -QcTech
Also, note to the wise: DO NOT CONFUSE POUTINE WITH PUTIN, as one's very good "confort food" and the other's an elected dictator and is unedible, even with gravy... :) -QcTech
For that matter, "poutine" and "poteen", though they sound the same, are very different: you would have a lot of trouble trying to "eat" poteen with a fork. -chazz
QcTech...dictators generally aren't elected. As for poutine, had some at the 2006 Canada celebration in Toronto. -lineswine
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138.
But I didn't say anything
So I am at my desk feeling sillier than normal. I laugh at the Geostationary GPS Satellite Galaxy 15 Out of Control SlashDot Article title with the ways I could interpret that wrong. Trust me it was quite a few. So I am standing, walking around as far as the 6 foot (2 metre) phone cord could left me when I notice my manager walk in from lunch. I say hey. He replies Hay is for horses. I just started laughing my ass off like you wouldn't believe. My manager is a big guy, so the first thing that went across my mind was a cow. He just stares me down with a look the is crossed between amused, annoyed, and murder. This make laugh even more. He finally says Good afternoon, DarkRookie. I sit down and bite my tounge to stop the giggling. I am so happy he can't control the phone queue or I would've been taking four times more calls than normal.
[By: DarkRookie]
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share -CyBear
Share what? -DarkRookie
Whatever... "substances" you have that make the working day such a comedy. -chazz
on the verge of a breakdown? I've done that, laughed my a$$ off right before starting a screaming fit that lasts a few hours and ends with me sleeping like a log. -AdmiralLaurie
I use the line "Hay is for horses" all the time and if it is used on me my reply is "Aren't you glad you're a cow?". I ussually don't mean anything by the "cow" remark, I use it on skinny people too, it is just the normal come back for that saying, but sometimes the shoe does fit (meaning the way the person maintains themselves, not their weight). -jwinc7
"Hay is for horses. Hay is cheaper than straw. Grass is free. Buy a farm and you'll get all three." </not so much obligatory as just worth using b/c there's one of those 'Hay is for horses' types I've known forever who LOVES using that. Now everyone here who's never heard it has it to use in self defense the next time they start it! (EG)> -MadJack
Old teacher, when a kid bellowed "hey!" at having his phone taken up. "Hay's the first stage of bullsh..." -AdmiralLaurie
hay is for horses,but grass will get you higher. docfl -docfl
Hey!...I'm adorable, B I'm so beautiful, C I'm a cutie full of charms (If anyone needs me I'll be the one at Perry Comos' grave, trying to stop the revolutions he's currently making) -lineswine
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141.
Geocitiesizer
Linkage: http://wonder-tonic.com/geocitiesizer/ I saw this and wanted to share. It turns pages into what they might have look like if an incompent idoit did them on GeoCittes.
It amusing on this site with the Bill Gate/Satan gif is used.
[By: DarkRookie]
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http://wonder-tonic.com/geocitiesizer/content.php?theme=1&music=9&url=www.techcomedy.com -flapjackboy
Google.com is hilarious. -Seamyst
http://wonder-tonic.com/geocitiesizer/content.php?theme=3&music=10&url=http://www.techcomedy.com/single/new_stories.php?content_number=83013 -MadJack
MY EYES! IT BURNS! -Wraith556
Just check out a few of the pages here http://www.msy.com.au/ and this was not done for amusement. -AussieFoot
strangely enough, that site makes Judy Patch's website easier to read! at least it did for me -razmann
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142.
The help never known
Had a call. Docking station needed replaced. After about shredding my entire credability on the call, (If you hear the recording you'll know) I decide to lie a little bitty bit. It needed replaced, but it wasn't listed under the orignal order. So I had to pull the warranty off the serial number. Lo and behold, the part was about two years out of warranty. A little 'slip' and a five becomes an eight. So I just save that Eu about 2 weeks of trouble. She will never know that though. I feel warm and fuzzy inside.
[By: DarkRookie]
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143.
An impending sense of doom
Hmm intresting. I get an email stating that a part of the a site is going down for the weekend. I don't if it is a big one, but I do get a lot of calls for that locations. Money says that it will be busy Monday with the luser calling me saying they can'ts gets their email. Instead of them calling the number in the email. lEt you know how bad it was Tuesday.
And I HATE network connectivity calls. At least they won't be my issue for the first half of the day from that site.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Its one of those shiver you get down your spine when you know something bad happened. I don't like it at all. -DarkRookie
... a great disturbance in the Force... as though a million techs called out in fear and were stilled... -chazz
Sorry, that feeling of dread and pain was from me. We lost 6 sites this morning due to area power issues. -TechieSidhe
Sorry T.Sidhe, I made a call up to the weather gods, and they heard 'winter' when I said 'loads o' rain.' -LDFeral
How did you lose power. That rain this morning was nothing. -DarkRookie
Dunno. TECO didn't say what happened, but it must have been good. -TechieSidhe
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144.
The backstory for the quote
The luser called up with multiple problems. No mapped drives, no IM, and no network printer. He is on the intranet and internet no issues. Her email was also working. After he explained it he proceeds to use that phrase. Cue me on mute laughing my ass off at the stupidity of it and trying to let the 'fish know I am laughing when he asks something.
Then I pretty much stop dead and stare into the monitor when he tells me that the local tech onsite there proceded to release/renew the IP and disable/enable the ethernet. I just wanted to smack the tech for stupidity on that
No idea what the issue was. I couldn't remote in. (My teching skills still at a rookie level) I sent a Dell tech to figure it out.
[By: DarkRookie]
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"Dell tech to figure it out" They'll blame it on you when their lack of clue fails to fix it. -srteach
Actually had that happen to half the building the other day. They could get tot he Internet, and some could use some of the internal programs. But most could not, ended up being a network Switch needing to be rebooted. -DesertDBA
Sounds like closed ports. Firewall? -SaladOfDoom
Let's see... no IM, well, since IM is tied to the Exchange Server, and LookOut was working... hmm. Print server's on another machine... and no mapped drives could mean the script didn't run... sounds a lot like a networking issue to me. Or it could be a domain controller issue... either way, it's not my problem. Besides, most folks would be glad for a networking issue. -VoiceOfSanity
What's wrong with tech releasing/renewing the IP? I've had similar issues where user's couldn't remote to our server, but could get out to the internet, or vice versa, where a release/renew fixed it. A simple step to be sure, but one that can and has worked. KISS and all that. -LazyLemming
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145.
[NT/OT] ITS OTIS!!!
This is close to the botherhood's famous bat. http://www.wired.com/thisdayintech/2010/03/0323otis-elevator-first Bet it it be fun to squish them
[By: DarkRookie]
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Problem is, on the rare occasion it's used in the movies, it's always the good guy/girl in the bottom of the elevator shaft (or stuck inside the car, or on top of it), waiting for their partner to come save them (in just the nick of time), not the bad guy whom would justly be crushed underneath/drown/fall with the elevator. Though, the battle-droids getting an elevator to the chin @ the beginning of R.O.T.S. was rather cool. -MadJack
The "botherhood"? I had thought that was the fishies... -chazz
"In the event of emergency, press the Alarm button... you will be directly in communication with Otis." Bear in mind that a 19th-century meaning for "in communication with" is "touching". -Chromatix
http://i40.tinypic.com/11jb12u.jpg
i believe this is relevant. -metaball
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146.
Some little thing
I really don't have much for a full story lately. The 'fish I support seem somewhat intellegent. I do have some little things that have happened and things that peeve me.
- Once I was blessed over the phone by a newly ordain catholic priest
- I once help a twelve year old thru a Windows XP reinstall and use that fact to shut up the following Eu that needed a reinstall that thought it was hard.
- I once had a person that would 'pray for my soul' when I fixed there computer
- I hate the phrase 'cut on the computer.' I understand using it when you turn it off.
- I find it funny when an Eu states that he got a virus 'just surfing around'
- I haven't decided if the Virginia or the Carolina accect is the worst southern one
- Boston just sucks
- I find it funny with the tech in India screws up an Indian name of a Eu in the states
- I hate when user don't read the error they are getting to me, instead they tell me their interptation of it.
That about all I can think of now. I wish I had a story to share. Being at the low end of the pole in a call center for a business doesn't allow much chance to LART peebles.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Hell, I'd be flattered to be blessed by a priest. -vacuumtubes
Does an exorcism count?
-Ramblin
I no longer find it funny when a starfish says he got a virus "just surfing around". If sites like the New Scientist and the New York Times can be coerced into serving viruses in their ad banners, anyone can. -chazz
"Really, I'd prefer you keep your slimy religion out of the computer room. Holy water BURNS!" -Divinar
"Bless you, sir! Bless you!" - Old Fred. "Should I sneeze now?" - Ringo -ActingUpAgain
I've been called "honey" by some of the female callers and had one say "I love you!" after I'd recovered some lost data for her. -Starfury
StarFury - I get that quite often. It's really awkward when the customer is sitting next to her husband and says that. Gods I hate application support sometimes! -WolfPup
Hey Ramblin, exorcisms really hurt..... they make me sad. -RoadDemon
"Cut on the computer." Isn't that what emo kids do at their desks when they're not posting bad poetry to LiveJournal? -MeanDean
Are you Nevian? Providing tech support for the semi-intelligent fishes of the lesser deeps? (Lensman reference for those unfamiliar with the E.E. "Doc" Smith) -AussieFoot
Reminds me of the time I did some work for the Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. I finish up and it looks like he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. -beerman
"I haven't decided if the Virginia or the Carolina accent is the worst southern one"--- As a man who lives in Virginia and was BORN in North Carolina, I can tell you, they BOTH suck! (BTW, the Virginia accents get WORSE the closer you move to WEST Virginia.) -udoshan
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147.
I wanna new mouse
I can't believe it. I finally got one of these call. Eu calls in and the first thing outta her mouth was "I wanna new mouse." In mine 1 and a quarter in the trade this is the first time I have actually heard these words like this.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Well congrads on your prize winning fish! "runs for lart shelter" -Crai
I've heard it more than I can count. These days, we just ship one out - easier than "clean the ball/led" instructions. -Captain Trips
" .. and you should see the list of MY demands, starting with a thermo nuclear device." -Harm
Wasn't that a song by Huey Lewis? -Biosynthetic
Hmm..... *wonders if it's been done been* -ThinTheHerd
TTH- if not already, then soon! -Voz
[NSFW] http://hackaday.com/2010/03/09/will-this-mouse-get-me-kicked-out-of-the-coffee-shop/ - How about a rebuilt - we have the technology, but not a $6,000,000 budget... -Wonko The Sane
Well good for you. Go out and get one at a store! *darts for the lart* -KrazerKap
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148.
[NT/OT] Portal 2 is on the way for 2010
Linkage: http://tinyurl.com/ygoe57q
Portal 2 is on it's way. I can't wait.
And here is a direct quote from my friend on the news:"Does that mean the return of the Weighted companion cude and this time it will be lying pot brownies instead of cake
[By: DarkRookie]
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It's funny, because I *just* bought the orange box about a month ago. Took me that long to come back to the world of Gordon Freeman. Guess my timing is pretty good, the original will be fresh in my mind, heh. Now if they would just release HL2 Ep. 3... -NightSteel
a game magazine i read recently said HL2 ep.3 is one of the "most anticipated" upcoming games...second only to Starcraft 2! -Erictheblue
Squee! -Stryker One
What about Freespace 3? -Chromatix
Duke Nukem Forever? Seriously, though: Steam has formally announced Portal 2. No word on HL Ep 3 yet, though. -chazz
Yatzee did a great "review" of Duke Nuke'm 4 on the Escapist... although rumour has it Gearbox got the job to make it happen. Given the fun I had with Borderlands, they may be the right people to do it. -Xal
@Chromatix, If that ever comes around I will die in joy. Just image what you could do with todays hardware. -DarkRookie
Portal 2? Ah hell... There goes another 10 hours of my life... -unrenowned
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149.
[1/2NT/OT] Woopee and a tech in need
On my continous exploits, I did start the job. Now have been on it for two weeks. Everything is going good. Hate the fact I am the youngest and newest on the team. (Leads into some annoying hazing) I should be able to hold it steady for a while. Thanks for all the karma. It prolly has help along the way.
On a side note, the friend that got me the job got fired. He lost his ride to work and was out for a total of five days. No way to get a hold of work or me to call on his behalf. He had a job interveiw today with a local 'puter shop. He needs some karma, the poor guy. Send it my way and I be sure it gets to him. Now if only I could him to participate on the site....
[By: DarkRookie]
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Karma by proxy? BRILLIANT! (Sends karma). -udoshan
TubPorsche <- Gazes at the word BRILLIANT! Instantly has visions of Guinness dancing in his head! -TubPorsche
Pardon my asking, but I understand losing his ride to work but how can someone not be able to make a phone call for 5 days? -JoeLugian
Don't ask me. I really don't know. Knowing him, he either didn't pay his bill or was messing with it and broke it. But then agian maybe he didnt have access. -DarkRookie
If it were me and my job hung on me getting in touch with my place of employment to let them know I couldn't make it in, I'd probably have walked to a pay phone or borrowed a neighbors... -JoeLugian
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150.
[NT/OT] I got a date.
I finally have a start date and time. Feb 8th at 9am. It is all solid now. Questions have been asked and answered. I will prolly have more. I have some spare karma to give. I was giving so much with my thanks. Take all you want. be warned, its green, smells like old, stale beer, and I think it has started moving. I think I will call it Bob...
[By: DarkRookie]
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Grats! -Harm
I saw the headline, and thought you meant a date date, I was all set to call bullshit, cause you know none of us can get dates....j/k Grats on the thing you were talking about. -drachen
Congrats! -rosemetal
^5 man! I'll drop in the IRC to kick you in the balls later in celebration! -RA
Congrats!!!!!! -THETECHFROMHELL
WTG !! and Congrats -TechTard
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151.
[NT/OT] Ninje the beer
I was almost tempted to bump the LOTD for this but then again. http://mthruf.com/2010/01/25/job-fail-ninja-beer-best-beer/ SFW I so want one of those.
[By: DarkRookie]
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I liiike! -AussieFoot
Here's another from the same site... http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/129088702035162465.jpg -exzyle2k
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152.
[NT/OT] 11/12 ain't bad.
So it is now pretty much official. I have that job I went to an interview last week. My drug and background checks are clear. So all I am waiting on is a start date. Which can not be to far into the future. Next Monday or the following Monday I bet.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Good luck! -MadJack
Gratz! its a paychek at least -Harm
Congratulations -gastro
Were you worried about the drug and background checks? -Stryker One
No the drug test. The background check could've show a job I got fired from last year. So they didnt find it or dont care -DarkRookie
Awesome! -Seamyst
Congrats! -rosemetal
So how long until they give you the outfits and the pole dancing classes? --- Just kidding. Congratulations! -YourLastHope
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155.
Ubuntu and XP sitting in a tree...
http://tinyurl.com/ycd4fch Some inventive chinamen have made Ubuntu look like XP. I getting the iso file now and will get installed when I get a chance. Bad thing the link says that the UI is in Chinese only.
[By: DarkRookie]
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The good thing is that it won't crash nearly as often. -ecoli
The bad thing is that it is promoting the idea that Micro$oft's GUI is better... -Captain Trips
Rookie: careful with that; remember that a lot of governments and others discovered that some of the Chinese software have been encoded with trojan horse-like software.... Then again, I wouldn't be surprised to learn M$ was keeping tabs on everybody's bank accounts.... -unrenowned
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156.
[OT] The boggling continues
I posted a link a few days ago about a waste of a human being trying to sue Sony, Nintendo, and Microsoft. (Banning, preventing piracy, and RROD respectily. Linkage to my post: http://tinyurl.com/ylq7uhm. Now he after the makers of WoW. He suing Activision Blizzard over the game. Read it here: http://tinyurl.com/ylcysgd
[By: DarkRookie]
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otis save us from PSN guy, amen. -ZombieBear
That's nice. I also have a number of obsessive-compulsive tendencies (like counting stairs, syllables, etc.), went through a harsh agoraphobic phase, and have had chronic depression issues since the age of about 12 or 13. Good ol' Johnny-5-IQ-points needs more input to keep his mind entertained and 'happy'? So pursue it already. -teivrann
This 'Nugget is following in Jack Thompson's litigious footsteps...someone pls assassinate him. K Thx Bye... -vacuumtubes
I also count stairs, syllables, etc. I also have to have things symetrical. My world doesn't fall apart if they're not, they drive me nust if not. -AdmiralLaurie
First off, suing Sony is not gonna happen because he was leaving nasty comments. Secondly, Nintendo has the right to add and remove whatever Wii content they want. It's their console and content. Third, Xbox 360: RROD is bound to happen. It's TECHNOLOGY. It is GOING to go down. No fighting it. As for WoW, seriously, stop whining about games and consoles. That good sir, means you are FAIL. -KrazerKap
Picture link http://roflrazzi.com/2009/11/24/celebrity-pictures-yoda-much-fail/ -AussieFoot
Jack Thompson would be so proud of this little nugget. I am sure when he read this story it brought a tear to his eye, and he's just trying to figure out how to weasel his way into this suit. -AdeptusMechanis
Jack Thompson is a failure. He was disbarred from my state(Florida) and not allowed to pratice law again. I was surprised when I heard the news with all. the old people here. -DarkRookie
apparently he never read the two eula's that blizzard makes you at least scroll through and agree to, with each patch they apply. -McSmiley
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157.
[OT]The stupidity. It boggles the minds.
Read: http://tinyurl.com/y98xyl4 SFW. Be amazed in the stupidity in this one. I hope he doesn't breed.
[By: DarkRookie]
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Wow just wow. -ZombieBear
No! No! No! Please $deity kill this guy! -AdmiralLaurie
The numb-nutz needs to look closer at the Declaration of Independence that he's quoting. It says, "endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." He's got the right to life and liberty, but it's the right to _pursue_ happiness, not to automatically get it. Suck it up, @$$hole, and live with reality! -Voz
What a shite-nugget. -Spacegoat
The STUPID is very strong in this one. Recommend it to be culled immediately. -atomicbill
Wow. I really haven't the words for this one. I can understand the point of view on a simplistic level, but... no. Voz: I hear you. This B Ark candidate chooses to expect that everything should be delivered for free. NO. -teivrann
Like I told customers at PayPal, you can pursue happiness, but you might not catch it. Also, if MS looses, they won't be happy. -STJ
Entitlement-nugget. -vacuumtubes
I WANNA NEW XBOX!! -PoglaTheGrate
I don't know which is more mind-boggling; the sheer AUDACITY of Idiocy, or the slim yet sizeable possiblity that he (or an equally litigious douche bag) could WIN such a case! [reaches for Motrin IB] -udoshan
I think this guy breeding is about as likely as the the LHC opening a portal into the gold dimension where the people poop gold and my house suddenly becoming an interdenominational sewage treatment plant. -drachen
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158.
The trouble with U and I bring
I can't believe I didn't submit this story when it happened. I know I was a member at the time. Oh well, better late than never. (Except at my last job. I was screwed either way) Anyways here its goes. One day, about a year ago when I was working, I had a doozy of a call. Lasted about 2 hours. I can't remember the issue, but it wasn't an OSRI because the EU rejected that idea. I troubleshoot, perform some miracle and get the machine working again. Like most know I had to log my steps. A few times I had to shut down the computer. On one instance I wrote 'I had EU shit down the computer' It something I missed when looking over my note. I read it as shut as I thought I wrote it. Well my manager get a hold of the call for quality checks. See that in my notes. She, another manager, and I have a chat since I slipped once and said 'Damn' on the phone. I told them that it was an honest mistake because the U and I keys were next to each other. They checked, believe my story and I got into no trouble and nothing went into my file. All was well until a couple of months later....
[By: DarkRookie]
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....I got fired. -DarkRookie
Ouch dude... yea.. quA jusms on that al the time. and i too had several Shits in ticksts. QA bastards.. -Harm
I was Forwarding an email on to the Manager with the Lead looking over my shoulder, I wanted to type "FYI...", but my finger slipped and I type "FU". After a good laugh, I corrected it. -LordObsidian
I dunno how, but I never get in trouble for anything I've said on the phones... Me: "I'm sorry ma'am, but you are SOL." Her "What?!" Me: "Yes, your Service is Off-Line". -Jonos
...or, my personal favorite: "I can assume you ma'am, I do NOT enjoy anal intercourse." -Jonos
Hey, it's Microsoft. "Shit down the computer" sounds perfectly reasonable. -Biosynthetic
Try slipping a "T" when typing "Regards" at the end of emails (guess where the slip goes?)... I tend to do this when typing emails to particularly troublesome customers. Yikes! -racermd
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160.
Its on sale NOW!!!!1!
http://punditkitchen.com/2009/07/30/political-pictures-boris-yeltsin-sale-vodka/ It not Friday, reason enough to drink, I guess.
[By: DarkRookie]
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It's Friday Eve, so, close enough. -Biosynthetic
Mitä päivä tänään on? Perjantai! -Chromatix
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161.
Man calm down, no need for drinking
This happened about a couple days ago. Our modem has been acting up again. Last few days its been dropping connection randomly. Seems to be stable now at least. Now on to the funny part. The modem goes down. There is nothing I more I could do for the problem, everything I knew was exhausted and google wasn't coming up. (go figure </saracasm.) My friend is now bored out his mind. He is away from MapleStory Resistance 2 and YouTube and its 3:30 in the morning so nothing on the TV. He gets bored enough to start drinking. He has one of the each of the seven types of beer in the fridge. That gets him nice and fucked up. I am sitting there, laughing my ass off because he can't stand up straight and was barely able to crawl to his room to pass out. He doesn't drink all to often, and decided to night was a good idea to drink. All because the internet wasn't working.
[By: DarkRookie]
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So, instead of deciding "hey, maybe I'll go to bed" he starts drinking? I think your friend has some issues. -Caboose447
been there, done that, got the carpet stains. -metaball
Better than getting drunk and THEN trying to use the internet.... (as evidenced by many college students who live where I work and habituate the lobby for free WiFi @ 330 in the Ayem... -MadJack
NO Interweebs? Damn! see . wthats wy you have to keep an offline.. umm.. movie.. collection! sure youve seen it b4, but eventually you end up seeing stuff you forgot you downloaded! hawt! -Harm
Hey, at least you didn't get a text around midnight asking if you can please look up the symptoms of alcohol poisoning online... -AnneBWalsh
The movie collection wasn't playing at the time, I started Fallout 3 again. On the alcohol poisoning. If you can't count or remember the number of beer you have had, its a good time just to find a couch somewhere. -DarkRookie
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162.
100 Things Your Kids May Never Know Abou
Saw this on Wired.com and thought to share. http://www.wired.com/geekdad/2009/07/100-things-your-kids-may-never-know-about/ Scary to think I understand most of the things listed but maybe have done or seen only half with me being 21.
[By: DarkRookie]
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jeez! i'm 28 and realise how much of that was my youth! (and even know someone thats STILL has a laser disk player with disks) -Harm
I've read the list...and being 42 I know about a lot of them and have done them too. Thanks for making me feel old. -Starfury
Not to forget when going to the pub and sitting on an hourglass shaped red or yellow plastic stool, inserting 20c for a game of Pub Pong and getting thoroughly whipped because your controller (single axis joystick) was obviously slower that your opponents comprised a part of a good night out. -Bloke
Bah! Damn Whipper Snappers! Not a single mention of a DIP Switch anywhere! Spoiled brats! -Necros
25 and yeah, I remember probably 80% of those. -Seamyst
Saw this posted on FARK yesterday. I'm 28, and I already feel old. -Seamus
I just thought of a candidate: the 'Return' key (as opposed to 'Enter'). -Seamus
A couple of things that I have experienced that I'll bet most of you haven't: 1. Milk delivered to the door in a horse-drawn wagon. 2. The doctor coming to your house when you're sick. -Fuji
I remember about 75-80 of those, and have done some of them. Although I remember a few, such as: what notetaker? your fingers and the perkins brailler were the notetakers, and gods forbid if you ran out of paper. dictionary? the thing took up four shelves. it was huge. when 32mb ram was considered high-end gaming, or when you still used a stereo to play cd's. -AdmiralLaurie
Seconding Starfury, since i'm the same age. -MadJack
Was there really a time before reality TV? As long as there's been TV there have been documentaries, and those aren't always very trustworthy in their depiction of reality. (See Disney's suicidal lemmings, for example.) -FlyingGrype
To comment on the link in #3, he said "I'm relieved that the majority of technological advancement happened before I was born, as I can't imagine having to use such basic equipment every day." If he was living back then, he wouldn't know any better. And he can't say the majority. We'll never stop advancing. 30 years from now some kid's going to be saying the same thing about current iPod's. -Jeckler
At the ripe old age of 49, I remember all those things. But they missed one: cartoons for kids that don't preach. Nick and Cartoon Network have a few good ones (Rocko's Modern Life was one of my favorites to watch with my son), but have you seen the absolute crap that Disney shows in the morning? -rdwells
I take great delight in watching a kid struggling to figure out how one of my rotary dial Bell System phones work.... -vacuumtubes
Being an old phart myself, I remember them all. Necros is right, they should have listed DIP switches. We didn't have a horse-drawn wagon to deliver our milk, but we did have our milk delivered when I was small. -sassicatz
Too many of these to start listing them in computing- especially in the commercial environment... 8" floppys, Winchester drive pacs, tape drives, (no, not the cartridges!), punchcards. *Voz is feeling old. Wait, is that just some dirt on the floor, or am I crumbling to dust?* -Voz
79 that I've personally done, more that I've heard of, and I didn't even get out that much. -Geminii
Ah, yes. The 'spending your entire allowance on the arcade at the mall' thing. Now I've downloaded EACH AND EVERY ONE of the damned games (pinball machines included) and play them on my frickin' Ipod touch! -Biosynthetic
I'm only 43, but the only two I didn't know about were "Blowing the dust out of a NES cartridge in the hopes that it’ll load this time." and "Turning a PlayStation on its end to try and get a game to load." -Divinar
(I couldn't afford either a PS or Nintendo) -Divinar
Valves (tubes to the yanks). Off switches. BBC2 being on a different dial because it was UHF, whereas the others were VHF. That odd sparkly stuff they used as gold in TV shows because real gold looks rubbish in black and white. The complete absence of computers smaller than an entire room. 110 baud teletypes and acoustic couplers. Cars with starting handles. Pong with knobs (much better than sliders or joysticks). Greengrocers that poured the veg into your shopping bag. Twin tub washing machines. Mangles. Blue bags to make the whites look whiter. Standing in your pyjamas and admiring the frost on the window pane. -rurwin
Test patterns, flexidiscs, "what's an mp3?" analog clocks, especially the ones with a pendulum, "we're experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by." when win95 was state-of-the-art, when dialing into work was considered high-tech and complex, Garfield... -AdmiralLaurie
Computers were only in computer centers. Making a photocopy cost as much as a candy bar and it was on special funny-smelling paper. Phone numbers that started with letters. Buying a new font meant you got a sheet of letters that you could rub off onto your paper. The protocol adapter that bridged the RCA/Columbia format war (anyone know what I mean?). Plastic templates for drawing flowcharting symbols. Library cards made of cardboard with a little metal insert embossed with your card number. The teacher unrolling a screen at the front of the classroom to show a filmstrip. Instant popcorn that you shook over a burner (and what a waste of aluminium!). Robot typists that plugged into a computer; you placed them over the keyboard of a Selectric and little plungers came out to press the keys. Buying a new font meant you got a gizmo the size of a golf ball. Old people shouted at kids, "Get offa my lawn!". (Wait, we still have that one but my perspective is different now.) -concept14
Concept14: I know that protocol adapter, and still have several different formats which I actually use occasionally. However, not terribly often, as I have relatively few 45RPM records. Speaking of which: jhuang, my PFY, had never seen a record and didn't know that it had music on both sides... -chazz
Done the Playstation thing, had an old unit that would only read disks if the right side was raised above 45 degrees, but vertical was too far. -AussieFoot
The teacher's handouts being printed in light purple, b/c the school was using a mimeograph machine? -MadJack
Secretaries who could type and do shorthand. When I first started work, we wrote letters out by hand and gave them to the secretary. She wrote them out on a huge Wang word-processor and printed them off. You corrected one or two mistakes, she corrected them and printed it out again. I was too late to see the secretaries with manual typewriters who could expect to type an entire page without a single mistake, and if they made one had to re-do the entire thing. When we wanted a form of some sort we drew it out with a ruler on squared paper and then photocopied it. -rurwin
MadJack: Why did that remind me of "Ditto" from the movie "Teachers" w/ Nick Nolte and Ralph ( karate kid ) Maccico (SP?) -Necros
MadJack: the purple stuff was ditto; mimeo was usually black. -concept14
I can remember when TV stations had a "close", ie: they would stop broadcasting for the day. Some stations would do it several times a day or show the test pattern with music instead. -Wraith556
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164.
There is stuff in the keyboard
Just imagine this call for this problem: http://failblog.org/2009/04/13/candle-fail/ What do you mean it is not covered under the warranty. Ahhh the memories of having a job.
[By: DarkRookie]
Comment on Story
Comments
Hey, at least it is identifiable! Big improvement over some stuff that has been reported! -TieDyedDinosaur
I haven't seen that come through the doors yet, knowning my luck I'll probably see that in a month. -spectreoflife
In theory, it should be able to clean that up and get it working again. It may cost more than just replacing it, but at least paraffin wax isn't conductive. -Antacid
from the comments: "A mac probably would have moved itself out of the way using avoidcandle.app or some other such brilliance". Heh. -ThinTheHerd
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165.
Hole in the board
Saw this while reading Ctrl-Alt-Del and thought to sure it for the people who don't read it (why?)
http://ctrlaltdel-online.com/comic.php?d=20090325
The bottom left is downright funny. Never seen a lacking system file putting a hole in a piece of hardware
[By: DarkRookie]
Comment on Story
Comments
Step 3. PROFIT! -MadJack
and you WON'T, either. but most USERS wouldn't even question it. -HappyCrappy
JAGGED 1's streemed out THAT direction.. gouging the bord while grounding themselves.. if they had just Defragged more offen... this woudl have never happned. -Harm
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166.
Dumbasses
I had job that lasted 2 weeks. I was going to do tech for Verizon Business employees. Nothing new since I was doing tech support for Dell's business machines, so I knew what to see with business user. (StarFish level to almost tech) In training that was going to last 5 weeks. No big deal. We had a test last Friday just to see if you were paying attention to the instructor (I wasnt but still managed a 95) After I was finished I decided to keep myself busy in writing a short story concept to get it out of my head. So I open a few window to give a appearance of me working. Then a manager steps in. My bosses, bosses boss. Three level above me. See me writing something down with all those windows open. Come Monday after lunch I am walked out. That manager thought I was writing down company info. I showed him the paper I had written. Didn't believe it was what I was writing and fired me. Now looking for another job. Here hoping for the best.
[By: DarkRookie]
Comment on Story
Comments
Fired Yesterday. Sober now. -DarkRookie
Somehow, the idea that these guys are brainless twats doesn't surprise me. -Seamus
You might be able to get them for wrongfull termanation -compbrat
Meh. Don't care much. Was starting to hate the strict rules of the job anyways. -DarkRookie
Hell, they may have done you a favor. Or at least done your liver a favor. I suspect strongly that you'd have been drinking heavily and often... -Grayhawk
You're better off - if it's being run by someone that dumb/paranoid, it may not be there much longer... -PTSTech
At $hitty programming limited, I was nearly fired for using cpio commands on a HP Unix box, to copy DAT tapes for customers. If the admin staff didn't understand it, it was _HACKING_! -Wraith556
welcome to the ranks of the unemployed. -HappyCrappy
was seen programming an a.i system on my laptop, two separate card readers with various cards sticking out of it, wires and drives everywhere, raised-line diagrams scattered all over the huge lab table I was temporarily plastered at, not paying a bit of attention to the class i was actually in (not hard since the teacher told me I wasn't supposed to be in there anyway and had been given full permission to work on my own stuff) so a student comes over, sees the stuff, gets glimpses of the code flying by, watches windos flick open and shut as I access files and screams that I'm breaking the computer. a$$at -AdmiralLaurie
imagination, initiative, intelligence? a threat to VB manglement. yer better off in the long run, let's hope we can toast the demise of this cretin company soon. karma for your job search. -stiffarm
I'm with stiffarm. Such said @$$hat was probably threatened by an underling bing smarter thatn him. Chris Rock was right, this is a country "in the middle". -udoshan
I might have told 'em it was a test to see the company's response to actual work being done, and now that I knew the quality of their management my required compensation would be +30% in order to continue working there :) -Geminii
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168.
STFU. I trying to help
Why does it seem evryone from the north are the hardest customer to deal with. For my foriegn friends, these people reside in the states of New York, Massachusetts, and New Jersey. These are the most subborn and ill informed of all the people. Today I get me a fun call from the middle of NYC. Customer sent system back for depot repair for some LCD panel issue. The system had lines going thru the panel. No damage to screen otherwise. Gets to the depot and the screens cracked. She doesn't have the warranty coverage for it. Depot wont repair it and it will cost aroung $500 to fix it. Customer refuses. It is getting shipped back to her, unrepaired of that issue. Customer is pissed, understandably so. I being a nice guy I went to go see what I can do. Within a total of 2 minutes I had a approval for a exchange of the whole system. 2 minutes. Most people would have done some thing to get an exchange that fast. She is refusing. States that she does want the get the broken system. I tell her that she needs to accept the system so she can send it back. She is still not seeing the reason and is refusing to take the system. I explain that if it is refused we get it back and lose the thing. Been known to happen alot. She is still not seeing reason. I said OK. Set up the exchange of systems, and told her that if she doesn't ship the system back in the box that the replacement comes in, she would be charge for it. She promptly hung up me.
[By: DarkRookie]
Comment on Story
Comments
IME, mostly I get this from Jerseyites. About 50/50 with New Yorkers, and Massachusetts callers are everywhere in between. -Seamus
new jersey has 8.6 million people crammed in 7700 square miles with a population density of 1100 per mile. I think they're just like that because they're fighting for resources. but I despise every one of them -areatech
They're just pissed off in general. Here in Cali, they can't get a "good" pizza, or a "good" bagel, or "good" seafood, so they take it out on whoever answers the phone. -billybien
HEY! I'm a masshole and resemble that remark! -neuman1812
And people wonder why I moved as far away from NYC/LI as I could and still keep my license plates. -ShujinTribble
That's why I have this hanging on my cube wall...http://www.voidspace.org.uk/gallery/silly/big_cup_of_STFU.jpg -Biosynthetic
I apologize for the Massholes; we're not all like that. -Dreamstalker
Bio: That wouldn't be THIS: http://www.ratemyeverything.net/image/5529/0/STFU_and_GTFO.ashx , THIS : http://www.destructoid.com/elephant/ul/28600-STFU.jpg , THIS: http://www.lab1663.net/images/stfu_arnold.jpg or THIS: http://www.eyeonsoaps.com/images/STFU.jpg with the http://pics.schwippy.com/forums/images/survey_stfu.jpg kicker ? -Necros
Heyyyy. I'm from New Jersey, and we don't have an attitude problem. We like our attitude just fine. My favorite NJ shirt reads "Welcome to New Jersey. Now go home!" -Grayhawk
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169.
Asking for bit of Karma
I am asking for a bit of good Karma here. Today just has been just horrible. A Win95 machine. A person who couldn't read. A tech who was convinced it was a HDD failure, missing a system file is not the HDD fault. A person who it took 20 minutes of trying to understand what she ment, 30 second fix once I understood. 1 tool that is playing yoyo games. Another that just has given up on life for the time being. Office wide emails that should have been between 2 people. Being "Talk To" for doing my job correctly. It has just been a bad day. Promise to return all unused Karma back to the pool. I add some of my own if I can ever get my hands on it.
[By: DarkRookie]
Comment on Story
Comments
It sounds like an almost-typical day in tech support. But I feel for you just the same. Kanadian Karma Koming at ya. -ThinTheHerd
*The Luck Dragon Flies Over & Leaves A Bottle of Scotch on Your Workbench * -GoblinKing
That must've been an upgrade from the Vectrex system with the 5 cartridges...oops, I mean tapes. -Biosynthetic
Karma Kabobs for lunch tomorrow, they will be delivered by Rob Schneider in Tie and speedo, and then he will mudd wrestle your boss into submission... sounds like good times to watch... No? -iamscoop
Thanks for it all. It helpped out alot. The day went to being normal again. Still got some left over. Post a story and I will give some. -DarkRookie
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170.
Why did they invent the wireless input
This has been the most infurating day. Three damn calls about wireless mouse and keyboard. All attached to a laptop. For what reason do you need a wireless mouse and keyboard when there is one built in. Fisrt thankfully wasn't my problem. Not my company's keyboard, not my problem. It isn't my fault that you can't find the sync button on your keyboard. Call me incompetent I don't give a shit. Go spend money you dont need to. Next call was easy enough, if the person could speak english. The accent was so damn awful, it took me 30 minutes to remote in to fix a 2 minute problem. The last one was just horrid. The guy had to be old. Didn't know what the hell he was doing most times. His phone echo, and that drove me up a fucking wall 20 feet beyond where it ended. Dude didn't know what word sync ment. He also was a good damn reader. Slow to understand what said and slow to act on what
i requested. It has been a bad day. Fucking wireless input devices. Most worthless thing invented </vent>
[By: DarkRookie]
Comment on Story
Comments
i know that i prefer an external mouse on my laptop - does help when i type so i dont hit the laptop mouse and start typing and start typing elsewhere. Keyboard is nice if you do not have a numeric keypad -compbrat
I found that if someone calls you on a speakerphone with a slight hesitation before you hear your own voice (which is distracting as hell), extend the words you say slightly longer and the phone will feedback, forcing them to pick up the damned receiver. -Biosynthetic
or simply blow into phone mouthpiece like..."Sir I *SKRRRRRRKKKTTT* very important, so this time I want you to *SHQUUUUUURRRRRTTTT* OK?" That gets 'em every time! -billybien
<da>I use a wireless mouse/keyboard for my laptop in the office, I also dock my laptop and use an external 24' monitor...</da> That said, these type of fishies are the ones who should only use corded accessories, so that there's always something close by to strangle them with. -cyberblade3001
(OK, Cyberblade, I know that it's a typo, but I can't resist!) An external 24-foot monitor? Dude, that's COOL! -Voz
I have a wireless mouse/keyboard in one of our presentation rooms. And of course if the mouse is idle for too long, you have to press the "connect" key on the bottom. I printed up instructions for this in 18point font and taped to the table under the mouse. No one, and I mean NO ONE, can figure out how to use the mouse. Every time that room is used, I get a call on the mouse not working. Finally gave up and put the original usb mouse back on with a usb extension so it reaches where they want. Believe me, I feel your pain. -Ramblin
I have a wireless mouse and there are two things that back me about it, one: no off switch two: it actually makes noise, I'll notice this small humming/beeping now and then when I try to sleep. -Icelator
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Customer Misconceptions
1.
Coworker and luser
When you the L3 continue to try to get my attention in chat, to answer an agents question that you should be able to answer, while on the phone with a different luser, you can get mad at me when I leave chat.
[2012-10-03]
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2.
Upper Management Misconception. That it is my job to enforce ITAR compliance. The lusers should know to close that stuff. It shouldn't be my job to remind the lusers the DoD requirements. It is there fault that I have seen engine designs.
[2010-10-26]
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3.
Family Member Misconception II: That if you tell your older brother that you would buy his phone and say you will have the money in 2 weeks and you don't have, gives you the excuse to yell at him for bugging you. Dear little sis, I need that money. I need new socks and underwear. I also want a block of cheese.
[2009-08-16]
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Tech Rules
1.
I am no longer allowed to laugh manically or refuse to use teh kbase if the title of the page I am one is currenty: windowid=666. No matter how much I explain that that value if even more proof that the kbase was made by Satan himself.
[2013-05-20]
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2.
I am no longer allow to answer a luser's question "How did you get so smart at computers" by responding "I refuse to let a box that doesn't think, out smart me"
[2013-05-16]
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3.
NEVER put decaf coffee in the regular coffee pot.
Also, ALWAYS make another pot of coffee if you empty one.
Not following these rules shall be punished with a slow, very painful DEATH!
[2013-04-02]
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4.
I am no longer allow to rick roll someone by proxy.
Backstory: Someone in chat ask a question on what a rick roll was. I didn't see the question, but the L2 sits near me chuckled about that. I told him to send the agent the link http://bit.ly/r8BnS7 and look it up when on break. 30 seconds later, the song started playing over the cubes and I nearly died laughing
[2013-02-15]
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5.
The lusers name is Andy and not Andi Pink (She is NSFW BTW)
Glad I caught myself on that one before the ticket was saved
[2013-02-15]
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6.
That being 40 years my senior means I have to automatically confer respect to you.
[2013-02-12]
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7.
You are not allowed to bitch at for not taking calls from 2 queues like you if I average out 25% more calls than from 1 queue than you working 2.
[2013-01-31]
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8.
I am not allowed to attach a clothes pin to my ear, forget about it, and then go to my annual review with my boss and his boss with it still there.
Apparently it is unprofessional.
[2013-01-14]
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9.
You cannot tell me not to do something because it will ruin a stat when I have the best score on the said stat and still have 5.5 minutes below I hit the ceiling.
(In this case, hanging around in ACW for the last 5 minutes of my shift so I can go home on time)
[2013-01-10]
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10.
"I cannot use a computer very well" is no longer an excuse for not being to follow direction since the PC has pretty much been around since I was born.
[2012-12-18]
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11.
I am no longer allowed to compare our knowledge base to a bird flying into a mirror when it is stuck in its redirect loop.
[2012-11-13]
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12.
One should not order 21 replacement hard drives when 1 is needed. oopsie.
I am surprise that the system didn't catch that, and send the luser 21 drive.
[2012-10-03]
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13.
Tickets are not allowed to contain the phrases "ITS __ING MAGICKAL" or "Because I said so"
[2012-09-26]
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14.
I am no longer allowed to get upset when my call time goes from 5:56 to 7:01 over the course of 3 calls since even at 7:01 I had the lowest talk time on the phone.
[2012-09-25]
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15.
I am forbidden to use the term lappy, when describing a laptop, in my notes, emails, or in the chat.
[2012-08-20]
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16.
Going home early doesn't entitle me to goof off.
I am still excepted to do my job
The stat sheet must still be done in Excel. Crayon is still not allowed
[2012-08-03]
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17.
I am no longer allowed to write PANIC!!! NO SYSTEM IS BOOTING!!! on the whiteboard in big, bright, red letter and then proceed to start ranting in the chat room like the End Of Days has come.
[2012-07-25]
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18.
You are not awake or caffeinated enough when you start enjoying the Hold Muzak. (I my defense, it sounds like the music in the MOTAS game which is catchy as hell)
[2012-07-13]
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19.
I am no longer allow to IM a message to an agent stating "Compiler Error" when they use semi-colons for ending a sentence and not a period.
[2012-06-29]
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20.
I am not allowed to change all instances of iPhone into JesusPhone when rewriting the JesusPhone tip.
[2012-06-25]
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21.
I am not allowed to change my job title to rocket surgeon.
[2012-06-19]
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22.
When making a message for myself to hang on my wall do to the amount of screw ups I have had lately the messages "You need to stop f###### up hardware tickets" and "You need to stop screwing up hardware tickets" are not allowed but "You need to stop messing up hardware tickets" is.
I used f###### instead of the actually word on the print out
[2012-06-18]
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23.
I no longer allowed to post a series of links with GIYF at the end or use the http://www.giyf.com/ in chats any longer.
[2012-05-24]
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24.
I am no longer allowed to call an incorrect transfer from server team to us a HAL-023 error any longer. :(
[2012-05-21]
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25.
Adding "i am awesome -darkrookie" is forbidden in any tip. Addendum: I no longer allowed to add anything extra to a tip that is not relevant to said tip.
[2012-05-21]
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26.
When submitting a tool for the agents to use, make sure the <title> tag doesn't read: Templates, so many fucking templates.
[2012-04-24]
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27.
The day grows incredibly long and the work is incredibly boring when you have gotten two really good nights of sleep.
[2012-04-04]
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28.
Taking one supervisor call will ruin the rest of the work day. The whole day if the luser is particularly dumb, belligerent, and/or likes to here themselves talk.
I had a nice luser that was a talker and a yeller.
[2012-03-13]
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29.
You do not say that the reason you didn't do something in a timely matter is because the ticketing system is slow. Its a fucking bullshit excuse that will get a acidic sarcastic comment outta me about your incompetence.
Tickets are finished before the call is done.
[2012-01-10]
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30.
Yelling 'F###' can be tolerated as long as you are working on a project and you accidentally close 90 minutes of work.
[2011-12-12]
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31.
Bad: I am not allow to make a tip called: Troubleshooting when Trouble Shoots Back.
Worse: Not allow to have the contents say:"Shoot it again"
Worst: Not allowed to recommend any weapons
[2011-12-07]
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32.
When I ask to not to use ALL CAPS for your notes three times, you are not allowed to get upset that I come over and turn it off and turn it off for you.
[2011-10-27]
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33.
It is frowned upon when you shout ITS OVER 9000 when you see the total amount of calls taken so far this month.
I am the guy that makes one big, happy excel sheet from about 9 different sources
[2011-10-21]
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34.
Be careful of your poison of choice. You will use too much, pass out, and wake up still affected by it. It will make the beginning of the day interesting.
[2011-10-19]
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35.
I am not allowed to tell the noobies that I will bring in the Board of Knowledge if they haven't improve to my standards by the time I get back from vacation.
Don't know why. My standards tend to be pretty low
[2011-09-02]
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36.
One cannot add 'Internet exploder' to the keyword list in the tip database.
That managed to stay around for about 3 weeks.
[2011-08-25]
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37.
I am no longer allow to run a betting ring based on what Work Force believes the call volume and SLA is going to be for the day.
[2011-08-23]
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38.
If you ignore my instructions, you will receive a desk side tech like you request.
But the priority will be so low, he won't see it until next month, and not fix it until next year.
[2011-08-08]
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39.
I am not allow to stick the lab computers on top of one another so I access the top one easier.
I especially not allow to say I am forcing them to mount to get a new laptop.
[2011-07-15]
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40.
One should not use their Soft Skill acquired while working Hell desk to acquire information that you should not have. This is evil. One should not be evil. >:D
[2011-07-12]
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41.
Be happy that your team lead likes you better than the client. I think he knew I was lying about what I did.
[2011-07-12]
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42.
Never leave your computer unlocked when the IT guy is up and about. He will screw with your computer so bad, in the space of only one minute. You will have no choice but to go WTF!? How didja do that?
[2011-06-21]
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43.
Sometimes, you have to take a break and say screw the consequences.
[2011-06-01]
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44.
I am allow to stab you in the face repeatedly, as in until my arm gets tired or you run out of face, if you refer to a software install to a download.
[2011-05-05]
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45.
Addendum to http://techcomedy.com/single/single.php?content_number=85702 calling a re-imaging a staging deserves the same punishment.
[2011-05-05]
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46.
May the 4th be with you :D
[2011-05-04]
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47.
BSDM is not allow to be spoken of. Even when correcting someone about meaning.
[2011-05-02]
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48.
'Hit it with a hard, blunt object', 'Offer a token of blood', and 'Preform a sacrifice' are NOT valid troubleshooting steps to give junior techs.
[2011-04-29]
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49.
I am no longer allowed to answer yes to a question with two non yes/no answers. Even though I have no idea whats being asked and the L2 is telling me to read an power file that not listed ANYWHERE.
[2011-04-21]
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50.
One should keep extra HDDs around with separate bootable OSes on them. There are somethings that can't be done in a VM.
[2011-03-26]
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51.
One should pick up d4s and not leave them lying around. They make wonderful caltrops. Especially newer ones.
[2011-03-26]
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52.
No matter how much you wish, you hope, or you dream, the UPS tracking page is not Woot during a Woot Off. Refreshing the page every 30 seconds is not getting your new mouse home any faster.
[2011-03-02]
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53.
I shouldn't install a VM within a VM just to say I have a computer in a computer in a computer just to prove it to my friend. It just messing things up
[2011-02-25]
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54.
I am not allow to convert broken office equipment into armor, or weapons on company time.
[2011-02-02]
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55.
It going to be a bad day when it is eight in the morning and you are already breaking out the antacid tablets.
[2011-01-27]
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56.
It is a bad day when you run out of entries on your template.
[2010-11-29]
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57.
I am not allowed to try to initiate a one question mark rule in the Tech Chat
I am not also allowed to /kick anyone. It doesn't work and it hurts 'morale'
[2010-11-05]
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58.
I am not longer allowed to convince the Eu's that I am not based in a country but base out of Antarctica.
That was a fun two calls
[2010-11-02]
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59.
As the youngest guy on the floor, you will be blame for any matter that affect more than 3 systems with the same error.
[2010-10-28]
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60.
One must not point out that the Manager jokes are not funny and should be stopped. He has control of the phone systems and you will be taking all the calls for an hour.
[2010-10-12]
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61.
Never call the help desk if you are near death. If you cannot hear me when I am practily eating my microphone, and I snap at you: it is your fault, not mine.
[2010-10-11]
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62.
Some things I have noticed
Working for ComputerManu: The customer is always right
Working for InternalSupport: The Eu is always lying
[2010-09-27]
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63.
I had an idea the other day.. Set up a website for all the people around the world who work in any form of customer reaching job. Everyone pays a membership fee each month, and this money goes into a pot. Then when a tech support person has a customer who really doesn't get it, they can use the money in the pot to hire a hitman.. It all goes around, so people will never have to deal with completely retarded customers again.
Coyote got thinking about this
http://bash.org/?36782
[2010-09-24]
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64.
When the L2 is taking calls and the L3 is doing the L2's job, it is not a sign of the apocalypse and I should not treat it as such. Maybe the L2 is getting his stats under par from when we were slam ealier in the month.
[2010-09-16]
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65.
Everyone should learn the NATO phontic alphabet (or your countries equliv.), using anything else such as, Apple, Bobby, Cat, you shall be punish by a knife in the face
[2010-08-30]
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66.
I am no longer allow to write anything non-technical in the tech chat again
The final offending lines
Agent: getting message Setup failed to run, Catestrophic error......installing ....anyone know how to fix this??
DarkRookie: DUCK AND COVER
SME: doesn't sound good
Agent: i know
That lead me to a nice chat with my team lead.
Names and software change to protect the innocent and charge the guilty.
[2010-08-20]
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67.
When you call me, you are to only have the error message, if appicapcle, opened. You are not to bitch and neep when I tell you to close everything. I am going to close it and you can deal without you email for 15 minutes.
[2010-08-03]
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68.
Handy rule for all people new and all people who have forgotten. Tell the 'fish command in the run prompt instead of cmd. Trust me, it save so much confusion.
[2010-07-15]
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69.
Inverse Talk Rule: Time a luser spends talking about an issue is inversly porportional to the time it takes to fix said issue. This rule doesn't apply in all cases.
[2010-07-08]
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70.
I am allow to drop kick you in the face, if you ask 'Do I hit yes, I saw the color bars' during the Dell diags. The test ask you to doesn't it.
[2010-06-28]
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71.
.xom, .vom, .ocm, and .cmo, should all be valid TLD.
[2010-06-22]
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72.
I should be able to legally allow to shoot someone thru the phone, if they shut down the computer when I asked them to log off.
[2010-06-07]
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73.
THATS IT. No one over 62 is allowed to have a computer, much less internet access. They are either clueless, or won't shut up. They are also slooow. I thought old people were relegious. Isn't sloth a deadly sin or somethin'
[2010-04-16]
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74.
The receiver for the wireless mouse is NOT the mouse. Took me five minutes figuring that out. I feel stupid now.
[2009-07-28]
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75.
By checking the customers email, you can tell what kind of call it is going to be.
[2008-09-23]
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Customer Types
1.
The Jukebox
More of a co worker type
This person will start singing songs to get people to join them. Before long you get half the people singing and the other half looking at the singers like they are crazy.
It will always be a catchy pop song that will refuse to leave your skull.
[2011-10-21]
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2.
The Happy Bleeder
Everyone has prolly come across this person. This person is so happy sound and alive with life, that if you would cut them, Happy itself would bleed out. Not fuffy bunnies, kiity, or puppies. Pure happiness. Scary.
[2010-07-02]
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Co-Worker Types
1.
LTA
LTA: Lacking Technical Aptitude
A term we use to describe the agents on the phone here that cant troubleshooting worth a damn.
[2013-04-16]
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Customer E-mails
1.
Subject: I would like to know how this would work
Hello all:
Please note that all reporting for [Company] will not be produced on Monday, May 28, in observance of the Memorial Day holiday.
Regular reporting will resume on Tuesday, May 27. Weekly reporting that was scheduled for Monday will be distributed on Tuesday.
Thank you
[2012-05-29]
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2.
Subject: Reply to All
The Reply to All button is not your friend. It is your mortal enemy. You must take great care in using it. It will, given half a chance, turn on you and make look like a fool.
[2012-01-19]
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EUPOTD (End User Phrase of the Day)
1.
Name of the day:
Wendy Marvell
So who can tell me where that name is from without Google
[2013-05-17]
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2.
Do I put my password into the User Name field or in the field that says password?
What bothers me most, is that this was a completely honest question from the idiot that asked it.
[2013-04-19]
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3.
Luser Name Of The Day
Rory Williams
[2013-02-28]
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4.
This is a Coworker Phrase of the Day
I want to choke [DarkRookie], but in a loving kind of way.
[2013-02-15]
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5.
When asking what to name freshing remapped printer
The Spawn of Satan
Apparently the luser on the line always had constant problems with the printer
[2012-09-26]
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6.
Coworker and not luser
Said in the IM chat
Agent: my [IM program] donnst seem to be working.
[2012-08-31]
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7.
Coworker and not luser
I do not know which is the bigger Oxymoron, Microsoft Works or Microsoft Fixit
[2012-08-29]
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8.
From one of my stupid agents today
Agent: User needs to connect to WLAN2, does the user have to download WLAN2 or LongNameWLAN2?
DarkRookie: [KB Article Number]
DarkRookie: $20 if you can download it
[2012-07-19]
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9.
This is CW POTD
After realizing another of our clients tools is down
We need to send the Client'a Techs some Viagra because they can't seem to keep anything up.
[2012-06-20]
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10.
Overheard this from a fellow agent
There is a language barrier goin on here. You speak English and I speak American. I am trying hard to understand you, but it is not working.
[2011-10-26]
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11.
More of a random thought of the day.
This was a thought when messing around in the kb.
"I wish I could make this word angrier. Something that screams 'If you screw this up, I will destroy you'"
Prolly the only way I was going to get the point across that we accept a certain type of call no matter what.
[2011-10-05]
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12.
CWPotD
I really hope the End User didn't just fart on the phone!
He did! He said excuse me! OMFG
o_O
[2011-08-01]
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13.
I said this one
My hands smell of a weird combo of hand sanitizer, JB Weld and stale Pepsi.
[2011-07-28]
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14.
From my manager to me: "Pall Malls and Monsters are not the two food group." Since that is what is keeping me awake right now
[2011-06-20]
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15.
EuNotD: Sarah Kerrigan Of StarCraft fame
[2011-06-02]
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16.
Today name is: Carl Sagan Back from the dead working as a lawyer apparently.
[2011-05-26]
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17.
CWPotD after seeing "Corporate Mac Sales Surge 66%" on /. "Moving from 3 to 5 is not that big of a jump"
[2011-05-23]
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18.
Little tidbit of conversation here. Me:The guy who is fixing Sony's network is making kiss ass OT CW: Yeah. One poor, lonely tech with a cattle prod behind him. 'I need a break' ZAP! 'Get back to work'
[2011-04-26]
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19.
Name Of The Day: Stephenie Meyer, of twilight fame. Not the author but someone with the same name. Needed help with a computer. It started sparkling. (It caught electrical fire. Fun call. Eu got to use a fire extinguisher and I got to make a Safety Capture ticket. No one hurt.)
[2011-04-04]
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20.
Dell Service Tag on the day 1BJPLZ1. At least that is what I thought I heard.
[2011-01-31]
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21.
Name of the day: Mohammad Haque. Same name as the artist for applegeeks. Didnt confirm that til after the call was finished. Wonder if it would have been bad form to ask him about it.
[2011-01-26]
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22.
MePOTD
L2: everything ok with that call?
DarkRookie: No the computer randomly turned into a cat and I had to teach the Eu green magic to change it back
[2010-11-12]
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23.
Solution of the day
confiregeowibhsviobcvq3/;’4ocg[9
I really am having a bad day spelling configured.
[2010-10-21]
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24.
More of an Asset Tag of the day
H07P1MP, or Hot Pimp.
[2010-10-20]
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25.
Error message of the day: SEO: An Error Occurred that should never happen. Gotta love it
[2010-10-04]
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26.
CWPOTD
Can I have your EID, Baby
[2010-09-27]
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27.
This is a Co-workworker PotD: Our tip system goes down more than a cheap whore, on half price day, when the Navy comes to port.
His phrasing, not mine.
[2010-09-02]
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28.
KILO pronouced as Kay-Low. Wouldn't have been so bad if there wasn't 9 K's in the damn thing that the Eu needed to read for me.
[2010-08-27]
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29.
cabooberated (v. pt. ca-boob-er-ated): really screwed up. See also: FUBAR, burrkiss
[2010-06-10]
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30.
You want me to cut on the computer. Sure, why not. I do believe that you can uncut something. I am at the point that the next person that uses this phrase is going to be a conducter of 480V, 60A circuit that I will cut on.
[2010-05-20]
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31.
FUCK MCAFEE. That is all.
[2010-04-21]
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32.
CWPOTD. do i need to ass her to the system?
[2010-04-12]
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33.
This list of stuff is not working, but this list is. I believe I am half off the network
[2010-03-29]
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34.
EUNoTD: Dick Johnson. IMO, why would he call himself that. Doesn't he see the 4x entendre going there. (His name is listed as Richard in the system)
[2010-03-24]
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35.
A me thought of the day. Yesterday I heard a radio about drag racing comning to the area. The ad said the this was the ulimate fusion of testerone and technologies. The thought was the is incorrect. The computer keyboard is the ulimate fusion testerone and technology.
[2010-01-26]
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36.
More of a me POTD. When signing up for a forum and clicking the TOS check box: "I know, I know the rules. Don't be a dickbag."
[2010-01-18]
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37.
More of the Topic of the Day in the irc chatroom for TSC. Spoken by, surprisely by DarthIndy (If you frequent the place you would understand my surprise): The christmas tree was originally a phallic symbol. Basically, millions of people have green penises standing upright in their living rooms at this very moment ...most of them have a very pleased-looking angel on top, too....
[2009-12-23]
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38.
More of a Me Thought of the Day: Having a limited user account on XP is like having a gun without ammo and you lost the bayonet. Sure you can get things done, but you ain't going to be able to do much.
[2009-12-16]
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39.
EUNOTD: Joy O Dick
[2008-12-17]
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40.
SF:"Do I type in the word space" ME:"No. Hit the space bar" SF:"What space bar. I don't have a space bar." ME:"It is the big key at the bottom of the keyboard" SF:"Key?" ME:"The BIG button" SF:"Oh, There it is."
[2008-12-10]
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41.
Windows Analytize Boot Options
[2008-10-06]
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42.
Do you mean Shut Down or Restart.
This has been posted already, but dammit I am tired of hearing that stupid question when I tell EUs to shut down the system.
[2008-09-21]
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